You're listening to She Said, what with your host, Alyssa
Harper. Hello sexy people, and welcome
back to she Said. What if you've not been here
before? Then I just want to welcome you
and let you know that this is a space for you to come and grow
to become the best version of yourself, whether we're talking
about sex and sexuality or relationships or anything to do
with self growth. Again, this is a space for you
to come and get something out of every single episode.
Today we're going to be talking about cycle syncing and this is
something that I've now been doing for two years and I've
made episodes on before. I interviewed different people
who had amazing things to say on it.
Ellie Blanco was one. We also had Moonley, who is a
period and hormone nutritionist come on and through these
experiences and also reading In the Flow by Alyssa, Vt where we
also then did a book club. All of us together from the She
Said What Podcast group, Facebook page.
I learned through my own experience and through you guys
so much about cycle syncing. And now it's been a while since
all of that went down and it's I've been two years now of me
doing this and I I feel like this is a great time to do an
update. You don't have to listen to any
of those episodes or know at all what I'm talking about right now
to listen to this episode. But I feel like it's really cool
to do something for a long period of time and then really
come down and figure out what actually works, What's going to
make the difference and where can you start today with cycle
syncing to start to make a change When it comes to your
body, your hormones, how you feel, figure out why you might
be experiencing symptoms of PMS cramping, All of those things
that we you have to deal with and ideally get you to a place
where you aren't experiencing those things anymore.
I can tell you that two years ago, I felt like I was crazy.
I felt like one week I was good, the next week I was bad.
Sometimes I could go work out and I could push myself and have
all this energy. And other days I couldn't.
And I didn't know what was wrong with me.
And that was the thing. I thought there was something
wrong with me. I didn't understand that there
were these hormones in my body that were changing week to week
that were bound to change what I wanted to do with my time.
How confident I felt, how my body felt, how much energy I
had. But now that I have that
knowledge, it's completely changed my life and I'm living
so much more fully and in line with what my body is already
naturally wanting me to do. And that has been such a huge
relief. Everything from my body image to
my mental health, to not experiencing as many period
cramps or period symptoms, to even learning how to balance my
work better and manage relationships better, all
because of this one topic. It's completely change my life
and I just want to scream it from the rooftop.
So that's what we're going to be talking about today.
So let's get right into it. Now, as per usual, we're going
to do a quick update on my week. It's just been a really lovely
week. I've spent a lot of time doing
this, doing podcast stuff, doing TikTok, doing Instagram, a lot
of like kind of revamping and just figuring out where I want
to go. I've spent a lot of time
actually internally, which we're going to talk about in today's
episode, but it was leading up to my period, which is when your
hormones are starting to just decrease overall, you're more
likely to not want to, like, push through really hard on
projects or even start new projects.
It's almost the time to finish things up and close things out.
And so that's exactly what I was doing.
And it was great because it meant that by the time I was
experiencing any kind of, like, fatigue or just disinterest in
my life, which happens for me sometimes before my period, I
was able to do that because I got the work done earlier.
And This is why cycle thinking is so powerful.
And I talk about it so much with the people that are close to me.
And I don't want to, you know, talk about it with you guys all
the time. But it's seriously, seriously,
seriously is not only like, oh, this little thing that helped
me, like, it's not like a new, like, matcha or protein powder.
It's not not, like, one thing. It's everything.
It's the framework for how I live.
And now that I understand why my body works the way that it
works, it's so much more empowering to step into the
things that I want to do. Because I know when to push
myself and I know when to rest. And I used to really, really
struggle with that because I'd be like, OK, well, if I don't
push myself, I'm never going to get where I want to be.
And I'm always going to, like, feel like my life is not good
enough and I'm going to feel shit about myself.
And then if I push myself, great, I got the work done.
But then I might be fatigued in the end, are burnt out, or I
didn't enjoy doing the thing as much when I did it in the time
that I was doing it in. And we don't learn about this in
schools, OK, We're going to go right to the topic because I'm
already fucking pissed about this, OK?
We don't learn this shit in schools.
We don't get taught that this is happening to us.
And yes, we might get some education around our periods and
like tampons and like how how not to get STIs and shit like
that, you know? But we're not being taught to
honor our bodies. We're not being taught how much
of a beautiful experience it is to actually get your period.
And the way that we have done that all throughout history and
it connects us to, like, this womanhood and this just
beautiful release. Like, I feel so empowering.
But for most of my life, I just saw my period as this
inconvenience. I used to dread getting my
period because it made me feel like I couldn't do certain
things or if I was getting cramps or headaches or whatever.
It was. Hell, it was like, it's like
you're getting sick. It's like once a month you're
getting sick. And that's typically how people
talk about periods. That's the societal narrative
around periods, even from educators in our schools
sometimes. Just to give you a quick
rundown, if you can't really remember what you learned in
school or you're not super familiar with how your menstrual
cycle works, just going to run you through it super, super
quick. And I want you to think about it
as the four different seasons. So winter is your menstrual
phase. That's when you're having your
period. Then you have your follicular
phase. That is springtime.
That's when we're starting new projects.
That's when we're beginning fresh again.
Then you have your ovulation phase, which is when you are
ovulating. This is when you are most likely
to get pregnant. This is when you're most likely
to have the most energy. This is when you're kind of
you're glowing, you know this is when you should be really
getting shit done. OK, so that is summer and then
you've got your luteal phase, which is your pre period.
Sorry, your pre period phase. I hit the mic if you guys aren't
watching me. So ovulation is summertime baby.
And then we've got your luteal phase.
This is fall. This is when we're starting to
finish up those projects. Like I was talking about
earlier, This is when we're taking things to a close.
