On this episode, how growth is actually a process of inclusion
and incorporating those negative parts of you, not a process of
getting rid of them or excluding parts of what you were or how
you've been or what you feel. It's not about exclusion, it's
about inclusion. This is the Holistic Alpha
podcast where you unlock your potential, elevate your life on
a foundation of empowered sacred sexuality.
Hey guys, welcome back to the show on Stephen Mathis.
Thanks for being here with me, being part of this tribe.
If you're here, since you're here, you're working on growing,
you know, at some point, you're on some point in your journey
might be like 17 years old, you're super early on injured
and you might be 68 years old or anywhere in between or outside
of that range. And you might be thinking about
or really focused on any of countless particular aspects of
your life. But you're on a path of growth.
And as we grow, one of the biggest things that we think
about when it comes to growth is looking at areas where we come
up shore or where we think we're not good enough or negative
habits that we have those sorts of things.
We look at growth sometimes as this process of like eliminating
those things. So let's say that you have the
habit of interacting with porn on a regular basis.
Let's say you're in that porn, masturbation, ejaculation kind
of pattern right now, right? Very easy to look at that and
say, oh, well, the porn is this negative thing or that porn
habit is this negative thing. I got to get rid of that.
I got to get rid of that part of me.
But here's the thing, it's really not about that.
Because everything that comes to us in our life, every aspect of
who we are, every action that we take, every belief and emotion
that we have inside of us, they are all stepping stones.
So if we look at, for example, that porn, masturbation,
ejaculation habit, if you look at that as something to get rid
of, in essence, what you're doing is you're taking one of
those stones out of your path. You will slow down your path of
growth by looking at it as something to get rid of.
It's not something to get rid of.
It's not something to exclude from who you are.
It's something to actually look at and to include and to
incorporate in who you are in a powerful way, right?
So that habit, that porn, masturbation, ejaculation habit
that is here to teach you something.
It is here to help you learn lessons.
It is here to help you grow in particular ways.
It is indeed a stepping stone on that path that you're on.
So instead of trying to jump over it or instead of trying to
get rid of it and actually slow yourself down, look at it, step
into it, step onto it with your whole heart and your mind and
your intention and be aware of what it's trying to teach you,
right? This is bringing something to
your life. It doesn't matter what it is,
right? It might be that you haven't
exercised in a long time, so you're out of out of shape,
you're overweight, right? That's not something to get rid
of. It's something that is here to
teach you. Let me give you another example.
Let's say that your erections kind of suck right now and
you're a little bit bummed out because sometimes they're OK.
Sometimes they're not OK. Sometimes you start to have sex
and your erections OK at the beginning and then it goes away
or whatever version of that, right?
I know a lot of guys have problems with that at times.
Guess what? You know what?
That's here to teach you. It's here to teach you ways that
you can improve your erection. It's here to teach you what is
actually affecting that. It's here to give you the
opportunity to test and tweak things in your life and figure
out what makes it better. It's here to teach you
techniques and practices in terms of mindful edging and
joking and things that can help improve your erection.
It's here to give you the opportunity to learn those
things. If your erections were perfectly
fine, you would have no motivation, no desire to learn
those other things. Every single brick that is in
front of you on the path, every single brick that makes up who
you are right now, even the ones that you don't like, even the
ones that you feel like they're dragging you down, they're not
something to get rid of. There's something to include and
incorporate into who you are. So there's a conscious kind of
thinking aspect of this. There's also an emotional
aspect. And in both of those, it's
really about actually being with these things.
One thing that I always remind myself of is what we resist
persists, right? So if we're resisting some part
of us, the more and the harder that we resist that, the more we
are actually diving deeper into it, the more that it sticks
around. Let me ask you, let's go back to
the porn, masturbation, ejaculation habit, whether
that's now or is previously in your life.
Did getting really upset at yourself and just wishing that
part of you would go away? Did that ever work or is that
working for you now? If that's where you are right
now, probably not. You know what works?
Actually being with it and diving into an understanding of,
well, why do I have that response?
When does it get triggered? Why do I go down that path
instead of choosing another path that is incorporating that is
inclusion. That's looking at this thing
that's part of you, or that's been part of your experience, or
it's been actions that you've taken to looking at that and
actually being with it. Hey, let's check each other out.
I want to learn about you. I want to learn what you're here
to teach me. I don't need to get rid of you.
We're stronger together, just like you and I are stronger
together. So on the path of growth,
remember, I know that when we have things that we know are big
negative in our life or do we feel a lot of shame or guilt
about, it is very easy. I think the natural human
response is to kind of look at those as things that we need to
get rid of somehow. Or it might even be something
like sadness, right? Something ends or relationship,
something ends in your life and you have a sadness that's here,
that's sadness. That's not something to get rid
of either. It's not a bad thing.
It's not something you need to exclude from your life in order
to move on. It's something to actually be
with and to again, learn the lessons and have some curiosity
about what is this thing here to teach me?
Because every single thing, they're all here to teach us
something. Really, they're here to teach us
a lot of things if we really pay attention.
I support you. I'm sending you good vibes of
growth and power. Keep stacking positive bricks.
There is no part of you that is broken.
There is no part of you that is wrong.
There is no part of you that you need to get rid of.
Be with all of you and then choose which parts do you
prefer, right? What are the parts of you that
you want to grow? What are the parts of you that
you're grateful for that you want to expand?
That's the process of growth. You don't need to get rid of
anything of who you are. Incorporate it, learn from it.
We'll keep growing together. Sending you guys good vibes.
Have an amazing rest of your day.
Talk to you soon divedeeper@holisticalpha.com.