1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,800 You're listening to. She said what with your host 2 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:05,800 Alyssa Harper? Hello sexy people. 3 00:00:05,800 --> 00:00:07,900 Welcome back to. She said of what if you have not 4 00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:09,800 been here before then I just want to welcome you and let you 5 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:11,800 know that you are welcome. Whoever you are. 6 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:15,000 This is a space for you to come and grow to become the best 7 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,800 version of yourself to work on that inner dialogue. 8 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:21,300 And to just have a laugh. So today we're going to be 9 00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:24,600 talking about perfectionism, which is something that I have 10 00:00:24,600 --> 00:00:28,000 absolutely struggled with and still do struggle with to this 11 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,600 day. But I'm going to be sharing the 12 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:31,800 things. That have helped me get through 13 00:00:31,800 --> 00:00:35,700 perfectionism. If you are somebody who wants to 14 00:00:35,700 --> 00:00:38,800 do something like, you have something on your heart like a 15 00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:43,200 creative project or you want to start freelancing like writing 16 00:00:43,200 --> 00:00:46,600 or art or music, or you just want to do something where 17 00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,200 you're able to put yourself out there. 18 00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:51,200 But you always find yourself procrastinating and putting 19 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,900 those things off. Then, this episode is absolutely 20 00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:56,300 for you. And if you find yourself 21 00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:59,300 second-guessing yourself, having a lot of anxiety around trying 22 00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:02,700 new things, In this episode is for you. 23 00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:06,100 If you struggle with feeling confident in your work, or you 24 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:09,700 are a bit of an anxious girly like myself, then, this episode 25 00:01:09,700 --> 00:01:18,900 is absolutely for you. Let's get right into it as per 26 00:01:18,900 --> 00:01:20,500 usual. Going to give you a quick update 27 00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:23,600 on my week. Look this week. 28 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,400 I don't know how to say this without going on about it 29 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,300 forever and I'm not going to, but I to be completely honest 30 00:01:29,300 --> 00:01:32,800 with you guys, I had a bit of a hard time mentally this week. 31 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:35,900 I don't know what it was specifically. 32 00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:41,200 I think just not being as busy it like, forces me to slow down 33 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:45,500 and to like really reflect on what's going on in my life and 34 00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:48,400 like, what I want to create and what the hell I'm doing and I 35 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:51,800 just feel like sometimes I can get very in my head if I'm being 36 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:55,300 completely honest. I have definitely struggled with 37 00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:58,200 anxiety over the years, which I talked about all the time a 38 00:01:58,208 --> 00:01:59,800 little bit of depression as well. 39 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:03,000 Diagnosed. So, you know, and it's just 40 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,900 something that is comes up in different seasons. 41 00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:08,000 And this is a season where it's come up for me. 42 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:10,600 And I just want to be really open and honest with you guys 43 00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:13,400 about that, and not try to hide it. 44 00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:17,100 I think because I have a podcast where I talk about how to like 45 00:02:17,100 --> 00:02:20,500 work on these things and how to grow and push yourself and 46 00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:23,400 become that version of yourself. I can sometimes feel like, uh, 47 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:26,300 like, if I'm honest about how I'm feeling them, they're going 48 00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:29,700 to think that I'm, like, not qualified to help them, but I 49 00:02:29,900 --> 00:02:33,100 Personally, when I think about the people that I appreciate 50 00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:36,100 different creators, like, influencers people who create 51 00:02:36,100 --> 00:02:38,900 stuff online. What I like about social media 52 00:02:38,900 --> 00:02:43,400 is people who are very open and honest and just say it as it is. 53 00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:46,700 And so that's what I try to do, and that's what I'm doing. 54 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:51,400 Being honest with you guys and so, in the past week, I guess 55 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,100 highlights would be that yesterday. 56 00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:55,900 I went down to the beach and I just had an amazing day with one 57 00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:58,200 of my really good friends and we got coffee and like a little 58 00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:01,200 breakfast in the morning and I just Time in the Sun and I was 59 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:05,000 like Wow who would have thought getting outside in the sun, 60 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:09,100 hanging out with a good friend, eating real food and not like 61 00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:12,700 ubereats, chit and two minute noodles and all that you know 62 00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:15,200 doing good things for your body, actually helps your mental 63 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:18,400 health who would have thought and so I've kind of revived 64 00:03:18,400 --> 00:03:19,700 myself. I'm definitely feeling a lot 65 00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:22,300 better now but this week was just a bit of a week where I 66 00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:25,200 needed to like, figure out some things and so that's what my 67 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,600 week was like, but honestly, I'm really happy to be talking about 68 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,700 perfectionism because This is something like I said, in the 69 00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:36,100 intro, I have struggled with a lot and I've noticed it come up 70 00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:40,300 in random moments, like say when my hormones are a little bit 71 00:03:40,300 --> 00:03:44,100 crazy, maybe I'm PMSing a little bit and I want to like pull it 72 00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:47,800 out like a video talking about something and I'm sitting there 73 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,700 like editing it over and over and questioning myself and going 74 00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:52,100 odd. You know, does that work? 75 00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:55,400 Or is that is that good? What I said and I second-guess 76 00:03:55,400 --> 00:03:59,800 like my work a lot you know I've had that and I've also had it in 77 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:04,200 Seasons where it's like big things like I put off wanting to 78 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:07,000 like go for a new job. You know, I've definitely had 79 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,800 Seasons where I've said to myself like genuinely for 80 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,800 probably a month or so like I need to quit this job every time 81 00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:15,600 before I go into a shift I'm like I don't want to go, I don't 82 00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:19,800 like this place, you know? But I would stop myself from 83 00:04:19,800 --> 00:04:22,800 actually making that jump in, like making that choice. 84 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,000 Because I'm like, everything needs to be perfect, everything 85 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,700 needs to be aligned. I can't do anything without 86 00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:29,700 knowing what's going to happen and what my fate is. 87 00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:32,600 Going to be, you know, and so I think that's something that we 88 00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:35,300 will talk about what that kind of thinking pattern actually is 89 00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:37,300 and why it happens and how to break that down. 90 00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:41,900 But I want to start today with just asking, are you a 91 00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:44,200 perfectionist? And I'm going to go through some 92 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:48,800 tendencies that I have done a little research on sorry. 93 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,100 Who am I? I know I've researched some 94 00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:53,800 Tendencies so that we can be very clear on what it looks like 95 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,900 to be a perfectionist. And of course, everything is 96 00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:58,200 going to be linked below as a resource if you want to do like 97 00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,700 further reading on these things. But Let's go through. 98 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,800 I'm going to start to list them off. 99 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:07,000 Number one is all-or-nothing, thinking now all-or-nothing 100 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:08,900 thinking is something that I've actually talked about on the 101 00:05:08,900 --> 00:05:14,700 podcast before and it is one of the negative patterns of 102 00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:19,000 thinking that is actually really commonly talked about within 103 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:21,800 cognitive behavioral therapy. So if you've ever done any form 104 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:25,200 of therapy, it's often cognitive behavioral therapy. 105 00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,400 That therapist is following like you're you know or regular 106 00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:31,500 run-of-the-mill therapist. And they usually will go 107 00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:34,500 through. It's about 8, maybe 10 different 108 00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:36,600 types of thinking that's really common. 109 00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:41,100 And this is one that has been highlighted for me, absolutely 110 00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:45,300 by a therapist and also through a journal that I was doing ages 111 00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,300 ago that if you guys have been listening for a while, you will 112 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:51,200 remember me talking about this but it's actually a CBT Journal 113 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:54,800 cognitive behavioral therapy journal and I can link that 114 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,200 below for you guys as well. But basically what it does is it 115 00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,300 asks you to write the negative thought that you're having I'm 116 00:06:00,300 --> 00:06:03,300 recognize what way of thinking you're going through All or 117 00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:04,700 Nothing. Of course, like I said, is one 118 00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:08,000 of them and then figuring out how to, like change that thought 119 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,500 incorrect, that - automatic thought to become a positive 120 00:06:11,500 --> 00:06:14,100 thought or at least to become like a neutral thought. 