Testing 1-2 three testing 1-2 three.
Welcome back to queer woman rising.
I'm your host Sophia Spellino. This podcast is for the lesbians
who are looking for love, who are inspired by the love stories
in lesbian world. Except that I don't have one for
you today, but I do have a dating life update.
Loki scared to be posting this with my hair like this and it's
natural state because the last time I posted with natural hair
I had comments like what happened to your hair?
Are you OK? And what happened to my hair is
God made me with curly hair and I just blew it out everyday and
like what hurt my feelings except I've been a human of the
Internet for a while and I don't know if I have feelings anymore.
Whoa, my pop filter fell off. If you're not watching this
podcast on YouTube or Spotify, what are you doing?
You can now watch Queer Women Rising and it's just more fun
that way. So checking in, how's everybody
doing? It is March 26th on the day of
recording this. I'm about to go on my first ever
Queer Country Club retreat. I've got some packing to do.
I've got my suitcase ready to go.
I'm so excited. I have never been on a luxury
queer anything. In fact, I've never been on like
a luxury group trip in general. Typically that's something I do
only with a partner. And since I'm a single girly
now, I was like, I need to plan a trip.
OK, I'm going to do that by myself.
And then I was like, wait, I could invite the women inside of
my lesbian dating club, the queer Country Club, to join and
turn it into a retreat. And I've been planning like a
mad woman. And it is going to be beautiful.
I cannot wait to share everything that we're doing.
Actually, I should probably pull up our entire schedule and read
it to you guys because that would be fun.
Wouldn't it be fun? OK, I'm going to do that.
I'm going to turn the camera around.
I don't know, literally pull up the retreat schedule because
this makes me happy. I've been working so hard to
make it so beautiful. OK, Obviously I would not put
out this episode until the retreat happened.
So nobody's I didn't, I don't know, like nobody knows our
schedule, what we're doing moment by moment until after.
But OK, when we first get there, I planned a beautiful lunch.
We're going to be eating lunch at Canyon Ranch's like beautiful
sit down place. It's just going to be divine.
And we're going to have Kundalini yoga right when we get
started. So freaking excited to do this,
but do it with lesbians who are just so there for the right
reasons. Everyone here is like ready to
spiritually up level to become the woman that they want to be,
to call in their future wife. Because we really can't call on
someone that we aren't already, aren't already.
Oh, I don't know if it sounds right.
If we aren't already at that energetic level, how do we call
in that person? OK, so that's the first thing
and we're going to be doing like sauna and cold plunging and
having snacks together. Then we have a meditation plan
and then we have a dinner outside.
I'm so freaking pumped. And then hot tub chat until
10:00 PM. Can't freaking wait.
I don't know. I'm baby grandma.
We're probably a lot of baby grandmas.
We make it till 10:00 PM. I'm not sure, but we can stay
out there till that time. So I'm really excited about
that. The next next day, we're going
to go on a beautiful morning walk that's led by a Canyon
Ranch guide. And then we're going to have
breakfast together outside and we'll start doing spa services.
We have a collagen facial scheduled.
We've got a massage scheduled. We have spiritual guidance,
private spiritual guidance scheduled with a Canyon Ranch
spiritual guide. Cannot freaking wait.
Then then Canyon Ranch called me and was like, we have the craft
for you guys. So I was like, I really want to
do a craft that we get to take home and that we could all
remember our time together on this first queer Country Club
retreat and Canyon Ranch. My my girl calls me and she's
like, I have just the thing and I'm like what?
And she's like, we're going to be making rainbow crystal sun
catchers, which, OK, I get it. A lot of the women that I help
in private platinum matchmaking or come to these retreats,
they're not fully like defined by their sexuality.
Like they're very successful. They don't wear a ton of
rainbows in the courtroom if they're a lawyer, you know what
I mean? Like, but everyone can use a
little sun catcher to put in their window or put in their
bathroom window and have like a little rainbow glue.
OK. So I felt like this was a very
subtle queer piece of art that I'm just so tickled pink.
It was like a little God wink. That Canyon rancher would be
like, yeah, we're going to do this for you guys.
