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You're listening to. 
She said what with your host 

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Alyssa Harper? 
Hello sexy people. 

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Welcome back to. 
She said what if you guys have 

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never listened to the podcast 
before that, I just want to 

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welcome you. 
However you are, whoever you 

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are. 
Whatever is going on in your 

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life. 
You are welcome into this space 

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and I'm so excited to have you 
here. 

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This is really a podcast to help
you grow and learn about 

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yourself and become the best 
version of yourself. 

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We touched on so many topics, 
like sexual wellness, and Chips 

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and personal growth confidence, 
self care, self, love all of 

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these things that make you 
better and give you a better 

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relationship with yourself. 
So today's episode we're going 

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to be talking about sobriety and
this isn't an episode about how 

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you need to become sober and how
alcohol is the worst thing in 

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the world and it's really an 
opportunity for you to assess 

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your relationship with alcohol. 
And you can apply so many things

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that we talked about in this 
episode today in your everyday 

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life. 
I'm interviewing Millie Gooch 

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and You run something called The
Sober girl society, which is 

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this beautiful community of 
people that she is brought 

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together over the last few years
and it's just so so cool. 

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She talks as well about being 
sober, curious, which I would 

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actually put myself in that 
space. 

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And so, I really related to this
episode and I felt like the 

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interview was just amazing. 
And I learned so much from her, 

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you're going to learn what all 
of that means in today's 

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episode. 
That's just a chance for you to 

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reflect and see how your 
relationship with alcohol is 

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either serving you or not 
serving you. 

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So let's get right into it. 
Enjoy today's episode. 

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Welcome Ellie. 
Thank you so much for coming 

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onto the show. 
Oh, thank you so much for having

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me. 
I'm excited. 

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I like like I said, guys, I 
found her recently and I went 

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all the way through her socials 
and I did like the biggest Deep 

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dive. 
The biggest like creep and I 

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just was obsessed and I was 
like, guys, we need to have her 

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on the show because you're going
to learn so much and I can't 

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wait for you to hear her story 
because Everything that I've 

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seen has inspired me so much and
has taught me so much and I 

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think that you guys deserve 
that. 

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So Millie, can you give us like 
a little bit of an overview? 

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Like tell us about the sober 
girl society and what that is? 

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Yes, of course. 
So stay with us. 

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Like, you is something that I 
set out when I was seven months 

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sober. 
So that was in 2018. 

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I was 26, I had given up alcohol
because of the effect. 

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It was having a moment to help. 
So I was your Classic Party 

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Girl. 
Binge Drinker. 

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And you know, I would suffer 
with my hangovers for like three

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days. 
It was having a knock-on effect 

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for, you know, anxiety, 
depression, all of those fun 

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things. 
And yeah, when I stopped 

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drinking, I kind of looked 
around to see what support was 

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out there and there was only 
really the option of a a and I 

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know a lot about a and I have 
loads of friends who have been 

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through the programs whereby the
program, but for me at that 

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time, it just didn't feel like 
the right fit. 

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But regardless, I kind of wanted
to Find other people, you know, 

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me other people who were like me
and I couldn't really find 

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anything to be honest for young 
women, so I decided that I would

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say out. 
So we got a society, I thought 

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it could be a place that you 
know we could chat about 

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non-alcoholic wine or say over 
dating and yeah it just it just 

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escalated. 
So it went from like I don't 

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know, I thought there'd be like 
five of us to I think it's now a

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hundred eighty seven thousand 
followers, which is just losing 

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crazy to me. 
Yeah, incredible. 

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Yeah, I like that. 
Something that I thought was so 

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cool to right away was I was 
like you're not just posting 

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about it, you know you're not 
just being like this is like day

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number blah blah blah of like 
being sober and it was just your

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journey was like, seeing the 
community that you formed in 

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like even just the reels on your
page of like like a big room of 

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all these people that you've 
brought together. 

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I was like this is so cool. 
Like that is truly what it means

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to like Foster community and so,
like kudos to you because that 

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is incredible. 
Well, thank you and I also I 

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wanted to say, I love that you 
went through that Journey for 7 

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months before you like jumped on
and, like, did this thing on 

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social media? 
Like, I think it's cool that, 

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you know, you had that 
foundation and then you went 

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into social media, doing it. 
But I wanted to ask you, when 

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you started doing social media 
and started talking about 

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sobriety online, were you scared
to open up about it? 

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Like did it feel daunting? 
Yeah, it did. 

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And so I actually didn't put my 
face on, so we got Society until

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I had 10,000 followers, which is
crazy, isn't that? 

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Because I just, I didn't really 
want to be the focus of it 

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because it felt and I think it's
amazing. 

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That people do share their 
Journeys early on. 

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But for me, I was really 
wrestling with a lot, 

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navigating, a lot and trying to 
work it out in my own head 

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before I put it into the world 
and I think so when yeah, when I

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started it, I was seven months 
over but I still never really. 

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I wanted it to be about me, I 
just wanted to meet other people

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and I thought it would be a nice
space to talk about things. 

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I followed kind of communities 
at the time that had like a 

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shared purpose of whether it 
was, you know, body positivity 

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or veganism. 
And I just thought it would be 

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really cool if there's a club 
for like, young course over 

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girls. 
So yeah, I started it and then 

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didn't didn't put my face on 
then. 

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After 10,000 followers, I 
started getting like a lot of 

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DM's. 
I started getting requests to 

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appear on like panel talks and 
podcasts and things, and I was 

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like, oh, I think I'm actually 
gonna have to put my face on 

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this now because We were like, 
news isn't behind this account. 

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Everyone's, who's like, who's 
the mystery woman? 

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Like, who is? 
Yeah. 

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Yeah, this is like this being 
that no one knows totally. 

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And when you started doing that,
do you feel like people just 

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latched on I guess more than you
thought? 

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They would like, did you not 
expect a response? 

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Yea though, I didn't think I 
didn't think anything was going 

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to be as big as it was. 
I never thought it was gonna 

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like turn into my full-time job 
and never thought I was going to

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write a book about it, like, I 
just looking back, I think, 

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because I knew that I needed 
something like that, and I think

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they always say, like, if you 
need something, then there's 

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likely other people who need it 
to that. 

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At the time, I felt like the 
only person in the world who was

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like doing this, they and their 
now, like five years later, it's

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becoming so much. 
More normalized and like it's 

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just growing and growing. 
It hasn't, you know, ever got to

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a point where I'm like, oh I 
think that's it now. 

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Everyone's joined. 
It's just it's going. 

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Which is great. 
Yeah, I so good and I wanted to 

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ask you let's go back. 
Now let's talk about your 

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journey with it. 
Like how did that start? 

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How did you know that you wanted
to become sober? 

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Like when did you get to that 
point where you were like okay 

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this is actually something I 
want to do. 

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Yeah, so I really started 
drinking when I was 18 when I 

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went to University. 
So we've got a big university 

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drinking culture in the UK where
it's kind of just expected like,

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and I'm sure it's the same in a 
lot of places that you don't 

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really feel like you ever have a
choice. 

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It's just, yeah, I'll go to UNI 
and I'll drink. 

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So I really started drinking at 
University and I it was just 

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something I did because everyone
else is doing and because it was

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a normal because it was 
expected. 

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I never particularly had a 
desire to drink, I just did and 

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then I Two in Nightlife, I 
worked in club. 

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So that's in bars and I think 
slowly, but surely and without 

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me, even realizing, which I 
think is the kind of dangerous 

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part of it, alcohol turn to 
something that I just did 

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because everyone else was doing 
to something that I then felt 

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like I became quite reliant on 
and not necessarily in a 

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physical dependency. 
But in terms of confidence, if I

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was ever feeling insecure, I 
would drink of if I was ever 

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feeling stressed, I would drink 
this. 

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Coping mechanism that hadn't 
been a coping mechanism before 

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slowly, you know, unveiled 
itself as one. 

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And then I left uni I went to 
work in media as I worked in PR 

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rights in journalism and you 
know it was lots of parties and 

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free champagne and the like and 
my drinking just started getting

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a bit out of control. 
You know, embarrassing myself at

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work, parties, waking up and not
knowing how I got home. 

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I really started to suffer with 
back out. 

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So I wouldn't remember large 
portions of my night sometimes 

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like a good four or five hours 
would just Yeah, I'm ready. 

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And then it was then it was the 
effect of my mental health. 

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I was anxious all the time and I
got into this cycle and what 

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they say is like mental health 
issues and you know, substance 

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abuse are quite hard to untangle
because I was drinking because I

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felt anxious and drinking would 
make me feel less anxious, but 

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then the next day you get a 
spike in anxiety. 

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So then you just get into this 
cycle, really quickly of 

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drinking to feel less anxious 
And I was just really sad, 

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really miserable? 
Really depressed. 

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I was, you know, arguing with my
friends and lights out, just 

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creating General havoc and chaos
and I just I was miserable but 

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then I went on a night out and I
was it was like February 2018. 

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I woke up. 
I was so hungover. 

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It wasn't. 
It wasn't necessarily like the 

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worst hangover I've ever had or 
the most stupid thing I've ever 

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done and I just it was like 
something just switched on I was

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at I just can't do this anymore,
I cannot live my life. 

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They said every single weekend 
and yeah, I never I never knew 

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if I was going to make it like a
forever thing. 

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But I was like, I think I need a
good like, six months just to 

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get my life together and then 
yeah, five years later, here we 

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are. 
Wow, so that's interesting 

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because I always wonder if 
people find it like, so, 

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daunting to the point, like, if 
they're going to say, oh, I'm 

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going to do this forever, like 
this is a forever thing if 

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that's so daunting and that's 
what stops people from even 

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taking a week. 
Goff or taking a month off 

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because it's just like, oh no. 
Like I'm used to it. 

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I'm used to it, you know, this 
is what I do or, you know, it's 

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controlled but it's, you know, I
use it every day. 

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It's like that kind of thing. 
It's really interesting. 

