You're listening to. She said what with your host
Alyssa Harper? Hey sexy people, welcome back
to. She said what if you have not
listened to the podcast before then?
Oh my God. Welcome welcome.
Welcome to this place is for you.
You are welcome. Whoever you are, we love to have
you here and if you have listened to before then, welcome
back, bitch. Nice to have you.
Nice to see you again. So if you haven't listened, I
just want to quickly say, my name is Alyssa.
I am a Canadian but I live in Sydney Australia.
I very Rated story, so you're not going to understand, but
it's all going to be. Okay.
We're going to figure it out. Okay, my main gig is Tick-Tock,
we love The Tick-Tock. I just hit 300,000 followers
last week, and that was a big Vibe for me, so that's what I
do. I've got the podcast, we do some
Instagram, and I'm also a Pilates instructor, I like to
do. Lots of things to keep my brain,
extremely active. All right, that's me, today's
episode, we're going to be talking about decision making
and I've made some pretty big decisions.
In my time, I will say, I moved to Australia from Canada, like I
said, in my intro and I've made some pretty big decisions when
it comes to my relationships. I got married at one point that
actually did happen. And I also completely left the
religion that I grew up in, and I've just made a lot of big
decisions. And so I feel like that's my
qualifications on talking about this and also I'm pretty highly
anxious person and so I've struggled a lot honestly, more
with like the day-to-day decision-making.
Like it's the, what do I get on a menu at a restaurant?
It's the do I clean my room first or do I clean the living
room first? Like it's the teeny tiny things.
It's, the, can I make it from this room to the next room?
While holding all these things or should I do two trips?
And then like fumbling around and taking like double the
amount of time I would have taken if I done either decision
and actually just made a decision.
She not. I mean that's me.
And so I've been able to figure out what works at least for me
to make decisions in a way that feels Confident and I can
actually move forward in a way where I feel good about the
decision that I've made, so that's not going to be sharing
with you today. 5 tips on how to make confident decisions.
Let's get into it quick, little weekly update.
So last week, I'm just going to say I'm just gonna be honest,
all right, I had a really shitty week because I had a yeast
infection. First of all, you know what,
okay, this podcast is All about things that are TMI and we just
tell the truth. So if you don't like hearing a
honesty and be you don't like carrying about vaginas then this
isn't the podcast for you. All right.
Anyways I was not having a good time.
Use infections are just the worst because like I actually
haven't had one in ages. I think I had one about like
maybe mmm how long ago maybe about two years ago and it was
in New York and I was like on this trip And I took a pill and
it went away was in like a day and I didn't even know if it was
a yeast infection. I just thought in case it is,
I'm going to take this pill preemptively because I'm on
vacation and I definitely cannot be dealing with this right now.
Anyways, um, it did not go away within one day, little did I
know I thought it was going to be quick.
No, no, and first of all, I think I have regrets because I
didn't do the pill. Someone told me I should have
done the pill. Instead, I did the like the
what's it called? The cream application.
Oh my God, if you haven't done this before you Are lucky.
This is the most cursed situation.
So picture. One of those like plastic
tampons, right? Like the tampon inserter thing,
picture, one of those but you have to fill it with a bunch of
cream and then you just have to look shoot that cream up your
post. Like, it is cooked.
It's cooked, it's so weird. Absolutely hated it for me,
weird Vibes. And yeah, really uncomfortable
like, very itchy Vibes. All of last week and also
painful like actually super painful, I'd like to cancel
plans and like couldn't work like it.
Actually bullshit. So, anyways, that's not get any
stiff actions and you know it's actually interesting the reason
I think I got it is because remember how last week I told
you I quit vaping. We love that.
I'm still Vape free. Whoo-hoo, haven't quit.
Haven't I mean haven't quit quitting, thank God and I'm
actually doing great on that. I think the problem though is
that I was eating a lot of sweets and I was eating a lot of
like I see Pops like like freezies, you know, I was eating
a lot of that stuff. Because it was giving me
something to do with my mouth because usually, you have like,
a bit of an oral fixation when you vape or when you smoke and
it's something that you don't realize until you don't have
that thing anymore. And then you're suddenly eating
all the time and whatever. Anyways, I was like it's fine.
It's just like freezies. It's I don't care.
I don't care about my weight, you know, it's just whatever I
should have cared about my health.
I I always do this where I'm like, oh I don't care how I
look. I can eat whatever I want and
then I realized that you need to eat food that actually like
nourishes, your body LOL. Anyways, I was not happy.
I was not happy last week was bad week, so that's basically
like I've done, I'm dead-ass. Like, I've just been sitting at
home. I've done very little.
I've had like maybe two days where I was like, social saw
someone. But other than that, I've just
been chilling so sad, but that's okay.
That's okay. Anything good to happen this
week. Let's think there's always
something, isn't there? Yes, of course.
This week, I went to Bondi Beach with two of my friends that I
don't get to hang out with enough Balu who I've actually
interviewed before on. The podcast, they're amazing and
my friend Jade as well. So we all went to the beach and
had a really nice time and had some drinks and had a good time.
So that was a good time and I was happy that that happened.
