It's time for let's get some ground strokes Baseline.
It's top spin. That's LGBT.
Have a listen. Make signals with the ball boys.
Hey everybody, and welcome to the latest episode of The Ball
Boys. We are the tennis podcast that
puts the kit in etiquette and the tour in Taurus.
I'm your host, Paul Monkholm, bringing you the insights,
outbursts, giggles and wiggles of the ATP and WTA tours.
And you just heard our new theme song written by yours truly.
And in case you missed it, we spell out LGBT with Let's ground
strokes, bass lines and top spin.
Because if you ask me, there just aren't enough songs in the
queer tennis genre. A huge shout out to Blake
Drummond and his husband Dan, who produced and performed it.
And if you're interested, you can go check it out on our
Instagram page and play it at the gym for a nice 22 second
pump. Of course, our Instagram is at
TBB Tennis. That's at TBB Tennis.
And while you're there, let me know.
Can you name the grunt he used at the beginning of the song?
She's pretty iconic. Now, before we get into the
show, I want to address something that happened at the
men's final. As you know, Donald Trump's eye
to attend the Open. And word came out that the USTA
told networks not to air any bad reactions to him.
Look, I don't want him anywhere near the open, but he has a
right to go. This is America, but he should
also reap what he sows. And if he wants to go to New
York City right now, well, that's a choice that he's going
to make. But for the USTA to preemptively
decide that they are not going to show what's happening in ASH
is a level of complicity and normalization that is just
unacceptable. I mean, what's next?
Are we going to rename Court 17 to be Donald Trump Arena, or
hell, maybe even one of the younger ones?
Look, I know we're just a silly tennis show and there's a
million things going on in the world that we can't fix.
But what we can do is call bullshit when it's in our court.
So USTA, come on, you got to do better.
OK, that's my little soapbox. And let's get back to the show.
Have some fun, people. It's the end of the summer.
It's time to pack up the Speedos, which honestly might be
pretty good for me because over the last two weeks of watching
as much tennis as possible, my body has fully atrophied.
I think another disc degenerated just out of sheer boredom, and
things felt a little Great Gatsby ish this year, taking us
back to the roaring 20s with vulgar prices, ostentatious
behavior, $100 chicken Nuggets. Though to be honest, I'm not
sure what else I would expect from the roaring Twenty 20s
except for vulgar prices, ostentatious behavior, and $100
chicken Nuggets. Except now we have influencers
filling the stands and rage baiting all the real fans at
home. But Speaking of roaring, the
women were making the most noise this year.
And I, for one, fucking loved it.
The women delivered the tension, the drama, the star power.
I might have actually turned WT gay.
Because also, when we look at the men's side, we all sort of
knew where we'd end up on final Sunday.
So a lot of the matches had less tension than the lacrosse
unboxing videos on TikTok. And so on today's episode, we're
unboxing all of the action out of Flushing.
I'm putting my head together with one of our favorite ball
boys. He no longer puts the beard in
Thomas Bearditch because he's back to his fresh faced boyish
charms. It's Matthew Coleman.
Hey, Matthew, how are you? I'm great, Paul, I'm feeling
like $100 chicken nugget. Yeah, just a just a little
caviar little Creme fresh. Yeah, that actually was my that
was my my nickname on the street.
A Creme Fresh. $100 chicken nugget.
It's a long nickname. So you shaved.
I feel like you're pulling like a bit of an Alcaraz how he just
shocked the world when he came out shaved.
I mean, you shocked the world last episode with a with a Paul
Bunyan beard, a Wolverine full face of of beautiful beardedness
and now you've shaved. What happened?
Why did you shave? I mean, nothing good can last
forever. You've got to.
You've got to keep people on their toes.
But I don't know, I feel unburdened somehow.
Like I feel like I've been reset to my factory settings.
Just in time for the new iPhone launch.
Well, I shaved as well in honor of this 'cause I just thought,
OK, we're going to do. I really look in honor of Carlos
Alcaraz. Everyone go out there and shave
something right now. I don't care what it is, but it
it works apparently. You shave something up top or
down bottom. Look, it's it's dealer's choice.
If you're, if you're serving up top, if you're returning down
there, how are you recovering from the US Open?
It was a long, it was a long couple of weeks, you.
Know I guess, but to be honest with you, this one felt breezy
to me. I think not having a 5 hour
final like on either side made a big difference.
Like lightly competitive that that's kind of the vibe that I
want by the end of the week. Like I I just don't have the
energy for an absolute barn stomper.
Yeah, it is true. I was, I was going to, and I'm
going to talk about it in a second, but I, I, I helped host
a little viewing party at high tops with out loud sports and
Out loud tennis. And I was worried.
I was like, am I going to be able to last 5 1/2 hours
standing watching on a screen? I was like, I need to book a
massage afterwards. I need to be ready.
But yeah, we didn't have that. It was, yeah, it was easy,
breezy, beautiful cover girl. Just a few bits of housekeeping
from the last episode. So someone pointed out rightly
that when it comes to cross court it's RBG, not RGB, which I
kept saying, and I think you might have said it too, 'cause
it's just, I think we don't. Pin your mistakes on me.
Paul, I'm not blaming you. I'm just I think it's a
teachable moment. But yes, it is Ruth Bader
Ginsburg, not Ruth Gator Binsburg.
But I kind of love that. If I was going to be like a drag
queen judge, I would definitely be Ruth Gator Binsburg.
What's that, Goonsburg? Well, I mean, I should have
known that someone would catch it because at least a few people
out there are familiar with the Baders.
So it's Ruth Bader Ginsburg. But if I mess it up again, you
know, sue me, I'll see you in court.
And Matthew, Congrats on winning one of our brackets.
You killed it. What's your secret?
You keep zigging when I zag and zagging when I zig.
And I got I I was horrible in this bracket this year.
I think I came in last except for chat.
GBTI still beat the robot. This year my vibe has been I
just want to go with my favorites and, and I want to
choose chaos and, and I think secretly I'm hoping that the
people that I've chosen lose early so that I can just stop
feeling so emotionally invested in the outcome of the matches.
I agree. I mean, so I, I thought I was
like AI thought I was. I made the perfect bracket after
one round. I was doing really, really well
and then I just completely crapped out.
And you're right, I felt so much better afterwards.
I was like, OK, now I can just watch for the tennis.
It's an unburdening. It really is.
Yeah, I don't have to then send death threats to the players
like those people who bet on the matches and then lose.
So yeah, shoot your shot, just like Hogaruna shoots a shot with
any Russian player apparently, which just came out.
Did you watch any double S like cross court sentence to us too
in the last episode? Matthew Coleman.
I'm. Thinking.
I'm trying to think if I watched like.
Are you in contempt? Townsend Siniakova I don't think
I did. I'm trying to think if I watched
Paolini and Irani I. Don't think I did.
And Siniakova play Venus and Fernandez.
I think I saw some cliffs. Wow, I.
Don't know. I got, I got, I got places to be
and people to see. Like what do you want from it?
I I want you to serve your term so the court is finding you in
contempt. I'm not picking a fight with
double s. I love double s.
