1 00:00:00,280 --> 00:00:03,720 CS Lewis has a really good role for life. 2 00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:06,800 You can take it as your own if you've never heard it before. 3 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:10,520 He says it's a good role after reading a new book to never 4 00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:13,600 allow yourself another new one until you've read an old one. 5 00:00:14,360 --> 00:00:17,080 It's great wisdom. He says that because we are 6 00:00:17,080 --> 00:00:21,000 great at seeing things from our point of view, We're really good 7 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,440 at seeing things from our perspective from within our own 8 00:00:24,440 --> 00:00:27,200 cultural tradition and ideas worked out according to our 9 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:30,760 assumptions. But we read old books because 10 00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,320 historical distance can be a corrective. 11 00:00:33,720 --> 00:00:35,960 We can read old people and realize that our perspective 12 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:41,240 might be wrong and the dead can provide wisdom to the living. 13 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:44,360 So in that line of thought, we're going to go back 300 years 14 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:48,440 and want to wash over you the the wisdom of marriage from the 15 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,920 Puritans and then go back even further 1700 years before that 16 00:00:52,440 --> 00:00:54,960 to the wisdom that God provides in his word. 17 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:59,280 Even 300 years ago, the church spoke of biblical marriage, 18 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:02,680 calling it an inextinguishable flame of love. 19 00:01:04,239 --> 00:01:06,520 And the church Speaking of marriage says it's a virtuous 20 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,000 friendship. And what they meant by a 21 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,640 virtuous friendship is is 2 people that are seeking the 22 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:12,960 highest good in the other person. 23 00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,640 They want what's best in the other. 24 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:19,560 Thomas Adams wrote there is no such fountain of comfort on 25 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:23,640 earth as marriage. Edward Taylor said it's a 26 00:01:23,640 --> 00:01:26,600 curious knot that was tied in paradise. 27 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:31,720 Robert Cleaver There could be no greater society or company than 28 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:35,760 is between a man and his wife. And this is the only 29 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:40,880 relationship in existence where the 2 become one flesh. 30 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:43,080 It's the only one we can rightly say that is the only 31 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:45,680 relationship under heaven that is a covenant. 32 00:01:46,960 --> 00:01:50,640 And I read last week about true friendships and this author said 33 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:54,520 that true friendships is like one soul inhabiting 2 bodies at 34 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:56,280 the same time. And we say if that's true about 35 00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:59,480 friendships, how much more can we say that of marriage where 36 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:03,760 it's one soul in two bodies? It's the highest and best 37 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:06,720 relationship that God has given us in this world, which is why 38 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:10,800 another Puritan, Thomas Hooker, says the man whose heart is 39 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,760 endeared to the woman he loves hath her in his eye in 40 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,040 apprehension when he awakes, muses on her as he sits at the 41 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:20,320 table, walks with her when he travels and converses with her 42 00:02:20,320 --> 00:02:23,560 in each place where he comes. She lies in his heart and his 43 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:27,040 heart trusts in her, which forces all to confess that the 44 00:02:27,040 --> 00:02:30,400 stream of his affection, like a mighty current, runs with full 45 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:35,960 tide and strength. Richard Baxter It's a mercy to 46 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,000 have a faithful friend that loves you entirely and is as 47 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:41,760 true to you as yourself, to whom you may open your mind and 48 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,040 communicate your affairs. And who would be ready to 49 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:47,040 strengthen you and divide the cares of your affairs and family 50 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,680 with you. And to help you bear your 51 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:51,600 burdens and comfort you and your sorrows, and be the daily 52 00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:55,040 companion of your lives and partaker of your joys and your 53 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:57,240 sorrows. And it is a mercy to have so 54 00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,160 near a friend to be a helper to your soul. 55 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:05,160 So whatever the Puritans believed marriage was, it was 56 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,400 beautiful. It's a very, very precious 57 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:11,200 thing. And I want to say as hope for 58 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:15,080 you, as hope for your marriage, their ideal can be your ideal. 59 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,680 And the Bible's design for marriage can be your design. 60 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:22,160 The the fruit that Bible gives for marriage can be your fruit. 61 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:26,000 Your marriages can be sweet and tender and full of trust and 62 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:32,360 passion and playfulness if you submit to the Word of God. 63 00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:37,080 But it takes hearing God's Word and doing God's Word. 64 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:41,040 Matthew 724 will appropriate it. As He says, to build your house 65 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:44,520 on the rock, will say to build your household on the rock. 66 00:03:44,520 --> 00:03:46,240 That is Jesus Christ in His Word. 67 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,600 Jesus says Everyone who hears these words of mine and does 68 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:53,240 them will be like a wise man who built his house upon the rock. 69 00:03:53,240 --> 00:03:55,960 And the rain fell and the floods came and the winds blew and beat 70 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:59,480 on that house, but it did not fall because it had been founded 71 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:03,880 on the rock. And for those husbands and wives 72 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:08,760 who despise and ignore the wisdom of God in this area, or 73 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:11,680 who choose to build their marriage on the wisdom of the 74 00:04:11,680 --> 00:04:15,680 culture, the goals for marriage, of the culture, they're designed 75 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:16,959 for marriage. They're ordering of the 76 00:04:16,959 --> 00:04:18,760 household. And do that instead. 77 00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:23,400 Jesus says you will be like a foolish man who built his house 78 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:27,000 on the sand and the rain fell and the floods came and the wind 79 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:31,120 blew and beat against that house and it fell and great was the 80 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:35,200 fall of it. Fast forward 300 years. 81 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,280 What happens to houses that are built on the sand? 82 00:04:38,280 --> 00:04:40,640 What is What does it look like practically? 83 00:04:40,920 --> 00:04:43,840 What Jesus is saying to build your house on the sand? 84 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:48,320 It looks like 37% of American children growing without 85 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:53,000 biological parents in their household, the highest figure in 86 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:57,760 the Western world. It looks like 40 to 45% of 87 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:01,480 marriages ending in divorce and a divorce rate here that's three 88 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,520 times higher than the world average. 89 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,720 The average duration of first marriage is lasting less than 90 00:05:06,720 --> 00:05:11,120 eight years. And it looks like only 46% of 91 00:05:11,120 --> 00:05:13,680 adults right now are married at all. 92 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:17,160 To which we say, surely this is not God's standard. 93 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:24,480 Do not build your house on the sand, but with those with ears 94 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:27,280 to hear. Remember, God created this 95 00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:29,880 institution. God created marriage and He 96 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:32,880 designed it. He designed it to picture to the 97 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:35,360 world something about his love for his church. 98 00:05:35,640 --> 00:05:38,600 He designed it, He made it, and he called it very good. 99 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,360 And to those who follow the wisdom of the Bible and the 100 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:44,240 pattern that God has ordained, He promises this. 101 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:47,880 You will be blessed. So the closest passage in the 102 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:50,720 Bible, if we were going to look for a manual on marriage, the 103 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:52,520 closest thing we can come to is Ephesians 5. 104 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,040 It's called the the household code. 105 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:59,160 You can turn to Ephesians 522 to 33, which is the longest 106 00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,000 handling of the ordering of a Christian marriage. 107 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,240 We say particularly for husbands. 