It's just cold, cold. It's always cold in the kitchen,
some bloody. 18 up as. A mate on there.
No, I think we're fine. Yeah, yeah, your vibes a little
bit. I'll just touch it.
Slightly. Oh, fuck it up, it's your car
then. That's right.
My mate, yeah, There we go. Ready.
Hello. Hello and welcome to you.
Don't even like me, do you? It's our podcast.
You look very good professional 3 professional lightning course
peace. This is our podcast.
Yeah, I'm man Peace. We've known each other 30 plus
years and we've often thought that on that side our
conversations are just wasted between those two and quite
monotonous. So now you're here to chin chin.
There's no script. So sit back, just watch or
listen if you don't want to see his ugly mug.
Could you see more of his face though, because he had his
haircut? We're.
Not moisturised as well. As what?
We're different. You look a bit shiny, your
forehead's quite shine. We've got irrelevant banter and
hopefully the odd law. That's it.
Yeah. Quizzes.
There's no quiz impressions if you're very unlucky to.
Please remember to like, share and subscribe if you want to be
here for more. And so you never miss.
So you never. Miss an app Viewers have got
people just accidentally finding us.
Insert accidentally. Yeah, accidentally finding us.
Do you know what? The more people that
accidentally find us, the better.
You don't need to scan your face to see our podcast, do you?
You don't put your passport details then I don't know what
that is. That's for.
Nope, no. You don't do a selfie so.
You don't even need to get text to the code.
You don't. You don't either want OTP,
they're. All doing that now aren't.
They don't get one beyond about OT pays.
I cancelled my fucking travel insurance.
Over a weekend, Why I. Didn't need any.
OK, no. I didn't need anyone now how did
it but I bought it you know last year bought this bloody.
I got free travel insurance with bank.
I forgot well, I don't forgot. I got told that I haven't got
free travel insurance, but then I have somebody else now.
But in the meantime I bought this policy and it was too far
in It was too far in to get back out again.
So I had to just go along with it.
But I didn't want it auto renewing.
But for me, I tried yesterday or what about do you know your
password? Password password reset, We'll
send you OTP apps. They sent me an OTP and it said
the app downloaded the app. I didn't want the app, no.
Then I went to the app, I downloaded the app and then it
said, oops, something's gone wrong for fox sake.
So I went, did it again, another OTP, and then it said
something's gone wrong. So I thought, is it the
Internet? Because the internet's not
great. So I put my data on and then it
said no Internet and then I did it again and then it stopped
sending me old TPS because I think you can only do 2.
So I had to do it again. But I did it old style on APC
today and I've got searches two days left on the policy.
So it doesn't renew them. No, I've cancelled it now, but
it said, then it said we're sorry to see you go, you know,
don't say goodbye. Here's 10% off.
That's how I'm going to start the demand. 10% off.
OK, for keep free I would have bought 10% off.
It was £70. Is that what is that texture
code OTP? On time OTP.
Because I've made it, there's some websites now where it
doesn't need me password. It just says we'll send you a
code. Every time you log in, we'll
send you a code. It's like Apple Podcasts.
You want to check your stats, send you a code.
I've got a password. I won't send you a code.
The summit was the sign of sign of getting a password.
I've got a really cool password. What's the point of getting a
password? Don't tell.
Everybody, your password. This password's not really cool.
Really, really cool. 126 it's hash tag, really cool. 1 hash
tag. Really cool. 1.
Exclamation mark, Yeah. So the other day, OTP, as you
call it, sends you an OTP. I didn't receive it.
OK, so I'm thinking waiting. I'm waiting, I'm waiting.
So what do you want to resend it?
I'll resend it. I'll resend it and it comes
through but I put it in but didn't accept it because our mom
first one for. Fuck's sake.
We're just old men talking about technology.
Annoying. I just watched The Apprentice on
Friday night. There's a spider behind you,
right? It's on your shoulder then I
think. This one.
Yeah, I got it. Got a bit.
Oh, it's all right. It's just fluff.
It's there. What was it as pine?
Fluff. It's just fluff.
This house is so fluff. It's only up there where I count
the old dust. Oh.
Five hours cleaning his house and it's five hours.
It took me in fact didn't mind that cheeky gets I clicked
pictures upstairs. Of portraits.
That's not good for my allergies.
Oh, portraits and he different poses.
No to six towers. Just a silhouette with hair
without hair. Good to be here without being.
I went up the stairs now, but yeah, it were.
It were in my chin and bosses weren't it in The Apprentice it
would be, in the cab this week weren't.
He well. No, he stitched up Greg, didn't
he? He did stitch up Greg.
Yeah, It reminds me of our listener Greg.
He's in RAF. He went red, didn't he?
He went very red. He went very well.
It's a. Bike don't don't you ever do
that to me again. Don't Fookie use me store Fookie
skateboard you bastard. They said that wouldn't be Greg.
Greg wouldn't sell that, would they?
No, no, I don't know what he'd say.
He won't sell that though. But I thought it's a very bold
movement that wearing socks. But it was summer when it was
filmed, weren't it? Because he had the cheque suit.
Cheque suit on the insect. Who's not wearing socks?
What's he called the? The actual man.
All right, Yeah. Yeah, Levi.
Levi. That's it.
And probably Yorkshire name. They call it Levi Cosmic accused
by but well, anyway are. You sure for?
That I am sure for that, but he had a check suit on dining and
door socks and Academy. I think he had tassel shoes on
Academy. I think I've paid too much
attention to wearing, really, because I think the interest for
weighing on the whole. He was just a megalomania,
weren't he? Chin and glasses, Yeah.
