1 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:03,800 You're listening to. She said what with your house 2 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:05,700 Alyssa Harper? Hello sexy people. 3 00:00:05,700 --> 00:00:07,700 Welcome back to. She said, what if you've not 4 00:00:07,700 --> 00:00:09,500 been here before then I just want to welcome you. 5 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:12,500 Let you know that this is a space for you to come and grow 6 00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:14,700 to become the best version of yourself. 7 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:18,300 Whether we are talking about self growth, relationships, sex 8 00:00:18,300 --> 00:00:22,800 and sexuality, or what have you? This is a space for you to come 9 00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:25,500 and get something out of every single episode. 10 00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:28,900 And today we're going to be talking about green flags and 11 00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:30,900 red flags. In friendships. 12 00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:32,700 Because I've been having a lot of conversations with you guys 13 00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:37,100 recently where you're like, look, I'm scared to make new 14 00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:41,600 friends because I've been fucked over and like, I've had really 15 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:44,500 shit friends and I'm really sensitive when it comes to 16 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:47,100 friendships. And some of you saying like, 17 00:00:47,200 --> 00:00:50,500 literally, what, like, how do I know if someone's going to be a 18 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:53,700 safe person for me? And so I thought it would be fun 19 00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:57,000 to go through all the things that I look like actively. 20 00:00:57,000 --> 00:01:01,400 Look for in new friendships especially As I see people doing 21 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:04,599 this often when it comes to like dating relationships, but we 22 00:01:04,607 --> 00:01:07,500 don't do it enough with friends and I think it's like so so 23 00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:09,800 important because your friendships are like your 24 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:12,500 foundation and the people that, you know, you should be able to 25 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:16,000 rely on in my opinion. And so we're going to be doing 26 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,900 that today. If you guys don't already follow 27 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:22,100 the podcast on Spotify or apple podcast wherever you listen, 28 00:01:22,300 --> 00:01:25,100 please go ahead and do that. And if you want to come connect 29 00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:26,400 with me, put a face to the name of. 30 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,900 Before you listen to All of today's episode you can find me 31 00:01:28,900 --> 00:01:31,800 on tick, tock. Or Instagram at Alyssa Taylor 32 00:01:31,800 --> 00:01:34,300 Harbor, which is also linked in the show notes. 33 00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:36,200 Alright, let's get into today's episode. 34 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,600 You guys might have noticed but I am sitting on my couch today. 35 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,400 It just it was just the day for it, I don't know. 36 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:49,100 I was just not in the mood to set up in the studio today. 37 00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:52,600 Just needed to have a little just a little chinwag with y'all 38 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,800 and quick update on my week as per usual. 39 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:59,600 I've been going out a bit with my friends which has been a lot 40 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:04,700 of And and I'm trying to figure out what boundaries I need to 41 00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:11,000 have for me to also stay well and take care of myself but 42 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,000 honestly, you only live once and my right now. 43 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:17,000 Just joking. But, you know, I also think I'm 44 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:20,200 young and I need to live my life and so I've been enjoying that. 45 00:02:21,100 --> 00:02:24,800 It's just been like a really nice month of feeling, the 46 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:28,300 weather starts to get a little bit cooler here in Sydney and I 47 00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:31,800 personally don't know. Normally like the cold, like I 48 00:02:31,808 --> 00:02:35,000 don't like the cold cold, but I like, when it's like a little 49 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,600 bit nippy just because you put on a sweater and then you feel 50 00:02:37,600 --> 00:02:40,200 like all cuddly and it's just cute. 51 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:42,600 Like I just like it. So, that's been really nice. 52 00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:45,800 And that's literally guys, I don't have any updates for you. 53 00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,200 Nothing crazy has been happening. 54 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,000 I've just been hanging out having a good time. 55 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,800 I'm really thankful for the friends that are in my life 56 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,500 right now. And that's part of the reason 57 00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,200 why I'm doing this episode as well. 58 00:02:56,100 --> 00:03:01,000 I think sometimes, like I said in the intro, Sometimes we do 59 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,900 this with relationships. We're like, I'm looking for 60 00:03:02,900 --> 00:03:07,200 someone to date, who is funny? I'm looking for someone to makes 61 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,000 me feel safe, someone who I have good conversations with someone 62 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,200 who I flippable blah. But we don't think of our 63 00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:15,900 friends as being something that you can like choose. 64 00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:18,000 Sometimes we get so comfy and our friendships. 65 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,800 So are gonna be going through a bunch of different like traits 66 00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:23,900 and things that I've seen in friendships that make 67 00:03:23,900 --> 00:03:26,600 friendships long-lasting and like amazing. 