This podcast is recorded on Gadigal land.
Always was, always will be Aboriginal land.
Hello and welcome to She said what I'm your host, Alyssa
Harper, and this podcast is all about unpacking the chaos and
the things we've had to push through to get to where we are.
This is your safe space to learn from others experiences, reflect
and then become your most authentic self.
You're going to giggle, you might cry, and you're definitely
going to get the tea. Let's get into it.
Thank you to Field for sponsoring today's episode.
If you don't already know about the exploration and dating app
Field, then we'll talk more about them later.
But let's get into today's episode.
Joining me today we have content creator, host of Sydney events
group, Pretty Connected, creator of ebook Happy Gut, Happy skin
dancer, skin care icon, Queen of confidence, Liz Claire.
So excited to be here. Thanks for coming on, Oh my.
Gosh, I can't wait to dive deep into all the topics and I'm just
bubbling with so much choice so thank you.
You're welcome. And we have so much to talk
about. I was saying it just before,
before we started today, that I have been so inspired by you for
years. I've been following along for
years and now we've known each other and we've gotten to see
each other so much. And everything you shared, from
your journey with cystic acne to when you shaved your head, What
a crazy time was. That sometimes I get the ish
because I want to do. Oh, really?
Oh, my God, I did love it though.
It was so fun on you. And I feel like everything that
you share, especially in your content, is just so much about
confidence and how much you've grown and going out dancing and
meeting new people. And it's what I think so many
people need to hear because so many of us are so trapped in
ourselves and we get so nervous and we don't know how to connect
with new people, especially going into our 20s and our 30s.
And so yeah, I want to get into starting out with what kind of
inspired you in the 1st place to start sharing your journey
online and why you started doing even content creation?
Absolutely. So I think we all experienced
that self doubt and negative talk and I think that dragged on
for way too long in my teenage years and it came to a point
where I just wanted to break free from that.
Especially as someone who was struggling with cystic acne.
It was such a visual thing, so everybody just staring at my
skin and I felt like a monster looking back on my reflection.
And I hated that feeling so much because I think at my core, I
knew that there was so much more to offer than what I looked
like. So one day, you know, this is
when Instagram was starting up. It wasn't as popular or as known
or used and it was all just picture perfect models.
And I found myself editing pictures of myself and I knew it
was bad. And so eventually I created this
Instagram page and I came up with the name pretty Progress
because I think I knew that my journey was about making that
progress. It wasn't about perfection.
I created this account and it was just an online diary of my
skin journey and it was nerve racking.
I was. I can't imagine.
From, you know, wanting to be this perfect girl to just
finally revealing my skin without the make up, without the
editing. And I realized that so many
women around the globe was struggling with the same
problems as, you know, looking back and not liking what they
see. So when I found that I could
connect with different people around the world, it gave me
confidence to continue sharing my journey.
And I started talking about skin care.
And then I realized it's beyond skin care.
It's more about how you feel on the inside, where you eat, how
you navigate lifestyle choices. So now I just dabble in
different niches and topics and I share about my journey to
confidence and now it's my full time job and I'm just just
honoured to be a part of this community to increase that
positivity and self loving people.
Yeah. So beautiful.
Yeah. Because I think back to the days
when I was in high school and I would edit my photos as well,
you know, big fan of face tune back in the day.
And I look back at some of those photos now and I'm like, first
of all, I was so cute and sweet and I didn't need to do anything
to those photos. And also they look so cursed.
Like they're so like washed out. You know, the whole face is one
tone. The eyes are like detailed, like
scary We. Couldn't tell, but if we're
looking at back at and now we know it's like heavily.
Yeah, wow. And I'm so glad to hear that you
recognizing yourself in that moment.
Like, I don't need to be doing this and I need to put myself
out there. And that's the like, the hardest
part is even starting the journey of being like, I'm going
to even let people see me like this.
Because I remember seeing at one point you posted something about
dating and going on dates with people and how your skin was
holding, holding you back. Can you talk a little bit about
that? Well, we live in an age where
it's all about how we look and we have dating apps, we have,
you know, these edited magazines, even ads online.
