1 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:03,800 You're listening to. She said what with your house 2 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:06,000 Alyssa Harper? Hello sexy people. 3 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,400 Welcome back to. She said, what if you have not 4 00:00:08,400 --> 00:00:10,400 been here before then I just want to welcome you. 5 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:12,600 You are welcome. Whoever you are wherever you 6 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,700 come from. This is a space for you. 7 00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:17,600 To come to become the best version of yourself. 8 00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:22,500 She said what is all about sex, sexuality relationships, 9 00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:26,500 especially your relationship with yourself and self growth? 10 00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:30,600 It's basically your relationship with yourself and Other people. 11 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:36,900 So today I'm going to be giving you my 23 life lessons. 12 00:00:36,900 --> 00:00:41,000 This is the birthday Edition because I'm turning 23 this week 13 00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:44,500 and I just thought look, I've been through it, I've been 14 00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:47,400 through the wringer a little bit moved across the world when I 15 00:00:47,408 --> 00:00:52,200 was 18 which is great obviously and very fun and amazing and we 16 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:55,300 love that but also it taught me a lot and there's a lot of like 17 00:00:55,300 --> 00:00:59,900 struggles that came with that been through a lot to do with 18 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:04,099 Changing who I am really like coming out of my shell, if you 19 00:01:04,099 --> 00:01:08,900 will from growing up being like religious and having a lot of 20 00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:12,900 like blocks on what I could and couldn't do a lot of Shame and I 21 00:01:12,908 --> 00:01:15,200 had to break down a lot of that to get to where I am now. 22 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:18,800 So I thought let's do a life lessons episode. 23 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:27,500 Alright let's get right into it little update on my week as per 24 00:01:27,500 --> 00:01:31,500 use so it's my birthday coming. Obviously, that's going to be on 25 00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,700 Thursday. I'm super excited because I went 26 00:01:33,700 --> 00:01:38,400 to an event a while back with Amazon Prime like Prime video to 27 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:42,700 see it was Daisy Jones and the six, the first two episodes of 28 00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:46,200 that, it was an amazing event and they said that on the night, 29 00:01:46,200 --> 00:01:50,100 they were going to gift somebody with a stay at the Ace Hotel, 30 00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:54,800 which is a beautiful new hotel. In Surry Hills here in Sydney 31 00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:58,700 and I went to this event and I didn't think anything of it and 32 00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:01,500 then they messaged me the next Day and they gave it to me which 33 00:02:01,500 --> 00:02:04,300 was so so so kind. And so I was gifted this 34 00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:07,300 experience with going to dinner and everything so I decided to 35 00:02:07,308 --> 00:02:09,300 use it for my birthday. So I'm going to be doing that 36 00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,000 this week. I'm so excited. 37 00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:15,000 And yeah, so that's coming up this week. 38 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:19,500 Other than that for the past week I have had a friends going 39 00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,200 away. She's moving to New York, she's 40 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:24,800 going to acting school which is amazing for her, sad for me 41 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,300 because she's my friend and she's leaving me. 42 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,500 But to be fair, I left all my friends in Canada. 43 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:32,300 So like that. It's what I get, but we had 44 00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:35,300 that, and then that's basically it. 45 00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:37,900 I've been doing a lot of work this week. 46 00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:41,900 I, I've never had these ten hour days where I've just been like, 47 00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:45,900 set up my laptop editing stuff planning stuff for the podcast 48 00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:48,500 and social media, and everything and it's been great. 49 00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:49,900 Obviously, this is what I want to do. 50 00:02:49,900 --> 00:02:51,500 I wouldn't do it. If I didn't want to, I wouldn't 51 00:02:51,500 --> 00:02:54,300 put in as much work as I do if I didn't want to. 52 00:02:54,900 --> 00:02:58,000 So, it's been a good work week, very proud of myself. 53 00:02:58,700 --> 00:03:01,700 But yeah, it's nice to be Into the swing of things now that I'm 54 00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:03,800 working from home and doing everything here. 55 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:06,900 And like, you know, getting used to doing social media full-time 56 00:03:06,900 --> 00:03:09,400 and everything. So that's been fun and that's 57 00:03:09,400 --> 00:03:11,000 it. That's a little update for you. 58 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,900 I'm excited to be turning 23. It's going to sound so dumb. 59 00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:17,600 But like in my mind, it feels a bit old in comparison to 22 like 60 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,500 22. The key I'm feeling 22. 61 00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:23,200 You know when you're 23 you're like ooh it's coming you know 25 62 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,200 is coming and then 30 is coming and then I'm like literally 63 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,900 going to die. And so Here for a Good Time, not 64 00:03:27,900 --> 00:03:31,400 a long time but I'm Excited. I'm excited for my birthday and 65 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:35,300 I'm excited to be able to like spend it with friends and family 66 00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:39,100 and people that I really, really love and cherish and that I have 67 00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:43,000 people in my life because, you know, spoiler I didn't have 68 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:47,300 friends back in the day and I feel like a lot of birthdays. 69 00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:49,700 I really like struggled because I was like, I just wish I had 70 00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:52,300 people to spend it with. I wish that like I had a good 71 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,800 friend group, you know? And now that I feel like I have 72 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:58,500 that it is like just such a blessing for lack of a better 73 00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:01,800 word and It's just something that I'm like really, really 74 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:03,700 grateful for. So had a good week. 75 00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,900 We actually did do a thing for my birthday as well with a bunch 76 00:04:05,900 --> 00:04:10,900 of my friends like a week ago. Maybe a bit premature but it was 77 00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,200 because there was another friend going away to New York and I 78 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,000 needed to get her to be there and so we did it early. 79 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,399 But yeah. So that was really, really 80 00:04:18,407 --> 00:04:20,200 lovely. And I'm happy. 81 00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:22,300 I'm having a really good week and I'm having a really good 82 00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:23,700 day. I woke up today just like 83 00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:27,400 feeling energized and good which is a shock because I went out 84 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,800 last night and you know what? So So funny last night I was 85 00:04:30,800 --> 00:04:33,300 saying this because I was eating as I was drinking. 86 00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:35,700 When I was out, I went to bed last night and I was like, I had 87 00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:37,900 eight drinks tonight which is like a lot for me. 88 00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:41,100 Like that's that's a lot for me and I feel like I didn't feel 89 00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:42,800 it. Like I literally felt like I was 90 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,700 sober the whole night, it was the weirdest thing in the world. 91 00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:47,700 I don't know what was going on but a bit of a waste of my money 92 00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:50,900 in my right, but just getting but, yeah. 93 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:55,300 So that's been my last 24 hours. We're going to get right into my 94 00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:57,600 23 life lessons. I have a whole list of them. 95 00:04:57,700 --> 00:04:59,500 We're going to start out of course. 96 00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:02,700 Number one, which is to listen to your body. 97 00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:07,000 Something that I think I didn't used to do like in high school 98 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,700 and whatever was listening to my body. 99 00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,300 Like I used to be like, oh I'm so tired. 100 00:05:12,300 --> 00:05:15,000 I feel like shit. I'm on my period or whatever but 101 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,600 I'm just gonna force myself, I would always say. 102 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,500 There's okay, sometimes you need to force yourself and it's 103 00:05:18,500 --> 00:05:19,600 funny. I think my mom used to say that 104 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:21,100 all the time, so I probably got it from her. 105 00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:24,300 Thanks Mom. But I literally used to be like, 106 00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:26,800 okay, now I'm going to force myself, I'm just gonna go, I'm 107 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,200 gonna push through and I did it with so many things that I think 108 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,600 I was just Constantly exhausted like I used to in high school. 109 00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:34,900 Say I was tired all the time. Oh, how are you? 110 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,100 I'm good. I'm just like so tired because I 111 00:05:37,108 --> 00:05:40,900 like really overexerted myself whereas I think in the last few 112 00:05:40,900 --> 00:05:43,800 years I've really learned to trust my body and listen to my 113 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,700 body and if I'm having a day where I don't have that energy 114 00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:50,200 to go and be social and whatever I set the boundary and I don't 115 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:53,400 go and I don't force myself into doing anything anymore. 116 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:57,400 And it's really just helped me to create this like cycle where 117 00:05:57,400 --> 00:05:59,800 I'm like, flowing with what my body actually. 118 00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:02,300 Wants me to do. And I end up being like so much 119 00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:05,800 more productive so much happier, and my relationships are so much 120 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,500 better because I actually communicate when I need to take 121 00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:10,900 time off. And I need to have a break and 122 00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:15,200 I'm at like I allow myself to do that and this absolutely comes 123 00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:17,600 back to life cycle thinking as well, which I talked about all 124 00:06:17,608 --> 00:06:21,200 the time but like cycle sinking is going into all the different 125 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,800 phases of your menstrual cycle and understanding where you can 126 00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:29,600 apply what you need in that season of your argue that phase. 127 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,700 I Should say of your cycle, which is something that you can 128 00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:34,000 listen to my other episodes about. 129 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:36,200 I'm not going to go on about it. But that is something that I was 130 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,300 like, truly, truly changed my life. 131 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:40,300 So listening to your body is number one. 132 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,500 Number two, comparison is the killer of joy, and I'm sure 133 00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:46,600 you've probably heard this before and you're like, yeah, 134 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:49,800 blah, blah, I get it. But look, it really, really is 135 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:53,400 like if you compare yourself to the people that are around you 136 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,100 and you are constantly feeling like you are lesser than then 137 00:06:56,100 --> 00:06:59,300 you're going to act as if right? You are going to act as if you 138 00:06:59,300 --> 00:07:01,700 are lesser. And you're going to not really 139 00:07:01,700 --> 00:07:03,900 make plans with people or reach out to people. 