We're potentially having a little bit less energy in this
time. This is especially towards the
end where you might start to experience some PMS symptoms.
And of course, then we go right back into our menstrual phase.
So those are your 4 phases. The reason I love the seasons
analogy is because it helps you to remember how to treat your
body and how to think of your body in all of these different
phases. Like I said, summer ovulation,
energy, feeling good. That's when you want to go for
that job interview. That's when you want to go on
that date. Anything that you can do to
really get all the beautiful, like, juices out of your
ovulation phase is so, so important.
Often during your period or even just before your period, you
don't have as much energy. Maybe you don't have as much
patience, You're not feeling as social, and that's totally fine.
That's a time for you to rebuild.
And I think The thing is, we're taught, oh, we can do everything
that a man can do. You know, you can push through
your period, Just act like you don't have it.
And I get the sentiment in that, in being like, we can do
anything that a man can do. Yes.
But when you're aware of what your body is doing and you start
working in a cyclical nature, you get so much more out of your
life rather than trying to just pretend that you're not living
in a female body. If you are on any kind of
hormonal birth control, then you likely don't have a period and
some people don't like to say it that way.
So I mean that with all respect, it just means that you're not
having ovulation, which means that when you do bleed, say
you're on the pill, for example, when you switch into that sugar
pill for your period week, it's more of a shedding rather than
your actual period. If you want to know more about
how all of this really works deeply, feel free to go back to
the episodes that I mentioned at the start of today's episode.
It was Episode 19 with Ellie Blanco.
That was part one. And then we did a Part 2, which
was a Q&A where we talked a little bit more about different
forms of birth control and some of the questions that you guys
had for us. That's episode.
Yeah, 22 with Ellie Blanco. And then episode 28 is the one
that's specific to food and that was one with Moon Lee, who was
the hormone and period nutritionist.
So again, if you guys want to go back and find those, feel free.
That's all I'm going to say about kind of how your period
works. Now I'm going to talk to you
about those different seasons, those different phases, and how
I've been able to completely like revamp my life with
exercise, food, my mental health, slash self-care
practices that I do my work, and then my relationships and sexual
life and how those have all become so much better since I've
started cycle syncing, starting out with exercise.
Now I know, and this is how my body works.
I should say this is a little disclaimer overall before I go
through my points is that this is how it works from my body
generally. These things that I mention do
align with how other people describe their hormonal cycles
and it's same for anybody who's in a female body.
It does obviously change how long overall your menstrual
cycle is and how long you're in different phases and whatnot.
It's different to every single person.
So just know that this isn't going to 100% line up to you,
but these are the common things and if there is anything in here
that's a little bit out of the norm, then I will flag that with
you, just so you know. But starting with exercise, I
know that I'm going to have the most energy, I'm gonna feel the
strongest, and I'm gonna be the least likely to experience any
kind of injury, even if it's minor.
Like, you know when you stretch a little bit too far and you're
just like, oh, I felt that the next day.
I know that that's least likely to happen when I'm ovulating, so
you better know that when I'm ovulating, my ass is working
out. Okay.
I'm at Pilates, I'm going advanced springs.
I'm pushing it because I know that I can and I know that
that's not going to take energy out of me for the rest of my
day. Whereas if I'm on my period, I
don't exercise at all in the way that I do.
When I'm ovulating, I mostly focus on like yin, yoga,
stretching, going on walks. And that's exactly what I've
been doing literally today. Went on a walk yesterday, went
on a walk down to the beaches and everything and did a nice
stretch Like that is what I am focusing my energy on.
I'm not trying to push, I'm not trying to build muscle.
And here's the thing, right? I used to, especially when I was
a Pilates instructor, because you're really often encouraging
people like push yourself, you know, go that extra 10% and you
start to do that for yourself as well, which is great to a
certain extent, but you don't always want to push through.
Some people love to do certain exercise on their period and
then find that it really helps them.
Sometimes I'll do like a little bit of matte Pilates, like a few
days ago when I was kind of like PMS ING and I was like not
feeling my best. I did a stretch and for whatever
reason I felt a little bit of extra energy and I was like,
let's do like a little AB workout and it was like 15
minutes. It wasn't anything crazy.
Lots of little breaks, lots of water.
But it just made me feel good, so I did it.
And this is the best thing is you start to learn to become
intuitive with your body as well.
So maybe sometimes on your period you'll be like, whoa, I
actually have a little more energy and you'll push yourself
a little bit more. But it doesn't feel like a push
that's coming from an external source, like, oh, I should do
this. Or if my boyfriend can go to the
gym today, why can't I? It comes from learning to know
your body, and of course that comes with time.
But cycle syncing was absolutely I can tell you the way that I
got to this place in the 1st place.
I actually love exercise now, and I've always really liked,
like I always used to go to the gym.
But I think it often felt like I liked it because I knew that I
was doing something good for me, because I felt like I should do
it. And even though I liked it, it's
still at its core came from a place of, well, I want to look
this way and I do want to feel good.
So I'm going to push myself to do it.
And it was like every other day, or it was like 3 * a week and I
would have these types of goals and it just isn't how my body
functions. Some weeks I don't have energy
to go to the gym or go to Pilates or whatever it is three
times a week. I mean, I don't go to the gym at
all anymore. I haven't been to a gym in
years. I only do Pilates now.
I do reformer Pilates and because I am an instructor as
well, I'm qualified in mat and reformer.
So I'll go to reformer when I'm feeling like, Oh yeah, energy.
Let's fucking go ovulating. And then I'll do mat often just
at home or like take my mat and go to the beach or something.
And I'll do that when it's a slower season for me or like a
slower phase. And I love it because now I love
movement. I move my body every day.