And I think we all want to make a great first impression for
towards the opposite sex. And the first thing they see is
your skin. And I think when my skin was
just red, irritated, and I had these large nodules on my
cheeks, I, they was terrified. I was like, they are not going
to even give me a chance. And that's and for a long, long
time, I would put dating off completely.
I wouldn't want to date. And as I started building my
confidence bias more steps, I realized that having acne is a
form of like a superpower. It's I'm allowed to filter out
people who are superficial. Yeah.
So yes, it's, yes, the first thing you see is your skin.
But if you don't even give me a chance to show my personality,
why would I want you in my life in the 1st place?
Right? So it's about reframing my
perspective and realizing that I have so much more to offer.
And I will focus on the conversation at hand rather than
focusing on what they think about me.
So the more I allow my energy to flourish, the more they see that
I'm more than my skin. And then I realize that dating
can be so much fun. So it's not about what I look
like, it's about how I feel. And if I feel confident, usually
the date does really well and I'm able to be myself.
And my first boyfriend of four years was somebody who saw past
that and, and I was able to find love.
And from there, I think he just gave me confidence that, yeah,
dating is meant to be fun. If it's not fun, why are you
dating in the first place? Hell yeah.
And I love that you pointed out like you had that moment where
you realized it was something that would actually turn off
potentially some people. And instead of being like, no,
that's not true. Trying to cover it or trying to
conform, you were like, hold on. Like this is something that,
yeah, could turn off some people and it's going to turn off the
wrong, like the wrong people, the people I don't want.
So who gives a shit? Like my person who I love, who I
know is going to want me and love me all the time when I'm
not wearing makeup, when my hair looks crazy, you know, when
you're shaving your head or you're doing whatever you're
doing, they're not with you because of their image or their
ego. And that's so cool that you're
able to make that like switch over because it's good for you
and it's so much better for the relationship and.
Yeah, even on that point about seeking that validation, I think
after overcoming my acne journey, I did have confidence
in my skin cleared up because I was doing all these lifestyle
changes. But at the same time, there was
still a part of me that needed that validation from men.
And so I took that step further by saying, OK, what is it about
me that makes me so vain? So I shaved my head.
Wow. That was the.
Doctor that came out, I've always been so curious.
So that was one that was one of the reasons I was like, OK, I'm
going to challenge myself, take my hair away from me, shave my
hair and just see what I'm like as a person beyond my outward
appearance. And of course, I've always
wanted to shave my head because I think a woman needs to do that
once in a lifetime. It is so liberating and so much
fun to do. And when I did that, obviously I
think I felt empowered in that moment.
And the next day I started crying and I said, I look like
an Asian boy. I was like, why?
Why did I choose this? But I, I could not do anything
after that. The hair is already gone.
And I had to force myself to feel empowered, force myself to
get that confidence again and base that confidence on things
that actually matter and not my parents or how pretty my
eyelashes look or how pretty my hair like was flowing that day.
And so confidence is not, it's not, it's a feeling you have to
build on that feeling. And I always tell people who ask
me like, were you always a confident person?
I always say it's not something you're born with.
It's something that you have to practice on.
It's a skill set. So when you know, it's a skill
set that gives you opportunity to build on it and actually
spend time building on yourself worth.
So as soon as I realized that I could feel powerful and
unstoppable, I realized that that's where confidence comes
from. And I don't need male
validation. And I can't believe that my
whole life centered around that when I was much younger.
And I think that's because I think the reason why we feel
that way is because that was the the narrative that, you know,
girls grew up in. Like we have to attract the
opposite sex. And movies and.
Everything else exactly. So it's like reframing your
perspective and finding your way out of it and growing from
there. Wow, and I love that.
And I think like self trust is so important in the process.
Like, you know, people say like nothing changes if nothing
changes. It's like you made such a big
step by shaving your head. And it sounds like kind of crazy
to go and do. But the fact that you went and
did something that was a bit of a shock to the system and it
forced you every day to like wake up and be like, yes, I'm
still going to do the things that make me feel pretty.
Like you might still have been, you know, doing your skin care,
doing your makeup. It's not about completely
throwing away, you know, your appearance, but it's getting rid
of those specific things that you might have been doing just
because you were told that they were pretty.