68 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,700 And then things that are probably things you want to. 69 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:33,100 tear away from and like notice them early so that you don't 70 00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:37,100 have to have Painful experiences with friends because personally 71 00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:40,700 I have as I'm sure everyone has had to some extent, had some 72 00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:44,200 really really painful experiences with friends and had 73 00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:48,700 some like you know friends that you just would never think that 74 00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:52,800 they would do certain things and then it comes as a surprise and 75 00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:58,400 it's it's so hurtful and it like feels like a breakup and there 76 00:03:58,400 --> 00:04:01,400 are things that I've now learned that Been like oh if I've seen 77 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:05,100 this in someone else since then I've literally been like, hmm, I 78 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:08,000 can feel it. I don't need to have like a 79 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,000 perfect answer as to why I feel this way about this person, but 80 00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:15,400 I feel like there's some sussed shit going on and I wish I knew 81 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:18,300 those things sooner and so that's what you're getting out 82 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,300 of today's episode. Let's get started. 83 00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:21,899 Alright, green flags starting out. 84 00:04:21,899 --> 00:04:25,000 All right. Number one we have trust. 85 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:31,100 Trust is obviously the foundation to I I think any good 86 00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:36,600 relationship, because without trust, there's a lack of ability 87 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:41,800 to be open, and without the ability to be open and honest 88 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:45,800 and have real conversations. There's a lack of depth to the 89 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:49,500 relationship. And yes, you can absolutely have 90 00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:52,100 like acquaintances and like friends that are more, just 91 00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:54,800 like, you know, your Loosely friends with them or you see 92 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:58,800 them sometimes for certain things, but I think trust is 93 00:04:58,800 --> 00:05:02,500 just so. So, so Important, some people 94 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:05,600 take longer to trust others than others. 95 00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:09,300 You know, some people take longer and that's totally fine. 96 00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:10,700 It's okay. If you don't want to sit down 97 00:05:10,700 --> 00:05:13,600 with someone the first time you meet them and be like, here's my 98 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:15,900 life story. Here's all my traumas and this 99 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:19,100 is my childhood trauma. Like, it's totally fine, but I 100 00:05:19,100 --> 00:05:22,000 think, with time and more comfortable to be with that 101 00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,600 person, you want to be able to fully trust them and to not have 102 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:29,100 to question their intentions, which is really important. 103 00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:31,900 And I think If you ever feel like you have to question 104 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:34,700 someone's intentions, it just means that there's so many 105 00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:38,000 things that will get kind of like shoved under the rug or not 106 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,800 shoved brushed. I always also in this podcast, 107 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,000 which if you guys been listening for a while, I always say like 108 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:46,500 certain sayings wrong and I don't even know that I do it and 109 00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:49,200 then I watch back the episodes when I'm editing and I'm like, 110 00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:52,700 oh my God, I am fucking stupid people, who think I'm crazy but 111 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:54,600 whatever, it's fine, honestly, it's fine, I'm not stupid world. 112 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,300 I said what myself? I can't say these things. 113 00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:58,200 Oh my God. Okay, moving forward. 114 00:05:59,300 --> 00:06:02,500 It's okay to We're time if you need to trust people over time 115 00:06:02,700 --> 00:06:06,100 all good. I think within a trusting 116 00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:09,600 relationship, you make the other person better and they make you 117 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:13,600 better because you can actually have the space to call out 118 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,200 things that need to be called out. 119 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:19,400 And I had a situation like this once where I was sat with a 120 00:06:19,407 --> 00:06:22,900 friend we're just out for dinner and her and I had been hanging 121 00:06:22,900 --> 00:06:25,400 out heaps like we go out together and you know, we'd go 122 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,800 to like events and stuff together and we sat down 123 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,500 together one day and I was He's talking about this person that I 124 00:06:32,508 --> 00:06:35,800 had been chatting with, and there'd been some like interest 125 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:41,200 there. And she had picked up that 126 00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:44,600 anytime that we gone out together in gone drinking and 127 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:48,100 whatever that I would almost always be texting them. 128 00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:51,700 And I would almost always be just like, I don't know. 129 00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:54,600 Like there was like this part of me that was like just wanting to 130 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,500 gravitate towards them to the point that it's almost like 131 00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:01,000 annoyed her and I totally get Why that would annoy her. 132 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:05,700 But she brought it to me and she, and it wasn't judgmental. 133 00:07:05,700 --> 00:07:09,600 It was amazing of her to be this way, but we were just talking at 134 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:11,600 dinner and she went, you know what? 135 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:15,800 I love that you love so hard. I love that you have interest in 136 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:16,900 people. I love that. 137 00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:20,800 You're open to all these things. Bubba, Bubba, blah, but I just 138 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,800 want you to ask yourself. Why? 139 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:26,500 When you drink you feel the need to reach out to that person. 140 00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:29,600 And like what are you either not getting or getting from that. 141 00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:32,400 Person. Like, is that the kind of 142 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,900 relationship you want to have with this person or do you want 143 00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:37,200 it to look different? And it was just such a lovely 144 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:41,300 conversation because if it had come from a friend who I didn't 145 00:07:41,300 --> 00:07:43,600 trust, right? If it had come from a friend who 146 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:47,800 I didn't feel like I could be genuinely open and honest with I 147 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:49,000 think I would have felt offended. 