I mean, we could just sit here looking at each other eating
bananas. Or should we start the show?
Hey everybody, and welcome to the latest episode of Ball Boys,
where we are deep in the heart of hardcourt season.
And just like the hurricane and earthquake that hit us here in
LA yesterday, we have some global warming heating up the
tours. My name is Paul Monkhom.
I'm one of your house. And as always, I'm here with my
dear friend and my favorite ball boy and all the land, Billy
Hansen. Hey, Billy.
Hey, Paul. How you doing?
I'm good. I'm good since the last time we
recorded I was up at a wedding and it was a straight wedding.
My dear friend Julie Preening, who's a big friend of the pod.
Hey Julie, I loved your wedding, straight wedding.
And so I decided to, as a gift, have everyone pull out their
phone at the wedding and follow ball boys.
Because hey, we are for everyone.
We are not just for the L's, the G's, the B's and the T's.
We're also for the A's. So if you're an ally, a great
way to prove that you are an ally is to follow the ball boys.
I think A's are asexual, no. Well, I think there's two A's.
There might be 3 A's at this point.
I don't. There's, I don't know.
But also, we're here for the Asexuals, yes, because honestly,
men are gross. So I get it.
Listeners, if you are an ally, I think it's actually a really
important way for you to show that you care about equality by
just liking and subscribing and rating the Ballers.
Yes, please. Five stars.
Only you love it. Yeah.
Billy, what have you been up to? It was my birthday week.
I'm not much of a birthday person, but you know, my
birthday week happens to coincide with Madonna's birthday
week and Yonic Sinner's birthday week.
And they're big birthday people. So I got roped into all of their
celebrations. What a threesome, Yeah.
Yeah. And everyone you know was able
to agree on a theme not allowed to tell you what it what it was
I was. I signed an NDA.
But I will I do want to add. We've gotten some feedback from
our listeners about our most recent episode.
Yeah, hitting jock bottom. And some people were we're a
little upset that we didn't cover all the bottoms in tennis.
And I mean, how could we Just like West Hollywood, It's
impossible to name all the bottoms.
So we would have to have an extended episode for that.
Yeah, yeah, that episode would would have had to have been five
hours instead of 2 1/2. That's just to get through the
first half of the alphabet. But, but we do love feedback
from our listeners. And so if you have any feedback
for us, any boots on the ground Intel, any news about bottoms,
we have an e-mail address and this was our first choice.
It's. Ball boys do a pod@gmail.com
again that's ball boys do a pod@gmail.com.
Send us nudes. There was just an article in the
New York Times actually about about, I mean this is, this is
how great the New York Times has become about gay men requesting
nudes on their birthday. Become like the It's you.
You put your Venmo account in your bio and then you say send
nudes and it's like sending money in nudes.
And I guess it works. So yeah, please flood our inbox
for For Billy with Nudes and News Nudes and news.
Is that a new segment? Nudes and news.
Absolutely. We just take develop.
We just birthed a new segment right here, live on the pod.
I'll leave the place until later, and eventually we'll get
on Twitter. But honestly, Twitter is such a
cesspool that, you know, we'll figure that.
Out. It's a headache, yeah.
But let's get, OK, let's get into it.
We are going to, to start off with just like a little bit of a
warm up. And so we have two minutes to
just do our warm up, just like a regular tennis match.
Like, OK, you've got 2 minutes. I mean, they actually have 4:00,
but for us, we're because we're gay, we do things quickly.
So we're going to do it in two. I believe it's five, actually.
Technically, which is wow, we're going to do it in two.
We're going to do it in two and it's just sort of, you know the
latest and greatest and some things that have been popping up
in like honestly we so impressing start right now on
our timer. We have got to talk about that
Vanity Fair article, everyone. If you haven't seen this fair
article about how American tennis is on the up and up,
which is true, we've actually had a pretty good summer and
it's great to have sort of this new interest.
It's on the heels of Netflix, but Oh my God, the styling is
just like I, I I looked at it as like are is this, is this real?
I mean these people. I mean, these people are
arguably very attractive and they.
Look, very attractive athletes. They may not be professional
models, but they're they're very attractive athletes.
They might need a little direction.
Vanity Fair. She's.
I mean, I'm sorry. Shelby Rogers needs to fire
someone like that. She is.
So cute and fun. Paul maybe she needs to hire
someone because how did she make the cut?
She's she's got some fresh face of of American tennis really, I
have to say. So I think maybe she future of
tennis is Shelby Rogers. Come on.
Send send your agent some cookies, Shelby.
But it really covered, like almost everyone out there when
the American tennis, I mean, Mackenzie McDonald, was in
there. Yeah, Mackey McDonald is such an
attractive guy. But they'd managed to find the
one angle of his face that doesn't quite work.
And he just had his chin. He just needed a little Tyra
Banks to say, hey, chin out, chin out, Mackey.
And then poor Madison Keys, they were like, OK, Madison, just
like one of your arms, just like, thrust it out into the air
randomly and keep it rigid straight.
And then the other arm, why don't you, like, look like
you're punching yourself in the face?
That that'll look like a really sophisticated well.
And even even my partner Tommy Paul looked terrible.
I mean, he and he had the he had a great sort of comeback on his
Instagram Stories or he was like, stepping out of my comfort
zone. And then he posted a photo of
the, the female villain from Austin Powers who had like that
slicked back hair and was just like, and that's our that's our
the timers up, folks. The timers up.
Really. Any last thought you want to
throw in there for a warm up? I'm just saying Coco Goff and
Taylor Fritz were noticeably absent from the spread and maybe
that was a wise move by them. Yeah well I mean quick note on
styling Taylor Fritz in that practice video.
I honestly with like the outfit of the of the summer so far for
me where he had side boob goloor and just like I was I was not
not into it I. Was not into it.
Was it at Cincinnati or was it at Canada?
Do you know I? Think it was Canada.
Yeah. And he just, he had like he had
like a double layer tank top on. Neither one of them was covering
his tits and he was looking good.
So that's why he was not in that spread.
Maybe okay. Well, that was a warm up, all
right. So feeling good, feeling
energized. And now we've got to get to it
because there has been a buttload of action the last
couple weeks. I mean, it feels like it's like
White Party all over again, but just everywhere I look there's
just balls flying. And so like I said, we're deep
in the heart of the hard court season and we have been
traveling to the exotic locales of places like Canada and
Cincinnati, you know, places that you dream to go.
I mean, going to Canada is kind of like Canada is like the
Cincinnati of countries. I would argue that Canada's a
pretty big country. I was thinking about it.
It's like, oh, you're going to Canada, Okay, cool.
It's like, oh, you're going to Cincinnati.
It's like, it's not really like the the glamorous destinations
that these tennis players get to go to, but these are some big
ass, really important. Cool.
And that there are some lovely destinations.
Are you going to argue that Canada is large?
Yeah, I don't know. I'm going to debate you on that.
I just. Don't know.
I'm going to look up at square mileage right now and prove it.
What? So yeah, we had these
tournaments, right? We had Canada Cincinnati
back-to-back. Yes, it was tough.
That is two 1000 events. Right next to each other over 2
weeks. If you're seated in the top
eight, you have and you want to win both.
You have to win 10 matches. If you're not seated in the top
eight and you don't have first round by, you have to win twelve
matches if you want to win both of these tournaments.
And basically people don't win both of these tournaments.
It just doesn't happen. No, no, it it, well, it's very
rare, but it's like and and just so that everyone has a good
frame of reference to win a Grand Slam over 2 weeks, you win
seven matches and that's really freaking hard right?
Here it's like and it's 12 matches where they they don't
have any shitty players who like, you know to get 128
players out of Grand Slam. Sometimes you get some people
and it's like they're really do they really belong here?
