1 00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:05,600 On this episode, let's talk about how as she approaches 2 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:10,080 orgasm, it is both the most important time and the hardest 3 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:13,280 time to have stamina and control. 4 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:21,040 This is the Holistic Alpha Male Optimization Podcast where we 5 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:24,280 help you unleash your true power as a man. 6 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:28,920 Hey guys, welcome back to the show. 7 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:30,880 I'm Stephen Mathis. Thanks for being a part of the 8 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:31,880 tribe. Welcome. 9 00:00:31,880 --> 00:00:35,000 If you just found the show recently, I'm glad that we've 10 00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,880 somehow crossed paths. Let's talk about sex. 11 00:00:37,880 --> 00:00:43,320 Having control, having better sex, having our partner be able 12 00:00:43,480 --> 00:00:48,320 to lean into the fullness of her sexuality to be able to carry 13 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:52,680 her into the places where we both want her to go. 14 00:00:52,680 --> 00:00:54,480 Right. The guys that I know want their 15 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:57,800 partner to have amazing experiences and amazing sex just 16 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,240 like they want to experience that themselves. 17 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:04,920 And for that to happen, we need to be able to have stamina and 18 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:10,280 control up until and through the point at which our partner has 19 00:01:10,640 --> 00:01:14,160 orgasms. And that moment, or rather that 20 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:18,400 sort of series of moments approaching the time when she is 21 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:22,360 about to have an orgasm. It is the hardest time to have 22 00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,560 control because we've got to remember. 23 00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:27,640 One of the things that we must understand with sex is that 24 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:30,480 there is a constant exchange of energy. 25 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:32,360 This is one of the reasons why I feel so good. 26 00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,640 It's one of the reasons why it can be so empowering, so 27 00:01:34,640 --> 00:01:36,360 healing. There is a constant flow of 28 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:38,960 energy where we are giving energy to our partner. 29 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:42,800 Our partner is giving energy to us, and we're both pulling from 30 00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:46,800 this unlimited well, this limitless well of energy from 31 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:48,920 the universe. We both kind of pull from that 32 00:01:48,920 --> 00:01:53,760 and give to each other. So when one person is 33 00:01:53,760 --> 00:01:57,040 approaching orgasm, their energy is going to rise and their 34 00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:00,720 energy is going to get more intense and thus the energy 35 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,920 that's going into the other person is going to have similar 36 00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:06,280 kind of changes. So when your partner is 37 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:09,720 approaching orgasm and her energy starts to build, more of 38 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:13,320 that energy is also going to be coming into you. 39 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:18,000 So it's not just a psychological thing, because there is also 40 00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:22,560 that aspect where it's very easy to kind of get caught up in the 41 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:25,760 mind about the fact that maybe she's about to have an orgasm 42 00:02:25,760 --> 00:02:27,480 and, and that can be kind of disconnecting. 43 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,440 But on a very real energetic level, regardless of what our 44 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:34,520 mind is doing, even if we're 100% present as a normal course 45 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,040 of things happening and as a beautiful part of things 46 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:40,800 happening, as she approaches orgasm, that energy rises and 47 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,600 gets more intense. The same thing it's going to 48 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:45,680 flow through to you. So it's going to be harder to 49 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:49,680 have control in that time and it is absolutely the most 50 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,040 important. We want to be able to stay 51 00:02:51,040 --> 00:02:54,200 strong and carry through those moments. 52 00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,680 And I know that it's something that a lot of guys struggle 53 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,440 with. It is something I've heard from 54 00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:02,280 a lot of men where they might have good control up until that 55 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,760 point. And then often that can be the 56 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:08,360 point that can kind of take them over the edge as well, which may 57 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:12,560 result in an OK or a good experience, but it sometimes 58 00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:16,720 results in something less than what guys feel it could be if 59 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:19,280 they could maintain control through that. 60 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:22,480 And you absolutely can learn to do that. 61 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:26,120 There's a couple of broad strokes kind of approaches to 62 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:29,200 this. One is focusing on building our 63 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:31,720 stamina overall, right? Getting familiar with how our 64 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:35,240 body works, getting familiar with being able to relax even 65 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:39,920 when we're erect, relax even when we're aroused, stay relaxed 66 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,080 even when we're at a high arousal level or edging 67 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:45,080 practice. All of the things that we can do 68 00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:48,120 day-to-day and over the long term to build our stamina, our 69 00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:51,800 knowledge of our body, our ability to guide our body and 70 00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,160 the energy flowing within it. All of those practices. 