Even in grad school I decided to join the Episcopal Church and I
thought about becoming a priest. Been a journey and then
ultimately left the church all together and stopped everything
stopped spirituality stopped. Really I.
Stopped it all and after a few years just had this calling to
come back into myself. I really had a calling to just
come back into that space for myself and look into what does
all of this mean for me. And ultimately it just led me on
a journey of self discovery and self love for me, which has been
a beautiful, beautiful. Process.
Sapphics. And allies, you're listening to
Queer Women Rising. That's women with an X.
Because we are inclusive here. When we hear the stories of
queer women who have gone before us, we see evidence that there's
nothing we can't do. And yes, we can too.
It's time for you to level up in life, in love, and step into
your most authentic, abundant reality.
You won't be the same after this episode.
It's your turn to let go of good for greatness.
Your best life is now. Let's.
Rise, let's rise let's. Rise, Let's rise, let's rise.
Let's rise. Welcome back to Queer Women
Rising Lesbians, Queer women, what does it truly take to love
to accept yourself, especially when society and culture makes
it so freaking hard over 15 years ago?
Rib. Began her journey towards self
love and acceptance as a spiritual queer woman of color
from the South. We're like from the same area.
She has to face deep rooted shame and anxiety though because
man O man, they lay it on thick hair like the southern gravy to
become the confident woman that she is today.
Now Britt's helping other LGBTQ women overcome their own
obstacles to live authentically. Today we're going to dive into
Britt's story of growth, which is.
Something I think. We'll all be able to relate to
because none of our stories have been a linear path to figuring
out who we are, especially when you come from the South.
We're going to be talking about the biggest obstacles facing
queer women today and how we will move beyond these limiting
beliefs, how we will break change that the generations
before us couldn't break. But we will become the powerful
women that we are meant to be. Welcome to the show, Britt.
Let me go ahead and get you in here.
How do I? Accept you, Britt, can you send
a request to join? Oh, I've been waiting for this
conversation. I'm so excited.
Hey, everyone, welcome to the show while while we're waiting
for Brent. How's your day?
Hey, hello. Hello, hello.
I'm so excited to have you. Likewise.
I'm so excited to be here with you.
Where are you coming from today? Are you in Louisiana or I'm?
Not I'm actually in Houston today.
OK, OK. I love it.
Well, I'm so excited to hear from you.
I want to hear your story. I know that it couldn't be easy
because you're from where I'm from.
I. Am yes, born and bred.
I love when you said the southern gravy.
I was like, oh boy, yes. Lay on all that same thick for
us like gravy. It's hard to get rid of.
Oh my gosh, yes, yes. But yeah, I I mean, like you,
I'm from Louisiana and this has been.
This has been. A journey for me.
I grew up in the Catholic Church, as many Louisianians do.
I always said that it's not a religion in Louisiana.
It is a, it is a, it is deeply rooted in our culture.
And yeah. And so just coming from that,
that background and that perspective.
It's it. It was a journey for me and it's
been a journey for me and as well as my clients and just
seeing what they have to navigate and what they have to
go through in order to become themselves and be authentic.
And, and for me, I was definitely like, I went to
Catholic school, I went to Catholic University, I went to,
I went to Catholic University and Graduate School.
Like I was doing it all to the point of even decided that I
might want to become a nun. But then I realized it was
actually to look for girlfriends.
So I had to rethink why I wanted to be a nun, which is hilarious.
I love it. I think about that.
Often I know I was like, Oh my gosh, I can't.
Not find a girlfriend. Maybe I should just, I don't
know, join the church in Vietnam.
It's like, oh boy, these are not the right reasons.
But afterwards, even in grad school, I decided to join the
Episcopal Church and, and I thought about becoming a priest
and so so it's been a journey and then ultimately left the
church all together and, and just started this, well, stopped
everything stopped spirituality stopped really.
So I stopped it all and. After a few years, just had this
calling to come back into myself and look at, you know, whatever
you want to call that source energy, whether that's God, the
universe, Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, whatever you want to call it for
yourself. But I really had a calling to
just come back into that space for myself and look into what
does all of this mean for me. And ultimately it just led me on
a journey of self discovery and self love for me, which has been
a beautiful, beautiful. Process.
I love it. Like if you could sum it up in
one sentence, I don't even know if that's possible, but like,
what is it for you? Like we'll go deeper, but it's
just like after all this time of uncovering, unlearning and then
placing the blocks that you want your space to be, you want your
your rock, your shrimp to be. What does that look like?
Right. I don't know if it's one
sentence as much as it is it's one question right now.
And the question I constantly come back to and ask myself and,
and some of the work that I do with my coaches is, is the
question that I always ask is what am I doing And is this
supportive for Britt? How is this supporting Britt on
her journey? And if I can ask that question
and I can say, OK, how is this supporting and supporting me
this way? Is this supportive?
The answer is yes. Then I move and I lean into it.
