You're listening to. She said what with your house
Alyssa Harper? Hey sexy people.
Welcome back to. She said, what if you have not
been here before then I just want to welcome you and let you
know that this is a space for you to come and grow to become
the best version of yourself. Whether we are talking about sex
and sexuality, relationships or self-growth, this is an
inclusive safe space for you. Today we're going to be talking
about dealing with imposter syndrome, which is a bit of a
buzz word now, and something that you've probably heard, It
before, but something that I didn't even really take the time
to dive into until recently, and it's something that I've
experienced a lot in my life, but I didn't know that we could
look at it a different way and we could actually get out of
that mentality of self-doubt. It's definitely a journey but
there are things in this episode that I going to help you to be
able to do that. And to just understand what this
feeling is, even more on a deeper level so that you can
actually work through it. So let's get right into it.
Click update on my week as per usual.
I've basically just been working a bunch trying to get whole
bunch of episodes. Ready for you guys, for when my
parents are visiting because they're visiting me and Sydney
here in two weeks, and I'm so excited because they haven't
visited me since they first came after I moved here and they came
like like five months or so. After I moved here and it was
really fun but like I didn't know the area, you know, like I
didn't really know. No things.
Whereas now I know shit. I know where to go.
I know it's going to be fun. Like I feel like it's going to
be so so good and I just miss them, so I'm really excited for
that. That's in two weeks.
But yeah, it's just been a bunch of having a good time with
friends, trying to get all the work done, trying to get all the
things nice and prepped for you guys.
So I can have a little bit of time off and my family's here,
but, yeah, I've been really well, and I actually just
started. If you guys have been watching
my Instagram stories, or keeping up with me on Tick, Tock a
little bit. I started therapy again, which
is really exciting because to me, like I ride to the podcast
and I do things on Tick, Tock and I talk to people about ways
to make their life like better and how to work through things.
But that doesn't mean that I don't do that myself.
If anything I should be doing that myself on my own, you know,
and so I'm really excited to be going back and just working
through. I am diagnosed with anxiety
disorder which she confirmed a few days ago so that was great.
Love that for me and I've been diagnosed with depressive
disorder. Her.
But depression is less of an issue for me, it's more the
anxiety. But yeah, I'm really excited to
be going through it and working with somebody and we had the
best, like, I went to her house, it was in.
Where is it like kind of like in our West Vibes?
And she lives in this bougie, little house.
She had the cutest outfit on, like showed a nice little candle
on. I was just like, hmm.
Like this woman she's a Vibe like I want to be like this
woman when I grow up, you know? And so I was really happy that
it was a good match because the worst thing is when you go To
like a counselor, something like that.
And like, it just doesn't feel like the vibe, is there.
It doesn't quite feel like you get on that.
Well, but I lucked out and I'm happy that I did, like the
research that I did beforehand to find the girl that I'm
seeing. So super pumped about that.
Let's get into the topic of today.
Imposter syndrome is really interesting because it's
something that wasn't actually coined until 1978.
The actual term it was coined by two American.
Logistics called Pauline clance and Susan Amos.
I think that's how we say. And it's just something that
people obviously have experienced throughout history.
But it's just this thing that we now have really honed in on and
been like, oh, this is actually a common thing, it's not just
nervousness in the workplace or it's not just not quite feeling
good enough about yourself. It really does make sense when
we look at it as being like a specific term, usually what this
looks like. If you Aren't familiar or if you
want bit of a refresher, this is like the feeling of not being
good enough. For the thing that you're being
asked to do or to be in the position that you are in.
It's usually this sense of I don't belong and I don't deserve
the things that I'm being given, like giving it being given a
promotion and being like, I don't deserve that.
Why are you giving that to me? That feels like too much.
I don't feel like I'm meant to be doing that, right?
It's even when someone is a very experienced writer, they finally
get a book deal. And it's like, I just never
thought this would actually happen that kind of feeling not
feeling like you have a seat at the table, like just not feeling
like you're meant to, and it's very, very common among minority
groups. So, specifically, women people
in the lgbtqia+ community, people of color.