That was really exciting. And then we're going to do a
stretch and relaxation class together and then we're going to
do some solo time for journaling and then just prepare for our
dinner. We're going to be doing dinner
outside again and then of course having some time just to chat
and me ask some guided questions and just get to know each other
so much deeper. And then the next day we have
sunrise yoga and then breakfast. And of course they'll be some of
us getting more services. And then we have 11 AM sacral
chakra hip opening. I cannot wait.
I cannot wait to do hip opening yoga that is linked so much with
letting go of past things. If you do any research about
your sacral chakra, that is where as women, we hold the most
pain, the most resentment, the most trauma.
And so when we open this up, we're actually allowing new
things, good things to come in and letting go of old
resentments. So really pumped about that.
And I'm queen of studying letting go.
I don't know if you have heard my song, My Healing.
If you haven't yet, you can listen to it on Spotify.
But I play the harp and it was something I wrote a long time
ago. And it is about that, that deep
release. So I'm really excited that this
is something we all get to experience together.
And then we're going to do key gong at one after our lunch.
And lastly, A drumming circle. I've never done that.
I'm so freaking pumped. So drumming circle.
And we'll say our goodbyes. And that was our three days of
retreat. It's just gonna be beautiful,
beautiful, beautiful. I think I may do another one in
August. I'm not quite sure yet at the
time of filming when that will be.
But if you're like Sophia, this is something I want to be a part
of. I want to know more.
You want to get on the wait list?
Right now we have a lot of women on the wait list, so get on it.
But we'll be giving you more updates to like, hey, I'm going
to be releasing this thing because when I do, we only have
5 to 10 spots per retreat and it's gonna go fast.
So DM me wait list if you haven't gotten on the wait list
yet or e-mail the word wait list to support@sophiaesplino.com so
we can make sure you're in. Should we lead another retreat?
I keep telling everyone I got to go on this one and see like
energetically how I feel. And then we'll go from there
because I'm such a little homebody, OK?
I made notes. I made notes for this podcast
episode because it's so low. It's just me.
And I went on my first date post breakup.
I broke up like on the 4th, 5th of January.
And I went on my first date at the like mid middle of March.
And I have to say that it went really well.
And everyone's like, are you like dating this woman
exclusively? No, I'm not dating this woman
exclusively. Honestly, I'm not sure if I'm
dating anyone exclusively right now.
It is my job to help you guys find your future wife.
And my heart, I just want it to stay really open.
It doesn't mean I'm not open to seeing where something could go.
It doesn't mean that I'm shutting anyone out.
It just means that I'm open. And for a long time, especially
with the religious trauma that I've had as a woman who grew up
in the South, didn't know she was gay, Wait until marriage,
have sex. Like all these things that makes
you really afraid to start relationship or to give love.
And one of the things that I learned, there's three things I
learned as I went On this date and as I opened up my heart
again and as I gave someone a real shot is that giving someone
your time, giving someone your attention, giving someone your
affection, giving someone your love, or even giving someone sex
is not taking anything away from you.
If you want to give to that person, if you feel like your
cup is so full, you have so much to give and you have a
connection with someone, for the longest time, I was taught that
you shouldn't do these things till marriage.
And we've broken every boundary because according to people who
believe in the Bible verbatim, they don't believe that women
can marry women. I beg to differ.
But, And if you are struggling with this, I encourage you to
watch the film 1946 so you can learn about the gross
mistranslation. That actually was the year 1946
that the word homosexual was strategically politically placed
in the Bible. So yeah, they're bad motives.
With that being said, as a girlie who went through that
indoctrination, religious trauma, there's a part of me
that still like feels guilty whenever I have any connection
with someone. And I'm like, oh, it's not like
a serious thing. I'm not saying I didn't take
this woman seriously at all 'cause I did, but I am saying
that I knew, hey, we're probably going to have sex.
I would not call it a hookup. I would not call it a one night
thing because it was not a one night date.
It was like a very long week long date.
And we went to Disney together. We had a great time.
But I knew in my heart this may or may not lead to something
else. It may or may not.
And I knew that I was in a place, a grounded place, enough
to be like, yeah, let's go there if we both want to go there.