121 00:06:14,100 --> 00:06:17,600 And so, of course all-or-nothing thinking is basically just when 122 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,500 you look at a situation and you're like it's all going to 123 00:06:20,500 --> 00:06:23,500 shit or like I'm not going to throw a birthday party because 124 00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:26,400 No One's Gonna Come, you know, or I'm not going to put this out 125 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,400 because nobody's going to care about it, nobody's going to read 126 00:06:28,400 --> 00:06:29,700 it, nobody's gonna buy it, you know. 127 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:34,200 No, it's just that Assumption of like this is going to be really 128 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,900 good or this is going to be really bad and it's like that 129 00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:39,600 black or white thinking. That's a really common tendency 130 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,900 of being a perfectionist. Okay. 131 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:46,200 Number two is being highly critical and this can be of 132 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:48,800 yourself, but this can also be of other people. 133 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,200 So if you have noticed that you are very like, you look at 134 00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,300 something and be like, oh that's no good, or you'll just be very 135 00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:57,500 like judgmental towards things that's a really common tendency 136 00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,200 and it's okay if your brain does that Honestly. 137 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,000 Okay, I'm not labeling. You as judgmental nor my 138 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:07,200 labeling me as judgmental, but it's a common thing where you're 139 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:09,100 going to be highly critical and you're going to pick things 140 00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,800 apart. That's usually going to come 141 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:15,200 along with this way of thinking. Number three is fear-based 142 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,800 choices. So of course, that just means 143 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:22,700 making choices out of this fear. Like I'm scared that it's not 144 00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:24,800 going to work out. I'm scared that no one's going 145 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,300 to give a shit. You know, I'm scared that if I 146 00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:29,500 go on a date with someone, they're not going to like me, 147 00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:31,200 you know. It's that Assumption of these 148 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,200 negative things coming from a fear. 149 00:07:33,600 --> 00:07:38,200 Number four is having unrealistic standards so maybe 150 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,800 you're a bit of a goal Setter like myself. 151 00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:41,800 Maybe. You're not. 152 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:45,500 But if you are, maybe you sit down and you write these goals 153 00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:48,800 and you say things like all right, I want to make ten 154 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:50,900 thousand dollars tomorrow, you know? 155 00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:54,300 Or I want to be a millionaire by the end of the year and if 156 00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:57,800 you're one of those people, then it's probably not gonna work out 157 00:07:58,100 --> 00:08:01,300 with making goals that way because What you often do, 158 00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:04,600 especially if they are like, short term, short term, hello, 159 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,400 short-term goals. Like by the end of this month, I 160 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:10,000 want to do this. If you don't do it, and it's 161 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:14,100 such a big goal, it is such a like, it really, it really tears 162 00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:17,700 you down, you know, it really stops you from believing that 163 00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:21,800 you can go after goals and reach the goals and then it stops you 164 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,500 from wanting to go after things in the future. 165 00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:29,200 So it's like this toxic cycle of this self-belief being broken 166 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,800 down Cuz you're telling yourself, I should be able to do 167 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,100 this, right? Putting all this pressure on 168 00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:36,400 yourself, sending these unrealistic expectations for you 169 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,500 and the people around you, including your relationships in, 170 00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:42,100 all of the things, you know. And then when those things don't 171 00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:45,100 come through it creates this disappointment, and then this 172 00:08:45,100 --> 00:08:49,100 just belief that sits on you that is, I can't do the things 173 00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:52,100 that I set out to do, which can obviously be really unhealthy. 174 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:55,600 Number five is focusing on the results. 175 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,700 So if you are somebody, where you get a really obvious, 176 00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:04,400 Understanding of how well you're doing when it comes to like your 177 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:08,100 job or you know maybe you put yourself into a competition for 178 00:09:08,100 --> 00:09:11,300 like art or music or something like that and you don't win, 179 00:09:11,300 --> 00:09:14,000 right? You set this unrealistic goal 180 00:09:14,200 --> 00:09:18,100 going back to the last point and then you don't actually meet 181 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:21,600 that thing and the result isn't what you wanted it to be. 182 00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:24,600 You become so focused on the results that you don't enjoy the 183 00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,800 process of it. And as much as you thought you 184 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:29,700 loved doing that thing, you start to not like that thing. 185 00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:32,900 A lot of people talk about when you take something that is like 186 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:36,300 a hobby or something, you enjoy and you make it your job and how 187 00:09:36,300 --> 00:09:39,200 that can be a really like slippery, slope because suddenly 188 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:42,300 you can go well, these need to be the results because they I 189 00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:45,300 need to make money or be I want people to take me seriously, you 190 00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:48,100 know, you go through all of these like loopholes that you're 191 00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:51,300 trying to put yourself through to get to a point where you are, 192 00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:55,200 like, I am this thing, you know, I am an artist, I am a musician, 193 00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:59,700 I am whatever I am self for claiming that I am, and if 194 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,300 people Take it seriously or you don't get the results, like, 195 00:10:02,300 --> 00:10:05,700 people aren't buying your artwork or hiring you for the 196 00:10:05,700 --> 00:10:08,900 thing that you studied your degree for, then that can be 197 00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:13,300 really like, disorientating, disorient disorienting, hello. 198 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,600 I don't know. It can be very like, it's not 199 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,700 encouraging and that can be really hurtful on what you 200 00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:26,900 believe you can do in the future where we at number. 1 2 3 4 5 6 201 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:29,800 feeling depressed by unmet goals. 202 00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:33,100 I kind of talked about this a little bit as well, but it's 203 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,200 like, it actually affects you emotionally. 204 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:39,600 Like it actually makes you feel really down and it makes you 205 00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:43,500 feel blocked from moving forwards and it can be really 206 00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:47,100 like isolating. And it can actually create this 207 00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:50,700 sense of like fries for you, where you kind of like seized up 208 00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:54,600 and you don't want to go forward because you feel like nothing is 209 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:57,500 coming of what you're doing. And a really big problem with 210 00:10:57,500 --> 00:11:01,300 that one is that you never know. What's going to come of things 211 00:11:01,300 --> 00:11:04,200 in the future. And I've seen this for sure in 212 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:09,200 my like career thus far, where you might, you know, meet 213 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:13,500 somebody, 34 years ago, think nothing of them and then they 214 00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:15,900 can pop up in your life and be like, hey, I actually have this 215 00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:19,100 really great opportunity for you or hey, we should reconnect and 216 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:21,100 they might be a really great friend for you, right? 217 00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:23,400 You might have situations that you just, you didn't really 218 00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,800 expect anything to come out of them, but then something might 219 00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:28,900 come out of them. And when you are constantly 220 00:11:28,900 --> 00:11:31,100 being this, Cool person where you're going. 221 00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:33,700 Okay, this is the result I'm expecting and then you don't get 222 00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:36,400 it. Then it might tear you down when 223 00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:40,300 it actually shouldn't because you never know when something is 224 00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,500 going to come of it. Like I've been repeating this a 225 00:11:43,508 --> 00:11:47,000 lot recently in my life and I think saying this to a lot of 226 00:11:47,008 --> 00:11:48,700 people because this is a conversation that have been 227 00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:51,500 having with a lot of people recently, feeling like they are 228 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:56,300 perfectionists and a lot of people feel like stuck and like 229 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:59,500 nothing's going to come of it and I always say, you never know 230 00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:02,600 when Is going to come up tomorrow could be the day that 231 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:04,200 you have a big breakthrough, right? 