1 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:04,200 You're listening to, she said one with your host, Alyssa 2 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:06,800 Harper. Hello stunning humans. 3 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:09,400 Welcome back to. She said, what if you have not 4 00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,800 been here before then. Welcome, welcome, welcome. 5 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:15,100 I'm so happy that you are here. This is a space for you to come, 6 00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:19,400 whoever you are to become the best version of yourself. 7 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:23,100 Whether you need some help on fixing that inner dialogue you 8 00:00:23,108 --> 00:00:26,400 have going on up here, maybe you're figuring out your 9 00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:29,900 sexuality as I like to talk about a lot on this podcast. 10 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:32,900 Just maybe you're going through some things that you're working 11 00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:35,700 through in your body and you're just like, oh, I just need 12 00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:38,900 somewhere to come, hang out and connect and have a friend. 13 00:00:39,300 --> 00:00:41,200 Here I am. My name is Alyssa. 14 00:00:41,300 --> 00:00:44,400 I'm a Canadian but I'm currently living in Sydney, Australia. 15 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:47,500 I've been here for four years so this really is my home. 16 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:52,000 Today we are going to be talking about how to not be a people 17 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:56,600 pleaser. I grew up religious and so I 18 00:00:56,600 --> 00:01:01,600 learned to kind of pull myself back For the sake of others, 19 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:06,400 often, and be very sacrificial, which can be a great thing. 20 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:09,900 But if it becomes your whole personality, you walk into a 21 00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:14,300 room and you kind of just mirror everyone that you talk to and it 22 00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:16,800 can be very taxing on you long term. 23 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,200 And if you're a people pleaser, you know exactly what I'm 24 00:01:19,200 --> 00:01:22,300 talking about because you end up kind of doing things against 25 00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:24,400 your will in a way like you don't want to do certain things 26 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,700 but you constantly have this voice in your head that's 27 00:01:26,700 --> 00:01:29,500 telling you that you should or shouldn't. 28 00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:32,300 And that can be a lot. So what you're going to get out 29 00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:35,800 of this episode is learning how to get better at setting 30 00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:39,500 boundaries with the people in your life, your workplace, all 31 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:44,500 the things how to avoid burnout in your life and also tips in 32 00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:48,700 general for the people Pleasers and the overachievers. 33 00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:57,900 So let's get into it as per use. I'm going to give you guys a bit 34 00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:59,800 of a weekly update since the last time. 35 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:03,700 We talked a lot has happened. I went to go see Harry Styles, 36 00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:06,600 which was very, very exciting because I was a big One 37 00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:10,300 Direction fan back in the day. Like I have a picture of me. 38 00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:11,700 I post this on Instagram. If you guys have me on 39 00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:14,200 Instagram, a bunch of old photos of me from the One Direction 40 00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:18,000 concert that I went to way back in the day and I had suspenders 41 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:18,900 on. Thank you. 42 00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:23,100 Louis Tomlinson for doing that. To me as a small child, I had 43 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:26,600 Spenders on, I had a little One Direction T-shirt on and it's 44 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,200 just so funny. I had there's another photo of 45 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,800 me to where it's like a weird photo. 46 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:32,900 That must have been taking of like my braids like I too weird 47 00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:35,800 braids on my head, they look horrible probably like 12 or 48 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:36,500 something. Right. 49 00:02:36,500 --> 00:02:39,000 And in the background there's like a Harry Styles poster, but 50 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,100 he looks so young. It's like one of those like 51 00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,900 posters that you get from the inside of a magazine. 52 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,400 So funny so go look at that on my Instagram if you want to my 53 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,600 Instagram is Alyssa Taylor Harper. 54 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,900 They're always linked always linked down there in the 55 00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:52,000 description. If you want to go hang out, but 56 00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:56,300 that was a lot of fun. The opener was cold wet leg that 57 00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:58,000 actually really really liked by it. 58 00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,300 Poured rain. And we were on the Floor. 59 00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:02,600 So we're like right towards the front, which was amazing. 60 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:06,200 Obviously not complaining on the floor, at the front. 61 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:09,200 Big open stadium and only like the sides were covered by like a 62 00:03:09,208 --> 00:03:12,300 roof type of situation and we were not covered. 63 00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:15,900 And so during the opener it just poured down, we were absolutely 64 00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:18,100 soaked. But, you know, once the time 65 00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:22,100 Harry, once once Harry started, it was fine, we kind of dried 66 00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:23,400 off. And we just partied all night 67 00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:24,900 long and it was such a good time. 68 00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:30,100 I also saw Munna, if you guys know moon, it's mu n a, i Love 69 00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:32,500 Munna. They're all so hot they're just 70 00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:37,400 like this, queer, Fun Band they've been around for ages 71 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,800 like I useless in them in high school and they put on such a 72 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,700 good show and that was so, so fun Sam and I went to that my 73 00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:47,700 partner and I that was so fun and then I also saw for Mardi, 74 00:03:47,700 --> 00:03:51,100 Gras The Veronicas. And that was just like on Oxford 75 00:03:51,100 --> 00:03:54,300 Street here in Sydney and that was really fun as well just 76 00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:57,200 because they're so iconic. And so that was a really good 77 00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,300 time other than that. So I'll just show As I've been 78 00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:05,000 to this past Thursday. Yeah, I went to a Spotify event 79 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:08,200 which was very exciting because I started this podcast during 80 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,800 lockdown, because I had nothing to do with my time. 81 00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,600 And I felt like I needed a space to talk to you guys on, like a 82 00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:16,399 bigger scale. You know, are like a longer-term 83 00:04:16,399 --> 00:04:19,000 type of situation, you know, like our long-term relationship 84 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:22,000 that we have. And it's just so cool because 85 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:24,600 it's something that I just started and did consistently and 86 00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:26,800 didn't even really think about if people are watching it or 87 00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:29,000 people cared about it, I just did it because I wanted to do it 88 00:04:29,200 --> 00:04:34,400 and here, We are like year and a half later and I'm like going to 89 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:37,800 spotify's office and it's like Spotify, that's crazy. 90 00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:39,800 And my brain. So it's really cool. 91 00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:43,600 So I had a really nice time at met some other creators met Alan 92 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:47,700 cell from to broke chicks and we had a fun time and they actually 93 00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:52,000 did a little chat about podcast stuff up there and so I go up on 94 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:54,500 a stage and we all watched it. We're like yeah, we love you. 95 00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:57,600 And so that was so, so much fun. So we talked about doing a 96 00:04:57,608 --> 00:05:00,700 podcast swap, we might end up doing a little You might see 97 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,400 them here. Soon, I might be over there 98 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,000 soon. We will see, just need a tee 99 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,700 that up. But yeah, I had a really, really 100 00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:11,800 great week and it's been really fun, being like self-employed 101 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,300 and just working at home from my desk. 102 00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:18,100 That you can't see but I can see and it's really fun. 103 00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:21,200 And if you guys aren't looking at me right now just so you 104 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,800 know, if you're listening on a podcast so you can actually 105 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:27,400 watch this podcast now on Spotify. 106 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:31,300 And these episodes are also going up on YouTube, just for 107 00:05:31,300 --> 00:05:34,700 those of you who don't have access to Spotify, but that's 108 00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:37,800 basically it, that's my update. It's been a really nice time. 109 00:05:38,100 --> 00:05:41,300 I'm personally in my body feeling a little bit tired 110 00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:44,800 because it's been so hectic. And you guys know I love to talk 111 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:46,300 about periods and all the things. 