And it's been really nice recently, because my schedules
opened up quite a bit, I'm only teaching, Pilates, two days now
and so it's just given me a lot more free time and giving me
more time to do content. And, you know, like I said,
tick-tocks and podcast stuff and everything.
So it's been nice to have a bit more time, bit more freedom in
my life. And it's cool.
It feels like I'm, you know, working towards the things I
want to be doing and so that's really exciting for me.
But let's get into today's topic.
So it was really interesting that somebody actually requested
that I would talk about this and she literally said like whether
you know it's job-related or relationships or what to order
at a restaurant or what to buy at the store or what color to
paint your house. She was basically asking, can
you give us advice on making decisions whether they're big or
small because indecisiveness is really taking a toll on me.
Me and I was like, wow, like this is such a good topic, this
is so good. And this is why I always
encourage you guys to tell me what's going on in your life.
Tell me what your struggle is. Tell me what you would like me
to speak on, because you might think it's like Niche, or very
specific to you. And if it is, there are always
ways that I can make it a wider thing that other people can get
things out of. But it's going to be, you know,
something that I'm really, really creating for you.
But I can also like see From my perspective and I think a lot of
people or a lot of you guys don't see this is that your
problems that you go through are often the problems of so many
other people. And you often think like oh I'm
the only one that feels like I don't have any friends or I'm
the only one that is struggling with addiction.
Or I'm the only one that has this thing going on and a lot of
the time. It's not just you, okay.
And I was should say it's never just you it really is a
collective experience for so many of us to be dealing with
all these little things and feeling like we are alone, In
it. So please feel free to share
with me. Please feel free to reach out to
me. I answer all of my dams
eventually. Sometimes it takes me a little
bit, but I do answer all of my dams and I'm always talking to
you guys. So thank you for staying in
touch with me and, you know, having a little chitchat with me
and remember that is on Instagram, not on Tick-Tock
because unfortunately, you can't message me on Tick Tock because
Tick Tock is just weird but you can on Instagram and it's Alyssa
Taylor, Harbor. All linked below, whatever?
Go find me. If you want to, let's get into
the points. Of today.
So first of all, why do we want to work on this indecisiveness
and struggling to make decisions?
Maybe right now you have a big choice that you need to make.
I hope you do because honestly, I think these points are really
going to help you and there's nothing like being stuck on
something and then one thing standing out in a conversation
with somebody or an episode, like a podcast or a piece of
content or something where it really genuinely does help you.
And so, if you have something that you're trying to make a
decision on right now, obviously, let's keep that in
the front of your brain. And the reason we would want to
work on this generally is because short-term
indecisiveness can cause stress. It can cause anxiety, it can
cause a feeling of being drained or defeated.
This is a really common feeling that people can have when you're
sitting there and you're going on.
Should I do this or should I do this or don't want to go out
tonight? Although if you're constantly in
that space like what do I do? What do I do that can be really
stressful and it can make your brain feel really busy and
really tired and Thing that we want to avoid.
And then obviously long-term as well, when you put off
decision-making, you know, when you don't do things because
you're like, I'll do it later, it'll happen one day.
First of all, it can put you behind just when it comes to
your timeline and what you want to do.
And I really think as well that it can stop you from doing
things. Wholeheartedly like sometimes
you get a really good idea or you'll be feeling really
inspired or an opportunity will come up, right?
There's this thing in front of you that you could possibly do
and because you know, You're stuck on the decision.
Although I don't know what to do.
I should, I take the job? Oh, is it the right time of my
life? Is it too soon?
You know, am I really ready for this?
You ask yourself all these questions.
You work yourself up. You don't do the thing and it
stops you from either doing the thing, and it puts you behind,
or you do the thing, but it stops you from doing it,
wholeheartedly, and it stops you from wanting, to be there.
And to be really present. Because even when you're there
and you've made that choice and you're doing that thing, you're
going. What's this, the right choice?
I don't know. Did I like my Job better or, you
know, should I have broken up with them?
Maybe they weren't that bad. They were that bad, they were.
I'm just gonna tell you right now.
If you related, that with that mmm-hmm break up with your
boyfriend, okay, break up. Just kidding.
You don't have to break up with them.
But usually if there's a question mark, mmm, it's break
up moving forward. We're going to start with Point
number one. Point number one, may seem
unrelated to you at first but it is have a routine.
Meghan, confident decisions getting better at
decision-making is going to start with what your foundation
is, your foundation needs to be a routine of some sort to
especially depending on what your life looks like.
So say you have like a 9 to 5 job.
That's already a pretty solid like routine.
You know what you're doing? Five days a week for like eight
hours. That's pretty solid, you know
what I mean? Or if you have like another job,
but it's certain hours and it's like maybe you get your schedule
to start of the week like you work in Hospitality or something
like that. And you get your schedule, the
start of the week, you know, where you have to be from this
time to this time on like multiple days.
Okay. You know that it's okay for the
routine changes or if that's I mean it's like me about, not a
routine but it's okay if the schedule changes, but if you
like kind of know what's going on in your life, amazing, love
that for you. Why do we want to have a routine
because decision fatigue, if you haven't haven't heard of
decision fatigue, this is something that was coined by
social psychologist Roy. F ba Meister, Mmm, I don't know
if that's how you say, it decision.
