You're listening to. She said what with your house
Alyssa Harper? Hello sexy people.
Welcome back to. She said what if you have not
been here before then I just want to welcome you.
And let you know that this is a space for you to grow to become
the best version of yourself. Whether we are talking about
self growth, relationships, sex and sexuality, or whatever.
We were talking about your leaving this space feeling, like
you have a place to go and you've received some really
genuine real helpful advice on the things that we are talking.
Talking about today we're going to be talking about dealing with
toxic people. This is also just like dealing
with difficult people in your life.
When you know there's someone in your workplace that kind of
sucks that kind of brings the mood down.
Maybe you see them on the schedule and you're like, what I
have to work with them or you're sitting there before bed at
night thinking, look, I have to go deal with that person that I
sit across from at my desk, you know.
Or maybe there's somebody in your family that you can't cut
out. But you need to set some
boundaries with them and Need to learn to deal with the way that
they are disrespecting. You or maybe it's somebody in
your friend group where you don't want to leave the friend
group, that person is probably not going to leave the friend
group but you want to avoid them at all cost.
Today we're gonna be talking about those types of people and
how to either build a better relationship with that person
build some boundaries. So you have some separation from
that person or completely cut that person out of your life.
We're also going to be talking about why people are this way,
why people are hateful and Why you don't need to let it affect
you. So let's get right into it.
Quick update on my week, as peruse this past week, I went to
a Instagram event meta event technically and that was really
cool submit a bunch of people. And it just like learned a lot
about why Instagram does things, the way they do it and it's just
really cool to see some of the behind-the-scenes things that
actually goes on at Instagram. That was a fun little event that
I went to this Last week spent a lot of time with friends over
the past week as well. Just like again, I feel like
it's so weird because I go through Seasons where it's like
I feel like almost have no friends and I'm not doing
anything and then suddenly it's like like I'm meeting all these
new people and I'm doing all this shit and then it'll slow
down again it's just been a really busy kind of like few
weeks and I was also sick towards the back end of this
past few days. Like the fact that I'm wearing
makeup right now, shocking, because it's probably been like
four days since I've worn makeup at all.
And I was just like rolling around my house like coughing
taking cough syrup putting Cedar Wood oil on my chest to stop me
from coughing so cursed, I kind of thought, maybe I had covid
but I wasn't leaving the house anyways because I was feeling so
shit, so I was like, whatever. It's fine.
I won't bother testing and whatever but it's just been
feeling a bit off. But today, I'm actually feeling
a lot better. This is the first day that I let
myself like fully just like sleeping.
I think I slept too like 11, which is just so funny for me
because I used to get up at 5 a.m.
Time. But it's nice.
It's nice. Sometimes, when you're sick,
too, just like sleep is like the number one thing for me, that
gets me through it. And so I'm feeling better today,
but if I sound a bit raspy, or if you notice any cut, some
probably stopping to cough, but yeah, that's, that's me right
now. I'm feeling a lot better and I'm
happy to be doing today's episode because I've been
wanting to do this for a while. I have had this issue come up
multiple times, obviously in my life as everyone does and I
couldn't stop thinking about this one example.
People of this manager that I used to work with when I worked
in a restaurant and he was though, our state was the worst?
Like I remember if I would go in, let's see him.
I'd be like uh like and it's so funny because he actually
stopped working there moved to another location and it was like
six months after he moved to another location that he came
back to help us out during like covid when a bunch of us were
sick and we needed extra staff so they actually flew him back
because he had to fly to Melbourne to go to The location,
he flew back to Sydney, and he was there, one day.
I just showed up to work and he was there and I was so shook.
And it's funny because me and him like we knew we didn't like
each other and it was kind of got to glue.
It kind of became a bit of a joke and we just like didn't
entertain anything and I'll talk about that later about how I got
to that point because at one point I was terrified of him but
he walked in the doors and I saw his face and I was like, I look
at him, I said, what the hell are you doing here?
And he was like, your worst nightmare, and like made a joke
of it, which is so so funny to me, too.
Think that we were like able jug with the fact that we just
didn't like each other anyways, weird.
But yeah, I didn't start that way at the start.
I was terrified of him and I just thought he was a dick and I
didn't know how to handle the comments he would make.
