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Hello Sir, hello again #22. 22 
Let's keep it going. 

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Yeah, it's nice to see you twice
in under a week. 

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I know we've done that way. 
Yeah, we've done OK. 

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Haven't. 
We. 

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Makes a nice change. 
I know. 

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But yeah, I mean, do you know 
what I find? 

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Because we did that one, when 
you stop doing it for a bit, 

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life gets on top here. 
Then when we did that one, I was

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like, Oh yeah, I've missed that.
It's a release. 

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Isn't it? 
Yeah, yeah. 

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So then when you were when, when
you said are you good for 

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Wednesday? 
I was like, yeah, good for 

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Wednesday. 
So yeah, mate, back into the 

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swing of it. 
I think we were going to talk a 

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bit about Paul Skols to start 
with. 

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I I think so. 
What an absolute fucking legend.

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You know what, like we, we've 
been doing this now for like 

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since May, but it, it, it still 
gets me every time. 

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Like a dad comes out and just 
puts it on the table, says it as

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it is. 
And yeah, what what what Paul's 

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goals did Just. 
Yeah, I just listened to it all 

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and heard him speak. 
And then like when people come 

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up to us and go, oh, what you 
guys say resonates with me. 

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I heard Paul speak and I was 
like, what you're saying now 

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absolutely resonates with me. 
And yeah, just seeing him, that 

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one clip, I think you sent it to
me about talking about the 

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future in the sense of like, 
what happens when. 

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Yeah, you know, we're too old to
to look after our kids or, you 

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know, we're no longer here. 
And just hearing him kind of. 

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And you could see the emotion in
his face when he was talking 

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about it. 
He doesn't talk about it much 

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publicly, at least. 
That's kind of one of the first 

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time I'd seen him, really. 
Yeah, I think he's, he's like, 

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he's touched upon it and there's
been a few kind of things where 

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I think his son Aiden's been 
mentioned and there's, you know,

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maybe sort of 1015 minutes spent
on it, but this looked like it 

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was a proper off the cuff 
coming. 

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And he was around people he 
knew. 

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He knew it well, yeah, 
absolutely. 

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He's around his mates, isn't he?
That he knows really well and. 

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You know, I watched that and it 
reflected very much on like, it 

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might not be the case, but it 
felt like that was the first 

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time he'd had that conversation 
with them. 

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I don't know it was, but it just
felt very real and organic and 

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it, it very much reflected for 
me. 

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That's what we've said before, 
like when one of my mates would 

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just go, hey, how's Thomas doing
mate? 

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Like just in a just kind of 
putting the feelers out there, 

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not really knowing what to say. 
It felt a bit like that. 

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Yeah, I, I think we kind of seen
it from Paul's point of view. 

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We've obviously, you know, we've
got the same lens looking at the

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future and our experiences with 
our, our kids is kind of when he

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was talking about it. 
You can see and we've I've had 

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it, I know you've had it where 
you start opening up a little 

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bit and you get your mates. 
And I think in this case it was 

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kind of Roy Keane, wasn't it? 
I completely understand where it

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was coming from, where he kind 
of said, mate, take it one day 

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at a time. 
Don't, don't, don't focus too 

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much. 
Take it one day at a time. 

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And it's we both like messages 
are at the same time going. 

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He he just said that. 
What Roy Keane said. 

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Yeah. 
And totally get it. 

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And I've had it, you've had it 
you. 

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We've had friends, family say 
that to us. 

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But we do take it one day at a 
time. 

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We live in, you know, we live in
the moment as best we possibly 

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can. 
But that Pandora's box is open. 

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Yeah. 
And you can live back. 

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You can live one day at a time. 
But which we do as you're 

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getting older, Yeah. 
You start looking at the future.

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And, you know, you can't just 
bury that and just go, oh, yeah,

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That's right. 
I'll ignore that. 

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But yeah. 
The one day at a time stuff is 

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is the stuff we deal with 
day-to-day. 

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That's the that's. 
The meltdowns, that's, yeah, 

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that's. 
The one day at a time stuff that

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we're doing, but that thing in 
the distance, you can't put it 

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away. 
It's it's and you have to have 

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it as a thought because you're 
trying to prepare, you're trying

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to prepare your kids, but it's 
financially. 

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Or would it? 
If you lived one day at a time 

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and just ignored that, you'd be 
you'd be doing it wrong. 

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Yeah, things would be different.
You'd you'd then put so much 

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pressure on yourself when you 
know things happen, you cancer, 

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you get old or other ailments 
start to happen and you haven't 

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focused on it or, or had that 
conversation in your head. 

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Like fuck, I do need to plan for
the future, whatever that looks 

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like, whether it's trusts or 
putting things into place. 

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Or even if it's just, it gives 
you the impetus it does does 

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with us, it's given us the 
impetus a bit more to really get

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its communication going because 
it's that thing where if if I 

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didn't have that worry or 
concern at some point down down 

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the line, I just that obviously 
fair attitude. 

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Yeah. 
It'll work itself out exactly. 

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So I do think it, at least for 
me anyway, it, it drives me to, 

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to push those kind of things. 
But it was a hell of a 

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conversation and it is. 
I think in it again, it shows 

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that no matter what background 
you're from, financially, 

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celebrity, whatever, when it 
comes to parenting an autistic 

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kid, we are all in the same 
boat. 

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Yes, some of us are more 
financially better off than 

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others, but the emotional side 
of it, like we're all going 

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through the same shit. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

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And I think we've touched on it 
before. 

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You can, you can be a, you know,
you can be like us, just, you 

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know, a couple of working class 
lads from Shropshire. 

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You can be, you know, high city 
banker or, you know, whatever 

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the case may be, at the end of 
the day, it's same worries. 

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Yeah. 
It's exactly the same fears 

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you're you're doing, you know, 
the same dreams that you had for

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your kid. 
It just, it's a, it's a shit 

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levelling off, isn't it? 
It just levels everything off. 

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Where did? 
You see the podcast Steve did 

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afterwards? 
Yes, that was, that was 

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interesting. 
That's what really, really 

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surprised me is because he was 
so blown away. 

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I mean, he's basically become a,
he's become an advocate and he 

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has been an advocate anyway. 
But I think he he was so blown 

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away by the response and the 
effect that he was having on 

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other people. 
And that's quite that's that's a

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lot because again, you know, we 
don't know Paul skulls, but he 

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always strikes me as somebody 
that was, I think even he says 

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it himself. 
And he's the the lies he played 

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with just said, you know, you've
always kept yourself to 

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yourself. 
You're quite reserved. 

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Yeah, whatever chap about that, 
you know, you don't, but I think

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that's why it's hitting just 
coming out and just saying I'm 

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I'm I'm going to do this. 
I'm going to make a decision now

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that, you know, essentially I'm 
kind of stopping work or, you 

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know, the punditry side of 
things to to focus on on Aidan. 

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You know, it hits home with a 
lot of us and goes do you know 

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what? 
Yeah, shit. 

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Yeah. 
Did you see a lot of the 

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comments that he did? 
He did a post I think yesterday 

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or yesterday. 
It was just like a lot of the 

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comments, yeah, that had come 
through and it was people 

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weren't asking for anything. 
They were just saying thank you.

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Yeah, just thank you for 
speaking it and raising it and. 

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That's what's blowing him away 
the most like is. 

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Yeah, well, you get a public 
figure like that who comes out 

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and says, you know, I'm going 
through this as well. 

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You just go at last. 
And the other thing is these are

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just our kids. 
So when you're in it, you, you 

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forget because it's just a kid. 
And it's almost like for him, it

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was like, I was just talking 
about my son. 

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He's my son. 
I just love him like anyone else

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loves their son. 
I was just talking about my son.

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And I just can't believe how 
many people it helped. 

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So it's that, it's just that 
like that shock. 

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It's but it was cool people 
relate to it. 

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I hope it's given him like, not 
that he's, you know, only 

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stressed that he needs to go out
and share his story with 

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everybody. 
He's already done it. 

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But I think he can help a lot of
people. 

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I think he could. 
I really think he he's, it's up 

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to him whether he wants to. 
Or not. 

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No, no, absolutely. 
But even even he doesn't have to

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go out there to rallies and 
everything else like that and, 

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you know, do what we do wear, 
you know, T-shirts and 

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everything else. 
Just just going. 

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Yeah. 
Or just not hiding it. 

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Yeah. 
I think is a big thing. 

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It's just going, yeah. 
My, my, my child's autistic. 

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These are the struggles we go 
through. 

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Yeah. 
This is what I'm worried about 

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the future. 
And he has had some struggles. 

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I mean, if some of the, you 
know, some of the stories they, 

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the struggles they had with 
Aiden early on. 

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I think he was he was mentioned 
like wearing long sleeve hair 

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football shirts to cover up 
there was a. 

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Time when they were driving and 
like for no rhyme or reason that

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that they could discover, he'd 
like jumped in the front of the 

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car and was pulling his wifes 
hair and while he's driving and 

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now apparently he's like super 
chill. 

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But again, lots of people have 
said I've got an autistic child.

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I had to change my car. 
I had to get a people carrier. 

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So there was a barrier between, 
you know, whoever was in the 

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front driving spare set of seats
that were free and then they 

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were sat at the back just to 
stop that. 

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And again, it's something people
go shit, man. 

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I thought it was just crazy. 
But it's a thing, isn't it? 

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It's an actual absolutely an 
actual thing. 

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So, you know, from from my point
of view, yeah. 

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I just thought it was fantastic 
to to hear somebody that you 

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looked up to just go. 
It's people learning about it as

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well because a lot of people 
won't listen to me and you 

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completely. 
Understandable. 

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No. 
No. 

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Absolutely. 
When you hear Paul Skulls talk 

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about it, they all, they all 
love him and they all follow 

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him. 
And to hear him talk about that 

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some, I mean, I bet a lot of 
people that have, especially men

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and dads, because we've talked 
about it before that are 

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potentially kind of ignoring the
the topic or just kind of push 

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to the wayside a little bit or 
just hope for the best. 

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They might have heard him openly
speak about it and go OK, it's 

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OK that my kids are autistic. 
It's it's you know, we're 

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talking about it now, but how 
many people, you know, at work 

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in the pub go into a match on a 
Saturday just going, oh, did you

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see overlap? 
Did you see Paul talking about 

201
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it? 
It, you know, and even people 

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that are affected by autism, no 
have no, nobody in their family 

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that's autistic will just go 
right. 

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Oh wow, I didn't realise it was 
that it was that difficult. 

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Podcast they were like genuine 
they they're genuinely asking 

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they genuinely cared. 
You could just tell and and 

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they, I'm assuming don't have 
any kind of interaction with 

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people with autism and they were
really interested to kind of 

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find out what his day-to-day is 
like and what he's you know what

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what he's kind of routine well, 
Aiden's routine well, it's his 

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routine as well as. 
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 

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Well, this is it. 
It becomes your routine. 

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It is your routine. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

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00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:55,800
So it's going to be a bit of a, 
you know, a bit of change there,

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but I wish him all the success. 
And yeah, just again, great that

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he's talked about it and opened 
it up and it's, it is good. 

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It's create a fantastic talking 
opportunity. 

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00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:09,360
And again, it might, it might 
inspire, like you said, other 

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people to come out and just just
say, yeah, I've got, I've got 

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similar sort of struggles, in 
fact. 

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00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,600
He was on with Paddy McGuinness,
wasn't he? 

222
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,520
For that second, yeah. 
Yeah, Paddy Paddy's well versed 

223
00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,200
in in life like that, so of 
course he is. 

224
00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:25,160
It's good that there's he's got 
a couple of mates that are going

225
00:10:25,160 --> 00:10:28,840
down the same Rd as him. 
Actually, we've got loads of 

226
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,280
stuff we're going to talk about,
but how's you? 

227
00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:33,080
You did a post the other day 
asking for help. 

228
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:39,960
Yeah, yeah, just this not being 
potty trained. 

229
00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:43,080
Yeah, I know she's like 4. 
She's 4, isn't she? 

230
00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:44,880
Four. 
Yeah, 4 1/2 now. 

231
00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:49,560
And I think we're in the largest
size pull ups that supermarket 

232
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:54,320
stock, you know that size 9. 
But we're just night, night time

233
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,960
or getting towards the evening. 
It's just constant trying to put

234
00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,400
her hands in the nappy and, and 
pulling at it. 

235
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:04,120
And we don't know if this is 
causing her to kind of not sleep

236
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,560
properly anymore. 
So yeah, put a, put a post out 

237
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:12,160
and yeah, jeez, man, loads and 
loads of amazing messages have 

238
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:14,960
come back and I need to get 
through them all And, and just 

239
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,360
kind of thank people. 
I was kind of, yeah, speaking to

240
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:18,800
Selena, kind of going through 
some of them. 

241
00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:24,160
Some people recommended a 
certain type of night time kind 

242
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:27,560
of nappy pull up, which we've 
got lots of people recommending 

243
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,240
certain sheets that we can put 
on the bed that we've we've got 

244
00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:33,320
some great suggestions, kind of 
layering kind of these 

245
00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:35,760
waterproof sheets, normal sheet,
waterproof sheets, normal 

246
00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:37,600
sheets. 
So yeah, we can just pull one 

247
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,560
layer off and then kind of, you 
know, let her sleep. 

248
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:43,760
But yeah, so many things there 
that we're going to go through. 

249
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:48,520
I think we've had an expert in 
and kind of potty training and 

250
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,520
continents. 
Yeah, send, send a message. 

251
00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:52,000
So what's? 
The name. 

252
00:11:52,360 --> 00:11:55,320
Called, yeah, give her a shout 
out but she she's come out with 

253
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,720
some some kind of advice from 
kind of a holistic point of view

254
00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:04,520
as well in tackling it so. 
And this is great, you know, not

255
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,880
just for us, but we've, we've 
put questions out before from, 

256
00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:08,840
you know, people in the 
community that are asking for 

257
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,360
advice and yeah, we can tap into
it now and, and get all that 

258
00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:15,320
stuff so. 
Great Instagram name Continents 

259
00:12:15,320 --> 00:12:18,960
consultant Continents consultant
trainer. 

260
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:21,960
Go check her out on. 
Instagram she yeah, absolutely. 

261
00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:24,480
So thank you very much for that 
message. 

262
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:27,040
But again, every single I didn't
think I was going to get many 

263
00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:28,360
because I was just I was heading
to the gym. 

264
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:33,280
It was like 10 PMI just put that
out there and I got out of the 

265
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:36,840
gym and I was like, clearly 
people don't sleep with autistic

266
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,200
kids. 
I'm fully aware, but. 

267
00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:41,080
It's one of those. 
It's one of those subjects that 

268
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:46,080
I think I want to say most, but 
a lot of parents go through 

269
00:12:46,080 --> 00:12:47,760
because again, it's a 
communication piece. 

270
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:51,160
It's a it's, it's one of those 
things where you just trying to 

271
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:55,000
communicate effectively. 
I mean, we're at a point where 

272
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,440
Pex cards were barely, you're 
barely there really kind of at 

273
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,200
her age. 
Yeah, it's very hit and miss. 

274
00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:03,240
I've said to you like so she'll 
use it and then three months 

275
00:13:03,240 --> 00:13:05,200
later she'll. 
And I know one of the things 

276
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,000
that they that they recommended 
early on, I mean, this is like, 

277
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:11,280
I think Thomas was maybe 2. 
And they were trying to explain 

278
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,680
to us, you know, you put this by
the toilet and these are the 

279
00:13:13,680 --> 00:13:15,320
pictures you put there. 
And they're like a little 

280
00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:16,880
instructional on what you do on 
the toilet. 

281
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,240
You let you sit up and you sit 
down. 

282
00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:22,080
I'm looking at it thinking he he
he doesn't know what basic pecs 

283
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:23,320
are yet. 
How is he going to read that and

284
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:25,800
go sort OK, I need to seat up. 
Cool. 

285
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:28,440
This is great to have in the 
toilet wall and then go through 

286
00:13:28,440 --> 00:13:30,160
this whole. 
Instruction like IKEA 

287
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:31,640
instruction manual? 
Yeah. 

288
00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,400
So I was, I was thinking like, 
and he was 2:00-ish. 

289
00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,760
Well, he couldn't do that now. 
He couldn't read that and 

290
00:13:37,760 --> 00:13:39,640
understand what it means. 
No, I got to the stage where I 

291
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:43,080
thought, am I just going to put 
YouTube videos on 24/7 of just, 

292
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:46,080
yeah, lock everything out here. 
It's constant. 

