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On this episode, how growth is 
actually a process of inclusion 

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and incorporating those negative
parts of you, not a process of 

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getting rid of them or excluding
parts of what you were or how 

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you've been or what you feel. 
It's not about exclusion, it's 

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about inclusion. 
This is the Holistic Alpha 

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podcast where you unlock your 
potential, elevate your life on 

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a foundation of empowered sacred
sexuality. 

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Hey guys, welcome back to the 
show on Stephen Mathis. 

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Thanks for being here with me, 
being part of this tribe. 

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If you're here, since you're 
here, you're working on growing,

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you know, at some point, you're 
on some point in your journey 

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might be like 17 years old, 
you're super early on injured 

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and you might be 68 years old or
anywhere in between or outside 

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of that range. 
And you might be thinking about 

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or really focused on any of 
countless particular aspects of 

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your life. 
But you're on a path of growth. 

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And as we grow, one of the 
biggest things that we think 

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about when it comes to growth is
looking at areas where we come 

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up shore or where we think we're
not good enough or negative 

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habits that we have those sorts 
of things. 

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We look at growth sometimes as 
this process of like eliminating

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those things. 
So let's say that you have the 

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habit of interacting with porn 
on a regular basis. 

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Let's say you're in that porn, 
masturbation, ejaculation kind 

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of pattern right now, right? 
Very easy to look at that and 

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say, oh, well, the porn is this 
negative thing or that porn 

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habit is this negative thing. 
I got to get rid of that. 

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I got to get rid of that part of
me. 

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But here's the thing, it's 
really not about that. 

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Because everything that comes to
us in our life, every aspect of 

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who we are, every action that we
take, every belief and emotion 

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that we have inside of us, they 
are all stepping stones. 

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So if we look at, for example, 
that porn, masturbation, 

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ejaculation habit, if you look 
at that as something to get rid 

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of, in essence, what you're 
doing is you're taking one of 

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those stones out of your path. 
You will slow down your path of 

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growth by looking at it as 
something to get rid of. 

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It's not something to get rid 
of. 

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It's not something to exclude 
from who you are. 

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It's something to actually look 
at and to include and to 

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incorporate in who you are in a 
powerful way, right? 

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So that habit, that porn, 
masturbation, ejaculation habit 

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that is here to teach you 
something. 

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It is here to help you learn 
lessons. 

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It is here to help you grow in 
particular ways. 

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It is indeed a stepping stone on
that path that you're on. 

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So instead of trying to jump 
over it or instead of trying to 

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get rid of it and actually slow 
yourself down, look at it, step 

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into it, step onto it with your 
whole heart and your mind and 

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your intention and be aware of 
what it's trying to teach you, 

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right? 
This is bringing something to 

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your life. 
It doesn't matter what it is, 

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right? 
It might be that you haven't 

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exercised in a long time, so 
you're out of out of shape, 

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you're overweight, right? 
That's not something to get rid 

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of. 
It's something that is here to 

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teach you. 
Let me give you another example.

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Let's say that your erections 
kind of suck right now and 

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you're a little bit bummed out 
because sometimes they're OK. 

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Sometimes they're not OK. 
Sometimes you start to have sex 

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and your erections OK at the 
beginning and then it goes away 

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or whatever version of that, 
right? 

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I know a lot of guys have 
problems with that at times. 

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Guess what? 
You know what? 

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That's here to teach you. 
It's here to teach you ways that

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you can improve your erection. 
It's here to teach you what is 

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actually affecting that. 
It's here to give you the 

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opportunity to test and tweak 
things in your life and figure 

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out what makes it better. 
It's here to teach you 

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techniques and practices in 
terms of mindful edging and 

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joking and things that can help 
improve your erection. 

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It's here to give you the 
opportunity to learn those 

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things. 
If your erections were perfectly

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fine, you would have no 
motivation, no desire to learn 

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those other things. 
Every single brick that is in 

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front of you on the path, every 
single brick that makes up who 

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you are right now, even the ones
that you don't like, even the 

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ones that you feel like they're 
dragging you down, they're not 

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something to get rid of. 
There's something to include and

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incorporate into who you are. 
So there's a conscious kind of 

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thinking aspect of this. 
There's also an emotional 

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aspect. 
And in both of those, it's 

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really about actually being with
these things. 

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One thing that I always remind 
myself of is what we resist 

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persists, right? 
So if we're resisting some part 

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of us, the more and the harder 
that we resist that, the more we

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are actually diving deeper into 
it, the more that it sticks 

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around. 
Let me ask you, let's go back to

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the porn, masturbation, 
ejaculation habit, whether 

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that's now or is previously in 
your life. 

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Did getting really upset at 
yourself and just wishing that 

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part of you would go away? 
Did that ever work or is that 

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working for you now? 
If that's where you are right 

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now, probably not. 
You know what works? 

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Actually being with it and 
diving into an understanding of,

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well, why do I have that 
response? 

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When does it get triggered? 
Why do I go down that path 

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instead of choosing another path
that is incorporating that is 

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inclusion. 
That's looking at this thing 

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that's part of you, or that's 
been part of your experience, or

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it's been actions that you've 
taken to looking at that and 

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actually being with it. 
Hey, let's check each other out.

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I want to learn about you. 
I want to learn what you're here

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to teach me. 
I don't need to get rid of you. 

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We're stronger together, just 
like you and I are stronger 

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together. 
So on the path of growth, 

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remember, I know that when we 
have things that we know are big

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negative in our life or do we 
feel a lot of shame or guilt 

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about, it is very easy. 
I think the natural human 

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response is to kind of look at 
those as things that we need to 

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get rid of somehow. 
Or it might even be something 

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like sadness, right? 
Something ends or relationship, 

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something ends in your life and 
you have a sadness that's here, 

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that's sadness. 
That's not something to get rid 

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of either. 
It's not a bad thing. 

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It's not something you need to 
exclude from your life in order 

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to move on. 
It's something to actually be 

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with and to again, learn the 
lessons and have some curiosity 

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about what is this thing here to
teach me? 

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Because every single thing, 
they're all here to teach us 

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something. 
Really, they're here to teach us

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a lot of things if we really pay
attention. 

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I support you. 
I'm sending you good vibes of 

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growth and power. 
Keep stacking positive bricks. 

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There is no part of you that is 
broken. 

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There is no part of you that is 
wrong. 

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There is no part of you that you
need to get rid of. 

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Be with all of you and then 
choose which parts do you 

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prefer, right? 
What are the parts of you that 

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you want to grow? 
What are the parts of you that 

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you're grateful for that you 
want to expand? 

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That's the process of growth. 
You don't need to get rid of 

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anything of who you are. 
Incorporate it, learn from it. 

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We'll keep growing together. 
Sending you guys good vibes. 

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Have an amazing rest of your 
day. 

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Talk to you soon 
divedeeper@holisticalpha.com.