1 00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:03,800 You're listening to. She said what with your house? 2 00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:05,200 Alyssa Harper. Hello. 3 00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:06,900 Hello everybody. Welcome Back to. 4 00:00:06,900 --> 00:00:10,400 She said, what if you've not been here before, then welcome 5 00:00:10,400 --> 00:00:12,700 and I hope that you feel welcome. 6 00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:15,800 Whoever you are whatever. Walk of Life you come from this 7 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:18,600 space is for you. It's for you to become the best 8 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:22,900 version of yourself to get some advice to hear me talk a bit, a 9 00:00:22,900 --> 00:00:24,300 shit. And that's basically it. 10 00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:27,500 Um thank you so much and if you have been here before then, 11 00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:32,200 welcome back, I love you. This is the first video podcast 12 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:35,200 that I'm ever going to be releasing, which is so, so 13 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:40,400 exciting, because I've had this podcast for a year and a half. 14 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:45,600 Now, about a year and a half, and it's been like my home, 15 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,300 like, it's literally been my favorite space that I get to 16 00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:50,400 work out of and I work on Tick-Tock and I work on 17 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,700 Instagram but my podcast has been like the space where I've 18 00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:56,700 really been able to open up and share with you guys and I feel 19 00:00:56,700 --> 00:00:59,700 like it's the place that you guys tend to respond. 20 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:03,900 From your heart out of like, when I get DMS from you guys, 21 00:01:04,099 --> 00:01:06,100 this is where you guys are listening. 22 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:09,200 And so thank you so, so much for being here and I'm really 23 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,000 excited to be recording this episode. 24 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,000 I just this is something I've wanted to for so long. 25 00:01:13,100 --> 00:01:15,800 You guys have been asking me to do video podcast for so long and 26 00:01:15,800 --> 00:01:19,900 I'm finally able to do it. So today's episode is going to 27 00:01:19,908 --> 00:01:23,400 be so fun and I'm excited that we're doing a video podcast for 28 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:26,000 this episode because this is an episode that I've been wanting 29 00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,800 to make for so long because I get DMS from you guys. 30 00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:35,300 I like a bunch and this is the thing that I get asked all the 31 00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:39,300 time is, how do I know if I'm actually bisexual or like, how 32 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:42,700 do I know that I'm actually into women and I'm not just like, oh, 33 00:01:42,700 --> 00:01:47,100 attracted to women's bodies? Like, am I actually queer or is 34 00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:51,500 it just natural for me to be liking a woman's body more than 35 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:54,000 a man's body? And people get scared that 36 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,700 they're going to be queerbaiting, you know, that 37 00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:57,100 they're going to say. They're something that they're 38 00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,900 not that they're going to come out. 39 00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:01,100 And then they're only ever going to With guys and then they're 40 00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:04,700 gonna come off as, you know, like they're faking it or two 41 00:02:04,700 --> 00:02:06,300 trying to get attention or whatever. 42 00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:08,900 Whatever, you know, these are things that bisexual people face 43 00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,600 all the time. These are huge things that are 44 00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:14,500 set against us. You know, that we are greedy 45 00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:17,800 that we're looking for attention and none of it is true. 46 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:21,600 And today, it's going to be an opportunity for you to hear the 47 00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,900 ten things. I think I wrote 10 things. 48 00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:26,200 Yes, yes. I know what I'm doing. 49 00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:31,200 The 10 things that for me made me Why's that I genuinely am 50 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,300 bisexual. So these are things that of 51 00:02:33,300 --> 00:02:36,000 course are only from my experience, but maybe you'll 52 00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:37,900 relate with some of these things and you can go. 53 00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:40,100 Oh those are genuinely like markers. 54 00:02:40,100 --> 00:02:42,900 That can help me figure out if I am by. 55 00:02:42,900 --> 00:02:44,900 So maybe you'll relate with these things. 56 00:02:44,900 --> 00:02:47,500 Maybe you won't but let's get right into it. 57 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:54,500 Okay. Quick update on my week as per 58 00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:57,400 use. Um I quit my job this week guys. 59 00:02:57,600 --> 00:02:59,900 So I was so excited to update you on. 60 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:05,000 This because I have been a Pilates instructor for over a 61 00:03:05,008 --> 00:03:07,900 year. Now over here, has it been 62 00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:10,100 almost a year? I don't think it's been a year 63 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:13,400 yet. I became a Pilates instructor 64 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:18,500 because I loved Pilates. I loved going to classes and I 65 00:03:18,500 --> 00:03:21,800 was coming out of lockdown. This was, you know, ages ago. 66 00:03:22,100 --> 00:03:24,200 I was like, I reckon I could do this. 67 00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:26,100 Like I was just there and I was going. 68 00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:28,800 I want to do something that's like bigger than what I'm doing 69 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,900 right now at least. For me, something that's more 70 00:03:30,900 --> 00:03:33,400 meaningful to me. And at the time, I was working 71 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:36,000 in hospitality and I was like, I need to push, I need to 72 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,200 challenge. And so I did a Pilates 73 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:41,400 instructor course probably took me about like six months to 74 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,300 become like fully qualified and all of that and then I start 75 00:03:45,300 --> 00:03:46,500 teaching. And it's funny because when I 76 00:03:46,508 --> 00:03:49,500 did the course, I always said to myself, like, you know, if I 77 00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:52,400 never teach this is going to be something for me, you know, if I 78 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,600 never actually get to the point of teaching because I'm too 79 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:56,500 scared. I hated being in front of 80 00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:59,700 people, you know, I didn't have it all this kind of like a 81 00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:01,000 Syndrome. I was like, I don't think I ever 82 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,800 will do this. I was like I at least am doing 83 00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:07,200 this for me and my body and so I always said that if another 84 00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:09,600 opportunity came out, but came up, when I was applies 85 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,700 instructor or I felt like I wanted to move away from it, it 86 00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:16,000 was never a waste of time. It was never like a loss, 87 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:19,000 quitting would never be a negative thing. 88 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:21,500 But this is a job that I want to do because I know it's going to 89 00:04:21,507 --> 00:04:24,100 be a challenge for me. It makes my personal life better 90 00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:27,300 and it's just good, you know it's good to have challenges and 91 00:04:27,300 --> 00:04:29,900 obviously it was making more money doing that than I would. 92 00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:33,000 I was in Hospitality which is like a minimum wage job or 93 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,500 whatever. So I was really excited did 94 00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:38,500 that, you know, push that one point I was doing it full time 95 00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:41,500 which is actually technically only 25 hours a week, but you're 96 00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:43,700 teaching Fitness classes. So it's pretty intense. 97 00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:48,000 And I, you know, slowly work down to four days, three days, 98 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:52,100 two days. And now I'm finally fully doing 99 00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:55,200 social media like I am literally this is the first time in my 100 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,200 whole life that I've ever been 100% self-employed it's crates. 101 00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:02,300 I'm like I don't know how to do my taxes. 102 00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:05,100 I'm like, this is so weird. Like, how am I in this position? 103 00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:07,900 I think it is so strange, and if you guys have been watching me 104 00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:11,700 for a while, and you engage with my stuff and like, you've been a 105 00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:13,900 supporter of me, like, thank you so much. 106 00:05:13,900 --> 00:05:17,300 Because, like ice wake up every day and I'm like, this is 107 00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:19,100 insane. This is actually insane. 