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You're listening to She Said, 
what with your host, Alyssa 

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Harper. 
Hello sexy people, and welcome 

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back to she Said. 
What if you've not been here 

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before? 
Then I just want to welcome you 

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and let you know that this is a 
safe space for you to come and 

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grow to become the best version 
of yourself. 

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Whether we're talking about self
growth or sex and sexuality or 

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relationships, there's going to 
be something in every episode 

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that you can walk away with and 
input into your life. 

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And of course, this is a very 
inclusive space and I'm so happy

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that you're here. 
So thank you. 

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And if you are just coming back,
then welcome back. 

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Nice to see you again. 
Hope you're doing really well. 

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Today we're going to be talking 
about friendship breakups, which

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is a tough topic because I feel 
like there's a lot less talk 

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about this. 
I think we talk a lot about 

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relationship breakups, like 
romantic relationships, and we 

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see a lot of stories about that 
in media, whether that's like 

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movies or social media or 
whatever else. 

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But the breakup of a friendship 
can be really, really tough and 

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sometimes even more tough than 
romantic breakup. 

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So we're going to talk about 
that today and why that might 

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be. 
Of course we're going to be 

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sharing some of my own 
experiences, but also some 

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experiences that I've heard from
you guys as well. 

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I've asked over on the Facebook 
page and I asked through my 

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Instagram Stories. 
So if you guys want to be 

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involved in that back and forth 
before episodes come out, then 

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make sure that you go follow me 
on Instagram and TikTok, Atlas, 

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Taylor Harper and join the 
Facebook group. 

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If you want to meet some 
likeminded people, have a chat 

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about the episodes afterwards 
and all of that. 

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That's the she said what Podcast
group on Facebook. 

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All right, let's get into it 
now. 

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What you're going to be getting 
out of this episode is learning 

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how to create boundaries if you 
want to continue a friendship 

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with somebody, but also how to 
know when it's time to end the 

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friendship and what those red 
flags look like when you 

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actually know like, OK, it's 
time to move on. 

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It's time to stop putting in the
effort. 

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We're also going to be talking 
about impermanence of life and 

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impermanence of relationships 
and how to make peace with that 

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just in general, because I think
that really ties into today's 

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topic. 
And like I said, of course I'm 

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going to share some personal 
stories of my own and share a 

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little bit of the advice that I 
got from you guys on this 

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subject as well. 
So super excited. 

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I do want to hop into it as soon
as possible. 

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I'll give you a tiny quick 
little update just because there

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is something I want to share 
with you guys. 

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Yesterday I did a Q&A on my 
Instagram Stories and a question

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that came up was, if I'm in an 
open relationship and I've never

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talked about this before on the 
podcast, I am. 

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So the answer to that is yes. 
And it's hard for me because 

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honestly guys like I feel like 
I've been kind of like lying a 

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little bit, not being fully 
open. 

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But the reason I didn't say 
anything about this for the last

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year? 
Really. 

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Oh, there's a plane going by. 
Sorry if you can hear that. 

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The reason I didn't talk about 
it was because I wanted to make 

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sure that I felt really 
confident in it before I shared 

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about it. 
I felt like someone who creates 

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content and to have a lot of 
people looking at my life and 

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judging my life and whatever 
else. 

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I wasn't ready to receive 
negative backlash. 

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I wasn't ready to receive people
questioning it. 

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I wasn't ready to share it with 
my family yet. 

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I needed some time to, like, 
find balance in it, be grounded 

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in it, find confidence in it 
before I went and shared that 

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with people. 
And so that's why I held off on 

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sharing that. 
But there will be episodes 

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coming up about it. 
I know I've gotten a lot of 

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questions ever since sharing it,
even just last night. 

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So there you go. 
Now, you know, Sam and I are, we

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are obviously still together. 
Absolutely love that man. 

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Amazing person in my life. 
And it's just it's been a whole 

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journey where we've grown 
together. 

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And of course, if you guys been 
around for a while, you know 

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that I moved to Australia right 
after high school. 

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I went straight into a very, 
like, religious organization. 

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It was so much more intense than
I thought it was going to be. 

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Coming here, I wasn't allowed to
live with Sam. 

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I wasn't allowed to. 
Why was? 

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I mean, in theory, no one can 
stop you. 

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But like, you weren't allowed to
have sex at all if you weren't 

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married, you weren't allowed to 
drink, you weren't allowed to, 

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like, smoke, you weren't allowed
to do all these things, right? 

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And they were big on perception.
So we got married after we 

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literally, we dated for eight 
months, got engaged, we got 

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married six months later, very 
much rushed. 

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I was very young. 
I got engaged when I was 19. 

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And then we just got to a point 
in our relationship where we 

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were like, hey, we actually 
missed a really big part of our 

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kind of like 20s of like 
exploring and meeting new 

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people. 
And for me, my sexuality very 

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much tied into that as well. 
And so after lots and lots of 

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conversation, lots of like 
coming to terms with what that 

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might look like, figuring out 
boundaries again, there's so 

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much to say about this. 
But after all of that, we ended 

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up deciding to go into having an
open relationship. 

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And we've been doing that now 
for a while and it's been 

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lovely. 
It's been amazing. 

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So now I feel like I'm so like, 
I feel like a weight's been 

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lifted off me because I feel 
like I can share with you guys 

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now different episodes, like 
about starting with girls or 

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going on dates with girls or 
doing that for the first time 

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properly and what that looks 
like. 

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And I don't know. 
I feel like a whole new thing is

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just opened up for me. 
And it does feel so relieving. 

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But I definitely wanted to make 
sure that I did that in timing 

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that made sense and felt healthy
for me. 

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So there you go. 
The more you know. 

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But yeah, so that's my only 
update. 

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It's not an update for me or 
anything new, but it's new to 

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you guys. 
So now you're in on that part of

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my life as well. 
Yeah, I want to get right into 

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today's episode because this is 
a pretty chunky one. 

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There's quite a lot that I want 
to share. 

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We're going to go through, first
of all, some like friendship 

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foundations, some things that I 
just know to be true about 

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friendship. 
That is really important to kind

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of set up what we're talking 
about. 

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And then we're going to talk 
about impermanence in life. 

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And then we're going to talk 
about green flags of when to 

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maybe continue a friendship and 
then red flags when it's like, 

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you just got to get out of it 
and it's sucks. 

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Obviously, it's going to kind of
suck regardless. 

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This isn't like the the lightest
topic, you know. 

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I've also realized that recently
that my episodes are always like

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how to deal with this tough 
situation. 

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So in the episodes end up 
feeling like really kind of like

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intense and very emotional. 
And you guys will message me and

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be like, in tears after this 
episode. 

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We're going to have to process 
this episode. 

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And I'm like, Jesus Christ, 
like, I feel like I put a lot on

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you guys. 
So we're going to try to keep it

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nice and light, OK? 
We're going to have fun. 

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This isn't going to be too 
intense. 

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We'll see. 
But yeah, I'm excited, so let's 

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get straight into it. 
Starting out. 

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Also, I have my notes here, 
obviously, as I always do. 

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I'm just not going to try to 
hide it. 

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I just, why would I do that? 
OK, just relax. 

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Alright. 
So starting out with Friendship 

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Foundations #1 is that changing 
up your friend groups, whether 

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that's falling away from people 
or meeting new people throughout

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your life, is obviously very 
normal. 

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I think there's kind of like 
this narrative that we're taught

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where you meant to have like, 
friends for life and like, your 

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best friends from when you were 
three years old. 

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And then it's like this kind of,
like, romanticized thing to have

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lifelong friends. 
And there's so much value in 

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that for sure. 
Like I have a few friends that I

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was really, really great friends
with in high school. 

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We still FaceTime. 
We still have relationships, but

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the relationships just look very
different now. 

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And that's the thing. 
Not only will people come in and

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out of your life, but 
relationships will shift with 

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time. 
Like I just mentioned with Sam 

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and I, you know, at one point we
were monogamous and now we are 

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not and maybe one day we will be
again, you know. 

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So it's just kind of like you 
have to understand that like 

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life happens, things are going 
to continue to happen and change

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is normal. 
We have to be ready to expect 

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that change. 
And that's actually totally, 

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totally fine. 
So there's nothing wrong with 

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having shifts in relationships 
and in friendships. 

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Like, around the time of COVID, 
I had a whole bunch of friends 

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who were from overseas move 
away. 

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It was like my core group of 
people. 

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Basically everybody left other 
than Sam Faith, a 223 Paulina. 

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I'm just trying to think there's
like literally a handful of 

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people that I actually had in my
life. 

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Other than that, everyone got 
the fuck out of Sydney because 

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everyone was spending so much 
money living here. 

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And they're like, why would I 
stay here during lockdown, you 

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know? 
So for me, that was a huge 

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shift, and I really had to 
rebuild #2. 

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Friendship breakups can be just 
as hurtful as romantic breakups 

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and sometimes even worse. 
And I think the thing behind 

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this, at least for me, is that 
generally going into some sort 

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of romantic situationship 
relationship, whatever you have 

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in your brain, that something 
might go bad. 

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Like you've seen heart ache. 
Maybe you grew up with a divorce

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happening. 
Maybe you saw aunts and uncles 

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struggling with that. 
Maybe, like, you've been hurt 

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before by men, women, whoever, 
right? 

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Like, maybe you've had those 
experiences where you know that 

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that might happen. 
But with friends, I feel like 

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you're not sitting around 
thinking 01 day something bad is

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going to happen, or they're 
going to say something or 

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something's going to come up. 
Or, you know, I feel like you 

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don't anticipate issues coming 
up as much with friends because 

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it doesn't feel like as intense 
of a connection sometimes. 

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Obviously that's so person to 
person, but I would say 

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generally it's like when you 
fall in love, so with someone's 

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like you're like head over 
heels. 

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Sometimes with friends it can 
happen like that. 

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I can definitely get like that 
sometimes. 

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But there tends to be more 
boundaries because usually if 

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it's just a friend and it's not 
a complicated situation, then 

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you don't have like the sexual 
connection. 

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If that's something that you 
enjoy, you know, not everyone 

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does, OK, OK, Just trying to be 
inclusive here. 

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If that's something that you do,
you know there's that's not 

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really a part of it. 
Like, usually there's more of a 

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separation, but with loving 
relationships, romantic 

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relationships, I should say you 
kind of think like, ooh, got to 

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be careful, got to have 
boundaries, got to consider 

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myself first, got to love me 
before I can love anyone else. 

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But it's different with friends.
#3 is that our interpersonal 

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relationships and community, or 
lack thereof, is going to 

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determine the quality of our 
lives. 

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I think we can all agree that 
relationships are basically the 

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most important thing in life. 
Like obviously, other than 

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survival shit like eating and 
drinking and you know that kind 

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of sleeping. 
You know that kind of shit. 

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Relationships is what we need. 
Like we know the worst kind of 

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torture is to isolate a human 
right. 

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Community like is so important. 
Having connection to others, 

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feeling purpose because you are 
giving and receiving from others

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is just so, so, so important. 
So we need to be prioritizing 

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learning about friendships and 
thinking about our friendships 

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like you are right now. 
We need to be doing that because

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that is where we're going to 
find, like, joy and fulfillment 

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in our lives. 
And of course you can have nice 

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things, right? 
You can have money, you can have

228
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:50,680
a good career. 
But without fulfilling 

229
00:10:50,680 --> 00:10:54,720
relationships, those are the 
things that are not going to 

230
00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:58,040
satisfy us. 
We really need to have deep 

231
00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:00,320
connection with other humans to 
get that. 

232
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:03,680
And #4 OK, relationships take 
work. 

233
00:11:03,840 --> 00:11:05,200
They're always going to take 
work. 

234
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:09,120
And we hear that, and we usually
connect like a negativity to it.

235
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:11,340
And work isn't necessarily a bad
thing. 

236
00:11:11,340 --> 00:11:13,260
It's just effort. 
That's all it is. 

237
00:11:13,260 --> 00:11:15,620
It's effort. 
And this could look like having 

238
00:11:15,620 --> 00:11:18,980
to commit time to your friends. 
It can look like having to be 

239
00:11:18,980 --> 00:11:22,060
emotionally vulnerable to 
actually create that depth, that

240
00:11:22,060 --> 00:11:26,170
connection, having to 
communicate well, so being able 

241
00:11:26,170 --> 00:11:29,930
to work through issues as they 
come up and getting back to that

242
00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:32,490
text when you don't really want 
to or you have to set aside that

243
00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:35,050
time right. 
Another thing can be managing 

244
00:11:35,050 --> 00:11:37,250
our emotions. 
So if we are having an emotional

245
00:11:37,250 --> 00:11:39,810
reaction to something, 
understanding that to be a good 

246
00:11:39,810 --> 00:11:44,330
friend you need to 1st be a good
friend to yourself and manage 

247
00:11:44,330 --> 00:11:46,650
your emotions and take care of 
yourself. 