And here it's like, no, you've got people who are ranked in the
top 50 who are playing. The qualities to get into these
because it's so if you have to qualify, it's even more matches
and you're like the 50th ranked player in the world and it's
like, come on. And so you've got these first
round matchups where you might be playing the 22nd ranked
person in the world. It's like there's no gimmes,
there's no, you know, unless you get a Canadian wild card or
Katie McNally. They they who I love, by the
way, they didn't give Jeanie Bouchard a wild card in the main
draw. She had to qualify and she
didn't. I think she actually lost to
Daniel Collins in the qualifying.
Danielle Collins had to play. The qualities to get into
Canada. Despite that beautiful Vanity
Fair spread, and despite looking like a Real Housewife of the WTA
and Vanity Fair, she still had to qualify.
Well, it's. I mean it was only, I look back
to the I know we're over our two-minute time, but I couldn't
even recognize half those players.
The the the the lighting was so weird.
I mean everybody take a look and let us know what you think.
And maybe. Did Alicia Parks wrong honey?
Anyway, honey, so I I it is so hard to perform at the top of
your game through this summer swing and have the right sort of
mindset, physical capabilities and an emotional strength to
then go into the US Open. I actually, in some ways it's
interesting. So it is so competitive to get
into these Masters 1000 tournaments.
But on the other hand, I think that some players use these
almost as warmups for the US Open.
You know, it's like I want to get some good matches in.
I want to, I want to really round into form.
I maybe don't want to win Canada and Cincinnati because that's
that's a lot of time on the courts.
And it's like, are you really about to have a 19 game-winning
streak if you're going to win both Canada, Cincinnati and the
US Open? Probably not.
And so I, you know, I feel like some players like, you know, I
feel like egos, viantech, she just had some some good matches.
She's getting into form. She's feeling good.
You know, back to your point about people winning them
back-to-back, it is very rare. Only once has someone won
Canada, Cincinnati and the US Open.
Do you know who? Let me just take a guess.
Was it Raphael Nadal? Oh my God. 2013.
He he won all three. He won Canada since he and the
US Open. He did.
You are you are like my Encyclopedia Britannica.
It doesn't happen that often, folks, to win all three of these
tournaments. So it's good, honestly.
And I was. I was glad that Jessica Pagola
didn't win Cincinnati, because if she had her shot at the US
Open. No.
Yeah, yeah you're you're you're absolutely drained if you go
deep in both these tournaments it's it's impossible but you
know it's so we have three times in the year where there are
Masters events back-to-back, right.
We have Indian Wells and Miami that's the sunshine double.
Then we have and. But by the way, those are both
10 week tournaments, so those two tournaments take place over
a. Did I say 10 week, 10 week?
Yeah, no, it's a 10 week. Tournament It's an ultra
marathon tournament. You have to win 100 matches in
order to get to the semi finals. Into it.
Those are 10 day tournaments. Super into that, actually.
Each take place over 2 weeks. So those are it's a four week.
Oh, you're you're still dwelling on this, on this 1010 week
tournaments. You want, like like I'm just
like, I'm imagining something that's kind of like Hunger
Games, like fight to the death, like it's like.
I mean, is there at least a way to get back into the tournament
or if you lose in the first round, you have to wait 10
weeks, you have to wait 10 weeks to get fed and and paid?
You have to. You have to sit there and watch
the tournament change to you. You're then a ball boy.
Then you then have to you have to collect the balls and be a
towel kid. They'll bring back a towel,
kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I want Eugenie Bouchard to be my my, my ball girl.
Oh please, no. She's winning the tournament.
Are you kidding me? This is her comeback.
She's she's the last woman standing.
She's a long distance player. Like it's like, you know, it's
like track and field where there's sprinters.
And each matches is best seven out of 11.
Six out of 11 sets. Best of 11.
Yeah, yeah, bring it back. That's how we used to play in my
day with Margaret caught. Good day.
Margaret Corp would never complain about this Canada since
he back-to-back. She's like she's currently
playing A10 week long tournament.
I think she's in Cleveland right now.
She's found her people. But yeah, The thing is, it's
also, you know, Canada. It was rainy, especially in
Montreal I believe, where the women were playing and you know
you have a few days of rain, especially in the second, third
rounds and. Now, not all.
Not now. Not only are you playing six
matches in a week, you're actually playing two, three
matches in a day or two, right? Yeah, and I don't think anyone
played three matches in a day, but people definitely two in a
day and. Well, to be clear, Paul, I said
two or three matches in a day or two, so I was pretty vague in
nine to 10 weeks. But yeah, and like we saw poor,
poor Lud Miller. I know we're going to talk about
her in a second, but. Oh, Lud Miller, you just didn't
have a shot in that final because she had to play a
semifinal like 2 hours or 4. And that's just.
I thought her performance in the final was a little bit lewd, you
know, she just gave it to Pegula.
It was, it was graphic. It was it was it was vulgar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's vulgarian.
What? What?
What do we So what do we call? So there's also Madrid and Rome,
right, Which are now each 10 days and so they're over 4
weeks. This is the only remaining
masters duo back-to-back duo that is over 2 weeks.
What do we call it? I feel like it's it's the tennis
tournament equivalent of like, do you sweat a lot when you
play, Paul? I sweat a lot.
No matter. I'm sweating right now.
I I sweat a lot too. And when I when I play deeply
out of shape. A match of tennis.
I'm often literally drenched. Like drenched.
Like more drenched than I was after going out in Hillary last
night. I and this tournament reminds me
of like taking off my sweat drenched underwear and rolling
it into a ball. Oh my God.
Yeah, so, like, is it the sun? The summer sweat double or yeah,
there were like the like sweat rash or like.
Yeah, there's sweat rash double. I mean, not to overlook.
I mean, look, there's not a lot of times during the year where
I'm dying to go to Cincinnati, but this is definitely not when
I would go to Cincinnati. It is it.
I felt so bad for the players, even Novak.
I felt bad for Novak because it was so like this guy was just
pregnant. It was just like, what?
Do you think Novak was as tired as he looked and and we got to
see a little bit of his humanity, or was that all part
of his? Was that plain possum?
Yeah. Oh wow.
He's. That's what a cynic would say.
It's not what I would say. It's what a cynic would say.
Yonic Cynic said that. Yeah, yeah, at his birthday
party last week. Oh my God, she's such a shit
talker I love. Such a gossip if you honestly.
Like champagne, vodka, Red Bull. And she is just going for
everyone. I I mean, you know, look, Novak,
Novak, I wouldn't put it past him.
And that's the thing. That's the thing I don't like
about Novak still is that like, we're even.
We're even wondering like, is he just pretending to be tired?
Because we just, you can't really trust him.
You can't really take him at face value and.
His face was more flushed than I've ever seen it, so if if he
was pretending it was a, it was a real method job.
He's really, he's been studying a lot with Maria Abramovich and
it's like when Gaga did that whole stint was that.
Before Gucci, she did it like maybe like it was during her art
pop album where she went and studied with Marina Abramovich
and was trying to become like this serious actor.
But then it came out that I forget if it's Marina or Maria,
but Abramovich was kind of making fun of her the whole
time, which I felt really bad for Gaga.
And now with Gaga's sort of resurgence, it's like, it's like
the same as making fun of Jennifer Capriotti.
Like, you just don't do that. You don't.
We'll stay tuned. I might.
I mean, I am a I am a gigantic Jennifer Capriotti fan.
Always have been, always will be.
And you know, there's that meme where it's like little gay boys
find a a pop diva to worship at age 13 and they never let them
go. And I think for me, when I was
13, it was all about Jennifer Capriotti.
And so somehow she became my Pop Idol.
Like she is the one where I'm like, OK, she can do no wrong,
I'll defend her to the end of days.
And I still love her whole career.
That would that come back was, I mean we're going to have to do a
whole Jennifer. Caprio Inspiration.
I can't, I can't think of a more.
I mean, maybe Monica Salas has come back, was more inspiring.
Maybe no COVID of us, no Capriotti's.
Capriotti's the most her biceps. Yeah, yeah.