108 00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,700 So thank you so much for supporting me and listening and 109 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,100 that's it. That's basically my weekly 110 00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:26,600 update. I had a really nice day though. 111 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:30,500 The day with a few of my friends in Bondi Mets, some people as 112 00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:34,200 well and just like was having this amazing day at the beach 113 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:37,300 like hanging out like just talking about things that really 114 00:05:37,300 --> 00:05:38,700 mattered. I feel like it was one of those 115 00:05:38,700 --> 00:05:41,100 groups of people where everyone was really having like a genuine 116 00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:44,400 time and so that was really nice and then it randomly started 117 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:48,000 pouring rain and we're all like running back pouring rain like 118 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:50,200 everyone's running with their surfboards and like everything 119 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:51,500 it was like felt like a little movie. 120 00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:54,000 I was like, this is hilarious. So that was a really fun and 121 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,200 like magical day I just feel like I've had like a really 122 00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:58,400 magical week which has been nice. 123 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:00,600 And I've always had moments have been like Not feeling very 124 00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,300 magical. I'm PMSing a little bit right 125 00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:04,000 now. To be honest, I'm a little bit 126 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:05,600 spicy and a little bit irritable. 127 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,600 And I will say that setting up for this video. 128 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:12,100 I was here for like an hour moving things around figuring 129 00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:15,700 out what I wanted and with these episodes going forward it's not 130 00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:17,600 necessarily always going to look like this. 131 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,200 It might I don't really know. I kind of want to play around 132 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:22,200 and like see what I like, see what you guys like. 133 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,900 So like please give me feedback on like what you like when you 134 00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:28,800 see video podcast, what kind of like set you like and stuff 135 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:32,900 because this is My job now. So, I want to make it the 136 00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:35,700 absolute best, it can be and that's what I want to do because 137 00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:39,000 this is what I do now, apparently, let's get into 138 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,100 today's topic because again, this is something that I get 139 00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:45,700 asked about all the time, and I think it's a subject that's so 140 00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:48,900 important to talk about because it's like this kind of gray area 141 00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:52,100 in the queer community and people talk about this all the 142 00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:54,700 time, like queerbaiting, especially with celebrities is 143 00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:57,300 Harry Styles queerbaiting, you know, all of this. 144 00:06:57,300 --> 00:07:01,200 You see all these people, like Lady Gaga, I'm Billy eilish. 145 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:04,500 All these people were people will make these articles saying 146 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:07,400 you know, they haven't actually come out as bi or they haven't 147 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:10,200 actually come out as gay, but they're wearing this on stage, 148 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:12,300 they're painting their nails or they're doing this or they're 149 00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:14,600 holding up a pride flag out there show. 150 00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,900 Why are they doing that? That's queerbaiting? 151 00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:19,300 And you'll get people who are really in on that side of the 152 00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:21,700 argument. And then you get people who are 153 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:24,800 far, far far on the other side of like, who cares? 154 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,700 If you come out as gay one day and something else, the next 155 00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:29,800 day, do whatever you want. Labels don't matter. 156 00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:32,200 Live freely, you know. Some people are very, very, very 157 00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:36,300 open and I think that there's an argument on either side and I 158 00:07:36,300 --> 00:07:41,800 think it's necessary to be aware of the arguments on like either 159 00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,000 side of that. But at the end of the day, you 160 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:47,800 need to figure out what's going to make sense for you and you 161 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,200 figure out your sexuality. Has nothing to do with all of 162 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:54,800 that bullshit. Like, do not let the fear of 163 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:59,800 what if I come out as bi? And it's not actually 100%. 164 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:02,200 Accurate to me and it turns out that I'm actually straight arm 165 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:05,500 actually lesbian. I'm actually whatever it doesn't 166 00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,400 matter, it doesn't matter. Okay. 167 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:12,700 If right now a certain label feels good for you and maybe 168 00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:15,600 that's a specific label like lesbian or bisexual, or 169 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:18,400 pansexual, or whatever, then use that label. 170 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:21,700 If that label changes, then change it to a different label. 171 00:08:21,700 --> 00:08:25,400 There's nothing wrong with that and if you aren't sure in your, 172 00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:28,100 you don't want to commit to a label and maybe you never will 173 00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:31,400 want to and that's totally fine. Then you can say you're queer, 174 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,799 or you can say that you're not quite sure, or you might even be 175 00:08:34,799 --> 00:08:37,400 someone who just thinks that everyone is somewhere on the 176 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:40,400 Spectrum when it comes to sexuality and that's also fine. 177 00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:44,300 So I thought it would be helpful because this is what I usually 178 00:08:44,300 --> 00:08:49,200 hear from you guys is like, yes. But like how did you know that 179 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,200 you were bi? And you guys often ask for me to 180 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:55,100 tell stories and how did I really actually realize? 181 00:08:55,100 --> 00:08:59,600 Like I do like women in that way because the thing is when you 182 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:03,200 try If you're by, if I if I thought I was lesbian it would 183 00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:07,100 be because I would genuinely know that I'm like I don't want 184 00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:10,300 men at all. Like I really, you know, it's 185 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:13,300 like usually you'll hear when someone's lesbian not always, 186 00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:15,900 but often, you know, growing up, they have these experiences, 187 00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:18,000 they think they're meant to be straight because that's kind of 188 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:22,200 like the default within our society and they'll think that 189 00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:24,200 they're meant to be that way. And then they'd go on a date 190 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:28,200 with a guy and they just do not want to kiss him or they go home 191 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:31,100 with a guy they plan to have sex Them it gets to them before they 192 00:09:31,100 --> 00:09:32,300 want. They're about to have sex and 193 00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:35,600 they just like don't want to do it, they can't get themselves to 194 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,400 do it. That's a more common experience. 195 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:41,300 I feel like for lesbian people from what I've heard, I'm not 196 00:09:41,308 --> 00:09:42,400 lesbian. So, I don't know. 197 00:09:42,400 --> 00:09:44,500 And I never have had that experience. 198 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:48,800 I have always consistently still been attracted to men. 199 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:50,900 I have had times in my life where I've leaned more towards 200 00:09:50,900 --> 00:09:53,000 like women. I've had times in my life where 201 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:56,000 I lean more towards men in general when it comes to 202 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:59,500 attraction. But that also doesn't mean that 203 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:02,200 So people can't be in a relationship with one person 204 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:05,500 because obviously they can and a really big misconception with 205 00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:09,700 bisexuality is that there's like a certain like cup that needs to 206 00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:12,000 be filled with women and a certain cup that needs to be 207 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:17,900 filled with men which obviously is super binary and like split 208 00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:20,300 which obviously I don't think that and that's not how I think 209 00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:21,700 about gender. But this is what people 210 00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:24,200 typically will set. You know, is you have this Gap 211 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,900 that needs to be filled of women and this part of you that want 212 00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:30,200 to be filled with men and you're never fully going to be Fide 213 00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:34,700 because only one person can fill one of those spots and that's 214 00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:38,700 also not true. So, just to clarify bisexuality 215 00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:42,300 has to do with attraction and who you might be attracted to 216 00:10:42,700 --> 00:10:47,500 not what you need, and it doesn't necessarily reflect your 217 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:50,300 individual needs. I think that's really important 218 00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:52,700 to point out because a lot of people think, oh, know if I'm 219 00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:55,200 bisexual, doesn't that make everything really complicated? 