But like, yeah, don't, don't police my viewing habits.
Look, I'm just saying that we had a deal, that this is what
the the court had ordered. And I mean, come on, we cannot
not talk about just the star power of Venus Williams mixed
with the incredible tale of Taylor Townsend colliding in the
double SI mean. They packed that that Louis
Armstrong like I was so happy for them.
And again, the women carried the US Open.
It was the storylines and double S the storylines and singles.
It was all about the women 'cause there was really just one
storyline for the men. And and we're going to get into
all of that in a second. But first, we are going to start
with our lobs beans. And as a reminder, the Lobsvian
is that thing that makes you a little gayer for tennis since
the last show. And honestly, we could have an
entire show of Lobsvians. I, I made a post of sort of the
week 1 Lobsvians and it was everything from Naomi's little
Boo boos to the men's little black kits, like the little
black dress that they were wearing at nights.
There was just an extra level of camp of drama of just crazy
looks this this entire time. But I've got 3 or 4 lobs beings
and I'm just going to quickly review them.
Lobs being #1 the women's semi final night.
That night was the best night of tennis I've had all year, men
and women. It had every archetype, it had
every narrative. The performances just left me
with my mouth wide open. I, I ate it up.
Loved it. Second one, the pre match puppy
cams of Yannick Sinner and Carlos Alcaraz.
So the network's kept showing clips of them, what they were
doing for the match and these really adorable ways that they
were warming up. Like you never knew, Like maybe
they're taking a nap, maybe they're playing with their
coaches or roughhousing. They're playing games.
Like I was like, this is literally like the puppy bowl.
I was ready to go down to a kennel and adopt one of them
today. The next one is the wags.
I I know it's a little inconsistent with some of the
things I'm going to say on the show today, but I was really
into the wags is open, specifically morgues.
Morgues has won me over. I'm turning into a wag hag.
I love everything that morgue is doing.
Also because her politics are correct and and that's really
important. And she's not afraid to talk
about what a piece of utter garbage Trump is.
And then the last one just today, Holger Rune being called
out by Anna Kalinskaya and having a little Twitter war
where she says that he's been sliding into her DMS something
like 10 times and he's saying he's just commenting on her post
and you'll know if he's asking you out.
I love this sort of post big tournament lols where it just
gets back to the the less important fuzziness around the
ball. So those are the lobs beings,
every single one of them. I loved Matthew Coleman.
What's your lobs being? 1st, I just want to say I feel
like everybody always piles on to Taruna.
I know and I think he likes it. I think he might have a little
bit of a humiliation kink you. Feel like a beta cock?
I don't know, like maybe No, I actually like I feel like he he
rolls with it as well as can be expected, which I give him props
for. Russian women.
I mean, we know his type. Yeah, I feel like I have two
lobster fans. One is the that moment from the
Sabalenka Fernandez match when that created that GIF of arena
arena like her face kind of going through like the five
stages of grief because like as a as a gay man, we know I love
to speak in meme. And that gave just gave me more
fuel for the fire. And then I would say my second
lob's being you know, I'm just like you might expect this from
me, but the the Townsend Krichik of a match, because what is what
is gayer than than coming from behind?
Well, Sir, you, you couldn't have said it better.
Yeah, that match that was. That was that was high drama.
Like I'm not saying it was the at all times the highest quality
tennis match, but matches like that are why I watch tennis and
like specifically slams. Like like the energy in that
stadium. Oh my God, it was electric from
the couch. I felt it.
The players in the warm up area were watching on monitors like
during that that second set tie break, like they were wrapped.
It was insane. And honestly, Krajikova's got
ice in her veins. I don't think a lot of people
would have been able to keep compose for eight match points
the way she did. I was like, oh, this is your
secret weapon? And I feel like all the Czech
girls are kind of like that. Like they don't get fazed
because it wasn't that Taylor lost those match points.
Barb's won those match points. She was hitting winners she was
going for. She wasn't like she wasn't going
to get cautious and just like play scared.
OK, so your answer is none of my Lobstians.
Great, great, great, great. So we've got 6 Lobstians.
Those are all the things that made us a little gayer for
tennis. And hey, listeners, you don't
have to be gay to listen to the ball boys.
You don't have to be a boy, but you got to be gay for tennis.
So what made you a little gayer for tennis from the US Open?
Let us know. Hit us up.
Now it is time for twit and that is this week in tennis, covering
the news, the dudes, the feuds of tour.
And just a reminder, we can't possibly cover every match.
I mean we would have needed to do a show a day.
There were so many goddamn stories.
And so if you're coming to us for the latest scores, you're
going to be as disappointed or more disappointed then I was in
Rolex for inviting Trump to their box.
Because in case you were wondering, that's who invited
Donald Trump. It was Rolex, by the way, at
high tops when we were talking. When we found that out, we all
collectively took our Rolexes off, put them on the ground and
rolled over them like they did with the Dixie Chick albums
after, after what they said about President Bush back in the
2000s. So no more Rolexes.
I want you all to take your Rolexes off.
It's only fair, OK. That is, you're really a man of
the people, Paul. Yeah, look, sorry, I will no
longer be sponsored by them. I will no longer be going to
their Rolex lounges or, you know, eating off of their
silverware. I'm just kidding.
I can't even spell Rolex. I'm more like Alaska Talks.
But OK, the final Slam, yes, it's ended finally.
And for me, and I think that we have a different opinion on
this, Matthew. But for me, even just adding one
more day to it, plus the whole mixed double S thing made it
feel like the longest Slam ever. I mean, remember like when
Medvedev crashed out or when Novak's toe was on the big
screen or when Venus played singles and Ash?
That was this tournament. And in my mind, that feels like
so long ago. That feels like earlier in the
summer. And but somehow that was this
tournament. And also some things that
happened in this tournament might be better left forgotten.
Maybe we need to just forget about Stefan Ositsipas and his
campaign in 2025. Or Maria Zachary's magician
assistant kit. Did you see her outfit?
Yeah. What the hell was that?
Wait. Remind me, is she Adidas or Y-3?
Oh, it's Y three. Yeah, yeah, it's Y-3.
Yeah. I mean, Y-3, those Y-3 kits,
like there were some interesting choices made, Let's just say
that. But I feel like some of them,
like, like Lukova got the cute Y threes and then they're like
here, here, Maria, this is what we have for you now because
you're ranked 68th in the world. I mean, the one that Felix was
wearing and some of the other players looked like it had a big
oop stain on the side, like it was like the the brown BLOB for
our listeners contacts. So I I am not someone who has
been into tennis all my life. I actually got into tennis in
2020, like during the COVID USO. You're a COVID baby.
Yeah, I'm a COVID baby. And I was my eyes were blessed
by the sight of these fantastic Andre Agassi inspired like retro
Nike kits that year. Do you remember?
It's like, like Vika was wearing that, like the, like, he looked
like swirly. It's like they were, they were
beautiful, They were fashionable, They were iconic.
And it's like, I feel like throughout my the heights of my
tennis fandom, it has been a slow decline.
Not Wilson. Give Wilson props.