108 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,520 That's found anywhere in Scripture, and it teaches the 109 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:10,920 most basic truths of marriage. This is the ABC's of marriage, 110 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:14,440 the absolute foundation that you have to build your marriage on. 111 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:16,880 And I invite you to turn that passage again as we read 112 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:20,440 together Ephesians 5, beginning in verse 22. 113 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,880 Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, writes, Wives, 114 00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:28,200 submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. 115 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,000 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the 116 00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:35,600 head of the church, his body, and is Himself its Savior. 117 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:40,000 Now as the Church submits to Christ, so also wives should 118 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,760 submit in everything to their husbands. 119 00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,280 Verse 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the 120 00:06:46,280 --> 00:06:49,800 Church, and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, 121 00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,200 having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, 122 00:06:52,360 --> 00:06:55,480 so that he might present the Church to himself in splendor, 123 00:06:55,880 --> 00:06:58,720 without spot or wrinkle, or any such thing, that she might be 124 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:01,720 holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should 125 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,560 love their wives as their own bodies. 126 00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:06,120 He who loves his wife loves himself. 127 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:09,080 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and 128 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,960 cherishes it, just as Christ does the Church, because we are 129 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,200 members of His body. Therefore a man shall leave his 130 00:07:15,200 --> 00:07:17,000 father and mother and hold fast to his wife. 131 00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:19,160 Then the two shall become one flesh. 132 00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:22,480 This mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to 133 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,240 Christ and the Church. However, let each one of you 134 00:07:25,240 --> 00:07:28,200 love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she 135 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:32,960 respects her husband. Write this down and remember it. 136 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:38,200 Satan hates marriage. And in the garden, if you go all 137 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,200 the way back to the beginning, he was there immediately. 138 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:44,880 He wasted no time. God said that marriage was very 139 00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,120 good. He had said it as a a picture of 140 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:49,560 the the gospel itself. And so Satan was there in the 141 00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:52,600 beginning opposing it and he set his heart to destroy it. 142 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:57,520 Genesis 224 said therefore a man shall leave his father and hold 143 00:07:57,520 --> 00:08:00,120 fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. 144 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:04,800 Very next verse Genesis 225 and the man and his wife were naked, 145 00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,800 and we're not ashamed. Very next verse chapter 3 verse 146 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,760 one. Now the serpent was more crafty 147 00:08:10,760 --> 00:08:12,120 than all the other beasts of the field. 148 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:17,120 He wastes no time and he whispered lies into the ears of 149 00:08:17,120 --> 00:08:21,480 Eve saying, you don't need to submit to your husband and you 150 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,440 don't. You don't need to submit to God 151 00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:27,120 who is your heavenly husband. There's a better way than 152 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:31,560 marriage as God designed it. Eat the apple. 153 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,280 And she saw, and she took and she ate. 154 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:39,960 And where was her husband? Her husband was was there and he 155 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,600 was abdicating his responsibility. 156 00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,400 And he watched, and then he took, and then he ate. 157 00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:48,000 Genesis records it in chapter 3. When the woman saw that the tree 158 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,920 was good for food, and that it was a delight to the eyes, and 159 00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,640 that the tree was to be desired to make one wise, she took of 160 00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:57,240 its fruit and ate, and she gave some to her husband who was with 161 00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,760 her, and he ate. Then the eyes of both were 162 00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:03,560 opened, and they knew that they were naked, and they sewed fig 163 00:09:03,560 --> 00:09:06,240 leaves together and made themselves loincloths, and they 164 00:09:06,240 --> 00:09:08,560 heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the 165 00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:12,480 cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the 166 00:09:12,480 --> 00:09:17,680 presence of the Lord God. So Satan has hated marriage from 167 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:22,760 the very beginning, and he relishes in extending singleness 168 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:26,760 as long as he can. And he relishes in separation, 169 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,440 and he relishes in divorce. And he doesn't just hate 170 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:32,760 marriage. Satan hates your marriage. 171 00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,600 He wants you divorced and he wants your children vulnerable. 172 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,240 He wants you living as roommates and not as lovers. 173 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:42,920 He wants you sleeping in different rooms. 174 00:09:43,520 --> 00:09:46,960 He hates when you kiss. He hates when you hold hands. 175 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:50,080 He hates weekend retreats. He hates date nights. 176 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,760 He equally loves when husbands abdicate their leadership roles 177 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:57,240 to their wives. He loves when husbands work long 178 00:09:57,240 --> 00:10:01,960 hours, and he loves both chauvinism and feminism because 179 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:06,600 he is the author of both. And he whispers into the ears of 180 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:10,080 the woman saying, surely God did not make man the leader of his 181 00:10:10,080 --> 00:10:12,840 household. And he writes into television 182 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:13,720 scripts. You've seen it. 183 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:18,120 And he writes into comedy skits that fathers are stupid and 184 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:22,400 they're not worthy of the respect of their families and 185 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,640 his desires that wives not respect their husbands. 186 00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:28,760 And the outcome is that we believe a real woman is 187 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:30,960 independent and she doesn't need a man. 188 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:35,160 And so we confuse freedom and independence with biblical 189 00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:37,240 strength. And so women become weak rather 190 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:40,080 than strong. And then Satan whispers into the 191 00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:42,120 ears of men. He says, look at your strength 192 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,200 and your stature and your authority. 193 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,080 Surely you are meant to rule over your wife. 194 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,880 And his desire is that husbands do not love their wives. 195 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,040 And so strength becomes humility. 196 00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:58,600 Not humility and servitude, but domination and control and 197 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,800 unilateral decision making. And so the outcome is dominance 198 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,040 and control are confused with biblical strength. 199 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:07,080 And men again become weak rather than strong. 200 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,520 And to both husbands and wives, Satan whispers in their ears 201 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,400 saying your spouse exists for you to get what you want out of 202 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,400 life. And what's the outcome of that? 203 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,920 If we believe marriage primarily exists to make us happy, and 204 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:23,120 then we're not happy, then we disregard marriage because it's 205 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:29,680 not fulfilling its purpose. So the truth of Ephesians 5 is 206 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:33,240 that marriage is not about you at all, has very little to do 207 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:35,960 first and foremost with you. Paul says in verse 32, our 208 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:38,240 marriage is a mystery. And as a mystery, it's 209 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,080 communicating something else. It's communicating something 210 00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:45,080 that has nothing to do with you. It's first and foremost about 211 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:46,800 Jesus Christ and his love for his church. 212 00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:51,080 So the strength of your marriage is first, not in your its 213 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:53,880 ability to make you happy. It's its ability to point to the 214 00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:56,000 gospel and the love that Jesus has for his church. 215 00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,440 That's first and foremost the strength of your marriage. 