140 00:07:03,900 --> 00:07:05,900 You're going to think why would they want to hang out with me? 141 00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:07,900 Oh what? Like I'm not as good as them or 142 00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:11,100 like I'm not as far in my career or you know they're older than 143 00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:14,000 me or they're wiser than me or they have a bigger friends 144 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:16,700 circle than me and they seem so well connected and I'm not and 145 00:07:16,700 --> 00:07:20,300 you put yourself in this box so you don't go out and meet people 146 00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:24,800 or go to events or like, go do things that potentially make you 147 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,800 a little bit nervous because you just feel like it's not, it's 148 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:31,600 not for you and You're down here and you should like stay in your 149 00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:34,600 lane, which is bullshit. You shouldn't compare yourself 150 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,300 to the people around you, or even to the people that you just 151 00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:40,200 see on social media, because you never know what's going on 152 00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:43,000 behind closed doors. And even when people reach out 153 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:47,000 to me and they say things like, oh my God, like I just wish I 154 00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:49,900 could get to where you are with being comfortable in your skin 155 00:07:49,900 --> 00:07:53,300 or this is this is this. I'm like guys I have so many 156 00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:56,900 days where I do not like myself. I have so many days where I'm 157 00:07:56,900 --> 00:07:59,200 like uh like I just don't feel good. 158 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:02,500 I don't know what Is I need to figure it out like I'm just not 159 00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:04,900 myself today. Like I have that all the time I 160 00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:07,700 have days where I look at my body and I think like oh like I 161 00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:09,800 really let myself go, which is like ridiculous. 162 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:14,000 But like I do have that and I think everybody has that. 163 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,500 And if you think you're the only one and you're absolutely not 164 00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:20,900 try as much as you can to not compare yourself. 165 00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:25,100 And I would say that somebody that helped me with that is not 166 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:29,700 like following people who I would want. 167 00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:33,900 I compare myself to or not assuming that all of these 168 00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:35,900 people are in the best place of their lives. 169 00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:39,400 Because you really never know, which is why we need to be like 170 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,600 following people in social media who are transparent about what 171 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:47,000 goes on in their life, and look up to and Associate yourself 172 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,600 with people that get around people who are just real and 173 00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:53,200 honest. And the more you do that, the 174 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,500 more comfortable, you're going to be in your skin. 175 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,900 Number three, is that life is too short to be in a 176 00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:00,900 relationship that Doesn't bring you Joy. 177 00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:04,300 Whether that is a friendship or like a romantic loving 178 00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:07,300 relationship. If you are not feeling like it 179 00:09:07,300 --> 00:09:13,000 is consistently or like overall making, you a happy person in, 180 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,300 you're feeling good and confident around that person. 181 00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:18,500 Then you don't need to have that person in your life and I think 182 00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:22,600 naturally we keep ties with people based off of things that 183 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,700 we actually shouldn't but we think we're meant to like 184 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,800 history, you know. But I have a history of them 185 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:28,700 are. I've been friends with him for 186 00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:32,100 years, so it's It's fine. If they're gonna shit, all over 187 00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:36,000 me and tell me I suck and like make me feel like I can't do the 188 00:09:36,008 --> 00:09:39,400 things I want to do or undermine me or whatever. 189 00:09:39,500 --> 00:09:42,900 No, you absolutely do fucking not, you do not need to have 190 00:09:42,900 --> 00:09:45,400 those people in your life and especially when it comes to 191 00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:48,400 romantic relationships. If you are not feeling like 192 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:51,500 this, is somebody that really makes me feel safe and I want to 193 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:54,000 be with them and I love them and I'm excited to have them in my 194 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:57,100 life if it's just like a oh yeah, well at least I have a 195 00:09:57,108 --> 00:10:01,400 boyfriend, you know, or At least I'm not single because I just 196 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,000 don't want to be single. Like, that is not worth it, if 197 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:07,500 anything go learn to be single and then come into a 198 00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:09,600 relationship where you actually feel like you're getting 199 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,800 something from that relationship and it's like fulfilling your 200 00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:15,500 needs because if it's not in the more time you spend in it, the 201 00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:17,800 more you're going to go back into that thing of being like, 202 00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,700 well, I have a history with this person that history is only 203 00:10:20,700 --> 00:10:24,000 going to get longer and longer. You know, so definitely if you 204 00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:28,500 can find that courage in, you bite the bullet and get out of a 205 00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:31,100 relationship. If you Need to and I know that 206 00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:34,000 if you think you need to, you know, I'm talking to you right 207 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,300 now, maybe that's been you before, but it's not you right 208 00:10:36,300 --> 00:10:41,200 now, and if it is then slay, Levi number for go to therapy, 209 00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:42,800 go to therapy. Okay? 210 00:10:42,900 --> 00:10:46,200 Therapy is for everybody therapy is something that can help you 211 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,100 in any season, you can be doing the best you've ever done in 212 00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:51,100 your life. But whether you are moving into 213 00:10:51,100 --> 00:10:55,600 a new season or starting a new job or doing anything that even 214 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:59,300 challenges you slightly, it's amazing to have support and I 215 00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:02,000 know That counselors and psychologists. 216 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:05,000 And all of that is very expensive and not everybody has 217 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:07,400 access to it. But there are definitely other 218 00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:11,900 resources that you can go for that are free and just other 219 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:14,500 ways that you can get support as well, which I can link some of 220 00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:18,800 those below for you guys, but if you have accessibility to it, I 221 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:22,700 would so recommend you go see a therapist, it's never too late 222 00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:25,300 to start it. I've talked about this before on 223 00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:29,200 here, but I had an eating disorder when I was, well, you 224 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:33,100 know, Well, you never don't have it, but I really struggled with 225 00:11:33,100 --> 00:11:37,300 an eating disorder when I was like, 14, 15 16 and the little 226 00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:40,200 bit longer as well realistically, but it was really 227 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:43,100 bad when I was younger and it was like in and like would go to 228 00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:46,200 the anorexia clinic and would have to, like, leave school to 229 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:48,000 go to all these appointments. Like it was fucked. 230 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,300 It was really bad time in my life and going to therapy, 231 00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:54,000 literally healed. Me, it actually worked who the 232 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,400 fucking thought? Yeah, a doctor, who knows what 233 00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:59,100 they're doing? Yeah, sorted my shit right out, 234 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:01,300 and now Like I have this relationship with food. 235 00:12:01,300 --> 00:12:04,200 We're like, I just don't have to worry, I don't have to count 236 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,100 everything. I don't have to like be so 237 00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:09,800 controlling, like I can just eat what I want when I want. 238 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,300 And I feel good about my body and I have a good balance with 239 00:12:12,300 --> 00:12:14,500 it and that took time. But like the support of an 240 00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,800 actual professional was, like, what I needed. 241 00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:19,700 And when I struggled with anxiety and depression, a lot 242 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:23,400 when I was having panic attacks and all of that, I used the 243 00:12:23,408 --> 00:12:26,300 therapy to really help me and I feel like it just changed my 244 00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:29,600 life, like a helped me. So so, so much and I'm actually 245 00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:32,700 Going back to therapy again because I feel like I just could 246 00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:34,700 use that extra support and I think it's something that 247 00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:38,700 everyone needs at some point and again it's never too late. 248 00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:42,700 My partner Sam. He did therapy for the first 249 00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:45,300 time about a year ago and I remember he was so nervous and 250 00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:47,500 he was like, oh, like it's gonna be so weird and I'm going to 251 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,700 tell me what to do and I'm gonna have to tell them all about like 252 00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:53,000 who I am. And like I have to explain all 253 00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,200 these things, two things to them and be so honest not so scary 254 00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,700 and yes, it can be very scary at the start. 255 00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:00,700 You get used to it. And it can become quite a 256 00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:04,500 comforting thing in even if it's hard and every time you leave 257 00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:07,700 and in tears and you're like, oh my God, that was intense, it's 258 00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:10,900 worth it, you have to work through it and yeah, do it. 259 00:13:10,900 --> 00:13:13,600 Go to therapy. Okay, number five, is that 260 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,200 honesty is the key to healthy relationships. 261 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:22,200 I think that some of us grow up in families where honesty is not 262 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:26,400 prioritized, like you see, the way that maybe your parents kind 263 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,500 of fibbed to each other. They have these little things 264 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:31,100 that you notice that, They don't quite tell the truth to each 265 00:13:31,100 --> 00:13:33,700 other and they might think that they're protecting the other 266 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:36,200 person, but I think that's bullshit. 267 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,800 I really think that if you're going to have a deep honest 268 00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,700 connection, with someone, you have to be able to say what you 269 00:13:42,708 --> 00:13:45,200 are thinking, what you are feeling, you have to be able to 270 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:47,300 do that. And it also comes up in 271 00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,600 friendships, obviously, as well. Like, if I say to one of my 272 00:13:49,608 --> 00:13:51,200 friends, I'm sorry. I can't come tonight. 273 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,700 I'm sick. I don't think that's really 274 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:56,500 great communication at all. Whereas if I say to them, 275 00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:59,600 honestly I just I think I need some time for myself. 