It's also generally just really common among High Achievers, and
people that are constantly pushing themselves to be out of
their comfort zone. Because if you are doing a job,
Or something in your life like a relationship or whatever it is
and you're very comfortable in it.
You're not trying to necessarily grow in it, you're not trying to
necessarily move forward at. You're just kind of like comfy
and stable where you are, which isn't necessarily a bad thing
always, but say you're in that season, you're less likely to
experience it because you're used to your Norm, right?
You're used to your everyday situation where as when people
are high Achievers and they're pushing themselves when they're
trying to you know jump out of that comfort zone and really go
for it and go for gold. It can Happen so quickly.
And sometimes it takes a while for our brains to catch up to
the fact that this is what we are now doing with our lives, or
this is the promotion we're stepping into.
This is the relationship. We actually deserved all along.
So it's that feeling of Self Doubt.
I don't belong, and it's also really common among students.
And people who are say in internships, things like that
because they are in a learning phase.
In when you're learning, there is going to be some self-doubt
and some self correction. And that's almost.
Right in those Seasons. But it's important for you to
note. Maybe this is you to have a
moment to think about. Do I fall into any of those
minority categories? You know, in my student, it just
kind of a moment to think about what your context is going into
this episode, some symptoms, if you will of experiencing, this
is having a lack of confidence in your workplace.
Not wanting to take on new responsibilities.
Another one is being very sensitive to small mistakes or
feedback. If somebody gives you feedback,
Even if it's genuinely constructive criticism, you have
a hard time taking it in and accepting it for what it is
because your brains so quickly jumps to they think I'm shit.
You know, they are telling me I've done something wrong and it
can actually be really triggering for some people.
Another one is having this fear that you are failing.
Another one is that you are having a fear that you're
failing, your team like you are the one who's the underdog.
You're the one in the friend group, who's not funny enough.
You're the one in the friend group who is not doing enough to
support everyone. And you're constantly trying to
get people to show that, they appreciate you, you feel that
need for it because you're constantly worrying about not
measuring up. And the last symptom that is
really common is burnout and working yourself.
So hard to the point that you actually need to take time off
and can even have health issues come into your life because you
have pushed yourself so hard to try to measure up.
Up. I remember when I started
teaching Pilates, I felt like such an imposter.
Like I just felt like I wasn't made for this like this isn't
quite me like thanks guys, I'm so happy.
You guys are all so perfect at this and I'm so happy that you
just have that natural confidence to get in front of
people. And you know, I thought everyone
was just totally feeling cool and then I was on who's really
struggling? And before I went to go teach
for the first time, I was so nervous.
I did not sleep the night before I was like felt like I was gonna
puke. You like, it was horrible.
I felt so much physical anxiety. And I also do literally, like I
said, early have earlier have anxiety.
So, you know, it, the two together is just really intense
for me. That I remember feeling that so
strongly, because I was pushing myself out of my comfort zone
and now looking back, I'm like, wow, I was pushing myself out of
my comfort zone, which is an amazing thing.
I was pushing myself to grow. I was doing something that I
knew I could do that was going to make me more money, which
ultimately was going to give. Me more time off, which was
going to align with the things that I wanted to do at the time.
Like, it was absolutely in alignment with what I wanted to
do and what I needed to do for myself, but I had to still deal
with the emotions that came with that choice, and those emotions
were excitement but also fear and like this looking towards
the future and being hopeful about it.
But also questioning myself and having that self-doubt and being
like, I don't know. Am I good enough for this?
Had this as well with doing social media, right?
Even on a bad day, I can look at myself and go.
Wow, you know, I have this podcast where I talk about all
these things and people tell me all the time like the, you know,
this is really helped me through this situation in this situation
but I can look at myself needing to go.
See go to a therapist which I know is not a bad thing, but I'm
saying on a bad day. I can look at it and be like,
oh, I have to go see a therapist.
