You're listening to. She said what with your host
Alyssa Harper? Hello sexy people.
Welcome back to. She said what if you have not
been here before then I'm so happy to have you.
Thank you so much for popping in cutie.
You are so welcome. Whoever you are, this is an
inclusive welcoming space for you.
So hello. Hello, hello.
And if you've been here before then just want to say, I love
you. Okay?
I value you, you are the best. Thank you so much for being
here. Today, we're going to be talking
about practicing Ian and discipline for me is a word that
gives me a bit of. Like a you, it gives me a bit of
a neck because it's giving like telling me what to do and I
don't do well with that. But when discipline is used
properly, it really is a form of self love its self care.
It's going after the things that you want in life in, it is like
so necessary. And I've had a like, huge kind
of like Awakening on this topic in the last little bit.
Also coming from like a Conservative Christian back.
Around and kind of wanting to now fight having being told what
to do for. So long now, kind of reworking,
how to use discipline in my life, in a way that's like
meaningful. I just feel like I have a lot to
say about this topic. I'm really excited to talk about
this because I think we could all use a little bit of
discipline. You know.
We can all use a little bit of consistent motivation coming
from within really knowing Ry and finding that balance between
like this soft girl life era vibe.
To also like that hustle culture and where to find the in between
and what actually, like works. So that's what we're going to be
talking about today. It's going to be great.
So enjoyed today's episode, let's get into it.
Click cheeky update on miweek. What did I do?
It was actually a really chill. Relaxed week.
I did not do that much. I feel like this was a week that
I was using to get organized. I just got this new app.
Oh my God. I'm obsessed.
It's called Structured and it's the same people that make the
app that I've been using for a really long time called week Cal
or like weekly calendar, I don't know.
And I've literally been mapping out my life in this app for like
years. So I recently realized I with
social media and creating content because I'm like doing a
podcast and Tick-Tock and Instagram and soon video podcast
and then those are going to go on YouTube and then we're gonna
be doing some like YouTube shorts.
It's going to be a whole thing like there's a lot going on.
And I have like this to do list that I keep in my journal app
which is another great app instead of using the notes app
journal, app is the best. It's like this little blue thing
was like a little bookmark. If you're looking for it, I can
link all these apps below for you just just hugs and kisses
from me to you, but I literally will keep it to do list there.
And I will just go up to my to-do list every day and I'll go
okay, what can I get done? And the problem with that is
that I'll look at it. I'll be like, AA message this
person. Yes, book tattoo of I mean, yes
I can do that and then the things I actually need to get
done, like don't get done LOL. So with this structured app,
it's so good because you can plan like okay every Monday I
need to complete this task. It's not necessarily something
you have to do at a certain time but it's like every Monday, I'm
going to like record this thing or work on this thing.
Also I want to start writing a book LOL.
Apparently I think I'm an author, I don't know.
So I'm going to start writing a book as well so I'm like okay
every week I want to work a little bit on the book you know.
But if I don't I plan to do it set aside time for it.
I won't do it. And I've been thinking so much
this week about discipline like about the topic of today's
episode because I need it like, I need discipline.
Otherwise, it's not that I don't meet deadlines, it's not that, I
don't do a good job, it's just that I suffer, I suffer because
I stress out. I have anxiety, you know what I
mean? I'm doing things.
Last minute, I'm procrastinating until it's too late, and it
really is just it would get to me and it would really freak.
Straight me. And I've noticed it in little
ways recently, so I think having that extra layer of being able
to check off the things that I need to do in the day and then
saying, okay I've done the task, I need to do today or the few
tasks and being able to like put my phone down and be like, okay,
I am done today, you know, I don't need to do anything else.
I don't need to edit anything. I don't need to record anything.
I don't need to do a little blah and I just want to point out
really quickly that I'm fucking obsessed with my job.
I am obsessed with doing content creation.
I love all of that. The thing that I do and I would
not do anything that I don't want to do.
Like I'm very, very, very privileged privileged to be in
my situation that I'm in right now.
Yes, I've worked very hard together and worked like three
jobs at one time to like, you know, build to where I am now,
but I literally love it and I'm not complaining at all.
I'm just trying to be the most productive I can possibly be.
So I could do more and have more output and put out more stuff
for you guys and create more resources.
And Just be fucking useful for you.
That's what I want to do at the end of the day, so I'm really
excited that I'm kind of getting more organized, but discipline
is something that I feel like I've kind of come in and out of
in my life. And as I said, in the intro,
like I grew up Christian, I grew up disciplined, like I grew up
disciplined and it wasn't that all my parents were horrible and
they were super Intense or, you know, they would like discipline
Us by getting us in trouble all the time but just growing up in
church. Ouch.
Like there are so many rules. There's so many things that
you're not meant to do and all the way up until the time I was
like 20 or like 19, like my first after my first year, so
being in Australia, Excavating for four years.
Now, I that whole time had so many rules, so many things I
like wasn't allowed to do. And even when I first moved to
Australia and I was a part of a Bible College, you know, very
Christian extremely Interesting. I literally was not allowed to
drink, I wasn't allowed to smoke, I wasn't allowed to have
sex before marriage and all these things.
I could actually get in trouble for when it came to like my
college. I could literally get kicked out
of my program. I could literally get sent out
of the country if I drank smoked had sex whatever.
There was some other stuff as well.
But yeah, like it was horrible and so you could imagine why
someone like me would be like fuck that.
Fuck discipline. Fuck the rules.
I'm going to do whatever I want, and like I want to be able to
just like, give up on this idea of like, you know, having to
keep myself accountable and all this shit because even the word
accountability. Like, I literally, it's like, I
have a trauma response to that word, like, in the Christian
Circle or like, in those circles, the word accountability
is like, because it's like keeping you accountable from
like having sex. Like, how are you and your
boyfriend going to stay accountable to God and like, in,
like keep the door open when their own.