What do I want to do? I want to be PM and then I'm
good at presenting. There's nothing wrong with your
voice. There's nothing wrong with the
Yorkshire accent. By your John, it's Jim.
It's booking great. Yeah.
But yeah, he really stitched him
up today and then he made out. It was like traumatised in the
chin and glasses. Chilling glasses, that's what
he's called. Yeah, it will.
It will. Like, like thick tears, weren't
they? Yeah.
Yeah, I know. I think at one point he actually
looked quite I. Think maybe he dropped a
bollock. Yeah, quite straw, yeah.
By it he's got very thin hair as well.
Oh God, here we go there. No, but I've looked who cares
about a lot. So he Combs it in different
directions to cover up the lack of actual bulk.
Who cares? I care makes me feel better.
I'm sure he knows that it makes you feel better.
Yeah, he's got, he's allegedly in some the barometer of the
truth. He said that he used he had a
£500 Greek cocaine rabbit as their agent.
Yeah, I can imagine. I thought they said that on that
episode he looked like he were like a bit wires.
Yeah, he's just, it's just got a, he's got a look of an estate
agent that's going to. I got off a cupcake and on
Wednesday I told you. Didn't tell.
Yeah, he did. Yeah.
I think I I must admit sometimes
it owes me. Just for clarity, he refused.
I didn't just slip that one in there and then like leave it
hanging. No, no, no, I just, I just, I
just mentioned it. But yeah, I did refuse.
It went toilet as well. What's your favourite places?
What a toilet. You love all your face, all your
selfies are tucking toilets. Only when I'm like against the
wall and I've got me but they've.
Got such good. Writing they're always well lit
toilets, aren't they? Are you going to do a selfie?
Do a selfie in a toilet? No, it's just it's always some
it's really flattering. There's always a dark bit with a
light bit at the side so you can get rid of your blemishes and
you just like, you know, make sure I pop.
Right. OK, very gossipy.
That's a hint. That's a tip.
But but yeah, sometimes The Apprentice holds me interesting,
sometimes it doesn't and I'll be interested.
Last week I thought it went bad episode.
Oh yeah. Good luck.
Well, as you know, since my newly acquired Now TV Sky
subscription, we're watching different stuff now, launching a
drama with Hugh Grant in it. It's good.
That's good, you grammes. If not rubbish, you gramme.
I like you gramme. He's he's, he's like, good now.
I like him anyway, I think he's good.
He's quite, he's very like straight talking when he's doing
interviews and stuff he comes across comes sometimes but I
think he's got a right good sense humour.
I think he's a bit like Harrison Ford where he's very dry and
either get him or you don't. But I think in the past when he
was doing all them normal columns and all that kind of
thing, I think, and he's a bit, you know, you grant, you go
again, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then he did Cloud Atlas. Oh, I forgot about.
That and that was a certain point for me.
I thought after that it was like it was cool.
Not really invested in that film.
They were all about four fucking hours now.
Brilliant film. I think I got rid of the
bloomery because I never, I'd never watch it.
Well, I watched it. How did I give it to you?
No, no, I watched it and when youngest daughter finished
school said you've got to watch this movie.
We watched it again same day. It was.
Night time when you'd finished. No, no, no, no.
No. Good.
But yeah. But it's you.
Granted. Nicole Kidman, this one.
It's called The Undoing. Well, I've got my TV.
Yeah, it's all right. Alright, Watch that.
It's all right for you. Granted, it's all right.
Yeah. Have you watched something else
called Not Her Faults? 6 episodes. 8 episodes.
That's my, that's my peak that yeah, we'll get that smashed
through in a week. So with 4 episodes, there's this
new one. I watched a movie over the
weekend. I watched it in two parts.
Just like me. Becoming becoming more like
Jason. Yeah, I won't came.
Who was it? Him.
Him the main *. You might not get it.
Be the main * Ryan Gosling. He don't do that.
He fucking.
Didn't miss him. Tall guy.
Yeah, it's not his best work. Oh, it worked very good that.
No, it's when films that people said was brilliant but must
admit I just thought it was mediocre at best.
What was she about? Anna Waddington.
Old teeth and hair. She's not like Tom Baker at one
point. Yeah, big glasses on.
I thought it's that Lily Tomlin and it weren't.
He was all right, you know. Were they the guy who's playing
the actor? What's he going to happen?
Yeah, Taylor. Johnson, yeah.
Aaron Taylor Johnson. That's the one.
He was good in it. Yeah, we're quite good in it.
But it's where he gets drugged. Oh.
Yeah, I didn't think it was fun. I just I just thought this never
happened to Col Sievers. Well, I I felt I weren't sure
whether it were a company or not.
Yeah, and. I were watching, I thought, is
this supposed to be fun? And it weren't.
And it was like really drawn out.
But like when she kept setting them on fire and then she was
going on about the telling them the plot of this space opera
thing and. It wellitioning works.
Yeah, I know. But it went on and on and on and
I thought, is this supposed to be?
Am I supposed to be laughing? Because it's supposed to be
funny, that. It won't it just it it it well,
I really because I thought uncomfortable.
It's like it's just dragging on. And yeah, the real lot of it
where I thought it's not funny, this it's just quiet.
I watched it and I'm a Ryan Gosling super fan and I must
admit I thought no Jane Gosling. I thought it's just OK, it's
just not. It went OK do they got if I was
stay on saying that pitch that asked for a refund?
