Hey everyone. Welcome to the latest episode of
ballboys. We are the queer podcast, you've
been looking for. We're like if Michelangelo made
a podcast instead of sculpting David, where iconic where we
find and we are all about butts on this episode, we are bloated
and we both need naps because the Italian Open just wrapped up
and boy, are our mouths tired. We are breaking down all the top
stories for you. And we're bringing you a new
game. Rude.
Rune, rublev or RuPaul. You'll see more about that later
in the show. And as always, my name is Paul
monk home and I'm here with the best ball boy in the business
after Michelle Visage. Billy Hanson.
Hey Billy. How's it going?
Hey Paul it's going it's going really well.
Yeah. What's going on?
Have you been ill? I was down.
I was down for a week a couple weeks and I was like what is it?
Is it the warn you Praying the war on trans rights, the writers
strike and then I realized it was that haircut.
You look so much better. I wish everyone could see you,
but even I bet you even sound better on the podcast.
You use the hair is great. I went I cheated on my my barber
and went to a different Barber ichiran, vibora yes, but was
actually lost the Italian. Open both Barbara krejci Cuba
and Barbara Street Sable Yeah, all of them, the Barbara's of
Seville. But it's interesting though,
once I made the choice to correct that haircut because
people had been like, oh, it's ya know like I think is kind of
cool like you got this but once I made the choice to correct.
Everyone was like oh thank God. Yeah.
Like everyone was like. Yeah.
That's the move. Yes.
But you wonder what people aren't telling you?
Well, it's true. Well, I love that this.
God, cast is turning into a journey of self-discovery for
you. Like you're figuring out your
hairstyles, you are dedicated to practicing the massage arts and,
you know, listeners. We have we have sort of gone
back to square one with massages over here at ball, boys, and
Billy is focusing. Just on the feet.
That's the only place that he's allowed right now and honestly
has not gotten better yet, but I'm I'm really happy that the
haircut was fixed and now, maybe we can go down the line to
massaging. Come on.
On I thought you said that I did pretty well with the foot
massage. No, whenever you get mad, you
squeeze my foot. Like, you're trying to tell me
that you're mad. I'm gonna let you massage me
this entire podcast, if you want to, but I'm going to give you
Frank feedback because that's what I do.
My first name should have been Frank.
We are going to focus most of this show on the Italian Open
and one of my favorite cities in the world.
Roma, roma, roma roma such a Beautiful city, amazing culture,
honestly. I don't know how they make
pasta. Taste that good.
I play those are nudes like I've never had before.
Have you been to Rome? I have, it's been a, it's been a
minute. I haven't been, you know, since
I realized certain things about myself, you know.
So I haven't been since I could explore it in a way that would
really be truthful to my, I can't imagine what you're
talking about. What do you mean?
I'm just saying, I haven't been, I'm going to be honest.
I know I'm barely in. Adult.
But apparently I have not been to Rome as an adult.
You understand what I'm saying? I've only been to Rome.
I've only been once and it was, I was a teenager.
Yeah, but it's great. Well, it's it is, the pasta is
great there as a teen and it's great there as an adult.
Yeah, I can tell you haven't been in a couple decades because
you don't eat carbs. I on the other hand, I'm a
Fearless Eater of nudes and so if you put some noodles in front
of me we go again. I'm out.
Let's talk about Rome. Let's do it.
I mean let's let's just start with the SRI computer.
Billy. Yeah.
What's your shreeka meter for the last couple weeks and it's
really just been Rome and it may well give me a second because I
have to there. There are some props involved,
okay? Yeah, you know, I just feel like
I've been waiting around, you know, in the mud for a couple
weeks, it's been, I've been drenched and I haven't really
enjoyed it to be honest. Yeah, you know why?
I've never heard you gargle like that, like usually just swallow
it? Yeah, yeah.
So you're fighting it. Yeah.
What so tell me what? Well, it cut it.
Kept coming and coming and coming and coming every day
every day. You know, every much.
Yeah, yeah, every sing, I was there a day, that was not
affected by rain for the entire now apparently 11-day
tournament. I watched every day and I never
once didn't see people look like they were absolutely miserable
in the stands covered in protective wear umbrellas up.
Freezing. Yeah, I hear you.
Yeah, I guess it was tough. Well, I mean maybe there's a
little bit of sunshine at the end of my shriek like a little
bit of like a just because Medvedev was pretty Charming.
His dance. His dance was great.
I loved everything that he's doing and I can't believe that
he is won the tournament, but I'm so happy that he did, it's
who would have thought. Who would have thunk it?
What's your shrieking M? So much for your mother?
It's very similar. I was not going to go.
What are you also going to gurgle?
Well, how do mine was just gonna be?
I think your microphone has a setting that cancels out that
particular noise flatulence. Yeah.
Wow. Okay completely.
Yeah. Didn't come across their?
Do you hear about to try it one more time?
Do you hear Hmm, you have to get, I think get closer to the
mic. No.
Oh, so interesting. There's an anti flatulence
setting I think on, on our, which is not on-brand for the
ball boys. Well, in also feel very
unamerican, where's my right to flatulate?
Yeah, well so so I will describe my shriek, which was an
exhausted. Well, actual Aunt, XU dragging
through the mud, it's funny. I love Rome so much.