Or like not the alone in a car together like all the crazy shit
that you would do to like not have sex and all that crazy
shit. Like it was just traumatizing.
And so for so long, I was like, I don't want to be disciplined.
I hate the idea of discipline and for a long time, like I
think it went from, oh, I'm not allowed to do these things to
like, okay, I'm not going to say, I'm not allowed to do
anything, but I'm going to force myself to do these things.
So then it was like, okay I have to work out three times a week.
I have to To drink this amount of water.
Every single day, I have to eat these types of foods.
I can only have this many cheat days.
I also had an eating disorder at one point and so I loved rules
around food. Like, made me feel safe, it made
me feel like I had control and rules a lot of the time for
people like equal control. And so it can be this really
interesting complicated relationship that we passed
personally with discipline. And those are just two things
from my past, the church and the eating disorder that affect my
relationship with discipline. But I'm sure you Your own.
So I'd encourage you to think about what those things are for
you, as we go along through this episode.
But what this episode really is all about, is about being
disciplined, in the things that you really want so that you can
get those things and being disciplined in the things that
you really want. So that you can enjoy like a
life that is filled with those things, like self care and
self-love. And there's a lot of, you know,
Trend talk around like the soft life girl like soft life era and
Lycra. Resisting hustle culture and not
being a part of hustle culture and, you know, try to be a
billionaire by the time you're 20 years old and all that shit.
Like there's a lot of pushback on that and I think that's
awesome. I love that we're having those
conversations but you can also push yourself too far that way
and I had an experience a few weeks ago where I was sitting
there in my journal and I wrote down almost every day at the end
of my five-minute Journal. It was like, what did you learn
today? And almost every day I was like,
I can Listen to my body, you know, I can just let myself go
with the flow and I was like giving myself so much leeway to
the point that I was getting fuck, all done.
And I was having a chill time, but I was almost becoming a bit
like depressed. I was like, leaning into that
side and I've had struggles with mental health.
You know, I've been diagnosed with anxiety and depression at
one point, and I know that, although now, the only thing
that really affects me on a regular basis, anxiety.
I'm still proud. And to be able to get into that
depressed state, if I allow it. And so, I need discipline in my
life. I think we all need discipline
in our lives or we wouldn't, like brush our teeth every day.
You know, I mean, we wouldn't go and exercise, we wouldn't go
outside enough, you know, we wouldn't eat foods that made us
feel good. We wouldn't go to sleep at a
decent time. We would have all these habits
day-to-day that make our mental health suffer.
And when we actually have the power to change those things,
why wouldn't we, why wouldn't we at least try, you know?
And so, That's why I want to encourage you to do today is to
find somewhere in between. And I think especially with the
whole soft life girl like chat around that.
I see this a lot on Tick-Tock. I think sometimes it come off as
very, like pessimistic, like we live in this capitalist society
and all of her be is a cog in the machine and like my work
doesn't matter. So like, fucking, I just want to
go like live in the forest like alone and like not be a part of
society. But I do think to feel like You
have a sense of purpose, you want to have something
meaningful in your life, like something that is helping
others, something that is outside of yourself because even
if you're financially supported and you're totally fine to just
chill out and do whatever you want.
A lot of the time, it's not going to be fulfilling unless
you are surrounded by a community and Community usually
comes with give-and-take. And I think that that is really,
really important in at least, that's true for me.
And I know that's true for a lot of people around me as I've been
having these conversations. And some people this week.
And yeah. So I think today, what I really
want to do is focus on tips to practicing discipline and talk
to you about why? I think it's necessary to have
discipline what your life will look like if you don't have it,
and what it will look like and how you'll be rewarded.
If you do have discipline, I think when you do have
discipline and you work towards having this life that you
actually enjoy that, you actually love and you can be
proud of something that You've actually work towards something
you can look back and go. Oh, like at one point I was here
and now I'm here. And I'm so fucking proud of
myself for getting to here and I think that's really motivating
and really powerful unlike a regular basis and I realized
that this week because my mom was texting me and she was like,
you guys haven't gone away in a while.
Huh, like, why haven't you guys go on a trip, like, oh, I feel
like I could go on a trip every weekend.
I'm always trying to get away but blah, blah blah.
And I was like, honestly, mom, not sound like a douche bag but
like I like my life like I really like my life like Point,
like, I mentioned earlier, I was working in three different
things I was teaching Pilates. This was only, you know, six
months ago now Santana, eight months ago.
Actually, I was working in a restaurant.
I was teaching Pilates and I was doing like, social media and
doing collaborations and all of that, I was like busting my
balls. What's that word busting my ass?
I don't know, working really hard.
Okay. I was just trying to get my shit
done and I was there like, editing stuff on the bus that
take put me 45 minutes to get to work.
And I was like, recording if you scroll Back on my Tick Tock.
There are literally videos of me on the bus.
Doing a voiceover like do you know how embarrassed I was doing
that? But in my little brain I was
like it's going to be worth it like which is so dumb, don't do
that, that's so embarrassing. But at the time I felt like I
was taking action and that's what was meaningful to me at the
time. And I think that's a really big
part of, it is realizing that, as you become more and more
disciplined, in the things that you want, you prove to yourself
that you are worthy of being disciplined.
Like, you are worthy of doing things for you are.
The of like setting things in stone and saying, okay, this is
what I'm going to get done today.
This is what I'm going to get done this week.