276 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,100 Or I think I'm actually going to spend time with this friend and 277 00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:05,100 said, because we really need to catch up that boundary that 278 00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:07,800 being able to say like this is actually what I need in. 279 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:11,200 This moment is so important and I would really encourage you to 280 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,800 be as honest as you can in all of your relationships because 281 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:17,300 it's only going to help you to grow a more authentic connection 282 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:21,500 with the people in your life. Number six is that sex is not 283 00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:24,100 the end, all be L to healthy relationships. 284 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:29,600 I feel like for a long time because I was working through 285 00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:33,300 During out shame that I had with sex from growing up and I really 286 00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:36,000 like wanted, you know, sex to be perfect in my life. 287 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,000 I like had such a focus on it and I would get this anxiety 288 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:44,400 around not having enough sex or not having the kind of sex I 289 00:14:44,408 --> 00:14:46,800 wanted to be having or maybe not having an orgasm. 290 00:14:46,800 --> 00:14:50,400 Every time I had sex and I feel like I would really judge my 291 00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,400 relationship with somebody that I loved so much. 292 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,700 Based off of how good the sex was on a regular basis. 293 00:14:56,700 --> 00:15:00,000 And the thing is, especially if you are someone who Has a 294 00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:02,300 menstrual cycle and your hormones are changing all the 295 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,800 time. You're not going to be 296 00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,500 consistent in your wants. It's very likely that you're not 297 00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:09,300 going to always want sex, right? There's nothing wrong with you. 298 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:12,100 If you have periods of your life where you are just not 299 00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:15,200 interested in sex at all. You don't have to necessarily 300 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:18,000 identify with it. You don't have to you know freak 301 00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,800 out about it. You don't have to question it. 302 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,300 You can just allow it to be and you never know when it's going 303 00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:25,500 to come back and I think it's really important that you don't 304 00:15:25,500 --> 00:15:28,700 like stress out on your relationship because the sex 305 00:15:28,700 --> 00:15:31,700 isn't exactly do what you want every single time because we are 306 00:15:31,700 --> 00:15:34,400 all human and sex. Isn't this thing that needs to 307 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:37,200 look a certain way? It's just a way for us to like 308 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:40,300 play and experience and love and grow together. 309 00:15:40,600 --> 00:15:44,600 And I think it's important that we don't judge ourselves and 310 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,000 judge the people that were with based off of how the sex is. 311 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:55,500 And also this might be a bit of like a hot take, but I really 312 00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:59,200 feel like there's this narrative that like, you know, men just 313 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,700 can't satisfy By women and they don't know where the clit is and 314 00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:04,600 they don't know anything and they're sucking Bubba blah blah. 315 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:09,800 I think it's also up to us if you are identifying as a woman 316 00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:13,300 to in like in that kind of relationship, I should say 317 00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:16,200 straight relationship. That if you're in that scenario 318 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:19,600 don't expect that they are going to know what you want because 319 00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:23,600 even if they are like super experienced and like super well 320 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:27,100 aware of like anatomy and they really care about your pleasure 321 00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:29,500 and they're an amazing person. That doesn't mean they're going 322 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,800 I know what you want because you could want something completely 323 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:34,800 different to the last person that they've been with or 324 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,100 someone that they were with for a long time, you never know. 325 00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:41,300 So, if we don't communicate what we want and then we sit here and 326 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:44,600 we label people and say that they're bad at sex or you know 327 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,400 they just don't care about my pleasure or they didn't try hard 328 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:49,600 enough or they didn't you know they didn't do this. 329 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,200 This is this. It's also up to us to 330 00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:56,200 communicate what we want and you don't have to do that in the 331 00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:59,500 bedroom so to speak because that can be very daunting. 332 00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:01,200 Thing. You can do that outside, you 333 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,700 know, I would very much encourage you. 334 00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:06,400 If you don't already with your partner to talk about sex 335 00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,400 outside of a sexy scenario, I think that is the best time to 336 00:17:09,408 --> 00:17:12,400 talk about it because it allows you to take that pressure off 337 00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,900 and no one's scared of like ruining the moment. 338 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:17,099 You know, if you bring up something that you want to try 339 00:17:17,099 --> 00:17:19,300 that, you don't know that if they're going to want to try it. 340 00:17:19,300 --> 00:17:21,400 There's no pressure to try it in the moment. 341 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,900 It's just like, oh, I was thinking I would like to try 342 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:28,099 like this type of lube or this toy or this position or this 343 00:17:28,099 --> 00:17:30,800 kind of like Kink thing. You know, you can like bring it 344 00:17:30,800 --> 00:17:33,900 up in a way where you don't have to worry about them being like 345 00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:37,400 um, no that's so weird. And I'm so turned off right now. 346 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:40,900 You know, talk about it outside of that sexual scenario because 347 00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:44,400 it is the best time. And yeah, I just think it's 348 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,000 foreplay. It should be for fun and we 349 00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,900 should do our best to not stress out over it because it's just a 350 00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:51,900 part. It's just a part of the 351 00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:55,900 relationship. Number 7, speaking of play is to 352 00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:59,400 play more and to do it for fun to do it. 353 00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:02,900 Experience like that has been something that I've been loving. 354 00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:08,500 In the past year is playing more piano painting, just like going 355 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:11,300 on walks and having a fun time and listening to music and 356 00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:15,300 dancing more around my house, like, singing just play, like, 357 00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:19,600 you are a creative being, who has all of these potential 358 00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:23,200 Outlets that are so like creative and beautiful. 359 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:25,800 And you can create something right now. 360 00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:29,500 That is just something from you and that is so beautiful. 361 00:18:29,600 --> 00:18:32,800 If I just think, like, The Human Experience is so incredible and 362 00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:37,000 if you are wasting your time, constantly trying to create a 363 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,600 product or trying to create this, like outcome or do 364 00:18:40,600 --> 00:18:44,300 something perfectly, then you're not going to enjoy doing it. 365 00:18:44,300 --> 00:18:48,200 I know for me, if I sit down to play piano and I'm playing and I 366 00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:50,300 make a mistake and it makes me go. 367 00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:52,900 Oh, and I get stressed about it. I don't want to be there. 368 00:18:52,900 --> 00:18:55,100 I'm not going to want to go sit at my piano more often. 369 00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:59,100 Whereas, if I allow that messiness in that wrong note to 370 00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:00,800 like, Be a part of what I'm doing. 371 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:04,600 Then I feel like I'm like fully in it and I'm just like immersed 372 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:06,500 in it and I'm just playing to play. 373 00:19:06,500 --> 00:19:11,300 And if you do something creative for your job I would encourage 374 00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:16,100 you to also take time to do it in just a fun creative playful, 375 00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,800 kind of way. And don't always expect there to 376 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:23,600 be like a result or a product to come out of it because your 377 00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:26,700 output is not what matters when it comes to creativity. 378 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:32,500 Sometimes you need to have like 90% of it be just like for fun 379 00:19:32,500 --> 00:19:36,300 for play for learning for growth and then that 10% is going to be 380 00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:41,700 so good that you actually put out and use or post or you know, 381 00:19:41,700 --> 00:19:45,700 like actually put out that song or whatever share with others 382 00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:48,500 because you've taken the time to figure out what you actually 383 00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:50,600 genuinely. Like to do what comes natural to 384 00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:53,400 you when you're just in that like placed eighth in your in 385 00:19:53,408 --> 00:19:55,700 that flow state. So really, really encourage you 386 00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:00,100 just for your brain and for your joy to find things that You feel 387 00:20:00,100 --> 00:20:02,400 good and sometimes you can think about those things that you did 388 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:05,800 when you were younger, because often, we forget those things. 389 00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:09,000 And we know with women, there are a lot, higher rates of 390 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:13,000 women, dropping out of things like, Sport, and arts, and all 391 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:16,500 of those things. Because we don't feel like it's 392 00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:20,000 providing anything for anyone and that comes back to a lot of 393 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,500 patriarchal things that we are taught growing up about 394 00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:26,200 ourselves, but you deserve it, you deserve to enjoy your life 395 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:30,900 and to just play number eight, is that Your mental health is so 396 00:20:30,900 --> 00:20:32,800 deeply tied to your physical health. 397 00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:36,800 I think I didn't realize this for a lot of years I used to 398 00:20:36,808 --> 00:20:39,400 think like okay I'm going to focus on my mental health this 399 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:41,600 month and then I'm going to focus on my physical health next 400 00:20:41,600 --> 00:20:43,100 month. And then again you need to have 401 00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:49,400 a balance like everything is so intricately involved and like 402 00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:54,500 the way that your brain needs food to have fuel to be able to 403 00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:58,300 think clearly to like regulate your emotions, the way that you 404 00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:01,900 need sleep to be. Able to like be creative. 