Fatigue is the emotional and mental strain, resulting from a
burden of choices. This often leads to risky
decision making, or decision, avoidance.
Exactly what I was talking about earlier.
It can either lead to you jumping into it really quickly.
Maybe not thinking about it. Just going for it just well.
Okay, let's just do it or you don't make the decision, you put
it off, you go. We'll figure it out later, maybe
tomorrow. And then, mmm, you don't make
that choice ever ever. We don't want that.
Now, I have seen decision fatigue in my life, very
strongly. Because, like I said to you guys
in my weekly update, I have so much openness in my schedule
now, which is amazing. It's not that I don't have
things that I need to get done because I do have lots of
things, I need to get done. You know, my, my full-time job
is being a content creator, and there are plenty of things that
I can be doing all of the time to be working forward, and
literally, creating content, and editing, and planning stuff, and
doing emails, and reaching out to To, you know, different
people in Brands and people want to interview and all of these
things, you know, I bunch of things that I have to do and
then also, of course, is taking care of my mental health, and
then making sure that I'm taking breaks.
And I'm not working all day every day, because I have a
habit of doing that and I have realized that if I don't plan
what I'm going to work on that day.
The, you know, if I don't plan what I'm going to work on
throughout the week, then I either don't get anything done
or I just work Don't lie and I kind of like still don't get
anything done because I'm not taking breaks.
I'm not scheduling. Well I'm not figuring out what
actually needs to be done. You know, the priorities aren't
being hit. So it's like the big projects I
need to get done. Maybe the paid projects that
actually need to do. So I have an income and I can
pay my rent aren't getting done. But then, like my randoms
Instagram stories or random reels about random shit.
I don't know. I'm just like doing because my
Kiki, this is fun and I get to the end of the Weekend.
I'm like, fuck. I have a lot to do still.
And so, having a routine, having a schedule, knowing what's going
on having decisions that have been made already, preemptively
is going to help you get a rid of the decision fatigue or being
in a situation where you're feeling decision, fatigue.
And of course, even if that's not you, where you have all this
free time because this is a very specific thing unless you like
own your own business or work from home, Whatever.
Then, you know, you actually go to a job.
Like most people would there are still a lot of decisions that
you have to make every single day.
So when you wake up, if you don't have a morning routine,
for example, you're trying to figure out, you know, am I going
to brush my teeth first or am I going to brush my hair first?
Am I going to go eat breakfast first or am I gonna sit down and
do my makeup first? And if you don't have some sort
of routine that just flows naturally without you having to
use that brainpower, then those Our little moments where you are
taking up, how much energy you have for the whole day when it
comes to making decisions, and it can very much happen for
anybody who has a schedule that's technically packed tight,
but they still have things that haven't been decided on or it
can affect people differently. So even if you have quite a few
decisions being made already for you like your schedule or, you
know, your general work or where you need to be, I guess you can
still have things that can stress you out specifically.
If you really struggle to pick out an outfit in the morning
because you're not a morning person if that's not chosen.
Even though, you know, where you're going to be 48 hours,
that could be a decision that's difficult for you to make.
And so that can cause you decision fatigue, even though
it's just one choice, it's a hard choice, and that's going to
be different for everybody. So that's kind of something
where you need to know yourself and you need to kind of step
back and think like what something that does hold me back
in a way day-to-day like what is something that I could do to
fill in that? That Gap.
So for me, I used to feel like this in high school all the
time, so I started making my outfit like the night before.
So I'd go to sleep. Being like, Oh, I'm going to
feel confident tomorrow. Now, I'm going to be wearing
this thing and then I get up in the morning and I already know.
Okay, I always get up. I go to the washroom.
I wash my face, I come into my bedroom, I have my little like,
coat on my little house cope. I do my makeup, then I take off
my housecoat and then I do put on my outfit that I already have
prepared for me. Then I go upstairs.
Then I Pair my breakfast and then I leave the house with my
breakfast and my coffee. You know?
Like that was like my little routine and robbing a routine is
really really helpful. And I've actually talked about
this in last week's episode as well for things you should do in
2023 to be hot and sexy and happy.
That's not the title. But that's it's the vibe is
definitely the vibe. Um, it's definitely going to
help you. It's definitely going to help
you. All right, number to visualize
yourself in each scenario. This one, I really liked and I
actually have another episode All about visualization in like
a manifesting away. But this is a little bit
different. This is more so picture yourself
in the different versions of what you might end up doing.
So if you're trying to figure out, if you're going to quit
your job and go to a different job, picture you in like, six
months from now, still working at your current job.
Does that make you want to puke in your mouth?
Okay. Well picture, you and six months
at some other job, if you go, well, I don't know.
It's a picture. I don't know.
Just going to be like, okay, we'll just Okay, think think
about that place. If you know the place looks like
picture yourself there picture. If you have any other past
experience that you could relate it to like a different type of
work scenario, or different type of people that you've been
around things like that. Try to picture it and sit here
and go. Okay, what, how can I toss up
these two things? If the options are either doing
something that you don't want to do.
Like, you know, you don't like, so your current job, you know,
you wouldn't be looking for a new job if you loved your
current job. So you don't like your job.
Job in six months from now you're still going to be at that
job. Probably hating it even more
unless you can somehow change that current job situation.