Yes. And kind of redefining what that
even means for yourself. Like what a beautiful process.
Thanks. That's.
Amazing. But also you don't have to shave
your head to detach yourself from mail validation.
There are things you can do. What?
Are some other things that. You so yeah, I always say
obviously you don't need to do outrageous things.
You can if you want to, if you want that big challenge, but for
the most part it's those small steps.
So I always come back to having hobbies and people are like,
what do you mean? Having hobbies boosts your, your
confidence? But there are so many types of
hobbies that teaches you so many different things.
For example, I got into running and that taught me resilience.
You know, I got into dancing and that taught me to be free in my
body. So having different hobbies
allows you to hone in on yourself to realize that you are
so much more capable. And the more fun you have with
your life, the less you're going to focus on what other people
are up to or what other people think about you.
Absolutely. So hobbies is my little sacred.
I, I so agree with that. I honestly feel like even in the
last year, that's been a big thing for me is I always notice
if I am not doing much throughout my week or I'm so
focused on like trying to get people to think something of me
or even just working and not taking time to like just have
fun or be around my community. I go into all these things so
anxious. Like if we're going to an event
or something like that, I'll be walking into the event like like
nervous, like thinking like, oh, did I wear the right thing?
How am I measuring up? Like am I going to find my
friends when I first walk in or am I going to, am I going to
look alone? Like all these like really
negative thoughts. Whereas if I've been in my
community or doing things that actually build myself up
throughout the week, I'm like walking in like, you know, if
anything, I'm the person to go chat up somebody who's on their
own because I'm like, they seem like they might need a friend
kind of thing, you know? So it's like I get to be not
only better for me and my experience, but better for
everyone around me. When I realize, like walking
into room, how I look is the least interesting thing about me
and what I have to say and kind of how I leave people feeling.
Is the end goal like making them feel good?
Obviously, yes, yes. Yes, absolutely.
I feel that too. How you see yourself allows you
to show up better for other people as well.
Yeah, it makes such a huge impact and it's a ripple effect.
Yeah, Yeah. Well, and I want to just go back
a little bit into your, like journey with acne, cystic acne.
Is there anything in particular where you started to notice a
big shift when it came to skin care, things that you did or
even treatments? Because I know you've had a bit
of a journey recently with a newer treatment and there was a
big video where you were burning your skin or something.
Can you tell me about that? Oh my goodness.
So, you know, I want to go back to when I was a teenager and I
had these little puberty pimples.
Everybody told me it would go away at the same time.
I was so focus on what I looked like, you know, in high school.
So I went back to the doctors and they'll prescribe me
antibiotics. Now antibiotics is a quick fix.
And unfortunately, even though it, you know, gets rid of all
the bad bacteria, also wipes out your good bacteria.
So once you get rid of that good bacteria, body is completely
defenseless. So it is more likely to fail in
protecting your immune system, protecting you from getting acne
again. So I went through rounds and
rounds of antibiotics destroying my gut.
My skin got worse. And then I was prescribed birth
control pills. Yeah, suppressing my hormones.
And then that didn't work. Guess what?
OK, why don't you go on veracetaine.
And I refuse to go on veracetaine, which is a more
intensive drug, quite harsh on your body because it's literally
getting and your mental health and your mental.
Health, yes. So my brother was on that for
nine months, and he had a whole host of side effects from hair
loss, you know, liver damage to depression.
And it was just a lot. So I knew I shouldn't go down
that route. And I had to push, you know,
every fiber of my being to think of the bigger picture.
What is it that is causing my acne?
Because I truly believe that acne is a visual symptom of
what's happening on the inside. Yeah.
So because I knew there was an imbalance, I started looking at
my gut health. Yes.
And, you know, I'm so glad that social media is talking a lot
more about your gut health because once you eat in a
balanced diet, you sleep well and you're making sure that
you're taking care of your mindset.
All of those holistic approaches will allow you to clear up your
skin because your skin is seeking that balance.
So I started changing everything about my myself, about my no, I
didn't eat junk food every day and which is?
So easy to do which? Is so easy to do and sleeping at
2:00 AM in the morning, you know when you're young you're flexing
or I only had four hours of sleep.
That is not a flex. It's not a flex.
