1 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:03,800 You're listening to. She said what with your house 2 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:06,000 Alyssa Harper? Hey sexy people. 3 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,300 Welcome back to. She said, what if you have not 4 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,400 been here before then I just want to welcome you and let you 5 00:00:10,408 --> 00:00:13,700 know that this is a space for you to come and grow to become 6 00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:16,600 the best version of yourself. Whether we are talking about sex 7 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,400 and sexuality, relationships or self-growth, this is an 8 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:24,000 inclusive safe space for you. Today we're going to be talking 9 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:27,400 about dealing with imposter syndrome, which is a bit of a 10 00:00:27,407 --> 00:00:30,000 buzz word now, and something that you've probably heard, It 11 00:00:30,008 --> 00:00:33,200 before, but something that I didn't even really take the time 12 00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:36,400 to dive into until recently, and it's something that I've 13 00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:39,500 experienced a lot in my life, but I didn't know that we could 14 00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:43,000 look at it a different way and we could actually get out of 15 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:46,400 that mentality of self-doubt. It's definitely a journey but 16 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,600 there are things in this episode that I going to help you to be 17 00:00:48,608 --> 00:00:50,900 able to do that. And to just understand what this 18 00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:53,700 feeling is, even more on a deeper level so that you can 19 00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:57,200 actually work through it. So let's get right into it. 20 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,800 Click update on my week as per usual. 21 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:09,800 I've basically just been working a bunch trying to get whole 22 00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,800 bunch of episodes. Ready for you guys, for when my 23 00:01:11,800 --> 00:01:14,800 parents are visiting because they're visiting me and Sydney 24 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,300 here in two weeks, and I'm so excited because they haven't 25 00:01:18,300 --> 00:01:22,700 visited me since they first came after I moved here and they came 26 00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:26,200 like like five months or so. After I moved here and it was 27 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:29,300 really fun but like I didn't know the area, you know, like I 28 00:01:29,308 --> 00:01:30,700 didn't really know. No things. 29 00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:33,400 Whereas now I know shit. I know where to go. 30 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:35,500 I know it's going to be fun. Like I feel like it's going to 31 00:01:35,508 --> 00:01:39,500 be so so good and I just miss them, so I'm really excited for 32 00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:40,500 that. That's in two weeks. 33 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:44,500 But yeah, it's just been a bunch of having a good time with 34 00:01:44,500 --> 00:01:47,300 friends, trying to get all the work done, trying to get all the 35 00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:48,800 things nice and prepped for you guys. 36 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:50,900 So I can have a little bit of time off and my family's here, 37 00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:55,100 but, yeah, I've been really well, and I actually just 38 00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:56,400 started. If you guys have been watching 39 00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,800 my Instagram stories, or keeping up with me on Tick, Tock a 40 00:01:58,808 --> 00:02:01,900 little bit. I started therapy again, which 41 00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:06,500 is really exciting because to me, like I ride to the podcast 42 00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:09,100 and I do things on Tick, Tock and I talk to people about ways 43 00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:11,900 to make their life like better and how to work through things. 44 00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:14,100 But that doesn't mean that I don't do that myself. 45 00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:16,900 If anything I should be doing that myself on my own, you know, 46 00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:20,400 and so I'm really excited to be going back and just working 47 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:23,000 through. I am diagnosed with anxiety 48 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:26,800 disorder which she confirmed a few days ago so that was great. 49 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:29,500 Love that for me and I've been diagnosed with depressive 50 00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:30,100 disorder. Her. 51 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,100 But depression is less of an issue for me, it's more the 52 00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:35,900 anxiety. But yeah, I'm really excited to 53 00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:39,400 be going through it and working with somebody and we had the 54 00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,800 best, like, I went to her house, it was in. 55 00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:45,400 Where is it like kind of like in our West Vibes? 56 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,600 And she lives in this bougie, little house. 57 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,500 She had the cutest outfit on, like showed a nice little candle 58 00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:51,800 on. I was just like, hmm. 59 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,300 Like this woman she's a Vibe like I want to be like this 60 00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:56,900 woman when I grow up, you know? And so I was really happy that 61 00:02:56,900 --> 00:03:00,300 it was a good match because the worst thing is when you go To 62 00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:01,500 like a counselor, something like that. 63 00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:03,800 And like, it just doesn't feel like the vibe, is there. 64 00:03:03,800 --> 00:03:05,500 It doesn't quite feel like you get on that. 65 00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:08,600 Well, but I lucked out and I'm happy that I did, like the 66 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:12,000 research that I did beforehand to find the girl that I'm 67 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:15,700 seeing. So super pumped about that. 68 00:03:16,700 --> 00:03:18,900 Let's get into the topic of today. 69 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:22,600 Imposter syndrome is really interesting because it's 70 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:26,500 something that wasn't actually coined until 1978. 71 00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:29,800 The actual term it was coined by two American. 72 00:03:29,900 --> 00:03:34,100 Logistics called Pauline clance and Susan Amos. 73 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:38,500 I think that's how we say. And it's just something that 74 00:03:38,500 --> 00:03:42,200 people obviously have experienced throughout history. 75 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,700 But it's just this thing that we now have really honed in on and 76 00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:48,000 been like, oh, this is actually a common thing, it's not just 77 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:51,600 nervousness in the workplace or it's not just not quite feeling 78 00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,400 good enough about yourself. It really does make sense when 79 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:59,200 we look at it as being like a specific term, usually what this 80 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,000 looks like. If you Aren't familiar or if you 81 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:05,600 want bit of a refresher, this is like the feeling of not being 82 00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:08,000 good enough. For the thing that you're being 83 00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,400 asked to do or to be in the position that you are in. 84 00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:17,000 It's usually this sense of I don't belong and I don't deserve 85 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,100 the things that I'm being given, like giving it being given a 86 00:04:19,108 --> 00:04:20,899 promotion and being like, I don't deserve that. 87 00:04:20,899 --> 00:04:23,300 Why are you giving that to me? That feels like too much. 88 00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:25,500 I don't feel like I'm meant to be doing that, right? 