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How people will kind of, I guess
justify their use of it or they 

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think it's in control when it's 
not or they think it's in 

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control. 
But then, if they think about 

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actually stopping, it's like 
that's actually a bit of a scary

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thing. 
It's like if it's a scary thing,

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you know? 
It's probably not bad. 

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Yeah. 
If you can't just Up. 

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Then you are probably a little 
bit more addicted to it than you

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think you are. 
Yeah, yeah. 

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And it's interesting too, 
because people will say like, 

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but it's not like it's not 
actual diction, it's not 

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physical addiction, it's not 
like, oh, I'm going to wake up 

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and have all these shakes if I 
don't drink. 

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But it's like, yes. 
But how you work something into 

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your lifestyle does absolutely 
affect you. 

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You know, if you are potentially
making plans around like, oh, I,

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you know, I usually take my 
nights for me, you know, that's 

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usually me time, but it's 
actually that, you know, I might

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be drunk at that point. 
Then you're not making plans and

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doing certain things on those 
nights because you can't like, 

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it's it really does start to 
think just affect all of your 

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choices and it can be like a 
slow burn and then you can find 

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themselves really quite low in 
that situation. 

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Yeah, that's what I think. 
One of the things I always say 

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is it doesn't like just a really
big problem with drinking 

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doesn't just occur. 
Overnight will get into your 

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life slowly and build and build 
and that's how addiction Works. 

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In terms of, you know, you have 
to drink more to get the same 

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00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:14,600
effect. 
Your tolerance levels go up. 

225
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,300
So I always say I always use the
analogy. 

226
00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:21,400
It's like if you saw or a house 
that was like on fire, you 

227
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:24,600
shouldn't necessarily wait until
it's burnt down to do something.

228
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,200
Like if you can see that there's
always a small fire there 

229
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,500
actually, I should put it out 
because I think that's the thing

230
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,600
with drinking problems. 
Is we wait until they get to 

231
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,900
this, like mysterious rock 
bottom and unless it's at that 

232
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:38,600
point where like it's fine, I'm 
not that bad. 

233
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:41,500
Like I can keep going that. 
Would you wait until you all 

234
00:11:41,500 --> 00:11:43,000
that bad and then do something 
about it. 

235
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:44,900
Like it's yeah. 
Oh wow. 

236
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:48,400
Did I and tackle it before? 
It gets to that level. 

237
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,900
Yeah it's so true. 
Like the amount of times I feel 

238
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:55,700
like yeah I've heard that or of 
seen that that oh it's not that 

239
00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:59,800
bad, you know, or you were never
that bad and do you think the 

240
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,500
opinions of like friends and 
family members tie in there as 

241
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:05,300
well? 
Like people will look at others 

242
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:07,700
and be like, oh, you know, 
everyone drinks or it's, you 

243
00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:10,800
know, you were never that bad, 
you don't need to be sober 

244
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,200
forever. 
Like that's a bit dramatic. 

245
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,400
Have you experienced? 
At all. 

246
00:12:13,408 --> 00:12:16,700
Or do you think people do? 
Yeah, 100%. 

247
00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:20,000
I think I used to get it quite a
lot because again I wasn't 

248
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:22,900
someone who was like waking up 
and the first thing I was doing 

249
00:12:22,900 --> 00:12:26,400
was drinking everyone said oh 
you know you're not that bad, 

250
00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:30,600
you're not addicted but actually
I was going out every weekend 

251
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:34,500
ruining my life like making 
myself miserable doing stupid 

252
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:38,000
things upsetting people. 
I loved waking up spending my 

253
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:41,300
whole weekend like embed 
hungover and miserable and I 

254
00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:45,600
wasn't living and and they they 
didn't get to see that bit. 

255
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,300
They saw the bit on a night out,
you know, causing a bit of chaos

256
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,700
and destruction but they didn't 
have to live in my head they 

257
00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:54,100
didn't have to be there in the 
next day when I was like shaking

258
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:58,600
and having an existential crisis
and like having you know awful 

259
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,000
Thor's. 
The they weren't there doing 

260
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:03,300
that bit. 
So I think it's really hard 

261
00:13:03,300 --> 00:13:06,200
because people just see this 
like all fun party girl but they

262
00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:10,500
don't really see the full extent
of the damage that that drinking

263
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:13,000
is causing. 
So you have to be have to be 

264
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:16,800
Like rooted in your decision 
when you decide to give up and 

265
00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,100
it is really hard. 
But you have to like, basically 

266
00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:22,900
put like things either side of 
you that don't allow opinions to

267
00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:26,500
come in because soon as you do 
that is often when people are 

268
00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:28,400
kind of swayed to go back and 
then start going. 

269
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:33,100
Yeah, that's, you know, I wasn't
that bad but it, that bad is, is

270
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:36,000
kind of on a spectrum and it's 
what it means to you to be that 

271
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:40,600
bad. 
Yeah, do you think that it 

272
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:44,300
really just comes back to the 
individual to decide whether or 

273
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,600
not? 
They think they have a problem. 

274
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:51,800
Like I think some people will 
tell themselves it's going fine 

275
00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,700
and they don't need to do 
anything, you know, because if 

276
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:57,000
they actually have to admit to 
themselves as a problem, then 

277
00:13:57,000 --> 00:14:00,300
that's a big deal. 
But how do you tell that as 

278
00:14:00,300 --> 00:14:02,100
yourself like her as an 
individual? 

279
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:06,100
How do you decipher? 
Like I need to quit altogether 

280
00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:08,500
or I need to pull back. 
Or do you think there's a way to

281
00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:11,600
know? 
Yeah, I think it's rather than 

282
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:14,900
asking like is it a problem? 
Just asking, is it a problem for

283
00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:19,100
me like is, is it a problem? 
Is it causing problems in my 

284
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:23,900
life and kind of thinking about 
what your life would look like 

285
00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:25,800
if you took it out? 
Like, do you think that your 

286
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:29,100
life could improve if you 
actually took alcohol at the 

287
00:14:29,108 --> 00:14:30,400
equation? 
Do you think there's a 

288
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:32,200
possibility that your mental 
health could get better that 

289
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:34,100
your physical health could get 
better that your relationships 

290
00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:37,100
could get better? 
I think, looking at those things

291
00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:41,100
in Yeah, just not focusing on 
comparing your drinking to 

292
00:14:41,100 --> 00:14:44,100
anyone else's. 
Is it a problem for you? 

293
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:47,500
Is it causing problems in your 
life because some people can go 

294
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:51,100
out every night, create chaos, 
wake up wherever and they're 

295
00:14:51,100 --> 00:14:54,200
fine with that, and that's okay,
but if it's a problem for you 

296
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,000
and if that's not how you want 
to live your life, then then 

297
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:59,000
that's when you maybe need to 
think about changing your 

298
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,700
relationship with it. 
Right? 

299
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:06,100
Yeah, and when you first started
deciding that you were thinking,

300
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:09,100
okay, I'm going to quit and I 
can't be doing this anymore. 

301
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:13,100
What were your initial fears 
around it? 

302
00:15:13,108 --> 00:15:16,200
Because you mentioned, say using
it for confidence, right? 

303
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:18,700
Like, was that a part of it was 
there was there. 

304
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:20,800
A lot of things you are scared 
that we're going to happen or 

305
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,100
things, you were going to miss 
out on. 

306
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,600
Yeah, there were things. 
I was terrified about. 

307
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,300
I think the confidence is a big 
one. 

308
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,500
I think, especially when I start
thinking I was single. 

309
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,500
So the thought of going on a 
date? 

310
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:34,900
So, So that at the beginning was
absolutely terrifying to me the 

311
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:39,200
biggest things was actually 
alcohol and being this party, 

312
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:43,000
girl, was basically my Identity 
or the identity I'd created for 

313
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:45,200
myself was like, you know, I was
always a friend. 

314
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,800
You would call if you wanted 
night out. 

315
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:50,000
I was always last on the dance. 
So if you said, oh yeah, your 

316
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,900
friend Millie, they've got, oh 
yeah, the one that part is 

317
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:54,900
really hard. 
So I kind of had this like, oh, 

318
00:15:54,900 --> 00:15:57,300
well, when when I stopped 
drinking the who am I going to 

319
00:15:57,308 --> 00:16:00,000
be like, what am I going to be? 
I just don't know. 

320
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:04,100
So There were so many things and
I think I was worried about 

321
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:07,200
feeling isolated that my friends
don't want to hang out with me 

322
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,500
that you know, site yet a lot of
fear. 

323
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:11,800
So I understand it. 
When people say them to me and I

324
00:16:11,808 --> 00:16:14,800
want to be like, you're going to
be fine. 

325
00:16:14,800 --> 00:16:18,300
I promise that I had those fears
and it's really hard for someone

326
00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:23,100
else to kind of yak while those.
I think in the moment, do you 

327
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:25,700
feel like any of those, fears 
came true. 

328
00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:28,900
Like, did you struggle with 
friends and socializing 

329
00:16:28,900 --> 00:16:32,900
initially? 
Yeah, I think initially they 

330
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:35,100
kind of it is true. 
Going on. 

331
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:38,200
Your first sober date is going 
to be scary and I'm not going to

332
00:16:38,200 --> 00:16:40,300
lie and say, you know, it's 
wonderful because it's not, it's

333
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:43,000
scary. 
But I think the biggest lesson 

334
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:47,300
I've learned is just, it is like
a practice and where I was so 

335
00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:49,900
reliant on alcohol for 
confidence. 

336
00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:52,600
I didn't have any confidence in 
my own because I would say go on

337
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:55,300
a day, I'd feel nervous, so I 
would drink and then suddenly I 

338
00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:57,400
would feel confident. 
And then the next day that 

339
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,800
confidence doesn't stay with you
because you've got it from a 

340
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,000
bottle. 
It says a synthetic source. 