Don't get me wrong. It's not like I have these big
periods where I'm like, not doing anything.
I move my body every day. But it's like I'm dancing in my
kitchen as I'm making my breakfast and it's making me go,
oh, my back does feel kind of tight.
I should do a stretch, then I'll go do a stretch after I have
breakfast. You know what I mean?
Like, I'm constantly moving, even on these days where I'm out
of the house for most of the days and I'm busy and I'm doing
a lot. I'll still come home at the end
of the day and I can feel that my body needs movement.
And that's another thing, like intuitively you just start to
feel it. Like even right now I'm sitting
up straight and I'm present in my body.
Like I'm aware if I'm stressed now because I'll feel that my
shoulders are up to my ears where I'm sitting here with my
shoulders down and relaxed. And in theory, like I am using
somewhat core muscles to sit up straight.
And I'm aware of all these things and it makes my life
better. Having better posture makes you
feel better. Having a body that you feel good
in makes you feel better. And I feel so good in my body
now. And the only the only reason I
feel so good in my body is because I stopped pushing myself
so hard. Like I would say I exercise now
way less than I did two years ago.
And at the time when I thought about exercising less, the fear
was, well, then I'm going to lose certain muscle definition.
Oh, I'm going to gain weight. And those things are obviously
not bad. It's just for me, it didn't
align with my goals. I didn't know that I could
exercise less and feel even better until I understood the
science behind what my body was doing.
And if you want to hear more about this specifically in the
flow by LSVT, there's a really, really great section where she
talks about exercise and she can explain to you really properly
like what the studies show on how the female body works and
why it's so important to move your body in this way.
But there you go. That's how I do exercise.
The biggest thing that I would say that is like the best thing
that I've gotten out of all this is I never feel bad for not
exercising. I never feel like I let myself
down. I listen to my body and that is
what I do. And if I've listened to my body
that day and it's told me, you don't want to go and push like
crazy, you want to do a stretch, you want to do yen Yoga, you
want to literally lay on your mat and not do anything for 10
minutes. That's what I do.
And I will never feel bad again about not doing an exercise or
not doing a workout or not pushing to a certain point.
Even when I go to classes, sometimes I'll go to a
beginner's class instead if I'm not feeling as good, or if it's
PMS luteal phase or if it's on my period.
Sometimes I'll still want to go to a class because I just really
want to get out and I want to get that nice flow through my
body. Go to beginner's class, I'll
choose the lighter weights and I'll have the instructor come up
to me and go. Alyssa, let's add that.
Push up in and I'll go no thank you.
Like I I will have boundaries for myself and I would really
encourage you to do that as well.
OK, let's talk about food now with food, a lot of people when
it comes to cycle thinking, they will tell you to eat very
specific foods in different phases of your cycle.
And you can absolutely do that and it will absolutely optimize
your hormones. But for a lot of us, it's hard
to consider like, okay this week I need to eat blueberries, then
next week I need to have beats. Then next week.
Like it is difficult. So let's think back to the
seasons because this is going to be so much more helpful for you.
Think of ovulation, summertime baby, okay, lighter foods,
salads. You're usually not going to
crave red meats, heavy food as much.
It's usually easier in this phase as well to not be having
so many, like cravings for say, like salty food or fatty foods.
And I would take advantage of that if I were you.
Because if you want to eat something good, then why not eat
something good? Like, have you ever had that
where you're about to choose? Maybe you're like on Uber Eats
or something and you're like, honestly, I don't even want like
a burger. I don't even, I kind of just
want like sushi or I just kind of want something that's a
little bit lighter. I always try to do that if I'm
feeling that because I know that that's actually my body saying
to me I need this kind of nutrition.
I need something that's going to make me feel good.
And if I have a time when it's perform my period and I want a
fucking burger, I'm a have that burger.
That's the thing. Like I will always allow myself
to basically do what I want to do.
And this is the thing, this isn't hard.
This is actually easier. And I think people often don't
want to adopt new things like this because it all feels like
so much. And we're being bombarded
constantly from social media and like ads and all of these other
things, telling us how to do things to just like make us
skinny and make us pretty and it's going to make us happy and
it's fucking bullshit. But this is not, this is real.
Like, this is just you listening to your body intuitively, and
it's actually easier than if you were to try to do the same thing
every single day with food. I like to focus on having
protein, fat and and fiber in every meal and to consider that
just overall in my day, say for example in the morning I'm going
to cook up some eggs. I can go okay.
There is some protein that's great.
And then I'll go okay. Let's add in a piece of my
gluten free toast. It doesn't have to be gluten
free. That's just me because my body
just hates gluten. So piece of my toast, we've got
some fiber in there, A little 5 grain gluten free toast.
Yum Yum, Yum. OK we've got that.
And then you think fat. OK you're going to get some fat
out of that yolk in your egg. But maybe not enough.
Maybe we want even more to balance those hormones.
Let's add in maybe half an avocado.
OK, now we're starting to get a better balance.
And again I'm not a nutritionist.
This is not exactly what you should have for breakfast every
day and of course every day is going to be different, remember.
But I find if you just focus on those three things, protein, fat
and fiber, you're going to be so much better off in balancing
your hormones and balancing your blood sugar levels so that you
can have the energy that you need in your day.
You can keep your mind feeling more positive because your body
is getting what you want, so naturally your mental health is
going to be better. And this is a huge one for me.
I find if I get halfway through my day and I haven't eaten
properly, I know like I'm in the worst mood.
I feel down. I don't have energy.
I don't want to do anything with my evening, and it always
reinforces that belief, me of OK, Alyssa, let's just be more
mindful tomorrow. Let's be more mindful, of
course, drinking lots of water as well.