If the answer is this is not supporting me and the answer is
no, then I'm like OK then I need to figure out another path.
Yeah, I love it. OK, So what?
What have you come to? And then maybe we'll work in
reverse from there. So like, what?
What is the path? Are you completely not
religious? Do you hold some things?
Like what does that look like for you?
Safe space to hear. You know, it's funny that we're
having this conversation because I've been having this
conversation a lot this week. I'll do it again.
I know, I know. It's.
Everything right, I feel like it's just it's.
Everything. I woke up at 3:00.
This. Morning and you know do you ever
get that moment where you just like you're like OK well usually
it's like around I'm I'm very connected to the numbers 333 so
usually around that time I'm like popping up and.
I'll find it. You know, like, and this morning
I just said, you know what? No, I'm not fighting this.
I'm pulling it. I'm pulling out my journal and I
just need to write and I did. This whole thing about love and
transmuting, you know, lower vibrational energy into a space
of love and what that looks like and why we as humanity have to
in some essence, connect with a higher source and connect with
that entity and that being. And then also bring that down
into what we know. Because not all the time can we
we connect with that being because it's hard for us as as
we evolve, you know, with social media and cutting ourselves off
and just the busyness of our lives, it's so hard for us to,
to connect with what we cannot see, you know, touch, taste,
feel all these things, right? So I had this whole thing about
it and I was like, what at the same time?
We can like because that energy is there and whatever that is
for you. And so I connect with.
All of it, if I believe all of it.
Holds. A foundation for connecting to
ourselves. And I also believe that as we
connect with whatever that is, or if we even if we're
struggling to connect with that, we can connect with people, we
can connect with individuals that will remind us of that
connectedness with that source energy.
So yeah, I had a conversation. I was literally just writing
this to my my I. Do it's called rim sessions.
It's regenerating images and memories and there's a lot of
deep subconscious work. And so I was having a
conversation with my practitioner yesterday and we
were talking. About it and I was telling her
today I was actually in the process of texting her before
before I hopped on this call and I said it's so funny I said I
literally. Talked to an atheist my atheist
friend from India this weekend who said like everything that
we're connected with is all our mind.
And then I talked to, I work with the psychic medium in the
UK. So I said I talked to him and he
was telling me about like, his belief in aliens and how like
aliens and other galaxies are. Connecting with us and trying to
get our attention. And then I'm talking yesterday
just in the context of like Jesus and, and spirituality and
religion and, and the belief around how Jesus holds this,
this love for us. But there are darker entities
that might, you know, that might sort of gear us away from that
path of love. And I was like, Oh, this is so
interesting. It's all fun.
I know, I'm like, the more I know, the more I don't know.
And I feel like the more you just educate yourselves.
It's it's it's it's hard to say like this one thing.
I think we were both taught like this one thing is the only
thing, but I believe in one thing.
And that one thing for me is love and unity.
And like you were saying before, like is that that question
supporting? Is it supporting?
So I go, is this actually bringing more love into the
world for myself and for others? Because if it's just for
yourself, it does not come from a good higher power, right?
It needs to benefit you and others.
And that's that's the check in with yourself.
And if your religion or your belief system doesn't affect
your actions to be LED with more love and more integrity, then
then that's where you'd question.
Things exactly Sophia and that was the conclusion after all of
this I was like well still the universal language is.
Love, no matter. What culture, What ethnicity,
What religion? What any?
Belief system is that's still the universal language.
And so I was like, OK, and then, you know, I'm kind of like a kid
after that. I'm like, OK, well, let me go
play. Let me go hop on this podcast.
I love it, I love it. Perfect timing.
OK, let's backtrack. Let's hear your story.
And like what you identify as as a queer woman now, but like, how
long did it take for you to come out?
Let's let's get into it right. Oh yes, so I so I grew up like I
said, I was in the Catholic Church.
I went to Catholic school and the fun part I just laughed
because it reminds me of like all the typical be in movies
where you know, you're like, I'm at all go Catholic school.
That was me. That's.
How I realized I love it. I my mom always told me I was
homeschooled and she was like the only school that I would
want you to go to because there was just a lot of like drugs and
stuff nearby. Like, but if I put you in
Catholic school, it would have to be an all girls school.
But you become a lesbian if I put you there.
Yeah, you do. What one did you go to?
I went to.
Saint Joseph's in Baton Rouge. Oh my gosh.
OK wow. Yeah.
Used to nanny kids that went there, so that's amazing.
I freaking that's hilarious. What a nice school though.
Like fancy, beautiful. So I didn't.
Start out there I didn't get in the first year actually I went
to this other school no longer there but it's called
Redemptorist but they. Shut it down.
I mean, that was like, I don't know.
That was like public school and plant, same thing, like a lot of
drugs, things like that. And public school.
Yes, that's what they that's what they jokingly called.
