1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,800 You're listening to. She said what with your host 2 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:05,800 Alyssa Harper? Hello sexy people. 3 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:08,400 Welcome back to. She said what if you have not 4 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,600 been here before then I just want to welcome you and let you 5 00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:14,200 know that this is an inclusive space for you to come and grow 6 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:15,600 and become the best version of yourself. 7 00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:20,400 Whether we are talking about sex and sexuality relationships or 8 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:23,700 just how to get by through life when things are tough. 9 00:00:23,700 --> 00:00:27,700 And this is a space for you. Today we're going to be talking 10 00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:29,600 about growing in a sexual relationship. 11 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:33,700 Friendship with a partner. So, last week I made an episode 12 00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,500 about growing in your sexual relationship with yourself, 13 00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:40,000 which is the foundation of all of your other sexual 14 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:42,400 relationships. So I will recommend that you go 15 00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,700 and listen to that episode first, but it's absolutely not 16 00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:48,800 required, and you can definitely get so. 17 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:52,700 So, so much out of this episode, just listening to it on its own. 18 00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:57,100 I am making this episode because we aren't taught about how to 19 00:00:57,100 --> 00:01:01,200 talk about sex. We're usually told Sex is 20 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,400 shameful why? It is dirty, why it is wrong? 21 00:01:04,400 --> 00:01:08,900 Why it's risky and we aren't encouraged to talk about how to 22 00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:14,000 make sex fulfilling and pleasurable and fun and light 23 00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:16,800 and simple and something that we can understand and some of that 24 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,500 we can just enjoy. And so that's why I want to talk 25 00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:23,000 to you guys about this today. Some people find it really 26 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:28,000 difficult to express their wants during sex and they kind of just 27 00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:31,300 settle for a sex life that they they aren't super excited about 28 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:34,500 and that is such a shame and that's not going to be you. 29 00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:37,500 So this is going to help you to not do that. 30 00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:41,000 And although people can be unhappy with their sex life, 31 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:44,500 many people don't prioritize change because it doesn't feel 32 00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:47,200 necessary to them. They don't believe that they 33 00:01:47,208 --> 00:01:51,700 deserve pleasure and they don't want to be a bother, especially 34 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:53,800 women. And so, it's really important 35 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:57,000 that we have this conversation, you might be listening today 36 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,800 because you feel stuck in a sexual relationship. 37 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,100 Relationship. You might feel like you've lost 38 00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:05,200 a spark with somebody. Maybe you just want to explore 39 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:07,900 more with somebody and you are definitely going to get all of 40 00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:10,600 that out of today's episode. And I'm super excited for this 41 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:12,400 episode. So let's get right into it. 42 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,100 Little update on my week as per use. 43 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,800 Nothing crazy is going on, guys. I'm a bit boring at the moment. 44 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:27,100 I've literally just been like hanging out relaxing. 45 00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:29,800 You guys know I love cycle thinking and thinking about 46 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:33,600 where I'm at in my cycle and hormonal e at the moment, I'm 47 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:37,900 just very chill. I'm in my luteal phase and it's 48 00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:42,000 just, it always surprises me every single month, how much my 49 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:46,200 luteal phase is like, such a Um, face for me, I do definitely 50 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:50,500 experience symptoms of PMs and I do feel irritable at times and 51 00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:53,800 things like that, but I never really experienced the kind of, 52 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:56,900 like, anxiety that I typically experienced throughout my cycle 53 00:02:56,900 --> 00:02:59,600 in thy luteal phase because all my hormones are just chilling, 54 00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:03,200 everything is nice and low and relax, and it genuinely is like 55 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,000 a really nice time for me to connect with myself. 56 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,900 And so I've just been in that been spending a lot of time on 57 00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:11,700 my own journaling kind of like similar to what I said last week 58 00:03:11,700 --> 00:03:14,500 as well. Actually just kind of like Zhang 59 00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:18,100 where I'm at in my life and kind of figuring out if I am where I 60 00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:20,700 want to be and it's been really fulfilling for me. 61 00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:23,200 So that's when this week, very chill, very relaxed. 62 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:27,300 And tonight I'm going to go to a trivia with some of my friends 63 00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:31,000 which sounds strange. But we do this and we just find 64 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,300 random things to go to and it's a lot of fun and my friend is 65 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,100 actually hosting it. So we're going to be going to 66 00:03:35,100 --> 00:03:36,700 that tonight so I'm excited for that. 67 00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:40,700 Yeah, that's basically it. I want to get right into the 68 00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:43,400 topic because there's a bit to cover here. 69 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:48,400 I'm going to start out with the things that I consider to be 70 00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:52,500 must-haves in any sexual experience. 71 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:55,400 These are not only things that are just like Baseline. 72 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:58,100 You absolutely should do these things and you need to do these 73 00:03:58,100 --> 00:04:01,800 things but also things that are just going to make you feel safe 74 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,300 and give you a correct. I shouldn't say correct. 75 00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:09,100 But like give you the boundaries that I believe are so valuable 76 00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:12,500 to have when you're going into a sexual experience. 77 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:16,700 The first One is consent and of course this goes without saying 78 00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:19,700 but it's important to actually talk about consent and what that 79 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:24,300 actually means enthusiastic consent is when somebody is 80 00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:28,400 enthusiastically saying hell, yes to a sexual experience and 81 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:31,900 that doesn't look like somebody saying like, oh maybe not 82 00:04:31,900 --> 00:04:36,400 tonight and then the partner encouraging them or coercing, we 83 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,800 should call it. That is wrong. 84 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:43,400 That's something that should not be done and it again. 85 00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:46,400 Then to you, you may be thinking well, obviously, but a lot of 86 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:51,000 people don't see it that way. A lot of people think it's okay 87 00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:54,900 to again I'm doing quotations with my fingers if you're not 88 00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:58,000 watching me right now but like convince people, it's really 89 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,100 important that someone is enthusiastically excited to have 90 00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:04,900 sex with you and that you are feeling the same towards them. 91 00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:08,400 It is not something that is one in done, and that's the thing 92 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:11,700 with consent. It's not even just one in done 93 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:15,300 in the single experience. If you're asking somebody, do 94 00:05:15,300 --> 00:05:17,600 you want to have sex? Or are we thinking? 95 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:20,000 We might have sex tonight or what sort today, or whatever? 