89 00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:29,100 It's even when someone is a very experienced writer, they finally 90 00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:31,300 get a book deal. And it's like, I just never 91 00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:34,700 thought this would actually happen that kind of feeling not 92 00:04:34,700 --> 00:04:37,900 feeling like you have a seat at the table, like just not feeling 93 00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:42,900 like you're meant to, and it's very, very common among minority 94 00:04:42,900 --> 00:04:46,300 groups. So, specifically, women people 95 00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:49,600 in the lgbtqia+ community, people of color. 96 00:04:49,900 --> 00:04:54,400 It's also generally just really common among High Achievers, and 97 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:57,000 people that are constantly pushing themselves to be out of 98 00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,800 their comfort zone. Because if you are doing a job, 99 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:03,600 Or something in your life like a relationship or whatever it is 100 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:04,900 and you're very comfortable in it. 101 00:05:04,900 --> 00:05:07,000 You're not trying to necessarily grow in it, you're not trying to 102 00:05:07,008 --> 00:05:10,200 necessarily move forward at. You're just kind of like comfy 103 00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,000 and stable where you are, which isn't necessarily a bad thing 104 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:16,600 always, but say you're in that season, you're less likely to 105 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:20,300 experience it because you're used to your Norm, right? 106 00:05:20,300 --> 00:05:23,600 You're used to your everyday situation where as when people 107 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:25,700 are high Achievers and they're pushing themselves when they're 108 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:28,000 trying to you know jump out of that comfort zone and really go 109 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:31,000 for it and go for gold. It can Happen so quickly. 110 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:34,200 And sometimes it takes a while for our brains to catch up to 111 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,900 the fact that this is what we are now doing with our lives, or 112 00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:38,400 this is the promotion we're stepping into. 113 00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,000 This is the relationship. We actually deserved all along. 114 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,900 So it's that feeling of Self Doubt. 115 00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:48,200 I don't belong, and it's also really common among students. 116 00:05:48,300 --> 00:05:51,300 And people who are say in internships, things like that 117 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,400 because they are in a learning phase. 118 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:56,800 In when you're learning, there is going to be some self-doubt 119 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,400 and some self correction. And that's almost. 120 00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:03,000 Right in those Seasons. But it's important for you to 121 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,800 note. Maybe this is you to have a 122 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,400 moment to think about. Do I fall into any of those 123 00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:10,100 minority categories? You know, in my student, it just 124 00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:12,900 kind of a moment to think about what your context is going into 125 00:06:12,900 --> 00:06:16,600 this episode, some symptoms, if you will of experiencing, this 126 00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,800 is having a lack of confidence in your workplace. 127 00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:23,000 Not wanting to take on new responsibilities. 128 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:27,500 Another one is being very sensitive to small mistakes or 129 00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:29,700 feedback. If somebody gives you feedback, 130 00:06:29,900 --> 00:06:34,800 Even if it's genuinely constructive criticism, you have 131 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,500 a hard time taking it in and accepting it for what it is 132 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:41,900 because your brains so quickly jumps to they think I'm shit. 133 00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:45,600 You know, they are telling me I've done something wrong and it 134 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,600 can actually be really triggering for some people. 135 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,800 Another one is having this fear that you are failing. 136 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:54,100 Another one is that you are having a fear that you're 137 00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:57,400 failing, your team like you are the one who's the underdog. 138 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,700 You're the one in the friend group, who's not funny enough. 139 00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:03,200 You're the one in the friend group who is not doing enough to 140 00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:05,200 support everyone. And you're constantly trying to 141 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:09,600 get people to show that, they appreciate you, you feel that 142 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:13,100 need for it because you're constantly worrying about not 143 00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:15,900 measuring up. And the last symptom that is 144 00:07:15,900 --> 00:07:19,200 really common is burnout and working yourself. 145 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:23,100 So hard to the point that you actually need to take time off 146 00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:26,800 and can even have health issues come into your life because you 147 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,700 have pushed yourself so hard to try to measure up. 148 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:31,200 Up. I remember when I started 149 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,900 teaching Pilates, I felt like such an imposter. 150 00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:39,700 Like I just felt like I wasn't made for this like this isn't 151 00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:42,300 quite me like thanks guys, I'm so happy. 152 00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:45,800 You guys are all so perfect at this and I'm so happy that you 153 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,100 just have that natural confidence to get in front of 154 00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:49,500 people. And you know, I thought everyone 155 00:07:49,500 --> 00:07:52,500 was just totally feeling cool and then I was on who's really 156 00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:55,200 struggling? And before I went to go teach 157 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,000 for the first time, I was so nervous. 158 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,600 I did not sleep the night before I was like felt like I was gonna 159 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,200 puke. You like, it was horrible. 160 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,500 I felt so much physical anxiety. And I also do literally, like I 161 00:08:04,508 --> 00:08:06,700 said, early have earlier have anxiety. 162 00:08:06,700 --> 00:08:10,700 So, you know, it, the two together is just really intense 163 00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:13,100 for me. That I remember feeling that so 164 00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:16,300 strongly, because I was pushing myself out of my comfort zone 165 00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:20,300 and now looking back, I'm like, wow, I was pushing myself out of 166 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,200 my comfort zone, which is an amazing thing. 167 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,800 I was pushing myself to grow. I was doing something that I 168 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:28,300 knew I could do that was going to make me more money, which 169 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,200 ultimately was going to give. Me more time off, which was 170 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:34,500 going to align with the things that I wanted to do at the time. 171 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:38,100 Like, it was absolutely in alignment with what I wanted to 172 00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:42,000 do and what I needed to do for myself, but I had to still deal 173 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:45,600 with the emotions that came with that choice, and those emotions 174 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:51,100 were excitement but also fear and like this looking towards 175 00:08:51,100 --> 00:08:53,200 the future and being hopeful about it. 176 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:56,800 But also questioning myself and having that self-doubt and being 177 00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:59,500 like, I don't know. Am I good enough for this? 178 00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:02,300 Had this as well with doing social media, right? 