405 00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:05,900 And again, like be able to be fucking insane within your 406 00:21:05,900 --> 00:21:08,100 brain. Everything is so deeply tied 407 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,600 into itself. And if you're feeling like 408 00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:16,200 stressed in like just stuck or like, you know, anxious within 409 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,400 your body, sometimes you literally need to stretch, you 410 00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:21,800 literally need to physically, move your body. 411 00:21:21,900 --> 00:21:25,100 You need to find movement in your body and get to a place 412 00:21:25,100 --> 00:21:26,900 where you're like. Whoa, my body feels so much 413 00:21:26,900 --> 00:21:28,700 better. I feel like I can put my 414 00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:31,700 shoulders down. Now because I actually exercised 415 00:21:31,700 --> 00:21:34,000 and moving my face, so much away from the mic. 416 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:38,500 But you, you can actually like relaxed because you've taken the 417 00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:41,700 time to stretch out your neck and like roll your shoulders and 418 00:21:41,700 --> 00:21:44,200 like stand up straight and work on that posture. 419 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:47,700 And it just is so important for you to think of the different 420 00:21:47,700 --> 00:21:50,300 elements of like your physical health when you're trying to 421 00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:54,500 heal your mental health and learn to emotionally regulate 422 00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:57,700 because it's not separate, it's definitely not separate. 423 00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,900 Number nine, is that it The basic shit when it comes to your 424 00:22:01,900 --> 00:22:05,000 health that is going to keep you healthy and sane. 425 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:09,100 It is like the pillars, like drinking lots of water, eating 426 00:22:09,100 --> 00:22:13,700 food, that is going to feel, you getting exercise, having sleep 427 00:22:13,700 --> 00:22:17,200 being in nature and having healthy relationships with the 428 00:22:17,208 --> 00:22:21,100 people around you. It is like the things that you 429 00:22:21,100 --> 00:22:24,600 think you just assume are good in your life, but maybe they 430 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:29,400 aren't, like, often were so drawn to finding like a healthy. 431 00:22:29,700 --> 00:22:33,000 Alternative thing to get us there like we want to go get 432 00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:36,100 that supplement. It's usually very pushed to us 433 00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:40,800 when it comes to ads and whatnot as well to like eat this certain 434 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:44,600 type of food and make sure you go on this specific cleanse and 435 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,300 you do this type of movement and do this and do that. 436 00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:50,900 And we're not getting a like the bare minimum of sleep every 437 00:22:50,900 --> 00:22:52,600 night. You know, we're not drinking 438 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:56,000 water at all, but we're not even eating until like later in the 439 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,600 day like I used to do this all the time, you know. 440 00:22:58,600 --> 00:23:00,200 And I would think like Let's get up. 441 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:03,700 Let's do my meditation. Okay, let's have my morning 442 00:23:03,700 --> 00:23:05,400 routine. And then I'm what? 443 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:09,300 Not eating until 2 p.m. you're going to get tired, but you're 444 00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:12,100 gonna feel like shit, babe, you're gonna feel anxious. 445 00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:15,600 You're going to feel overwhelmed because you're not using all of 446 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,700 the basic things in your life, to keep you healthy. 447 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,000 And if you're trying to go on any kind of like a health 448 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:25,700 journey, I would encourage you to write down those things. 449 00:23:25,700 --> 00:23:29,300 Break it down individually and see where you can like level up. 450 00:23:29,500 --> 00:23:32,700 And each of those individual areas of your life before you 451 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:36,000 get into all the fucking protein powders and all the bullshit 452 00:23:36,100 --> 00:23:39,800 don't waste your time doing all these crazy detailed things if 453 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:43,100 you're not going to do the basics because those are the 454 00:23:43,100 --> 00:23:46,200 things that are going to be the foundation for the rest of your 455 00:23:46,200 --> 00:23:50,200 health Journey. Number nine. 456 00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:54,100 Nope, that was number nine. Number 10 that we're onto a sexy 457 00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:57,600 one. This is to use Lube used toys, 458 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:01,400 use whatever tools that Need to make your sex life. 459 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:05,900 What you want it to be. There is no shame in using Lube. 460 00:24:05,900 --> 00:24:08,800 Lube is something. That is your friend, especially, 461 00:24:08,800 --> 00:24:12,200 if you're using toys because you are adding something in that 462 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,700 isn't naturally, obviously lubricated. 463 00:24:14,700 --> 00:24:17,500 And you need a little extra judging and that is totally fine 464 00:24:17,500 --> 00:24:20,100 and all the different phases of your cycle. 465 00:24:20,100 --> 00:24:22,700 Your body is going to respond differently to sex. 466 00:24:22,700 --> 00:24:26,800 You can be super aroused super interested in the person and not 467 00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,100 be wet. And I think for A long time. 468 00:24:30,100 --> 00:24:32,200 This is sodium. I but like, when I was like in 469 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,500 high school and stuff, I would have sex with my boyfriend and I 470 00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:39,000 would be anxious about not being wet because I was like if I'm 471 00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:42,000 not wet the he's gonna think that I don't like one it or I'm 472 00:24:42,008 --> 00:24:44,800 not into him or it's going to make him feel bubble bubble 473 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:46,500 blah. Like I would feel like there was 474 00:24:46,500 --> 00:24:50,200 something wrong with my body but there's not okay sometimes you 475 00:24:50,200 --> 00:24:52,700 need a little extra help and that is totally fine. 476 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:56,400 Some people are naturally a lot more wet like all the time and 477 00:24:56,400 --> 00:24:59,400 some people are not and there's nothing wrong. 478 00:24:59,500 --> 00:25:02,700 With either way, use what you need to use, okay? 479 00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:08,000 And also especially when it comes to toys, like I love toys, 480 00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,400 I fucking love toys. You guys know that I love them 481 00:25:11,200 --> 00:25:17,300 and I'm a big like advocate for it because you often most vulva 482 00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:22,400 owners need some stimulation clitoral e to be able to have an 483 00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,200 orgasm. So if your goal is to be able to 484 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:25,800 have an orgasm which it doesn't have to be. 485 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:29,300 But if it is then use what you have at your disposal. 486 00:25:29,500 --> 00:25:32,000 Okay, I would recommend suction toys. 487 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,300 I think they are delicious and amazing. 488 00:25:34,800 --> 00:25:38,100 But vibrators, of course. And then there are so many other 489 00:25:38,100 --> 00:25:40,900 things, so many, so many things for like being able to insert 490 00:25:40,900 --> 00:25:43,600 them. And, you know, different kind of 491 00:25:43,600 --> 00:25:46,500 vibrations and settings and modes, there's a lot to play 492 00:25:46,500 --> 00:25:48,100 around with. But I would definitely encourage 493 00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:51,100 you to try it because I meet so many people who are like I've 494 00:25:51,100 --> 00:25:53,100 never tried one before. I've never used it for and I'm 495 00:25:53,100 --> 00:25:57,200 like and then they try it and they're like, oh wow! 496 00:25:57,300 --> 00:25:58,900 Wow! Like the amount of friends that 497 00:25:58,900 --> 00:26:00,500 I've taken. To get there first, like, 498 00:26:00,500 --> 00:26:03,300 vibrator, you're welcome, you're welcome everybody. 499 00:26:04,100 --> 00:26:08,600 Alright, number 11, is that you are never going to arrive. 500 00:26:08,700 --> 00:26:12,800 You are never going to arrive. In the only real thing is the 501 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:16,600 present like the only real legitimate thing right now is 502 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,800 the present. And this is a bit of like a 503 00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:23,700 mindfuck because I think I think a lot of like the past and I 504 00:26:23,700 --> 00:26:26,000 wake up and I go, oh, was I weird last night or did I say 505 00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:26,900 anything? Weird. 506 00:26:26,900 --> 00:26:29,200 Oh my God, was I awkward or well-liked? 507 00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:31,900 Am I doing okay am I working hard enough? 508 00:26:31,900 --> 00:26:35,200 Oh, you know I think about the past a lot even if it's a recent 509 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:37,200 past I sit still the past, right? 510 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:40,400 Or I think about the future like okay, I can't wait till one day, 511 00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:43,600 I'm like living in this kind of house or have this kind of money 512 00:26:43,600 --> 00:26:45,800 or I'm doing this stuff like that's going to be so cool and 513 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,600 I'm going to be so happy and I can't wait one day, I'm going to 514 00:26:48,608 --> 00:26:52,600 be happy and if you constantly feel like one day, you're going 515 00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:55,500 to be happy and you're going to arrive somewhere. 516 00:26:55,500 --> 00:26:57,900 It's never going to come. It's not going to come. 517 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:01,300 You need to enjoy. Step of the journey and you need 518 00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:05,000 to be able to like, sit in the present and figure out what in 519 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:06,600 the president is going to make you happy. 520 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:09,300 I saw some of the other day, it was a tick tock and he's talking 521 00:27:09,300 --> 00:27:13,700 about the domino effect, which is, I don't know if this is 522 00:27:13,700 --> 00:27:18,400 technically the domino effect, but he was calling it that it is 523 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:20,400 basically something that is psychologist was telling him 524 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,900 about where in your day you wake up in the morning, you might be 525 00:27:23,900 --> 00:27:26,600 waking up feeling horrible, you might be waking up feeling, 526 00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:29,300 amazing, but every single thing that you do is going. 527 00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:32,400 To be like a domino and it's going to change how you go on 528 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,100 with your day. So if you wake up feeling like 529 00:27:34,100 --> 00:27:36,700 shit, you can choose to change that. 530 00:27:36,800 --> 00:27:39,200 This is something that I have realized so much recently as 531 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,200 well. I have woken up many days 532 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,700 recently and not felt great. I don't know what it is. 533 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,100 It's just a mental health thing a little bit. 534 00:27:46,100 --> 00:27:49,500 I part of why I'm going back to therapy, but I've had many days 535 00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:51,400 where I just haven't woken up feeling the best. 536 00:27:51,400 --> 00:27:54,300 And so, what do I do? Like anybody else. 537 00:27:54,500 --> 00:27:57,500 I want to lay in bed. I want to shut off. 538 00:27:57,500 --> 00:28:00,900 I want to ignore everybody or I Scroll on take talk, I want to 539 00:28:00,900 --> 00:28:03,000 avoid. I want to do everything but deal 540 00:28:03,000 --> 00:28:04,900 with how I'm feeling. But what I've been challenging 541 00:28:04,900 --> 00:28:07,700 myself to do recently is to get up into change it. 542 00:28:07,700 --> 00:28:10,300 Like okay. What do I know that makes me 543 00:28:10,300 --> 00:28:12,700 happy? What do I know that brings me, 544 00:28:12,700 --> 00:28:14,800 joy? I know food brings me joy. 545 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:17,200 So breakfast is great. Let's go for some breakfast. 546 00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:19,000 Okay, let's make sure we eat something. 547 00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:21,400 Let's make myself some breakfast because I know I'm going to feel 548 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,100 satisfied knowing that I made myself something. 549 00:28:24,300 --> 00:28:26,500 I know that listening to music makes me happy. 550 00:28:26,500 --> 00:28:28,200 Sometimes I'll just listen to music. 