It was. Mediocre.
You know when it Netflix tried, it says What did you think could
have spelled? Have you got the thumbs down?
Did you? I've never done the thumbs up,
thumbs down thing. I always thought I'd open up a
new window and say explain yourself.
What do you? Mean, yeah, but yeah.
But yeah, honestly, don't watch that.
Don't you not watch it, but just not just until two hours, but
just think I could have done that anything else in them two
hours? Well, if you'd have asked me,
I'd have probably said to you, you won't like it, but.
Anyway, that's that. Next week we'll watch another
film that in two parts. Another film in two parts.
That's shit. So this week it was just Joe
McDonald and Gordon Ramsay all day Sunday with a bit of
blanketed like Lily Sandwich I. Knew you'd have time for a quiz?
I'm busy, I'm cleaning at the same time.
I was laughing away. I was well, I was just.
Set you? You set yourself up and didn't
you? No, because I you.
Incriminated yourself, didn't you?
No, because I had it all in the background while I was cleaning.
Yeah. How many day?
How many hours in the day? Just be 5 hours to.
Clean this place. That means there's 8 hours left.
I went to gym. 7 hours left. And swim. 7 hours left.
And I cleaned the car. Just excuses, excuses, excuses.
It's actually. Right, you might only go and put
a fucking sponge on yours. Too busy editing this podcast,
Sunshine? I was too busy to do my rival
YouTube channel. Yes.
Just so you know, we we're going to advertise a little rival
YouTube, no? No, we're not going to
advertise. I'm not advertising on here.
You're not interested? No, no.
But you might. You might get.
Cross. Yeah, yeah, Across.
Strange. It'll just implode.
We'll get no watches for anything.
OK. But then, then people are going
to have asked on the, on the, on the, on the.
YouTube channel. And I'm not in it.
No, it's not. So you know it's better.
Yeah, it's a must say. Must say it's shorter.
Can I just say I've got 29 subscribers and I've got 3.1000?
2.1. 1003.1000 not 1,000,003.1000 DS on videos but
it has been on for five years. And it's it's math and it's
shorter, I'll just say that. It is short, it's 7 minutes, but
you know what? It's quality, not quantity.
But yeah, but I'm doing that to the end video bang.
Then I'm setting that after Cara Morris.
I've seen it's grown rather than that no.
Is it not? Is it?
Is it non swearing? Because this one's very.
Swearing. Oh, there's no swearing in mind,
Yeah. When he edit this post search
for the F word then he goes 29 occurrences.
I have to change every single one.
But no, there's no swearing in mind.
It's very You think anybody could watch it?
So aside from your little sideline YouTube podcasts about
me, what else have you been up to?
I went bouncester on Wednesday and got proposition.
Britain called Ken. Yeah, I know.
I went in, I went. I went bloody Zara again.
Top floor. OK, now that's a trek.
Yeah. I've got a big one full.
Of people with weird clothes on the the box was Zara.
They were wearing like checked pants and the Mac.
Got some weird stuff in there. But the Mac's a crop Mac, so
it's like a bolero jacket put in a Mac style.
Yeah, stuff like that. It's all weird.
It all ends up in TK mics as well, but like a fraction of the
price. This isn't sponsored by we'll.
Just wait till next year, yeah? But yeah, as you're going up on
the Escalade, you'll see them coming down in boat shoes, half
mast, checked pants and a crop Mac and you'll think they're a
regular customer. I think we're in for aftershave.
But of course you, you go and have a look at the aftershave
and you're there and that's where the fucking queue is.
Move the aftershave's. I don't want to be.
I don't. Excuse me.
Sorry. Sorry.
Oh, excuse me. Sorry.
Oh, sorry. I've got you there.
Didn't. I bet.
Are you in the queue? Are you in the queue now?
I'm just fucking spraying this aftershave anywhere I've got
some. I've got a 2 pack dinner of
tobacco aftershave. Just tobacco of you mix and
match. No I didn't want it.
I got 1 bottled another bottle of one that I've got and then I
got the other version of it but it was 2599 I think for 2
bottles which got for 100 mil or the toilette.
Pathfrum. No else toilette.
The Twilette, Yeah. I thought it was quite worth
that one. It's men's.
It's on the men's floor. We've got Twilette's a cheap one
into it. No.
Pathfrum's a dear one, that's what I'm saying.
Your Pathfrum. No, it's Twilette.
Twilight. Thank you, Charles.
Yeah. Parfum lasts long, doesn't it?
That's all that does it. Yeah, Twilight Slide.
She's pops an idle 1. That's not no.
It's more expensive than Aftershave and then start
Twilight with the more expensive No Parfum.
It's expensive. It's more expensive.
Believe you didn't know that? I'm not like, especially Easter,
like, yeah, am I? What could I?
Yeah. So you went, You went out, did
you? On.
On Raz. Yeah, so I went in Unicorn and I
did a bit of socials and then I had video called my parents
because they're abroad, so I had one in there.
And then I did a bit of shopping and that's where I went to Zara.
And then I went to the castle and it was fucking round.
It was only a little pub. It was only a little stills from
and they're all that. Yeah, I'm really annoying.
I only wanted I don't want to mix me drinks, so I just so I'll
just stick to lager. But fucking Gen Z is going not
there's anything wrong with Gen Z.
He's not going to wipe out any of the audience.
But these Gen Z's somewhere, but they they queue up.
No Could I have a pint of hazy sunshine?