232 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:08,700 Tomorrow could be the day that you receive some email or a call 233 00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:11,200 or someone reaches out. You never know when 234 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:14,700 opportunities are going to come into your life and I find that 235 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:18,700 life is very cyclical for me. I do mean cycle sinking of 236 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:23,000 course as we always talk about, but also like cyclical in the 237 00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,600 sense of you go through like little flops. 238 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:28,500 You know what I mean? You cannot always be in this 239 00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:31,900 like hot girls. Girl doing everything like 240 00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:34,200 living your best life era, you cannot be. 241 00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:36,200 Okay. First of all, it's just too 242 00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,400 much. You can't be doing that all the 243 00:12:37,408 --> 00:12:39,100 time. You need time to rest. 244 00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:42,000 You need times to be like, having your ego check. 245 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:44,500 Do you know, you need to be knocked down here and there 246 00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:48,500 because sometimes lessons need to be learned, we are all on a 247 00:12:48,508 --> 00:12:51,500 journey of like growth and going through different processes and 248 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:53,900 like becoming these versions of ourselves that like we want to 249 00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:58,300 be and that also needs to change season to season and that's why 250 00:12:58,300 --> 00:13:01,100 I love the idea of looking Your life in different seasons. 251 00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:05,000 And if right now, you're in bit of a, you're a wee bit of a bit 252 00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:08,400 of a flop era, you know, as they say, then that's totally fine. 253 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:12,300 And I think it's important that you are okay with that. 254 00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:15,700 And you step into like, all right, I'm in a bit of a, like, 255 00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:19,300 a Down Season or quiet season. What can I do in this season to 256 00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:20,200 come out? Even stronger. 257 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:24,300 And that might be because of internal things like your mental 258 00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:25,600 health. Like I was talking about 259 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:29,300 struggling with at the start of this week or external. 260 00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:32,300 This is like things going on in your relationships or in your 261 00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:37,200 families or whatever moving forward procrastination. 262 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,300 Is one that comes up, which, of course, we've already talked 263 00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,900 about, and I'm going to finish this list off quickly now, but 264 00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,400 procrastination is one that comes up. 265 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,500 Of course if you are a perfectionist because you don't 266 00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:49,500 feel like your work is ever done because you're a perfectionist. 267 00:13:49,500 --> 00:13:52,900 So you're literally going, it's not quite there now, let's put 268 00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:54,500 it off. You know, let's put it off till 269 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:59,500 next week and I've done this many times guys, I Almost Do 270 00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:01,300 This Single week with episodes, okay? 271 00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:04,800 Like I'll sit here and go, it is just not good enough. 272 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,800 Now they're gonna hate it, you know, if you do that yourself 273 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,200 constantly you're never going to get anything done. 274 00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:12,100 You know? If you're writing essays for 275 00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:15,700 uni, if your University for college, you know, sorry I'm 276 00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:19,300 sorry in Sydney, we say uni and not University. 277 00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:21,200 I don't know if that's like a worldwide thing. 278 00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:26,100 But yeah, if you're writing an essay in your reading, it over a 279 00:14:26,100 --> 00:14:28,600 million times, you know, are you that person that says there and 280 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,800 you read your email? Over and over and over before 281 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,400 you send it because I am you're wasting your time. 282 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:35,100 Okay, it's fine. It's fine. 283 00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,900 Even if you have one spelling mistake in there, they're not 284 00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:39,900 going to go. Oh, there's such an idiot. 285 00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:42,300 They're not gonna do that. Okay, they're gonna go. 286 00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:43,000 Oh yeah. Okay. 287 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:45,500 Got the message up it up and they're going to be thinking the 288 00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:48,500 exact same thing in the back of their mind of reading their 289 00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:49,900 emails. And everyone's more worried 290 00:14:49,900 --> 00:14:51,600 about themselves. Then they're worried about other 291 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,200 people. So just focus on you. 292 00:14:53,300 --> 00:14:55,900 Get that shit through, press, send and move on. 293 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:59,800 All right, last few defensiveness and this usually 294 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:03,200 Comes up in relation to constructive criticism. 295 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,700 So someone gives you like potentially really great 296 00:15:05,700 --> 00:15:09,100 feedback and your automatic response is to be like, well, 297 00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:12,300 the reason I didn't do that is bababababa, right? 298 00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:15,400 Or will the reason I did it that way is because you automatically 299 00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:18,400 want to defend, why you did something a certain way. 300 00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:22,100 And the problem with that is you are not allowing yourself to 301 00:15:22,100 --> 00:15:25,600 grow, and correct. Like constructive criticism is 302 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:30,200 actually so, so valuable. But if you are someone Who say 303 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:34,200 you have a project and you work through it, you you really like 304 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:39,000 fine comb through every single little detail, you you wait, you 305 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,700 procrastinate, you finally put it out and then someone has 306 00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:43,300 something negative to say about it. 307 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:46,800 You're going to be like what the fuck I put in all this effort. 308 00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,500 I did this as this as why is nothing ever good enough? 309 00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,900 Nobody likes me. No, you know and then you go 310 00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:54,800 into that all-or-nothing thinking it is this like toxic 311 00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:58,200 fucking cycle that you just go through in your brain, in its 312 00:15:58,200 --> 00:15:59,400 hectic. Okay? 313 00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,400 I That this is like, this is me, this is why I'm doing this 314 00:16:02,400 --> 00:16:07,900 episode, I get it and it sucks. And if you are procrastinating 315 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:12,400 and then not taking criticism and, you know, not feeling good 316 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,500 about anything that you're doing, then you're not going to 317 00:16:14,508 --> 00:16:17,200 be able to keep doing that thing, and it's going to be very 318 00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:19,200 detrimental to your growth, okay? 319 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:25,900 Last but not least is having low self-esteem often perfectionists 320 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,600 actually have very low self-esteem in the problem with 321 00:16:28,600 --> 00:16:32,600 this one, for Affection assists is people don't often think that 322 00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:36,300 you would have a low self-esteem because you probably put out 323 00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:40,000 really good quality work or you show up to work in a good mood. 324 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:44,000 Often, you know, you want people to really believe in you and to 325 00:16:44,000 --> 00:16:46,500 see you as a certain thing. Maybe you're a bit of a people 326 00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,400 pleaser, which we talked about last week. 327 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:51,700 So if you are identifying with this, specifically, go listen, 328 00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:55,300 the last week's episode, but if you become somebody, who is very 329 00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:59,000 much, like, I, I want to be amazing, I want people to think 330 00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:01,200 that I'm amazing. I want to put an amazing work. 331 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:03,700 I do you know I don't want to make my work be shit. 332 00:17:03,900 --> 00:17:07,200 And then you have this low self-esteem going into it. 333 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:10,400 Then it's all just going to circle back and around and 334 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,700 people are going to go. Wow, they're so confident. 335 00:17:12,700 --> 00:17:14,800 They're so amazing. Let's put them in this position. 336 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,800 Let's give them this work. Let's highlight this person and 337 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,900 you're going, oh, don't show anybody that it's horrible. 338 00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:22,500 You know, you're embarrassed by your work. 339 00:17:22,500 --> 00:17:24,200 What is that about? Don't be embarrassed. 340 00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:25,800 Don't think that your work is shit. 341 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,599 You are creative. You are amazing. 