It and. So, so people sort, I mean,
people always question me, but I didn't know like, you know,
because I because like, even in junior high, like I remember
having this like kids would come up to me because they were like,
Oh yeah, I loved basketball. So I had like this basketball
binder, like, like, you know, the feeling of a basketball.
I played ball. I, you know, had basketball
pencils. I wore Jordan.
Like I was just like, Oh my God, my clothes were too big.
And so people always questioned, but I just didn't.
I was just like, I didn't know, you know, like you don't know
what you don't know. And so I remember having like my
religion teacher one time. Like.
Teach us about homosexuality or something.
And then she gave this story about like, and she was 16 and
she liked this girl, but she realized like she just didn't
know. And so she just realized like
she just hadn't met the right guy kind of thing.
And so. God, we need to pray for her.
I still. Think about her.
To this day I'm like, I wonder if she ever figured it out.
God I hope so. I bet she's living her best
lesbian life now with a cat in the garden in the Garden
District with like some rainbow times on her cute little house
porch. Yes, yes.
And so it was funny, like the next year, it was kind of the
same thing when I went to public school in Platt.
I had this one teacher who. I knew she was, you know, it was
starting to like make more sense.
So then people were teasing us because they would call me, I
won't say her name, but my name they would, I would go by BB.
So they would say like, oh, you're basically her name, kind
of. And I was like.
Oh my God. And, and so she sort of made
this extra effort to to. Make it a point that she was
dating. Men, but I knew.
She wasn't and I think she knew she saw something else in me.
So we would kind of connect and I would get really uncomfortable
and I was like, I don't think I can, like I need to go.
And but then of course, the next year when I got into Saint
Joseph's and went there, it took about a year, took a little over
a year. But by my junior year, I, I feel
there was this girl with these beautiful blue eyes and
something about those blue eyes. I was just like, I could not get
over her and I could not get her out of my head.
And at that point I was like, luckily we had Google at that
time and. Every girl had a laptop.
So I had a laptop and I was like what is going?
On SO I was able to put words to the process and so of.
Course, as a lot of people, yeah, it was like, am I
bisexual? You know, because I think those
were only words at that time, like bisexual, lesbian.
So I was sort of toying with that, and then I came out in
college as a lesbian and lived my life as a lesbian for many,
many years until recently when I've had to go back to the
drawing board and just re question.
And finally, I was like, you know.
What? I think an umbrella term of
queer is just so perfect for me because I've I've kind of play
around with my gender identity. I've I've noticed just how I
connect with people differently on just such a different level,
whether they're, you know, cisgender women, you know,
people of trans experience, you know, people who are non binary.
So it's hard for me to to say, OK, a cisgender women woman is
my person. I mean, I'm married to a
cisgender woman, but there are definitely amazing people.
Out there. So I I.
Just want to clear this. Point.
I love it. I love it.
I never stopped to think about it that way.
That how the type of person you're attracted to could
determine which letter of the alphabet suit you cling to.
Which one feels best? Yeah, I freaking love that.
I'm curious, though. I'm nosy.
Have you ever been attracted to someone who wasn't by non binary
but who was actually like male presenting like or assist male?
Have you ever? Have I ever been attracted to
assist male? Yeah, OK.
And male presenting? Absolutely, yeah.
OK, interesting. I'm always curious to know.
I'm like, I know that in the past I think I was more
attracted to what I believe leave society told me I needed
from a man who's like security and whatnot.
I don't think I was ever really attracted to like, the body of a
man. Yeah, yeah.
And. And it's interesting.
That you say that too, because I, I, I find that to also be
true, like in my relationship. Now if I think about my wife,
she is she's very much male energy.
Sometimes I'm like did. I marry a man, you know, because
it is like I've met her and it was like that security.
That sort of like, OK, this is very grounding for me because I
can tend to have more of a feminine energy that I have that
I need to balance right. But as I've I've just.
Really tapped into myself more. I have I ever been with a.
Like a cisgender? Man, no, I've never could I I'm
not sure. It's just one I don't know and I
don't, I don't want to say like. Absolutely no, because I don't
want to cut myself off. But at this place and space in
my life, not no, probably not. But yeah, I find them
inattractive. I find, you know, I find like,
people trans experience attractive.
I find like yeah. Absolutely.
Oh, I I think trans experience is gloriously attractive.
I just if someone like presents as a man this or not, I'm just
like no, cuz I love I love the feminine.
Yeah, I just I'm like all about it.
It is. Something beautiful about it, I
have to say. Even.
Like even being with my wife, I, I, there's still something
about, and I mean, I know with the folks that you work with,
it's, you know, it's more just monogamous relationships.
So my wife and I are in an open relationship.
And so it's giving me your help, yes.
Yes, you really did. I know it's.
Fascinating. It's taken us a while, like it's
taken us some time and it was really something that happened
within me with a person near you actually, which sounds like, oh,
that's funny. A very feminine person in every
aspect. And so it, it took me by
surprise and it, I, I had to, I had to come to terms with that
within myself. Like what does?