But I think her problem We're going way off.
Way asunder. What were you?
I. Will say, I think Capriotti's
career was derailed by and she wanted to keep playing, but she
could not. Like she literally her shoulder
prevented her from continuing to play it, you know, And I think
she just really was upset by that.
Yeah, I mean, it's look, the identity politics, if you will.
Look, I'm a tennis player and then something I'm not like what
do I do? It's it's an existential crisis.
I mean, I was the same way. And then I found this podcast.
I mean, I found you. And but for you is modeling
right? Yeah, Okay.
Once my shoulder injury kept me from modeling anymore, I was
like, well. Well, you had to do those same
poses that they were making poor Madison Keys do, like lifting up
her, rusting her arm into the sky for no apparel did not do
it. And I was like, God, I just want
people to respect me for my body, but now they have to
respect me for my mind. Sapiosexual.
Disgusting. Yeah.
OK. Anyway, back to the the.
Matter at hand? Yeah, I know.
I think this summer double the sweaty double.
Donna, Summer double. Summer double.
OK, what are they going to do? I'm curious, what the hell are
they going to do in two years? So in 2025, they're expanding
Cincinnati to 96 players. So is that something that must?
Be expanding it to 10 day tournament.
They must have figured out for 50-4 years, 54 weeks, a year
like how? Where is the time.
I know because DC's not going anywhere and I think Canada will
be like, excuse me, I want to be 96 players as well.
You know they're going to. Class, Yeah.
Now we have all of a sudden two more weeks we have to create out
of thin air. Yeah.
Or humid, humid, sweat soaked air.
Yeah, like though one one of them might have to move to like
after the US Open. I don't know.
Maybe something's got to give. Famous.
Something's got to give. Something's got to give.
Yeah. But I mean, I have to say there
was definitely some highlights overall from both tournaments.
I look, I I say this with a a a pride that I don't know where to
where to shove all this pride but my husband Tommy Paul really
really looking good. Yeah great run in Canada.
Made it to the semis. Beat Carlitos.
Beat Carlitos and honestly I think he has Carlitos number.
He's beaten him twice now. They're two and two, so I don't
know if that those are numbers having those are numbers.
So. So he's won twice and Carlos was
won twice and Carlos beat him. They played again in Cincinnati
and Carlos won. But maybe you're right, Tommy
was just rounding into form and not trying too hard because
didn't want to get too many matches ahead of the US Open.
That that sounds about right. Look, I mean my my man would
never give up. But in in that match he against
Carlos at Cincinnati, he was up in both sets and I think look,
he's got to get a little better at those really important
moments. But like overall he's looking
real good for the US Open and I'm glad he didn't win.
Same with Alex Diminour. He made it to the final of
Canada and that is that is the Australian way of saying
diminour. Is it good?
I'm Margaret Court. And that's Alex Diminour.
Demon. How do you say it, Demon Nauer?
I think it's Alex. Diminar Diminar.
Diminar. OK, Diminar.
I think sure. So, Alex, so I mean Alex in
Canada looked so great. He made it all the way to the
final and he against Fritz, against Medvedev.
He had these matches where he was so far down like it was, you
know, it was like 4:00 AM at the Eagle.
He was that far down. It was just like she was out and
then came back both times and his his weapon is that he will
never get tired. His fight, his resolve, but also
his stamina. Like he didn't look tired once.
He was just like, oh, I'm good. Oh, sure, Like beat the crap out
of me for two hours. Well, OK, cool.
Now you're tired and I'm just going to be like I'm.
Just going to have you right where I want to, yeah.
You claim. And you would know, because you
are a much closer to him than I am.
You claim that Tommy is less fit now than he was at the
Australian Open. Now do.
Do you still stand by that claim?
Yes, I do. I do.
If you measured his quad circumference today.
OK, Which I do daily. Yeah.
We get up, we have coffee, we
meditate and then I measure his quads and they are a little
smaller than they were back in Australia.
So, so the bigger the quad, the fitter you are, the closer to
God. That's what I say.
Okay. Yeah, Okay.
Bigger The quad, Closer to God. Hallelu.
Listeners, if you agree that that Tommy Paul is less fit now
than he was in Australia, let us know, cuz I disagree.
I think he's fitter than a fiddle and said what's the
e-mail address again? Two boys, one pod.
Ball boys do a pod@gmail.com which is Robles off the Ball
boys do a pod@gmail.com. Yeah, send us some of your
thoughts on on that very important debate.
So yeah, so let's get into a little bit more of the winner
circle. Yeah.
And and and and the results just for a little bit more just 132nd
context. So on these Masters, you know
it's really interesting up in Canada how it's in it's a
Masters tournament in both Toronto and Montreal.
So they flip flop every year. One year the women are in
Montreal, the next year the women are in Toronto.
You can't can't keep a good woman down and that the men are
kind of the opposite and it's just like there's something.
The men are literally the opposite.
So the men are in Toronto when the women are in Montreal, and
then the next year and Vice switch it.
Yeah, it's just like there's something kind of gay about
that. Like, I don't know what.
Like why? Like, why can't they just?
Do it. I think it's fun.
I think it's fun, but it would be like, OK, this year the the
men are playing the US Open in New York and the women are
playing in Miami and then flip. It's just like like.
That's another thing, very Canadian.
It's like, well, we'll share it. Or Montreal and Toronto, Those
structures, those facilities they can't handle, you know?
Two tournaments. That's that's the other thing
about these masters. The the, the, what do we call
it? The sweaty jock itch.
Double the the infrastructure of these facilities does not
compare to say an Indian Wells, Indian Wells or even a Madrid.
Put Cincinnati in like that upper tier, that structure.
I kind of love that like weird like Death Star Tower over the
the center court. Yeah.
I think it looks cool. I mean they've got some audio
visual issues. But I think overall, I mean
encourage Toronto where in Toronto like during the first
round of subcorders match like part of the grandstand collapsed
like not collapsed in any dangerous way.
But the roof just kind of like buckled in because it was just
like I'm not supposed to be here.
Like it's just not. It's so temporary.
Yeah. And it's like, come on like
you're a Masters 1000. I feel like I might be a little
scared though to sit in that one section of the Cincinnati
Stadium though. It's like so looming and I feel
like, I feel like I'd be feel like I'm about to fall off my
chair and into the into the court.
It's like the roller coaster next door like you were talking
about last time. I mean it's like it's it's a
very steep drop off, which I I would be like it would be cool
if like they like strapped you into the chairs and you were
just kind of like dangling your feet over the edge and like.
Oh well, that's back to that ten week tournament.
You know, like that once once you lose, you get it obviously
takes place in Cincinnati over the entire strapped to the wall.
It's a warning to the others not to lose, yeah.
But I have to say Cincinnati, it's like it's also weird like
Okay, Cincinnati. Why is there a Masters in since?
I mean, we've got our Indian Wells, we've got Miami,
Cincinnati. Why do they get a Masters 1000?
Like, who are they? I didn't know.
About Cincinnati, Well, I it's what am I not saying about it?
I they have there's no movie. They meet me in Cincinnati.
Like, where's where's? I learned I was watching the ads
in between the changeovers and I learned that Cincinnati has the
best Children's Hospital in the country.
So don't you knock it, OK? Cincinnati deserves Masters and
more. I did think though, I was like.
Do these do the these Cincinnatians what?
What are they called? Well, there was that one Mary
Kate Nationals movie, Twin Cincinnati, but I don't know
since. I missed that one since.
I've seen most of their I'm just going to keep saying since since
I have no idea. What do you call Cincinnatian
folks? Write us at Ball Boys?
Do a pod@gmail.com. Tell us what the hell you call
someone from Cincinnati? I did wonder, though, if they
appreciate like they basically got one of the best matches of
the year so far with Djokovic against Alcaraz.
Like, do they appreciate that the best tennis in the absolute
world is happening right in the part of Cincinnati?