551 00:28:28,300 --> 00:28:31,000 Go on a walk. I listen to music in the house 552 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,200 while I'm kind of cleaning up a little bit because I know that 553 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:35,900 mix of like getting something done that. 554 00:28:35,900 --> 00:28:38,600 Like serotonin long-term happiness is going to come with 555 00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:40,500 it. But also that like quick release 556 00:28:40,500 --> 00:28:42,800 of dopamine of hearing my favorite song is also going to 557 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:46,500 come like think about how your brain actually works and hack it 558 00:28:46,500 --> 00:28:50,100 like use what you know about what you like and make that 559 00:28:50,100 --> 00:28:52,900 domino effect because now you're feeling a little bit better and 560 00:28:52,900 --> 00:28:54,700 then you're going to start doing your next task. 561 00:28:54,700 --> 00:28:56,700 You're going to feel a little bit better doing that task and 562 00:28:56,700 --> 00:28:59,300 it's only going to get better and better and you can choose 563 00:28:59,300 --> 00:29:02,400 how Your day goes, like, if you aren't feeling good right now, 564 00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,300 you can choose to do something that's going to make you feel 565 00:29:05,300 --> 00:29:07,900 better. Even if there are something 566 00:29:08,300 --> 00:29:13,000 overarching in your life, that is hurtful like a breakup or 567 00:29:13,100 --> 00:29:16,800 your grieving, or you're going through a hard season, mentally, 568 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:19,300 whatever is going on, you're going through a change of a job 569 00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:22,400 or you're experiencing some sort of anxiety, whatever it is. 570 00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:26,400 You can still choose to have good days amongst all of that. 571 00:29:26,400 --> 00:29:29,000 And I would really encourage you to try to figure out and maybe 572 00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:33,000 even make a list of all of the things that make you feel good 573 00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:36,300 that you know, work and then you can try it and if the first one 574 00:29:36,300 --> 00:29:39,600 doesn't work, then do the other one, you know make the breakfast 575 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:42,700 while you listen to the music and dance around then, go have a 576 00:29:42,700 --> 00:29:45,700 shower play like your favorite podcast. 577 00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:48,700 Take some time in the shower to actually like be with your body 578 00:29:48,700 --> 00:29:52,000 and don't just like shut off, like try to be present and enjoy 579 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:55,600 the pleasure of like having a shower and using different 580 00:29:55,600 --> 00:29:58,400 things that smell good on you you know like do all of the 581 00:29:58,400 --> 00:30:01,100 things. One of them is bound to work, it 582 00:30:01,100 --> 00:30:04,700 really is, you know, and some days of course, you might just 583 00:30:04,700 --> 00:30:07,500 have a hard day and that's okay. And that's very, very normal. 584 00:30:07,700 --> 00:30:10,200 But I would encourage you to try to figure out what does work for 585 00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:14,700 you because the present is necessary to be in and you're 586 00:30:14,700 --> 00:30:16,900 never going to just arrived at a happy place. 587 00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:21,500 Like you need to try now to work on that and it's hard, but it's 588 00:30:21,500 --> 00:30:27,800 worth it number. Twelve, your values and your 589 00:30:27,800 --> 00:30:31,500 priorities are flexion of your daily habits. 590 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:37,700 That one is a bit hard because it's it, is, it hurts event 591 00:30:37,700 --> 00:30:39,300 sometimes because you might be going off. 592 00:30:39,500 --> 00:30:42,800 Like, I waste a lot of time. I spend a lot of time, just like 593 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:46,300 scrolling on Instagram where I spend a lot of time like maybe 594 00:30:46,300 --> 00:30:49,800 bitching about it in my life. Like, you know, talking about 595 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,000 how unhappy I am about all these different things. 596 00:30:53,400 --> 00:30:57,400 It is very important that we We are actively trying to 597 00:30:57,400 --> 00:31:00,900 prioritize the things that we actually really care about and 598 00:31:00,900 --> 00:31:04,300 that might be 10 minutes a day, that might be five minutes a 599 00:31:04,308 --> 00:31:07,300 day, whatever. You can get yourself to do. 600 00:31:07,500 --> 00:31:10,800 I would really encourage you to bring it in bit by bit. 601 00:31:10,800 --> 00:31:13,500 Because if say you're someone and you really want to read 602 00:31:13,500 --> 00:31:15,600 more, you know, you want to educate yourself. 603 00:31:15,600 --> 00:31:19,500 You want to become someone who's like well-read and you're 604 00:31:19,500 --> 00:31:21,200 knowledgeable, right? That's something that you're 605 00:31:21,200 --> 00:31:22,000 like. Yeah, fuck. 606 00:31:22,000 --> 00:31:25,200 Yeah, I would love to be that person but yeah. 607 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:28,300 Haven't read a book in months, maybe years. 608 00:31:28,500 --> 00:31:34,600 Then maybe maybe you could buy a book, you could read 45 minutes 609 00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,700 every night before bed. This is how I got myself back 610 00:31:36,700 --> 00:31:39,000 into reading. I read 45 minutes every night. 611 00:31:39,100 --> 00:31:42,300 Even just a page, even if I could just read a paragraph, you 612 00:31:42,300 --> 00:31:45,200 know, whatever it was, I've literally had days where I've 613 00:31:45,300 --> 00:31:48,600 like, unflagged it read like half the page and flagged it 614 00:31:48,600 --> 00:31:50,400 again and gone to sleep, because I've been so tired. 615 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:53,700 But at least I got myself to read that little bit and you're 616 00:31:53,700 --> 00:31:56,500 learning Bit by Bit by Bit. It the more you do it, the 617 00:31:56,500 --> 00:31:59,100 easier it gets and then the more you want to do it, because your 618 00:31:59,100 --> 00:32:01,600 brain gets used to this like habit of reading. 619 00:32:01,700 --> 00:32:04,100 So then your brain is going. Where is my book before bed? 620 00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:06,100 I can't go to sleep. Just looking at my phone. 621 00:32:06,100 --> 00:32:07,200 Oh my God. Where's my book? 622 00:32:07,300 --> 00:32:08,900 And now I actually think that way. 623 00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,000 So now I have all these moments before bedroom like wait, 624 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:12,700 where's my journal? Wait, I gotta do my bedtime 625 00:32:12,700 --> 00:32:16,000 Journal, like it's like my brain really wants it and it gets used 626 00:32:16,000 --> 00:32:20,100 to that habitual cycle. So, do it bit by bit, get into 627 00:32:20,100 --> 00:32:25,200 it bit by bit and know that over time, your values will really 628 00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:28,700 Reflect in your life in a way that is Meaningful to you. 629 00:32:28,700 --> 00:32:31,300 And if right now it's not reflecting them. 630 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:37,200 Then start small number 13, you deserve respect from every 631 00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:41,800 single person in your life. That is including your parents, 632 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:44,000 your parental figures, whatever. That looks like for you. 633 00:32:44,100 --> 00:32:47,100 That is including your partner, your girlfriend, your boyfriend, 634 00:32:47,300 --> 00:32:50,800 that is including your siblings. You deserve respect from every 635 00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:55,400 single person in your life. You get to choose how much Each 636 00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,600 of a SE, they have in your life, you get to choose how much they 637 00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:03,000 are in your life and as much as yes, I believe that there is a 638 00:33:03,000 --> 00:33:05,900 part of you that should like respect your elders and 639 00:33:05,900 --> 00:33:09,100 appreciate the things that the people that brought you up did 640 00:33:09,100 --> 00:33:12,000 for you. That does not mean that you owe 641 00:33:12,200 --> 00:33:15,000 anything to do with your life to them. 642 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:18,600 You don't owe them x amount of time every single week. 643 00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:22,900 You don't owe them making choices on your life and on your 644 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:26,500 job on the people you're around. On the things that you say on 645 00:33:26,500 --> 00:33:29,900 the things that you value based off of what your parents want 646 00:33:29,900 --> 00:33:35,500 for you you need to be okay with separating yourself from who you 647 00:33:35,500 --> 00:33:39,500 were as a child and becoming who you are in your adult life. 648 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:44,900 And again I'm only 23 almost and so I'm young but that's been a 649 00:33:44,900 --> 00:33:48,400 huge Journey for me is growing up in realizing that I'm 650 00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:52,400 actually allowed to choose what I want, who am around what I 651 00:33:52,400 --> 00:33:55,500 say, what I believe. And if the people that That 652 00:33:55,500 --> 00:33:58,300 raised me are not okay with that. 653 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:02,200 Then we won't have to talk about certain topics. 654 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:06,400 You know, I don't have to cut them out of my life but I don't 655 00:34:06,400 --> 00:34:11,800 have to pretend that I believe anything or go along with 656 00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,800 certain conversations without standing up for myself or my 657 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,100 community. That being the queer Community. 658 00:34:18,000 --> 00:34:22,100 I can absolutely stand for myself and be my own human as an 659 00:34:22,100 --> 00:34:24,800 adult person. And the sooner you're able to 660 00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:30,400 like Make that move and change and become who you really are 661 00:34:30,500 --> 00:34:31,900 the better. You're going to feel in your 662 00:34:31,900 --> 00:34:34,699 skin and the more you're going to grow into the things that you 663 00:34:34,699 --> 00:34:36,100 actually want to do in your life. 664 00:34:36,100 --> 00:34:38,800 Because you're not constantly making choices based off of what 665 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:42,500 other people want in your life. And especially if they are like 666 00:34:42,500 --> 00:34:45,100 your partner, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, you deserve 667 00:34:45,100 --> 00:34:47,699 respect for them so much. You really deserve to be 668 00:34:47,900 --> 00:34:50,300 respected and loved and cherished by them. 669 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:53,400 And if you are not getting that respect, if you feel like they 670 00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:57,500 see you as lesser or or if you just feel like they don't 671 00:34:57,500 --> 00:35:00,700 appreciate you in the way that you deserve to be appreciated. 672 00:35:00,900 --> 00:35:04,600 Go and find better go and find more because you deserve it, you 673 00:35:04,600 --> 00:35:10,200 really, really do. Number 14 is to stay disciplined 674 00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,500 in the things that you genuinely care about. 675 00:35:12,500 --> 00:35:17,600 It will be worth it. I have had a struggle back and 676 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:20,500 forth over the past few years where I've gone back and forth 677 00:35:20,500 --> 00:35:22,700 between I want to listen to my body. 678 00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,600 But I also want to be able to push in some Please make sure 679 00:35:26,600 --> 00:35:29,000 that if you're going to push yourself, you're pushing for the 680 00:35:29,000 --> 00:35:32,800 things that you want, not for other people, make sure that you 681 00:35:32,808 --> 00:35:36,200 are pushing yourself to go out there and to show up for 682 00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:38,700 yourself. Whether that means, you know, 683 00:35:38,700 --> 00:35:41,800 creating that art or telling people about that art, or 684 00:35:42,100 --> 00:35:45,100 getting that degree or going back to school for the thing, 685 00:35:45,100 --> 00:35:48,400 you actually wanted to go for to school for or, you know, 686 00:35:48,400 --> 00:35:50,100 changing friend groups and being around the friends. 687 00:35:50,100 --> 00:35:53,300 You actually want to be around go and make the choices that you 688 00:35:53,300 --> 00:35:55,200 need to make for you to be the best. 689 00:35:55,300 --> 00:35:57,900 Two version of you. Because again, at the end of the 690 00:35:57,908 --> 00:36:00,700 day, if you're making choices for other people, you're going 691 00:36:00,700 --> 00:36:03,900 to end up unhappy, like, you're going to find li like your one 692 00:36:03,900 --> 00:36:06,900 day you're going to sit down and you're gonna be like, oh shit 693 00:36:06,900 --> 00:36:09,900 like, oh shit, how did I end up here? 694 00:36:09,900 --> 00:36:12,700 And it's because it happens gradually, it's very sneaky. 695 00:36:12,700 --> 00:36:14,700 It's very, very sneaky. And the reason I say this is 696 00:36:14,700 --> 00:36:17,800 because I stayed in relationships longer than I 697 00:36:17,808 --> 00:36:20,400 should have, I stayed in the church a lot longer than I 698 00:36:20,408 --> 00:36:22,900 should have. I stayed in so many scenarios 699 00:36:22,900 --> 00:36:26,100 longer than I needed to because every time And I had that little 700 00:36:26,100 --> 00:36:29,500 feeling of like, I feel like this isn't for me, or I feel 701 00:36:29,500 --> 00:36:32,100 like I shouldn't be here or I feel like this isn't what I 702 00:36:32,100 --> 00:36:34,900 want. I let that automatic - thought 703 00:36:34,900 --> 00:36:36,500 that pops in and tells me. No. 704 00:36:36,500 --> 00:36:38,800 But you have to because this person this person this person 705 00:36:38,900 --> 00:36:42,000 or you have to because what if people think blah blah blah 706 00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:45,100 blah, I let that thought stop me from getting out of what I 707 00:36:45,107 --> 00:36:47,800 needed to get out of it's so serious. 708 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,000 This episode is so serious. I can't. 709 00:36:50,000 --> 00:36:53,400 Okay, I mean, I can't I need to be a bit and have a moment guys. 710 00:36:53,700 --> 00:36:56,800 I just I feel like I'm just I'm I didn't realize life lessons. 711 00:36:56,800 --> 00:36:59,500 I'm gonna get a bit like metal and I don't want to be like 712 00:36:59,500 --> 00:37:02,900 that. This is a fun podcast, okay? 713 00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:06,500 Number 15 is that you need to get comfortable with having 714 00:37:06,500 --> 00:37:10,300 these in between Seasons. I chat with so many people who 715 00:37:10,300 --> 00:37:12,300 are like fuck. I just want to finish my degree. 716 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,600 You know, I have a whole year left and I just look like I'm so 717 00:37:15,600 --> 00:37:17,400 unhappy. This is not going to be a good 718 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:20,300 year, but once I'm done my degree, I'm going to be happy or 719 00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:23,900 you know, once I finally moved to that dream place that I'm 720 00:37:23,900 --> 00:37:26,300 saving up to move to And I'm going to be happy. 