216 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:03,400 And the second is its capacity to make you not happy, to make 217 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:06,800 you holy. It pictures Jesus Christ and it 218 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:10,080 makes you like Jesus Christ, which is why Paul Tripp says of 219 00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:11,320 marriages. They're not vehicles for 220 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:13,600 happiness, but instruments for redemption. 221 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:16,480 And when you look at it as an opportunity for it to sanctify 222 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,920 you and to wash you, all of a sudden it becomes something very 223 00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:21,560 beautiful. And when these marriages are 224 00:12:21,560 --> 00:12:26,360 ordered correctly, then there's seasons, seasons where you are 225 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:29,840 tremendously happy, which is why there's a London Baptist named 226 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,800 Samuel Stennett. He says the woman was created 227 00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,840 and given to the man in marriage, not merely for the 228 00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,720 purpose of propagating the species. 229 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:38,400 It's not just a means to an end, he says, but for that of 230 00:12:38,400 --> 00:12:41,040 promoting his and her own Felicity. 231 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:45,280 That is their highest happiness. Marriage has the ability in a, 232 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,760 in its season to make you tremendously happy. 233 00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:51,360 And the design of marriage, as you've seen, has been there from 234 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:53,120 the beginning, since before the fall. 235 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,400 This design and ordering has been there in the beginning. 236 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:59,880 God created Adam. The highest and best of God's 237 00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:03,000 creation was male and female. He brought them together in the 238 00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,680 institution of marriage and he called it very good. 239 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:09,080 He made woman to be man's helpmate, his azer. 240 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:13,280 We're going to speak on that, and this design of marriage is 241 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:17,520 what our passage in Ephesians 5 is communicating, and it teaches 242 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:20,760 this design of marriage in the context of living a spirit 243 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:23,800 filled life. So the spirit filled life, 244 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,920 praise God, is not lived in a vacuum. 245 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:27,280 This is not something that's theoretical. 246 00:13:27,280 --> 00:13:28,960 This is not something that theological. 247 00:13:28,960 --> 00:13:31,680 But God takes these grand truths and the beauty of Ephesians 4 to 248 00:13:31,680 --> 00:13:35,440 6, as He says, and now it has implications for how you joke 249 00:13:35,440 --> 00:13:39,920 with your friends and what you do at work and how you talk to 250 00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,480 one another and for your life and for your interaction with 251 00:13:42,480 --> 00:13:45,680 your children, your friendships, your relationships. 252 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,080 And the main verb that came all the way back in verse 18, you 253 00:13:49,080 --> 00:13:51,560 could look back. The main verb is be filled with 254 00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:55,080 the Spirit, and that verb endures through section headings 255 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,480 and paragraph markers, and it works its way all the way down 256 00:13:57,600 --> 00:14:01,200 into this passage. And we said two weeks ago that 257 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,880 these participles that are depending on this main verb are 258 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:06,520 related to it in one of two ways. 259 00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:11,640 It's either result, meaning that because we're filled with the 260 00:14:11,640 --> 00:14:14,160 spirit, then we communicate to one another in psalms, hymns, 261 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:17,040 and spiritual songs, and we express gratitude and we're not 262 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:19,520 filled with much wine. And children are obeying their 263 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,360 parents, and wives are submitting to their husbands, 264 00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,160 and husbands are loving their wives. 265 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:28,800 Or it's communicating means, meaning if you do these things, 266 00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,920 if you are addressing to one another in psalms, hymns, and 267 00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:34,560 spiritual songs, if you are refraining from much wine, if 268 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:37,760 you are submitting to your husbands and loving your wives, 269 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,520 then you will be filled with the Spirit. 270 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:44,480 So whether being filled with the Spirit is the root or the fruit, 271 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,120 in this case, it makes no difference for you. 272 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,680 Ephesians 522 to 33 is the pattern for your household, 273 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,840 whether it's the root or the fruit, this is your life. 274 00:14:53,840 --> 00:14:56,240 When somebody looks at you, they should say, I've seen this 275 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:58,480 before. I've seen it in Paul. 276 00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:01,120 And so he takes the spirit filled life and now it gets very 277 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:02,960 personal. He brings it into your 278 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:06,000 household, your relationship with your children, as Chris 279 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,000 preached last week, your relationship with your wife, 280 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,240 your relationship with your husband. 281 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:18,240 And if your cry is that I don't feel like my life is blessed in 282 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:21,960 these areas, then this morning's the opportunity to examine 283 00:15:22,120 --> 00:15:25,080 whether you're living to these bedrock, foundationable 284 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:27,360 principles for marriage. This is a chance to examine your 285 00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:30,480 life, examine your heart, examine your marriage, and see 286 00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,120 whether they conform to God's standard. 287 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,080 So Paul's going to address husbands and wives. 288 00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:38,480 He starts with the wives. So we'll start with the wives 289 00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:42,320 and he gives them wisdom for how to live successfully, for how to 290 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:44,760 live well in their own household. 291 00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,560 And we'll follow this pattern. There's a, a repeating theme. 292 00:15:47,920 --> 00:15:49,720 You're going to see what we'll follow it through with the wives 293 00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:51,120 and then we'll go back and follow it through with the 294 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:53,840 husbands. He gives the address who he's 295 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,840 talking to. Then he gives the imperative or 296 00:15:56,840 --> 00:15:58,600 the a command that is to be obeyed. 297 00:15:58,880 --> 00:16:02,960 Then he gives amplification, he amplifies it and then he gives 298 00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,080 the motivation for it. So we'll see the addressee, the 299 00:16:06,080 --> 00:16:10,040 imperative, the amplification, and the motivation, beginning 300 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:13,960 first with the wives. Read verses 22 to 24 with me 301 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,080 again. We'll refresh our memory. 302 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:20,560 He says, wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. 303 00:16:21,440 --> 00:16:24,400 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ, as the 304 00:16:24,400 --> 00:16:27,760 head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 305 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:31,440 Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should 306 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:34,320 submit in everything to their husbands. 307 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:39,080 So the address is to the wives. That's clear. 308 00:16:39,080 --> 00:16:42,360 And and the imperative that he gives is submit to your 309 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:46,640 husband's, submit to your husband's as the leaders of your 310 00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:49,880 households. And that word submission is very 311 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,440 important. It means to to put into 312 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:54,800 subjection to be under the authority of or to take a 313 00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:59,640 subordinate place of or position to and this was a military word 314 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,560 which meant literally to fall under rank. 315 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,640 And it's important to to understand that what Paul is 316 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,560 asking is you say, do I have to do everything my husband tells 317 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,319 me to? Paul says this is volitional. 318 00:17:10,319 --> 00:17:12,720 This is of the will. He's saying as a as an extension 319 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:16,960 of your service to Jesus Christ, submit your your will to your 320 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,319 husband's. He's saying it's, it's 321 00:17:19,319 --> 00:17:22,319 volitional. Enjoy submit yourself. 322 00:17:22,319 --> 00:17:24,440 And it's also important to understand that this is 323 00:17:24,440 --> 00:17:25,960 something that Paul's not just commanding the wives. 324 00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,480 This is something he commands of all of us. 325 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:29,360 You go back one verse to verse 21. 326 00:17:29,360 --> 00:17:31,880 He says all of you submit to one another. 