I'm really big on doing my STDSTI check UPS between
partners. Highly highly highly recommend
WISP. I've worked with them for three
years. I'm not getting paid to say this
but they are a partner of mine on other posts on Instagram and
I do the test. I have my partner do tests and
yeah, like why not to grown consenting adults.
This is the first time in my life where I feel like I can say
that because I've always been like this has to a turn into a
relationship or else. And I didn't feel that.
So yeah, that's one of the things I wanted to talk about is
love expansion, open heartedness multiplies.
We are taught that like having sex is popping your cherry or
giving someone your virginity or whatever.
You're not giving anyone anything but love and you are
receiving. And as long as it's to people in
mutuality, knowing what it is, knowing what it isn't, and being
open to what it could be and being truly like, yeah, this
could turn into something more that felt right for me, that
felt so right for me. So that's what I did for the
first time ever because otherwise, every other time that
I've ever slept with someone, it was truly with the intention of
this will be my long term partner.
And this time I'm not playing games in my head.
I am married to my work and it is my purpose and my path to
help women find their future wife.
So right now I'm extremely focused on that.
I work crazy hours and yeah, that's my number one priority
right now. A lot of people tell me, Oh my
gosh, your marketing is like so good it goes viral.
Other people tell me your marketing is too much about
yourself. You're always trying to find
your future wife. In reality, yes, I am trying to
find my future wife. If she comes along through his
process, awesome. If I meet her and she's a
private matchmaking client and I'm like, wait, I ain't putting
you on the market. I'm taking you for like, yes,
that's always in the back of my head, but my priority is helping
you find love. So yeah, super vulnerable to say
like I am looking for my future wife.
Yes, I mean it when I say it, but at the same time, I'm really
creating effective content to help you guys find your future
wife. Because when I attract in those
ideal top tier lesbians, I'm able to put them in the queer
Country Club or if they're more private, they come to me for
private matchmaking and then I'm able to match them discreetly.
I'm attracting the right women, the kind of women you actually
want to date. By me saying I'm looking for a
future wife doesn't mean I'm not.
I am, but it's not my focus right now.
I am very, very focused on my career and helping you.
So with that being said, I had an open heart knowing what it
is, what it isn't and what it could be.
And I don't regret anything. I had the absolute most best
time. Sex was so good.
It was pretty spiritual even, like she's very spiritual and
like sensual and have to say, probably best sex of my life.
Yeah. So good times, good times. 10
out of 10, highly recommend. Meet yourself, someone that you
feel safe with and enjoy the ride.
The number 2 thing that I learned is dating is data.
It's we think of it as data about them and then we're going
to make a decision on if we're going to go on another date or
not. Yes, but it's also dating is
data about yourself. Like I learned so much more
about myself and so much more. I looked at this person and was
like, oh like there's these things that you energetically
give me that I didn't realize that I need it and that I would
crave in a long term relationship.
I wouldn't have known to put that on my list unless I would
have been with you. Oh, I love the way that you have
sex. Like I am never settling for sex
that isn't as juicy and beautiful and full and long and
like deep as this. And then there's the things you
see that you don't love. Maybe I don't know.
And you just go, OK, I see why. Like maybe this thing wouldn't
be compatible with me long term. So then you talk about it or you
just knowed it and you know what to tell Sapphic.
So if you are AI matchmaker in the queer Country Club or you
just keep that data for yourself and know how to update your own
standards. I want to show you guys this.
I keep looking at it on my desk. I got this cup when I was in
Disney World. I mostly bought like little
souvenirs for my niece and nephew.
I buy them like big, big sets of Disney characters and then I
break down the sets. Of course I couldn't like pack
those big boxes anyway. But I break down the sets and
then every time I see them I give them like 1 character and
they feel like it's like the best thing ever.
But in reality it was like, I don't know, like if you pay for
a $30 set and you split it 10 different ways, each character
is only three bucks. So every time I see them, I give
them this little toy, but they think it's like $1,000,000.
Makes my like single lesbian childless life happy when I see
those kids light up. So that's what I got.
I got like enough presents to provide for them breaking down
sets for like literally a year and a half and it was so fun.
The only thing about myself was this mug.
And if you're watching it, you can see I've got my little
lipstick stain on it, this mug, and it says love.