721 00:37:26,600 --> 00:37:29,400 And so many of us have these like in between seasons were 722 00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:31,500 like fuck. Like, you know, I just, I want 723 00:37:31,500 --> 00:37:33,200 to get there. I just want to start the job. 724 00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:36,600 I just want to do the thing. We need to be able to pull back 725 00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:41,700 sometimes and go like, okay, I'm in an in-between season, I'm not 726 00:37:42,100 --> 00:37:44,000 doing that thing. That I've been gearing up to do, 727 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:46,800 you know, I'm not doing that. Really exciting thing. 728 00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:48,200 Yeah. I'm not living in that place 729 00:37:48,200 --> 00:37:50,100 yet. I'm not in that relationship 730 00:37:50,100 --> 00:37:51,400 yet. Maybe, you know, maybe you have 731 00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:55,100 a want to be married or be in a relationship. 732 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:58,100 Long term. It's okay to be in these kind of 733 00:37:58,100 --> 00:38:01,400 like in between seasons. And I should say, as well with 734 00:38:01,400 --> 00:38:03,900 relationships. Maybe you are a relationship 735 00:38:03,900 --> 00:38:06,800 person and like me and you kind of want that, you want that 736 00:38:06,800 --> 00:38:08,900 long-term relationship. It's okay to want that. 737 00:38:08,900 --> 00:38:13,000 But also know that, if you are comfortable being single and you 738 00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:16,800 want to be single, then be single and you do not have to 739 00:38:16,800 --> 00:38:19,800 arrive at being in a relationship at any point, being 740 00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:23,000 single for your whole life can be an amazing experience and 741 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:24,700 there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. 742 00:38:25,300 --> 00:38:27,400 If you are looking for a relationship and you feel like 743 00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:30,700 you're in this in-between, use it, use those in between 744 00:38:30,700 --> 00:38:34,300 Seasons, to reflect, really back out, and figure out. 745 00:38:34,300 --> 00:38:37,200 Okay, how do I want to be when I go into this place? 746 00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:39,200 You know what, I want to bring with me? 747 00:38:39,300 --> 00:38:42,200 Like, what do I want to step into and step into it in a 748 00:38:42,207 --> 00:38:44,800 meaningful way? Don't feel again like you're 749 00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:48,400 going to arrive at that place that relationship that job 750 00:38:48,400 --> 00:38:50,200 whatever. And it's all going to just come 751 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:51,800 full circle and it's all going to be amazing. 752 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:55,500 I'm sure it's going to be great, but if you don't go into it, It 753 00:38:55,500 --> 00:38:59,300 feeling revived because you use that in between season, if you 754 00:38:59,300 --> 00:39:03,900 will, to genuinely like Revitalize yourself and like 755 00:39:03,900 --> 00:39:07,100 grow yourself and get comfortable in who you are, then 756 00:39:07,100 --> 00:39:10,400 you're likely going to show up in that new place and kind of 757 00:39:10,400 --> 00:39:12,200 still be finding your footing and stressing out. 758 00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:15,600 Where is, if you can go and feel like fully yourself and you've 759 00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:20,000 used that quieter season, that lower season, maybe that like 760 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:23,500 less busy season to your advantage, it's going to be 761 00:39:23,500 --> 00:39:24,700 worth it. And if you don't, then it's 762 00:39:24,700 --> 00:39:26,300 gonna be sad. Don't, so I would really 763 00:39:26,300 --> 00:39:28,400 encourage you to use every single season in your life. 764 00:39:28,500 --> 00:39:32,300 Even if it's not where you want to be number 16 is that you have 765 00:39:32,300 --> 00:39:35,200 to take you everywhere that you go, okay? 766 00:39:35,300 --> 00:39:38,700 You are the only thing that is moving around. 767 00:39:38,700 --> 00:39:39,900 Everywhere you go. Okay. 768 00:39:39,900 --> 00:39:43,700 Yes, maybe you have like friends and Connections in your job and 769 00:39:43,700 --> 00:39:47,400 all these other things in your life but you you you have to go 770 00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:51,200 every single where you go. So you can plan a trip to Bora 771 00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:53,500 Bora and think that's going to be amazing. 772 00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:58,000 But if you are struggling With anxiety or you are struggling 773 00:39:58,000 --> 00:40:01,500 with self worth, you're going to show up in Bora Bora and you're 774 00:40:01,500 --> 00:40:04,500 still going to be scared to like wear that bikini or you're still 775 00:40:04,500 --> 00:40:06,400 going to be scared to go and talk to people. 776 00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:11,100 Like you have to realize that you are your relationship with 777 00:40:11,100 --> 00:40:15,200 yourself is so so important that like deep connection that you 778 00:40:15,200 --> 00:40:19,600 have with yourself that really like intuitive connected version 779 00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:23,100 of you is so important to find and you can do that through so 780 00:40:23,100 --> 00:40:25,000 many different things. Whether that would be like, 781 00:40:25,300 --> 00:40:28,900 Self-reflection journaling type of thing, whether that would be 782 00:40:28,900 --> 00:40:33,000 meditation, like yoga those types of practices, whether that 783 00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:37,100 would be seeing a therapist and like figuring out, you know, 784 00:40:37,100 --> 00:40:39,600 where you want to go and understanding yourself. 785 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:43,600 I would take some time to have that like self-realization as 786 00:40:43,600 --> 00:40:46,000 much as you can the other night, you know, I think this is a bit 787 00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:47,900 whoo. But I was in my bed and I 788 00:40:47,900 --> 00:40:49,900 literally like I made the bed. Obviously I'm sitting on the bed 789 00:40:49,900 --> 00:40:53,900 here I put on like it's called like fucking like beta waves or 790 00:40:53,900 --> 00:40:55,700 something. It's like It's like it'll be 791 00:40:55,700 --> 00:41:00,700 like 85 Hertz for your soul. Healing anxiety is like has the 792 00:41:00,700 --> 00:41:05,500 funniest titles, but I love it just like it's like and I just 793 00:41:05,500 --> 00:41:07,500 like, put it on light, a bunch of candles. 794 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:10,800 Get on my crystals, throw them all over the bed, lay there, 795 00:41:10,900 --> 00:41:13,800 think about shit and I will literally like Journal all like 796 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:15,500 work through what I think I need to work through. 797 00:41:15,500 --> 00:41:18,200 Maybe I'll have a good Journal prompt and those are the moments 798 00:41:18,200 --> 00:41:22,300 where I really become, who I am like those Quiet Moments alone 799 00:41:22,500 --> 00:41:27,000 to myself reflecting healing. Setting an atmosphere for me to 800 00:41:27,000 --> 00:41:32,100 be able to reflect that is when like for me real change in real 801 00:41:32,100 --> 00:41:35,000 growth comes out of that's where my ideas come out of. 802 00:41:35,100 --> 00:41:38,400 I come up with so many ideas when I'm in that state like I 803 00:41:38,400 --> 00:41:41,000 just feel like that is such a good state to be in and if you 804 00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:44,200 don't have some sort of personal practice at the moment, I really 805 00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:47,000 really encourage you to have something that's going to help 806 00:41:47,000 --> 00:41:50,200 to ground you because it really does help you to connect with 807 00:41:50,200 --> 00:41:52,500 yourself. So when you go into different 808 00:41:52,500 --> 00:41:55,000 spaces, you are bringing a version of you. 809 00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:58,700 You with you, that is connected and intuitive and feels good to 810 00:41:58,700 --> 00:42:02,100 be in number 17 is that relationships are all about 811 00:42:02,100 --> 00:42:05,200 timing it, right? They really are. 812 00:42:05,300 --> 00:42:09,200 They really, really are. You can be dating a person who 813 00:42:09,200 --> 00:42:13,800 is going to be amazing in five years, but you might not want to 814 00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,000 wait for that. You might not want to have to 815 00:42:16,000 --> 00:42:19,000 teach them how to be a good partner, how to communicate, how 816 00:42:19,000 --> 00:42:21,200 to blah, blah, blah blah, you might not want to do that. 817 00:42:21,200 --> 00:42:24,300 And that's totally fine relationships are very, very 818 00:42:24,300 --> 00:42:27,200 much about time. Being in the right place at the 819 00:42:27,200 --> 00:42:29,900 right time. And I do think that certain 820 00:42:29,900 --> 00:42:33,100 people, you know, cross paths for a certain reason, like I 821 00:42:33,500 --> 00:42:35,500 feel that. And I think that there are so 822 00:42:35,500 --> 00:42:38,200 many examples of this like, you know, you come across someone's 823 00:42:38,200 --> 00:42:41,000 path so many times and you just start to see them everywhere. 824 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:44,000 And I think there are situations like that that in my mind I'm 825 00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,600 like well it happens pretty often for a lot of people. 826 00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:49,800 So I think that I think it's legitimate but I do also think 827 00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:52,300 that sometimes the timing is not, right. 828 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,700 Maybe you want to be in a relationship but you're working 829 00:42:54,700 --> 00:42:58,000 through some Personal shit right now, and that's okay, take that 830 00:42:58,000 --> 00:43:01,300 time like, maybe right now, if you were to find your dream 831 00:43:01,300 --> 00:43:04,300 person while you're still working through some stuff, it 832 00:43:04,300 --> 00:43:06,300 actually wouldn't be the right timing for you. 833 00:43:06,500 --> 00:43:08,800 And as much as you might be sitting here, which I hear this 834 00:43:08,800 --> 00:43:11,000 a lot with people where they're like, fuck. 835 00:43:11,000 --> 00:43:12,400 I just really want to be in a relationship. 836 00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:15,000 I hate being single like it just drives me crazy. 837 00:43:15,000 --> 00:43:16,800 Like, I just want someone to do stuff with. 838 00:43:16,800 --> 00:43:20,100 I want I get that and I know that I can feel really isolating 839 00:43:20,100 --> 00:43:24,000 and really lonely, but at the same time, it is worth being in 840 00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:27,200 the right spot. For you, find that person or 841 00:43:27,200 --> 00:43:30,900 before you step into having like a relationship like that, with 842 00:43:30,900 --> 00:43:34,600 them, timing is everything. But I do believe that things 843 00:43:34,600 --> 00:43:37,900 will work out in time and time is a funny thing. 844 00:43:37,900 --> 00:43:41,400 And something that you have to try not to over analyze because 845 00:43:41,400 --> 00:43:43,500 it is definitely a, again, a bit of a mind. 846 00:43:43,500 --> 00:43:46,100 Fuck. But just be aware that it's 847 00:43:46,100 --> 00:43:47,800 okay. If right now, you feel like 848 00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:51,000 you're waiting, sometimes it feels like that with time saying 849 00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:53,900 that number 18 is that you don't need to be perfect before you 850 00:43:53,900 --> 00:43:55,600 get into a relationship. Ship. 851 00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:59,600 There is such a like a narrative that you need to be this like 852 00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:03,100 perfect version of you before you step into the right 853 00:44:03,100 --> 00:44:05,500 relationship and everything I with Sam. 854 00:44:05,500 --> 00:44:09,800 And I first got together. I was a mess, I was not doing 855 00:44:09,800 --> 00:44:11,900 well, I that's when I was really struggling with anxiety and 856 00:44:11,900 --> 00:44:14,800 everything that I mentioned earlier, all the anxiety attacks 857 00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:17,900 and everything he was willing to go on that Journey with me. 858 00:44:17,900 --> 00:44:21,200 And this is what made that situation work is that he was 859 00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:25,000 willing to be there with me and help me. 860 00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:29,200 Go through my past relationship and talk to me about how I felt 861 00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:32,500 about things to do with like my ex and all of that he was 862 00:44:32,500 --> 00:44:35,500 willing to go on that Journey with me, he had the capacity 863 00:44:35,500 --> 00:44:38,500 mentally to do that. He had the time, he had the 864 00:44:38,500 --> 00:44:42,300 ability, he felt confident to go on that Journey with me, but 865 00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:44,700 some people will not feel confident enough to go on that 866 00:44:44,700 --> 00:44:47,500 Journey with you or you know, with their partner. 867 00:44:47,900 --> 00:44:51,100 Sometimes people are not up to it, mentally emotionally for 868 00:44:51,100 --> 00:44:53,500 whatever reason, and that's obviously so fine as well. 869 00:44:53,500 --> 00:44:58,200 And they should give you that. Boundary and tell you that but 870 00:44:58,200 --> 00:44:59,900 you don't also need to be perfect. 871 00:44:59,900 --> 00:45:02,600 Like you definitely don't need to have everything sorted out. 872 00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,700 You don't need to be this like amazing version for people to 873 00:45:05,700 --> 00:45:07,800 want you. You can definitely be going 874 00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:11,000 through things and you can be on that journey and you can grow 875 00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:15,700 with people Sam and I what we have that is so powerful is that 876 00:45:15,700 --> 00:45:20,100 we grew together so much like when we first met, we were both 877 00:45:20,100 --> 00:45:23,400 very involved in the church and trying to be good for them and 878 00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:25,800 trying to dress the part and look the And say the right 879 00:45:25,800 --> 00:45:28,800 things and we really were, we were both struggling. 