This mean. And then of course, once I did
that, I was like, OK, now I have to be honest with what this
means to everybody else. So it was like now I have to
have a conversation with this person.
I have to have a conversation with my wife and no matter where
it goes, I still have to be OK with.
Myself and so are. We going to have like a triple,
double day Monday. Who knows?
I have no idea.
Like anything in this world is possible.
And so right now it's just been, this has just been a journey
from in a really painful journey too.
I mean, over the last this, I came out again, again, I guess.
And that's when you're like, when did you come out?
It's like it's always, I'm always coming out.
I came out again and I was probably like, and of course in
COVID 2020 when everybody was sitting with themselves and you
had to really get truthful with this.
No, I love that we're having this conversation though because
there is a misconception that I must hate polyamorous people or
something because my dating platform is only to help
monogamous people. So thank you for giving me the
opportunity to say real quick, I love I have so many Poly friends
and then also. I thought like, that's how I
came out. I came out as polyamorous.
I was going to stay with a man, try to make that work.
But I realized through that process that I was truly fully a
lesbian and that like monogamy is the only way because someone
would lose a hand if they touched me woman.
So it's different, though, I hear.
Is that true? Like for you is, is it different
where you're able to truly not experience the feelings or do
you still experience them and manage them?
You still experience them and this, that's actually the
process. That's what I'm learning and
that's what it's so fun working with my clients because I have
clients also, it's kind of the same thing.
A lot of my clients who were married to men or who are,
because I have clients who are still married to men, they come
out and they open their relationship because they don't
want to lose that security of the relationship.
Or maybe it is something for them to explore, but we don't
know. And I'm not the person to say
this is for you, this is not for you.
It's OK, Let's explore what might be an Ave. for you to take
and you can decide from there. And so some of my clients, one
of my clients, that was actually the case for her.
She was with a man, They started out polyamorous.
She they ended up breaking up, they got divorced and she
decided that she wanted to start dating women.
And now she is, luckily, But when she came to me, she had
broken up with her girlfriend like 40 times because she just
had so much shame around being with a woman and her religious
beliefs and all of that. And since we worked together,
it's been beautiful because now they've moved in together,
they're living together, they're a perfectly happy, monogamous
couple. And hopefully I'll be at their
wedding. Next year, so, so yes, So yes.
I love that it's kind. Of it's interesting and I've
been doing just a lot of. Work around like like attachment
styles and there's this really great book called Poly Secure
that talks about it and how non monogamy, ethical non monogamy,
I'll say that is actually inherently insecure.
And so you and and I've experienced this just within
myself. It's as in in my just transition
into what it looks like to go. Out and explore.
And, you know, maybe meet somebody who is, is also
exploring this side of themselves.
And so it's it is. There there's like.
Two parts that she talks about and one of it is around, you
know, your attachment styles, you know, do you have an anxious
attachment or or you know, disorganized attachment,
whatever that might look like for you avoid it, whatever that
looks like. So you have your own attachment
style that you bring into it and the idea is to work through it
transmute that into more of a secure attachment.
But then. There's also another part of it
that's like primal panic. So when somebody does enter into
the relationship, it literally almost challenges the very
foundation of who you are in that need for love and support,
and that's where you can get that.
Like you said, I get upset if somebody comes and tries to take
my woman because it's not all. Jealousy.
It's actually a panic of like. The loss of human connectedness,
yeah. And so.
Yeah, so it is. It's fascinating work just even
within my own journey and then also just learning from my
clients as well because I always say yard, yard here and I'm
working with you and I'm helping you love.
Yourself, but at the same time you're teaching me.
So it's fun. What do you, what is like the
expert area that you work with? Is it polyamory?
Is it what is? What is your focus of coaching
so now? It's it's.
Shifting, I have a lot of folks who've come to me just with a
lot of internalized shame. And now it's it's really just
focusing primarily on healthy relationships and attracting
healthy relationships. And that looks different for
everybody. So I do have clients who are not
in relationships. I have clients who are just
looking to accept. Most of my clients are.
Always coming to me to love and accept themselves because that's
first and foremost. And so whatever that looks like
for them. Some of them have gone through
breakups and they're needing that extra support.
Some of them need the support around who they are, how they
identify before they can go out. I have clients who are
monogamous. I have clients who are non
monogamous. So one of the questions I do ask
anybody who's going to join my program is are they open to just
in being accepting of all types of people that come into my
programs? I want to make sure that nobody
feels discriminated against and they have a safe place where
they can come. I.
Love it. I love it.
So now that you've helped so many people and you're around so
many different types of relationships and identities,
what do you, what can you identify as the biggest hurdles
that we have to get through as queer weapon?
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You're welcome. OK, back to the show.
It all boils down to shame and how.
Do we even identify like when we're feeling that?
When? The, the way that I, I usually
put shame with my clients is it is an identity.