112 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:48,900 I think we're enough into this episode that I can mention my 113 00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:52,100 period. I'm like in my first days of my 114 00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:54,700 period right now so things are a little bit tired in my body. 115 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,500 It's got this weird part of my back. 116 00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:58,800 That's a bit sore but that's okay. 117 00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:03,000 You know, we work We make do, let's get into today's topic 118 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,500 because this is something that I've been wanting to make an 119 00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:07,900 episode about for a while because I talked to a lot of you 120 00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:12,600 guys about this about feeling like you just constantly are 121 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:14,400 doing what other people want you to do. 122 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,700 And this could be on a big scale from. 123 00:06:16,700 --> 00:06:20,400 Like I'm literally doing a job that my parents wanted me to do 124 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,200 and like I hate my job or I'm doing a degree that I'm doing 125 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,100 because I want the title of what that degree is going to give me. 126 00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:28,300 But I don't think I actually want to work in this field and 127 00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:31,500 like it can be on a big scale. Like that, or it's just everyday 128 00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,500 decisions. Like, I don't want to go to this 129 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:35,600 thing, but all my friends are saying I should come. 130 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:38,100 So I'm gonna go, but then I go home, and I'm so tired and I go 131 00:06:38,100 --> 00:06:40,700 to work hungover and I, my God. Why do I do this to myself? 132 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,700 And you have a hard time with like, saying no, and so big part 133 00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:46,600 of what we're gonna be talking about today is protecting your 134 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:50,400 yes, and practicing your no. So, I'm first just going to run 135 00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:53,800 through some like quick tips just talked about the subject 136 00:06:53,800 --> 00:06:55,900 and then we'll go a little bit more into like setting 137 00:06:55,900 --> 00:06:58,900 boundaries with, like friends versus family, versus like a 138 00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:01,600 partner. A romantic relationship and how 139 00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,100 all those things can kind of be different. 140 00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:07,900 And so let's start there with protecting your yes and 141 00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:11,400 practicing your know. This is something that I have 142 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,100 really needed to work on overtime and I've gotten a lot 143 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,800 better at when I say Protect Your yes. 144 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,300 I mean not saying yes to everything. 145 00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:21,700 You know if somebody says, oh my God, we should grab a coffee 146 00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:24,100 sometime going like yeah, totally. 147 00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:26,700 Like I'll let you know I've had and I have heaps on but like, 148 00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:29,500 well, I'm sure we can find a time, maybe something like that. 149 00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:30,800 Rather. Rather than saying, oh my God, 150 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:31,900 yeah, what are you doing, tomorrow? 151 00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:35,200 You know, like feeling like you have to match their energy. 152 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:39,400 I'm a big, like advocate for doing, whatever the hell you 153 00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:43,300 want to do, and not doing things that you don't want to do, and 154 00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:46,200 your time is valuable. So if somebody is asking you to 155 00:07:46,200 --> 00:07:50,200 spend time with you, and you just don't really think you 156 00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,200 would connect with them or you're just not really in the 157 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:57,100 mood or you don't really want to do the thing that they're asking 158 00:07:57,100 --> 00:07:59,200 to do. Like, oh my God, we should go on 159 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,300 a run to Heather. And you're like, what the fuck? 160 00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:04,800 I don't want to go on a run. Do I look like I run then? 161 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,400 Don't go on run. You can always be your awesome. 162 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,000 How about we go for like a coffee? 163 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:16,000 How about we go for a little walk? 164 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:18,800 Or we go to the mall? I don't know. 165 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:21,700 A movie. Something that you would like, 166 00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:25,300 because you don't want to get yourself caught running beside 167 00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,900 someone who's around, are just, I'm just telling you this now. 168 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,600 It is not worth it. I used to agree all the time to 169 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,900 go on these. Like it's could you to Bondi 170 00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:39,299 walk and Sydney here and I don't know if I only have maybe one 171 00:08:39,299 --> 00:08:42,000 lung, I don't know what the issue is for a while. 172 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:46,500 I thought I might have asthma but I can't breathe. 173 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:50,000 I simply cannot breathe and I will be walking up a hill and 174 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:53,400 somebody's like, so tell me your life story and I'm like, okay, 175 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:57,800 so when I was 10 years old, it's horrible. 176 00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:02,000 So I would recommend don't That okay, do something that you want 177 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,500 to do. So protect your yes and 178 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,700 practice, your know, this is a hard one. 179 00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:10,700 Protecting your yes has a bit. You know, it's a bit easier 180 00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:13,000 because you know, you have to really give your consent and say 181 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,400 yes to doing something. But having to go to a place of 182 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:20,200 actually saying no like if you genuinely just don't want to 183 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:23,900 hang out with that person or you just don't want to go to the 184 00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:26,700 event that this person is so excited about, but you're like, 185 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,500 that's not really my vibe. Whatever the thing is, Maybe 186 00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:33,300 it's going in to do a shift at your workplace. 187 00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:36,000 That is not your shift. They just need some help. 188 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:39,000 You know, they call you up, you know, when you work for someone 189 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,600 and they call you up and you can see it ringing and you go, 190 00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:44,400 They're gonna ask me to come in. No. 191 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,900 Okay. You need to get better at having 192 00:09:46,900 --> 00:09:49,500 boundaries. So being able to say, you know, 193 00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,300 I don't actually need the money right now, hmm. 194 00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:54,400 Or you know, I'm really tired. I'm actually feeling kind of 195 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:55,900 burnt out. I don't really think I want to 196 00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:58,200 go in for that shift. Being able to pick up the phone 197 00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,600 and not avoid it. And I know, Being able to pick 198 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,600 it up and go. Hi! 199 00:10:03,400 --> 00:10:06,000 I'm so sorry. You guys are short today. 200 00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:10,000 That sounds really difficult. I hate when that happens. 201 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,200 Unfortunately, I'm not gonna be able to come in today. 202 00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:16,400 Maybe you have something planned, you know, I just need a 203 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:20,500 mental health day, whatever it is challenging yourself to not 204 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,800 lie and say that you have something on that. 205 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,800 You don't. But actually just being honest 206 00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:28,900 with your boundaries, it is hard to do but the more you practice 207 00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:32,200 it in this way. Why I say practice the better, 208 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:36,700 you get at it and it is so like it's such a way to honor 209 00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:39,100 yourself, to be able to create a boundary. 210 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:42,800 I think so often we don't realize how much all of those 211 00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:46,000 little decisions add up to create how we feel about 212 00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,300 ourselves. And if you're consistently 213 00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:51,800 saying yes to people, you don't want to say yes to and not 214 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:56,000 practicing your no overtime. It, you're telling yourself that 215 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:59,200 you don't value yourself enough to protect yourself. 216 00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:04,200 Every time you're telling yourself I'm a pushover or I'm a 217 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:08,000 people pleaser and that adds up very quickly and creates your 218 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,900 reality. And it's, it can be quite 219 00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:11,700 detrimental to your mental health. 220 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:15,000 And that's why I really encourage you to work on those 221 00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,200 two things. I know it's difficult, but you 222 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:20,300 can do it. My next point is to stop saying 223 00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:24,000 the word should I have mentioned this before on the podcast and 224 00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:28,100 it's something that I am so much better at now but for so long, I 225 00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:34,100 really struggled with it. I used to say, like I should do 226 00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:35,900 that. You know, I should go to that 227 00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:40,800 thing or I said I was gonna go, you know, oh I should they 228 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,900 shouldn't have to go alone, they need a friend. 