This is a project that I am going to complete by the end of
the year. And when you actually can prove
to yourself, that you can do things like you feel so much
more encouraged. No, you're more likely to say to
yourself. Oh, I think I'm going to take on
this really big project or I think maybe in a few years I'm
going to move to this place or I think by the end of the year, I
want to be able to quit my my like nine to five or whatever it
is. You're more likely to genuinely
believe believe that you can do those things because you've just
watched yourself do other hard things in your life.
Even if it's small things, you prove to yourself that you're
able to do it, and that is so powerful.
And again that comes back to why we're able to build this
self-love and even self-confidence really by doing
that. I think it's so, so so
important. And yeah I mean as much as going
back to I love my life and I love what I'm doing.
It's not just that oh I love Like working on social media
stuff. 24/7 that I would do it 24/7, like, anyone like any job
there's going to be things that I find like, tiring about it or
things that I just don't like about it in general as a job.
Like, for example, staring at a screen all day is shit for your
brain. It's like not good for your
brain. So as much as I can, I've worked
in different routines to help my mental health.
So, instead of sitting on my couch or literally laying on my
couch on my phone for hours, at a time editing, I'm like, okay,
now I'm going to go sit at a cafe.
I'm going to sit up. Rate.
If I'm going to like be aware of my posture and like, make sure
I'm drinking water and make sure I'm eating and not getting to
2:00 in my day and having not eaten anything.
You know, like, I'm getting rid of those bad habits or, I mean,
I've gotten rid of those habits, thank God, but that was like,
how I was at one point? No wonder.
I felt like shit, you know? So not only do I like the job
that I currently have because I've worked towards it, but I
have an idea of where I want to go forward.
I'm consistently working towards it, even if it's just in small,
small, small ways, like Laying out the podcast, episode every
week, or, you know, answering DMS or doing whatever it is.
I also have this idea of okay. Now, I want to do the book and I
want to do this and I want to do that and I don't need to talk
about myself all day. I'm totally not here to gloat.
Like I don't think this is like the coolest thing in the world.
I love it because it's what I want to do, but whatever you
want to do, that is going to be fulfilling for you.
I think that's fucking sick. Like, if you are genuinely
passionate about like business and like building a small
business. Fuck.
Yeah. If super passionate about like
nursing. Fuck.
Yeah. If you're like super super into
like teaching and like facilitating that space to like
bring people in and to help people feel safe enough to like
ask questions and all that. Like fuck yeah like I love that
for you. I want you to do what is going
to be fulfilling and exciting for you and do it in a way that
is fulfilling because any job in the world you can do it in a way
where you'd like it's grueling work.
I hate it. You know I don't want to do it.
Oh I wish I could just quit my job.
I wish you didn't have to work so much.
Anyone can feel that way about their job or you can have a job
where the exact same job, but your mindset is a lot better.
And I really, really feel like mindset is so important and all
of this ties in mindset discipline, being aware of what
you're doing with your free time that's going to affect your
general overall happiness. So much more I think than the
actual job that you are doing because like, for me, for
example, I did work in like Hospitality for like In years.
And I had times when I worked in Hospitality Rose, like, I hate
this. This is bullshit.
This is, you know, horrible work.
I'm getting paid shit money, like, blah, blah, blah, like I
used to be so - sometimes and then I have other times where
I'm like, oh my gosh, I have Financial stability.
Like, you know, I have an amazing like family or friends
or, you know, I have an amazing partner or, you know, I love
where I live right now when I moved to Australia, like, there
were so many things that I could be grateful for along the whole
way. And the only time I really hated
that job was when I didn't like me, you know, I didn't like my
life and so mindset is so, so important.
And that's really going to affect how you discipline
yourself as well. And I keep saying like
discipline yourself. I don't mean like, like, like,
give yourself like consequences to when you do, like the quote
unquote wrong thing. That's not what I'm saying.
I just mean, like keeping yourself in check.
All right. Okay, whatever.
Let's get into it, three tips to practicing.
Appling number one is narrowed down what it is that you want.
That's going to be different for everyone.
And what I want you to do before, you think what I you
know what is it that I want is be aware that you're going to be
likely to think of things that you see like promoted on social
media like, okay, what I want to do what's going to make me feel
discipline, getting up at 5 a.m. every morning, going to the gym,
everyday, like yes, you can totally work in those kinds of
things like Adding up at a good time and doing things that make
you feel good. But really like think about what
you want that is. So so so key and as you're going
through this episode, like I want you to actually think about
these things, like, write them down.
You're going to be so much more likely to actually do these
things. If you write them down right
now, and it'll take you two seconds as you're listening.
So I really encourage you to do that.
These things can absolutely change.
So, don't worry, if you're not a hundred percent sure on them.
Like, you don't have to really, really sit on them for too long,
just write down. A few things that, you know, you
want to do maybe in the next month, maybe in the next five
years, this can be like a job that you're going into for a
little bit or, you know, just something you want to take on
like, getting into reading or maybe like doing a season of
something like, a season of like dance at, like a dance studio or
like getting into like a five-week program for like art
or some shit like that, you know?
I mean it can be temporary, don't worry.
And lastly here is to ask yourself why you want these
things. Again, think about do they align
with my values? Like it are you making these
decisions that saying you want to do these things because you
think? Well, that's good.
You know, it's good, right? Or is it because you actually
want it, right? Is it a general thing or is it
to you? Make sure it's you, make sure it
follows your intuition, make sure you're being aware of like
your talents in the things that you really have to offer and
like lean into those things. And again be aware.
Are you doing this? This because you think it's
expected of you from your family or a partner or Society.
Just take a second to ask yourself those things before you
go and write them down. And really consider why I think
knowing your, why is probably one of the biggest things that
is going to motivate you. At least, for me, if I'm like,
oh, I want to make sure that I drink two liters of water.