148 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,400 I would have felt like, what do you mean? 149 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:54,500 Like bro first of all is none of your business or sorry. 150 00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,400 If I'm such a burden when we're out together. 151 00:07:56,400 --> 00:07:58,800 Like I think that defensiveness would come on more naturally, 152 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,500 but when it's Friend that you trust and you feel like you can 153 00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:05,500 actually go back and kind of like laugh and be like I know 154 00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:07,000 I'm trying to figure it out or okay. 155 00:08:07,000 --> 00:08:08,600 Here are my current thoughts on it. 156 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,700 What do you think? And you can trust that you don't 157 00:08:11,700 --> 00:08:14,900 have to hide anything from them because you know, that your 158 00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:17,000 secret is safe with them or whatever that is. 159 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:21,500 So so valuable and the last thing I want to add about trust 160 00:08:21,500 --> 00:08:26,000 is genuinely trusting their character and their opinions. 161 00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:31,700 So getting advice from anybody is not Wise getting advice from 162 00:08:31,700 --> 00:08:37,400 somebody who you maybe look up to or you see a someone who they 163 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,100 have similar values or morals to you. 164 00:08:40,500 --> 00:08:44,600 That's what you want because it means that you can actually get 165 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:47,100 advice. That is applicable to you and 166 00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:51,000 not just to anybody, you know, it's to you. 167 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:52,900 It's to what your needs and your wants. 168 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,600 And if you have that long-term trust with somebody, that person 169 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:59,200 is actually aware of what those things are for you, and that's 170 00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:04,000 just so, So valuable to me, moving on, is that the 171 00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:08,600 Friendship feels, right? And that you leave the 172 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:12,800 Friendship, hang out situation, feeling better? 173 00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:16,200 Because I've definitely had friends where I've hung out with 174 00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:21,000 them and as much as I had been good friends with them for a 175 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:26,400 long time, I would leave feeling like, drained somewhat exhausted 176 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:31,200 that sometimes just comes from not Getting on with someone 177 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:32,900 super well. And it just means that you 178 00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:35,800 having to put in that extra bit of effort which sometimes is 179 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:39,100 fine and necessary and sometimes if you specially for extroverted 180 00:09:39,100 --> 00:09:41,000 you're comfortable being that person in the room who is like 181 00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:44,100 asking questions and being the outgoing one and you're happy to 182 00:09:44,100 --> 00:09:47,000 fill that space and that's totally fine but if you're more 183 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:52,400 similar to me and you just want to be able to do both when you 184 00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:55,000 want to like you want to be able to be open when you want to be 185 00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:57,900 open and you know loud and extroverted when you want to be 186 00:09:57,900 --> 00:09:59,700 but also be able to like take it back in. 187 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:01,600 It in. And let that person, hold that 188 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:03,700 space as well. It's tough. 189 00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:07,200 When you have a friend who is, maybe really like shy or just 190 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:10,200 like really to themselves to the point that you just don't hit it 191 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,900 off. Like, I think sometimes similar 192 00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:17,000 to like romantic relationships, you just know when it feels 193 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,800 right and you just feel energized by that person and 194 00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:24,700 this isn't going to happen necessarily after every single 195 00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:27,200 time, you hang out with this person and I think you should 196 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:31,400 definitely give people a chance and let People have time to open 197 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,300 up to you and maybe become more comfortable with you because of 198 00:10:33,308 --> 00:10:36,100 course, some people aren't who they are right away. 199 00:10:36,100 --> 00:10:37,500 Some people, it takes a while, right? 200 00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:42,200 But I do think it's really important that if you notice a 201 00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:46,400 pattern of feeling heavy after being with someone, or you feel 202 00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:49,700 drained, or you feel like they kind of just like dump every 203 00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:54,600 time there with you and they don't seem to be as interested 204 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:59,200 in your life as you are there as they don't seem to like really. 205 00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:02,900 Maybe even like value or really like take you in as a friend. 206 00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:08,100 Then I would encourage you to question that feeling because 207 00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:12,800 ultimately people should leave you feeling better and like I 208 00:11:12,808 --> 00:11:14,900 said this isn't going to be all the time you were going to have 209 00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:17,600 friends or going to go through Seasons, right? 210 00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:21,200 Like breakups or just transitions or things where 211 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:24,200 you're going to have to be the one who's like just more 212 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:27,300 supportive and that's totally fine. 213 00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:33,300 But at the end of the day, Day. Everybody owns their emotions 214 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:37,100 and everybody is responsible for the way that they respond in the 215 00:11:37,108 --> 00:11:40,400 way that they treat others. So even if somebody's going 216 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:44,500 through a difficult season, it doesn't mean that they have the 217 00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:49,800 right to take that out on you or to leave you feeling heavy every 218 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:52,100 time you hang out with them consistently, right? 