220 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,500 If anything know it opens up arrange. 221 00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:03,100 It just means that you Literally be attracted to anybody and 222 00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:05,600 that's really exciting and really beautiful. 223 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:09,200 And it just means that anyone that you come across, could be 224 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,100 if it Sparks the right thing. And you, it could be a 225 00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:15,800 long-lasting potentially romantic potentially sexual 226 00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,300 relationship and that's really cool. 227 00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:24,000 Now, saying all of that, I'm gonna go into my points. 228 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,300 I'm going to say a lot more about my sexuality throughout 229 00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:29,700 this episode and I've talked to her bisexuality before on the 230 00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,600 Podcast. But I wanted to get as quickly 231 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,900 as I can into these points to give you guys clear markers of 232 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,600 what made me realize I was by. All right let's go. 233 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:45,200 Number one is doing. Am a my lesbian or am I by 234 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,400 quizzes all the time? Like for as long as I can 235 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,500 remember. Like when I was really young, 236 00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:54,800 like, really young to when I was in high school, to even when I 237 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:58,100 was in college. And this is after I started my 238 00:11:58,100 --> 00:11:59,700 relationship with the the partner. 239 00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:01,400 I am still with. Who is a man. 240 00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:03,700 I know don't be disappointed. Don't be mad at me. 241 00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:07,200 All right, he's a man, and I was literally with him and I was 242 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,400 still Googling it. Even though I knew like I had 243 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:16,000 had experiences with women, you know, I knew I was but and I'll 244 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:18,700 get into this later as to why it took me a lot longer to come out 245 00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:21,200 as bi but that was something that I did for so. 246 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:27,000 So long just trying to figure out who I was and you kind of 247 00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:29,600 I've heard people talk about this before as well, how they 248 00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:31,300 kind. And of had two experiences of it 249 00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:32,800 either. They noticed themselves 250 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:35,800 answering the questions to try to make it say that they were 251 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,600 straight. So they could just forget about 252 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,700 it especially when you're by because if you know you have 253 00:12:40,700 --> 00:12:43,800 this attraction to men as well then it's like, oh well I can 254 00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:47,300 just be into men, this is a big thing for me. 255 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:51,500 I for many years knew I was bisexual knew I was attracted to 256 00:12:51,508 --> 00:12:55,100 women, but it wasn't this thing where I accepted it. 257 00:12:55,100 --> 00:12:58,900 It wasn't like oh I you know, I think it's okay to do both these 258 00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:01,400 things because I grew up They just so I just know that I 259 00:13:01,408 --> 00:13:05,200 didn't think it was okay because I was like homophobic but I had 260 00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,200 internalized homophobia or biphobia. 261 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,800 I should say I had internalized biphobia. 262 00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:14,300 So in my mind I was thinking well even if I had the option 263 00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:17,900 between men and women which again it's not men or women but 264 00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:19,700 at that time that's how I would frame it. 265 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:22,800 I'm still going to choose men because if I were to choose 266 00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:26,500 women that wouldn't be what God would have wanted like, you 267 00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:29,900 know, maybe I am bisexual but I don't really ever need to Bring 268 00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:33,800 that out into public because why would I do that? 269 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:36,900 You know, why would I put myself in this place where I'm being 270 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:39,600 discriminated against? Why would I put myself in this 271 00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:42,700 place where I'm not allowed to be on stage at church anymore? 272 00:13:42,700 --> 00:13:46,200 Because that was like my whole life was being involved in the 273 00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,800 church? I loved it, you know? 274 00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:52,700 And so at one point, like I even if once I realized, like I'm 275 00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:55,700 definitely bisexual and I was like regularly having 276 00:13:56,100 --> 00:14:00,500 experiences with women or even just noticing I'm Attracted to 277 00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:05,300 women, I still was not at a place where I could actually say 278 00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:07,400 it, you know. So it's interesting how you can 279 00:14:07,400 --> 00:14:10,500 know it but you don't really come out. 280 00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:14,600 Like I didn't come out until later later later on even though 281 00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:18,400 I probably knew from the time I was like, pretty young. 282 00:14:18,400 --> 00:14:22,800 Like I want to see me be like 13, 14 was around the time that 283 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:26,000 I started seeing things are going a little bit crazy, which 284 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,800 brings me to point number 2, which was that I had complicate 285 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,300 friendships with girl. Earl's complicated friendships, 286 00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:33,600 man. Like, I don't know how to 287 00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:39,700 explain this one. It was not that I ever likes all 288 00:14:39,700 --> 00:14:43,300 my friends in a way that I shouldn't or that I was like, 289 00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:48,100 you know, overstepping, or towards them in a way that I 290 00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:52,200 shouldn't have been. But every so often, you know, I 291 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,300 mean, with all of my friends, but every so often there would 292 00:14:55,300 --> 00:14:58,400 be a girlfriend that came around, that I would be 293 00:14:58,400 --> 00:15:03,100 attracted to and I Literally be just different with them. 294 00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:06,800 And I didn't think I realized that it was me being into them 295 00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,600 until there was a girl that I was really into when I was like 296 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:12,800 14 and I was like, aw fuck. I was like, okay, I'm not 297 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:17,700 straight, but I always kind of had this, you know, the odd 298 00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:20,600 person that would come along and it was like, I would just be a 299 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,100 little bit like jealous towards them a little bit. 300 00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,800 Like I didn't like, when they would hang out with other 301 00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:29,100 people, like it would say it was like I was into them because I 302 00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,700 was But I didn't know. So I just thought I was 303 00:15:31,900 --> 00:15:35,100 possessive or a little bit weird, or I was someone who kind 304 00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,000 of hopped from best friend, a best friend, but I actually 305 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,100 wasn't like I had these friend groups kind of growing up that I 306 00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:42,400 moved, you know, from friend group to friend group, but it's 307 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,600 just interesting. I feel like it was complicated. 308 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,200 That's like the best word to describe it. 309 00:15:46,200 --> 00:15:50,000 Just, I didn't understand it. I sometimes would feel hurt at 310 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,000 things that they would do. If it didn't seem like he 311 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:56,100 considered me or if they would talk about a boy or something, 312 00:15:56,300 --> 00:15:58,300 maybe I would feel a bit uncomfortable by it, depending 313 00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:01,000 on the person, it was Complicated. 