Hey everybody. Welcome to the latest episode of
ball, boys. We are the gayest tennis
podcast, and Spain legalized gay marriage.
I'm Paul monk home. One of your hosts.
On today's episode, we have loads to talk about.
Hmm, you know how we're always making fun of Brad Gilbert for
how he pronounces names. Well, we're putting our money
where our mouths are with our own spelling bee that were
calling spells Like Teen Spirit and we're also going digging for
Spanish gold since it's that time of year where everyone's
Flocking to Spain. Well, besides the circuit
parties in stitches and as always, I'm here with my
co-host, Billy Hanson. The best wingman for any foam
party that you go to. Hey, Billy.
How's it going? I don't know Paul.
It's been a lot these past couple weeks.
Yeah. What's going on?
Well, first of all, you critiqued my massage skills on
Friday night which honestly, I'm still reeling from that.
I think I give good massages and you claim that minor their
Pinchy and they're put Pointy. It's like what's the saying?
It's like all hand and no fist or all finger and no, no tongue.
Like it was just I have long thought that I was good at
giving massages and so listeners, I'm open to your DMs.
If you want a massage, I need I need to prove to Paul that he's
the exception to the rule, okay? But I don't think just give
these massages away with listeners, you will get a
massage. If you subscribe to the ball
boys and he goes five stars, even if Billy gives you a
two-star massage, which honestly is what you're going to get.
The podcast is going to get five stars, okay?
People? Yes, yes, it is a condition.
Yeah, well, let's just jump right in, right?
Let's see. I'm a little, your haircut is
looking amazing. It is the perfect.
T' sort of surfer, Boy, Meets, and Haitian 2002.
Like, yeah, well, I wanted to do something for Pride.
Yeah, no. And you're doing a lot for
Pride. So keep up.
Keep up the good work. You're doing the work as they
say in it to win it. Yeah.
All right. So let's just jump right in
because like you said there's been a lot going on the last few
weeks and so as always we're gonna start off with the
shrieking meter or basically to sum up this state.
Of the tour with our shrieks. So Billy I'm going to ask you
first. Hmm.
What's your shrieking M for the last couple weeks since we saw
each other? Well, you ready?
Yep. What's that about?
I mean I was trying to give you like a real guttural, clay red
clay grunt hmm because I love the clay season.
Yeah, why do you like it? Well, sorry.
Why do you love it? Getting dirty, getting down into
the nitty-gritty. Getting into the trenches.
There are also so many beautiful venues during the clay season.
We get to bounce from Monte Carlo to Stuttgart beautiful
venue to Madrid Barcelona. Now, are we allowed to objectify
then use in 2023? I feel like you're just putting
a lot of emphasis on looks. I think we can still objectify
venues. Yes.
Okay, fine. Because I agree, that's really
gonna are they trying to? I mean, if the venue is trying
to sell, it's pathetic, I think it's asking to be objectified so
they were asking for it based on what they're wearing.
Yeah. Wow.
Okay, folks, we're going back in time, apparently.
Yeah. No, I totally agree.
I love it. Also, I noticed how quickly use
the word love. You can't say you love certain
things to me Billy, but you can say, you love clay court.
So I'm just going to, I'm going to bring that to our couples
counselor next week. Well, so my shrieking M, it's
very similar. I was trying to practice it
earlier in the bedroom. You might have heard me.
But I was, it's the, it's a and that's the closest I can get.
Were you practicing? Because you were ill with like,
did you have the flu or something?
Well, you have given me a cold like let's just, let's just be
honest. As folks like there's okay,
there's there was a conduit, it wasn't just me.
I there was someone in between us who haven't worn a conduit
since the 90s. I found a condom in my hair.
You found it in your hair. I wish it weren't true Paul.
But yeah, I found a conduit in my hair last used.
Conduit is that? Why you got a haircut?
No, not I kid you not. I I don't even wish.
I wish I were kidding. But back to tennis, okay?
Folks. Sorry about that.
I also love the clay season, it's just, it's so weird.
And so funny, and there's a charm to it.
There's a gracefulness to it and I just can't help but think
about like, this is one of the things that makes tennis so
interesting. Could you imagine if a third of
the way through the basketball season?
They're like, okay, now you guys are going to play on dirt, okay?
Okay, go play on grass now, it's just, it's sad, it's a different
beast and And it's pretty amazing to watch people.
Go just go from surface to surface and it's like, well, now
I know how to slide like. I'm an ice skater.
But have you ever played tennis on like would like on like a
basketball court type surface? Now there are courts on that
surface. Yeah, that's really fun.
The ball moves real fast, like The Echoes.
And it's always, of course, indoors Echoes are great.
I love an echo because it makes you feel like you're hitting it
twice as hard. Oh my.
Oh my God. Yes, know, growing up.
There's this one. Place I played where the echoes.
Great. And I was like, am I Jennifer
Capriati? I was hitting it.
So no. No.
Honestly, every other month. I ask myself.
Am I Jennifer Capriati? So that's par for the course.
But yeah. Now that's a tree.
I've never played, but have you played on Clay much?
Yes. But never, I've never been good
on it. Like I've never gotten anywhere
close to Sliding successfully. So instead I just sort of
tiptoe. It's it can be hard to stop and
I might my socks have gotten Red and my shoes are gone red
because of the clay, but I've never learned to slide have you
learned to slide now, I never learned how to slide.
I would run around as if it was a hard court.
You know, I only played on it a few times.
I think I played in one tournament in like, under for
teens in New England that was uncle'.
And again I was like am I a Rancher Sánchez Vicario?