219 00:11:52,500 --> 00:11:53,600 So that's really important to me. 220 00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:58,600 Moving forward. Is autonomy, autonomy for me is 221 00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:02,600 just a big thing in Rule feeling like you have the right to make 222 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,900 the choices that you want to make. 223 00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:10,500 For yourself is not selfish to want to have that individual 224 00:12:10,700 --> 00:12:14,100 life of yours. It's not selfish to want to 225 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:19,200 fulfill your needs because you are the one who has to live your 226 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:22,000 life. You take you, everywhere you go 227 00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:26,400 and if you're constantly making choices for other people, you're 228 00:12:26,400 --> 00:12:29,100 going to end up feeling very lost eventually and it takes a 229 00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:33,700 lot of Time to to come back from that and having people around 230 00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:37,500 you that can look at you and be like, oh my God! 231 00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:41,100 Yes you are so funny, you would be so good at Bubba, Bubba, 232 00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:42,500 blah. Or oh my God. 233 00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:43,800 Yes. Because you're such a good 234 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,000 listener. You should definitely go for 235 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:48,100 that job or you should do this. You should do that. 236 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,400 Those people who are like, they see the good in you, and they 237 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:55,700 want to empower the good in you and pull the good out of you and 238 00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:59,700 help you to open up and expand. I've talked about this before. 239 00:12:59,700 --> 00:13:03,200 But it's just so important to me that the people around you are 240 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,100 wanting you to grow. And it doesn't mean you're 241 00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:09,800 necessarily going past them or like leaving that friend group, 242 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:12,600 or whatever it is. But being able to just like 243 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:19,300 expand and open up and feel like they're going to applaud you and 244 00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:23,000 like genuinely stand with you and be proud of you, to me is 245 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,300 really, really important. And another thing with autonomy 246 00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:32,000 is that they allow you to To do whatever you want when it comes 247 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:36,000 to your time and they respect the boundaries that you might 248 00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:40,000 need to have for your mental health or for relationships that 249 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,700 are taking priority in your life. 250 00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:45,600 Like maybe to you a romantic relationship is actually your 251 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:49,600 priority at the moment and that's totally fine, but that 252 00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,700 they allow you the space to do that. 253 00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:54,100 Otherwise it can be very draining when it feels like that 254 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:57,100 person is just like needing you all the time. 255 00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:59,600 Like you need to be able to have the space. 256 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:06,400 To say, I'm actually okay, like today to not talk today or maybe 257 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,100 I need a few days to kind of, just, like, do my own thing. 258 00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:13,500 And it's really important, at least for me that I'm allowed. 259 00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:19,100 And I don't feel like bad. I don't feel guilty for not 260 00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:22,300 spending x amount of time with someone because in my opinion, 261 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,500 you don't have to spend a certain amount of time with 262 00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:30,300 someone for them to be your friend moving forward is Action. 263 00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:34,900 Oh, like communication. As we know is just again, a 264 00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:40,400 foundation, a huge Foundation to any relationship and what good 265 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:45,600 communication skills does for a relationship is it allows you to 266 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:50,200 have tough conversations when they need to be had. 267 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:54,400 And that does happen. Like there are going to be 268 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,500 things that come up. There's going to be, hey, I 269 00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,600 noticed you said this thing and it actually made me feel. 270 00:14:59,800 --> 00:15:02,500 Sway. Is that what you meant or did 271 00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:06,100 you mean to say something else? Or did I mishear you or did I 272 00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:09,100 misread the situation? Can you give me more context? 273 00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:12,400 Etc, etc. If you have people who are 274 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:16,300 avoidant or the opposite, you know, they're trying to fight 275 00:15:16,300 --> 00:15:23,200 and they're really combative that can be exhausting and eat 276 00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:26,100 as much as you might be able to influence the way that they 277 00:15:26,100 --> 00:15:29,300 communicate. You can't necessarily teach 278 00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:32,200 someone one or at least, you shouldn't have to labor over 279 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:37,000 teaching, somebody how to have good communication skills. 280 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:41,000 Again, I think that comes back to the individual and it's a 281 00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:47,200 responsibility for the individual to know how to 282 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,600 apologize. One apologizing needs to happen 283 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:54,300 like knowing how to express, how they're actually feeling in an 284 00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:57,300 honest way being able to communicate. 285 00:15:57,300 --> 00:16:02,700 What happened in a situation. Lee and go back and be able to 286 00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,100 say, okay, this is what happened. 