229 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:48,100 You know what? There is no should, okay, unless 230 00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:54,200 it is like your best friends like wedding or they're having a 231 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,500 whole mental breakdown and, you know, you genuinely like should 232 00:11:57,500 --> 00:12:01,000 be there for them because you would To be that friend to be 233 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,200 there for them. You would want that then, 234 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:07,000 absolutely do it. But if you're saying this every 235 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:11,000 single day, oh, you know, I should go up and go on a run 236 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,300 even though I'm having cramps and I'm literally in pain, you 237 00:12:14,300 --> 00:12:16,600 know, or oh, I should go to work. 238 00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,600 Even though I actually don't really need the money and I 239 00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,100 freaking hate my workplace and I need some time to rest. 240 00:12:21,100 --> 00:12:24,800 Stop saying should okay. You need to advocate for 241 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:29,700 yourself and I would encourage you to try to take a day or two. 242 00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:34,100 R2 and try to not say the word should at all or shouldn't. 243 00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:35,900 Of course, shouldn't is a part of that as well. 244 00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:37,500 Oh, I'll, but I shouldn't say that. 245 00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:41,000 Because what if I offend someone or, oh, I shouldn't, I shouldn't 246 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,000 dress like this. Because what if somebody thinks 247 00:12:43,000 --> 00:12:47,400 that I'm XYZ, no, okay, that means that you are making 248 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,200 choices based off of what other people think. 249 00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,600 And that's what people-pleasing is. 250 00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:55,400 So that's another way to catch yourself to see if maybe you're 251 00:12:55,400 --> 00:12:57,900 somebody who does this, if you're still, not quite sure 252 00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:01,200 next point. That in this is an audio. 253 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,000 Oh my God. I think I heard this this week 254 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,500 on, I want to say Tick-Tock and it's Emma Chamberlain actually. 255 00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:10,300 And she basically says in it, if it's something that makes you 256 00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:14,600 feel happy and it's something that you're comfortable with and 257 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:19,000 I would add if it's not hurting anybody else it shouldn't matter 258 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:22,000 what anyone else thinks. Let's go back to that work 259 00:13:22,000 --> 00:13:24,400 scenario, okay? They're calling you up and 260 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:28,000 you're saying oh I don't really want to go in if it makes you 261 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,100 happy to take time off. Woof. 262 00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:33,600 If, if you're comfortable to take time off and you, you know 263 00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:35,800 that say, financially you don't need that money. 264 00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:39,900 It shouldn't matter if maybe your manager or whoever is 265 00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:43,300 looking at you and going. Why are they never helping out? 266 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,500 You know, if you are having that internal dialogue right after 267 00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:49,600 that conversation where you're going, they think I'm lazy. 268 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,700 They think I'm this. They think I'm that. 269 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:56,500 Then again, it's coming back to this being scared of what other 270 00:13:56,500 --> 00:13:59,600 people think. And I never used to think that I 271 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,400 With this, I always would say to myself, I don't care what anyone 272 00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:04,000 thinks I'm gonna wear, whatever I want. 273 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,300 I'm gonna do whatever I want but then I would be in those Quiet 274 00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:09,100 Moments from picking out an outfit. 275 00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,500 And I would go all is this too much tummy? 276 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,000 Or oh, do you know, should I wear this? 277 00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,400 Because what if I go to dinner and then I'm all bloated and 278 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:19,600 then, I don't look good in this outfit and then I'm going. 279 00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:22,300 Do I care if I look good after dinner? 280 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:23,500 No. Am I? 281 00:14:23,508 --> 00:14:25,600 If I'm having a good time if I'm do, I care? 282 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:27,700 No. So who do I care about? 283 00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,200 Seeing me looking like bloated after To dinner. 284 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,800 You know I mean sounds like a stupid example but it's those 285 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:35,500 little moments. It's those Quiet Moments that 286 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:38,200 add up over time and they genuinely can really affect you 287 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,500 moving forward, knowing the difference between a yes. 288 00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:45,600 And a hell yes. Oh I love this one. 289 00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:48,900 When you say yeah I could do that. 290 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,800 That's not the same as being like. 291 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:54,400 That's an amazing opportunity and I really want to do that and 292 00:14:54,900 --> 00:14:58,400 if you are a yes person and it's so funny this summer me and my 293 00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,600 friend Faith have been saying that. 294 00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:03,100 It was res summer because we were just like, let's say yes to 295 00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:04,800 everything. Let's try to go to as many 296 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:07,300 events as possible. You know, let's not be too 297 00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:11,200 worried about spending money. Let's just go and say yes and do 298 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,300 the things and put ourselves out there. 299 00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:15,700 Make, you know, the friendships and new connections. 300 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:19,100 Let's just say yes and I do think there are seasons for 301 00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:20,500 that. If you've noticed yourself, 302 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:25,200 maybe pull back or become a bit antisocial or whatever, you've 303 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:28,500 kind of like isolated yourself for whatever reason, sometimes 304 00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:31,100 there are seasons too. Put yourself out there more than 305 00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:33,600 you normally would. But I would really encourage you 306 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:37,700 as much as you can to be aware of that scale of yes. 307 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,400 And also like hell yes. And I learned this because after 308 00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:45,800 my yes, summer, I had some moments looking back going, you 309 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:50,000 know what that week where I had five events on that I could have 310 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:54,100 gone to because maybe a few months ago, I didn't feel like I 311 00:15:54,108 --> 00:15:56,600 had as much to do. I felt like I didn't have as 312 00:15:56,600 --> 00:16:01,200 many friends I felt like Little bit isolated. 313 00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:04,000 I felt like I pulled back about. Yeah. 314 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,500 A few months ago up to, I would say more. 315 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:08,200 So like six months ago, I felt like I pulled back. 316 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,000 And so coming back into the world, I was like, okay, let's 317 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:14,800 start saying, yes, I didn't realize that. 318 00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:18,400 That didn't mean yes to everything, that just meant, 319 00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,200 yes, to the things, I really want to do. 320 00:16:20,500 --> 00:16:24,700 And I ended up at a few, for sure events. 321 00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:28,700 Or nights out or whatever, where I was like, why am I here? 322 00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:31,600 I don't. Care about this performer. 323 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:34,000 I don't know them. I don't really want to be in a 324 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,700 room with a bunch of like straight white dudes, trying to 325 00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:40,500 hit on me, to be honest. And it was just kind of one of 326 00:16:40,508 --> 00:16:43,600 the things I was like, okay. I think I need to be a bit more 327 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:47,100 careful with not saying yada everything because by the end of 328 00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:50,900 it, you're spending a bunch of money on like going out on 329 00:16:50,900 --> 00:16:55,000 transporting, their your time, your energy, all of it, you need 330 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:57,800 to conserve it for the things that you want to do. 331 00:16:57,800 --> 00:17:01,300 Start to identify in your I've what your hell. 332 00:17:01,300 --> 00:17:07,000 Yes is our and surround yourself with people who will respect 333 00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:09,800 your boundaries, this is a really, really big one. 334 00:17:10,599 --> 00:17:15,099 You will definitely get if you are not someone who's say 100% 335 00:17:15,099 --> 00:17:18,599 extroverted, and maybe you're like somewhere in between like 336 00:17:18,599 --> 00:17:21,200 myself or maybe you are introverted. 337 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:25,599 If you come across an extrovert, who is like, come on, let's just 338 00:17:25,599 --> 00:17:29,500 go, it's gonna be so much fun. Everyone's gonna be there. 339 00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:31,500 They're we're going to get drinks, that's good. 340 00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,500 If you are around people like that. 341 00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:37,300 That's awesome. And it's fun to get people 342 00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:40,300 around you who are like going to push you to be more kind of like 343 00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:43,400 outgoing and go do the things if you're more introverted like 344 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:48,600 myself. But it's also very easy to just 345 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:52,000 feel like okay well I don't want to seem boring. 346 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:57,200 I don't want to seem standoffish if I say no to this thing and 347 00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,500 you need to be around friends that are genuinely going. 