Wilson is killing it. Killing it Marta Kostiak and
Wilson stunning she. She rocks that kit too.
Yeah. I mean, like, not to not to we,
we don't objectify women on this podcast, but like she is
slamming in that kit. See what I did there?
Yeah, you objectified, woman. Good job.
Now we're going to get cancelled.
Oh my God, We got to throw in Nike for people who are kind of
hauling off of the mark because they had all four finalists
wearing Nike and they were the least interesting things to look
at. I mean, the colors were
interesting on the men. Like, I like the colors,
particularly Carlos. I mean, you know.
I like the I like the beat. I like the beat.
I like the, I liked his muscles, but it was really, yeah, it was
really underwhelming. It was kind of like an it was.
I feel like their design team is not focused on tennis anymore,
or at least not right now. So Matthew, we did make some
predictions in the last episode. We got them all totally correct,
right? Might have been a mixed bag.
I think we got the important ones right.
I think we we knew that that Medvedev was going to crash out,
crash out. Like I thought that Pagula was
going to crash out early, which proved to be about as wrong as
you can get. She amazed me the 1st 4:00 or so
rounds even into the quarters. Where's that girl been?
He's had some high highs this year, like when she beat Eaga,
but it's like, yeah, this year has been a little bit iffy for
her when you really look at all the results.
Oh, yeah, no, she didn't have a great summer.
She didn't really do much. And so I was not expecting
anything. I was I, I, I agreed because,
yeah, I mean you. Said you said Coco, which was
which was more more on the money.
She was able to to win ugly as as like she can, but she, you
know, ran out of she ran out of chances at a certain point.
Yeah, I mean, she, she got further than than I thought she
was going to get for sure. Yeah, but we also both wouldn't
have been surprised if Carlos had been upset by O Palka.
Yeah, that. Oh, that's true.
And that was that was really. I take credit for that, too.
Like that. I, I was being bold.
I thought, I thought O Palka was going to break his rhythm.
And it's like Carlos showed me something this year Like he I I
kind of forget that he had won five slams before this.
You know, I, I got to put some respect on this man's name, but
I just I keep thinking that he's this player who is like the
highlight reel player. He's he's not always kind of
fully committed to the win. He kind of will just he wants to
play the way he wants to play. But like, dude is locked in like
he is. He is on a whole another plane
at this point. Yeah, well, and we're going to
get to to the the actual finals in a second.
But I I also think that it was unfair for any of our
predictions to to be held to any standard because we made them
before that buzz cut. And when that was revealed, that
changed everything because I never would have called for an
upset after seeing that prison yard rough boy.
I loved the the mix of like, he looked rough, but then he was
wearing pink. He was like a pink lady in his
little satin jacket. But then he was like shaved head
tough boy. What did you think of the buzz
cut? I thought it looked real weird
the first couple days where he there was kind of this like
division line on his head where it's like it kind of, well, kind
of looked like it looked like it was like a mistake in the I
think his scalp just has a certain anatomy.
His hair looked better and better as the week went on and
just as his tennis, I feel like frankly, got better and better
as the week went on. Yeah, I, I, I loved it so much.
I was like, he needs to keep doing that.
And it's funny because like literally as we're speaking
right now, they are live blogging what he's doing to his
hair because he's now, the last I saw, he has a white blonde.
He had a picture he posted with a a platinum blonde like ladies
wig, which I think he was. I think he was giving a little
wink to his audience, like just wait.
Yeah, I hope it's not a tennis ball caller though.
I don't want him to walk around with a tennis ball on his head.
I want just a platinum. Ball done too much lately.
It's like Diallo did it like I feel like like born a Gojo did
it. I just I've seen it a couple
different places like Carlos, you're an iconoclast March to
the beat your own drum a. 100% OK, let's get to the results a
little bit. The US Open was definitely a
return to big Babe tennis for the men and the women.
Alcaraz really overpowered Sinner with his serve.
He moved Sinner around the court like he was on a string.
We saw Sabalenka with standing in a Somovus power, which is not
a small feat, and then really asserting herself in the end.
And, and I think as we all have found out in the last few days
thanks to social media, Carlos and Arena have the same
birthday. They're both born on May 5th, 5
years apart. He's younger by five years, and
that makes them both Tauruses, which sounds about right.
You know, they're stubborn. They're relentless.
They're really good at social media.
Did you know that they had the same birthday, Matthew, Was that
news to you or? You know what?
You know everything. No, no, no.
But but I I had a ghost of a memory of it because there was
that one tournament, I think it was Madrid, where there was
controversy because Carlos got this gigantic cake on court.
It was like an encore birthday ceremony.
And then the next day, like, Sabalenka got like a like a tiny
little cake in her. Yeah, in her for hotel room and
people are like the hypocrisy and then but I mean so they're
credit it's like OK, well this is his like home tournament.
So I like there might be a little bit more energy around
that, but. It was the Belarusian Open.
It would be different, yeah. Yeah, but I did.
I don't think I knew. Like their birthday is literally
the same day. 55 Yeah. And they do seem like Tauruses,
like I So I'm a Scorpio and so famously, I don't really follow
anyone else's star signs because that's what Scorpios do.
But I think a tourist like, yeah, they're they're bull.
Like they're stubborn, right? They're like they push you
around. They're relentless.
Like I see that in their game style.
What are you? What's what's dash sign are you?
I'm an Aries, but I'm a terrible Aries.
I'm I'm such so incompatible in terms of my traits with what
areas are supposed to be. It makes me question the the
entire integrity. Entire universe.
Yeah. What?
What's an area supposed to be and what are you?
Aries is like, very, very headstrong.
The impulsive takes charge. I don't.
Know, I don't know about that. I feel like I feel like a water
sign. I'm more of a Pisces.
I'm kind of go with the flow. I just want a vibe.
All vibes over there. I love that.
So I was rooting for for Sinner and Anna Somova most of the
finals I'll be honest. But the the post win coverage of
Carlos and Arena really won me over.
Seeing them together and also separately on different like
media events, it's been so fun, so entertaining.
Like they were on the Today show together where she accidentally
called him Yannick for a split second.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he laughed it off.
I mean, they like they, they're, they're bringing the same
energy, you know, they're matching each other's freak and
and they're, they're giggly, like they're a fun pairing.
It works as kind of representatives of the the peak
of the sport. I couldn't imagine if it had
been Amanda and Sinner, whoever, I love them both, but if they
were filming Tik Toks together, If they were on The Tonight Show
together, I don't know if it would have been nearly as
entertaining. Carlos and and Arena are the
stars and I think that following the extreme media attention on
this year's Open for a number of reasons, they were the ones to
carry on as the Champions of the US Open.
So totally agree. Well, I think they make it fun
and and tennis like slams can be a bit of a grind.
Like we were saying they're long, especially like this one,
it's towards the end of the season, everybody's tired.
Like players are retiring. I mean, there were some on court
spats. It's like, it's like tennis,
it's the best sport, but it's tough sometimes.
And I feel like when you have players who are fun and weird
and bring a lot of joy, like on and off court it it's sort of
like lightens the mood a little bit.
