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On this episode, taking the 
reins of your feelings to put 

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you back in control. 
This is the holistic alpha male 

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optimization podcast where we 
help you unleash your true power

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as a man. 
Hey guys, welcome back to the 

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show. 
I'm Stephen Mathis. 

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Thanks for being a part of the 
TRIBE. 

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Let's talk about our feelings. 
There's a fundamental flaw in 

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the way that I know I approached
feelings for a very long time 

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and I think the way that 
frankly, most people do because 

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it is the natural way. 
But there is a a better way. 

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There is a way that is much more
powerful, but it does take some 

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learning, some perspective 
shifts and some practice for 

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sure as it relates to how we can
get more out of our feelings and

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that is to take the reins of our
feelings back. 

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See, most of the time, most 
people do not take control of 

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their feelings. 
Their feelings are a result of 

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what they do or what happens, 
right? 

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So for most of my life, I would 
live my life and stuff would 

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happen and I would feel certain 
ways as a consequence of 

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whatever happened, however the 
day was going or whatever it may

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be. 
However, the truth is equally 

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there. 
It is equally present that we 

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can control our feelings, that 
we can guide them, and that we 

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can in fact get better results 
and get more out of our life by 

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looking at it feelings first. 
So let's talk about that a 

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little bit more. 
There's a quote by a guy named 

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Rick Rubin. 
I know a few of you may be 

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familiar with Rick Rubin. 
If you're not, he's a music 

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producer. 
Very, very brilliant guy, helps 

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people get the most out of 
themselves is the way that I 

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would describe it. 
And there's a quote from him. 

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He said the better you feel, the
better things go, the better you

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feel the better things go. 
And there's a couple of 

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different ways to take that and 
to look at that. 

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One is to prioritize our 
feelings, right? 

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To recognize that how we feel 
actually matters, right? 

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It's not just this side note. 
It's not like we can go about 

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our day and our lives and be 
productive and thrive and all 

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the things if our feelings are 
just a side note, a footnote, 

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right? 
Our feelings are important when 

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we drive positive feelings, when
we guide our choices and our 

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habits and the way that we live 
based on what makes us feel good

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in a deep and fundamental way, 
things go better. 

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When we feel better, things go 
better. 

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However, the other part of that 
is that if we recognize that as 

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a truth, which Can you agree 
with me on that? 

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Would you say that when we feel 
better, things go better? 

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I, I found that to be true. 
If you found that to be true as 

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well, then what we can do is we 
can also say, you know what if I

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want things to go better, I can 
intentionally feel better. 

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I can intentionally feel better.
And that doesn't just mean doing

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particular habits or whatever 
that typically make you feel 

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good. 
It does mean that too, right? 

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So if your workout, your 
meditation, getting outside, 

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doing whatever those things that
you know kind of lead to you 

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feeling good, by all means do 
those. 

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But the next step is we can 
choose our feelings. 

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We can choose what we are going 
to feel and engage with. 

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We can practice feeling certain 
ways. 

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We can be OK with feelings that 
maybe aren't as fun instead of 

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resisting them. 
And thus we get back to taking 

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the reins of our feelings. 
Let's talk about that part a 

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little bit more. 
When we resist feelings that we 

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don't like. 
If you're feeling stressed or 

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depressed or lonely or whatever 
other feelings that people often

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resist that I know I have and 
still do at times, if we resist 

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those, we give our power to the 
feeling. 

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We give control of our being to 
that feeling, and the more that 

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we resist it, the more it tends 
to stick around. 

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So if we're going to take 
control and take the reins back,

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take the reins of our life back 
from our feelings, one part of 

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that is actually being OK with 
feelings that suck, but just be 

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OK with it. 
So you're lonely, OK, Be OK with

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it. 
Decide to be OK with that. 

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You're depressed. 
OK, I'm down. 

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I'm down right now. 
That's OK, right? 

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It seems kind of trite. 
Maybe it would be a way to put 

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it. 
It seems a little too simple. 

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But truthfully, there is such 
tremendous power in just having 

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feelings that come up, whether 
it's anger or depression or 

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sadness or loneliness or any of 
these other more challenging 

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kind of feelings, having them 
come up and just deciding, you 

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know what, that's OK. 
It's OK. 

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As soon as you do that, you 
immediately take power back. 

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You take the reins back, you let
that thing go to a large degree.

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And what you'll find is that 
actually by being OK with 

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something, it kind of just 
wanders off. 

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It's like if you engage with it 
and you get all freaked out and 

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you get all upset, it's going to
get all upset and it's going to 

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want to stay around and, and 
engage with you, right? 

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But if you just kind of ignore 
it, like, OK, I see you 

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depression, it's OK. 
You know, that's OK. 

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I'm kind of down today. 
That's OK. 

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Then it kind of just gets bored 
and wanders off. 

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And then all the sudden you 
might find that you're not 

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actually not all that depressed 
anymore when we stop resisting 

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it so much. 
Another key part of this, and 

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this is a part that is very 
uncommon, I don't think there's 

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a lot of people who even realize
that we can really do this, and 

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even fewer that actually 
practice it on a regular basis. 