Every single day I can say to myself.
Oh, drinking water is healthy and necessary.
Sure, obviously, you know, we all know.
But if I actually know, okay, drinking water is going to help
me like reduce Cravings, which means that I'm going to stop,
like having all these little snacks all day, which I, my body
actually needs to be able to, like, process the food that I
put in a 2 into it for me to, like, have energy and use that
energy. I also am going to avoid, like,
messing up my like blood sugar and like, you know, help all of
that drinking water will help my skin.
It'll help me to feel more energized it.
Really affects my brain in my mental health.
I know all of that, you know I know the facts.
I know the why and that is going to be so motivating.
So yes, let's narrow it down. Figure out what you want.
Okay. Number 2, we're going to set
some goals and intentions around the things that you want and
these are like real markers of your progress.
Like for me one at the start of the year was that I wanted to
quit vaping which I've talked about in the last few episodes,
I think at some point, but vaping was something that I Wit
like two years ago and then I started again like a year ago
which sucked because I literally started I Vaped from the time I
was like 16 all the way through to about two years ago stopped
for a year. Did so good.
I was like fuck yeah and then I got back into it because my
partner started vaping so then I was just around it and I was
like oh let me have some and then from there I just that was
my downfall but since then I have quit and it's been about a
month now just over a month that That I am have quit and it's
been so, so, so good. And I already feeling like a
million times better. And that's so if it's something
like that where you know, it's like I want to do this, one
specific thing, write that down and then from there, you also
want to write down what you need to do to accomplish it.
So it's not just like the goal. It's also like the intention and
the real marker. So, for me, I might also want to
write under that, or I might want to do have write down
written down. Um, throw out all my videos.
Right. That could be one, tell all
these people in my circle that I'm quitting vaping so that they
don't offer it to me and they know to, you know, be aware that
that's something that I'm doing. What else do think of things
that I can replace like drinking water, like get a nice water
bottle out of want to drink out of more or find, a nicotine free
vape that I can use as like a placeholder as I get used to
getting rid of like that mouthfeel or whatever all those
little things right down specifics because it Is very
common that people will have a big goal that they want to do
and they think all do it one day and you don't do it because
there is no one day. You know, you don't suddenly
arrive and go, huh? Would you look at that?
I suddenly have all of this free time?
What should I do with it? Maybe I'll write a book.
No, okay. Obviously doesn't have that way.
People write a page at a time, you know, people put out an
episode at a time, people like build their wardrobe, one piece
at a time, you know, they invest in.
One thing at a time, they, if you're literally invest, invest
in like, one stock at a time or like, put in little bits of
money, bit at a time, like, you build, you know, and building is
so important, I think seeing the value and like building, and the
journey is so, so, so important and like fun, like meeting those
little markers along the way that you get to celebrate is so
exciting. Like, oh my god, I've written
the first 50 pages of my book. Ah, that's amazing.
You know last week we hit 50 episodes and I was so excited.
Cited and you know I could sit here and I could go oh well it's
not 100, know it's 50 and that's awesome.
You know, and you should be proud of yourself along the way
and be aware of what those markers are that you want to hit
as you go through because it's powerful.
And again, it's like it's the journey.
So, figure out what you actually need to do to get there, so that
end result doesn't feel so. So far away.
Maybe you want to, like I said, start having this wardrobe that
really suits you and you're thinking, Oh my god.
Well, I'm never going to get there because a I don't have any
money. I don't have this, I don't have
that. You can shut it down or you can
sit here and you can go, okay, I want to save up like 20 bucks a
month or I want to save $100 a month.
I imagine, you know, and I'm going to spend that on clothing
and every time I buy something, I'm going to swap it out and I'm
going to get rid of something that I don't wear anymore and so
you don't ever get to a place where like I don't have any
clothes, you know, but you're still working on intentionally
building something that's going to last you a long time.
And of course are going to support ethical Brands and you
are going to not hoard, all of your things, you're going to get
rid of things that you don't wear, because you want to have a
clear space and a clear mind. Okay.
Amazing, let's do it. Alright, Point number three is
to know when to push yourself versus when to listen to your
body, slasher intuition /, your mental health, / your menstrual
cycle, okay? Because sometimes there's going
to be a time to push yourself and sometimes Is going to be a
time to rest and this is what I really want to talk about is
this kind of like pull back and forth between like uh I think
what my body's trying to tell me is that I need a nap versus like
okay. Yes, but you had a nap every
single day this week and like maybe it's time that you just
like get the task over with because you're gonna feel so
like satisfied and motivated that you did it.
You know, know what that threshold is for you and become
aware of it. Like I've said in literally,
every episode is menstrual All tracking and cycle syncing is
going to be your best friend here because maybe around
ovulation. You're going to be like, okay, I
can definitely push myself. I definitely have the energy.
Let's fucking go. And then when it's like period
time, it's okay to be like mmm. No.
Look, there's just no chance that I'm going to be completing
all this shit right now and that's fine like it's so worth
being aware of that and I would definitely recommend doing that
because then you can have a lot more grace for yourself on the
days where it just is not possible for you to get certain
things done and that's really cool and Is also motivating for
you when you realize that you're in a phase of your cycle where
you naturally would have more energy because you're like, oh
yeah like that's true, I forgot. I'm in this.
Okay, great, let's go, let's go, you know, you can feel more
motivated by it and even if you aren't check your menstrual
cycle or not you don't have one you know, and you're not doing
it that way. Or on top of it, use a
recognize, what patterns in your life are in aren't working.
This is huge. Like start considering every
single day of the week I did this a few Ooh, weeks ago and it
has changed my life so far, and it's only been a few weeks.
I actually sat down, this took me like an hour and I wrote
down, like Sunday through Saturday, on a piece of paper.