I don't have things worked out. Who am I to tell people what is
good and what's going to help them?
Like I have that, I still have that and I think Everyone
experiences that to some extent, but in certain Seasons, it can
be much more difficult and I want to just again remind you
that there's good news in this, right?
This isn't all bad because if you are pushing yourself out of
your comfort zone, you're growing.
Even if the thing that you try to do, doesn't work out even if
you choose not to do that thing for the rest of your life.
You're not quitting by doing that right?
Maybe you're moving on, you're trying different things and I
hear people say this to me all the time like Alyssa I To try
this thing in life. I want to study, I want to
travel, I want to be with family.
I want to date this person, but I also want to explore dating
and explore my sexuality. I want to do all the things I
feel overwhelmed by choice and it's a lot.
Like I just want to make sure I do the things that I need to do
and I'm always like, guys, you need to fail.
Here's, I know it sucks. I know, that's not like what you
want to hear, but you need to fail.
You need to try something and it not work out.
You need to try something else and it work out, but maybe it's
not quite right. Right, try something else.
Fail. Try something else, love it.
Oh my gosh, light bulb moment. I want to run with that.
Keep doing that thing. How can I now expand on that
thing like you need to go through the process and the
thing is we can't just think about the end result of where we
want to be. We can't just think about I want
to have that degree or I want to marry that person or I want to
just get this one thing in life that I think I need to get
that's going to make me happy. We need to enjoy the journey,
every step of the way. And No, it is easier said than
done, but it is so important because life is so much more
about the present rather than getting those things down the
line. And I will tell you that
influencing and doing the content creation stuff.
And all of that in my life, I started doing it years ago but
just because I loved it and I would just do it anyways, right?
I'd be out with my friends and we take photos and I'd enjoy the
process of like editing and you know, then eventually I started
doing video and I love the process of telling people about
different things that they could work on when it comes out.
Sexuality or just encouraging people along that journey and
doing what I do. Now, I did it because I love it
and I do it because I love it. But I did have this thing in the
back of my mind, where I thought, you know, once I hit
100,000 followers, are once I hit this Milestone once, you
know, Spotify starts working with me.
Once this person starts working with me, I'm going to feel so
amazing. I'm going to be like, feeling
like I made it and as much as those milestones and the 100,000
200,000 300,000, all of those Milestones have Amazing and have
felt really great in the moment. I felt like, yes, you know, this
is obviously just like proof that.
What I'm doing is helping people because people are coming to it,
it fades, it fades, very very quickly and as I'm just using,
obviously this, as an example, because this is my life right
now, which I know it's not super relatable because most people
aren't doing content shit. But obviously try to consider
your situation as well and how it kind of works with trying to
get certain jobs. Opportunities or trying to
finally have that degree. It's okay to not feel like those
big moments are as big as you thought.
They were going to be because they never are and like my
wedding day, for example, right. Eye for years.
I was like, I want to get married.
I can't wait till I'm married till I find that person and my
actual wedding day it was lovely.
I had a great time. I spent it with all the people
that I love in my life and the weather was amazing and it was
all these great things that happened but it wasn't like The
best day of my life. It wasn't, you know, and if
things fade and you can't look towards just the big moments
because the big moments don't happen, all that often.
But what does happen often is you living your life day-to-day
being aware of what's on your mind being aware of the thoughts
that you have and working on that internal dialogue.
That's what's going to bring you Joy.
That's what's going to bring you happiness and consistency and
get you to those Milestones. Absolutely?
Yeah but not make you feel like that's the focus and that is the
goal and that's what's going to make you happy.
You never stop feeling, imposter syndrome if you are growing, if
you feel imposter syndrome, it usually means that there's it's
a sign that there's still some sort of skill that you need to
learn or there's something that you're still wanting to achieve
or there's play there. Still a place you want to go
with it. That is a sign of like
opportunity. Right.
That is a sign of expanding and growth and that is exactly where
you want to be especially if you are young and a lot of my lot of
you guys are young and you're coming out of school and you're
figuring out what you want to do with your life and that is a
time where you want to be open to experience.