The option is probably going to be to go try a different job.
That's not to say that it's going to be million times
better, but it might have to be the right choice for you.
Now, once you visualize yourself in it again this isn't my only
tip, this is just part of it, this is part of it.
But I do want you to do this because I think people kind of
forget to do this. And to me this is Something that
I've always kind of done for myself but there are times where
all kind of forget to do it. And even last night, this is so
funny. I actually did this last night I
was sat on the couch. I was like PMSing a bit in this
last week. It was just not a good week.
Okay. Let me just tell you and I was
PMSing and I was just not feeling the best and I was like
I need to eat what I'm going to eat and Sam my partner.
He was like we were sitting on the couch and he was up.
I don't we'll just order ubereats.
We don't have to cook. And I'm like, okay, okay, what
are we going to get? So then we're on overeats and
he's extremely Decisive. He's always been like this and
it's fine because I helped him. Um, but he really, really does
struggle with this. He should listen to today's
podcast and we were trying to figure it out and we're like
Thai, okay, what should we get? And then we're going through the
time menu. Okay, now what do we get at Ty?
What should we get this time place?
And then I'm sitting there going, do I want pad thai?
Do I want these noodles? Do I want this?
I want that. And then he literally goes like,
okay, honey. Like I feel like you're not in
the best mood to get something that you might not.
So that was such a good little tip from him saying, like,
consider and this is going to be a point coming up soon very soon
where you said, you know, consider your emotions consider
where you're at right now, he was realizing you're not in the
best mood right now. So I could only imagine if you
got food that you don't like you're going to be fucking
pissed. So maybe get something like Pad
Thai, something a bit basic something that, you know, that
you're going to like maybe something you've gotten before,
and I went. Okay, okay.
Okay, give me a second. I sat there on the couch, I
closed my eyes and I literally just It's like, okay, picturing
myself heating pad thai. I was like, I literally I'm
doing it right now. You can't see me, but I was a
literally doing as it was like holding the bowl and so
dramatic. And like, I'm like eating the
pad thai. I was like, hmm.
Okay, okay, okay. And then I like moved on to if I
had the second version. I was like, Mmm.
Yeah, right, I took a deep breath.
Okay. Alright and then I made my
decision and like it was so funny.
But these are the things that sounds dramatic, it sounds like
oh, who's actually going to do this in that moment, who's going
to sit there and actually visualize it who's actually
going to sit there and I'll be aware of your emotions, and do
all these very serious things for very small decisions, but
they're not serious things. They're genuinely these little
tools that you can just pick up and start to use very quickly in
regular moments and it can stop you from getting so worked up
and it's so anxious. And so stressed and it can
really solve The situation really quickly, okay?
So that's number two, visualize yourself and another part to
this I would say is picture. How do you feel in either
scenario? Like really sit there and go.
Okay, in six months from now on a mount that job.
Am I still depressed? Or is there something that I can
do right now in my current workplace to potentially not
hate this job right now? Is there nothing I can do.
Okay. In six months.
Am I going to be super upset? If I'm still here?
If the answer is yes to that then you might have to To go for
that other opportunity. Do you know what I mean?
You kind of want to really work through it.
Picture yourself in those scenarios go.
How does that? Make me feel?
Okay. You're like your little
counselor. You're literally like your
internal counselor, you like your personal counselor?
How does that make you feel? Really reflect on it and then
from there, you can start to make those choices and really,
you know, get into it rather than going this.
Stresses me out. I don't know anything about this
is I'm not gonna make your own decision.
What happens if I make the wrong decision and so many people jump
to that before you even start to think about what Your options
are people jump to what if I make the wrong decision so
quickly that they then put it off, put it off, put it off and
then we all just spiral from there.
All right. Number three is, as I mentioned,
be aware of your emotions. And I would say, a big thing
with this is don't make decisions when emotions are
high. All right, should I break up
with my boyfriend? We're going to go back into it.
Mmm, maybe but do not make that decision with him in the room,
okay? That's like the worst thing
ever, of course, you're going to be like, no, I love him.
Look at him, he's so hot the dick, so good, stop, stop this.
Okay, enough, don't make the decision with him in the room.
You can't do that. You know, you can't.
It's gonna be a lot harder. I should say to set boundaries
with anybody, if they're sat beside you, you know, a lot of
the time, if you know, you need to put your foot down, or you
need to be that person that you aren't normally where you have
to just you know, say what To say and get it out of the way,
even though you hate conflict or whatever you need to kind of,
you know, make those decisions outside of the situation in your
own space, in your private space.
In this is going to be of course for bigger decisions, right?
This isn't this isn't the menu one.
This is this is a bigger decision.
You need to be in your own private space.
I would say sober, I'm going to say as well specifically, please
be sober in a state of mind where you feel like you're going
to make a good choice for yourself, like maybe not.
Early late at night, would be a good thing.
Maybe not within the first little bit after you wake up,
unless you are someone who wakes up in the best mood in the world
because I know, I sure as hell am not.
But there you go. If you are a fucking love that
for you, if you can bottle that up and send it to me, I'll take
some. But yes, let's be aware of our
emotions. Definitely don't make any
decisions when you are angry and don't make any decisions when
you are feeling defeated like, don't in a state when you are
feeling down. Or disappointed at yourself.