342 00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:29,700 You need to be confident in your work. 343 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:32,500 And we're going to talk about how you can actually do that 344 00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:34,700 going forward. And of course, throughout this 345 00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:39,200 whole episode, all right, now, why are you a perfectionist? 346 00:17:39,200 --> 00:17:42,600 This is something that can come back to so many things. 347 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,800 I just want to give a few little reasons as to why you might be 348 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,000 this way? Just because I think it is so 349 00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:52,500 worth trying to understand why certain Tendencies come up in 350 00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:57,900 your life because on a big scale like on an overarching like 351 00:17:57,900 --> 00:18:01,400 big-picture view, you can actually We start to go in and 352 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:06,200 he'll things specifically. I will say first off your 353 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:09,900 history is so important. If you grew up around somebody 354 00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:14,000 who constantly had negative, self-talk and said things - 355 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,900 about themselves about themselves, maybe not about you 356 00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:21,100 but even just about themselves it rubs off on you especially if 357 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:26,100 this is someone that you looked up to or you saw as being like a 358 00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:29,700 superior to you like a parent, an older. 359 00:18:29,800 --> 00:18:33,300 Sibling maybe a teacher like anybody that you looked up to, 360 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,400 when they say things about themselves, they're constantly 361 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:41,700 bringing themselves down saying that they look the wrong way, or 362 00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:44,500 they sound the wrong way, or they're not good enough, or 363 00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:48,100 they're not pushing hard enough, or they wish they did x y z. 364 00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:50,200 When they were younger, all of those kinds of things that can 365 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:53,300 come up. Then you internalize it more 366 00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:57,900 than you would probably want to. And we are such like sticky 367 00:18:57,900 --> 00:18:59,700 beings. Like when we are around other 368 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,000 People, we really do reflect the people that are around us which 369 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,100 I talked about three weeks ago and an episode about creating 370 00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,800 community and like building friendships is the people that 371 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,800 are around you. You really really pull from them 372 00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:14,900 and that can be amazing if you're around amazing people. 373 00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:18,500 But if you're not surrounding yourself with good people then 374 00:19:18,500 --> 00:19:20,700 what's gonna happen, you know, you're going to pick up on those 375 00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:24,200 negative Tendencies. And so definitely think about 376 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,400 your history. Think about the people that 377 00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,900 raised you, you know, think about your childhood because Is 378 00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:32,900 like therapy e. It is an annoying, it can be. 379 00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:35,800 It actually is really important to go back and look at where 380 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,500 some of those things might have come from. 381 00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:41,100 Of course, I can also come from somebody literally telling you 382 00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:45,000 that you are not good enough or the results of the thing that 383 00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:48,700 you've tried to do in the past, not being what you wanted it to 384 00:19:48,708 --> 00:19:50,600 be. Like, when I was younger, for 385 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:54,200 example, I was a Pianist and I would play piano all the time 386 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,800 and I loved it to do and I did all the levels, you know, I got 387 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,500 up to like level 7 or something, you know? 388 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,300 That I still love it or playing piano this morning actually. 389 00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:05,600 And I'm like, relearning songs that I used to play when I was 390 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:08,500 younger just to like reconnect and like have that like 391 00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:09,800 excitement. So, so fun. 392 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,600 By the way, if you have passions from, when you were younger 393 00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:15,600 that, you want to like re-explore as an adult, you 394 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:20,500 absolutely should because it is actually so good for your brain. 395 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,800 It just feels so good. Anyways, we need to learn to 396 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:25,300 play. I need to go back and play like 397 00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:28,000 children, I'm going on a tangent point. 398 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:32,700 Is that if you Had things growing up like an art or a 399 00:20:32,700 --> 00:20:37,500 skill or a sport or something and you never seem to win. 400 00:20:37,600 --> 00:20:41,100 You never seemed to place. You never got that award. 401 00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:44,700 You know, you had a parent who was like, you're just we're not 402 00:20:44,700 --> 00:20:47,800 quite good at it or you had a sibling who seem to be better at 403 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,800 it. We're always Sue seemed to be 404 00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:53,000 better than you. That's a really big trigger. 405 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:56,000 And that is something that can absolutely cause you in your 406 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,300 adult life, to start to make choices where you just assume 407 00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:00,800 that your Going to be good enough. 408 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,500 You're not going to place, you're not going to be that top 409 00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:06,200 employee. You know, you're not gonna even 410 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:10,600 bother applying for the job or applying for that next level up 411 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,800 in your workplace. Because you think, why would 412 00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:14,500 they want me? Why would they pick me? 413 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,100 People have been here longer, right? 414 00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:18,400 People are better. People are more confident. 415 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,400 People are more attractive. Like you you put yourself in the 416 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,400 space of being like well I'm not at that level. 417 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,800 So why would I even assume that someone else would put me at 418 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:29,400 that level and it's so much, it's just like a mind game, you 419 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,000 know. It's really a lot of it is all 420 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:36,100 in your head and I don't mean that in an insensitive way it's 421 00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:39,300 because I relate to it like it's a thing you know you see 422 00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:43,000 yourself as being here and if you always see yourself as being 423 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:46,500 here at this specific level, then you're never going to like 424 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:50,000 level up and go for more because you just don't think that you 425 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:53,000 deserve it. Like we accept the love that we 426 00:21:53,000 --> 00:21:56,300 think we deserve you know it's literally that like it's a real 427 00:21:56,300 --> 00:21:58,500 thing. Perfectionism also comes up a 428 00:21:58,508 --> 00:22:01,400 lot when it comes to From mental health disorders, which I wanted 429 00:22:01,400 --> 00:22:06,300 to mention today because like OCD anxiety, depression, they 430 00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:08,800 all came up when I was researching the different mental 431 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:12,400 health disorders, that can be linked to perfectionism, 432 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:16,100 perfectionism, is actually the most common cognitive distortion 433 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:20,600 within adults with ADHD. And that's another really common 434 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,700 issue that a lot of people are dealing with. 435 00:22:22,700 --> 00:22:25,700 And, you know, we could talk about the so long. 436 00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:29,200 But even like ADHD OCD a lot of these things that a lot of 437 00:22:29,208 --> 00:22:32,100 people feel as though they have, they're not getting diagnosed 438 00:22:32,100 --> 00:22:35,400 with them because it's expensive. 439 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:38,200 It's hard to get diagnosed. Sometimes I know I have friends 440 00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:42,400 in Canada who are on waitlist to be diagnosed with things like 441 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:45,600 ADHD and autism and it's like over a year wait. 442 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:49,900 Sometimes like it is really hard sometimes and I just want you to 443 00:22:49,900 --> 00:22:53,600 know that if you are struggling with any of these things as much 444 00:22:53,600 --> 00:22:57,500 as I don't think you should 100% self-diagnose And you know tell 445 00:22:57,500 --> 00:23:01,800 people you have this then. Our tools online for you to go 446 00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:05,100 and do these online tests and figure out, if you might have 447 00:23:05,100 --> 00:23:09,400 something like that, because not everyone has the resources to be 448 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:13,200 able to go and spend all this money and go have access to all 449 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,800 these, like, psycho therapists and psychologists, and get the 450 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,500 help that they need. But just know that if you are 451 00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:23,200 thinking, oh, you know, I think I might be a little narrow 452 00:23:23,200 --> 00:23:27,400 spicy, might have some OCD, some eighty HD, some things going on 453 00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:32,300 there, that might Be undiagnosed, then I absolutely 454 00:23:32,300 --> 00:23:34,800 validate that and that might be very real for you. 455 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,400 But I just thought I would mention that this is a very 456 00:23:38,500 --> 00:23:42,900 common overlap that you might see between perfectionists and 457 00:23:42,900 --> 00:23:45,300 people with these kind of mental health disorders. 