You don't want to have in your mind.
Okay, let's go. I'm going to finish this thing.
I'm going to do this. I'm going to get this job, then
I'm finally me happy. Then I'm going to get a family
that I'm finally gonna be happy and I have kids and I'm finally,
you know, it I'll keep going. And what we want to do is not
rely on that, not rely on those gold points and rely on the fact
that right now you're feeling like life is happening and it is
scary and it's big and it's coming at you fast and that's
okay. But take it day at a time and
just know that growth is amazing.
Putting yourself out of your comfort zone is amazing.
If what you are doing right now on a regular basis challenges
you, that's what you want because You aren't challenge, we
tend to feel bored, we become complacent.
There can even become like moments of depression that come
alongside just feeling really cushy cushy life is great,
having a soft girl era is great having moments where you need to
reel it back in and focus on. Just yourself is great.
I can tell you guys that I've absolutely done that in the last
like month or so at the start of the year.
I felt like I really worked so hard last year.
And I almost felt like I had a bit of burn out, and I remember
my partner and I just moved to the flat that we were in right
now, and I was just like, oh my gosh, I remember just like
laying in bed after this big move that we had.
And I was like, I just feel like I need a break.
I feel like I wish I could just sleep for a week.
I wish I could just stop for a week, like I just remember, I
kept saying, every time I would have some sort of breakdown
about this. I'd be crying or whatever.
I would just say to my partner. Like, I just need to stop.
I just need a break and it was so, Sting, I was so fatigued and
I took time, like I did not overwork myself.
I decided to stop teaching Pilates for some time and just
focus on content creation, and to not push myself over the top
with it, just do it to the point that I want to do it, and let it
be authentic, and take time to kind of restore and come back
into myself. And now, I feel like I have the
energy to do the things that I want to do.
And yes, of course, I'm still working through things, but I'm
in a space where I'm, I have that energy again and I
definitely Definitely went through this.
I went through the having the Imposter syndrome.
Push push push, push push and burn out.
This is me guys, I'm talking to myself.
Here, you would never have impostor syndrome.
If you never tried anything new, you wouldn't have to experience
it. This feeling of imposter
syndrome is you know more or less avoidable.
It is. But do we want to actually avoid
having this feeling come up? No, the biggest lie that you
tell yourself about impostor syndrome, is that?
People aren't feeling it. We look at people who are in the
positions that we want to be, whether that is in our
workplace, whether that is someone who is even a year older
than us in the program that we are in a school.
We look at somebody who is singing on a stage with all of
this confidence that we wish we had.
We look at someone who is a politician or somebody who is in
some high roll that we look up to who's maybe written a book
and you want to write a book, right?
And you look at these people and you think?
Wow! They have it.
All figured out. Wow, they must feel so
confident. How do they just go up there on
stage and they're so confident, They're laughing and they're
getting the crowd to live. How do they do that?
Like, I'm just not like that. I wish I was that kind of
person. I wish I was extroverted.
I wish I had. Those looks.
I wish I had that knowledge. All right, I wish I had those
experiences that person so lucky we diminish the experiences of
others who are in these higher up positions or in the position
that we want to be. We assume that they don't
experience these things, but if you take the time to research,
people who have talked about this widely, who are definitely
like, well off in life, and have achieved so many amazing things,
they feel it. Like we are all human.
We are all experiencing emotions as we go through different
experiences and there is nothing that makes you.
This one off person who just is shit.
Hot life. I can promise you.
What? Usually sets, those people apart
is actually the fact that they are willing to take those risks
that they are willing to fail that they are willing to
apologize, right? That they are willing to go out
of their way to jump forward and then maybe need to pull back at
times but they're willing to go for it.
When a lot of people simply aren't like a lot of people
don't prioritize their dreams. A lot of people don't prioritize
doing the things that they feel in their whether you want to
call it your soul or your gut or Ever.