248
00:11:47,130 --> 00:11:50,210
Another one is practicing 
honesty like that is hard to do 

249
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,090
sometimes. 
Depending on who you are and 

250
00:11:52,090 --> 00:11:55,610
kind of how you tend to go with 
how open you are. 

251
00:11:56,330 --> 00:11:59,290
That can be something that is a 
barrier, something that you have

252
00:11:59,290 --> 00:12:02,290
to get over, start letting down 
some walls to be able to let 

253
00:12:02,290 --> 00:12:04,130
people in. 
And there's so many other 

254
00:12:04,130 --> 00:12:07,570
things, of course. 
So although work is required in 

255
00:12:07,570 --> 00:12:10,690
a healthy relationship, we want 
to be doing that alongside 

256
00:12:10,690 --> 00:12:13,050
people who are also willing to 
do that work. 

257
00:12:13,050 --> 00:12:15,490
And that's a really key thing. 
And again, we're going to talk 

258
00:12:15,490 --> 00:12:16,610
about that a little bit more as 
well. 

259
00:12:16,770 --> 00:12:19,250
But it's that balance. 
If you are putting in all this 

260
00:12:19,250 --> 00:12:21,890
effort, if you're putting in all
this work, if you're opening up 

261
00:12:21,890 --> 00:12:25,090
about your life, you're you're 
sharing, you know you're being 

262
00:12:25,090 --> 00:12:27,330
vulnerable and that person isn't
doing that. 

263
00:12:27,610 --> 00:12:30,970
It's likely not going to be a 
super strong relationship, a 

264
00:12:30,970 --> 00:12:34,980
good foundation, because you're 
not going to necessarily have 

265
00:12:34,980 --> 00:12:36,420
that bond. 
You know, you're not going to 

266
00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:38,100
relate on things. 
You're not going to feel that 

267
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:40,940
deep human connection with 
somebody because you're just not

268
00:12:40,940 --> 00:12:44,020
getting that from them. 
So it needs to be not only work 

269
00:12:44,020 --> 00:12:46,460
from your side, but of course 
from them as well. 

270
00:12:46,460 --> 00:12:49,180
And it needs to be equal. 
And I will say just a quick note

271
00:12:49,180 --> 00:12:51,820
on that as well is that it's not
always going to be 100% equal. 

272
00:12:51,820 --> 00:12:54,540
Like I think there is an up and 
down in relationship. 

273
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,740
Sometimes someone will get a new
job and it's like you don't 

274
00:12:56,740 --> 00:12:58,700
really see them that much. 
That's not them not putting an 

275
00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:00,380
effort. 
That's them having life happen 

276
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,300
to them and that's fine. 
So I do want to make a little 

277
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:05,020
note of that, just in case. 
Right there, your brain clocked,

278
00:13:05,140 --> 00:13:06,980
oh, see, they're not putting in 
enough effort. 

279
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,700
And it is really important that 
we do step back just for a 

280
00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:11,900
second, just to go, oh, are 
there reasons that they might 

281
00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:15,740
not be doing that before we 
assume that we are the problem 

282
00:13:15,740 --> 00:13:18,220
or we assume that they have a 
problem with us or we assume 

283
00:13:18,220 --> 00:13:19,700
that there's like a malicious 
intent? 

284
00:13:19,700 --> 00:13:22,740
Because usually there's not. 
All right, let's get into 

285
00:13:22,860 --> 00:13:27,100
impermanence in life. 
This is a big topic of course, 

286
00:13:27,820 --> 00:13:31,700
and it applies to so many areas.
But I feel like it's so 

287
00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:34,980
important with this because 
friendships, relationships, 

288
00:13:34,980 --> 00:13:38,060
again, they change. 
They they come, they go like 

289
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:40,300
people are going to come in and 
out of your life for seasons. 

290
00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:43,020
And you might think someone's 
going to be a lifelong friend 

291
00:13:43,180 --> 00:13:45,420
and then they end up only being 
like a good friend of yours for 

292
00:13:45,420 --> 00:13:47,180
a few months. 
Or you might meet someone 

293
00:13:47,180 --> 00:13:49,860
thinking nothing of it and then 
you could be best friends for 

294
00:13:49,860 --> 00:13:51,220
years and years and years to 
come. 

295
00:13:51,420 --> 00:13:53,780
I've had friendships like that 
where I kind of like at the 

296
00:13:53,780 --> 00:13:56,220
start of the friendship. 
It doesn't feel super balanced. 

297
00:13:56,220 --> 00:13:59,300
Like I have a friend where when 
we first started in our 

298
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:02,170
friendship, it was always kind 
of like I was giving her advice.

299
00:14:02,370 --> 00:14:06,330
I didn't really see her to be in
a similar season to me at all. 

300
00:14:06,330 --> 00:14:09,450
Like this isn't, you know, she'd
be fine for me to say this now 

301
00:14:09,450 --> 00:14:11,130
and obviously not. 
You can say her name anyways, 

302
00:14:11,130 --> 00:14:13,730
but she was a bit more like 
immature, like she just like 

303
00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:16,770
hadn't worked through some stuff
and she definitely like gave to 

304
00:14:16,770 --> 00:14:18,730
me in so many other ways. 
We had so much fun together, but

305
00:14:18,730 --> 00:14:22,770
we never really had that, like, 
balance with when it came to our

306
00:14:22,770 --> 00:14:24,890
guest, like, our emotional lives
and everything else. 

307
00:14:25,550 --> 00:14:27,270
She's just a bit rogue. 
She was just running all over 

308
00:14:27,270 --> 00:14:29,390
the place, dating people, making
all these crazy choices, 

309
00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:30,950
whatever, having fun, you know, 
living her life. 

310
00:14:31,190 --> 00:14:34,830
But I wasn't looking to do that.
So I had never felt like we had 

311
00:14:34,830 --> 00:14:36,270
that balance. 
And I remember thinking like, 

312
00:14:36,310 --> 00:14:38,190
oh, we probably aren't going to 
be very good friends for a very 

313
00:14:38,190 --> 00:14:39,950
long time. 
But I do really enjoy your 

314
00:14:39,950 --> 00:14:41,590
company. 
And I don't know, look, it's 

315
00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:43,150
just, it's not that I didn't 
think we're gonna be friends. 

316
00:14:43,150 --> 00:14:45,350
I feel like this sounds so bad. 
But like, I'm just saying that I

317
00:14:45,350 --> 00:14:48,470
didn't expect a lot of it. 
And then in time we got closer 

318
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,790
and closer. 
She went through so much growth.

319
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:53,070
So did I, of course. 
But like, she went through that 

320
00:14:53,070 --> 00:14:56,030
big season of growth kind of 
just a little bit after I had, 

321
00:14:56,150 --> 00:14:59,390
and now we're like balanced, you
know, Now we're here and I'll go

322
00:14:59,390 --> 00:15:00,750
to her and I'll tell her about 
stuff. 

323
00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:03,510
And she's such a support for me.
And like, we've been friends now

324
00:15:03,510 --> 00:15:06,510
for years and it's been amazing.
But you just never know, You 

325
00:15:06,510 --> 00:15:07,510
never know who's coming into 
your life. 

326
00:15:07,510 --> 00:15:11,070
So speaking on impermanence of 
life, right, what you have 

327
00:15:11,070 --> 00:15:14,590
today, you are not guaranteed to
have tomorrow, Okay. 

328
00:15:14,750 --> 00:15:18,110
You can be really close to 
somebody right now and then they

329
00:15:18,110 --> 00:15:19,710
could tell you tomorrow that 
they're going to go move 

330
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:22,190
somewhere or they're going to 
make this life choice or they're

331
00:15:22,230 --> 00:15:24,150
going to start this job or 
they're going to do something. 

332
00:15:24,270 --> 00:15:26,070
You are not guaranteed and teed 
that. 

333
00:15:26,390 --> 00:15:31,030
And like I mentioned earlier, 
when during COVID I had all 

334
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:33,790
those friends leave a few weeks 
before that, when we were all 

335
00:15:33,790 --> 00:15:35,950
going out together having the 
best time of our lives, we were 

336
00:15:35,950 --> 00:15:38,790
like all knowing that we were 
going to leave this college. 

337
00:15:38,790 --> 00:15:41,110
So we all just started going out
and like drinking and whatever 

338
00:15:41,110 --> 00:15:42,870
together. 
It sounds so funny to me being 

339
00:15:42,870 --> 00:15:45,510
like he, I'm like feel nervous 
talking about it cuz I literally

340
00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:48,350
would have gotten in so much 
trouble like, Oh my God, and at 

341
00:15:48,350 --> 00:15:51,380
the time having the time of my 
life, some of the time my life. 

342
00:15:51,380 --> 00:15:54,060
Because for the last, like, 
however long it had been, a year

343
00:15:54,060 --> 00:15:59,020
and a half or so I had been not 
barely, like barely drinking. 

344
00:15:59,020 --> 00:16:01,620
Everything was a big secret. 
I wasn't dressing certain ways. 

345
00:16:01,620 --> 00:16:04,060
I was very, like, worried about 
how I looked all the time, like 

346
00:16:04,260 --> 00:16:06,780
trying to give this, like, 
perfect Angel presentation, you 

347
00:16:06,780 --> 00:16:10,790
know, Christian girly vibes. 
And then it was like the start 

348
00:16:10,790 --> 00:16:13,950
of COVID, like very, very early.
Just when it was like first 

349
00:16:13,950 --> 00:16:15,830
starting to become a thing and 
everybody's like the world's 

350
00:16:15,830 --> 00:16:17,590
ending, Who gives a fuck? 
Let's go. 

351
00:16:17,830 --> 00:16:19,550
We all went out. 
We started having the best time 

352
00:16:19,550 --> 00:16:21,270
together. 
And I remember thinking, this is

353
00:16:21,270 --> 00:16:22,670
the best friend group of my 
life. 

354
00:16:22,670 --> 00:16:24,670
Like, I I love these people so 
much. 

355
00:16:24,670 --> 00:16:26,190
I need them in my life like I 
was. 

356
00:16:26,190 --> 00:16:28,390
So like, I needed to hold on to 
these people. 

357
00:16:28,390 --> 00:16:30,150
I had this really intense 
feeling like that. 

358
00:16:30,430 --> 00:16:32,750
And then I literally lost, 
almost all of them. 

359
00:16:33,350 --> 00:16:35,350
And lost is pretty dramatic. 
I mean, they are still alive, 

360
00:16:35,630 --> 00:16:38,670
you know, thank God. 
But I just didn't have them 

361
00:16:38,670 --> 00:16:40,910
close to me anymore. 
And obviously then didn't get to

362
00:16:40,910 --> 00:16:43,350
have those deeper relationships 
as much for much longer with a 

363
00:16:43,350 --> 00:16:45,460
lot of those people. 
Yeah. 

364
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:48,940
So I just want to encourage you 
that if you feel like you have a

365
00:16:48,940 --> 00:16:52,820
loss right now where that person
or a group of people or 

366
00:16:52,820 --> 00:16:55,620
whatever, you're like looking at
them being like, I'm never going

367
00:16:55,620 --> 00:16:58,220
to find that again. 
Just know that you will. 

368
00:16:58,300 --> 00:17:00,580
Like I'm telling you right now, 
It's not that you probably will.

369
00:17:00,580 --> 00:17:02,420
You literally will. 
You have your whole life ahead 

370
00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:06,020
of you and you'll look back and 
you'll still see those memories 

371
00:17:06,020 --> 00:17:08,260
as being amazing memories and 
those people being great friends

372
00:17:08,260 --> 00:17:11,800
and everything else. 
But it doesn't mean that you 

373
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:14,560
can't have that again. 
And having new people as well 

374
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:16,920
doesn't take away from the fact 
that those people served a 

375
00:17:16,920 --> 00:17:19,200
purpose at that time. 
And that's great, OK? 

376
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,440
What can you do with this 
feeling of impermanence? 

377
00:17:22,599 --> 00:17:26,640
First of all, I want you to 
enjoy every interaction for what

378
00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:31,330
it is, just for what it is. 
Don't try to meet somebody and 

379
00:17:31,330 --> 00:17:34,450
make it something straight away,
like don't jump too far ahead. 