Because I think oh I'm a clay pot.
I'm a clay specialist now. So I think I got to like the
semi is because it was, you know, under 14th.
But yeah it Barcelona Bumblebee. That's what they called me.
Yeah because I ate all the tuna. They're like, What's that fish?
So yeah, well anyway, so the big tournament that's happened since
we last met. We're gonna talk about all of
them, but biggest was Madrid, Masters.
They just wrapped up today and, you know, we've been talking a
lot about the Masters Tournaments and, you know, we
loved Indian Wells. Miami, mmm.
And that's curious what Is your take on in Madrid?
Where does it stack up with with all the rest of the Masters?
Well, I might not be objective at least about Madrid because I
have been there and it was part of a trip.
That was a magical trip. A kaha mihika trip.
And so my so start. Now what is it?
It may be either magic. It's Mike, right?
Oh, I didn't. Okay, I didn't, I wasn't
catching your accent. No, that's what the the venue in
Madrid is called. It's that's what that big box is
called, The Magic House, the caja, mágica the magic house
that was my nickname in Scouts. Well.
Okay, well I did not know that because I I've never been to the
Madrid Open. I absolutely would love to go if
not even, they didn't hire you as a model back in the day.
No, I was too. So, during your male model, do
you were already getting paid too much, like you can bother
well that. So there's different types of
models. There's there's High fashion and
Runway or they call them editorial and there's commercial
catalog. Then there's Stadium Courtside,
I think that Billy you might have been more of the stadium
Courtside model, but my agency, we didn't even, we didn't even
go out for those types of cast its lucrative because the tennis
tour does not stop. So you're always getting Booked
because this tournaments need. You were you were the most.
You were like the Linda Evangelista of the WTA around
2002. You changed her hair color,
every other tournament. You didn't get out of bed for
less than 10,000. Wait, this is actually a great
idea because like, we could follow like the ball models as
like a subcategory of fandom, like, we could be like, oh, did
you see what? Like You know, Lydia was wearing
like or how like her new hairstyle like and she says, you
know, Lydia we used to follow. Well, I did Linda Lydia like I
did like a there's no models named.
Lydia lesbiana this. Remember how we used to follow
lines people and now there are no more lines people but like of
course like the lines woman who Serena threatened to choke.
Like I remember like spotting her like every tournament.
That was like a fun sub fandom like yeah I'm excited and you
sent her all of those. Like very constricting callers.
I don't know if there was a fandom or a restraining order,
but yeah, yeah. Well, I and I feel the same way
the I like, the Aesthetics of Madrid just watching on TV it
was very sort of brutalist architecture.
Yeah, their trophy also is very its kind of unmarked and
celebratory. Yeah.
It's like what does that Lord of the Rings likes a little
dystopian. Yeah.
Like oh you just won the the AI dystopian future.
Open great select, quick recap of quick Winner's Circle of who
won. What?
Yeah, but we're going to do a speed round which it is the
opposite of a quaalude round, but it's going to be just sort
of rapid-fire. Our top, take away from each.
I've never had a quaalude. What?
I've never had one. I want to, I want one.
Have you seen your hair cut? That that haircut screens
Quaaludes, it's a loot. It's a loody loody z area.
Well, I feel like you've been arrested for lewdness Quaaludes,
not far away. So, should we start?
Why don't you start us with Barcelona, Paul Barcelona
barthelona? Yes, I have been to Barcelona
not about alone open, but I've been to the Buffalo NE other
things and no real surprises at Barcelona.
Alcaraz stadium is pretty rickety looking.
I will say, in terms of like Aesthetics, that stadium looks
like it's a about to fall over. Yeah, one strong.
Like you know, history has just been a doll.
Is that what they call piston at all?
Or something like that? Or it's like something about the
doll cork. Yeah.
It's, it's not, it's not going to win any awards once, you
know, you think for something named after an adult like why?
I know he's more sort of Mediterranean but I'm surprised
at the Madrid. Open is not more named after
their doll then barthelona, but I know there's also politics
there. Big takeaway alcaraz defended
his title for the first time so that Barcelona was the first
time he's defended a title, which I was at least 12 he's 12.
Hey, they're gonna be a lot of Firsts for him.
Yeah. No.
Well, because any followed up and he did it again with Madrid.
But yeah, I was surprised just because even though, yeah, he
just, it's a reminder of his breakout just started last year,
you know, at Indian Wells, last year, when he won it.
That was when we first really, got some, some alcohol.
Les on the radar has been a real injection of excitement into the
men's game so Chic. And so that was that was fine.
Interesting, although we looked at that video of him on
Instagram. Oh wow.
Yeah, we're he's rearranging his water bottles.
Just like an adult like that was that was a little bit jarring
because that's such a specific tick, you know what I mean?
Yeah, well that's the thing. Like we know that he's modeling
is game after the doll. I feel like He's an adult
Federer hybrid, honestly, he's because he's such a shot-maker.
Hmm, he's fettle. Yeah.
Or is the Rivalry all wrapped into one body?
Only rivalry has is with himself 1, CK underwear?
Yeah. But I didn't answer and with
those water bottles because it's just like, okay, if you're gonna
start doing that, what's next, are you gonna start doing like
the wedgie pick? Are you going to start?
It's like, girl, I was never, I never will be and I was never
mad at the wedgie pick. I wasn't mad at it but I, it
gets a little old. I'm fine, like I love caviar,
but am I going to have it for every meal?
Probably. But eventually I'm gonna get
tired of it. Are you?
That will be an experiment. We'll see.