327 00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:33,680 This is what we do as a local church. 328 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:35,280 We do it every time we have a membership here. 329 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,480 Do you submit to these individuals as they are 330 00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:40,520 submitting to you to keep us believing, to keep us oriented 331 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:42,560 toward Christ even when we follow the way. 332 00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,440 This is something that we're all called to submissions. 333 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:50,000 The pattern of every believer. And when you come to Ephesians 334 00:17:50,160 --> 00:17:53,080 522, you'll see that that verb is even missing. 335 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,640 It doesn't say wives submit to your husbands. 336 00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:59,880 It's actually literally reading this way, submitting to one 337 00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:03,440 another out of reverence for Christ, wives to your own 338 00:18:03,440 --> 00:18:06,960 husbands. And so he's saying generally, 339 00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:09,960 there's a general sense in which we all submit to one another. 340 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:13,560 And then there's a specific sense in this household that God 341 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,880 has ordained in this nuclear family that the wives submit to 342 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:20,320 their own husbands. And she says also that she 343 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,120 submits as an aside to her own husband. 344 00:18:23,480 --> 00:18:25,960 That word is there and and husbands are leaders of their 345 00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:27,440 own wives. This is not saying that every 346 00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:30,480 wife has to submit to everybody else's husband in this nuclear 347 00:18:30,480 --> 00:18:33,840 family that you have entered into A1 flesh covenant with. 348 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:37,040 This is what you're agreeing to. This is what you're signing on 349 00:18:37,040 --> 00:18:39,840 for. And it's also helpful to see 350 00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:44,320 what submission does not mean. Submission does not mean that 351 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:46,800 the wife has no voice in marriage and is not allowed to 352 00:18:46,800 --> 00:18:49,840 disagree with her husband's decisions or even has the 353 00:18:49,840 --> 00:18:52,840 ability to warn her husband about the direction the family's 354 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:56,240 going. But it does mean that the 355 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,080 husband is going to bear the weight of responsibility for the 356 00:18:59,080 --> 00:19:02,960 decisions that he makes for with respect to his family. 357 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:08,200 In practice, that means if, if the husband is offered a job on 358 00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:11,280 the far corners of the country making a few thousand extra 359 00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,440 dollars, he first talks to his wife and he considers her. 360 00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,320 And he says, am I really going to uproot my, my wife and my 361 00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:19,800 kids from their context and their friends and their family 362 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:23,720 and her job just to go and make a few thousand extra dollars? 363 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,880 And he says no. And he, he, he submits that and 364 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,520 he lays that down for what's best for his wife. 365 00:19:29,320 --> 00:19:33,160 And in the same way, when the wife sees a call on the life of 366 00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:35,880 her husband to be an entrepreneur or to be a 367 00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:39,160 missionary or to be a church planter, she says, where you go, 368 00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:43,240 I will go because God has designed me to be your helpmate. 369 00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:48,680 And there she will be with him. And it also means that the 370 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:52,400 decision, even if it's the wrong decision, even if it was the 371 00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:55,840 idea of the wife is ultimately the responsibility of the 372 00:19:55,840 --> 00:19:58,200 husband. That's right. 373 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:00,640 And so in scripture, our, our culture says that there's a, a 374 00:20:00,640 --> 00:20:03,840 dependency, a mutual submission of the husbands and the wives. 375 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:06,720 And we, we don't see that here. There's an ordering of the 376 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,960 family. We see a, a mutual dependence 377 00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:11,480 on, on men and women, but not at the level of leadership. 378 00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:15,240 You see it in the beginning when the design was set, God says 379 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:19,000 that he took woman out of man and then man would then come 380 00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:22,160 from woman. And there you have this mutual 381 00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:25,160 dependence, as as woman got her being from man, and then man 382 00:20:25,160 --> 00:20:28,280 gets his being from woman. And there's other principles 383 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:30,920 that that Scripture pulls on from the creation and even from 384 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:34,080 the beginning it's it says that in life and in marriage, Adam 385 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,920 was created 1st and then Eve. And that's an important 386 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:39,880 principle. Scripture makes much of of this 387 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:41,520 principle as you work through the Bible. 388 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:44,640 It says it has application for how we order our worship 389 00:20:44,640 --> 00:20:48,400 services and it has application for how we order our marriages. 390 00:20:48,400 --> 00:20:51,920 This principle, the Adam was first and then Eve, first 391 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:55,520 Timothy 211 to 13. Let a woman learn quietly and 392 00:20:55,520 --> 00:20:58,920 here's our word with all submissiveness in the context of 393 00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:01,640 worship service. I do not permit a woman to teach 394 00:21:02,280 --> 00:21:07,360 for Adam was formed first, then Eve and extremely important at 395 00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:10,640 at this point is to bring another principle that's been 396 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,280 there from the beginning to say that does that mean if if a 397 00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:15,000 woman is to submit to the leadership of the man that a 398 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:16,880 woman is somehow less than man and right there at the 399 00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:19,080 beginning, God provides his truth. 400 00:21:19,960 --> 00:21:23,920 Genesis 127 the highest, most beautiful part all of Genesis 401 00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,800 127 you ask any Hebrew scholar, he'll say the language is 402 00:21:26,800 --> 00:21:28,640 pointing to this, The grammar is pointing to this. 403 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:31,920 You can't wait until you get to 127 the height of creation. 404 00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:35,000 So God created man in his own image and the image of God, he 405 00:21:35,000 --> 00:21:37,800 created him male and female, He created them. 406 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:41,480 We are equally glorious. The height of God's creation, of 407 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,760 equal dignity, of equal worth after His likeness made in the 408 00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:50,840 image of God, equally sinners in need of a Savior. 409 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:56,760 Men, male and female, are equal, but we say they are different in 410 00:21:56,760 --> 00:22:01,160 their roles. Men taking on the role of leader 411 00:22:02,040 --> 00:22:05,640 and woman taking on the role of helper in marriage. 412 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:08,640 And problems come when we despise God's design. 413 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:12,560 That's the AB CS of marriage. And I've I've heard the role of 414 00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:16,640 leadership and marriage likened to the one who drives the car. 415 00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:19,240 And so the the illustration goes like this. 416 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:21,600 The husband drives the car and he begins to lose his way. 417 00:22:22,120 --> 00:22:25,360 He quits asking for directions, he quits taking instruction, 418 00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:29,240 begins to get distracted, and he crashes the family into a ditch. 419 00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:33,400 And like in any marriage, tensions get high, arguments 420 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,360 ensue, and the wife becomes frustrated. 421 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:41,040 And the husband in that moment could say, fine, if you think 422 00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:45,560 that you can do it better than what you drive, that would be 423 00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:49,400 the abdication of the leadership role rather than repenting of 424 00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:51,880 bad leadership and, and saying, I want to try again and I want 425 00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:55,080 to do this better. And he surrenders his leadership 426 00:22:55,280 --> 00:22:57,640 responsibilities. And then the opposite can be 427 00:22:57,640 --> 00:23:00,360 true in a marriage. If, if, if the husband here we 428 00:23:00,360 --> 00:23:01,480 go, the car's in the ditch again. 429 00:23:01,480 --> 00:23:04,520 And now the wife can say, if this is where your leadership 430 00:23:04,520 --> 00:23:09,280 has taken us, then move over. I'm driving now and you would 431 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:13,560 have a complete reversal of the leadership roles, a reordering 432 00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:15,960 of the leadership. And so when a, when a husband's 433 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:20,400 leadership fails, the design of Scripture is not to go find a 434 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,440 new leader. That's not what happens with 435 00:23:22,440 --> 00:23:25,600 with Jesus and his disciples. When the 11 disciples fail like 436 00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:28,160 cowards, he doesn't say, well, it's time to start over. 437 00:23:28,160 --> 00:23:29,360 I'm going to get 11 new disciples. 