380
00:17:34,690 --> 00:17:37,690
Don't try to create a narrative.
Don't try to put people into 

381
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:41,770
boxes in your life. 
Just let people flow in and 

382
00:17:41,770 --> 00:17:44,050
enjoy every interaction for what
it is. 

383
00:17:44,210 --> 00:17:46,210
As you're sat there talking with
someone, you're enjoying their 

384
00:17:46,210 --> 00:17:47,410
company, you're laughing with 
them. 

385
00:17:47,570 --> 00:17:51,490
Be present and love that moment.
And then even if you have in the

386
00:17:51,490 --> 00:17:53,570
back of your mind, I want to 
hang out this person again or oh

387
00:17:53,570 --> 00:17:55,370
like I feel like this could be a
really good friend for me. 

388
00:17:55,730 --> 00:17:58,970
That feeling of excitement is 
great, but don't let it freak 

389
00:17:58,970 --> 00:18:02,210
you out and kind of like psych 
you out like because that's a 

390
00:18:02,210 --> 00:18:06,530
thing Like that can definitely 
cause you to then self sabotage.

391
00:18:06,530 --> 00:18:10,290
Like you start to try to make 
things happen a certain way and 

392
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:14,330
it becomes this control thing. 
It becomes this like I need this

393
00:18:14,330 --> 00:18:17,690
security probably comes from 
like a lack of security as well.

394
00:18:17,690 --> 00:18:19,890
I would say in yourself, 
realistically, if we're going a 

395
00:18:19,890 --> 00:18:23,210
bit deep here, if you try to do 
that, if you find yourself doing

396
00:18:23,210 --> 00:18:26,470
that, try to just back up. 
Be as present as possible and 

397
00:18:26,470 --> 00:18:28,750
enjoy every single interaction 
for what it is. 

398
00:18:28,910 --> 00:18:34,070
Also, don't put pressure on one 
person or a friend group or 

399
00:18:34,070 --> 00:18:36,430
whatever to fulfill all of your 
needs. 

400
00:18:36,430 --> 00:18:38,990
Like, you can have friends for 
different things, right? 

401
00:18:38,990 --> 00:18:40,910
You can have a friend that you 
go to Pilates with. 

402
00:18:40,910 --> 00:18:42,550
You can have a friend that you 
go to the beach with. 

403
00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:45,230
You can have a friend that you 
go play a certain sport with. 

404
00:18:45,390 --> 00:18:48,110
You can have a friend that you 
like just go on walks with and 

405
00:18:48,110 --> 00:18:49,470
you don't even really do 
anything with them. 

406
00:18:49,630 --> 00:18:51,870
Like you can have friends that 
you'd like to do different 

407
00:18:51,870 --> 00:18:54,350
things with. 
And again, that's really normal 

408
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:56,870
and really healthy and actually 
really fun because you get that 

409
00:18:56,870 --> 00:18:59,870
kind of like diversity. 
Something that I like to do as 

410
00:18:59,870 --> 00:19:02,510
well is sometimes I'll have kind
of like friends from all over, 

411
00:19:02,510 --> 00:19:04,750
like say, maybe I'll have like 
10 friends in my head that I can

412
00:19:04,750 --> 00:19:06,710
think of. 
And it's like all different 

413
00:19:06,710 --> 00:19:08,190
places. 
Maybe a few of them know each 

414
00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:09,870
other or whatever. 
Sometimes I'll just get us all 

415
00:19:09,870 --> 00:19:12,270
together and I'll just like, 
force them to all hang out and 

416
00:19:12,270 --> 00:19:14,390
see who clicks because that's a 
really fun way to do it. 

417
00:19:14,390 --> 00:19:17,030
So it's like don't put pressure 
too much on one thing. 

418
00:19:17,190 --> 00:19:20,750
Just know that over time things 
will kind of mix, maybe friends 

419
00:19:20,750 --> 00:19:22,630
will mix and have a good time 
together. 

420
00:19:22,750 --> 00:19:26,350
You never know what's coming. 
Like, just try not to put that 

421
00:19:26,350 --> 00:19:28,790
pressure on. 
Something that helps me is 

422
00:19:28,790 --> 00:19:32,030
seeing relationships kind of 
like a story that just, like 

423
00:19:32,030 --> 00:19:35,830
continues with time rather than 
having this, like checkpoint in 

424
00:19:35,830 --> 00:19:38,030
your head of like, OK, these are
the friends that I have right 

425
00:19:38,030 --> 00:19:40,630
now, OK, yes, these are the kind
of people I want to have around 

426
00:19:40,630 --> 00:19:41,870
me. 
Like getting a little bit too 

427
00:19:41,870 --> 00:19:45,030
analytical about your life, 
being able to just back up and 

428
00:19:45,030 --> 00:19:47,430
be like, oh, it's a story. 
You know, like maybe right now 

429
00:19:47,550 --> 00:19:51,470
I've just met someone in a 
season of their life where this 

430
00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:54,830
isn't just them, this is just a 
version of them right now on 

431
00:19:54,830 --> 00:19:56,430
their journey that I'm 
experiencing. 

432
00:19:56,590 --> 00:19:58,430
Maybe you meet them when they're
going through a really tough 

433
00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:00,110
time. 
So maybe you really like them 

434
00:20:00,110 --> 00:20:01,870
and you enjoy their company, but
you don't want to spend all the 

435
00:20:01,870 --> 00:20:04,350
time with them because you're 
just kind of getting to know 

436
00:20:04,350 --> 00:20:06,670
someone and and there's a lot to
unpack. 

437
00:20:06,670 --> 00:20:09,150
And you know, maybe you're going
through that or maybe you meet 

438
00:20:09,150 --> 00:20:11,110
someone when they're really busy
and they're in a new season, 

439
00:20:11,110 --> 00:20:14,230
they're having a lot of fun, but
then in time they start to kind 

440
00:20:14,230 --> 00:20:16,070
of like slow down and they have 
a bit more time for you. 

441
00:20:16,070 --> 00:20:18,990
Like, just don't see that 
initial. 

442
00:20:19,110 --> 00:20:21,710
Version of your relationship as 
the relationship. 

443
00:20:21,710 --> 00:20:25,030
Because again, it's like this 
ongoing story, because of this 

444
00:20:25,030 --> 00:20:28,950
impermanence in our lives. 
It's OK to fear loss. 

445
00:20:29,510 --> 00:20:33,230
It's OK to look back at past 
experiences and be like, well, I

446
00:20:33,230 --> 00:20:35,710
lost this friend or well, I lost
this person. 

447
00:20:35,750 --> 00:20:40,990
But don't let the anxiety in 
that fear of losing someone stop

448
00:20:40,990 --> 00:20:43,310
you from enjoying the present. 
I know I keep talking about the 

449
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:46,270
present, but it's really, really
important because like I said a 

450
00:20:46,270 --> 00:20:48,690
little bit ago, this will cause 
you to self sabotage. 

451
00:20:48,890 --> 00:20:51,890
You're literally going to look 
at other relationships that 

452
00:20:51,890 --> 00:20:54,610
you're starting for the first 
time, new relationships, great 

453
00:20:54,610 --> 00:20:56,570
relationships. 
And you're going to go, oh, but 

454
00:20:56,570 --> 00:20:57,890
what if they're just like that 
person? 

455
00:20:58,450 --> 00:21:00,770
Oh, what if they just do the 
same thing that person did where

456
00:21:00,970 --> 00:21:03,690
they were jealous of me or they 
wouldn't celebrate my wins or 

457
00:21:03,690 --> 00:21:06,930
they, like wanted to take my 
friends from me or whatever. 

458
00:21:07,010 --> 00:21:10,610
We kind of like will, you know, 
foresee things and we'll make 

459
00:21:10,610 --> 00:21:11,970
assumptions and we don't want to
do that. 

460
00:21:12,690 --> 00:21:15,210
I also want you to be really 
real with yourself and ask 

461
00:21:15,210 --> 00:21:17,450
yourself if you might be 
struggling with some sort of 

462
00:21:17,450 --> 00:21:21,570
fear of abandonment. 
Because naturally, if you are 

463
00:21:21,570 --> 00:21:25,490
very triggered by losing this 
friend, I'm not saying 100% you 

464
00:21:25,490 --> 00:21:29,530
do, but I think some people like
or a lot of people do, It can be

465
00:21:29,570 --> 00:21:32,050
a psychological thing that can 
go back to your childhood. 

466
00:21:32,090 --> 00:21:34,050
It can be from past 
relationships, it can be from 

467
00:21:34,050 --> 00:21:37,410
funny things. 
But what will happen if you do 

468
00:21:37,410 --> 00:21:40,810
have that fear of abandonment? 
You're going to put up walls. 

469
00:21:40,810 --> 00:21:42,170
You're not going to let people 
in. 

470
00:21:42,330 --> 00:21:44,770
You're going to hold back 
emotions. 

471
00:21:44,930 --> 00:21:48,250
You're likely going to hold in 
issues that you have in your 

472
00:21:48,250 --> 00:21:51,090
relationships. 
And in time that's going to 

473
00:21:51,090 --> 00:21:54,850
manifest as resentment, and 
you're not going to be able to 

474
00:21:54,850 --> 00:21:58,530
build healthy friendships. 
So just take a second to ask 

475
00:21:58,530 --> 00:22:00,690
yourself that, because that 
could be a deeper issue that 

476
00:22:00,690 --> 00:22:03,450
you'd want to go work through, 
maybe with the therapist. 

477
00:22:03,450 --> 00:22:05,010
I don't know, maybe read a book.
I don't know. 

478
00:22:05,010 --> 00:22:07,130
It's up to you. 
But just a good question to ask 

479
00:22:07,130 --> 00:22:08,570
yourself and to kind of check in
on that. 

480
00:22:08,920 --> 00:22:12,840
My last point here is that just 
because a relationship doesn't 

481
00:22:12,840 --> 00:22:16,120
continue forever doesn't mean 
that it didn't serve a purpose 

482
00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,600
at one point and it wasn't still
a good relationship. 

483
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,600
And even if there are some 
negatives or there was like a 

484
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:26,800
negative ending, what we don't 
want to do is discount all of 

485
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,320
the good stuff because of 
something negative. 

486
00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,560
Like I think it's a lot easier 
for us sometimes to just be 

487
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:33,800
like, well, that's a shit 
person. 

488
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:36,600
They don't care about me. 
They did this one bad thing. 

489
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,900
They blah, blah, blah, blah. 
But it's easier. 

490
00:22:39,900 --> 00:22:43,260
But it's not necessarily like 
useful or productive. 

491
00:22:43,460 --> 00:22:46,740
Because now you look back on 
that relationship when it was 

492
00:22:46,740 --> 00:22:49,420
really great and you think, 
like, wow, that whole time they 

493
00:22:49,420 --> 00:22:51,820
were just thinking this or wow, 
they were actually like this, or

494
00:22:51,820 --> 00:22:54,940
I had no idea that they were 
going to do this in the end, but

495
00:22:54,980 --> 00:22:56,740
there was really great things 
about it. 

496
00:22:56,740 --> 00:23:00,180
And you're not an idiot. 
Like you want to be around 

497
00:23:00,180 --> 00:23:03,180
people that make you feel good 
and you probably have a good 

498
00:23:03,180 --> 00:23:05,220
sense of character and judge of 
character. 

499
00:23:05,460 --> 00:23:08,500
And so you didn't do anything 
wrong by being friends with that

500
00:23:08,500 --> 00:23:10,340
person. 
And the good times were good 

501
00:23:10,340 --> 00:23:14,140
times and let those good times 
be good times, like move forward

502
00:23:14,180 --> 00:23:16,940
knowing that those were good 
times and you're going to find 

503
00:23:16,940 --> 00:23:18,620
great times as well going 
forward. 

504
00:23:18,900 --> 00:23:21,740
But I just, there's something 
for me that I find really 

505
00:23:21,740 --> 00:23:26,180
empowering about Not now putting
someone in like the trash bin in

506
00:23:26,180 --> 00:23:29,180
my brain. 
Like, not just discounting them 

507
00:23:29,180 --> 00:23:31,980
and saying that they're now a 
shit person in my brain because 

508
00:23:31,980 --> 00:23:34,540
it's not actually helpful, it's 
not loving, it's not empathetic,

509
00:23:34,780 --> 00:23:36,700
and it's not healing for you. 
Oh, right. 