293
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:47,800
All you're watching at the 
moment is potty training until 

294
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,720
it sinks in. 
But yeah, it's, well, that's 

295
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:52,560
funnily enough, because then we 
had the same issue. 

296
00:13:52,560 --> 00:13:56,320
Last night, Well, yeah, we've 
got a WhatsApp group for the 

297
00:13:56,320 --> 00:14:00,400
dads that have been on the show.
And then we were talking about, 

298
00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:02,720
yeah, what I had asked. 
And then lo and behold, there 

299
00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:05,840
must have been something in the 
water, mate, or something in the

300
00:14:05,840 --> 00:14:09,280
poo, because, yeah, you put a 
video clip in there. 

301
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:12,600
It sounded like. 
Yeah, I mean, it should have 

302
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:14,720
been a Halloween clip from what 
you described as. 

303
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:18,280
So I came up so basically so so 
Thomas goes to bed at 7:00 like 

304
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,920
on the dots 7:00 and I was I was
on on a call with a customer 

305
00:14:21,920 --> 00:14:24,640
downstairs. 
I was like clock watching and 

306
00:14:24,720 --> 00:14:28,600
and he he said, you know, you're
right for time. 

307
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,320
And I said, yeah, just 7:00 my 
son goes to bed. 

308
00:14:30,320 --> 00:14:32,000
So when he he was like, yeah, 
yeah, no problem. 

309
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:37,200
So we just got to seven and I 
leg it up the stairs to like, 

310
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:39,440
make sure I can cat, you know, 
see Thomas before he goes to 

311
00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,680
bed. 
And I get up there and he's in 

312
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:44,120
the bath whistling. 
I'm like, what's going on? 

313
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,120
Like, why is he still in the 
bath? 

314
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:47,840
And then I turn and look in his 
bedroom and Mish is there with 

315
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,280
rubber gloves on and she just 
looks at me and she's like, 

316
00:14:51,080 --> 00:14:52,760
yeah, he's shit. 
He spreads shit everywhere. 

317
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:55,840
And I was like, what? 
And he's not done this for a 

318
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:58,040
while. 
So I was like, what is going on?

319
00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:03,360
So he'd like he'd taken his 
nappy off, got his hand in 

320
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:05,320
there, Obviously then he was in 
a mess. 

321
00:15:05,320 --> 00:15:07,600
So he's like trying to spread it
everywhere. 

322
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:09,400
It was on the hand rails of his 
bed. 

323
00:15:09,400 --> 00:15:14,280
It was everywhere he went in 
other rooms in the house, sat on

324
00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:18,200
window sills without a nappy on.
So just his bare arse sitting on

325
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:21,800
a white window sill. 
So yeah, it was just a case of 

326
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,720
Misha. 
Basically while I was downstairs

327
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:27,320
on this work called Misha was 
doing this detective work, which

328
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:28,600
probably isn't much detective 
work. 

329
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,240
You just got to sniff it out, I 
suppose. 

330
00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,640
But yeah, I just, I just did the
video because I couldn't believe

331
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:35,000
it. 
You asked about that yesterday 

332
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,680
and then that happened. 
But the fact that all of the 

333
00:15:37,680 --> 00:15:40,400
lads in the chat all add some 
kind of advice means they've all

334
00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,200
been through. 
It yeah, yeah, I think it's a 

335
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,600
common theme, isn't it? 
And and that smell, that's not 

336
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,080
something a spice pumpkin 
candle's not going to get rid 

337
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:49,160
of, is it? 
It's it's it's generally 

338
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,840
lingers. 
We'll have to speak to this, the

339
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:56,280
continent consultant, the 
continent consultant just 

340
00:15:56,280 --> 00:16:01,160
because I think it does need a 
specialist's eye because I'm 

341
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:02,760
there's probably something you 
could say. 

342
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,800
I mean that I'm guessing she 
would ask questions. 

343
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,720
Are they doing this? 
Are they doing that? 

344
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,920
Because those are probably like 
the tell tale signs that they 

345
00:16:08,920 --> 00:16:11,800
might be ready. 
Who might get her on as a guest?

346
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:13,440
That's actually a really good 
idea. 

347
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,760
If she's up for it. 
That's actually a great shape. 

348
00:16:16,240 --> 00:16:17,440
Yeah. 
Let's message you after this 

349
00:16:18,400 --> 00:16:20,160
because I think that would be 
invaluable. 

350
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,040
A bit like when Jess came on, 
you know, it's. 

351
00:16:22,040 --> 00:16:24,120
Just yeah, absolutely. 
Yeah, that'd be brilliant 

352
00:16:24,720 --> 00:16:27,080
because I definitely Thomas is. 
Thomas is 6. 

353
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:32,000
He's in size 8 nines. 
Yeah. 

354
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:35,360
And we, we got the the, the 
school centre ones that you can 

355
00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:36,760
get. 
On the NHS. 

356
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,880
In the NHS, Jesus age Christ. 
Yeah. 

357
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:42,600
Is it as good as their printer 
paper which is just a a thin? 

358
00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:44,960
Piece of crazy. 
I just, I just, I was just 

359
00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:46,920
digging around. 
In the end it was just so like 

360
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,960
just such a huge thing. 
And he's used to pull ups, so 

361
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:53,080
now a normal nappy. 
Like I even I don't like putting

362
00:16:53,080 --> 00:16:55,080
them on him or I just like, why 
have we got nappies? 

363
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,640
Yeah, it's pull ups. 
It's easier. 

364
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,240
And we put this nappy on him 
just to test out. 

365
00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:00,880
You're like 3 nappies, this is 
going to be great. 

366
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:04,319
And we put it on him and he was 
like, what the fuck is this? 

367
00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:07,119
He was looking at us like, are 
you serious? 

368
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:09,599
Zuma wrestler style. 
It looked honestly it was, it 

369
00:17:09,599 --> 00:17:12,160
was nuts and he didn't like it 
because where you because you 

370
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:15,079
don't have the the elastic that 
you have in pull ups. 

371
00:17:15,319 --> 00:17:17,280
It's just the tabs, isn't it? 
Yeah, no rubs. 

372
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,440
And they get, yeah, and they're 
quite tight on the sides, aren't

373
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:20,480
they? 
And he was like, Nah, not 

374
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,119
having, it's not after years of 
having a pull up. 

375
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:25,880
I mean, it was so big, I ended 
up sticking on my head and it 

376
00:17:25,880 --> 00:17:29,200
looked like a bonnet. 
Oh my God, it was huge and I've 

377
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:32,600
got a big head. 
So yeah, I think if we could get

378
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:33,600
her on, that'd be really. 
Good. 

379
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:35,480
Yeah, I think so. 
I think we'll probably get quite

380
00:17:35,480 --> 00:17:38,240
a lot of questions from the Oh 
my God community as well. 

381
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:40,640
Yeah, there'll be loads yeah, I 
think there'll be loads. 

382
00:17:40,640 --> 00:17:44,800
A lot of overlap I would hope as
well. 100% yeah, very, very 

383
00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,400
interesting. 
But I think kind of following on

384
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,880
from that, that kind of pool 
scolds thing, it's kind of 

385
00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:53,320
raised a few questions, hasn't 
it? 

386
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:55,360
And I think we, you know, it 
might be a good time to revisit 

387
00:17:55,360 --> 00:17:58,400
some of the stuff that maybe we 
discussed in the in the very 

388
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:01,680
first episode and, you know. 
Kind of way back then. 

389
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:05,920
Jeez, maybe kind of seven months
on how we well, less than that 

390
00:18:05,920 --> 00:18:09,880
is it six months on how we may 
have taken a different view to 

391
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:11,560
things, but. 
That's a really good shape. 

392
00:18:11,560 --> 00:18:16,400
Yeah, so I mean like I guess the
the first one would be how has 

393
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:20,480
been a dad to an autistic child 
changed you personally? 

394
00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:24,720
Oh, these are good. 
A lot of these questions. 

395
00:18:25,480 --> 00:18:31,680
They make you think, don't they?
Yeah, it's made me I'm less 

396
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,520
judge mental and I'm more 
patient. 

397
00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:36,200
My patience is probably the big 
thing. 

398
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:43,640
Yeah, I think very easy to be 
judge mental even when you look 

399
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:48,440
at other people's kids and I I 
kind of get it why people do 

400
00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:50,480
that now, even with with me and 
Thomas. 

401
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,320
But yeah, I I would have looked 
at I would have looked at 

402
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:56,240
another kid having a meltdown 
and then like, get a grip of 

403
00:18:56,240 --> 00:19:00,280
your kid just through ignorance,
just flatter ignorance. 

404
00:19:00,280 --> 00:19:01,960
So, yeah, patience is probably 
the big one. 

405
00:19:02,120 --> 00:19:04,040
And, you know, being less judge 
mental of others. 

406
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:09,560
What about you? 
I think from my point of view, 

407
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:15,400
it's probably looking back now, 
it's probably revealed that I'm 

408
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,160
stronger than I thought I was. 
That's. 

409
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,440
Great. 
Yeah. 

410
00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:22,960
You know, because you don't 
realise and that going back to 

411
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:27,120
shit, but how much shit you're 
capable of dealing with and 

412
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:31,440
handling it and then realising 
that you can carry on. 

413
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:34,080
Yeah, I think that's probably 
one of the key things there. 

414
00:19:34,560 --> 00:19:37,360
Definitely more compassionate. 
And I think you've just kind of 

415
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:41,480
touched upon that in in terms of
in the past, if I, if I wouldn't

416
00:19:41,480 --> 00:19:44,200
even like batter an island and 
think, oh, there may be an 

417
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,880
additional need there. 
I'll probably just like, I'll 

418
00:19:46,880 --> 00:19:49,200
sort your kid out and you're a 
bit of a shit hair and what you 

419
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,880
let them get away with that for.
Do you know what I mean? 

420
00:19:50,880 --> 00:19:54,200
Yeah, it's not necessarily that 
you're being that you don't care

421
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:58,160
or you've been dispassionate of 
of people's struggles, but I was

422
00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:01,920
just so ignorant of it. 
It, I, it wasn't even on my 

423
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:08,280
radar, even when it comes to, 
you know, you know, government 

424
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:11,880
policy and stuff like that. 
Like now I understand, and it's 

425
00:20:11,880 --> 00:20:15,000
not just because of Thomas, but 
I understand how important these

426
00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:18,080
policies that that protect send 
families and said kids is. 

427
00:20:19,480 --> 00:20:22,080
Again, it's not that I wouldn't 
have wanted anybody to get the 

428
00:20:22,080 --> 00:20:23,600
support. 
I was just ignorant to the 

429
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:24,680
amount of support that was 
needed. 

430
00:20:25,000 --> 00:20:30,440
And Thomas's needs are far less 
than as profound as his autism 

431
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,040
is. 
There are people going through 

432
00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:34,080
way more. 
In fact, I saw a video today of 

433
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:37,560
somebody referring to their 
child as autistic as severe 

434
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:41,840
autism and profound severe 
autism and his his hands and 

435
00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:45,680
arms were all bandaged up and he
had a helmet on because all he 

436
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:48,560
does is self harm. 
And I'm like, OK, that's severe.

437
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:50,920
That's severe autism. 
Thomas doesn't have severe. 

438
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,720
Autism I I spoke to Selena 
yesterday. 

439
00:20:52,720 --> 00:20:56,280
I had a moment of that like 
Lydia's been quite difficult 

440
00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,120
taking her back to school this 
week. 

441
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:02,120
I think that the kind of 
transition from the first term 

442
00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:05,160
to then having half term often 
going back to school. 

443
00:21:05,160 --> 00:21:08,880
I remember just saying to 
Selena, like, oh, actually it 

444
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:13,440
was so kind of not upsetting a 
bit, but kind of seeing her have

445
00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:16,160
these meltdowns, refusing to go 
in, throwing herself on the 

446
00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:19,040
floor. 
And I was just thinking, oh, 

447
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:22,520
God, why this is so difficult, 
you know? 

448
00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:24,440
And then a car pulled up next to
me. 

449
00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,920
It was a like a van. 
And then they pulled out a 

450
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,320
wheelchair from the back of the 
van. 

451
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,560
And I was like, like, gave 
myself a bit of a shake and, you

452
00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:34,240
know, give your head a wobble. 
Gives you the reset. 

453
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:37,960
Yeah, just like just get on with
it, Yeah, sort of thing. 

454
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:41,720
So yeah, those are probably the 
things that that that kind of 

455
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:46,480
changed I think over since we've
been doing this podcast in terms

456
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:50,360
of, again, we've discussed this.
What expectations did you have 

457
00:21:50,360 --> 00:21:52,560
to let go of? 
And. 

458
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:57,040
All of them, yeah. 
I'm joking, but. 

459
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:00,560
Yeah, yeah. 
Well, it's the truth, isn't it? 

460
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:03,400
Yeah, let go of everything. 
Yeah, yeah, totally let go of 

461
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:07,200
everything. 
The thing is, you, you, you, 

462
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:12,400
you, you let go of all your 
expectations for self 

463
00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:16,400
preservation, but then you do 
kind of start to go. 

464
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,920
Hang on a minute. 
Yeah, No, hang on a minute. 

465
00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:22,840
OK, You might not be able to do 
this, but he's, he's pretty damn

466
00:22:22,840 --> 00:22:25,360
well going to do this. 
So it's, yeah, just again, it's 

467
00:22:25,360 --> 00:22:29,200
like a hard reset, isn't it? 
Yeah, it's kind of I must 

468
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:33,960
rewired my sense of time in the 
sense of, you know, going back 

469
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:37,120
to the the previous thing with 
Paul's goals is element of kind 

470
00:22:37,120 --> 00:22:40,920
of living day-to-day as as best 
you possibly can rather than 

471
00:22:40,920 --> 00:22:43,760
making too many future plans. 
Apart from the obvious one. 

472
00:22:46,000 --> 00:22:50,320
I suppose the focus now is more 
about being purpose driven 

473
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:53,480
rather than success driven. 
It's like, you know, there's 

474
00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:58,120
we've got to follow this, we've 
got to do what we can for for 

475
00:22:58,120 --> 00:23:01,320
Lydia and and obviously yourself
with Thomas. 

476
00:23:01,320 --> 00:23:02,680
That's kind of the big thing 
there. 

477
00:23:03,240 --> 00:23:06,880
And it's like you said, those 
small, those small, tiny, 

478
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:08,800
insignificant things that are 
wins. 

479
00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:10,760
They're kind of breakthrough 
moments now, aren't they? 

480
00:23:10,760 --> 00:23:14,280
For us as opposed to, you know, 
in the past, I would have been 

481
00:23:14,280 --> 00:23:17,680
more focused on what successes 
were happening in my, my job or 

482
00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:19,840
career. 
Those were the big things, but 

483
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,720
they just kind of moved to the 
background. 

484
00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:25,880
It's more about, yeah, Oh my 
God, this, this little thing 

485
00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:27,480
happened. 
Or she brought me a card for the

486
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:29,240
first time to show me she wanted
a biscuit. 

487
00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:33,400
Those and they're kind of the 
the big things that I kind of 

488
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,320
attach myself to and yeah, it's 
and deal with. 

489
00:23:36,440 --> 00:23:39,480
It's fun because like, oh, and 
I'll say this now so I don't 

490
00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:43,720
forget, but a good example of 
these like little things is so 

491
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,240
Thomas didn't go to school today
because he had like a he's got 

492
00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:47,800
like a style or something in his
eye. 

493
00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:51,720
And again, this brings up that 
whole issue that it's not just 

494
00:23:51,720 --> 00:23:55,640
OK, have a day off. 
It's like shit, just gone back 

495
00:23:55,640 --> 00:24:00,000
after the half term and he's 
gone back for a day and now he's

496
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,200
having a day off and he won't 
know why he's having a day off 

497
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,160
because we can't say, listen 
mate, you've got a poorly eye. 

498
00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,520
You can't go to school. 
So he won't know why he's had 

499
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,320
today off. 
So it was all a little bit, it's

500
00:24:10,320 --> 00:24:14,800
all a bit janky. 
And then today Mish went to take

501
00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:16,440
him to ALDI. 
She had to do a bit of a shop 

502
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:19,000
and she wasn't expecting to have
him have him with her. 