Please. And what would you like?
Could I have a Raspberry split, please?
And it's like, fucking hell, it's another bloody ale.
Could I just ask you about droopy drawers?
And it's like, yeah, what about droopy drawers?
Could I have a taste? Anything.
And then they're, they're like, so like, fucking who's it?
Oz Clark. And I said I just want a fucking
part or a part of somebody or a part of Mabry.
I was always. Talking on the Last Podcast
about which way and. I've.
Been in queues behind people taking the time.
So and then he's just rolling it around in his mouth.
And I think, you know, if I was a kind of what do they call it?
What do they call it? A vineyard, Right.
Very a vineyard. I like trying some wines.
Yeah. Go on.
And I'll have 4 barrels, please. Yeah, I could.
Don't go through all that fucking about.
Yeah, go on, I'll have a pint, please.
And I thought he's fucking drank about half a pint.
I said fucking hello, that palaver Jesus.
And then when I asked for bloody Pillsbury, it would run out.
But you. Couldn't and then I went in.
There were no where it sits in front.
So I went in this little room and it was packed.
There were a little copper top table next to a piano, so I sat
down there and I'll be talking today.
Oh, no one talking together, so no one talking.
To you. I did a bit of doom scroll in.
Look at jazz Facebook page. Last was 2024.
Go in there and I'll go over. Come with us.
Oh well, party time 2026, weren't it?
There was some guy at Baru really shouldn't have been
drinking because we should have been fasting.
Not that I'm stitching anybody up here.
And then he would go in on that. He'd had quite a few pints and
then he'd complain about his girlfriend.
Then there's some bloke who started talking to me and
offering me a crisp. And I don't know whether I told
you I didn't know whether you were like air cast the bloke or,
you know, like a crazy person or whether he was like an
alternative comedian because he's fine lying.
But he he will like he says, who tied your shoelaces?
He said, did you tie them shoelaces with a left hand?
And I looked there and may not roll over the place, to be quite
honest, but I thought, is he a comedian?
But then he would chatter in a way.
Then he what they've been done. But to go out for a pint.
So I'll go out on a night out. And then he realised how dull
you were and he thought, no, he was.
The last I. Need to spice up with some.
No, it was instance. No, it went in.
This was Greg. It would call all Brexit saying
you know what I mean, But it was the IT was Greg that were
saying, oh, I have to work for a pint.
It were Alex that said oh right, I.
Thought it was no it. Was it was Greg and granted go
for a pint and they were, I didn't know whether they were a
crazy person or whether they were a comic.
Genius and the other person who's.
And I ain't tired. And Alex?
Person who's supposed to be fasting, You've just named.
Yeah, I know. That's what I mean.
You're a double whammy. Also, he wanted to sniff as
well. Yeah, he went.
He says, well, I think I've had enough to drink now.
He says I've got to have a wine. He says, do you want?
Well, to be honest, I can't drink on an empty stomach.
So I think he'd gone for Triple Y.
Right, yeah, we'll bet he was off his tits, weren't he?
Oh, yeah. But I thought, but it were a
weird afternoon and I thought it said it's a far cry from you
know. So is he, is he wrong yet?
It's Greg. So it's, you know, you were
that's funny that we did. We had a bit of rapport, you
know, it's called. But honestly I could not work
out. It would kept coming out with
stuff and I thought it went funny, but odd funny because
this this Alex that he said I'm not fucking clue what he's
talking about. He says do you know it?
I said no, it's just like you junior each other.
I said no, that's the one. He just walked in.
So he's Ireland, an alternative comedian.
Yeah, Like autism, something like that.
Yeah. You're probably right.
He probably is a comedian. In a few weeks, I'll be on
stage. You're going?
The other day I met this boring fucker.
It's like a boring block. He's popcorn Gulas.
Oh. Where did you go?
Well, I thought you'd know where it is.
Did you go in though? Is that why would he be saying
that right in? No, I didn't say that.
No, no, it's this guy who's like, well, funny, proper
exciting laws to say about. You know what I couldn't?
Look at him though, because he's had been that shiny reflecting
back in me me eyes, and give it a bill like.
You've got glare as well. I haven't.
Not that much. I've got less furhead than you.
Well, get your rules out guys. Oh.
But we are what you did. Knob jokes I remember.
Furhead. Anyway, what else do you know?
I've got a piece of paper. Yeah.
No, that's, but it's Yeah, I think I've covered everything.
Yeah. So that's that.
Oh, me. Oh, yeah.
About me. Yeah, sorry.
Yeah, About me, you usually say to me.
What do you know usually, I thought.
You'd already said that. I already told you.
Watch everything on ITV. No, no, no, no.
Oh, here we are. Get.
Brace yourselves. It's bedroom furniture.
No, it's not bed.
We're not at bedroom furniture stage.
All right. Oh, that'll be, that'll be a
whole world of pen that you won't be opening up.
Doubting about six months that I'm not very decisive.
But you just got to walk fair with your mind.
But it's too expensive. We've got our.
Furniture on Yeah, well, our settee's old furniture land.
We bought all the furniture from our.
Furniture. We just got this.
We. Just bought the settee from
somewhere. Else we've got the settee from
our furniture land. It's not even oak.
No, I know. It's not oak furniture.
No, it's not. Well, yeah, so Trey's
description there, but no we. He's tore out all these fitted
wire robes. Tore him out, I said last week.
Tore him out. Tipton Yeah.
And this week, because I'm off work, we're prepping the walls.