510
00:23:36,700 --> 00:23:41,100
OK, let's talk green flags and 
the things that you want to be 

511
00:23:41,100 --> 00:23:42,900
looking for. 
If you're sitting here right now

512
00:23:42,900 --> 00:23:46,300
and you're like, OK, friend 
break up, but maybe I could 

513
00:23:46,300 --> 00:23:48,660
become friends with them again. 
These are the things that you 

514
00:23:48,660 --> 00:23:52,420
would want them to be doing. 
And you can also see this from 

515
00:23:52,420 --> 00:23:55,220
the perspective of if they 
didn't do these things, then 

516
00:23:55,220 --> 00:23:57,700
you're probably on the right 
track by not having this person 

517
00:23:57,700 --> 00:23:59,500
in your life anymore. 
One thing thing is that you 

518
00:23:59,500 --> 00:24:02,780
trust this person's character 
and there's longevity in your 

519
00:24:02,780 --> 00:24:05,860
friendship. 
So a good thing is longevity 

520
00:24:05,860 --> 00:24:09,060
because it means that you 
actually have a long time, a 

521
00:24:09,060 --> 00:24:12,260
long amount of time where you've
seen situations unfold. 

522
00:24:12,260 --> 00:24:15,100
That person, you've seen how 
they've worked through things, 

523
00:24:15,100 --> 00:24:18,180
how they've communicated through
things, and that might not even 

524
00:24:18,180 --> 00:24:20,740
be issues that you've had with 
that person, but also issues 

525
00:24:20,740 --> 00:24:23,460
that you've seen them have with 
other people and other 

526
00:24:23,460 --> 00:24:25,460
situations. 
If you feel like you have a good

527
00:24:25,460 --> 00:24:28,500
read on their character, maybe 
that's a good reason to stick 

528
00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:30,020
around through a difficult 
season. 

529
00:24:30,220 --> 00:24:33,620
Another green flag is that this 
person is actively wanting to 

530
00:24:33,620 --> 00:24:36,180
work through these issues with 
you, and they're actively 

531
00:24:36,180 --> 00:24:40,140
seeking out ways to come to 
agreements, ways to move 

532
00:24:40,140 --> 00:24:41,820
forward. 
It's really important that that 

533
00:24:41,820 --> 00:24:46,140
person is showing that they want
you in their life. 

534
00:24:46,180 --> 00:24:48,460
They're not just willing to, 
like, give it up really quickly 

535
00:24:48,460 --> 00:24:50,900
just because they don't want to 
have to have that conversation, 

536
00:24:50,900 --> 00:24:53,660
because ultimately that shows 
that they don't value your 

537
00:24:53,660 --> 00:24:55,380
friendship enough. 
If you're gonna continue a 

538
00:24:55,380 --> 00:24:58,500
friendship with this person, you
want to trust their ability to 

539
00:24:58,500 --> 00:25:00,700
move forward. 
You want to have examples in 

540
00:25:00,700 --> 00:25:04,340
your mind of when you've seen 
them apologize to anybody. 

541
00:25:04,340 --> 00:25:06,940
Doesn't even matter who it's to.
But you've seen them be willing 

542
00:25:06,940 --> 00:25:09,620
to apologize. 
You've seen them be willing to 

543
00:25:09,620 --> 00:25:12,980
forgive, to move on, to admit 
their mistakes. 

544
00:25:12,980 --> 00:25:16,660
Like, genuinely someone being OK
with being wrong can be an 

545
00:25:16,660 --> 00:25:20,700
issue, because a lot of people 
really struggle to find that 

546
00:25:20,740 --> 00:25:23,580
moment where they lay down their
ego and just admit to their 

547
00:25:23,580 --> 00:25:25,630
faults. 
And the last one I want to share

548
00:25:25,630 --> 00:25:29,030
is that this person is going to 
respect your boundaries. 

549
00:25:29,190 --> 00:25:32,390
So say you choose to continue a 
relationship with this person, 

550
00:25:32,550 --> 00:25:34,910
but you need to set a clear 
boundary with them. 

551
00:25:34,910 --> 00:25:37,790
Like, OK, well, we're not going 
to talk about this topic 

552
00:25:37,790 --> 00:25:39,150
anymore. 
Like, OK, we're still going to 

553
00:25:39,150 --> 00:25:40,710
be friends. 
I understand you don't like my 

554
00:25:40,710 --> 00:25:42,430
boyfriend, Let's still be 
friends. 

555
00:25:42,430 --> 00:25:43,870
But let's not talk about my 
boyfriend. 

556
00:25:44,110 --> 00:25:47,550
Again, not a great scenario. 
But if that's the boundary you 

557
00:25:47,550 --> 00:25:49,230
want to set and you really want 
to have this person in your 

558
00:25:49,230 --> 00:25:51,430
life, maybe there's something 
you disagree on as well. 

559
00:25:51,430 --> 00:25:56,150
Like something like political or
something that you're okay with 

560
00:25:56,150 --> 00:25:58,990
not agreeing on. 
Like it's okay to be friends 

561
00:25:58,990 --> 00:26:02,230
with people where you just 
choose to not talk about certain

562
00:26:02,230 --> 00:26:04,030
things. 
Again, it is harder. 

563
00:26:04,030 --> 00:26:06,910
Like, it does mean that there's 
going to be some sort of block 

564
00:26:06,910 --> 00:26:07,870
there. 
There's going to be certain 

565
00:26:07,870 --> 00:26:10,550
things you can't talk about, and
that sucks. 

566
00:26:10,550 --> 00:26:14,350
But maybe you do want to 
prioritize that friendship and 

567
00:26:14,350 --> 00:26:17,230
continue with a boundary. 
And of course, want to make sure

568
00:26:17,230 --> 00:26:20,910
that that person is going to be 
someone who understands the idea

569
00:26:20,910 --> 00:26:25,150
of like, boundaries and is going
to want to respect you if that's

570
00:26:25,150 --> 00:26:26,710
what you choose to do going 
forward. 

571
00:26:26,710 --> 00:26:28,390
We're going to take a second to 
talk about the sponsor of 

572
00:26:28,390 --> 00:26:30,190
today's video. 
Vegetated. 

573
00:26:30,230 --> 00:26:34,470
Vegetated is an online platform 
that has over 100 courses about 

574
00:26:34,470 --> 00:26:37,790
sex and sexuality, intimacy, 
relationships. 

575
00:26:37,790 --> 00:26:39,350
There's so much good stuff on 
there. 

576
00:26:39,350 --> 00:26:41,070
I've been using it myself 
personally. 

577
00:26:41,070 --> 00:26:43,510
And one thing that I'll share 
with you guys that I learned 

578
00:26:43,510 --> 00:26:46,390
this week that was super 
interesting through their G Spot

579
00:26:46,510 --> 00:26:49,110
course, which is like a quickie 
course, they have these little 

580
00:26:49,110 --> 00:26:51,270
quick version ones that you can 
do and then they have more like 

581
00:26:51,270 --> 00:26:53,590
long form ones if you want to 
learn a bit more, go in more 

582
00:26:53,590 --> 00:26:55,630
depth. 
But in one of the quickie ones, 

583
00:26:55,870 --> 00:26:59,950
I learned these few points about
having a G Spot orgasm. 

584
00:27:00,110 --> 00:27:02,550
First of all that you have to 
believe that it is something 

585
00:27:02,550 --> 00:27:05,710
that you can do like if in your 
brain you're thinking, I'm not 

586
00:27:05,710 --> 00:27:07,590
going to be able to have this 
kind of orgasm right now. 

587
00:27:07,590 --> 00:27:08,910
My body's never done this 
before. 

588
00:27:08,990 --> 00:27:11,670
You're thinking it's not going 
to happen, then it's very likely

589
00:27:11,870 --> 00:27:14,830
that it's like not going to 
happen because our brains are so

590
00:27:14,830 --> 00:27:18,150
connected to our bodies in a 
sexual experience, and it's 

591
00:27:18,150 --> 00:27:21,190
important that you feel that 
confidence going into it. 

592
00:27:21,350 --> 00:27:25,590
Another point was to be in a 
relaxing space and to relax your

593
00:27:25,590 --> 00:27:27,790
body. 
How important that is and to 

594
00:27:27,790 --> 00:27:30,510
make sure that you're in a safe 
space so that you're not going 

595
00:27:30,510 --> 00:27:33,230
to be interrupted. 
And again, there's no likelihood

596
00:27:33,230 --> 00:27:35,870
for you to feel this anxiety of 
like, someone's gonna walk in, 

597
00:27:35,990 --> 00:27:38,310
but you know, you're safe to try
it properly. 

598
00:27:38,390 --> 00:27:41,590
Another really cool point was to
use your breath and to find that

599
00:27:41,590 --> 00:27:43,790
dance between the sympathetic 
nervous system and the 

600
00:27:43,790 --> 00:27:46,430
parasympathetic nervous system 
you're looking for. 

601
00:27:46,510 --> 00:27:50,550
Or a relaxed arousal kind of 
like this, like deep wave of 

602
00:27:50,550 --> 00:27:52,510
arousal. 
And the last point, which I 

603
00:27:52,510 --> 00:27:55,230
really love, is to let go of the
goal. 

604
00:27:55,230 --> 00:27:58,950
Like sure, you're sitting down 
to explore to see if you can 

605
00:27:58,950 --> 00:28:03,070
have that G spot orgasm, but 
ultimately you want to let go of

606
00:28:03,070 --> 00:28:05,070
that being the goal. 
As long as you leave that 

607
00:28:05,070 --> 00:28:09,510
experience, having pleasure, 
feeling relaxed, knowing that 

608
00:28:09,510 --> 00:28:13,150
you've invested some time into 
yourself and your sexuality, and

609
00:28:13,620 --> 00:28:16,180
feeling good in your body, then 
that's all that really matters. 

610
00:28:16,340 --> 00:28:19,580
I learned all of that in like a 
10 minute course. 

611
00:28:19,580 --> 00:28:21,740
I think it was maybe 15 minutes 
tops. 

612
00:28:22,020 --> 00:28:25,900
It's literally that easy to 
learn about your body and to 

613
00:28:25,900 --> 00:28:28,700
learn about sex and sexuality 
and grow that area of your life 

614
00:28:28,820 --> 00:28:31,540
With educated. 
You can learn to enjoy sex more,

615
00:28:31,540 --> 00:28:34,940
find more confidence in your 
sexual self, learn to try new 

616
00:28:34,940 --> 00:28:37,180
things, and learn how to 
communicate better. 

617
00:28:37,180 --> 00:28:41,420
You can do all of that for just 
$10 per month and using my code,

618
00:28:41,420 --> 00:28:45,140
Alyssa, you can get 40% off. 
Plus they have a 14 day money 

619
00:28:45,140 --> 00:28:47,100
back guarantee. 
So if you don't end up using the

620
00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:49,780
platform, it just doesn't fit 
into your lifestyle for whatever

621
00:28:49,780 --> 00:28:52,140
reason, then you can literally 
get all of your money back. 

622
00:28:52,220 --> 00:28:55,460
Subscribing to be educated is 
such a good investment and I 

623
00:28:55,460 --> 00:28:56,900
would recommend it so much for 
you guys. 

624
00:28:56,900 --> 00:28:59,100
Again, please feel free to use 
my code, Alyssa. 

625
00:28:59,100 --> 00:29:02,100
Or you can go to the link in the
episode description and you can 

626
00:29:02,100 --> 00:29:03,540
go from there. 
All right, let's get back to the

627
00:29:03,540 --> 00:29:06,100
episode. 
OK, let's talk red flags. 

628
00:29:06,220 --> 00:29:09,580
These are the things that this 
person should not be doing if 

629
00:29:09,580 --> 00:29:10,700
they're going to be in your 
life. 

630
00:29:10,700 --> 00:29:16,420
And if you see any of these 
things in somebody for me, huge 

631
00:29:16,420 --> 00:29:19,340
fucking red flag. 
OK, starting out, just to make 

632
00:29:19,340 --> 00:29:22,220
sure we say it, this person has 
done something unforgivable. 

633
00:29:22,220 --> 00:29:25,660
OK, we're talking. 
This person has gone behind your

634
00:29:25,660 --> 00:29:27,380
back and slept with your 
boyfriend. 

635
00:29:27,580 --> 00:29:31,180
We're talking. 
This person has found your nudes

636
00:29:31,180 --> 00:29:32,500
and sent them around to the 
school. 

637
00:29:32,540 --> 00:29:35,780
We're talking this person has 
been stealing from you, OK? 

638
00:29:35,780 --> 00:29:37,260
Something where you're like, 
what the fuck? 