503
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:23,560
Went to ALDI and he kicked off 
like just lost his shit in the 

504
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:30,480
car park and she didn't have his
AAC device so she wrote down 

505
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:36,440
home or shops and I didn't 
actually I didn't pick this up 

506
00:24:36,440 --> 00:24:38,920
with her before but what she 
sent me back, she gave him the 

507
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:43,840
phone and he went onto the notes
and typed Nah snack. 

508
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:47,400
Oh. 
So no, I don't think the Nah was

509
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:51,000
like, Nah man, I'm on a snack. 
So it was like NAAA. 

510
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:55,440
And then he'd spelt out snack 
and she went, OK, she had some 

511
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,440
of those fruit Winder things and
she gave him one of them 

512
00:24:57,800 --> 00:24:59,920
completely fine. 
Oh my God, you're fine. 

513
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:03,840
And I think I think I might have
touched on this before, that 

514
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:07,280
there's such a lack of control 
that they have over their own 

515
00:25:07,280 --> 00:25:11,400
lives that sometimes just a 
little bit of control. 

516
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:13,160
And you're not giving in as a 
parent. 

517
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:15,880
You're not you're not 
relinquishing all your control, 

518
00:25:16,160 --> 00:25:18,480
but you just let them have that 
little thing that they want. 

519
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,880
And he was like, I want a snack.
And she gave him a fruit wine. 

520
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:22,160
And he was like, cool, do what 
you want, eh? 

521
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:24,480
So she managed to carry on doing
what she wanted. 

522
00:25:24,640 --> 00:25:27,400
But yeah, it's those little 
things like that that that like 

523
00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:32,480
snack massive people go like 
fucking what your kid wrote 

524
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:36,360
snack on a why is that good? 
But yeah, those those little 

525
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:37,880
ones are huge. 
Anyway, completely off on a 

526
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,120
tangent. 
I just didn't want to forget 

527
00:25:39,120 --> 00:25:40,120
about it because Mitch told me 
this. 

528
00:25:40,120 --> 00:25:41,280
Morning. 
No, that's good, man. 

529
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:45,440
That's good in terms of I guess 
we're. 

530
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:47,560
It's like AQ and A, but we're 
giving each other the question. 

531
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:52,680
But this, this is I guess we've,
we've kind of found ourselves in

532
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,520
this position now. 
But what does being an advocate 

533
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:58,520
for your child mean to you? 
It's just weird, isn't? 

534
00:25:58,960 --> 00:26:00,560
It it is weird. 
It's really weird. 

535
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:05,680
It's not something I would have 
thought of, no, with with having

536
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:08,720
Lydia and then finding out she 
was autistic, it's not no. 

537
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,560
It's not something again. 
Paul's goals, Paul's goals. 

538
00:26:11,560 --> 00:26:13,640
He, he wouldn't, I don't think, 
well speak for him. 

539
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,160
I wouldn't have thought he would
consider himself an advocate for

540
00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,720
autism, even with as much as he 
shared it. 

541
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:22,840
But I think he's kind of 
discovered just after opening up

542
00:26:22,960 --> 00:26:25,440
through a 2030 minute 
conversation, he wasn't even 

543
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,040
planning on having the feedback 
he's got from that. 

544
00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:32,680
He's an advocate. 
He's an advocate for his son and

545
00:26:32,840 --> 00:26:36,520
and other people's children. 
So yeah, it's yeah, it's a weird

546
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:37,880
one. 
A friend of mine said, really 

547
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:43,160
good friend of mine said it kind
of, he was taking the piss, but 

548
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:44,760
he was like, oh, shut up, just 
because you're famous now. 

549
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:48,360
I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, 
I'm famous in this teeny, teeny 

550
00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:52,760
tiny niche. 
Like there's a few people that 

551
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:55,600
might recognise me and the only 
reason they will is because 

552
00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,240
they've got a child with 
additional needs. 

553
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,120
If I walk down the street, no 
one bats an eyelid. 

554
00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:03,680
If I'm in send soft play I may 
get the odd look. 

555
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:08,200
I've had one person stop me in 
the last, was it 6 months? 

556
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:11,880
And it was, I was sitting in 
Starbucks having a coffee and I 

557
00:27:11,880 --> 00:27:13,720
have the Airpods in, I have a 
laptop and this guy. 

558
00:27:14,120 --> 00:27:16,040
So, you know, people just 
normally walk up to you do they 

559
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:18,800
sitting there? 
And he walks over and he's like,

560
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,320
I put Earpods in so I couldn't 
hear. 

561
00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:23,920
And he just kind of looks at me 
and like, right. 

562
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,000
And I'm like, yeah, yeah, you. 
And he's like, yeah, yeah. 

563
00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:29,120
And then he didn't go anywhere. 
And I was like, are you OK, 

564
00:27:29,120 --> 00:27:29,720
mate? 
If they're not. 

565
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,360
He was like, yeah, have you got 
a podcast? 

566
00:27:31,360 --> 00:27:35,520
And I was like this weird. 
Say it louder. 

567
00:27:35,640 --> 00:27:37,800
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
If I ever went to like Brazil 

568
00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:39,920
and somebody went, oh, you've 
got a podcast, that'd be that'd 

569
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:41,120
be crazy. 
Yeah, I think I've only 

570
00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:42,920
happened, it's happened to me 
once in Shrewsbury. 

571
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:44,480
That was on a night out. 
I forgot to tell you that. 

572
00:27:44,840 --> 00:27:48,360
Oh, what about about two months 
ago, I was walking out of a bar 

573
00:27:48,360 --> 00:27:51,280
and there was a guy having a a 
smoke outside. 

574
00:27:51,280 --> 00:27:53,120
And I just what the same sort of
thing is. 

575
00:27:54,040 --> 00:27:55,520
You're right, Andy. 
No way. 

576
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:57,400
I looked at it going How do I 
know you? 

577
00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,320
I couldn't work out how he knew 
me or I, I didn't recognise him 

578
00:28:01,320 --> 00:28:02,680
so I was like puzzled. 
But then. 

579
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,000
But you were assuming it's from 
something. 

580
00:28:05,080 --> 00:28:07,480
Yeah, yeah. 
And then he goes, yeah, I've, 

581
00:28:08,040 --> 00:28:10,280
I'll listen to your, to your 
podcast. 

582
00:28:10,440 --> 00:28:13,400
My my brother's got 2 autistic 
kids and I just had a 5 minute 

583
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:14,680
conversation. 
He listens to it. 

584
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:16,400
Yeah, yeah, absolutely. 
So. 

585
00:28:17,160 --> 00:28:19,840
So yeah, that was nice. 
That was surreal. 

586
00:28:19,840 --> 00:28:22,320
But. 
That's nice that he's like, 

587
00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:26,360
again, he's he's watching the 
podcast because of his niece and

588
00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:27,600
nephew. 
You know, that's that's quite 

589
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,360
cool. 
Yeah, I think the other thing 

590
00:28:29,360 --> 00:28:34,040
about being an advocate or or 
doing this, and again, it's just

591
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:39,080
if I go down to the real like 
grit of it, it's just making 

592
00:28:39,080 --> 00:28:43,200
sure that even though Lydia's 
non verbal is that her voice is 

593
00:28:43,200 --> 00:28:45,080
heard. 
And I think that's the that's 

594
00:28:45,080 --> 00:28:48,080
the only other thing is like she
can't at the moment speak for 

595
00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:51,200
herself in simple terms being an
advocate. 

596
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:55,280
We speak on their behalf and 
hope that we can, we can kind of

597
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:58,280
give, give them what they need 
and, and you know, dare I say 

598
00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:02,600
sometimes try and influence 
policy or put pressure, you 

599
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,720
know, by, by being part of 
various charities and, and 

600
00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,440
hooking up with other parents 
and and so forth. 

601
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,240
So I think that's kind of the 
the real advocate side of 

602
00:29:11,240 --> 00:29:12,880
things, isn't it? 
Yeah, we haven't actually talked

603
00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:15,360
about it, White paper being put 
back till next year, have we? 

604
00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:18,720
No, I don't know if that's a 
good thing or a bad thing. 

605
00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:23,000
I, I just possibly think that 
maybe they, they pushed it back 

606
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:23,800
out. 
You know, it's supposed to be 

607
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:25,600
the summer, wasn't it? 
Then they pushed it back to, was

608
00:29:25,600 --> 00:29:29,080
it November this month, October,
November and then they've 

609
00:29:29,080 --> 00:29:32,560
shelled it until next year. 
But is that because, you know, 

610
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:35,120
things like the rally that we 
went to and the various 

611
00:29:35,120 --> 00:29:40,400
charities and everyone's going, 
this stinks. 

612
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,680
The thing is, something does 
need to change. 

613
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:45,560
It there is a reform this need. 
It's just the way they were 

614
00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:46,840
going to do it. 
Didn't look very good. 

615
00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:52,520
Yeah, yeah, I totally agree. 
Again, kind of things like 

616
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,960
routines, you know, we've 
touched about this a bit quite a

617
00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:57,440
quite a few times, but. 
What's your routine right now? 

618
00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:01,840
Because I'm this is quite good 
because like obviously the we, 

619
00:30:01,840 --> 00:30:04,480
we first kind of had a 
conversation Acosta, didn't we, 

620
00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:06,400
at Birmingham Airport fucking 
midnight. 

621
00:30:08,760 --> 00:30:12,240
But what, what is, has your 
routine changed? 

622
00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:17,440
Because the thing, the reason I 
ask that is because your routine

623
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:21,120
changes kind of incrementally. 
Yeah, that's that's a fairpoint.

624
00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:22,680
Yeah, it's not one big shift. 
Is it? 

625
00:30:24,760 --> 00:30:27,760
Yeah. 
I mean, if I, I don't if if you 

626
00:30:27,760 --> 00:30:29,920
were to look back and go, well, 
this is what we used to do. 

627
00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,400
Oh, shit. 
Oh, actually, it's changed quite

628
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:33,160
a lot. 
Do you know what that's a 

629
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:35,400
fairpoint? 
Because I think in the early 

630
00:30:35,400 --> 00:30:40,000
days we were trying so many 
different things to try and form

631
00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:43,000
a routine, you know, like, oh, 
this doesn't work or try 

632
00:30:43,000 --> 00:30:44,920
something else because you're 
getting so much again, 

633
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:47,720
information, you're getting 
advice from different parents 

634
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:50,440
that have worked for them. 
And you're right, I'll try that.

635
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:52,320
And some of it does work. 
Some of it doesn't think, oh, 

636
00:30:52,400 --> 00:30:54,440
that didn't work. 
Back to the drawing board. 

637
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:58,080
I think now we probably are in a
bit of a routine in the sense 

638
00:30:58,080 --> 00:31:02,680
that especially now she's at, at
at school, it's very much kind 

639
00:31:02,680 --> 00:31:04,560
of right. 
We try and get into bed at a 

640
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:08,200
certain time and you know, prior
to half term it was proving more

641
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:14,440
successful than unsuccessful. 
When we woke up in the morning 

642
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:18,080
we had the picture board with, 
you know, whose car we were 

643
00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:22,720
going, was it mummy's car, 
Daddy's car, a picture of a 

644
00:31:22,720 --> 00:31:26,520
teacher, also a picture of the 
school and everything else like 

645
00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:28,840
that. 
So we were starting to do that. 

646
00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:32,800
They'd be downstairs, it would 
be a bottle breakfast and then 

647
00:31:32,800 --> 00:31:34,880
yeah, out and then obviously 
come back. 

648
00:31:34,880 --> 00:31:36,840
Lydia's routine was that she 
wanted to go straight in the 

649
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:41,440
garden to derate, you know, to, 
to kind of just explore and 

650
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:42,960
everything else like that and 
unwind. 

651
00:31:42,960 --> 00:31:47,960
So yeah, I kind of we maybe not 
through deliberately trying to 

652
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,840
have a routine. 
I think we've just naturally 

653
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:55,520
just fallen into a routine, 
which again, after trying to 

654
00:31:55,520 --> 00:31:57,840
deliberately create routines 
that didn't work, we've seemed 

655
00:31:57,840 --> 00:32:01,840
to have found a like a nice 
happy medium that that does 

656
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,600
work, yeah. 
Do you reckon that obviously, 

657
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,360
because I mean, you guys would 
like be desperate as far as 

658
00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,560
sleep was concerned, Might you 
like it was just rough. 

659
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:11,880
Do you think because you were 
getting so much information from

660
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:14,520
so many different directions of,
you know, people trying to help,

661
00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:20,600
do you think that maybe you 
didn't give a single you? 

662
00:32:20,640 --> 00:32:23,320
You didn't give a single thing 
enough of a try. 

663
00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:24,760
Say enough you. 
Know what you mean? 

664
00:32:24,760 --> 00:32:27,200
Yeah, but because you know, long
enough, yeah. 

665
00:32:27,440 --> 00:32:29,720
That doesn't work, but then 
let's try that thing yeah, 

666
00:32:29,720 --> 00:32:32,280
because you guys have just. 
I think, I think that I think 

667
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:34,560
that's a fairpoint. 
There's a there's an element of 

668
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:36,400
desperation. 
Yeah. 

669
00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:40,920
I would real desperation and 
like when you've had best part 

670
00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:46,640
of four years, like doing shifts
and swapping over at like 2:00 

671
00:32:46,640 --> 00:32:49,080
in the morning and then going, 
doing a full day's work and 

672
00:32:49,080 --> 00:32:51,760
everyone being tired and 
everything else like that. 

673
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:54,760
I think you just want to find 
that elixir that does work. 

674
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:59,320
So I've said to you in the past,
like we, we, we spent so much 

675
00:32:59,320 --> 00:33:05,000
money trying different things or
yeah, snake oil salesman and all

676
00:33:05,000 --> 00:33:06,360
that sort of stuff. 
I'll try this. 

677
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:09,560
It's it works for autistic 
children. 

678
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:12,800
It helps them with this and you 
do just try everything. 

679
00:33:13,560 --> 00:33:17,000
So there may be an element that 
we may have gave, given things 

680
00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:20,480
maybe a couple of weeks and just
gone, fucking hell, this doesn't

681
00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:21,840
work. 
Two weeks is a long time. 

682
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:24,160
Yeah, Well, not all of it. 
Some of it was less, but I think

683
00:33:24,280 --> 00:33:26,720
certain things, certain things 
that cost a lot of money. 

684
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:30,320
Yeah, Yeah. 
We gave longer to try, but. 

685
00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:35,000
And the problem was you'd, 
you'd, there was no pattern. 

686
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:37,600
And I've said this before, like 
you'd think you'd had a Eureka 

687
00:33:37,600 --> 00:33:40,480
moment, a breakthrough, and 
you'd go, oh, yes, this is it. 

688
00:33:40,600 --> 00:33:42,800
Yeah, We've had two nights. 
Yeah, we know what it was. 

689
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:45,920
Yeah, it was this. 
Yeah, third night, back to 

690
00:33:45,920 --> 00:33:48,240
square 1 and the night after and
the night after, the night 

691
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:49,840
after, and you keep sticking 
with it and going. 

692
00:33:50,760 --> 00:33:52,160
No rhyme or reasons. 
What's changed? 

693
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:55,560
Why, why isn't this working? 
And then you just like, right, 

694
00:33:55,560 --> 00:33:57,880
OK, on to the next thing. 
We'll scratch that one off now. 

695
00:33:57,880 --> 00:34:00,360
We'll move. 
And dare I say there's probably 

696
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:04,680
stuff that we've we did try and 
and and chopped off as being a 

697
00:34:04,680 --> 00:34:07,480
failure, that maybe she was too 
young. 

698
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:10,320
If we tried it, you know, six 
months later, it could have 

699
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:15,360
worked. 
But I think, yeah, it's hard. 

700
00:34:15,920 --> 00:34:20,040
You know, it's easier to look 
back now at that really, really 

701
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:24,760
difficult time as being parents 
to, to Lydia and how how 

702
00:34:25,199 --> 00:34:27,600
incredible I look back now. 
Sometimes I think, how on earth 

703
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:30,560
did we actually get get through 
that with some form of sanity 

704
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:38,199
and look back now and realise, 
OK, things are easier now with 

705
00:34:38,199 --> 00:34:40,960
her, although we still say, oh, 
it's difficult. 

706
00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:42,199
And I said, oh, she's had a 
sleepless night. 