71 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,760 And then the other part is actually thinking about the 72 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:02,680 moment and the the situation itself, because we can also 73 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:06,320 approach it a little bit more mindfully that way and help 74 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,360 ourselves in the process. O if we understand that this is 75 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:11,120 going to be the case, that it's going to be more intense 76 00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:15,120 energetically for us, then what we probably want to do as a 77 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:18,560 start, as we want to pay attention to where we are in 78 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:23,640 terms of our arousal before she starts to build into that or as 79 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,200 she starts to build into that in the early stages, right? 80 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:28,760 You can kind of, if you're listening and paying attention 81 00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:31,640 and really connected with your partner in a deep way, which I 82 00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:33,880 hope you are and continually working on. 83 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:37,000 It's not a yes, no, right? But ideally we're connected as 84 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,320 deeply with our partner as we can be. 85 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:41,000 And you're probably going to sense that that is starting to 86 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:42,880 build. And as it starts to build, is 87 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:46,920 the time to kind of check in and say, OK, I don't really want 88 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,720 mine to build at this same time unless you're intending to 89 00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:52,240 release. If you're intending to ejaculate 90 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:55,120 to have an orgasm and ejaculate at the exact same time, then 91 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:56,720 obviously this isn't really going to apply. 92 00:04:57,040 --> 00:05:00,160 But if that's not your intention, then as soon as you 93 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:04,160 recognize that that's starting to build for your partner, you 94 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:07,360 want to immediately be in a place of maintaining control, 95 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,920 right? So ideally, we don't want to get 96 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:14,400 pulled up into that 8-9 kind of close range when she's getting 97 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:17,800 pulled up into that 8-9 close kind of range because it's going 98 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,400 to be very hard to maintain control. 99 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:22,960 So we're much better off kind of getting ahead of it a little bit 100 00:05:23,280 --> 00:05:25,120 applies to lots of areas of life. 101 00:05:25,120 --> 00:05:28,080 For example, having a good morning, a productive morning, a 102 00:05:28,080 --> 00:05:31,400 productive start today often starts the night before. 103 00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,600 And in this situation, having stamina and control through 104 00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:38,320 these moments where we can carry her through that, it often 105 00:05:38,320 --> 00:05:42,600 starts a little bit before where we maintain, we we establish 106 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:46,880 kind of a foundation of control that we can stay with throughout 107 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:48,840 that. Because what you'll likely find 108 00:05:48,840 --> 00:05:52,520 is that if you start to get to that 8-9 and she starts to get 109 00:05:52,520 --> 00:05:56,840 to that 8-9, it's going to be very hard to to not only 110 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,320 maintain that, but to come down. You're not going to really be 111 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,960 able to lower your arousal level at the same time she's raising 112 00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:05,240 it. Maybe. 113 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,200 I mean, it's possible, but it's going to be very, very 114 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:10,600 difficult. What is much more doable is you 115 00:06:10,600 --> 00:06:14,360 being at that, let's say 7 out of 10 kind of area and you 116 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:19,440 maintain that A6 or A7 and you maintain that through her having 117 00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,000 an orgasm. That's the way that we can have 118 00:06:22,440 --> 00:06:24,440 better control. So we've got to do the work, the 119 00:06:24,440 --> 00:06:26,800 practices, day-to-day, month to month. 120 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,560 Over the long term, we've got to keep stacking the bricks. 121 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:33,640 Inner edging practice practicing your kegels, practicing relaxing 122 00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,720 your root muscle, connecting with your root muscle, having 123 00:06:36,720 --> 00:06:39,600 some consciousness of it throughout the day, coming back 124 00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:44,200 to a place of relaxation, practicing relaxed erections as 125 00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:47,520 much as possible, maintaining a state of relaxation when you're 126 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:50,600 aroused, when you're having sex, when you're edging as much as 127 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:54,880 possible, other than when we very specifically pull energy 128 00:06:54,880 --> 00:06:56,880 up, right? So let's take a very brief 129 00:06:56,880 --> 00:06:59,720 moment here to address the fact that we don't want to stay 130 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:02,960 relaxed 100% of the time. We do want to squeeze and pull 131 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:07,080 some of that energy up, but we do it in an intentional way at 132 00:07:07,080 --> 00:07:11,280 very specific times, not as just a habitual all the time kind of 133 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,480 thing. Because if we're habitually all 134 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:17,000 the time, kind of in that squeeze mode, when you're erect, 135 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,680 when you're having sex, when you're edging, that's what's 136 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,720 going to limit the amount of control that you have. 137 00:07:20,720 --> 00:07:24,160 Where is the more we can find a place of relaxation as the base, 138 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:27,000 as the foundation, you're going to have much better control then 139 00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,840 you pull when you intentionally want to. 140 00:07:28,840 --> 00:07:33,280 And when you establish that base of relaxation, you'll be able to 141 00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:38,000 apply it much better to these kinds of moments. 