And I think if it had been like a repeat of, you know, an ego
and Yannick, like Wimbledon, I just don't, I think the energy
would have kind of evaporated a little bit.
And that's not a knock on them. I love both of those players.
But like, I needed, these are the players I needed to win.
I'm going to say that I I I was pulling for both of them in the
in both their respective matches.
Overall, this tournament was definitely carried by the women
in terms of the match quality, the action, the stories.
I mean, just listing them off. We had Naomi's resurgence, Naomi
Osaka had a great run, we had Taylor's run, Taylor Townsend,
we had Venus Williams just kind of everywhere on every court.
Coco's breakdown. I mean I didn't love watching it
but seeing her on Ash crying during changeover shaking was
really hard to watch. Are you talking about the Vekic
match? Yeah.
Her hands were shaking into her towel.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I was like, I don't, I don't like, I don't know what to do
here. And, and I give her such props
for her media afterwards. She was like, yeah, I'm a human
being and I was having a human experience.
Like I, I would not have loved to have had that type of
emotional output in front of 25,000 people.
And she just like, she's a fucking bad ass.
She needs to fix a lot on her bio mechanics, but but she's a
badass mentally. And we also had the Czech girls,
the critique of us, the Von Rusevas, the milk of us, the ice
in their veins. And honestly, it was kind of
interesting because I felt like for most of the two weeks of the
tournament, we didn't hear much about Arena.
Like there wasn't, I mean, she missed her quarterfinal because
Von Ruseva pulled out, but I felt like the attention of the
media just wasn't really on her. Like did I miss something or was
she kind of under the radar the whole time?
No, I think she was. She was largely cruising through
matches as she should. There were moments of, of her
match with, with Layla that were a bit of a battle.
There were like individual little pockets.
But sometimes I feel like that happens with the the top seeds.
But I will say that the undercurrent of this tournament
that I, that in retrospect, I really enjoyed is it felt like
some of the some of the people who had energy around them in
like 2021-2022, 2023, they were coming and saying we're not done
yet. You know, they're like, they're,
they're who. Who are you talking about?
I'm talking about Krachikova. I'm talking I'm talking about
Naomi. I'm talking about even like a
von Druseva. I'm talking about FAA, who, you
know, hadn't made a semi final in what, at the US Open three
years. Everybody's ready to pass the
baton to this next generation. And, you know, on the women's
side, you know, the Mira Andreva and Clara Towson and some of
those. Passing Andy Mclara Towson.
Okay, give her a little bit of credit.
But it's like, you know, the the players who were coming in, they
had great, had great seasons, great couple seasons, a lot of
buzz around them. And like, I don't like, I don't
like players getting left behind.
I don't like, I don't like, I like players who are saying, no,
I'm rallying. I'm taking my chances when I
can. Like, like, don't forget about
me. And so it felt like there were
resurgences this tournament that were a bit unexpected.
Did you expect von Druseva to go as deep as she did?
Did you expect Krichikova, who's played like like 1 1/2
tournaments this year, to go as deep as she did?
No. I agree.
And I, I think we've talked about this on shows that you've
been on where it's just it's hard to invest in players when
they have like a big run because you might never hear from them
again. And it's like, well, I'm going
to learn your name and then you're never going to see them
again. But then these are all players
that you mentioned who there's been a level of investment of
like, OK, they won a Grand Slam or they've had, they've been in
the top ten. It's like seeing an old friend.
It's like, oh, yeah. And and to answer your question,
like any time that von Druseva, Kratikova or Mukova is healthy,
I do expect them to make a run. It's just you never know if
their back is going to be broken and or you know the wrist or the
ankle or the whatever. And I think that's the root of
it. That's the root of why I love, I
love to see them thrive is because I don't like thinking of
tennis as a sport in which talent is so heavily
bottlenecked by physicality and injury.
And I just, I feel like they're been, that has been the the
landscape, like the feeling of tennis the last couple years is
like talent has not been able to to thrive on tour just because
people are too broken. Their.
Body, their bodies are broken and and it's kind of depressing.
Yeah, and we did have a ton of withdrawals, retirements, pull
outs on the men's side, as always, The the man just they've
got the constitution of Victorian children.
Everything just hurts. OK, to be fair, they're the ones
playing five sets of tennis, you know, Which I do think makes a.
Difference 4 * a year. I mean, it's not like they're
playing five sets in and out every week.
I mean, and this was like the second round retirements, third
round retirements. I mean, you know, and I'm not
saying, I'm not saying it's because they're, they're
necessarily at fault for that, but it's, I mean something needs
to change. And I do believe that what needs
to change is the equipment. It's just like the Olympics when
they used to have those swimsuits where you were head to
toe in spandex breaking world records left and right.
They were like, now we're not going to do that anymore.
They've got these rackets in these strings that, you know,
honestly caused the ball to go so much faster than it used to.
It's breaking everybody's wrists, elbows, shoulders,
necks, backs. I mean, that's that's the
solution in my mind. But you know.
Sing it Kia. We'll get to that.
My back, my wrist is under attack.
That's the new theme song. Done, done.
But real quick, I just want to talk about the women's final of
Amanda versus Arena and just get your overall take on it.
I mean, it's funny, it only happened three days ago.
It feels like so long ago, in the past, so much has happened
since. It was a good match.
It was a 2 setter arena wins. I was team Amanda just for that
full redemption arc. I was so relieved when she got
on the board like, OK, she won a game because I think she was
broken the first, her first service game.
And that's like, Oh no, the, the, the, the curse is
continuing. But then she really had a shot,
her backhand that she hits faster than the men.
Stunning give give her her 10s on the back end.
I mean, that's a lot. That's my like all time laws
being just like watching that like smack like an an inside out
or an outside in backhand like. I still prefer a a Victoria
Golovich backhand, but like, whatever, that's just me.
Of course I'm the one. I'm the one who always has to
bring Gola Bitch into the. Conversation every.
I feel like you have like a deal with her.
Like I'll mention your name every show.
Yeah. Yeah, she's you.
Lose the best. Slipping me 50s every time I I
say her name. What did you take in the final?
I I thought it was a really, really good match.
I thought it I thought it was a great few sets of tennis.
Was is it an all time classic for the books?
No Were were the two of them playing at their peak or were
they even incredibly consistent throughout the match?
No, but what I but that's fine. I don't think it needed any of
that. I feel like it was an incredibly
competitive match and I feel like they were pushing each
other like there was in the final set, there was there was a
whole stretch where I felt like they kept breaking and breaking
each other back. And like, I love seeing that.
So I thought the narrative of the match was great.
And like I said, I I, I would have loved if Amanda had won.
That is the subtext of all these matches is I had my preferences,
but I thought, I thought it was really exciting people in the
finals and people who really deserve to be there.
So I would have been thrilled to everyone.
But yeah, I I feel like Amanda got her redemption in this
tournament. She beat Eaga in straight sets.
She played a really competitive match against Sablanca and she
she showed she can make two major finals in a row.
Like, I mean, well, granted, like Paolini did that last year,
but but still like that's it's objectively impressive.