707
00:34:42,199 --> 00:34:46,000
But do you know what I remember 
kind of two years ago saying 

708
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:48,760
Selena, Oh my God, if she'd just
slept till 3:00 in the morning, 

709
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:52,679
I'd be happy if I knew she went 
to sleep from 9:00 to 3:00 and I

710
00:34:52,679 --> 00:34:54,600
had right, that's. 
Still not doing, isn't it? 

711
00:34:54,880 --> 00:34:57,280
But it was just like one day 
she'd fall asleep at 7:00, then 

712
00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,760
she'd be up at 11:00 PM and then
she'd stay awake till half five 

713
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,000
in the morning, by which time 
she'd fall asleep. 

714
00:35:03,000 --> 00:35:04,200
And I'm like, well, you can't 
plan. 

715
00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:05,960
One of us then has to go. 
You know, one, we were both 

716
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:08,040
getting ready to go to work or 
Celine's getting ready to go to 

717
00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:11,760
work and or she was working, you
know, shifts sometimes as well, 

718
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:13,320
which are evening shifts within 
the NHS. 

719
00:35:14,360 --> 00:35:16,800
It's just like there was 
absolutely nothing we could have

720
00:35:16,800 --> 00:35:18,840
done and it was such a difficult
time. 

721
00:35:18,840 --> 00:35:23,120
But yeah, it's you kind of look 
back on it with some rose tinted

722
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:27,720
glasses. 
So yeah, it's it was, it was 

723
00:35:27,720 --> 00:35:30,520
hard, but yeah, I think it's. 
Funny how we adjust, isn't it? 

724
00:35:30,960 --> 00:35:32,560
Yeah, you could. 
Hey, at the time you're going 

725
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:34,520
through something which is just 
horrendous. 

726
00:35:34,840 --> 00:35:36,960
And that is one day at a time. 
Yeah, absolutely cool. 

727
00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:41,480
You look back and you go car, 
that was rough, Yeah. 

728
00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:43,560
We think actually it was a lot 
more than rough, yeah. 

729
00:35:43,560 --> 00:35:45,520
Because at the time you're at 
breaking point. 

730
00:35:45,720 --> 00:35:47,520
Yeah, and I think that goes back
to like the first thing, like 

731
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:53,000
what have you learnt of being an
autistic dad or you know, to to 

732
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,080
a child like that? 
Is that strength, isn't it? 

733
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:57,680
Yeah. 
Is that strength you forget like

734
00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:06,120
how strong you actually are as a
person, just like sometimes you 

735
00:36:06,120 --> 00:36:08,920
just look back and it go, jeez, 
man, I didn't realise I was 

736
00:36:08,920 --> 00:36:11,440
capable of doing that. 
And yeah, because it's not 

737
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,200
really like that. 
People say, oh, this old kind of

738
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:18,360
thing that always comes out or 
you were chosen to be a, you 

739
00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:20,720
know, a parent for this autistic
child because. 

740
00:36:20,720 --> 00:36:23,040
Thanks. 
Yeah, no, didn't, didn't choose.

741
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:27,200
It was on the list of options on
the menu that I was looking at 

742
00:36:27,200 --> 00:36:30,800
and perusing at. 
It's just like this is what I've

743
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:32,600
been Lombard with, if I'm being 
quite blunt. 

744
00:36:32,600 --> 00:36:35,920
Yeah, I've either got to step up
and and find a way of dealing 

745
00:36:35,920 --> 00:36:39,120
with it, or I might just walk 
out the fucking door and and not

746
00:36:39,120 --> 00:36:40,280
have anything to do with this 
child. 

747
00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:44,600
Paul Skoll said something that, 
again, was interesting. 

748
00:36:45,160 --> 00:36:48,480
It's a bit like that. 
He he was kind of taken aback by

749
00:36:48,800 --> 00:36:51,840
people saying you're so brave to
speak. 

750
00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:55,760
And he was like, what? 
Like just what? 

751
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:57,800
What do you mean brave? 
Like I'm just talking about my 

752
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:00,480
kid. 
But that's because for some 

753
00:37:00,480 --> 00:37:03,240
people it's it's not something 
they find easy to do. 

754
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:08,240
And I think you find it easier 
the more the more you kind of 

755
00:37:08,240 --> 00:37:10,760
get people around you talking 
about it. 

756
00:37:10,760 --> 00:37:14,440
You, you said to me a couple of 
episodes ago, like I think we 

757
00:37:14,440 --> 00:37:17,920
had a guest on, you said, I can 
see how you've changed from 

758
00:37:17,920 --> 00:37:22,280
episode to where we are now. 
And, and all I can put that down

759
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:31,720
to is immersing myself in this, 
this whole autism thing that I 

760
00:37:31,720 --> 00:37:35,360
didn't choose and just being 
able to talk about it. 

761
00:37:36,320 --> 00:37:38,560
And it goes about me and you 
having the we joke about it. 

762
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:42,320
We say it's our therapy, It's 
our fucking therapy because you 

763
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,080
get it. 
And when you speak to me, I get 

764
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:45,920
it. 
And it's just having somebody 

765
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:50,000
that totally understands and is 
not being kind of, oh shit, what

766
00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:52,200
do I say here? 
You know, the fact that we go, 

767
00:37:52,240 --> 00:37:54,400
oh, this happened. 
It was a fucking nightmare at 

768
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,400
the time, but we're barely 
laughing about it now. 

769
00:37:56,680 --> 00:37:58,760
You, you went on. 
I've got to mention this. 

770
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:01,200
You were on LBC? 
Oh, with Nick, Nick Ferrari. 

771
00:38:01,200 --> 00:38:04,360
Nick Ferrari and he said, I've 
been on the Instagram page. 

772
00:38:04,840 --> 00:38:07,360
You mentioned dark. 
Oh yeah, What's that about? 

773
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:10,360
And we're like, yeah, yeah. 
There's a lot of dark humour 

774
00:38:10,840 --> 00:38:12,600
about being a parent to a sane 
kid. 

775
00:38:13,240 --> 00:38:14,640
Otherwise you've got to let it 
out. 

776
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:18,720
And sometimes, like the typical 
British way sometimes is it's 

777
00:38:18,720 --> 00:38:21,200
it's always been like that. 
It's just, well, we're not going

778
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:22,760
to sit here and cry about it. 
You know, we've done that 

779
00:38:22,760 --> 00:38:25,000
already. 
We just get through it by going,

780
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:27,240
oh, fucking hell, that was 
hilarious, wasn't it? 

781
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:28,360
Oh, I can't believe they did 
that. 

782
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:30,200
But. 
And they share it with somebody 

783
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,880
else and they start laughing as 
well and go, yeah, I relate to 

784
00:38:32,880 --> 00:38:33,760
that. 
That makes sense. 

785
00:38:33,760 --> 00:38:36,720
That's why I like dropping that 
video in the in the in the group

786
00:38:36,720 --> 00:38:40,680
chat last night when Thomas it's
just like one of the other lads 

787
00:38:40,680 --> 00:38:43,200
might have had a similar 
situation that they were feeling

788
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:45,560
a bit, you know, fucking hell 
again. 

789
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:49,720
So I think sometimes just to, I 
mean, I could laugh about it 

790
00:38:49,720 --> 00:38:50,800
because I wasn't the one who's 
cleaning. 

791
00:38:50,840 --> 00:38:52,480
It up, Yeah. 
I mean, if we asked Mish. 

792
00:38:52,480 --> 00:38:54,240
So if we asked Mish, how funny 
would she? 

793
00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:55,960
Say not funny at all. 
She's taking. 

794
00:38:55,960 --> 00:38:58,200
Her rubber gloves off going 
yeah, it's fucking hilarious, ha

795
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:00,600
ha ha. 
Yeah, there was a little bit of 

796
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:03,320
cleaning up deal after, but it 
wasn't rubber gloves type work, 

797
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:05,520
you know? 
Yeah, no, that's fair enough. 

798
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:09,520
I mean things like, alright, how
do you handle meltdowns or 

799
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,520
shutdowns? 
Do you know what, mate? 

800
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:14,520
And this is a this is a gun. 
I fucking harp on about it all 

801
00:39:14,520 --> 00:39:19,760
the time, but he's not at a 
meltdown in a long time. 

802
00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,080
Not something that I could 
fairly call a meltdown. 

803
00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:26,720
I'd be giving meltdowns in this 
service if I said that he'd had 

804
00:39:26,720 --> 00:39:27,360
one recently. 
He's. 

805
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,520
Not at something that's lasted 
kind of 15 minutes for an hour. 

806
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:32,800
The. 
Blood vessels in his face used 

807
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:36,680
to pop like he used to. 
Like really go for it. 

808
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:39,520
I can't remember the last time 
he had one. 

809
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:41,640
Like genuinely, I can't remember
the last time. 

810
00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:44,560
The most I'll do now is I think,
what was it? 

811
00:39:44,560 --> 00:39:47,200
What happened the other day I 
got in? 

812
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:53,040
Oh, he'd had quite a long day. 
Normally his kind of daily 

813
00:39:53,040 --> 00:39:55,560
routine would be that he'll do 
stuff in the day, get back 

814
00:39:55,560 --> 00:39:57,520
around 4:00 and he's got a few 
hours till bed. 

815
00:39:57,680 --> 00:40:00,360
Whatever it was he'd been doing,
it was quite close to bedtime. 

816
00:40:00,360 --> 00:40:02,720
And we are like strict on 
bedtime. 

817
00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:04,560
Pretty strict on bedtime just 
Cos it. 

818
00:40:05,240 --> 00:40:09,320
Routine. 
Just routine his brain no and I 

819
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:10,880
went come on then mate, you 
ready for sleeps? 

820
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,360
And he just did. 
Like a classic tantrum. 

821
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:17,040
Like, did he go? 
Nah, Nah, bruv snack. 

822
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:19,720
He just, it was a classic 
tantrum. 

823
00:40:19,720 --> 00:40:22,840
I mean, if I was to say what's a
classic tantrum, how would you 

824
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:24,680
explain it? 
How would you describe a classic

825
00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:27,360
tantrum? 
I'd just be kicking off. 

826
00:40:27,560 --> 00:40:31,120
No, I don't want to do this. 
You know the classic 10 more 

827
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,760
minutes. 
Classic if it's a meltdown in a 

828
00:40:33,760 --> 00:40:38,040
supermarket lying down on their 
front, right, He did that. 

829
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:41,760
He was sitting there on his on 
his AAC device just doing some 

830
00:40:41,760 --> 00:40:43,120
spelling. 
And I was like, come on, mate, 

831
00:40:43,120 --> 00:40:45,280
you ready for sleeps? 
And he just looked at me and 

832
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:49,200
just went flat down on the on 
the kitchen floor and was just 

833
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,160
like, Nah, slamming his hands 
down. 

834
00:40:51,160 --> 00:40:56,600
And I'm looking at him like, get
up like that is the worst he's 

835
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:59,720
done in months. 
And it wasn't a time, It wasn't 

836
00:40:59,720 --> 00:41:01,440
a meltdown. 
It was just a little, it was a 

837
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:05,960
hissy fit essentially. 
So so mate, I don't actually 

838
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,360
have to deal with them that much
anymore. 

839
00:41:07,360 --> 00:41:09,680
Yeah, we're starting to notice 
them a few more this week with 

840
00:41:09,680 --> 00:41:12,080
little. 
Yeah, I've kind of like touched 

841
00:41:12,080 --> 00:41:15,920
upon it like that transition 
about returning to school. 

842
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:20,160
Yeah, because she's she's done 
one term and then we have a week

843
00:41:20,160 --> 00:41:21,400
off. 
And you made a very good point. 

844
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,920
Like before we start recording, 
it's like, well, that's what she

845
00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:26,080
has got to base it on. 
She doesn't realise that you go 

846
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:27,400
back to school. 
That's what she might have just 

847
00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:29,120
gone. 
Hey, this is a great 5 weeks. 

848
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:31,120
As far as she's concerned, well,
we're back here. 

849
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:34,880
For some reason you put her in a
weird little uniform and sent 

850
00:41:34,880 --> 00:41:38,560
her to this place for five weeks
and then on that first day of 

851
00:41:38,560 --> 00:41:43,160
half term holidays, she was 
like, oh, well, we that's done. 

852
00:41:43,160 --> 00:41:46,200
All right, That was quite fun. 
Quite enjoyed that she had no 

853
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:49,520
fucking clue that a week later 
she was going to be going back 

854
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:51,880
and how would she know? 
No, no, she wouldn't know, would

855
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:52,720
she? 
Because she's got nothing to 

856
00:41:52,720 --> 00:41:53,800
base it upon. 
Exactly. 

857
00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:56,200
So that's where you can you can 
understand the kicking out and 

858
00:41:56,200 --> 00:41:58,960
Thomas did exactly the same. 
Thing I think as as a we've, 

859
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:04,280
we've kind of progressed through
meltdowns is, yeah, I've just 

860
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,840
realised it's literally just 
staying calm, isn't it? 

861
00:42:07,360 --> 00:42:13,240
It's staying calm, steady, that 
kind of lower your voice, give 

862
00:42:13,240 --> 00:42:17,520
her space, show that she's safe.
And it's not about, I guess, 

863
00:42:18,120 --> 00:42:20,640
reasoning with her when she's in
that kind of, you know, it's 

864
00:42:20,640 --> 00:42:22,560
difficult to reason with her 
when she's non verbal. 

865
00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:24,560
But it's just reassurance, isn't
it? 

866
00:42:24,840 --> 00:42:29,840
It's reassurance. 
And the difference is two years 

867
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:34,360
ago I may have been a bit more 
concerned about shit, what the 

868
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:35,920
people around me thinking. 
Yeah, yeah. 

869
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,520
Oh no, they're looking at me, 
aren't they? 

870
00:42:38,720 --> 00:42:40,680
They're staring what they're 
saying to each other. 

871
00:42:41,680 --> 00:42:43,840
And I'd just be in a bit of 
OverDrive doing like, well, 

872
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:44,880
what's going on? 
No. 

873
00:42:45,080 --> 00:42:46,600
And then then I wouldn't do the 
right thing. 

874
00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:48,920
I'd just be like, right, stop 
this now you need to get out of 

875
00:42:48,920 --> 00:42:53,280
this, you know, whereas now I'm 
just very much like, stare. 

876
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:55,600
Do what you want to stare the. 
Progression I've gone through 

877
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:58,480
from how I've dealt with it, 
even when he was tiny, like, and

878
00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:01,840
I've kind of said this before 
and, and, you know, it's 

879
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:05,760
upsetting, but like, even when 
he was really little and there 

880
00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:08,200
was no way of getting through to
him, I'd lose my temper and 

881
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:11,280
just, like, scream at him, yeah.
As frustration. 

882
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:12,600
Isn't it just? 
Pure frustration. 

883
00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:15,360
I felt awful about it after. 
I would just scream at him. 

884
00:43:15,360 --> 00:43:21,760
And what's interesting is it 
made no difference because that 

885
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:25,440
social connection isn't even 
there enough for me to to. 

886
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,400
Get through by screaming. 
Through like scare him 

887
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,840
essentially like a parent, you 
know, scares their kids to do it

888
00:43:30,840 --> 00:43:34,000
as they're told. 
It didn't it didn't make a 

889
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:36,040
single bit of difference. 
I look back now and I think I'm 

890
00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:38,520
screaming at him and he's just 
like same level of meltdown. 

891
00:43:38,520 --> 00:43:39,840
He's like mum what? 
What could? 

892
00:43:39,840 --> 00:43:41,280
You do. 
That's going to do heightening 

893
00:43:41,280 --> 00:43:43,720
your own statement. 100% and 
that's, that's kind of 

894
00:43:43,720 --> 00:43:47,120
progressively gone through to, 
you know, telling off and all 

895
00:43:47,120 --> 00:43:51,680
that you know, to now if it, if 
it, if it did happen tonight, 

896
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:53,560
for example, it would be 
pressure points. 

897
00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:56,280
Yeah. 
I mean, like that's how you 

898
00:43:56,280 --> 00:43:58,400
learn as a parent. 
It would be, you know, he really

899
00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:01,080
likes it when you go real firm 
on his arms and his legs and 

900
00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:03,320
just work it all the way around.
That's that's the kind of thing 

901
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:05,600
we need to calm and down. 
But like you would like the 

902
00:44:05,600 --> 00:44:08,080
typical kid if I did that to my 
18 year old. 