It is those things that they really, really feel that they
should do a lot of people just don't do it, they just never get
themselves to do it. They always say, one day, when I
have the confidence one day when I'm this age, one day, when I
have a partner and I've settled down one day when I have a house
one day when I have this thing, but life happens and there is no
one day, you have no idea what's going to happen and I hope that
that doesn't bring you anxiety. I hope that the brings you peace
and just reminds you that that there is so much expansion for
you. There's so much life coming for
you and you get to sit in the driver's seat of that.
And as much as that is overwhelming, and trust me, that
overwhelms me too, I know that feeling.
It also means that you have control, you have the ability to
make Choice. Yes, things will happen to you
that we'll be out of your control but you constantly get
to make the choice every single day when you wake up, what
you're going to do with your experience, what you're Do it
that day. Absolutely.
There are things like mental health, disorders and financial
instability, and having to potentially care for a loved
one. There are lots of things that
can make it harder. But that doesn't mean that you
don't still have choice to make choices within that.
I remember the first time I went to an influencer event and I was
so nervous for it. I was so nervous and I had to go
alone, right? Like you guys don't realize
this, right? You think that like influencing
us are like fun and like, then look like Like picture me right?
Anxious ass getting up and being like okay, do the makeup, get
ready. I've Gotta Wear this outfit that
they've sent me and it was for like an active wear brand.
So I was like, you know, it's pretty like, I'm pretty active.
I'm very confident in that area of my life.
So I had that as like, a bit of like a crutch, I was like, okay
cool. Like I know I've got that but I
didn't know anyone going to this event.
I had to show up at one of the wharfs in the CBD, so that we
could all get on a boat and then take the boat to something
called the island. So that ass, like I'm Lock and
loaded. I have to go.
I'm gonna once I'm there I'm there like there is no going
back like I'm going to this thing to show up.
Have to go to this thing, do the whole event and come back on the
boat and have to make friends. And when you've got anxiety,
when you've got social anxiety, it's not the easiest thing in
the world, so I got ready. And I remember going and I was
texting Sam, my partner and being like Oh my God, I'm so
nervous. Like, please just be thinking of
me like I'm gonna need a lot of support when I come home, I
don't know, how it's gonna go. Like I was terrified and I
remember walking, Yup. And I just like bumped into all
these girls who are all wearing the same activewear and I was
like and I remember just walking up and being like so nervous and
some of them like oh we going to the event and I was like I am
and so then we just got talking and it was fine like it ended up
being fine. And in those moments I was
definitely sat there going. Oh gosh, like I didn't realize
that there'd be this many people here.
I'll look everyone looks so good.
Like everyone is so fit. Everyone is so even like thin
and right, there's body is Some stuff that can come up in those
moments whenever we got there and we went on the boat and we
showed him to the island. I was like we walk in there's
all this branding stuff everywhere and it's beautiful.
I am not complaining. All right.
I'm telling you this was this was a lovely event and I've been
to so many amazing events and have just like, I'm so so
thankful that I get to do that. Absolutely, but at the start, it
was pushing out of my comfort zone to do it.
And I knew I would never say no to the opportunity but I would
do it scared. And so that's how I felt.
So I went and I made These little connections that people
got to the island and I remember being like, okay, I'm gonna go
put my things down and then you don't know the people that
you're talking to, like, you don't know if they have a
million followers or if they have like 10,000 followers or if
they have 1,000 followers, you've no idea.
Not that it matters, but it can be, it can make you nervous.
If there is someone that you see as being, like, really, really
far on in the journey naturally, right?
Because this is like the workspace that I work at this.
Oh, they're like, someone who I'm like, oh they're really far
along, you know, that can make you nervous, but we're all
hanging out, we're taking photos.
Then we had to do this like pilates class and there's all
these mats laid out everywhere and I'm like, doing the Pilates
class and there's photographers walking around taking photos of
all of us in this active wear. And I'm like, fuck, like I'm
trying to like make it look so good.
I'm like, oh my God, is my form good.