348 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:03,400 Going to have that balance of respect, where as much as they 349 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:05,200 might be. Like, come on, let's do this 350 00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,500 thing. It's gonna be so fun and they're 351 00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:09,900 like a height person. If you say honestly, I think I 352 00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:14,100 need some time to like be inside and just like, spend time with, 353 00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:18,400 maybe my family or my partner, you know, my boyfriend, my 354 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:24,700 girlfriend, whatever, then Sorry guys, it just started raining 355 00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:27,500 and it just spooked me. I was like, oh, there's a tree 356 00:18:27,500 --> 00:18:29,800 falling on my home. Okay, it's all okay, it's all 357 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:31,300 okay, we are back and better than ever. 358 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:35,500 You want to find that person in your life, is going to have that 359 00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:41,600 balance where they respect your no and they trust your ability 360 00:18:41,900 --> 00:18:45,900 to figure out what you need in that moment, you know. 361 00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:48,900 Like I think you want people in your life who are going to 362 00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:50,600 respect that. Oh okay. 363 00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,100 They actually need some space. Ace and actually have this 364 00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:55,400 opinion of like well I don't want to be around them if they 365 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:58,100 don't want to be around me because I want them to do what 366 00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:00,900 they want to do. And I've been finding those 367 00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:04,700 people even more so recently and it is such a relief to have 368 00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:08,500 people who get that and are mature about that. 369 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:10,900 It's just really, really valuable. 370 00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,700 And something that I feel like you should look for in a friend. 371 00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:20,000 My last little Point here is to be honest about what feeds and 372 00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:24,800 what drains your energy There is no right answer to this because 373 00:19:24,800 --> 00:19:28,700 you might be someone. We're going for a swim in the 374 00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:32,500 ocean and going on, a walk and going on a run or whatever. 375 00:19:32,700 --> 00:19:35,500 Those might be things that really like feed your energy. 376 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:39,700 Some people might feel like going out of the house, going 377 00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,700 all the way down to the beach when it's hot, and it's sweaty 378 00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:45,400 and they're sand and it's messy. And it's a very uncontrolled 379 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,900 environment and whatever that that's actually kind of 380 00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:49,900 draining. Maybe it's fun, but it can be 381 00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:53,600 draining for your energy which those has two things can align 382 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:57,300 be aware of what those things are for you, and like, test it 383 00:19:57,300 --> 00:20:00,300 out. And of course, I have to mention 384 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:03,400 cycle sinking and all of my episodes because who would I be? 385 00:20:03,400 --> 00:20:07,300 If I didn't cycle syncing is the practice of looking at where you 386 00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:10,000 are in your menstrual cycle. Of course, if you are, someone 387 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:15,000 who has a period in menstruates and realizing what works for you 388 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:19,900 in each of those phases, I have learned that going out and being 389 00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:21,900 with a bunch of friends and all of that around. 390 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:26,000 Time that I'm ovulating, which is about two weeks out from your 391 00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:29,200 period around. It's very like, you know, not 392 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,500 exactly the same for every single person, but around there, 393 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,700 I love it. That is, what is life-giving for 394 00:20:34,700 --> 00:20:36,200 me? I'm with these friends who are 395 00:20:36,200 --> 00:20:38,800 like, making me laugh, and we're dancing. 396 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,800 And I'm like, what? Like, I feel like my full self 397 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:46,400 in those Seasons but if I were to go do that tonight, I would 398 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:50,400 be miserable miserable because I know hormonal. 399 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,400 E my hormones. So when I'm ovulating, our way 400 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,700 up here and then by the time I'm on my period. 401 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,600 You there all the way down here. And since they're down here, 402 00:20:59,700 --> 00:21:03,100 that means that something like this talking to you guys where 403 00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:06,400 I'm sitting in a chair in the comfort of my own home. 404 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:09,600 And I'm just hanging out. You know, that is something that 405 00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:14,100 I can happily happily do on my period because I'm just able to 406 00:21:14,100 --> 00:21:18,100 be relaxed and it's controlled and I can just take care of 407 00:21:18,100 --> 00:21:21,000 myself. And if I do get like a little 408 00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:24,000 spur of Want to spurt. I don't know if that's the word 409 00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:27,200 a little like moment of cramps. I can be like, whoa, let's take 410 00:21:27,200 --> 00:21:29,400 a second. You know, I have my resources, I 411 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,200 have the things that I need and so I would encourage you, if 412 00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:35,100 you're someone who meant Straits please please, please go. 413 00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:38,100 Listen to one of my episodes about cycle sinking or read in 414 00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:41,100 the Flow by Alisa Vitti. If you want to really get in 415 00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:44,300 depth or just do a little Google, whatever you want to do, 416 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:47,800 get into it because it is so valuable and it will really help 417 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:49,500 you. I'm telling you it will change 418 00:21:49,500 --> 00:21:52,700 your life. All right now Let's talk about 419 00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:57,900 having boundaries with your work because I worked in Hospitality 420 00:21:57,900 --> 00:22:02,000 for seven years. And then last year I was a 421 00:22:02,008 --> 00:22:05,700 Pilates instructor and now I'm self-employed and I'm doing 422 00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:07,300 stuff on my own. So I'm going to talk about a 423 00:22:07,308 --> 00:22:10,900 little bit about each of those things, but when I was working 424 00:22:10,900 --> 00:22:14,500 for somebody, when I was working in Hospitality, especially in 425 00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:18,600 high school like the younger, I was the harder it was for me to 426 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:25,300 say no and I Made it to talk about this a bit ago and I feel 427 00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:29,500 like this is a really common story where you get these 428 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:35,000 full-grown adults, like, proper adults, you know, like 35 Plus 429 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:37,900 people who are not, that, that is old. 430 00:22:37,900 --> 00:22:41,000 If you are 35 bibs young at heart, I love you. 431 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:42,100 You're still young. Okay. 432 00:22:42,300 --> 00:22:44,400 But I'm just saying you get these people who are like, say, 433 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:48,100 35 Plus and they have the 16 year olds working for them in a 434 00:22:48,108 --> 00:22:51,800 restaurant in retail, right? All these different places and 435 00:22:51,900 --> 00:22:54,500 And they're calling them up and going hey can you come in and 436 00:22:54,500 --> 00:22:57,500 help us out and surely on the phone is going. 437 00:22:57,600 --> 00:22:59,500 Hey can you come in we really need you. 438 00:22:59,500 --> 00:23:02,300 We need another person if this would mean the world to us 439 00:23:02,300 --> 00:23:03,900 please I'm going to offer you an offer. 440 00:23:03,900 --> 00:23:07,400 You know other incentive other than can you be here in 30 441 00:23:07,400 --> 00:23:11,100 minutes you know and this 16 year old girl on the other end 442 00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:16,700 of the phone it's me is going um I just you know I have some 443 00:23:16,700 --> 00:23:20,500 homework to do, you know, I don't really or I had plans with 444 00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:23,600 my friends or whatever. I don't think any excuse that I 445 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,600 have is a good enough, excuse to say no. 446 00:23:25,800 --> 00:23:30,200 And so then I would often just be like, okay, I'll be there 447 00:23:30,200 --> 00:23:31,800 soon. Surely love you. 448 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:36,600 Cheers, because I really wanted say my employer or whoever in 449 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:40,800 this situation to think that I was like a reliable person. 450 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,500 I really wanted people to think the best of me and if my 451 00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:47,300 employer thinks, I'm the best at my job, and my friends think 452 00:23:47,300 --> 00:23:50,200 that I'm the best friend, then my boyfriend thinks that I'm the 453 00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:53,100 best girlfriend, then I'm Doing something right? 454 00:23:53,100 --> 00:23:55,800 But at the end of the day, I was exhausted. 455 00:23:55,800 --> 00:23:59,000 Constantly constantly exhausted in high school. 456 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:00,500 You know. I used to do I told you I was a 457 00:24:00,508 --> 00:24:03,900 religious growing up, right? So on a Friday night, it was 458 00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:06,000 like I would work at this restaurant. 459 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,000 Get there at 4:00. I was there till like maybe 11 460 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:13,000 or so, I would go home. I would have Saturday in the day 461 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:18,200 to do like my homework stuff. So in like I had a lot of math 462 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:21,400 and stuff that I just wasn't very good at but I really had to 463 00:24:21,408 --> 00:24:23,500 try We hard at it. So I would like, give myself a 464 00:24:23,508 --> 00:24:25,700 lot of time to do it, so Saturday morning. 465 00:24:25,700 --> 00:24:28,100 Do you want me in math stuff? Maybe have a little coffee, you 466 00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:29,700 know, have a little time to rest. 467 00:24:29,700 --> 00:24:33,800 Hopefully, and then I would work Saturday night for 4:00 all the 468 00:24:33,800 --> 00:24:35,300 way through usually would go later. 469 00:24:35,300 --> 00:24:38,900 Maybe 12:00 or whatever. Then this was the most fucked 470 00:24:38,900 --> 00:24:41,200 part. I would wake up on a Sunday 471 00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,500 morning and then I would go sing at church and I would get there 472 00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:48,600 at like 6 a.m. right. And then I'm there for like six 473 00:24:48,600 --> 00:24:51,400 hours because it's three services all the way through. 