Don't make any choices on what you should do.
Because you will often make choices here that are not risky
enough. Like you'll make choices where
you are, not thinking that you are good enough to do XYZ.
It's like, well fuck. I you know I hate this.
I hate this about me. I'm never going to be blah,
blah, blah, blah. I'm just going to stay doing
this thing. I'm going to stay with this
person because who else is going to want to be with me, right?
Arm is going to stay in this job because what if I don't get that
other job or you know what if If I suck at this new job or what?
If it's too scary or what? If I'm no good at it or, you
know, and you kind of put yourself into a box that you
really don't belong in. And so I would say, make sure
that you're feeling feeling positive, you're feeling open,
you're feeling happy. And I would say, for those who
menstruate make decisions over a period of time, if you can
because you will feel different about these decisions in the
different phases of your menstrual cycle.
And I know I talked about Cycles thinking and like every Episode
book. I tell, I'm telling you guys, it
changed my life. When I started cycle thinking,
it made me realize that it made so much sense for me.
And I wasn't crazy and I think differently week to week,
because that's how our bodies work, that's how your hormones
work. And so, for example, when you're
ovulating, you might feel more outgoing, you might feel more
like, oh yeah, I want to do this, I want to do this.
You also might feel more likely to want to stay with your
boyfriend because your body wants babies.
And your eggs are screaming and they're like, let's get it.
Let's let's keep them. Okay, I need that energy, I need
that mail around me. I need that testosterone.
I need that, you know? And then before your period,
when your body is going, you know, we don't need to have sex.
You absolutely can. But you know, it's probably a
lie not going to want it as much.
Maybe you want to be a little bit more secluded on your own a
bit more, you know, in the dark in your cave, goodbye boyfriend.
And you kind of want to scream at him a little bit.
You know, those vibes, then you might want me belong more likely
to want to break up with him. In the thing is, you need to be
with someone that you like in every single phase of your
cycle. All right, let me say that one
more time, you need to be with somebody that you can tolerate
in every phase of your cycle. And so if you can make these
decisions over time and check in with yourself throughout the
month, because that's a really interesting way to make
decisions and it gives you a really balanced idea of how you
might actually feel after you've made that choice as you go
through multiple months after making that choice.
All right? Number four is to stop asking
other people, their opinions all the time.
I used to do this so much and this is why I pointed out
because I think I used to think I was like Outsourcing you know
what I mean? I think I used to think that I
was like so smart and like are you know, this person so wise.
So I'm going to trust them to make this decision from here.
They have experience with this thing.
Here's the thing, just because someone has experience with
something, doesn't mean that they're going to give you good
advice on, what's going to be good for you.
First of all, they have a completely different set of
values. They have a completely different
view of the world and why they would make the choices they
would make, they have a whole different history than you.
Secondly, people have different types of personalities,
different needs, different reasons to want to be.
E in maybe a job, that's more Hands-On, or less Hands-On, or
more active, or less active. Like they will just give you
advice as if it were them and you are not them.
And I would say the other thing is well I guess three is they
might tell you to do something because it's serving them and
they might not mean to do this, but it is really common.
Like for example when I moved to Australia, I actually had pretty
good luck with this. But I didn't ask anyone their
opinion on if I should move. But if I were to ask people or
should I move, you know, to Australia?
I could imagine that a lot of people would say no or all.
That seems a bit crazy or all, you're only 18, does that seem
like a big jump? You know, moving out of your
parents house right across the world?
I could imagine that people would think I was a bit crazy
and I have made multiple decisions like that in my life
where I have literally been like I probably think I'm crazy but I
just would always know that. It was what I was meant to do.
I would always sit there, I went through all the options in my
brain, you know, I visualized, I was like, you know, do what does
this feel like? Does this feel right?
Am I trusting my gut and not the end of the day?
I would know what I needed to do and maybe it would be decision.
Like of course, something like moving to Australia, isn't a one
day decision. That was something that I would
have made over multiple months. I would have, you know, had in
the back of my mind and then kind of work towards did bit of
research, you know, work towards it.
Lowly that I will just say that. Be aware of who you're asking
advice from, you can absolutely ask people advice.
I think that we should all be in communities that we feel we can
trust and we are loved by and were supported by.
I think you should definitely be supported by people and not like
work as this Lone Wolf. I really think we need Community
but I don't think that when you are making choices that are
really important in the really Direct attempt to just you and I
going to affect really mostly you that you should be going and
making decisions 100% based off of one person's opinions.
And a lot of people will have this where, you know, they've
always been so close with their mom.
They've always been so close with their dad or, you know,
their best friend is the one who is usually making the decisions
about where they're going to go. What they're going to do with
their life and accidentally, or maybe they don't even ask it
comes up in conversation about a choice that you should.
Ache or this person should make and that friend will go and give
their opinion and say, oh well, you shouldn't do this you
because you're like this, you know?
No, you're you're pretty introverted.
You wouldn't want to do that or your extroverted.
That would be way too bubble ball for you and they say, you
know, you are this, you are that you wouldn't like this, you
wouldn't like that. And I think that often people
put us in boxes without meaning to.