Like, I'm like a little sweat. I'm like, hopefully no one sees
that. Like, it's so stupid, but when I
look back and I think about the way that my brain was in that
time, it's crazy because I was so nervous.
I was so self-critical. I was tearing myself down.
I was like, I just don't look right.
I don't look, you don't look good in this outfit.
Like everyone's better than me like I just know.
Like I just felt horrible but you know what?
I got through it and then as I was there, it got better and
better and I got talking to people and I got more comfy and
I realized no, this person. This person I'm actually really
getting on with well. So let's kind of keep hanging
out with them. Let's keep talking to them.
Let's ask questions. Let's do my best.
To do all the things that I know.
I'm supposed to do in conversations even though I'm
nervous and by the end of the day, like in the end, Event.
I just felt like I did it. I was so fucking proud of myself
and I just came back on the little boat and said bye to
everyone and I walked off and I was like like I did it.
Like I was scared but I did it. And now I have these connections
with people and even now, right, I have that when I go to
different things and I have to show up alone in literally just
walk into a room of a bunch of people.
And sometimes, you know, people drinking sometimes it's not like
a bar type of Club type of thing.
Sometimes it's not like an event space, you never really know
what it's gonna be like, you just walked It in and you have
to just introduce yourself to people in just, you know, it's
like showing up to a party lonely, could you imagine?
And it's not even just like a party of a bunch of people all
doing other random things. It's like a bunch of people,
like, taking photos of themselves.
And a lot of people who are potentially not wanting to talk
to you because they have their little group or there's some
like, pretentiousness there, you know, is not the most comfy
space to walk into. I've never really had too many
negative experiences and I probably won't share it when I
have had negative ones because Oh my God, some people are
crazy. Um, some influencers are not the
best, but generally it's been fine, but it's definitely a push
and I have to do those things and sometimes I fail at it.
You know, sometimes I want to go do the hard thing and I'm like,
all right, let's just have a few drinks before I go, you know, or
sometimes I want to go talk to that person and I would love to
introduce myself and I'm at an event and I'm like, oh, you
know, but then I just don't do it because I just don't feel
like I'm have the capability to do it.
I'm not I'm perfect. And I'm not saying that every
time you're going to suddenly be super confident to go and make
those little jumps and go say hi to that person or ask that
person on the date, or ask your boss about that raise.
Like, I'm not saying every time you're going to feel confident
to do it, but we can do it little bit by little bit.
Do it more and more in the more we do it.
The more confident we are going to get in it.
I want to finish this episode by going through all of the things
that I would recommend you do to cope through those situations to
get through that push. Put yourself into that little
bit of a uncomfortable position, so that you can continue to grow
because you deserve to grow, you deserve to be there for
yourself, and stand for yourself and push yourself.
You deserve that first thing that you can do, is remember all
of the accomplishments that you have had and the things that
you've done to get there. We often discount our experience
and think that we don't have enough.
We think that everyone has more, we think that we are just not
quite good enough. Everybody else.
Looks better or says the right things.
And we just aren't quite meeting that Mark, but you have very
likely done things to get to where you are now.
So, say, you're in a job, like will go back to my Pilates
instructor example because it's easy.
So, when I became a Pilates instructor at first, I was like,
what the fuck am I doing here? Like I don't know what I'm
doing. I don't feel like I'm ready to
do this. I've always people in front of
me and they all trust me as if I know what I'm doing and I don't
and I was like, I felt lit like an imposter.
I literally felt like an imposter.
I felt like, I Playing a role. And at one point, I was just
like, you know what, let's think about what I've done.
I've done the training. I've been trained in anatomy and
mat Pilates in reformer pilates. And I've done training through
my studio as well. I've had someone tell me, I want
to hire you because I think that you would be good at this thing.
So, not only am I, considering my own accomplishments number
two, who I'm considering the way that other people are actually
believing in me and other people have spoken that into me and
what I would love for you to to do.
If there's a way that you can do this with, your current
situation is to even physically and like, practically keep note
of those things. So, if you get someone who says
to you, you did a great job at work today.