96 00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:23,900 What's, what's the idea? If you ask that and they say, 97 00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:26,600 yes, that doesn't mean that anything goes. 98 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,100 Obviously, you know, when you're then in that experience with 99 00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:32,500 them, you are continuing to ask for consent for different 100 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,600 things. And that could be things that 101 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:41,000 you do alongside actual like intercourse like choking and 102 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,400 different like levels of where you're at. 103 00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:46,300 And that sexual experience. For example, if you have oral 104 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:49,200 sex with somebody, you can't assume that they want to have 105 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:51,600 penetrative sex, right? It's a continuous conversation 106 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:56,300 and it's something that you need to be able to do if you want to 107 00:05:56,308 --> 00:05:58,900 have sex. If you are not somebody who's 108 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:02,700 comfortable to ask somebody for consent, then in my opinion, you 109 00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:05,600 shouldn't be having sex because that is like the Baseline of 110 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:08,500 making sure that everybody in the experience is feeling safe. 111 00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:12,600 Another thing about consent, not being one and done is if 112 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:16,400 somebody wants to Do something at one time in one sexual 113 00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:17,600 experience. It doesn't mean that they're 114 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,200 going to want to do it the next time. 115 00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,600 Just because someone has sex with you, once doesn't mean that 116 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,100 they're going to want to have sex again. 117 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,800 And so again it's a continuous conversation not just in a 118 00:06:26,800 --> 00:06:30,200 single sexual experience but overall and I think it's just 119 00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:34,000 really important to note that first and foremost, so that is 120 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,400 consent. Number two is caution. 121 00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:41,200 Yes of course we need to talk about safer sex practices and 122 00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:44,400 the reason I say safer is because Cuz we don't really say 123 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,200 safe anymore. Most people don't use the word, 124 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:49,500 the, like, the term safe sex anymore, because there's always 125 00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:56,200 risks, obviously, to sex whether that is pregnancy or STIs, or a 126 00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:59,100 many other things, you know, there's a lot of reasons why you 127 00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:04,200 want to be safe with how you enjoy pleasure so that you don't 128 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,400 have to worry about shit down the road. 129 00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:09,100 Like the last thing you want is to have this amazing experience 130 00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:12,300 with somebody and then be like lying there, late at night being 131 00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:13,300 like fuck. I hope I'm not. 132 00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:17,600 Pregnant or no I have to go get a Plan B pill or you know to 133 00:07:17,600 --> 00:07:22,000 have to deal with the Fallout from poor sexual choices ones 134 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:26,300 that maybe you don't make when you are sober or ones that you 135 00:07:26,308 --> 00:07:28,700 make, when you're like, highly, emotional things like that. 136 00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:30,300 And, of course, those things happen. 137 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:33,900 Of course, it's real. You know, a lot of people don't 138 00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:37,100 use condoms in the way that they probably should, or think that 139 00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:40,000 they should. And that's why we talk about 140 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,400 safer sex and making sure that you are putting the boundaries 141 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,200 in place that you are. Comfortable with. 142 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,600 For example, if you are on some sort of hormonal birth control 143 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,100 and you're with a partner and you don't want to use a condom 144 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,900 that is your choice and there is like nobody can tell you that 145 00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:57,800 you have to do things a certain way, but it is up to you to own 146 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,200 that you are taking care of yourself. 147 00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:04,300 And another thing with that is STI testing which should be a 148 00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:07,900 regular practice as well. And I don't like saying should 149 00:08:07,900 --> 00:08:09,800 that much I really don't like being like this is how things 150 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:15,000 should be but When you are choosing to potentially put 151 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,500 somebody else at risk, that's when there's a bit of an issue. 152 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:20,500 You know what I mean? That's when it's important that 153 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:24,300 we are actually taking those annoying steps like setting up 154 00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:27,000 an appointment and showing up to that appointment and paying for 155 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:31,300 that appointment, which I know is not easy and is frustrating, 156 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:34,900 but it does mean that you and the person that you're going 157 00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:38,200 into that experience with can feel safe and that is such an 158 00:08:38,208 --> 00:08:41,000 important part of sex. One last thing that I want to 159 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:45,200 mention about Caution is the conversation that you have with 160 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:49,300 a partner before you have a sexual experience with them and 161 00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:53,900 you absolutely have all the right to ask a partner potential 162 00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,900 partner. What is your STI status? 163 00:08:56,900 --> 00:08:59,500 When is the last time that you got tested for STIs? 164 00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:03,400 And on top of all of that, you should absolutely voice. 165 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:05,200 What is going to make you comfortable. 166 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,600 When it comes to potential, barriers that you might want to 167 00:09:07,608 --> 00:09:09,000 use. And like I said earlier, that's 168 00:09:09,000 --> 00:09:11,700 condoms. That could also be dams use. 169 00:09:11,900 --> 00:09:15,400 To cover the vulva or any kind of anal play and you can 170 00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:19,800 actually get internal condoms as well for vaginal insertion. 171 00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:23,400 These are not as common. Obviously condoms are the most 172 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:26,600 common thing here, but there are other options out there for 173 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,300 whatever reason condoms don't really sit with you. 174 00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:32,000 Well don't really work for you. There are other options just so 175 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,300 you're aware. I know. 176 00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:36,000 It can seem uncomfortable and this is the thing. 177 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:39,000 A lot of these conversations are not the easiest conversations, 178 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,500 right? Sometimes, you just want to jump 179 00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:43,600 into it with that person. I think, oh, well, I should ask 180 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:45,900 them this thing, but let's just do it cuz I really like them. 181 00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:48,200 And I don't want them to think. I mean, I think anything - of 182 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:53,000 them, but a mature person, and emotionally mature person that 183 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:55,700 you're choosing have a sexual experience with, should be able 184 00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:59,400 to receive that well, and do you know how sexy it is to be with 185 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:01,200 somebody? Who's on the same page as you 186 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:04,700 like you know sexy it is to just have somebody who is so open to 187 00:10:04,708 --> 00:10:07,600 have that conversation who is like they're listening to your 188 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,600 boundaries like that is such a turn-on because again that 189 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:14,400 safety element that I can trust this person element is like the 190 00:10:14,400 --> 00:10:18,300 core Foundation to a good sexual experience number. 191 00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:21,300 Three, is communication? All right? 