Like, I just didn't know how to deal with a person like that.
And I think over time I've really learned how to manage
people, who just you do not mess with who, maybe are, maybe like,
like, I want to say like homophobic or sexist or Make
these comments that you're like, why the fuck would you say that
like people that you just aren't there, a bit unhinged there?
But toxic, I used to be very scared of people like that
because I'm like, I just can't understand it.
Why would someone be that way? And he used to get me so worked
up and I would come home from work or being with a friend or
whatever and I would just either to my roommate or my partner
Sam. I would literally just like this
person sucks and I go on about it and I wouldn't let it take up
so much of my time so much of my energy and it was so draining
for me and it felt Felt like there was always someone in my
life that was like this and I was constantly complaining about
people who didn't have similar boundaries or ways of thinking
as me. And now, I'm at a place where
I'm like, it's so easy to be just unbothered by people like
that and almost have empathy for why they are the way they are.
And just not let it affect me. And so, that's what I want to
share with you guys. Today, we're going to get right
into it. So, number one, you determine
how other people treat you. You actually set the bar.
How other people treat you and back?
When I didn't believe this, it was such a heavy thing for me to
have to deal with people who didn't respect me.
Or people that put me down, I thought that I just had to deal
with them. However, they were and up there,
just fucked, you know, they're fucked.
That's just how they are. They're crazy.
I would just think these things like it was so finite and
there's nothing I could do about it, but I got to point where I
realized that I actually had control in the way.
That I reacted to how people made comments.
So, for example, I'll just use the example.
I've been using so far with the man at my workplace.
He would say, things like, oh, did you get this done?
Because he's one of my managers, which made it really shit.
Did you get this done? Did you get this done and be
like? Yes, I didn't even like, yeah.
But like did you actually do it or do you just kind of like, not
really do it properly. You know, stuff like that
comments were it's like just undermining that kind of thing.
And I used to be like haha oh my God, like stop.
I Did it? Like, I would kind of laughs.
I didn't know how to respond. I would giggle, I'd feel
uncomfortable and once I started responding with things like
actually don't appreciate those kind of comments because, you
know, that I've been working here for x amount of time and
you know, that I know how to do my job.
Like I would say I got to the point where I started saying
things like that and it was a shock to him.
I remember the first time I ever said something back and I want
to say clapped back, but it wasn't like that, it was
genuine. It was like Hey I actually don't
respond to that kind of criticism.
Mm or that comment to me is actually not very productive or
one of my favorite ones to do was like it.
This is how you make someone feel really stupid especially
for like a narcissist and they say a shit comment like that.
If you say back to them like oh sorry.
What was that? What did you say?
It's so funny because you're so light and so like, oh I'm sorry,
could you repeat what you just said and then they know that
they've said something shitty and the response is always like
oh nothing I was just never mind, it's fine.
Just get it done. Like the way they get so
uncomfortable tips and tricks for you.
Okay, that's something that you really need to be aware of is
that you actually get to determine how people treat you.
And it is not something that they can just do.
They can just say whatever you actually set the bar and the
more confident you get at responding to even little
comments with something genuine and helpful in the conversation.
The more they see your emotional maturity in the way that you're
not going to allow that kind of mess.
Age or conversation or thing being said to you, the quicker,
they're going to start to retract and actually be
uncomfortable to make those kinds of comments.
Number two, you're not going to be everyone's cup of tea, you're
just not going to be okay. You are amazing.
You have amazing qualities. Maybe you're funny, maybe you're
smart, maybe you're interesting. Maybe you're really great
listener. May be really good friends.
You have amazing qualities, but that does not mean that
everybody is going to like you. And if you try to get everybody
to You, you are going to feel so exhausted at the end of every
single day, and this is definitely something, especially
when I was in high school, that I feel like I really struggled
with, I would really like if I was in a conversation with
someone and they were saying, oh, I believe this, and I think
that's, and I think that I would almost mirror them.
I felt like, I constantly mirrored people everywhere.
I went, I was just like, yeah, I can totally see that.