Walk by these courts and I've been like, it must be a dream to
go there. And this, this instance of the
Italian Open just was really rough mostly because of the
weather honestly makes me wonder, like, have like all the
tournaments that I've been watching in Europe, people to
freezing, you know, Madrid with the weather wasn't great up in
Germany. People were fully like in parkas
still even in Monte Carlo, people were cold.
Do they not have global warming in Europe?
I thought, that, that was Global, you know, it's always
been a little dicey, this clay season this pre Roland Garros
season. It's always moved by sea.
But this year, it's been, especially soggy.
And the Italian Open was relentless wetness.
Yeah. Now, which is also your screen
name on Grindr. I think they had a character
limit so it's just Relentless wet like that.
There were no, he's no movie Witness, but it's wetness and
vowels are people think it's different like oh I want to see
that old movie from the 80s, about a woman who hides in the
Amish community called witness and instead they get Billy's,
Grindr profile WT and SSS. Yeah, yeah.
There's also a great movie by the way.
Yeah, anyone has not see it. Harrison Ford.
Mmm. He plays a lawyer.
Who dresses as an Amish person to protect this witness and
honestly Harrison Ford in the 80s, That was my Tommy, Paul
like he is just babe town. I hope they reboot it as a, as a
limited series just like they did with a Fatal Attraction
which is my other, my more risque grinder, user, you know,
screen name which is what is the TF TL TT, ER, whatever the will
see, one is telling me last time but like don't get cocky, okay,
okay fine. But the good thing, so the good
thing at the very least they do have a roof coming in 2026.
I mean, I think most tournaments just need to realize they need
roofs, which I don't know if that's very provocative to say
but I a roof, a roof is expensive, a roof is an
architectural feat. A roof request requires planning
again. Historically these tournaments
are used to one two, maybe three really moist days.
Yeah but not a moist two weeks. Stop.
A third of your screen name some ways, two weeks.
Mmm, it's funny overall Rome. It really felt like a bit of a
Time. Warp.
Like, we're going back to the 80s, maybe before Hawkeye before
electronic lines, calling for some reason, they still have
linesman and blatant gender inequality.
Spoiler alert anyone who doesn't know the Italian.
Open is one of the few big tournaments where both men and
women play and they do not have equal pay.
And it's not equal paid by a little, its unequal pay by more
than 50%. So the winner of the women's
tournament gets less than half of what the winner of the men's
tournament gets and it is it is a pretty shocking disparity and
it's something that everyone's talking about.
I don't think that there's anything bold about saying like
that's pretty ridiculous and And it's it's funny like why would
you choose to be on that side of this argument at in 2023?
Well, you've have a limited budget, you can either pay for
the roof or pay the woman more. You're making me choose between
a roof and a woman. What's the difference?
One keeps you dry. And the other is a roof.
No, it's absolutely. It is unacceptable.
Yeah, and it makes me miss the models.
Honestly, at least in Madrid, it was equal pay and the models
were made. And also not to not to harp on
the models too much because they got a lot of air time in the
last episode. But like these ball kids after
those models the bulkheads in Roma's, like, girl, no.
I missed the models. I want to bring the models back.
Yeah. Well as you know, I think the
model should should be on tour. Absolutely.
Well, I mean, so, should we talk about the damn tournament?
Like who won our duel? Should we do our Winner's Circle
segment I guess so, yeah, we're here.
Why not right? Well, why don't you lead us with
the with the men's draw until them with the Menzies?
It was it was an interesting, weird tournament and it was it
was a tournament where so obviously, A lot of these
Masters 1000 tournaments leading up to the French Open and Roland
Garros which so apparently they like to be called Roland Garros,
not the French Open. So I'm going to try and say just
Roland Garros from now on. So that's it.
It's a great sort of Harbinger for what's to come.
But you look at these three tournaments and especially the
room, the Italian Open. So thinking about the Siamese,
no alcaraz, no joke of it. Which they both lose, and it's
not like, oh, they pulled out, or are they just lost?
It was a noteworthy result also for the finals because the first
time in 18 years, we didn't have Nadal or joke, eviction, the
final which I mean, 18 years, that is that's unheard of.
Yeah. Yeah.
And then you think what? The winners?
So Medvedev who. Yeah.
What you were saying? Before his cute little dance
love him. His beard is kind of adorable.
He's looks like Rasputin and but Wild.
This was his first clay title so he won the Italian Open first
title. Only his second title match
ever. He lost one like a 500
tournament for five years ago. Also this is the first year he's
ever had any wins in the Italian Open he'd never won a match in
the Italian Open and so now I'm kind of like does he have a shot
at the French? You know.
I think he has a shot. I don't think he has a great
shot but I think he has a shot. I mean Mean, while get into our
predictions later, but I don't think he's one of, I don't think
he's even in the top three, I agree, I wouldn't have thought
that but the way he dismantled Rune in the final today, I mean,
runet had had some some opportunities he really did and
and he's, he had a great time with you.
He lost in the qualities of the Italian Open last year.
Like that's who ruin was a year ago and now he is a contender.
He is I think he's now ranked 6 and now he's 20, he and alcaraz
are kind of the same age, and they've both like, they haven't
been like, oh, we need some time to adjust to the men's jewelry.
Like, oh, they T think the ATP? They're like, mmm.
Yeah, this is what we were waiting for and sorry, we're
already in the top five again, Runa.
I sorry, six, whatever caused it.