458 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:48,600 And another one with ADHD obviously is very common, that 459 00:23:48,600 --> 00:23:50,600 procrastination is a big issue there. 460 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:54,200 So you could imagine how all these things start to cycle in 461 00:23:54,300 --> 00:23:57,200 and you're a perfectionist and you're putting off your work and 462 00:23:57,200 --> 00:23:59,000 then you think your work isn't any good. 463 00:23:59,100 --> 00:24:02,300 And then Procrastinate and you push it off and it's just this 464 00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:06,300 like Loop saying, all of that, you don't have to have a mental 465 00:24:06,300 --> 00:24:08,200 health disorder at all for you to be a perfectionist. 466 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:13,100 I think all of us have a little bit of perfectionism in us and 467 00:24:13,100 --> 00:24:16,000 it's something that we all need to work through but I want to 468 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:21,200 talk about what perfectionism is doing to you and why it's so 469 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,900 detrimental. And of course, as I've been 470 00:24:23,900 --> 00:24:28,900 doing continue to Spice in little ways that you can not be 471 00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:31,500 a perfectionist. East and you can work towards 472 00:24:31,600 --> 00:24:36,200 believing in yourself and like the work that you do because 473 00:24:36,300 --> 00:24:39,500 it's kind of the only way out of being a perfectionist. 474 00:24:39,600 --> 00:24:44,000 There isn't some perfect pill. There isn't some perfect daily 475 00:24:44,000 --> 00:24:47,000 morning evening routine. That's going to fix your brain. 476 00:24:47,000 --> 00:24:50,900 Unfortunately, sometimes it just takes us recognizing that. 477 00:24:50,900 --> 00:24:54,600 We are the way we are and actually choosing to be like, 478 00:24:54,600 --> 00:24:58,300 okay I'm going to like bite the bullet and be okay with moving 479 00:24:58,300 --> 00:25:02,600 forward without Every single box, ticked, every single time. 480 00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:07,100 And the more comfortable we get with being like, okay, I can do 481 00:25:07,100 --> 00:25:10,300 things and people think it's great and even if people don't 482 00:25:10,300 --> 00:25:13,500 think it's great, I think it's great and that's enough then 483 00:25:13,700 --> 00:25:15,400 we're going to work on that and we're going to move towards 484 00:25:15,400 --> 00:25:17,400 that. Number one. 485 00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:21,400 This is all of the things that perfectionism is doing to you. 486 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:26,100 Number one, it is blocking your creativity, before you even put 487 00:25:26,100 --> 00:25:29,400 the pen to paper, you are thinking. 488 00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:30,500 No. My idea shit. 489 00:25:30,500 --> 00:25:32,900 Why would I write about it? You know, maybe you have this 490 00:25:32,900 --> 00:25:36,300 dream that you want to start a blog or you want to write a 491 00:25:36,300 --> 00:25:38,900 book, you know. And you're literally saying to 492 00:25:38,900 --> 00:25:40,700 yourself. Oh I can't write. 493 00:25:40,700 --> 00:25:43,700 I can't even write one page. I can't even write one paragraph 494 00:25:43,700 --> 00:25:47,000 because that task is just too much and all it's too daunting 495 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:50,400 and I'm not going to be any good and I should probably wait for 496 00:25:50,400 --> 00:25:53,300 maybe five years from now, maybe 10 years from now when I'm a 497 00:25:53,300 --> 00:25:56,300 better writer or I have more experience or have more to write 498 00:25:56,300 --> 00:26:00,100 about, if you constantly do that, you are Stopping yourself 499 00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:04,300 from being creative and talking about the things that you can 500 00:26:04,300 --> 00:26:07,300 talk about right now. Like this is the thing, you have 501 00:26:07,300 --> 00:26:12,900 value right now, you have ideas, Amazing Ideas right now. 502 00:26:12,900 --> 00:26:16,200 But if you are stopping yourself like literally like cock 503 00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:20,500 blocking yourself from going and actually creating something then 504 00:26:20,500 --> 00:26:23,900 you're actually kind of like wasting those ideas you're 505 00:26:23,900 --> 00:26:27,200 wasting that creativity and rather than looking at yourself 506 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:30,800 as being like Oh one day, I'm going to be Be good enough to do 507 00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:32,800 XYZ. You need to start going. 508 00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:36,400 Whoa, right now. I have it like I have a really 509 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:39,700 interesting point of view, you know, maybe you are young, 510 00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,500 that's amazing. Being able to come from a point 511 00:26:42,500 --> 00:26:45,500 of view that is Young is so, so, so good. 512 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,900 I've even seen working in the industry that I'm in with, like, 513 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:51,400 PR agents and like different management. 514 00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:56,200 And all of that them, realizing how important it is for them to 515 00:26:56,200 --> 00:27:01,300 be like, okay, if I want to make content Write a book or sell a 516 00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:03,300 product or whatever. You know all these like PR 517 00:27:03,300 --> 00:27:06,600 people in like add marketing people, if they're thinking, I 518 00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:10,700 want to do something for Gen Z who do they need to ask Jonesy, 519 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:12,700 you know what I mean? If I need to make something or 520 00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:16,900 talk to people in their 20s, who am I talking to people in their 521 00:27:16,900 --> 00:27:18,600 twenties? You are valuable. 522 00:27:18,700 --> 00:27:22,600 Even if you are young and you are also super valuable. 523 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,500 If you are older people will go oh you know I'm too old. 524 00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:28,400 I'm past that point you know I'm past that point in my life. 525 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:30,800 Like now I've kind of said Settled down now, who wants to 526 00:27:30,808 --> 00:27:33,600 hear from me? Who A lot of people because you 527 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,700 have experienced, right? You can always look at where you 528 00:27:36,700 --> 00:27:40,500 are in life and see the value in it, but if you don't actively 529 00:27:40,500 --> 00:27:44,100 try to get into that head space and go, where is that value? 530 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:47,500 Like what do I have to offer? Then you're just going to assume 531 00:27:47,500 --> 00:27:50,300 that you don't have anything and then you procrastinate and you 532 00:27:50,308 --> 00:27:52,200 put it off. Then you go from being. 533 00:27:52,200 --> 00:27:55,900 I'm too young to very quickly being like well I'm now I'm too 534 00:27:55,900 --> 00:27:57,500 old and then you never do anything. 535 00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:01,900 You're blocking your Activity. Number two is that you are 536 00:28:01,900 --> 00:28:05,600 delaying your success, which I would say in. 537 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:08,600 A lot of cases means that you're actually delaying your happiness 538 00:28:08,600 --> 00:28:10,800 as well. Because if you have something on 539 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:13,400 your heart that you're like, I want to create this, I want to 540 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:15,400 do this. You know, I hate the job that 541 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:16,900 I'm in. I want to quit my nine-to-five. 542 00:28:16,900 --> 00:28:19,700 I want to Bubba, Bubba Bubba, you want to do something else. 543 00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:23,900 And you are pushing it off and procrastinating, often. 544 00:28:24,100 --> 00:28:28,200 Then you're sitting even longer in that space that you don't 545 00:28:28,200 --> 00:28:29,400 want to be in, right? That job. 546 00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,800 You don't want to do or that friend group that you're in that 547 00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,300 you're like oh I hate these guys. 548 00:28:34,300 --> 00:28:36,300 You know, these these are my real friends. 549 00:28:36,300 --> 00:28:39,100 Like I just feel like I don't fit here like but you're not 550 00:28:39,100 --> 00:28:41,100 going out and making new friends, you know, you're not 551 00:28:41,100 --> 00:28:44,500 pushing yourself to go and be a new spaces or like join that 552 00:28:44,500 --> 00:28:46,400 Facebook group or get around new people. 553 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:49,100 You're not pushing yourself, so then you're just going to be 554 00:28:49,100 --> 00:28:51,400 stuck in that friend group for even longer, right? 555 00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:53,700 It's the same with, like, romantic relationships. 556 00:28:53,700 --> 00:28:55,300 I identify with this. Okay, guys? 557 00:28:55,300 --> 00:28:58,200 When I was younger, I threw most of high school was in a 558 00:28:58,208 --> 00:29:01,300 relationship. And I were together for like 559 00:29:01,300 --> 00:29:04,000 three years. There was a point at like the 560 00:29:04,000 --> 00:29:07,200 two-year Mark where I was like, I do not, I should not be with 561 00:29:07,200 --> 00:29:08,700 this person. I should not be with this 562 00:29:08,700 --> 00:29:11,100 person. Like we are the worst. 563 00:29:11,100 --> 00:29:14,000 We are literally the worst and like we are toxic. 564 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:16,900 You know, we fight all the time. We like you know there's there's 565 00:29:16,900 --> 00:29:19,500 redeeming factors but we shouldn't be together. 566 00:29:19,500 --> 00:29:22,500 I procrastinated getting out of that relationship for like over 567 00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:26,800 a year, literally over a year. And there's obviously it's very 568 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:29,600 complicated and I have Grace for myself and I can look back At 569 00:29:29,608 --> 00:29:32,600 the situation and be like oh like empathetic, you know, like 570 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,800 this is why and like you were young and like you were attached 571 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:39,800 to this this like I can look at why I made the choices I made 572 00:29:40,000 --> 00:29:42,900 but going back. I wish I could just shake myself 573 00:29:42,900 --> 00:29:44,900 and be like, bro, what the fuck are you doing? 574 00:29:45,100 --> 00:29:48,600 You know what you need to do? Like, you know, you're just not 575 00:29:48,600 --> 00:29:50,800 doing it, you know? So if you know, if you were 576 00:29:50,800 --> 00:29:53,100 sitting here right now and you're going, oh my God. 577 00:29:53,100 --> 00:29:56,800 Like I know, I know, I need to quit that job or I know I need 578 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,500 to break off this relationship or I know I need to put myself. 579 00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:03,200 Furthermore I know I need to go to that like workout class or I 580 00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:05,600 need to like get on a bit of a routine. 581 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:10,200 I know the thing that I need to do then I want you right after 582 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:13,300 you listen to this episode to like, pull out your notes app. 583 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,900 Pull out a piece of paper and a pen, whatever? 584 00:30:16,100 --> 00:30:19,400 Right down like a few actionable steps. 