On this episode, let's talk about how as she approaches
orgasm, it is both the most important time and the hardest
time to have stamina and control.
This is the Holistic Alpha Male Optimization Podcast where we
help you unleash your true power as a man.
Hey guys, welcome back to the show.
I'm Stephen Mathis. Thanks for being a part of the
tribe. Welcome.
If you just found the show recently, I'm glad that we've
somehow crossed paths. Let's talk about sex.
Having control, having better sex, having our partner be able
to lean into the fullness of her sexuality to be able to carry
her into the places where we both want her to go.
Right. The guys that I know want their
partner to have amazing experiences and amazing sex just
like they want to experience that themselves.
And for that to happen, we need to be able to have stamina and
control up until and through the point at which our partner has
orgasms. And that moment, or rather that
sort of series of moments approaching the time when she is
about to have an orgasm. It is the hardest time to have
control because we've got to remember.
One of the things that we must understand with sex is that
there is a constant exchange of energy.
This is one of the reasons why I feel so good.
It's one of the reasons why it can be so empowering, so
healing. There is a constant flow of
energy where we are giving energy to our partner.
Our partner is giving energy to us, and we're both pulling from
this unlimited well, this limitless well of energy from
the universe. We both kind of pull from that
and give to each other. So when one person is
approaching orgasm, their energy is going to rise and their
energy is going to get more intense and thus the energy
that's going into the other person is going to have similar
kind of changes. So when your partner is
approaching orgasm and her energy starts to build, more of
that energy is also going to be coming into you.
So it's not just a psychological thing, because there is also
that aspect where it's very easy to kind of get caught up in the
mind about the fact that maybe she's about to have an orgasm
and, and that can be kind of disconnecting.
But on a very real energetic level, regardless of what our
mind is doing, even if we're 100% present as a normal course
of things happening and as a beautiful part of things
happening, as she approaches orgasm, that energy rises and
gets more intense. The same thing it's going to
flow through to you. So it's going to be harder to
have control in that time and it is absolutely the most
important. We want to be able to stay
strong and carry through those moments.
And I know that it's something that a lot of guys struggle
with. It is something I've heard from
a lot of men where they might have good control up until that
point. And then often that can be the
point that can kind of take them over the edge as well, which may
result in an OK or a good experience, but it sometimes
results in something less than what guys feel it could be if
they could maintain control through that.
And you absolutely can learn to do that.
There's a couple of broad strokes kind of approaches to
this. One is focusing on building our
stamina overall, right? Getting familiar with how our
body works, getting familiar with being able to relax even
when we're erect, relax even when we're aroused, stay relaxed
even when we're at a high arousal level or edging
practice. All of the things that we can do
day-to-day and over the long term to build our stamina, our
knowledge of our body, our ability to guide our body and
the energy flowing within it. All of those practices.
And then the other part is actually thinking about the
moment and the the situation itself, because we can also
approach it a little bit more mindfully that way and help
ourselves in the process. O if we understand that this is
going to be the case, that it's going to be more intense
energetically for us, then what we probably want to do as a
start, as we want to pay attention to where we are in
terms of our arousal before she starts to build into that or as
she starts to build into that in the early stages, right?
You can kind of, if you're listening and paying attention
and really connected with your partner in a deep way, which I
hope you are and continually working on.
It's not a yes, no, right? But ideally we're connected as
deeply with our partner as we can be.
And you're probably going to sense that that is starting to
build. And as it starts to build, is
the time to kind of check in and say, OK, I don't really want
mine to build at this same time unless you're intending to
release. If you're intending to ejaculate
to have an orgasm and ejaculate at the exact same time, then
obviously this isn't really going to apply.
But if that's not your intention, then as soon as you
recognize that that's starting to build for your partner, you
want to immediately be in a place of maintaining control,
right? So ideally, we don't want to get
pulled up into that 8-9 kind of close range when she's getting
pulled up into that 8-9 close kind of range because it's going
to be very hard to maintain control.
So we're much better off kind of getting ahead of it a little bit
applies to lots of areas of life.
For example, having a good morning, a productive morning, a
productive start today often starts the night before.
And in this situation, having stamina and control through
these moments where we can carry her through that, it often
starts a little bit before where we maintain, we we establish
kind of a foundation of control that we can stay with throughout
that. Because what you'll likely find
is that if you start to get to that 8-9 and she starts to get
to that 8-9, it's going to be very hard to to not only
maintain that, but to come down. You're not going to really be
able to lower your arousal level at the same time she's raising
it. Maybe.