We strip the walls, strip the ceiling.
Ceiling paper. New wallpaper on ceiling.
Why? Why?
What?
Why the ceiling? They put like a blown vinyl on
ceiling, don't they? So we got rid of all that out.
With the long vinyl on the ceiling.
Well, we haven't now. We did have.
But filling the cracks in with filler.
Hello. And how much?
Did you use a? Lot.
Did you have a lot of crap? When I bought the house.
Technically you've not bought it yet, you've got a mortgage.
When we bought the house. I'm just saying.
When we bought when? We started buying the house.
No, we bought the house. You've.
Not bought the house. We bought the house, we got a
loan and bought the house. Buying it?
Yeah. Technically, that bank or
building society could just say, you know what, Jay?
All right, well, you can go and sleep in the pH of Hidewell.
But when we bought the house. Only got 1 bit back now.
You could build on that. Yeah, when?
We bought the house, I removed the fitted wardrobes in the main
bedroom and there was a hole in the wall.
Hold on there, which bedroom have you got spray?
Yeah, the main bedroom right there was like all this like
Tudor that would fitted stuff all over the bed, all over.
The last in the merry England cafes.
It was just a lot of Mohawk in it.
I could tag them podcast now. So I've moved this like a
dressing table and the hole in the wall where they repositioned
a plug socket and these screws pointing outwards is that big
hole in the ball these screws pointing outwards and I thought
I want to plaster over this hole but then the screws the
protruding a little bit so got the ambulance.
Ganged him back. I couldn't.
Get him out because he's pointing outwards.
So yeah, yeah, yeah. So some have been screwed from
behind. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I bound these screws like that.
I bound these screws in and they weren't going anywhere.
So that was completely. So anyway, so I bound them in a
bit more and then plastered them over them, right?
And then did you not know what been screwed from behind?
I didn't think. I would have.
And then a few days later the DOS says dad the plug socket
isn't working. Well looked, I've knocked the
plug socket out into the room forward.
I was sitting here. Walls it.
Was a big hole. But anyway, so today I removed
the plug socket and filled the hole, removed the cage from the
cavity, blah blah, and got a new case for the plug socket and
rewired the plug socket up from scratch just based off my job
for the day. Or she can chill in the hole
then. So tomorrow, sanding down, then
painting, then we'll see. We'll go from there.
But yeah. Exciting times.
Exciting times, yeah, but I've. Met people.
When when I was younger I tackled job letters all the time
and. I'm still like that I can build
a fence I. Haven't done anything like I
mean last year. Not really good manual work, Can
I? We did.
I'm good with electrics. We did everything last.
Last year we didn't do nothing on the House went away.
And this year we thought, you know what, we'd spend a bit of
money on the House. You know the house that we don't
own, they keep. Telling me I didn't want to say
it looked a bit dilapidated, Bob.
OK, it's real stick. Yes.
I went there, went visiting mother-in-law today at the home,
but she's OK. But put ATV in one of the rooms,
right? It was playing well.
To be honest, they have to be accepting of all different types
of people now. Television, right?
Yeah, Well, they put ATV in a car and it's playing.
And you should put it in a car and they've got just as much
track as somebody else. It's.
Playing, you know, like Got. That's TV, it's called.
That's oldies. Is it when I'm cleaning windows?
It's called. That's oldies.
I just plays old music, right? And the weird thing is my
mother-in-law 90, right? It's still too new for her and
it's playing 60s music. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I said, oh, you know, all these.
Oh, no, I don't know all this. I don't know this modern stuff.
But I must admit I don't. Know this modern chat is it?
Punk music, you know you're visiting them, right?
And you do the same with music playing in the background.
You've got the same. You're just like, you're like
you listen. So are you all right?
You. Offer you some nice.
Food and all you can see is this TV screen and I must admit it's
not your era, but it was banga after banga after banga.
Careful. Yeah, sorry dude.
That good? It was a vintage band, as it
was. Oh, I had vintage bag that was
from it. I had Cumberland sausages.
It was plain Bee Gees, classic Bee Gees, and God.
I'll get a message. To you what's?
What are they called? Mamas and Papas?
California Dream. I thought we couldn't have
harmonised. I'm sorry.
And the sky is grey. And the sky is grey.
I've been through a while for a walk on a winter's day.
On a winter's day. There's nothing new.
Training. No.
Yeah, we'll get food. Won't be by this.
Yeah, we'll have a couple of people.
Get the mothers and papers in. I think there are a copyright
now this song isn't it? All right, carry on then.
Yeah. But I must admit do playing some
absolute. Chicken sandwich now.
And yeah, but I thought this is quite good, I thought, and isn't
my era. But then Shearer, you know,
they're playing really good songs.
But then in yadda come. Oh, what were they?
Oh, funerals, adult peeing and few year olds adult peeing and
sell your gold. No, no, I, I did.
Think I'm very. Sure.
Inappropriate. It was the easy cremations.
They tell you what petrol and the lights is a very easy
cremation. But all these old people are
watching this TV and they go, oh, Freddie and the dreamers.
You know, I could get incinerator.
Yeah, do it cheap. Yeah.
And there's easy cremations. You know, I didn't want to be a
builder of my family, so I cremated myself.
I, I paid for looking forward, they don't have anything to
worry about. And it gives me such Peace of
Mind that they don't have to worry about this anymore.
And then it is Nexus. And then, and then where does it
fast forwards to the end when they've been cremated?
And the family is laughing. And family.