903
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:12,040
It's OK mate, it's good. 
Get your pressure points. 

904
00:44:12,040 --> 00:44:13,800
Everything's fine. 
So it's. 

905
00:44:13,800 --> 00:44:16,080
Different, but that again, 
that's it's good to talk about 

906
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:19,520
that because that's part of the,
the transition, the journey that

907
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:23,240
I think we've been on as dads 
is, you know, we look back now 

908
00:44:23,240 --> 00:44:27,080
we go, Oh yeah, we were doing 
all the things that people say, 

909
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:28,160
oh, you don't want to be doing 
that. 

910
00:44:28,240 --> 00:44:30,280
And you just have to sometimes 
you just got to go through it 

911
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:32,480
and yeah, you just go, oh, you 
know, it doesn't work. 

912
00:44:32,480 --> 00:44:33,600
I'm just getting myself worked 
up. 

913
00:44:33,600 --> 00:44:36,240
And interestingly, your skin 
becomes a lot thicker when 

914
00:44:36,240 --> 00:44:38,000
you're out and about and these 
things happen, so. 

915
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:40,400
If you think about like how you 
deal with it, the way you're 

916
00:44:40,400 --> 00:44:43,680
dealing with it is, is 
compassionately, yeah. 

917
00:44:44,120 --> 00:44:45,880
And you take it into other parts
of your life as well. 

918
00:44:45,880 --> 00:44:47,360
You're sharing. 
All you're sharing is pure love 

919
00:44:47,360 --> 00:44:50,640
and compassion in the, in the, 
in that moment, you're kind of 

920
00:44:50,760 --> 00:44:55,080
you're like, you're with them in
it, but you're just like 

921
00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:56,880
essentially they don't know what
you're saying. 

922
00:44:57,080 --> 00:44:58,560
Yes, probably don't know what 
you're saying. 

923
00:44:59,080 --> 00:45:01,800
Thomas certainly doesn't. 
But you just like, it's OK, I'm 

924
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:03,560
here, it's fine. 
And you just help them ride it 

925
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:04,480
out. 
Ride it out. 

926
00:45:04,520 --> 00:45:09,280
Yeah, yeah. 
What's been your hardest battle 

927
00:45:09,280 --> 00:45:17,840
for support or diagnosis? 
Is it things like battling the 

928
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:20,160
system or delays or it was? 
Early on, I think. 

929
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:25,680
Yeah. 
It was kind of the the system 

930
00:45:25,680 --> 00:45:27,880
has actually worked relatively 
well. 

931
00:45:28,720 --> 00:45:30,840
I think in Shropshire. 
Yeah, Shropshire, Exactly. 

932
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:33,440
Not again, you know, personally,
yes. 

933
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:35,280
Exactly. 
And we know there's people that 

934
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:37,080
we've spoken to in Shropshire 
that haven't had the same 

935
00:45:37,080 --> 00:45:40,080
experience, no. 
For me, for us, it's worked 

936
00:45:40,160 --> 00:45:43,720
relatively well. 
It was just the time that was 

937
00:45:43,720 --> 00:45:45,440
the issue. 
So the, the things were in 

938
00:45:45,440 --> 00:45:49,800
place, but the, the time and the
fact that we had to like force 

939
00:45:49,800 --> 00:45:54,920
him into a mainstream nursery, 
knowing he'd struggle leaving 

940
00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:57,880
him there, knowing he's going to
be having a hard time not 

941
00:45:57,880 --> 00:45:59,600
understanding why we've left 
him. 

942
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:02,960
We had to do that. 
Everybody involved knew it 

943
00:46:02,960 --> 00:46:05,680
wasn't going to work, but we had
to do that as a, as a proof, as 

944
00:46:05,680 --> 00:46:08,120
a box ticket exercise 
essentially that that's the bit 

945
00:46:08,120 --> 00:46:11,240
that really that's where most of
the tears were sat in me and 

946
00:46:11,240 --> 00:46:14,520
Mitch just sat in the car. 
When you know this is going to 

947
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:17,880
fail literally from the start, 
but you've still got to put your

948
00:46:17,880 --> 00:46:20,440
child through it, Yeah. 
Yeah, that was the rough. 

949
00:46:20,960 --> 00:46:26,720
I think for me it's I didn't 
realise this, I was just kind of

950
00:46:26,720 --> 00:46:29,080
thinking about it the other day.
This is a cathartic episode. 

951
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:29,720
This is a. 
Really. 

952
00:46:29,720 --> 00:46:30,800
Yeah, this is. 
I think this is a. 

953
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:35,000
Fucking cathartic one this is. 
Sorry, in the early days, you 

954
00:46:35,000 --> 00:46:38,520
know, all the paperwork that you
had from kind of applying for 

955
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:42,480
this, applying for that, 
liaising with, I don't know, 

956
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:45,600
speech therapy, doing the EHCP 
application. 

957
00:46:46,240 --> 00:46:53,200
It was just repeating Lydia's 
story again and again and again 

958
00:46:54,120 --> 00:46:56,600
to different people. 
I'm going to see the paediatric 

959
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:59,440
consultant, right? 
Let's repeat the entire story 

960
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:01,440
again. 
I'm going to go see a nursery. 

961
00:47:01,440 --> 00:47:03,200
I have to repeat the entire 
story again. 

962
00:47:03,640 --> 00:47:06,480
It's that just constant 
hammering early on going. 

963
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:10,400
I have to say this so many times
that my child is different and 

964
00:47:10,600 --> 00:47:13,840
this is where what I'm concerned
and just constantly having to do

965
00:47:13,840 --> 00:47:16,560
that. 
So I think it's it's, it's just 

966
00:47:16,560 --> 00:47:20,000
repeating it. 
The EHC Patience and persistence

967
00:47:20,000 --> 00:47:21,760
as well. 
Yeah, and the EHCP and like 

968
00:47:21,760 --> 00:47:27,480
DLADLA is probably the worst. 
EHCP was a lot of, you know, 

969
00:47:29,240 --> 00:47:31,880
describing your kids situation, 
how they are and how they're 

970
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:36,040
not, but the DLA was. 
Yeah, DLA was a lot of just, 

971
00:47:36,280 --> 00:47:40,440
yeah, just hammering home how 
how fucking hard life is going 

972
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:43,840
to be. 
Yeah, and and I, we, the first 

973
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:47,960
time we filled in it, it was 
rejected because essentially 

974
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:52,520
we'd, we didn't want to describe
subconsciously, we didn't want 

975
00:47:52,520 --> 00:47:55,960
to say how bad it was. 
Well, we were then we were then 

976
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:57,800
doing him a disservice because 
we weren't getting him the 

977
00:47:57,800 --> 00:48:00,840
support he deserves because we 
didn't want to admit how shit 

978
00:48:00,840 --> 00:48:03,880
things were. 
So we ended up going to this a 

979
00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:05,400
4U. 
Yeah, I've heard of them. 

980
00:48:05,400 --> 00:48:05,800
Yeah. 
Yeah, we. 

981
00:48:06,120 --> 00:48:08,680
Went to a 4U and and the lady 
there, she was lovely. 

982
00:48:08,680 --> 00:48:11,920
It's a, it's a charity where 
they, they kind of help you fill

983
00:48:11,920 --> 00:48:17,640
in the HCPS and DLAS. 
And she was like, listen, like 

984
00:48:18,680 --> 00:48:21,360
you've described to me what your
days are like and this is what 

985
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:23,320
you've put on this form. 
They don't match. 

986
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:26,880
It was like, you need to fill 
this in like it's your worst 

987
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:31,800
day, like your kids worst day. 
And it's kind of getting those 

988
00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:35,040
little bits of advice early on 
when it comes to support that 

989
00:48:35,040 --> 00:48:37,360
you deserve the support. 
Like there's also this guilt 

990
00:48:37,680 --> 00:48:41,360
around, like I'm getting money 
out of the system because it's 

991
00:48:41,360 --> 00:48:42,760
like. 
It's, it's difficult like, you 

992
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:46,480
know, if you're one of those, 
like you've paid into the system

993
00:48:46,480 --> 00:48:49,520
all your life, but you just, I 
don't know why it is, though. 

994
00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:51,000
Is it because there's been so 
many stigma? 

995
00:48:51,040 --> 00:48:52,480
Isn't. 
It yeah, is it the stigmas 

996
00:48:52,480 --> 00:48:55,080
because there used to be so many
programmes about or benefits 

997
00:48:55,080 --> 00:48:58,280
cheats and you're not deserving 
of this, but you're claiming it 

998
00:48:58,280 --> 00:49:02,760
the old osser and it's yeah and 
it's having to admit a change of

999
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:06,080
thinking like now this is what 
I've paid into the system for 

1000
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:08,880
for the past 25 this is exactly 
what I've paid into the. 

1001
00:49:08,880 --> 00:49:11,960
System for if this happens, it's
when we pay into the system, 

1002
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:13,960
it's an insurance policy. 
Essentially you're paying into 

1003
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:15,760
an insurance policy in case the 
shit, it's the fan. 

1004
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:17,920
And when you have a kid with 
additional needs, the shit has 

1005
00:49:17,920 --> 00:49:19,720
hit the fan. 
So yeah. 

1006
00:49:19,720 --> 00:49:23,000
Or the Bannister or the window 
sill or everywhere else. 

1007
00:49:23,080 --> 00:49:28,720
Yeah. 
And in terms of kind of that 

1008
00:49:28,720 --> 00:49:32,200
that kind of you touched upon it
there that the applying for 

1009
00:49:32,200 --> 00:49:35,320
stuff, but then the time 
difference in Oh yeah, we'll get

1010
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:38,360
back to you in six months or, 
you know, for the assessment for

1011
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:41,440
for autism, unfortunately 
there's a nine month delay and 

1012
00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:44,960
you know, it'd be like, how do 
you stay calm? 

1013
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:47,520
Yeah, because like me. 
When that happens, because you 

1014
00:49:47,520 --> 00:49:49,160
still got to carry on, haven't. 
You, you've got to crack on, 

1015
00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:51,360
yeah. 
That's difficult. 

1016
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:53,560
I can't. 
Do you know what? 

1017
00:49:53,560 --> 00:49:59,440
I can't even remember how we did
it, but you just have to do it. 

1018
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:01,680
It's a bit like when people say,
like you said earlier, like when

1019
00:50:01,680 --> 00:50:04,960
people say, oh, you must have 
been chosen to have this kid. 

1020
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:07,160
Like now I just don't have any 
choice. 

1021
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:08,880
I've just got to get through it.
I. 

1022
00:50:09,200 --> 00:50:10,120
Suppose you don't have any 
choice. 

1023
00:50:10,160 --> 00:50:12,080
If there's a delay, do. 
You, no, exactly. 

1024
00:50:12,240 --> 00:50:15,000
You just you just got to you 
just got to wait and and hope 

1025
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:16,920
that and I'm always guilty of 
this. 

1026
00:50:16,920 --> 00:50:20,000
It it like Mitch will say, 
listen, we haven't heard back 

1027
00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:21,720
from such and such like you need
to chase it up. 

1028
00:50:22,000 --> 00:50:24,360
I always have a way too much 
faith in the system. 

1029
00:50:24,360 --> 00:50:26,040
I'm always like, listen, 
everyone's doing their job, 

1030
00:50:26,560 --> 00:50:28,800
it'll come. 
And then you make a phone call, 

1031
00:50:28,800 --> 00:50:31,280
whether it's to do with a 
referral for, you know, from the

1032
00:50:31,280 --> 00:50:33,280
NHS and we'll ring up and go, 
oh, they haven't put the 

1033
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:35,760
referral through me like. 
We've had that, yeah. 

1034
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:38,440
It's been like, you might have 
left it like 3 months past when 

1035
00:50:38,440 --> 00:50:41,520
they should have, you know? 
So I'm, I'm terrible for that. 

1036
00:50:41,600 --> 00:50:43,160
Yeah. 
And I think the other thing that

1037
00:50:44,800 --> 00:50:48,640
you've got to remember as well 
is progress with your kid 

1038
00:50:49,800 --> 00:50:52,600
doesn't always happen in an 
educational setting. 

1039
00:50:52,600 --> 00:50:55,720
It happens at home as well. 
So even if you are waiting for 

1040
00:50:56,160 --> 00:50:58,840
our contact with, I don't know, 
speech therapy or whatever the 

1041
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:02,040
case may be, it's like 
everything that happens 

1042
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:04,240
day-to-day, there's still 
progress taking place. 

1043
00:51:04,240 --> 00:51:05,640
Like you, you made a really good
point. 

1044
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:09,680
Like before you got the AAC 
device, you, you saw what was 

1045
00:51:09,680 --> 00:51:12,920
happening with, with Thomas and 
you went out and then go, right.

1046
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:15,040
You know, it's a summer holiday.
He's making progress. 

1047
00:51:15,040 --> 00:51:16,720
We need to act now. 
Yeah, why we're waiting. 

1048
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:19,640
And and you did and it's paid 
dividends. 

1049
00:51:20,920 --> 00:51:23,520
Oh God, yeah. 
So I think that's a really 

1050
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:28,120
important thing to to kind of 
bear in mind as well. 

1051
00:51:30,240 --> 00:51:34,000
How do you involve your child's 
voice in decisions even if 

1052
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:37,120
they're non verbal? 
How do you what say that? 

1053
00:51:37,120 --> 00:51:40,040
Again, involve your child voice 
in decisions. 

1054
00:51:40,040 --> 00:51:43,760
OK, well, I said, do you know 
what? 

1055
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:46,640
Again, like the world revolves 
around our kids a lot of the 

1056
00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:48,960
time, doesn't it? 
Doesn't, it's not like. 

1057
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:54,600
And again, I mean, that question
is probably more aimed at older 

1058
00:51:54,600 --> 00:51:58,680
kids. 
But for Thomas, any choices 

1059
00:51:59,040 --> 00:52:01,560
aren't like, listen, where 
should we all go today? 

1060
00:52:02,120 --> 00:52:03,640
It's like, where do you want to 
go today? 

1061
00:52:05,720 --> 00:52:09,600
Because ultimately everything's 
about him. 

1062
00:52:10,280 --> 00:52:11,520
If he's there, everything's 
about him. 

1063
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:13,480
Even if you've got to go do a 
food shop and it'll be the same 

1064
00:52:13,480 --> 00:52:15,160
for you guys. 
If you anything you've got to do

1065
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:18,400
in a day, if if they're with 
you, you need to incorporate 

1066
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:23,080
something into that journey of 
the day where they get to do 

1067
00:52:23,080 --> 00:52:26,640
something they want. 
We rarely give him choices on 

1068
00:52:26,640 --> 00:52:29,720
location just Cos normally he'll
pick the one. 

1069
00:52:29,720 --> 00:52:32,880
You don't think you might plan a
day to the beach and you're like

1070
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:36,040
beach or Nana's, which is 30 
seconds up the road and he's 

1071
00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:38,200
like, let's go Nana's and you're
like, we literally just parked 

1072
00:52:38,200 --> 00:52:41,920
the car for the beach. 
No, that's a fairpoint. 

1073
00:52:41,920 --> 00:52:44,920
Yeah, everything is does revolve
about around them, doesn't it? 

1074
00:52:44,920 --> 00:52:47,680
It literally does. 
That's something we all take for

1075
00:52:47,680 --> 00:52:49,520
granted as well. 
Sometimes I think it's only when

1076
00:52:49,520 --> 00:52:51,520
other people kind of have a 
conversation, say, what's your 

1077
00:52:51,520 --> 00:52:53,080
daily routine like? 
What do you guys normally do at 

1078
00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:55,520
the weekend? 
A lot of people when when you 

1079
00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:57,760
ask, say what you're going to do
for the weekend, your answer a 

1080
00:52:57,760 --> 00:53:01,080
lot of the time is probably 
going to be everything to do 

1081
00:53:01,080 --> 00:53:05,200
with your kid. 
And some people might, you know,

1082
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:09,560
with typical kids would be like,
oh, oh, you literally don't get 

1083
00:53:09,560 --> 00:53:11,120
to do anything for yourself. 
Yeah. 

1084
00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:13,960
And even if you do your kids 
with you because other people 

1085
00:53:13,960 --> 00:53:17,320
can't have them for you. 
Yeah, and if you do something 

1086
00:53:17,320 --> 00:53:19,600
without the kid, it's like a 
military operation that takes a 

1087
00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:23,840
month into planning to actually 
find some sort of childcare and.