I mean, it's possible, but it's going to be very, very
difficult. What is much more doable is you
being at that, let's say 7 out of 10 kind of area and you
maintain that A6 or A7 and you maintain that through her having
an orgasm. That's the way that we can have
better control. So we've got to do the work, the
practices, day-to-day, month to month.
Over the long term, we've got to keep stacking the bricks.
Inner edging practice practicing your kegels, practicing relaxing
your root muscle, connecting with your root muscle, having
some consciousness of it throughout the day, coming back
to a place of relaxation, practicing relaxed erections as
much as possible, maintaining a state of relaxation when you're
aroused, when you're having sex, when you're edging as much as
possible, other than when we very specifically pull energy
up, right? So let's take a very brief
moment here to address the fact that we don't want to stay
relaxed 100% of the time. We do want to squeeze and pull
some of that energy up, but we do it in an intentional way at
very specific times, not as just a habitual all the time kind of
thing. Because if we're habitually all
the time, kind of in that squeeze mode, when you're erect,
when you're having sex, when you're edging, that's what's
going to limit the amount of control that you have.
Where is the more we can find a place of relaxation as the base,
as the foundation, you're going to have much better control then
you pull when you intentionally want to.
And when you establish that base of relaxation, you'll be able to
apply it much better to these kinds of moments.
One of the things that I found in a lot of conversations is
that it's very easy to get caught up in the moment that
things kind of go awry or the moment that things maybe don't
go as awesomely as we would hope when it comes to our sexuality.
And the, the solution to that often is well before, right?
It's in our day-to-day practices.
It's in the foundation of how we approach things within ourselves
before we ever go and approach those same things with a
partner. It's getting comfortable with
our own energy before we try to expect ourselves to be able to
be at a high level in terms of exchanging energy with someone
else and having stamina and control.
It's the foundational things and we've got to remember that.
That's the place to look, right? We got to rewind a couple steps
and that applies to this situation as well.
So next time you're having sex, as you can sense that this is a
simple action step basically other than the day-to-day stuff,
as you're having sex, as you can sense your partner start to kind
of build early on. It's a nip it in the bud kind of
thing early on. Immediately come to a place of
relaxation in your root muscle. Come to a place of relaxation in
your breath, connect with your breath, maybe close your nose or
close your mouth, excuse me, and come back to nasal breathing.
The last thing I'll add is I've talked about it a couple of
times before, but if you haven't heard me or as a reminder, a
brief but powerful exhale through the mouth can actually
be a very potent way to bleed off some extra energy, right?
So if you're at that, let's say 8 and you really want to come
down to A7 as opposed to going up to a nine, being in nasal
breathing the majority of the time will help you stay in a
place of relaxation in your nervous system.
So that's the place we want to be.
But again, kind of like the squeeze, when we squeeze and
draw energy up, we want that to be at very intentional kind of
times and exhale through the mouth.
Same thing when we do it at an intentional time, it can be very
effective. We don't want to get in mouth
breathing all the time because that'll actually make it harder
for you to have control because it puts your nervous system in
kind of fight or flight state. But as you're approaching
specific moments, you can kind of like breathe some of that
off, breathe some extra energy off with those big exhales, and
then come back to nasal breathing.
So get ahead of this issue as it's approaching, you'll have a
much better time controlling it. I'd love to hear your thoughts,
your feedback, your experiences with this.
For sure, keep doing the work. One thing that I have heard from
a lot of men who have had a challenge with having control
and stamina, which is, let's face it, pretty much the vast
majority of men, at least at certain points and some more
than others, but almost all men, it's an issue that we care about
sometimes an issue that men struggle with.
Certainly, if that is you, and if you're in a place where it
feels kind of hopeless, maybe it's been a long time or you
haven't really made a lot of progress, stick with it because
I promise, I absolutely promise, you can make changes.
I've seen men make huge changes in this after decades with no
improvement whatsoever. So you can do it as well, and
maybe it's already good. Just want to get a little bit
better. I think we can always get
better. We can always be better men.
We can show up more effectively, more powerfully in every aspect
of our life that includes sex. Keep stacking those bricks.
We'll talk to you soon.