314 00:16:01,100 --> 00:16:06,500 And if I ever ended a friendship with a girl growing up it didn't 315 00:16:06,500 --> 00:16:08,700 feel like ending a normal friendship. 316 00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:11,200 If it was someone like this that I was attracted to to be clear. 317 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:15,000 Like it didn't feel like when you would normally phase out a 318 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:19,200 friendship as you would with anybody, it was like it felt 319 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:21,200 like there needed to be a breakup like I felt like there 320 00:16:21,208 --> 00:16:23,900 was like a conversation that needed to be had and like maybe 321 00:16:23,900 --> 00:16:27,500 in their opinion it wasn't that serious but to me it felt really 322 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,000 heavy. I don't know. 323 00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,300 Maybe you'll get if you know, you know. 324 00:16:31,300 --> 00:16:32,700 Okay, that's all I'm gonna say about that. 325 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:36,200 One number three is that I was oh actually I wanted to add this 326 00:16:36,200 --> 00:16:38,900 on to point number two is that I would be nervous to hang out 327 00:16:38,908 --> 00:16:42,400 with certain girlfriends and this was a big one like I would 328 00:16:42,400 --> 00:16:45,100 have certain friends at going over to the house. 329 00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:47,200 I was like it was like, I was getting ready for a date, like 330 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,700 it was the same experience and I don't know how at the time. 331 00:16:49,700 --> 00:16:53,800 I didn't fully step into like the queerness I think I just 332 00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:57,300 again there was biphobia and all these things like growing up. 333 00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:00,300 There was things that I would see on TV and it was All don't 334 00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:02,400 look at that because it was like, you know, like people 335 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:05,599 kissing like two guys kissing or two girls kissing things like 336 00:17:05,599 --> 00:17:08,300 that, where I thought I equated it with being this like kind of 337 00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:10,700 bad dirty thing and so I think that's why my brain wouldn't 338 00:17:10,700 --> 00:17:13,300 even go there, but I would literally be getting ready to go 339 00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:16,599 over to my friends house and I would be like nervous like I'd 340 00:17:16,608 --> 00:17:18,700 be like pacing around the house like okay do I have everything 341 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:21,000 and it was the same feeling that I would get before. 342 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,000 I would go to see like maybe a potential guy that I was going 343 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:27,700 to like start dating or something, you know, and it was 344 00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:29,600 interesting like you there was just these know. 345 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:33,500 Curves around certain women. And I always felt like I 346 00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:36,300 struggled with my relationships with women and honestly, to this 347 00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:40,600 day, sometimes I still do. Because when there's that moment 348 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,900 of, like, oh, I could potentially be attracted to this 349 00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:46,500 person. It can be a little bit like, oh, 350 00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:49,000 I don't want to fall into that if I potentially have that 351 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:51,600 feeling with now. Now, I don't like now I can. 352 00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:54,100 I'm aware of it. I think back in the day, I 353 00:17:54,100 --> 00:17:56,000 wasn't. So I didn't understand why I 354 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,800 used to just think it was like a social anxiety thing like I used 355 00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:03,200 to just think I am being this way because there's something 356 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,700 just like wrong with me. But it wasn't that it was that I 357 00:18:05,708 --> 00:18:08,300 didn't understand that there was like the sexuality element to 358 00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:09,500 it. Does that make sense? 359 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:11,900 I don't know. Anyways. 360 00:18:11,900 --> 00:18:14,500 All right. Number three is that I would 361 00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:19,900 struggle with the do I want you or do I want to be like you 362 00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:23,200 situation? And this was probably the first 363 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:26,500 time I really felt this was when like I said I was like 14 and 364 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,200 there was this girl and I was obsessed. 365 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:29,900 Boys. Get. 366 00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,800 I always get scared that. She's gonna like listen to my 367 00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,600 podcast. She doesn't. 368 00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:34,800 I hope she doesn't. Oh my God. 369 00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:36,400 Oh my God. That'd be so embarrassing. 370 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:42,000 But I literally was obsessed and it sucked because I was like, I 371 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:46,300 really wanted to be friends with her but like I just liked her so 372 00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:47,900 much more than I wanted to be friends. 373 00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:52,100 And so, it was like this thing where I'm like, if I hang out 374 00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:55,100 with you, I'm just going to be, like, attracted to you and it's 375 00:18:55,100 --> 00:18:59,800 gonna make me upset because she was straight, which I actually 376 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,500 don't think she's straight, at least now. 377 00:19:03,300 --> 00:19:08,000 But at the time she was straight and I was straight. 378 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:11,600 And so it just wouldn't have happened and I knew that and so 379 00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:14,800 he was like almost hurtful being around her. 380 00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:17,500 And so then I didn't want to be friends with her and then it 381 00:19:17,500 --> 00:19:21,700 would become this like Eration thing of like, almost a jealousy 382 00:19:21,700 --> 00:19:26,100 in this like, kind of resentment towards her give like think I 383 00:19:26,100 --> 00:19:28,400 shouldn't say this. I was gonna say like Thinkin 384 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,700 Cell Energy. It wasn't like that, but it kind 385 00:19:30,700 --> 00:19:32,600 of was like that. It was like this, like I can't 386 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,400 be with you, and it makes me like it kind of angry towards 387 00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,100 you and not because I want to be. 388 00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:39,900 But because it's this thing that's internally going on 389 00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:42,300 within me. And I haven't even really, I 390 00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:44,200 can't, I'm sure there's a proper word for that. 391 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,800 I don't know, I haven't even really impact that, but that's 392 00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:50,800 genuinely what was happening. And Feel like I got it. 393 00:19:50,900 --> 00:19:54,500 Our friendship was so on and off and we would like kind of like 394 00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:57,700 fight or I would kind of resent her or I would think she was 395 00:19:57,700 --> 00:19:59,300 really cool. But then like I wouldn't want to 396 00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:01,500 be like her. Like it was just this weird 397 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:04,500 drama that was probably mostly all in my head but it was 398 00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:07,900 because I would struggle with this back-and-forth of like do I 399 00:20:07,908 --> 00:20:09,300 like you? I don't know. 400 00:20:09,300 --> 00:20:11,400 Do I even like women? Is that even a possibility for 401 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:15,200 me mixed with like or do I want to be like you? 402 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:17,200 And if I do then you I don't like that. 403 00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,100 I want to be like you or I don't like the feeling of jealousy. 404 00:20:19,200 --> 00:20:20,900 See, blah, blah, blah, blah blah. 405 00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:25,800 Like it was very complicated. Okay, moving on, number four is 406 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:29,300 the by Panic that. I now I called by Panic by the 407 00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:31,100 time it was just Panic the panic. 408 00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:34,100 I would feel either changing in front of my friends or them 409 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:37,000 changing in front of me. Like I vividly remember the 410 00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,500 first time I was like at a friend's house at a sleepover 411 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:44,200 and she like casually started changing in front of me and I 412 00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:49,100 was like, I felt like I shouldn't look. 413 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:54,600 The way I was like, sweating. Oh my God. 414 00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,100 This is so funny thinking back. I haven't thought about this in 415 00:20:57,100 --> 00:21:01,600 so long. I literally was like don't look 416 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:04,000 don't look don't look. And it's this weird thing 417 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:10,400 because in my mind I felt like I shouldn't want to look, you know 418 00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,800 what I mean? But then I it wasn't that I 419 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:13,700 wanted to either because it was my friend. 420 00:21:13,700 --> 00:21:15,300 I just didn't know how to feel about it. 421 00:21:15,300 --> 00:21:17,400 I was like, I feel like this is wrong. 