474 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,700 And Then Sunday afternoon, I would probably spend time with 475 00:24:54,700 --> 00:24:57,500 my family, because Sunday's, like a kind of a family day and 476 00:24:57,500 --> 00:25:00,300 then I would get up on Monday morning and I would start my 477 00:25:00,300 --> 00:25:02,800 week and go back to school and come home every day and have 478 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,900 homework to do and would have like volleyball and fucking 479 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,700 piano and singing lessons and all this shit. 480 00:25:08,700 --> 00:25:13,400 Like I was a go-getter, you know, I was an overachiever and 481 00:25:13,900 --> 00:25:17,500 as much as I feel like a lot of people looked at me and were 482 00:25:17,508 --> 00:25:24,900 like, wow, she does it all. I was like, So unhappy and I had 483 00:25:24,900 --> 00:25:30,000 to learn over time, that being that like type A person who is 484 00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:34,000 going to throw myself into everything and do it the best 485 00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,400 and want to be the best person at it. 486 00:25:36,700 --> 00:25:40,500 It's actually not a healthy thing to have like having Drive 487 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:43,600 being motivated. That is obviously amazing, you 488 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:47,000 know, that's great. But if you're not having a good 489 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:50,500 balance in your life, you're going to burn out and I would 490 00:25:50,500 --> 00:25:54,500 have these moments, right? Be like breaking down crying 491 00:25:54,500 --> 00:25:57,300 these, having these huge fights with my boyfriend, like 492 00:25:57,300 --> 00:26:01,100 emotionally. I was like coming from this, 493 00:26:01,100 --> 00:26:03,100 like empty cup, you know, when people talk about like you 494 00:26:03,100 --> 00:26:06,200 can't, you know, you can't give from an empty cup that was me 495 00:26:06,200 --> 00:26:09,400 and it was just this emptiness that I felt in this like 496 00:26:09,700 --> 00:26:12,800 resentment I felt towards all the things that I had to do in 497 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:14,600 my life. So I would just really encourage 498 00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,800 you especially if you're in that time of your life where you want 499 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:20,400 to do all the things, you know you want to have fun. 500 00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:22,800 You want to have friends, you want to I everything. 501 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,800 But you also want to be like academically doing great and 502 00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:28,900 maybe like, even physically, maybe have a sport or something 503 00:26:28,900 --> 00:26:31,400 that you're into, or like a hobby, where you like, you 504 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:33,600 really need to use your brain like you're doing music or 505 00:26:33,600 --> 00:26:36,400 something creative, like, yes, do all the things and put 506 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:38,100 yourself out there and try stuff. 507 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:41,200 But make sure that you are doing things that make you happy. 508 00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:45,900 I had a friend in high school actually and he was interrupting 509 00:26:45,900 --> 00:26:50,800 and he was like a really good rower and his like mum was very 510 00:26:50,800 --> 00:26:53,700 like proud of Him and she like, I knew, you know, this whole 511 00:26:53,700 --> 00:26:56,200 family really well. And she would always say, yeah, 512 00:26:56,200 --> 00:27:00,800 my little, I can't say his name but he was so, you know, he's 513 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,600 such a good rower. He's like family favorite like 514 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,000 whatever. You know, my boy, you know how 515 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:09,200 moms the are with their sons. Anyways she was very that. 516 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,900 She was that Mom, who was like, I little boy like probably in 517 00:27:11,900 --> 00:27:13,000 love with him. You know, that kind of vibe. 518 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:20,100 Oh my God. And one day, he decided to quit 519 00:27:20,100 --> 00:27:24,500 rowing and pursue photography. Feet and he was a really good 520 00:27:24,500 --> 00:27:27,500 photographer and he loved it. And he was passionate about it 521 00:27:27,500 --> 00:27:29,400 and like it was what he wanted to do. 522 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:32,700 Also sorry guys, if you can hear, the rain is actually 523 00:27:32,700 --> 00:27:35,200 getting quite hectic out there. So hopefully this isn't picking 524 00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:40,600 it up, but he went into the photography and I remember she 525 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:45,200 publicly was like mad at him. She publicly was like, you know, 526 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,700 he used to be so good at that. I don't know why he quit. 527 00:27:47,700 --> 00:27:51,400 Huh, in front of like everybody. And I was always like, oh my 528 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,800 God, this Is a horrible but some parents are like that. 529 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:59,900 And so I was lucky enough to not have that situation but it is 530 00:27:59,900 --> 00:28:03,300 very real that your parents might make you feel that way if 531 00:28:03,300 --> 00:28:06,700 you are at that age or maybe even if you're older and even 532 00:28:06,700 --> 00:28:10,200 being me I'm 22 and I still have moments from like should I do 533 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,100 this? What would my mom think about it 534 00:28:12,100 --> 00:28:14,500 like that? You know, I still have that too. 535 00:28:14,500 --> 00:28:17,100 And so if that's you and you are still feeling like you're making 536 00:28:17,100 --> 00:28:19,800 decisions based off of what other people want, especially 537 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:21,700 your family members, whatever then. 538 00:28:22,000 --> 00:28:26,200 I would encourage you to step back reevaluate. 539 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:28,300 Okay. I've gone on a tangent, we were 540 00:28:28,300 --> 00:28:31,400 meant to be talking about work. Okay, so talking about work, 541 00:28:31,900 --> 00:28:35,300 check in making sure that you are not making it your 542 00:28:35,300 --> 00:28:41,500 responsibility to keep a restaurant run by, like adults 543 00:28:41,700 --> 00:28:44,100 your responsibility to keep it like staffed, okay. 544 00:28:44,100 --> 00:28:47,100 That's not your, it's not your job and especially if you're 545 00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:51,200 somebody who was like in this space of wanting to do something 546 00:28:51,200 --> 00:28:53,600 else. Like, if you are like studying, 547 00:28:53,600 --> 00:28:57,200 you know, or you are trying to like freelance, something like 548 00:28:57,200 --> 00:29:01,900 you're trying to do photography, or writing or music, or 549 00:29:01,900 --> 00:29:03,700 whatever. I'm surrounded by, a lot of 550 00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:06,900 creative people in Sydney. I'm very fortunate to have that 551 00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:10,000 and I see so many people talking about this with my friend, the 552 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:12,800 other day, actually, who does some amazing like design work 553 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:16,400 and photography stuff, how like it's hard because you maybe work 554 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:20,300 at a restaurant four days a week or five days a week, and all of 555 00:29:20,300 --> 00:29:22,700 your other free time is you To build your business. 556 00:29:22,700 --> 00:29:26,600 And I did this for however, long the last three years, or 557 00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,800 whatever. I was, their work at a 558 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:32,100 restaurant and then, on my brakes, I'm there like working 559 00:29:32,100 --> 00:29:36,400 on photos and videos, and trying to like build what I wanted to 560 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:39,500 do, because this is what I wanted to do and I'm so fucking 561 00:29:39,500 --> 00:29:43,400 happy, like sorry, I swear, but I'm so thankful, that is what 562 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,700 I'm doing now. Like, this is insane to me and 563 00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:49,800 every day I wake up and I go, oh my God, like I'm so so thankful 564 00:29:49,800 --> 00:29:53,000 that, I don't have to get up and Go, like, running around and run 565 00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:57,100 around in a restaurant because I did that for years and years and 566 00:29:57,100 --> 00:30:00,500 years and my work has paid off. But it's because of you guys 567 00:30:00,508 --> 00:30:03,300 obviously but you know, I've really I'm happy that I'm here 568 00:30:03,300 --> 00:30:05,600 and so I'm so thankful by the way, just thought I would throw 569 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:07,100 that in there. I had a whole moment today where 570 00:30:07,100 --> 00:30:10,300 I was sat outside on my balcony and just thinking about it and I 571 00:30:10,308 --> 00:30:12,700 was like this crazy. I feel like I need to like soak 572 00:30:12,700 --> 00:30:16,000 up this time of my life and just like feel the Gratitude because 573 00:30:16,000 --> 00:30:19,200 it's so good. But if that's you and you're 574 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:21,800 working in you know, retail or just something you don't like 575 00:30:21,800 --> 00:30:24,900 Like like a job. You don't like one day if you 576 00:30:24,900 --> 00:30:28,500 work towards it and you know you take the opportunities and you 577 00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:31,300 go for it. I really believe that you can do 578 00:30:31,300 --> 00:30:32,900 it. Like I really, really, really 579 00:30:32,900 --> 00:30:36,300 believe that you can do it because I question myself to for 580 00:30:36,300 --> 00:30:40,200 so long I was there, you know, like polishing Cutlery or 581 00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:44,300 folding napkins, like, wiping down, town are tops and shit. 582 00:30:44,300 --> 00:30:46,200 And being like, what the fuck am I doing here? 583 00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:47,600 Like, why am I here? Or like? 584 00:30:47,800 --> 00:30:49,700 I know that I have so much to offer. 585 00:30:49,700 --> 00:30:54,300 I know that I'm, I am more. Than this like I'm smart or on 586 00:30:54,300 --> 00:30:56,500 this. I'm that like I would feel that 587 00:30:56,500 --> 00:30:59,200 that I'd be like I don't want to do this job anymore and it 588 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,100 sucked but you need to make money you know you need to do 589 00:31:02,100 --> 00:31:04,100 it. And so if that's you I would 590 00:31:04,100 --> 00:31:07,400 just really encourage you that like one day, I really believe 591 00:31:07,400 --> 00:31:09,600 that you're going to get there and that you just need to keep 592 00:31:09,600 --> 00:31:12,200 working on it. You need to stay passionate and 593 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,900 you need to keep going. Like, you never know. 594 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:17,900 Tomorrow could be the day that you have a breakthrough, right? 595 00:31:17,900 --> 00:31:21,600 Like in a week from now, you could get a call from buddies. 