And it's in my favorite shade of like Mauvi pink.
And it's got a little Mickey on it.
And the reason I got it is to remind myself that like, it was
really the first time in my life, I'm 32 where I didn't let
religious trauma get in the way. And I just, like, had
consensual, safe, beautiful fun with somebody that, yes, I would
not go out with this person if I didn't think they were
compatible. I'm literally a matchmaker, OK.
And maybe it goes somewhere in the future.
I don't know. But what I'm saying is I knew it
may or may not go somewhere. I was willing to have that fun.
And yeah, I don't know that that just meant a lot to me.
And that that brings me to my third and last point, which is,
yes, we're looking for our future wives, but we can't
forget about the present. We can't forget about now.
We've got to be here now because all we have is now.
And if we live in the future, we're going to feel deeply
unsatisfied every freaking moment of the present.
And I can honestly say that I felt so happy in the moment and
I felt so happy after. And I can look back at that and
be like, I'm so happy that I did it.
So yes, we're looking for a future wife, but we are going to
live present. OK, Life is short.
Like God forbid, but if something happened tomorrow,
like don't you want to know that you Live Today?
I know I do. I've spent a lot of my life not
living, overworking, worried about what other people think
I'm living. And this weekend I'm going to
truly be living. I'm so excited for this retreat.
I could literally cry. Like I need it so much.
I planned it when I was going through the depths of despair
and my breakup. But like I need it so much.
I just need to tap out and like connect.
I can be such a loner and I know other women out there too.
I know a lot of queer women are also a neuro spicy like me.
And like I love being alone, but like alone isn't always good for
me, right? I'm really excited to challenge
myself to spend so much quality time with these women and women
I actually want to spend time with.
The women on the retreats are women who have been in my DMS
like I'm very clear on who they are and their values and
actually want to hang out with them, like let's chill together.
So that's what I'm excited for. I think that's really it.
I think that's all I wanted to share.
I just want to encourage you. If you've gone through a breakup
and you feel like you have to date again, but you don't know
where to start, start by finding someone like yes, you could
align, align with forever, but like take some pressure off and
just like enjoy. Just enjoy your freaking life.
And if you think like you have to be a certain level of healed
before you ask someone on a date, screw that.
If you if you have come to the reality where you're not wishing
you were with your ex because you have had the rude
realization that your ex is not who you thought they were.
Or you had the rude realization that you and your ex will not
work together and you're able to see the future that you don't
want to have. You're very clear that you no
longer want your ex in your life.
That is enough healing. There's nothing else that you
need. Just start dating again.
You were torturing yourself by thinking you need to be alone
unless you truly don't want to go on a date and you're just
enjoying life by yourself. But you can do both sis.
You can hold the nuance of I'm in my healing era, I'm in my me
era and also go on a date and also get back into dating.
And if you need help with that. I'm here for you.
It's very, very clear.
The three ways to work with me. One, private coaching to join
the Queer Country Club, my lesbian dating club for
monogamous women. Or three, my Platinum private
matchmaking for my private, discreet women who don't really
want to go on the dating platform and want their matches
handed to them on a silver platter.
Go on the date and go on the date.
Take care of yourself, take care of your heart.
Be very clear with your boundaries, physically, in your
own mind and in your own heart and in your own body before you
want. Go on the date, but go on the
date, OK? I think that's all I'm going to
say. Thank you for listening to Queer
Woman Rising. If you enjoyed this, please by
all means send it to your lesbian friends.
Send it to your lesbian friends who are like I just want to find
a lesbian with the job. This economy is crazy and I
can't be someone's mom. I think it's a short point, but
seriously that is like my mantra lately.
That is what I am looking for. Those are the women I'm looking
for to help match you with and those are the women I want
listening to the show. If you know a lesbian who has
their shit together, I still feeling lonely.
This is the podcast for her. Send it her way and I hope you
have a great day. Thanks for being here.
Thanks for doing life with me. This is weird to share your
whole life with the world, but also it's been my way of doing
life for, gosh, like 10 years now, so I don't know another
way. You guys are my friend, except
that I'm making real friends this weekend at the Queer
Country Club Retreat. I can't wait because making
friends as an adult is hard.