No, not anymore. No, once you're getting older,
peeps like you realize how important your sleep is.
So it was a change over time and of course skin care played a
huge factor, but it's also that holistic approach by being
consistent with your skin care, eating enough fiber for those
new short fatty chain acids for your, you know, good bugs in
your in your body and, and making sure that you are just
energized for the next day so you're not always lacking on
sleep. All of that contributed to
clearing up my skin. And now I'm in this whole
journey of like revising my scar journey.
So I have scars from my acne. And then I'm doing that because,
you know, it's all about progress.
That's why it's pretty progress, yeah.
Beautiful. Yeah.
So it's when somebody asks me what really cleared up my acne,
I always say go through that holistic route.
And I know it sounds tedious. It sounds like it's so
exhausting, but this is your health we're talking about.
The greatest investment that you need to make is your health, and
it's going to be worth it in the end.
Yeah, and unfortunately, like a lot of people will initially
want to just fix that visual thing like because it does stop
them in their lives from feeling confident in so many ways.
But if you actually sit there and think about it, it's like,
wow, your health is actually so much more important.
We're talking about longevity. We're talking about like your
immunity, so many things that you want to be aware of.
So if you are having the symptoms showing you that your
body is in balance, like let's go in and actually figure out
what's kind of going on. How did you even start in the
1st place when you would see things on social media about gut
health? And were there things that you
tried that absolutely didn't work and weren't necessary?
Were there things that you're like, I swear by this, you must
do this? Like what are we working?
Like when? We talk about gut health.
It's so scary because yes, you get so many different
recommendations on social media and it is unfortunately a
process of trial and error. And I've tried a lot of things
didn't work, tried a lot of things that did work.
And I think one thing I would say is that I want people to
focus more on what they're eating instead of focusing on
supplements. Supplements can definitely help,
but the word means you're supplementing what you're adding
on to what you've already done. Yeah.
So don't make it your Holy Grail.
You know, the pill that changes your entire life that doesn't.
That is not realistic. If only it were.
Oh my. Yeah, completely.
I hear you. Yeah.
So I mean, there are a couple of things that I absolutely love in
terms of supplements, but I always say focus on your your
food, focus on your sleep, focus on your stress, all the things
that you can actually do and then supplement.
Yeah, that's great. And I think that's great advice.
I think so many people will just look, especially on the websites
that are promoting these pills and we'll kind of go, OK,
perfect. I'll get one for sleep and I'll
get one for this and I'll get gut health and I'll get this and
that and that's everything. I'll get one for the skin.
Look at the complex, you know, and they you get all of them and
you're sitting there and you're taking all of it, but maybe
you're waking up every morning and you're not having any water
at all and you're drinking that coffee on an empty stomach and
you're running around with your cortisol all over the place all
day long. You're not right.
Not even eating enough, especially a lot of women.
So it's really cool to to hear that you found that balance with
all these different pillars of your life, and then you bring in
something else to help you along.
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Don't just focus on one thing because again, I think we are so
inclined to try to have quick fixes.
Yeah, okay, so something I've found and what I've been hearing
from you guys on socials is that the dating app fatigue is real.
The same answers to the same prompts.
In trying to adjust your profile just to please someone, it's
making us feel more disconnected than ever.
And that's why I've partnered with Field because they've
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discovery journey. Today you created an e-book
where you talk. Congratulations on that.
That is so. So cool and I'm so into it and
the feedback has just been amazing.
I think when I was younger, I just wanted something where it
was just straightforward. And he and that whole entire
book is just about making small changes, small changes that will
make a difference. Teaching them about food,
teaching them about fiber, teaching them about how to
better your digestion. And then at the end, there's a
couple of product recommendations and supplements,
but it's not the main focus of the book at all.
It's making people in control of their own health.
Yeah, which I'm really proud of. Well, and I love that you
mentioned digestion as well and being like it's not just about
even the food you're eating. It's about like, you know, when
we're eating as well too, considering like how our
hormones are affected as well too.
Like there's so many pieces to I think that's why for me, even
like I feel like it has been overwhelming to work on my gut
health. And I think sometimes I just
think I put it in the back, in the back out of my mind.