Thank you so much. Write it down, I know it sounds
dumb, write it down. Sometimes, if I get a really
nice message about, hey, I'm really proud of, you know what
you're doing and I'm really thankful for this episode
because it did this for me, whatever, I'll screenshot it.
And I'll keep it in an album on my phone which at first I was
really embarrassed about. I was like, that's so like, oh
my God. Me keeping a folder of all.
The reasons why people like like me, that's so cringe.
But you know what? It would help me because I would
have days, I'd be like, ah, I don't know what I'm doing.
People don't care. This isn't going well, this
isn't going well be down on myself, right?
And then I'll be able to go to it and be like, oh, this is why
it's for that. One person who needed to hear
that, you know, this is why I'm showing up to Pilates and
teaching because it's this person who's like, this is my
favorite part of my week and this is part of my routine and
I'm so happy that you're a part of it and I would write it down,
I'd have other instructors come to my classroom.
Like, hey, I really like this and I would write it down and I
put it in my notebook and that physical thing that you can go
to when you're not feeling secure is so, so, so helpful, I
promise you number three is don't discount how you got
there. Not only should you be aware of
your accomplishments and be thinking about it, but be aware
of them. The negative self-talk, when
you're on the flipside of that. So if you are thinking, like,
I'm not good at this, what is wrong with me?
Why am I doing this? There's no way that I'm good
enough for this. Take a moment to literally stop
yourself. Like no, I'm going to change
that pathway in my brain. I'm going to change that way of
thinking, because that's actually not true.
And this is a great way that you can use.
Number two, when you have that physical evidence of, I am
actually fucking good at this thing.
You can go back and you can replace that thought and try to
even write down. This is the thought that I had,
I am not good enough. Number two, you're going to
write down. Actually, I fucking am and
here's an example of when told someone told me that I'm
actually meant to be here and I'm worth being here.
Number four is if it's not coming.
I'm from someone externally like a comment or something that
someone said to you you can make a list of all of the reasons why
you deserve to be there. That's not just looking at
accomplishments. That's everything.
That's why I deserve to be in this space.
Why someone like me needs to be in this role?
What, I know that I bring to the table that somebody else is not
going to bring in this role, what makes me individual and
unique, and special for this thing.
Number five is to talk to people about it, tell them like, I'm
actually feeling really nervous right now because you would be
surprised how many people feel the exact same way?
Think back to what I said earlier, right?
Even these people who are in these top, like, CEO positions
and we look at them, and we're like, wow, they've got it all
figured out they don't and ask people in your workplace, how
they feel about it, how they cope with it.
I went to a class last week with one of my favorite instructors
and she's amazing and she's been teaching longer than I have and
I've always looked up to her and I've always got just like
teaching tips and things from her and she went on a trip and
it was like a few week trip and she came back and I was talking
to her and she was like I was so nervous to teach coming back and
I've only taken a few weeks off, but I was just so nervous.
And I just, I feel like I'm like, playing a role again.
Like, I feel like it's coming out of my mouth.
Isn't even me. I fit, she literally was
basically telling me if in her own words that she was having
imposter syndrome in that moment.
And it was really interesting because I was like, wow, do you
even think that someone like her that I look up?
You so much, and I still do as a Pilates instructor that she
feels that way from time to time.
No, Falcon wonder. I felt like it when I was
teaching my first few classes. Like it is normal.
In the more that you talk about it with the people that you
know, could be experiencing similar things, the better you
just going to feel about it in general and you're not going to
have to have that attached emotion of anxiety and feeling
like well I'm actually not good enough because you're like,
well, none of us are perfect. None of us are really what good
enough, you know, there is no good enough.
We are All here and we're all doing our best and it's not
uncommon normal for me to be feeling like there are things
that I could probably do better. That's a good thing.
Like that's not a bad thing, use it for that.
Use it as that little reminder, like I said, earlier of that
means they're probably something else that I have to learn.