That's so real, that's so true. Like, I would just try my best
to make Make sure that everyone saw me in a positive light and
for a while I probably worked in, a lot of people did like me
and I feel like I did give off a really like easygoing Vibe, you
know, I was friends with everybody and you could talk to
me about anything and but I wasn't actually at the end of
the day, a good friend to people, because I wouldn't call
them out on things that they could probably adjust and work
on. I wouldn't be honest about my
beliefs, my thoughts, my values, and I wasn't being a good.
Friend to myself because then I would be basically leaving
myself and almost having this like out-of-body experience
where I was just like, separating myself from who I
actually was for the sake of being liked in, at the end of
the day. That is so taxing.
So tiring and you really start to lose yourself in it, it is.
Okay. If there are people that don't
like you, it's perfectly fine, and it just means that the
people in your life that you do, get on with your going to get on
with them so much. Better.
Because they're going to feel a real connection with you, like
an authentic connection with you, and you're going to have a
real authentic conversations. People are going to leave
conversations with you sometimes being like, oh, that actually
really challenged me or actually learned from that person.
And there's actually so much more sustenance to you as a
person when you are firm in your values and who you are and you
know who you are, and you're willing to budge and change that
so quickly in a conversation. Just to come off a certain way
or to be liked for me even posting on social media.
Like, I know full, well, that there are plenty of people that
don't like what I do. And it's funny because I didn't
really get this until I got a bit of a bigger following like
not even just a bigger following.
But like, if I have say a video that does really well, it's
it'll go not just to the people that follow me and then people
that are similar to those people, it goes to like a lot of
people which means that it's like, A bunch of dudes and I'm
telling you, it's like always dudes, a bunch of random dudes,
who are like commenting things, like who asked, I don't care
what even is this. She's so annoying.
My favorite thing is when people comment, she's bubble bubble
blah. As if it's not on my personal
account. Like I don't understand.
It is so weird. It's so embarrassing.
I like how do you not know that she is me?
And you're commenting to me? I'll literally apply and be
like, oh my God. That's so true.
She's the worst. No, I'm just kidding.
A Don't do that. And that's another Point later
today is to not acknowledge it and not give them the time of
day, but it's crazy people say, people are fucking stupid.
It shocks me, the things that people will say.
And it's something that I've had to realize at first it did make
me feel like, maybe I am annoying.
Oh my God, maybe I am too much. Oh my God.
Why did I post this? Maybe I should delete it and I'm
like fuck that. Because at the end what I'm then
doing in that situation is pulling myself back and I'm
Changing myself like I did in my real life you know, in my life
day-to-day life and I school, I'm changing myself in the
moment to try to appease everybody and then you water
yourself down and then you're not talking about anything, you
know, then I'm not posting about anything on social media.
Then I'm like stuck and I'm not actually allowing myself to just
be myself and that's the worst thing that could happen.
Number three. No, one deserves space in your
life. No one deserves.
Nerves that, you know, when you have friends that you've had for
a long time and you think, oh well, but we've been friends
forever or oh, but you know, there's someone in my family,
all, you know, Family, First Family.
First, you know, of course, I have to listen to their advice
or I have to do what they want or I have to, you know, do the
degree that they want or be with the kind of friends that they
want me to be around, or only explore the things that they're
comfortable exploring because that's how my family does things
as we grow up. We have to grow out of this and
I talk about this all the time. You You know, it's really
important that we are only actually allowing in what we
want to allow in and we're not setting walls necessarily where
we don't let anyone in, but we're setting boundaries with
the people that don't allow us to express ourselves and don't
allow us to explore the things that we want to explore.
It's so so easy for you to back things up with oh, well,
everybody knows dada dada da or oh.
But of course, I'm going to listen to them because Is there
my mom or they're my aunt or they know what's best?
Because they've told me my whole life, they know what's best at
this point, if you're here right now and you're listening to this
and you're on a journey of like self growth and what not like
you are trying to figure out what's best.
You're actually becoming that leading person in your life and
you're steering the wheel. And you need to keep your hands
firm on the wheel and don't let people reach over and spin that
shit around, no way, no fucking way.
Way, you are firm, you've got that tight grip but it's not
tight as in you're squeezing your holding on to everything.
It's still gentle it's still confident.
It's comfortable and you are comfortable driver in your own
life and that's how it should feel.