179 00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:05,200 Even on a bad day, I can look at myself and go. 180 00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:07,600 Wow, you know, I have this podcast where I talk about all 181 00:09:07,608 --> 00:09:10,100 these things and people tell me all the time like the, you know, 182 00:09:10,108 --> 00:09:13,000 this is really helped me through this situation in this situation 183 00:09:13,100 --> 00:09:15,200 but I can look at myself needing to go. 184 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,100 See go to a therapist which I know is not a bad thing, but I'm 185 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,400 saying on a bad day. I can look at it and be like, 186 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,100 oh, I have to go see a therapist. 187 00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:25,200 I don't have things worked out. Who am I to tell people what is 188 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:26,500 good and what's going to help them? 189 00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:30,300 Like I have that, I still have that and I think Everyone 190 00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:33,700 experiences that to some extent, but in certain Seasons, it can 191 00:09:33,700 --> 00:09:37,300 be much more difficult and I want to just again remind you 192 00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:38,900 that there's good news in this, right? 193 00:09:38,900 --> 00:09:42,500 This isn't all bad because if you are pushing yourself out of 194 00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:44,700 your comfort zone, you're growing. 195 00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:49,000 Even if the thing that you try to do, doesn't work out even if 196 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,500 you choose not to do that thing for the rest of your life. 197 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:53,800 You're not quitting by doing that right? 198 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,900 Maybe you're moving on, you're trying different things and I 199 00:09:56,900 --> 00:10:00,300 hear people say this to me all the time like Alyssa I To try 200 00:10:00,300 --> 00:10:02,400 this thing in life. I want to study, I want to 201 00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:04,200 travel, I want to be with family. 202 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,600 I want to date this person, but I also want to explore dating 203 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:10,400 and explore my sexuality. I want to do all the things I 204 00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:13,600 feel overwhelmed by choice and it's a lot. 205 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,300 Like I just want to make sure I do the things that I need to do 206 00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:19,900 and I'm always like, guys, you need to fail. 207 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,600 Here's, I know it sucks. I know, that's not like what you 208 00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,200 want to hear, but you need to fail. 209 00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:26,700 You need to try something and it not work out. 210 00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:29,000 You need to try something else and it work out, but maybe it's 211 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,900 not quite right. Right, try something else. 212 00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,400 Fail. Try something else, love it. 213 00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:37,000 Oh my gosh, light bulb moment. I want to run with that. 214 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,000 Keep doing that thing. How can I now expand on that 215 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:44,200 thing like you need to go through the process and the 216 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,700 thing is we can't just think about the end result of where we 217 00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:49,500 want to be. We can't just think about I want 218 00:10:49,500 --> 00:10:52,800 to have that degree or I want to marry that person or I want to 219 00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,200 just get this one thing in life that I think I need to get 220 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:58,400 that's going to make me happy. We need to enjoy the journey, 221 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,100 every step of the way. And No, it is easier said than 222 00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:05,100 done, but it is so important because life is so much more 223 00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:07,800 about the present rather than getting those things down the 224 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:10,400 line. And I will tell you that 225 00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:13,100 influencing and doing the content creation stuff. 226 00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:16,200 And all of that in my life, I started doing it years ago but 227 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,300 just because I loved it and I would just do it anyways, right? 228 00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:21,000 I'd be out with my friends and we take photos and I'd enjoy the 229 00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:24,100 process of like editing and you know, then eventually I started 230 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:27,500 doing video and I love the process of telling people about 231 00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:29,600 different things that they could work on when it comes out. 232 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:33,300 Sexuality or just encouraging people along that journey and 233 00:11:33,500 --> 00:11:35,600 doing what I do. Now, I did it because I love it 234 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:39,000 and I do it because I love it. But I did have this thing in the 235 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:42,200 back of my mind, where I thought, you know, once I hit 236 00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:46,100 100,000 followers, are once I hit this Milestone once, you 237 00:11:46,100 --> 00:11:47,500 know, Spotify starts working with me. 238 00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:49,900 Once this person starts working with me, I'm going to feel so 239 00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:51,500 amazing. I'm going to be like, feeling 240 00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:56,300 like I made it and as much as those milestones and the 100,000 241 00:11:56,300 --> 00:12:01,100 200,000 300,000, all of those Milestones have Amazing and have 242 00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:04,300 felt really great in the moment. I felt like, yes, you know, this 243 00:12:04,300 --> 00:12:06,300 is obviously just like proof that. 244 00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:09,200 What I'm doing is helping people because people are coming to it, 245 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:16,700 it fades, it fades, very very quickly and as I'm just using, 246 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:19,900 obviously this, as an example, because this is my life right 247 00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:22,100 now, which I know it's not super relatable because most people 248 00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:25,200 aren't doing content shit. But obviously try to consider 249 00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:29,100 your situation as well and how it kind of works with trying to 250 00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:31,100 get certain jobs. Opportunities or trying to 251 00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:36,500 finally have that degree. It's okay to not feel like those 252 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:37,800 big moments are as big as you thought. 253 00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:41,700 They were going to be because they never are and like my 254 00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:44,200 wedding day, for example, right. Eye for years. 255 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:45,300 I was like, I want to get married. 256 00:12:45,300 --> 00:12:48,000 I can't wait till I'm married till I find that person and my 257 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,800 actual wedding day it was lovely. 258 00:12:49,800 --> 00:12:51,600 I had a great time. I spent it with all the people 259 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:55,900 that I love in my life and the weather was amazing and it was 260 00:12:55,900 --> 00:13:00,200 all these great things that happened but it wasn't like The 261 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:04,200 best day of my life. It wasn't, you know, and if 262 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:08,500 things fade and you can't look towards just the big moments 263 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:11,600 because the big moments don't happen, all that often. 264 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:15,300 But what does happen often is you living your life day-to-day 265 00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:18,200 being aware of what's on your mind being aware of the thoughts 266 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,800 that you have and working on that internal dialogue. 