192 00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:25,400 Have you noticed, they're all C's Lissa, how did you plan this 193 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,500 so well? I know, thank you so much. 194 00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:31,300 Thanks guys, Round of Applause. Communication is so, so, so 195 00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:36,000 important, obviously, in any sexual experience and that looks 196 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:39,800 like so many different things. I don't want to say that it has 197 00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:43,700 to always be verbal there. Obviously ways that could humans 198 00:10:43,700 --> 00:10:45,700 communicate through facial expressions. 199 00:10:45,700 --> 00:10:51,300 And through sounds, obviously we know that if you are making 200 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:54,700 pleasurable, sounding sounds that usually communicates that 201 00:10:54,700 --> 00:10:58,100 you are enjoying what is happening, but make sure that 202 00:10:58,100 --> 00:11:02,400 you are using those. Well, and what I mean by that is 203 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:08,900 not trying to fill space, with moans and things that sound 204 00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:10,700 like, good feedback to your partner. 205 00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:13,700 If they aren't doing, The things that you like, of course. 206 00:11:13,700 --> 00:11:15,700 So many of us have done this in situations. 207 00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:18,300 People fake orgasms all the time. 208 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,500 I myself, obviously, I figured orgasms. 209 00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:22,700 I will let you guys know that, first and foremost, okay, 210 00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:25,200 sometimes it just happened back in the day. 211 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:29,600 Not now obviously, but way back when and it usually comes back 212 00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:32,800 to that fear of, I don't want to tell them what I want. 213 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:33,800 So I'm just going to pretend that. 214 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,800 This is what I want because if they think that I'm happy I am 215 00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,000 happy. I'm just I don't you know I 216 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,000 don't need to come. You kind of like make these 217 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:41,700 excuses to make it okay in your mind. 218 00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:46,000 But it is so much more enjoyable when you actually hold space for 219 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:49,300 yourself and communicate what you like, and that can be the 220 00:11:49,300 --> 00:11:52,300 smallest thing that could be a little, to the left, a little to 221 00:11:52,300 --> 00:11:54,700 the right, a little up, a little down, a little slower, a little 222 00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:57,700 faster, maybe you could, like, finger me, I don't know. 223 00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,500 You know, it's saying the things that you want along the way, and 224 00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:05,500 it gets easier with time. I promise you that now, okay, if 225 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:08,100 you are like, nope, not me too scary. 226 00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:10,000 No, no, don't shut yourself out from it. 227 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,700 Do not, because I'm not saying that right? 228 00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:14,700 Now, after you've probably, you know, maybe you never talked 229 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:16,700 during sex, you've literally never said a word. 230 00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:19,200 I'm not saying that you should turn around right now and go and 231 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,700 dominate your partner. Like, I'm, it's not that you 232 00:12:22,700 --> 00:12:26,100 have to have this crazy change, but it's these little bits of 233 00:12:26,100 --> 00:12:29,300 communication and overtime, saying a little bit to the left 234 00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:31,100 a little bit to the right can become. 235 00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:35,200 I want you to do this to me. I want you to do that or I want 236 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:37,500 to try this with you or can I do this to you? 237 00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:40,400 And that's what can make. It really, really exciting, and 238 00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:45,900 really fun and The easier that dialogue is the more you both 239 00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:51,200 get to just own your pleasure and that is so valuable and I 240 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,900 want to say this goes without saying but for many years it 241 00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:58,400 didn't for me if you are experiencing pain during sex 242 00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:02,400 communicate that communicate it because I can talk about it a 243 00:13:02,408 --> 00:13:04,300 little bit later and actually have a whole episode just 244 00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,800 specifically on pain during sex if that is like an issue for 245 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:10,500 you, but there are things that you can do, right? 246 00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,200 You don't have to just put Up with it. 247 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:13,600 You don't just have to keep going. 248 00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:16,300 You don't just have to, you know, and I know that seems like 249 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:20,300 well obviously, but for at least for me, I don't know about you. 250 00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,600 But at least for me for a long time, especially when I was 251 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,000 younger in the, you know, starting out my sexual journey, 252 00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:29,600 I just felt like I wanted to perform well in sex. 253 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,000 For me felt like this performance. 254 00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:33,000 I wanted to look a certain way. You know. 255 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:36,100 I wanted to make sure like my body was situated a certain way. 256 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:38,900 So they thought I looked hot and like that it was doing all the 257 00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:43,500 right things and at the end of the day I Not satisfied, right? 258 00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:46,700 So then why would I continue to keep having sex with somebody 259 00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:50,300 that isn't satisfying me and part of me could have looked at 260 00:13:50,308 --> 00:13:53,200 that situation and been like, well you know, they don't 261 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,100 obviously know how to make a woman come, they don't care, but 262 00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:59,400 blah, blah blah, you know how men are and yes part of that is 263 00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:05,000 true in some cases but if you are faking orgasms and you are 264 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:08,300 moaning when you don't like what they are doing and you are 265 00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:10,600 saying yes baby. That was the best sex of my life 266 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:12,600 and you are not in. Enjoying yourself. 267 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:16,600 You are not owning your pleasure and I say this because I had to, 268 00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:18,700 you know, at one point get out of that, I'm not saying that it 269 00:14:18,700 --> 00:14:21,400 is a bad thing. I know it is difficult but take 270 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,400 it into your own hands because you deserve pleasure. 271 00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:28,400 Now, talking about communication outside of the bedroom is also. 272 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:32,300 So so so important and something that doesn't have to be like 273 00:14:32,300 --> 00:14:33,700 weird. It doesn't have to be like a 274 00:14:33,708 --> 00:14:36,100 sit-down birds and bees kind of talk, you know. 275 00:14:36,300 --> 00:14:39,800 It can actually be very sexy. It's actually like amazing 276 00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,600 foreplay. So that's it. 277 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:43,800 Time that you could definitely slip that in there. 278 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:49,200 But the reason we talk about sex outside of sexual context, is it 279 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,300 removes pressure between you and the partner. 280 00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:53,900 So for example if you really want to try something with your 281 00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:55,400 partner in that could be a position. 282 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,600 It could be a toy, it could be anything right? 283 00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:59,500 You want to try something with your partner? 