422 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,100 I feel like I shouldn't be weird about this. 423 00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:20,800 This, why am I so weird about everything? 424 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,100 And then I just, you know, I would be like, I just am 425 00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:25,500 socially weird, I haven't in social anxiety. 426 00:21:25,500 --> 00:21:28,300 Like, you know, I just thought I was so weird because of that, 427 00:21:28,300 --> 00:21:31,100 but it was actually because I was just like, oh, I feel like 428 00:21:31,100 --> 00:21:33,500 I'm being exposed to something that. 429 00:21:34,300 --> 00:21:38,200 Hello blue bug, go away. I felt like I was being exposed 430 00:21:38,200 --> 00:21:40,800 something that shouldn't be exposed to which like a straight 431 00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:44,900 person would not start sweating and like go bright red. 432 00:21:44,900 --> 00:21:46,700 Do you know what I mean? So that was just something that 433 00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:50,300 came up, something that I noticed And another part of that 434 00:21:50,300 --> 00:21:54,500 was like, actively noticing myself actively trying not to 435 00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,800 look at women in the way that I would actively try to not to 436 00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,600 look at men kind of thing. So, like Sam walking down the 437 00:21:58,608 --> 00:22:02,400 street and I would see a guy or in high school or whatever. 438 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:05,700 I can walk down the street and I see a guy he like, has his shirt 439 00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:08,200 off and he's like, super ripped or something and I'm like, oh my 440 00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:12,000 God, like you look any kind of look away because you're polite, 441 00:22:12,100 --> 00:22:15,200 you know, maybe one more, maybe just one more little, but that's 442 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:15,800 it. That's it. 443 00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,200 You know, you like you don't stare because that would be 444 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:19,500 rude. Right? 445 00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:23,600 And I that's naturally something that I think is like a rule of 446 00:22:23,600 --> 00:22:25,400 thumb or like an appropriate thing to do. 447 00:22:25,700 --> 00:22:27,400 If you're walking to the stream you see like an attractive 448 00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:30,000 person like it's just, why would you stare at them unless you're 449 00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,400 trying to like, talk to them. And let's just say that, that 450 00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,700 would be more of like a giving eyes. 451 00:22:34,700 --> 00:22:38,100 Like hey, you know, but I wasn't doing that and I do is I notice 452 00:22:38,100 --> 00:22:39,500 myself doing that with women as well. 453 00:22:39,500 --> 00:22:40,700 That was the whole point of that story. 454 00:22:40,700 --> 00:22:42,500 I got rambly. But that's the whole point is, I 455 00:22:42,508 --> 00:22:44,700 would walk past a woman and they would be the same thing where I 456 00:22:44,700 --> 00:22:46,400 would see them. And I would look down, I feel 457 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:50,500 like I did in my brain. I would just be like, Don't just 458 00:22:50,500 --> 00:22:53,300 stop all this. Let's just stop being weird and 459 00:22:53,300 --> 00:22:54,600 I would always just say that it's not being weird. 460 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,600 You're being weird, stop being weird and I wasn't being weird. 461 00:22:57,600 --> 00:23:02,400 I just liked women. So all right, number 5. 462 00:23:02,500 --> 00:23:06,600 Oh my God, this is a big one. Actually is I was like a very 463 00:23:06,600 --> 00:23:08,100 intense. A lie. 464 00:23:08,100 --> 00:23:10,800 Like I was a strong Ally Valentina. 465 00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:15,800 I literally, I was the strongest Ally, like I would watch a queer 466 00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:18,600 movie or something. And I would be like, oh my gosh, 467 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:21,200 like this. Is insane, like these people, 468 00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:24,400 they deserve better, you know, I'll be crying. 469 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:28,600 Like I really had like this heart, this intense passion 470 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:33,500 towards the queer community and most straight people can they 471 00:23:33,500 --> 00:23:37,300 can be Amazing Allies, but it's less likely that you would 472 00:23:37,300 --> 00:23:42,000 naturally have a very strong pull in a way where it like 473 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,000 emotionally. Like, you know, breaks you up 474 00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,600 really tears. You up as something that you're 475 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,600 seeing someone go through something like an Of queer 476 00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:51,800 experience or, you know, struggling with their queer 477 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:54,200 experience. Like, that is something that 478 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,800 would really affect me. And I mean, unless you obviously 479 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,800 grew up with parents that were really into it or like you had a 480 00:23:59,808 --> 00:24:01,400 certain influence, I didn't have that. 481 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,100 If anything, I had they opposite. 482 00:24:03,300 --> 00:24:06,600 I was told that, you know, that was something kind of be a 483 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:11,000 fearful of or that that was something that just isn't good 484 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:15,200 to be around or isn't how God designed you stuff like that. 485 00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:18,000 So I never you know if anything I should have felt the opposite 486 00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:21,800 way but I was like Like, oh my God, like brokenhearted when I 487 00:24:21,800 --> 00:24:23,200 would hear certain stories and movies. 488 00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,800 So I just I think that that connection with the queer 489 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,000 community and being an ally but not just being an ally like 490 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:33,300 really feeling deeply deeply connected to the queer community 491 00:24:33,300 --> 00:24:36,600 in a way that I would think that straight people wouldn't 492 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,500 necessarily. And I have seen that most 493 00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:41,600 people, you know, don't connect to the queer community and that 494 00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:43,100 way. All right, moving on. 495 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:47,800 Number six, is that I oh, hold on. 496 00:24:47,900 --> 00:24:49,900 Hold on, I come in. Covered this point. 497 00:24:49,900 --> 00:24:51,700 Okay, we're gonna move on. Number seven, just kidding. 498 00:24:52,300 --> 00:24:55,100 The number five just so you know, was being an intensely 499 00:24:55,100 --> 00:24:57,500 strong Ally in. Number six was the emotional 500 00:24:57,500 --> 00:25:00,200 connection that I felt to the queer community and like the 501 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:03,300 emotions and then also, like, the way I guess I can add this 502 00:25:03,300 --> 00:25:04,800 as well. The Ally part more. 503 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:10,200 So was that I really wanted to be a part of the queer community 504 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:12,100 in advocating for the queer Community. 505 00:25:12,100 --> 00:25:16,200 Like I really just like I, I felt angry. 506 00:25:16,300 --> 00:25:17,700 That's the only way I can describe it. 507 00:25:17,700 --> 00:25:21,000 Like, I felt angry. We that people weren't allowed 508 00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:25,000 to express themselves. I felt I felt angry that people 509 00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:29,000 felt ashamed of their sexuality. The reason I felt that anger was 510 00:25:29,000 --> 00:25:32,400 because I felt it. You know, the reason I felt so 511 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:35,100 torn up and would think about the queer Community a lot and 512 00:25:35,100 --> 00:25:38,800 especially as I got older and saw the way that the church 513 00:25:38,800 --> 00:25:43,300 approach talking about the lgbtq+ community, I was like 514 00:25:43,900 --> 00:25:45,800 angry about. It was like, this needs to 515 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:48,400 change because it hurt me personally. 516 00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:50,700 And that's the Friends. Like it wasn't just that. 517 00:25:50,700 --> 00:25:55,400 I was like, oh, that's really sad, you know, it was like how 518 00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:58,000 can you dare? They like I was so angry about 519 00:25:58,000 --> 00:26:02,700 it and it was because I was still so angry about the fact 520 00:26:02,700 --> 00:26:06,600 that I couldn't come out. And I never like had the 521 00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:10,400 strength to and then eventually I did which we'll get to um, 522 00:26:10,600 --> 00:26:15,900 number eight, is this one's so funny kissing my friends. 523 00:26:16,000 --> 00:26:18,900 When I was drunk in like high school and whatever which like 524 00:26:18,900 --> 00:26:23,900 you Yes, straight people do that sometimes Straight girls but for 525 00:26:23,900 --> 00:26:28,600 me, it was like, I wouldn't stop thinking about it like it would 526 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,700 happen because like people we just kind of like a normal thing 527 00:26:31,700 --> 00:26:36,800 that straight girls would do. But for me it was like not 528 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:39,900 necessarily in it wasn't like in front of guys. 529 00:26:39,900 --> 00:26:43,000 Like usually when people talk about all straight girls kissing 530 00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,400 like at a party it's like to do it in front of guys to like look 531 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,900 hot which is in my opinion pretty. 532 00:26:49,100 --> 00:26:52,100 Eddie and just I don't even want to talk about that. 533 00:26:52,400 --> 00:26:55,800 I just feel like it's gross and why would you do that? 534 00:26:56,300 --> 00:27:00,400 But to be fair I'm bisexual. So if I thought that that was 535 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,500 hot then like fair enough but that's besides the point we're 536 00:27:03,500 --> 00:27:07,100 not going into that. I would have experiences where I 537 00:27:07,100 --> 00:27:09,100 would be like kissing girls and I was out and drunk whatever. 