267 00:13:21,900 --> 00:13:24,000 That's what's going to bring you Joy. 268 00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:27,300 That's what's going to bring you happiness and consistency and 269 00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:29,700 get you to those Milestones. Absolutely? 270 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:34,800 Yeah but not make you feel like that's the focus and that is the 271 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,500 goal and that's what's going to make you happy. 272 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:42,400 You never stop feeling, imposter syndrome if you are growing, if 273 00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,900 you feel imposter syndrome, it usually means that there's it's 274 00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:50,000 a sign that there's still some sort of skill that you need to 275 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:53,800 learn or there's something that you're still wanting to achieve 276 00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:56,400 or there's play there. Still a place you want to go 277 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,800 with it. That is a sign of like 278 00:13:58,900 --> 00:14:00,400 opportunity. Right. 279 00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:05,400 That is a sign of expanding and growth and that is exactly where 280 00:14:05,400 --> 00:14:09,100 you want to be especially if you are young and a lot of my lot of 281 00:14:09,100 --> 00:14:11,700 you guys are young and you're coming out of school and you're 282 00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:14,200 figuring out what you want to do with your life and that is a 283 00:14:14,208 --> 00:14:18,200 time where you want to be open to experience. 284 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:20,700 You don't want to have in your mind. 285 00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:22,700 Okay, let's go. I'm going to finish this thing. 286 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:24,400 I'm going to do this. I'm going to get this job, then 287 00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:26,400 I'm finally me happy. Then I'm going to get a family 288 00:14:26,400 --> 00:14:28,800 that I'm finally gonna be happy and I have kids and I'm finally, 289 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:33,300 you know, it I'll keep going. And what we want to do is not 290 00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:37,000 rely on that, not rely on those gold points and rely on the fact 291 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:41,800 that right now you're feeling like life is happening and it is 292 00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:45,600 scary and it's big and it's coming at you fast and that's 293 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:48,100 okay. But take it day at a time and 294 00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:51,000 just know that growth is amazing. 295 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,700 Putting yourself out of your comfort zone is amazing. 296 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:57,300 If what you are doing right now on a regular basis challenges 297 00:14:57,300 --> 00:15:00,700 you, that's what you want because You aren't challenge, we 298 00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,900 tend to feel bored, we become complacent. 299 00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:08,300 There can even become like moments of depression that come 300 00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:12,800 alongside just feeling really cushy cushy life is great, 301 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:16,800 having a soft girl era is great having moments where you need to 302 00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:20,500 reel it back in and focus on. Just yourself is great. 303 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:23,300 I can tell you guys that I've absolutely done that in the last 304 00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:26,300 like month or so at the start of the year. 305 00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:29,400 I felt like I really worked so hard last year. 306 00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:32,700 And I almost felt like I had a bit of burn out, and I remember 307 00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:36,000 my partner and I just moved to the flat that we were in right 308 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:40,900 now, and I was just like, oh my gosh, I remember just like 309 00:15:40,900 --> 00:15:43,100 laying in bed after this big move that we had. 310 00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:46,000 And I was like, I just feel like I need a break. 311 00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,600 I feel like I wish I could just sleep for a week. 312 00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:50,800 I wish I could just stop for a week, like I just remember, I 313 00:15:50,808 --> 00:15:53,200 kept saying, every time I would have some sort of breakdown 314 00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,600 about this. I'd be crying or whatever. 315 00:15:54,900 --> 00:15:57,100 I would just say to my partner. Like, I just need to stop. 316 00:15:57,100 --> 00:16:01,800 I just need a break and it was so, Sting, I was so fatigued and 317 00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:04,900 I took time, like I did not overwork myself. 318 00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:07,800 I decided to stop teaching Pilates for some time and just 319 00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:11,700 focus on content creation, and to not push myself over the top 320 00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:14,300 with it, just do it to the point that I want to do it, and let it 321 00:16:14,300 --> 00:16:17,900 be authentic, and take time to kind of restore and come back 322 00:16:17,900 --> 00:16:20,600 into myself. And now, I feel like I have the 323 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,400 energy to do the things that I want to do. 324 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:25,300 And yes, of course, I'm still working through things, but I'm 325 00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:29,500 in a space where I'm, I have that energy again and I 326 00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,100 definitely Definitely went through this. 327 00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:34,000 I went through the having the Imposter syndrome. 328 00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,100 Push push push, push push and burn out. 329 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:37,900 This is me guys, I'm talking to myself. 330 00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:40,500 Here, you would never have impostor syndrome. 331 00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,700 If you never tried anything new, you wouldn't have to experience 332 00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:45,400 it. This feeling of imposter 333 00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:50,600 syndrome is you know more or less avoidable. 334 00:16:50,600 --> 00:16:53,100 It is. But do we want to actually avoid 335 00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:56,700 having this feeling come up? No, the biggest lie that you 336 00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:59,600 tell yourself about impostor syndrome, is that? 337 00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:03,400 People aren't feeling it. We look at people who are in the 338 00:17:03,408 --> 00:17:06,000 positions that we want to be, whether that is in our 339 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:09,300 workplace, whether that is someone who is even a year older 340 00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:11,500 than us in the program that we are in a school. 341 00:17:11,700 --> 00:17:14,200 We look at somebody who is singing on a stage with all of 342 00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:16,800 this confidence that we wish we had. 343 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:21,099 We look at someone who is a politician or somebody who is in 344 00:17:21,099 --> 00:17:25,200 some high roll that we look up to who's maybe written a book 345 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,500 and you want to write a book, right? 346 00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:28,700 And you look at these people and you think? 347 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:29,600 Wow! They have it. 348 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:32,000 All figured out. Wow, they must feel so 349 00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,200 confident. How do they just go up there on 350 00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,700 stage and they're so confident, They're laughing and they're 351 00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:38,700 getting the crowd to live. How do they do that? 352 00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:41,800 Like, I'm just not like that. I wish I was that kind of 353 00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:44,100 person. I wish I was extroverted. 354 00:17:44,100 --> 00:17:45,600 I wish I had. Those looks. 