I'm like, you know, I take that probiotic at least once a week.
You know what I mean? That's got to be doing something
good for me. But the more I like take my time
with it and in the more I do one healthy habit, the more it makes
me want to do others. Like, I don't know if you're
like that. It's like you go to the gym in
the morning and then you come home and you're so much less
likely to want to even, like, have a glass of wine.
At night or like eat shitty food or whatever when you're out
because you're like actually I will go home and I'll make
myself something because you're in that mindset.
And so I feel like building on those habits can be really
helpful as well. That's one of like the key
pillars into changing your lifestyle.
It's about habit stacking. And the more you feed your brain
with the positive things that you're doing, the more likely
your brain is going to be like, OK, yes, I can do this.
I just got to keep on building that and it makes that possible.
Wow, amazing. Oh, well, thank you for sharing
all of that. I am I feel like that's kind of
most of what I want to hear about your journey and
everything that you have gone through when it comes to like
acne and gut health and all these things.
I love what you do and I love what you share online.
And but because you know, we love to talk about dating on
this podcast, of course we have our sponsor Field.
Thank you to field. Of course, we're going to talk
about dating a little bit here, and I know you are in a
relationship. I am a year and a half now.
Yes, we won't get too, too much into it.
I know you like to keep it a little sneaky sneaky, but you
post a little bit. Yes, I post a little bit.
I don't show his face, but I realized that it's nice to
protect your relationship a little bit.
As much as I love to overshare, he's he's a sweet boy.
That's sweet. I, I saw on your page the other
day you had like a photo of the two of you and there was like a
hat or something in front of his face.
And I was like, wow, she's really getting creative with
these now. Like this is good.
You went from like blurring from emoji, now it's actually post
into the phone. No.
We have like different props. So sometimes it's a big fat leaf
when we're like hiking in the in the middle of nowhere or we have
a cowboy hat when we're in in Uluru.
So it gets really fun. That's so fun.
Well, I want to although you are dating somebody, I I think this
is good because you do seem to be in a very happy, healthy
relationship. So maybe you can give the girlie
some advice here. Let's start off with what are
three green flags for a first date.
Oh, okay. The first one is honestly just
being really curious and enthusiastic with what you do.
I feel like sometimes people get so excited with the day and they
want to prove themselves, so their attention is all on what
they do and they forget to ask the girl a question.
Yeah. So I literally said the same
thing last week. My first one I think was
curious. Like it's actually crazy how
much like that doesn't come through with some people.
Yes, because I think when you're curious, obviously it means
you're actually interested in getting to know the person, not
just dating for the sake of dating, not just dating for the
sake of feeling good about yourself.
And I think unfortunately, sometimes people just get lost
in it all. Yeah, being curious is
definitely my first green flag. The second one is being
grounded. I can be, I used to be a very,
very chaotic person and I think I can be, I have like very high
energy and I can be quite extroverted.
But having somebody who has that personality, I think you need to
be also grounded in and calm. Yeah, yeah.
I love that calmness and it just makes me feel like I'm at pace.
So while still having fun not I'm not talking about don't
confuse calm like being grounded and calmness with boredom.
Being boring? Yes.
Being yes, absolutely. I completely agree.
Yeah. And I think you need someone who
makes your, like, nervous system feel calm in that way.
And I find like, that's where I noticed if that person is
actually doing that for me because it's like, I'll hang out
with them and then the next day I'm like, like, and what's on
for today? Like I just have more of a calm
vibe about me. And I think that's always a
really good green flag. Yes.
Do we have one more? We have one more the the third
one is if they are too quick to wanna create a life with you,
please, please run away. I love bombing.
It's horrifying. It's.
Horrifying, but The thing is, young little me would fall for
it 'cause I'm like, I mean, why wouldn't he be obsessed with me?
I. Was the exact same.
I absolutely have done that. I'm like, I'm so flattered by
it. Yes, In our house we're gonna
have this and this and this and I'm like our house, yes.
I remember I went on this day with this man and I remember it
was just like a cute picnic day. Very went very well.
Then he would like look into my eyes, hand on my cheek and say I
want to take care of you. Why?
Is that like such an egg? Like such.