And I would even argue they got two of the best matches ever
included of the year with you throwing golf versus Fiantech.
It's like, yeah, whoa, yeah, it's.
It is. It is the best tennis in the
world in good old Cincinnati and you're.
Kind of making an argument to go like I I'm want to go next year.
I'm just worried about the humidity and what it'll do to my
hair. But you know.
We'll wear a hat. Well, I'll get you a cute
collection of hats. Well, you need a box in the
Death Star. Yeah, it is funny.
Like, I mean Speaking of the ads like they've got some like real
funny like media choices at Cincinnati.
Like that wall in the back is like fully like showing ads, not
only between games and during changeovers, but like while
someone's drying off at the at the towel stand they'll have
like the an ad where like what's his name Manning.
Peyton Manning will come out and he'll be like drying off too and
it's like what? Like and even though the
announcers were like, what was that?
And. That's pretty ingenious, I have
to say. I mean, hey, we've got to get as
many sponsors as we can. We got to make the money because
we got to pay the men's winner over $1,000,000 and the women's
winner 467,000. Exactly.
We've got to get that money for
the men and a little bit for the women.
Yeah but there's even like they had like really weird like audio
issues where if you were playing in the grandstand court and the
the center court was playing just you know whatever like cock
rock for the changeovers. And and it would it would be
like in the middle of a point and suddenly you would just be
like blasting like you know Cotton Eyed Joe and it's like
like it was so disruptive and the the TV announcers was like
this is so loud. Like they need to stop playing
that. So, like, it was just like it
were like Rihanna or Beyoncé or whatever.
And it was just like. I I don't think the DJ's choices
were that solid actually. Paul, Rihanna, Beyoncé, Cotton
Eye Joe did happen. That was during was that in
Canada? Well, let's get I mean, Cotton
Eye Joe was just an example, but it was more just like the
loudness of the of the audio system Like, OK, so my one of my
moments that I loved from from Cincinnati was when Kazakina and
Sabalanka were playing. So Kazakina out and proud
lesbian player from Russia. Sabalanka amazing, quirky,
funny, beautiful, lipped woman from Belarus.
So they're both a little bit from dicey, from countries that
are maybe not like the most favorite countries in the world
right now and they're playing and then all you hear over the
PA's from the center court, someone just garbling and
belting out the national anthem of the United States before Coco
Goss match. And it was just like, it was so
surreal to watch these two women from Russia and Belarus playing.
And it was just it was the loudest thing where was just
like, oh say good and. Was it funny?
Right, that's. My chance was was, was Vanya
King performing or Michaela Brian?
No, there's no NEPO, no NEPO Babies performing, no WTA Pros.
It was, it was actually the military.
It was it was like a Marine Corps band and singer.
And it was just like, I I was just wondering like, are these
women like registering that the the national anthem of the
United States is playing while they're hit?
It was just, I kind of loved it. I was very into it.
You know, as a tennis player you got to learn to have tunnel
vision to block things out. Whether you know.
I will say though that in Canada win Cotton Eyed Joe by Swedish
band Rednecks REDNEX. Interesting band when that
suddenly blared during the ghoulish Fiantec.
That that was a bizarre moment, yeah, that Pugula wound up with.
She was on top of that point. And so she was a little upset
that there was a hindrance called.
But she wound up winning the match.
And, you know, while we're at it, Pugula wound up winning the
tournament. What a run she beat.
She'd be on Tech Golf and then, you know, a very, very tired
Samsung of it in the final. But Pugula impressed.
I wish that you had bought the rights to American Woman by
Lenny Kravitz like I'd asked you to, so we could play it right
now. Because, like DC, Canada,
Cincinnati all won by American women.
Yeah, American woman, stay away from me, which is also what I
said when I was coming out of the closet.
American Woman. And also now what Iga Shiantek
listens to before she goes out on court, she listens to those
in her headphones, because she doesn't.
She's she had Goff's number. I always felt like, you know,
and now I don't want to jump ahead.
Let's let's stay in Canada unless you open to jump ahead.
No, no, no, no, no. We'll talk about Canada real
quick and we'll talk about Cincinnati cuz.
It just happened yesterday. But yeah, yeah, Canada, go for
it. Well, as I was saying, I mean,
what what a great run by Jessica Pakula.
You know, we always thought, OK, how impressive is it that she's
gotten to three in the world, four in the world, that she, you
know, beats everyone she's supposed to beat.
But yeah, is she ever gonna, you know, be able to beat the very
best? She's a professional quarter
finalist, right? Just like, yeah.
This made me wonder if she might actually have it in her to win a
slam and to to beat. You know, Fiantic, Sabalinka,
Goff, etcetera, on a regular, regular basis.
And I don't know, I I love just how precise her game is.
Her strokes are so pretty. I love a clean, flat stroke,
especially when you can hit it in over and over and over and
over and over and over again. You know, her strokes are kind
of like Capriotti's actually. Yeah, like Capriotti, I think
hit it. Actually no.
Probably around the same pretty flat pretty strong yeah really
consistent. Yeah well the the the problem
with JPEG though is like I just I feel like she can still get
overpowered like spy on tech is a power player but she's not
going to overpower you the way sublink or Roebuck and I would
and I worry that jpegging is is not quite ready to to take on
like the the the big hitters yet but I mean look I'm I'm very
happy for although even she said like during her acceptance
speech or or the trophy ceremony just how it was kind of lame
that like Samsonova like had an hour's warm down from her three
setter semifinal match so it's like well if she hadn't.
Or Lud Miller was a real victim of the of the rain in Canada.
She had to play. Who know her?
Lud Miller. Oh yeah, yeah.
Sam, is it Samsonova? I think it's Samsonova.
Right. I don't know, bitch.
I don't know. Wow.
Wow, sorry my. My son of a bit son of a gun.
Is that better? All right.
Well, you know, but, but she, I think she had to play a real
long quarterfinal deep into the night on Friday.
And then yeah, yeah. Because if you're not one of the
favorite players where it's like okay, we're going to do the best
schedule around you. Like no one's really like making
compromises for lewd Miller. Sorry.
Sam son of a gun you're going to play at midnight if you don't
want to go back to the gulag. Like they're just like they
don't care. And she so she.
So nevertheless, she persisted. And you know she's she's got she
she she showed some real grits and but but it was it wasn't the
greatest finals match. It wasn't, no.
It was about 48 minutes and it was great.
A lot of appointments and errands to run that day and you
just wanted to watch for like a solid, like 40 minutes like of
American propaganda. Just like a really strong, rich
American woman beating the crap out of erection.
It was great. I I I do think this is to take
nothing away The though from Jessica's win again, those wins
over Chiantec and Goff were incredibly impressive.
Absolutely. I think she probably would have
beaten Ludmilla no matter what. And what a run for her, yeah?
Yeah, yeah. But on and on the men's side,
you know we kind of had a similar final that wasn't that
great between Sinner and demanure.
But look, I just, I don't know. It's weird because Alex.
Demon Nauer demon newer. I don't know.
I can't get my mouth to. Alex Diminar, I believe.
I don't think you're saying that's not it, that's crazy.
I'm I'm just, I'm really glad that Yannick finally won a
Masters because I was worried that he was kind of turning into
kind of one of those also Rans like Oh yeah, he's there.
He's a professional quarter finalist and then he pulls out
or something happens although he had.
So it's it's also interesting where the Masters 1000 can be
really tough or kind of easy because Andy Murray pulled out
of his match with Sinner, so Sinner only had to win four
matches in order to to get the title.
It's like. And you know, more doable.
I don't think we can call him and also ran at the age of 22,
right? You know, but he's been around
for three or four years. He's been like, oh, we knew.
We knew he existed. He kind of had a really strong
first year where he won a couple of 200 and 50s and he was like,
oh, OK, he won the ATP Next Gen. He was like, really like, oh,
let's go carrots. And then he's just, he he's been
sort of stalled, I'm going to say.