I try to have two liters a day, but it's a bit all over the
place because I'll be having a cup here and a cup there and a
water bottle over there. So I'm always doing my best with
that and trying to get better at it, But lots of water every day.
And a little bonus tip as well, if you guys aren't already doing
this, please, Oh my God, stop having coffee on an empty
stomach. I did this for years, all
through high school especially and little trigger warning,
eating disorder warning here. I knew that coffee and caffeine
would curb my appetite and so for me it was the perfect thing.
In the morning I was like, who needs breakfast when I can just
have a coffee? It's going to give me energy.
It's going to stop me from wanting to eat early on in the
day. So I can like extend that period
a little bit longer to like lunch.
Oh my God, so fucking bad. Feel so sad.
I want to hug old me. That is so sad And.
I just thought it was perfect. I thought was the best thing and
it took no time. No.
Ever. Right.
So I was like, this is perfect. Wrong, wrong.
Fucking wrong. Okay, you have a coffee on an
empty stomach, your cortisol shoots up.
That is your stress hormone. That is going to fuck the whole
system. It fucks the whole thing.
It throws everything off. If your cortisol is high, then
all of your other hormones, they're all over the place, OK?
We don't want that. It can cause so many digestion
issues and it literally can change your whole day.
And I'm going to be really honest with you guys.
I got into a habit of doing this again, not because of not
wanting to have an appetite or anything like that at all.
But I got into a habit of it because it kind of became my
morning routine when I started working from home at the start
of this year because I'd get up in the morning.
It was like the thing that I kind of looked forward to
because obviously you feel nice having a coffee.
And making a coffee for me just felt like, you know, out of my
routine. So I'd get up and I'd turn on my
coffee machine. Then I'd go, like, wash my face,
brush my teeth, whatever, and I'd come out and I'd want to
make my coffee. And so I kept doing that.
And it was bad. Like, I would have, like, my,
this is so TMI. My stomach would hurt and my
digestion would go crazy, OK? And it was terrible.
And I was doing it so much. And then finally I was like, OK,
Alyssa, you know how bad this is for you?
What the fuck are you doing? Stop.
We're going to make it a new goal.
This is like a few months ago. Let's make it a new goal that
every morning we're going to wake up and we're going to eat
something. Wait a bit.
OK, wait, wait a bit. Wait, wait.
Let yourself digest a little and then have your coffee.
Because sometimes you'll realize that you don't even need the
coffee once you're up and you're doing your day and you're like,
oh shit, I didn't have a coffee today, or oh, I think I can
actually go decaf. Like it gives you that space to
just ask yourself if you need it.
And of course, coffee is not the end of the world.
It's not the worst thing. I have a coffee every single
day. Like I'm not saying, well
basically every single day. I'm not saying it is bad at all,
but it's how you take things into your body.
Like anything. It's moderation and it's also
timing. Specifically with this one.
Just quickly going back to the seasons analogy before we move
on. Again, we had spring follicular.
You're starting to get that energy back.
Maybe this is a good time for you to learn how to cook a new
recipe. Like, think about it that way.
You're bringing in new things and you have that little bit of
extra energy. You're usually feeling like you
want a little bit of, like lighter foods.
You're feeling a little bit better.
As long as you're staying balanced, awesome.
Then we're going into the ovulation phase again.
You're going to have less cravings and you're going to
want lighter foods likely. So take advantage of that and
try to get in that nice, healthy, balanced situation
while you have to make it happen as you go into your ludial
phase. I'm not saying that you just
drop everything and let yourself go and just eat whatever you
want and not think about fueling your body.
Because of course it's it's not about the shame connected to
eating, like unhealthy, quote UN quote food or fatty food or
whatever. It's not bad.
Like no food is bad. And again, if this is an issue
for you, where you're sitting here like this is really hard
for me though, like, this is a topic I need to hear more on.
I have an episode, it's probably like my second episode or
something. It's really, really early on,
but it's about intuitive eating and that can help you a little
bit more in this area. But with your luteal phase, what
I'm saying is that you start to decrease in energy, so you're
probably not going to want to cook as much.
Like, this is just me. And again, I should speak more
on my side of things, but I'm less likely to want to cook as
much. I usually just want, like warmer
foods. And remember, this is fall time,
OK? We are leading into winter.
We're getting into that phase where we just want to chill the
fuck out, OK? So I'm wanting to have more like
soups, more red meat, kind of like heavier.
I'm usually eating more overall and throughout the day.
And I'm OK with that, because rather than seeing every day is
this like perfect balance, I see it as a cycle and so it all
makes sense to me. My favorite thing actually to
make, and this is the thing I know how to make it so it's easy
for me, is borscht, which is like this Ukrainian soup that my
Baba used to make growing up. And it's like a beet soup.
It doesn't sound good, but I tell you, like, it's so fucking
good. Like, it's so good and it's
very, like nostalgic for me. And I know that beets are just
really, really great for your hormones.
There's so many good things in beets, like the vitamins, it's
so light. I know that I'm not going to be
having any gluten with it. Like, it is just perfect.
Like, I just love it so much and it just feels good.
So I always make that like in my luteal phase or in my menstrual
phase, but that's just something that works for me.
And this is the thing. You're going to find specific
foods that you just love at certain times and then you're
going to get used to it and then it gets easier.
You can always go quick Google, search different foods for the
different phases of your cycle, print it out, put it on your
fridge and just get in the habit of looking at that every so
often. Or maybe before you do that
grocery shop on that week, you just look at it quickly and
maybe choose two items that you're going to get off of it.