An egg did You don't even know me.
Like why do you want to take care of me?
Am I this like weak little girl? Like it does not make sense to
you Talk about the future. Too much of that is it kind of
feels like you you are already in love with the idea of me.
You don't even know who I am. Yeah.
You're not even curious to know who I am.
So taking it slow, Yes. And making sure that he gets to
know you before he makes all these future plans with you.
And I think it comes out of them wanting you to fit into their
life in a box that they've like created, like kind of like what
you said, like they've come into that moment to go like, perfect,
I've met this person. Yep, they'll do the job.
And then it's like they want that romance.
But if you're doing it from this like false reality or this false
version of it, it's so scary. It's so scary because that will
fade so. Absolutely, yes.
When it starts in 10s, it usually ends very intensely as
well. Yeah.
So avoid that. Been there, done.
Next scratch. Yeah, well, can we have two more
red flags? I think this is an important
one. If you cannot have a mature
conversation about finances, you're not in a mature place to
talk about a long term, serious relationship.
Yeah, I think you have to be very, very comfortable.
There's a lot of it's like hush hush under the table when it
comes to talking about finances with your friends, with people
around you. But if you can't have those
conversations, then why are you being in a relate?
Why do you want to be in a relationship with me?
So a red flag is feeling uncomfortable about finances, I
think. Yeah, I really like that one.
I wouldn't think of that. But like as you're explaining
it, I'm like, wow. Because you do get people who
just will not dive into it or are very uncomfortable to even
share about maybe where they struggle, especially a lot of
men. Yes.
And like we need to, I like, I want to know kind of where
you're coming. From yes, be honest and yeah.
And then that way we can actually start a relationship on
an honest, transparent like foundation.
Yeah, well, I love that. That's a great one.
And I think the last red flag would just be not loving your
job. OK, yes, because.
I don't know if people realize this, but if you have a job that
takes up 80% of your life and you absolutely hate your job, it
will bleed into other parts of your relationship because that
disdain for your own life will be projected.
I think you don't have to absolutely fall in love with
your job, but at least enjoy it because this is what you're
settling for. Yeah.
I've had a relationship where he just hated his job.
So what happens when he comes home from a long day?
Yeah, Terrible. Yeah.
Terrible mood, terrible energy, and.
You're working to pull them out of that.
It's like how exhausting it is, so exhausting.
And I think you need to make a decision as a, you know, as a
grown person, to find what actually makes you happy, or at
least something that lifts up your mood at the end of the day
because it takes up a lot of your time.
Or at least be like the kind of person where you can not maybe
like the work that you're doing, but know how to make your day
enjoyable. Like listening to podcasts on
the way in, enjoying like your lunch and really taking that
time to not just like doom scroll, but maybe like reading
or doing something that like fills you up.
Like I, because I've definitely been in that situation before
where I have really not liked my job.
Like I worked in hospitality for 7-8 years.
Like, I, you know, I would have these crazy 10 hour shifts and
sometimes barely get a break and I would like, I hate this.
Like, I'd be on the way in, like nearly crying, but I would be
like, you know what, like, I really like these people at my
work. Even there's people I don't
like. I really like these people.
That's cool. And I like that it's in a clean,
beautiful space. And I like that I actually don't
have to work past, say, 10:00 PM or whatever.
And I was trying to like kind of count my blessings so that the
energy would shift even if I didn't like the job.
So I think if you're going to be with someone who, yeah, doesn't
like. It that is absolutely important
to find the gratitude in a terrible situation.
If you completely wholeheartedly hate your job and you're you
know, you can't find any good in that, then yes, it will impact
the relationship that you're in. And unfortunately I was the
receiving end of that. So I think my red flags are the
indirect things that will impact the relationship.
Yeah, and it's so much more about that person, like their
lifestyle and how they live as well.
It's not just about how. And I think that's something
that a lot of people refuse. It's not just about how that
person treats you. It's so much too about how they
treat themselves, what their inner world looks like, like how
they treat their friends and their family.
Like you're going into somebody's whole life, not just
having a few interactions with them every day and they make you
feel special, right? It's.
Beyond that, it is beyond that how you treat yourself does show
up in how you interact with others.
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. All right.