355 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,300 I wish I had that knowledge. All right, I wish I had those 356 00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:55,400 experiences that person so lucky we diminish the experiences of 357 00:17:55,400 --> 00:17:58,500 others who are in these higher up positions or in the position 358 00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:01,100 that we want to be. We assume that they don't 359 00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:05,500 experience these things, but if you take the time to research, 360 00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:09,300 people who have talked about this widely, who are definitely 361 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:13,600 like, well off in life, and have achieved so many amazing things, 362 00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,600 they feel it. Like we are all human. 363 00:18:16,600 --> 00:18:19,900 We are all experiencing emotions as we go through different 364 00:18:19,900 --> 00:18:23,900 experiences and there is nothing that makes you. 365 00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:26,800 This one off person who just is shit. 366 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:29,100 Hot life. I can promise you. 367 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:31,900 What? Usually sets, those people apart 368 00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:35,000 is actually the fact that they are willing to take those risks 369 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,600 that they are willing to fail that they are willing to 370 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,200 apologize, right? That they are willing to go out 371 00:18:40,200 --> 00:18:43,600 of their way to jump forward and then maybe need to pull back at 372 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:46,100 times but they're willing to go for it. 373 00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:49,600 When a lot of people simply aren't like a lot of people 374 00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:54,300 don't prioritize their dreams. A lot of people don't prioritize 375 00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:58,000 doing the things that they feel in their whether you want to 376 00:18:58,008 --> 00:18:59,900 call it your soul or your gut or Ever. 377 00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:03,000 It is those things that they really, really feel that they 378 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:07,200 should do a lot of people just don't do it, they just never get 379 00:19:07,200 --> 00:19:10,000 themselves to do it. They always say, one day, when I 380 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:13,300 have the confidence one day when I'm this age, one day, when I 381 00:19:13,308 --> 00:19:16,600 have a partner and I've settled down one day when I have a house 382 00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:20,900 one day when I have this thing, but life happens and there is no 383 00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:24,400 one day, you have no idea what's going to happen and I hope that 384 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:27,700 that doesn't bring you anxiety. I hope that the brings you peace 385 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:31,800 and just reminds you that that there is so much expansion for 386 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,800 you. There's so much life coming for 387 00:19:33,800 --> 00:19:37,300 you and you get to sit in the driver's seat of that. 388 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:40,400 And as much as that is overwhelming, and trust me, that 389 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,400 overwhelms me too, I know that feeling. 390 00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:48,300 It also means that you have control, you have the ability to 391 00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:50,800 make Choice. Yes, things will happen to you 392 00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,300 that we'll be out of your control but you constantly get 393 00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:56,400 to make the choice every single day when you wake up, what 394 00:19:56,400 --> 00:20:00,000 you're going to do with your experience, what you're Do it 395 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:01,400 that day. Absolutely. 396 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,200 There are things like mental health, disorders and financial 397 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,400 instability, and having to potentially care for a loved 398 00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:10,800 one. There are lots of things that 399 00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:13,800 can make it harder. But that doesn't mean that you 400 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,300 don't still have choice to make choices within that. 401 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:20,100 I remember the first time I went to an influencer event and I was 402 00:20:20,700 --> 00:20:24,300 so nervous for it. I was so nervous and I had to go 403 00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:26,200 alone, right? Like you guys don't realize 404 00:20:26,200 --> 00:20:27,800 this, right? You think that like influencing 405 00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,700 us are like fun and like, then look like Like picture me right? 406 00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:34,100 Anxious ass getting up and being like okay, do the makeup, get 407 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,700 ready. I've Gotta Wear this outfit that 408 00:20:35,700 --> 00:20:38,500 they've sent me and it was for like an active wear brand. 409 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,400 So I was like, you know, it's pretty like, I'm pretty active. 410 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:43,400 I'm very confident in that area of my life. 411 00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:46,300 So I had that as like, a bit of like a crutch, I was like, okay 412 00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:48,000 cool. Like I know I've got that but I 413 00:20:48,008 --> 00:20:49,700 didn't know anyone going to this event. 414 00:20:49,700 --> 00:20:53,700 I had to show up at one of the wharfs in the CBD, so that we 415 00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:57,000 could all get on a boat and then take the boat to something 416 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:00,200 called the island. So that ass, like I'm Lock and 417 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,200 loaded. I have to go. 418 00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,600 I'm gonna once I'm there I'm there like there is no going 419 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,600 back like I'm going to this thing to show up. 420 00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:09,600 Have to go to this thing, do the whole event and come back on the 421 00:21:09,608 --> 00:21:12,500 boat and have to make friends. And when you've got anxiety, 422 00:21:12,500 --> 00:21:14,800 when you've got social anxiety, it's not the easiest thing in 423 00:21:14,808 --> 00:21:17,800 the world, so I got ready. And I remember going and I was 424 00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,800 texting Sam, my partner and being like Oh my God, I'm so 425 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,100 nervous. Like, please just be thinking of 426 00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:26,200 me like I'm gonna need a lot of support when I come home, I 427 00:21:26,208 --> 00:21:28,800 don't know, how it's gonna go. Like I was terrified and I 428 00:21:28,808 --> 00:21:32,300 remember walking, Yup. And I just like bumped into all 429 00:21:32,300 --> 00:21:34,600 these girls who are all wearing the same activewear and I was 430 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:39,500 like and I remember just walking up and being like so nervous and 431 00:21:39,500 --> 00:21:42,700 some of them like oh we going to the event and I was like I am 432 00:21:42,700 --> 00:21:46,000 and so then we just got talking and it was fine like it ended up 433 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,100 being fine. And in those moments I was 434 00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:51,700 definitely sat there going. Oh gosh, like I didn't realize 435 00:21:51,700 --> 00:21:53,500 that there'd be this many people here. 436 00:21:53,700 --> 00:21:55,300 I'll look everyone looks so good. 437 00:21:55,300 --> 00:21:58,400 Like everyone is so fit. Everyone is so even like thin 438 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,900 and right, there's body is Some stuff that can come up in those 439 00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:03,900 moments whenever we got there and we went on the boat and we 440 00:22:03,900 --> 00:22:06,100 showed him to the island. I was like we walk in there's 441 00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:08,500 all this branding stuff everywhere and it's beautiful. 442 00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:09,800 I am not complaining. All right. 443 00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,500 I'm telling you this was this was a lovely event and I've been 444 00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:15,900 to so many amazing events and have just like, I'm so so 445 00:22:15,900 --> 00:22:20,100 thankful that I get to do that. Absolutely, but at the start, it 446 00:22:20,100 --> 00:22:22,400 was pushing out of my comfort zone to do it. 447 00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:26,000 And I knew I would never say no to the opportunity but I would 448 00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,900 do it scared. And so that's how I felt. 449 00:22:27,900 --> 00:22:31,000 So I went and I made These little connections that people 450 00:22:31,100 --> 00:22:33,400 got to the island and I remember being like, okay, I'm gonna go 451 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:36,000 put my things down and then you don't know the people that 452 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,500 you're talking to, like, you don't know if they have a 453 00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:40,400 million followers or if they have like 10,000 followers or if 454 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:42,300 they have 1,000 followers, you've no idea. 455 00:22:42,400 --> 00:22:46,400 Not that it matters, but it can be, it can make you nervous. 