596 00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:23,500 From somebody saying, oh, I really like your work. 597 00:31:23,500 --> 00:31:25,900 I really like this. How can you do this commission 598 00:31:25,900 --> 00:31:29,100 for me or can you, you know, come speak at this thing or 599 00:31:29,108 --> 00:31:30,900 whatever? You never know when the 600 00:31:30,900 --> 00:31:33,400 opportunity is going to come. And so I would just really 601 00:31:33,400 --> 00:31:36,200 encourage you to stay passionate on the things that you are 602 00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:40,400 passionate about and you can only do that and keep doing 603 00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,500 those things that you do on your off time. 604 00:31:42,500 --> 00:31:45,900 Well, if you have boundaries with things like work, right, 605 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:49,600 you're constantly saying yes to all these people it's just going 606 00:31:49,600 --> 00:31:51,600 to keep pushing back what you actually want to. 607 00:31:51,700 --> 00:31:54,300 To do and maybe that's not that you want to do something for 608 00:31:54,300 --> 00:31:55,700 work. Maybe it's just that you really 609 00:31:55,700 --> 00:31:58,400 enjoy painting and you just want to paint at home and you want 610 00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:02,500 everyone else to fuck right off then good do it you know do it 611 00:32:02,600 --> 00:32:05,100 and make it a priority and tell yourself that it's valuable 612 00:32:05,100 --> 00:32:08,600 enough for you to put your time into now boundaries when it 613 00:32:08,600 --> 00:32:14,200 comes to freelance things which is like what I do now and the 614 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,800 things that you just want to do, okay. 615 00:32:17,200 --> 00:32:20,700 This is something that I've had to learn more recently and it's 616 00:32:20,700 --> 00:32:24,400 that working. Something 24/7 is not going to 617 00:32:24,400 --> 00:32:30,100 make you better at it working at something like with intention 618 00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:35,300 and with a set amount of time and doing it in that time. 619 00:32:35,300 --> 00:32:38,300 Really, really well and giving your all that's what's going to 620 00:32:38,300 --> 00:32:40,400 make you better at it. But if you are someone who 621 00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:43,800 doesn't shut off and give yourself the Brain Breaks that 622 00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:47,100 you need the physical breaks, that you need, the spiritual 623 00:32:47,100 --> 00:32:50,400 breaks that you need. That energy is not going to 624 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:54,700 replenish and And your work you know you're writing whatever 625 00:32:54,700 --> 00:32:58,200 creative thing that you might be doing is not going to come 626 00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,600 through clearly and you are going to get lost when it comes 627 00:33:01,600 --> 00:33:03,800 to your vision. And so I would really encourage 628 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:08,200 you all these things that you do outside of your 9 to 5 or 629 00:33:08,200 --> 00:33:11,000 whatever. Do those things in a time where 630 00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:15,300 you feel inspired, but also allow yourself to rest when it 631 00:33:15,300 --> 00:33:18,500 comes to like freelancing and making your own schedule, you 632 00:33:18,500 --> 00:33:22,400 want to be in the flow and that whole State thing. 633 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,600 You know, you can really get into reading about that and 634 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:26,800 learning about that because it is very, very interesting. 635 00:33:27,700 --> 00:33:31,500 But sometimes it's just like listening to your body and 636 00:33:31,500 --> 00:33:34,600 listening to what your brain is telling its you, you're ready 637 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,100 for right now. You know, yesterday I told 638 00:33:37,100 --> 00:33:41,300 myself I was going to get up and put on a full face of makeup and 639 00:33:41,300 --> 00:33:44,300 make videos and go, you know, jump in front of the camera and 640 00:33:44,300 --> 00:33:48,600 be like, hey, guys look yesterday was not the day. 641 00:33:48,700 --> 00:33:51,600 I woke up, I had cramps which I don't normally have that. 642 00:33:51,700 --> 00:33:55,600 Bad, but I just did yesterday. For some reason, I had cramps. 643 00:33:55,900 --> 00:33:59,200 I was laying in my bed. I was like, I don't want to do 644 00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:02,400 anything and I didn't want to use my brain, my brain was like, 645 00:34:02,800 --> 00:34:07,100 you know, it was just not there and so I like did some laundry. 646 00:34:07,400 --> 00:34:11,400 I cleaned up a bit, you know, I organized some things. 647 00:34:11,400 --> 00:34:14,800 I just wanted to do Mindless things and so I just did my 648 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,400 listings. And then today I woke up and I 649 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,699 had the energy and I was blaring, Amy Winehouse, I was 650 00:34:20,699 --> 00:34:24,100 dancing around House and I was doing my makeup and I was having 651 00:34:24,100 --> 00:34:26,699 the time of my life. But yesterday I wouldn't haven't 652 00:34:26,699 --> 00:34:30,300 been able to show up the way that I was able to show up today 653 00:34:30,300 --> 00:34:32,100 to do the different things that I was able to do. 654 00:34:32,100 --> 00:34:36,000 So if you are able, if you have the time and you are someone who 655 00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:39,000 like is may be self-employed or you kind of have like a 656 00:34:39,000 --> 00:34:43,400 half-and-half situation. Also listen to your body and 657 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:46,400 don't be scared that. You're not getting things done 658 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,400 quick enough that like anxiety of, like, I need to accomplish a 659 00:34:49,408 --> 00:34:52,199 need to get things done again. Usually Comes with that. 660 00:34:52,199 --> 00:34:56,199 Like people pleaser type, I would encourage you to be aware 661 00:34:56,199 --> 00:35:00,200 of when you're feeling that because it's, you're better off 662 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:04,500 taking the time and replenishing your energy. 663 00:35:05,100 --> 00:35:08,200 Now, before we get into boundaries in relationships, I 664 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:12,000 just wanted to say one more thing about this that of course 665 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:16,400 you want your choices to not just come from a place of 666 00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:19,400 pursuing pleasure because I do think. 667 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,700 Yes, absolutely. You should pursue Pleasure in 668 00:35:22,900 --> 00:35:28,400 many ways. But if you always do that, then 669 00:35:28,400 --> 00:35:31,300 you might become a bit lazy. And like I've gone through 670 00:35:31,300 --> 00:35:34,800 Seasons where I've noticed myself being like I just need to 671 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:36,000 relax. I think I talked about this in a 672 00:35:36,008 --> 00:35:38,100 few episodes ago. Actually, I was like, I just 673 00:35:38,100 --> 00:35:40,800 need to relax. I just think I need some time 674 00:35:40,900 --> 00:35:43,700 and at the end of my journal every day, it was asking me, you 675 00:35:43,700 --> 00:35:46,600 know, what did you learn today? It's in the 5-minute Journal. 676 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:51,000 If you guys heard about that and I was writing, it's okay to let 677 00:35:51,000 --> 00:35:53,200 myself Jill. It's okay to let myself 678 00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:57,000 replenish and I was writing it every day for like almost two 679 00:35:57,000 --> 00:35:58,600 weeks. Then I was like I think I'm 680 00:35:58,600 --> 00:36:01,500 relaxed enough, you know, I think I'm relaxed. 681 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:05,100 I think I need to push myself to get out of bed now and do 682 00:36:05,100 --> 00:36:08,400 something, you know, actually. And it wasn't that. 683 00:36:08,400 --> 00:36:10,400 I was literally staying in bed all day every day. 684 00:36:10,400 --> 00:36:11,200 Okay. Of course, I wouldn't be 685 00:36:11,200 --> 00:36:13,600 unhealthy. It was just that I wasn't like 686 00:36:13,600 --> 00:36:17,200 pursuing anything and I wasn't really like seeing my friends. 687 00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:22,300 And I think my relationships were kind of like, Suffering 688 00:36:22,300 --> 00:36:26,600 because I wasn't like willing to like live my life and like be 689 00:36:26,600 --> 00:36:29,700 present in my life. And so sometimes especially if 690 00:36:29,700 --> 00:36:31,100 you like struggle with your mental health. 691 00:36:31,100 --> 00:36:33,000 A little bit. You need to have that little 692 00:36:33,000 --> 00:36:34,800 like okay, let's kick in the butt. 693 00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:36,800 Let's move on. Let's get going. 694 00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:39,500 You know, so I just take that with a grain of salt. 695 00:36:39,500 --> 00:36:42,400 When I say that you need to replenish your cup, replenish 696 00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:45,600 your cup and then get back out there because you know, you want 697 00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:48,100 to take life. Oh I was going to say by the 698 00:36:48,100 --> 00:36:51,500 balls, I don't like that analogy but it's what? 699 00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:53,300 We've come up with today. All right? 700 00:36:53,300 --> 00:36:57,300 Boundaries in relationships. Now look, it is completely your 701 00:36:57,300 --> 00:37:00,800 choice. Who you allow into your life and 702 00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:04,600 it is completely your choice, who you allowed to have a voice 703 00:37:04,600 --> 00:37:08,100 in your life. This is really really important, 704 00:37:08,100 --> 00:37:11,600 okay? So you can have your mother in 705 00:37:11,600 --> 00:37:13,500 your life, right? She's your mom. 706 00:37:13,500 --> 00:37:16,700 You love your mom, you know, you want to have you, someone a 707 00:37:16,700 --> 00:37:19,700 family figure somebody from your family, maybe, and your life, 708 00:37:19,700 --> 00:37:21,500 unless you're completely cut off from your family. 709 00:37:21,700 --> 00:37:24,200 Which you if you are, then it's probably for a good reason. 710 00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:27,700 So no shame. But if you are thinking, you 711 00:37:27,700 --> 00:37:31,000 know, my family is not someone. These aren't people that I 712 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,200 really want to have a say in how I choose to do things with my 713 00:37:34,200 --> 00:37:36,700 life, but I still want to have a relationship with them. 714 00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:41,500 You can absolutely do that and even if they make comments, 715 00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:45,600 like, so what are you gonna do that thing that, you know, mom's 716 00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:49,600 always wanted you to do or, you know, you got that distant 717 00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:51,200 cousin. Who's like, when are you gonna 718 00:37:51,200 --> 00:37:53,700 come visit? Visit me in Ohio you know that 719 00:37:53,700 --> 00:37:57,000 kind of shit. You're like look I'm gonna make 720 00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,900 decisions for me at the end of the day I have to because if you 721 00:38:00,900 --> 00:38:03,600 are constantly making decisions for other people you're just 722 00:38:03,600 --> 00:38:06,600 bouncing around. You know you are literally just 723 00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:09,800 constantly reflecting all these different things. 724 00:38:09,800 --> 00:38:13,500 And then you look at yourself and you go who am I what the 725 00:38:13,500 --> 00:38:16,000 hell am I doing? Where am I? 726 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:19,100 Because you're making choices based on what other people want 727 00:38:19,100 --> 00:38:21,100 you to do. And if you have somebody in your 728 00:38:21,100 --> 00:38:24,600 life, even, Like a friend of yours that loves to give advice 729 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:27,200 that, you know, the moment you sit down, you say, I've just 730 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,700 been really struggling with this and they go, okay, here's your 731 00:38:29,700 --> 00:38:33,300 five step plan and you don't want their weird five step plan. 732 00:38:33,900 --> 00:38:36,400 Then, first of all, you can just go. 733 00:38:36,700 --> 00:38:40,300 Okay, thank you so much. I'm thinking, what I might do is 734 00:38:40,300 --> 00:38:44,500 this and then, you know, you can move on in the conversation or 735 00:38:44,600 --> 00:38:47,300 if you want to be proactive about the relationship and not 736 00:38:47,300 --> 00:38:50,400 let resentment build up, you can always communicate. 