341
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:05,900
So what I realized by actually 
doing us over day is I really 

342
00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:09,000
started to build that confidence
innately and like within myself,

343
00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:12,099
I would go after the day and be 
like, okay, that was fine. 

344
00:17:12,099 --> 00:17:15,099
Like, you know, I managed to 
come up with good conversation 

345
00:17:15,099 --> 00:17:17,300
topics, I think they like me. 
They said they want to see me 

346
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:20,400
again and then the next day I'm 
like, oh cool, I've got this, I 

347
00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:24,300
can do this and you just keep 
building on it and like is easy 

348
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:26,500
for me to say now, five years 
later but it is. 

349
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:30,000
Everything is so normal to me to
do without alcohol, it just 

350
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,800
doesn't even Phase anymore. 
Whereas, at the beginning, 

351
00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:35,500
everything was terrifying but 
now I'm like, oh yeah. 

352
00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:38,700
Yeah, I've done like 25 so 
Verde, it's like it's fine. 

353
00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:40,800
It's just the norm. 
And I think that's the hardest 

354
00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:44,200
thing that people want tips and 
quick fixes for when they first 

355
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,400
stop drinking. 
But the reality is you just have

356
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,800
to you have to practice and you 
have to just keep going with it.

357
00:17:50,500 --> 00:17:52,800
Mmm. 
Wow, that's so cool. 

358
00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:57,100
Like that's so interesting to me
that your confidence actually 

359
00:17:57,200 --> 00:17:59,200
grew from there. 
Like it wasn't just. 

360
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:02,600
Oh, now I have to find how to be
confident in a different way. 

361
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:05,700
It was actually, like a billion 
times better because it was 

362
00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:09,300
actually like a real thing and 
you really prove it to yourself.

363
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:12,200
Like, to me, it just feels like,
you know, putting yourself in 

364
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:15,000
that uncomfortable situation. 
You're putting yourself in a 

365
00:18:15,008 --> 00:18:18,000
space where you're able to grow 
and like I think, you know, that

366
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,700
ties over in so many areas of 
Our Lives where we're like 

367
00:18:20,700 --> 00:18:23,700
willing to put ourselves out 
there even if it's scary. 

368
00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:27,600
Like it can be the best thing 
that we ever do even with you 

369
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:28,800
you know starting your 
community. 

370
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,400
It's like at first you obviously
do. 

371
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:33,100
Put your face on it because 
you're like, you know, I don't 

372
00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:34,300
know. 
I don't know, this isn't me. 

373
00:18:35,300 --> 00:18:37,900
You're hiding and then you 
finally put yourself into it and

374
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:40,400
then I'm sure people from their 
connectors you so much. 

375
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:44,500
And obviously it's grown so much
to from 10,000, so that's 

376
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:47,600
amazing. 
Yeah, thank you. 

377
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,700
It's awesome. 
It's so good. 

378
00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:55,100
I want to kind of get into now 
for people who are thinking of 

379
00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:58,600
wanting to become sober or 
sober, curious as you would call

380
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:02,600
it, can we talk about Bout that 
you talk to a lot of people who 

381
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:06,100
are quote unquote, sober curious
and what does that mean for you?

382
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,900
Yes I think. 
So curious is a great term that 

383
00:19:09,900 --> 00:19:13,800
is coming and so it was actually
coined by Ruby Warrington who 

384
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:17,300
wrote the book of the same name 
and there's a bit of a mix 

385
00:19:17,300 --> 00:19:19,700
definition because I think some 
people think it means being 

386
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:22,300
curious about being full-time 
sober. 

387
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:25,800
But the way she kind of uses it 
is that it's like a forever 

388
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,400
state. 
So you never really have to 

389
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:29,200
declare yourself as fully 
teetotal. 

390
00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:33,600
You're just more of We cool it 
here like mindful drinker. 

391
00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:36,800
So it's, you know, just being 
more aware about your drinking 

392
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,300
patterns, and your habits, and 
making sure you're constantly 

393
00:19:39,300 --> 00:19:41,300
kind of re-evaluating 
relationship with alcohol and 

394
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:43,600
it's not getting to a point 
where it's causing you problems.

395
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:46,600
So, depending on what way you 
want to take the meaning, you 

396
00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,400
can, you can take it as being 
curious about being sober. 

397
00:19:49,900 --> 00:19:53,200
But I think it's I think it's 
great because it's allowing 

398
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:58,100
people to to have that option to
kind of re-evaluate their 

399
00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:01,300
relationship with alcohol. 
Take time off and It's quite a 

400
00:20:01,300 --> 00:20:05,500
cute, fun word, I think the 
people of people can use. 

401
00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:08,800
So, yeah, I speak to people all 
the time and I think it's just 

402
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:11,600
great that. 
Now, people have a term to kind 

403
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:15,600
of say, how they're feeling of 
like, basically, I wanna maybe 

404
00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:18,800
experiment with sobriety but I'm
not sure if I'm ready to fully 

405
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:22,200
commit yet, so I think it's 
great that that term has come in

406
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,900
right? 
And so that actually I love 

407
00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:26,800
this, you're teaching me. 
So please correct me. 

408
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,700
If I say that, I don't know 
you're a world girl. 

409
00:20:29,700 --> 00:20:35,500
So you know, But so that's 
actually not meaning necessarily

410
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,100
that people are gonna be sober 
forever. 

411
00:20:37,100 --> 00:20:38,900
Forever. 
This is, you know, so we're 

412
00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:43,300
curious is going to take time to
acknowledge what my relationship

413
00:20:43,300 --> 00:20:47,100
is with alcohol and maybe pull 
back in some ways, but I'm not 

414
00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:50,100
actually having to commit to 
full sobriety, I guess. 

415
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:52,700
Is that correct? 
Yeah, it's a bit like I've ever 

416
00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:55,700
heard the term like flexitarian,
love it. 

417
00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:58,200
Yes, yeah, it is, isn't it like 
that? 

418
00:20:58,200 --> 00:21:00,300
It's like, I don't know. 
Your kind of large. 

419
00:21:00,500 --> 00:21:04,200
We a non-drinker, but when you 
want to, you may have the odd 

420
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,800
drinks. 
That's a, quite the kind of way 

421
00:21:05,800 --> 00:21:08,500
that Ruby defines her sober 
curiosity. 

422
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:11,100
Yeah, I love that. 
And honestly, it's interesting 

423
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:13,700
because that makes me feel like,
okay, maybe I'm allowed to be in

424
00:21:13,700 --> 00:21:18,500
the club because I'm I'm, I'm 
that way where I actually. 

425
00:21:18,500 --> 00:21:20,100
I'll share just a little bit 
quickly about me. 

426
00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:23,900
I don't want to talk about me 
too much, but I had a moment a 

427
00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:27,800
few years ago when I was really 
struggling and I got into a 

428
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:31,100
habit of drinking quite a bit. 
And for me, it was At the point 

429
00:21:31,100 --> 00:21:33,900
where I was like, like you said,
like waking up and drinking in 

430
00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:37,100
the morning or, you know, it 
wasn't, I wasn't even really 

431
00:21:37,100 --> 00:21:39,200
getting to the point of having 
blackouts or anything. 

432
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,900
It wasn't necessarily a 
long-term thing. 

433
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:44,200
It was quite short term like 
over a few months, but I did get

434
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:47,300
to the point where I noticed 
little habits were coming up, 

435
00:21:47,300 --> 00:21:50,200
like I was kind of hiding it 
from people, like hiding that I 

436
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:52,200
was drinking, maybe more than 
other people. 

437
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:55,200
You know, I was that person who 
is like, let's get shots like I 

438
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,300
was just, you know, a bit of a 
pusher like it just started to 

439
00:21:58,308 --> 00:22:00,300
become a bit like not what I 
want. 

440
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:05,300
To do and so I did do this 
similar to this, where I decided

441
00:22:05,300 --> 00:22:06,400
like, okay, I'm going to take a 
break. 

442
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:10,300
I'm not going to drink for a 
while and now like I barely I 

443
00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:13,300
really don't drink that much 
like I used to, in so funny, in 

444
00:22:13,300 --> 00:22:15,200
comparison. 
I used to think, you know, 

445
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:18,900
especially during lockdown, oh 
my God, almost every night was 

446
00:22:18,900 --> 00:22:22,800
like, okay, around 5:00 time to 
have, you know, my glass of wine

447
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,700
sit down in front of the couch, 
veg out. 

448
00:22:24,700 --> 00:22:26,500
And then like you just do it. 
The next day, repeat, repeat, 

449
00:22:26,500 --> 00:22:29,100
repeat. 
And you know, it was so 

450
00:22:29,100 --> 00:22:33,500
unhealthy for My mental health 
and I realized like, okay, like 

451
00:22:33,500 --> 00:22:35,800
I don't want to do that or I 
don't want this to be a part of 

452
00:22:35,808 --> 00:22:36,600
my routine. 
You know. 

453
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:40,200
I don't want to think of like 
yeah my nights is being like 

454
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,600
this quiet time where I'm like, 
either by myself at home having 

455
00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:48,100
a drink where I am actually 
alone or just with my partner or

456
00:22:48,100 --> 00:22:50,900
oh, I need to justify drinking. 
So now I need to go out to be 

457
00:22:50,900 --> 00:22:52,300
with friends so that I can 
drink. 

458
00:22:52,300 --> 00:22:55,000
Like I realized how much shame 
there was and how it really was 

459
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:58,400
creeping up on me. 
So it's cool that now I'm at a 

460
00:22:58,408 --> 00:23:01,100
place where I'm like somewhere 
Mixed in there. 

461
00:23:01,100 --> 00:23:03,400
It's like I can still drink, but
I definitely am aware of my 

462
00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,700
relationship with it. 
And now it's funny because in 

463
00:23:06,700 --> 00:23:09,200
friends, this is within my 
friend group and people that I 

464
00:23:09,208 --> 00:23:12,800
see like it's very normalized, 
but people will say, like, oh, I

465
00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:17,800
need a drink and even just half 
he's like, oh, I need a drink to

466
00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,000
me. 
It just I get a little ping in 

467
00:23:20,008 --> 00:23:23,400
my stomach because it just makes
me scared knowing that that 

468
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:25,100
person actually does feel that 
way. 