We'll see listeners next episode of Paul will have been on and
all Caviar diet and you will hear whether he's sick of it or
not and maybe it's maybe it's finally going to get me into my
summer body because Summer is almost here.
I know my tan lines Stuttgart. Yeah, I'm always a fan of
Stuttgart. I love like the random indoor
red clay. I love talk about brutalist
architecture. Like I like the Glam shots of
the players up on the screens, I like the Porsche has on display.
It feels like a very expensive tournament who I thought it was
a lot of fun. I thought you go looked great.
I thought the way she manhandled that Porsche that she won, like
she drove it around. She Think was trying to scare
the ball kids like because she got really close to she almost
loud them over, but I think she was just so confident in her
driving agility that. I don't know.
She that was a real great advertisement for Porsha.
Okay. Yeah.
On Clay. We won't kill any children when
you do donuts, that's, that's an old German saying, yeah.
The, the hood is like, when they're talking about
advertising, they always go back to that, like, well, we could
always go with this. We won't kill children while
doing go nuts on Clay. Yeah, it rolls off the tongue in
German, but I don't remember the exact phrasing and she beat us a
blank. All right, yes, which was a, you
know. Obviously we haven't had this.
I think since like the early aughts, where one versus two
playing each other in consecutive tournaments.
So yeah, it's gonna be going to win Madrid spoil.
Spoiler alert listeners Eagle, One Madrid.
I mean saw Blanco one Madrid. Sorry Real spoiler alert cooler
or Bill. He's drunk.
I I wish all. I'm not listeners, I'm not.
So it was, I do think that Sabha Lanka winning Madrid created a
little bit more Intrigue to the story even though I wanted to go
to win. Yeah, I agree.
I mean ego is someone that I'm always rooting for and I don't
know why. Because I don't actually like
her that much. I'm not that charm.
By her yet, but I really want her to win.
Maybe it's because of who she's playing against or just the
strong desire for like another dominant.
Serena type to come in and take over.
I think I appreciate that. She's kind of unapologetically
quirky like she kind of is who she is and she's not really
trying to be anyone else. I think that's kind of cool.
Yeah, yeah. Well it took me unlike you she's
afraid to try new hairstyle because that Ponytail in that
hat. I don't know who her stylist is,
but he's not gay. I think let's let's try a short.
Do he go? Let's try something short.
Yeah, or long or anything, besides the point hat?
Okay. Moving on eunuch.
So Munich Holger una one, Munich against both Tech been designed
schloop, no, big surprise there, no big highlights.
Although honestly, the player baby continues on he's the
little pleasure baby. Who always put little Co bit.
Yeah. But the The baby hog Arun.
So this time he sent his racket off in the final to get re-taped
and it took a little longer than he wanted it to.
And so he complained to the tournament director complain to
the Umpire, he had the racket brought back out, and then he
had his mother re-tape it, which was just, it was okay.
She was sitting with coaches, she was sitting with his physio,
she was sitting with all these people and she's retaping it.
If there were selling just like, I think Runa is a mama's boy,
but not in like the big guy. Kid tradition, like in the like
an edible wild bratty, little polar bear.
Like his, his mom hasn't said he's never wrong.
He's never done anything wrong. He can't make he's, you know,
the gold only. He's Veruca Salt.
He wants him. I want an open loop and now,
daddy. Like he's not exactly Wonka and
it's like, well, spoiled little little Club.
A be there was the tournament Bosnia where Novak loss, which
is always a highlight. Light and we're happy for liya
vich. He beat rublev in the final.
Paul thinks he's a babe. Oh, he's such a babe, I'm doing
the research on this. He's got those eyes.
He's got the record of Slavic blue eyes that are just so
mesmerizing, like I'm believing car.
Looks like I think I might be crazy but he kind of looks like.
Yes, I'm crazy. Aiden from Sex in the City, John
Corp. No, no, it's coming back.
I can just like that. I can't wait.
Can you I know? I mean I can wait can't that's
the haircut? You got you got the che Diaz
that's exactly and that's what ego needs to be talked about
Madrid, right? Hold everyone.
What happened? Me Madrid was.
Yeah, as everyone predicted, it was a matchup between alcaraz
and stuff and in the final and I had mixed feelings about Ian
Leonard stuff because he lost in the qualities to Korat Civ and
it just feels weird to Be in a tournament where you lose and
you come back and it was funny because I actually played
corrosiveness Emmys because he was the lucky loser and then he
goes into the finals and he actually I gotta say he showed
up, he really had some great wins.
He he's got game that I didn't really realize and and I was
like, oh oh you've got the right stuff and it's like you kids and
I was like, oh uh oh uh oh uh oh uh oh the right stuff.
That was that was going on in my head, the entire tournament and
like I'm a fan of his gameplay and he took it to alcaraz, you
know, he got the three sets and he presented his matches where
you felt like like okay we the outcome is never in question
like never even when it's truth was winning the second set.
I was like okay so this is just going on like maybe maybe I'll
crash was like doing a favor to the I don't know, like the TV
people to, like, make the match a little longer.
I don't know. I just not about the outcome
wasn't out, but, you know, good first roof.
No in honestly. And this actually bothered me
about chakras, was that the first two games of the match?
He broke stuff right away, and he was up to love.
And so Strife had like a few good points and alcaraz kind of
like did like the heads up like yeah they're like kind of a
little too chivalrous like cheering on your opponent for
good shot because I think he thought he wasn't going to be
much of a match up and then Broken right back and I'll cars
like, oh crap. I actually have to beat this
guy. And it was, it was alcaraz was
not Untouchable today although his drop shot and this is the, I
think that I'll crash as I love his game.