I read a book actually this week, and it took me four days
to read, which I never read books this quick, but it was so,
so good. It's called, I'm glad my mom
died by Jennette McCurdy. Might have heard of it, pretty
popular. And if you haven't, if you
didn't watch iCarly when you're younger, it was I'm on iCarly,
and she was just, it's so good. She really talks about her
relationship with her mom, throughout her whole life and
it's very deep. There's a lot that goes into it.
She actually experience that quite a bit of abuse with her
mom, but she just talks a lot about how she let her mum make.
So many decisions for her, because she always felt like,
that's what she was supposed to do.
And she had someone her whole life.
Her mom telling her, this is how you're meant to do things and
she relied on that for so long and it wasn't until she allowed
herself to start. Being her own life and making
her own choices that she finally felt free of this.
Feeling of, I just have to do what's meant for me and feeling
closed in boxed in. And now she's just expressing
herself and she's written this amazing book.
And she's done this crazy book tour in like she just seems to
be doing so well and she obviously talks about it in the
book as well, how it freed her of so many things even like an
eating disorder after getting obviously the correct help, but
also choosing to step into driving her own life and being
Person who's in the driver's seat.
It's so beautiful and so important.
And I just encourage you to not believe that anyone should get
to determine anything for you. Because maybe they raised you or
they sacrificed a lot for you, at the end of the day, you still
need to make those choices because it's going to take you a
lot longer to get back to where you want to be.
If you spend so much time going far, far, far far far away from
that number for the hate that. He spews on to you, is not a
reflection of you. It's a reflection of them.
It's always a reflection of them, the insecurities.
They have the fears. They have the feelings of, I'm
not as good as this person, or I wish.
I had that kind of confidence, or I wish I did more with my
life. It's so much easier for these
kinds of toxic people to pull somebody else down to their
level, rather than trying to make themselves better.
It's so much easier. And this can of course be like
hate comments and stupid, things like that online.
But also people in your life friends, in your life, where
you're in a friend group and you start to kind of level up in a
way, you start to do the things that you want to do.
That's out of your comfort zone. Takes a lot out of you already
to do these things. And the people around, you may
be shocked or surprised or scared that you're actually
surpassing them or you're moving away from them.
That's scary for people. It's so much easier for Them to
pull you back and say, let's, let's live this lifestyle.
We've always lived. Yeah, let's let's take it down.
You're here, I need you down here.
Okay, people it's so much easier for them to not have to work on
themselves and to not be inspired by you.
But to drag you back and if you sense those people, those people
in your life, it's important that you don't let their small
mindset, stop you from opening up and doing the things that you
actually want to do. Because again, you look, And you
regret it, you look back and you think why the fuck did I let my
situation be determined by this person situation?
You know, why did I stop myself from going and traveling?
Because that person pulled out last minute.
Why did I stop myself from going to school or doing that degree?
I actually wanted to do because someone told me that I wasn't
ever going to get a job in it or I wasn't good enough.
Why did I let myself do that? And if you have those feelings
of regret and you can think about times in your life and you
did that. This is where we Draw the line,
you know, this is where we choose from now on.
I'm not going to let those people who surround me.
Stop me from actually picking myself up and leaving, or
picking myself up and doing something different, because you
deserve to do what you want to do.
Now, if you want to have a good relationship with this person
that you probably have in your mind or maybe multiple people
that you've had in your mind this whole time here.
If you want to have a good relationship with this person,
and you actually want to move forward in your relationship
with them in a healthy and productive way.
To give you a quick little breakdown of how you can go
about having this communication with them.
So that it can actually be productive number one and way to
sit down with this person and up space where you are not going to
be interrupted a space, we can have a conversation on like an
equal playing field like even Turf.
What's the word like where it's not your space and it's not
their space. So for example, you're not going
to go pick up this person and you're in your car or you're not
going to go to one of your houses, you're going to go
somewhere that is neutral, so that you both feel like you have
this space to fully be honest, you have an equal amount of
space. That's really, really important.
You sit down with this person. Number one, you say, I've seen
this kind of behavior from you. You're not starting out
attacking, you're not starting out and saying, well, you've
been a shit friend or you're an asshole?
You know what I mean? You're sitting down and you're
starting out with. Hey, I've noticed this Behavior.