And I'm glad that he's finally, I was worried he's going to,
like, turn into another Rublev who finally won his first
Masters this year. Like I was worried that he just
wasn't quite going to. Breakthrough.
And now he's just got that of the way.
So I think he can win more. It's sort of like that first,
you know, it's it's eating the first carrot.
You just need that first one, then you keep going.
Arguably, there's like not only one, but two generations of of
male tennis players who basically lost out on winning
Grand Slams because of the Big Three.
Like the the Zvera BIG4 Rublev. Generation Sissy.
Art. Maybe even Sissy Pass, right?
And then then the Dmitrov, the Dmitrov, Raunich, Cory.
Generation. I mean, yeah, but I don't think
I first of all, special One for rare, yeah?
Roger Federer has retired. Nidal is retiring next year and
no back, you know, hopefully will retire at some point.
So I do think that Alcaraz, Runa and Sinner are not going to.
You know, face that same issue. They're going to break through.
Oh no, Agreed. But I I just feel like Sinner
was. Sinner was waiting for that
moment. He finally got his moment and
I'm just, I'm very happy about that.
I also want to just call out my my favorite Russian Spaniard,
Davidovich Fakina had an amazing tournament and he was blasting
through the field. But I'm worried that he, I mean,
he really bought him out in the semis of Canada, that he was
really injured during his, his match with Novacking in
Cincinnati. It's like these players also
need to figure out like how to rest and how to get stuff, you
know, together so that they're not, they're not pulling out of
tournaments because there there were a lot of pullouts.
I've made my my stance on pulling out extremely clear.
It frustrates me and I think that the audience doesn't want
to see that happen. The audience is paying not to
watch you pull out right and and so so that's that's just sort of
a little rant on that but I do love I I never noticed some of
his tattoos before. Davidach Vakina and on his chest
it's so cute. It says step by step, which is
one of my favorite new kids on the block songs by step.
Ohh baby. My favorite is blaming on the
rain. Remember that one?
But that's not a new Kids on the Block song.
What do you mean? Oh, oh, how's that go?
I think, I think we only you're allowed to sing, only you're
allowed to sing on the pod. Only you and Michaela Bryan are
allowed to sing on the pod. It's the Milli Vanilli song.
And I think in honor of that you should sing because they lip
sync the entire time here. You move your mouth and I'll
sing. During I was singing it during
Hillary last night, cuz I was being blamed for a lot and I had
to deflect. And you're like, no, no, no,
it's not me. Yeah, it.
Will say though, like that's cute that ADF has like a
stepbystep tattoo, but maybe it needs to be more like 2 steps
forward, 2 steps back. Cuz it feels like that's what
he's doing these days. You know, he's getting his
having a great run at Wimbledon and then serving an underhanded
serve. To lose the match, he's looking
great and then bottoming out, I don't know, 2 steps forward, 2
steps back. We get together because
opposites attract. Well, he also just needs to cut
that goddamn goddamn topknot bun that he has.
It's like, what? I don't I've been trying to
figure out what his hair strategy is like.
I don't get it. Because when it's up, it's just
like, OK, so it's shaved on the sides.
It's like a classic Butch lesbian haircut.
Which if he was a Butch lesbian, be like work shaved all around
the sides, long on the top, cut up like tied up into a bun.
Amazing. Like if Svetlana Kuznetsova was
doing that. I think you look amazing, but
it's. Wait, what are you saying about
Svetlana Kuznetsova? She just has the the the the
hair structure for that and then the follicles would would just
be follicling and but but it when it's down it's like this
weird thing where it's. Oh, I've never seen it down.
Yeah. Oh, well.
So I troll his Instagram and it's just like when every now
and then it falls out of the bun.
When he's playing, it's like it's like Marina soccer.
He's tight bun at the top. Like I'm just, I don't know why
he's doing, but when he cuts it, he will, he will break into the
top 20. I'm just, I'm just saying.
You heard it here first. Alright, let's go to Cincinnati.
It's an Addy winner. So that just happened yesterday.
And look, we would have, we would have gotten this episode
last night. But again, hurt her.
I was gonna say earthquakes, hurricanes and earthquakes.
Just they we were out there feeding the poor.
Yeah, saving the world one tennis ball at a time.
I I do think Cincinnati, you know, as as as rough of a
tournament as as it kind of was early on, Wow.
That finals weekend, the semis and the finals were pretty darn
amazing and. Especially as as we were talking
about the Goffs win over Shveyantec in the semis, you
know, I just felt it was a bad matchup because Shveyantec I
thought did everything just a little bit.
But they have similar games. But Shveyantec, just as
everything a little bit better than golf, definitely hits the
forehand better backhands. I feel like justice solid.
I would argue that Shveyantec's movement is a little bit better
than Goff's but, But that might be changing.
Because Goff played her even and she she beat her.
I mean, is it the Brad Gilbert effect?
I don't know. But Goff's forehand is now
working for her. She has always been an intense
player, but the intensity in her eyes, I mean, is at another
level. And I I'm here for it.
I I've always liked golf, but I've kind of been like I'm, I'm
on board. I'm a believer.
No, I I same. I I'm really impressed.
I mean, she also won DC, where by the way, that trophy from DC
needs to be retired. It's dangerous.
She almost poked her eye out, holding it while she's giving
her speech. Listeners, when we get our
Twitter up, we'll be posting those photos.
But. The the I would say the trophy
from Cincinnati is actually pretty stylish.
Oh, I love the Cincinnati trophy like that is like high camp.
Like, oh, here's a vase I would. Actually put that.
On my on display. Oh my God yeah at 1000% I love
it. No, and I totally agree, her win
over Scion Tech was really important.
It was their first time beating her.
So hey, break that seal and get her forehand, her forehand.
Like, wow, not only is it no longer scary to watch because he
used to be like, oh gosh, she's just going to fuck up that
forehand again. No, it's like it's legit and it
is consistent. It's dependable and it's like
it's. Got some a weapon, Pop to it.
Yeah. So it's it's a weapon and yeah.
I'm almost saying Coco's got to take, you know, 6-8 weeks off to
retool that forehand. No.
And she was like, no, no, no. I'm going to do it in a few days
and do it right now, Bitch. DC and Sensi, there we go.
Greg Gilbert. Yeah.
No. So I'm yeah, I'm a total.
I'm a I'm a I'm a Coco puff. I'm a Coco poof as as we say.
So, you know, I'm I'm a poof for Cocoa, and I go Cocoa for Cocoa
Puffs. Yeah, absolutely Love.
I think. I think she could take the US
Open. I think it's good.
I I just, I it's weird. I just have this thing about
like winning streaks and it's like she won DC, she won
Cincinnati. Is it too much winning to be
like, oh, now she's going to win three out of four tournaments?
Just mathematically, I'm worried about that, like, oh, the
universe is going to somehow balance things out.
But that's that's my sort of mysticism coming out, like, I
think she's got a shot. I think she's going to at least
make it to the quarters. I think she really needed.
I think she was doing a good job of masking it, but I think her
confidence was kind of in tatters after some of those
tough losses and after knowing that everyone was talking about
her forehand and just and I really think she needed these
wins, I agree. Mentally and so and she's young.
She's she's only 19. She's in great shape, so I think
for her, she's not gonna be tired for the US Open so she
could bring it. The New York crowds gonna love
her. Oh my God.
And she looks super fit. Like she's she's really like she
she used to be a kid and now she's she's a young woman but
she's only 19. She's got plenty time to grow,
but like she like, looks like an athlete, where before she looked
like a precocious, like, you know, strong kid.
But she was 16 when she first came out, so yeah.
Yeah, and on the men's side, we just got to talk about, I mean,
there were some, there were some real fireworks on the men's
side. We're gonna talk about the
finals match. But like, they were also literal
fireworks, which was just crazy to me.