639
00:29:37,420 --> 00:29:40,260
Like, OK, we're just just we 
understand that that one, 

640
00:29:40,260 --> 00:29:42,300
they're just going out, OK? 
And I'm not saying it's going to

641
00:29:42,300 --> 00:29:46,140
be easy for you still to move on
knowing that you don't have this

642
00:29:46,140 --> 00:29:47,900
friendship anymore. 
Someone can still do something 

643
00:29:47,900 --> 00:29:50,620
bad and you can still be angry 
at that while also still loving 

644
00:29:50,620 --> 00:29:51,900
them and wishing that they were 
in your life. 

645
00:29:51,900 --> 00:29:53,820
Like those things can happen at 
the same time. 

646
00:29:53,940 --> 00:29:56,260
But if they've done something 
unforgivable and it's like, Oh 

647
00:29:56,260 --> 00:29:58,660
my God, what the fuck, then just
know that you're on the right 

648
00:29:58,660 --> 00:30:01,340
path when it comes to not having
them in your life anymore going 

649
00:30:01,340 --> 00:30:03,500
forward. 
If you're like, not willing to 

650
00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:05,300
move forward from it. 
Because I think there are some 

651
00:30:05,300 --> 00:30:08,220
things that it's like, you know,
is it when it's bad enough? 

652
00:30:08,260 --> 00:30:10,480
OK. 
Another one is that they don't 

653
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:13,400
support your choices if it 
doesn't benefit them. 

654
00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:15,840
So if you were to say, I want to
move to this place and they're 

655
00:30:15,840 --> 00:30:18,720
like, no, don't. 
Like, come on, you know, like 

656
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,920
you want someone who's, like in 
your corner, like they're in 

657
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:26,040
your corner, not for their sake,
as your friend, but for you as a

658
00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:29,050
person because they love you and
there's a huge difference. 

659
00:30:29,050 --> 00:30:30,530
Like, that is so, so, so 
important. 

660
00:30:30,850 --> 00:30:34,970
Oh, another one is that they 
show jealousy often, and they 

661
00:30:34,970 --> 00:30:37,890
seem to resent your wins. 
Like they don't want to 

662
00:30:37,890 --> 00:30:40,570
celebrate your wins with you. 
Maybe you bring up something 

663
00:30:40,570 --> 00:30:42,450
really great that's going on in 
your life and they're 

664
00:30:42,450 --> 00:30:44,250
dismissive. 
They don't ask questions. 

665
00:30:44,410 --> 00:30:47,210
They don't really seem to care. 
If anything, maybe they go into,

666
00:30:47,210 --> 00:30:49,530
like a negative and they're 
like, oh, well, wouldn't that be

667
00:30:49,530 --> 00:30:51,730
hard because of this or that 
kind of bullshit? 

668
00:30:51,770 --> 00:30:55,490
Yuck, OK, yuck. 
The last thing you need is 

669
00:30:55,490 --> 00:30:58,290
someone in your life who is not 
excited for you. 

670
00:30:58,370 --> 00:31:00,530
Someone who makes you feel small
again. 

671
00:31:00,530 --> 00:31:04,810
It's going to come back to them 
feeling small in themselves, and

672
00:31:04,850 --> 00:31:07,690
that comparison is going to make
them uncomfortable. 

673
00:31:08,010 --> 00:31:12,250
But it is not your job to fill 
in and make them love 

674
00:31:12,250 --> 00:31:15,290
themselves, and you actually 
can't do that for them anyways. 

675
00:31:15,490 --> 00:31:20,460
Your job is you. 
What you can do is determine 

676
00:31:20,460 --> 00:31:22,460
what you want to do moving 
forward, who you want to be 

677
00:31:22,460 --> 00:31:24,620
friends with, how you're going 
to act, how you're going to 

678
00:31:24,620 --> 00:31:26,420
support people. 
And if someone's not going to do

679
00:31:26,420 --> 00:31:30,180
that for you, then it just isn't
worth your time because it's a 

680
00:31:30,180 --> 00:31:32,900
them problem. 
It's not a relationship issue. 

681
00:31:33,320 --> 00:31:36,280
For example, I can see someone 
walking down the street and they

682
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:39,400
can tell me I just got married 
or I just got a new job. 

683
00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:41,880
I'm going, Oh my God, 
congratulations. 

684
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,680
I'm so excited for you. 
I can have that with a stranger,

685
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:46,320
you know? 
And we should be able to have 

686
00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:47,760
that with strangers. 
We should be able to have that 

687
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:49,480
with everyone. 
We should especially be able to 

688
00:31:49,480 --> 00:31:51,480
have that with our friends. 
And if you get one of those 

689
00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:53,720
people that are just a bit of 
like, a fucking lemon and they 

690
00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:57,360
just don't want to appreciate 
things and support you. 

691
00:31:57,480 --> 00:31:58,480
Yuck. 
OK Yuck. 

692
00:31:58,560 --> 00:31:59,570
Red flag. 
Ooh. 

693
00:31:59,570 --> 00:32:03,290
Another one is they want to 
control you and they don't like 

694
00:32:03,290 --> 00:32:05,010
you hanging out with other 
people. 

695
00:32:05,210 --> 00:32:07,210
They don't like to hear about 
your other friends. 

696
00:32:07,410 --> 00:32:10,170
They make comments like, oh wow,
they're your best friend. 

697
00:32:10,170 --> 00:32:13,690
I guess they don't. 
They don't like that you can 

698
00:32:13,690 --> 00:32:18,210
have more than just them. 
Again, it comes back to control.

699
00:32:18,210 --> 00:32:20,850
It comes back to them not being 
confident in themselves, 

700
00:32:21,010 --> 00:32:23,610
whatever it is. 
Of course, these are the kind of

701
00:32:23,610 --> 00:32:25,650
things that you can still have 
conversations with them about, 

702
00:32:25,650 --> 00:32:28,690
like these are issues 
individually, say some of these 

703
00:32:28,690 --> 00:32:30,850
things, right. 
If it's just that one issue, you

704
00:32:30,850 --> 00:32:32,770
can always bring it to someone. 
You can say, hey, I've noticed 

705
00:32:32,770 --> 00:32:35,840
that this is how you respond and
we're talking about my wins. 

706
00:32:35,840 --> 00:32:38,760
Or hey, I've noticed that when I
talk about my other friends, you

707
00:32:38,760 --> 00:32:42,640
seem to be unhappy to hear about
it or you seem to be a little 

708
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:45,160
bit upset when I hang out with 
other people and I don't invite 

709
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:47,680
you or whatever it is. 
These are things that you can 

710
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,200
work through in theory. 
I'm not saying to just cut 

711
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:53,760
someone out like that because 
one issue comes up, but these 

712
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:56,760
are if, if this is the overall 
vibe of somebody, these things 

713
00:32:56,760 --> 00:32:59,520
collectively, or maybe you've 
brought up some of these things 

714
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:01,920
and they haven't been able to 
change through it or work 

715
00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:03,920
through it. 
Again, Red Flag. 

716
00:33:04,640 --> 00:33:08,240
Another one is stonewalling when
they refuse to communicate with 

717
00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:09,760
you. 
So something happens. 

718
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:12,440
They shut down. 
They're not willing to talk, 

719
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:15,720
They're not willing to 
apologize. 

720
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:18,680
They're not willing to even hear
your side. 

721
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:21,160
They're not willing to share. 
Obviously, yes. 

722
00:33:21,160 --> 00:33:22,960
Like, it's important if you're 
literally having a fight with 

723
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:25,360
somebody to like have boundaries
and give people space and 

724
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:27,280
whatever else. 
Like, I understand that there 

725
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:30,730
there's like nuance to that. 
But if this is a common thing 

726
00:33:30,730 --> 00:33:33,170
where every time something 
happens, they just shut you out,

727
00:33:33,170 --> 00:33:34,650
they want to act like nothing 
happened. 

728
00:33:34,650 --> 00:33:37,090
They want to just move on. 
They don't want to communicate. 

729
00:33:37,970 --> 00:33:40,570
Yuck, Red flag. 
Ooh, this one's really good. 

730
00:33:40,650 --> 00:33:42,450
My therapist gave me this one. 
She said. 

731
00:33:43,130 --> 00:33:45,970
If you are trying to help them, 
but they don't want to help 

732
00:33:45,970 --> 00:33:48,490
themselves, if maybe, say, 
they're struggling through a 

733
00:33:48,490 --> 00:33:52,260
really difficult season of some 
sort and you want to be there to

734
00:33:52,260 --> 00:33:54,380
support them and you're doing 
everything in your power to 

735
00:33:54,380 --> 00:33:57,700
support them, but they are just 
not willing to help themselves. 

736
00:33:57,860 --> 00:33:59,380
They don't want to do the 
therapy. 

737
00:33:59,380 --> 00:34:00,940
They don't want to do the 
personal work. 

738
00:34:01,100 --> 00:34:03,740
They don't want to communicate. 
They don't want to take care of 

739
00:34:03,740 --> 00:34:06,340
themselves and their bodies and 
their lives and their jobs and 

740
00:34:06,340 --> 00:34:09,820
what like, they just are not 
owning their experience. 

741
00:34:09,820 --> 00:34:13,070
They're not owning their life. 
That can be really, really 

742
00:34:13,110 --> 00:34:16,070
frustrating. 
And with this one, again, it is.

743
00:34:16,070 --> 00:34:17,510
There's always nuance to all of 
it. 

744
00:34:17,510 --> 00:34:19,150
And I feel like I always give 
these disclaimers because I 

745
00:34:19,150 --> 00:34:20,949
don't want you guys to go make 
some rogue fucking choices 

746
00:34:21,070 --> 00:34:24,510
because I say some stupid shit. 
But it's really important that, 

747
00:34:24,510 --> 00:34:27,310
like, if you're going to have 
someone in your life that is 

748
00:34:27,310 --> 00:34:29,469
struggling with something, they 
still own it. 

749
00:34:29,469 --> 00:34:32,630
Like mental health. 
Mental health issues are never 

750
00:34:32,630 --> 00:34:35,949
an excuse to treat the people 
around you like shit. 

751
00:34:35,989 --> 00:34:37,949
And I've been diagnosed with 
anxiety. 

752
00:34:37,949 --> 00:34:39,110
I've been diagnosed with 
depression. 

753
00:34:39,110 --> 00:34:42,580
Like, I've, you know, I've had 
really, really shit seasons. 

754
00:34:42,699 --> 00:34:45,260
But I don't go around and take 
it out of my friends, you know, 

755
00:34:45,260 --> 00:34:47,500
I don't go around. 
If anything, I look for support.

756
00:34:47,739 --> 00:34:50,620
I don't go around and tell them 
that they're being shit friends 

757
00:34:50,620 --> 00:34:53,820
because I feel bad about myself.
Or, you know, take it out on a 

758
00:34:53,820 --> 00:34:56,620
big night on them and I'm drunk 
and yelling at them and all the 

759
00:34:56,620 --> 00:34:58,700
shit. 
Like, no, no fucking way. 

760
00:34:58,700 --> 00:35:00,900
Like these are the people that 
are there to support you and 

761
00:35:00,900 --> 00:35:04,020
love on you, but ultimately you 
have to own your own life and 

762
00:35:04,020 --> 00:35:06,140
your own experience. 
Of course people can make 

763
00:35:06,140 --> 00:35:08,680
mistakes. 
But if this is a habit where 

764
00:35:08,680 --> 00:35:11,480
somebody's like, just cutting 
you down, don't want to say 

765
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:13,920
anything, don't want to work 
through it, let's just move on. 

766
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:16,800
I'm not going to help myself. 
Yuck, Red flag. 

767
00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:19,480
Another one is if you often 
leave hanging out with this 

768
00:35:19,480 --> 00:35:22,240
person and you don't feel good 
if you leave and you feel 

769
00:35:22,240 --> 00:35:24,960
drained every time. 
Because sometimes we don't know 

770
00:35:24,960 --> 00:35:28,520
why that happens, but we know 
that it happens and sometimes it

771
00:35:28,520 --> 00:35:30,400
takes a while to figure out. 
I've had this with a friend 

772
00:35:30,400 --> 00:35:33,440
before where I would hang out 
with them, wouldn't feel good, 

773
00:35:33,440 --> 00:35:35,080
but I was like, they didn't do 
anything wrong. 

774
00:35:35,080 --> 00:35:36,320
Like, what did they do? 
Is it me? 

775
00:35:36,320 --> 00:35:38,320
It must be me. 
So then it keep having kept 

776
00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:40,560
having kept having over and over
and over. 

777
00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:43,760
And then eventually I was like 
started to notice little things 

778
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:46,640
like, oh, they keep making these
like, little comments about my 

779
00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:49,680
appearance, like about something
that doesn't look quite right. 