Jazzy, Miss Paolini. She's a generational talent,
Sir. I, I, it would have been an
absolute insane shame if if Sabalinka did not take home a a
slam trophy this year. Like it would have been
senseless. Like how do you explain that?
I mean, she's had an incredible season, but that was her last
dragon to slay. Yeah, she needed to win.
She really, she needed it more than Amanda, to be honest, to
just to legitimize and to solidify her number one ranking.
I mean, there were times where over the course of the
tournament I was getting a little annoyed, like her grunt
was gruntier than ever. There were times when,
especially in the semi final against Pagula, I was like, why
is she not being called for hindrance?
When she is she'll she'll serve a second serve, an 80 mile an
hour second serve and continue her grunt as Pagula is returning
it. It's a little like, come on
girl, it's too much. But let her.
Let her live her truth. Paul no, that is not a truth.
That is a bullshit. That is a hindrance.
Women's not trying. To silence.
I'm not trying to let her. Speak.
Let her speak. Look, she's she, she already
done spoken. We've heard.
We've heard this. Growl.
She starts this whole podcast with a with a whole spiel about
censorship and here he comes. Women getting women getting too
loud again. Am I as bad as the USTA?
No. No.
But I will admit, like she handled the pressure better.
She here's the thing about arena She loves an audience.
She loves to be watched. She's an exhibitionist, she
would have loved it if there were 50,000 people there.
She does not get rattled and in fact like I think she performs
better when people are watching. My only caveat with arena is
like yes she is very good. There are other players whose
game I think is better, including Amanda.
Like Amanda's strokes are better than arenas.
Like she can overpower Arena. Ego's variety is better than
Sabalenka is. Like I'm not sure why Sabalenka
is so good, what is her weapon other than her mentality?
Her secret weapon like within the past couple years has been
is she's playing with a lot more margin like she is.
She's done what top players need to do, which is take the the
least comfortable, least instinctive direction of their
game like that is that is counter intuitive to all that
they know about what makes their game strong.
You know, for arena, it's like I hit hard, you know, I, I serve
fast like that. And she said that's great.
She's like, what's going to take me to the next level and make me
consistent is if I dial it back a little bit and hit with
margin. And I feel like that is growth
that not every player is able to achieve.
Yeah, it is it, it is. I find it a little underwhelming
that someone's strategy is I'm just going to not hit it out as
much. Especially with the automatic
line calls, I feel like people are actually not only aiming for
the line more, they're aiming for the outside of the line.
They're aiming for the just barely in because they don't
have someone who's going to miss that call.
And so for her to be like, well, I'll hit it like with better
margins, like, I don't know, like, yes, it's true, it's
helping and she's winning and she's #1 but I don't love that
as like a sexy strategy for winning.
Yes, but but you can't tell me that she's not a big babe tennis
like like, Oh yeah, Basher. I mean like she hits hard.
So but it's just it's she's still hitting harder than 95% of
the rest of the tour. She's just hitting with a little
bit more control and shape for herself, which is what, which is
what is winning her these matches.
I mean, if she was going to not do that, she would be committing
more errors and maybe have more winners but have more errors and
she would lose type matches. Yeah, no, she's, yeah.
She's like a little less Wreck It Ralph than she used to be.
Like she used to just go. I know which.
Wreck it. But like I'm I'm with you.
It's fun. Like that's what you love about
like an Ostapenko sometimes, right?
It's just like when she freaking whacks it.
But I but like these players have got to grow and and I think
got to learn lessons that are going to carry their careers,
you know, for a decade. Yeah, yeah, real quick, just
talking about the semis, which was just like the the ultimate
night of tennis in my opinion, when we had Sibalenka and
Pagula, a rematch of last year's final, we had Naomi and Amanda.
2 incredible redemption stories. I loved Naomi's redemption arc
getting to the semifinals and that she she had some really
great wins. Her personality came back out
and she seemed happy and at peace.
She was at the men's semi final the next night watching.
She wasn't upset, she wasn't writing on Twitter or threads.
Her sort of emo angsty lost girl poetry.
What are your thoughts? Naomi comes out with her outfits
and her la Boo boos and like she brings a big presence to the
court. And I feel like it gets it
doesn't quite have the same impact when she doesn't make it
far within a tournament because you can kind of spin this
narrative up. She's so focused on the, the,
the trappings and kind of the, the, you know, bringing her
personality, the court that that she's not focusing on her game,
which is frankly BS. But it's like, but you can't it,
it, it's a lot more fun when she's winning.
And, you know, also also bringing the personality she
needed to reach a threshold where she felt like she was at
the top of the game again, you know, where she she might not
win this time, but she had the the energy and the momentum in
the drive to end the game to to, you know, win it in the next
couple seasons. And I feel like she reached
that. 100% and especially coming off of the the final in Canada,
she's back in the top 20 and she beat Mukova in the
quarterfinals, she beat Kazukina in the third round, she beat.
And she was moving. She was moving fantastically.
It's it's like she looked like a very complete player.
Yeah. What did you think of that
purple kit? The the skirt part like was a
little, I don't know, like there's kind of like a Victorian
like petticoat quality to it. Like, but you know what, that's
Naomi. She likes to, she's throwing
back to to like to the 2000 slams where these players would
come out in like weird shit. They come out in Leopard.
Print and like throwing back to the 1800s.
Like, it's fun, like sports should intersect with fashion
and and be experimental and and it should like, it creates a
conversation. And I think that's only good for
the sport. And I feel like that's what she
wants to wear. So like, more power to her.
Yeah, I love a risk taker for sure.
I just didn't love the the puffiness at the bottom.
It didn't feel very aerodynamic. I just wasn't a huge, huge fan.
I mean, look, when you take fashion, a fashion risk is
nothing that's beloved by all. I wasn't obsessed with it.
And you know, that's OK. She because she's not playing
for me yet. But one of these days, one of
these days. Well, maybe if you if you sell
your Rolex collection, you. Could.
Yeah. Well, I you could I.
You could hire her for your own the exhibition in your backyard.
I smashed all my Rolexes. I can't, I can't.
I can't find them anywhere. We're going to have we're going
to have an online auction for the the ball boys community for
all Paul's Smash Rolexes. Yes, yes, I love that.
I love that for us the royal we a couple other roses on the WTA.
Just real quick, Taylor Townsend's run.
Love seeing that. I mean, look, I don't need to
get into the was it the second round match or first run match
with Ostapenko? Horrible scene.
Ostapenko really embarrassed herself, made a fool of herself
and is reaping the rewards of that on social media.
I don't know if you've gone her any of her posts lately, but
she's just getting roasted in the comments.
And hey, you know, you, you, you, you make your bed, you lay
in it. But what I love about Taylor
Townsend was just her game was so fun to watch.
Like everything about her game is unique.
Her stance on her return, she has a split step that's like 1
foot in front of the other. She plays really old school
tennis. Her volleys are slices.
She's not hitting over the ball like a lot of sort of the newer
players, but to her kit. I mean, I know what the story
was. The phoenix rising from the
ashes. It was giving me full on flavor
Town. I was not here for Guy Fieri's.