That probably means that there's actually more potential for me
to grow and lean into that rather than seeing it as I'm
always going to be the underdog. I'm always going to be the
victim. I'm always going to be the
person. That's not quite good enough,
because it's not true. It really just comes back to
negative self-talk and if you want to work through that, I
would encourage you to like I said earlier, write down.
What those thoughts are something like CBT is really
great cognitive behavioral therapy where you write down the
thought and you write down the emotion that's attached to it
and I can leave links for that down below for you guys, but
that's a really great way. If, you know, right now
listening to this, that you have negative self-talk, that is
persistent that it affects your everyday that it really brings
your mood down. I really We really encourage you
to make that a regular practice because you can change the way
that you think you can change the way that you see yourself.
Absolutely my last point is number 6 and it is to remember
that failure doesn't make you a fraud.
If you fail at something, it doesn't invalidate.
The work that you have done previously to get there.
Everything is a learning experience.
Everything is going to teach you something like every experience.
Even if it's shit, even, it's something that someone's Done to
you. Something that was completely
out of your control, you will learn through all of your
experiences and something that you might even think is
completely unrelated some job that you had that you just did
to make money out of fucking pizza shop, and you don't even
think about it. You have no idea how the little
bits of confidence that you built up at that job when you
were like 15 or whatever. Eventually grows, and helps you
to grow, that self belief, that you can do hard things and you
can push through and things are tough and And that opportunity
that you had to push yourself. Even though maybe looking at it
you're like, oh my God, I would never do that again, doesn't
matter. It was valuable at the time and
it helps you to build your life. Build your mindset, build that
self-belief, especially if you are in a type of work, where it
kind of happens in Seasons, like, this is really common with
actors. This is really common with
athletes, Anyone who puts out work, anyone who most, you know,
most creatives, any kind of job like that.
Where Some seasons are so busy. In some Seasons, you're really
pushing, and you're getting a lot of returning to doing really
well, and maybe you're going to go film something.
Or you're playing on a season as an athlete.
I don't fucking know things about sports, but you notice a
hike, if you have seasons where it's really hectic, and then you
have seasons where you're down and you just have more time off
and you're able to do that in your job, which is great.
It just means that things are not going to be consistent, so
it's important that you don't see down Seasons or of course,
failure and choosing to move on from something completely, as a
bad thing. It's not again.
All of it is experience. All of it is going to help you
down the road and if you have a season that goes up and down,
you're going to come back into an up season eventually, right?
You're gonna go back onto the field, you're going to put out
another book, you're going to record Another show, you're
going to do, whatever it is, that is going to make you really
busy again. You're going to go back into
that crazy lifestyle. So, try to enjoy the moments
where you don't have to do a lot and it isn't Hectic chatter, be
in your relationships. Try to focus on yourself, try to
take the time that you need to recuperate so that you can be
ready to be your truest authentic, most confident self
ready to grow, ready to put yourself out of your comfort
zone. When the time comes guys, that
is everything that I have to share with you today.
I just want to thank you so much for listening along and
hopefully this helped you. If you have any questions or you
want to talk about any of this, of course, please feel free to
reach out to me on Instagram is the best place to reach me at
the moment. Moment.
Alyssa Taylor Harper is my at my tag.
Oh my God. Stop I'm also on Tick-Tock Atlas
tail Harbor and you can follow the Facebook group.
The she said, what podcast group on Facebook and I accept people
very specifically and I'm very aware of what the community
looks like. So it is a safe space so if you
want to go there and get the updates of course on the
episodes or any extra materials or things that I want to share
with you guys or even ask them questions and talk within that
Community, please feel free to Join us.
And if you don't already follow on Spotify or apple podcasts,
please feel free to do that because it helps me helps more
people see this show. And thank you so much for
sharing this episode with your friends and whoever you think
could use this in this season because I've just heard really
great stories of people saying, hey my friend sent me this and
it actually did this for me. And I'll always be like, oh my
God, you have such great friends.
But thank you guys and I will see you next week.
Bye guys.