780
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:52,600
Or they say, oh, you would look 
a lot better if you did this 

781
00:35:52,600 --> 00:35:54,200
thing. 
Just little things, just little 

782
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:55,080
things. 
I was like, oh, it's kind of 

783
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:56,800
funny. 
And then realized, oh, there was

784
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:58,200
a bit of a fight. 
Oh, And they just kind of 

785
00:35:58,200 --> 00:35:59,440
stonewalled. 
They didn't really want to move 

786
00:35:59,440 --> 00:36:00,360
on. 
Like, they didn't want to talk 

787
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:01,760
about it. 
Like, that's not actually 

788
00:36:01,960 --> 00:36:03,120
healthy. 
How are we going to talk about 

789
00:36:03,120 --> 00:36:04,120
that thing? 
What if that thing happens 

790
00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:06,250
again? 
You know, I would show up to 

791
00:36:06,250 --> 00:36:08,050
hang out with them. 
They'd be in a bad mood. 

792
00:36:08,090 --> 00:36:10,210
It was like, if they're in a bad
mood, everyone's in a bad mood. 

793
00:36:10,210 --> 00:36:11,570
Not willing to. 
There's no coming back, you 

794
00:36:11,570 --> 00:36:13,890
know, not willing to move on. 
It started to make sense that 

795
00:36:13,890 --> 00:36:16,490
there was all these little 
things and I was like, oh, oh, 

796
00:36:16,730 --> 00:36:18,730
that all makes sense, OK? 
I don't want to hang out with 

797
00:36:18,730 --> 00:36:21,330
them because I feel like shit 
every time after I hang out with

798
00:36:21,330 --> 00:36:23,770
them. 
And sometimes at first you're 

799
00:36:23,770 --> 00:36:26,210
like, you don't know why, but 
just know that that's usually 

800
00:36:26,210 --> 00:36:29,210
like an early sign of some of 
these other things coming out 

801
00:36:29,210 --> 00:36:31,710
down the line. 
And lastly, of course, if they 

802
00:36:31,710 --> 00:36:35,310
are abusive in any way, and 
obviously physically you would 

803
00:36:35,310 --> 00:36:37,270
be very aware of it. 
Not always. 

804
00:36:37,950 --> 00:36:41,030
It's not easy obviously to leave
that, but you'd be aware of it 

805
00:36:41,910 --> 00:36:45,590
Emotionally is a really big one.
And like mentally like someone 

806
00:36:45,590 --> 00:36:48,550
just trying to control you, 
trying to convince you of 

807
00:36:48,550 --> 00:36:51,830
certain things, trying to make 
you like them, trying to get you

808
00:36:51,830 --> 00:36:53,830
to always help them, but they 
don't want to help you. 

809
00:36:53,830 --> 00:36:56,190
All that kind of stuff like 
that, That version of 

810
00:36:56,190 --> 00:37:00,830
manipulation is really scary and
is easy to fall into if you 

811
00:37:00,830 --> 00:37:03,110
haven't had a lot of healthy 
relationships as well. 

812
00:37:03,790 --> 00:37:06,350
So just obviously, please, 
please, please be aware of that.

813
00:37:06,630 --> 00:37:08,670
All right, let's talk some do's 
and don'ts. 

814
00:37:08,870 --> 00:37:13,510
Okay Do do be honest with 
yourself about how you are 

815
00:37:13,510 --> 00:37:16,790
feeling. 
It's okay, like I said earlier, 

816
00:37:16,790 --> 00:37:22,070
to be sad and to miss somebody 
while also recognizing that 

817
00:37:22,070 --> 00:37:25,080
that's not someone that you want
to have in your life, That is 

818
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:28,920
really hard. 
Being in that position where it 

819
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:31,120
literally is, it's a grinding. 
Like that's only where that 

820
00:37:31,120 --> 00:37:33,520
comes to mind for me. 
It's like it's two things that 

821
00:37:33,520 --> 00:37:36,360
kind of push against each other 
because the emotional part of 

822
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:37,520
you is like, fuck, I just miss 
them. 

823
00:37:37,520 --> 00:37:40,200
I want to reach out to them. 
And the logical part of you is 

824
00:37:40,200 --> 00:37:42,440
like, Nope, hold up. 
Let's think about what they did.

825
00:37:42,640 --> 00:37:44,480
Let's think about the things. 
Let's think about how I used to 

826
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:45,520
feel when I was friends with 
them. 

827
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:47,040
Let's think about this, Let's 
think about that. 

828
00:37:47,040 --> 00:37:48,880
And then you can kind of, like, 
talk yourself out of it. 

829
00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,960
It's a difficult situation to be
in, but still be honest with 

830
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:53,200
yourself about how you're 
feeling. 

831
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:56,600
So what you don't want to do is 
pretend that you don't care 

832
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:58,680
about them, pretend that you 
don't miss them. 

833
00:37:58,920 --> 00:38:02,600
Like, try to gaslight yourself 
into not having emotions. 

834
00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:04,960
Because it never fucking works. 
It's always going to explode 

835
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,480
somehow, and it's probably going
to be way worse than if you just

836
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:10,480
dealt with it in the 1st place 
and got to a place of acceptance

837
00:38:10,480 --> 00:38:13,320
when it comes to missing them 
but still choosing yourself. 

838
00:38:13,320 --> 00:38:16,360
At the end of the day, do 
surround yourself with great 

839
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:18,440
friends, other friends, right? 
And if you don't have any 

840
00:38:18,440 --> 00:38:21,080
friends, that's fine. 
Meet new friends, go out, meet 

841
00:38:21,080 --> 00:38:23,200
people like I've made episodes 
about this before. 

842
00:38:23,200 --> 00:38:25,240
You can Scroll down, go for a 
little look, see if you want 

843
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,240
about making new friends, 
because it's hard to do. 

844
00:38:28,240 --> 00:38:31,740
But it's definitely doable. 
And really, really important 

845
00:38:31,740 --> 00:38:35,300
that you are now seeing the 
other relationships that you 

846
00:38:35,300 --> 00:38:38,500
have in your life and pulling 
from those, especially if you 

847
00:38:38,500 --> 00:38:41,980
started spending less time with 
most of your people because you 

848
00:38:41,980 --> 00:38:44,540
were really focusing on this one
person or this one group of 

849
00:38:44,540 --> 00:38:46,980
people or whatever, make sure 
that you're still keeping that 

850
00:38:46,980 --> 00:38:48,660
widespread. 
And I think we learned lessons 

851
00:38:48,660 --> 00:38:50,780
through that too, Like you 
learned going forward. 

852
00:38:50,780 --> 00:38:53,660
Oh, like, maybe I shouldn't put 
all of all my eggs into one 

853
00:38:53,660 --> 00:38:55,180
basket. 
You know, maybe I actually 

854
00:38:55,180 --> 00:38:57,940
shouldn't, like, focus all my 
time on one person. 

855
00:38:57,940 --> 00:39:01,660
Maybe I actually do need a 
balanced community and I think 

856
00:39:01,660 --> 00:39:03,700
going forward you kind of learn 
your lesson that way and you 

857
00:39:03,700 --> 00:39:05,940
start keeping check of that more
often. 

858
00:39:05,940 --> 00:39:08,540
I think that's, I think that's 
really, really helpful to do. 

859
00:39:08,780 --> 00:39:12,020
And it just ensures you a little
bit more like safety, that 

860
00:39:12,020 --> 00:39:14,740
you're still going to have 
people, even if you're going 

861
00:39:14,740 --> 00:39:17,540
through one issue with one 
person or whatever that looks 

862
00:39:17,540 --> 00:39:22,660
like. 
Also do feel free to unfollow or

863
00:39:22,660 --> 00:39:28,060
block or whatever to whoever you
need to for your Peace of Mind. 

864
00:39:28,300 --> 00:39:30,380
This is something that you guys 
were saying as well when you 

865
00:39:30,380 --> 00:39:34,140
were giving me your information,
your stories, everything for 

866
00:39:34,140 --> 00:39:36,460
this episode. 
And I agree with this. 

867
00:39:36,460 --> 00:39:39,780
So, so, so much, guys. 
I have had a friend break up. 

868
00:39:39,780 --> 00:39:45,400
I've had a few, but I had one in
the last year and it was like 

869
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:50,760
only a few months ago where I 
chose to unfollow this person on

870
00:39:50,760 --> 00:39:52,920
social media. 
Because every time I was going 

871
00:39:52,920 --> 00:39:55,720
on social media I was getting 
notifications being like, Oh my 

872
00:39:55,720 --> 00:39:58,720
God, your favorite person, your 
best friend is online, talk to 

873
00:39:58,720 --> 00:40:01,560
them and I was like, fuck off, 
actually leave me alone. 

874
00:40:01,800 --> 00:40:05,010
It was so annoying and like. 
Because I followed them every 

875
00:40:05,010 --> 00:40:08,450
time that I would look at like 
story views or likes or 

876
00:40:08,450 --> 00:40:10,050
anything, whatever. 
It's like the first person. 

877
00:40:10,050 --> 00:40:12,610
Like, you know, there's just a 
way that these apps know. 

878
00:40:12,730 --> 00:40:14,450
It's like, here's the one person
you're trying not to think 

879
00:40:14,450 --> 00:40:16,010
about. 
Oh my God, they just liked your 

880
00:40:16,010 --> 00:40:17,530
photo. 
You even talked to them in a 

881
00:40:17,530 --> 00:40:19,370
while. 
They're online and it's like, 

882
00:40:19,370 --> 00:40:20,970
fuck off. 
Actually, leave me alone. 

883
00:40:21,210 --> 00:40:24,050
So if you need to do that for 
your Peace of Mind, do it, OK? 

884
00:40:24,710 --> 00:40:27,030
Someone might get hurt. 
Someone might be like, wow, 

885
00:40:27,070 --> 00:40:28,750
really? 
Like, now you've unfolled me. 

886
00:40:28,790 --> 00:40:30,870
It doesn't fucking matter, OK? 
Do what you need to do for your 

887
00:40:30,870 --> 00:40:32,910
Peace of Mind. 
And if that person does reach 

888
00:40:32,910 --> 00:40:35,310
out and say something like that,
like, you can respond if you 

889
00:40:35,310 --> 00:40:36,190
want to. 
You don't have to. 

890
00:40:36,430 --> 00:40:38,990
But if you do want to respond 
and just be like, hey, just, you

891
00:40:38,990 --> 00:40:40,550
know, that was actually just 
from my piece of mind, has 

892
00:40:40,550 --> 00:40:43,110
nothing to do with you. 
Like, it's genuinely just for 

893
00:40:43,110 --> 00:40:44,230
me. 
Hope you're doing well. 

894
00:40:44,270 --> 00:40:47,070
Boom, You can say that, You 
know, drop the ego for a second.

895
00:40:47,150 --> 00:40:50,320
Just be honest and move on with 
your day, because if it's gonna 

896
00:40:50,320 --> 00:40:52,200
help you that much, it's not a 
big deal. 

897
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:54,280
It's social media. 
It's like a game on your phone. 

898
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,480
It's ridiculous, OK? 
It's a little button you press 

899
00:40:56,560 --> 00:40:59,240
if it's gonna help you to not 
feel like shit in your day. 

900
00:40:59,240 --> 00:41:00,280
Oh my God. 
Just do it. 

901
00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:01,880
Just do it. 
OK, OK. 

902
00:41:01,880 --> 00:41:05,680
Don't make unfair conclusions 
about this person because you 

903
00:41:05,720 --> 00:41:09,320
are sad. 
Don't look at their Instagram. 

904
00:41:09,320 --> 00:41:11,600
Don't look at them hanging out 
with new people. 

905
00:41:11,600 --> 00:41:13,720
Don't look at them doing all 
these things and be like, well, 

906
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:16,280
they're a shit person. 
Well, maybe I should warn these 

907
00:41:16,280 --> 00:41:19,200
people about this shit, friend. 
Like, just leave it alone. 

908
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:21,360
Own, OK. 
Stay in your lane. 

909
00:41:21,720 --> 00:41:25,520
Try not to look at that person 
now through this negative light 

910
00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:27,520
and not want good for them. 
Like check yourself. 

911
00:41:27,520 --> 00:41:30,000
Like genuinely check yourself. 
Like are you coming from like a 

912
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:31,080
kind heart? 
No. 

913
00:41:31,480 --> 00:41:32,760
If you're thinking that way, 
right. 

914
00:41:32,920 --> 00:41:35,000
And I know we're not perfect. 
I know we're going to have 

915
00:41:35,000 --> 00:41:37,360
moments where we're like he 
they're doing bad haha. 

916
00:41:37,360 --> 00:41:39,600
Like, Oh well, sucks for them. 
Feel good about me. 