There's a lot of easy ways to do this without it being a really
big thing to put in your life. That's going to take up a lot of
time. All right.
That's all I'm going to say about food.
Let's move on. We're going to talk now about
work. I have the privilege to be able
to create my own schedule, which is amazing.
And I'm very grateful for that. And that is because of you guys.
So thank you, because I love it, but a lot of people don't.
Of course, a lot of people are working 9:00 to 5:00 or their
schedules all over the place. Like, I used to work in
hospitality, and when I used to teach Pilates, Oh my God, it was
all over the place. Because sometimes I was teaching
in the afternoon, sometimes I was teaching at 6:00 AM.
So it's crazy. And I definitely had to to
understand how to create my schedule around already having
the schedule. So I want to focus on that
people say if you can't change your 9:00 to 5:00, then change
your 5 to 9 and that can be 5:00 AM to 9:00 AM or 5:00 PM to 9:00
PM, right. It's both those times that you
have time to shift things around.
And so I want you to first kind of acknowledge what is your free
time in the week and what are you, what time are we talking
about here that you're going to be changing what you're doing.
You can use cycle syncing to manage like different projects,
different things that you're working on.
For me, for example, say I'm working on a TikTok about 5
things I didn't know about sex in high school.
OK, that's a one of my tik toks. So for example, I when I'm first
done my period and I'm in my follicular phase, I will sit
there and brainstorm ideas. This is what I feel the most
creative. This is when I feel like I'm I
like to brainstorm. I enjoy the idea of sitting
there and coming up with ideas that might not be that good and
like working outside of that layer of what I know already,
you know works for me. Or I enjoy creating or whatever,
branching out and finding that out outside layer where I'm
asking more questions and potentially asking questions
that could trigger huge things in the next month.
But it's important for me to take that time to expand past
what I'm already doing in my follicular phase is when I
absolutely love to do that. It's also when I love to like,
write and like I said, explore things a little bit.
So that's what I'm doing in my follicular phase.
Then when I'm ovulating, I'm more likely to want to go and
sit and, like, make that TikTok and talk about that thing that I
really want to get into and be on camera and have a lot of
energy and push myself to do that extra bit of work.
This is the phase where I know that I can push myself.
So if I'm sitting on the couch and I'm going, oh, like I didn't
really want it today and like, oh, I'm just not feeling, I'll
go. You know what, Alyssa?
You are right now you have the energy.
And usually I don't have to do this.
I will say, like, usually this is a natural flowing thing now
where it's like I can't sit on the couch and just do nothing
because my brain is like, let's fucking go.
Like shit is happening. And so I'll usually spend that
time to create as much as possible, challenge myself, do
things that scare me a little bit more, and it feels easier
because my body is already wanting those experiences and
being attracted to new things. Then in my luteal phase, that's
what I'm like editing, right? Let's say that's what I'm kind
of like editing. That's when I'm looking at
everything that I have created. What did I like?
What worked? What didn't work?
What did you guys like? I'm usually trying to finish up
projects and take things to a close so that by the time I get
to my period, I'm able to relax a little bit more and I'm not
feeling stressed because I have this big To Do List and
literally no energy to get it done.
And then of course, like I just said then, my menstrual phase is
when I'm usually trying to rest. And I'm not like taking a week
off here, guys, OK, there's no days off.
No, there's there's, there's definitely days off.
Please have days off. But I'm not taking the whole
week off. But I'm definitely slowing down.
Like right now me doing a podcast episode, this in my
brain is like something that I'm definitely doing, that takes
energy that I obviously love to do.
But you know, I got to get up and do the hair and do the
makeup and do the setup and do this, have the script ready and
do this and do that and work through everything.
And it's definitely something that like takes energy.
And when I'm done it, I'm like, like, OK, like, but I'm only
doing this today, just so you guys know.
OK, so today I'm not pushing myself to OK, we're going to
make these videos. We're going to do these emails.
We're going to reach out to this person.
We're going to do this. This.
No bitch. OK, we are doing this.
This morning I went on a walk. You know what I mean?
Tonight I'm going to go watch the sunset with a few friends.
Like it's it's chill time. And I get to do that because
earlier this week and the week before that, I was pushing
myself. And that's why it feels so good.
And I actually get to allow myself rest and it helps my
mental health so much. And of course, like most people,
if you aren't creating your schedule day-to-day, you can
change that five to 95 AM to 9:00 AM or 5:00 PM to 9:00 PM
When it comes to projects in your home or things that you've
been wanting to do outside of the work that you already do in
your regular life. Maybe you have like a little
side project, whether that's like creative or it's like a
little side hustle situation. Whatever it is, start to plan
around the phases of your cycle when it comes to those projects
because it makes your life so much easier, especially if you
are someone who struggles to slow down.
And I think this is a lot of us. We feel guilt in taking rest.
We always feel like we should be doing something.
There's always more to do and we have people telling us from all
different angles how to do things and how to be the best
individual, you know, be the best version of yourself.
And I get that. We talk about that on the
podcast, obviously. Yes, we want to be the best
versions of ourselves. But like, we have so many people
telling us how to do that all the time, and we often find
ourselves feeling so burnt out. But rest is so necessary.
And if your cup is not filled, then you're not going to have
anything to give to anyone else. And what you want is really for
your cup to be overflowing so you're never filling and
emptying and filling and emptying.
No, you're keeping it full and overflowing because you're doing
things in an intuitive way that makes sense for you and what
your body actually wants at that time.
Now we're just going to take a second to talk about the sponsor
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All right, Let's get back to the episode.
All right. Let's talk about sex, babies,
sex and relationships. This is a big one.