469
00:23:25,100 --> 00:23:28,500
I'm like, yeah, I'm like, if you
need a drink like that's, let's 

470
00:23:28,500 --> 00:23:31,600
talk about that, you know, like 
in everyone Many one, but it is,

471
00:23:31,900 --> 00:23:35,400
it scares me a little bit 
because I do understand that 

472
00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,600
feeling and thankfully, I've 
been able to kind of separate 

473
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:39,900
myself from that and then 
obviously, you know, not there 

474
00:23:39,900 --> 00:23:40,900
anymore. 
Thank God. 

475
00:23:40,900 --> 00:23:44,400
But at the time it does feel 
like that it feels like yeah. 

476
00:23:45,100 --> 00:23:47,300
Oh I need this thing. 
I need to use this thing to 

477
00:23:47,300 --> 00:23:49,600
change my state of mind, but 
because it's so normalized. 

478
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,000
It's like not a big deal, it's 
great. 

479
00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:52,300
Yeah. 
Yeah. 

480
00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,600
But I would say, you'll 
definitely say the Curious from 

481
00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,400
what you're saying about your 
relationship with alcohol. 

482
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,300
You're definitely in the club. 
Amazing. 

483
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:05,100
Well, for people who are, I 
guess at this point right now, 

484
00:24:05,100 --> 00:24:07,600
maybe they're listening and 
they're like, oh wow, this 

485
00:24:07,600 --> 00:24:10,400
actually is something that I 
think is a bit of a, you know, a

486
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:13,100
quote-unquote problem for me or 
this is something that I want to

487
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,800
change in my life or maybe a 
just in some ways because I want

488
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:21,800
to like, bring up the quality of
my life, in your perspective are

489
00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:24,400
there like first steps. 
There's there an any initial 

490
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:26,800
things you need to do to like 
get going with this. 

491
00:24:27,500 --> 00:24:31,300
Yeah, so that the first piece of
advice I always Is gave, is that

492
00:24:31,300 --> 00:24:33,600
I don't need, you can change 
your relationship with alcohol 

493
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,200
until you actually understand 
your relationship with alcohol. 

494
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:39,300
So I think it's asking us elves,
two questions. 

495
00:24:39,700 --> 00:24:43,500
The big one is, why why do you 
drink like, do you drink because

496
00:24:43,500 --> 00:24:44,900
everyone else drinks. 
Do you drink? 

497
00:24:44,900 --> 00:24:46,800
Because it makes you more 
confident? 

498
00:24:46,800 --> 00:24:48,500
Do you drink? 
Because you think that you can 

499
00:24:48,500 --> 00:24:50,500
only have interesting 
conversations with people. 

500
00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:54,400
So getting to the root of why 
you drink and then kind of like,

501
00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:58,000
who do you drink around? 
Like are there are their friends

502
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,300
that always make like snide 
comments about you. 

503
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,400
You and that makes you want a 
drink or, you know, family 

504
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:05,900
members constantly asking you 
why you're not engaged yet. 

505
00:25:05,900 --> 00:25:07,400
And does that make you want to 
drink? 

506
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:10,500
And, you know, the where 
question are there places that 

507
00:25:10,500 --> 00:25:13,400
you drink more than you want to?
So, just like the who, what, 

508
00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:17,200
where, why all of those just get
really kind of curious about 

509
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,700
your relationship. 
We have a journaling cause not 

510
00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:21,700
to forget that at. 
So guys, I do, which is got, 

511
00:25:21,700 --> 00:25:25,100
like loads of these if you don't
want to you know, sweet hand it 

512
00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:26,600
and you want to just go through 
the questions. 

513
00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:30,500
It's quite good because and it 
ask yourself questions like You 

514
00:25:30,508 --> 00:25:34,000
know what, my life look like if 
I stop drinking, you know what, 

515
00:25:34,000 --> 00:25:36,600
why would I choose to do it at 
what do I think the barriers are

516
00:25:36,600 --> 00:25:38,800
going to be? 
Do I think there's going to be 

517
00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:41,300
certain friends that going to, 
you know, be funny about it. 

518
00:25:41,300 --> 00:25:43,100
So just working out all of those
questions. 

519
00:25:43,100 --> 00:25:45,300
I think is understand your 
relationship with alcohol is the

520
00:25:45,300 --> 00:25:48,100
first kind of Port of Call to 
changing it. 

521
00:25:48,300 --> 00:25:52,000
And then I think absorbing 
yourself in this like corner of 

522
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:55,600
the internet that has just 
exploded over the last few years

523
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:59,300
is dedicated to so the Curiosity
sobriety so wherever that is. 

524
00:25:59,700 --> 00:26:04,200
But because Podcast, you know, 
bloggers and influencers. 

525
00:26:04,500 --> 00:26:07,800
There's there's so much out 
there that is available in terms

526
00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:11,300
of resources and so much of it 
free as well, which is just 

527
00:26:11,300 --> 00:26:14,300
fantastic. 
And then, the third thing, I 

528
00:26:14,300 --> 00:26:18,800
would say is try and find 
like-minded people and I don't 

529
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,700
think that necessarily needs to 
be a sober Community especially 

530
00:26:21,700 --> 00:26:24,700
if you're kind of the still in 
that saver, curious realm. 

531
00:26:24,700 --> 00:26:27,300
But if say, you know, your 
friends are just going out every

532
00:26:27,300 --> 00:26:29,200
weekend drinking and you 
actually want to do something 

533
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:32,400
different. 
The Joiner hiking group or a 

534
00:26:32,408 --> 00:26:36,000
running group or a knitting 
group, like whatever you want to

535
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:37,900
do. 
So sorry, Nikki great. 

536
00:26:37,900 --> 00:26:39,000
Sounds really boring, doesn't 
it? 

537
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:43,400
But you know, improve anything 
you want to do? 

538
00:26:44,600 --> 00:26:47,400
It is to kind of find 
like-minded people and try and 

539
00:26:47,400 --> 00:26:50,700
start doing things that don't 
necessarily revolve around 

540
00:26:50,700 --> 00:26:53,700
alcohol. 
Yeah, I really love that. 

541
00:26:53,700 --> 00:26:57,000
I think that's so good. 
What you said not just you know 

542
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:01,000
trying to specifically go out 
and go clubbing, but Without 

543
00:27:01,000 --> 00:27:02,600
alcohol. 
Like, I think, people think 

544
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:03,700
that, you know, you think. 
Okay. 

545
00:27:03,700 --> 00:27:05,700
Let's go. 
You know, prove that we can do 

546
00:27:05,700 --> 00:27:08,200
that thing that we love when 
we're drunk, but we're gonna do 

547
00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:11,800
it sober but it's like sometimes
you go into those spaces and you

548
00:27:11,800 --> 00:27:15,200
realize, like, oh this is 
actually like not necessarily a 

549
00:27:15,208 --> 00:27:20,000
space, I would be in if I wasn't
drinking because it's a lot 

550
00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:23,100
more, it's loud, or it's sweaty,
or I don't like this is this, 

551
00:27:23,100 --> 00:27:25,200
like I kind of went through that
as well. 

552
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:29,000
Where I, at one point was just 
like, I don't like going out, 

553
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:31,800
like, quote, unquote, going out 
Like, I don't like clubbing. 

554
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,800
I don't like, you know, that 
lifestyle and it was so 

555
00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:38,500
frustrating for me because I was
always like, I don't have 

556
00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:41,500
friends like that. 
Do other things than this is, 

557
00:27:41,500 --> 00:27:43,400
like what I have to do with my 
time. 

558
00:27:43,400 --> 00:27:45,400
And I always felt like I was 
wasting all my time. 

559
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:49,200
My money like so much. 
And like you said, like, even 

560
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,900
making mistakes having these 
like regrets and just feeling 

561
00:27:51,900 --> 00:27:53,900
really frustrated. 
And obviously, you know, you had

562
00:27:53,900 --> 00:27:57,000
a longer Journey with that, but 
I think it was just, it's 

563
00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:00,300
interesting to me to hear that 
there are other ways to go. 

564
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,500
About it than just forcing 
yourself to do the same damn 

565
00:28:03,500 --> 00:28:07,500
thing. 
But like, yeah, I think what I 

566
00:28:07,500 --> 00:28:10,200
realize is like, I don't know if
you felt the same, but I just 

567
00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,700
became a lot pickier with like 
where I would go out. 

568
00:28:12,700 --> 00:28:15,200
So that when I was drinking, you
could drop me in a warehouse in 

569
00:28:15,200 --> 00:28:17,700
the middle of nowhere and some 
dodgy Rave. 

570
00:28:17,900 --> 00:28:20,600
And I'd be like, this is great. 
I'm having the best time where 

571
00:28:20,600 --> 00:28:23,100
is now? 
I think I'm like, okay, I like 

572
00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:26,800
clubs that have got good music 
that I like that have like it's 

573
00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,600
not too loud so I can speak to 
my friends, they have really 

574
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:33,100
good non-alcoholic Option, so is
not, it's not that I never go 

575
00:28:33,100 --> 00:28:36,900
out, but I also don't just go 
out every single weekend like I 

576
00:28:36,900 --> 00:28:40,200
used to, I think it's more about
finding that balance of, you 

577
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:45,700
know, going out and also not 
going totally know, I always say

578
00:28:45,700 --> 00:28:48,700
like, I basically just run a 
daycare all day for myself, 

579
00:28:48,700 --> 00:28:52,200
like, that's what I did. 
I love the arts and crafts, like

580
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,500
I love the music. 
I love, like, that's what I 

581
00:28:54,500 --> 00:28:57,300
know. 
I'm a very chill person and so 

582
00:28:57,300 --> 00:29:00,200
like, you know, as I could, you 
know, I could go out. 