438 00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:32,840 He comes and he restores them. He puts them back to their task 439 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:36,480 and when the failure of leadership happens, what is to 440 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:39,280 happen is the husband has to confess I missed it. 441 00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:44,320 I wasn't attentive. I wasn't leading well and I 442 00:23:44,320 --> 00:23:46,880 wasn't leading you well. He confesses this to his wife 443 00:23:46,880 --> 00:23:50,840 and you say help me see clearly, stay with me. 444 00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:52,880 I'm responsible for getting us home. 445 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:57,120 And the wife must likewise take responsibility and confess I 446 00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:59,880 missed it too. I have not been the helpmate 447 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:04,840 that God designed me to be. I was I still trust you and I 448 00:24:04,840 --> 00:24:08,280 still want you to lead us in the image of Ephesians 5 is that the 449 00:24:08,280 --> 00:24:10,480 wife takes the hands of the husband and puts them back on 450 00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,800 the wheel and says lead us again. 451 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,120 I will help you and together we'll get where we're going. 452 00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:17,680 We will do better from this day forward. 453 00:24:17,680 --> 00:24:20,600 That's biblical marriage and biblical leadership. 454 00:24:22,320 --> 00:24:26,520 If you saw the the addressee, you see the the command of the 455 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:29,720 wife and now the amplification as he impresses in the 456 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:31,880 significance of this. He says wives are to submit to 457 00:24:31,880 --> 00:24:36,280 their husbands as to the Lord and I pray the weight of that 458 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,240 will rest on your shoulders and what he's saying to that. 459 00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:41,120 What he means by that is he's saying there's a higher 460 00:24:41,120 --> 00:24:43,320 authority than the husband and it's Jesus Christ. 461 00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:46,680 What's Paul requiring of wives here to submit as to the Lord. 462 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:49,760 You can look ahead to chapter 6, verse seven. 463 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:52,360 He makes it even more clear, talking in the context of what 464 00:24:52,360 --> 00:24:56,600 Chris preached of of children and and servants, it says they 465 00:24:56,600 --> 00:25:00,720 are to render service with a goodwill as to the Lord and not 466 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,600 to man. And so here the idea comes 467 00:25:03,720 --> 00:25:05,120 clearly. Wives are submitting to their 468 00:25:05,120 --> 00:25:08,240 husbands with Christ as their primary authority. 469 00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:12,240 And so they're asked to submit to their husbands because a 470 00:25:12,240 --> 00:25:15,520 derivative authority has been given from God to the husbands 471 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,760 and they're actually submitting to their husband as part of 472 00:25:17,760 --> 00:25:21,960 their service to Jesus Christ. That's what it's saying, which 473 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,720 means that when Paul says submit in everything, he doesn't mean, 474 00:25:24,760 --> 00:25:28,240 including when your husband asks you to do something sinful, he's 475 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:31,240 saying there's a higher authority that you're obliged 476 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:34,120 to. Christ is your ultimate 477 00:25:34,120 --> 00:25:35,920 authority. Your husband has a derivative 478 00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:37,880 authority that God has given him. 479 00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:40,920 And so she submits to her husband as part of her love for 480 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,720 Christ and her responsibility to serve him. 481 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:47,040 And we can stop here. And I can hear the objections of 482 00:25:47,040 --> 00:25:49,160 women. You can raise your own saying, 483 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:53,440 but have you met my husband? Do you know him? 484 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:56,400 Have you? You want me to submit to him? 485 00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:00,760 He's an imperfect man in every way. 486 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:06,840 And verse 22 to 24 gives the response, Jesus is the only 487 00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:09,760 perfect leader. Amen. 488 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:12,800 We are imperfect. So all women face the challenge 489 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:15,400 of following imperfect leadership in the home. 490 00:26:16,240 --> 00:26:18,880 Nancy Lay Demas says we don't live in an ideal world with 491 00:26:18,880 --> 00:26:21,800 ideal men who perfectly follow the Ephesian instruction to love 492 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,040 their wives as Christ loved the Church and laid down his life 493 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:27,880 for her. Like Adam, many husbands fail to 494 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:30,440 lead or sacrificially love, she goes on. 495 00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,760 And like Eve, many wives rationalize about submission, 496 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,320 inwardly mouthing Satan's condescending question. 497 00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:41,920 Surely God didn't say that and so this is counter cultural and 498 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,680 often counter intuitive. But it's true that there is 499 00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:48,280 great power in submitting to an imperfect husband. 500 00:26:49,360 --> 00:26:52,720 First Corinthians 714 is the test case for this. 501 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:55,200 It says that the submissive conduct of a wife toward her 502 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,440 husband coupled with her Christ like character has the power to 503 00:26:58,440 --> 00:27:04,000 sanctify a house and God can use it to heal and actually restore 504 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,160 and save the soul of her husband. 505 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:08,920 Paul says for the unbelieving husband is sanctified through 506 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:12,640 his wife, for otherwise your children are unclean, but now 507 00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:15,880 they are holy. Should a wife submit to her 508 00:27:16,040 --> 00:27:18,360 backslidden or unbelieving husband? 509 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:24,080 The answer is yes. Elizabeth George, our submission 510 00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:27,240 to our husbands preaches a lovelier and more powerful 511 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:29,320 sermon than our mouths ever could. 512 00:27:30,360 --> 00:27:32,080 And so if you're a wife and you're struggling with this 513 00:27:32,080 --> 00:27:36,880 issue, God knows, God knows he put wisdom for this, such a 514 00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:40,600 thing as this in his word. First, Peter 3 is more of the 515 00:27:40,600 --> 00:27:43,040 household code, a little bit different perspective versus one 516 00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:45,600 to six. Let this wash over you. 517 00:27:45,600 --> 00:27:50,000 Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husband's, so that even 518 00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:53,120 if some do not obey the word, they may be 1 without a word by 519 00:27:53,120 --> 00:27:56,240 the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and 520 00:27:56,240 --> 00:27:58,800 pure conduct. Don't let your adorning be 521 00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:01,800 external, the braiding of your hair, or the putting on of gold 522 00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:03,640 jewelry, or the clothing that you wear. 523 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:06,920 Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart, with the 524 00:28:06,920 --> 00:28:10,320 imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's 525 00:28:10,320 --> 00:28:13,720 sight is very precious. For this is how holy women hoped 526 00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,920 in God, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves by 527 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,320 submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed 528 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:23,360 Abraham, calling him Lord. And you are her children. 529 00:28:23,680 --> 00:28:27,760 If you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening, we 530 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:30,080 move. Lastly, what's your motivation 531 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,200 to do this? If that wasn't motivation 532 00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:38,320 enough, Paul gives a motivation. He says as the church submits to 533 00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:42,080 Christ, that's your motivation. So wives should submit and 534 00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,760 everything to their husbands. So the motivation is this is 535 00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:49,520 about how you image the gospel. That's what's at stake here. 536 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,000 Wives follow the leadership of their husbands even as the 537 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:55,560 church follows the leadership of Christ. 538 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:58,480 And I hope again that the weight of that will will rest on you. 539 00:28:58,480 --> 00:29:03,000 It will be sobering. Husbands, this ought to be the 540 00:29:03,000 --> 00:29:07,280 most sobering passage in the entire Bible for you, that God 541 00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:12,800 has called your wife to submit to you and you are the only 542 00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:15,960 leader. If she remains faithful to you 543 00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:19,360 that she will ever have, you're all she gets and you are. 544 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:23,440 She's relying on you as your provider, as her provider, as 545 00:29:23,440 --> 00:29:27,160 her protector, as her lover, as the shepherd and the leader of 546 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:29,240 her family. And you are subject to God for 547 00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:33,080 how well you lead her. Which is why the spotlight now 548 00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:37,000 shifts to the husbands in Ephesians 525 to 33. 