The semifinals that Djokovic played against Zarev, it was
late in the second set and I think it was like 6-5 and
Djokovic was serving and he was like 2 points away from the
match and suddenly a Gigant. It was Saturday night in
Cincinnati, so I guess in Saturday night in Cincinnati,
that's what we do. We fight.
We light fireworks. Another reason to go next year.
Seriously, I I listed firework. It's like Stonewall.
I lit that first firework. He so like literally.
And maybe it was like the theme park next door.
It was this gigantic fireworks, but like, like not just like a.
It was a gigantic 15 minute fireworks extravaganza and it
was like and everyone started laughing.
Even Novak, who famously isn't funny or has a sense of humor
about anything, he was at first was very mad.
He wanted to stop the match. He wanted to sit down.
He wanted to, I don't know, get some popcorn and watch the
fireworks and. But then he.
Would not eat popcorn gluten. He does not touch gluten.
Correct, he was. Is there gluten in popcorn?
I mean he would probably want to go and just like I don't know
nibble on like some nanotechnology.
I don't know. I'm not a scientist.
But he, he was not allowed to stop the match and he won.
But it was just like, I was like come on the Cincinnati
tournament the the Western and Southern Open last.
It comes once a year like can you just move the fireworks one
time this year Cincinnati Six Flags.
But they couldn't. Like you said, not a lot of
remarkable matches leading up to the finals weekend, but then he
and Carlos for that final yesterday.
Like Holy Toledo to keep it in Ohio.
Toledo's in Ohio, right? Holy Toledo.
Yeah, yeah, it might be the, it might be recency bias, but that,
I think is the one of the best matches I've seen in a long
time. No lapses in quality, no lulls.
No, you know, it was tight. From start to finish, it was
long. It was sweaty to retail.
It's galore. I kind of wonder if like I
honestly, it's rare that I feel this way, but I wondered if
like, let's say McEnroe and Borg and and Chrissy were sitting
around and like 1985 and they got to see that match in 1985.
Oh, my God. And there.
And people like this is tennis in 2023.
They would shit themselves. They they would leave up such a
mess. They've been like, I I quit
Jimmy Connors doing a split. Could you imagine like?
Kind of imagining it right now and it kind of tracks, yeah,
like, just like beer and tokens fall out.
I mean, no. I was a little disappointed that
Novak won. I agree.
But you know, it's become clear that these two have a rivalry.
They're now two and two. The last two matches have been
incredibly exciting and it's gonna be honestly, Carlos,
Carlos should have won this. And he, I mean he won the first
set, second set went to a tiebreaker.
Yeah. And then the third set.
It was interesting because Novak had a couple championship points
in the third set. He had a couple of extra break
points and he wasn't winning those big points.
And I was like, wow, is Novak not really a big point player.
He's he's like Carlos was coming through, like there were a few
of those championship points that Carlos won where it was
like. Yeah, Holy Toledo.
Yeah, absolutely. No, I no, I think.
I think what we kind of got was that they're like anyone can
have like a little double fault, you know, anyone can choke even
the the best competitors, best champions, you know, But they
they actually both, I think really brought it.
They both played like champions. What I loved about that match is
like these guys. They both wanted it.
They wanted it so bad. And you could tell by the the
different reactions after the match between Novak and and
Carlos. I mean look, Carlos Carlos bald,
he he cried when he sat down and also during his his concession
speech. Is it a concession, Concession
speech when you lose? Runner up, speech.
Runner up speech, Yes. I am not the winner of this
tournament. Yeah.
And so he was crying. I was kind of like girl.
I was not into those, those those tears a little.
It was like, I love the you're going to lose a lot.
You're going to lose a lot in life.
And I love the heart, but it's like.
You don't believe in. You don't believe that crying
could be cathartic and can help you, you know, get through
something. Paul.
You don't. When's the last time you cried?
No crying. Like binge eating should be done
in the closet with the lights turned on.
And no, I mean, look, I it just it was something about, it was
just I like it when I see it at like, you know the the finals of
a Grand Slam. But if you're going to cry every
time you lose. But you can't cry losing the
finals of Sensei is what you're saying.
Only the finals of a slam, Yeah, kind of, Yeah.
Yeah, It's just something felt off.
But on the other side of it, I mean, but at the same time,
like, yeah, he wanted it that bad.
Great. And Novak rips his shirt off.
He's roaring. He's just like, you know, like
he was, wow. He wanted it.
And those Cincinnatians loved Novak.
Loved Novak. Now because of his let's say
controversial behavior, is is generally not a fan favorite
across the globe. Anyone in?
Serbia, yeah. But it's it's apparently it's
Serbia and Cincinnati. They were going nuts for Novak.
I'm not sure what that connection is.
Are Belgrade and Cincinnati like sister cities?
Like, do they have a some sort of relationship?
Yeah. I've never heard him get cheers
that equal his opponent kind of anywhere.
Like, usually anyone he's playing who's in the top 30 gets
more applause in him. Carlos.
Sickly. Yeah, I would say that the crowd
was a little bit more for Novak than for Carlos in that match.
It was astonishing. There were times where people
were were chanting like Novak and I was like, maybe they're
saying Carlos and a mishearing. Was No Lay, No Lay, No Lay like
they were full on, Yeah. Why do you think he's such a fan
favorite in Cincinnati? Well, they have the largest
Children's Hospital, so maybe safe, I don't know.
Well, now it's time for our sponsor for this show, and it's
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delicious Petra's poutine for when you're putting on a show
both on and off the court. Make sure you do it with Petra's
poutine. Have you ever had any poutine,
Billy? I feel like you're a poutine
pig. I Oh my gosh, I love a poutine.
In fact, you know that Restaurant bad mash that Indian
restaurants when I was bodmash. Is it?
Yeah. Well, we ate there that one time
I brought it over here, remember?
Yeah. Yeah, that was a fun night.
Yeah, that's not some that that is not bottom approved food
listeners. If you eat there and you try
bottom, do not blame us. Tell us all about it at Two Boys
Do a pod. But there's they have a like a
chicken tikka poutine that is absolutely TDF.
Okay what? Is to die for.
It's absolutely DTF. Look, we're going to take a
break. We're going to order that we're
back and now we are going to move on to the flops and the
bops. So this is stuff that's going on
around the tennis world that's not necessarily on the court,
but sometimes it is and sometimes not.
Look, we do what we want because it's our podcast.
We've got a couple of flops and a couple of bops.
Billy, what's what's going on with you?
Well, you know, I have to say, I think it was last episode, maybe
the episode before. I was saying that it was really
hard to watch Venus Williams. Play as much of a fan as I am a
Fer. I feel like she was injured in
every match and she was in pain every match, and therefore I was
in pain every match. And as much as I never want to
force a player into retirement, I did question why we were going
through this, you know, communal pain.
But I take that all back because yeah, first, I don't care how
injured she is. I don't care how much pain.
She's in if Venus wants to play. Let Venus play because she comes
out on the court with that bold red lip, with that great 11
outfit, with that regal demeanor.
And she actually, she won him, she beat Cooter Matoba, that's a
huge win. She was up on Zhang and what
what's interesting to me about Venus Williams is she hasn't
really had a a good run at a tournament in.
Four years. She's 43, but she's
unapologetically not retiring. She's she's blazing a new trail.
It's it's uncharted territory. It's I'm, I'm 43.
I'm a legend. I'm going to play as much as I
want, where I want, want when I want, how I want.
And I just, I just love it. I think.
It's iconic and she refuses to vanish into the night, and I
don't want her to. So go Venus.
You're a forever bop. Forever Bop.
Wow. She's made it into the Hall of
Fame of Bops. He is our Jimbo.
She yeah, no, I I agree. It was great to see her get that
win. And honestly, that hair her her
styling was something I've never seen from her before.
It was really colorful, really interesting.
Well, I would, I would argue that she has had just some great
style choices over the years and is is probably the biggest style
icon in the game who who I think maybe sis baby sis would have
something to say about that. But sure, maybe.