No, but you're right and I love it because these other next
Generations that have come along, they've kind of been like
asking, hey, Hey, do you mind if we win some tournaments and I'll
present Rooney like oh, those are mine.
Yeah, that's mine. I'm going to take it and we have
complete games. Yeah, both of us and I know you
love it when people take it and they just take it to the Limit.
That's our, that's our anniversary song is Take it a
little bit by The Eagles, but we don't have the rights to it.
So that's why we sang off-key. And what's the only reason why
And yeah, I mean the semi finals were were great matchups also.
So like you said, Medvedev had this great little dance to kind
of taunt CityPASS who danced after he beat Medvedev last
year. At I think it was Indian Wells
or Miami. It was one of those and
Cincinnati. Yeah.
Like I said, it was at Cincinnati and and I love, I
love how Petty it is. - not going to like, let that go.
He's like, he's like, oh, I'm gonna file that away.
Way, for the next Time Warner, I see you in Rome motherfucker and
I'm Gonna Dance, The Chicken Dance from a wedding.
He's just like Bono and just did a little like, Shimmy Shimmy
and, like, fucking loved it. I feel like I in some ways trust
medvedev's Judgment of character.
I don't know why. I don't know why I trust his his
Judgment of character. But the fact that he likes to
kind of taunt, both sissy pass and zverev makes me think that
like they're just as, you know, Yeah, album attic as we think,
well, I mean, and not to get too much into it, but the girls have
stopped fighting at least on social media.
So it is ver of and Medvedev famously had that's packed over
social media. They did.
So they play it again here in the round of 16.
And, and they both said, oh no, no no.
It's all, it's all in the past. All in the past.
I do believe that for one second but they are all like I love how
because they used to say. So the what the UTA has often
been sort of shaded as though the girls they don't like each
other too. It's Cutthroat.
No. The caddy tour is the ATP like
between medvedev's Vera of and since he passed they are, I'm
just waiting for someone to show Girls someone and just like drop
some pearls, you know, like plays in the clay, I don't know
like kill the grass like they're they're just they are out for
each other. It's mean girls and I I'm
excited for Cady Heron. Oh sorry.
Katie. The women's tournament was
honestly, I felt like like a little bit of a microcosm of
international politics. We had Cooter matoba versus
County Nina in one semi Callen unit did not Shake could Hammer
tova's hand Hakuna Matata seemed.
Can you spell? By the way, could have matobo
please. Hey, you are are well, we go so
and and because one of them is Ukrainian one of those Russia
and just so everyone is clear. Yes, Cooter muratova is Russian.
Kalinin is Ukrainian. And Callie Nina, what?
A run for her? What a tournament lot of
three-set wins. And she came up against Rebecca
and the final who everyone was thinking, you know, we're back
in a great game, but can't put it together on Clay, probably.
But apparently, she's ready. A for all surfaces although she
does have to finish a couple of her matches.
I mean, the the semi against Austin panko was a bit of a dud
and yeah, the final it started controversially at 11 p.m. on
Saturday, Well, but also, in the quarter-final should be on Tech,
pulled out, but, you know, that was factored in the third set.
You know, I think we're back and I can claim that as a win.
Yeah. I mean, it was to all in the
third set but I find it interesting.
Is it a tactic of? Well you're not going to pay us
as much. So we're not going to finish the
match. No, I wish I wish it were but
but no, I mean I it's an it was a choice.
For the tournament organizers to.
You know, put Kelly Nina and Rebecca on at literally 11 p.m.
on Saturday night. California has no Saturday Night
Live. She couldn't finish the match
Kellen, you know? Partially I think.
Yes. She was injured and physically.
Absolutely beat up. I think there might have been an
emotional component though too. And I'm not trying to, you know,
imply the women are more emotional than men or anything
like that. I'm just Saying that hey, the
number of times you've cried on my shoulder watching Free Willy.
Well, it's partially because you're performing the song to
your singing, the song live well and you also thought it was a
different movie Free Willy. Yeah.
Have you seen my childhood right?
Isn't that the song that love to perform?
I have seen your childhood because I slept in your sister's
bed once That's where so much of my childhood to place.
All the dolls were named. Bill, it was cute.
Yes, Ocala Nina can't finish the match.
People are pissed, they were booing the tournament organizers
during the trophy ceremony even though they had Valentina, the
hotel manager from White Lotus, putting on the trophy ceremony,
I you'd think that that would have kind of assuaged any
complaints but know that presenter was she was so chic.
I loved her but even she didn't know what to do because they
were like, oh, let's have Reebok another winner.
Speak first, let's have Calla Nina.
Who's bawling in the bathroom? Just like, you know, whenever
she comes out, she comes out. Let's be booed.
It was a mess and this is one of the top, I would say, seven
eight tournaments on the tour for the year.
Like, we're talking one of the biggest finals of the year, and
What a dud. What a soggy dud of a final.
Why do you think Paul that they didn't have the women play on
Sunday? Well, I think there's a lot of
factors that go into that. So people might have bought
tickets on Saturday, explicitly with the intention of watching
them, as final, and maybe they couldn't come back on Sunday.
Maybe those tickets are already sold out the, the players
themselves might have proved you think that was you think that's
the that's your leading hypothesis.
It's you know I've got I've got many many okay.
Any? Okay?