So when we think about guilt, guilt is like, like guilt, you
know, Catholic guilt or any type of guilt is, is an action.
It's something that you've done that you just, you need to right
like, like you need to right or wrong right like.
So for instance, maybe. You.
You're driving. And you accidentally get real
rage and you cut somebody off. But then you catch yourself and
you realize, Oh my gosh, I did that.
Like feel bad about doing that. Like that's, that's an action
that that you did that you're like.
I'm so sorry like I'll usually you.
Know or. Or like you got upset with your,
your mom or something and you just kind of lashed out and then
you go back and you're like, Oh my gosh, I just feel so bad that
I just yelled at them. That's that's guilt, right?
And then when we think about. Like guilt, shame, blame, things
like that. Blame is obviously, you know,
putting that on other people. Like they did this to me.
This thing happened to me. But then when you think about
shame, shame runs deep. So shame is, it becomes an
identity and it's I am this, I am worthless, I am unworthy of
love. I am not lovable.
And so I get a lot of people coming to me with these ideas
around who they think they're supposed to be as women because
what we've been taught and especially in a compact society,
right? So they believe that they, a lot
of times they cannot inherently like do something for
themselves, whether that's feel pleasure or feel joy or
especially if they have children.
It's like everything is put towards the marriage and the
children and there's nothing for me.
So inherently I feel guilty or I feel bad for doing something for
myself. And so I have to work through
and untangle a lot of that internalized shame of this being
a person's identity versus, hey, maybe this is just something
you've been taught. This is a belief and you've had
over, you know, however many years, 40 years, you're like
you're, I always tell them you're an expert in these
beliefs. Right now you've had 40 years
experience beating yourself up and telling yourself you're
unworthy and you're unlovable. And I said, like it takes about
10,000 hours to become an expert in something.
And we're just getting started. Our number one, let's go, let's
start. How do we untangle this?
It's so interesting what you said about shame and identity.
I think that's why in particular queer people struggle because
we're literally shamed for our identities.
And I wish it was something I could change, to be honest.
I know, I know if I wasn't gay, I could be living a housewife
life. I would not, I'd wake up every
day and be a Pilates Princess. Now I'm a Princess and I might
work till midnight like it's I I've got a business to run, OK,
an empire to build. And I would love to just be in
muffin, you know, I I hope that one day I can sew and, and do do
that I. Agree, Sophia.
I'm like if I had a man where he's just taking care of me and
I could just go play tennis every day and like hang out with
my friends. We we would be the cutest.
We would be the cutest in our tennis skirts.
I'm just saying come hang out. You know where I live, Just come
hang out and we'll like pretend to play tennis one day.
I would not be surprised if I've seen you if I know where you
hang out. If I think I know where you hang
out, I would not be surprised if I would like cross paths because
I've been there. The coffee shop.
I'm like, girl, I hung out at this coffee shop.
I live at that coffee shop like they might as well take credit
for helping me build my business because.
I don't want too much time in that area.
I'm not going to even talk about it.
OK, wait, now I'm nosy. Is it because of the relief?
Perhaps There are so many secretly gay women in my little
area like so many like, well, the older women in the closet.
Yeah, this one's not. I don't know if they're well,
I'm still figuring it out. And who knows?
We'll see. We'll see.
I'm hoping. We'll see one day.
That's all. I'll.
Say, OK, all I have to say is looking at you, how could anyone
not fall in love with you like you're gorgeous, OK?
Thank you. Yes.
So yeah, she's gay now. She wasn't gay now.
That's that's probably why she won't talk to me.
You know how? It is, you know, they have to
run when they're questioning. And I'm like, you go, you go.
Lady like in my neighborhood who literally like I told her how I
felt. She gave me a kiss.
She was like, we have to figure this out.
I've never felt like this for a woman.
Like I felt like you. And the next day she's had their
stuff on my front porch for you. She blocked me and put every
little like casual gift I'd gotten her.
Like I think she one day said she needed Advil or something.
I brought her some Advil. She had that on the porch.
Yeah, yeah, it's. And this, you know, it's funny
because this is This is why I love this work too, especially
when women are starting the process of coming out and
they're married to men. Because I'm like, I've been on
the receiving side of that, right.
Just like you said, they left this and they blocked me.
And I'm like, oh, yeah, I know what it's what it's like to to
experience that fear and the running and the religious guilt
and the shame. And although I was not that
woman, I've never been with a man.
My wife has been with men. I don't, you know.
The experience was a little bit different.
For her. But just being on the other side
with this person has given me so much perspective and so much
compassion because I know. How difficult it can be to admit
that to yourself. And yeah.
And it's just like, all right, let's, let's like when you're
ready. And I tell people all the time,
when you're ready, like I'm here, let's figure this out.
And they need you because it's a hard process and like having
someone to be by your side through it, Having a coach, I
can't imagine what that would have done for my life at the
time, I wasn't financially able to even think about that.