538 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:12,500 But it wasn't around anybody, like it was like we I was 539 00:27:12,500 --> 00:27:15,000 literally just going out and having like these queer 540 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:17,200 experiences. But in my mind, I was like, hey, 541 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:18,500 this is what people do when they're drunk. 542 00:27:19,900 --> 00:27:22,600 It's so funny because I'm the next day I would wake up. 543 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,700 And I'd be like, oh my God. Like I literally, I remember. 544 00:27:25,700 --> 00:27:28,400 Oh my God, I shouldn't even tell you this, but I'm going to and I 545 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:32,200 was in high school and I was like, friends with this group of 546 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:34,900 girls or whatever. And this one girl, and I like, 547 00:27:34,900 --> 00:27:38,000 we all the girls stayed over and slept over at my house and her 548 00:27:38,000 --> 00:27:41,500 and I, I'm pretty sure I shared my bed or like one of the beds 549 00:27:41,500 --> 00:27:42,400 in my house. I can't even. 550 00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:46,500 I was pretty young. But anyways, her and I like made 551 00:27:46,500 --> 00:27:48,900 out and all this stuff and whatever and like that. 552 00:27:49,100 --> 00:27:51,500 Sleep together and like cuddle going to sleep together and like 553 00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:54,800 woke up together in the same bed in like in the morning. 554 00:27:54,800 --> 00:27:58,400 She was like, he my God last night was so fun like love you 555 00:27:58,408 --> 00:28:04,100 bestie and I was like, like, in my mind I was like, whoa, like 556 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:10,500 either, she's also gay and in denial or this is just normal. 557 00:28:10,600 --> 00:28:15,400 And what the fuck or she just doesn't feel what I feel, which 558 00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:17,600 I just didn't. I didn't know, you know, no one 559 00:28:17,600 --> 00:28:20,400 talked about it. I didn't No, if I was meant to 560 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:23,100 not be feeling that way, I felt creepy. 561 00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:26,800 And this is the thing is, I always felt like I was like, the 562 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:29,900 one who was being weird. I was the one who was like, 563 00:28:29,900 --> 00:28:31,400 thinking into things too much. You know? 564 00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:33,400 All you should be able to just kiss your friend and move on. 565 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,800 Whereas I was like, no, I'm going to be thinking about that 566 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,600 for a week skin. Oh, I can be falling asleep 567 00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,200 tomorrow night being like, hmm. I wish she was here. 568 00:28:40,300 --> 00:28:44,500 Like, that's how it was for me. But other people, I felt just 569 00:28:44,500 --> 00:28:48,000 like she brushed it off really easily and maybe that's the 570 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:51,100 difference, you know? I don't know the truth to that 571 00:28:51,100 --> 00:28:54,200 like I don't know if there's an answer to how you should feel in 572 00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:57,700 a certain scenario as a straight person as a by person as a 573 00:28:57,700 --> 00:28:59,600 lesbian. Like there is no answer, you 574 00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,500 know. But that's my experience and I 575 00:29:01,500 --> 00:29:04,900 always felt like I was being the one who like, read into things 576 00:29:04,900 --> 00:29:09,100 too much or maybe like was to like dramatic about things but I 577 00:29:09,108 --> 00:29:11,500 just liked women. Yeah. 578 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,000 So yeah, kissing my friends and I was out and then like actually 579 00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:17,100 thinking about it for a long time and then them just not 580 00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:20,200 anyways. Number nine, It's feeling like, 581 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,100 oh, this isn't a really interesting one, which I don't 582 00:29:22,100 --> 00:29:25,100 know how to explain this but feeling like I held masculine 583 00:29:25,100 --> 00:29:29,100 traits when being around women, that I was attracted to, like, 584 00:29:29,100 --> 00:29:33,700 going into like a mask energy. So if I was with a woman and 585 00:29:33,700 --> 00:29:37,400 especially this is more. So as I got older and I started 586 00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:43,700 to realize I was bisexual and it's more of a thing that not, 587 00:29:43,700 --> 00:29:47,000 it doesn't always happen even now, but it's just something 588 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:48,900 that like happens. I guess, what? 589 00:29:49,100 --> 00:29:53,100 Make sense like more in the more recent years is, it's like I 590 00:29:53,100 --> 00:29:56,800 become more of a masculine version of myself, not on 591 00:29:56,800 --> 00:30:01,600 purpose, but because I feel like I fall into a role that supports 592 00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:04,200 them in a way. So say I'm with a woman who's 593 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:08,400 like, very feminine and yeah, I guess it's like more of a 594 00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,400 feminine person. I feel like I fall into more of 595 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:16,500 like a masculine Vibe like little things like like being 596 00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:18,800 the one to feel like I want to like take care of them and ways 597 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:22,500 for Make sure they get home safe or like open the door for them, 598 00:30:22,500 --> 00:30:25,700 like things like that, which I don't mean, not even in like a 599 00:30:25,700 --> 00:30:28,300 flirting way. Like I might even do this 600 00:30:28,300 --> 00:30:33,600 towards a woman now without having any attraction towards 601 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:37,000 them, because it's just this thing that sometimes I feel like 602 00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:42,400 I do with women that I never used to do like I see myself on 603 00:30:42,400 --> 00:30:46,900 like this scale when it comes to like not even just my sexuality 604 00:30:46,900 --> 00:30:50,600 but also like gender. It when I'm with other women, I 605 00:30:50,600 --> 00:30:54,600 reflect things differently because of how I feel in 606 00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:58,700 comparison to them but not in a comparison way it like feels 607 00:30:58,700 --> 00:31:01,200 masculine and it feels like comfortable for me. 608 00:31:01,200 --> 00:31:05,100 It's really hard to explain in. Again, it's kind of on those 609 00:31:05,108 --> 00:31:07,200 things like if, you know, you know, and maybe you'll have a 610 00:31:07,200 --> 00:31:08,800 different experience so you won't know. 611 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:11,500 And so I could be talking to nobody with this one, but this 612 00:31:11,500 --> 00:31:14,800 was one that I had just noticed in the last few years that I 613 00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,300 thought was really interesting and I've never heard anyone talk 614 00:31:17,300 --> 00:31:20,600 about it and maybe It's just with people that you're into 615 00:31:20,600 --> 00:31:26,000 like girls that you're into but I feel like I will like find an 616 00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:30,300 energy that feels like it helps us connect and like sometimes 617 00:31:30,300 --> 00:31:33,200 with women who are super feminine sometimes I'm also 618 00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:36,800 super feminine and I'm like you know investi and like well in 619 00:31:36,800 --> 00:31:41,100 like we can still be flirty and still have that both be very 620 00:31:41,100 --> 00:31:46,000 feminine but sometimes even depending on where I'm at in my 621 00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:48,200 menstrual cycle which is a whole other topic. 622 00:31:49,200 --> 00:31:52,400 What kind of match, but in more of like, a masculine, like 623 00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:54,400 supportive way. I don't know. 624 00:31:54,700 --> 00:31:55,700 I don't know how to explain that one. 625 00:31:55,700 --> 00:32:00,300 Hopefully, that made sense and I will say quickly, which I've 626 00:32:00,300 --> 00:32:02,700 mentioned in. I think it was like cycle 627 00:32:02,700 --> 00:32:05,000 sinking my last cycle sinking episode. 628 00:32:05,200 --> 00:32:10,400 I was talking to Nam who I was interviewing and we were she's 629 00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:13,200 bisexual as well. And we were talking about how at 630 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:14,700 different points in your menstrual cycle. 631 00:32:14,700 --> 00:32:18,500 Sometimes you feel more inclined to be into like women or 632 00:32:18,500 --> 00:32:19,700 intimate. Men and her. 633 00:32:19,700 --> 00:32:23,800 And I both agreed on this that around testosterone or around 634 00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:28,900 ovulation, which is when you are your body's like, literally 635 00:32:28,900 --> 00:32:30,800 being like, have a baby have sex. 636 00:32:30,800 --> 00:32:33,500 Let's go. I feel like I tend to be more 637 00:32:33,500 --> 00:32:39,400 into men, which I don't know if that's a scientific thing. 638 00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:40,800 I don't know. I don't want to say anything 639 00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:44,800 like that but I we both are related on that one but then 640 00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:46,700 closer to like my period and all of that. 641 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:50,900 I tend to be more attracted to And and it's not just like, it's 642 00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:52,600 still, can come with like a sexual energy. 643 00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,700 Like it's not to say that only around ovulation is when me or 644 00:32:55,700 --> 00:32:58,000 Nam or whoever would want to have sex. 645 00:32:58,000 --> 00:33:00,000 But it's interesting how that can change even with your 646 00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,500 hormones month and month. So I don't know, maybe if you're 647 00:33:02,500 --> 00:33:04,500 bisexual and you want to think about that one, there you go. 648 00:33:05,100 --> 00:33:07,000 This is my last point and then that's it. 649 00:33:07,100 --> 00:33:11,500 Ten number ten is that I would, this is like going to be a 650 00:33:11,508 --> 00:33:14,200 really obvious one, but I wanted to talk about this at the end is 651 00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:21,500 that I would genuinely want to and have but Want to kiss and 652 00:33:21,500 --> 00:33:24,700 like have sex with women. Like it wasn't just in, this is 653 00:33:24,700 --> 00:33:27,300 the separation between. If you're trying to figure out 654 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:31,100 whether or not you are bisexual or if you like women, it's 655 00:33:31,100 --> 00:33:32,500 probably what you're kind of trying to figure out more. 656 00:33:32,500 --> 00:33:39,100 So do you like women or do you actually think you would want to 657 00:33:39,100 --> 00:33:43,500 pursue a woman in a romantic or sexual way or whatever? 