He relies on that, drop shot so much that if someone just works
on their wind Sprints a little bit.
No, no, no one's friends. Well, I think that because he
pushes players back and you never know.
Is going to drop shot, no matter how fast you are.
It's really hard to get up to those.
And I mean, in some people, some people might think it's a cheap
play, but it wins and points again and again, and again,
absolutely those. But he goes to that a lot like
it. I love it.
It's, I mean, it's kind of the way I play, so I shouldn't hate
it. I mean, I go for the cheap
shots. Like the number of times, I've
tied your shoe laces together, when we're changing ends, like
the way I've broken your racket. Before allowing you to serve,
like look, I go for cheap shots but you grunt when I'm hitting
the ball. Yeah.
The number times have made fun of your haircut tonight.
Even though eautiful and I'm so honored that you let me cut your
hair. Also, you know how I feel about
long hair? I think, you don't like long
hair, is that correct? I-i've tried to give you some
subtle hints over our relationship, last decade and a
half. But yeah, it's not, it's not for
me. I okay, I'm just going to ask
Now, so there are some player, there's some people, can they
have long hair and you can still be attracted to them?
Paul are there? There are some exceptions, of
course, but they are few and far behind.
Am I one of those exceptions you are far behind?
Now, you look, if you had a topknot, if you had a ponytail,
I would struggle. If it's if the hair is down and
laid nicely, not to jump ahead to the the Spanish gold, but
Feliciano López He so he's the term director of Madrid now and
he is just, I mean, I know he doesn't want to be called a
model, but he is a model. And I believe that models
deserve more representation than what they get.
We don't get nearly enough attention as models and so he
and I as models, he is just stunning.
Like I said, I'm a model and he's a model and we're both
models, he's got longer hair than the normal guy, that I
would be attracted to two models.
If you're a model you can pull off the long hair, basically is
what you're saying. Models can do it, but no one
else. Yeah, it's kind of a model
saying you wouldn't really get it, but it's a models thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
That's good to know. Yeah, I definitely won't grow my
hair long then should we get into our flops and Bops?
Because I feel like we're right on the cusp of our first Bob.
Yeah, yeah. So so we've been talking a
little bit about models and if anybody tuned in to Madrid Open
and if you didn't, will tell you about it now.
But they've got this really funny casting policy for their
ball girls and also apparently their ball boys.
But we'll talk about that. So question will, but they, I
mean, speaking of models and models represent representation,
they cast models to be the ball girls at Madrid.
Open not for every match, but for certain matches because I
was watching and I was like, oh girl, here they are again.
They're in crop tops and bearing the costs wearing the cost but
the clothing sponsor. Yeah.
Link sponsor. Yes but it's it's not the
regular ball girl outfit and it's like, no, that's a crop top
showing like a lots of mid-drift and a short skirt and mid-drift.
Midriff mid-drift. Yeah, the my drift open.
That's where it comes from. There were Model ball boys, as
well for the women's matches. Yeah, you told me this and were,
I know, you looked took a look at them and weren't sure that
they were models were in. Sure that they could pull off
long hair, but as I don't recall seeing them on any catwalks, I
was on right in the 90s. Oh my God, they weren't even
born then. So they so they did have there
were female models and male models.
So people can't get really mad about the fact that they can't
say. Oh well they only had female
model, you know models for the men's matches, right?
But they Maybe get mad that the women were wearing crop tops in
the men were wearing just a polo and shorts like they weren't
wearing crop tops. Yeah it was like this.
There was a regular outfit. Yeah it's like give me a crop
top. Give me a short short.
Give me a shirtless shirtless. You know canceling the top like
let them get the tennis tan lines that you were job.
Yeah. Yeah.
Like that's that's beyond reproach.
I mean it's sort of like it's kind of similar to maybe a few
Years ago when they allowed coaching.
But just for women it's just like, wait.
It's very like wait why is it different for the women in the
men? Like it just, it doesn't make
any sense. Like especially we're talking
about Madrid which is such a progressive City.
You know, like a big gay town. They would not be upset about.
Okay, I'll show off my muscles fine.
Yeah, they'd wear a little Lacoste harness.
They would have you seen the Lacoste harnesses?
They are almost bought one hour, strike agree.
A grand on a low-cost harness. Yeah, worth it.
Well to be dragged out of that store, you have to make up for
all the low-cost polos that used to wear at beige in New York
City. When you had the double collars
popped, it was it was I did not have the double collars popped
now, dare you, I wore the Lacoste Polo but I did not have
the double collars popped. Wow but you know what do you
think my biggest beef with the models is I can't think of one.
What is it? It's the heteronormativity Paul.
So what do you like? Weren't there female models for
the women's matches, why weren't there male models for the men's
matches? I what would Doric has it Kina?
Have to say about this? What would janicoo Gabe?
How would that have made him? Feel back in the day?
You know what a Tailor's for it's our favorite.
Al I have to say about this or done, Daniel Taylor Swift denim,
a bit of should have not played his match.
If there weren't going to be some male models as ball people,
yeah, he should have drawn that line in the sand.
That's the, the oppression. Is is is palpable.
I personally don't have an issue with it.
I kind of I love the spectacle of it.
My thing is issue though, with the gendered element.
Like you wouldn't like a couple male models for the men's
matches. Come on.
No, it'll be sort of tracking, they'd be hitting on me.
It would be really annoying with the women.
It's like, come on. You don't have any girlfriends,
like, I would if there's like some beautiful like statuesque
woman like throwing the ball. I'd be like, this is fucking
amazing. Amazing.