1088
00:53:23,960 --> 00:53:25,400
And you still don't stop 
thinking about your kid. 

1089
00:53:25,400 --> 00:53:26,080
No, no, no. 
You're. 

1090
00:53:26,080 --> 00:53:27,440
Messaging the person that's got 
them going. 

1091
00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:28,560
Everything all right? 
What's going on? 

1092
00:53:28,760 --> 00:53:29,960
Everything fine? 
Are they asleep yet? 

1093
00:53:30,040 --> 00:53:31,240
They're still awake. 
Why are they still awake? 

1094
00:53:31,720 --> 00:53:34,120
I think sooner myself. 
We managed to go out for a 

1095
00:53:34,120 --> 00:53:35,400
Sunday lunch a couple of weeks 
ago. 

1096
00:53:35,440 --> 00:53:39,760
Yeah, and it took about, you 
know, it was, it was slightly 

1097
00:53:39,760 --> 00:53:43,040
off the cuff and just like 
getting in touch with various 

1098
00:53:43,040 --> 00:53:44,160
people. 
Can you just look after Lydia 

1099
00:53:44,160 --> 00:53:49,080
for a couple of hours and and 
Celine's son Will looked after 

1100
00:53:49,080 --> 00:53:50,480
him. 
And I think we just sat down, 

1101
00:53:50,480 --> 00:53:53,280
just ordered the food. 
And then he takes going, oh, you

1102
00:53:53,280 --> 00:53:55,080
need to come home. 
She's kicking off. 

1103
00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:57,400
So it's. 
Just how old is he? 

1104
00:53:58,160 --> 00:54:00,080
Coming up to 16, very close to 
16. 

1105
00:54:00,080 --> 00:54:02,960
Yeah, yeah. 
I mean, we were only kind of 500

1106
00:54:02,960 --> 00:54:05,600
metres up the road, so wasn't 
too far away. 

1107
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:07,240
I was just like, Bah, that's 
difficult. 

1108
00:54:07,440 --> 00:54:09,600
And The thing is even like a 
couple of hours that that would 

1109
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:14,360
actually, that would be huge. 
Like for some people, they just,

1110
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:17,800
that's all they need. 
I just need a little bit of time

1111
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:20,440
away just to kind of reset 
again. 

1112
00:54:20,440 --> 00:54:22,840
Keep saying reset, but yeah, 
sometimes that's all it takes. 

1113
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:24,480
But then you couldn't even have 
that before. 

1114
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:26,680
Yeah, I mean, we did. 
We did stay in and finish. 

1115
00:54:27,160 --> 00:54:28,160
We finished a. 
Meltdown. 

1116
00:54:28,160 --> 00:54:29,200
A meltdown. 
Deal with it. 

1117
00:54:29,240 --> 00:54:31,520
Yeah, dinner. 
The frustrating thing is like, 

1118
00:54:31,520 --> 00:54:33,040
we we finished the food, got 
there. 

1119
00:54:33,040 --> 00:54:35,240
Then he takes back in just as 
we're about to walk through the 

1120
00:54:35,240 --> 00:54:36,920
door because don't worry, she's 
fallen asleep. 

1121
00:54:37,480 --> 00:54:40,080
I was like, OK. 
Did you go back out and have a 

1122
00:54:40,080 --> 00:54:42,000
dessert? 
No, no, we just made use of the 

1123
00:54:42,000 --> 00:54:46,240
quiet, which meant tidying up 
and everything along those lines

1124
00:54:46,240 --> 00:54:48,640
there. 
This is a good one, obviously. 

1125
00:54:48,920 --> 00:54:51,280
What's your child's special 
interests and how do you join in

1126
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:55,480
with it? 
Spelling, in case anybody 

1127
00:54:55,480 --> 00:54:59,000
doesn't know, that's literally 
all he does now it used to be it

1128
00:54:59,000 --> 00:55:04,040
was traffic signs and now it's 
spelling everything insight, 

1129
00:55:05,080 --> 00:55:07,040
which obviously I think's 
amazing. 

1130
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:10,480
So yeah, I mean a lot. 
I say it's got the iPad 8. 

1131
00:55:11,000 --> 00:55:12,840
I'll say listen mate, do you 
want to do some spelling mate? 

1132
00:55:12,840 --> 00:55:15,440
It's just no, I keep having to 
tell myself like it's not that 

1133
00:55:15,440 --> 00:55:19,720
long ago. 
We, we, we spell car 8 and like 

1134
00:55:19,720 --> 00:55:22,160
now I can go up to him and go, 
hi, mate, do you want to do some

1135
00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:25,760
spelling? 
And he then spells spelling and 

1136
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:27,600
then I'm like, OK, mate, can you
spell elephant? 

1137
00:55:27,600 --> 00:55:31,720
And he's like and just types it 
out and you're just like, how is

1138
00:55:31,720 --> 00:55:33,320
this happening so quick? 
So you're just kind of asking 

1139
00:55:33,320 --> 00:55:36,000
quick, like asking spell this, 
spell that what he'll do is. 

1140
00:55:36,080 --> 00:55:38,200
You'll say you'll say, can you 
spell this? 

1141
00:55:38,200 --> 00:55:39,600
And he'll do it. 
And then if you don't say 

1142
00:55:39,600 --> 00:55:42,400
another word, it'll like give 
you a little give me another 

1143
00:55:42,400 --> 00:55:44,320
one. 
Like there's like a dopey, I 

1144
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:46,840
think you must be getting like I
imagine, right. 

1145
00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:53,280
If if you get all the way to 6, 
for example, and and the only 

1146
00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:56,880
dopamine you'll get in is from 
yourself. 

1147
00:55:58,080 --> 00:56:01,000
When you get to a point where 
you can interact, where somebody

1148
00:56:01,000 --> 00:56:04,200
can ask you a question and you 
get it right. 

1149
00:56:05,560 --> 00:56:09,400
Like that must be so nice 
because our kids, the babies, 

1150
00:56:09,440 --> 00:56:12,680
like we're gradually toddlers. 
They get that, they get that 

1151
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:16,880
over time, whether it's learning
to count to 10 or gradually they

1152
00:56:16,880 --> 00:56:19,920
get, they get that. 
But then suddenly Thomas is at 

1153
00:56:19,920 --> 00:56:22,960
like 6 and he's like, oh, this 
is nice. 

1154
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:25,960
Like I'm getting a little 
dopamine reward in the head. 

1155
00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:27,720
Asked me to spell this. 
I'll go like spell daddy. 

1156
00:56:27,720 --> 00:56:29,480
And he's like, that's easy. 
Give me another one. 

1157
00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:31,960
And you're like. 
Hey, and it's nice because he's 

1158
00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:34,760
actually, he's interacting as 
well, isn't he? 

1159
00:56:34,840 --> 00:56:38,320
Yeah, yeah, he's getting joy 
from from interacting with you 

1160
00:56:38,320 --> 00:56:41,680
and Mish as part of this now 
dopamine hit of you asking him 

1161
00:56:41,680 --> 00:56:44,480
to spell this. 
So rather than him just being by

1162
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:47,640
himself and it's now right. 
Oh great, I can share this with 

1163
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:50,120
somebody else. 
And it's it's, it must be so 

1164
00:56:50,120 --> 00:56:51,640
nice to. 
It's that it's that way in. 

1165
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:52,760
What about? 
What about you? 

1166
00:56:54,720 --> 00:56:57,320
Lydia doesn't have. 
Special interest. 

1167
00:56:57,320 --> 00:57:00,840
Special interest. 
So I think the only way we can't

1168
00:57:00,840 --> 00:57:02,320
do that is that interactive 
play, isn't it? 

1169
00:57:02,320 --> 00:57:06,920
It's just immersing myself in, 
in, you know, in her world. 

1170
00:57:06,920 --> 00:57:09,080
You know, sometimes she'll come 
over and just put her hands out.

1171
00:57:09,080 --> 00:57:11,880
We know that she just wants to 
hold her, hold her hands and 

1172
00:57:11,880 --> 00:57:14,400
she'll lean back as far as she. 
Can pull her back in. 

1173
00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:16,680
And, and she loves that sort of 
thing. 

1174
00:57:16,680 --> 00:57:20,120
So it's stuff like that. 
She likes physical stuff. 

1175
00:57:20,480 --> 00:57:25,760
She's rough and tumble, you 
know, like I'll throw her up in 

1176
00:57:25,760 --> 00:57:28,400
the air onto the bed and, you 
know, she'll just land flat. 

1177
00:57:28,400 --> 00:57:31,560
Think it's hilarious and. 
Do you ever guess when you start

1178
00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:33,920
doing these games you then we 
should never start it because 

1179
00:57:33,920 --> 00:57:36,200
you have to keep doing it over 
and over and over and over and. 

1180
00:57:36,200 --> 00:57:37,320
Over. 
Yeah, there are times where I 

1181
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:40,600
go, oh, God, this is going to go
on for a while, isn't it? 

1182
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:42,640
So. 
And. 

1183
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:45,280
And it's like, you know, we said
last week and it once someone, a

1184
00:57:45,280 --> 00:57:47,720
kid brings you a pair of shoes, 
you've got to just yeah, you 

1185
00:57:47,720 --> 00:57:49,960
know, these moments are special.
So we just kind of carry on 

1186
00:57:49,960 --> 00:57:51,800
because I'll probably get to a 
stage where I won't be able to 

1187
00:57:51,800 --> 00:57:53,280
pick her up and shock her and 
I'll miss that. 

1188
00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:56,560
So yeah, we do that. 
There are times where I get told

1189
00:57:56,560 --> 00:57:57,840
off by Selena. 
Why? 

1190
00:57:58,120 --> 00:58:00,720
For doing that because she'll 
come out the shower, it'll be 

1191
00:58:00,720 --> 00:58:06,160
bedtime and I'll initiate a game
of just this sort of rough and 

1192
00:58:06,160 --> 00:58:08,320
tumble classic. 
Yeah. 

1193
00:58:08,320 --> 00:58:11,520
And she'll be like, yeah, she's 
not going to go to sleep now. 

1194
00:58:11,520 --> 00:58:15,280
And I'll be like, well, I'm off 
to the gym, see you later. 

1195
00:58:16,240 --> 00:58:18,040
So, yeah. 
But those are the kind of the 

1196
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,320
things we've we've, we've kind 
of Lydia just kind of throw 

1197
00:58:20,320 --> 00:58:23,720
myself in there and just, you 
know, do staff things, you know,

1198
00:58:23,720 --> 00:58:28,160
tickle her and she'll just like 
run away and then sometimes come

1199
00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:29,840
back. 
You've uploaded some really 

1200
00:58:29,840 --> 00:58:35,080
smiley photos of her recently. 
Yeah, yeah, she's, she's we went

1201
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:37,280
through again. 
Looking back over the last 

1202
00:58:37,280 --> 00:58:41,800
couple of years, I just, I just 
remembered I've got some, some 

1203
00:58:41,800 --> 00:58:45,760
fires of her which I've kept, 
which are really made me feel 

1204
00:58:45,760 --> 00:58:48,960
quite sad. 
Is that, you know, try and do a 

1205
00:58:48,960 --> 00:58:51,840
typical thing of like take your 
daughter to the park. 

1206
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:54,960
And I'd go to the park and 
there'd be like all the other 

1207
00:58:54,960 --> 00:58:57,360
families there with their kids. 
And I'd like put Lydia on a 

1208
00:58:57,360 --> 00:59:01,960
swing. 
And it was at the time where she

1209
00:59:01,960 --> 00:59:05,840
made zero eye contact. 
And I just remember like pushing

1210
00:59:05,840 --> 00:59:08,200
her on the swing. 
I wouldn't even see a smile or 

1211
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:10,800
anything. 
And I just remember thinking to 

1212
00:59:10,800 --> 00:59:14,840
myself and and saying to Selena,
she just looks vacant, like 

1213
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:17,320
there's nobody home. 
I don't even know if she's 

1214
00:59:17,320 --> 00:59:18,880
enjoying this. 
I'm just like going through the 

1215
00:59:18,880 --> 00:59:21,240
motions like and then like, this
is what you're supposed to be a 

1216
00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:23,240
kid, isn't it? 
Take it to a park and I'll be 

1217
00:59:23,240 --> 00:59:25,200
pushing on a swing and she'll 
just be like looking into the 

1218
00:59:25,200 --> 00:59:29,960
distance, like deadpan face. 
She wouldn't like be interested 

1219
00:59:29,960 --> 00:59:33,560
in a lot of the play equipment. 
She'll be more interested in 

1220
00:59:33,560 --> 00:59:38,640
the, the playground bark, just 
picking it up, dropping it, you 

1221
00:59:38,640 --> 00:59:42,880
know, putting it on the bottom 
of a slide rather than going on 

1222
00:59:42,880 --> 00:59:45,120
the slide. 
And I'd, you know, we'd have 

1223
00:59:45,120 --> 00:59:47,320
like 20 minutes there and then 
I'd go home and I'd just be 

1224
00:59:47,320 --> 00:59:50,080
like, was this a fun experience 
or not? 

1225
00:59:50,080 --> 00:59:56,320
And now she's like, she'll make 
eye contact, she'll like follow 

1226
00:59:56,320 --> 00:59:58,240
you across the room. 
She'll come up to you, look at 

1227
00:59:58,240 --> 01:00:00,720
your face, you know, straight in
the eyes. 

1228
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:02,600
And, and she'll when she laughs,
she looks at you. 

1229
01:00:02,600 --> 01:00:04,800
So she's like. 
Completely different to what it 

1230
01:00:04,800 --> 01:00:07,840
was a couple of years ago. 
But going back to the photos, my

1231
01:00:07,840 --> 01:00:11,840
my phone, for every nice photo 
I've got of her smiling, 

1232
01:00:12,280 --> 01:00:15,000
staring, I must have had to 
press that shutter about 50 

1233
01:00:15,000 --> 01:00:18,400
times to get that one photo of 
her looking at the camera all. 

1234
01:00:18,400 --> 01:00:20,600
Autism parents will know that 
where you're just kicking 

1235
01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:22,680
through. 
The camera, Oh, we got a good 

1236
01:00:22,680 --> 01:00:25,720
one Yeah, we've finally got one.
I'll delete the other 49 where 

1237
01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:27,280
she's just like looking 
everywhere else. 

1238
01:00:27,560 --> 01:00:28,920
I mean, we've got a school 
photos from. 

1239
01:00:29,640 --> 01:00:30,600
Oh, what were they like, by the 
way? 

1240
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:34,120
Sevendale, you know, beautiful 
uniform, lovely background. 

1241
01:00:34,400 --> 01:00:38,440
I think they, they sent us two 
photos and they were just a very

1242
01:00:38,440 --> 01:00:41,720
kind of looking like her eyes 
are somewhere else. 

1243
01:00:42,960 --> 01:00:47,360
We just said, you know, we took 
a photo on the first day, which 

1244
01:00:47,360 --> 01:00:49,440
she's got a lovely uniform on 
everything else like that, as 

1245
01:00:49,440 --> 01:00:52,640
most parents do on their first 
day of school and out. 

1246
01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:53,720
Yeah. 
Took 50 photos. 

1247
01:00:53,720 --> 01:00:55,280
One of her staring nicely at the
camera. 

1248
01:00:55,280 --> 01:00:56,880
Yeah. 
We thought we'll just stick with

1249
01:00:56,880 --> 01:00:57,240
that. 
Yeah. 

1250
01:00:57,320 --> 01:00:59,640
Yeah. 
So, yeah, that's something that 

1251
01:00:59,680 --> 01:01:02,000
that that comes up. 
But yeah, it's interesting. 

1252
01:01:02,000 --> 01:01:03,240
I forgot about that looking 
back. 

1253
01:01:03,240 --> 01:01:05,600
Yeah, yeah. 
We, we just the stuff like that,

1254
01:01:05,600 --> 01:01:07,040
we've. 
Got like the folder of all of 

1255
01:01:07,040 --> 01:01:10,480
the, all of the videos and 
photos, like I always say to 

1256
01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:12,960
people like get evidence. 
If you're early on in the, you 

1257
01:01:12,960 --> 01:01:16,960
know, the diagnosis journey, get
evidence, photos and videos of 

1258
01:01:16,960 --> 01:01:19,960
stuff that your kids doing. 
And we've still got that folder 

1259
01:01:20,000 --> 01:01:22,200
on our iPhones. 
So you go in there every now and

1260
01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:25,440
then and you look at the things 
that you were using as evidence 

1261
01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:27,960
for the autism, and it's quite 
jarring. 