And I didn't really know that those coaches existed.
But that's why I shared my story over and over because it's like,
and I want to give everyone who coaches in this platform to come
on crewmen rising and say, like, you can get through this.
And I, I'm skilled to walk you through it because it's hard,
especially when you're like financially entangled with the
man Jesus. Yeah, yeah, Business.
Yeah, OK. Well we need to talk after this
but I'm a little nosy anyway. Am I?
Are you dating my ex-girlfriend at this point?
Like that's what I want to know I am dating.
Know what? I'm dating myself OK OK, I'll
leave it at that the rest we can talk offline, but I'll leave it
at that. I'm dating, I'm dating me.
I'm loving me right now. Even my wife knows.
I just got off the phone with her and she's like, you know,
I'm really struggling and I'm really like, not.
Connecting with people right now and I'm like.
Yeah. And I said, well, you know, it
might be a good time for you to go in or inward like do some
internal work because she's in Chicago.
We've been, we've been going back and forth in our marriage
for the last 3 1/2 years and so. Yeah.
And so we're in the process of moving back in together and I am
doing a lot of internal work to to bring this connection back
together because I think we can do amazing things.
And so when she called me today and she's.
Just like I'm strong, like good, sit in there.
Let's like, let's, let's sit through that because there's
something that is being shown to you right now.
And I, I just feel like at like. I tell people I changed.
I think I, I just recently changed my offer to, you know,
helping women with shame to well.
Let's talk about it, because I love.
Yeah, yeah, right. And so shame does not seem to
connect with women because. We just don't know that we even
have. It.
And so it is around, yeah. So it's around helping women
attract healthy relationships. And that can be anything for you
and so. The interesting thing?
Thing is, a lot of people are coming to me, you know, going
through breakups and things like that or on the verge of breaking
up. So I'm getting a lot of that.
But even just within my own marriage and my own
relationship, I, I just look at it and I smile because I really
told people what I did. People be like what?
And so I tell my clients. But really the thing that I do
is I help queer women step in, like raise their consciousness
and step into their power because I feel like we are
freaking powerful people when we can own who we are.
So good. It's so good.
And I I love talking about offers all day.
I'm a business coach. Part.
Of the dating platform but what you're speaking to is is it's
you can't and what you realize is you can't speak to the
problem that they don't know they have they don't even know
they have it It's kind of like having symptoms of a cold but
not knowing that what happened in 2020 existed so you don't
know what to call it but you've got this cold and what are we
going to do about it and you coming alongside and being like
here's the protocol we're going to go through to heal that's
beautiful and powerful so I know we can't go on forever but if
they were to take one step what would be that first step of just
slapping shame down because it comes up and it is insidious you
don't know that's what it is and it affects everything every
freaking relationship possible yeah take a.
Mirror. Hold it up to your face.
If you don't have a mirror, you have a selfie camera.
Hold it up and look at yourself and just with into those
thoughts and if they're beating you up, allow yourself to cry
and see if there's one word, 1 sentence that you can say to
change it. Even if it's you know what I'm
learning to love myself. That was that would be.
I mean, I am a person that faces everything head on.
And so if shame is coming up for me to this day, I mean shame
will still come up for me. I will go straight to my mirror
and I and I will ask myself again, what is supportive for
Brett? Is this supportive?
If that, if it's not, then what do I need to do to shift that?
Yeah. And if that means I'm sitting in
my mirror like on the floor in tears, and I think I've even
posted videos of me, I'm like, no, I.
Still cry. I'm still staring in the mirror
in tears like if that's what it. Takes great be there because
your body, your your your soul is speaking to you.
When we hear those things so we can even identify what are the
things that maybe clients have told you they hear when they
look in the mirror before they have those fueled thoughts come
in like. Oh, I hate myself.
I'm not lovable. I'm unworthy.
I'm then it becomes or it can be very like physical things like
I'm too fat, I'm too skinny, I'm not beautiful, I'm not this
anything that comes after I'm not.
I can't or even anything. That comes after.
The word I am and if it hurts you, if it hurts your heart
afterwards, it is quite possible that that is a belief that you
have and that's something that you have to start to shift.
So what are you saying after I am?
Even my clients that say I am depressed, I I am anxious.
I'm like, oh, you are depressed. That is you really.
So now you're living into that. So good.
I caught myself. It had been a really hard month
for me, not going to lie. I caught myself yesterday.
I think I was listening to something.
I think it was Oprah. She said she had someone on that
was like talking about I am. And that's been some words that
I've been using in marketing for like since last February, did a
master class on I am and I hadn't thought about it.
I did a master class and then I never thought about it again.
And So what you're saying is so interesting that you bring that
up today just so synchronous. It is because I'm like that is I
had to catch myself even after all the work I've done and all
that I do with clients on mindset to help them build their
businesses or find love, I still was telling myself, well, I'm
I'm depressed. I never felt depression like
that in so long. It was a hard one.