142 00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:40,560 One of the things that I found in a lot of conversations is 143 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:45,320 that it's very easy to get caught up in the moment that 144 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:49,320 things kind of go awry or the moment that things maybe don't 145 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:52,600 go as awesomely as we would hope when it comes to our sexuality. 146 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:57,520 And the, the solution to that often is well before, right? 147 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:58,920 It's in our day-to-day practices. 148 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:02,200 It's in the foundation of how we approach things within ourselves 149 00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,320 before we ever go and approach those same things with a 150 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,440 partner. It's getting comfortable with 151 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:10,840 our own energy before we try to expect ourselves to be able to 152 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,960 be at a high level in terms of exchanging energy with someone 153 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,560 else and having stamina and control. 154 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:19,560 It's the foundational things and we've got to remember that. 155 00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:23,160 That's the place to look, right? We got to rewind a couple steps 156 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,760 and that applies to this situation as well. 157 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:30,160 So next time you're having sex, as you can sense that this is a 158 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:33,360 simple action step basically other than the day-to-day stuff, 159 00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:37,200 as you're having sex, as you can sense your partner start to kind 160 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,320 of build early on. It's a nip it in the bud kind of 161 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,480 thing early on. Immediately come to a place of 162 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:46,960 relaxation in your root muscle. Come to a place of relaxation in 163 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,440 your breath, connect with your breath, maybe close your nose or 164 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:54,080 close your mouth, excuse me, and come back to nasal breathing. 165 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,280 The last thing I'll add is I've talked about it a couple of 166 00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:00,680 times before, but if you haven't heard me or as a reminder, a 167 00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:05,000 brief but powerful exhale through the mouth can actually 168 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:09,480 be a very potent way to bleed off some extra energy, right? 169 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:12,360 So if you're at that, let's say 8 and you really want to come 170 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:16,560 down to A7 as opposed to going up to a nine, being in nasal 171 00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:19,760 breathing the majority of the time will help you stay in a 172 00:09:19,760 --> 00:09:22,000 place of relaxation in your nervous system. 173 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,160 So that's the place we want to be. 174 00:09:23,320 --> 00:09:26,480 But again, kind of like the squeeze, when we squeeze and 175 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:30,280 draw energy up, we want that to be at very intentional kind of 176 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,240 times and exhale through the mouth. 177 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:35,680 Same thing when we do it at an intentional time, it can be very 178 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:36,920 effective. We don't want to get in mouth 179 00:09:36,920 --> 00:09:39,400 breathing all the time because that'll actually make it harder 180 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,880 for you to have control because it puts your nervous system in 181 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:45,880 kind of fight or flight state. But as you're approaching 182 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:51,680 specific moments, you can kind of like breathe some of that 183 00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:55,520 off, breathe some extra energy off with those big exhales, and 184 00:09:55,520 --> 00:09:57,080 then come back to nasal breathing. 185 00:09:57,080 --> 00:10:01,600 So get ahead of this issue as it's approaching, you'll have a 186 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,120 much better time controlling it. I'd love to hear your thoughts, 187 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:07,640 your feedback, your experiences with this. 188 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:10,760 For sure, keep doing the work. One thing that I have heard from 189 00:10:10,760 --> 00:10:15,080 a lot of men who have had a challenge with having control 190 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,040 and stamina, which is, let's face it, pretty much the vast 191 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,720 majority of men, at least at certain points and some more 192 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:24,080 than others, but almost all men, it's an issue that we care about 193 00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:26,200 sometimes an issue that men struggle with. 194 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,120 Certainly, if that is you, and if you're in a place where it 195 00:10:29,120 --> 00:10:31,480 feels kind of hopeless, maybe it's been a long time or you 196 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,160 haven't really made a lot of progress, stick with it because 197 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:38,200 I promise, I absolutely promise, you can make changes. 198 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:43,320 I've seen men make huge changes in this after decades with no 199 00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:47,200 improvement whatsoever. So you can do it as well, and 200 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,040 maybe it's already good. Just want to get a little bit 201 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:50,160 better. I think we can always get 202 00:10:50,160 --> 00:10:51,920 better. We can always be better men. 203 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:55,400 We can show up more effectively, more powerfully in every aspect 204 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,760 of our life that includes sex. Keep stacking those bricks. 205 00:10:59,200 --> 00:10:59,880 We'll talk to you soon.