It, it was, it was a little bit, yeah, of, of, of diners driving.
Drivers, drives, whatever yeah like bro but but again.
Better better an ugly but interesting kit than like a Nike
polo. I'm sorry, Like I like any day.
No, Taylor Taylor's amazing. I I I love seeing her have this,
this breakthrough in a slam. I mean very much deserved.
I I agree. Her game is super fun.
Like she is someone who is able to bring the double S experience
and apply it in a way that actually like like is productive
in singles. She has a lot of court craft,
but she is she's powerful. You know she can.
She can hit big too. Yeah, I'm excited to see what
what happens next. Look, we could talk about the
ladies for another hour. I mean, we had the Czech
huntress girls of Krjikova, Mukova, Vondrasova all playing
great. Unfortunately, they all suffer
from the same avian bone disease as Jack Donaghy's girlfriend in
30 Rock. Venus was just a delight to see
everywhere. But we got to switch over to the
men to the Menzies. I know who want Boo Boo, but we
got to give men a little bit of airtime on the show.
We got the final that we expected, but I don't know if we
got the final that we wanted. We got Yannick and Carlos coming
in. The number one ranking is on the
line. Yannick is now the youngest
player to make all four Grand Slam finals in one year.
That's pretty amazing. But then Carlos wins in four
pretty straightforward sets and he's kind of owning Sinner.
Since 2024, they've played nine times, he's won eight of them.
And then I was actually just reading earlier today.
By reading, I mean scrolling Instagram.
But there there was a post about how after the loss at Wimbledon,
Carlos took 15 days off and focused solely for those 15 days
on how to beat ionic Sinner, didn't It wasn't about improving
a skill or a fitness. It was about what can I do to
beat Ionic Sinner? And that's a little terrifying.
Is he like a witch? And he like got a lock of
Yannick's hair. I don't know what he did those
15 days, but it fucking worked. So at the outside of the
tournament, when we were building our our fantasy
brackets, I picked Yannick as the as kind of the the head
honcho in my bracket. I thought he was going to he had
the best chance of making it all the way through.
But by the time of the final, if anybody asked me who was going
to come out of that match victorious, I I would have said
Carlos. I mean, obviously not with 100%
confidence, but I was like, I felt like Carlos had the
momentum. I mean, Sinner had like
potentially a little bit of kind of a stomach or an AB issue from
the match before. Like didn't like his his trainer
said he was fine. But you just kind of, I know
it's like it's like the serve I feel like was a little bit
compromised. But I just think I don't really
think Sinner lost the match. I think that Carlos won it.
I I. I don't, yes.
I don't think Sinner ever got to his like top form in the match.
Like he had a few moments. Yeah, but but Carlitos did not
give him an opening. I mean, I say that he did.
Yannick did win a set but he he is locked in and he gave he gave
Sinner no time, just quick as quick as the dead and really
like just wasn't missing. Yeah, but I do love this
rivalry. But I feel like the the French
Open final for me really spoiled me because now I'm expecting
that every final. I just want that narrative.
I want to see that. But that's not what rivalries
are. Rivalries aren't always going to
be 5 hour iconic. I mean when Federer and Nadal
played at the French Open a couple times it was not a a very
entertaining match. You know Nadal would just cream
him. There is going to be a natural
imbalance because it's just it's too humans.
But it is amazing that they've split the last 8 grand slams now
it is. It feels like a new era.
It feels officially like we're in a new era.
You. Know.
Yeah, yeah. We have we have a big two.
I think that that that grows the sport.
People can tell when there is, when there's an energy and, and
they kind of don't want to come late to the party, you know.
So when they they feel like it's, it's kind of these young
players who at the top of the game, you just don't want, you
don't want them to be so much above the rest of the tour that
it saps the drama out of some of those matches.
It's like, do we always want to see the same two people reaching
the final every time? Let's get into that for a
second, because I think that the problem is, is that most of the
tournament, most of the men's matches, lacks tension.
When it was Sinner or Alcaraz playing someone else, there was
no doubt really who was going to win.
I mean, Carlos didn't drop a set until the final.
I don't. Know, I mean, Carlitos and
Bellucci really, really had me on the edge of my.
Seat. I know, I know, I know.
Your your boy Mataya really brought it to him on Ash.
Yeah, I really, it was a real tight one.
Yeah, but I mean, so because I think that for fans, what when
tennis is really compelling is when there's tension, you don't
know what's going to happen. You're stressed out watching it.
And there was no tension for most matches then when it wasn't
Sinner or Alcaraz playing. And I'm thinking specifically of
the quarterfinal between FAA and DE Manure.
Both great players. And I'm really happy about
Felix's run to the semi final. Great.
That quarterfinal looked like a different sport than what Sinner
and Alcaraz are doing. It was riddled with errors.
It was loopier. It was slower.
Yeah, it's a good match. It's kind of close.
It didn't matter because whoever was going to go on to the semi
was going to lose. I think that why the big three
was more successful was that. And this is where again, I, I
just turned to the gay community and, and looking at us and it's
like, look, when it's just a pair that gets stale, when it's
just two together, that's stale. It's not even that fun to watch
after a while. We need to spice things up.
We need to open it up and have a third.
That's why when Novak came in as the third, things got really fun
because then if two of them are going to meet in a semi final,
we need someone who's going to come in and spice things up
before the final. Do we have anyone who is going
to be that third yet? I don't really see like a
Shelton or a Draper actually being that third.
But what do you think those are? Those are the names along with
Fritz that I, that I hear. And you know what?
I've someone one of the ESPN commentators threw in Menschek
actually as a dark horse. I think just because he's he's
so young and his game has has upside still anyone mind?
I share your feelings on it. But I also I'm very optimistic
that in this extremely competitive environment that
these guys who are in the top 20 are going to push themselves to
their limit and be motivated by the challenge of beating Sinner.
Now crass. Do I think that that it's going
to be Demon who is the one who steps up to that mantle?
No Do I think it's going to be like even even Rublev?
Like probably not. But but I think there is there's
a short list and it's going to be fun to watch their careers
grow. I mean, I think Shelton's made a
lot of strides in the last year. Draper to Obviously, I'm a
little less convinced than than most people about Draper's game.
I just remember him being in his early in his early years, having
a lot of like physical issues. Well, and now he's out for the
rest of the year. I mean, he's he's playing
anything for the rest of the year.
And that's the that's the problem is like the sport is now
at this level where these guys in the top 20, yeah, they're
going to try and get there. But if they keep getting injured
and they keep hurting themselves, and then I do worry
that because for a while, Carlos, he would have these
little tiny injuries here and there and now Yannick always has
a tummy ache. We're going to end up with sort
of like an injured reserve list in 2026.
OK, here's the question and and also a statement.
I could not believe that they delayed the start of the match
for. I think it end up being like 45
minutes later. Yeah, yeah.
The the stadium was half full when it started.
First of all, if I paid thousands of dollars for a
ticket and I was stuck in that line because of God damn Trump,
it would have been Stonewall all over again.
I would have thrown the first tennis ball.