284 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,700 If you are in the middle of having sex with them, you both 285 00:15:02,700 --> 00:15:05,100 might have had might have a little bit of saying xiety, you 286 00:15:05,108 --> 00:15:07,600 know, performance anxiety, during sex and you're trying to 287 00:15:07,608 --> 00:15:09,700 be sexy and you're trying to make sure that everything is 288 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:11,600 looking how you want to look at trying to do. 289 00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:14,000 All the things and they have Partners like hey can we try 290 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,100 this or you're like oh can we try this? 291 00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:20,900 It can seem a little bit like oh now I have to say yes or no, and 292 00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:24,600 I'm under the pressure of the content, the actual context of 293 00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,000 having sex with this person right now, whereas, if you have 294 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:29,800 these conversations outside of the bedroom, and again, these 295 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:34,600 can be very sexy conversations. Then it allows space for really 296 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:37,200 clear communication and really clear consent. 297 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:40,800 You know, in a perfect world. We would do this all the time. 298 00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,700 It's not that Going to happen that way. 299 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:45,500 And if you and your partner and the person, the person that 300 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:47,700 you're having sex with is comfortable to have those 301 00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:51,500 conversations during sex then awesome, but I definitely see 302 00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:55,000 value in both regardless of where you're at in that 303 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,600 relationship. If you have something to share 304 00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,800 with your partner, where you are telling them, I don't like this 305 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:03,800 thing. I wrote in my notes compliment 306 00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,800 sandwich that bitch because it's a really good look. 307 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:10,000 I know it's so like preliminary, but it is such a good way to 308 00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:11,500 communicate. When you're trying to be like 309 00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:15,500 Hey I actually don't like when you slap my ass, it actually 310 00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:17,900 hurts me. And I'm just it doesn't turn me 311 00:16:17,900 --> 00:16:20,500 on, for example, right? So you say that I actually don't 312 00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:22,800 like when you do that thing. If you sit down with your 313 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:25,800 partner you know you're trying to be sex-positive your you 314 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,400 listen to the podcast, you do all the things you're on your 315 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:31,100 self-love journey and you sit down with your partner and you 316 00:16:31,108 --> 00:16:33,100 say to them hey this fucking sucks. 317 00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:36,100 They probably aren't going to receive it very well. 318 00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:40,700 Whereas if you sit down and you say, hey I love that I could 319 00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:43,900 share sex with Thank you for sharing that part of your life 320 00:16:43,900 --> 00:16:45,900 with me. You are so sexy. 321 00:16:46,200 --> 00:16:49,900 I love when you do this thing. I've noticed that you do this 322 00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:52,000 thing. I actually don't love that. 323 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:54,500 And to now that I'm thinking about it, slapping somebody's 324 00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:56,100 probably not the best example because that comes back to 325 00:16:56,108 --> 00:16:57,900 consent. So let's scratch that we're 326 00:16:57,900 --> 00:17:03,300 going to use something like when you use the vibrator on my the 327 00:17:03,300 --> 00:17:06,800 opening of my vagina, in comparison to on my clitoris, I 328 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,000 don't like the vibrator down there. 329 00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:10,800 They just have it in the wrong spot. 330 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:13,400 Doesn't feel the best. Best kind of situation, right? 331 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:15,099 Okay. If you have a hard time during 332 00:17:15,099 --> 00:17:18,000 sex communicating a little up. If you don't like doing that 333 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:21,700 then outside of the bedroom and saying you know I really love is 334 00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:25,300 when you put the vibrator on my clitoris I fucking love it. 335 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,700 That's what feels amazing for me. 336 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:30,100 I don't actually like it around my vagina and the opening of my 337 00:17:30,108 --> 00:17:32,000 vagina. Actually I've realized that 338 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:36,100 recently so let's keep it up north and thank you so much and 339 00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:38,400 I love you so much. That is like such a good way to 340 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,300 put it together and your partner goes like, oh yeah. 341 00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:41,600 I feel sexy. I Feel Love. 342 00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:44,100 Phil wanted. Okay, sleigh, and they feel 343 00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:45,300 supported. Does that make sense? 344 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,400 I feel like that's a really great way to go and communicate, 345 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,900 when something kind of - it's happening, obviously, if it's 346 00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:51,800 something positive than fuck. Yeah, tell them. 347 00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:54,400 The more confident you make your partner feel the more they're 348 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,900 going to feel confident to step into things and try new things, 349 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,300 and feel good, and have a pleasurable experience with you. 350 00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:03,100 And so, always take time to tell them what you like, if you feel 351 00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:04,900 comfortable to do that, because I think that is. 352 00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:09,900 So so so nice for somebody sex is not an easy topic for anybody 353 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,000 and so literally, anybody Like, it's pretty rare. 354 00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:15,300 Pretty pretty rare that people are just like a hundred percent. 355 00:18:15,300 --> 00:18:17,600 So cool. So, chill talking to anyone 356 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,800 about anything, right? That's so rare. 357 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,600 And you want to level of trust in all of that, right? 358 00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,400 And so it's really important that if we have it in us to say 359 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,900 those things to our partners, because trust me, they will love 360 00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:32,100 it and they will just want to have more sex with you even if 361 00:18:32,100 --> 00:18:34,700 there isn't a problem or something that you want to talk 362 00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:35,900 about. Like something you specifically 363 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:38,400 need to talk about with your partner, I would still encourage 364 00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:41,600 you to talk about sex outside of a sexual context. 365 00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:43,600 And you can do this in a lot of different ways. 366 00:18:43,800 --> 00:18:45,500 I've mentioned this before on the podcast, but there's 367 00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:47,800 something called the Yes, No, Maybe list that you can 368 00:18:47,800 --> 00:18:49,400 download. All actually, I'll pop it down 369 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:53,900 in the show notes for you guys. I want to say it's by sex by 370 00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:55,600 Emily. I could be wrong, but it'll be 371 00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:56,600 down there for you. Anyways. 372 00:18:56,700 --> 00:19:00,400 Something that you can like print out or even just do online 373 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:03,500 you and your partner and it's really cool because then you get 374 00:19:03,500 --> 00:19:05,900 to go through together and talk about the things that you maybe 375 00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:08,100 with dry. You definitely want to try or 376 00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:10,800 you definitely don't want to try and that can spark the most 377 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,100 interesting. Conversations I've done this 378 00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:15,700 before with a partner and we literally got like there's 379 00:19:15,700 --> 00:19:18,000 probably 15 questions. There's something I want to say 380 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:20,100 or 15 things that you can try, right? 381 00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:23,400 And we literally got like three in and I had a whole 382 00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,400 conversation, we didn't even finish going through the list, 383 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,200 we were like my God, okay, pin in it. 384 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:28,900 And let's come back and have this conversation later. 