583
00:29:00,300 --> 00:29:03,000
Out here and there for a little 
boogie with my friends but it's 

584
00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:06,200
not something that I would do on
like a regular basis. 

585
00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:09,000
And so it's just it is really 
nice and encouraging to like, 

586
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,000
see not just you, but obviously 
because you created this 

587
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:14,900
community. 
Now, an example in so many 

588
00:29:14,900 --> 00:29:17,700
different peoples lives, like 
what it looks like to live that 

589
00:29:17,700 --> 00:29:19,500
way. 
Consistently because I think 

590
00:29:19,500 --> 00:29:22,000
when you're so wrapped up in it,
when you're so wrapped up in, 

591
00:29:22,100 --> 00:29:24,800
you know, that friend group or a
certain lifestyle, it just seems

592
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:26,600
like almost impossible at the 
start. 

593
00:29:26,600 --> 00:29:28,900
Like, it seems like you know, 
I'm not going to do that. 

594
00:29:28,900 --> 00:29:32,600
Like it just seems like out of 
the Yeah, but it really can be 

595
00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:35,600
like the best option. 
The best thing that you could do

596
00:29:36,000 --> 00:29:38,900
if you, you know, are there and 
you're like, okay yes, I'm 

597
00:29:38,900 --> 00:29:41,900
ready, you know, yeah, and you 
have to be ready. 

598
00:29:41,900 --> 00:29:46,200
I think that's the thing because
so many people I think on, on 

599
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:49,200
Reggie, and that's fine. 
Like the time will cast. 

600
00:29:49,600 --> 00:29:50,900
Yeah. 
And you know what? 

601
00:29:50,900 --> 00:29:54,200
You mentioned about family and 
friends and how it can be 

602
00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:56,400
frustrating and you might have 
to have some frustrating 

603
00:29:56,400 --> 00:29:59,800
conversations, or you might feel
a bit judged at the start. 

604
00:29:59,800 --> 00:30:00,800
What did that? 
Look like for you. 

605
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:03,400
Did you feel that? 
Yeah, it was. 

606
00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:05,500
It was really interesting. 
Actually I would say my friends 

607
00:30:05,500 --> 00:30:09,200
were, were kind of a bit 
ambivalent in terms of there was

608
00:30:09,200 --> 00:30:12,500
no strong reaction either way 
and I think Looking Back Now 

609
00:30:12,500 --> 00:30:15,200
it's because they didn't believe
that I was going to do it so I 

610
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:19,000
don't think they you know they 
all were like yeah cool. 

611
00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:22,300
Let's just let her get it out of
her system and then I remember I

612
00:30:22,300 --> 00:30:24,100
was going on holiday with my 
friend. 

613
00:30:24,100 --> 00:30:27,200
We were going to travel in and 
she was like, oh, you are going 

614
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,400
to drink while we're away that. 
Why aren't you? 

615
00:30:29,400 --> 00:30:32,900
And I This point, I'm not drunk 
for like six months and I was 

616
00:30:32,900 --> 00:30:36,200
like, no I'm not. 
And then I kind of saw the 

617
00:30:36,200 --> 00:30:39,900
realization dawned on the hair. 
I think by that point it was too

618
00:30:39,900 --> 00:30:41,200
late. 
Because I think they were like, 

619
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:44,100
oh well, you know, we've seen 
that she's happier, we've seen 

620
00:30:44,100 --> 00:30:46,300
that she's like enjoying a life 
more. 

621
00:30:46,300 --> 00:30:48,800
I think they felt at that point.
They couldn't really say 

622
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,300
anything so I was really lucky 
in that respect. 

623
00:30:51,300 --> 00:30:54,800
I didn't get too much harsh, 
judgment the Judgment. 

624
00:30:54,800 --> 00:31:00,100
I'd tend to get tends to be from
strangers which is yeah. 

625
00:31:00,300 --> 00:31:03,000
Like, if I'm, I don't know if 
I'm away, and we end up talking 

626
00:31:03,000 --> 00:31:06,700
to like, a group of people, and 
they say, oh, like joy and drink

627
00:31:06,700 --> 00:31:08,800
and I'm like, oh no, I don't 
drink. 

628
00:31:09,100 --> 00:31:11,200
That's when I get the comments 
as I. 

629
00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,700
Oh God, how boring or? 
Yeah, I think, I think it's the 

630
00:31:14,700 --> 00:31:17,600
strange as that seems have the 
strongest opinion, which is 

631
00:31:17,600 --> 00:31:20,200
funny, so, but I'd, it doesn't 
bother me. 

632
00:31:20,200 --> 00:31:23,100
I think it did at the beginning,
but I honestly couldn't care 

633
00:31:23,100 --> 00:31:25,100
less. 
I mean, yeah. 

634
00:31:25,100 --> 00:31:27,800
And I think it's interesting. 
I'm like, how are people? 

635
00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:31,000
So out of touch that like, you 
couldn't be a Read enough to 

636
00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:32,700
understand. 
Not like there are so many 

637
00:31:32,700 --> 00:31:35,900
reasons why someone might not 
drink, like just so many like 

638
00:31:35,900 --> 00:31:38,800
you really never know, like 
someone's mental health, 

639
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,300
someone's physical health, you 
know, everything. 

640
00:31:41,300 --> 00:31:44,600
There's so many different things
and yeah, that that bothers me. 

641
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:46,500
I'm like, yeah, I hate that. 
I hate people. 

642
00:31:47,300 --> 00:31:53,600
Yeah, we'll just have their 
opinions and that's fine, but 

643
00:31:53,700 --> 00:31:57,900
yeah, not for me things too. 
Like, I always wonder if people 

644
00:31:57,900 --> 00:32:00,200
can be more reactive, if they 
think. 

645
00:32:00,300 --> 00:32:01,600
I think. 
Oh, that's insane in. 

646
00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:03,700
Like I should do that, but I'm 
not going to do that. 

647
00:32:03,700 --> 00:32:05,700
So I'm just going to say that 
this is crazy. 

648
00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,800
Yeah, I don't I don't like to 
always, you know, casters as 

649
00:32:09,808 --> 00:32:10,600
version. 
What do you think? 

650
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:13,000
A lot of it is that you're 
holding a mirror up there 

651
00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:16,200
drinking, and I only really know
this because that's how I used 

652
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,000
to react. 
If, you know, if you wanted to 

653
00:32:18,000 --> 00:32:20,700
go home early, or they weren't 
drinking quick enough, I took 

654
00:32:20,700 --> 00:32:23,500
that as like, oh God, I'm going 
to be really drunk. 

655
00:32:23,500 --> 00:32:26,300
They're going to see how drunk I
am and, you know, them drinking 

656
00:32:26,300 --> 00:32:29,900
normalize my drinking. 
So when, when people say things 

657
00:32:29,900 --> 00:32:33,100
to me, Like, just you, why? 
In a few years, you'll be asking

658
00:32:33,100 --> 00:32:38,100
myself, if you did, they'll be 
reading your book like, oh God, 

659
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:41,800
it's by the way. 
Can you tell us about? 

660
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,200
Tell us about the book and how 
that came about? 

661
00:32:44,300 --> 00:32:46,900
Yeah, who is like the same girl 
Society. 

662
00:32:46,900 --> 00:32:51,200
Hamburg is the book and there's 
some amazing. 

663
00:32:51,300 --> 00:32:53,000
Don't get me wrong. 
It's a variety of books out 

664
00:32:53,000 --> 00:32:56,100
there. 
A fantastic load, but there 

665
00:32:56,100 --> 00:32:58,600
wasn't for me. 
Anything that I was kind of 

666
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:00,200
targeted it at a slightly 
younger. 

667
00:33:00,300 --> 00:33:03,900
The demographic and the one that
really focusing on mental health

668
00:33:03,900 --> 00:33:06,900
because I think that was like my
biggest kind of thing. 

669
00:33:08,100 --> 00:33:11,100
And so I wanted to write a book 
that wasn't necessarily like 

670
00:33:11,100 --> 00:33:14,500
there's lots of tips and advice 
for quitting drinking, but for 

671
00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:18,400
me the hardest part laughter 
like stopping was actually 

672
00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:21,500
navigating Life as a person who 
didn't drink. 

673
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:24,700
So you so much of the book is 
tailored to like, you know, my 

674
00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:28,200
tips for going to a wedding 
sober, or bottom has been sober 

675
00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:30,900
or festivals over all those 
Things. 

676
00:33:30,900 --> 00:33:34,200
You know, cyber dating as a big 
once-over, sex is a big one so 

677
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:37,200
it's really like a an actual 
handbook. 

678
00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:40,600
It does what it says on the 
cover of like advice and tips of

679
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,700
how you can navigate these 
situations, how you can have 

680
00:33:42,700 --> 00:33:44,500
those conversations with your 
friends. 

681
00:33:44,500 --> 00:33:48,900
What to do with peer pressure? 
So, yeah, it's a, it's quite a 

682
00:33:48,900 --> 00:33:52,800
just tips and advice really, 
there's everything. 

683
00:33:52,800 --> 00:33:56,100
I know that I've learned about 
being a, so the human in a very 

684
00:33:56,100 --> 00:33:59,800
busy world. 
That's so beautiful. 

685
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:01,800
I love that in so many things 
that you just mentioned. 

686
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:03,700
I was like, I didn't even think 
about that. 

687
00:34:03,700 --> 00:34:08,000
Like, yeah. 
Oh my God, thank that initial 

688
00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:11,199
like sexual encounter with 
someone, you know, being sober 

689
00:34:11,199 --> 00:34:13,800
like it is such a different 
experience. 

690
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:16,900
Like, wow, did you do you find 
that? 