287 00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:05,900 This is why I felt why I was feeling this is why. 288 00:16:05,900 --> 00:16:09,300 I said the thing that I said and yeah, again maybe even being 289 00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:12,800 able to apologize and to me, it's so so important that the 290 00:16:12,808 --> 00:16:16,800 people in my life are emotionally mature enough to be 291 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:20,300 able to have hard conversations because I just can't fuck around 292 00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:21,800 with shit anymore. These days. 293 00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:25,400 Like I just can't, I had too many great people. 294 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:30,000 Come into my life that I don't need people who are not Willing 295 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:34,200 to hold their weight and even in Seasons, when I feel like I have 296 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:38,800 less friends for me, I know the standard because I've seen 297 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:43,100 people who are good awesome people in my life, which is 298 00:16:43,108 --> 00:16:46,800 something I didn't have at one point and I used to really let 299 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:52,500 friends just kind of like walk all over me in a way or like I 300 00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:55,200 would try to be the people pleaser in the situation. 301 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,600 I would try to please them. Make sure that they were happy 302 00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,900 and everybody sorted. Knows what time we're going to, 303 00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:02,400 what place and where we're going. 304 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,300 And everyone has the information they need and making sure 305 00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:07,800 everyone feels like they got a little call from me so they feel 306 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,599 comfortable. And I feel like I was trying to 307 00:17:10,599 --> 00:17:14,000 hold so much space for people and it's something that I've 308 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:19,099 actually even recently, as well have been working on is allowing 309 00:17:19,099 --> 00:17:23,300 people to hold space for themselves and not making it my 310 00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:27,800 responsibility to, like I said, teach people how to communicate 311 00:17:28,000 --> 00:17:30,800 or to try to pull the The truth out of somebody. 312 00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:35,300 If somebody wants to they will and when you have people around 313 00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:38,800 you that do show that to you it's like oh wow. 314 00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:41,800 Like this is what I deserve and actually it was the same for me 315 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,800 with my relationship with my partner. 316 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:47,700 Like I had been in a really shit relationship for years and I had 317 00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:51,300 also gone through other like you know, situation ship types 318 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:57,900 things and also had been treated poorly and then eventually found 319 00:17:57,900 --> 00:18:04,400 a partner who Gave me so much like of what I actually deserve. 320 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:08,700 And the moment I had that and felt really confident that 321 00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:11,900 relationship. I was like, holy shit, I wish I 322 00:18:11,900 --> 00:18:16,700 had when I was younger this picture of what I would be 323 00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:20,400 getting in the future. Because at least I would know 324 00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,700 that I had that to look forward to because for so long. 325 00:18:23,700 --> 00:18:27,400 I felt like I was just like man, our trash shit's fucked up, 326 00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:29,500 everyone's going to screw you over at the end of the day. 327 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,600 You're the only person that you can trust and I've actually 328 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:36,800 unlearned a lot of those really unhealthy thinking patterns 329 00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:40,200 because I've had good people come into my life, but that also 330 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:44,400 took in this is a key point that also took me doing the work on 331 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,200 me. So that when I get into 332 00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,700 conversations, I'm also good at communicating. 333 00:18:49,700 --> 00:18:53,000 I'm also good at looking at the problem and going. 334 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,500 Okay. How can we find a solution? 335 00:18:54,800 --> 00:19:00,300 I'm also good at, not always, but good at, you know, Rising. 336 00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:05,300 And it's really important that if you want good quality humans 337 00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:09,400 in your life that you're also making sure that you are working 338 00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:13,900 on growing and all these things that you would look for in a 339 00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:17,700 friend or even a partner, of course, that can also apply my 340 00:19:17,700 --> 00:19:20,200 last green. Red, white green red flag. 341 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:21,700 Oh my God. Wait, what? 342 00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:25,200 My last green flag. That's, that's so hard to say 343 00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:29,500 and I don't know why is humor. There is nothing. 344 00:19:29,600 --> 00:19:34,100 Fucking better than sitting with your friends and just giggling 345 00:19:34,100 --> 00:19:36,800 about shit. Just like having the funniest 346 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,900 little, like, it's just so fun and I love it. 347 00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:42,800 I like love a good group chat. I love a good friend group chat 348 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:45,100 a whole meme situation being sent back and forth. 349 00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:46,900 Like I just love it, I eat it up. 350 00:19:46,900 --> 00:19:50,000 It's like my bread and butter like mmm and it's just there's 351 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:53,200 nothing better than being with like-minded people. 352 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:57,500 And like I said, like you sometimes you have like 353 00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,500 different versions of your humor so you can have like different 354 00:19:59,700 --> 00:20:01,600 People that you joke about like different things with. 355 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,300 But that is just, this is kind of more of a personal one. 356 00:20:04,400 --> 00:20:06,300 That's just so so important to me. 357 00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:09,700 And when you find people that you can just have fun with 358 00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:12,500 people that make life feel light. 359 00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:15,600 It's just so beautiful. So yeah. 360 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:17,900 I think those are my green flags. 