I love this and it's more just like I just think that if
they're going to have a spectacle make it a spectacle
like give the guys sparkly like cut-offs.
Give yeah like that's what I want.
But like who's throwing the ball?
To me? Like I would love it.
If it was a hot girl, a hot guy. I know.
That's what I'm saying. As long as their top to mix it
up, lets lets, you know, show the straight kids, the gay, two
kids, the queer kids, the everyone, every you know,
non-binary kids, let's show them.
Let's get them all. While some examples.
Yeah of hotness. Like we need more role models.
Who are hot that I think what they could there's a world where
because these are models and their modeling the clothing
sponsor for the tournament. There's a world where those
model, those ball models, who are around and we see them at
all the tournaments and they showcase The fashion weren't you
a ball model. I was hmm, which one the right
Bob? Oh yeah, those two, good luck.
Yeah. Well I also have to say, I'm
just happy that models are also getting slightly better
representation in the media than they were before.
Because it used to be, like they all had like Hollow bone disease
and like, they were like birds who could, you know, if they
lifted a tennis ball, their arm would break.
These girls and I guess, boys, train hard.
They were really good. Yeah, they did it.
They took it seriously. They were like, I mean it was
wild. So you know how I'm changeovers.
You have to hold the umbrella over the player Hardin was like
oh man these poor models must have been like wait, bitch, what
you want me to like serve someone much?
How much do you think they got paid?
I'm curious 100 euros. But the day I, I mean, 100 euros
for a master's in a while. But I mean, and that's like
before their agent and their mother agency and their own
sister agency takes their Cuts. So I would be, I would be
surprised if they if they broke. Even on the day they probably to
bring a bag lunch. All I have to say back to the
outfits real quick. What the fuck happened in the
final? Like suddenly these girls go
from wearing crop tops and like Chic little skirts to like
culottes or Gauchos or whatever still had crop tops.
But they were wearing like culottes with like a built-in
diaper and suitable. A so were the male models for
the women's final. They also were weirdly now in
culottes. Yeah.
Wait, what's the difference being a culotte in a gaucho?
I don't know. I'll Google it after the show.
Well, because I did Google it. They look exactly the same to me
and I just like wait which because they've all just fun
words. I love the words.
Oh couch or a lot Gaucho, who looks great.
Oh my God, they called me Gaucho marks and theater School.
Dude, we have it do so that's one of our Bops is the models.
What's G of a flop for us? Paul.
Yeah, for me. Big flop.
And we don't like, so we spend a lot of time talking about
models, which is the correct amount of time to spend real
quick, though. Just Casper, rude.
There's been a rude awakening for him.
Like I don't know if he's just waiting for the majors to come
around because he made two finals of the majors last year,
but no, I don't think so either. He had seen real nice drawers
last year and made The finals. But hey, let's give a compliment
to Casper for being opportunistic, right?
Oh, I've got a nice. I've got a nice.
Well, if you got a cakey draw, let's let's take advantage of
it. That's, that's a skill,
especially for a tennis player, right to beat can the players
ranked below you, right? And he, he did that, and also
he's kind of overachieving right?
His game is not spectacular, but he is really solid.
It and that's also may be respectable.
So II felt this. I felt like maybe he peaked last
year. I don't know how much more rude.
Might be a cell. Yeah.
Oh, big salad because like, he's so he only wins 250 tournaments,
he's never won a five hundred or above and it's like that episode
of South Park from a couple years ago where I know this is
very Niche reference but like they were playing World of
Warcraft and they needed to get as meant.
They need to level up to beat this one guy who was killing
them all and so Cartman just went out and killed boars
non-stop me killed. Millions of Bohr's to like lowly
get one point here. One point there.
Did you do and that's what route
as he goes out. He collects all these bore
points because he goes out and he slays like oh the 19th ranked
player in the world like big fucking deal and he gets these
points. But he is not like it makes me
think that we need to question the ranking system a little bit
just a little bit. I understand that slumps happen
and this and that but he is not the third ranked player in the
world right now but he is ranked 3rd at something like Madrid in
its Screws up to draw because then suddenly like, oh wow, the
draw opened up, and then we get some random.
Like we had a, we had a freaking semi-final of carazo versus
stuff because rude, is ranked third?
Well, maybe, what could happen is because I do think, you know,
players, go through little mini slumps in the doesn't mean that
their achievements from a year ago, should just be ignored,
right, from a ranking standpoint.
Because that doesn't mean that they recently accomplished
something years, a relative, the recent, you know, a relatively
short amount of time but maybe More recent points are like
doubled or something like that. So like you know the points
you've got us two three months somehow get Dumbledore or the
points that you had before they get have something like that.
Yeah, if I was being judged today based on what I did, a
year ago being jail, in fact, my court dates coming up but yes,
it's just it's ridiculous. Like in college basketball, you
change your ranking every week based on, you know, if you've
won or lost a few games, it's just it's just how it's done.
It, it feels He's too long of a window and we just I love that
idea of like, maybe your points degrade a little bit.
I know you love being degraded and to do.
Yeah. And I also, yeah, maybe that's
an idea, but people also love to dramatize.
The fact that a player's ranking can be totally tied to like one
event. Like I remember when Roddick on
Oahu. I know you wanted to talk about
on this episode. Who's won the US?
Open back in 2021, everyone was counting down.
The days to, you know, the end of the US Open 2222 and she
would lose all those points and go from like ranked 10th to 77th
and that can be, I guess kind of fun.
Yeah, see I don't I think that that kind of sucks because then
it's sudden because that's too dramatic.
It's like wait, you're telling me last week?