This thing has to be We'll just has to be something that they
said, maybe word for word or something that they did, you
then say, it makes me feel dot dot dot.
Instead of saying you've made me feel like you don't give a fuck
about me, right? You say you did this, it made me
feel so that this person can't come back and say, well, no, no,
I'm not this, I didn't make you feel this.
I didn't make you do that. So you can say, no.
Let me just explain to you, these are two separate things.
This is something that you did. It's my job to determine how I
feel. So this is how it made me feel
and then from there go with a question, maybe that question
is, what did you mean by those words that you said or why did
you do the thing that you did? Or can you explain to me if
there were any other factors that went into you choosing to
do the thing that you did actually giving them a chance to
kind of like defend themselves or to give some reasoning?
I think what you want to do is go in this conversation.
Not ready to fight. Don't go.
If you are in a space right now where you are ready to lie it
down on them have a second and make sure that you are calm your
collected and you're able to have this conversation in a way
where you want it to be productive.
You don't just want to say your points, you don't just want to
say why you're angry. You want it to be productive,
which is hard to do. But it is the only way that
you're actually going to come to a conclusion on this.
Because if you do what I'm saying and you say, So I saw
this behavior and made me feel this way.
Is there something going on? Or why did you do that thing?
And they say, well, I did this thing because blah, blah, blah,
blah blah. And you go.
Well, that's not a fucking excuse, then that's not gonna go
over very well. You know, you want to be in a
place where you're ready to have a productive conversation from
there. Maybe they'll break down.
And say, I've been going through this, this is this, this and you
can actually have a conversation about it.
Maybe from there those they'll say, well, because I said that
because that's what I believe, that's I think and then maybe
common collectedly, you can say well I actually think that that
comment is hurtful because Bubba Bubba.
Bubba or actually think that comment is hateful or homophobic
or sexist or misogynistic blah blah blah blah.
I actually think that comment is unnecessary because of bubble
bubble blah and you can speak your mind without trying to
create a fight out of it. It's a way for you to move
forward and have maybe even just a sense of healing in that
conversation. You can always agree to disagree
but it's doing that in a respectful way where you
genuinely agree to disagree, not just being like Oh well fuck it.
All right whatever we're never gonna agree on this.
You know, number 6 is to set boundaries with these people.
Maybe you can't cut this person out of your life fully and maybe
you don't want to and that's totally fine.
But boundaries are really, really important.
And this can be a boundary of how much time you spend with
that person. It can be a boundary of where
you In time with that person as we talked about earlier, very
important, it could be what topics you talk about with this
person. I think I've told this story
before on the podcast but when I went to go, visit my family in
Canada, my mom sent out a text to all my family members.
I have a lot of extended family and most of them are very
Christian, very like conservative.
And my mom basically said to all of them, we are not talking
about religion at all. On this trip, we're not talking
about politics and and please do not try to provoke Alyssa.
In any way, we do not want to have any conversations about our
beliefs or anything like that, it's not necessary.
We just want to enjoy each other's company and that was a
boundary that my mom actually set for my family members.
And of course she I knew that she was doing that and I was
totally okay with her doing that but she helped me set that
boundary and it actually worked wonders.
It worked wonders. I was able to talk to, you know,
my pretty home. McCants about her nice new job
and I was able to be around family members and have jokes
about things, even though I knew that they would probably be
mortified if they knew about some of my beliefs and some
things that I would think that they, you know, they are
horrible, some things, some homophobic things and beliefs
that I'm like, oh my God, that's crazy.
It just didn't come up in conversation and it was lovely.
Could I have gone back to Canada and been like I don't want to
see this person, this person, this person.
Absolutely, I could have done that.
That I didn't choose to do that but I could have done that if I
wanted to but you get to determine the boundaries that
you set and that's probably one of my number one tips to dealing
with toxic people and people that just don't seem to be
supporting you in any way or giving you a lot of love if you
want to still have them in your life but you don't want to have
to get into those fights constantly with these people.
Just set those boundaries and people that want to have a
relationship with, you will be respectful of your boundaries.
It might take reminders, it might take multiple
conversations but they should be trying and if they aren't that's
from there where you then have to determine okay.