And I wrote down for every day, what I typically do on that day.
So every Monday, for example, I get up at 5 a.m.
I teach Pilates six, seven, eight.
I then do a pilates class at 9:30 and then I come home, I
shower, I eat. All of that is wrapped up before
noon, right? I know that happens every single
Monday. Boom.
I know. For for sure, for sure, for
sure, that's what's happening. Then after that I can think, how
do I normally feel after that? Do I feel motivated?
Do I feel like I just want to lay in bed?
Do I feel like I want to write or record or is it like, a day
when I would want to do my makeup and I'm feeling super
like extroverted or like, not really.
Is this a day when I'm feeling like, oh, I'm excited for Sam to
come home and we could go on a date or a Miami tired, because I
woke up early. I really consider what is my
perfect day, every single day and then, you can obviously by
the end of that figure. Out what your perfect week looks
like, obviously, yes, things change week to week, but it's a
really good way for you to get a grasp on what your life looks
like. Because if you aren't aware of
what your typical patterns are, your typical habits are, then
you're not going to change that you're not going to be able to
change them because you're not even going to know where to add
and where to take away your not mindful of it and mindfulness is
so. So so important.
So for example, I can look at that and I can go o Monday
afternoon, I'm always exhausted. Is that because On Sunday night,
I am not planning to go to sleep early is that because I am not
prioritizing Sunday as like a self-care relax?
Refresh, kind of day if so, how can I do that?
Is that possible for me? You know, and I learned yes, it
is. And now Sam my partner.
I've been able to say to him Sunday nights from.
Now, on our a chill night. They're not a going out at
night. They are a reading in bed kind
of night. They are 80 kind of night.
They are a no drinking Kind of Night.
They are a night for me to refresh and wake up at 5 a.m.
genuinely with energy and go into my day and feel good in
this past Monday, guys. I woke up at 5 a.m. and I was
like glowing. I was so happy, I felt so good.
I was like, what the fuck? And they just had the best day.
Like I literally best day this week was Monday by far.
And I woke up at 5 a.m. and to me, I'm not someone who
naturally wakes up early and I do not enjoy waking up early,
like I do not enjoy it. I wake up and I usually feel
like shit, but because I actually, Myself up like I set
myself up for a win and it felt so good.
So I'd really encourage you to consider what happens in your
week day-to-day. Write it down.
Actually take the time to do this, especially as we're going
into 2023. I mean, it's already February,
but as we're continuing into 2023, especially if you have
things that you wanted to do in the New Year, things that you
wrote down in January that you didn't get done.
Let's take another approach and let's consider you know what are
we actually? We doing right now, before we
try to add. And another reason why I say
this is because habit, tracking and habit, stacking is really
valuable. And something that I learned
through the book Atomic habits, which I would very much
recommend. It is very, it's a very, very
popular book. I'll also link it below for you
guys. And I've talked about it a bunch
of times, but in this book, the author will talk about having
habits in your day-to-day life and adding in habits around
those habits. So that you get Extra things
done. And the example that really
stood out to me, I probably mentioned before on here is the
coffee machine one. Because if every day you wake
up, you make yourself a coffee and it's the first thing that
you put in your stomach. It's really not great for you.
If it's really bad for, like your cortisol levels and it
really can just mess up your stomach if, you know, you know,
and it's not great. And so if you can at least at
least get in a glass of water before you go for that coffee, a
really good way to do that. Is if you are Already know that.
You make coffee every single morning for yourself, then every
night before bed, you're going to put out a little glass on
your coffee machine, so it's your prompt to go.
Oh yeah, true. I need to have a glass of water
before I have my coffee and it's like setting yourself up.
These little tiny things that you're putting in place for
yourself. So that you feel better
throughout your day, one that I've implemented recently is
making my bed. I never used to make my bed.
I always used to be like my do I make it?
I'm just gonna get back in it again, LOL, but I've learned
that, if I make my bed, I'm likely way more likely You
actually like follow my morning routine and feel like I've
refreshed and then stay out of bed because a lot of the time I
work from home, you know? So I'm like okay if I make my
bed then it takes me a second before I go.
Oh do I want to mess it up? And then I don't normally get in
it. You know it also means that like
if my sheets are flat I like take my laundry.
If I sit on the floor I put out my bed, I'm more likely to then
want to put it away instead of just like leaving on the floor.
So for me I'm learning these little things that work for me
and it's making my life so much more seamless.
So Really, really encourage you. Figure out what your habits are
and then from there Implement. So going back to step, number
two, the goals, the intentions, the plan that you set, for this
thing, you want to accomplish, say, you're like me and you want
to write a book, okay? So you write down, I want to
write a book, okay? How do I write a book?
Okay, first of all, I don't know how the fuck to write a book.
Okay, let's figure out. We're gonna do some research,
maybe that's Point number one, maybe I'm going to do a little
brainstorm. Think about books that I've read
that I could do a similar vibe to maybe from there, I To think
about individual chapters, you know, maybe from there, I want
to think about stories and things.
I want to tell within those chapters, maybe I want to think
about, like overall theme stuff. You know, there's so much.
I maybe I make that little list of things then from there, I can
go. Okay, let's apply this.
What a my life already look like, okay, every maybe Tuesday
night, I'm free. Okay.
What if I gave myself 30 minutes every Tuesday night to just
consider the book? That doesn't mean I have to
write anything, that doesn't mean Do I have to have any kind
of output? That just means that for 30
minutes? I go.
This is 30 minutes or I'm not gonna look at my phone.
I'm going to think about this book and I'm going to do
something for the book. And I'm just going to give
myself the space, to grow this thing, naturally and
intuitively. And if you can allow yourself,
that space, you can pull up that little, you know, list of things
that you need to do to work on that thing and you can go.