I was like the 10th best bitch in the world and now let me
seventh like that's that's also in take, it should be it's a
mile is a bit of a mind. Fuck.
Yeah. Players.
The way it's drugs are observe after Madrid is out of the top
20 for the first time in years, Because of, you know, the the
point system because he was injured, it's just like these
ranking systems don't make sense, they don't work.
Any other flops are bobs for you.
Okay, I got one other little flop.
So we had that week where we had the turnip, turnip the turnip,
you know, that root vegetable week.
We have the the week, where we had the tournaments in Munich in
Barcelona in Bosnia and in Stuttgart, you know, all the
same week and In a way. It felt like, oh my gosh, I
don't keep up with all this but much, you know, the each
tournament managed to boast a really solid field.
And so, we were getting great matchups all the way through to
the final. So, you have four finals in one
day and you would think that the tumors and the tournaments could
at least coordinate so that you weren't watching three of those
four finals at the exact same time.
I mean, just think about the television viewer.
That's a lot of money, right? Give them a product. 48 hours,
straight versus like having to jump from match to match over.
Two hours. I just felt like why are the
finals happened in the same time?
Let's, let's do a little bit better.
Especially we've got somewhat different time zones so we can
play with that, right? Yeah.
I thought it was a marketing fail.
So that's a flop for me. Yeah, well, and I agree, and I
think, I think this may be smaller is tournaments, didn't
used to have such great Fields, like, it's kind of crazy that I
think the polite Clay, they're excited for to get all the clay,
they do, but Bosnia and Herzegovina had Djokovic, Andrew
blob. Like those are.
Those are not folks who generally play.
I love her to go this game. Daniela.
How are you doing my favorite? She was in my favorite players.
Yeah, no exactly. Bosnia's backhand as a joke, but
they've got really solid solid drawers, and that's not how it
always was. I think it used to be like, God,
who cares when it's like 50 versus 100 like, right?
But yeah, you're right, you're right.
So those were our flops and Bops and I think the main lesson that
we've learned today is how important models are to the
future of tennis and I hope that they continue to lead us into
the future and we'll be right back with our next segments.
All right, we're back everybody. We just had a nice little
massage break. I can't think of anything better
to segue into our next segment of outfits and outbursts.
It's yes. Favorite time of the podcast to
really get into what's important, which is what people
are wearing and when they're acting like little babies.
So we've got a few to go through because there's been so much
going on in the tennis world. So first, we've got our good
friend daniil Medvedev. Who again has really, really
embraced his quirky side this year.
He's really come back into himself, which is hard to do.
It's hard to come back into yourself.
Mmm. Oh could, but he was playing,
Aslan corrective who decided to come out of nowhere again this
year and actually be a player and he lost to him and he sat
down during the tiebreak because the Spanish crowd was being too
loud and booing him too much and he would not play again until
the the Umpire got them to quiet down that never works.
Are you sure that I feel like people known Medvedev likes to
be Ubud that like, it actually makes him feel good and so
they're booing him and kind of a massaging, kind of way.
Like, they're kind of booing him, but it's their way of
giving energizing him and making him feel relaxed and really stop
trying to make the massage happen.
It's just, I don't know. I think it's like, love booing
with love doing of love and, and it's, there's nothing wrong with
that. It's like that Simpsons episodes
when mr. Burns was like, are they saying,
boo, Or boo. Who earns?
Boo Edvard AB Medvedev. That's what.
Exactly, exactly. So of course, we had an outburst
from Genie Bouchard. Hey, Jeanie, welcome back, she's
29. Now, I'm a Genie in a Bottle,
baby. She's qualified for Madrid and
she beat Diana is dream School in the first round.
And she tweeted something like there's Something about beating
dopers in Madrid and she was referencing, not only just
beating his Transco but also having beaten Maria Sharapova in
2017. After sharapova's ban, it was a
very close match and kind of a dramatic match and Bouchard had
some Choice words for Maria in the press conference afterward.
I don't know. I kind of like Bouchard.
Well, first of all, I find out. You do you strum strum the
Yastrzemski story a little bit Peculiar.
Because the way she got out of her doping violation, was by
saying that she ingested, the banned substance that she
ingested it, because there was something that her boyfriend
really spit it out. Or don't spit her boyfriends,
come had, the prohibited substance in it and she ingested
it so much that she so much. Yeah, that's that's why she,
that's why she tested positive. So I mean it's an interesting
doping case and I didn't mind Bouchard's.
Kind of petty caddy tweet, but she issued an apology rights.
Take it back though because it went against the code of
conduct. Yeah.
You know, outfits are outbursts.
So the last last outfit now purse, I think we would not be
ballboys if we Didn't at least talk about the Met Gala for a
quick second because there was a fair amount of tennis
representation, well, as long as it's going to be run by Anna
Wintour, there's going to be tennis representation because
she loves her tennis. She is a notorious ball boy.
Yeah, so we had Beretania showed up looking as gorgeous as ever.
I mean, talk about a snack, talk about an Italian Stallion talk
about get behind those calves. I'm sorry.
I hate to get so specific. If those calves came up to you
in the bedroom, You would you be like, okay I'm behind you, you
get behind them so fast. I would.
I mean we would see you because their caps are so thin, but you
would get behind them. They're really good hiding spot
for hide-and-seek. It is the worst hide and seek is
here. Scoffs can't hide behind those
caps thinking things. You can hide behind though, is a
baby bump and yeah, Serena, she is going to have a doubles team
soon. So she is now pregnant with her
second baby. So all those teasing about her
Court in the backyard. Well, She's not that back
anytime soon, everybody probably never.