And I think it's just really important that we are always
stepping out of these boxes and these layers and these These
titles we put on ourselves. Like, you know, exactly what I
just said. Like, you know, I'm an introvert
or I am smart or I am dumb, or I am this or I am that.
If you think, oh, you know, I'm smart.
I'm not that fun, but I'm smart. You don't believe about
yourself. Why would you believe that about
yourself, you know, or, you know, I'm, I'm fine.
But I'm a little bit dizzy or a little bit dumb, you know,
because people told me that growing up or because my parents
always said that, or whatever you need to pull those things
off of you because that is very likely, and it's kind of like a
bonus. Point for you, that is very
likely affecting your decision making you're assuming I fit in
this box. This is who I am and therefore I
should make these choices XYZ because if I did anything other
than this than it would be, unlike me, you need to get out
of pigeon, holing yourself, you need to get out of saying that
you are these things specifically.
Otherwise, you are going to stay those things.
And I sure as hell, believe that there are things in that box
that you put yourself in that, you don't want to be things that
are negative things. Things that you think oh, you
know, that's just me, wish it wasn't but it's just me.
Don't do that, don't do that. Try to pull those things off of
you. And obviously, you know, there
are some things that maybe are just a bit obvious to you that.
It's just who you are. You know, if your hair is brown,
your hair is brown or you know, if you are naturally artistic,
if it's a good thing, let's obviously keep encouraging those
things, you know, and if it's an obvious thing, that's totally
fine but if it's something that people told you, that might
really just not be true about you.
Then let's work on. During those labels from
ourselves because that is not only going to help your decision
making, but that's going to help your relationships.
It's going to make your relationship was better because
you're gonna feel so much more confident in them, you're going
to feel more confident as an individual, which is going to
make you stand up for what you want.
And it's going to help you to move forward and relationships
in a way that actually is going to be good for you, long term,
and serve you and also serve the other person because you're
honest. And you're really being yourself
and it's going to help you in the future.
It's going to just make you feel better.
Better day to day and it's gonna, of course, help your
decision making as I mentioned. So, let's move on point five.
This is the last point. This one's a bit of a
long-winded one, not long-winded, but I'm going to go
through some questions here. So these are questions that I
want you to ask yourself. When you come to making a
decision again, this is going to be probably bigger decisions a
little bit less about what to get on the menu.
But this is probably what you're here for.
Anyways, I think if you're trying to figure out what you're
going to get for ubereats tonight and you were listening
to this podcast, to figure it out, then I would be actually be
a bit worried. I'd be really worried for you on
that one. But first of all, does it align
with my values? I want you to ask yourself that
if you don't know what your values are, that's really
important, I would encourage you to take the time to think about
what your values are. And you can do this in a quick
way by just like going and doing a quiz online.
I have an episode on this as well, actually, let me find for
you what it's called. So I call this episode
deconstructing your beliefs and this was my story of how I
actually left the church and I left the religion that I was a
part of growing up the Christian faith.
And I basically talked about how I re-established, what my values
were as a person. And so like I said, you can do
that by doing like a little quiz online.
You can also just look up like a Whole bunch of values and go
through and I would encourage you to print it out rather than
just like looking at a list because I feel like that's not
going to give you the like tactile experience and that's
not going to help you like legitimize that experience as
much personally, that's what I would do.
But printing it out, circling anything that you feel like
could be you, you know, something that you identify
with, or you would naturally think.
Oh, yeah, that's me, that's me, go through and then try to bring
it all the way down to five terms and be like, okay, that's
my values. For me, for example, one of my
Values is empathy hugely. I've always been extremely
empathetic almost to the point where I can like feel other
people in the room. It sounds weird.
Sounds dumb. But like, I'll be sitting across
from someone and it's like all when I say like, oh, my heart
breaks for you, it's like it literally does or like I can
just when someone's telling of a story, oh, and they're angry.
All I just get so angry for them, too.
And I'm like, if you, it's so funny, I'm very reactive.
If you ever talk to me in person, I'll be like, no, like
I'm like, that's fucked. I I can't believe that like I'm
just gonna get really into it. So I really feel for people.
And so for me, that's a value of mine being empathetic and
showing empathy to other people, I guess I would say.
And yeah, it becomes a value because it's just a part of me.
So it doesn't align with your values.
Do you feel like that going forward is going to be something
that when it comes to like your conscience, you're like yes,
that was a good choice and I was thinking about future me and
that situation and I was supporting me, amazing great.
Number two is What is my gut telling me?
And I've kind of, like, mention this a little bit today, through
today's episode, but I wanted to take some time to specifically
talk about it, because some people will say that their gut
feeling is their intuition, some people will say, you know, if
you do follow say the Christian faith that you'll say, that's
the Holy Spirit, you know, speaking to you and however, you
want to categorize this, I respect that like however, you
see it, that it applies for you. Think about that version of You
think that inner thing is that maybe talking to you and let's
hone in on that for a second. Because that is so powerful.
I've, I call it my intuition, my intuition personally, and I just
feel like it is so, so, so powerful.
I feel like there's so many times that we know.
We actually know what we should do, especially these big choices
these things that have been weighing on us.
We actually know what we should do.