880 00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:33,300 I would was arguably, you know, worse off just mentally, but he 881 00:45:33,300 --> 00:45:35,700 helped me so much and then we grew so much. 882 00:45:35,700 --> 00:45:39,000 We both moved away from the church we changed so much about 883 00:45:39,000 --> 00:45:42,500 what we believe about like sex and relationships and how things 884 00:45:42,500 --> 00:45:44,000 should be done and blah, blah blah. 885 00:45:44,000 --> 00:45:47,100 Like, we went through so much growth together and it was such 886 00:45:47,100 --> 00:45:49,400 a beautiful process to do that together. 887 00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:53,700 And sometimes I think, like, I'm so happy that, like, we, we had 888 00:45:53,700 --> 00:45:56,900 to kind of do it together, because, Cuz we aligned so much 889 00:45:56,900 --> 00:46:00,200 now and it's just a it's such a cool thing that we have together 890 00:46:00,400 --> 00:46:04,600 which just reminds me and I think confirms for me so much 891 00:46:04,600 --> 00:46:06,600 house and will always be in my life. 892 00:46:06,700 --> 00:46:10,100 Just because like, I can't, I feel like I grew up with him in 893 00:46:10,100 --> 00:46:13,200 a way and that's just a really special experience to have with 894 00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:16,400 someone but timing is very important and you never know 895 00:46:16,400 --> 00:46:19,200 when it's going to come and you can't control everything. 896 00:46:19,200 --> 00:46:23,100 And at the time when Sam and I met, I was not looking for 897 00:46:23,100 --> 00:46:24,400 anything. I was not looking for a 898 00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,000 relationship. All I was literally still I 899 00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:30,100 still was dealing with stuff. Do with my ex I was mentally not 900 00:46:30,100 --> 00:46:32,300 very well. I was not looking for anything 901 00:46:32,300 --> 00:46:34,700 but it just happened, it just happened. 902 00:46:34,700 --> 00:46:36,900 And I think that's how it happens for a lot of people. 903 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,600 So try not to force, it just know that it's going to happen 904 00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:41,000 eventually. If that's what you're looking 905 00:46:41,000 --> 00:46:44,000 for. Number 19, is that your personal 906 00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:48,700 style needs to feel good. It needs to be good for you in 907 00:46:48,700 --> 00:46:51,300 your body. This is something that really 908 00:46:51,300 --> 00:46:55,700 liked for a long time. I think I dressed very feminine 909 00:46:55,700 --> 00:46:59,000 because I knew that people applauded me for dressing 910 00:46:59,000 --> 00:47:02,200 feminine. Like I knew that if I wore 911 00:47:02,200 --> 00:47:06,500 something that made me look like a very pretty girl, then people 912 00:47:06,500 --> 00:47:09,600 would make, you give me compliments and make me feel 913 00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:14,600 good because of that external, I guess like confirmation or that 914 00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:17,600 external validation. And I looked for that and I 915 00:47:17,600 --> 00:47:20,500 seeked it out. So when I would go and buy an 916 00:47:20,500 --> 00:47:23,500 outfit it was based off of. Okay, what does this do for the 917 00:47:23,500 --> 00:47:26,000 shape of my body? How Is Big my boobs. 918 00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:27,400 Like, how does this make my butt look? 919 00:47:27,500 --> 00:47:28,800 What am I wearing something today? 920 00:47:28,800 --> 00:47:32,000 That's going to show off my butt so when I see that person that I 921 00:47:32,000 --> 00:47:34,500 like, they're going to see me and look at me a certain way 922 00:47:34,500 --> 00:47:37,400 like I used to do so much when it comes to my style and how I 923 00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:39,800 dress, and how I do my makeup and my hair and everything based 924 00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:42,400 off of other people. And now I do it based off of 925 00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:45,800 what I like and I feel a million times better going into 926 00:47:45,800 --> 00:47:49,000 different spaces. Like if I show up to some party 927 00:47:49,100 --> 00:47:52,000 or some event and I'm wearing something where I'm having to 928 00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,900 worry about like the strap falling down, or it coming up. 929 00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,300 Up and Hiking up when I'm having to adjust things all the time, I 930 00:47:58,300 --> 00:48:00,700 am going to be miserable. I'm not going to be myself. 931 00:48:00,700 --> 00:48:04,100 I'm not going to like laugh and have fun and like make jokes and 932 00:48:04,100 --> 00:48:07,200 like have a good time the way that I normally would because I 933 00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:09,900 just don't feel like confident in. 934 00:48:09,900 --> 00:48:11,600 Like I can just relax in my body. 935 00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:14,500 I think you should really try to figure out if you haven't 936 00:48:14,500 --> 00:48:17,900 already what your personal style is because it is so fun. 937 00:48:17,900 --> 00:48:20,900 It is such a good way to like, kind of figure out who you are 938 00:48:20,900 --> 00:48:23,700 and to just, you know, how you dress does say a lot. 939 00:48:23,700 --> 00:48:26,500 I think it does. The Kate a lot to other people 940 00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:31,100 and that is a fun thing that I can also be very daunting. 941 00:48:31,300 --> 00:48:35,400 It's definitely work like worth like getting into and figuring 942 00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:38,100 out for yourself and just making sure that you feel good in it 943 00:48:38,100 --> 00:48:41,100 because at the end of the day that is what matters the most by 944 00:48:41,100 --> 00:48:44,400 far. I'm also very aware of like how 945 00:48:44,500 --> 00:48:47,200 clothing feels on my body. Like if something is itchy 946 00:48:47,400 --> 00:48:52,000 there's no way in hell know if it's wool know it she is. 947 00:48:52,000 --> 00:48:54,300 Fuck no way if there's tags in it. 948 00:48:54,400 --> 00:48:58,100 No. No no sorry if my feet feel like 949 00:48:58,100 --> 00:49:00,700 weird if they're slipping around, if I'm if it's not come, 950 00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,500 no sorry. Not today. 951 00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:07,200 Like I'm just very, very aware of how things feel on my body 952 00:49:07,200 --> 00:49:10,400 and if you are like that as well then make sure you probably took 953 00:49:10,400 --> 00:49:13,300 my prioritize it before you go out because it will change your 954 00:49:13,300 --> 00:49:14,900 mood. It'll change your whole night. 955 00:49:15,100 --> 00:49:19,400 We just have a few more. Number 20 is to learn to forgive 956 00:49:19,800 --> 00:49:24,800 empathy is a superpower. It really really is. 957 00:49:25,300 --> 00:49:28,400 Being able to say, what would I have done in their scenario, or 958 00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:31,100 to build a step into somebody's shoes, to be able to go? 959 00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:33,300 I could see why that would be hard. 960 00:49:33,400 --> 00:49:35,200 I could see why that would be difficult. 961 00:49:35,500 --> 00:49:38,200 I could see. Maybe why you didn't want to be 962 00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:42,300 honest because I can see where that fear comes from really, 963 00:49:42,300 --> 00:49:45,600 really trying to step into people's shoes and grow. 964 00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,000 Your empathy is really important. 965 00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:52,900 I think it really like amplifies your experience as a human and 966 00:49:52,900 --> 00:49:55,800 it helps you connect with people in a way Way that's really, 967 00:49:55,800 --> 00:49:59,800 really meaningful because I can be quite avoidant when it comes 968 00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:03,100 to issues in my life. If anybody ever like wrong to me 969 00:50:03,100 --> 00:50:05,200 in the past I was like nah fuck them. 970 00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:06,500 One chance. That's all you get. 971 00:50:06,500 --> 00:50:09,800 And I would really just like I'd be like you know, fucking shame 972 00:50:09,800 --> 00:50:12,300 on you. Like you fucked me over Bubba? 973 00:50:12,300 --> 00:50:13,700 Bubba blah. I'm never going to trust you 974 00:50:13,700 --> 00:50:15,400 again. I had a really had a lot of 975 00:50:15,400 --> 00:50:19,100 issues with trust and I wasn't able to forgive people, or just 976 00:50:19,100 --> 00:50:22,700 like humanize people and I'm fucking human. 977 00:50:22,700 --> 00:50:26,700 I do shit wrong to I have. Hearts that, you know, probably 978 00:50:26,700 --> 00:50:30,700 aren't the best or I can judge in ways that I wouldn't want to 979 00:50:30,700 --> 00:50:32,600 be judged. And I know that. 980 00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:35,600 And once you're able to realize that for yourself actually made 981 00:50:35,600 --> 00:50:39,300 a whole episode about this ages ago, I can try to remember what 982 00:50:39,300 --> 00:50:42,100 one it was, or what number was, but it was called, like, 983 00:50:42,300 --> 00:50:46,600 judgment or like learn not to judge yourself, or don't judge 984 00:50:46,600 --> 00:50:48,600 others for the sake of, not judging yourself or something 985 00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:51,500 like that, about judgment. And it really when I got into 986 00:50:51,500 --> 00:50:54,200 that and I made that up. So it was because I realized how 987 00:50:54,200 --> 00:50:55,800 much that changes Changed my life. 988 00:50:55,800 --> 00:50:59,100 I just love people so much more. Now, I have so much more of an 989 00:50:59,100 --> 00:51:02,100 open mind towards things. I feel like people tell me their 990 00:51:02,100 --> 00:51:05,000 stories and I'm really genuinely interested because I love to be 991 00:51:05,008 --> 00:51:08,300 able to picture what it would like to be like to be them. 992 00:51:08,500 --> 00:51:11,000 And I think empathy is so powerful and if you're not very 993 00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:14,200 empathetic, if you know that you're quite cold or you can be 994 00:51:14,200 --> 00:51:17,600 standoffish or you don't forgive people easily, you know, people 995 00:51:17,600 --> 00:51:20,800 fuck up like fuck you over and you're very tough about it. 996 00:51:20,900 --> 00:51:24,200 I would try to open that up. There's something about yes 997 00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:26,500 having boundaries. Being powerful and being like 998 00:51:26,500 --> 00:51:28,600 strong and that is also valuable. 999 00:51:28,600 --> 00:51:32,000 But that comes with being able to forgive people. 1000 00:51:32,000 --> 00:51:35,800 I think strength comes with being able to have like empathy 1001 00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:39,200 and to be able to understand people and be able to move 1002 00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:42,300 forward with people and go on the journey with people and 1003 00:51:42,300 --> 00:51:45,600 without forgiveness, I think you miss out on life, I think you 1004 00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:48,800 miss out on people, you miss out on relationships that you 1005 00:51:48,800 --> 00:51:53,400 probably want to have if you could get yourself to forgive 1006 00:51:53,400 --> 00:51:55,100 and if you struggle with it a lot, Lot. 1007 00:51:55,100 --> 00:51:57,200 That's something that you can actually go to therapy for 1008 00:51:57,300 --> 00:52:00,200 because I needed to work through therapy when it came to 1009 00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:02,500 forgiving, like people in my family and things that I went 1010 00:52:02,500 --> 00:52:07,300 through, I needed to be able to like deeply, forgive somebody 1011 00:52:07,500 --> 00:52:11,000 and at one point I was really not able to do that. 1012 00:52:11,000 --> 00:52:13,300 It's a journey I went on and it's something that obviously 1013 00:52:13,300 --> 00:52:16,500 you know, I still probably want to work on. 1014 00:52:16,500 --> 00:52:19,000 I don't think you ever finish that. 1015 00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:22,000 I think that's a whole life long thing but it's worth it. 1016 00:52:22,000 --> 00:52:24,200 It's really worth it. It just makes your relationship 1017 00:52:24,200 --> 00:52:28,000 so much. And yeah, empathy is a big, big 1018 00:52:28,000 --> 00:52:29,800 superpower. It's a huge strength. 1019 00:52:30,000 --> 00:52:32,300 Number 21, I've kind of talked about this a little bit already, 1020 00:52:32,300 --> 00:52:35,800 but it's that living for other. People only pulls you further 1021 00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:38,400 and further away from yourself, if you're consistently making 1022 00:52:38,400 --> 00:52:41,000 choices based off of other people want for you, you're only 1023 00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,600 going to become further and further away from that person 1024 00:52:43,700 --> 00:52:45,900 that you want to be. And it's going to be that much 1025 00:52:45,900 --> 00:52:49,800 harder to move back towards it. Like, for me leaving the church, 1026 00:52:49,800 --> 00:52:53,100 was one of the fucking hardest things I had to do in my life. 1027 00:52:53,200 --> 00:52:55,900 It was the most difficult thing because cuz I had been making 1028 00:52:55,900 --> 00:53:00,000 choices for years, ears, constantly, based off of what 1029 00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:01,900 other people wanted. I'd get dressed in the morning 1030 00:53:01,900 --> 00:53:04,500 and I would go okay. When I raise my arms does, my 1031 00:53:04,500 --> 00:53:06,700 shirts show my tummy? Because if it does and I'm in 1032 00:53:06,700 --> 00:53:08,900 church and I'm talking to someone, or I go, oh my God. 1033 00:53:08,900 --> 00:53:11,200 Hi and it shows my tummy someone's going to look at me 1034 00:53:11,200 --> 00:53:13,300 from across the room and they're going to think that I'm sleeping 1035 00:53:13,300 --> 00:53:14,900 with my boyfriend and someone thinks I'm sleeping with my 1036 00:53:14,900 --> 00:53:16,100 boyfriend. That means that they're not 1037 00:53:16,100 --> 00:53:19,100 going to let me have this opportunity in church and then 1038 00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:22,300 this is going to happen. And I every single choice I made 1039 00:53:22,300 --> 00:53:26,800 was not for me and it was so fucking Hard to come back out of 1040 00:53:26,800 --> 00:53:29,400 that into start, to give myself permission. 