549 00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:40,440 Read with me and we'll remind ourselves of the duty of the 550 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:43,480 husbands. Husbands, love your wives as 551 00:29:43,480 --> 00:29:46,400 Christ loved the Church, and gave Himself up for her, so that 552 00:29:46,400 --> 00:29:49,400 He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of 553 00:29:49,400 --> 00:29:52,240 water with the Word, so that he might present the Church to 554 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,920 himself and splendor without spot or wrinkle, or any such 555 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,560 thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 556 00:29:59,560 --> 00:30:01,920 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own 557 00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:05,320 bodies, for he who loves his wife loves himself. 558 00:30:05,520 --> 00:30:08,280 No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, 559 00:30:08,480 --> 00:30:11,280 just as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His 560 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,360 body. Therefore, a man shall leave 561 00:30:13,360 --> 00:30:16,080 father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall 562 00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,800 become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and 563 00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:21,040 I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the Church. 564 00:30:21,520 --> 00:30:24,360 However, let each one of you love his wife and himself, and 565 00:30:24,360 --> 00:30:27,240 let the wife see that she respects her husband. 566 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,360 The same pattern we're going to follow, the same pattern you 567 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:31,120 follow with the wives. We follow with the husband. 568 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:34,720 Address imperative, amplification, motivation. 569 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:38,120 He now addresses the husbands. Listen up. 570 00:30:38,120 --> 00:30:41,400 The most comprehensive passage in the Bible on the ordering of 571 00:30:41,400 --> 00:30:46,560 the household with the husband, with, I mean by far some 120 572 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:50,440 words in the original language. And what's the imperative to 573 00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:55,280 you? Love your wives, Love your wives 574 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:58,400 above all things, what's to categorize you? 575 00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,160 And this relationship with your wife is love. 576 00:31:02,640 --> 00:31:05,160 And it's kind of humorous that there's only one time in 577 00:31:05,160 --> 00:31:06,920 Scripture that wives are told to love their husbands. 578 00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:10,040 It's in Titus 2. It's much more natural, I think, 579 00:31:10,040 --> 00:31:11,320 for wives to love their husbands. 580 00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:12,800 Or maybe husbands don't listen well. 581 00:31:13,080 --> 00:31:15,840 So that's why in this passage, 8 verses, he has to tell us three 582 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:19,240 times, love your wives, love your wives, love your wives. 583 00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:22,960 Ephesians 523 Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the 584 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,040 church. And a lot of you didn't hear it, 585 00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:28,200 so I'm going to say it again. Ephesians 528 Husbands should 586 00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:32,120 love their wives as their own bodies. 587 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:37,200 Ephesians 533, if you still haven't heard, let each one of 588 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:40,600 you love your wife as himself. As you go, he presses it in more 589 00:31:40,600 --> 00:31:43,920 and more, and you can't escape the obligation that Paul is 590 00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:46,200 putting on the shoulders of husbands. 591 00:31:46,200 --> 00:31:48,520 He's pressing down on you to love your wife. 592 00:31:48,520 --> 00:31:52,240 And then he gives this amplification as your own body, 593 00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:56,600 love your wife as you love yourself more than you love 594 00:31:56,600 --> 00:31:58,240 yourself. But there's one thing I know 595 00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:00,680 I've been on this planet almost 37 years. 596 00:32:01,680 --> 00:32:03,120 It's that people love themselves. 597 00:32:03,400 --> 00:32:06,120 Anybody notice that? Everybody wants. 598 00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:07,760 They want to talk about themselves, they want to seek 599 00:32:07,760 --> 00:32:09,400 their highest good, they want their pleasure. 600 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:13,160 People care about themselves, they want their happiness, Paul 601 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:16,200 says in verse 29. No one ever hated his own flesh. 602 00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,400 This is the natural tendency. We don't hate our own flesh by 603 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:20,960 nature, but we nourish it and we cherish it. 604 00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:24,680 And Paul completely inverts the natural tendency of our own 605 00:32:24,680 --> 00:32:26,040 hearts, or at least for the husbands. 606 00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:28,520 And he says love your wife as you love yourself. 607 00:32:28,520 --> 00:32:30,920 Love your wife more than you love yourself. 608 00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:33,080 Put her first. So husband, you're going to want 609 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:36,240 to put yourself first. But he says she now comes first. 610 00:32:36,240 --> 00:32:37,960 That's what you're signing up for. 611 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,040 If you're not married yet, this is what you're signing up for. 612 00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,880 She comes first. You used to seek your own 613 00:32:42,880 --> 00:32:45,160 welfare. Now you seek hers. 614 00:32:45,520 --> 00:32:48,200 You seek her highest good. You seek her pleasure. 615 00:32:48,320 --> 00:32:50,920 You treasure her, you exalt her, you honor her. 616 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:54,840 And there just as there wasn't a clause for wives that said 617 00:32:55,160 --> 00:32:57,800 submit to your own husbands. As long as he's doing a really 618 00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:00,520 good job and as long as your personality type is 1 of 619 00:33:00,520 --> 00:33:03,240 submissiveness and as long as he deserves it. 620 00:33:03,880 --> 00:33:05,720 So you're to submit to him. It's not what it says. 621 00:33:05,720 --> 00:33:08,840 And men, there's not a little clause in here that says lead 622 00:33:08,840 --> 00:33:12,440 your wife well as long as she's satisfying all of your needs and 623 00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:16,160 as long as she deserves it. It says three times, it's a 624 00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:18,360 command. You love her well and you do it 625 00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,040 because God is commanding you right here. 626 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,000 You are to do it. It's a divine imperative. 627 00:33:22,360 --> 00:33:25,840 And you love her well because she's your soulmate and she's 628 00:33:25,840 --> 00:33:28,960 your helpmate given by God and you love her well because it's 629 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:31,320 her right to it and it's your joy to do it. 630 00:33:33,040 --> 00:33:35,040 And if every husband looked out for his wife as much as he 631 00:33:35,040 --> 00:33:37,840 looked out for himself, we'd have a lot more women that would 632 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:39,600 gladly submit themselves to their husbands. 633 00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:42,200 We've a lot more healthy marriages in our church. 634 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:46,320 So the command of the husbands, just make it easy for your wife 635 00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:48,920 to submit to your leadership by loving her. 636 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:52,480 So if you want to love her, well, husband scripture saying 637 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:56,720 if you want your wife to respect you and if you want your wife to 638 00:33:56,800 --> 00:34:02,240 submit to you and serve you and bless you, go and win her heart. 639 00:34:02,960 --> 00:34:06,560 Win her heart 1st and then ask her to follow you. 640 00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:09,480 There's no great leader that comes to the front and says now 641 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,400 everybody's submit to me and my authority. 642 00:34:12,199 --> 00:34:16,199 You'll never have anybody wanting to submit to a man like 643 00:34:16,199 --> 00:34:19,760 that, a woman like that. Leaders are called great when 644 00:34:19,760 --> 00:34:22,159 they first win the hearts of their people and they use the 645 00:34:22,159 --> 00:34:24,440 authority as an opportunity to serve. 646 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:26,920 If you want an example for that, he says it's right here, it's 647 00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:29,639 Jesus Christ, it's servant leadership. 648 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,600 So husbands, win the hearts of your wife, win the hearts of 649 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:34,520 your children, and then they'll follow you anywhere. 650 00:34:35,159 --> 00:34:37,840 Make it easy for them by loving them well. 651 00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:39,840 Don't make it harder than it has to be. 652 00:34:39,840 --> 00:34:42,199 And by the way, if your wife struggles submitting to your 653 00:34:42,199 --> 00:34:45,159 leadership, you can compare that with the example that Paul has 654 00:34:45,159 --> 00:34:47,400 given to you here. How well do you submit to your 655 00:34:47,400 --> 00:34:50,920 leader, Jesus Christ? How perfectly are you in 656 00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:54,120 submission to the one that God has put in authority over you? 657 00:34:54,159 --> 00:34:59,240 And we say, how much less or how much harder is it for your wife 658 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:02,440 to struggle to follow you, a Sinner. 659 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:04,760 Read well, love well, and give grace. 660 00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:08,200 Give grace when she falls short. Grace upon grace. 661 00:35:08,200 --> 00:35:11,320 And our culture looks at this pattern of marriage and they 662 00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:15,720 call it pejoratively patriarchy. So this is power imbalance, this 663 00:35:15,720 --> 00:35:19,240 is subjection, this is oppression, this is patriarchy. 