691
00:34:16,900 --> 00:34:20,400
That's a good thing. 
Like now, you know laughs now 

692
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:22,500
where you are? 
Do you now look at it and go oh 

693
00:34:22,500 --> 00:34:25,600
my gosh, I can't believe that 
I'm, you know, missed out on 

694
00:34:25,600 --> 00:34:27,800
this. 
Or do you feel like it's a mix 

695
00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,699
of two things? 
Are you in two minds about it? 

696
00:34:29,699 --> 00:34:33,000
Like where are you? 
Yeah, I think it's a mix of a 

697
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:37,199
mix of two things because I 
think it's no matter with a lot 

698
00:34:37,199 --> 00:34:39,800
of things that you can practice,
they get easier, but I think 

699
00:34:39,800 --> 00:34:43,400
with sober sex, if you're doing 
it with a new person, if it 

700
00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:45,699
doesn't matter how many times 
you practice over 6 for the 

701
00:34:45,707 --> 00:34:48,500
first time, it still awkward 
with someone for the first time.

702
00:34:48,500 --> 00:34:51,900
So that's the only time I'd say 
it's it's slightly different, so

703
00:34:51,900 --> 00:34:55,699
it is always a bit scary. 
But I do think in such a like 

704
00:34:55,699 --> 00:35:00,200
sounds really wishy-washy but I 
feel like really pretty. 

705
00:35:00,200 --> 00:35:03,800
Resin and in my body during this
over sex. 

706
00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:07,900
And it is a totally different 
experience for me, I think. 

707
00:35:08,300 --> 00:35:12,300
And I think I will have to, I 
feel quite like connected to the

708
00:35:12,300 --> 00:35:15,400
person that I'm having sex with.
I think we're not, when I'm 

709
00:35:15,400 --> 00:35:18,000
sober. 
So it is, is a totally different

710
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,800
experience, but I have really 
learned to enjoy it. 

711
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:25,200
And that is now definitely how I
would always prefer to have sex,

712
00:35:25,200 --> 00:35:28,500
but I think younger me would be,
like, what is she talking about?

713
00:35:29,700 --> 00:35:32,400
Well, Because it's interesting 
because I talk a lot about 

714
00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:35,900
sexual Wellness across like the 
podcast in Tick-Tock and 

715
00:35:35,908 --> 00:35:38,300
whatever. 
And I've had so many people, 

716
00:35:38,300 --> 00:35:41,500
I've heard this piece of advice 
when women are struggling with 

717
00:35:41,500 --> 00:35:44,400
their libido or they're 
struggling to become wet during 

718
00:35:44,400 --> 00:35:47,300
sex or whatever. 
It is the piece of advice, 

719
00:35:47,300 --> 00:35:50,200
literally that people have 
gotten from their doctors and 

720
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:52,900
from people in the field is like
have a glass of wine. 

721
00:35:53,100 --> 00:35:55,000
Have a glass. 
Yeah it'll loosen you up, you 

722
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:58,700
know it'll it'll even make your 
body respond and you know, start

723
00:35:58,700 --> 00:36:01,900
to create that. 
Environment to be having sex in 

724
00:36:01,900 --> 00:36:05,600
like and I'm always like, so 
shocked when I hear that, people

725
00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:09,000
are getting this piece of advice
from Professionals in this field

726
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:12,200
because it is so normalized. 
To the point that you have a 

727
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:15,400
doctor, telling you like all. 
Let's put toxins in your body 

728
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:17,400
part like in. 
Yeah, let's put this thing in 

729
00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:19,300
your body to get you to want 
that thing. 

730
00:36:19,300 --> 00:36:21,600
It's crazy to me. 
Like it's so normalized. 

731
00:36:21,800 --> 00:36:24,200
Yeah. 
And also kind of incorrect 

732
00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:27,100
because so alcohol, dehydrates 
you. 

733
00:36:27,100 --> 00:36:30,100
So the science is actually it's 
harder for you. 

734
00:36:30,300 --> 00:36:35,400
Get wet if you've been drinking 
and also you say orgasms are 

735
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,300
like made in the brain and 
alcohol can affect your brain. 

736
00:36:38,300 --> 00:36:40,800
So, actually, it's harder for 
people to orgasm. 

737
00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:44,800
So it's crazy to me that they 
would kind of give out that 

738
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:47,400
advice. 
Yeah, it's why on? 

739
00:36:47,400 --> 00:36:49,500
Yeah, and that's so exactly what
you've just said. 

740
00:36:49,500 --> 00:36:52,100
Like it actually can do the 
opposite. 

741
00:36:52,100 --> 00:36:54,000
It's so silly. 
All these things especially that

742
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,600
we learn about sex or I should 
say, we don't learn about sex, 

743
00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:59,200
how it affects us down the road.
And then we're making these 

744
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:02,300
weird decisions. 
Try to like fix our sex lives or

745
00:37:02,300 --> 00:37:05,700
fix our relationships and it 
just, you know, doesn't actually

746
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,300
do it. 
Wow, that's interesting. 

747
00:37:08,700 --> 00:37:12,400
Yeah, there's a Shakespeare 
quote that I wrote In the book 

748
00:37:12,900 --> 00:37:15,000
and I might be butchering it 
now, but it's something like 

749
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,800
alcohol provokes. 
The desire but takes away the 

750
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,800
performance. 
So basically, the theory is that

751
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,000
alcohol? 
Yes, it could make you a little 

752
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:25,600
bit horny or which is why the 
doctors are probably prescribing

753
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:27,800
and people with low libido. 
When it actually comes to the 

754
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:30,000
performance of the whole thing 
is. 

755
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,300
It's not going to help it really
takes away the performance so it

756
00:37:33,300 --> 00:37:35,800
might get you in the mood but 
then the actual thing will 

757
00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:39,400
probably be let down. 
Yeah and I mean obviously that's

758
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:41,900
a very common experience of 
people have with alcohol in 

759
00:37:41,900 --> 00:37:45,100
general like the night before 
you know thinking you look so 

760
00:37:45,100 --> 00:37:49,000
hot on the dance floor and then 
like seeing a video or something

761
00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:55,300
the next day and being like a 
shocking experience. 

762
00:37:55,300 --> 00:37:58,700
Let me tell you. 
Yeah, yeah even like that. 

763
00:37:58,700 --> 00:38:00,900
You know, you really think 
you're Doing something in the 

764
00:38:00,900 --> 00:38:06,600
moment and then you're really 
not like like great and about 

765
00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:08,700
your book. 
Like when people have gone 

766
00:38:08,700 --> 00:38:11,000
through your book and worked 
through it, do you feel like 

767
00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:15,300
they've realized that there was 
more to why they were drinking? 

768
00:38:15,300 --> 00:38:17,900
Do you think there are a lot of 
deeper layers that people will 

769
00:38:17,900 --> 00:38:22,100
start to uncover as they go into
the sobriety, or even being 

770
00:38:22,100 --> 00:38:24,900
sober curious. 
Yeah, it definitely, I think, 

771
00:38:24,900 --> 00:38:28,000
because the books arches on so 
many different topics. 

772
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:31,400
I think you don't think about 
how You know, it can affect you.

773
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,600
So like even I do any kind of 
doubt into it briefly but 

774
00:38:35,600 --> 00:38:38,900
without alcohol and spirituality
and about how there's ideas 

775
00:38:38,900 --> 00:38:42,200
around alcohol, you know, poking
holes in your aura and lowering 

776
00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:45,600
your vibration, so your 
intuition isn't as good and 

777
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:47,500
things like that. 
And I think the Envy were like, 

778
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:50,400
oh yeah, actually like I kind of
get that. 

779
00:38:50,400 --> 00:38:53,600
And, you know, I didn't really 
think about a lot of the money 

780
00:38:53,600 --> 00:38:56,600
aspect of drinking. 
Although I'd kind of spent a lot

781
00:38:56,600 --> 00:38:58,600
of money on alcohol. 
I didn't think about all the 

782
00:38:58,600 --> 00:39:00,700
other things, really, that kind 
of Come with it. 

783
00:39:00,700 --> 00:39:03,700
And the amount, the indirect 
amount of things I spent. 

784
00:39:03,700 --> 00:39:06,100
And you know why? 
I was thinking that alcohol was 

785
00:39:06,100 --> 00:39:07,500
good for mental health when it 
was. 

786
00:39:07,500 --> 00:39:10,800
And I think I think there's so 
many things that you could go 

787
00:39:10,800 --> 00:39:14,100
through and be like, oh yeah, 
actually that is happening to 

788
00:39:14,100 --> 00:39:16,000
me. 
And I have just kind of brushed 

789
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:19,200
yet over the car under the car, 
right? 

790
00:39:19,400 --> 00:39:20,600
Yeah. 
Interesting. 

791
00:39:20,600 --> 00:39:23,000
Yeah. 
I think that it's so easy for 

792
00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,400
people to be like avoidant with 
things. 

793
00:39:25,900 --> 00:39:28,700
You know it's so easy to just 
kind of like yeah, brush things 

794
00:39:28,700 --> 00:39:32,000
away and really try to I guess 
diminish, some things that you 

795
00:39:32,008 --> 00:39:35,800
don't have to see the reality of
something because I think a lot 

796
00:39:35,800 --> 00:39:39,000
of the time people will be so 
defensive like if this defensive

797
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,300
are like, oh but I'm not a, you 
know, I'm not an alcoholic or 

798
00:39:41,300 --> 00:39:43,900
like, oh, I don't have a problem
or they they think that, you 

799
00:39:43,908 --> 00:39:47,000
know, there would be something 
so innately wrong with them, or,

800
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:49,800
you know, there must be 
something going on with them, 

801
00:39:49,800 --> 00:39:53,700
but sometimes it really comes 
down to like, very specific 

802
00:39:53,700 --> 00:39:56,200
things like, lifestyle or just 
like who you're around. 

803
00:39:56,200 --> 00:40:00,000
And I think that advice that you
gave was so good on being aware 

804
00:40:00,000 --> 00:40:02,600
of Like, who you're around and 
doing the who, what, where when 

805
00:40:02,600 --> 00:40:06,400
why kind of questions, because 
it really does help you like 

806
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:10,800
analyze your situation. 
I love that when you stopped 

807
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:15,000
drinking, when you would go out,
I know you post heaps about like

808
00:40:15,300 --> 00:40:17,700
mocktails and all of that. 
Can you talk about that? 