1262
01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:29,920
Yeah. 
You're like God. 

1263
01:01:29,960 --> 01:01:33,200
Like you think of where they are
now and where they were where 

1264
01:01:33,480 --> 01:01:36,880
like nothing of interest apart 
from spinning a a a a fidget 

1265
01:01:36,880 --> 01:01:40,560
spinner, just staring and like 
the deadpan face. 

1266
01:01:40,560 --> 01:01:43,680
Just like like life was bringing
them 0 enjoyment. 

1267
01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:46,960
Yeah, and it was rubbing on and 
rubbing off and you as yes as 

1268
01:01:46,960 --> 01:01:47,400
well. 
Yeah. 

1269
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:48,720
Do you think why what we're 
doing wrong? 

1270
01:01:48,720 --> 01:01:51,680
Like my my kid has 0 enjoyment 
in life. 

1271
01:01:51,680 --> 01:01:52,760
It's. 
Probably that stage when you're 

1272
01:01:52,760 --> 01:01:54,960
going through that limbo of 
trying to get your head round 

1273
01:01:54,960 --> 01:01:58,520
it, accept it, and then 
surrounded by happy, glorious 

1274
01:01:58,520 --> 01:02:02,520
kids, yeah, just loving life, 
parents, you know, who are 

1275
01:02:02,520 --> 01:02:04,080
enjoying it. 
But then there's a part of me 

1276
01:02:04,080 --> 01:02:06,000
sometimes I look at some parents
and I just look at them going, 

1277
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:08,960
oh, you don't know how fucking 
lucky you are. 

1278
01:02:08,960 --> 01:02:10,320
You're not really like I look at
them. 

1279
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:14,360
I'd be a bit pissed off going 
your kids fucking also having a 

1280
01:02:14,360 --> 01:02:17,160
great time interacting with you,
coming back and going, oh, look 

1281
01:02:17,160 --> 01:02:18,600
at this, look at this. 
And you're getting a little bit 

1282
01:02:18,600 --> 01:02:20,640
annoyed going. 
I'm trying to have my coffee 

1283
01:02:20,640 --> 01:02:22,040
here at soft play. 
Leave me alone. 

1284
01:02:22,040 --> 01:02:23,840
Go over there and play with 
Cuthbert or whatever it is. 

1285
01:02:24,400 --> 01:02:27,240
And I'd just be looking at them.
Yeah, I should be looking at 

1286
01:02:27,240 --> 01:02:29,600
them going, you know, I'd 
fucking give anything for Lydia 

1287
01:02:29,600 --> 01:02:32,320
to to run up and go, Dad, look 
at this, look at this, come play

1288
01:02:32,320 --> 01:02:33,960
with me. 
And, you know, she'd just be 

1289
01:02:34,320 --> 01:02:37,400
like in soft play, just sat 
there like. 

1290
01:02:38,560 --> 01:02:40,840
Yeah, it's just it's mad. 
Found maybe a piece of dirt on 

1291
01:02:40,840 --> 01:02:42,880
the floor and just be more 
interested in that than than 

1292
01:02:42,880 --> 01:02:44,480
everything else that's. 
Around yeah Thomas took a while 

1293
01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:47,040
to get into soft play yeah, very
much like we'd just sit with you

1294
01:02:47,040 --> 01:02:49,360
when you're having a coffee he'd
just sit there with his iPad and

1295
01:02:49,360 --> 01:02:51,520
just eat his food and. 
These were probably the times 

1296
01:02:51,520 --> 01:02:53,560
where before we knew there were 
SEND groups. 

1297
01:02:53,600 --> 01:02:55,520
Yeah, yeah, SEND events. 
It was just like you'd be 

1298
01:02:55,520 --> 01:02:58,080
surrounded by neurotypical kids 
and they'll just hammer home 

1299
01:02:58,080 --> 01:03:00,240
even more like how different 
your life is. 

1300
01:03:00,240 --> 01:03:02,440
Going to I do love, I do love 
the send sessions where you 

1301
01:03:02,440 --> 01:03:06,400
could just, you could just take 
noises to kids to make it just 

1302
01:03:06,400 --> 01:03:11,000
random little like noises. 
Weirdly quiet as well. 

1303
01:03:11,480 --> 01:03:13,360
There's not like loads of 
screaming, no. 

1304
01:03:13,520 --> 01:03:18,520
It's just like, yeah, yeah. 
Or whistling or like what is 

1305
01:03:18,520 --> 01:03:20,360
going on when you're looking at 
the parents and everyone's just 

1306
01:03:20,360 --> 01:03:21,920
kind of. 
It's like being in the jungle, 

1307
01:03:21,920 --> 01:03:24,280
you just get these random noises
that sort of pop up, yeah. 

1308
01:03:24,280 --> 01:03:25,440
Everyone's just looking at each 
other like. 

1309
01:03:25,440 --> 01:03:26,480
Vinyl. 
But what I quite like about the 

1310
01:03:26,480 --> 01:03:30,520
sessions now is no one batters 
an eyelid. 

1311
01:03:30,560 --> 01:03:32,320
You just sit there and the 
parents are so chill. 

1312
01:03:32,320 --> 01:03:33,920
Yeah, yeah. 
Because the kids have got to a 

1313
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:36,840
certain age and they're like, 
yeah, they're fucking autistic 

1314
01:03:36,840 --> 01:03:38,560
or sad or whatever additional 
need. 

1315
01:03:38,560 --> 01:03:40,600
And they're just like, yeah, 
we'll just take it on our 

1316
01:03:40,600 --> 01:03:42,480
stride. 
Yeah, what's the worst that can 

1317
01:03:42,480 --> 01:03:44,320
happen? 
You know, they're all good. 

1318
01:03:44,320 --> 01:03:47,560
So they're just running around. 
I think those those kind of 

1319
01:03:47,760 --> 01:03:50,880
those sense sessions like even 
at really early on would be like

1320
01:03:50,920 --> 01:03:52,520
Megavite. 
In fact, it was a bit like what 

1321
01:03:52,520 --> 01:03:54,520
we were talking about, you know,
last week. 

1322
01:03:54,520 --> 01:03:59,560
But I imagine if I had something
like that, people to be around 

1323
01:03:59,560 --> 01:04:02,600
that got it really early on when
it's really difficult. 

1324
01:04:02,760 --> 01:04:05,000
Yeah, not necessarily because 
your kids are difficult, but 

1325
01:04:05,000 --> 01:04:06,520
just because emotionally you're 
struggling. 

1326
01:04:06,520 --> 01:04:09,720
Yeah. 
Being able to see people in it 

1327
01:04:09,760 --> 01:04:12,440
when the kids are a few years 
older, like you say, just 

1328
01:04:12,440 --> 01:04:15,840
chilling, vibing, and you'd be 
like, like, I would have liked 

1329
01:04:15,840 --> 01:04:17,120
to have seen that. 
I'd have liked to have been 

1330
01:04:17,120 --> 01:04:18,240
around. 
That probably would have helped 

1331
01:04:18,240 --> 01:04:19,240
me a lot. 
Yeah. 

1332
01:04:19,800 --> 01:04:22,480
Well, we've said many times in 
the early days, you, you think 

1333
01:04:22,480 --> 01:04:24,720
you're in that bubble. 
You think you're the only one 

1334
01:04:24,720 --> 01:04:27,160
that's got an autistic? 
Kid and it like you, you know 

1335
01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:30,800
the first time we we probably 
met was that Birmingham Airport 

1336
01:04:30,800 --> 01:04:33,120
and that Costa Coffee, you know,
waiting for the flight to Paris 

1337
01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:34,920
so we could do that half 
marathon. 

1338
01:04:34,920 --> 01:04:38,440
We were having a it was like a 
four hour conversation, wasn't 

1339
01:04:38,440 --> 01:04:41,520
it? 
We were like, shit you, you do 

1340
01:04:41,520 --> 01:04:43,400
that you. 
And I was like, I thought I was 

1341
01:04:43,400 --> 01:04:45,320
the only person going. 
And I was like, we would, we 

1342
01:04:45,320 --> 01:04:47,760
mentioned poo a lot. 
But I said to you, oh, she does 

1343
01:04:47,760 --> 01:04:49,360
this with poo. 
And you're like, Oh my God, 

1344
01:04:49,360 --> 01:04:52,120
yeah, Thomas does that. 
And I was like, I I thought I 

1345
01:04:52,120 --> 01:04:53,240
was the only one. 
I wasn't telling. 

1346
01:04:53,240 --> 01:04:54,360
Anybody. 
It's not a conversation you're 

1347
01:04:54,360 --> 01:04:55,000
going to have, is it? 
Yeah. 

1348
01:04:55,000 --> 01:04:58,120
I can't tell my friends at work 
or, you know, people outside and

1349
01:04:58,120 --> 01:04:59,800
just go, Oh yeah, Lydia did 
this. 

1350
01:04:59,800 --> 01:05:02,160
They'd be like, I just got 
worried about what the erection 

1351
01:05:02,160 --> 01:05:03,200
was. 
And then you're just like, oh, 

1352
01:05:03,720 --> 01:05:05,480
yeah, yeah, yeah, that's, that's
normal. 

1353
01:05:05,880 --> 01:05:07,360
Yeah. 
It's crazy, isn't it? 

1354
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:09,800
Crazy thinking about it like 
that. 

1355
01:05:09,800 --> 01:05:15,400
But what has Thomas taught you 
about life or patience? 

1356
01:05:18,000 --> 01:05:19,320
Do you know what? 
Life's too short. 

1357
01:05:19,360 --> 01:05:21,320
That's probably what I've learnt
about life. 

1358
01:05:22,560 --> 01:05:24,280
Yeah. 
It's give me a rocket up my 

1359
01:05:24,280 --> 01:05:27,160
arse. 
Appreciate life more. 

1360
01:05:28,160 --> 01:05:31,960
Appreciate. 
Yeah. 

1361
01:05:31,960 --> 01:05:34,200
Appreciate how short life is, 
because it is. 

1362
01:05:34,200 --> 01:05:35,880
It's super short, like I think 
now. 

1363
01:05:35,880 --> 01:05:39,120
And life gets shorter when 
you've got kids anyway. 

1364
01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:45,440
Like, I used to remember even in
my like, early 30s, and I had 

1365
01:05:45,440 --> 01:05:50,240
Aiden then that he was typical 
and, like, time didn't seem to 

1366
01:05:50,240 --> 01:05:54,280
be going that fast. 
But then since Thomas, like, 

1367
01:05:54,320 --> 01:05:57,800
it's ramped up something silly. 
I feel like Christmas was like a

1368
01:05:58,040 --> 01:06:00,840
couple of months ago and it's 
nearly back around again. 

1369
01:06:02,280 --> 01:06:06,080
And yeah, patience, you know, 
you can't not be patient when 

1370
01:06:06,080 --> 01:06:08,560
you've got, you know, a kid with
additional needs. 

1371
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:14,880
I think they're the. 
It's taught me that the real 

1372
01:06:14,880 --> 01:06:17,400
patient isn't about waiting 
anymore. 

1373
01:06:17,400 --> 01:06:20,960
It's, it's about accepting the 
pace of life that we've got at 

1374
01:06:20,960 --> 01:06:26,560
the moment. 
And it's, yeah, it's, it's, it's

1375
01:06:26,560 --> 01:06:30,160
finding beauty in I guess the 
small moments and realising that

1376
01:06:30,440 --> 01:06:33,240
progress is, is measured 
differently. 

1377
01:06:33,440 --> 01:06:36,400
It's kind of measured with love,
with, you know, autistic kids. 

1378
01:06:37,240 --> 01:06:41,720
It's slightly different. 
But yeah, it's, if I've said it 

1379
01:06:41,720 --> 01:06:43,440
many times, like I said to 
Selena, like I can't believe 

1380
01:06:43,440 --> 01:06:46,800
she's 4 1/2 and I just want to 
pause this bit and just, you 

1381
01:06:46,800 --> 01:06:48,720
know, be happy. 
I'd, I'd pause it now and just 

1382
01:06:48,720 --> 01:06:53,360
say, oh, just stay like this. 
But yeah, it's just gone so 

1383
01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:56,560
quickly. 
I still don't know I I need I 

1384
01:06:56,560 --> 01:07:00,000
need to like meet a six year old
like I need to meet a typical 6 

1385
01:07:00,000 --> 01:07:03,280
year old because I have no clue 
what time I should be doing if 

1386
01:07:03,320 --> 01:07:06,600
it had it had even typical I 
haven't got a clue what I want 

1387
01:07:06,600 --> 01:07:09,360
to have a conversation with a 
six year old and just see what. 

1388
01:07:10,680 --> 01:07:12,840
Would that would that be a good 
thing or a bad thing? 

1389
01:07:12,840 --> 01:07:16,560
Would it be beneficial for you 
to know what a typical? 

1390
01:07:16,840 --> 01:07:19,320
I am so in love. 
With. 

1391
01:07:19,840 --> 01:07:23,240
His autism, I'm I literally I 
wouldn't be doing a like to like

1392
01:07:23,240 --> 01:07:25,080
comparison of where I wish he 
was. 

1393
01:07:25,080 --> 01:07:27,880
He wouldn't be that. 
I'm just like interested. 

1394
01:07:28,560 --> 01:07:30,960
I just want to see if I can hold
a conversation with a six year 

1395
01:07:30,960 --> 01:07:34,240
old and where it would go like 
what we would talk about because

1396
01:07:34,240 --> 01:07:36,200
just purely out purely out of 
interest. 

1397
01:07:36,960 --> 01:07:40,520
I think the more Thomas is 
finding his way, the less I 

1398
01:07:40,520 --> 01:07:43,320
feel. 
Yeah, like longing or missing 

1399
01:07:43,360 --> 01:07:43,800
out. 
Yeah. 

1400
01:07:43,920 --> 01:07:46,600
Exactly, like I've I've said a 
million times, as long as he can

1401
01:07:46,600 --> 01:07:49,600
communicate effectively in a way
that suits him, I'm OK. 

1402
01:07:49,600 --> 01:07:54,600
If he never speaks a single word
I genuinely don't give a shit. 

1403
01:07:55,120 --> 01:07:57,360
I don't care which a lot of 
parents early on in the journey 

1404
01:07:57,360 --> 01:07:59,840
would be like. 
What do you mean I I literally 

1405
01:07:59,840 --> 01:08:01,400
don't care. 
And I I get that now. 

1406
01:08:01,520 --> 01:08:04,080
I've like that, that acceptance 
thing. 

1407
01:08:04,080 --> 01:08:06,800
Yeah, I'm fully accepted. 
What? 

1408
01:08:06,800 --> 01:08:09,280
Lydia. 
You know, Lydia is her needs, 

1409
01:08:09,280 --> 01:08:12,240
her autism, Everything else 
that's associated with it, I am.

1410
01:08:12,240 --> 01:08:14,640
So is it? 
Comfortable's not the right 

1411
01:08:14,640 --> 01:08:18,200
word, but it's. 
It is what it is. 

1412
01:08:18,560 --> 01:08:20,120
I'm not going to change it. 
There's no point me stressing 

1413
01:08:20,120 --> 01:08:21,600
about it. 
Yeah, I'm content with it. 

1414
01:08:23,319 --> 01:08:25,000
I don't sit there longing 
anymore. 

1415
01:08:26,479 --> 01:08:28,160
That's not a lie. 
There might be the odd day where

1416
01:08:28,240 --> 01:08:29,160
I just go. 
Rough day. 

1417
01:08:29,359 --> 01:08:31,479
Yeah, this has been a rough day.
Or why me again? 

1418
01:08:31,479 --> 01:08:33,800
Give my head a little wobble 
back in the game. 

1419
01:08:33,800 --> 01:08:34,479
That sort of thing. 
There. 

1420
01:08:36,080 --> 01:08:38,319
But yeah, I'm very much like 
this is Lydia. 

1421
01:08:38,319 --> 01:08:40,760
This is who she is. 
Yeah, I'm, I'm happy with it. 

1422
01:08:40,840 --> 01:08:43,600
Yeah. 
I'll, I'll, you know, you know, 

1423
01:08:43,680 --> 01:08:47,479
I've said before, my my sister's
got a, a daughter that's 

1424
01:08:47,880 --> 01:08:50,439
literally 6 months older than 
than Lydia. 