456 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:48,800 If there is someone that you see as being, like, really, really 457 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,800 far on in the journey naturally, right? 458 00:22:50,800 --> 00:22:53,300 Because this is like the workspace that I work at this. 459 00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:55,200 Oh, they're like, someone who I'm like, oh they're really far 460 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,900 along, you know, that can make you nervous, but we're all 461 00:22:57,900 --> 00:22:59,500 hanging out, we're taking photos. 462 00:22:59,700 --> 00:23:03,200 Then we had to do this like pilates class and there's all 463 00:23:03,200 --> 00:23:06,500 these mats laid out everywhere and I'm like, doing the Pilates 464 00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:09,500 class and there's photographers walking around taking photos of 465 00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:13,300 all of us in this active wear. And I'm like, fuck, like I'm 466 00:23:13,300 --> 00:23:14,900 trying to like make it look so good. 467 00:23:14,900 --> 00:23:16,700 I'm like, oh my God, is my form good. 468 00:23:16,700 --> 00:23:19,700 Like, I'm like a little sweat. I'm like, hopefully no one sees 469 00:23:19,700 --> 00:23:22,100 that. Like, it's so stupid, but when I 470 00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:24,700 look back and I think about the way that my brain was in that 471 00:23:24,700 --> 00:23:27,800 time, it's crazy because I was so nervous. 472 00:23:27,900 --> 00:23:31,100 I was so self-critical. I was tearing myself down. 473 00:23:31,100 --> 00:23:32,700 I was like, I just don't look right. 474 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:34,800 I don't look, you don't look good in this outfit. 475 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,200 Like everyone's better than me like I just know. 476 00:23:37,300 --> 00:23:39,400 Like I just felt horrible but you know what? 477 00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,600 I got through it and then as I was there, it got better and 478 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:45,000 better and I got talking to people and I got more comfy and 479 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:47,500 I realized no, this person. This person I'm actually really 480 00:23:47,500 --> 00:23:49,300 getting on with well. So let's kind of keep hanging 481 00:23:49,300 --> 00:23:50,700 out with them. Let's keep talking to them. 482 00:23:50,700 --> 00:23:52,800 Let's ask questions. Let's do my best. 483 00:23:52,800 --> 00:23:53,700 To do all the things that I know. 484 00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:56,000 I'm supposed to do in conversations even though I'm 485 00:23:56,000 --> 00:24:00,000 nervous and by the end of the day, like in the end, Event. 486 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,700 I just felt like I did it. I was so fucking proud of myself 487 00:24:03,700 --> 00:24:06,400 and I just came back on the little boat and said bye to 488 00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:10,200 everyone and I walked off and I was like like I did it. 489 00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,900 Like I was scared but I did it. And now I have these connections 490 00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:16,200 with people and even now, right, I have that when I go to 491 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,900 different things and I have to show up alone in literally just 492 00:24:18,900 --> 00:24:20,400 walk into a room of a bunch of people. 493 00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,200 And sometimes, you know, people drinking sometimes it's not like 494 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,300 a bar type of Club type of thing. 495 00:24:25,300 --> 00:24:27,800 Sometimes it's not like an event space, you never really know 496 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,400 what it's gonna be like, you just walked It in and you have 497 00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:33,700 to just introduce yourself to people in just, you know, it's 498 00:24:33,700 --> 00:24:35,800 like showing up to a party lonely, could you imagine? 499 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,300 And it's not even just like a party of a bunch of people all 500 00:24:38,300 --> 00:24:40,100 doing other random things. It's like a bunch of people, 501 00:24:40,100 --> 00:24:41,500 like, taking photos of themselves. 502 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:45,700 And a lot of people who are potentially not wanting to talk 503 00:24:45,700 --> 00:24:47,800 to you because they have their little group or there's some 504 00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:51,400 like, pretentiousness there, you know, is not the most comfy 505 00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:54,700 space to walk into. I've never really had too many 506 00:24:54,700 --> 00:24:57,700 negative experiences and I probably won't share it when I 507 00:24:57,700 --> 00:25:00,700 have had negative ones because Oh my God, some people are 508 00:25:00,708 --> 00:25:03,100 crazy. Um, some influencers are not the 509 00:25:03,108 --> 00:25:08,100 best, but generally it's been fine, but it's definitely a push 510 00:25:08,100 --> 00:25:11,700 and I have to do those things and sometimes I fail at it. 511 00:25:11,700 --> 00:25:15,200 You know, sometimes I want to go do the hard thing and I'm like, 512 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:18,700 all right, let's just have a few drinks before I go, you know, or 513 00:25:18,700 --> 00:25:21,600 sometimes I want to go talk to that person and I would love to 514 00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:23,900 introduce myself and I'm at an event and I'm like, oh, you 515 00:25:23,900 --> 00:25:26,800 know, but then I just don't do it because I just don't feel 516 00:25:26,800 --> 00:25:29,000 like I'm have the capability to do it. 517 00:25:29,100 --> 00:25:31,400 I'm not I'm perfect. And I'm not saying that every 518 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,400 time you're going to suddenly be super confident to go and make 519 00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:37,300 those little jumps and go say hi to that person or ask that 520 00:25:37,300 --> 00:25:40,400 person on the date, or ask your boss about that raise. 521 00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:42,500 Like, I'm not saying every time you're going to feel confident 522 00:25:42,500 --> 00:25:47,000 to do it, but we can do it little bit by little bit. 523 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,200 Do it more and more in the more we do it. 524 00:25:49,300 --> 00:25:51,200 The more confident we are going to get in it. 525 00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,900 I want to finish this episode by going through all of the things 526 00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:58,300 that I would recommend you do to cope through those situations to 527 00:25:58,300 --> 00:26:00,600 get through that push. Put yourself into that little 528 00:26:00,600 --> 00:26:04,600 bit of a uncomfortable position, so that you can continue to grow 529 00:26:04,600 --> 00:26:08,500 because you deserve to grow, you deserve to be there for 530 00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:11,300 yourself, and stand for yourself and push yourself. 531 00:26:11,300 --> 00:26:15,000 You deserve that first thing that you can do, is remember all 532 00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:18,200 of the accomplishments that you have had and the things that 533 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:22,800 you've done to get there. We often discount our experience 534 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,200 and think that we don't have enough. 535 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:27,900 We think that everyone has more, we think that we are just not 536 00:26:27,900 --> 00:26:29,200 quite good enough. Everybody else. 537 00:26:29,500 --> 00:26:31,800 Looks better or says the right things. 538 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:35,500 And we just aren't quite meeting that Mark, but you have very 539 00:26:35,500 --> 00:26:38,400 likely done things to get to where you are now. 540 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:41,400 So, say, you're in a job, like will go back to my Pilates 541 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:43,500 instructor example because it's easy. 542 00:26:43,700 --> 00:26:46,400 So, when I became a Pilates instructor at first, I was like, 543 00:26:46,700 --> 00:26:49,000 what the fuck am I doing here? Like I don't know what I'm 544 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,400 doing. I don't feel like I'm ready to 545 00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:51,800 do this. I've always people in front of 546 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:55,100 me and they all trust me as if I know what I'm doing and I don't 547 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:57,600 and I was like, I felt lit like an imposter. 