917
00:41:39,680 --> 00:41:41,600
It does feel good right in the 
moment. 

918
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:45,080
It might feel good, but it 
doesn't serve you like, it 

919
00:41:45,080 --> 00:41:47,510
doesn't feed you. 
It doesn't feed your, like, 

920
00:41:47,510 --> 00:41:49,070
soul. 
You know, like we're talking 

921
00:41:49,070 --> 00:41:51,230
soul here, OK? 
We want to make sure that we are

922
00:41:51,230 --> 00:41:54,990
like actively being that person.
We want to be that, like that 

923
00:41:55,070 --> 00:41:59,760
evolved version of us who has a 
heart for people and can 

924
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:04,040
empathize and is like, 
emotionally ready to, like, 

925
00:42:04,160 --> 00:42:05,800
admit their faults and move 
forward. 

926
00:42:05,800 --> 00:42:08,560
And you want to be that person 
where you actually feel 

927
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:10,800
grounded. 
And if you're looking at this 

928
00:42:10,800 --> 00:42:13,720
person and you're kind of like 
diminishing them in your brain 

929
00:42:13,720 --> 00:42:16,840
to make you feel better, just 
check yourself because, yeah, 

930
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:18,400
it's not, it's not, it's not 
nice for you. 

931
00:42:18,400 --> 00:42:22,120
It's actually not good for you. 
Do not try to get mutual friends

932
00:42:22,120 --> 00:42:26,280
to pick sides. 
This one is tough because 

933
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:28,680
sometimes you look at your 
people that are close to you and

934
00:42:28,680 --> 00:42:31,200
you're like, this is my tribe, 
these are my people. 

935
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:34,920
And then if people have all met 
each other and everyone's kind 

936
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:37,960
of friends and whatever, you 
don't want to try to make people

937
00:42:37,960 --> 00:42:43,180
like be on your side. 
I do think that like if that it 

938
00:42:43,180 --> 00:42:46,140
was all like intertwined and 
like it was a situation where 

939
00:42:46,340 --> 00:42:49,220
other people are affected. 
Like of course there might end 

940
00:42:49,220 --> 00:42:52,820
up being a bit of a sides 
situation, but whatever you do, 

941
00:42:52,980 --> 00:42:55,740
you need to release the people 
around you and let them do what 

942
00:42:55,740 --> 00:42:58,770
they want to do. 
If they choose to continue to be

943
00:42:58,770 --> 00:43:02,130
friends with that person in 
time, they might learn that it's

944
00:43:02,130 --> 00:43:04,730
not a good friendship, but they 
actually might work as a 

945
00:43:04,730 --> 00:43:06,210
friendship. 
They might be great. 

946
00:43:06,450 --> 00:43:09,170
Maybe you and that person just 
aren't great and you have to be 

947
00:43:09,170 --> 00:43:13,770
OK with there being some crunchy
situations because we're human. 

948
00:43:13,770 --> 00:43:16,690
Like, life is complicated, 
There's a lot going on, OK? 

949
00:43:17,050 --> 00:43:20,330
And try to have as much grace as
you can as possible for your 

950
00:43:20,330 --> 00:43:23,130
other people that are in your 
life for thinking the things 

951
00:43:23,130 --> 00:43:25,970
that they think or maybe wanting
to have contact a little bit 

952
00:43:25,970 --> 00:43:28,090
with that person. 
Like I remember seeing the other

953
00:43:28,090 --> 00:43:34,210
day that one of my cousins 
follows a guy that one of my 

954
00:43:34,210 --> 00:43:36,810
other cousins dated like years 
ago. 

955
00:43:37,050 --> 00:43:40,130
And it was funny because in my 
brain I remember being like why 

956
00:43:40,130 --> 00:43:41,970
the fuck do they still follow 
that person? 

957
00:43:41,970 --> 00:43:43,290
Like that doesn't make any sense
to me. 

958
00:43:43,450 --> 00:43:47,050
If I was the person who left the
actual relationship, I can't use

959
00:43:47,050 --> 00:43:48,490
names. 
This is so hard to explain, but 

960
00:43:48,570 --> 00:43:51,150
if I was the person who got 
broken up with, I would be so 

961
00:43:51,150 --> 00:43:53,670
pissed at the cousin for still 
following like my ex. 

962
00:43:53,670 --> 00:43:55,150
You know what I mean? 
Like I'd be like, what the fuck?

963
00:43:55,390 --> 00:43:56,990
But I was like, I was like, you 
know what? 

964
00:43:56,990 --> 00:43:59,150
Just doesn't matter. 
Doesn't matter, OK? 

965
00:43:59,150 --> 00:44:00,310
People are going to do what they
want to do. 

966
00:44:00,310 --> 00:44:02,110
It doesn't matter. 
So you have to just try to as 

967
00:44:02,110 --> 00:44:05,110
much as you can, release people.
Let people figure out on their 

968
00:44:05,110 --> 00:44:07,950
own. 
OK, Maybe you can help to 

969
00:44:07,950 --> 00:44:10,230
educate the people around you. 
Like, hey, just so you know, 

970
00:44:10,230 --> 00:44:11,510
this is the situation that 
happened. 

971
00:44:11,510 --> 00:44:12,830
This is why we're not friends 
anymore. 

972
00:44:13,030 --> 00:44:15,590
Be fair about it. 
Try to be careful with, you 

973
00:44:15,590 --> 00:44:17,510
know, just you never know who's 
still friends with that person. 

974
00:44:17,510 --> 00:44:18,950
So, you know, be aware of that 
as well, OK? 

975
00:44:18,950 --> 00:44:20,630
You don't want anyone talking 
shit about you. 

976
00:44:21,230 --> 00:44:23,990
Just be careful. 
But yeah, try not to, like pull 

977
00:44:23,990 --> 00:44:26,470
people in on your side because 
you don't need that. 

978
00:44:26,470 --> 00:44:29,310
Like, you don't need to hoard 
people, you know? 

979
00:44:29,310 --> 00:44:32,110
And I think sometimes if we 
start to get into that like 

980
00:44:32,110 --> 00:44:36,510
controlling thing of like, these
are my people and that anxiety, 

981
00:44:36,830 --> 00:44:40,230
it's an US issue and we need to 
work back and figure out what 

982
00:44:40,230 --> 00:44:43,390
the root of that is. 
Don't let it stop you from 

983
00:44:43,390 --> 00:44:46,630
making new connections. 
Having a past shit relationship 

984
00:44:46,750 --> 00:44:48,950
should not stop you from making 
new connections. 

985
00:44:49,070 --> 00:44:52,150
And I know that like saying that
you're like, well, it's going 

986
00:44:52,150 --> 00:44:53,990
to. 
I'm scared because I was fucked 

987
00:44:53,990 --> 00:44:55,510
around and I don't want to be 
fucked around again. 

988
00:44:55,510 --> 00:44:58,470
I know, OK. 
But as much as you can, try to 

989
00:44:58,470 --> 00:45:01,150
remember that this new person is
not that old person. 

990
00:45:01,350 --> 00:45:05,380
If you're going to enter a new 
relationship, taking all of the 

991
00:45:05,380 --> 00:45:08,500
past things and throwing it onto
that person is like the worst 

992
00:45:08,500 --> 00:45:11,380
way to start out a friendship. 
And you can absolutely tell new 

993
00:45:11,380 --> 00:45:13,660
people in your life about these 
situations. 

994
00:45:13,660 --> 00:45:15,140
Like, I think that's really 
important. 

995
00:45:15,140 --> 00:45:19,050
I have a friend actually, where 
when I met her within probably 

996
00:45:19,050 --> 00:45:21,810
about a month into our 
friendship, she opened up to me 

997
00:45:21,810 --> 00:45:24,610
about a past friendship that she
had that was really, really 

998
00:45:24,610 --> 00:45:26,610
difficult. 
She actually said to me I have a

999
00:45:26,610 --> 00:45:28,490
really hard time in friendships 
because of blah, blah, blah, 

1000
00:45:28,490 --> 00:45:30,570
blah, blah. 
And it was great because she 

1001
00:45:30,570 --> 00:45:32,730
just educated me on her 
situation. 

1002
00:45:32,930 --> 00:45:36,930
So now going forward, I've been 
able to say to her really 

1003
00:45:36,930 --> 00:45:39,050
validating things. 
I've been able to say, hey, just

1004
00:45:39,050 --> 00:45:40,730
thinking about you today, I want
you to know how much I love you,

1005
00:45:40,730 --> 00:45:42,570
appreciate you. 
Like, thank you so much for 

1006
00:45:42,570 --> 00:45:45,490
being in my life. 
I'll do that more often because 

1007
00:45:45,490 --> 00:45:49,810
I know that friendships and 
security within friendships is 

1008
00:45:49,850 --> 00:45:52,610
an issue for her. 
She never said, oh you're going 

1009
00:45:52,610 --> 00:45:55,530
to do that to me. 
Like she never angrily said it 

1010
00:45:55,530 --> 00:45:58,330
to me or started assuming 
negative things about me. 

1011
00:45:58,490 --> 00:46:01,370
She was just honest with me and 
it genuinely set up our 

1012
00:46:01,370 --> 00:46:04,890
relationship so well. 
Like that is communication. 

1013
00:46:04,890 --> 00:46:08,370
That is a friend who is like 
moved on from things but is 

1014
00:46:08,370 --> 00:46:11,530
still working through it but is 
still going to be fair to you 

1015
00:46:11,530 --> 00:46:14,530
through it. 
Lastly, I just want to say that 

1016
00:46:14,530 --> 00:46:18,970
if you have been ghosted or if 
you've been like unfriended out 

1017
00:46:18,970 --> 00:46:22,330
of nowhere and you don't know 
what the fuck is going on, first

1018
00:46:22,330 --> 00:46:24,170
of all, and I'm sure you've 
already done this, you want to 

1019
00:46:24,170 --> 00:46:26,810
think and consider is there 
anything that I did do have a 

1020
00:46:26,810 --> 00:46:30,330
little moment now knowing us as 
a community, we're all pretty 

1021
00:46:30,330 --> 00:46:33,090
anxious, you know, so you've 
probably already done that many 

1022
00:46:33,090 --> 00:46:34,010
a times. 
OK? 

1023
00:46:34,010 --> 00:46:37,250
So moving forward from there, 
now you just need to remember 

1024
00:46:37,490 --> 00:46:41,280
that if you want to have good 
people in your life who love and

1025
00:46:41,280 --> 00:46:43,800
care and support for you, those 
people are going to put an 

1026
00:46:43,840 --> 00:46:46,640
effort for you and they're going
to see the value in you being 

1027
00:46:46,640 --> 00:46:49,360
their friend. 
If they aren't doing that, if 

1028
00:46:49,360 --> 00:46:52,680
they've literally ghosted you or
they've just like suddenly 

1029
00:46:52,680 --> 00:46:56,650
started being really weird with 
you or something like that, you 

1030
00:46:56,650 --> 00:47:00,250
just got to give people space 
and you just got to let them do 

1031
00:47:00,250 --> 00:47:01,170
their thing. 
OK? 

1032
00:47:01,170 --> 00:47:03,530
If you've established I haven't 
done anything, I don't the 

1033
00:47:03,730 --> 00:47:06,770
fuck's going on, obviously. 
If you still think there could 

1034
00:47:06,770 --> 00:47:09,170
be potential in this friendship,
sure, check in on them, make 

1035
00:47:09,170 --> 00:47:12,330
sure they're OK. 
Like sometimes people do that 

1036
00:47:12,330 --> 00:47:15,410
when something really shit has 
happened in their personal life.

1037
00:47:15,410 --> 00:47:18,290
So obviously do that first, you 
know, like, go through that 

1038
00:47:18,290 --> 00:47:20,130
stage. 
But if you're past that stage 

1039
00:47:20,130 --> 00:47:21,530
and it's like, oh, we're 
definitely not going to be 

1040
00:47:21,530 --> 00:47:25,250
friends anymore, just remember 
that your time is valuable. 

1041
00:47:25,250 --> 00:47:27,850
Like, if you're sat here right 
now listening to a fucking 

1042
00:47:27,850 --> 00:47:30,370
podcast about friendship and 
bullshit and you're trying to, 

1043
00:47:30,370 --> 00:47:33,370
like, become a better person, 
OK, Like, you're doing OK, 

1044
00:47:33,370 --> 00:47:35,490
you're doing all right. 
So just know that going into 

1045
00:47:35,490 --> 00:47:38,290
friendships, if you take that 
and you take this kind of 

1046
00:47:38,290 --> 00:47:41,130
knowledge and you're actively 
trying to work on yourself and 

1047
00:47:41,130 --> 00:47:44,090
other people are hopefully doing
that as well, you're going to 

1048
00:47:44,090 --> 00:47:45,770
have better relationships. 
But if they're not, if they 

1049
00:47:45,770 --> 00:47:47,770
don't really give a fuck, if 
they're just like, oh, well, I 

1050
00:47:47,770 --> 00:47:49,010
don't want to hang with that 
person anymore. 