Well, moving on, what's the best date you've ever been on?
Oh, OK. I think the best dates are
always the most spontaneous ones.
Yeah. And I genuinely like, love this
date. We, I was in Byron Bay at the
time, solid travelling and I had this guy take me and we did a
lot of movie references and do you know what to remember?
It's a chick flick, but. Basically I'm bad with names.
Maybe if I saw a little poster. So the protagonist had this
whole bucket list that she needed to finish and one of it
was being at two different places at the same time.
And I, I remember referencing it to that guy that I was seeing
and he was like, let's do it. So at the board of like
Queensland and NSW and he's like, put your foot here, put
your foot here and all that, you know.
And it just, it was just such a small little thing that I had
referenced and he was listening attentively, took me there and
it was just a cool little thing that we did.
And that day it was raining, was pouring and we did a, we're
chasing waterfalls. And I was completely unprepared.
I had thongs, shorts on and there was leeches on us and
we're just, Oh my God. I know like I didn't grow up
here Cora for me to be reacting this way, but what the actual
hell? There was a little risk factor
there, but I think our interaction with leeches and
having finding the joy and the excitement and the laughter in
that experience. Losing your mind, you're losing
so much blood. You're just, you're just knocked
out. And it was just so magical in
that we could find the joy. Yeah.
And the excitement in that. Yeah.
And of course, we caught these, these beautiful waterfalls.
I don't know if you know, but when it's raining, the waterfall
falls like the water cascades. I just so powerfully beautiful.
It's so majestic. It's amazing.
Like you should yeah, definitely see a rainfall when it's
raining. I.
Need to get over to a waterfall. Yeah.
I grew up in Niagara Falls, so I learned those.
I need to see one. Just a bunch of little ones that
will add up in my brain for me. That's great.
So that was my favorite date. That's lovely.
A risk factor in there a little bit, you know, being spontaneous
a. Little bit of drama, a little
bit of drama. And just having somebody who
doesn't take life too seriously, yeah, that's the best part about
it. I love that.
And not trying to, like, look a certain way.
Like one of my friends always says this, like, we all need to
have a little bit more ugly fun. Like we need to stop trying to
have pretty fun all the time. Like, I don't want to just
always be like, ha, ha. Oh my God.
Yeah. Like with a drink or something.
Like, no, Take Me Out somewhere where I can get a little bit
dirty. Like in Canada with Tom, my
boyfriend, We were going around on my like childhood bikes and
just like going up and down and going to like a little ice cream
shop and going to the lake. And like, that's one of the best
days I've ever had with him because we were just like having
fun and we were sweating and we just, you know, it wasn't
pretty, but it was just like natural and honest and yes,
connected. Connected.
And I think the only way you can feel connected is when you feel
like you're yourself. Yeah.
Yeah, it's beautiful. Well, let's switch it up.
What's the worst date you've ever been on?
Do you have a bad date story at all?
OK, so the thing with me is even.
Though even though The thing is. I I'd love to see the good in
things. So even though I've had like so
I had 2 1/2 years of being single before my current partner
and I love dating and I enjoyed the experience so much because
you get a feel of you know what you love what you don't like.
But because I was enjoying the experience so much, I didn't
really heavily focus on what went wrong.
But if I was to kind of dig through, I think it was just
this one experience when I was in, I think it was Brussels and
I was on a state with this guy and I really wanted to see a
live jazz band. Prior to that we had pre drinks
and we were dancing out in the open.
It was beautiful. I love dancing.
So anything to do with public dancing, you know, salsa, bit of
pachata with the crowd. I, I adore it so much.
This brings me so much joy. I think he had too many drinks.
And then after that we went to a live jazz band.
Have you ever been to a live jazz band?
It they, it's like each different instrument, like they
kind of compete against each other, all play seamlessly,
blend with each other. It's just beautiful.
So I was enjoying a jazz, you know, band in front of me.
But he was ready to like, you know, party and he was loud and
he kept drinking. And everybody who was enjoying
this jazz band obviously saw this like chaos in front of us.
And he was a little bit aggressive in his in, in his
advances. So I think I, I didn't, yes,
that was a bit of a disappointment, but I think
that's one of my worst dates. Yeah, I, I feel like a lot of
bad date stories come out of someone drinking too much.