And yesterday I was like, no ma'am, no, you are not depressed
like you were blessed and highly favored and loved and protected
and strong and will overcome like all these replacement
thoughts. But it's taken years to even be
able to have those replacement thoughts ready to go.
And even after all the work, I let myself tell myself bad words
after I am for a few weeks. Yeah.
And I was checking on you. I was thinking.
About you. I was like so.
It's. Not OK, girl, I was not OK.
And. And right now we're still
feeling the effects like, yeah, so.
We can go into that. At a time, yeah.
Yeah, and and I think we all fall into it right.
We all and and as I tell my clients, I say it's a.
Spiral and it doesn't mean that it's a good or bad or, or
positive or negative. It's just a spiral.
And, and the thing that I teach with them is around like
emotions and an emotional scale. And so it's like sometimes we
spiral into lower vibrational emotions.
And that's where we'll get into like I am depressed or I am this
and we'll, we'll fall into that victim mode again.
And I said, but that's OK. It's a spiral because once you
know you're there and you, you accept it, you're there, you can
start to slowly go back and spiral the other way again.
And that's OK. So it's all OK, right?
And, and, but I always say I'm like the most powerful words you
can say in the English language comes after the words I am.
And that will tell you everything you need to know
about where you are right now and either where you're going to
stay if you don't do anything about it, or where you you have
the potential to move into if you decide to own it, accept it,
and then move beyond that. And it sounds like that's what
you were doing there. It's like, OK, I'm hearing it.
I'm catching myself now. What do I need to do to?
Take this stuff to get out of it, and sometimes that might
take a month. A day, a year.
You know, may take many years, but.
As you said, as you do the work and you continue to do the work,
you start to move through it a lot faster.
I. Love it.
I think after through certain experiences that can be
particularly traumatizing to people and your clients.
What is beyond this is is there a way to like get out of that
victim mentality? Like what would be a first step
for that? I think it always goes back to
reconnecting with yourself. We do a lot of mirror work.
We do a lot of work subconsciously and a lot of the
subconscious work that we do. And I take my clients through
what's called more of like a Gestalt process, which is.
More like a some. Psychosomatic work that we do
but but they in essence connect with their inner child.
We do a lot of work around connecting with your inner
child. What did, what needs weren't
being met back then where you can bring that into the present
moment and really nurture re parents sometimes re parent that
child and, and bring that into your present moment.
And not only that, but even your future self because you're still
growing, you're still developing, you're still
evolving. And so as a human, we have
hopes, we have dreams, we have things that we want to see for
ourselves. And so a lot of that
subconscious work is also connecting them with that, that
vision of their higher self and what they want to see.
And so having that conversation to really again ground them and
connect them back into the present moment.
Yeah, so good. I love the work you're doing.
Thank you for doing it. Thank you for helping women who
are out of the closet, women who are still in the closet.
It's just it's important. It's work.
I wish I had a night. I know that someone listening to
this podcast today is going to be like, OK, this is my sign.
I need to seek support. How would they contact you,
Brett? Well, you can.
Come to my page. It's Britt Barton coaching and I
connect with everybody on DM so just DM me with just tell me you
saw me on with Sophia. You can put Sophia in the chat.
That's all you have to write and I'll be.
More than happy to reach out to you.
I reach out to everybody personally and connect with you
all and, and we can go from there and we can schedule a call
and I'll get you on a call and we can just talk about what you
need to, to start your journey and get you back into a better
place. I love that.
And typically, do people work with you one-on-one or do you
have a group program? What does that look like?
Both So yes, so it's one on it's one-on-one coaching and then I
also have a community. So we we come together as a
group and we just support each other in just this beautiful.
Way as well. So yeah, it's both I.
Love it. OK Community is everything.
That's one thing that I learned in in my world community is.
Everything it really is, especially for women, I think we
we need it. Like I find you can really get
it in with gay men. I think they they do it so well.
And I find even within the transgender community, they're
coming up. They have a lot of groups and
things like that. Sometimes it's a little bit
harder. For women, I think we can tend
to be a little bit shyer and sometimes just not as open.
And so my my goal. And even with my wife, I'm like,
come on girl, like. Let's get to the other side
because our goal is to create a supportive community around
women. Yeah, I can definitely see that
friend in my life since I was a child.
Just like not having the trust with women because you've heard
that one traumatic moment where like your five year old best
friend betrays you and you never see women say, yeah, one thing
that I can't say I'm proud of is my lesbian dating platform.
Like it is community based. It is so community based and
it's strong and it's thriving and, and that being a part of
that, even though like I'm the creator, I'm just as much an
individual inside of it where I'm just learning from everyone
and just loving the energy. It's it's so.
Amazing, that is amazing and trust me, I'm always thinking
about you because I do have clients and like I'm working to
date I'm like I might know somebody so.