361 00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:20,600 I'm sure there's more but those are the few that I would say are 362 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:25,000 like my top priorities. And now let's get into the red 363 00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:28,000 flags. So my first red flag is 364 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:32,400 jealousy. Two parts to this so jealousy 365 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:39,800 towards you which is shit and it can happen to anybody. 366 00:20:40,100 --> 00:20:42,700 There are always things that you are going to have that are 367 00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:44,100 better than your friends. And there's things that your 368 00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:45,900 friends are going to have that's like quote, you know, quote 369 00:20:45,900 --> 00:20:48,300 unquote better than you if you want to frame it that way. 370 00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:53,800 It's really hard to have a friend who doesn't genuinely 371 00:20:53,800 --> 00:20:58,800 feel happy for you, when good things come into your life, like 372 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,900 maybe, They say all that. So excited. 373 00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:06,200 I'm so happy for you or maybe they say like, oh wow, that's 374 00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,500 crazy. I can't believe that's happened 375 00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,300 for you. Like I can't believe you got 376 00:21:10,300 --> 00:21:13,500 that job when like you haven't even like worked in that field 377 00:21:13,500 --> 00:21:14,600 before. Oh my God. 378 00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:17,200 Are they say things like? Oh you know I've been trying for 379 00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:21,200 that for years like you're so lucky or they discount the 380 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,300 things that you get, you know, I'm talking about like they kind 381 00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:29,300 of like cheap in it. They kind of like act like oh it 382 00:21:29,300 --> 00:21:32,300 was just just it was just luck or it was just easy for you when 383 00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:34,800 you know, that it was not just easy for you. 384 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:39,700 That is the shittiest feeling in the world because it just makes 385 00:21:39,700 --> 00:21:42,900 you feel again, like not empowered, not excited. 386 00:21:42,900 --> 00:21:46,500 And even if they say the words, if you can tell that they don't 387 00:21:46,500 --> 00:21:50,200 feel it, you can tell some of us are more intuitive than others. 388 00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:53,500 I will say that but if you are one of those people were, you 389 00:21:53,500 --> 00:21:58,200 can feel it. Who it's it is a red flag and 390 00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:00,700 you are not crazy. These little feelings about 391 00:22:00,700 --> 00:22:03,600 people. I was so, so, so strongly. 392 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:08,500 Believe that your intuition is a super powerful tool that we do 393 00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:11,900 not talk about enough. And whether you want to call 394 00:22:11,900 --> 00:22:16,500 that your Intuition or, you know, that gut feeling or 395 00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:20,500 whatever it is, it's that thing that just as kind of unspoken 396 00:22:20,700 --> 00:22:25,900 you almost don't have evidence like proper evidence to back up, 397 00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:29,200 why you're feeling that way but you just get a vibe. 398 00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:33,900 And if you get the vibe keep an eye on it, I'm not saying, oh, 399 00:22:33,900 --> 00:22:36,300 hex that friend out, you know, because sometimes people say 400 00:22:36,300 --> 00:22:39,300 things, weird, or they don't communicate very well or they're 401 00:22:39,300 --> 00:22:43,400 distracted or maybe they do have a tiny bit of like jealousy but 402 00:22:43,400 --> 00:22:46,400 then they work on it and then they realize later that maybe 403 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:49,600 they weren't the best towards it or, you know, give people Grace. 404 00:22:50,100 --> 00:22:53,000 But if you notice this consistently with somebody who 405 00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:58,200 it is tiring, it's heavy. And in my opinion not worth your 406 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:01,600 time. I would then say as well. 407 00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:08,300 Part 2 to the jealousy issue, is when someone is jealous of you 408 00:23:08,300 --> 00:23:11,900 being with others, as in like, they are possessive. 409 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:16,700 Oh, this is the worst shit in the world because when you feel 410 00:23:16,700 --> 00:23:19,700 like you can't, you have to, like, say hi to from a friend 411 00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:21,800 that you're hanging out with another friend because we didn't 412 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,500 invite them. It's just so shit. 413 00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:27,800 And I remember like way back way way when I was like maybe like 414 00:23:27,800 --> 00:23:31,700 15 or something. Like I Even younger, I remember 415 00:23:31,900 --> 00:23:34,400 wanting to hang out with certain friends individually and I had a 416 00:23:34,408 --> 00:23:35,900 friend group but there's like, six of us. 417 00:23:35,900 --> 00:23:40,200 And we're all girls all in this group and sometimes I would just 418 00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:43,000 want to hang out with one of them and I would be so scared. 419 00:23:43,000 --> 00:23:46,000 We get to school like the next day and we'd be like, don't talk 420 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:49,500 about the fact that I don't talk about it because they're going 421 00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:51,800 to like they're gonna get mad. They're gonna be all pissed off 422 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,600 and it was such a like toxic environment to be in because you 423 00:23:54,608 --> 00:23:56,700 just didn't feel like you were allowed to have individual 424 00:23:56,700 --> 00:24:02,300 relationships with people. It is Job to own your 425 00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:07,100 friendships. And if you say introduce people 426 00:24:07,100 --> 00:24:10,600 to like other people, if you introduce your friends to your 427 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:14,300 friends and they hit it off in my opinion, that should be 428 00:24:14,300 --> 00:24:15,500 something that makes you excited. 429 00:24:15,500 --> 00:24:17,700 Like, oh my God, great, I love this person. 430 00:24:17,900 --> 00:24:20,500 I love this other person. And now they love each other. 431 00:24:20,700 --> 00:24:23,100 And now we can all hang out. And yes, there are certain 432 00:24:23,100 --> 00:24:26,500 circumstances like, if it's like an X or if something, you know, 433 00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:28,500 bad had happened in the in the past. 434 00:24:28,500 --> 00:24:30,600 And you just kind of gives like A gentle warning like, oh, just, 435 00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:32,400 you know, this can happen with this person and they weren't the 436 00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:35,200 best that think that's different, but when it's just, 437 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:37,700 like, friends hanging out with other friends and people meet 438 00:24:37,700 --> 00:24:39,100 each other, like, that's Community. 