That's the whole thing. I really feel like first dates,
yes, you can do you know, a few drinks or whatever, it's fine.
But I, I think a big, big, big night for the first meeting
might not be the way to go because especially like you're
trusting your time with that person too.
And especially if you're going to anyone's home, like you could
be mindful, could be mindful because it can get a little bit
crazy. Yeah, and there is such a thing
as self-control, you know. Yeah, absolutely.
Well, I hope you know for a. First date we would hope, Oh my
God. Yes, so.
While looping all the way back around, just going back to of
course your journey with your skin as well.
I want to ask one more thing if you could give someone advice
who wants to go on a date, want to get more confident in going
to meet new people but their skin is something that's holding
them back. Do you have any advice for?
That person, yes. OK, so I know that a couple of
people love dating via the apps and I've had a little bit of the
experience with the apps and I think a lot of women, myself
included, back then would post a beautiful photos of themselves.
And if that's not how you look, you will put more pressure on
yourself to present yourself a certain way when you do meet
someone in person. So I realized that if you were
doing dating apps, try to be realistic with your images so
that way you're not putting extra or unnecessary pressure to
be a certain way when you're meeting somebody.
So when you're crafting your profile, pick photos that
aren't, you know, the best photos, just pick realistic
photos of yourself, have fun with it.
And that way they know what to expect.
You know that you're not lying, and it allows you to be more
transparent with your own journey so you can show up more
authentically. So that's definitely A1 pointer.
The second one is to agree on dates that you will enjoy.
Sometimes you say yes to a dinner, a fancy dinner, but
maybe you're not a fancy dinner girl.
Maybe you like to have a picnic at the park.
So if you are enjoying an activity, you're more likely to
focus on the experience than what your skin looks like.
So those are my 2 pointers. I love that.
Making sure that you're enjoying the experience and being real,
being honest with yourself, because if you're honest with
yourself, you can be honest with the partner you're that you're
seeing and focus on the date. I love that because I think it's
so important where people go to do things that they don't even
necessarily like they don't even want to go to that place.
They don't even want to do that thing or like say a movie.
Like I remember when I my boyfriend always makes fun of me
now for it because when we first started seeing each other, he
would he have to ask me to the movies and I kept saying no over
and over and over again because I was like, I just don't like
first of all, you make me nervous.
I'm not comfortable around you yet and I don't want to sit
there awkwardly beside you in a movie and just the whole time
all I'm going to be thinking about is like, you and I, and if
I'm being weird or if I'm sitting the right way or if I
should be touching you or not. Like I'm too crazy like for
like, I can't be doing all that like.
No, you don't get a Tom movie day.
Exactly. I know.
I'm sorry, Tom, but I'm like, I was like, not good, you know?
And he always says it now, too, Like, every time we go to a
movie, he's like, finally, like, oh, yeah, OK.
But I had to, like, put my foot down and be like, no, like, I
want to go to this, like, Cafe or I think we should, like, go
on a walk. I like, botanical gardens or
like, something where I'm like, I know this is already going to
make me calm and feel good. And I would have fun even if you
weren't here, Like, so I'm not wasting my time, you know what I
mean? And you kind of need to do that,
especially at the start. Because you don't want to add on
an extra unnecessary anxiety. Yeah.
So just focus on what you actually enjoy and then that way
it's easier for you. Thank you so much for coming in
and joining me. Can you tell them where they can
find you? What, like talk about your ebook
Everything All the exciting things?
OK, so you can find me mostly on Instagram pretty progress 23.
I honestly just post my life and you know, share good tips about
how you can boost your confidence and feel good in your
body. The way I share my journey.
I hope that inspires you to live authentically.
You will find me on my now the social media is with the same
username pretty progress 23 And of course, if you want to take
control of your gut health and just feel good, you can
definitely check out my ebook and yeah, I'm excited.
Thanks for coming. Thank.
You so much, Melissa. Bye, bye everybody.
Quick before you go, if you want to have a say in future episodes
and you want to hear more from me, you can follow me at Alyssa
Taylor Harper on Instagram and TikTok, which will also be
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