Yes, if you're listening and you came from Britt's audience, I
have the Queer Country Club. It's a monogamous lesbian dating
platform. So as long as you don't identify
as a man and you know you want to have one wife for life, join
DME Dating. So thank you for being on the
show today. Thank you for sharing so
vulnerably. And if you can leave the
audience with something powerful, I am go forward and to
start replacing those thoughts for it.
What would that be to that would?
Be. Tap into yourself, call yourself
by your name and ask yourself, even just looking in the mirror
today, just ask yourself, what do I need?
So I would ask myself what does Brittany today and see what that
answer is and then give that to you.
Thank you so much. Thank you for being here.
Thank you for sharing your energy.
Like I genuinely loved it. Not just saying that, it's like
just so happy to know you again, wise.
Let me know when you're in my area, but also, I've got to
e-mail you now because I'm so funny.
I'm like, Oh my God, I've shared so much with you so came out of
my mouth. No, no, hey, no obligation to
share anything else I told, especially when you're, when
you're working with, you know, a relationship with someone who's
in the closet. I totally understand the
sacredness around protecting their identity.
Like I have had so many women that I've talked to be like, oh,
what's your ex's names? Or, and I'm like, no, because we
protect, especially when someone's in a situation where
they may not be safe. If they come out and I, I truly
feel that might be the case here.
And so I just, I, I, I just hold such a special place for those
types of people because you never know a person's situation.
The truth and if you're listening to this and somehow
you found this podcast because I'm a later in life lesbian and
you found it because Britt helps women who are coming out late in
life and you just needed to hear someone say it's going to be OK.
I hope you got that from listening to this episode.
It will be OK. Do not rush yourself to come
out. I always am talking about come
out, come out but like if it is not safe for you, you do exactly
what Bridget said. Ask yourself what you need and
how you can stay safe and and find someone to talk to which is
going to be Brett. OK have an amazing day Brett.
Bye fam, take care. As clear women, that's women
with an X. Because of course, we are
inclusive here. As I was saying, as queer women,
we haven't always been lifted up or celebrated.
We have often felt left out and put down in places that
historically haven't welcomed us.
In fact, we have been conditioned by society to be
grateful for mere tolerance. My resilient LGBTQ plus IA
community, I am talking to you. I'll bet you've recognized the
spark that God put in your heart, your unique calling to
impact the world, and only a way that you can.
A business idea brand to build, a coaching program to start, the
art to create, the song to sing, the book to write.
That relationship you long to build.
But that little light inside your soul has often been blown
out by the people around you, leaving you conditioned to play
small and not step into your full potential.
You are not alone, and it's never too late to truly live
your most authentic. Dream.
Life. I would know.
I came out late in life, nearly 30.
A couple years ago, after being bullied for months inside a
Country Club right outside of my weights class.
I was assaulted by a bigoted woman who couldn't stand my
queerness. She physically pushed me, so I
had a meeting with management. I told them I didn't feel safe.
I brought forth evidence and guess what?
They did nothing. Sadly, this is normal.
But in order to create change, we have to be brave enough to be
the change ourselves. So I did a thing.
I started my own virtual Country Club for queer women.
A safe place for us to create meaningful connections and grow.
So if you're looking for a love connection, networking
opportunities or coaching to live your best freedom life, you
want to apply to be a part of our incredible community of
purpose driven, passionate queer women.
Join Queer Women Rising, the online queer Country Club for
growth minded women ready to level up in life and love.
To apply, DM me the word Rising on Instagram at Sofia Spellino
or chat me the word Rising on Sofia fiasfullino.com Now beyond
hosting queer women rising, I am a personal brand coach and
social media strategist. If you give me a moment to tell
you about what I do, I can share how I can help you just like
I've helped many clients before. Get famous online and make more
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you're just getting started building your dream brand from
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for it? Well, I've spent over 10 years
in the social media marketing industry, amassing over 400,000
followers across platforms like Instagram, Tiktok, Facebook and
YouTube as a well as hosting a top charting podcast, building a
successful service provider business and coaching powerful
women to build purpose driven, profitable personal brands.
Yeah, I have the social media and sales process strategies
that can help you finally make the money you deserve because I
want to help you build your dream business that gives you
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So for a limited time, I'm giving away your first steps to
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Blueprint. My proven framework to build
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so that your business can thrive the way it should.
Just go to the link in the show notes.
Whether you're a novice at creating or you're feeling stuck
hitting a plateau in your business that once had
consistent revenue and need guidance, support and coaching
to get to your next level, I invite you to book a strategy
call to speak with either me or my team to see if we'd be the
right fit to work with each other inside of the profitable
personal brand 6 month coaching program.
Mind you, I am extremely selective and this coaching
program is not for everyone and I'm not afraid to say it.
I am only taking on serious, purpose, driven and committed
queer women and allies inside of my community.
If that's you, book your free strategy call.
The link is in the show notes and if you feel yourself come
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