664 00:35:19,240 --> 00:35:23,000 I pulled a few quotes from the literature of our culture for 665 00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:24,640 how they would describe this passage. 666 00:35:25,320 --> 00:35:28,960 The CBE Christians for Biblical Equality published saying CB ES 667 00:35:28,960 --> 00:35:32,240 mission is to eliminate the power imbalance between men and 668 00:35:32,240 --> 00:35:35,120 women resulting from theological patriarchy. 669 00:35:36,760 --> 00:35:41,600 One blog post said marriage is an unsalvageable lie designed to 670 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,880 keep women in service to patriarchy and away from 671 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:46,560 realizing our full our full potential. 672 00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:50,080 We should reject it entirely, another said. 673 00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:54,040 Patriarchy, sexism and misogyny affect every bride without 674 00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:57,560 exception. So I want to go back another 300 675 00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:03,000 years and read you a letter. This is 1 Puritan patriarch 676 00:36:03,000 --> 00:36:05,840 writing to his oppressed and maltreated wife. 677 00:36:07,400 --> 00:36:10,320 He starts. My dearest, I am now at the 678 00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,680 greatest distance from you in person that I ever was, or hope 679 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:15,120 I ever shall be. Yet I've never been near to you 680 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,480 in affection, and perhaps never more sensible of my happiness. 681 00:36:18,720 --> 00:36:21,840 And being so near to you in relation, I've often thought of 682 00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:24,440 you this day, which has indeed been indeed been a very pleasant 683 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:27,360 one, and pleasant days I would especially desire to share with 684 00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:29,320 you. Remember Me to the dear 685 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:32,040 children, and tell them I'm very glad to hear they're doing so 686 00:36:32,040 --> 00:36:34,120 well, and that I pray for them every day. 687 00:36:34,600 --> 00:36:37,760 Their dear Mama has to make sure she is not forgotten. 688 00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:40,080 I hope we shall have many comfortable days and Sabbaths 689 00:36:40,080 --> 00:36:42,680 together, and in the meantime, let us, whether present or 690 00:36:42,680 --> 00:36:45,720 absent from each other, own the Divine goodness in preserving us 691 00:36:45,720 --> 00:36:49,000 so graciously thus long, and endeavour to prepare more and 692 00:36:49,000 --> 00:36:51,760 more for that better world where so many of our dear friends are 693 00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:54,560 awaiting us, and where there will be no more absence in the 694 00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:57,000 pleasant views of it. I am, my dearest, your most 695 00:36:57,000 --> 00:37:02,400 affectionate Philip Doddridge. Min How? 696 00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:06,320 Many of your texts to your. Wife Sound. 697 00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:08,760 Like that? How? 698 00:37:08,760 --> 00:37:12,760 Many wives. Is this your response to your 699 00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:15,560 husband's? Your letter, delightful as it 700 00:37:15,560 --> 00:37:18,240 was, had a very different effect, and filled my mind with 701 00:37:18,240 --> 00:37:21,840 great anxiety and concern, and made me almost tremble to think 702 00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:25,800 that you're mortal. This fear was increased by much 703 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,080 by a consciousness of the extreme tenderness my heart 704 00:37:28,080 --> 00:37:30,800 feels for you, which sometimes makes me dread lest I should 705 00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,680 send you away by giving you the place in my heart which ought to 706 00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:37,240 be sacred to God Alone, next to whom I'm believed I'm permitted 707 00:37:37,240 --> 00:37:40,440 to love you. Pray I may rest there entirely 708 00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:43,280 and affectionately yours, Mrs. Doddridge. 709 00:37:44,200 --> 00:37:49,760 What a poor oppressed woman She is victim of the patriarchy. 710 00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:55,000 Now she's loved and she's cherished and so husbands, as we 711 00:37:55,480 --> 00:37:58,840 look to this text that is written for you, we see the 712 00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:02,720 Bible knows your needs and they know God knew what you needed to 713 00:38:02,720 --> 00:38:06,240 feel fulfilled. You are fulfilled when your wife 714 00:38:06,240 --> 00:38:09,560 respects you. You are fulfilled when your wife 715 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:13,720 submits to your leadership and God wrote the the song of songs, 716 00:38:13,720 --> 00:38:17,400 the greatest of all songs, which is celebrating the marriage bed 717 00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:20,800 and you're fulfilled when when when there's shared intimacy and 718 00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,280 scripture reminds husbands and wives never to withhold that 719 00:38:23,280 --> 00:38:27,360 intimacy from one another. But men, you also have to 720 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:31,120 remember that in the same way your wives are fulfilled when 721 00:38:31,120 --> 00:38:35,240 you verse 25 love her Elizabeth Elliott. 722 00:38:35,240 --> 00:38:37,520 Said the greatest good A. Father can do for his children 723 00:38:37,640 --> 00:38:42,720 is love their mother when you give yourself to her, serving 724 00:38:42,720 --> 00:38:45,160 her. Verse 25, Verse 29, when you 725 00:38:45,160 --> 00:38:49,080 cherish her and serve her. Verse 28, like Christ's bride, 726 00:38:49,200 --> 00:38:51,880 she wants you to say in your eyes that she's the most 727 00:38:51,880 --> 00:38:54,560 beautiful thing and there's no blemish or spot. 728 00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:57,200 She wants to hear you speak words like this. 729 00:38:57,960 --> 00:39:00,480 Peter says in first Peter 27 that you have to live with your 730 00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:03,040 wife in an understanding way. What it means for that is your 731 00:39:03,040 --> 00:39:06,160 wife feels fulfilled and she is fulfilled when you understand 732 00:39:06,160 --> 00:39:07,680 her. If you were the leader of your 733 00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:09,520 wife, how can you lead her well if you don't know her 734 00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,600 weaknesses? How can you lead her if you 735 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:13,600 don't know her strengths so that you can Marshall those strengths 736 00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:17,040 in service of Christchurch? You have to understand your 737 00:39:17,040 --> 00:39:18,760 wives. You're commanded to learn about 738 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:20,120 her. You would do well to start a 739 00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:22,720 file and your phone. These are the things my wife 740 00:39:22,720 --> 00:39:26,920 loves and to look at it regularly, I. 741 00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,080 Was heard a. Speaker at our counselling 742 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:34,720 training this week who kind of brings some sobering thought to 743 00:39:34,720 --> 00:39:36,200 this. He says that rarely in Scripture 744 00:39:36,200 --> 00:39:40,760 does God ever say stop praying. Rarely does he ever say I don't 745 00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:42,240 want to hear your prayers anymore. 746 00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:44,400 In the words of the speaker, He says rarely does he ever say 747 00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:46,760 stop talking to me. I'm tired of hearing your 748 00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:53,160 annoying voice. You look at this context of this 749 00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:54,520 household. Code. 750 00:39:55,080 --> 00:39:58,280 Peter says to husbands who fail to honor their wives, I will not 751 00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:01,320 hear your prayers. Your prayers are hindered. 752 00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:05,080 God says don't fail to lead your wife, don't fail to honor your 753 00:40:05,080 --> 00:40:08,080 wife, don't fail to praise your wife and then come to me asking 754 00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:10,640 for blessing. If you want blessing out of 755 00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:12,560 relationship with your wife, with your wife, don't. 756 00:40:12,720 --> 00:40:14,320 Don't make her compete for your love. 757 00:40:15,160 --> 00:40:19,120 Don't make her compete with Sports Center and ESPN. 758 00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:23,240 Don't make her stare at the back of your head while you watch TV 759 00:40:23,240 --> 00:40:25,680 and scroll the Internet. Don't make her compete with 760 00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:27,720 games. Don't make her compete with the 761 00:40:27,720 --> 00:40:29,840 gym. Don't make her compete with your 762 00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:32,880 long hours at work. There shouldn't be any confusion 763 00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:34,600 if I ask your kids what you love. 764 00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:38,240 It shouldn't be hard for your kids to say my dad loves my mom. 765 00:40:39,600 --> 00:40:42,520 And it should flow out of you, Let love flow out of you and 766 00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:45,120 make your wife feel like she's the most important thing in your 767 00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:47,040 household because for you she is. 768 00:40:47,440 --> 00:40:49,280 She is the most important thing to you. 769 00:40:49,280 --> 00:40:51,080 And so men, do you honor your wife? 770 00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:53,840 Do you pray? With her. 771 00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,520 Do you love her? Do you praise her? 772 00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:00,280 As Faith has already read and Proverbs 31, as the husband 773 00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:02,960 praises his wife, saying many daughters have done nobly, but 774 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,960 you excel them all. You praise her publicly. 775 00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:09,840 Do you serve her? Do you teach her? 776 00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:12,720 Are you the? Man of your house or? 777 00:41:12,760 --> 00:41:16,640 Is that the role of your wife? Do you have to have your wife 778 00:41:16,640 --> 00:41:19,160 set your alarm to wake you up to be here for church? 