Because I was also players like they were ready to go on
Saturday and so, okay. It's not like it was supposed to
start at noon. It was supposed to start at 7
p.m. and it started out so it's not it's not there waiting all
day, so it was a little later than expected.
Yes. Absolutely.
And I don't think it was it was it was a situation that sucked
for everyone involved but maybe the players are like no we're
here, we're warmed up, you know, we're psychologically prepared.
Well, maybe they were sounds like code.
Kalina was not and Catalina get rid of one of those police.
He's come on really see ya. And so maybe would have been
more of a hassle from to move to Sunday II.
Don't know, I wasn't involved in any of that, but I will tell you
the entire ceremony did. Leave me speechless which also
felt very much like the women's double final from Madrid which
had no speeches and Moving the final to Sunday, you know, it
would have meant was Runa and Medvedev waiting around to
start, possibly waiting through some rain delays.
Possibly starting later. In the day, maybe being a little
inconvenience. Was that a factor?
It's just amazing how the Italian Open managed to
absolutely botched. The women's draw.
Even after the Madrid controversy.
I mean, he say managed like, man.
I mean, it's just, it's in the language, its systemic.
I don't think that it was a statement about gender Equity or
anything like that. I don't think they're like, oh,
we can't upset ruin and Medvedev.
I think that particularly met with that method of is such a
cool customer. He wouldn't give a fuck.
He's like, yeah, I'll play at midnight, I don't care.
Like, Watch Me dance, like it's fine.
I think that it I think that they probably saw Oh the
forecast for Sunday me like crap.
We might not even get the men's final done if it gets if it's as
bad as you can because the the men's doubles final they had to
end the trophy ceremony early because they were literally
getting poured on and the guy the guy had the trophy and he
was being celebrated while they were pulling the the tarps out
and he almost got trapped under the tarps with his trophy, like,
what a way to go. So I think that they knew that
wasn't gonna be great and they chose the what they thought was
the lesser of two evils. Evils but it sucked, it
absolutely is. But but let's pull the curtains
back a little bit and look at it, you know, let's ask the
fundamental question, I know you've always wondered, you've
always thought, let's put the women's Final on Sunday and the
men's on Saturday, like what the fuck that's inherently sexist,
inherently sexist, and that is pretty much all what's called
Sunday. Right?
Not daughter day so we go. So are you saying that they
should switch it? And so when there's a men's and
women's tournament together, the women should be on Sunday in the
men should be on Saturday. Sure.
Absolutely. But does it really matter?
It's kind of like when you're given a towel bin and it's like,
you get one and you get number two, like I'm not going back.
No, I don't want to, I want number one.
Like does it really matter? Well, the fact that the, the
men's final is always considered to be sort of the culminate
event, right? Because it's the final match,
basically. I mean, that is a message that
is a societal systemic events. Problem.
Well, between the two finals at World, which one would you
rather end with the, the obviously kalinin up retiring?
You know, with no clothing sponsor maybe she has one.
Now, there is a with no clothing on.
She she tried to pull out as well as she know.
She kept taking off various articles of clothing.
She played her ass off me. Yeah, her coach.
Her coach was like, hey, just take off.
Take off something else. Take off your top, take off your
shirt and she still couldn't really manage things.
Gotta Give. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Now she has no clothing sponsor which again, Callie Nina.
I summon our. How do you say her name?
Is Helena Helena. And I think Helena Kyle Indian
colony. No, okay.
Colin, you know. Okay, I'm just gonna say so not
exactly a household name because I can't even say her name and
she's not exactly like she just broke into the top 30 for the
first. First time and she's in her late
twenties. It's not like, oh, like there's
not a lot of sponsorship out there.
You know, people, people don't all have sponsorships, I think
her game is pretty remarkable she's ever shot and Is she in
her late 20s Paul? Well, she's 26.
Like those boys. Those boys when grinder your
think. They're like, 25 and you're
like, I'm not into guys in early 2016.
If you are not going to be an up-and-comer, which is what my
Grinder says, right. And Kalina kalinina is 26, and
she's in the pegula school. She's in the Pascagoula where?
Yeah, she's going to peek in her late twenties, which is great.
She is a great player but is she the most marketable player for a
sponsor? I don't know.
Now we are going to have a word from our sponsor or one sponsor
for this show is Panetta's. Pancetta's hmm.
When you want the taste of an Italian one-hit wonder enjoy
pain. Metas pancetta's come and taste.
The perfectly aged meats that are preferred delicacy of
locals, like Fabio fognini, that's Panetta's.
Pancetta's in Roma, Italian mwah.
That make you hungry. No.
So now it's time for the flops and the Bops where we talk about
the big winds and big mrs. Of the Italian Open which we've
already talked about a little bit.
But there's a few more specific stories that we want to
highlight. So first, we'll start off with a
Bop. So Billy what was a Bop?
It's kind of a bob flop flop, Bob, right.
Hmm. But I I know you've been keeping
up with the new season of RuPaul's Drag Race.
All Allstars J'adore model coconuts.
You can put them in your mouth right now.
Right now, right now. Right now.
We're dancing suit. Yes.
If you have an All-Star season every year, eventually those
All-Stars are going to feel maybe a little bit more like all
surrounds. Hmm.
You know, like there are only so many, oh, she should have want
or oh, she had this. Amazing moment.
She made it to the finale, you know, this year, it does feel a
little bit like a RuPaul's scraps RuPaul's Drag Race
RuPaul's Drag Race. Wait, the Italian Open felt like
that or this year on All Stars or both.