385 00:19:28,900 --> 00:19:32,400 Like you would be shocked at how much it starts to open and 386 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,400 expand. And if you're comfortable, you 387 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:38,500 tell stories about when you've maybe tried to things before and 388 00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,000 that's just, it can be so so so fun. 389 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,600 If that's not for you, that's totally fine. 390 00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:44,900 You can just talk about the two of you but I find that really 391 00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:46,400 interesting. Personally, maybe that's just 392 00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:49,500 me, or if you just want to talk about what you like, I'm going 393 00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:52,400 to go through a few things, you can talk about very quickly, you 394 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:57,300 can talk about what you enjoy. Do you enjoy receiving more than 395 00:19:57,300 --> 00:19:59,400 giving or giving more than receiving? 396 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:03,800 Do, you prefer like oral, do you like hand stuff? 397 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:07,200 Do you love penetration? Do like penetration, but maybe 398 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:11,000 with a mix of clitoris, stimulation, do you prefer 399 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:13,300 clitoris? Stimulation on its own. 400 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,000 Do you prefer? Anal stimulation if you were to 401 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,600 have that kind of stimulation. What would you like? 402 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:22,200 Do you like specific positions? What positions do you like do 403 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,800 you have a favorite? Do you have a least favorite? 404 00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:27,400 Maybe you have a conversation with your partner and you go, oh 405 00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,200 yeah, I actually really like this one and they go. 406 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,100 I love love, love this one. And you go. 407 00:20:31,300 --> 00:20:35,000 Look, that's not my favorite but I do like it because it makes me 408 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,200 feel this thing and then your partner, right? 409 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,600 You can talk about. Okay, what's gonna make that 410 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,500 position better? Maybe we can add in a toy or we 411 00:20:41,700 --> 00:20:43,200 Change it this way, or we can do that. 412 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:45,700 Like, it's really, really interesting how much you could 413 00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:49,800 get into it and there's still so much more like, have you ever 414 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,100 used toys before? Do you want to use toys? 415 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:55,300 What toy would we get? If we could get any toy right 416 00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:59,400 now, do we want to try different Kinks, like things like bondage 417 00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:05,800 and rope play, and massage oils and wax, play, or food play. 418 00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:10,500 Like, there is so much that you can get into and these are sexy 419 00:21:10,500 --> 00:21:12,800 conversations. These are Fun conversations. 420 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,600 Why would you not want to do this one last thing that you can 421 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,500 do as well to help you have that communication with your partner 422 00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:21,800 is to use external things and like I said like the Yes No 423 00:21:21,800 --> 00:21:24,100 Maybe list. There's also many quizzes that 424 00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:28,500 you can find online about exploring sex and trying new 425 00:21:28,500 --> 00:21:30,700 things. You can do a kink test. 426 00:21:30,700 --> 00:21:33,000 You can create your own quiz which I have done before with a 427 00:21:33,008 --> 00:21:35,700 partner and it is so fun. And it was specific questions 428 00:21:35,700 --> 00:21:37,900 that I genuinely just wanted to know the answer on. 429 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:41,400 So I made two of them and I we sat there and we filled them all 430 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:43,100 out. And we got like really 431 00:21:43,100 --> 00:21:47,000 interesting feedback from that and why I allowed them to do the 432 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:49,700 same thing and ask questions that they wanted to know. 433 00:21:49,700 --> 00:21:53,000 And it was just really, really cool, so recommend doing that 434 00:21:53,100 --> 00:21:58,400 and lastly, you can get like little cards decks of cards. 435 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,500 I don't know what it's called, the little like intimacy carts 436 00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:04,000 and I know you can get some from Bush. 437 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:05,800 I forget what they're called right now, but I'll link them 438 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:07,200 below. So you guys have the all the 439 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:10,000 resources, everything you need but they have really great 440 00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:12,300 questions. Like what was Your best sexual 441 00:22:12,300 --> 00:22:15,500 experience or what is your favorite position or what is 442 00:22:15,500 --> 00:22:18,800 your favorite non sexual sexual thing? 443 00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:22,100 You know what something that turns you on, what something 444 00:22:22,100 --> 00:22:24,800 that turns you off and those questions are really fun and 445 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:26,800 valuable as well. And it's just nice because then 446 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,600 you can buy it and you can pop the little deck on like your 447 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,600 coffee table or whatever. And you can just use them 448 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:33,600 whenever and it just Sparks conversation. 449 00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,800 And, as a lot of fun, now that we've gone through the 450 00:22:35,800 --> 00:22:40,300 must-haves of consent caution and communication, I want to 451 00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:46,300 talk about the Man, I know I know the common problems that I 452 00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:50,000 hear I would say like these are the top ones that I hear from 453 00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:52,600 you guys. I don't know if this is like 454 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,900 generally the top ones of like everybody. 455 00:22:54,900 --> 00:22:56,600 I wouldn't I wouldn't think so. I don't know. 456 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,600 I don't have the fucking statistics on it but I know you 457 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:02,600 guys and I talk to you guys all the time and these are the 458 00:23:02,600 --> 00:23:06,000 things that I've seen come up and I just want to speak to each 459 00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:09,900 of these issues briefly and kind of give you my little tips and 460 00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:12,100 I'm going to read something as well from A book that I've been 461 00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:14,000 reading recently. So let's get into the first 462 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:18,900 problem that sometimes couples typically typically more 463 00:23:18,900 --> 00:23:22,400 long-term as well. Sex starts to become a little 464 00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:26,800 bit boring, or it starts to become infrequent. 465 00:23:27,100 --> 00:23:31,800 Sometimes a mix of the two and ways that you can mix it up a 466 00:23:31,808 --> 00:23:33,900 little bit, is to obviously, and I'm sure you've heard this 467 00:23:33,900 --> 00:23:38,000 before to try something new and again seems obvious but we 468 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:42,400 genuinely forget how much small things Make a big difference, 469 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:47,300 like something as small as a feather because of this sensory 470 00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:52,500 item the way that it works. As a sensor, Adam, it is so, so 471 00:23:52,500 --> 00:23:54,700 beautiful and exciting like a Tickler. 472 00:23:54,700 --> 00:23:57,700 If you haven't, my God, we're never mind. 473 00:23:57,700 --> 00:24:01,600 I'm not gonna run, it's fine. A Tickler is like, it's like a 474 00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:05,000 little fluffy ball thing, and it's on a stick and you can use 475 00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:07,800 it to create like that tickling sensation. 476 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:12,300 Okay, give me a second. You can get Ticklers. 477 00:24:12,300 --> 00:24:15,000 I've seen this all before where you get a Tickler on one side 478 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,800 and it has like a little, like, whip thing on the other side, 479 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:20,300 like just a slicks, a little scrap of leather kind of thing. 480 00:24:20,300 --> 00:24:22,200 That's like a two in one. I'm the guys, these things are 481 00:24:22,208 --> 00:24:23,700 like $15. All right. 482 00:24:23,700 --> 00:24:26,500 Get it at your local. Like these are the things that 483 00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:28,700 you would think. Oh, it's like I need some whole 484 00:24:28,700 --> 00:24:30,000 Toy. I need some crazy. 485 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,400 Bubba, bunny to spend $200? No, you don't. 486 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,300 Okay, you can get small things. You can get things from your 487 00:24:35,300 --> 00:24:37,100 fridge. You can get strawberries, you 488 00:24:37,100 --> 00:24:41,500 know, you can get whipped cream, you can get chocolate. 489 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,900 It, you can get lots and lots of things. 490 00:24:43,900 --> 00:24:47,200 I thought Tick-Tock this week of someone talking about how she 491 00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:51,800 uses food when she's experiencing self pleasure and 492 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,700 how it's like her favorite practice. 