Maybe more boundaries, may be spending even less time with
this person or maybe really cutting this person out overall,
but I would always offer up the option of setting boundaries
minimal boundaries to begin with at first, see how that person
goes. And if they are respectful of
it, then maybe you actually can have A good relationship with
that person. Number 7 is to encourage this
person to get help. This is not always applicable.
Obviously, don't say this to your boss.
Probably not going to go over very well, but this is more so
like, say you have a friend and they are just toxic in your
life. They just, they're not a good
friend. You have a lot of ongoing issues
with them. Maybe they've done really
hurtful things and you are pretty confident that you don't
want to have a relationship with them.
Or if you do have a relationship, Ship with them,
they are going to have to work on certain things.
It is always worth recommending that they go and talk to a
certain therapist or psychologist or counselor about
the thing. And it can be an ultimatum that
you give them. Like, if we're going to have a
healthy relationship, I actually need you to go work on these
things. They might not be willing to do
that, but if they are and if they actually recognize that
they have things about them that are toxic or things, they need
to work on, maybe internal things that are causing them.
To take it out on you and you've had conversations about those
things, then it's worth you encouraging them to go do that.
Because I have personally had two different scenarios in my
life, where I have been friends with someone or had someone in
my life and had to basically say, I think you need to work on
these things because at this point, I cannot have a
relationship with you in the way that you were acting gone to
therapy. Worked on themselves and have
amazing relationships with both of those people now and that's
probably Rare, that that would happen that often, but it is a
very real thing. And if you have close enough
relationships with people, to be able to say things like that, or
maybe you don't, but you're willing to kind of have that
moment in a closed conversation with that person.
I would always try. I would always go for it if you
think that that's something that could actually benefit them.
I mean, obviously you could benefit everybody, but if you
really do think that it could benefit them, that I would
encourage you to encourage them. And last but not least, number
eight, is to not stoop to their level.
Level, don't entertain it. If someone just wants to be an
asshole, don't be an asshole back because you're not an
asshole. Don't, it's not worth your time,
it's not worth your energy. And it says a lot about you, if
you can not respond to that, if you can just be like, okay, like
clearly you're not doing well or clearly you're not feeling your
best or, you know, goodbye, fuck off.
And you get that person out of your life or out of that
situation, you don't respond to it.
Maybe you. Literally don't say anything in
response to it, that's great. Like the way that you can move
on and show that it actually doesn't affect you hurt.
You push your buttons, the emotional maturity that it shows
that is formidable, that is something that you want to be
proud of yourself for doing and it's really easy to want to, you
know, hit them where it hurts go back.
You know, say something like that's really going to hurt them
and I'm good at this and I know this I'm good at Knowing what
could affect somebody, I'm good at knowing how to let clap back.
Like I can be quick, you know, and I've actually learned over
time that doing that although entertaining sometimes is not
healthy for me and it usually prolongs situations and just
causes me more internal distress overall in comparison to if I
just didn't entertain that type of person, especially narcissist
people who are, you know, properly toxic.
They love the drama, they love the back and forth, that's what
they thrive on. You know, you're giving them the
opportunity to do that by clapping back.
So I would encourage you to not clap back.
Actually try to refuse to engage with that kind of behavior.
And that person, like I said earlier, we'll stop doing that
sooner than you would think, because they become embarrassed,
they're surprised that you aren't bothered by what they're
saying. They're like.
Well, this is someone that, you know, They're not affected by my
words, so they'll move on to somebody else.
Sadly. But they will, and they won't
take it out on you anymore. And that's kind of what happened
with me and that manager that I was talking about earlier every
so often, he would say things. Now, we just look at him and be
like, okay, if you are watching right now, you can see my face.
If you aren't, I'm giving stink face because I would literally
just be like, okay, all right, and he would literally just walk
away. Like he didn't know how to
respond. He actually didn't know how to
deal with the fact that I did not give a fuck and very
quickly. He became awkward around me.
He didn't know what to say. And then eventually it came to
the point where we just kind of like, would laugh at off because
we just knew that we didn't mesh, but we would just get
through it, and it was so funny. Like I almost felt like I kind
of became the person who That relationship.
I got almost felt like I became the person who is wearing the
pants a little bit, which is so fucking funny.
Yeah, you'd be shocked, it works.