1041 00:53:29,500 --> 00:53:32,900 I did it and I am where I am because I fucking did it, but 1042 00:53:32,900 --> 00:53:35,700 it's really hard. When you go down that rabbit 1043 00:53:35,700 --> 00:53:39,200 hole and if you are there, if you're like, well that's me. 1044 00:53:39,200 --> 00:53:42,100 I'm literally constantly being like okay, fine, I'll go because 1045 00:53:42,100 --> 00:53:44,400 I said I was going to go or okay, fine. 1046 00:53:44,400 --> 00:53:48,000 Like I'll all you know I'll just go do this job because my 1047 00:53:48,000 --> 00:53:49,800 parents weren't saying, I need to get a job or this person's 1048 00:53:49,800 --> 00:53:51,600 been saying this or blah blah blah. 1049 00:53:51,700 --> 00:53:53,700 If you're constantly rationalizing for the sake of 1050 00:53:53,700 --> 00:53:55,700 other people. You You need to start tuning 1051 00:53:55,700 --> 00:53:58,100 that in and you need to start getting rid of all that fucking 1052 00:53:58,100 --> 00:53:59,700 noise. If that means like isolating 1053 00:53:59,700 --> 00:54:02,000 yourself for a moment and figuring out what it is that you 1054 00:54:02,000 --> 00:54:05,500 want, then do that. But for you to be able to get to 1055 00:54:05,508 --> 00:54:07,800 where you want to be, you have to start to make choices for 1056 00:54:07,800 --> 00:54:09,200 you. And that's not saying to be 1057 00:54:09,200 --> 00:54:11,100 selfish or to completely ignore everybody. 1058 00:54:11,100 --> 00:54:13,200 Of course you want to have healthy loving relationships, 1059 00:54:13,200 --> 00:54:17,700 that's also going to benefit you but definitely step back and 1060 00:54:17,700 --> 00:54:21,300 figure out what's for you number. 22, this is oh my God 1061 00:54:21,300 --> 00:54:23,300 I'm 22 right now. Wow, this is crazy. 1062 00:54:23,300 --> 00:54:26,500 Anxiety and excitement. An often coexist. 1063 00:54:26,500 --> 00:54:29,200 I learned this. When I put myself out there to 1064 00:54:29,200 --> 00:54:33,000 become a Pilates instructor, I was like, I was high anxiety, 1065 00:54:33,000 --> 00:54:35,800 has high anxiety Vibes. That was, that was all I was 1066 00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:38,300 stressed as fuck. I was like, I don't know what 1067 00:54:38,300 --> 00:54:40,800 I'm doing. I had huge imposter syndrome 1068 00:54:40,900 --> 00:54:44,400 like it was horrible. Like I really really, really 1069 00:54:44,400 --> 00:54:46,900 struggled with that. And the thing was, was the 1070 00:54:46,908 --> 00:54:50,400 anxiety was so high, but I was also really excited. 1071 00:54:50,400 --> 00:54:52,700 I was really excited to be doing what I was doing and I was like, 1072 00:54:52,900 --> 00:54:54,800 this is cool though. Like this is something. 1073 00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:57,800 I look up to people who do this, I think that's cool. 1074 00:54:57,800 --> 00:55:00,900 And like I want to do it and like, you know, I was excited, I 1075 00:55:00,900 --> 00:55:03,300 was anxious and I was nervous and I kept thinking, like, fuck. 1076 00:55:03,300 --> 00:55:05,800 I don't want to be anxious. I want to enjoy this time, but 1077 00:55:05,808 --> 00:55:08,100 it's okay. If those two things happen at 1078 00:55:08,100 --> 00:55:11,700 the same time, to emotions more than two, absolutely more than 1079 00:55:11,700 --> 00:55:16,200 two emotions can co-exist. And it's okay to have a mix of 1080 00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:18,800 these emotions. You don't have to feel a certain 1081 00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:20,800 way as you go through any experience. 1082 00:55:20,900 --> 00:55:24,100 It's okay to be like whoo. That was amazing but I'm so 1083 00:55:24,100 --> 00:55:26,400 happy I'm done. Like you know, that was great, 1084 00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:29,900 but I'm happy. I'm moving on and to be okay 1085 00:55:29,900 --> 00:55:31,700 with getting rid of that anxiety, even though you're 1086 00:55:31,700 --> 00:55:34,400 super excited, those things can coexist in, there's nothing 1087 00:55:34,400 --> 00:55:36,500 wrong with you. If you feel like those things 1088 00:55:36,500 --> 00:55:38,000 shouldn't be happening at the same time because they 1089 00:55:38,000 --> 00:55:40,600 absolutely can. Last but not least, we have 1090 00:55:40,600 --> 00:55:44,700 never 23, which is to figure out what you picked up from your 1091 00:55:44,700 --> 00:55:48,700 family and then choose what you want to keep and choose what you 1092 00:55:48,707 --> 00:55:52,700 want to fix and change and heal and grow away from you. 1093 00:55:52,700 --> 00:55:56,300 Need to a certain point. Aunt, once you're kind of moved, 1094 00:55:56,300 --> 00:55:59,800 maybe you moved out of home or you've kind of like, you feel 1095 00:55:59,800 --> 00:56:01,700 like you're growing up and you're going away from certain 1096 00:56:01,700 --> 00:56:04,500 values, you need to figure out. What do I actually really 1097 00:56:04,500 --> 00:56:07,200 appreciate that. I learned from my childhood, my 1098 00:56:07,200 --> 00:56:10,800 mom, my dad, my aunt's, my whoever, you know, my siblings, 1099 00:56:10,900 --> 00:56:12,600 what did I learn? What do I love? 1100 00:56:12,600 --> 00:56:14,700 What do I want to continue? What maybe Traditions do? 1101 00:56:14,700 --> 00:56:18,900 I want to keep and what things do I want to say, sayonara, see 1102 00:56:18,900 --> 00:56:20,700 you later. I don't want you in my life 1103 00:56:20,700 --> 00:56:22,600 anymore. Say goodbye to those things in 1104 00:56:22,600 --> 00:56:24,500 shoes. What you're going to do instead? 1105 00:56:25,200 --> 00:56:28,400 I think sometimes if we are feeling distant from our family 1106 00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:30,700 and we maybe we didn't have a good life growing up with our 1107 00:56:30,700 --> 00:56:32,900 family. We just think fuck that, fuck 1108 00:56:32,900 --> 00:56:34,800 all that shit. I'm gonna do my own thing. 1109 00:56:34,800 --> 00:56:37,100 I'm not going to use anything from that, but I think we 1110 00:56:37,100 --> 00:56:39,900 definitely learn some things from our family. 1111 00:56:39,900 --> 00:56:42,600 For sure. Like, definitely pick up on lots 1112 00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:45,800 and lots of things that are very valuable, but there are lots of 1113 00:56:45,800 --> 00:56:48,100 things that you probably pick up on that are not so valuable. 1114 00:56:48,200 --> 00:56:51,300 So, try to take some time as you as you grow. 1115 00:56:51,300 --> 00:56:53,700 Of course, this is going to be an ongoing thing but to 1116 00:56:53,700 --> 00:56:56,600 acknowledge Hmm, where does that count at that? 1117 00:56:56,600 --> 00:56:59,200 Come up in my childhood, for me, I've been realizing this 1118 00:56:59,200 --> 00:57:01,600 recently with money. I've been learning a lot 1119 00:57:01,600 --> 00:57:04,100 recently about money stories, and how everybody has a money 1120 00:57:04,100 --> 00:57:05,900 story. If you haven't looked into this 1121 00:57:06,100 --> 00:57:09,100 very, very interesting. There's a podcast called, she's 1122 00:57:09,100 --> 00:57:11,600 on the money with Victoria Divine. 1123 00:57:11,600 --> 00:57:15,300 I think her name is and she has a really great episodes on this. 1124 00:57:15,300 --> 00:57:18,200 If you need a recommendation, I have been learning so much from 1125 00:57:18,200 --> 00:57:22,200 her about having a money story, and how everyone has a certain 1126 00:57:22,200 --> 00:57:24,300 way that they view Money. Typically based off the way that 1127 00:57:24,300 --> 00:57:28,000 their You'd money. And I learned this, I definitely 1128 00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:31,900 learned what mine was. Once I started sharing my money 1129 00:57:31,900 --> 00:57:34,700 with another human because Sam and I have everything together 1130 00:57:35,200 --> 00:57:38,000 and like there are certain things that his family did 1131 00:57:38,000 --> 00:57:41,600 growing up with money that I my family didn't do it at all and 1132 00:57:41,600 --> 00:57:44,900 so I was like we're not doing that or no, we can't spend that. 1133 00:57:44,900 --> 00:57:47,100 Are we what about? We need to save this and we need 1134 00:57:47,100 --> 00:57:50,100 to do this when you do that and you would be like oh well like 1135 00:57:50,100 --> 00:57:52,500 you know my family did this and this and this and it's it was 1136 00:57:52,500 --> 00:57:54,700 always fine and I'm like, yeah, but that's not how I did things. 1137 00:57:55,000 --> 00:57:57,800 And so I learned very quickly that everyone is very different 1138 00:57:57,800 --> 00:58:01,200 and there are things that my parents did with money, that I 1139 00:58:01,200 --> 00:58:03,100 like look at. And I'm like, that was amazing. 1140 00:58:03,100 --> 00:58:04,500 I love that. There was always this type of 1141 00:58:04,500 --> 00:58:07,900 security because they did x y z. But I don't like the way that 1142 00:58:07,900 --> 00:58:10,200 maybe they talked about money in this way or this way. 1143 00:58:10,400 --> 00:58:13,300 And I'm learning how to kind of switch out the things that I 1144 00:58:13,308 --> 00:58:16,000 didn't like and to create a new narrative for myself. 1145 00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:18,900 So now when I have moments with money, where Sam, maybe I'm 1146 00:58:18,900 --> 00:58:21,500 anxious about it, I can look at it and go. 1147 00:58:21,700 --> 00:58:23,400 Okay, you know what, that's actually something that I used 1148 00:58:23,400 --> 00:58:27,300 to see like this, Parent do or I used to see this person in my 1149 00:58:27,300 --> 00:58:29,500 family do. Now I can go. 1150 00:58:29,500 --> 00:58:31,800 Okay, I'm not going to have that same kind of anxiety. 1151 00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:35,600 I'm going to choose to believe that money is meant to be for 1152 00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:37,900 me, and there's nothing wrong with wanting money or there's 1153 00:58:37,900 --> 00:58:42,000 nothing wrong with wanting to be secure and financially, like 1154 00:58:42,000 --> 00:58:44,200 able to do the things in your life that you want to do. 1155 00:58:44,200 --> 00:58:46,900 And all of these kind of Shame and things that come up around 1156 00:58:46,900 --> 00:58:49,100 money, I'm learning so much about. 1157 00:58:49,100 --> 00:58:51,400 So if you guys want to episode on money, I would love to do 1158 00:58:51,400 --> 00:58:53,700 that for you more. So, of course relationship with 1159 00:58:53,700 --> 00:58:55,200 self and money. It's more. 1160 00:58:55,200 --> 00:58:59,200 So of a personal Deep dive, but I, but I've been loving that 1161 00:58:59,200 --> 00:59:01,000 topic recently. If you're one of my friends, you 1162 00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:02,200 know, that. Because I talk about all the 1163 00:59:02,200 --> 00:59:05,100 time and I'm a psycho. Okay, that's it guys. 1164 00:59:05,400 --> 00:59:08,100 Boom, 23 things, tie through things that I've learned, 1165 00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:11,600 there's lots more, I could, you know, going on on and on about, 1166 00:59:12,100 --> 00:59:15,100 I just I love growth. I love self-growth. 1167 00:59:15,100 --> 00:59:19,100 I love the idea that we can become who we want to be and I 1168 00:59:19,107 --> 00:59:23,200 think being someone who is I'm a very different person than I was 1169 00:59:23,200 --> 00:59:26,900 a few years ago it. Like something that I just think 1170 00:59:26,900 --> 00:59:29,100 is so valuable to share with other people because so many 1171 00:59:29,100 --> 00:59:31,700 people believe that they're stuck, so many people believe 1172 00:59:31,700 --> 00:59:33,500 that, you know, well, I grew up that way. 1173 00:59:33,500 --> 00:59:35,700 So that's how it is or well, that's how it always has been. 1174 00:59:35,700 --> 00:59:37,800 So that's how it's always going to be and it's not true. 1175 00:59:38,100 --> 00:59:40,600 It's not true. You have so much power to change 1176 00:59:40,600 --> 00:59:41,700 the things in your life you have. 1177 00:59:41,700 --> 00:59:45,900 So so so much ability so much more than you think you have 1178 00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,700 even just on like a psychological level, you can 1179 00:59:48,700 --> 00:59:51,000 really create your reality if you want to. 1180 00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,300 If there are things that you want, you can bring it into 1181 00:59:53,300 --> 00:59:57,800 existence by Yes, hard work. Yes, action but also just 1182 00:59:57,800 --> 01:00:01,400 speaking it out, putting it on your mind and getting your brain 1183 01:00:01,400 --> 01:00:04,400 to believe that it is coming. You are naturally going to work 1184 01:00:04,400 --> 01:00:06,500 towards those things if you genuinely believe that you're 1185 01:00:06,500 --> 01:00:08,400 able to do that. So I would encourage you to do 1186 01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:09,500 that. I love you guys. 1187 01:00:09,500 --> 01:00:11,700 I appreciate you guys. So so so much, if you don't 1188 01:00:11,700 --> 01:00:14,900 already, follow the podcast on Spotify or a podcast or 1189 01:00:14,900 --> 01:00:16,100 whatever. You listen, then, please go 1190 01:00:16,100 --> 01:00:18,600 ahead and give me a little follow. 1191 01:00:19,100 --> 01:00:21,800 If you want to find me on social media, I'm on Tick, Tock and 1192 01:00:21,800 --> 01:00:23,900 Instagram. And technically, YouTube as 1193 01:00:23,900 --> 01:00:25,100 well. It's more. 1194 01:00:25,100 --> 01:00:30,100 So just like YouTube shorts and then also put popping these 1195 01:00:30,700 --> 01:00:33,600 podcasts on to YouTube. For those of you to see it if 1196 01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:36,500 you only have access to Apple podcast, but you want to watch 1197 01:00:36,500 --> 01:00:39,600 the video here I am. And that's it. 1198 01:00:39,600 --> 01:00:41,400 We also have a Facebook group called The she said, what 1199 01:00:41,400 --> 01:00:44,800 podcast group where I keep you guys updated on the podcast. 1200 01:00:45,600 --> 01:00:48,600 And I've my website coming soon where you guys can be able to 1201 01:00:48,600 --> 01:00:50,500 ask me questions. I'm going to do some anonymous 1202 01:00:50,500 --> 01:00:54,300 question, QA Vibes at the end of all my episodes coming up. 1203 01:00:54,400 --> 01:00:58,300 So It's coming up in this year and yeah, I'm really excited. 1204 01:00:58,300 --> 01:00:59,700 Thank you guys so much for being here. 1205 01:01:00,200 --> 01:01:02,500 I'm just so thankful. I appreciate all the support. 1206 01:01:02,500 --> 01:01:05,900 I feel like this has been such a crazy season in my life and I 1207 01:01:05,908 --> 01:01:07,900 just cannot fucking believe that I'm doing this. 1208 01:01:07,900 --> 01:01:12,700 It is so weird that it doesn't feel like a real job, but I'm so 1209 01:01:12,700 --> 01:01:16,000 fucking thankful that it is, and that I'm here, and it's because 1210 01:01:16,000 --> 01:01:17,200 of you. So, thank you. 1211 01:01:17,400 --> 01:01:20,800 And I, we have a lovely day and I'll see you next week. 1212 01:01:20,900 --> 01:01:21,900 Okay. Bye guys.