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And that is that we can create 
experiences and outcomes and 

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ways of being in our life by 
practicing emotions, by 

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practicing feeling a certain 
way. 

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One of my favorite studies about
the power of imagination 

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practice is they took a group of
high school students, they 

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divided them up into three 
groups, just random high school 

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students, right? 
They divided them up into three 

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groups. 
They tested them shooting free 

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throws with a basketball and one
group, they tested them all in 

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the first day, right? 
One group practiced every day 

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for three weeks with a ball. 
Another group didn't practice at

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all. 
The third group practiced every 

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day for three weeks, but they 
practiced only in their 

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imagination, and at the end of 
three weeks they test all three 

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groups again. 
The group that didn't practice 

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at all, 0% improvement almost 
precisely the same. 

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The group that practiced with 
the ball improved 24%. 

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The group that practiced only in
their imagination, Only in their

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imagination, zero practice with 
a ball whatsoever for three 

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weeks improved 23%, almost the 
same as the group that practice 

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with the ball. 
So that's a very physical skill.

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Obviously shooting a basketball,
shooting a free throw, that's a 

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very, very physical skill. 
The beautiful thing about 

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emotions is that the same power 
of imagination practice applies,

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but it works even better because
emotions are completely within 

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us. 
We don't have this kind of, you 

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know, with a physical skill like
shooting a free throw. 

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There's the physical skill part 
of it, the muscle memory part of

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it. 
There's all of that kind of 

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physical world stuff where is 
with our emotions, they are 

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entirely within us. 
So when we practice them within 

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us in our imagination, it is 
even more powerful. 

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So a practical way to do this 
because I know it might seem 

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like kind of an out there 
concept that you can practice 

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emotions, but you absolutely 
can. 

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And not only will it help you 
bring more of that emotion into 

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your life and be more of that 
emotion. 

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So for example, you might 
actually practice being patient 

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with your kids and imagining 
that, and it not only will help 

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you be more patient, but it will
guide you automatically towards 

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that. 
Because when you practice stuff 

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in your imagination, your 
nervous system cannot tell the 

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difference between that and a 
real experience. 

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And so when we experience stuff 
repeatedly, it becomes kind of 

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automatic. 
So if you practice a particular 

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feeling in your imagination, 
that feelings going to start to 

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become kind of automatic. 
So if you go into your 

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imagination and you practice 
feeling confident, or you 

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practice feeling how you're 
going to feel when you achieve 

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that certain goal or whatever it
is. 

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When you practice those positive
feelings that you want to bring 

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into your life, you will 
automatically be pulled more 

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towards that thing. 
You will automatically draw it 

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towards you more, and maybe most
importantly, you will 

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automatically act in accordance 
with that feeling. 

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That's the most important thing 
to wrap up on here is that when 

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you practice emotions, you will 
automatically act in ways that 

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are in accordance with that 
emotion. 

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That goes for negative emotions 
that you in essence practice by 

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dwelling on them, right? 
So if, for example, you dwell on

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an emotion of being lonely and 
you focus on that and you resist

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it and you think about it, what 
you will actually do is you will

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find yourself taking the actions
automatically that lead towards 

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more of that because that's what
you're practicing. 

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Conversely, when you practice a 
positive, when you practice a 

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positive emotion, when you 
practice the emotions that will 

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come from a positive outcome, 
you will likewise find yourself 

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automatically taking the actions
that lead toward those outcome, 

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those outcomes, and those 
emotions. 

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I hope this makes sense. 
The practical way to apply that 

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apply it is this meditate 
meaning very simply close your 

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eyes, just sit still, lay down, 
close your eyes, that's it. 

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You can turn on some non music 
or non word kind of music, it's 

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some meditation music or 
something like that if you like.

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Or you can just sit in in 
stillness, but close your eyes 

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either laying down or sitting 
down and breathe, maybe focus on

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your breath for a minute or two 
and then just play around in 

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your imagination. 
Don't take it too seriously. 

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And you don't not need to try to
become that thing right now. 

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You don't need to try to come 
out of your imagination where 

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after my imagination, I'm going 
to feel this way for the rest of

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the day. 
You don't need to worry about 

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that. 
Just practice in your 

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imagination for right now, 
feeling that way right now. 

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It's it's much more simple 
actually than than it then it 

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sounds, I think, or then it can 
be, it can come across kind of 

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complex and weird, but literally
just close your eyes, practice 

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feeling a certain way and then 
go about your day. 

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And the more you do that, the 
more you're going to draw that 

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thing into your life. 
Thanks for being here. 

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Thanks for being part of the 
tribe. 

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If you're watching video, sorry 
for the little my dog hit the 

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tripod. 
So there you go. 

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Life happens, imperfection 
happens. 

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Sending you guys good vibes. 
Have an amazing rest of your 

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day. 
Talk to you soon.