Maybe. I think Venus makes bolder
choices. Actually, no.
And now I'm thinking about Serena's like her bodysuit and
her. Yeah.
No, no, you're right. It's.
She played like the US Open in a Tutu, I mean.
It's a tight race. Let's just say I prefer
aesthetically Venus's choices. I feel like they're a little bit
more my aesthetic than than than Serena's, which feel a little
bit. When you're wearing 11, you look
great. And when you're wearing the off
white Tutu that Serena wore, you don't look great.
So it's true. Thank you.
Yeah. Well and as you said she's a
trailblazer and that she was the trailblazer in equal pay for
women on the tours with the men. And that's where I got to just
go back to like this, this giant like turd of a flop where as you
mentioned earlier, the discrepancy in the pay at these
two masters was the women earned less than 50% of what the men
earned. And it's just it's it's
interesting because tennis has this this sort of luster of of
this wealth and this privilege and everything.
But you think you compare these these prizes that people get to
the NBA or the NFL or Major League Baseball and the the in
the the you know the pay that those players get.
I mean it's nothing like I just want to call out DC real quick.
So DC is a 500 level tournament. So one cheer down from 1000 but
still really important. And this year was both men and
women and the the men's winner of of the DC Open won just over
$350,000 solid paycheck for a week.
Coco Goff who won the DC Open won $120,000.
I am sorry that that's that's pretty lame.
Like, that's not that, that's actually just not that great of
a prize for a 500 level tournament, but to be 1/3 of
what the men get. It's just it, it's a weird
message to be sending at this point in time in 2023.
But it's also interesting because it's just they're
they're both kind of low. Like y'all like these are the
these are the best tennis players in the world and they're
out there, you know, really putting on shows for not that
much money. And I just kind of wonder when
like how are we going to, how are we going to kind of up the
game for for these players and and I mean there is no one who
makes anywhere near LeBron James or anyone like that on the
court. Yeah.
So we're going to keep watching that.
I I have not to be negative, but I do have another flop for you,
Paul. OK, flop it out for me.
So everyone, if you haven't seen it yet, Serena Williams posted
about her gender reveal party at for anyone who feels like they
don't fit into the. Gender binary construct can be
alienating. It's just an alienating message.
It's dated. It's unnecessary.
It's cheesy, like the people who do it, They're cheesy.
Like when you see it happening on Instagram, you're like girl.
And so I was I was disappointed when Naomi Osaka did it.
And then, you know, so Serena's having her gender reveal party.
But Alexis thought it was such a funny idea to make the inside of
the cake. Yellow.
And so everyone at the party, when they saw the yellow, were
like, what, What? What kind of child are you
having? And I thought it might have been
fun if Alexis were like, you know what?
Who cares? We're having a kid with party.
At the party, like keep dancing folks, But but no.
Then they had to lean in and there was like a fireworks
display and the letters in the sky almost read boy.
But then they read girl, and then everyone.
It's a bunch of drones, right? I It was drones.
Yeah. Drones.
Sure. So we got drones to spell out
Girl in the Sky and I'm just, I don't know that's it's a it's a
flop for me. It's disappointing.
I mean, I I I'm still a fan of Serena.
But yeah, also, the party didn't look that fun.
The party looked so lame, like it was just like sort of an it
was like, this is your life now. Like like I'm glad I I'm not
like, oh, I wish I was there. And no, honestly it would have
been funny if it just spelled it like girl.
But like, yeah, just we don't need gender reveals in 2023.
Like. We never needed them.
Well, there was that one time. That one one time it was
helpful. Let's see.
So we've also got some some outfits and outbursts that are
worth just chatting about real quick.
Got to call out one of the more interesting sponsorships that I
saw in Canada. A former Grand Slam finalist,
Jen Brady. She was a finalist in the
Australian Open a few years ago but went away with some
injuries. She's got some game and she is
coming back. It was great to see her back and
wins, winning some big matches and playing at top tier tennis.
I mean, that's impressive after such a long hiatus.
Totally, totally. But girl who decided your
sponsor girl is going to be Flex Seal out?
And if you haven't heard of Flex Seal, that's fine because it is
the tape that stops leaks from happening on your gutters, on
your car, on your tires, on your anything.
Well, I'm just like wondering who, like, what was the pitch
for this like? I mean, Jen Brady, we think that
you and Flex SEAL are a great match.
Paul I think it was brilliant first of all.
I knew about Flex Seal therefore ahead of Hurricane Hillary, and
was able to seal up my condo from all leaks.
What? What on your body was leaking?
Yeah, no, no, I'm basically mummified myself with Flex SEAL
And then also we were just talking about how hard it is to
make a living. So Jen Brady, take that those
sponsorships flex seal. You know stop those leaks and.
Keep keep winning. Yeah, no, I mean what what do
the kids say? Like, weird flex, but OK, like,
I mean weird flex Seal, but OK Like, it's just then it just
made me start to wonder about, like, so can anyone sponsor and
and put their patch on on a player?
And I was like, well, where's where's the Grinder or Scruff
sponsorship? Like, look, we all know that
tennis is famously gay grinder and scruff, famously gay grinder
and scruff at a tennis tournament.
They are almost overloaded. The circuit boards are all just
kind of on the Fritz and and not just Taylor.
And you know, I was like, well, and it's funny because there
was, there was this logo, there's a logo that's that's on
players now that I see Fabio Fennini and Lopez.
And I was like, Oh my God, Grinder sponsors them because
there's this, like, skull that looks just like the Grinder
logo. It's actually the hydrogen logo.
So folks, if you ever want to kind of do like a quick like nod
to like I'd rather be wearing I'd rather be on grinder than
playing tennis go check out some hydrogen clothing because it's
just like oh but I feel like sometime in the near future like
scruff grinder, give him some money and give him a patch and.
Yeah, I'm absolutely. Who?
Who do you think will be the first player to will it be?
Liam Brody, who discusses famously, our biggest ally, who
will? Who will wear that grinder?
Oh, I think it's Riley Opelco. I think he would fucking love
it. He'd be like, yeah, with his
pink bag and his floppy hair and he's like, yeah.
It's it also is interesting to me though how many there there
are players who are ranked in the top 30 who don't have
clothing deals and that's kind of.
Shocking, like. And Helena Kalanina, the Rome
finalist from Ukraine, she was wearing on the court.
I believe it was a yo next headband, a Nike shirt, and that
that brand that ego wears on and on shorts.
And so she wasn't even trying to pretend that she had a sponsor.
She was like most of the players without sponsors.
They still buy a full kit, a complete kit from one single
company, but no. Yeah, Kalinina was mixing and
matching and basically screaming, hey, give me some
money. Maybe she was.
She said. She had to go.
She was in the closet eating and she got dressed in the dark.
I don't know. Yeah, she just bought whatever
was on sale on tennis-warehouse.com I guess.
And honestly, like she's she's got such a Model S neck.
I feel like it's a miss to not be sponsoring her.
Like everyone take a look. Just, you know, Google her.
She's got. That does have a great neck.
Like her neck is like 1 inch too long and it's just it's just so
chic. It's like very Linda
Evangelista. So yeah, Kalinina, sign her up
also. So I also have to talk about
some some styling tips. We talked about the Divinity
Shaquina's hair. Not a fan, We know this.
But honestly, I don't know if this is like more Barbie
marketing because Barbie's kind of past, but like all of the men
look like weird Barbies in some shape or another and like, some
like format. It's like we've got court.
She's been growing it out and he just he just pulls his little
ponytail through the back of his hat.
It's just like not styled or anything.
Zvereb was actually asked on an Instagram post, like, when's the
last time you got a haircut? Because his It is not.
It is not. It's just like this, this, this
hanging flat, like kind of just. It's the it's the worst of the
bunch. Frankly, it is rough.