548 00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:58,900 I literally felt like an imposter. 549 00:26:58,900 --> 00:27:01,900 I felt like, I Playing a role. And at one point, I was just 550 00:27:01,900 --> 00:27:04,900 like, you know what, let's think about what I've done. 551 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:08,000 I've done the training. I've been trained in anatomy and 552 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:11,000 mat Pilates in reformer pilates. And I've done training through 553 00:27:11,000 --> 00:27:14,700 my studio as well. I've had someone tell me, I want 554 00:27:14,700 --> 00:27:17,900 to hire you because I think that you would be good at this thing. 555 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,900 So, not only am I, considering my own accomplishments number 556 00:27:20,900 --> 00:27:25,100 two, who I'm considering the way that other people are actually 557 00:27:25,100 --> 00:27:28,400 believing in me and other people have spoken that into me and 558 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:29,800 what I would love for you to to do. 559 00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:32,100 If there's a way that you can do this with, your current 560 00:27:32,100 --> 00:27:36,500 situation is to even physically and like, practically keep note 561 00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:38,500 of those things. So, if you get someone who says 562 00:27:38,500 --> 00:27:40,800 to you, you did a great job at work today. 563 00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,700 Thank you so much. Write it down, I know it sounds 564 00:27:43,700 --> 00:27:46,000 dumb, write it down. Sometimes, if I get a really 565 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,900 nice message about, hey, I'm really proud of, you know what 566 00:27:48,900 --> 00:27:50,900 you're doing and I'm really thankful for this episode 567 00:27:50,900 --> 00:27:52,600 because it did this for me, whatever, I'll screenshot it. 568 00:27:52,600 --> 00:27:56,000 And I'll keep it in an album on my phone which at first I was 569 00:27:56,000 --> 00:27:58,000 really embarrassed about. I was like, that's so like, oh 570 00:27:58,000 --> 00:27:59,400 my God. Me keeping a folder of all. 571 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:02,100 The reasons why people like like me, that's so cringe. 572 00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:04,700 But you know what? It would help me because I would 573 00:28:04,700 --> 00:28:08,300 have days, I'd be like, ah, I don't know what I'm doing. 574 00:28:08,300 --> 00:28:10,200 People don't care. This isn't going well, this 575 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:11,800 isn't going well be down on myself, right? 576 00:28:11,800 --> 00:28:14,600 And then I'll be able to go to it and be like, oh, this is why 577 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,700 it's for that. One person who needed to hear 578 00:28:16,700 --> 00:28:19,300 that, you know, this is why I'm showing up to Pilates and 579 00:28:19,300 --> 00:28:22,300 teaching because it's this person who's like, this is my 580 00:28:22,300 --> 00:28:24,600 favorite part of my week and this is part of my routine and 581 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:27,500 I'm so happy that you're a part of it and I would write it down, 582 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,400 I'd have other instructors come to my classroom. 583 00:28:29,500 --> 00:28:31,400 Like, hey, I really like this and I would write it down and I 584 00:28:31,408 --> 00:28:35,500 put it in my notebook and that physical thing that you can go 585 00:28:35,500 --> 00:28:39,400 to when you're not feeling secure is so, so, so helpful, I 586 00:28:39,400 --> 00:28:42,900 promise you number three is don't discount how you got 587 00:28:42,900 --> 00:28:44,600 there. Not only should you be aware of 588 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,000 your accomplishments and be thinking about it, but be aware 589 00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:49,100 of them. The negative self-talk, when 590 00:28:49,100 --> 00:28:52,300 you're on the flipside of that. So if you are thinking, like, 591 00:28:52,300 --> 00:28:54,000 I'm not good at this, what is wrong with me? 592 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,200 Why am I doing this? There's no way that I'm good 593 00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:58,800 enough for this. Take a moment to literally stop 594 00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:01,100 yourself. Like no, I'm going to change 595 00:29:01,100 --> 00:29:03,400 that pathway in my brain. I'm going to change that way of 596 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:05,600 thinking, because that's actually not true. 597 00:29:05,900 --> 00:29:07,900 And this is a great way that you can use. 598 00:29:07,900 --> 00:29:11,000 Number two, when you have that physical evidence of, I am 599 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,500 actually fucking good at this thing. 600 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:15,900 You can go back and you can replace that thought and try to 601 00:29:15,900 --> 00:29:18,200 even write down. This is the thought that I had, 602 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:20,400 I am not good enough. Number two, you're going to 603 00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,500 write down. Actually, I fucking am and 604 00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:24,700 here's an example of when told someone told me that I'm 605 00:29:24,700 --> 00:29:27,300 actually meant to be here and I'm worth being here. 606 00:29:27,500 --> 00:29:29,400 Number four is if it's not coming. 607 00:29:29,500 --> 00:29:32,200 I'm from someone externally like a comment or something that 608 00:29:32,200 --> 00:29:35,700 someone said to you you can make a list of all of the reasons why 609 00:29:35,700 --> 00:29:38,300 you deserve to be there. That's not just looking at 610 00:29:38,300 --> 00:29:40,600 accomplishments. That's everything. 611 00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:43,400 That's why I deserve to be in this space. 612 00:29:43,400 --> 00:29:45,800 Why someone like me needs to be in this role? 613 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,500 What, I know that I bring to the table that somebody else is not 614 00:29:49,500 --> 00:29:53,200 going to bring in this role, what makes me individual and 615 00:29:53,200 --> 00:29:55,700 unique, and special for this thing. 616 00:29:55,900 --> 00:29:59,900 Number five is to talk to people about it, tell them like, I'm 617 00:29:59,900 --> 00:30:02,400 actually feeling really nervous right now because you would be 618 00:30:02,400 --> 00:30:05,100 surprised how many people feel the exact same way? 619 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:06,800 Think back to what I said earlier, right? 620 00:30:06,800 --> 00:30:10,300 Even these people who are in these top, like, CEO positions 621 00:30:10,300 --> 00:30:12,600 and we look at them, and we're like, wow, they've got it all 622 00:30:12,600 --> 00:30:16,900 figured out they don't and ask people in your workplace, how 623 00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:19,400 they feel about it, how they cope with it. 624 00:30:19,400 --> 00:30:24,000 I went to a class last week with one of my favorite instructors 625 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:28,000 and she's amazing and she's been teaching longer than I have and 626 00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:31,300 I've always looked up to her and I've always got just like 627 00:30:31,300 --> 00:30:34,200 teaching tips and things from her and she went on a trip and 628 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:37,200 it was like a few week trip and she came back and I was talking 629 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:39,700 to her and she was like I was so nervous to teach coming back and 630 00:30:39,700 --> 00:30:43,000 I've only taken a few weeks off, but I was just so nervous. 631 00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:45,800 And I just, I feel like I'm like, playing a role again. 632 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,700 Like, I feel like it's coming out of my mouth. 633 00:30:47,700 --> 00:30:49,700 Isn't even me. I fit, she literally was 634 00:30:49,700 --> 00:30:52,900 basically telling me if in her own words that she was having 635 00:30:52,900 --> 00:30:54,900 imposter syndrome in that moment. 636 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:57,100 And it was really interesting because I was like, wow, do you 637 00:30:57,100 --> 00:30:59,400 even think that someone like her that I look up? 638 00:30:59,500 --> 00:31:02,700 You so much, and I still do as a Pilates instructor that she 639 00:31:02,700 --> 00:31:04,200 feels that way from time to time. 640 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,700 No, Falcon wonder. I felt like it when I was 641 00:31:06,700 --> 00:31:09,600 teaching my first few classes. Like it is normal. 642 00:31:09,900 --> 00:31:12,300 In the more that you talk about it with the people that you 643 00:31:12,300 --> 00:31:14,800 know, could be experiencing similar things, the better you 644 00:31:14,808 --> 00:31:17,200 just going to feel about it in general and you're not going to 645 00:31:17,208 --> 00:31:22,200 have to have that attached emotion of anxiety and feeling 646 00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:24,200 like well I'm actually not good enough because you're like, 647 00:31:24,200 --> 00:31:27,000 well, none of us are perfect. None of us are really what good 648 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:28,800 enough, you know, there is no good enough. 