585 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:22,000 Just a few. It doesn't have to be okay in 586 00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:23,300 the next year, I'm going to accomplish. 587 00:30:23,300 --> 00:30:27,200 No, no, let's start small. What can you do today? 588 00:30:27,300 --> 00:30:29,400 What can you do this week to work? 589 00:30:29,500 --> 00:30:33,300 Towards that thing, if that means just scrolling on like a 590 00:30:33,300 --> 00:30:36,500 job site and just seeing what jobs are out there. 591 00:30:36,700 --> 00:30:40,400 Then do it, just do it. I saw something this week and I 592 00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:42,300 thought was really interesting, it was talking about job 593 00:30:42,300 --> 00:30:45,100 applications and I don't know the exact like statistic for it. 594 00:30:45,100 --> 00:30:49,600 But it was saying that women who are looking at different like 595 00:30:49,600 --> 00:30:52,800 job applications and they see all of the different 596 00:30:52,800 --> 00:30:55,700 requirements. If they don't meet all of them, 597 00:30:55,700 --> 00:30:58,800 it's like, 90% of something of women in this, like, study. 598 00:30:59,600 --> 00:31:04,500 We're not able and to do the job and their brains so they didn't 599 00:31:04,500 --> 00:31:09,400 apply for the jobs whereas men. It was like if they could do one 600 00:31:09,400 --> 00:31:11,800 of the things on the list, there were like, yeah, I'll figure out 601 00:31:11,800 --> 00:31:15,600 the rest and it's really interesting obviously the way 602 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:19,100 that women perceive their value versus how men perceive their 603 00:31:19,100 --> 00:31:23,000 value, and we could get into the whole feminist version of this 604 00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:26,000 conversation, but it is such a thing. 605 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,700 And if you do that, if you're sitting there scrolling, this is 606 00:31:28,700 --> 00:31:31,000 the hot tip. And looking for a new job and 607 00:31:31,000 --> 00:31:32,300 you go. Oh, but wait. 608 00:31:32,300 --> 00:31:34,400 No, I actually don't have that thing. 609 00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:37,500 Fuck it, fuck it. Go in there and convince them 610 00:31:37,500 --> 00:31:40,500 that you can do it because I absolutely believe that you can 611 00:31:40,700 --> 00:31:43,300 and we really need to start backing ourselves more, 612 00:31:43,800 --> 00:31:47,000 especially women in this scenario and especially when it 613 00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:51,600 comes to job and your work and your belief in what you can 614 00:31:51,600 --> 00:31:54,900 produce and how much value you can add two different spaces. 615 00:31:55,800 --> 00:31:58,200 Number three. Being a perfectionist is 616 00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:02,400 triggering your want to compare comparison? 617 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:06,300 Is a really big issue and I've I feel like I've struggled with it 618 00:32:06,300 --> 00:32:09,300 like on and off. Like I normally say that I don't 619 00:32:09,300 --> 00:32:12,500 struggle with comparison but I think different seasons trigger 620 00:32:12,500 --> 00:32:16,300 it and this is actually been a season where I've been somewhat 621 00:32:16,300 --> 00:32:19,300 triggered with it if I'm being honest like being in a new 622 00:32:19,300 --> 00:32:22,500 having a new like job like before when I was say working in 623 00:32:22,500 --> 00:32:27,000 Hospitality, I didn't want Work in Hospitality for my whole 624 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,200 life. So I didn't compare myself to 625 00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:31,500 other people in it because I was like well I don't want to be a 626 00:32:31,500 --> 00:32:33,600 manager or whatever. I don't like that's something I 627 00:32:33,608 --> 00:32:35,900 want to do. I mean sleigh if that's what you 628 00:32:35,900 --> 00:32:38,300 want to do, that's great. You know, that I just didn't 629 00:32:38,300 --> 00:32:40,100 want to do it. I didn't I didn't care about it 630 00:32:40,100 --> 00:32:44,300 and so I would never be in that workplace thinking like, oh, I 631 00:32:44,308 --> 00:32:46,500 just wish I was as good as like, my manager. 632 00:32:46,500 --> 00:32:49,300 Be, I didn't give a fuck, you know, where is then I stepped 633 00:32:49,300 --> 00:32:51,700 up, and I became a reformer pilates instructor then. 634 00:32:51,700 --> 00:32:54,300 I was like, okay. Now I'm comparing myself to the 635 00:32:54,300 --> 00:32:56,700 other instructors. And then I got more comfortable 636 00:32:56,700 --> 00:32:58,300 in the job. And then I got to a point where 637 00:32:58,300 --> 00:32:59,700 I was like, I don't care, whatever. 638 00:32:59,900 --> 00:33:02,100 I think I'm good. I've been to other classes where 639 00:33:02,100 --> 00:33:04,300 they're not so good, and I've been to some classes that are 640 00:33:04,300 --> 00:33:07,800 probably a million times better than how I teach and it's fine. 641 00:33:07,900 --> 00:33:10,600 I think I'm good enough. I'm having a good time. 642 00:33:10,700 --> 00:33:12,000 You know. I'm happy with my work. 643 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,000 I know, I try my hardest and that's what matters. 644 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,700 And I got to a point where I wasn't very confident in my 645 00:33:16,700 --> 00:33:20,600 work, and then I quit being a Pilates instructor, and now I'm 646 00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:23,000 doing social media and the podcast and everything 647 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,400 full-time. And, like I said, at the start, 648 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,200 Today's episode, I want to be very honest with you guys that, 649 00:33:28,200 --> 00:33:31,200 like, sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I'm like, fuck. 650 00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:33,500 What am I doing? Do people give a shit, you know, 651 00:33:33,500 --> 00:33:37,300 like in and I'm comparing myself to other people who then have 652 00:33:37,300 --> 00:33:39,800 podcasts or, you know, work in the space. 653 00:33:39,800 --> 00:33:43,700 And so it's interesting that when you push yourself, when you 654 00:33:43,700 --> 00:33:46,900 get into that new space of kind of like leveling up if you will 655 00:33:47,000 --> 00:33:50,300 in like becoming more. So what you really want to do, 656 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:55,200 that can actually be really scary and put you at like risk 657 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,800 of Of going back and struggling with these things that maybe you 658 00:33:57,808 --> 00:33:59,300 haven't struggled with in a while. 659 00:33:59,600 --> 00:34:01,800 And that's something that I kind of want to prepare you with is 660 00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:05,300 like if you're choosing to step into something new and to put 661 00:34:05,300 --> 00:34:08,199 yourself out there, of course, it's going to be a bit scary. 662 00:34:08,199 --> 00:34:11,199 Of course you're going to be like like what am I doing? 663 00:34:11,199 --> 00:34:13,900 Like when I first start teaching Pilates, I was shitting bricks. 664 00:34:13,900 --> 00:34:15,699 I was like, I don't know what I'm doing. 665 00:34:15,900 --> 00:34:18,300 I felt like huge imposter syndrome. 666 00:34:18,300 --> 00:34:20,400 That's another thing that it can trigger, which I think 667 00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:24,600 comparison and impostor syndrome is kind of like one in the same 668 00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:27,300 in a way. It comes up and that's going to, 669 00:34:27,300 --> 00:34:28,900 that's okay. If you're going to put yourself 670 00:34:28,900 --> 00:34:31,500 out there, that's okay. Because would you rather be 671 00:34:31,500 --> 00:34:34,699 someone who puts herself out there and for a season really 672 00:34:34,699 --> 00:34:39,199 struggles with comparison and this, you know, like, oh I'm not 673 00:34:39,199 --> 00:34:41,900 meant to be here. Do people think I'm good enough 674 00:34:41,900 --> 00:34:43,800 for this? Those like, negative thoughts? 675 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,699 Would you rather be in that position for a little bit and 676 00:34:46,699 --> 00:34:49,199 then grow your confidence and then become a person who's 677 00:34:49,199 --> 00:34:53,800 confident in that area? Or would you rather be stuck 678 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:57,000 where you are right now? Knowing that you're potentially 679 00:34:57,500 --> 00:35:00,700 unhappy in your job or your school, or your work or 680 00:35:00,700 --> 00:35:03,300 whatever, you don't want to be stuck there you don't. 681 00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:07,300 So let's choose together. Collectively, I'm here with you 682 00:35:07,600 --> 00:35:10,800 to make that jump. And go do that research. 683 00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:13,400 Go reach out to that person. Go after that job. 684 00:35:13,600 --> 00:35:16,500 Go put yourself out there and who gives a fuck what people 685 00:35:16,500 --> 00:35:19,800 think, because it's a new experience and even just doing 686 00:35:19,800 --> 00:35:23,300 that shows, how courageous you are, How brave you are, and 687 00:35:23,300 --> 00:35:27,700 that's a win in and of itself. Number for being a perfectionist 688 00:35:27,700 --> 00:35:31,800 is causing you potentially to go into bit of a freeze response. 689 00:35:32,700 --> 00:35:35,800 If you know the difference between like fight flight and 690 00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:40,100 freeze, often freeze is what people are finding themselves 691 00:35:40,100 --> 00:35:41,500 in. And it's actually been, like, a 692 00:35:41,500 --> 00:35:44,600 newer finding people, never really used to use freeze. 693 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:46,200 It was just like fight or flight. 694 00:35:46,600 --> 00:35:49,100 But freeze is actually really, really, really common. 695 00:35:49,300 --> 00:35:52,900 And if you are someone that when something negative happens, you 696 00:35:52,900 --> 00:35:56,300 almost don't even process it. You're just like Stone Cold, 697 00:35:56,300 --> 00:35:58,200 like it's like it, you can't quit. 698 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,400 You don't know how to deal with your emotions and that moment 699 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,600 you kind of just want to move on quickly and then you realize 700 00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:06,600 later on that if you didn't deal with it at that time, you have 701 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:08,900 to deal with it later and it kind of like creeps back up. 702 00:36:08,900 --> 00:36:11,400 If you're one of those people, I wouldn't be surprised if you're 703 00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:15,600 still listening and you're like this is me because that's me too 704 00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:19,200 sometimes and it can cause you to freeze your work. 705 00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:24,200 So you want to be a really great painter and you start painting 706 00:36:24,200 --> 00:36:25,300 and you have a good time with it and you go. 707 00:36:25,500 --> 00:36:26,900 Wow. I really love this or maybe I 708 00:36:26,900 --> 00:36:29,600 could start selling this one. You get kind of excited you know 709 00:36:29,700 --> 00:36:32,500 you like start to work on it, you think all want my business 710 00:36:32,500 --> 00:36:33,900 model. Maybe you know you know you do 711 00:36:33,900 --> 00:36:35,900 all this research, you like really get into it. 712 00:36:35,900 --> 00:36:38,400 You're like all right. I'm gonna do this thing and then 713 00:36:38,500 --> 00:36:41,200 it starts to become a reality that you could actually do that 714 00:36:41,200 --> 00:36:43,000 thing. And suddenly it's like, whoa, 715 00:36:43,100 --> 00:36:45,100 whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. What am I going to paint? 716 00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:46,300 What do I wait? What do I do? 717 00:36:46,300 --> 00:36:48,200 Wait should I should I get brand colors? 