I would have rioted. But do you think that that
impacted the match at all? Do you think that impacted the
energy? Did it impact like, 'cause these
players were probably ready to go on the court at a certain
time and then they had to wait? Does that matter?
I think that in theory it definitely matters.
I think that they time their hydration and their warm up like
to down to the minute. I think they're very scientific
about it. Did I did I feel like it
impacted it as I watched. Not really, to be honest with
you. I mean, I mean, I, I was
fascinated by everything that was happening when I was
watching it on TV. And I think, I think there was 1
moment where it was like, I think it was after the match had
started that Michael Douglas was still outside being like like
patted down by security. It's it's like if Michael
Douglas can't get into this match on time and like, like cut
to the front of the like, God knows, the rest of the peons of
the audience are absolutely effed.
But no, it was like it was just, it was kind of a stain on the
whole day. But I don't think that it in any
way impacted the outcome of the match.
Real quick, what do you think about Novak?
I thought he was another interesting story.
I'm glad that he made it to the semis.
Yeah, me too. I, you know, there was some
tension, like is he going to beat Fritz?
Is he going to have anything for Carlos?
I'm just wondering though because he was very gracious
after his loss and I don't think he's going to be happy going to
the semis and continuing to miss Tara's birthdays.
Is he retiring after Australia this year?
I don't. Think he's going to retire this
year. I don't think he's going to
retire after this season, but I mean, he has a pretty minimal
schedule. He basically just plays the
slams and like and the Olympics. If it's an Olympic year, which I
don't think he's still going to be on tour by the next one.
I kind of think part of the reason why is in the back of
your mind you're thinking, what else am I going to do?
You know, you're like, this is this is my life.
It's like if I fully remove myself from the environment
where I where like I get all my joy and validation, what else am
I going to do? Am I going to be a stay at home
dad? He's the GOAT.
He's Novak. Like he's he's tennis.
He's the tennis celebrity. Yeah.
But OK, so then he's going to become the president of Serbia
or he's going to become a politician or he's going to lead
all this charity, I mean. No, no, I I know he's got, he's
got pots on the stove. But is he going to be happy
losing every tournament going forward?
I, I, I don't think it's, I know he has a winner's mentality.
I don't think it's as painful losing the semi finals of slams
as it would be losing consistently the third round of.
I feel like that's when we're going to see him.
Yeah, make his exit. But I think I mean all it would
take is, you know, a Sinner or an Alcraz like injury, an
injury, an illness like a like a kind of late tournament.
Withdrawal. This is really dark.
It's like he no I, but like he, he could poach.
He could poach that next slam. Yeah, yeah.
He, I think he, he still wants one more and I think he's going
to give himself next year. But then I think if he doesn't
retire next year, I think he's going to retire at an Australian
Open where he's had the most success.
So if it's not, if it's not 2026 Australia, I bet it's 2027
Australia. I I cosigned that I do, yeah.
But did you see his amazing shot that went down the line?
Did I? I don't know.
Do you not remember it? No.
Oh, that's because it was cross court.
Damn it, Paul got me again. That's right.
Ladies and gentlemen, it's time
for cross courts. We're going to end our show with
cross court where the ball boys are the line judge and jury of
tennis crimes. I've got my little gavel, I've
got my RBG lace collar on, and we are going to try the fourth
case of cross court. And this is the case of public
indecency. Look, from the mixed double S
formats to Trump being there, to that weird dating show, the US
Open has kind of given up all pretenses of dignity.
But it's been most noticeable in the crowds, which has always
pushed the limits of decency. But have we gone too far?
Look at this year's U.S. Open.
We had people just getting up and moving seats, leaving mid
game. I could hear the commentators
biting their tongues, wanting to scold these people.
We had those fans who were chanting at the behest of
Medvedev and that embarrassment of a first round.
There was table service mid game to courtside seats where people
were being delivered honey deuces when the actual game is
at deuce. There was that one fan who tried
to steal something out of sinner's bag.
We had a proposal during Sabalinka's match.
What next? A bris?
And I was a victim, too. During mixed double S, There was
a family behind me who was just talking the entire goddamn time.
And it'd be one thing if they were talking about the tennis.
They were talking about barbecues that they were going
to go to. They were talking about an
illness that their cousin had. They're talking about their new
workouts, gossip, anything except about the tennis.
And I say enough is enough. And that this public indecency
has gone too far. And so Matthew Coleman in the
charge of public indecency against the crowds of the US
Open. How do you find the defendants?
It's so funny because if any of my friends are listening like
they know me as the as like the rules czar, there is nothing I
love more than than enforcing the rules and like maintaining
decorum. But honestly, the sport, like
the sport of tennis has to be a little less up its own ass about
silence and not letting people literally move throughout the
stands. They got to get over it.
And I think that, and I think that if players just get used to
it, it's going to be fine. A popular sport in the modern
age, Like you got to be able to get out of your seat to go get
concessions. You got to go to the bathroom
like, like people just don't want to sit still and be silent
for that long. I'm sorry.
We've all been raised on smartphones and and Game Boys
like it's, it's just not happening.
So I hate to see it become less of a gentleman's and
gentlewoman's sport in that sense.
But it's got to happen. That's that's my ruling.
So I agree that there's got to be a loosening of the decorum,
but where is the line? Where is the where, what, what
is allowed and what isn't? Because I also find that because
of this sort of lifestyle of tennis and the influencers and
the popularity of non tennis fans going to the US Open for
basically content and there's this attitude of, well, we
should just be allowed to do what we would do at a basketball
game. I think that there's got to be a
level of I'm going into a new environment, let me learn what
are the social cues, what are the rules, what are the things
and maybe evolve it together. It is, it is a different sport
than basketball, than baseball, than football, where the ball is
so much smaller, it is moving so much faster around this dynamic
sort of 4 dimensional court that if things are moving around, if
things are flashing, if things are happening like those
distractions do matter, but also for the fans who are there who
are really into the tennis. So I guess I'm going to bring it
back to me. They fucking hated it when this
goddamn family behind me, we just would not shut the fuck up.
And I was with Fabio and Tim and we were all listening.
Like what the. Hell, I guess, but like, have
you ever been to a baseball game?
It's like people in the stands talk about whatever they want.
I mean, that's, that's part of like live sports, like, like,
but I hear you listen. And I'm, I'm with you.
I'm like, I love tennis so much. I'm putting, I'm trying to put
aside my personal feelings on the matter and look at like,
what is actually going to be good for the sport.
But like, here's where I think, did I did I say that?
Probably it's it's getting away. I think, I think when the ball
is in play, everybody's got the shut the F up.
Yes. I think like that's that's a no
brainer. I think that that before the
second serve, everybody, nobody better make a damn sound.
Which like, I'm not, but I'm not convinced that in 10 years, if
we're still having this conversation, that the second
serve will actually exist as a function of the match.
I know, but like, I don't know. We'll see.
We'll see what's coming. Fresh hell is this.
But I think, I think that like generally like silence during
play to me is something that we can not hang our hat on now, but
like I think. Well, that's all I want.