649 00:31:28,900 --> 00:31:32,500 We are All here and we're all doing our best and it's not 650 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:36,800 uncommon normal for me to be feeling like there are things 651 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:38,800 that I could probably do better. That's a good thing. 652 00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,200 Like that's not a bad thing, use it for that. 653 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,300 Use it as that little reminder, like I said, earlier of that 654 00:31:44,300 --> 00:31:46,400 means they're probably something else that I have to learn. 655 00:31:46,600 --> 00:31:48,500 That probably means that there's actually more potential for me 656 00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:52,400 to grow and lean into that rather than seeing it as I'm 657 00:31:52,400 --> 00:31:54,400 always going to be the underdog. I'm always going to be the 658 00:31:54,400 --> 00:31:55,600 victim. I'm always going to be the 659 00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:57,900 person. That's not quite good enough, 660 00:31:57,900 --> 00:32:01,100 because it's not true. It really just comes back to 661 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,700 negative self-talk and if you want to work through that, I 662 00:32:04,700 --> 00:32:07,100 would encourage you to like I said earlier, write down. 663 00:32:07,100 --> 00:32:10,500 What those thoughts are something like CBT is really 664 00:32:10,500 --> 00:32:13,300 great cognitive behavioral therapy where you write down the 665 00:32:13,300 --> 00:32:15,700 thought and you write down the emotion that's attached to it 666 00:32:15,800 --> 00:32:18,600 and I can leave links for that down below for you guys, but 667 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:21,100 that's a really great way. If, you know, right now 668 00:32:21,100 --> 00:32:25,000 listening to this, that you have negative self-talk, that is 669 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,700 persistent that it affects your everyday that it really brings 670 00:32:27,700 --> 00:32:30,700 your mood down. I really We really encourage you 671 00:32:30,700 --> 00:32:34,100 to make that a regular practice because you can change the way 672 00:32:34,100 --> 00:32:37,200 that you think you can change the way that you see yourself. 673 00:32:37,300 --> 00:32:41,600 Absolutely my last point is number 6 and it is to remember 674 00:32:41,600 --> 00:32:44,500 that failure doesn't make you a fraud. 675 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:47,500 If you fail at something, it doesn't invalidate. 676 00:32:47,500 --> 00:32:50,700 The work that you have done previously to get there. 677 00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:52,900 Everything is a learning experience. 678 00:32:53,300 --> 00:32:57,200 Everything is going to teach you something like every experience. 679 00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:59,800 Even if it's shit, even, it's something that someone's Done to 680 00:32:59,800 --> 00:33:01,200 you. Something that was completely 681 00:33:01,200 --> 00:33:04,300 out of your control, you will learn through all of your 682 00:33:04,300 --> 00:33:07,100 experiences and something that you might even think is 683 00:33:07,100 --> 00:33:10,600 completely unrelated some job that you had that you just did 684 00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:13,500 to make money out of fucking pizza shop, and you don't even 685 00:33:13,500 --> 00:33:16,400 think about it. You have no idea how the little 686 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:19,000 bits of confidence that you built up at that job when you 687 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:23,500 were like 15 or whatever. Eventually grows, and helps you 688 00:33:23,500 --> 00:33:27,000 to grow, that self belief, that you can do hard things and you 689 00:33:27,000 --> 00:33:31,500 can push through and things are tough and And that opportunity 690 00:33:31,500 --> 00:33:34,200 that you had to push yourself. Even though maybe looking at it 691 00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:36,700 you're like, oh my God, I would never do that again, doesn't 692 00:33:36,700 --> 00:33:38,800 matter. It was valuable at the time and 693 00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:42,300 it helps you to build your life. Build your mindset, build that 694 00:33:42,300 --> 00:33:46,400 self-belief, especially if you are in a type of work, where it 695 00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:49,200 kind of happens in Seasons, like, this is really common with 696 00:33:49,300 --> 00:33:50,800 actors. This is really common with 697 00:33:50,800 --> 00:33:56,300 athletes, Anyone who puts out work, anyone who most, you know, 698 00:33:56,300 --> 00:33:58,400 most creatives, any kind of job like that. 699 00:33:58,400 --> 00:34:02,000 Where Some seasons are so busy. In some Seasons, you're really 700 00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:04,200 pushing, and you're getting a lot of returning to doing really 701 00:34:04,200 --> 00:34:07,000 well, and maybe you're going to go film something. 702 00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:10,600 Or you're playing on a season as an athlete. 703 00:34:10,600 --> 00:34:12,900 I don't fucking know things about sports, but you notice a 704 00:34:13,300 --> 00:34:16,100 hike, if you have seasons where it's really hectic, and then you 705 00:34:16,107 --> 00:34:19,699 have seasons where you're down and you just have more time off 706 00:34:19,699 --> 00:34:22,300 and you're able to do that in your job, which is great. 707 00:34:22,300 --> 00:34:24,699 It just means that things are not going to be consistent, so 708 00:34:24,699 --> 00:34:29,300 it's important that you don't see down Seasons or of course, 709 00:34:29,400 --> 00:34:33,400 failure and choosing to move on from something completely, as a 710 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:35,400 bad thing. It's not again. 711 00:34:35,400 --> 00:34:38,199 All of it is experience. All of it is going to help you 712 00:34:38,199 --> 00:34:41,400 down the road and if you have a season that goes up and down, 713 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:43,800 you're going to come back into an up season eventually, right? 714 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,400 You're gonna go back onto the field, you're going to put out 715 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,199 another book, you're going to record Another show, you're 716 00:34:49,199 --> 00:34:52,199 going to do, whatever it is, that is going to make you really 717 00:34:52,199 --> 00:34:53,699 busy again. You're going to go back into 718 00:34:53,699 --> 00:34:56,600 that crazy lifestyle. So, try to enjoy the moments 719 00:34:56,600 --> 00:35:00,700 where you don't have to do a lot and it isn't Hectic chatter, be 720 00:35:00,700 --> 00:35:03,600 in your relationships. Try to focus on yourself, try to 721 00:35:03,600 --> 00:35:06,700 take the time that you need to recuperate so that you can be 722 00:35:06,700 --> 00:35:12,200 ready to be your truest authentic, most confident self 723 00:35:12,200 --> 00:35:14,900 ready to grow, ready to put yourself out of your comfort 724 00:35:14,900 --> 00:35:17,000 zone. When the time comes guys, that 725 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,700 is everything that I have to share with you today. 726 00:35:18,700 --> 00:35:21,200 I just want to thank you so much for listening along and 727 00:35:21,200 --> 00:35:23,600 hopefully this helped you. If you have any questions or you 728 00:35:23,600 --> 00:35:25,800 want to talk about any of this, of course, please feel free to 729 00:35:25,800 --> 00:35:29,100 reach out to me on Instagram is the best place to reach me at 730 00:35:29,100 --> 00:35:29,800 the moment. Moment. 731 00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:33,300 Alyssa Taylor Harper is my at my tag. 732 00:35:33,300 --> 00:35:36,100 Oh my God. Stop I'm also on Tick-Tock Atlas 733 00:35:36,100 --> 00:35:40,000 tail Harbor and you can follow the Facebook group. 734 00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:44,500 The she said, what podcast group on Facebook and I accept people 735 00:35:44,600 --> 00:35:47,200 very specifically and I'm very aware of what the community 736 00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:48,900 looks like. So it is a safe space so if you 737 00:35:48,908 --> 00:35:51,400 want to go there and get the updates of course on the 738 00:35:51,400 --> 00:35:54,600 episodes or any extra materials or things that I want to share 739 00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:57,600 with you guys or even ask them questions and talk within that 740 00:35:57,600 --> 00:36:00,000 Community, please feel free to Join us. 741 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,700 And if you don't already follow on Spotify or apple podcasts, 742 00:36:03,900 --> 00:36:06,200 please feel free to do that because it helps me helps more 743 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:09,000 people see this show. And thank you so much for 744 00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:12,000 sharing this episode with your friends and whoever you think 745 00:36:12,000 --> 00:36:14,800 could use this in this season because I've just heard really 746 00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:18,000 great stories of people saying, hey my friend sent me this and 747 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:21,000 it actually did this for me. And I'll always be like, oh my 748 00:36:21,000 --> 00:36:22,600 God, you have such great friends. 749 00:36:23,400 --> 00:36:27,600 But thank you guys and I will see you next week. 750 00:36:27,700 --> 00:36:28,400 Bye guys.