So don't entertain it. If you're getting any kind of
like hate online like anything like that, just delete the
comments block, the people. You don't need to entertain it.
You know, it really is not worth your time and setting those kind
of boundaries for yourself, like blocking people or even blocking
words that people can't comment. Those are the things that you do
to Checked your energy, at the end of the day, always protect
your energy. Don't let those kind of people
fuck with you and surround yourself with good people.
The people that you allow in your life is so so so important.
And I've learned this recently by allowing really great people
into my life. It's just like not allowed space
for shitty people. Like the more great people come
in the less, I'm wanting to be around people where I have to
question their motivations. I have to question.
How they're going to respond to me.
I have to question whether they're going to be angry or
they're going to be like unpredictable.
I don't actually want to be around those people anymore but
it's happening naturally because I'm just pulling in better
quality people and it is so relieving and exciting and
life-giving when you're around good people because you just
don't have to worry. And the way that you worried
when you are around, people that maybe you tried to be around,
you force yourself. To be around, you tried to be
perfect to be around, you know. Maybe it was like that cooler
group in school that you just want to, you want to fit in with
them. So you want to say the right
things or maybe the people at work that you think are kind of
like the It people you know. So you want to be there and you
want to laugh along with them and you want to be like them but
at the end of the day it's so tiring for you.
Don't let that false narrative that there are cooler people or
better people to be around or you know that the people with
more clout or whatever or To the boss or whatever that those
people are better to be around because it's not going to be
life-giving for you. And at the end of the day, I
know say that all the time and it's actually so annoying.
But at the end of the day, the most life-giving thing for you
is going to be that you are around people that make you feel
safe, secure loved. They laugh at your jokes, they
support you when you're down. They are genuinely there for you
when you need them. Those are the kind of people
that are going to make you feel happy and confident in life and
you're actually She going to go further with those people.
You're going to go further in your life in the things that you
want to do because you're going to have the support having that
close-knit support is so much more important than being
connected with the people at the top.
You know, the cooler people so much more important because it
means that you're going to be encouraged to go up and move
forward. You're not going to have people
around you who are going to be, you know, holding onto so
tightly going, please, please. Stay at my level stay at my
level, you can't be better than me.
You're gonna have people who actually want you to grow and
flourish and Thrive and there you have it.
Folks, today was a bit of a quickie.
Hope you enjoyed that, toxic people fucking suck, and they're
not with your time. They're not with your energy, be
around the people that make you feel, lovely, amazing, happy
thriving. And hopefully you have some
people in your life right now that you can think about who
make you feel that way. And I would encourage you to
reach out to them. Tell your friends that you
appreciate them. Tell your friends that you love
them and tell them why you love them, like you are sucking.
Such a good person to give feedback to your friends on what
makes them shine. And like, I know that sounds so
lame, but it's true. And I've really experienced this
recently, with some of my friends.
I feel like I have the closest group of people that I've had in
genuinely years, and it's because we are also open with
being like, I love you guys. Like, you guys change my life,
and you guys are so funny. You guys are so fun and you
guys, energized me, and you guys like, you are so great because
XYZ and it's like the Life-giving thing to be open
like that with your friends. So send this to a friend if they
need it. Don't send this to that toxic
person. Although that is kind of fucking
funny. So maybe due to that, I don't
know. If you want to find me, I am on
Instagram and Tick-Tock atalissa Taylor Harper.
Come DM, me come, hang out. Have a laugh for always hanging
out having a good time. Also, we have a Facebook group
called The she said, what podcast group where I keep you
guys updated on weekly episodes and bi-weekly.
I mean, most weeks depending on if I'm sick or, you know, all
the things. And yeah that's it guys.
Thank you so. So much for supporting the
podcast. Thank you for sharing it on your
stories and for sharing it with your friends.
And all the amazing things you guys are always messaging me
about what you liked about the episodes.
And what you want to hear in the future.
And I love love love the feedback.
So if there's anything you want to give me feedback on please,
feel free if you are feeling so lovely and kind today, if you
want to give me a little rate, maybe a little review situation,
Come on, Apple podcast or Spotify.
That would be amazed and I will see you guys in the next episode
chat to you soon. Alright, bye guys.