809
00:40:17,700 --> 00:40:20,300
And how you got into it? 
And if you love it, now, if you 

810
00:40:20,300 --> 00:40:21,900
hate it, do you find it 
annoying? 

811
00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:24,000
Where are we at? 
Yeah, yes. 

812
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:26,800
I think my relationship with 
alcohol. 

813
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,000
Free drinks has really changed 
over the years. 

814
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,400
I think, when I first talked to 
There actually wasn't much 

815
00:40:31,400 --> 00:40:35,100
around five years ago. 
So it wasn't something that I 

816
00:40:35,100 --> 00:40:39,400
kind of got straight into, but 
then as they started emerging 

817
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:42,400
like, it was so exciting for me 
as a person who was like a year 

818
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:45,300
sober to hear that they were 
bringing out the world's first 

819
00:40:45,300 --> 00:40:47,000
alcohol. 
Free spirit and I was like oh my

820
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:50,600
God, this is like amazing. 
So I kind of got in there from 

821
00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,300
the very beginning in getting 
interested in it because all 

822
00:40:53,300 --> 00:40:55,900
this stuff just started like 
coming out and felt like it was 

823
00:40:56,100 --> 00:40:58,700
tailored just for me because I 
felt like I was the only person 

824
00:40:58,700 --> 00:41:03,400
that wasn't drinking the so So I
was like this is great so I'm 

825
00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:05,300
really got into them over the 
last few years. 

826
00:41:05,300 --> 00:41:09,000
I think some of them are just 
doing things on a different 

827
00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:13,600
level and you know now there's 
everything from Spirit Wine beer

828
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:16,200
and they're all getting really 
good and I love seeing the 

829
00:41:16,207 --> 00:41:17,600
things that people come out 
with. 

830
00:41:17,600 --> 00:41:20,400
I think it's great. 
I just think the the kind of 

831
00:41:20,700 --> 00:41:23,300
invention of some of them is 
brilliant. 

832
00:41:23,300 --> 00:41:26,500
And some of the brands are 
really lovely, and he's just 

833
00:41:26,500 --> 00:41:28,000
really exciting. 
Every time a new one gets 

834
00:41:28,000 --> 00:41:29,800
launched. 
I'm like, I can't wait to try 

835
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:31,700
it. 
It's become a bit of a passion 

836
00:41:31,700 --> 00:41:33,700
that was. 
So I love and we're very lucky 

837
00:41:33,700 --> 00:41:35,800
in the UK. 
The movement is like, really 

838
00:41:35,800 --> 00:41:38,500
kind of taking Force, which is 
great. 

839
00:41:38,500 --> 00:41:40,400
So, that we've got so many 
options here. 

840
00:41:41,300 --> 00:41:43,100
Yeah. 
So obviously, yeah, you're in 

841
00:41:43,100 --> 00:41:46,100
the, like, you're in the UK and 
you have this community and 

842
00:41:46,100 --> 00:41:48,400
everything. 
What are you doing with the 

843
00:41:48,400 --> 00:41:50,600
community? 
Like you guys meet up or the 

844
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:53,800
events? 
Yes, so we have event. 

845
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:58,200
So we have virtual events so 
every Saturday we have sober 

846
00:41:58,200 --> 00:42:01,100
also be curious Club. 
So people Can come on a zoom 

847
00:42:01,100 --> 00:42:04,100
call and just basically chat 
like this and talk about, you 

848
00:42:04,100 --> 00:42:06,900
know, their tips and things 
they've struggled with this 

849
00:42:06,900 --> 00:42:09,100
week. 
So I'm always very clear with 

850
00:42:09,100 --> 00:42:12,300
not a recovery program. 
We are a community, so it's not,

851
00:42:12,300 --> 00:42:13,900
you know. 
One person standing up and 

852
00:42:13,900 --> 00:42:15,500
saying, this is what you need to
do. 

853
00:42:15,500 --> 00:42:19,900
It's just people sharing and 
talking and then we have in real

854
00:42:19,900 --> 00:42:21,800
life events. 
So we have things like booze was

855
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,500
brunches. 
We do regular like mixes and 

856
00:42:24,500 --> 00:42:25,900
then my favorite event that we 
do. 

857
00:42:25,900 --> 00:42:28,400
So, it sounds really silly but 
like one of the biggest things 

858
00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:31,600
that people said to me, like 
when Or say to me when they say 

859
00:42:31,600 --> 00:42:34,600
no they couldn't give up alcohol
is they say I couldn't get on a 

860
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:37,300
dance floor sober. 
So I was like, okay, goodbye. 

861
00:42:37,300 --> 00:42:39,200
If this is such a big problem 
that is Rectify it. 

862
00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:42,400
So we started doing these dance 
classes, which basically help 

863
00:42:42,400 --> 00:42:45,300
to, you know, give women the 
constants gonna dance or sober. 

864
00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,600
So they're, like, basic 
choreography. 

865
00:42:47,600 --> 00:42:50,800
We just all get in a room and 
it's amazing because people come

866
00:42:50,800 --> 00:42:54,300
into the room, and they are so 
nervous and so terrified, and 

867
00:42:54,300 --> 00:42:58,600
then they leave so sassy and 
like really confident and in the

868
00:42:58,600 --> 00:43:00,900
Howard. 
And I just love Of seeing that 

869
00:43:00,900 --> 00:43:03,100
the transformation. 
It's just amazing to me. 

870
00:43:03,100 --> 00:43:07,000
So that that's one of the best 
events that I think we do. 

871
00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:11,800
I love that, that's so cool. 
I remember once I went to like a

872
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:14,800
pole dancing class and I 
remember showing up and being 

873
00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:17,200
like, I don't know, you just 
think like, you know, feel so 

874
00:43:17,207 --> 00:43:19,700
like sexy and I got there and I 
was like, oh my God, I was like,

875
00:43:19,700 --> 00:43:22,800
it was so scared, you know? 
But you really get into it like,

876
00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,400
it's crazy. 
Yeah, probably so hard though. 

877
00:43:25,400 --> 00:43:29,500
I've Dr. Pawan, he's so hard. 
They make it look so easy and 

878
00:43:29,500 --> 00:43:32,100
it, isn't it? 
Is it crazy like you? 

879
00:43:32,100 --> 00:43:36,100
It looks so elegant, you know, 
it looked like a night and then 

880
00:43:36,100 --> 00:43:38,400
you do it and it's like meant to
hurt. 

881
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,900
Like, I remember, I had my hands
on the pole and she was like yep

882
00:43:41,900 --> 00:43:45,100
like swing you know your leg 
around here like hook around and

883
00:43:45,100 --> 00:43:46,400
then the other one swings around
as well. 

884
00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:49,900
Not like go straight and I like 
felt like I was doing it wrong. 

885
00:43:49,900 --> 00:43:52,600
And she said to me, all you 
should feel a pinching feeling 

886
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:57,400
like Amy and I was like, what do
you mean I should be like, hey, 

887
00:43:57,500 --> 00:43:59,300
what are you talking about? 
And I literally had like a 

888
00:43:59,300 --> 00:44:02,800
bruise the next day like On my 
inner knee like on my ankle and 

889
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:05,400
I was like, oh my God. 
Like, how do people live like 

890
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:09,200
this? 
Yes, a silo hard, so hard. 

891
00:44:09,700 --> 00:44:12,500
So people, if they come to your 
events, they don't have to worry

892
00:44:12,500 --> 00:44:16,000
about pole dancing, just yet. 
No, no, we are didn't burlesque 

893
00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:19,100
event in February actually, but 
no poles. 

894
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:22,400
Oh my gosh. 
I love that and I love that. 

895
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:25,300
You have a community like 
locally and obviously you'd have

896
00:44:25,300 --> 00:44:28,600
a really like a nice sized 
Community there and then you do 

897
00:44:28,600 --> 00:44:31,700
something as well for people. 
Believe because like I would 

898
00:44:31,700 --> 00:44:35,300
love to hop on a call and you 
know, just talk to people and I 

899
00:44:35,300 --> 00:44:37,000
love it. 
I love the idea of hearing about

900
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,700
how other people are working 
around it because I do find like

901
00:44:39,700 --> 00:44:43,400
there is shame some time to talk
about these things with your 

902
00:44:43,400 --> 00:44:46,100
friends. 
Like I think people are scared 

903
00:44:46,100 --> 00:44:50,800
to like cross that threshold of 
saying to anybody like oh I 

904
00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:53,700
think, you know, I might want to
like slow down on drinking or I 

905
00:44:53,700 --> 00:44:56,600
might want to take some like a 
week off or even, you know, take

906
00:44:56,600 --> 00:44:58,700
a month off. 
I think people sometimes think 

907
00:44:58,700 --> 00:45:01,700
so, if I make people think that 
That there's something going on 

908
00:45:01,700 --> 00:45:04,100
with me then all their shame 
around, you know, my mental 

909
00:45:04,100 --> 00:45:07,800
health, or whatever going on, do
you have any advice to that? 

910
00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:10,200
Like if you are going and 
telling people for the first 

911
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,600
time, like going to take some 
time off or I think I'm, you 

912
00:45:12,600 --> 00:45:15,400
know, thinking about sobriety or
so, being sober, curious, or 

913
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:17,400
whatever. 
Do you have any advice for 

914
00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:21,600
someone in that place? 
Yeah, I think I think always 

915
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:24,800
being really honest and 
vulnerable is the best way. 