Like we know that job is draining and we need to get out
of it or we know We need to get rid of that friend, who's just
been bringing us down and it sucks because we think fuck a
lot. I don't have any other friends
or, you know, I don't have any friends like that or I really
liked that this friend connected me to this and this and this
person and I'm going to lose all those friendships because of
them. But you know, like, you know,
sometimes that choice that you need to make but you don't want
to make it, you know, the answer.
But you're sitting there and you're going well, let's
rationalize, let's do this, let's do this.
And unless you're making a choice, You're putting yourself
in danger or, you know, other people are aggressively being
like, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, don't do it.
Like, trust me, trust me. Trust me and you really trust
these people and you think that, you know, maybe they are writer,
you know, you're still on the fence.
If, you know, you fucking know, you know, and that can be really
hard. And so if you're at this point
in the episode and you're going, fuck, I know I know the answer.
I'm just, you know, hoping that I can find a way to like weasel
out of it. It then, you gotta be real with
yourself. You've got to cut the BS, and
this is so important. And I will tell you a quick
story, when I was in high school, I dated a guy for three
years. That's like literally almost my
whole High School experience this motherfucker.
And you know what? To be fair we did have a very
decent relationship for most of it and I do like ver.
I liked that person a lot. I love that person a lot and we
got two years into our relationship.
And we needed to break up, we needed to break up.
We fought all the time, cats and dogs, like curse.
Like we fought so much and we had a lot of great times as
well, but there's just so much toxicity and it was so bad and
we're pretty young to, you know, like 17.
Is she at that time? Yeah.
Like we just needed to break up like so badly and all of our
friends were always. So sick of hearing is fighting
and getting in the middle of fights in all this bullshit.
And everybody was like, you guys should break up and it was hard
because some people thought you know, you guys were we were
great. Like my mom like she was like, I
love him. Like I love having him around,
you know? So then I was like, oh, maybe
it's fine, maybe it's fine. And so, like I would use every
excuse. Like, oh, but my mom really
likes him or all, you know, we have this whole history or use
all these excuses to stay with him.
Even though I knew, I knew we shouldn't be together, we
shouldn't still be together and I'm telling you, we got back
together after that, two year mark, and it was, it's like one
of the worst choices I've made. I don't look out.
Think about it anymore ever, I don't worry about it.
I don't obviously you know it doesn't affect me anymore but I
do look back and go God, I should have listened to my gut.
I should have listened to my heart.
I should have gone through with the feeling the thing I knew I
needed to do but I didn't do because it was too hard for me,
emotionally to make that choice to not stay in that relationship
and it's crazy because like, after, you know, I made that
choice to stay with him, like things got worse, like there's,
you know, Lots of tea I could spill but it just was not good,
not good at all. And I would just so encourage
you, please listen to your gut and sometimes a lot of people
will be telling you to not make that choice like I said or
really important people in your life.
Like some people will be saying to you like no but they're
great. You guys are so fun together.
I got so funny together or you know all but I thought you loved
your job. I thought you do.
You guys talk about do you love this person?
You love working with these people, whatever.
Whatever people will you know, try To be positive or whatever.
But sometimes you know what you need to do for you.
So please listen to you. Next, I would say is this
Choice, A wise choice and I think wisdom is something that
it's hard to like, put your finger on and really figure out
what wisdom is. I would say, it's not about it
being a smart choice, it's not about it being like a healthy
choice necessarily sometimes. It's about like wisdom.
So serve for example, the reason I'm saying it that way is like
saying going, bungee jumping to some people, might go, they
might go all this not save, I would never do that, you know,
that's not why. Wise to me I don't think wisdom
is always the safest option. I think it's something that is
going to give you something. It's something that's going to
be fulfilling. Its something that is going to
come from a place of like, you know, when I'm on my deathbed,
I'm going to be thankful that I did this thing to me, that's
wisdom. Like, but I think it was dumb.
I think of like, older people, you know, I think of experience,
I think of people who just, you know, they're really connected
to themselves and so, I think when it comes to wisdom, it does
come back to that gut feeling. And it also comes back to like,
is this going to make future me proud.
And I guess I can just kind of odd that in as another Point
here is like, is this a good choice for future me and I try
to do this as much as I can. Actually, I'll I'll prioritize
doing at least one thing a day for future me and you're going
to do lots of things, everything every single day for future you.
But I just try to put an emphasis on it because it
reminds me to do it. So like for example making my
bed every morning is something that I've been doing for future
me, you know Cleaning the house like the night before.
So I wake up to a clean home. That's something I'm doing for
future me. Getting my outfit ready for the
next morning. Like, I did that last night
because I knew I had to wake up at 5:00 a.m. this morning to
teach Pilates. I was like, okay, let's get
everything down to like my socks and my period, undies like
organized. So that when I wake up in the
morning, I'm not digging through my drawer at 5:00 a.m. like a
crazy person. When my I know my brain doesn't
work very well when I first wake up, I'm going to be ready and
I'm going to be prepared. So making choices for future.
Ryu is It's comes down to self-respect and it really shows
you that you care about your life, you care about your
choices. You care about fulfilling things
that you want in life, and it just shows you, which I think
this is really important proving things to yourself that you have
the ability to be self-controlled to be consistent
to be aware of the things you want and that you're actually
going to be able to go after them.