Like, this is one that I never really thought you could cycle
sync. Like, I don't really understand
it. But now let me tell you I know.
OK? Because when you ovulate, this
is when your body is most likely to get pregnant.
Unfortunately, because you are also feeling your most, you just
you're you're ready to go, OK? You're more likely to want to
have sex. You're more likely to want to
try things sexually as well. You feel the most confident.
You are the most radiant. Those pheromones are popping,
like you are glowing. People just are attracted to you
and it's the best time for you to go on a first date.
It's the best time for you to maybe try on like new lingerie
or try a new toy or do something that feels out of the norm
because you have that extra bit of confidence and it's just so
useful. And I will say on the flip side
of this or on the more like kind of it's not that we have
favorite phases of our period, obviously we should love them
all. But ovulation is just like I'm
the hottest bitch I've ever been when I'm ovulating, OK, that's
just how it feels. Then your lytical phase for a
second, you're like, wait, I'm kind of ugly.
Like you just kind of have a moment where you're like, you
know, and obviously you know, the better we are with
regulating our hormones, the less we're going to feel these
negative effects of like PMS and period symptoms and everything
else. It's a work in progress, OK?
We're always working towards better health and feeling more
in tune with our bodies. So as I said, I haven't
completely gotten rid of every single period symptom.
Like 2 days ago I had a little bit of cramps.
It wasn't bad. It didn't really stop my day or
anything. It used to.
I will tell you that it used to be really, really bad, but I
don't have it at all. Nearly as bad, like I would say
before my period, cramps would get up to, I don't know, like a
seven or eight, like waking up in the middle of the night
crying, having my partner, like waking him up and being like,
can you massage me, please. Putting on like those period
cramping, like little machine things, like having to do a lot
of that. I don't have to do anything
really anymore. I never have to do heat pack
anymore. Like I used to do all of this
shit. I used to have all of these
symptoms. I'm telling you guys, I don't
take anything. I'm not taking.
I mean, maybe I should be, I don't know.
But I'm not taking any supplements right now.
I'm not doing anything other than just living in tune with
how my body wants me to live. And of course there's so many
factors, so it's hard to say this is the thing that did it.
But for example, maybe I was on my period two years ago and I
would force myself to do a workout because I was telling
myself I had to do it. Do that in the morning, then I
have no energy in the rest of the day.
Maybe I'm not really eating properly or thinking about what
foods I'm putting into my body by the evening.
If I have cramps, that doesn't surprise me now.
Like, for example, I would wake up with cramps and instead of
having an nice amount of water and getting that fat, protein,
fiber situation in my body, it was like, I wake up, I feel like
shit. Oh my God, I have cramps.
Let's have a coffee. That's going to make me feel
better and wrong. It's going to dehydrate you and
it's going to make your cramps worse.
I just didn't know any of this shit.
And this is what pisses me the fuck off is we're not taught
this. Like, why are we not taught
this? If this was the experience for
men bitch, you better know that we would have had a whole last
subject about it. Don't even get me started.
OK?
Anyways, I was going to say earlier and I got on a tangent
again that on the flip side, as I'm experiencing any kind of
negative symptoms like cramps or a little bit of like
irritability, that's one for me. I don't get well, I guess I do
get a bit, you know, down a little bit more depressed, but a
little bit, you know, just lower.
When it comes to my mental health, something I've learned
is to not have big conversations within my relationships in this
phase just because I'm a little bit more bare bones.
It's like a no BS zone. And what I'm going to tell you
is if you relate to this, you can use this.
So instead now of when I want to blow up on my partner because
he's driving me fucking mad, even though he's actually just
sitting there, like breathing, you know, or just made a little
mistake, you know, forgot to get milk on the way home.
And here I am, blowing my fucking head off because I'm all
pissed at him. Instead of doing that, I
recognize okay. In this phase, I'm probably
going to be a little bit more irritable, so I'm going to keep
myself in check. I'm going to be more mindful of
what I'm saying, what conversations are coming up.
If for some reason I'm finding one of my friends really
bothering me or something is just seeming off, I have grace
for the situation and I go look, might not be them.
Let's just choose to move on from it.
I'm better at recognizing the things that I might be feeling
so that I can prepare and I can respond in better ways.
Now you can use this by instead of letting it out on other
people using like a journal. If something comes up for you
and you're like, I've actually realized that I don't feel very
happy about the situation. I don't like my job or I'm not
happy living where I'm living or whatever it is.
Write it down. Be really real with yourself.
Let what's happening in your body.
Bring up those emotions. Bring up those feelings.
Bring up those thoughts. Write them down.
Don't commit to any of those thoughts, but let them sit there
and revisit it later after your period, because then you can
look at it and you can ask yourself like, are these things
true or not? Sometimes you might have just
not been feeling great and you might have been like kind of
over exaggerating or catastrophizing the situation.
Sometimes that happens, but sometimes you look back to it
and there's actually truth in it.
Sometimes it's like, wait, yeah, I actually don't really love my
job. And it took me being mindful in
that PMS to bring that out and write that down in the 1st
place. Now that I'm past my period and
I have the emotions to sit here and deal with this a little bit
better, I can sit here and go, OK, whoa, what is it that I
don't like about my job? Is there anything that I can do
to change this right now? If not, how can I work towards
changing it? So for me, I see that period,
the PMS period, I should say it's actually your Ludial phase.
I see it as like a no bullshit zone.
It's a chance for me to figure out what what are the potential,
like pain points or things in my life that just aren't working
anymore, and not commit to making changes right there and
then, potentially if they're emotional decisions, but to look
at it later and reflect. And I always get so much more
out of that experience, especially when it is tied to
relationships. So instead of having that big
explosive conversation about not being happy in a relationship
anymore or whatever it is, you know, having that conversation
later, but maybe letting some of those thoughts that came up
during that PMS period inform you on how you might still be
feeling within a, you know, a week or so.