779 00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:22,280 Is your wife the one who instructs your kids in spiritual 780 00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:26,600 things? Or is it you if you serve her 781 00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:32,360 sacrificially, if you pursue her with strength and 4th force, if 782 00:41:32,360 --> 00:41:35,600 you love her as the most cherished thing in your world so 783 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:38,080 far as it depends on you, your marriage will be blessed. 784 00:41:38,680 --> 00:41:41,960 That's what Scripture's saying. And it will reignite in her that 785 00:41:41,960 --> 00:41:45,080 passion and that desire to follow you wherever you go. 786 00:41:46,000 --> 00:41:49,440 And so, if, if this has not been your marriage to this point, if 787 00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:52,680 this is not you, if this passage does not describe you, today is 788 00:41:52,680 --> 00:41:55,640 the day to reorder your marriage and to reorder your life to 789 00:41:55,640 --> 00:41:59,080 prioritize your marriage. Husbands, if your leadership has 790 00:41:59,080 --> 00:42:02,080 ended with your car on the ditch, today is the day to try 791 00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:05,400 again. Wives, if your husband has done 792 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:08,400 a poor job of leading your family, today is the day to put 793 00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:12,120 his hands back on the wheel and to say to him, we're going to do 794 00:42:12,120 --> 00:42:15,000 better from this day forward because I am going to help you. 795 00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:16,840 That is what God designed me to do. 796 00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:20,600 And you see in Scripture all the way in the beginning that God 797 00:42:20,600 --> 00:42:23,840 says to wives, you are your husband's helpmate. 798 00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:26,880 And this doesn't mean you're his helper like your 3 year old 799 00:42:26,880 --> 00:42:28,160 helps you bake cookies in the kitchen. 800 00:42:28,160 --> 00:42:31,120 That's it's your help mate. Like you are his armor bearer in 801 00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:33,840 war. That's the context in Scripture. 802 00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:38,120 This is a word that is, it's an honorable term and it's an 803 00:42:38,120 --> 00:42:40,000 honorable position. It's one that God uses of 804 00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:42,360 himself when he talks about his church. 805 00:42:42,360 --> 00:42:45,040 Psalm 54, four, Behold, God is my helper. 806 00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:47,320 The Lord is the sustainer of my soul. 807 00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:51,760 First Samuel 712 Samuel took a stone and named it Ebenezer and 808 00:42:51,760 --> 00:42:56,120 literally Evan Azer, a stone of help, saying the Lord is my 809 00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:58,280 helper. Thus far the Lord has helped me. 810 00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:01,600 Hebrews 13, six he says we confidently say the Lord is my 811 00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:02,960 helper. I will not be afraid. 812 00:43:03,080 --> 00:43:06,720 What can man do to me? So is the church's submission to 813 00:43:06,720 --> 00:43:09,240 Jesus was the driving motivation for women. 814 00:43:09,400 --> 00:43:12,200 Jesus Christ himself is the driving motivation for men. 815 00:43:12,200 --> 00:43:13,680 You say, what's the motivation for men? 816 00:43:13,920 --> 00:43:17,760 The gospel Jesus Christ is your motivation. 817 00:43:18,080 --> 00:43:20,240 We look to him and we say what he has. 818 00:43:20,240 --> 00:43:22,680 All authority, all authority on heaven and earth has been given 819 00:43:22,680 --> 00:43:24,360 to me. What did Jesus do without 820 00:43:24,360 --> 00:43:28,240 authority on behalf of his bride He laid down? 821 00:43:28,240 --> 00:43:30,560 His life and became. The Savior of the church. 822 00:43:31,040 --> 00:43:33,160 What is the husband to do with his authority? 823 00:43:34,560 --> 00:43:38,680 He has to lay down his life and love and serve his wife. 824 00:43:39,520 --> 00:43:41,680 And as the church gladly submits to a leader who loves and 825 00:43:41,680 --> 00:43:44,160 pursues us, so in a healthy marriage, a wife will gladly 826 00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:47,240 submit to her leader who loves and pursues her. 827 00:43:47,240 --> 00:43:50,320 So husbands, don't be a tyrant. Don't advocate. 828 00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:53,680 Abdicate your leadership. Jesus says that's how secular 829 00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:56,400 faithless leaders do they. They dominate people. 830 00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:58,240 He says it must not be so among you. 831 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:01,760 Be a bold and faithful Christian leader to your wives and your 832 00:44:01,760 --> 00:44:03,880 children and your household. We'll be blessed. 833 00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:08,800 Final words As you come into verse 31, I want you to see what 834 00:44:08,800 --> 00:44:10,160 Paul quotes because he quotes this. 835 00:44:10,160 --> 00:44:12,360 He takes you all the way back to the beginning, all the way back 836 00:44:12,360 --> 00:44:14,720 to Genesis. He takes you to those few verses 837 00:44:14,720 --> 00:44:18,320 right before the fall when Adam and Eve were living in a perfect 838 00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:21,280 world and in a perfect marriage. And then these last verses, by 839 00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:25,440 quoting Genesis 224, Paul actually actually takes you back 840 00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:28,880 to the time before we were deceived. 841 00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:33,280 And he reminds you that this has been his design for marriage and 842 00:44:33,280 --> 00:44:34,880 his ideal from the very beginning. 843 00:44:35,640 --> 00:44:38,720 And you see that as that change occurs, as the as the husband 844 00:44:38,720 --> 00:44:41,760 failed and as the wife failed, it didn't go well for them. 845 00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:45,400 There was upheaval and there was disorder. 846 00:44:47,440 --> 00:44:51,280 But when you are a hearer and. A doer of God's word, wives 847 00:44:51,280 --> 00:44:53,520 submitting to their husbands, Husbands loving their wives as 848 00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:56,360 Christ loved the church. This is your closest experience 849 00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:57,800 of Eden. I think that's what he's saying. 850 00:44:58,360 --> 00:45:01,440 This is as close to Eden as it gets, which is why he says they 851 00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:04,160 were naked and felt no shame. Their only place you can be in 852 00:45:04,160 --> 00:45:07,800 this world where you are naked and feel no shame is in the 853 00:45:07,800 --> 00:45:09,320 marriage room, in the marriage bed. 854 00:45:09,920 --> 00:45:12,760 It's Eden revisited and your marriage is. 855 00:45:13,240 --> 00:45:16,320 Even though it was marred by the fall, Paul's saying it's still a 856 00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:19,040 beautiful and enduring picture of Jesus Christ. 857 00:45:19,680 --> 00:45:22,480 It's pictured in Song of Solomon, 2-3 to four as an apple 858 00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:24,000 tree among the trees of the forest. 859 00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:25,760 So is my beloved among young men. 860 00:45:25,880 --> 00:45:29,080 He brought me to his banqueting house, and his banner over me 861 00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:33,800 was love, not domination or any other thing. 862 00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:35,920 His banner over me was love. Chapter 3, verse four. 863 00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:37,520 I found him and whom my soul loves. 864 00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:40,960 Wives, make this your call. I held him, and I will never let 865 00:45:40,960 --> 00:45:43,480 him go. And husbands of wives, you can 866 00:45:43,480 --> 00:45:45,480 write songs. Solomon 86 On your doorpost of 867 00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:47,960 your house and on your gate, Memorize it together. 868 00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:52,200 He says, set as a seal, set me as a seal upon your heart and as 869 00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:54,560 a seal upon your arm. For love is strong as death, 870 00:45:55,040 --> 00:45:58,640 jealousy as fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire 871 00:45:58,640 --> 00:46:02,640 and the very flame of the Lord. Many waters cannot quench love, 872 00:46:02,920 --> 00:46:06,240 neither can floods drown it. If you're married and you're in 873 00:46:06,240 --> 00:46:09,040 the room, I want you to look to your wife right now and say 874 00:46:09,040 --> 00:46:11,160 this. Many waters cannot quench this 875 00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:16,080 love. And Paul's final charge recaps 876 00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:19,440 everything. He's taught Ephesians 533, Let 877 00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:22,760 each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see 878 00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:28,160 that she respects her husband. Church, pray with me, God help 879 00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:34,760 us that you've given sinful men a responsibility in this world 880 00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:38,160 to be leaders of churches and leaders of families. 881 00:46:38,200 --> 00:46:41,880 And God, we know that we fall short every day. 882 00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:45,800 And God, we pray for wives in the. 883 00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:51,160 Room who you've called. To submit to sinful men who 884 00:46:51,280 --> 00:46:54,520 truly we want what's best teach us we we say when we fall short. 885 00:46:54,520 --> 00:46:57,640 To want what's best to to have this be a true friendship in the 886 00:46:57,640 --> 00:47:00,760 ancient sense of the word. To want what's best in our 887 00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:02,440 spouse. To seek their virtue and their 888 00:47:02,440 --> 00:47:08,760 highest good God give women and wives grace when they fall 889 00:47:08,760 --> 00:47:10,640 short. But may this be our standard 890 00:47:11,240 --> 00:47:13,880 change our hearts Orient our hearts that this would be our 891 00:47:13,880 --> 00:47:15,560 ideal. The ABC's the bedrock 892 00:47:15,560 --> 00:47:19,040 foundations of our marriage that we would order it after your 893 00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:21,520 love for the church. And I pray that when people look 894 00:47:21,520 --> 00:47:23,400 at this church, when they look at heritage Church, they would 895 00:47:23,400 --> 00:47:26,960 see the gospel because of the the love between husbands and 896 00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:28,640 wives. This ordering God that you have 897 00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:30,160 designed. May it be so here. 898 00:47:30,600 --> 00:47:32,840 We pray that we may strengthen others, the marriages that are 899 00:47:33,000 --> 00:47:34,720 failing not only here but in our culture. 900 00:47:34,720 --> 00:47:36,600 Lord, that you would strengthen them, and we would be pictures 901 00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:38,640 of the gospel in Christ name, Amen.