Okay. I think this is something I
would actually like to do right now.
Some research, you know, maybe this is something I actually
would want to do is think about what stories are themes in my
life. I think would be valuable to
share it with You know, you really start to break it down
and then you realize what's valuable what's not?
And you can just start to pull from, I guess what?
You know what, you're working towards.
So I really, really, really encourage you to do that.
Alright, now I want to talk quickly about why you might be
struggling with discipline. A lot of people do struggle with
discipline struggle with getting tasks done.
And I think it's important that in this episode.
At some point I do mention that mental health is a huge Factor
here, especially Lee ADHD is a really, really big one, and so
much more common than you would think.
And also very undiagnosed with in women because it shows very
differently in women if you aren't aware of this.
And so if you potentially have something like ADHD, yes, you
are going to be much more likely to get distracted or to struggle
to get tasks done, which just means that you need these tips
more than anybody else. Okay.
So don't think oh, well, I have ADHD.
So that's why I struggle and that's why I am the way I am and
like, oh, that's why I have to This way, that's my destiny.
Don't allow yourself to go there and the reason I'm saying this
is not because I have ADHD but because I have struggled my
mental health, I've struggled anxiety.
And I know that when I said to myself, oh, I'm an anxious
person. It makes me more anxious.
You know, when I say oh well you know, I haven't xiety.
It makes me more likely to go. Well, I can't go out to that
event because I just know, you know, I have anxiety.
So I'm not going to want to like you, you really become it when
you talk about it that way. And what I want you to do is
instead of saying, you know, no, I have anxiety or have ADHD or
like I am this thing, try to separate yourself and say, you
know what, yes, I do have this thing and I can even talk about
it and like, you know, share about it.
Be completely open about it. There's no shame in it.
But I also don't have to experience that thing. 24/7.
And I can make choices on a regular basis to work towards
not experiencing symptoms of that issue, like anxiety or
ADHD, or depression, etc, etc. And yes, this is only The
certain extent. I do not want to be insensitive
at all because it's very easy to say to someone, like just
pretend you don't have anxiety. Like I'm not saying that, but
definitely be aware that if you speak it over yourself
constantly. If you act like that is who you
are, then you will continue to be that thing until you actually
start to use the coping mechanisms that, hopefully, you
are getting through research or working with the psychologist or
counselor. Whatever that is, you actually
use those things and Work towards finding those Solutions
and finding the things that work for you because once you do, you
can still have anxiety, but you can still be a fucking
Powerhouse. You know, you can have ADHD and
you can still be in control, and you can still be confident and
you can still be motivated and disciplined.
You just have to lean into these things and be aware that you
might need this a little bit more.
Not just ADHD, of course, having anxieties and other one like,
you know, procrastination and feeling like, oh this is a big
task, I don't want to do it, you know.
In your head about it. That's a big one that I've
struggled with depression. Absolutely is a big one because
of the motivation issue. You know, definitely have felt
that one before and obviously there's so many more things as
well when it comes to mental health.
So I just want to be aware of that.
That is a reason you may struggle with it.
You may struggle with discipline be aware of that, but know that
it doesn't mean that you can't be disciplined because you
absolutely can. Also, if you come from a
background, like I did where I noticed that I was fighting
discipline because it reminded me.
Me of this like church and religious trauma.
This trauma that I held that was like, you know, I'm being told
what to do constantly and I always felt out of control.
I always felt like my life wasn't my own life and so the
moment I was able to leave the church and like come out as
bisexual and do the things that made me feel like I actually
deserve to have a life that I wanted.
It just like put this idea of having discipline or yeah being
told what to do in like this horrible light and it made me
really uncomfortable with Idea of rules and blah blah blah.
Whereas now I feel like I can own it in a way where it's
actually useful to me and it is self-love like it's me showing
myself. I fucking love me.
I love the things that I'm going to provide in my life for me.
You know, I love when I get to the end of the day and I've
completed XYZ that I told myself I was going to do and it's
motivating and it feels good. And it's proof to me that I can
do hard things, and I can show up for myself.
And I really feel like that is the Things that should like I
want to drive home today is that you deserve to put yourself
forward for yourself. You know, you do things for
yourself because you love yourself and you want to work
towards a better life. You know, you have an image of
this life that you want in your head and you are actively
working towards it and if you actively work towards it you
will get fulfillment out of that.
You will feel good about yourself because you know, that
you are doing that in your proving to yourself that you
love yourself and for Quitting vaping was a big one, like it
was big, big, big for me. And I even noticed that a few
weeks, like, I suddenly started feeling and I talk, I talked
about some Tick-Tock that would actually, I started feeling so
much better about myself. Like, I feel like, I really
believed that I could write a book.
You know, I really believe that I could do these things that in
my mind, maybe a year ago would have seemed really scary or
maybe even a month ago, would have seemed really scary, but
the more I go. Holy shit.
When I set my mind to something I fucking do it.
I'm like okay okay let's go like I can do this and it feels
really really good. So I'd really encourage you to
be aware of why you might not be great with discipline kind of
understand, kind of the depths of what's going on because it
could be stopping. You like not working through
that trauma or not working through these realizations could
be holding you back, and let's release those things as we
choose to go forward and show up for ourselves, really?
I also think another one as well, even if you don't come
from like this church, religious trauma or whatever.
Maybe, you just feel like it's like, oh, I'm in trouble, you
know, like, oh, I'm not allowed to do this, or I feel like I'm
in trouble. It can come back to the way you
were literally, like, disciplined as a child, all of
that. So just be aware of your history
and think about that. And now that we talked about why
you might struggle with discipline ways that you can do
that again, I want to talk about the lack of Allen and what that
can do to you and maybe this will help you realize that this
is you, if this is you, first of all, if you have a lack of
discipline, you're more likely to distance yourself from
friends and to not have very fulfilling friendships because
you don't like, you're not aware that other people exist.