But people. Cannot be like, I don't like
people being blocked from entering the stadium during the
first three sets or the three games of a set, you know,
because it's like you have to wait.
You have to wait until the first true changeover.
It's like that is not, that's not a growth mindset for the
sport. People are going to be like, I'm
never going to a tennis match again.
OK I totally agree with that but what needs to happen is they
need to be told rush to your seat.
The problem that what pissed me off was like these people
slowly, languidly walking down the aisle.
And just like. Excuse me?
Like moving in like a molasses to their seat.
Like bitch, sit, get to the seat and sit your ass down.
OK, so I do have two solutions, 2 modest proposals that I want
to swing by you. So one is I think the chair
umpires role needs to evolve. So because the chair umpires,
they are still talking like it's the 1800s seats quickly please,
you know, silence, please. Like they're these very proper,
well spoken, polite people up there.
It is true. They feel like they feel like a
like a Victorian schoolmarm in a theater.
Who's going? No one's listening to that like.
Like ladies, ladies and gentlemen, do you declare,
please? But also, you think about it,
what the hell are they doing anymore?
They're they are not calling lines anymore.
They're not over ruling anything.
So what are they doing up there? I think that their job needs to
change. They should be less about
calling anything on the court. I mean, yes, of course they're,
I think they still call let's, which is just a weird thing.
But they should be less about making calls and more about
managing the space and the stadium, you know, the crowds,
the players. Kind of like, I was thinking
about this. It's kind of like how flight
attendants, their role has changed.
Yes, flight attendants have always been about safety first,
but they used to be about hospitality in this big way and
about service and all that. And yes, they still give you a
Coca-Cola for $10, but they're more about safety these days.
They're more about sort of managing the people on the
plane. I think that that the chair
empires need to act differently. I think chair empires, they need
to own the court. Like like that fucking, I'm
blanking on his name now, but the umpire that let Medvedev
start that chanting of like second serve, second serve, he
should have shut that shit down immediately.
Yeah, I fucking hate him. He sucks anyway.
But like, next time that Medvedev gets out of hand like
that, he needs to be removed from the court, put to the
locker room, get in his face like a like the home based
umpire on a baseball game. He doesn't take shit from the
players. He's like, you're out of here,
you know, like give the penalty. Which people hate by the way.
People hate when when an umpire in baseball goes on a power
trip. But.
But no, I totally agree, some umpires right now are better
than others about a really into the their role as a
disciplinarian and and crowd control and it needs to be more
of a universal standard and it needs to happen quickly.
I totally agree with you. Yeah, because also like I'm
thinking about the Ostapenko Townsend interaction after the
match, which was terrible. Like look, in pro boxing at the
end of a match, the the teams are in there keeping them
separated. Like I think of the chair Empire
should have gotten down off their goddamn chair immediately
and broken them up. It's hard to intervene when
you're literally 10 feet up in the air and it's the underground
you, you can't really hear what they're saying.
You can tell you can be like ladies or gentlemen, but it's
like you don't know what the nature of it.
But even like the even the, the, the handshake between Sissy Pass
and Altmire, that got a little contentious.
Like, I think that the chair Empire should actually get down
from the chair and shake hands with each player so they're on
the same level and just making sure, OK, nothing's going to
happen. Whether it's the fans being too
loud, the players fighting. I think the chair empire, I
think that that's one place to look.
OK, Can they can they act differently?
Like, that's one modest proposal here.
Second modest proposal. Just like every time I ride the
Acela Amtrak from New York to Boston, I go to the goddamn
quiet car because I don't want to hear your freaking iPad.
I think that there should be a quiet section in stadiums.
So like, fine, you families, you want to talk about Uncle Joe's
glitter? Great.
You sit in the loud section, but there should be a quiet section
because then it is OK. This is where people who want to
watch the match, watch the match and you can shush at will.
So am I correct that your your positions during this episode
have been women need to stop yapping as much and we are pro
segregation in terms of tennis seating?
Between quiet and loud, absolutely that is a yes.
Wow, Paul. Wow.
I want a quiet line your. Truth.
Diva I want a quiet line at the hot dog stand.
I want a quiet line at the urinal.
A quiet. Line at the Hot Dog Stand sounds
like the title of a Lana Del Rey album.
Exactly my my new single. My single is dropping exactly
your earlier thesis you like. Yes, the the sport is changing,
the vibe is changing, the crowds are changing and we can't stop
progress. This is not Muriel's wedding,
but right now that Chair Empire is not doing anything except
watching from a perch, and the crowds are doing whatever they
want. We've got to help them
understand a better way to experience this so that everyone
because it does. It does suck for those of us who
just want to watch the match. So as as as as Ostapenko said to
Taylor Townsend, you're basically telling the world you
need a better education. I am most certainly not doing
anything like what Austin Panko said to miss.
Taylor, I think I heard you just say you need to like people need
to be educated. We need to bring them into the
fold and help them understand. Like a missionary.
I never. I don't prefer.
I don't like missionary. No, I don't.
I don't like eye contact. Well, anyway, I do think that in
the case of public indecency, the crowds at the US Open have
been found guilty, but it is not their fault.
It is like manslaughter versus premeditated murder, and that
the US Open and the USTA can do a better job of crowd control,
crowd management and crowd hypnosis.
And I'm standing by it. I like the way you think
creative. Solutions standing by it.
Yeah, and I will be signing up. I'll be the first customer in
the quiet section of every tournament.
I will pay double for a quiet section so.
That does sound like heaven, although I want to.
I kind of want to be like the critique of a gay that was like
shouting his ass off from the stands.
He was the most hated homosexual in all of gay tennis.
Everyone. Icon legend.
The moment was that in my opinion, was that I don't know
he was in, right? No, he wasn't.
But I mean, he's, he should have.
He should have been the next round.
Because I did, I, I was looking for him the next round.
But no, no, no such luck. But that was in.
That was insane. She, I mean, she had an entire
stadium of people who were not rooting for her.
Like she needed one powerful, loud voice.
Amazing. It should have been you.
It could have, could have, would have, should have.
Well, Matthew, that's our show. A pleasure as always.
Did you have fun? Had a blast.
I always, I always love going on a ride with you.
What are you going to shave for our next show?
I don't know, but it's definitely not going to be on
air, OK. Like if I'm going to do it on
camera, I'm going to make sure I'm charging good money.
For it monetize, we're going to shave, we're going to get
something I don't know, maybe you're.
Turn that. Turn that razor on yourself.
Paul. Wait.
That sounded. That sounded.
Dark, dark. You're going dark today, Matt.
I don't know if I like this. Well anyway, Matthew is going to
be back with us for the Bali Awards at the end of the year.
Very excited for the second annual Bali Awards coming up in
December. And it's a programming note.
We are going to be moving to a new show every three weeks for
the remainder of this year, so we can also start prepping some
fun for the new things happening in 2026.
As we all know, the first tournament of 2026 is starting
any day now, but in the meantime, stay in touch with us
over on Instagram, that's at TBB Tennis.
You can also check out our latest Bay TP rankings that are
up over there. And until then, court is
adjourned. Thanks so much everybody and we
will see you real soon. Bye.