Just a few more questions here is this Choice out of my comfort
zone and if If so, that's a great thing, you do not grow in
your comfort zone and I have feel like I've proven this to
myself, time and time again, like moving to Australia was not
comfortable. The day, I moved to Australia.
I had a horrible anxiety attack, which I literally talked about
on last week's episode. Like, when I started teaching
Pilates, I was extremely anxious.
Like, I was literally there the night before up before bed, at,
like, four am tossing, and turning.
Because I had to teach the next day for literally Ten minutes
out of a class of 50 minutes where the other instructor was
going to teach the rest of it. And I was shitting bricks, guys,
I was so scared. And you know what?
I grew so much all of those decisions where I've been, so
scared the next day. Oh, it's gonna happen.
All am I going to be any good whatever, whatever, who cares?
Because you know what? You're going to get through it
and then you're out of your comfort zone.
And you've just proved yourself. Once again, that you can do hard
things, and that is extremely powerful.
So try to make decisions that are out of your comfort zone,
and of course, That's still going to be, you know, something
that's safe. Something that's why you're
going to take all of these lovely questions.
I've asked you together. All, you know, you're going to
consider all of them, but try to get out of that comfort zone.
I would say as well, what? I encourage my best friend to
make this Choice. That's a big one this year 2023.
We are all focusing on being a good best friend to ourselves
treating ourselves. Like we would a friend, you
know, we're going to allow ourselves to have more breaks
the way that we would say to our friends.
And you need to take a rest, say that to yourself picture
yourself as your friend, you know, when you're talking down
on yourself, when you're saying something negative about your
body, or your personality, or your grades, or your job,
performance, or whatever, you're going to go, don't be so hard on
yourself like you are amazing, at blah, blah, blah blah blah.
We're going to start to talk to ourselves that way, because we
deserve it, okay? Would you encourage your best
friend to make this choice? And lastly is the big one.
Who am I trying to please? By making this Choice.
Who am I? Trying to please.
If it's not you then it doesn't matter if it does.
It's not you, it's not you then and I will say, the only thing,
the only teeny tiny little thing.
I will have to say about this is do not try to please your
parents. You know, don't try to please
your family. If you have a partner that you
have a long-term plan with and you want to do things together
or you are married or you know, something where it's like
committed committed committed, I would say that you obviously
have some sort of responsibility.
To make a choice that aligns with them.
Of course, I would do that with my partner but if do not apply
this to you, if you've been dating some guy for like, three
months, okay. Dead-ass like this isn't for you
bitch. Okay.
This is for anybody who's been with someone for like a little
while and it's like you know you really know that you have a full
future together. That's like that's the plan and
I would still say sometimes there's some exceptions to that
but generally you know keep it in context and of course if you
have kids as well then they are your responsibility.
So you have to consider Them. You made that choice.
But otherwise, who are you pleasing?
If it's people on social media. Boo, don't do it.
Don't know. Don't worry about it.
Who gives a fuck, you know, it's literally all bullshit.
It's all online. It's just like little pixels on
your phone. Like, why are you stressing?
Don't stress. If you're trying to please your
parents, you're never going to do that.
So just don't worry about that one.
They're always going to love you, you know, even if you do
things that disappoint them, or you don't follow like me, the
religion that they brought you up.
In right? I can relate guys.
I'm not just saying shit to say, shit.
This is real. All right.
Like, even if you let them down in certain ways, it's you're
never going to really let them down.
You need to make decisions for you.
You need to please yourself because you have to deal with
yourself forever. You have to live with yourself
forever. So make choices that serve you
and that support you and make you feel like you are living the
life that you want to be living and that are bringing you closer
to being the better version that you want to be of yourself
because you deserve it, you deserve to be poured into you
deserve to spend time on yourself and you deserve to
treat yourself with respect and love yourself enough, to make
decisions that are going to fuel you for a full life and a life
that makes you feel good. So that is today's episode.
That's it, that's all. Thank you guys so much for
listening. I hope that you have made a
decision. Know if you are struggling to
make a big decision right now, then I wish you luck, I really
do. And I just encourage you to
think about those questions and maybe even sit down and you can
Journal any one of those questions.
I think I just gave you like almost ten questions there if
you can go back, just a 10 minutes or so listen through
write them down and actually reflect on them.
Because if this has been, if this is a resource that you've
been needing, if you've been struggling with this thing for a
long time, you might as well if you've tried everything else.
If this is stressed you out if it's made you anxious you
anxious. Hello.
You might as well go and do that.
At. So go ahead.
Let me know if that helps you. Let me know if you want to chat
more about any of this. Again, I answer all my dams I'm
around. I'm here for you besties, I got
you a list of Taylor Harper. That's my Tick, Tock Instagram,
that's it. If you don't already follow the
podcast on Spotify or apple podcast wherever you listen,
then, please go ahead and do that because that does help me
and it also helps other people to find the podcast and that's
it. Guys, we've got a Facebook group
called The she said, what's podcast group.
So come join us over there for some fun too.
Chats, and hangs. And that's it.
I hope you have a lovely day and I'll see you guys next week.
Bye guys.