Both. This is, this is my point.
So, I do feel like, if the wga were like, oh, shoot.
We've got to, like, put on a an All-Star tournament, but they do
it like, All the time and they're really searching in
there reaching they could be like oh they're like who's left,
who's left? Oh we've got popular chain
cover. She made the final randomly in
Roland Garros in 2019. We've got streets of oh she made
a grand slam semi we got split Alina.
We've got a Ronnie, we've got Sophia Cannon, we got Taylor
Townsend, it was and here's why it's a bop, it was fun to see
those women back. It was fun to see them winning
some Matches. It was fun to see them.
So in the conversation I mean we can talk about each one
individually of course. But I personally preferred the
wta's version of RuPaul's Drag 's is over the current season of
RuPaul's Drag Race. Well, which one of them is mrs.
Kasha Davis. So I would say that probably the
pavlyuchenkova is mrs. Kasha Davis, I would say that
Sophia Kenan is Monica Beverly hillz.
And I was really happy that Monica Beverly hillz came back
and had a moment again Gone Too Soon.
Just like Sophia Cannon was although there was that one day
where Hannon took out Saba Lanka and Townsend.
Took out Aguila suddenly two of the top seeds out on the same
day and I was like work. Like because I'm a Townsend fan
and I like my gosh, I love her game.
I don't know why she, why has she not had A breakthrough.
Why is she not on All Stars? Free instead of All Stars 8.
Well why why? No your question is why hasn't
she why didn't she win RuPaul? The Seas WTA, all of season 11.
Now she's back from stars like she's like a jinkx monsoon to
know. She is unbelievably talented but
sometimes and I know you don't believe in luck but sometimes
people just have a little bit of a believe in luck.
I thought maybe my own you're telling me when I was giving you
a massage earlier I was like, I'm lucky if I get out of here
with a broken femur, guys. Gals, it's bizarre.
I don't know. He's gonna if you subscribe.
And once again, our promotion is still running.
If you like And subscribe the ball, boys, you get a free
massage from billion. We're not talking about five or
ten minutes. You get a 90 minute massage.
And I Minutes in Heaven, which I played once in high school, it
was great. Hey Shauna, that's my daughter.
Another nap. Oh, baby, uh-huh.
So, that's, that's my boss flop or do you have any boxer flops
ball? Yeah, and I know that we're in
complete agreement about this, so we don't need to argue.
This is not a couples therapy but for me.
Big flop, is that? So this is the first year that
both Madrid and Rome have expanded their fields from
think. It was 56. 296, adding Around
and making what was a very challenging back-to-back of one
week? In Madrid one we can roam into
for week-long tournaments. Where if you are not ranked or
seated, you've got to play for four weeks straight and if you
are ranked, you still have to stay in that competitive mindset
for four weeks. Total.
You're not really relaxing, you're not just training, you're
not just preparing. You are in that and it's like we
talked about the the sunshine double All of Indian Wells and
Miami and how Miami kind of suffered It suffers every year
because it's like, fuck. I just one Indian Wells.
Not gonna go to Miami to that swamp and like playing a
football stadium. I feel like Rome was
particularly unsatisfying for a lot of the top players this
year. So we think what?
All the tops, who lost, mmm. And I hate want to topple is
because that's the bottoms job, but roll them.
Everyone is kind of taken out early because they're playing
like this new But I got the sunshine double.
I don't know if it's like, it's like this Battalion double or
like, I don't know, like, the, the, the mud double because if
it's apparently rains only in Europe but it was just, it
wasn't the greatest tournament for Rome because it's so much
longer now. Yeah.
You know, again, I understand if the the tournament organizers
were like, hey like why does Indian Wells get 10 days?
Why does Miami get 10 days? Why don't we?
You know, and then if Madrid gets it, obviously Rome has to
get it right? Because because rum believes in
equality, right? And so I kind of and You know,
normally with these tournaments even though the top 32 seeds
have first-round byes, they're normally some real exciting
first round matches right from the players who happen to be
unseated, like the teams and the Murrays in the wild Broncos and
the Sloane Stephens and the yeah.
And ins, but there weren't there, weren't a whole lot of
those like exciting first round matches and in the stands were
woefully empty. I don't know.
I'm not sure the Italian people got the memo that this
tournament started three days earlier than usual.
Those tickets should have been 20 euros.
They should be like come, come one, come.
All. Let's make me to stick a pasta
bar. Monde, Mamma Mia.
Yeah, and coming to the Roma open.
Yeah. What would you eat, too?
You preferred last year when it was back to back.
Yes, it's I will. It's been a tough double.
It's always tough. It's a tough double and like,
yes, we've been spoiled by Nadal but it's just this turret like
this. This this calendar is just so
relentless by always like, when do these players have to go home
and just chill out for a weekend like, you know, put on some
Enya, get a great massage, call up Billy for a massage.
Like they don't get any of that. It's just like, go, go, go, go.
Go. Well, it's called money money.
No, I Yes and maybe if they keep doing that they'll have enough
money to pay the men and women the same amount.
But it's just like I mean there weren't like you said, there
weren't a lot of great matches and there it was not full.
And if there was a way, if they could make, I feel like the
beginning of the tournaments, a little flashier, a little
splash, you're a little more exciting.