So that's fine. Honestly, it's 41.
I like okay. So you know, given given the
advances we've had an aging, I could see a world where someone
like Serena comes back at 45 and he's just like, you know what?
I feel like playing a couple of tournaments, and with every
Tournament of like, yes, ma'am, please, I could see it
happening. Oh, I could see it happening and
I could you see her coming back of 45 and winning.
You really think that could happen like winning more than a
match or two more than a match for to, I don't know.
But I think she could have some, some good matches and I would, I
would like to see just it was like, one.
Martina Navratilova was like, no, I'm going to keep playing.
I'm 50. I like to kick and scratch and
kick. I think we can go on to our next
segment. Now Spanish gold, all these
tournaments are in Spain right now.
It is the clay Court capital of the world and considering the
number of points and the amount of high-profile players that
have come out of there. We just thought, hey, let's talk
about Spain and what makes them so dominant in this one part of
the of the sport because Spain doesn't really We do a ton
outside of the clay but they are, they are always Fielding a
great team. I mean, alcaraz won the US Open
last year and Roth has won several non clay majors and I
mean, can you boost for rare? I'll be, I'm just saying, OK,
after those first two names, your list of free flowing,
reaching severely fell off, they'd at least no one grass.
Verdasco on hard. I mean, David feau Cana on on
bow hair buns. Yeah, there's no there's a lot
of talent but that Talent when it goes off the Clay is diluted.
By is a lot of other countries. The telling me really flourishes
on the clay. I'll give you that.
They're just like, oh Leigh and they just get it and I was just
curious like why why do you think it is?
Like why are they so good at clay?
Well, I think There are a lot of clay courts in Spain so they
that's the that's the surface. There's a lot of clay there.
Yeah. So when they grow up playing
tennis, they're playing on Clay, whereas say, in the United
States there's more hard courts in the UK, there's more rain in
Canada, there's more indoor, basketball courts.
Well, I mean, I think we do need to talk a little bit about the
most famous play. Layer Rafa.
Yeah, I'm case you didn't know. So Rafa he's pulled out of Rome
and I don't know, is he going to play Roland Garros?
I have no idea, that would be a real move, and that's not
typical of rafah to kind of come at.
That's a Serena move, right? Is like to come out from like,
of no, we're not having played for a few months or six months
and win a tournament for Rocket. If he comes in wins Roland
Garros, Like that would be an absolute, like, Mike drop, but I
don't that 7 match, three, out of five matches on clay with no
warm-up tournaments. That's unheard of but hey, what
didn't? He doesn't think?
They got something in the water and Spain.
Didn't you do something really similar last year for Australia.
He hadn't played for like three or four months and then he came
in one, Australia. He was not knowing that he's
going to do it and it was like, you're still, you still go here.
Ah and then he like went on his 35 game for 35 match.
Win streak? Yeah, could do it.
So I'm not going to put it past him but we'll see if he plays
I'm worried. He's never going to play again.
I'm worried that this is it and he's just actually.
Oh it's like a soft like a quiet quitting.
I think he quite quit. I'm really I'm so Scared and
sad. And like, I don't know what you
don't, so you're a fan of his, but you don't find them hot.
I thought you only were fans of players you thought were hot
now, because that would mean, I don't watch any of the women's
tennis and I'm a huge fan. You know what, one of my
favorite things about Spanish tennis has what they figure out.
Well, first of all, they're aging really well.
Feliciano Juan, Carlos Ferrero. David Ferrer, verdasco.
They are Being real well and you know what Spanish tennis, the
Federation does they figure out a way to keep our eyeballs on
these guys as even after they retire.
So Juan Carlos is an Alcatraz is box look great.
And Feliciano is in the Madrid like he's the tournament
director and he's just like you know he's look some model and
David Ferrer got finally has his haircut working for him and oh
man I suffer are in the stands. And I was like wait that's David
Ferrer because he was never you know what?
Because you He's Teflon here on tour.
He he's always a little frumpy, he was a little frumpy and I
think it was a lotto or Diadora some brand really did him dirty
doing him any favors and he looks good.
Like I was like oh okay work. Yeah.
It's a while he got a few highlights.
I think like a subtle highlights.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah I think he went to your Barber.
Yeah. It's a Sheikh.
He for Pride. Yeah.
I am Juan Carlos, so it's when I saw, I remember how when I
forgot this, like, I had such a little crush on one Carlos when
he was, when he was number one in the world, and was playing in
the US Open, I saw him playing and I wouldn't stop yelling.
Come on one Carlos, come on one close the point, where this guy,
who's sitting printer, just like, turn on.
Just looked at me because I was just like I was a big Juan.
Carlos van. Oh yeah.
It was. Was it a look of like just
you're being too loud or you're being too gay being?
Too desperate. He's like girl, you gotta play
hard to get. Shall we move on to our game?
Are we ready to play? Yeah, that's enough about.
Thank you, Spain. Let's play our game.
So we are going to play spells, Like Teen Spirit.
In this game. We are spelling the names of
tennis players, which used to be easy to spell in the days of,
you know, Jimmy Connors and Billie Jean, King and Tracy
Austin. But now, you know, tennis gotten
more, what the hell happened. Have to learn how to spell
you're going to give me that. Chinese players name, aren't
you? Oh no, I please don't Lena.
So we are going to be spelling, tennis players names and Paul is
going to have me spell the names of men's players and I'm going
to have Paul spell the name of women's names of women's players
and all these players have been into the quarterfinals of Recent
tournaments by recent tournaments.
We mean we mean Stuttgart Barcelona Munich.