493 00:24:53,900 --> 00:24:56,400 And as she's masturbating, she like feeds herself food. 494 00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:00,200 I was like, whoa, that is whoa, why am I not doing what the 495 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:01,300 fuck? What am I not do? 496 00:25:01,300 --> 00:25:03,100 I'm out of doing that. Those are my two favorite 497 00:25:03,100 --> 00:25:05,600 things, you know? So these are the things that you 498 00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:08,500 can be doing that. It's not some crazy difference, 499 00:25:08,500 --> 00:25:10,600 right? But it's small things like being 500 00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,500 in a different room. With your partner, right? 501 00:25:12,500 --> 00:25:14,800 Maybe you always think oh, we're sitting on the couch, oh no, we 502 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,400 have to go to the bedroom. Maybe we start on the couch, 503 00:25:17,900 --> 00:25:21,900 might be a little bit different, create a bit of novelty, which 504 00:25:21,900 --> 00:25:25,300 is often what couples are missing when they start to feel 505 00:25:25,300 --> 00:25:27,400 like their sex becomes a little bit boring. 506 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:29,900 And so that is something that would definitely encourage you 507 00:25:29,900 --> 00:25:32,800 to try new things, try new positions, new little things. 508 00:25:32,800 --> 00:25:35,200 It can be something crazy and out there. 509 00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,100 And like, let's go to some, let's go to a bondage class. 510 00:25:38,100 --> 00:25:40,800 Let's go to a rope tying class. Let's do something crazy, right? 511 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:42,600 It could be something. More out there that really 512 00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:45,300 pushes you or it could be something very small. 513 00:25:45,500 --> 00:25:48,600 I would recommend you try multiple different things and 514 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,200 maybe you try one thing and it doesn't really work. 515 00:25:51,300 --> 00:25:53,700 Maybe you try one thing and you're both like it was all 516 00:25:53,700 --> 00:25:56,100 right, at least you tried it together and you're both willing 517 00:25:56,100 --> 00:25:59,000 to commit to exploring together and that's really important. 518 00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:00,900 Another thing is sometimes, if you're in a long-term 519 00:26:00,900 --> 00:26:03,600 relationship and you have this thing of like, oh we're not 520 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,300 having enough sex or like it's to spaced out or whatever. 521 00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:10,200 It's because we're seeing sex as being this thing that we have to 522 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,800 do, and it's like, Separate from our lives. 523 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:16,400 It's not necessarily something that just like flows throughout 524 00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:19,200 our lives. It's like sex is sex and it 525 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:23,200 looks like one thing and it's penetrative sex and we both come 526 00:26:23,300 --> 00:26:26,800 and that's X. And when we see sex as being one 527 00:26:26,800 --> 00:26:30,100 thing, and we get into a routine with our partner, where sex kind 528 00:26:30,100 --> 00:26:35,300 of looks the same every time. Then we miss out on experiencing 529 00:26:35,500 --> 00:26:38,500 just giving pleasure to our partner or just receiving 530 00:26:38,500 --> 00:26:42,900 pleasure, or having a massage that Might turn into sex but 531 00:26:42,900 --> 00:26:44,400 doesn't necessarily turn into sex. 532 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:49,400 And again I say it like that because we've been taught that 533 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:52,900 sex is penetrative sex but it's not it really that whole 534 00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:56,000 experience can be sexual and can be intimate. 535 00:26:56,000 --> 00:27:01,100 And what I would say is to focus on intimacy, don't focus on 536 00:27:01,100 --> 00:27:03,300 having sex focus on being intimate with your partner 537 00:27:03,300 --> 00:27:07,600 because sometimes a very intimate conversation can be 538 00:27:07,600 --> 00:27:11,100 what you need and sex isn't like the end. 539 00:27:11,100 --> 00:27:14,200 All be Be all to whether or not you are having intimacy with 540 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:17,800 your partner and that is so so important to get our minds 541 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:19,800 around. Now I'm going to read from this 542 00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:23,300 book that I've been reading which I am loving, it's called 543 00:27:23,300 --> 00:27:28,800 the ethical slut, and it is just really challenging the way that 544 00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:31,500 I see relationships. Obviously, first and foremost, 545 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:37,400 the way I see myself and my body the way that I see, like, sexual 546 00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:41,300 relationships, and it just challenges, like, I do, 547 00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:45,100 Everything that have ever been taught about sex and monogamy, 548 00:27:45,100 --> 00:27:48,400 and I just am really loving it and I flagged this page for you 549 00:27:48,400 --> 00:27:51,300 guys because I wanted to read what it says. 550 00:27:51,300 --> 00:27:55,100 Let's go says, the idea of sex as something set aside, a 551 00:27:55,108 --> 00:27:58,100 discrete definable activity, like driving a car. 552 00:27:58,100 --> 00:28:01,300 Just doesn't hold up very well. We think, erotic energy is 553 00:28:01,300 --> 00:28:04,000 everywhere in the deep breath that fills our lungs. 554 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,700 As we step out into a warm spring morning in the cold 555 00:28:07,700 --> 00:28:11,300 water, spilling over the rocks and a broke in the creativity. 556 00:28:11,500 --> 00:28:15,300 That drives us to paint pictures and tell stories, and make music 557 00:28:15,300 --> 00:28:18,300 and write books. I love that. 558 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:22,100 It says, the more we learn about sex, the less we know how to 559 00:28:22,100 --> 00:28:26,800 define it, and it's so true sex to me is something that flows 560 00:28:27,200 --> 00:28:30,400 through a relationship. It flows through your day, 561 00:28:30,700 --> 00:28:35,300 intimacy and pleasure and desire, it flows through every 562 00:28:35,300 --> 00:28:38,100 experience. And it isn't something that 563 00:28:38,100 --> 00:28:41,400 necessarily starts and ends in the more that we can. 564 00:28:41,400 --> 00:28:44,600 Open up our mindset to that way of thinking, the less pressure, 565 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:49,200 we put on our self, and our partner to create some sort of 566 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:53,300 sexual experience, is starts to flow in more naturally and when 567 00:28:53,300 --> 00:28:56,900 that pressure is off, it can actually give space for amazing 568 00:28:56,900 --> 00:29:00,500 sexual experiences. Which is why my last tip is to 569 00:29:00,500 --> 00:29:05,800 go on a sex Hiatus. No sex choose to have no sex for 570 00:29:05,800 --> 00:29:07,800 however long you and your partner want to agree on. 571 00:29:07,800 --> 00:29:10,800 Maybe it's a month. Maybe that sounds crazy to you, 572 00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,400 maybe it's It's a week, right? Whatever it is. 573 00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,600 You're choosing to remove the pressure that you put on your 574 00:29:16,600 --> 00:29:19,700 relationship to have sex. Obviously, if this is an issue, 575 00:29:19,700 --> 00:29:22,000 right? You take off that pressure and 576 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:26,700 what it does is it allows both of you to go, okay, we don't 577 00:29:26,700 --> 00:29:29,200 have to do whatever, you know, we don't have to do anything. 578 00:29:29,500 --> 00:29:31,500 Sex is not a marker of how healthy we are. 579 00:29:31,700 --> 00:29:33,600 We can chill. We can be whatever we want to 580 00:29:33,600 --> 00:29:35,800 be. We don't have to try to come 581 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:37,500 off. A sexual look a certain way. 582 00:29:37,500 --> 00:29:39,000 We don't have to try to please our partner. 583 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:43,100 We can just chill for a second and Sometimes just that break 584 00:29:43,100 --> 00:29:47,900 grows this desire, and it also sometimes can make you want to 585 00:29:47,900 --> 00:29:52,100 just quit the Hiatus because just even taking the pressure 586 00:29:52,100 --> 00:29:54,900 off allows both of you to feel that connection again. 587 00:29:54,900 --> 00:29:57,300 So that's a really interesting tip as well that you could 588 00:29:57,300 --> 00:29:59,400 absolutely tryout. I've heard really great stories, 589 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:03,500 about people doing that but yet, think about it, think about 590 00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:06,100 what's going to work for you and your partner and let's move on. 591 00:30:06,600 --> 00:30:09,800 We're now going to talk about being unable to orgasm with your 592 00:30:09,800 --> 00:30:13,600 partner, but But being able to orgasm when you are 593 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,700 masturbating. This is a really, really common 594 00:30:15,700 --> 00:30:18,600 issue for obvious reasons, you know, when you're with a 595 00:30:18,608 --> 00:30:20,700 partner, like I said earlier, sometimes you feel like you're 596 00:30:20,700 --> 00:30:23,300 trying to perform and sometimes you feel like they're extra 597 00:30:23,300 --> 00:30:27,300 pressures and maybe you don't want your partner to have to 598 00:30:27,300 --> 00:30:30,300 wait for your body to respond a certain way. 599 00:30:30,300 --> 00:30:32,300 Maybe that feels embarrassing to you. 600 00:30:32,500 --> 00:30:34,600 We shouldn't have to feel that way but sometimes it feels that 601 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:35,800 way. And let's be real. 602 00:30:35,800 --> 00:30:39,200 That's fucking real. You know sometimes you feel 603 00:30:39,500 --> 00:30:42,400 embarrassed by how you might look when An orgasm. 