718 00:36:48,200 --> 00:36:50,900 And you start like freaking the fuck out about all the little 719 00:36:50,900 --> 00:36:53,800 details and you're not even doing the thing yet because 720 00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,800 you've actually Frozen that creativity and you frozen you're 721 00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:02,700 like want to actually produce and it can become very scary and 722 00:37:02,700 --> 00:37:05,600 just it can it's like to legitimate like it's too real. 723 00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:08,200 You know, it's like people who want to be an artist and then 724 00:37:08,500 --> 00:37:11,500 they finally booked their first. I mean like a music artist and 725 00:37:11,500 --> 00:37:13,200 you finally booked your first show. 726 00:37:13,200 --> 00:37:15,800 Your first gig you know and then suddenly you're like what the 727 00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:17,800 fuck am I doing? Why did I do this to myself? 728 00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,300 Like it's scary but it's important. 729 00:37:20,300 --> 00:37:22,600 It's pushing yourself and it's getting to that next level. 730 00:37:23,200 --> 00:37:24,800 I was watching. This is so funny. 731 00:37:24,900 --> 00:37:27,900 I was watching. And actions this week LOL, I got 732 00:37:27,900 --> 00:37:30,600 Disney Plus finally, I don't know what was stopping me before 733 00:37:30,700 --> 00:37:33,800 but I got Disney plus and I've never actually really watch the 734 00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:36,000 Kardashians. Don't know what I was doing 735 00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:38,400 before but I've been fucking loving it. 736 00:37:38,700 --> 00:37:42,400 And I watched the first season that's on there of like the new 737 00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:44,900 version of the show, you know? And I've been watching the first 738 00:37:44,900 --> 00:37:47,700 one and I'm about to move on to the second one but Kim. 739 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,800 She was talking about when she went on Saturday Night Live. 740 00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:52,800 I don't know if you guys remember that and the whole 741 00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,900 episode is just her being like fuck like I wonder if I can 742 00:37:55,900 --> 00:37:58,400 still cancel it in, this is fucking Kim Kardashian. 743 00:37:58,400 --> 00:38:01,300 You know, we look at people like that which you know regardless 744 00:38:01,300 --> 00:38:03,700 of if you think she's a good role model or whatever, doesn't 745 00:38:03,700 --> 00:38:06,600 matter the point is that she's fucking slaying her industry. 746 00:38:06,600 --> 00:38:07,900 Okay. She's doing great. 747 00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:10,600 No problems. No, you know, no issues when it 748 00:38:10,600 --> 00:38:14,100 comes to resources, money family, all of it you know she's 749 00:38:14,100 --> 00:38:15,700 a human. So she has things that come up 750 00:38:15,700 --> 00:38:19,700 but like she's obviously done amazing for herself and I just 751 00:38:19,700 --> 00:38:24,400 thought it was so encouraging to see someone at her level who in 752 00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:27,300 my mind could do Ever the fuck they want and just succeed and 753 00:38:27,300 --> 00:38:29,300 everyone's going to be like, wow, she's amazing. 754 00:38:30,000 --> 00:38:33,400 Even her questioning herself and being like, Oh, like I'm not 755 00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:35,800 funny enough for this. I'm not this enough for this, 756 00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,300 but she just was like, but I'm still gonna do it. 757 00:38:38,300 --> 00:38:40,500 You know, I'm still going to put myself in that position. 758 00:38:40,900 --> 00:38:42,200 I'm still going to fight the nerves. 759 00:38:42,200 --> 00:38:44,900 I'm still going to show up and she fucking did it, and she 760 00:38:44,900 --> 00:38:48,000 fuckin slated. And so, I just, I want to 761 00:38:48,008 --> 00:38:51,900 encourage you that, if you are someone who's like, oh, freeze 762 00:38:51,900 --> 00:38:54,100 scared. Uh, what do I do? 763 00:38:54,200 --> 00:38:57,100 It's okay to me. Move into things while you feel 764 00:38:57,100 --> 00:39:02,500 that way like often anxiety and excitement coincide is not the 765 00:39:02,500 --> 00:39:03,100 word. I don't know. 766 00:39:03,300 --> 00:39:07,500 They like they live together and it's such a real thing where you 767 00:39:07,500 --> 00:39:09,800 might be super anxious and like fuck. 768 00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,400 I don't know if I'm good enough but also like, oh, but I'm 769 00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:14,100 really excited. And like, this is a really great 770 00:39:14,100 --> 00:39:17,400 opportunity and something that I absolutely believe that you can 771 00:39:17,400 --> 00:39:21,400 step into even if you're experiencing that anxiety in 772 00:39:21,400 --> 00:39:23,800 that stress in the moment. Because of course that thing 773 00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:27,200 will only get easier over time. I'm the more you do it, that 774 00:39:27,200 --> 00:39:30,800 anxiety and that presence of like am I good enough for this 775 00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:34,200 will get easier and easier and will like break down more and 776 00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:37,000 more because you are used to being in that position. 777 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,100 Whereas at one point, of course, it's going to be scary at the 778 00:39:39,100 --> 00:39:41,900 start, but you know, you get their number five. 779 00:39:41,900 --> 00:39:44,300 Is that being a perfectionist will cause you to have 780 00:39:44,300 --> 00:39:48,600 unrealistically high standards unrealistically unrealistic. 781 00:39:48,600 --> 00:39:50,700 I don't know. It will cause you to have really 782 00:39:50,700 --> 00:39:52,500 high standards for yourself, which obviously we talked about 783 00:39:52,500 --> 00:39:56,000 at the start of the episode. But if You have these really 784 00:39:56,000 --> 00:39:58,700 high expectations for yourself and then you don't get the 785 00:39:58,700 --> 00:40:02,300 results that you want then that can very quickly cut you off. 786 00:40:02,300 --> 00:40:05,500 So if you want to start something and you do start 787 00:40:05,500 --> 00:40:08,400 something, maybe you are actually in the first kind of 788 00:40:08,400 --> 00:40:10,700 season of stepping out and trying something new. 789 00:40:10,700 --> 00:40:15,900 If nobody seems to care if nobody is acting like what you 790 00:40:15,900 --> 00:40:19,800 are doing is legitimate. Just keep going, just keep 791 00:40:19,800 --> 00:40:22,900 going. That is like my genuine on the 792 00:40:22,900 --> 00:40:25,500 spot. Like advice to you is don't Give 793 00:40:25,500 --> 00:40:29,500 up on yourself because it can take time, people are going to 794 00:40:29,500 --> 00:40:32,000 judge you. Regardless people are going to 795 00:40:32,000 --> 00:40:34,300 look at you and go oh, here we go again. 796 00:40:34,300 --> 00:40:37,700 They're trying another creative business or, you know, or oh, 797 00:40:37,700 --> 00:40:41,300 here they go again, like trying this job that they didn't do 798 00:40:41,300 --> 00:40:44,400 very well at before or whatever. You know, people will see, you 799 00:40:44,400 --> 00:40:47,900 doing things and people are fucking judgmental sometimes. 800 00:40:47,900 --> 00:40:50,600 Okay, people will definitely judge you and if you're scared 801 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:53,000 of being judged or things that you can do to work around it, 802 00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:57,000 like I saw a Creator content creator this week. 803 00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:01,200 I was chatting with her and then I saw one of her like, post that 804 00:41:01,200 --> 00:41:04,400 came up and she was talking about how she started her 805 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:08,900 journey and she was literally, like I started it as a new 806 00:41:08,900 --> 00:41:11,500 account. And I made sure that no one that 807 00:41:11,500 --> 00:41:14,200 like, I went to high school with because like, follow me on there 808 00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,500 and I just did it as like a new account. 809 00:41:16,500 --> 00:41:20,200 And I just built it on my own and then I came back and post it 810 00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:22,300 on my main account. Like, hey guys, I have this 811 00:41:22,300 --> 00:41:23,800 business. Once you once it was like kind 812 00:41:23,800 --> 00:41:27,400 of thriving and doing well. Then suddenly everybody, when at 813 00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,700 first, they didn't seem to give a fuck when she tried to do it 814 00:41:29,700 --> 00:41:33,100 on her own page, everybody was like wow, this is so amazing. 815 00:41:33,100 --> 00:41:35,200 I'm so proud of you. This is so cool. 816 00:41:35,200 --> 00:41:37,300 Like we were such good friends in high school. 817 00:41:37,300 --> 00:41:39,600 She's like, Fuck you guys. You guys think of a shit about 818 00:41:39,600 --> 00:41:42,200 me when I posted about it originally and I was suddenly 819 00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,400 everyone cares and everybody wants to congratulate me. 820 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,200 Fuck you guys. Just because I've suddenly have 821 00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,600 some success in it, it's a thing. 822 00:41:48,700 --> 00:41:52,300 Okay, so if that helps you, if you are trying to create like a 823 00:41:52,308 --> 00:41:55,200 business or build something, and you want to do that, 824 00:41:55,300 --> 00:41:58,000 Anonymously, you can do that. If you guys remember, a few 825 00:41:58,000 --> 00:42:00,900 weeks ago, maybe like five episodes or so ago, I 826 00:42:00,900 --> 00:42:04,100 interviewed Millie from the sober Society. 827 00:42:04,400 --> 00:42:07,400 She was saying that when she started the sober society, which 828 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,200 is a sober girl Society. Sorry this should we go society 829 00:42:10,300 --> 00:42:15,700 when she started it, she posted it as a separate account and she 830 00:42:15,700 --> 00:42:19,800 didn't even say that it was her until it got to over 10,000 831 00:42:19,800 --> 00:42:22,800 followers because people were then suddenly asking like, who's 832 00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:25,200 behind this account, like we want to hear your story. 833 00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:27,000 And then she finally was like, fog, okay? 834 00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:30,500 Now I got to be real about just being me, but there are ways to 835 00:42:30,500 --> 00:42:35,100 do things where you don't have to make your name the name on 836 00:42:35,100 --> 00:42:38,100 it, and you can try things on your own and then bring it out 837 00:42:38,100 --> 00:42:40,100 into the world. But what I don't want you to do 838 00:42:40,400 --> 00:42:43,100 is never get to that point of bringing it out in the world. 839 00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:46,100 If you believe that, it's something that is valuable and 840 00:42:46,100 --> 00:42:49,500 other people would enjoy it and you want to do it, then you need 841 00:42:49,500 --> 00:42:53,800 to do it to last little points here before we go is what if I 842 00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:56,000 fail. So what But you're going to 843 00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:58,200 fail. You are, your will probably have 844 00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:01,200 failures along the way and that is literally the beauty of it. 845 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:03,800 You have to learn. Like you literally have to learn 846 00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:07,800 to your mistakes and if you keep pushing it off, if you keep 847 00:43:07,800 --> 00:43:10,300 procrastinating it because you think, oh, I'm not good enough 848 00:43:10,300 --> 00:43:12,200 yet. You're actually wasting time to 849 00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:15,900 make mistakes like right now, you want to use as much as you 850 00:43:15,900 --> 00:43:19,900 can to make as many mistakes as you can so that you can get 851 00:43:19,900 --> 00:43:22,400 really good at the thing that you are wanting to do. 852 00:43:22,700 --> 00:43:25,700 I've said this before on the podcast, but when I Made this 853 00:43:25,700 --> 00:43:28,000 podcast. It wasn't the first thing that I 854 00:43:28,008 --> 00:43:31,300 tried to do y'all. I tried to do Instagram shit for 855 00:43:31,300 --> 00:43:33,200 ages. I tried to do I GTV, when that 856 00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:35,500 was a thing, I tried to start a YouTube channel. 