OK. And lastly, and this is my
favorite one, so This is why I've saved it till the end, is
my mental health and myself care and how much better my mental
health is now that I've started doing this.
Like before I started cycle thinking I thought I was fucking
crazy. I thought I was crazy because I
was like I'm happy for a week and then I feel like shit for a
few days and then I feel great for a few days and then I feel
shit for like a week and a half. Like it was fucked and I just
didn't know why. And that was so frustrating
because I was like, what do I do?
Like at one point I went on to antidepressants, which if you
are on antidepressants, I fucking love that for you.
If you are loving it, good for you.
Do whatever you need to do. But I didn't have a great
experience with it. And I felt like sometimes, and
and I didn't know this at the time, but in different phases of
my cycle or whatever else, I'd be really, really happy.
And then certain ones I'd be really, really low.
And for me, antidepressants just kind of like brought that whole
thing into like a medium ground. And then I was always just a bit
like apathetic, which at least I wasn't having panic attacks all
the time. That was kind of sly, but being
apathetic kind of bad because it just made me depressed overall.
So for me, it didn't really do what I needed it to do.
So I had, I went off of that. But then I was left back at like
the beginning again, and I didn't know what to do with
myself. And I was so fucking frustrated,
like it was impossible to try to keep any kind of, like daily
habit or anything like that. And it's funny to me now because
at the time I used to be like, OK, every day is going to look
like this. I'm going to have this morning
routine, this evening routine. The thing is that sometimes our
mornings look different in different phases.
You might need a different morning.
When I'm ovulating, you know that I'm waking up earlier.
I'm putting in my Pilates gear. I'm like making myself a good
meal. I'm going to Pilates, I'm
walking home, maybe I'm getting some groceries.
I've got the energy to do shit. So then I come home, I eat
again. I then have my coffee, I take a
shower. I do all this content stuff.
I have energy and I'm eating it up sometimes.
My morning routine, when I'm not feeling as good, or I'm PM ING,
or I'm on my period or whatever, looks like me waking up and
slowly starting my day eating something small.
Hello, everybody. Just jumping in really quickly
to tell you that I did lose the audio from my mic for the last
7:00-ish minutes of the episode. So if it sounds a bit cursed,
that's why. But you can still understand it.
OK, back to the episode. Bye bye.
Going back to bed, reading my book for a little bit, you know,
doing some nice skin care, Then I have my coffee, then I'll do
something. Maybe I'll go on a walk, or I'll
go see a friend, or I'll do work or whatever it is, But I won't
push myself to get into my day because that's not what I need
in that phase. And that's totally fine.
Now, when I don't feel my best, it's a very quick thing that
happens. But I can literally go on to my
period tracking app, go, Oh yeah, about to get my period in
five days. OK, that makes sense.
That's it. Instead of sitting there like I
used to and go, why am I so depressed right now?
Oh, I just feel so bad about my life.
Oh, let's have all these negative thoughts trail through.
Oh, yeah, I'm not good enough. Oh, yeah.
I'm not going in the direction I want to be going in.
Oh, yeah. I don't have enough friends.
All these negative things, pouring, pouring, pouring.
And I sit there and I go. I would literally like,
catastrophize the whole thing to the point of being like, wow, I
am now depressed. I am 100% depressed all the
time. It just wasn't true.
I was letting myself sit in these horrible feelings because
I didn't understand the very basic, very simple reason as to
why I might not have been feeling good.
Now in that moment, I go, Oh yeah, period.
In a few days, OK, what can I do today to give back to my body,
know the things, and I'm able to go about my life without feeling
like there's something horribly wrong with me.
And I think that's the most important thing.
And the best thing that I've gotten out of cycle thinking
overall is the fact that I just understand why I feel the way I
feel, so I don't have to overanalyze everything and be so
upset all the time. If something is going wrong, I
just get it. I go, oh, that makes sense.
OK, how can I give back to myself?
And that even serves as a reminder to go, oh, yeah, let's
realize what part of my cycle I'm in right now.
OK, my period is coming. Oh, great, OK, Yeah, I should be
trying to finish up this project right now.
You know, what? If I do have that little bit of
energy, If I can now be motivated by the fact that my
period's coming and I want to chill, then maybe we will get
this one thing done. And it helps me to make sense
and plan in a way that feels like I'm honoring my body rather
than going against it. And personally, this is just my
experience. I find PMS to be kind of like
the worst thing for me, like my boobs are a bit sore.
I'm usually a bit more irritable once I get my period.
I'm usually pretty good, like my first day of my period.
Maybe I'm a bit like, OK, well, my body's doing a lot right now.
But then it kind of starts to slowly go away and I'm feeling a
bit better. And that's why I kind of love to
get my period because it feels like a release.
It's like my body is like, filled up.
Literally. It literally is.
It's like filled up and I'm like, Oh my God, like my boobs
hurt. Please, I'll go through my first
day of my period and my boobs are like, deflated again.
They feel fine. I feel like I can breathe okay,
things are a bit better. Maybe I have a tiny bit of
cramps, but I feel like I've got that release.
And once I started leaning into that idea of release, I realized
how much even. And we can go into getting a
bit. Woo, woo if you want, but like
even energetically for me, I see it as a chance to literally
release things from my body. So at least one day out of the
days on a Mama period, I love to sit down and write down things
that maybe happened that month or thoughts that came up in that
month. Things that don't hold an energy
that I want to carry into my next month.