I mean, like, you don't really care and even if you would say,
oh, I love my friends or they love me or we don't need to see
each other all the time. Because you don't prioritize
seeing them because you don't prioritize.
Is asking them about their lives and and prioritize, like, let's
see each other once a week or whatever, you're more likely to
grow distant and usually, it happens over time and it can be
really sad and really disappointing.
So, it Courage you to be aware of what people you want to have
in your life and a little hot tip is something I love to do is
to, like, be aware of like, my, like roster.
Like, that's like, I'll have five friends that I'm like, I'm
gonna obsess over them. And I want to see them, like,
once a week, or I want to talk to them at least once a week, or
You know, I want to be forward with being like I want to be
your friend, I want to spend time with you and people love
it. People reciprocated.
People love to like know that you want to be in their world
and it's very flattering and so many of us just especially with
social media. We feel like we're connected to
so many people even though we're not.
So it can feel like why would someone want to be friends with
me, you know, when there's so much going on and why would
someone care to hang out with me?
If they're not getting something out of it?
Like you can feel like you know, where's my Value, it can be this
weird feeling. And as much as you've connected
with so many people, you also like, don't connect on a deep
level and it can be very isolating, it can make you feel
very lonely and so if you can think of a few people, maybe you
don't have five that you can think of right now.
Maybe it's going to be one. Maybe it's going to be three.
Maybe you're gonna go listen to my making friends in your 20s
episode to figure out how to make new friends, okay?
Like do what you need to do, but be aware that we don't have
discipline in your life. It actually affects your A
ship's so much and it's not just, you know, friendships it's
family, it's your partner, it's your boyfriend girlfriend, it's
whoever like it really can affect your relationships.
Another one number two is that you don't reach the goals that
you want to reach and it can again be disappointing.
Like you look back and you go. Wow.
Last year I had on my New Year's resolutions to do this thing and
I literally have not touched that project.
I have not done it and it does the opposite of what having
discipline does. It does the opposite of saying,
oh, you know, I'm someone who can do hard things, it You feel
like I can't do anything, it makes you feel like, you know,
I'm not worth putting myself forward for showing up for
because I don't show up for myself and you start to believe
things about yourself, like I'm lazy, right?
You start to say these things like all, you know, I'm just, I
procrastinate, I'm such a procrastinator, all.
And you just say all these things about yourself that don't
have to be true, but you are proving over and over and over
because your brain is loving this idea of like narrative and
following the pathways that it always follows and there's no
change happening. And you'll probably be in this
position in a year from now. If you don't actively choose to
make these little changes now and that shouldn't be daunting
to you, it doesn't have to be scary, doesn't have to be like
oh wow like you know this big overnight change.
It doesn't have to be that in that probably isn't also going
to serve you as well as something like a small change
everyday will serve you. Number three, is not feeling a
sense of purpose and I think this is, you know, something a
touch Earlier, but something I think is really, really
important. Is you need to be, you know, in
community working on something feeling like you are active in
your life too, often feel a sense of happiness and a sense
of purpose. And I do think that, you know,
there are seasons. You know if you have a job or
you're working towards something and you take a week off, you
know, or you even like take a year off but you know what
you're doing it intentionally because you actually need it.
Maybe you've burnt out you know maybe as long as you know it's
intentional I think it's valuable but if you don't feel
Feel like you have a sense of purpose, feel like you're kind
of just floating in life and like you don't know what you
want to do with your life. It probably comes down to some
form of lacking discipline. And I've seen this in a lot of
my friends and a lot of people as well.
If you're feeling this, like, lack of direction and you don't
really know what you want to do with your life, sometimes, it
just comes down to choosing one thing and just going with it.
Like, when I started teaching Pilates, I wasn't like, oh my
God. I want to be a Pilates
instructor for my whole life. No, you know, I was like, this
would be fun. I I could do this.
I think I'd be good at it. I think it would be a challenge
for me. Why don't I try it?
Why don't I put myself out there?
Why don't I just do it and so I just did it, you know, and it
wasn't easy, but it was cool. Like it was exciting and it was
something that made me feel motivated.
And again, it proved to me, I can do hard things, I can do
things that scare me. I can step out of my comfort
zone. So then you become a person that
feels like they can step out of their comfort zone.
And I think that's really, really important.
Number for, lastly here on this little section before we get
into our last section, and then, we're Out of here, guys.
What a lack of discipline that can cause is feeling anger, or
anxiety towards yourself, knowing that, you hold more
value than what you're currently giving at the moment.
And again, this is a really frustrating feeling like this
anxiety. This anger of like, oh my God, I
should be doing more, I should be, you know, I look at these
people around me, it even brings you into comparison.
A lot of the time which I've kind of missed.
Actually, in this section, is comparisons a big one.
It can make you feel like walk like what am I doing?
This person is doing this. This is this and although I
don't think we should compare ourselves.
I do think we can also use others to motivate us.
Like, if you have a friend in your life, who is like really
good, you know, getting XYZ out every week or waking up at a
certain time or staying motivated in the gym.
And, you know, it's not like they talked about going to the
gym all the time. They just they go all the time
and, you know, that they're like a part of say, like a running
club or something, they're just in it because they just believe.
Oh, I am someone that runs, you know, I'm a runner.
It's not oh I'm trying to get myself.
The phone runs its I'm a runner or I'm someone who goes to the
gym or I'm someone who wakes up early.