857 00:43:36,300 --> 00:43:39,300 When I was in high school, I did a YouTube channel for like, 858 00:43:39,300 --> 00:43:41,200 almost two years. Like, I was putting out like 859 00:43:41,200 --> 00:43:44,100 weekly weekly videos. Like, I was going hard on it. 860 00:43:44,100 --> 00:43:46,200 Like, well, I was doing music stuff so it was obviously 861 00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:48,800 different what I'm doing now, but at the time I was literally 862 00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:52,600 doing like music covers and all this stuff and I put so much 863 00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,200 effort into it all this like love into it, like I really 864 00:43:55,300 --> 00:43:58,300 Really cared about it, I bought this microphone, the one I'm 865 00:43:58,300 --> 00:44:01,500 using right now for that channel, when I was like 15 866 00:44:01,500 --> 00:44:05,500 trying to do shit in high school and now having a podcast I'm 867 00:44:05,500 --> 00:44:10,500 able to like use what I know about say recording for what I 868 00:44:10,500 --> 00:44:13,400 do now. And when I used to sit and write 869 00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:17,800 these long ass like like what's the word captions to like 870 00:44:17,800 --> 00:44:20,900 Instagram post when I thought I was like a little blogger, which 871 00:44:20,900 --> 00:44:25,000 I wasn't, but I seem to think I was I taught myself how to like 872 00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,000 right. Two things in like Point form 873 00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:30,700 and just like, you know, give say things in a way that was 874 00:44:30,700 --> 00:44:33,100 like, quick enough for people to be able to get something out of 875 00:44:33,107 --> 00:44:35,400 it. And like, now, looking back when 876 00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:38,400 I thought, oh, nobody reads my posts, everyone thinks this is 877 00:44:38,400 --> 00:44:40,000 dumb. This is so embarrassing. 878 00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:42,000 Why am I opening up about this thing? 879 00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:44,200 Why am I posting these videos? Why am I doing bubba? 880 00:44:44,200 --> 00:44:46,300 Bubba, blah. When I used to think all of that 881 00:44:46,300 --> 00:44:49,600 now, literally, like how long is it 15? 882 00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:53,200 So, like, literally seven years, eight years later, I'm going. 883 00:44:53,300 --> 00:44:56,900 I'm so happy that I I didn't give a fuck what people thought. 884 00:44:56,900 --> 00:45:00,000 And I just put myself out there because I actually use all of 885 00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:02,700 those little skills. Now, in, what I do right now, 886 00:45:03,300 --> 00:45:06,500 and this isn't to say that you want to do this shit, you know, 887 00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:09,400 but if you want to do something like this, I do want to 888 00:45:09,400 --> 00:45:13,700 encourage you like, every little bit of all the mistakes and all 889 00:45:13,700 --> 00:45:16,600 of the little skills that you've learned along the way, are going 890 00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:18,900 to serve you eventually. So, don't put off what you're 891 00:45:18,900 --> 00:45:20,900 doing. And think that one day, you're 892 00:45:20,900 --> 00:45:23,800 suddenly going to be ready to do this thing because you actually 893 00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:27,700 won't be like you Actually have to build up to it and you have 894 00:45:27,700 --> 00:45:30,500 to fail along the way. And lastly if you're asking 895 00:45:30,500 --> 00:45:33,700 yourself what if people think I'm dumb, what are people going 896 00:45:33,700 --> 00:45:36,000 to think? That's something that you really 897 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,300 need to break down. You really need to try to step 898 00:45:38,300 --> 00:45:41,000 away from making choices for other people. 899 00:45:41,300 --> 00:45:44,400 And last week's episode about people-pleasing was, where I 900 00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:47,700 really talked about this, like, feeling worried about what other 901 00:45:47,700 --> 00:45:49,600 people are going to think and judging you. 902 00:45:50,200 --> 00:45:52,600 It's going to happen. It is going to happen. 903 00:45:52,700 --> 00:45:54,900 There are going to be people that think that you are dumb. 904 00:45:55,700 --> 00:45:58,000 I'm sure that people think that I'm dumb all the time or think 905 00:45:58,000 --> 00:46:01,500 that shit that I do is cringy or things that I say, I shouldn't I 906 00:46:01,500 --> 00:46:04,300 don't care, I don't care and you have to be able to not care as 907 00:46:04,300 --> 00:46:06,300 you figure out what you are doing, because that's how you're 908 00:46:06,300 --> 00:46:07,700 going to build your confidence in it. 909 00:46:08,100 --> 00:46:11,000 Do you think that the people that you look up to like the 910 00:46:11,800 --> 00:46:15,200 people in your field that you look up to who just have really 911 00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:17,500 put themselves out? There may be like musicians 912 00:46:17,500 --> 00:46:20,600 artists like people where you consume like their content, 913 00:46:20,600 --> 00:46:22,600 their media, whatever on a regular basis. 914 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:25,100 Do you think that those people like I'm talking, you know? 915 00:46:25,300 --> 00:46:26,500 Those people who are really up there. 916 00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:28,800 Do you think that on a regular basis they're waking up and 917 00:46:28,800 --> 00:46:32,000 going, should I wear this shirt? What if my mom thinks? 918 00:46:32,200 --> 00:46:36,000 No, okay, they're way past that they are way, way past it. 919 00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:39,500 And if you keep yourself small, you will stay small, right? 920 00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:42,700 If you don't allow yourself to believe that you're meant to be 921 00:46:42,700 --> 00:46:44,800 at a certain place, then you're not going to be there. 922 00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:47,900 But if you believe it, if you step into it, if you challenge 923 00:46:47,900 --> 00:46:51,500 yourself, even if it's in Little Bits every single day, one thing 924 00:46:51,500 --> 00:46:55,400 that you can do, one thing you can do this week tomorrow, So 925 00:46:55,500 --> 00:46:59,400 this month something to push towards your goals, you are 926 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:02,300 going to get there, you're going to build something and it might 927 00:47:02,300 --> 00:47:05,400 not even be what you originally set out to do, but you're going 928 00:47:05,400 --> 00:47:08,400 to be so happy because you started in the first place and 929 00:47:08,400 --> 00:47:10,900 you created something. And eventually you got to a 930 00:47:10,900 --> 00:47:13,600 place where it was exactly what it was meant to be, because you 931 00:47:13,600 --> 00:47:16,000 just kept showing up for yourself, and that's what I 932 00:47:16,008 --> 00:47:18,500 would encourage you to do is show up for yourself. 933 00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:21,600 So, if that means doing what I mentioned earlier, sitting down, 934 00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:25,100 writing down, a few actionable steps, you can actually move. 935 00:47:25,300 --> 00:47:30,700 Forward in stepping into what you want to do and not allowing 936 00:47:30,700 --> 00:47:34,800 this perfectionist, tendency to hold you back, then do it 937 00:47:34,800 --> 00:47:37,500 because you are worth it. You are worth going after the 938 00:47:37,500 --> 00:47:40,000 things that you want to do the things you want to create and 939 00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:43,600 your ideas and everything that you are picturing in your head. 940 00:47:43,600 --> 00:47:46,900 Is there for you. You just have to step into it. 941 00:47:46,900 --> 00:47:50,700 I fucking believe in you guys so much and I'm so excited to chat 942 00:47:50,700 --> 00:47:54,000 with you guys about this episode, please feel free to DM 943 00:47:54,000 --> 00:47:55,700 me. Have a chat with Me at the 944 00:47:55,700 --> 00:47:59,200 moment, I'm answering all my DMs, which I'm probably not 945 00:47:59,200 --> 00:48:02,300 going to do for a lot longer just because we're growing which 946 00:48:02,300 --> 00:48:05,000 is amazing. And I'm happy about that but I'm 947 00:48:05,000 --> 00:48:08,200 going to be creating a website, which I mentioned in last week's 948 00:48:08,200 --> 00:48:10,800 episode as well. The website is on its way. 949 00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:13,300 We're putting some finishing touches on it and everything. 950 00:48:13,300 --> 00:48:15,700 Making it look so beautiful for you guys, but you're gonna be 951 00:48:15,700 --> 00:48:18,700 able to go through on there and ask specific questions and it's 952 00:48:18,700 --> 00:48:22,700 going to be a new part of the podcast, where I regularly 953 00:48:22,700 --> 00:48:25,100 answer your guys's questions and read off. 954 00:48:25,300 --> 00:48:27,500 Maybe situations that you're going through in your life, 955 00:48:27,500 --> 00:48:29,200 similar to the kind of dams that I get. 956 00:48:29,200 --> 00:48:31,600 But it's just going to be a space where we can then talk it 957 00:48:31,600 --> 00:48:34,800 through in the episodes, and it's going to be anonymous for 958 00:48:34,800 --> 00:48:37,600 you as well. So, that's it, guys. 959 00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:40,700 Thank you so much for listening. If you don't already follow the 960 00:48:40,707 --> 00:48:44,200 podcast on Spotify or apple podcasts or wherever you listen, 961 00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:45,800 then, please go ahead and do that. 962 00:48:45,800 --> 00:48:48,600 It does help me and it helps other people to see the 963 00:48:48,600 --> 00:48:51,000 episodes. If you think that this is an 964 00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,700 episode that somebody needs to hear, then please feel free to 965 00:48:53,700 --> 00:48:56,800 share it with them. You guys are really great with 966 00:48:56,800 --> 00:49:00,300 sharing around the episodes and sharing it on your stories and 967 00:49:00,308 --> 00:49:01,900 just know that I appreciate that. 968 00:49:01,900 --> 00:49:05,100 So much. Anyway, that you support 969 00:49:05,200 --> 00:49:09,100 anything that I do is like, it is great for me, it's great 970 00:49:09,100 --> 00:49:11,300 feedback for me. And it just helps me to know 971 00:49:11,300 --> 00:49:15,300 that what I'm doing is actually helping you guys because like 972 00:49:15,300 --> 00:49:17,600 I've said, I need that encouragement to, you know, I'm 973 00:49:17,600 --> 00:49:22,100 just as much of an anxious girly and I'm just as much of a person 974 00:49:22,100 --> 00:49:24,900 who questions myself at times and so, thank you for doing 975 00:49:24,900 --> 00:49:27,800 that. And if you want to follow me on 976 00:49:27,800 --> 00:49:30,800 Instagram or Tick Tock or you know, come hang out, it's Alyssa 977 00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:34,400 Taylor Harper, which I will link below for you and we also have a 978 00:49:34,408 --> 00:49:36,200 Facebook group, that's the last thing. 979 00:49:36,300 --> 00:49:37,500 Yep. We've got a Facebook group 980 00:49:37,500 --> 00:49:40,600 called she said, what podcast group and you can join us over 981 00:49:40,600 --> 00:49:43,400 there where I give regular updates to what is going on with 982 00:49:43,400 --> 00:49:46,600 the podcast, asking you guys what you want to see going 983 00:49:46,600 --> 00:49:49,500 forward and just having chats about what's going on in our 984 00:49:49,500 --> 00:49:51,200 lives. So that's everything guys. 985 00:49:51,300 --> 00:49:55,000 Thank you so much and I will see you in next week's episode. 986 00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:55,800 Bye guys. Bye guys.