And really, you know, like you know, the US Open, someone sings
the The Anthem they get. You know, we just had
Eurovision. And so where's the Italian
Eurovision participant? Who can then go and be like
work. I'm going to put on a show.
Exactly. Yeah I just think that they they
got these extra days and they didn't treat them with the care
and the enthusiasm that they should have.
But I do have to say one thing that really did stand out in
both Madrid and Rome was just the hardcore.
Nationalism, if you were Italian at the Italian Open Open you
played to a packed house and they were they were like hey Mom
they were there. They were like not I mean when
Murray played Fabio fognini and he got a bad call that cost him
a game. The Italian fans like they were
like throwing Tomatoes at him. It was like Marie was in
trouble, the rest of the match and he was right but the
Italians do not mess with an Italian on Italian soil know and
and frankly the Spanish don't mess with a Spaniard on.
Spanish soil. Yeah.
Alright, so now let's talk about our outfits and Outburst.
So now we're getting to the real important stuff about any
tournament. The Tiff's, the spats we talked
a little bit about Medvedev already giving it giving the
business to CityPASS, but there was more, there was more drama.
There was a lot of on cordon off.
Cork Shenanigans going on at the Italian Open and the first one
is, Is Cam Nori gunning down Djokovic.
Net to net you know Djokovic tossed up a lob.
They're both at the net basically and Nori had the
entire court open granted. He was looking up and also we
know Nori's form, his form is unconventional to say, the very
least. It's one of those situations
where it's like, oh, you can have this technique and make it
into the top 10, it's kind of a star.
Shang, it really is and I'm a big fan.
Just wanted to get that goddamn overhead into the court true and
he became is aiming for Novak well, so he got into the court
by hitting, no Back Square on the leg with it.
And Novak gave him a look. It was a, he was pissed and so I
know I've really kept my feelings about Novak kind of
close to the chest as they say, piece of shit.
But I'm not a big fan. I'm not a big fan of the joker.
I'm you know it's just it's how it is and I'm sorry that's just
like I'm not a huge fan of Holger and then when he beat
Djokovic I was like I really found my Danish roots and I was
so excited but even that was a cheap shot and I find Nori
charming and so many situations but I found I thought it was a
cheap shot joke about like if anything is going to make joke
of it's more of a sympathetic character and I don't want
people loving him. So Don't hit him with the ball.
I honestly think first of all it's an absolutely legit play
and oh yeah you know an overhead you don't need to aim for the
lines you know get it down the middle of the Court like Nori
played that point fully legitimately.
I really don't think he was like oh yeah and I want to like you
know rile up Novak Novak made a dramatic because no but Novak
was he was Howdy he was easily. Set off this entire tournament
and I feel like that's his that's his Mo for the rest of
his career because he feels like he's never gotten as much love
as Nadal and Federer and so he's pissed.
And he's going, you know, going to make it known, he was yeah
and and getting hit with like that sharp object, probably
reminded him of a vaccine needle.
And he's just like, no, no, um, a few other quick outfits and
Outburst. It was adorable again, we're
talking about the Italian fans, love the Italian.
So apparently, the gingers of the gingers, actually, I don't
know if this is, if this is politically politically, correct
or even allowed. But for Yannick Center, who is
an Italian. But very fair complexed talion
with red hair, he had fans show up.
Dressed is as carrots. And it was funny and cute and
weird. But there's also, you know,
running of Anne of Green Gables. As I'm sure we all grew up as a
little gay boys watching. Anna Green Gables on PBS in the
80s. But Gilbert Blythe called her
carrots and pulled her hair and she smashed her chalkboard over
his head. And that's how they first fell
in love. I don't know if you can wear
carrot costume to a gingers game.
I don't know if I'm allowed to say ginger but it was, it was
cute. Yeah, yeah.
Shall we get into our game? Yes.
Oh my God, I have been wanting to play this with you for so
long and in honor of what is in arguably, the greatest All Stars
season ever in Drag Race history, Allstars 8, which just
started last week. We are going to play rublev.
Rude Runa or RuPaul because right now.
Oh, in the top seven. We've got rublev at number 7,
we've got Rune at number 6. We've got rude at number 4.
Somehow, we're probably not a few weeks, and then we've got
the mother of them all. He got to the same.
He's at the Italian. Open rublev one Monte Carlo
Monte Carlo, right? Yeah, I'll get around.
I mean, these are some relevant players.
This is no time to play this game.
Yeah, and they've got the same name is RuPaul.
I'm going to quiz Billy with either a quote or a fact or
something. And you've got to tell me, was
it rublev, rude, Runa or RuPaul of those for which uses the word
pussy? To describe their peers.
Oh okay, I'm going to say Lev final answer.
RuPaul. Is that your final answer?
Yes, you are. Ruined.
It's Holger Rune. Who did, who did he
characterized as a post a few years ago.
He also was using the F slur. Yeah, on the court speaking.
Fame whore. Fame whore, yes, fettuccine.
The fettuccine word fettuccine show and he was hurrying ringing
his opponent and And also called him a pussy.
He said, oh, that's pussy. That's a pussy shot.
And and then he, and then he apologized later and said, oh
no, I was talking about myself to myself for my, you know,
Bunch of bull, which I mean, three years later, four years
later. He's still kind of acts like
that. But he doesn't say, I don't, he
is not recently called, are you saying that RuPaul has not said,
she's taken a pussy shot at someone.