Like maybe I had a fight with somebody, or maybe I felt bad
about a situation or something didn't go the way I wanted to go
or whatever it was, I will sit there.
I'll write those things down and I'll try to detach myself from
any, like, negative beliefs I have around those things.
Like say something didn't work out, like something with my job
didn't work out or something just didn't go as planned.
And I don't feel that good about it.
And I've noticed I still have feelings around that.
Writing it down and then releasing any kind of negative
belief, like, oh, I'm not good enough because that thing didn't
work or I didn't get that opportunity.
So I'm never going to get another opportunity, anything
like that. I'll write it down, you know,
that doesn't affect future opportunities for me or this
upcoming month or this upcoming cycle has so much in store for
me. And it'll reinforce that it's
actually a bit of a turning point for me and it is so
powerful. It's so like, I could cry, like
the way that I love my body and my life and how I'm able to live
so much more now because I feel like a sense of of control, but
not the type of control where you're grasping at straws and
trying to make things happen. No, like, it's just a comfort
and a piece and it's intuitive and you're in tune and it feels
right. I know when to push myself, but
I also know when to be gentle with myself, even when it comes
to my body. If I look at my body one day in
the mirror and I'm like, oh, I look super bloated, or I just
look like I have all this water retention.
Or like, I just look like what is going on?
Like, I just don't feel like I look great.
Cycle. Look at my little app.
OK, that makes sense. Sometimes I'll even get
notifications where I'll be like, you're going to feel a
little bit bloated today, or you might be experiencing this
symptom. It just makes me realize that
those are normal things and that your body is changing all the
time. And that's totally OK.
I have so much more grace for myself now, and I don't see
myself every day as having to show up as the best version of
myself, the most social version of myself, the most confident,
most beautiful. I can't do that.
Sorry, but I actually can't do that.
I'm not going to be the best version of myself every day.
I want to work towards it. I always want to be showing up
as the version of that me that like I want to show up as.
But if that looks like rest, or that looks like not going out
for drinks really late one night on a Wednesday with all your
friends, even though you feel like you should and you feel
like you're going to have FOMO, and it actually comes back to
you learning to respect your body and giving back to your
body because you're in a phase where your body needs that rest.
Like that's actually showing up for yourself and that's actually
being the best version of yourself.
That's great. And that's what we want to work
towards. Overall, I hope today's episode
gave you a bit of an understanding of the four
different phases of your cycle, how to see it as different
seasons and how to prioritize your life in a way that makes
sense around the seasons. I love this way of living.
I have to say that this is not a fad.
This is not something that I'm just going to do right now.
This has literally prepared me for my whole whole life.
I remember when I first started sickle singing, I was like, how
the fuck did I not know this sooner?
Like, it made me mad and it still makes me mad.
But I'm just so grateful to do this now.
I'm so grateful to feel good in my body and to not experience
all those crazy period symptoms I used to have.
Like I used to get headaches and like I said, I was using the hot
water bottle, using the ice, using all of these things just
to really try to Band-Aid what was really going on in my body.
And now that I'm building my life and feeding my body, when
it comes to everything, food, of course, the exercise and how I'm
exchanging energy with people and what I'm putting my time and
effort into in a way that actually is in line with my
body, I'm so much happier. I'm so much more productive
because I'm doing what makes sense for my body.
No one tells you that you can work out less and eat more and
look and feel better if you just know how to do it properly.
And my last little point on this is like, who would be, I guess,
marketing this? Who's the one putting up ads for
us to learn this shit? Nobody.
You know. What are the ads?
They're these quick fix products, these like one
individual powder or one individual vitamin or one
individual workout plan that's meant to solve all your
problems. And unfortunately, some of these
things are actually just a balance of all these different
parts of our life. There isn't a quick fix.
And yes, you can use supplements.
Of course, use the protein powders, do the workout plan if
that's what's going to help you. There's nothing wrong with
having those things of course they're great.
But their addition this what we're talking about today.
This is the baseline. This is what we should be
figuring out first before we add in everything else.
Thank you guys so much for listening.
I hope that you like today's episode.
I hope you learned something especially if you've been
listening to my podcast for you know the last two years or
however long we've been doing this now and you've heard those
original episodes. And hopefully this is a nice
little update for you to maybe re inspire you to get back into
it if you kind of got a little bit lost along the way.
Because like I said, I've done that with certain things as well
and I've come back to it and it's obviously a journey.
I just want to thank you guys so much for listening to She Said
what? And joining the Facebook group
that she said what podcast group for updates and just a little
bit of community. It's like an opportunity to meet
like minded people. So feel free to come join us on
there if you aren't already on there with us.
And if you guys want to find me on Instagram or TikTok, it is
Alyssa Taylor Harper and I will link that below in the show
notes. So I want to thank you guys for
all the beautiful messages I've been receiving recently about my
episodes about sexuality and bisexuality in particular.
I did have somebody actually reached out and I don't know if
I should say her name right now if she want me to, but she came
out on Instagram this week because of the podcast and it
was a huge thing for me. And I get messages like that all
the time, but I think, like, seeing somebody's face like lit
up and smiling and she had this little cake and it said bye on
it and it was so cute. And I was like, Oh my God, like
I was literally in tears and I was just like, This is why I do
what I do. It's for you guys.
And if you guys have any questions you want to talk about
anything, please feel free to DM me.
And I'm always happy to chat with you guys.
And if you guys have any requests on like future
episodes, future topics, maybe you want to see me like
interview somebody or you want to see me go into like more the
interview route I'm doing this for.
Y'all like this is for you. So you let me know.
As always, thank you for being here and I will see you guys in
the next episode. Bye.
Bye guys.