658 00:33:43,700 --> 00:33:49,400 Because you can be bisexual and you can also be asexual He is 659 00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:54,100 when you are, this is very rough terms but you don't want to have 660 00:33:54,100 --> 00:33:59,600 sex with basically anybody you don't have want to have sex 661 00:34:00,000 --> 00:34:04,100 totally fine asexuality very very common like a huge part of 662 00:34:04,108 --> 00:34:06,600 the queer community and a very underrated part of the queer 663 00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:09,199 Community. Might I add not talked about 664 00:34:09,199 --> 00:34:13,300 enough at all, but you can be bisexual and asexual. 665 00:34:13,300 --> 00:34:17,400 So you don't have to have had sex with a woman to prove your 666 00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:19,600 bisexuality. You don't Have to have had any 667 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:24,000 romantic situation with a woman to prove that you are a lesbian 668 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:27,000 or that you like women. Like you don't need to have that 669 00:34:27,000 --> 00:34:34,699 and for me I felt like I it made me realize I do actually want 670 00:34:34,699 --> 00:34:37,600 that with women as well because I am someone who wants to have 671 00:34:37,600 --> 00:34:43,400 sex and I think that it is important that you still like 672 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:48,600 that you do genuinely want women in that way as well. 673 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,199 Not Is really sexually. Not necessarily romantically but 674 00:34:52,199 --> 00:34:54,600 there it goes beyond like friendship. 675 00:34:54,699 --> 00:34:59,300 I think there is like a line, you know, you can be bisexual 676 00:34:59,500 --> 00:35:04,200 and know that you like lean more towards men, you can be bisexual 677 00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:05,900 know you lean more towards women. 678 00:35:06,000 --> 00:35:09,000 You can be like a 50/50 split but I find people usually kind 679 00:35:09,000 --> 00:35:12,400 of go one way or the other. You could be someone who's 680 00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:15,200 bisexual and you think you lean towards men and then one day 681 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:17,600 meet a woman and then end up spending your whole life with 682 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,600 that woman. And then you know, Know who you 683 00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:21,800 didn't know you thought you knew and you didn't know. 684 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:25,900 And this is really common with bisexuality is that you just 685 00:35:25,900 --> 00:35:31,200 know that you are open to whatever and from there, who 686 00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,100 knows? Who knows? 687 00:35:33,100 --> 00:35:35,800 And that's why I never really say that I lean either way. 688 00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:40,900 But historically, I've been with more men because of my 689 00:35:40,900 --> 00:35:43,400 upbringing and because of the fact that I didn't actually come 690 00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:47,700 out as bisexual until a few years ago because I didn't I 691 00:35:47,700 --> 00:35:50,500 wasn't able to I was Allowed to. And so I'll give you guys the 692 00:35:50,500 --> 00:35:53,800 quick back story on me here. Is that if you haven't heard my 693 00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:57,300 story before, I grew up in Canada, I moved to Sydney 694 00:35:57,300 --> 00:36:02,300 Australia when I was 18 to do Bible College and I was going to 695 00:36:02,300 --> 00:36:04,000 become like a pastor, like, that was my whole thing. 696 00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,000 I was very involved in Singing in the church. 697 00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,500 And like, I love being on stage, and I loved singing. 698 00:36:08,500 --> 00:36:10,700 And to this day, I still love singing and I love music. 699 00:36:10,700 --> 00:36:13,300 And I have a piano right there that you can't see that. 700 00:36:13,300 --> 00:36:15,700 I just bought for myself for Christmas, which is so exciting 701 00:36:15,700 --> 00:36:18,300 because I haven't actually owned my own piano in four years. 702 00:36:18,900 --> 00:36:21,600 And so, while I mean, I guess I never owned a piano but I have 703 00:36:21,600 --> 00:36:23,800 my parents house so it's the first one I've ever bought for 704 00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,000 myself actually. I didn't realize that that's 705 00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:27,700 actually cool. So I was really excited about 706 00:36:27,700 --> 00:36:30,500 that and like I moved here for that. 707 00:36:30,500 --> 00:36:35,200 But within the church I was going to I was in this program 708 00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:38,400 to become a pastor and you weren't allowed to do anything. 709 00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,500 In this program you weren't allowed to drink. 710 00:36:40,500 --> 00:36:42,400 You want to smoke, you weren't allowed to have sex before 711 00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:45,300 marriage, and you basically weren't allowed to be gay, but 712 00:36:45,300 --> 00:36:48,400 they didn't say that. If you go, it's actually 713 00:36:48,408 --> 00:36:49,800 interesting. Thing I learned this later, if 714 00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:52,000 you go to like the rules, it's Hell Song. 715 00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:54,000 By the way, if you don't know what he'll song is that don't 716 00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,900 worry about it but it is Hell's on not going to make you, guess 717 00:36:58,500 --> 00:37:02,000 I read the code of conduct and it says like sexuality it says 718 00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:08,700 like we follow what pastors the main pastors names to have said 719 00:37:08,700 --> 00:37:11,000 about this? Then it like links to another 720 00:37:11,000 --> 00:37:14,400 article where they talk about how they believe that marriage 721 00:37:14,400 --> 00:37:17,400 is designed for men and women. So it like it makes it hard for 722 00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:18,700 you to realize what they actually. 723 00:37:18,900 --> 00:37:22,200 We believe and they don't say anywhere flat out that you can't 724 00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,400 be gay and go into the school program. 725 00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:27,900 They don't say it but they will kick you out if you're gay and 726 00:37:27,900 --> 00:37:31,300 that's what's so horrible is like they don't, they're not 727 00:37:31,300 --> 00:37:33,300 clear about what's okay and what's not, okay? 728 00:37:33,300 --> 00:37:36,300 And they like trick you into thinking that it's okay to be 729 00:37:36,300 --> 00:37:38,800 something and they say like come as you are and you're welcome 730 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:41,600 and like blah blah blah and then you show up and then you can 731 00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:45,100 literally get kicked out. So I didn't I didn't know this, 732 00:37:45,100 --> 00:37:48,800 I didn't know this moving here and I even had friends who 733 00:37:48,900 --> 00:37:51,600 Applied to move here. And then they later found out 734 00:37:51,600 --> 00:37:54,300 that they were gay and they came said all the stuff that they 735 00:37:54,300 --> 00:37:57,800 lied and all this stuff. Like I've seen so many issues 736 00:37:57,800 --> 00:37:59,800 with the church and queer people. 737 00:38:00,100 --> 00:38:02,900 And so I just always thought, you know what, even if I am 738 00:38:02,900 --> 00:38:04,800 bisexual, it's not a part of my life. 739 00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:08,000 I need to explore right now. I don't care to, I probably am 740 00:38:08,000 --> 00:38:09,900 gonna end up with a man, anyways, because I've only ever 741 00:38:09,900 --> 00:38:12,300 been with men, which, yeah, no fucking surprised because I 742 00:38:12,300 --> 00:38:14,200 didn't think I was allowed to be with women, my whole life. 743 00:38:14,200 --> 00:38:17,100 So why would I have had those experiences or like, why would I 744 00:38:17,100 --> 00:38:20,300 have Felt like I could date a woman. 745 00:38:20,300 --> 00:38:22,900 I should say. It was always kind of like this 746 00:38:22,900 --> 00:38:26,300 bad cheeky thing that I did, you know, this bad like like 747 00:38:26,600 --> 00:38:29,300 whatever, you know, but it was because I was just queer and I 748 00:38:29,300 --> 00:38:32,300 just was in the closet but the closet was made of glass, you 749 00:38:32,308 --> 00:38:34,900 know? Um, anyways, that's kind of my 750 00:38:34,900 --> 00:38:38,600 story, I moved here. Realized I was definitely 751 00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,500 bisexual, didn't know to do about it. 752 00:38:40,500 --> 00:38:43,600 Didn't wasn't able to come out with scared, wanted to be part 753 00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:47,600 of that church. And if I lost my Visa, I've been 754 00:38:47,600 --> 00:38:50,200 kicked out the country enough. Obviously have a lot left that 755 00:38:50,200 --> 00:38:51,800 school program. I would have lost my Visa. 756 00:38:52,000 --> 00:38:55,800 And so I decided to just like stay in the closet and I was 757 00:38:55,800 --> 00:38:59,600 also at that time when I was really feeling like I want to 758 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:03,000 come out was I was in this relationship with a guy who I'm 759 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:07,300 still with who's my partner and within, the first year of me 760 00:39:07,300 --> 00:39:10,200 being here, we were like so close and we loved each other 761 00:39:10,200 --> 00:39:13,200 and we were like like we want to live together, but we weren't 762 00:39:13,200 --> 00:39:17,500 allowed to live together. Because we weren't married 763 00:39:17,500 --> 00:39:19,200 because you weren't allowed to do anything. 764 00:39:19,500 --> 00:39:22,900 So we knew if we ever wanted to live together, we had to get 765 00:39:22,900 --> 00:39:27,000 married. And so I moved here and we 766 00:39:27,000 --> 00:39:29,600 literally dated for probably about like eight months like by 767 00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:31,500 the time was technically six months because we actually 768 00:39:31,500 --> 00:39:34,400 weren't allowed to date for the first six months of the program 769 00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:38,400 either guys, when I don't like, it's a cult and so called okay, 770 00:39:38,600 --> 00:39:40,200 first six months, we were not to date. 771 00:39:40,600 --> 00:39:43,500 And so we started dating by the end of those first six months, 772 00:39:43,500 --> 00:39:45,300 we start dating till the end of my first year in Australia. 