She has said, you better step your pussy up, right?
Which is not called them a pussy, okay?
So that is 111 wrong. But you know what, how do I win
this game? You've got to get out of five.
You've got to go Three correct. Jesus.
Okay, okay, I'm ready. All right.
Who said, mmm, I have a mentality that says everything
will work out in the end and if it's not working out, it's not
the end. RuPaul.
Yes. Yeah.
We all know that that Fame whore is always spouting self-help
that she read and on the bathroom stall when she and
Michelle Visage were at the Limelight in you know, 1849 when
they first moved here but yeah she she is very much what
positivity and everybody say love.
So listeners everybody say love? Love which also means zero.
So when she's saying that she's talking about tennis, okay, you
have one out of two which among those four has won a
Congeniality award from their peers.
I'm vacillating between rude and rublev.
And I think I'm going to go with.
Just because it's a little less expected.
I'm going to go with rublev mmm. You're so close.
That was rude. Best hair on tour.
But are you sure? If I don't know he won this
Stefan edberg, sportsmanship Award of the year.
So he was and this is this is after Federer basically won it
for 300 years in a row. And he retired in there like
they almost thought about changing Aging the rules or
maybe Federer can still win it, but they decided no and so
Casper. Rude, want it?
Because he is such a nice guy. Do I get half a point because I
almost said rublev, I mean he said Rue.
Yes you have a point okay you have one point five out of three
correct so you can still win this.
Yes I believe in you next question.
Next question. Which of these four icons?
It's lips people off when they mistake them for someone else.
Oh, so one rublev. Rude.
Runa or RuPaul? Flip someone off.
When they mistake them for someone else.
Yes. We're going to go with roubloff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes.
He gets mistaken for shapovalov. He gets mistaken.
Basically, for anyone who looks kind of like a 1970s pop star,
who wears a lot of jewelry has that shaggy hair.
You're saying rublev. Rude loves hair's.
Not too long for you. Now it's perfect really.
If that length. Yeah, but more importantly you
now have two and a half out of four stars so you need half or
more to win the game. Okay.
The last one their mother has
one mother of the year. Their mother has one mother of
the year, okay? Like a drag mom, I mean, if it's
not Runa, it should be. Now imagine it's more in the
context of like mother. And so like, I have a drag mom
who kind of acts as my coach RuPaul.
Has a drag mom, they all have dragged mom's even RuPaul.
You think RuPaul was like even just popped out of the Garden of
Eden. We like Polly was RuPaul's Drag
mom, you know, I looked for it and I'm not going to tell you
that until you answer this question, but RuPaul Is your
answer? Yes.
Is it Runa? No, it's is rublev.
Yes. But we're being your third out
of four possible answers. You only get .25 of a point
which leaves you with two point seven, five points out of five
which means you are point to Five Points.
Shy of being able to give me another foot massage.
No one is more upset about this than holger's Mom, but I'm
actually still kind of. I understand, I know the answer
to the question. That I missed.
So Andrei rublev his mother, one mother of the year really
leaning his coach, one coach of the year in 2020.
He's coached by his mom rublev. Now has drag mother.
I don't know why you're not understanding this.
Rube loves mother mother one a mother of the year won this
game. I think I won this game in your
you're twisting things around because you don't want to Crown
a winner. Okay, I'll give you one last
shot. Okay.
Who said you're so full of shit. The toilets jealous.
Oh, I'm going to say RuPaul. Fuck.
Yes, we're going to massage town, baby.
Yeah, I mean, Like she's not spouting self-help.
She's a plumber. Sounds a lot like something rude
would say, but I could tell you were, you know, trying to get me
to To go there. Because when I put on the RuPaul
wig and lipstick, just now to give you that subtle hint.
Hmm. I am mother, I love saying
mother. I was at a concert last night.
I kept yelling mother everyone. If everyone is Mother now.
So in gay lingo like a gay icon mother.
I'm seeing Carly Rae Jepsen for Pride mother Jessica, where's
gonna be their mother? Alright, so now we're going to
close out the show with our final segment where we want to
give a quick preview of Roland Garros.
So the tear Buck to of Paris is coming up in just a week's time
on the women's side. Let's talk with the woman first.
You know K it's pretty clear. We've got a big three.
We've got SRI on Tech ribbeck, Inna Szabo Lenka.
Do we end do we want that big three?
Is that the big three we want? I don't know if we have any
control over that. I mean it's Is it a vote as a
huge fan of tennis as a huge fan of women's tennis, I can get
excited about a lot and I respect the games of all through
those women. I don't know if I necessarily
want to see a decade of those three specifically battling it
out, but When you said a decade, I got a chill and I, I can't
know. You'll be in your 30s.
You, I know you're gross. Yeah, I know.
I completely agree. It's, it is nice.
That they are consistently pretty consistently separating
themselves from the pack. It's always gonna like the big
tournaments. It's pretty much been one of
them winning it and usually another one of them in the
final. Yeah.
And you know, Rebecca I know, I like oh, she's Maybe I can get
behind her because she's, you know, my emotionless kind of
robotic Queen, right? And then, I, now I'm seeing her
week to week to week and wondering if it gets old.
Yeah, but I also, I love that. Like, as she's being booed,
she's still just like, she's perky.
She's ready to go. She's ready to give her a word
speed, like, You know, she does keep a great attitude.