604 00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,500 Maybe when you masturbate, you do something that you find 605 00:30:45,500 --> 00:30:49,000 embarrassing, it's not. But something that you think 606 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,600 looks embarrassing, and you think, well, I'm never going to 607 00:30:51,600 --> 00:30:54,200 be able to replicate that in front of a partner. 608 00:30:54,200 --> 00:30:57,100 So good, fucking luck to me. What I would encourage you to do 609 00:30:57,100 --> 00:31:00,100 in this situation is to show them. 610 00:31:00,100 --> 00:31:02,900 Be honest. Be fucking for real. 611 00:31:02,900 --> 00:31:08,300 My man, be fucking for real. Mutual masturbation is great. 612 00:31:08,300 --> 00:31:11,300 It not only allows both of you to take the pleasure. 613 00:31:11,400 --> 00:31:14,900 Into your own hands. It's fun and explorative if it's 614 00:31:14,900 --> 00:31:18,300 something you don't normally do with your partner but it's also 615 00:31:18,300 --> 00:31:21,400 fucking education. Like it teaches your partner. 616 00:31:21,900 --> 00:31:24,300 What you like? I think it is so cool. 617 00:31:24,300 --> 00:31:29,300 If I'm ever with a partner and maybe amongst other things, they 618 00:31:29,300 --> 00:31:31,200 are adding to their own pleasure. 619 00:31:31,300 --> 00:31:33,400 I'm like, yeah. Like to me, it's so hot and 620 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:35,700 like, sleigh, like get it, get what you want. 621 00:31:35,700 --> 00:31:39,200 Like, please make this what you want it to be and I feel like 622 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,400 I'm like, wow, I just want to like, watch and Be interested 623 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:46,700 because I find educational. And I obviously it's hot and 624 00:31:46,700 --> 00:31:48,300 whatever the that's besides the point. 625 00:31:48,700 --> 00:31:52,200 It's the fact that it's like I can see and be like oh wow. 626 00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:54,400 Like you do it that way. Oh my God. 627 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:56,400 That's so interesting. So it is just really cool. 628 00:31:56,400 --> 00:31:59,400 I think it's an opportunity for you to learn from your partner 629 00:31:59,700 --> 00:32:03,900 and it's sexy and fucking fun. Another little tip here is if 630 00:32:03,900 --> 00:32:06,800 you are comfortable enough with your partner saying, I want to 631 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:11,200 sit down and I want to talk about and like have sex but like 632 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:15,000 all Also talked as we're having sex and not try to be sexy. 633 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:17,600 Not obviously you can talk and be sexy at the same time, but I 634 00:32:17,608 --> 00:32:20,700 mean, like, you can try to have like a bit of a sesh. 635 00:32:20,700 --> 00:32:23,700 Like let's have a learning session, let's have a sit down. 636 00:32:23,900 --> 00:32:28,000 I'm going to show you what I like I'm going to do and we can 637 00:32:28,000 --> 00:32:31,700 talk normally like it's almost more of like an information 638 00:32:31,700 --> 00:32:34,900 session to sit down and be like, I really want to show you this. 639 00:32:34,900 --> 00:32:36,700 Like, what do you think about this? 640 00:32:36,700 --> 00:32:40,600 This is kind of how I, you know, this is how I do this when I am 641 00:32:40,600 --> 00:32:43,900 penetrating. Anything I prefer to go up this 642 00:32:43,900 --> 00:32:46,200 way or I prefer to go back that way. 643 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:49,900 All those little details that probably like you don't want to 644 00:32:49,908 --> 00:32:52,100 say in this situation, but you're like, it would just make 645 00:32:52,100 --> 00:32:54,600 it so much better. Now is your time to shine, baby. 646 00:32:54,700 --> 00:32:56,500 This is the time where they are sitting down, and they're 647 00:32:56,500 --> 00:32:59,900 saying, I am here to listen to you, to open up to you to be 648 00:32:59,900 --> 00:33:01,900 comfortable. I'm going to receive the 649 00:33:01,900 --> 00:33:04,600 education that you give me, make sure you feel like you are in 650 00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:06,100 that space. And then actually have that 651 00:33:06,100 --> 00:33:09,300 conversation with them that can obviously be very sexy and very 652 00:33:09,300 --> 00:33:12,700 fun but also just like me Really important kind of like 653 00:33:12,700 --> 00:33:15,400 maintenance in a sexual relationship if that's not your 654 00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,100 thing, that's not your thing. That's totally fine, depends on 655 00:33:18,100 --> 00:33:20,100 how comfy you are but just thought I'd throw it out there. 656 00:33:20,100 --> 00:33:22,100 That nothing is weird. Okay. 657 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:25,900 Nothing is fucking weird. If you want to try something and 658 00:33:25,900 --> 00:33:28,800 you want to try it you know is if you communicate that you want 659 00:33:28,800 --> 00:33:30,500 to try it and they don't want to do it. 660 00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:31,700 Cool. That's fine. 661 00:33:31,700 --> 00:33:33,300 They're not consenting to it. They don't want to do it. 662 00:33:33,300 --> 00:33:35,600 They're not interested. Maybe you'll do that another day 663 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:37,600 with us. Another sexual partner, or maybe 664 00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:40,100 you'll do that somehow on your own, right? 665 00:33:40,100 --> 00:33:43,000 There's always ways to keep The conversation open and flowing. 666 00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:45,500 All right, last but not least, we're going to talk about pain 667 00:33:45,500 --> 00:33:48,600 during sex just briefly and again I have a whole podcast 668 00:33:48,600 --> 00:33:50,900 episode on this if this is a big issue and you want to go and 669 00:33:50,900 --> 00:33:55,100 listen to that, after please, feel free, but pain during sex. 670 00:33:55,100 --> 00:33:59,100 A lot of the time, a lot of the time comes down to a lack of 671 00:33:59,100 --> 00:34:02,900 lubrication and maybe you've been like, no, seriously, I've 672 00:34:02,900 --> 00:34:05,600 tried it before. We've used a lot of spit Bremer, 673 00:34:05,900 --> 00:34:08,000 not spit, we're talking Lube, okay? 674 00:34:08,199 --> 00:34:10,100 A lot of people don't use Lube, it is. 675 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:13,699 End of the world. For me, it makes me makes my 676 00:34:13,699 --> 00:34:17,100 heart hurt honestly of jail. I just, I can't, I don't 677 00:34:17,100 --> 00:34:20,300 understand it and here's the thing, sometimes your body is 678 00:34:20,300 --> 00:34:24,900 going to naturally create goop, goofy things, goofy things so 679 00:34:24,900 --> 00:34:27,900 that you can you know, move nice and slippery down there and 680 00:34:27,900 --> 00:34:30,900 sometimes it's not. And when it does create that 681 00:34:30,900 --> 00:34:33,500 that's so slay. That might be because you're in 682 00:34:33,500 --> 00:34:36,900 a certain part of your hormonal cycle, that might be good. 683 00:34:36,900 --> 00:34:39,800 Be because you have certain external factors that are 684 00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:43,600 affecting you in that time. The temperature of the room or 685 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:46,699 different smells or different things to do with your senses, 686 00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:48,900 it can literally come back to so many things. 687 00:34:48,900 --> 00:34:52,199 And when your body responds in a sexual way, for example, having 688 00:34:52,199 --> 00:34:57,100 an erection or being wet, or having, it's similar to how a 689 00:34:57,100 --> 00:35:00,900 penis owner has an erection where your vulva actually like 690 00:35:00,900 --> 00:35:03,700 fills with blood and becomes kind of like puffy, sometimes he 691 00:35:03,700 --> 00:35:06,300 comes a little bit like darker in color, that's another kind of 692 00:35:06,300 --> 00:35:09,800 sexual response that you might have if you have a vulva but 693 00:35:09,900 --> 00:35:13,600 that doesn't always happen. Happen because you are turned on 694 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:17,800 and you want to have sex. And a lot of people Miss take 695 00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:21,200 their body's reactions for meaning that they want or don't 696 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:23,300 want something. If you're with a partner and you 697 00:35:23,300 --> 00:35:26,200 want to have sex and you're like, oh, you know, like feeling 698 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:29,600 it and then you're not wet, you should not feel embarrassed by 699 00:35:29,600 --> 00:35:31,800 that. You should not feel confused by 700 00:35:31,800 --> 00:35:33,700 that, like maybe this is actually, isn't it? 701 00:35:33,700 --> 00:35:36,300 Like no k. Your body's gonna do a lot of 702 00:35:36,300 --> 00:35:39,800 different things and on the flip side, your body might do that in 703 00:35:39,800 --> 00:35:41,200 times when it is not super appropriate. 704 00:35:41,400 --> 00:35:43,800 It for it to do that. And I know that penis honors 705 00:35:44,200 --> 00:35:47,900 really struggle with this because it is so obvious, you 706 00:35:47,900 --> 00:35:49,800 know? And as of owner, I'm very 707 00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,600 grateful that I don't have to experience that. 708 00:35:51,700 --> 00:35:55,900 Thank God, sorry boys. But it is what it is, you know, 709 00:35:56,800 --> 00:36:00,800 we have to kind of use what we have and then understand water 710 00:36:00,800 --> 00:36:04,600 bodies doing why it's doing it. And not try to put some meaning 711 00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:08,100 to it all the time. Please find a water-based Lube 712 00:36:08,100 --> 00:36:11,200 you can use it with toys, find one that is going. 713 00:36:11,300 --> 00:36:15,500 Going to work for you. If you are somewhere, you can go 714 00:36:15,500 --> 00:36:18,700 to a local sex shop, you might even be able to try some of the 715 00:36:18,700 --> 00:36:20,400 Lubes. I know that you can do that at 716 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:23,200 Max black in Newtown, which is my favorite sex store. 717 00:36:24,800 --> 00:36:27,100 You can literally go up and they will put it on your hand and you 718 00:36:27,107 --> 00:36:29,300 can like rub it around. Look you little tissue to wipe 719 00:36:29,300 --> 00:36:30,900 it off. You can try another one, it's 720 00:36:31,600 --> 00:36:35,400 the best time ever. You can also use silicone based 721 00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:39,900 Loops, but because a lot of people use toys water based 722 00:36:39,900 --> 00:36:43,100 Lubes are the only Kind of lube that you can use with toys. 723 00:36:43,100 --> 00:36:45,600 So it usually makes more sense to just go with water-based. 