1051
00:47:49,010 --> 00:47:51,090
I'm going to block them. 
I'm going to fucking, OK, OK, 

1052
00:47:51,090 --> 00:47:52,290
You don't want that person in 
your life. 

1053
00:47:52,290 --> 00:47:55,530
You just don't want that person 
in your life and your time is 

1054
00:47:55,530 --> 00:47:57,490
really important. 
Who you share with is really 

1055
00:47:57,490 --> 00:47:59,490
important. 
Like who you are honest and 

1056
00:47:59,490 --> 00:48:00,850
vulnerable with is really 
important. 

1057
00:48:00,890 --> 00:48:03,610
You want those people to be good
people and there's a lot of 

1058
00:48:03,610 --> 00:48:05,170
fucking people. 
Like there's there's a lot, 

1059
00:48:05,170 --> 00:48:06,810
there's a lot of people. 
There's a big ass world, OK? 

1060
00:48:07,010 --> 00:48:08,010
You're there's a lot of people 
to meet. 

1061
00:48:08,010 --> 00:48:11,090
There's a lot out there. 
So in time you will absolutely 

1062
00:48:11,090 --> 00:48:13,850
find your people. 
Don't feel like this one failed 

1063
00:48:13,850 --> 00:48:15,850
friendship. 
Or I shouldn't even say failed, 

1064
00:48:15,850 --> 00:48:17,730
because obviously it served a 
purpose at one point, OK? 

1065
00:48:18,240 --> 00:48:21,440
But don't let this one negative 
experience make you think that 

1066
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:23,400
that's how things are going to 
be going forward, because that's

1067
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:26,640
so like much of A unfair 
conclusion for you. 

1068
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:28,880
Like, you deserve to believe 
that you have amazing things 

1069
00:48:28,880 --> 00:48:30,640
coming for you. 
Literally today I was going 

1070
00:48:30,640 --> 00:48:33,040
through a whole bunch of videos 
and stuff because I needed to 

1071
00:48:33,040 --> 00:48:37,570
delete shit because I have 
literally guys 30,000, I think 

1072
00:48:37,570 --> 00:48:39,730
it is photos on my phone. 
Disgusting. 

1073
00:48:39,890 --> 00:48:42,570
So I was going through and it 
was so cute because I found a 

1074
00:48:42,570 --> 00:48:45,450
video of me and my friend Ava 
when we first met and I was 

1075
00:48:45,450 --> 00:48:48,330
like, that's the day we met. 
And then I was going just before

1076
00:48:48,330 --> 00:48:51,650
it and I saw that I had some 
video talking about me really 

1077
00:48:51,650 --> 00:48:53,490
struggling with my mental health
that week or whatever. 

1078
00:48:53,490 --> 00:48:55,850
I think it's a TikTok. 
I posted and I was like, whoa, 

1079
00:48:56,010 --> 00:48:57,730
it's crazy because I had a 
really shit week. 

1080
00:48:57,890 --> 00:49:00,890
And then at the end of that week
I met someone who was one of my 

1081
00:49:00,890 --> 00:49:03,130
best friends right now. 
And I had no idea that was 

1082
00:49:03,130 --> 00:49:04,570
coming. 
Like I had no idea. 

1083
00:49:04,610 --> 00:49:07,090
I just went to something social.
I went to a friends of a 

1084
00:49:07,090 --> 00:49:09,250
friend's birthday, not even 
really knowing anybody. 

1085
00:49:09,250 --> 00:49:11,490
I think I literally only knew 
the birthday girl and I was like

1086
00:49:11,490 --> 00:49:13,970
kind of nervous going. 
I was like literally met one of 

1087
00:49:13,970 --> 00:49:15,530
my closest friends that I have 
right now. 

1088
00:49:15,770 --> 00:49:18,250
So that's another thing as well.
Put yourself out there, like 

1089
00:49:18,410 --> 00:49:21,250
just try as much as you can do. 
Those things are a little 

1090
00:49:21,250 --> 00:49:23,330
uncomfy. 
Like go to that event where you 

1091
00:49:23,330 --> 00:49:25,490
have to put in some effort and 
you have to pay for the Uber and

1092
00:49:25,490 --> 00:49:27,050
you're like, fuck, I don't know 
if I should do it. 

1093
00:49:27,370 --> 00:49:29,410
If you can, like, especially 
financially, you know, if you 

1094
00:49:29,410 --> 00:49:32,650
can get out and do those little 
extra things and make the little

1095
00:49:32,650 --> 00:49:35,830
sacrifices so that you can be as
social as possible, especially 

1096
00:49:35,830 --> 00:49:38,750
if you're looking to make new 
friends, actually actively 

1097
00:49:38,750 --> 00:49:41,550
invest in it. 
Like, think, OK, this month now 

1098
00:49:41,550 --> 00:49:42,430
what is it? 
October. 

1099
00:49:42,430 --> 00:49:43,470
It's October 1st. 
Holy shit. 

1100
00:49:43,470 --> 00:49:44,670
Oh my God. 
We got to set our goals guys. 

1101
00:49:44,670 --> 00:49:45,830
We got a lot to do. 
OK? 

1102
00:49:46,070 --> 00:49:47,630
If it's the start of the month, 
perfect. 

1103
00:49:47,630 --> 00:49:51,590
OK, make October about making at
least one new good friend. 

1104
00:49:51,630 --> 00:49:53,950
Like, just actively put an 
effort on it. 

1105
00:49:53,950 --> 00:49:57,350
Because again, it's work, but 
it's so, so important, so 

1106
00:49:57,350 --> 00:50:00,050
valuable. 
And we don't talk about that 

1107
00:50:00,050 --> 00:50:01,770
value enough. 
Like, it's like, Oh yeah, me and

1108
00:50:01,770 --> 00:50:04,170
my friends and whatever else. 
But like, this is what makes us 

1109
00:50:04,170 --> 00:50:05,810
happy. 
Like, these are the moments of 

1110
00:50:05,810 --> 00:50:07,170
joy. 
These are the memories. 

1111
00:50:07,170 --> 00:50:10,810
Like, when you think back to 
memories, are you often thinking

1112
00:50:10,810 --> 00:50:16,210
about when you got, like, money 
or like, when you got things 

1113
00:50:16,210 --> 00:50:17,170
regular? 
Like, no. 

1114
00:50:17,170 --> 00:50:19,450
Like you're thinking about fun 
times when you're out with 

1115
00:50:19,450 --> 00:50:21,810
people and you're, like laughing
about something or something 

1116
00:50:21,810 --> 00:50:25,050
really crazy happens. 
Like, that is what gives us joy.

1117
00:50:25,050 --> 00:50:27,810
And like, gives us stories. 
You know, the stories. 

1118
00:50:28,450 --> 00:50:30,570
That's what's so exciting. 
So I would just really, really 

1119
00:50:30,570 --> 00:50:34,570
encourage you to push yourself 
here and to know that it's OK to

1120
00:50:34,570 --> 00:50:37,610
be really struggling right now. 
If you're sad and you miss 

1121
00:50:37,610 --> 00:50:40,410
someone, I'm sorry. 
I do too. 

1122
00:50:40,410 --> 00:50:44,060
I have people that I miss 100%. 
I've trust me, guys, I've 

1123
00:50:44,060 --> 00:50:47,540
fucking been through it, OK? 
And I've seen it, and it sucks. 

1124
00:50:47,540 --> 00:50:50,340
Like it does suck so much to 
miss somebody. 

1125
00:50:50,540 --> 00:50:52,900
But if you've done these things 
like we everything we talked 

1126
00:50:52,900 --> 00:50:55,580
about today, if you've thought 
about the red flags, the green 

1127
00:50:55,580 --> 00:50:58,500
flags, you've thought about the 
do's and don'ts, you're at a 

1128
00:50:58,500 --> 00:51:01,500
good place, at least within 
yourself, where you can choose 

1129
00:51:01,700 --> 00:51:03,580
who's going to be a good person 
for your life. 

1130
00:51:03,740 --> 00:51:05,460
And you know that you've made 
that choice. 

1131
00:51:05,850 --> 00:51:09,410
Just continue on that path 
because in time you will miss 

1132
00:51:09,410 --> 00:51:11,010
that person less and less 
hopefully. 

1133
00:51:11,010 --> 00:51:13,050
Or at least you'll think about 
it less and less just because 

1134
00:51:13,050 --> 00:51:15,450
it'll become less of a present 
issue in your life. 

1135
00:51:15,810 --> 00:51:17,330
And who knows? 
Maybe one day you'll become 

1136
00:51:17,330 --> 00:51:18,490
friends again. 
Who knows? 

1137
00:51:18,490 --> 00:51:20,730
You never know. 
But do your best. 

1138
00:51:20,730 --> 00:51:23,970
If you've decided this is what 
I'm doing, I'm going to choose 

1139
00:51:23,970 --> 00:51:25,490
to move forward without this 
person. 

1140
00:51:25,610 --> 00:51:27,970
I'm going to choose myself. 
I'm going to choose the other 

1141
00:51:27,970 --> 00:51:30,210
amazing people in my life, and 
I'm actually going to let that 

1142
00:51:30,210 --> 00:51:32,570
person go. 
Then try to stick to that. 

1143
00:51:32,850 --> 00:51:36,340
Try not to like contact them or 
like, you know, try to make 

1144
00:51:36,340 --> 00:51:39,020
something happen. 
Try to like, give that release 

1145
00:51:39,220 --> 00:51:41,900
and just know that if it's meant
to be like, that person will 

1146
00:51:41,900 --> 00:51:44,340
come back into your life. 
I really believe that and I've 

1147
00:51:44,340 --> 00:51:46,720
seen that in my life. 
So thank you guys so much for 

1148
00:51:46,720 --> 00:51:48,080
listening. 
I hope that this episode brought

1149
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:50,920
you comfort and a little bit of 
guidance If you're in that kind 

1150
00:51:50,920 --> 00:51:54,040
of figuring it out stage right 
now with a friend or even just 

1151
00:51:54,040 --> 00:51:56,960
gave you information for if you 
get to that point in the future 

1152
00:51:56,960 --> 00:51:58,880
with people. 
I'm so thankful for every single

1153
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:01,440
one of you who listen and 
support the podcast. 

1154
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:03,720
Thank you for all of your 
amazing messages, especially 

1155
00:52:03,720 --> 00:52:08,010
after last episode where I 
talked about bisexuality and 

1156
00:52:08,010 --> 00:52:12,290
feeling valid in your sexuality.
I got a lot of people messaging 

1157
00:52:12,290 --> 00:52:16,650
me in tears and just being like,
this really was what I needed to

1158
00:52:16,650 --> 00:52:20,410
hear today. 
So I hope that I can continue to

1159
00:52:20,410 --> 00:52:23,170
just like, validate you guys and
be that support for you in 

1160
00:52:23,170 --> 00:52:26,010
whatever way that I can be. 
If you want to chat to me about 

1161
00:52:26,010 --> 00:52:29,290
any of this, feel free to DM me 
on Instagram is the best way to 

1162
00:52:29,290 --> 00:52:30,610
get in contact with me at the 
moment. 

1163
00:52:30,810 --> 00:52:33,290
Again, that's Alyssa Taylor 
Harper and it's also Alyssa 

1164
00:52:33,290 --> 00:52:35,490
Taylor Harper on TikTok and you 
can join the Facebook group as 

1165
00:52:35,490 --> 00:52:37,490
well if you'd like. 
It's all going to be LinkedIn, 

1166
00:52:37,490 --> 00:52:40,210
the episode notes. 
And of course, now that I've 

1167
00:52:40,210 --> 00:52:43,170
told you guys about the whole 
open relationship thing, there 

1168
00:52:43,170 --> 00:52:45,730
will be episodes coming forward 
in the future for that. 

1169
00:52:45,730 --> 00:52:48,490
So look out for that. 
And that's everything. 

1170
00:52:48,490 --> 00:52:50,170
Love you guys so much. 
Thank you so much. 

1171
00:52:50,210 --> 00:52:53,250
And I will see you in the next 
episode. 

1172
00:52:53,290 --> 00:52:53,970
Okay. 
Bye guys.