Are there in the same? Sure.
Can I just ask you? Can I?
Can I just ask you how much? How much is it for an urn?
And well, the earn is 236. Fucking hell, I'm not paying.
That we'll just sprinkle. Her somewhere.
Once then it was will writing the Irish PCA 3 will writing
service. Do you love animals?
Are you going to be popping your plugs soon?
It will say that your will feeling.
Where it says such an oddie gives all their stuff.
To the Irish BCA, No, it's fuck you, it said.
We know you'd like to leave something to those who you love.
And this bloke shopping a dog and looking at his dog like
that, it's like, but you know, oh.
Well, step is not like have a gold collar.
A donation to the Irish PCA can mean that less pets are harmed,
more pets are rescued, blah blah.
We can do your will for you free of charge with no obligation to
donate to the RSPCA. You will now thinking you won't
get you won't get them out of your house until you sign on the
line. Bring all dogs around me.
That lucky dog? No, just no.
They bring a lucky dog. Come on there.
Like a little Beagle or something.
Like that, but a cat with really sad eyes.
Yeah, and a little pop. Yeah, fuck, all wrong with it,
but the bandage, yeah, yeah, bandage, tail tails weren't like
that, but they've got they've got a bandage on it and.
Then you've got the over 50s life insurance with a with a
free pen and £100 in vouchers if you Sign up today.
For free pen you do that for. My mum did it and she
complained. She said why haven't got the
free pen? She wrote to them.
I said. Pack a pen.
I said run. By the time you write something,
it's going to cost more than a pen.
It's not important that I want the free pen, I want the free
pen, a free pent and £100 gift vouchers known for AT.
But yeah. And then then more songs come
out, I thought. And then the same adverts come
on again. Yeah, there's brainwash it.
And there's Stannis airlifts and all that sort of thing.
And I thought, you know what, I don't mind the music, but.
I must admit people. Are in the 90s in the cable
seeing that? I'm not kind of calling stair
lift companies, but I have had the experience with stair lift
companies because we did have a lift for stairs put in at my
grandma and granddad's house. And I think it might have cost
about 4000 lbs something like that to have it put in.
And I think when me grandma passed, obviously we didn't need
any more Gran. I probably could have.
Used it to be honest, but he. Didn't want to do so.
I think they offered about £300 to take it away, which I thought
was a little bit cheeky. But The thing is it's not 4000
LB but the sales pitch, you know, T the advert and that's
brochure and the patient's like Mike could have it in this wide
clean beige check this my daughter right blow comes around
and says, do you want to get your quote for your windows?
We're in the area doing special price, which is our youngest
right. So she says you know what?
Yeah, I have a quote. Oh brilliant.
The occasion will regulate an arranged appointment.
So, so within like 30 minutes, they get the phone call.
We'll come and see you later. So it turns up and he says, oh,
your windows answer regulation now.
And the regulations have changed.
You need this. And that's not big enough.
And this is, they're not efficient and this and that in
this book. Don't worry, we can sort that
out for you. All your windows in the house,
not the doors. 14 and a half, 1000 lbs.
Fuck yeah. Ready Ready.
Select. Book Palace.
So they went, yeah. Listen, we don't, we didn't.
We just want to see what it would be costing.
We don't want them doing. Oh, then can I just, excuse me,
can I just say, have you given me the quote for the whole
street? Yeah, so get this right, so it
says, well if we put a sign in your garden advertising our
company, we can bring you down to 8 and a half 1000 lbs, right?
So what? Happens if can I just say what
happens if it's a video or something, you know, will it get
you're cheaper still? Well, what happens?
If this isn't the end of the story, what?
Happens if you can park the van on me drive.
Yeah, yeah. So you go.
No, no, that's not. It's so soon.
Once we're not interested. There they went.
Let me ring the. Boss, Oh, you're looking at we
got special proportional. Yeah, yeah.
How? Much do you want to pay?
Did he go? Did he go?
What we can't do now? Yeah.
Wow. We can't do that.
That's just. That's stupid.
That's ridiculous. I'll be out of a job.
Are you trying to do me out of a job?
Oh, OK. All right.
Thanks. And then, yeah.
So how much you want to pay, we don't know.
We'll give us a prime pay, give us a price.
So they said £1.99, we'll give to give up a few grand.
And he went back. It's not a stupid offer.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
There's 2007, 150, so we didn't go for.
You went. So first half was 14 1/2
thousand, everything else about 9 grand I think and this one was
six and a half 1000 lbs. So in the space of 45 minutes or
whatever it was, I'll Kick It Out by then.
Now it gone down 8 grand like. And they went, yeah, no, but it
did. But we'd have to put your sign
outside your house for three months.
And I thought. That will be the exit fucking
Windows. Keep it outside for six months
for all that, yeah. You know, I'll be looking into
Windows a big fucking. Sign but bear in mind dealing
they'll cul-de-sac nobody's see it anyway, but just to put your
cats on your neighbours that we did you just offer.
You know, just between those 203 secret offer.
But we're now and I thought it just stopped to show, but I
couldn't stand a stair lift if someone had gone.
I don't want to pay for the ground.
They like, I don't know, the new boss.
Oh, you can. Oh, I've got a second hand money
that's pretty good. Quick, you've.
Got to wipe down, yeah. Cheeky bastards.
I'm off this week getting a bit of repairs to the house and and
the cat sitting as well. Yeah, yeah, he called my Nikkle
the cats. Yeah.