Bosnia Madrid note that Paul has or tournaments to choose from
and Billy has only two. So poor because make this game a
little bit unfair, who's starting all, you know, because
of your handicap. I'm going to give you a name
first so you can build an intimidating lead.
Let me just look up the quicks, the spelling of that Chinese
players name. Don't you get?
No. No, but hands down hands down.
I see Billy. I didn't see it.
I didn't see it.
Wow I think I can do it.
I think I got it but I think it's is it Zhang with an e and G
or nay sir sir. I haven't even asked you the
names yet. Okay, I didn't I didn't prepare
for this at all. Okay, sure.
Are you ready? Your first name?
Is Zhang jie Zheng? All right.
Do I just have to spell the last name or the whole we're just
doing last names, just for so the last name is zhi zhi.
Lan. Yes.
Are you ready? Yes.
Maria soccery last name, spelling Maria soccery and you
use it in a sentence. Maria stalkery has not yet won a
grand slam and we'll never win a grant.
What do you think? Do you think she'll win a grand
slam? No no she won't.
Okay and we'll never win a grand slam.
Oh so that's aakhri. Okay.
So that is sa hey Kar. I correct.
Okay point for you, Paul. I knew you thought I was not
going to do that. Well, honestly, what's
interesting is, women are showing some consistency.
So a lot of the same women who got to the quarters in
Stuttgart, go to the quarters in Madrid.
Yeah. Now it's a nice change for them
for those ladies, okay? The next name, stop, licking
your phone. I see you looking at Women's
stuff. No yours.
Well like Maxim magazine. Next one is doosan.
Levitch. Laj 0 V, IC o----, easy peasy
for you to pretend Paul. Can you ready?
Yes. Ons, djebbour, hmm.
My favorite clothing line is ons.
I've always wondered like, why is she called ons?
And not just on. There's only one of her but it's
it's just that's comedy gold, folks jib or J A B&E you are
Correct, three point. So we're tied honestly, the
women who got to the quarters of the determinant.
They don't have hard to spell names.
I feel like my spelling is more impressive.
Well that and a nickel will get you a shitty massage from Billy
Hanson's. All right, what's my third one?
Paul. Next one is both tag then design
scallop. All right, and I assume vanda's
and Shope is the last name. Hmm, be andevs81 Andy schul P.
Yeah. All right.
Oh my gosh, I I think you're going to get this.
In fact, I know you're going to get it, you're gonna get it, but
we're going to go with Hooter matoba.
When you say that name again, Cooter matoba herder matoba?
Hmm, Carter matoba, can I have the language of origin?
Russian. Can I have the figure of speech?
Name, I haven't been in a spelling bee in a while, you
know, Middle School. My the word that got me out of
the spelling bee was bikini, Oh, really you spell it now it's all
I wear. I was like I think I spelled it
like Rebecca within why there was a y in there there was like
a a there was a like Bucky knee. I don't know.
It was a mess. When was that like how old were
you? This was sixth grade.
Okay? And was that the end of your
spelling bee career? Yeah.
And the beginning of my bikini modeling career, okay, it was
like okay me and Pam Anderson were the only ones left?
Okay, Carter muratova. Hey, you are what Yeah, I know.
Yeah. D.
ER, M ET OVA you said K you are as the beginning of it's not
kurtter matoba it. Scooter matoba.
I Got There was an r in there. No!
Oh my God, Paul! Wow!
Wow!
Are you did you, did you really think there was an are there,
dude? Amitabha Amitabha.
That's in my mind. I hear kerger mottola.
Hold on the table. It's like when I I think about
like you saying, the name is 100 current home.
My other option was Haddad Maya. What did you have gotten that,
right? Yeah, GG Haddad Maya.
Yeah. Okay.
Hadd a.d. Ma IA.
Yeah, I'm glad I went with Kermit Ava.
Alright, so that was our spelling bee and Billy you 1.
What do I get? What's my price?
You get one more chance to give me the proper massage.
All right. Wow, I love it when I win.
Okay, it's on yeah, great now. Yeah, you, you get to make me
dinner. You know, that I like the more
you tell me, I'm bad at something.
The more I'm going to prove try and prove you wrong.
So, keep telling me I'm bad at this.
I'm going to keep massaging you So bad until you need money.
You're so bad at driving me to the Piggly.
Wiggly. Okay well so that's pretty much
the end of our show. Folks, this has been episode 4,
we're going to close out real quick with some predictions
Billy Roma's coming up next week, critical prediction who's
going to eat the most pasta in Rome.
I think it's going to be. I think Nadal is going to, he's
not going to play and Rome, but he's going to eat a bunch of
pasta. I love it, I love it.
I love it. Yeah, and for me it's it's
Kermit Ava. Oh yeah.
I'm excited about that. I am really pumped about that.
I would do anything for some pasta in Rome right now like
literally anything. Makes You Suffer one more of
your massages. If I give you a massage, does
that mean that we get to go to Rome and have some pasta?
Deal. Do I get to go to?
Yes, because I will need you to get me the pasta in Rome.
Let's you're so bad at it. You're so bad at.
Getting me pasta and Rome. No, I'm going to prove some
guidance, the best pasta know, you're the worst pasta boil over
man. I fetch pasta like no one like
no one. All right, well, that's been our
show. This has been episode 4 of the
ball boys. Thanks for tuning in.
Remember subscribe. Like, share, tell everybody that
you found. The gay is podcast about tennis
that you never needed, but are so glad you have Yes.
So I'm Paul monk home. Say good night Billy I'm Billy
Hanson. Good night Billy.