They like taking it into their lifestyle, like feed off of that
person and be a part of that person's life, like be around
people that motivate you. And yeah, if you aren't feeling
that if you aren't feeling motivated, if you are feeling
like Angry towards yourself or anxiety towards yourself or
feeling like you're too far, gone just know that you are not
and that it's just going to take little things along the way to
help you. Last but not least.
This is my last little section. I want to give you guys is what
having Flynn gives you. This is the gift that you are
giving to yourself. Are you ready?
This is why we're here today. It gives you self confidence, it
helps you to step into being this version of yourself, that
feels like you are able to do the things you want and that is
powerful. That is the energy.
You want to be working out of it gives you the sense of self
trust, which I think is beautiful.
And so, so, so important, this feeling that like, you genuinely
trust that if you want something, you're going to go
after it. It gives you self love like I
mentioned many times in this episode, it gives you self
respect, which is roof. That one's a big one that you
might not realize how important this one is at certain points of
your life. You're like, oh, whatever.
You know, I'll just I'll just go out tonight.
Even though I said I wasn't going to her all, you know, I
deserve the drink or I Deserve The Vape.
I deserve the whatever you know, and you kind of throw it off.
But the moment you start to actually crack down and say like
no like it's not that oh I deserve the drink.
Its I deserve to stay motivated on the That I said I was going
to do and if you know for you that's not drinking this month
or this week or whatever then you know it actually helps you
to not have that drink because then you go.
Fuck yeah I respect myself and you feel better about yourself.
That then means that you expect other people to respect you the
way that you respect you. If people like if you don't
respect yourself and people are not going to fucking respect
you, they're not you know but if you have a genuine sense of
respect within yourself, you don't take shit and that's
powerful. It's something.
That you build. When you practice discipline
again, like I said earlier, it's this sense of building its this
building into yourself in creating this understanding of
yourself that pulled so much value that you just don't do
things that don't align with you.
You know, you don't go to that friend, hang out with like
people that you just don't want to be around, you know, you
aren't someone who just goes with the flow and does whatever
anyone else is doing, you make choices on what you think is
going to be valuable or not valuable for you, you get this.
Sense of control in your life and not in a way that you are
literally controlling everything that you do.
Because I think so much of life is not something that we control
and something that we need to leave up to whether we want to
call it fate, or the universe, or God, or whatever you believe.
I do think there's an element of like, well, I have to just trust
that I'm doing well, so far. And I'm going to keep doing
well. But when you have this control
over your day-to-day things, and you believe that you have that
control, you know, you know, Know that you pushing yourself
and going forward and showing up for yourself is going to result
in like results for yourself. Then that's really powerful and
really beautiful and it's like that is Magic and I want you to
learn how to work out of this place of, I am powerful.
I am strong. I'm incredible.
I can do so much and to genuinely, like not be shocked
when good things come your way, because you're like, yeah, bro,
that's just me. It's like lucky girl syndrome.
If you've heard people talk about that, that is so
important. Some people call it just like
being delusional. I fucking love that.
I have been like that for a long time.
For as long as I can remember, I just believe that things are
going to come to me. I believe that good things are
going to come to me. I believe that I deserve to have
opportunities. I believe that I would be a
great person to do XYZ. Like, I just, you have to stand
for yourself. You have to believe in yourself
and it isn't easy. It isn't an overnight shift.
You know, you can feel may be motivated after listening to
this episode and I love when you guys message me by the way and
say like, oh my God, God I feel like I can take on like
whatever, like it's so sweet. And I love that for you but I
don't want that to fade. I don't want you to just feel
suddenly confident because you know, you've listened to a TED
talk or whatever you want to be like, okay, fuck, yeah, let's
go, let's put this into action and let's do this.
So again, I would encourage you if you didn't do it in today's
episode to go through those points.
Number one, figure out what you want number to set goals and
intentions around the things that you want.
And then number three find that balance between Pushing yourself
and listening to your body and when you actually need rest, go
ahead do those things and know that you are powerful and you
can fucking do anything, you want to do.
If you have that motivation behind you that energy behind
you, you're working in the flow with how your body wants to
work. And the people around you in the
energy is working like I just love it.
I think it's so valuable and so important to just get into that
flow. So that's today's episode guys.
I hope you didn't mind me. Just talking shit and just going
off. Because that's just like, that's
why I need to do this week, you know, I think next week, I'm
going to talk about thanking to call it like a, my bisexual
enough, because so many of you are by bro, like, just come out
already. So many of you guys message me
all the time and you're like I think I like women.
I'm like yeah bro you do like you like I had sex with a woman
this one time and like I really liked it and you know, I think.
But I'm like, bro. Like you're not straight like
what do you mean? Anyways, so I think you can make
an episode about that next week or at least within the next few
weeks. Video, podcasts are coming very
soon. I'm so excited.
I'm like making my set and everything.
I know I said that last week as well but it's coming in February
so I promise that. Yeah, it's really exciting and
you guys can be able to view them on YouTube as well.
So that's going to be amazing. And if you guys don't follow the
podcast on Spotify or a baba gas or wherever you listen, then,
please go ahead and do that. It helps me and I would love
that and I'm on Instagram. I'm on Tick Tock.
Alyssa tell her Harper, which I always link below for you.
And we also have a Facebook group Whoop, if you aren't on
the Facebook group, what are you doing?
Come on, come hang out. It's a great time.
So that's us. Thank you so much for listening
and I'll see you guys next week's episode.
Okay, bye. Love you.
You're the best. Whoop, if you aren't on the
Facebook group, what are you doing?
Come on, come hang out. It's a great time.
So that's us. Thank you so much for listening
and I'll see you guys next week's episode.
Okay, bye. Love you.
You're the best.