916
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,900
If you feel like you can be, I 
think when I first kind of 

917
00:45:28,400 --> 00:45:32,200
approach telling my friends, I 
just kind of said Like I know I 

918
00:45:32,207 --> 00:45:34,500
look like I'm having a really 
good time actually like drinking

919
00:45:34,500 --> 00:45:37,800
is kind of making me really 
miserable and I'd really love 

920
00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:39,900
it. 
If you could like support me, I 

921
00:45:39,900 --> 00:45:43,200
think when you approach people 
with honesty and with 

922
00:45:43,200 --> 00:45:46,100
vulnerability, you will just get
love back if those people really

923
00:45:46,100 --> 00:45:48,000
care about you. 
And if they don't give you love 

924
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:52,200
that, it is a hard one because I
think you will get some negative

925
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:55,300
reactions and some people are 
like, oh, you know, cut them off

926
00:45:55,300 --> 00:45:59,000
straight away which I don't 
think it should always be the 

927
00:45:59,000 --> 00:46:00,200
case. 
Because I think sometimes 

928
00:46:00,200 --> 00:46:02,700
people, We'll do it is then 
automatically action because 

929
00:46:02,700 --> 00:46:07,700
it's alcohol is so normalized so
that is there like gut reaction 

930
00:46:07,700 --> 00:46:10,700
is oh no, you can't do that. 
And then I think you know they 

931
00:46:10,700 --> 00:46:13,400
take time to come around and 
it's likely, they will come 

932
00:46:13,400 --> 00:46:16,100
around. 
So I think you know you have to 

933
00:46:16,100 --> 00:46:19,900
just put it out there and then 
what comes back comes back and 

934
00:46:19,900 --> 00:46:22,000
then you just see how it kind of
goes. 

935
00:46:22,000 --> 00:46:25,600
So I think yeah, but being 
honest I think is the best thing

936
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:29,600
you can do and you know, asking 
for help is such a brave thing 

937
00:46:29,600 --> 00:46:32,800
to do. 
I think You know, anyone who 

938
00:46:32,800 --> 00:46:35,400
loves you will kind of respect 
that. 

939
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,800
Yeah, I think that's so good. 
So true. 

940
00:46:38,800 --> 00:46:42,300
And you know, if you do have 
somebody in your life, who isn't

941
00:46:42,300 --> 00:46:44,900
supportive about, you know, 
this, then what are they 

942
00:46:44,900 --> 00:46:46,200
supportive about? 
You know what I mean? 

943
00:46:46,200 --> 00:46:48,800
Like this is he saying this is, 
you know, this is my mental 

944
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:50,500
health. 
This is something that I need to

945
00:46:50,500 --> 00:46:53,300
prioritize. 
And I think anyone who, you 

946
00:46:53,300 --> 00:46:56,900
know, is in your life, should 
want you to prioritize your 

947
00:46:56,900 --> 00:46:59,700
mental health, prioritize you 
and would want to stand there. 

948
00:47:00,500 --> 00:47:02,200
With you as well. 
So yeah. 

949
00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:04,600
Wow. 
Well I wanted to ask you one 

950
00:47:04,600 --> 00:47:07,900
last question before we head out
today, just wanted to see your 

951
00:47:07,900 --> 00:47:12,400
top three favorite things that 
you are loving about being 

952
00:47:12,400 --> 00:47:15,600
sober. 
And if there are three things 

953
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:18,800
that could convince somebody, 
like, you can do this. 

954
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:22,200
What are those three things? 
Oh, the three things I love 

955
00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:26,100
about me and say that. 
Okay, so my mental health is 

956
00:47:26,100 --> 00:47:29,100
just so much better, I think and
I don't want anyone to think. 

957
00:47:29,100 --> 00:47:31,200
Oh yeah, you'd stop drinking. 
To health great. 

958
00:47:31,200 --> 00:47:34,400
But I think it when I took 
alcohol, way allowed me to 

959
00:47:34,400 --> 00:47:36,700
actually address the problems 
the one to need. 

960
00:47:36,700 --> 00:47:40,000
So I got myself to therapy. 
I side, you know, doing things 

961
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:41,400
that will better for my mental 
health. 

962
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:46,200
So for me, like love being calm 
and consistence that's like the 

963
00:47:46,200 --> 00:47:49,700
biggest one for me. 
And number two is I love having 

964
00:47:49,700 --> 00:47:53,600
more money and I actually spend 
money on things that I really 

965
00:47:53,600 --> 00:47:57,900
want and like have nice clothes 
and and all the things. 

966
00:47:57,900 --> 00:48:00,500
And I thought I was sometimes by
things, I think are a little A 

967
00:48:00,500 --> 00:48:02,100
bit more expensive than I would 
normally pay. 

968
00:48:02,100 --> 00:48:04,900
But then I'm like, the amount of
money that I used to waste on 

969
00:48:04,900 --> 00:48:07,700
alcohol. 
I always feel like I can justify

970
00:48:07,700 --> 00:48:10,400
it. 
So that's always a good thing. 

971
00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:14,400
And then the last thing I think 
is the relationship that I have 

972
00:48:14,400 --> 00:48:15,500
with the people. 
I love. 

973
00:48:15,500 --> 00:48:19,900
I think I was always such a 
shit, flaky friend, you know, I 

974
00:48:19,900 --> 00:48:23,800
would cause drama or nights out 
and arguments and then I would 

975
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:25,800
miss things the next day, 
because I was hungover. 

976
00:48:25,800 --> 00:48:29,400
I would turn up to like birthday
parties, hungover, and baby 

977
00:48:29,400 --> 00:48:30,300
showers. 
Hello. 

978
00:48:30,500 --> 00:48:33,300
Erin. 
I think now I'm such a reliable 

979
00:48:33,300 --> 00:48:37,200
friend and like my friend got 
married last year and I was a 

980
00:48:37,207 --> 00:48:41,700
bridesmaid and I got all the 
jobs because I was reliable and 

981
00:48:41,700 --> 00:48:45,200
they knew that I was the one who
could be trusted and that for me

982
00:48:45,200 --> 00:48:49,200
is like I was never that person 
so that is really great. 

983
00:48:49,200 --> 00:48:52,500
So yeah the relationships that I
have with my friends and family,

984
00:48:52,500 --> 00:48:56,300
I think of yeah, so much better.
There's so beautiful. 

985
00:48:56,300 --> 00:48:59,700
And it's so nice that you can be
that person for somebody. 

986
00:48:59,700 --> 00:49:02,900
Like it's nice that You can be 
grounding for somebody and just 

987
00:49:02,900 --> 00:49:05,900
knowing that you can provide 
that in like any space that you 

988
00:49:05,900 --> 00:49:09,100
go to, like, I've heard you say 
this before, as well on your 

989
00:49:09,100 --> 00:49:11,900
social media, but even just 
like, you never have to worry 

990
00:49:11,900 --> 00:49:14,900
about like driving and how 
you're going to get places. 

991
00:49:14,900 --> 00:49:17,500
Like you're always able to yeah,
you know, you're you know, 

992
00:49:17,500 --> 00:49:19,900
you're going to get home safe, 
you know, you don't have to 

993
00:49:20,500 --> 00:49:24,100
worry about it and even even 
just that on a regular basis. 

994
00:49:24,100 --> 00:49:26,600
If you're wondering, you know, I
have to make sure I get home 

995
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:29,600
safe or I have to plan my life 
this way, or that way, even that

996
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,100
little bit of it. 
ID happening on a consistent 

997
00:49:32,100 --> 00:49:34,200
basis. 
Like that's just one example of 

998
00:49:34,200 --> 00:49:38,500
how much alcohol can bring like 
- mental health effects to your 

999
00:49:38,500 --> 00:49:41,200
life. 
So, yeah, absolutely. 

1000
00:49:41,800 --> 00:49:45,100
Well, thank you so, so much. 
Thank you so much for coming on 

1001
00:49:45,100 --> 00:49:49,500
today and for sharing all your 
wisdom, like I just so 

1002
00:49:49,500 --> 00:49:51,000
appreciate everything that you 
do. 

1003
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:53,600
Like I feel like the community 
like I've said, probably a 

1004
00:49:53,600 --> 00:49:57,200
million times now is just like 
the best thing in the world and 

1005
00:49:57,700 --> 00:50:00,200
you have become that like you've
become that supportive. 

1006
00:50:00,400 --> 00:50:03,900
Person not just for your 
community but now for my 

1007
00:50:03,900 --> 00:50:06,300
community as well. 
And of course you're going to 

1008
00:50:06,300 --> 00:50:09,100
keep expanding your going to 
keep growing and I just like 

1009
00:50:09,100 --> 00:50:12,000
wish you the best in all the 
things that you are doing and 

1010
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:15,100
everything with a handbook and 
everything because I just know 

1011
00:50:15,100 --> 00:50:16,900
that it is serving such a 
beautiful purpose. 

1012
00:50:16,900 --> 00:50:19,300
So thank you for existing. 
You're the best. 

1013
00:50:19,800 --> 00:50:22,100
Thank you. 
Thank you for existing for 

1014
00:50:22,100 --> 00:50:24,700
having me. 
It's a lovely to talk to Jay and

1015
00:50:24,700 --> 00:50:28,100
if we can come and find you and 
find the handbook, where should 

1016
00:50:28,100 --> 00:50:31,700
we go? 
Yes, I the best to place is 

1017
00:50:31,700 --> 00:50:34,800
probably Instagram. 
I'd say, so it's at Millie Gucci

1018
00:50:34,800 --> 00:50:38,000
if you want to come and see me. 
It's mainly pictures of like my 

1019
00:50:38,000 --> 00:50:41,500
dog and mocktails and then save 
a girl Society for the 

1020
00:50:41,500 --> 00:50:45,200
community. 
So on Instagram, beautiful love 

1021
00:50:45,200 --> 00:50:46,500
that. 
Thank you so much and everything

1022
00:50:46,500 --> 00:50:49,100
will be linked below for you 
guys as well. 

1023
00:50:49,300 --> 00:50:51,500
Thank you so much Billy. 
We'll see you next time. 

1024
00:50:51,500 --> 00:50:53,600
Bye. 
Thank you.