737 00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:54,200 Hey I think Right now I just need someone who's going to hear 738 00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:58,700 me out and say yeah your situation sucks that is really 739 00:38:58,700 --> 00:39:00,800 hard. How does it make you feel? 740 00:39:00,900 --> 00:39:02,700 What do you think you want to do going forward? 741 00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,400 Maybe that's all you need and maybe you should tell them that 742 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:09,000 that's what you need rather than allowing them to go on and try 743 00:39:09,000 --> 00:39:11,000 to give you all this advice. We don't really want advice. 744 00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:15,000 I think it's really important in our relationships to make clear 745 00:39:15,400 --> 00:39:17,300 what is okay and what's not, okay? 746 00:39:17,900 --> 00:39:20,000 And I know that she would be fine with me saying this but 747 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:23,500 this is a conversation that my I had to have because, as you grow 748 00:39:23,500 --> 00:39:26,400 up, it's hard. It's a hard conversation like 749 00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,900 that mother-daughter relationship, mother-son, maybe 750 00:39:28,900 --> 00:39:32,900 father-son, whatever it is, like, it's a hard season to go 751 00:39:32,900 --> 00:39:36,400 through for us as the children and for them. 752 00:39:36,400 --> 00:39:40,400 The parents, they are watching these people who have relied on 753 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:43,800 them for their whole lives. Suddenly go, I'm going to make 754 00:39:43,800 --> 00:39:45,400 my own decisions. Thanks, Mom and Dad. 755 00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:47,600 Bye. That's scary for them. 756 00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:51,100 You know, that, that purpose, that sense of what, you know, 757 00:39:51,100 --> 00:39:54,900 I've been putting myself into for almost 20 years now is just 758 00:39:54,900 --> 00:39:58,800 like, okay, thank you. I'll see you at Christmas or 759 00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:01,200 like whatever, you know, or hopefully more than that, but 760 00:40:01,300 --> 00:40:03,900 it's just that thing of like, that's really scary for them. 761 00:40:03,900 --> 00:40:05,900 That's a transition. They have to go through on their 762 00:40:05,900 --> 00:40:08,700 own and then we are going through transitions of who am I 763 00:40:08,707 --> 00:40:10,900 becoming? And you might be in your 30s. 764 00:40:10,900 --> 00:40:13,500 And you might be so feeling like you're doing that and that's 765 00:40:13,500 --> 00:40:15,900 totally fine or you might not have even move. 766 00:40:16,000 --> 00:40:18,100 Out of the house yet and this is maybe something more so that 767 00:40:18,100 --> 00:40:21,400 you're preparing for. But just know that that coming 768 00:40:21,400 --> 00:40:25,100 out and needing to kind of figure out who you are, is 769 00:40:25,100 --> 00:40:29,200 totally fine. And if there's like this issue 770 00:40:29,200 --> 00:40:33,100 between you and your parents or it feels a bit like a bit like 771 00:40:33,100 --> 00:40:36,300 rough then that's okay. And that's actually so, so so 772 00:40:36,300 --> 00:40:40,300 normal and with my mom and I I had to, at one point, say to 773 00:40:40,300 --> 00:40:43,800 her, hey, like I really appreciate that. 774 00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:47,000 You love that. I was like a Are all of growing 775 00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,000 up or whatever. For this is just one example 776 00:40:49,000 --> 00:40:52,300 because obviously we've had lots of these things come up but I 777 00:40:52,300 --> 00:40:54,800 was a singer growing up and I did all these like gigs and I 778 00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:58,400 like saying in the church, you know, I was very into it and 779 00:40:58,400 --> 00:41:01,500 then eventually I started focusing on other things and I 780 00:41:01,500 --> 00:41:04,000 still love singing. Icing constantly, like I said, I 781 00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:07,500 was just running around my house singing Amy Winehouse and just 782 00:41:07,500 --> 00:41:10,400 like, full like belting, like I'll I still love it. 783 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,100 I can I have a piano right there, you know, I play piano. 784 00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:15,900 I I still love it and I still do it. 785 00:41:16,000 --> 00:41:19,500 It I just don't really want to do it as a job like I just don't 786 00:41:19,500 --> 00:41:22,000 like I love it. I don't feel like I've given up 787 00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:25,500 on my dreams, I just don't, I don't want to do it, you know. 788 00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:29,100 And so I had to say to her, like, I love this thing and I 789 00:41:29,100 --> 00:41:31,700 want you to know that I'm so thankful that you put me through 790 00:41:31,700 --> 00:41:35,600 all these like lessons and, you know, you financed that and you 791 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,800 encouraged me through that and you came and watched my 792 00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,100 performances. And, you know, you encouraged me 793 00:41:41,100 --> 00:41:42,500 in that way. And I love that. 794 00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:43,900 And I'm so it's getting bright in here. 795 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:46,400 Oh, and you know, I'm thankful. For that. 796 00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:50,700 But I just every time you send me a video of me like singing or 797 00:41:50,700 --> 00:41:53,400 every time you say, like all when you going to be singing 798 00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:55,800 next and makes me feel like I'm not good enough and makes me 799 00:41:55,800 --> 00:41:58,400 feel like I'm not doing enough. And like you aren't proud of me 800 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:00,700 and like, I'd like fails you or something. 801 00:42:00,700 --> 00:42:03,900 And so these are these conversations that we have to 802 00:42:03,900 --> 00:42:07,200 have with our family and these relationships that, you know, 803 00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:10,500 you need to be honest because the alternative and this is a 804 00:42:10,508 --> 00:42:12,800 very sad alternative and very common alternative. 805 00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:16,900 Is that you don't communicate how it's been, A frustration for 806 00:42:16,900 --> 00:42:20,000 you and then this resentment builds up and then you don't 807 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:21,400 actually have a relationship with those people. 808 00:42:21,400 --> 00:42:24,900 And then you end up being that person that you know, only sees 809 00:42:24,900 --> 00:42:29,400 your family over Christmas or not at all or and that that's 810 00:42:29,400 --> 00:42:33,400 also hard for you and so I would encourage you to step back and 811 00:42:33,400 --> 00:42:36,000 be aware. Where do I need to actually tell 812 00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:41,100 people in my life like I'm kind of struggling with how you speak 813 00:42:41,100 --> 00:42:45,200 to me and the things you try to tell me to do and I would like 814 00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:47,700 some more space. To become who I want to become. 815 00:42:47,700 --> 00:42:51,500 And I think I need that to grow and I would hope that you would 816 00:42:51,500 --> 00:42:55,900 respect my want to grow into being my own person, which is 817 00:42:55,900 --> 00:42:59,000 hard to do. But important the last thing I 818 00:42:59,008 --> 00:43:02,300 want to say about making sure that you are aware of who you're 819 00:43:02,300 --> 00:43:06,800 letting have a say, in your life is people will give you advice. 820 00:43:06,800 --> 00:43:09,000 Sometimes of course you don't ask for it, but they give you 821 00:43:09,000 --> 00:43:11,100 this advice. You definitely don't have to 822 00:43:11,100 --> 00:43:16,200 follow through on that advice and I would be aware of Who you 823 00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:19,000 give information to and who you vent to? 824 00:43:19,000 --> 00:43:22,900 I'm a very open person. I am like an open book. 825 00:43:22,900 --> 00:43:26,400 You know, I'll say it as it is like I'll talk about the things 826 00:43:26,400 --> 00:43:29,300 I'm going through. Like I will, I'm very, very 827 00:43:29,300 --> 00:43:30,800 open. I like wear my heart on my 828 00:43:30,800 --> 00:43:34,000 sleeve as people will say, you know, I've just always been like 829 00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:35,700 that. Very passionate, I cry very 830 00:43:35,700 --> 00:43:39,000 easily. Like I'm just like that and I 831 00:43:39,000 --> 00:43:43,200 really do love that about me, but it means that sometimes I'll 832 00:43:43,200 --> 00:43:45,700 be sitting across from a stranger or a friend. 833 00:43:45,900 --> 00:43:49,300 That I don't know very well or a family member that I probably 834 00:43:49,300 --> 00:43:53,200 shouldn't talk to about certain things and I'll be like, yeah, 835 00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:57,400 so this person and then having sex and then this thing and then 836 00:43:57,400 --> 00:44:00,400 there was this drama and I couldn't believe that like I'm 837 00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:05,300 just I will be very like open and very intense and then I look 838 00:44:05,300 --> 00:44:07,700 back and I go oh God, why did I say that? 839 00:44:07,700 --> 00:44:09,500 I'm such an oversharer, you know? 840 00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:12,900 So now I look back and like, okay, you know what, I have to 841 00:44:12,900 --> 00:44:17,500 be a bit careful because what I end up doing is Is I will tell 842 00:44:17,500 --> 00:44:20,200 multiple people about certain situations and then I'll be 843 00:44:20,200 --> 00:44:24,300 like, uh, you know, I shouldn't have gone and as all this advice 844 00:44:24,300 --> 00:44:26,400 and done all this because now I'm more confused. 845 00:44:26,400 --> 00:44:29,300 And now I'm more like God. What do I do? 846 00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:32,800 I should have just listened to that like intuitive voice. 847 00:44:32,800 --> 00:44:34,800 That just told me what to do right away. 848 00:44:35,100 --> 00:44:39,400 And instead of letting like the emotion overtake, me and putting 849 00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:41,900 off, how I'm going to deal with the situation and sharing it. 850 00:44:41,900 --> 00:44:44,900 With all these people, I should have just dealt with it and like 851 00:44:44,900 --> 00:44:46,300 made that mature. Voice. 852 00:44:46,300 --> 00:44:48,900 And so that's something that I'm still growing in. 853 00:44:48,900 --> 00:44:52,700 I will say, but I still think it's really important to mention 854 00:44:52,700 --> 00:44:56,000 because I've seen the difference between when I've handled that 855 00:44:56,000 --> 00:44:58,900 situation well, and when I haven't handled that situation 856 00:44:58,900 --> 00:45:03,600 very well and it's great when you can just take it back for a 857 00:45:03,600 --> 00:45:05,300 second and go. Okay, what do I need to do? 858 00:45:05,300 --> 00:45:07,300 Like, what is my what do I actually want to do here? 859 00:45:07,600 --> 00:45:10,100 And then going and doing that thing without questioning 860 00:45:10,100 --> 00:45:13,000 yourself and feeling like you have to go and tell the whole 861 00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:15,700 world because I love to do that, okay? 862 00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:18,400 All right, we have come to that time. 863 00:45:18,400 --> 00:45:21,600 It is time to reflect. Okay, let's going to take you 864 00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:24,000 through a few questions. I want you to take a second 865 00:45:24,200 --> 00:45:27,800 think about how you're feeling after this episode, you know, 866 00:45:28,100 --> 00:45:31,500 all the information kind of all the things, the thoughts points. 867 00:45:31,500 --> 00:45:34,200 I've given you to think on, let's talk about how you can 868 00:45:34,200 --> 00:45:36,500 reflect on this. Alright, can you think of 869 00:45:36,500 --> 00:45:40,400 examples of people in your life who have influenced you in this 870 00:45:40,400 --> 00:45:43,100 area? People who have demonstrated a 871 00:45:43,100 --> 00:45:45,800 lack of boundaries or even the opposite? 