But even like Fritz with his, like, hard center part, Rublev
has always been kind of weird. But they all look like weird
Barbie. They all look like some kid just
was like, I don't know what to do with scissors.
So I'm going to give you a weird haircut.
And like, I'm just like, why are they?
Why is this the look in men's tennis right now?
Like, are they trying to look tough?
Are they trying to like, you know, it's like, well, I'm, I
don't care about my looks, like, but because like, they also
clearly do care about how they look and it's just, it's just
weird Barbies. And then we've got JJ Wolf, who
literally has. He went from having the mullet
to having the lesbian Jane Fonda shag from the 70s, where it's
just like it's just falling all around his his his face
beautifully framing, his beautiful cherubic face with
like spiky hair on top. And I'm just the the the men's
hair game on the on on. The ATP is just wild.
And I got to give props. I've got to give big props to
Musetti, who finally got a haircut, and he's a heartthrob
once again. And so if everyone, if anyone,
is looking for an idea of what to get me for Christmas, it's
Lorenzo Musetti with a haircut. So check him out.
I love how you know Lucetti with with a haircut.
You are, are and then you're. Divorcing Tommy Paul and
marrying him. But Lucetti's gonna win you and.
You're so superficial, Paul. Like it's like hair is what is
what dictates your your affection.
Like long hair and you're playing with your hair.
Just, you know, making sure it looks good for our our.
Our patron, our patrons you know, who watch us on video for
our Patreons. I just, I'm look, I call it like
I see it. And these guys, they are.
I mean you know who always had great hair?
Actually no he didn't. Roger Federer when he had long
hair. Ohh, that was rough.
That was. Rough Are you talking when he
had the When he had the ponytail?
When he first came out and had the ponytail like.
That wasn't the best, but you. Since then, his hair was has
been impeccable. And then he was perfect.
Yeah. What about some outbursts?
Did we have any outbursts? We did.
We had one up in Canada between calls and Sakury.
What happened there? Well, so Daniel Collins and
Maria Sakury were playing a match.
Daniel Collins was having a great run by the way.
Welcome back Danielle and. Socceree was frustrated and she
slapped a ball in anger with her racket and it went into the
stands. It wasn't the most aggressive
hit, you know, but it it, it certainly, you know had that
ball hit somebody. I mean, it's Maria soccer.
Her ground strokes aren't that powerful.
We. Saw her live.
Those ground strokes are absolute bullets.
But anyway, Collins. Was like, did you see that
basically to the umpire, into the crowd and to everyone, and
to Maria. And Maria was like what?
I just framed it. And by the way, Maria, whether
you framed it or whether I hit your strings, you still hit the
ball in anger, Okay, and you still hit it into the crowd.
So and then Maria was like, and Danielle Collins was like, shut
your mouth, Shut your mouth to Maria, which was definitely
escalating, not not a deescalation, but more of an
escalation. Then there was a It was the
opposite of a deescalation, yeah.
Yeah, and then, you know, they they shook hands.
Afterward, Collins won the match again.
Part of this this resurgence. But you mentioned you saw
something on on Danielle's Instagram a few days later.
Yeah And like honestly, in my opinion, she was overreacting.
Cuz like I I feel like you have to really do something offensive
for the other player to be like shut your mouth like she like
you don't talk to it. Like that's not the classiest
move. Like, I mean, I loved it because
I'm a big animal stand like. So I was like like drama, like
the girls are Girling. But then yeah, five days later.
So Danielle doesn't, she's not going to let it go five days
later. She shared some highlights of
her time in Canada on Instagram, you know, because she made it to
the quarterfinals great. And some fans that were calling
her out a little bit where they were like because she posted a
clip of her match against Sakari and the the accompanying song
was Back Off Bitch by Guns and Roses and it was just like, did
you just call her a bitch or was that just like a coincidence?
Like, it's one of the things where it's like, it's hard to
say, but there's plenty of songs you could have played while
showing some highlights. And it just seemed like she was
kind of keeping it going, which honestly is the level of petty
that I enjoy. I love a long feud.
I don't want spats, I want feuds.
And so if this becomes like kind of like a new feud, I'm.
I love. I love.
Yeah, yeah. So that's.
So that's kind of some of the outfits and the outbursts that
are going on around the tour. And so now we're going to close
out the episode with a new segment.
New segment, yes, and it is, it is basically the things that
have made us gayer in the last two weeks and we are calling it
Lobsbyans which rolls up a couple of Lobsbyans that that
came up. So look, if you missed this
match, I highly recommend you pay to see the footage of Holger
Roone playing Marcos Jaron in Canada.
Because so as as Billy pointed out in the previous podcast, the
announcers were already swooning over Rune's legs just like
they're made out of oak. Well, Marcos Jerone's legs make
ruins almost look like twigs, like they were just the legs on
that court. Like the court was like 75% legs
when those two guys were playing and it was just like there was
some good eating that night. Like that was just like watching
that. I could watch them play a tiny
tournament. Another one was on the WTA, the
Egyptian player, Sharif, just her grunt.
It's look, some of the grunts are really getting on my nerves.
I'm looking at you, Sabalanka and Azarenka Sharif's grunts.
It's like the Fons. It's like when she plays, she'll
hit it be like, hey, hey, just like.
I just imagine like she's got like 1 and that's that they just
made me a little gayer cuz I was like hey, and so those were
those were a couple of lobs beings.
Yeah, I I have a lobs being that it's a little bit more serious
because it it's really making me question my sexuality like I I I
question your sexuality all the time.
But. I don't know if it made me gayer
or less gay, or something else else entirely.
But something about, again, we talked about his flushed face,
his sweaty hair, something about Novak in that since he final is
Novak hot, His chest hair, it was definitely a thoughtful
length, and I feel like he's gained a little weight and he
used to be very wiry, very sinewy, and he's put on a little
bit of beef. I don't know.
But I'm I'm, yeah. I'm questioning.
I'm I'm the I'm the cue. I think it's a I think it's a
really important question. Like is Novak hot?
Like I'm not going to say hot again because I never found him
hot, but suddenly, and it started off in Wimbledon, where
I was like, wait, that ass. Like how?
Like I would. Do you think he got a BBL or
something I I or is he wearing like butt pads?
Is he padded? Is it like Drag Race?
Is this the drag race effect where it's just like padding?
Because it's just like bro, like that is like that is a some junk
in the trunk and like I think the beard actually is working on
him. It's a little bit too much of A
neck beard, but it's kind of like the beard is really working
and the hair is no longer just this kind of like amorphous
looking kind of, you know, eraser, but it's more like it's
more style. But like I don't.
Know, I don't know. Ongoing I'm struggling with it
like I like I'm going to say it he looked hot in Cincinnati and
I think if have like some some some listener feedback So again
e-mail us at ball boys do a pod@gmail.com and let us know
that's it. And once we get Twitter up and
running, if we do Twitter, we're going to have some polls on
there and and we want to hear from you like, is he hot?
Because honestly, like between that ass and the way he ripped
his shirt off. And you know, I hate to say it,
but in isolation, in isolation, if you watch that Cincinnati
Winter speech, you might think, know that.
What a charming, you know, intelligent, thoughtful.
You just want to. Articulate, I said, in
isolation, to be clear. Well also those things charm,
articulate, those are not things I look for in a in a partner.
So you just you just turned me off, but.
Okay, you look for short hair, short hair, and short hair only.
Yeah, exactly. Short hair and short vocabulary.
Yeah well Paul, it has been an absolute joy.
We has the bad mash chicken tikka poutine arrived yet?
I wanna it's chow down with you. It is 2 blocks away And so yeah,
let's go let's go. Poutine that in our mouths.
And yeah this has been our latest episode of Ball boys
again. I'm Paul Moncombe.
I'm here Billy Hansen. And we are going to be back in
just a week and 1/2 after the US Open has started with a little
bit of a preview of who's going to win the US Open.
So tune in for that coming up in the next week and 1/2 until
then. Happy hitting.