Because like that, Michael. But I've passed it on the right
normal name. Yes, Tim.
You know, like Derek. No, it's Tim.
So it's, it's one of the cats that you know, it's really nice
or it's so lovely, it's so loving for about 25 seconds.
And if you carry on stroke, you have 25 seconds, one second more
it turns and it goes for you. So for the 25 seconds, it's a
lovely cat. It's a lovely cat, but.
I always got lick in my head last night but I think she'd
been cleaning herself because the very funny smell.
What from my head? My head stunk after so I don't
have a shower. Oh, that OK?
Well, you don't smell like that now.
What's up? No.
You say you've got a smelly head.
I'll. Do a slow eye roll.
Spelling smell it? No.
No, she's been licking me face. She went licking me and I
thought the ear stinks and I thought she's been fighting
herself. Having having a prawn Food
First. No, she's not Turkey.
Turkey. It wasn't like Turkey and
carrots. I'll.
Tell you what if you actually look on the ingredients of cat
food, no matter what it is? Or it can be like beef, fish,
chicken, Turkey, rabbit. It's the same ingredients.
So it's just flat everywhere. It's better flavour.
At the end they'll say rabbit contains fish derivatives of
that kind. So yesterday I'd give her some
like wet food and then she weren't touching it.
I'll give her some dry food. I'll give her some biscuits.
Oh, she loves them Wolf down. So they disappeared this morning
and I'll come downstairs, come back from work tonight. 2 ships
in cat litter tray, one of them as a break massive.
The other one was sloppy and I thought I know what's happening.
I thought I know what's happening there.
Honestly, I could have picked it up and thrown it to the toilet
that it was like human turd that big because I thought I've had
like an intruder and I've had a shit in cat litter tray.
But one of them it were like a bit sloppy and I thought that's
the wet food and I thought that's fucking.
She's Wolf, then biscuits time. There you go.
Hard holds awful.
Don't know. Anyways, do you have a joke?
Oh yeah, he says. Got some bangs from my new joke
book that I got for my birthday. You like it?
Yeah. No.
If you think Thursdays are depressing, wait two days, then
it'll be a Saturday. Yes.
Yeah, Saturday. Saturday, Right.
We've got so many years, so many.
Let me think. People keep ringing me up all
bundled up, coughing and sneezing down the line.
Bloody cold callers. That's better than any job.
Any job. You come out today, that's
better than that. Cold callers.
We all know about Mackey's Law.
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
What have you heard about coleslaw?
It's seen sliced cabbage. Coleslaw.
Yeah, it's thinly sliced cabbage.
How? A bit flat.
My friend claimed he robbed Disney Store.
Turned out he was just taking the Mickey.
A guy walks into his doctor's office and says, help me,
doctor, I'm shrinking. Hold on, says the doctor, being
a little patient. Oh, little patient.
Very good. I'll finish off with which one
should I go for? I'll go for this one.
I entered a sun tanning competition.
I got bronze. And you did that.
I got a wafta. Smoke with every tea.
It's like chilli. Or.
Something I've got a bit of a spicy meatballs something it.
Was a pork wraps but it's sriracha.
I had Mexican Margaret rice and Cumberland sausages.
Mexican microwave rice for a message of microwave did it in.
Air fry, but the rice, no bangers, right?
Yeah. He loves the air fry, don't you?
Cheese on toast in there's a game changer.
You've done it in air fryer. No no did I had cheese on toast
today? But in the grill.
No, it goes like it goes like cafe cheese on toaster.
Vine was like that in the grill now, but I've heard I've heard
it does. I mean, it goes gold.
Yeah, it's in the grill. No, I mean, but it really goes
gold and it looks. Like a proper cafe.
Cheese. In the grill.
No, I mean, but like, from a good cafe, yeah.
I must have a good grill because it did that today.
And I have the cheese like that even, you know, even though I
put it on a bit lumpy you. Know, I don't do dump it.
I do obviously got covered. Yeah, you know what?
Like I could chip, but it's like a military operation.
You do. You do that.
Yeah. You like them up, don't you
Have? A chocolate chip in half so it
fits in the gap. Yeah, every else is gone.
Yeah. Or is that the tea?
Get me a little protractor at mill set square and measure it
all so it's all banged on. Yeah, yeah, the perfect chip.
Boy, strange, you're very particular like that, but you
just have some screws. Have some screws that are
pointing out of a wall through and just fuck it.
Yeah, yeah, we all have our I mean, we eat a bit.
Sad day, aren't you? No, we all.
Have a range of in, like a particular.
Order. We all have our off days, but
yeah right, it's the only time for the feet to hit the street.
To hit the feet straight. But I'm just want to finish off
with a fact somewhere around the world.
I don't think I've done this season.
You have. Are you sure?
Yeah. What's these facts from around
the world to seek you pulling your face down you sign no what
are. We doing I'm just getting the
breath because the excitement sometimes it gives me
palpitations when you do your facts from around the world and
I can't get my breath. So I think you know what, I'll
just think I've been there. I'm all right.
Now go. On right, this is Hong Kong.
Have you been to Hong Kong? Don't work.
I've been to Hong Kong. I've been to Japan, right?
OK, well, in a Hong Kong. In a Hong Kong in Hong.
Kong An. Unfair.
Why are you saying it weird? Hong Kong A wife has the right
to kill her unfaithful husband if she catches him red handed.
With a red hand. Well, hands are red.
Maybe the only restriction placed on her is that she
commits the murder with her hands and not with the help of a
weapon. I mean some of these.