439 00:24:39,100 --> 00:24:41,800 That's how you build community. And that's the best thing in the 440 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:43,700 world. And I hate that. 441 00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:50,500 I hate dealing with people who are just like so cut by. 442 00:24:50,500 --> 00:24:54,200 You wanting to like expand and be with other people jealousy is 443 00:24:54,200 --> 00:25:00,300 just so yucky so so yucky and it's so Productive. 444 00:25:00,300 --> 00:25:04,700 I think it is a valid feeling that everyone has at some point 445 00:25:04,900 --> 00:25:08,700 and it is difficult. It's a very difficult feeling 446 00:25:09,500 --> 00:25:15,700 but still it is yours to hold and it is your friends to hold 447 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,900 and if they can't manage that feeling of jealousy. 448 00:25:18,900 --> 00:25:21,400 To the point that they make you feel bad for being around. 449 00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:25,900 Other people, that is toxic extremely toxic, that is a 450 00:25:26,100 --> 00:25:30,600 fucking red flag and being controlling Or possessive of 451 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:34,900 another person is shitty and not a way to be a good friend. 452 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:39,900 So, number two, here is a lack of effort. 453 00:25:40,900 --> 00:25:44,600 I love the idea of bids for attention. 454 00:25:45,100 --> 00:25:51,000 If you send your friend a meme and they say something back, or 455 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:54,200 they give a little, like, that's a bid for attention. 456 00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:58,100 You validate their bid for attention, it's a way to 457 00:25:58,100 --> 00:26:01,700 communicate that you See them. If somebody is in a 458 00:26:01,708 --> 00:26:04,400 conversation, you're in a group of people and you're there with 459 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:07,200 a friend and that friend doesn't know a lot of people and they 460 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:11,800 make a comment in the group and people just don't seem to 461 00:26:11,800 --> 00:26:17,000 respond back or whatever and you jump in and you go oh my God. 462 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:18,900 Yeah I was talking about that the other day and blah blah blah 463 00:26:19,100 --> 00:26:21,800 and you helped include them in the conversation. 464 00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:26,500 That is so kind. That is like so such a good way 465 00:26:26,500 --> 00:26:31,400 to be a good friend and it shows Those effort and it shows that 466 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,800 you are just you have good intentions for that person. 467 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:41,000 And obviously as well, maybe spending time with people is a 468 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:45,000 love language for you, or for your friends and knowing that 469 00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:46,900 about your friends is really important as well because some 470 00:26:46,900 --> 00:26:49,600 people really need that I have friends where I see them once a 471 00:26:49,608 --> 00:26:52,500 month and that's all we need and we have a great time and we have 472 00:26:52,500 --> 00:26:56,400 ketchups and we love it. And we're both too busy that we 473 00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,600 can't see each other, you know, every other day. 474 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:00,800 But It's great in that works for us. 475 00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:02,800 And then I have other friends where it's like we literally see 476 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:06,000 each other every other day or and if we don't we like FaceTime 477 00:27:06,300 --> 00:27:08,700 or we send each other with messages back and forth to 478 00:27:08,700 --> 00:27:10,800 update each other and that's what works for us. 479 00:27:11,100 --> 00:27:15,500 And it's really important that you're both aware of the bids 480 00:27:15,500 --> 00:27:19,500 for attention and that could be again like a text, a comment, 481 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,600 anything I was going to say an email that I was like, what the 482 00:27:21,608 --> 00:27:23,100 fuck? No, not an email. 483 00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:27,000 Unless you look unless you like email, your friends, you're on 484 00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:28,100 your pen pal. Shit. 485 00:27:28,100 --> 00:27:32,100 That's kind of cool. But yeah not me that's not my 486 00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:34,400 vibe. Um but yeah I think lack of 487 00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:39,800 effort is a huge red flag if you just feel like they are not 488 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:43,500 responsive or they just don't really seem to care, you can 489 00:27:43,500 --> 00:27:46,400 probably take that as a sign that they're not going to be a 490 00:27:46,400 --> 00:27:50,900 super solid person in your life which is you know fine. 491 00:27:51,100 --> 00:27:55,700 But what I would say is don't waste your time and ultimately 492 00:27:55,700 --> 00:28:00,500 you can have a conversation with them and say, hey I noticed that 493 00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:05,300 you don't really seem to want to hang out or I don't I'm not 494 00:28:05,300 --> 00:28:09,000 really seeing you often anymore. Maybe is anything going on? 495 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:12,200 Or is there a reason for that? Because potentially there could 496 00:28:12,200 --> 00:28:14,900 be something that happened and they're just avoidant and they 497 00:28:14,900 --> 00:28:17,600 don't want to have to have the hard conversation. 498 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:21,200 So they're choosing to just kind of let you go as a friend, which 499 00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:27,100 would suck, but is more common than I think or then, you know, 500 00:28:27,100 --> 00:28:31,600 you'd think and so Even the conversation can be helpful, but 501 00:28:31,600 --> 00:28:36,100 ultimately again if they wanted to, they fucking would so just 502 00:28:36,100 --> 00:28:43,900 be aware of that and my last red flag is dishonesty and coming 503 00:28:43,900 --> 00:28:47,100 all the way back to my first point. 504 00:28:47,100 --> 00:28:53,400 My first green flag, which was honesty, and trust, a lack of it 505 00:28:53,400 --> 00:28:56,100 just means that you're not going to have space, right? 506 00:28:56,100 --> 00:28:59,300 You're not going to feel safe and that safe. 507 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:02,800 Comfortable, feeling of a friend, is what friendship is 508 00:29:03,200 --> 00:29:08,000 all about? And if you do catch yourself, or 509 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:12,900 cannot get yourself, go catch your friend, sorry in a lie, or 510 00:29:12,900 --> 00:29:16,100 some sort of thing, where, you know, that they've not quite 511 00:29:16,100 --> 00:29:19,200 told the truth. I think it's important to call 512 00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:22,400 it out early on. I know that's uncomfortable. 513 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:28,200 Sometimes, but the last thing you want to do is allow someone 514 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:30,800 that behavior. They know that they have that 515 00:29:30,800 --> 00:29:33,400 behavior and they think it's okay. 516 00:29:33,500 --> 00:29:37,400 And they continue with that behavior because it only builds 517 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:41,200 and it only gets worse and I will say that I've been lied to 518 00:29:41,200 --> 00:29:46,200 by friends. I've been like I've had huge 519 00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:53,500 huge breaches of trust and again extremely hurtful but looking 520 00:29:53,500 --> 00:29:57,000 back, I've had, I had red flags the whole time. 521 00:29:57,500 --> 00:29:59,300 I had things that seemed a bit sketchy. 