No matter what's going on mobile.
Yeah. As yeah.
You know, motions. She don't love flap.
Yeah. Do you think he's gonna be
ready, though? I'm a little worried that he's
going to be injured and not really gonna be able to defend
her her title. I think she's going to going to
be ready ready? You think she's like hungry
those three she's the best, clay player, come on, oh, for sure.
But She pulled out here, she lost two sub alenka at Madrid,
more than of the three. She's the one who does things on
core, where my she leaves my jaw.
A gape. Hmm, it kind of in the same way.
Alcaraz least, leave me with mine.
Even God. Okay.
Yes. Yeah.
Well, on the men's side, you know, it's sad.
Sad, sad news Nadal's out for the first time in 19 years.
He's not playing and hit me hard.
Yeah, we talked about last time, like, I'm so scared, he's quiet
quitting. Well, I don't know if he's gonna
make it. He talked about 2024.
His last year it's strange though because like he can't be
that confident in 2024, if he can't play in 2023, aging
doesn't work in Reverse like it if he can't do it now, like
trust me as someone who has aged once or twice in his life.
Like I'm not going to if I can't do it this year.
I don't really think I'm gonna do it next year.
Like a friend of mine went to a rave this weekend and he's like
do you want to go to a rave? And I was like, I don't know how
to start answering that question.
I don't to go now Now I definitely don't want to go a
year from now so Rafa I hope I hope he's coming back but yeah.
It's frozen. Let's do some predictions.
Okay? Dark Horse isn't some winners.
So my pick to win is still alcaraz, you know, it really
comes down to his health but I think alcaraz there's just,
there's no denying him. Who's your pick to win on the
men's side? How crazy is my pick to win,
two? I feel like even Novak at his
best right now on Clay is still not quite at.
Alcatraz is level at his best on clay and Everyone is kind of
circling around Medvedev surprisingly, as in the
conversation, but I'll Krabs is my pick.
Yeah, I mean, depends on the draw, but those for as like a
semi, I would be very excited about that and what a dark
horses, whose your dark horse for the men.
Um, it's got to be somewhat long hair.
Just to, you know, make a run and run in the tournament and it
to, you know, annoy you. I'm going to say George George
interesting. Okay, I look, I love his game
alone on hard court. My dark horse is davidovich,
Vicki, Jeana. I'm a big fan of his game.
He has what it takes. He hasn't build a string it
together yet. It's clearly because of the
hair. And if he just, if he cuts that
topknot, which you can call a top, not anymore, it's a high
pony. He has like an Ariana Grande.
It is so long on top that he could do like the Sasha Colby
hair whipping routine without a wig.
Well, let's switch to the women, who's your pick for the women.
As I said, all right, the ladies.
Yeah, I think eager is the best player on clay.
Rebecca, De subasta Blanca, they have a chance.
Peugeot has a chance. I mean, let's not get a chance.
Let's not get ahead of art. Well, no, here's what I'm
saying. Paul is, we can't have everyone
say my name. We can't have a we can't have a
short memory. We can't pretend like the WTA.
Is this you know stable place that it's this place with the
horses W taste like I went to Stables.
Yeah. Yeah.
Wow. And wow, horse girl.
Okay, I mean it was just the other day that Radu kanu was
winning the US Open out of nowhere.
That crate, chica was winning the French Open out of nowhere.
That austere, panko even was I mean we've had some concerns
more consistency but that's we can't go so far as to say that's
the new normal I hear you, I hear you.
Yeah, I mean well, any any Dark Horses?
Mine honestly is Taylor Townsend.
Or doubles or not talking about it earlier.
She should be maybe even top ten but definitely top 20.
Like she has a top-20 game honestly.
Yeah. And she's starting to put it all
together. Mentally, and game-wise.
And that went over pakula was was great.
She should have frankly, so good gone deeper in the tournament,
and I think this might be her moment just these next couple of
years. I think she's gonna she's going
to break into the top. 30 top 20, have some real runs.
I would love that. I honestly, I think it's the
French Open is so unpredictable strictly for women.
I mean, it's been so predictable for men.
So for this year for women, honestly, it could be, I could
see. Could you cover?
I could see us to panco. I could see one of them coming
Augusta panko. She is impressive in a lot of
ways. Not just her fashion sense,
these days and I'm kind of excited to see her back on on
the Roland Garros clay. Yeah, you know I mean talk about
them not having a plan B. No like like you know there's
not going to the pharmacy for Plan B.
I was She's possibly peaking at the right time.
She's back in the conversation at the right time so we'll say
can't wait to see what she wears.
I know she's got she is a stunt Queen is like a laganja
estranja. She is going to have a lurk and
she's gonna be sickening. Is she going to do a reveal like
at the head of the second set? Like she's going to have her
Reign and not not ahead of the sets like midpoint yeah he is.
You can do a spin and it's gonna be like rose petals.
It's going to fucking wig under a wig.
She is going to be like, oh, this for the last five years has
been a wig idiots. Folks, that's our latest
episode. It has been such a pleasure as
always Billy, you've never looked better.
Thank you Paul. And that's really all that
matters at the end of this. You've made it through podcast
and you look better than when we started.
So cheers to me. Yeah.
But thank you so much everybody for For tuning in again.
And this has been the latest episode of ball, boys, will be
back early in the French Open and I can't wait to do it.
Can't wait. Bye.
Y'all.