724 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:50,100 But for some people, they prefer the extra kind of lubricant that 725 00:36:50,100 --> 00:36:53,200 the silicone based lube can sometimes provide and so make 726 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:55,000 that choice on your own whatever you want. 727 00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:57,700 But please God, please you some lube. 728 00:36:57,900 --> 00:37:01,900 Another issue might be that you are not warmed up enough. 729 00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:08,300 Sometimes we rush you know we rush into penetration and that's 730 00:37:08,300 --> 00:37:11,200 not always the best thing for the Volvo. 731 00:37:11,300 --> 00:37:14,500 Owner, it can be, you know, maybe you might sometimes be 732 00:37:14,500 --> 00:37:17,300 feeling like really just warmed up on your own and you're able 733 00:37:17,300 --> 00:37:22,000 to jump right into it, but a lot of people need sometime to have 734 00:37:22,000 --> 00:37:25,800 their body become aroused and what you can do as well 735 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:30,100 alongside this is to find a form of penetration that is going to 736 00:37:30,100 --> 00:37:33,700 warm you up for penis, penetration or dildo 737 00:37:33,700 --> 00:37:36,000 penetration, or whatever, kind of penetration, you are working 738 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,000 towards. If that's where the pain is 739 00:37:38,000 --> 00:37:40,000 being caused. And again, right now, I'm 740 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:43,100 talking specifically about Pain on penetration. 741 00:37:43,900 --> 00:37:46,800 So that's going to be around the opening of the vagina. 742 00:37:47,100 --> 00:37:50,600 And that is usually, like I said, caused by friction that 743 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:55,100 lack of lubrication, AKA friction and then not being 744 00:37:55,100 --> 00:37:56,900 warmed up. So what you can do is you can 745 00:37:56,900 --> 00:38:00,700 get a toy or even using fingers, of course, something that is 746 00:38:00,700 --> 00:38:03,800 like smaller than the thing that you want to penetrate with later 747 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:08,400 on in the sexual experience and use that to warm up the area, 748 00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:11,000 even just to get lube up into that area. 749 00:38:11,300 --> 00:38:15,100 And to make it so that your body knows what's going on and can 750 00:38:15,100 --> 00:38:19,200 kind of relax and get comfy. There are other forms of pain 751 00:38:19,200 --> 00:38:21,700 that you can feel during sex that have nothing to do with 752 00:38:21,700 --> 00:38:24,100 penetration. They can be related to pelvic 753 00:38:24,100 --> 00:38:28,300 floor and many other things. In that case, I would definitely 754 00:38:28,300 --> 00:38:31,400 recommend going to go see a gynecologist and then they can 755 00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,100 refer you out to whatever you need to do. 756 00:38:35,500 --> 00:38:38,400 Maybe that will be a pelvic floor therapist. 757 00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:41,000 And so I would definitely go see a doctor if you feel like you're 758 00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:43,600 like No, girl trust me, I tried the Lubes. 759 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,600 Tried the warming up. Shit's, not working, all good. 760 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:48,800 Go see a doctor. They're gonna help you out. 761 00:38:48,900 --> 00:38:51,700 And last but not least, there is the issue of feeling like 762 00:38:51,700 --> 00:38:54,600 there's a lack of chemistry and that might be something that 763 00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,700 maybe you once had with somebody and then eventually you kind of 764 00:38:57,707 --> 00:38:59,800 feel like you just like don't have with them anymore for some 765 00:38:59,800 --> 00:39:03,200 reason, or maybe that's your first time having a sexual 766 00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:06,600 experience with this person and you're like, something isn't 767 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:08,700 working. That just the vibe is not there 768 00:39:08,900 --> 00:39:12,400 and look if on your first sexual Audience with someone the vibe 769 00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:15,500 just isn't there. You can absolutely grow it. 770 00:39:15,500 --> 00:39:19,000 You can work towards growing it. If that's something that you 771 00:39:19,000 --> 00:39:21,500 want to do, say maybe you're in a long like a relationship with 772 00:39:21,500 --> 00:39:23,500 this person and you look waited for this. 773 00:39:23,500 --> 00:39:26,300 And now for some reason it's not working, I'm not saying to give 774 00:39:26,300 --> 00:39:29,300 up okay. Sometimes lack of chemistry and 775 00:39:29,900 --> 00:39:32,300 I don't know what to call it like lack of connection. 776 00:39:32,300 --> 00:39:35,400 You know that like what just what makes it click. 777 00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:39,000 What makes sex just click if that feels like, it's not there. 778 00:39:39,100 --> 00:39:41,100 Sometimes you need to find that with somebody. 779 00:39:41,300 --> 00:39:45,400 And that is absolutely possible. Sometimes it is worth moving on 780 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:48,200 and just finding a new partner, but that's not your only option. 781 00:39:48,200 --> 00:39:50,500 So don't freak out. And sometimes, there are things 782 00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:53,400 that are causing that lack of connection that have nothing to 783 00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:57,700 do with sex, and this is really important to be aware of, 784 00:39:57,800 --> 00:40:01,400 obviously, sometimes, if there are emotional issues in the 785 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:05,200 relationship, or there's a particular stress with either 786 00:40:05,200 --> 00:40:09,000 person in the relationship or there's something external to 787 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:11,100 sex that isn't quite going right now. 788 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:15,100 That can absolutely affect the sexual experience of that person 789 00:40:15,100 --> 00:40:17,100 or of those people. There's nothing wrong with 790 00:40:17,100 --> 00:40:20,700 telling someone hey I just don't think we clicked and I've heard 791 00:40:20,700 --> 00:40:23,900 this time and time again I've had friends even recently tell 792 00:40:23,900 --> 00:40:27,100 me oh you have gone on a date sat there you know we went on a 793 00:40:27,107 --> 00:40:30,600 whole dinner hours and hours of talking having the best time 794 00:40:30,900 --> 00:40:33,000 from the moment we kissed. I knew it wasn't going to work 795 00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:35,200 because it just the energy was not there. 796 00:40:35,200 --> 00:40:38,200 The vibe was not there like he know, maybe they weren't a 797 00:40:38,207 --> 00:40:40,400 really good kisser. They weren't really this thing 798 00:40:40,400 --> 00:40:43,200 or you know, Different expectations for that person. 799 00:40:43,200 --> 00:40:45,300 Maybe that person act like, they were there going to be a lot 800 00:40:45,300 --> 00:40:47,700 more dominant and then they weren't as dominant or the 801 00:40:47,700 --> 00:40:50,500 opposite, you know, like there are things that sometimes when 802 00:40:50,500 --> 00:40:52,700 you actually get down to the nitty-gritty of it, they just 803 00:40:52,700 --> 00:40:55,200 don't really work out. And that's okay. 804 00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:59,100 I hope that you find people that you really connect with and that 805 00:40:59,100 --> 00:41:01,500 you put yourself out there to go and connect with those people 806 00:41:01,500 --> 00:41:03,800 because when you do find those connections it's going to be 807 00:41:03,808 --> 00:41:05,600 really cool because then you can use all the things that we 808 00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:07,700 talked about in today's episode and all the things that we 809 00:41:07,700 --> 00:41:09,700 talked about in last week's episode as well. 810 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:11,100 That is everything that I'm going to share. 811 00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:13,000 On this topic. For now guys, I want to thank 812 00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:15,700 you so much for listening for being here, for sharing the 813 00:41:15,700 --> 00:41:19,100 podcast on your Instagram stories and to your friends in 814 00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:22,200 the way that you guys share and support me in the show and 815 00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:23,800 everything is just so amazing. So thank you. 816 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:28,000 So so so much if you want to find me on social media, I'm on 817 00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:31,600 Alyssa Taylor Harper on Instagram and Tick, Tock, and we 818 00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:34,500 have a Facebook group as well called the she said what podcast 819 00:41:34,500 --> 00:41:37,800 group where I update you guys on everything that's going on with 820 00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:41,100 the show and people ask for advice and stuff. 821 00:41:41,300 --> 00:41:42,700 As well. Super cute kind of love it. 822 00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:48,000 So please come join us on there and follow on I have a podcast 823 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,300 or Spotify or rubber. You listen and thank you so so 824 00:41:51,300 --> 00:41:53,800 much for all the support because all those little things that you 825 00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:57,000 do, it genuinely makes a big difference to me so thank you 826 00:41:57,000 --> 00:41:59,900 and I appreciate you. And if you have anything that 827 00:41:59,900 --> 00:42:03,100 you want to hear about on the podcast, any recommendations, 828 00:42:03,700 --> 00:42:06,300 anything that you want to share and talk about, please feel free 829 00:42:06,300 --> 00:42:10,100 to come DM, me and I will see you guys in the next episode. 830 00:42:10,300 --> 00:42:10,800 Bye guys.