773 00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:47,100 Yeah, we got engaged, six months later. 774 00:39:47,100 --> 00:39:49,300 We got married and we're still technically married. 775 00:39:49,300 --> 00:39:51,600 But we don't say we always say partner. 776 00:39:51,600 --> 00:39:53,000 We never say like husband and wife. 777 00:39:53,000 --> 00:39:54,900 It's so funny. We like joked about getting like 778 00:39:55,100 --> 00:39:58,800 divorced and shit because, like, whatever, you know, we always 779 00:39:58,800 --> 00:40:02,800 said, like maybe if we met now, we wouldn't be married if we met 780 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:04,100 six months ago. We obviously wouldn't be 781 00:40:04,100 --> 00:40:05,800 engaged. You know, it's just a different 782 00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,800 time of our lives and how we are now, when we've kind of gone 783 00:40:08,800 --> 00:40:11,700 through different seasons of talking about what, you know, 784 00:40:11,700 --> 00:40:16,700 exploring my queerness or whatever into a Relational or 785 00:40:16,700 --> 00:40:19,100 like sexual sense and whatever what that means for us and 786 00:40:19,100 --> 00:40:21,800 that's been a whole journey and definitely something we are 787 00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:24,900 still. It's an ongoing thing that like 788 00:40:24,900 --> 00:40:26,900 I probably wouldn't Felicia are about, to be honest on the 789 00:40:26,908 --> 00:40:31,100 podcast right now, but I've just had a whole kind of interesting 790 00:40:31,100 --> 00:40:34,300 past with it, where I basically was not allowed to come out, and 791 00:40:34,300 --> 00:40:37,400 I basically was not allowed to be queer and it's only been in 792 00:40:37,400 --> 00:40:39,900 the last few years that I've been allowed to do this and step 793 00:40:39,900 --> 00:40:42,100 into this. And so I've just like, I'm 794 00:40:42,100 --> 00:40:44,900 pretty intense, love a person. If you haven't noticed where I 795 00:40:44,900 --> 00:40:47,900 just Oh, go really in on things and I'll do a lot of research 796 00:40:47,900 --> 00:40:52,000 because I care a lot and I really want answers and I'll go 797 00:40:52,000 --> 00:40:55,200 and read all the books that are over on my bookshelf, all about 798 00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:58,600 sex and like, greedy by Jen Winston, which is a great 799 00:40:58,600 --> 00:41:00,400 resource. If you want to hear more about 800 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:03,400 somebody's Journey coming out as bisexual and realizing that they 801 00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:08,200 were bisexual or by which is a book about like the history and 802 00:41:08,200 --> 00:41:10,400 the science and everything behind bisexuality. 803 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,100 And that's another one that taught me a lot about who I am 804 00:41:13,100 --> 00:41:14,900 and help me understand why I am the way I am. 805 00:41:14,900 --> 00:41:18,800 But Yeah, that's it. I don't know if there's anything 806 00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:20,500 else I want to share specifically. 807 00:41:20,500 --> 00:41:21,800 And let me check in a little note. 808 00:41:21,800 --> 00:41:26,500 He's, that's it, guys. Um, there's a lot to say about 809 00:41:26,500 --> 00:41:28,700 this topic. It's very complicated. 810 00:41:28,700 --> 00:41:31,500 And if you're feeling overwhelmed, then that's okay, 811 00:41:31,500 --> 00:41:33,800 and that's completely normal. And if you still feel like, 812 00:41:33,800 --> 00:41:37,100 you're not sure right now, then that's okay. 813 00:41:37,100 --> 00:41:39,100 If you're feeling disappointed because you're feeling like 814 00:41:39,100 --> 00:41:42,000 you're leaning one way or the other, a, you're thinking, okay, 815 00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:44,900 I actually am in to women. I'm a woman who likes other 816 00:41:44,900 --> 00:41:46,500 women. Or you know, you're not buying 817 00:41:46,500 --> 00:41:49,600 or any like other women or you know, by any like anybody and 818 00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:51,700 whatever, you know, you're one of those people where you like 819 00:41:51,700 --> 00:41:54,500 this could be a queer experience for me, and that's really scary 820 00:41:54,600 --> 00:41:55,800 that. I'm sorry about that. 821 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:58,800 I'm sorry, because that is a journey that I went on and it 822 00:41:58,800 --> 00:42:01,500 can be scary, you know, there's a lot of unlearning. 823 00:42:01,500 --> 00:42:05,000 There is potentially a lot of like, biphobia and internalized 824 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:07,400 homophobia and things that you need to unlearn. 825 00:42:07,500 --> 00:42:11,100 And yeah, that's scary. But it's a journey that is worth 826 00:42:11,100 --> 00:42:13,300 going on and it is something. Oh my God! 827 00:42:13,300 --> 00:42:14,900 Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. 828 00:42:15,400 --> 00:42:18,900 Okay, hold on. So so so sorry to be pausing 829 00:42:18,900 --> 00:42:22,300 like this but I have just seen that there is a firefly. 830 00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:26,300 What, why is there a firefly in my house? 831 00:42:26,300 --> 00:42:27,200 I am. Okay. 832 00:42:28,400 --> 00:42:34,100 Hello. You guys I'm back. 833 00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:37,900 Okay. Um Firefly Miss Firefly is still 834 00:42:37,900 --> 00:42:40,500 in the room with us. She's still here with us and I'm 835 00:42:40,500 --> 00:42:42,800 very sorry. If I look a little sweaty, if I 836 00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:46,000 look like I've gone through some things in the last 10 minutes, I 837 00:42:46,000 --> 00:42:50,000 have sorry about that and I will say that as much as it's going 838 00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:52,300 to be a difficult Journey that you're going to have to go on. 839 00:42:52,300 --> 00:42:54,200 It's not going to be as hard as what I just endured. 840 00:42:54,200 --> 00:43:00,800 So, Anyways, look let's just I think we're gonna end on that 841 00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:03,700 excitement. It's a journey to go through. 842 00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,700 If you're feeling stressed and whatever, please, feel free to 843 00:43:06,700 --> 00:43:09,700 reach out to me. I answer all my DMs on 844 00:43:09,700 --> 00:43:12,100 Instagram, Melissa Taylor Harper, is my Instagram. 845 00:43:12,300 --> 00:43:16,400 And I also do Tick-Tock as well. We have some fun on there which 846 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:18,300 is actually technically, like, my main platform. 847 00:43:18,300 --> 00:43:20,000 I don't know. Also, we'll listen Taylor Harper 848 00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:22,800 if you want to go connect. With me, then go find me over 849 00:43:22,800 --> 00:43:25,600 there. And if you guys enjoyed today's 850 00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:29,100 podcast, I asked them, please go ahead and follow on other 851 00:43:29,100 --> 00:43:32,700 Spotify or apple podcasts or like wherever you listen, give a 852 00:43:32,707 --> 00:43:35,800 little download, give a little save glove, a little a little 853 00:43:35,800 --> 00:43:38,500 love, maybe a little rate and review, I don't know if you 854 00:43:38,500 --> 00:43:40,900 loved it, let me know if you hated it and you have feedback. 855 00:43:40,900 --> 00:43:44,100 Please again, let me know because this is for you. 856 00:43:44,100 --> 00:43:46,100 This isn't what I mean. This is for me because I love 857 00:43:46,100 --> 00:43:49,100 doing it but it's like for Eugene, I mean I do this for 858 00:43:49,100 --> 00:43:52,600 you, let me know if you like the fact that you can see me now. 859 00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:56,700 If you hate it, then I'm sorry. You can just close Close the app 860 00:43:56,700 --> 00:43:58,900 I guess. And that's it. 861 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,900 Thank you guys so much for listening and I'm really 862 00:44:01,900 --> 00:44:04,700 passionate about this topic and I love talking about sexuality. 863 00:44:04,700 --> 00:44:07,200 I love talking about bisexuality, I love bringing 864 00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:09,900 like some education around it and giving people some like 865 00:44:09,900 --> 00:44:12,400 insight into it because I think it needs to be talked about 866 00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:15,300 more. I like, don't know of a lot of 867 00:44:15,300 --> 00:44:19,800 bisexual, like Advocates and I don't feel like I see this a lot 868 00:44:20,300 --> 00:44:23,200 and it's something that I want to see more and more and more of 869 00:44:23,200 --> 00:44:25,900 because I think it's powerful. And I think the more that we 870 00:44:26,200 --> 00:44:29,400 Talk about these individual specific, queer experiences, 871 00:44:29,400 --> 00:44:32,300 that we have growing up that maybe made it confusing for us 872 00:44:32,300 --> 00:44:35,700 like, the more we can relate and not feel like we're alone in 873 00:44:35,700 --> 00:44:36,900 this. And I think that's really, 874 00:44:36,900 --> 00:44:39,600 really, really important. And I did actually just want to 875 00:44:39,607 --> 00:44:42,200 say one last thing, as well, as if you kind of are leaning on 876 00:44:42,200 --> 00:44:44,600 the thing of being like, Oh, I think I might actually just be 877 00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:48,800 straight because I don't think that I see women in the way that 878 00:44:48,800 --> 00:44:52,500 I see men, and that's also, okay, like, you can still be 879 00:44:52,500 --> 00:44:56,700 this amazing, a lie, you can still be, you know, Around the 880 00:44:56,700 --> 00:44:59,200 community and doing things for the community and supporting 881 00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:02,900 your queer friends and I appreciate you coming to that 882 00:45:02,900 --> 00:45:06,500 realization and not trying to be a part of the queer Community 883 00:45:06,500 --> 00:45:10,700 because it definitely comes with a lot of struggles and like the 884 00:45:10,700 --> 00:45:14,000 whole point of really being a part of the queer Community is 885 00:45:14,000 --> 00:45:17,400 because it can be hard to go through that journey to struggle 886 00:45:17,400 --> 00:45:20,500 with your sexuality to struggle. All these things into realize 887 00:45:20,500 --> 00:45:23,400 that like, but you have a community that supports you in 888 00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:26,500 that you have these shared like, traumas or like These shared 889 00:45:26,500 --> 00:45:29,200 experiences and you can go through that together and talk 890 00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:31,800 about that together. And then, of course, celebrate 891 00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:35,000 queer Joy, which is so, so important and talk about amazing 892 00:45:35,000 --> 00:45:38,400 queer stories in ways that the fireflies moving around, okay? 893 00:45:38,400 --> 00:45:40,500 And we're going to go. Okay, thank you so much. 894 00:45:40,500 --> 00:45:41,800 See you guys next week. Bye.