522 00:29:59,300 --> 00:30:02,500 I He's really go up and we'd move on from the conversation 523 00:30:03,500 --> 00:30:08,500 and fuck like a part of me wishes that I could literally go 524 00:30:08,500 --> 00:30:11,700 back and change that. And I don't say that often, and 525 00:30:11,700 --> 00:30:16,400 so if you ever feel like there's some dishonesty going on that 526 00:30:16,400 --> 00:30:19,200 obviously affects you not just that person being uncomfortable 527 00:30:19,200 --> 00:30:23,400 to share something, but it's like they're actually actively 528 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,000 lying about something. Call it out. 529 00:30:26,100 --> 00:30:27,700 Don't waste your time. Yeah. 530 00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:32,300 Last A points little bonus points here is, like I said 531 00:30:32,300 --> 00:30:35,100 earlier, you can have friends for different seasons. 532 00:30:35,500 --> 00:30:37,700 You can have friends that you hang out with in different 533 00:30:37,700 --> 00:30:40,300 atmospheres and kind of like in different purposes, like a 534 00:30:40,300 --> 00:30:42,400 friend that you go to the gym with, you know, and it's like 535 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:43,800 that's kind of all you do together but you have a good 536 00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:47,000 time doing that together or like work, friends, you know? 537 00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:48,400 Is another really good example of that. 538 00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:51,000 That's something that I've seen definitely flow in and out of my 539 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:54,700 life for my whole life. Another point is, that 540 00:30:54,700 --> 00:30:59,300 outgrowing friendships is normal and nobody failed sometimes. 541 00:30:59,500 --> 00:31:02,000 She'll just grow apart and that's totally fine. 542 00:31:02,500 --> 00:31:07,900 And lastly, seasons of having less friends is normal seasons 543 00:31:07,900 --> 00:31:11,200 of having more friends. Is normal life changes 544 00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:14,100 constantly. You know, you get new jobs, you 545 00:31:14,100 --> 00:31:18,200 change schools, you go out one night and you meet a whole group 546 00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,600 of people you can become obsessed with them for, like, a 547 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:22,600 few weeks. And then maybe something 548 00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:24,500 situationally will change, right? 549 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:28,600 Things come and go. And if you are listening to 550 00:31:28,600 --> 00:31:32,300 this, And you're still here and you feel like lonely thinking 551 00:31:32,300 --> 00:31:35,600 like these are things that I want to have in France. 552 00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:38,600 Like these are things that oh yes, I've totally relate with 553 00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,600 the fact that dishonesty rips apart people. 554 00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,700 And I've been fucked over to and I it's just so hard for me to 555 00:31:44,700 --> 00:31:46,200 make friends now because I don't trust anyone. 556 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:51,000 If you feel that and you feel a bit lonely, just know that that 557 00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:56,000 doesn't have to be forever. And even people like my mom who 558 00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,300 growing up she always used to be like I don't need friends. 559 00:31:58,300 --> 00:32:01,400 I've got you kids. Just actually really common and 560 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:05,000 I used to always give her shit for that even now she's like I 561 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:06,700 was on face time with her today and she was like, yeah, I'm 562 00:32:06,700 --> 00:32:09,900 going on a girls trip and a few weeks like we just, we are 563 00:32:09,900 --> 00:32:11,900 thinking about how we went on a few months ago, and it was so 564 00:32:11,900 --> 00:32:14,200 much fun, and we need to go again and I was like, whoa. 565 00:32:14,200 --> 00:32:16,900 Like this is so funny because my mom never used to be like this. 566 00:32:17,700 --> 00:32:23,100 So throughout your whole life seasons will change and it's 567 00:32:23,100 --> 00:32:26,000 totally normal to feel a bit out of touch with people. 568 00:32:27,000 --> 00:32:29,300 And I would encourage you to just reach out to people. 569 00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:32,000 Opal and it creates new connections. 570 00:32:32,300 --> 00:32:35,300 And if you want to hear more about this topic, please feel 571 00:32:35,300 --> 00:32:37,500 free to go back and listen to actually did an episode Pretty 572 00:32:37,500 --> 00:32:40,000 recently as well about friendships, but this is kind of 573 00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:42,400 the follow-up because I got a lot of questions that were like 574 00:32:42,400 --> 00:32:45,300 similar along the lines of what we talked about today, but you 575 00:32:45,300 --> 00:32:49,500 can go to my past episodes about friendships where I talk more 576 00:32:49,500 --> 00:32:52,400 about like how to make new friends and how to get out of 577 00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:55,900 your comfort zone and how to push yourself to connect with 578 00:32:55,900 --> 00:33:00,300 new people because you'd be shocked at how Amazing like new 579 00:33:00,300 --> 00:33:03,800 connections can be and when you get into the flow of making new 580 00:33:03,800 --> 00:33:07,700 friends, you get more used to it and it becomes so much less 581 00:33:07,700 --> 00:33:12,000 scary over time. So that's all I have to share 582 00:33:12,000 --> 00:33:14,200 with you guys today. Thank you so much for listening. 583 00:33:14,700 --> 00:33:18,900 Again, if you guys are new here, then, thank you so much for just 584 00:33:18,900 --> 00:33:21,700 being a part of this space and we have a Facebook group 585 00:33:21,700 --> 00:33:25,600 actually as well called the she said what podcast group and it's 586 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:27,600 just a place where update you guys on episodes. 587 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:30,500 And if you ever need support in, An area of your life and you 588 00:33:30,500 --> 00:33:32,000 want to put it out to the community. 589 00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:35,000 There's like a few hundred of us over there now. 590 00:33:35,300 --> 00:33:40,100 And a lot of really, really amazing people where I say in 591 00:33:40,100 --> 00:33:43,400 the group, a list of like rules and things that we abide by and 592 00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,700 it's a safe space for you if you want it. 593 00:33:45,900 --> 00:33:48,700 So, that's there for you. And again, if you want to find 594 00:33:48,700 --> 00:33:51,700 me on Instagram or Tick, Tock, you can find me at Alyssa 595 00:33:51,700 --> 00:33:52,700 Taylor. Hi. 596 00:33:53,500 --> 00:33:56,600 And if you want to leave a rate or review or you know whatever, 597 00:33:57,500 --> 00:34:00,200 whatever on Spotify. Or apple podcast. 598 00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:03,200 That would be a dream. And that's everything. 599 00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:04,400 Guys. Thank you so. 600 00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:08,699 So much for listening and I will see you next week. 601 00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:09,400 Bye guys.