872 00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,700 Somebody with a lot of walls up who doesn't let anybody in, 873 00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,400 okay, can you start to think of some of those people can you 874 00:45:52,400 --> 00:45:56,400 think oh, you know, my mom's just like that or yeah, I have a 875 00:45:56,400 --> 00:45:59,400 friend who doesn't tell me about anything, you know, how can you 876 00:45:59,400 --> 00:46:03,400 become that middle version, where you have boundaries that 877 00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:05,300 are in place? That makes sense for the 878 00:46:05,300 --> 00:46:08,800 relationships that you currently have, but you also aren't 879 00:46:08,800 --> 00:46:10,600 closing yourself off to everyone. 880 00:46:10,600 --> 00:46:13,500 All right, are you a people pleaser? 881 00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:16,100 If you're listening to this episode, you probably are Are, 882 00:46:16,500 --> 00:46:19,400 are you a bit of a pushover? You know, are you easily 883 00:46:19,400 --> 00:46:23,100 convinced? What challenges has this brought 884 00:46:23,100 --> 00:46:27,600 you? I know I know has this has this 885 00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:30,300 made you go? Oh yeah, that's me. 886 00:46:30,300 --> 00:46:34,700 Yeah, I walk into the space and I just want everyone to be 887 00:46:34,700 --> 00:46:37,500 excited that I'm there and, you know, I want everyone's 888 00:46:37,500 --> 00:46:39,700 validation. Where does that validation come 889 00:46:39,700 --> 00:46:41,800 from? You know, she does that come 890 00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:43,800 from other people. That, is that how you get on 891 00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:46,800 with your day that people are making Feel like you're worth 892 00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:50,600 being the spaces or do you need to work on finding that 893 00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:54,800 validation from within does that need to come from a part of you 894 00:46:54,800 --> 00:46:57,900 that says I'm actually allowed to be myself in any space. 895 00:46:57,900 --> 00:47:01,600 I'm allowed to walk into any room in fully be there and take 896 00:47:01,600 --> 00:47:03,900 up space. You know I'm allowed to ask 897 00:47:03,900 --> 00:47:06,800 questions and be present as myself. 898 00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:10,500 Whether that means that I'm going to be a bit more to myself 899 00:47:10,500 --> 00:47:13,500 that day or I'm going to be super outgoing and maybe a 900 00:47:13,508 --> 00:47:16,900 little bit too much and people might say I'm I'm too much. 901 00:47:16,900 --> 00:47:20,300 Are you actually allowing yourself to be in spaces, fully 902 00:47:20,300 --> 00:47:24,400 as yourself or as our? Are you showing up and just 903 00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:27,600 mirroring everybody and just trying to fit in? 904 00:47:27,600 --> 00:47:32,500 Because if you are, that can be so taxing on you emotionally and 905 00:47:32,500 --> 00:47:35,000 it can drain you, socially are there? 906 00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,700 A lot of things you feel you should do? 907 00:47:37,800 --> 00:47:40,600 Do you often feel like you're doing things against your will? 908 00:47:40,900 --> 00:47:43,500 Is that because you have to do these things? 909 00:47:43,500 --> 00:47:45,800 Or is it fear based, for example? 910 00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:49,900 What if they think I'm boring for not going out or what? 911 00:47:49,900 --> 00:47:52,400 If my boss thinks that I'm not a hard worker? 912 00:47:52,900 --> 00:47:57,700 Is that your internal dialogue? And if it is, how can you start 913 00:47:57,700 --> 00:48:02,200 to affirm for yourself that you are a hard worker or you are a 914 00:48:02,207 --> 00:48:04,600 good friend or you aren't boring? 915 00:48:04,900 --> 00:48:08,800 Like, really starting to believe that you are allowed to say, 916 00:48:08,900 --> 00:48:13,900 yes, to the things that are a hell, yes, and no to the things 917 00:48:13,900 --> 00:48:16,600 that are just a know and that That's okay. 918 00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:20,700 And that, if anybody in your life doesn't want to be around 919 00:48:20,700 --> 00:48:25,400 you, because you are respecting yourself worth and listening to 920 00:48:25,400 --> 00:48:27,600 that intuitive voice. The things that you actually 921 00:48:27,600 --> 00:48:31,200 want to do in your life, then that is not a good friend that 922 00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:34,400 is not a good person for you. And I can tell you from 923 00:48:34,400 --> 00:48:38,400 experience that there are people in your life that are absolutely 924 00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:41,800 going to get bothered by you stepping into who you really 925 00:48:41,800 --> 00:48:44,700 want to be, right? Because you have a friend who is 926 00:48:44,700 --> 00:48:48,400 constantly just me When you and making you feel good and telling 927 00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:51,000 you that you're the best in being your height person and 928 00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:54,000 never telling you that you are wrong and never encouraging you 929 00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:55,600 to be better. Of course, you're going to be 930 00:48:55,607 --> 00:48:58,800 like this is the best person in the world, they're amazing. 931 00:48:58,800 --> 00:49:01,800 They think I'm amazing. You know, I can see why that 932 00:49:01,800 --> 00:49:04,100 would be amazing. People would probably think that 933 00:49:04,100 --> 00:49:07,400 you're awesome, but if you don't feel good at the end of the day, 934 00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:10,700 if you feel like you are pushing through and just trying to be 935 00:49:10,700 --> 00:49:14,500 the best for everybody else, you're not going to have real 936 00:49:14,500 --> 00:49:17,700 relationships with those people. You know, resentment is going to 937 00:49:17,700 --> 00:49:20,900 build up and there is going to be this like, lack of true 938 00:49:20,900 --> 00:49:23,500 connection because you're not going to open up about things 939 00:49:23,500 --> 00:49:26,800 that you actually struggle with. Its it becomes like a bit of a 940 00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:31,500 facade, like a bit of a play, a bit of a, it just becomes fake. 941 00:49:31,500 --> 00:49:35,000 You know, and I think a lot of people end up living that way. 942 00:49:35,300 --> 00:49:38,700 And it's really quite sad because at the end of the day 943 00:49:38,700 --> 00:49:40,700 we're drained and we aren't fulfilled. 944 00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:43,500 And we aren't actively making choices to work towards the 945 00:49:43,500 --> 00:49:45,700 things that we actually want to do with our lives. 946 00:49:45,800 --> 00:49:49,300 We are just trying to be really good at that one choice that we 947 00:49:49,300 --> 00:49:53,700 made to do that degree or to work at that place that we don't 948 00:49:53,700 --> 00:49:56,500 even like. So what can you do? 949 00:49:56,500 --> 00:50:00,100 What can you do to start to work towards building life that you 950 00:50:00,100 --> 00:50:03,800 actually love and being around people that actually respect you 951 00:50:03,800 --> 00:50:05,800 enough for you to be able to be you. 952 00:50:05,800 --> 00:50:08,300 I hope that you got something out of today's episode. 953 00:50:08,300 --> 00:50:12,500 I didn't really know how this episode is going to end up 954 00:50:12,500 --> 00:50:14,600 feeling like how it was going to be. 955 00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:20,200 But But I just really wanted to speak to the people who feel 956 00:50:20,200 --> 00:50:24,600 like they aren't owning their lives and I want you to feel 957 00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:28,200 like you can own your life and take control and like take it by 958 00:50:28,207 --> 00:50:31,700 the reins and just be that person who really makes choices 959 00:50:31,700 --> 00:50:35,800 based off of what they love and want and are excited about. 960 00:50:36,500 --> 00:50:39,800 So please let me know if you guys have any questions. 961 00:50:39,800 --> 00:50:42,700 If you want to have a little chitchat at the moment, I am 962 00:50:42,700 --> 00:50:44,700 answering all my DMs on Instagram. 963 00:50:44,700 --> 00:50:47,300 So I'm answering. Single one of them and less 964 00:50:47,300 --> 00:50:49,000 obviously they're like an appropriate or something like 965 00:50:49,008 --> 00:50:54,000 that but I'm answering everybody and just really focusing in on 966 00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,800 like chatting with you guys and really like being in this 967 00:50:56,800 --> 00:50:59,900 community but something that's really exciting that's coming 968 00:50:59,900 --> 00:51:02,000 up. Is my website that I'm building 969 00:51:02,000 --> 00:51:05,100 right now where there's going to be an option for you guys to go 970 00:51:05,100 --> 00:51:07,100 on and send through questions anonymously. 971 00:51:07,100 --> 00:51:09,900 So I've actually started that this week and it's looking 972 00:51:09,900 --> 00:51:13,200 beautiful and I'm loving it, but you guys can be able to go on 973 00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:16,000 there. Ask questions and it's going to 974 00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:20,100 become a segment on the podcast. So at the end of every podcast, 975 00:51:20,100 --> 00:51:23,700 once we have that going properly, it's going to be at 976 00:51:23,700 --> 00:51:25,800 the end of every single episode where I'm just going to go 977 00:51:25,800 --> 00:51:28,000 through a few questions that you guys have sent in. 978 00:51:28,000 --> 00:51:31,100 Maybe it's going to be a whole like paragraph which these are 979 00:51:31,100 --> 00:51:33,800 the kind of DMs. I get a lot of the time and this is why I'm 980 00:51:33,800 --> 00:51:36,800 doing this, where it's like you know I'm going through all this 981 00:51:36,800 --> 00:51:39,600 I'm feeling I might be, you know struggling with my sexuality or 982 00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:42,600 this thing with my boyfriend or whatever and we have a whole 983 00:51:42,800 --> 00:51:45,200 chat about it and I've just been to chatting with you guys and 984 00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:47,600 being like You know what if somebody struggling with this 985 00:51:47,600 --> 00:51:49,800 then somebody else is obviously struggling with this as well. 986 00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:53,700 And I just feel like you guys would get a lot out of hearing 987 00:51:53,700 --> 00:51:57,000 these conversations and these kind of realizations that me and 988 00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,000 others are coming to as we have these chats. 989 00:51:59,000 --> 00:52:01,800 And so, I would love to be able to open that up and bring that 990 00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:03,400 in as a segment. So that's something we're going 991 00:52:03,400 --> 00:52:05,900 to be doing, so be on the lookout for that. 992 00:52:06,100 --> 00:52:08,900 And if you guys want to connect with me on Instagram or Tick, 993 00:52:08,900 --> 00:52:12,400 Tock, it's Alyssa Taylor Harper, which is linked in today's 994 00:52:12,400 --> 00:52:15,200 episode. And we also have a Facebook 995 00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:18,600 group It's called the she said, what Facebook, group podcast, 996 00:52:18,600 --> 00:52:22,000 group, something like that. And you didn't just go fill out 997 00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:24,300 the quick little form just to make sure you answer the 998 00:52:24,308 --> 00:52:27,000 questions because if you don't answer the questions, then I 999 00:52:27,000 --> 00:52:29,500 can't let you in because I just want to make sure that is a safe 1000 00:52:29,500 --> 00:52:32,700 space for everybody. Feel to come and chat and work 1001 00:52:32,700 --> 00:52:35,200 through some stuff together and get, of course, updates on 1002 00:52:35,200 --> 00:52:37,500 everything that's going on around these parts. 1003 00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:40,700 But that's it, guys, thank you so much for coming today and for 1004 00:52:40,700 --> 00:52:43,700 listening in and I will see you next week. 1005 00:52:43,700 --> 00:52:45,300 Have a lovely day. Bye guys.