Some of these Japanese women have got very small.
Arms like, yes, do you worse, do you worse?
China's trying to strangle you and trying to, Yeah.
What are you? Doing If they're like trans
jangling, like baby arms, you know what you're doing what
you're doing. Trying to strangle you, just
tickling what scratch edge. But yeah.
But he says, of course, if he finds her unfaithful, he can
kill her any way you want. Sexism.
I'm sorry about KB sexism. He can kill her any way you
want, but she only has to use her hands a very small.
I thought you might, I thought you might kill her by sexism.
So with like really derogatory comments to make her feel really
bad, so bad that she dies. It's you're useless in the
kitchen. You've never cut me a nice meal
and you're washing up shit. It's like you make that kind of
say song. Cognitive Japan, No.
You said Japanese people are very small.
Well, Hong Kong people. Hong Kong people have got very
small hands. OK, I'll give you one more as
well. Well, I know you know when you
buy clothes from like Tammu, they never fit there.
I don't know. I know something about a wedding
dress from Tammu, not a retired. And was she not a Hong Kong
person? No, we both.
Was she a British person? We know, I think I know.
You've been sorry. That's what did you sure she
lived the best life? Yes, she is in leisure.
An outfit that cost 3 crimes, 67 sama sour.
I said you're wearing your mum's blinds.
This is it from Shane. You tried?
No. It's great, isn't it?
I'm sure, I'm sure she's not listening.
Because I said to your ass, there's a bell bottom pants in.
Do you? Remember, cheeky bastard, she's
the only I got these from Shane. I said probably in in.
Japan, They're not with the bell bottoms.
Yeah, they were bell bottoms jeans.
Not a great clubs. No, they were bell bottoms.
They were like a proper like because I said and then coming
back in. But yeah, I think I might have
said two of that, right. That's just how much for that
outfit. Three Prime 67.
Cheeky bastard in Lebanon. Yeah.
Brute this is this is word for word.
So don't have a gun. Brute.
Some relationships with animals. Oh.
How be your dog? Are allowed as long as the
animal is of the opposite sex. I mean some.
Of these animals, it's hard to sex you know how some animals
that. You can't tell.
Only a vet can tell if it's a male or female.
I mean, you know some dogs you can.
Well, dogs you can tend to tell them.
Or she's a small dog. But cats are hard to tell.
Rabbits are hard. Rabbits are hard to sex.
Apparently I. Don't know, I've never sexed a
rabbit. Because I knew somebody about a
rabbit once that said is it a male or a female?
Sorry I I misunderstood that had a sex to the rabbit.
I haven't but I asked someone who had a rabbit is it a boy or
a girl and they went. Can they even work a phone?
A. Phone.
Yeah, A. Wife and phone.
He said he sexed the rabbit. I never sexed the rabbit, right?
No, I said, he said. It's hard to sex the rabbit,
yeah. But I've said to someone.
But they can't. They can't like, message you
back because they pause out. They can't keep that well.
Of course they can't predict your text, obviously not that.
Carrot him off. Would you carrot splash?
Never seen a rabbit in a carrot in real life.
They will though. If you wave the carrot a rabbit,
they'll be all over it. But.
Even though they've never seen one before.
I meet someone with a rabbit and I said is it a boy or a girl and
they went I don't know what. She's called Audrey.
Only the vet knows. But they better not tell her.
Well, that's taken to a vet. Oh, right.
But it was like it's house, it's house trained, don't worry about
it, it's around the living room. I know, but when it if it's
having a shit does it? Is it read in the newspaper or
is it? Is it read in the newspaper or
is it like putting some potpourri in a bowl at the same
time? What do you mean?
Well, it depends what sex is that?
Are you being sexist? Sure.
Because, you know, both sexes can use potpourri.
I know, but you generally it blocks itself toiletry sun in
it. Yeah, it says the blower sent
you a candle into the room. Do you change your?
Do you change it there? Honestly the Malvik Campbell's a
great 299 hotel ones. But but she said it was.
She doesn't. Smell like any hotel I've been
in. She's always out trained and it
ran across the floor and what to do is do come in little balls
don't we? I know it's like.
It was like PAC, I think was the opposite of Pac-Man because
Pac-Man eats the beads, eats the pills.
It was like as it was going down like blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah wee.
Wee wee, wee wee with some ghost oil after it.
Not sure the male or female love.
Yeah Lebanon you can. You can bang an animal as long
as it is the opposite sex. It says a lot well about the
world today. The matter if it was imagine,
though, if it was like the same sex, they'd probably like Choppy
better for some people, wouldn't they?
Over there, yeah. Yeah.
Chop your hands off. We didn't know another penis on
this but. I couldn't see it from me.
It's very thick hair. I just held onto it's antlers.
This is what we imagine people who love.
Themselves, I don't know what they sound like.
But yeah, because sometimes, like a shaggy dog.
I know, but The thing is, you'd know what you're because some of
them do have antlers, some of them don't.
Well, no, it's females. If it were a goat.
Females are antlers, don't they? Yeah, and it's a goat.
I've a goat's got horns. But male goats have a lions.
It's a lion. You just said you're lying,
bastard. It's got fucking horns.
Just thought it was something easy to grab hold of.
You Shank the male goat. Anyways, it's been fun, but it's
time to go. It is.
And we'll see you this time. Next time, Yeah, next time.
Yeah, OK, Captain, neither. Too much talk of shagging
animals in this episode. Goodbye ladies.
You can catch