1425
01:08:50,439 --> 01:08:53,720
And in the family group, I've 
seen the pictures of her going 

1426
01:08:53,720 --> 01:08:55,840
trick or treating, you know, 
dressed up. 

1427
01:08:56,000 --> 01:08:57,680
Yeah. 
Again, we were going to take him

1428
01:08:57,680 --> 01:08:59,000
like pumpkin picking. 
Yeah. 

1429
01:08:59,920 --> 01:09:04,840
But again, we were like, does 
Thomas want to get fucking? 

1430
01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:07,120
Yeah, well, this is. 
This is you got to go and I 

1431
01:09:07,240 --> 01:09:09,319
think actually I'm not that 
bothered about going if you 

1432
01:09:09,319 --> 01:09:11,800
think a few years want to go. 
Those sort of pictures that 

1433
01:09:11,800 --> 01:09:13,200
they'd come home, they'd sting a
little bit. 

1434
01:09:13,200 --> 01:09:14,840
You know, it's World Book Day. 
Yeah. 

1435
01:09:14,840 --> 01:09:16,800
Everything else like this on, 
you know, So, you know, having 

1436
01:09:16,800 --> 01:09:21,240
conversations and interacting 
with with me when she saw me 

1437
01:09:21,240 --> 01:09:23,160
last. 
And I'd be like, oh, this is 

1438
01:09:23,160 --> 01:09:24,600
like a reminder of what it could
have been. 

1439
01:09:24,600 --> 01:09:29,000
And it'll, you know, the live 
shit, isn't it very much now 

1440
01:09:29,000 --> 01:09:31,080
it's like, oh, I know she's 
fantastic, She's fantastic 

1441
01:09:31,080 --> 01:09:32,240
niece. 
She's she's bright. 

1442
01:09:32,960 --> 01:09:35,000
I'm genuinely like, yeah, you 
do. 

1443
01:09:35,279 --> 01:09:37,800
You do what you can and be as 
happy as you possibly can and 

1444
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:39,359
fulfil your dreams and 
everything else like that. 

1445
01:09:39,359 --> 01:09:43,080
And there's no kind of sounds 
bad, but there's no bitterness 

1446
01:09:43,080 --> 01:09:45,880
anymore or that kind of feeling.
No, I used to get real butt. 

1447
01:09:45,960 --> 01:09:46,399
Hurt. 
Yeah. 

1448
01:09:46,960 --> 01:09:48,920
Yeah. 
Seeing other kids doing well, I 

1449
01:09:48,920 --> 01:09:51,720
mean, what a thing to be, yeah, 
to get shitty about. 

1450
01:09:51,720 --> 01:09:54,480
I know it's really, I want 
everyone else to have feel what 

1451
01:09:54,480 --> 01:09:56,240
I'm feeling. 
Yeah, especially with children 

1452
01:09:56,240 --> 01:09:57,880
are involved. 
Oh, look at your look at your 

1453
01:09:57,880 --> 01:09:59,680
kid developing so normally. 
Yeah. 

1454
01:10:00,040 --> 01:10:00,480
What? 
What? 

1455
01:10:00,480 --> 01:10:02,920
How else would you say? 
When you say it out loud like 

1456
01:10:02,920 --> 01:10:05,000
that, it sounds bizarre. 
Yeah, it doesn't sound a 

1457
01:10:05,000 --> 01:10:06,960
completely. 
Bizarre thing to do, Go. 

1458
01:10:07,280 --> 01:10:08,400
Yeah. 
Oh, I wish. 

1459
01:10:09,360 --> 01:10:11,120
Nobody else was. 
Yeah, I wish. 

1460
01:10:11,240 --> 01:10:13,000
I wish you could could feel what
it was like to have a disabled 

1461
01:10:13,000 --> 01:10:14,320
child. 
Why would you want? 

1462
01:10:14,320 --> 01:10:16,640
That it's it's absolutely 
ludicrous. 

1463
01:10:16,640 --> 01:10:18,000
To say what can I rend this 
thing to say? 

1464
01:10:18,000 --> 01:10:20,640
But it goes through your head. 
Yeah, it, it generally goes 

1465
01:10:20,640 --> 01:10:23,160
whether we, you know, we can 
laugh about it now, dark humour,

1466
01:10:23,440 --> 01:10:26,760
we can laugh about it now and, 
and just talk about it. 

1467
01:10:26,760 --> 01:10:29,160
But I wouldn't mention it a 
couple of years ago because I 

1468
01:10:29,160 --> 01:10:30,560
sound like a right fucking 
Nutter. 

1469
01:10:30,560 --> 01:10:33,360
Yeah, exactly. 
But it goes through your mind. 

1470
01:10:33,480 --> 01:10:35,680
Yeah, oh 100% it does. 
And it's not because you want 

1471
01:10:35,680 --> 01:10:36,960
someone else's kid to be 
disabled. 

1472
01:10:36,960 --> 01:10:40,360
It's just you look at the other 
parent and how blissfully, you 

1473
01:10:40,360 --> 01:10:43,360
know, going through life with 
their child and being a parent. 

1474
01:10:43,360 --> 01:10:45,480
But yeah, you wouldn't. 
Want to open up all those 

1475
01:10:45,480 --> 01:10:46,720
questions again? 
Why was it? 

1476
01:10:46,800 --> 01:10:47,960
Why me was? 
It. 

1477
01:10:47,960 --> 01:10:50,720
Yeah, exactly. 
Yeah. 

1478
01:10:50,720 --> 01:10:53,000
And there isn't a reason why you
it was just that's the card you 

1479
01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:53,800
were dealt, mate. 
What? 

1480
01:10:54,960 --> 01:10:58,440
What are you most proud of right
now then, regarding Thomas? 

1481
01:11:03,080 --> 01:11:06,960
I could just go to the easy E 
spelling, but that's that's not 

1482
01:11:06,960 --> 01:11:12,360
something I'm proud of. 
I'm, I'm, I'm proud of how well 

1483
01:11:12,360 --> 01:11:16,720
he just gets through life and 
situations like, you know, like 

1484
01:11:17,520 --> 01:11:20,040
for, for Halloween, that Friday,
they were like, you know, if you

1485
01:11:20,040 --> 01:11:21,280
want, you can dress your kid up.
Yeah. 

1486
01:11:22,320 --> 01:11:26,080
Like we, we weren't always able 
to do that easily. 

1487
01:11:26,080 --> 01:11:28,800
It would almost be like a little
token Halloween thing he'd be 

1488
01:11:28,800 --> 01:11:30,080
wearing. 
But he'd still have his uniform 

1489
01:11:30,080 --> 01:11:33,200
on because the idea of putting 
him in something different, like

1490
01:11:33,200 --> 01:11:37,120
most kids, you can dress them 
up, send them to school and they

1491
01:11:37,120 --> 01:11:38,760
can have a fun day at school 
dressed as something for 

1492
01:11:38,760 --> 01:11:40,560
Halloween. 
More excited because they're 

1493
01:11:40,560 --> 01:11:42,680
dressed up. 
Yeah, in a normal uniform, but. 

1494
01:11:43,600 --> 01:11:45,480
It hasn't always been that easy 
because, you know, you don't 

1495
01:11:45,480 --> 01:11:49,000
want to trigger something that 
A, they might just be logically 

1496
01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:52,200
thinking, I'm going to school 
and I wear my school uniform or 

1497
01:11:52,200 --> 01:11:56,280
B, you put them in something and
they don't think they're going 

1498
01:11:56,280 --> 01:11:57,760
and then you send them on the 
bus. 

1499
01:11:57,960 --> 01:12:01,040
Yeah. 
So like the way he copes and 

1500
01:12:01,040 --> 01:12:09,040
manages with situations, he's 
his ability considering where he

1501
01:12:09,040 --> 01:12:12,400
was from, which like was just 
that staring, spinning. 

1502
01:12:12,480 --> 01:12:15,000
And I say this because I want 
people and I was fucking, I 

1503
01:12:15,000 --> 01:12:16,560
thought about it, people 
probably telling me to shut up 

1504
01:12:16,560 --> 01:12:20,680
when they're listening to this. 
But like, if your kid is just 

1505
01:12:20,680 --> 01:12:23,920
doing this or just doing this, 
don't write him off. 

1506
01:12:25,440 --> 01:12:27,200
Don't. 
Because that's what Thomas was 

1507
01:12:27,200 --> 01:12:30,720
doing and now he's on a board 
spelling words and telling his 

1508
01:12:30,720 --> 01:12:32,240
mum to piss off because he wants
a snack. 

1509
01:12:32,240 --> 01:12:35,080
Like, yeah. 
So I'm honestly, mate, it's 

1510
01:12:35,080 --> 01:12:36,120
hard. 
I'm proud of everything. 

1511
01:12:36,120 --> 01:12:37,840
What about you? 
I mean, it's got to be, it's got

1512
01:12:37,840 --> 01:12:41,800
to be school. 
Yeah, I, I she's been killing 

1513
01:12:41,800 --> 01:12:42,760
it. 
Yeah, it's. 

1514
01:12:43,200 --> 01:12:45,160
Because she's got into a routine
and it's. 

1515
01:12:45,160 --> 01:12:51,360
Seeing her, confidence grew. 
Oh, that's nice. 

1516
01:12:51,720 --> 01:12:53,320
And that is, that is part of 
that, isn't it? 

1517
01:12:53,320 --> 01:12:57,240
That's a nice one. 
It's it's seeing again what 

1518
01:12:57,240 --> 01:13:03,160
you've just said there, my 
daughter being right, me going, 

1519
01:13:03,200 --> 01:13:04,240
there's something wrong with 
her. 

1520
01:13:04,560 --> 01:13:06,920
And I use the word wrong because
I just want to speak freely. 

1521
01:13:06,920 --> 01:13:09,080
And you know, people might go, 
oh, that's not the right thing. 

1522
01:13:09,160 --> 01:13:12,720
I don't fucking care. 
It's me going, there's something

1523
01:13:12,720 --> 01:13:14,280
wrong with her. 
She's not like everybody, you 

1524
01:13:14,280 --> 01:13:15,720
know, all the other kids that 
I've seen. 

1525
01:13:16,280 --> 01:13:20,040
And it was, again, Lydia was 
this, if we started off like, 

1526
01:13:20,280 --> 01:13:22,800
well, that's slightly unusual. 
And then she'd bring it, you 

1527
01:13:22,800 --> 01:13:25,840
know, then we could be here and 
then here. 

1528
01:13:25,920 --> 01:13:28,280
And then she'd just be bringing 
stuff right to her eye. 

1529
01:13:28,440 --> 01:13:31,560
And it's just like, I'm being 
vacant, living in their own 

1530
01:13:31,560 --> 01:13:33,520
world Now. 
I'm seeing this kid that's 

1531
01:13:33,520 --> 01:13:35,040
confident. 
She's leading us into the 

1532
01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:37,280
kitchen. 
She's I want this, you know, in 

1533
01:13:37,280 --> 01:13:40,840
her, you know, her manner, 
coming home and just like, oh, 

1534
01:13:40,840 --> 01:13:44,440
I'm home running through her 
play box and just grabbing other

1535
01:13:44,440 --> 01:13:46,480
noodles to dangle and stuff like
this. 

1536
01:13:48,520 --> 01:13:51,800
Things like, you know, always 
wanting to hold my hand when she

1537
01:13:51,800 --> 01:13:53,320
goes outside now. 
And that's nice. 

1538
01:13:53,600 --> 01:13:56,520
You know, we'd count the steps 
that we go, you know, up to up 

1539
01:13:56,520 --> 01:13:59,200
to the car. 
It's just seeing her confidence 

1540
01:13:59,680 --> 01:14:01,040
getting amongst develop. 
Yeah. 

1541
01:14:01,040 --> 01:14:02,920
And those little breakthroughs. 
Yeah. 

1542
01:14:03,200 --> 01:14:06,040
Those little breakthroughs where
she has a moment and she's like,

1543
01:14:06,560 --> 01:14:07,680
this is what I need to do, isn't
it? 

1544
01:14:07,680 --> 01:14:10,800
It's funny you hear when you say
like picking things up and and 

1545
01:14:10,800 --> 01:14:14,320
looking and like Thomas was very
similar and a lot of kids are 

1546
01:14:14,320 --> 01:14:17,600
like they're doing that because 
they don't realise there's any 

1547
01:14:17,600 --> 01:14:22,880
other option, like interaction. 
It's not like I'm assuming, I 

1548
01:14:22,880 --> 01:14:25,920
don't know, I'm not autistic and
I've never been inside an 

1549
01:14:25,920 --> 01:14:31,360
autistic person's brain. 
But for them to do that, it's 

1550
01:14:31,360 --> 01:14:33,440
like they don't think there's 
any other option. 

1551
01:14:34,240 --> 01:14:36,040
It's just, it's like that is the
norm. 

1552
01:14:36,040 --> 01:14:39,160
There's all these other people 
around me because it's a social 

1553
01:14:39,160 --> 01:14:41,320
disorder. 
The social bit doesn't exist for

1554
01:14:41,320 --> 01:14:43,120
them at that stage that early 
on. 

1555
01:14:43,280 --> 01:14:45,800
So it's not like it's an option.
What a lonely place to be. 

1556
01:14:46,680 --> 01:14:48,760
But they just think that that's 
that's life. 

1557
01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:52,760
And then all of a sudden at some
point you make that connection 

1558
01:14:53,000 --> 01:14:59,080
and that bridge and they 
suddenly like, oh, oh, I can do 

1559
01:14:59,080 --> 01:15:00,160
stuff. 
And that's why intensive 

1560
01:15:00,160 --> 01:15:01,400
interaction gets pushed. 
So. 

1561
01:15:01,400 --> 01:15:02,560
Hard. 
Yeah, absolutely. 

1562
01:15:02,560 --> 01:15:05,120
It's finding those moments. 
It's like seeing things where 

1563
01:15:06,200 --> 01:15:08,880
she carries to Selena for 
certain needs when it comes to 

1564
01:15:08,880 --> 01:15:11,120
me for for others. 
So she's like, Oh yeah, mum 

1565
01:15:11,120 --> 01:15:13,040
sorts this out. 
Yeah, yeah, Dad sorts this out. 

1566
01:15:13,040 --> 01:15:14,200
Yeah, those, those are nice. 
So. 

1567
01:15:14,400 --> 01:15:16,520
They're quite nice. 
Yeah, there's like a separation 

1568
01:15:16,520 --> 01:15:18,880
between whether it's like like 
rough play with you. 

1569
01:15:18,960 --> 01:15:21,280
Or yeah, yeah, exactly. 
Going back to the kind of 

1570
01:15:21,280 --> 01:15:24,200
Halloween that we did again, 
these these sort of things, you 

1571
01:15:24,200 --> 01:15:26,760
know, Apple and and Google 
Photos, they bring up memories, 

1572
01:15:26,760 --> 01:15:28,680
don't they? 
And sometimes they're a reminder

1573
01:15:28,680 --> 01:15:30,160
of like how difficult things 
were. 

1574
01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:34,360
We had a Lydia's first 
Halloween. 

1575
01:15:34,360 --> 01:15:36,440
She was six months old. 
We just got this photo of her 

1576
01:15:37,080 --> 01:15:39,240
dressed as a pumpkin. 
I'm just imagining her face as 

1577
01:15:39,600 --> 01:15:40,960
well with her face just like 
that. 

1578
01:15:41,080 --> 01:15:43,200
Yeah, little chubby cheeks and 
everything. 

1579
01:15:43,200 --> 01:15:46,480
I just. 
And those photos when she's like

1580
01:15:46,480 --> 01:15:50,320
6 months old, I I kind of 
weirdly refer to them as pre 

1581
01:15:50,320 --> 01:15:52,760
autism, even though she 
obviously I know of autism, but 

1582
01:15:52,760 --> 01:15:56,240
it's like, yeah, before we knew 
there was anything up or, or 

1583
01:15:56,240 --> 01:16:00,080
different about her. 
Yeah, they're kind of like quite

1584
01:16:00,080 --> 01:16:02,200
nostalgic now where I would have
got a little bit upset then. 

1585
01:16:02,200 --> 01:16:05,920
Like, you know, I can enjoy 
those photos again now because 

1586
01:16:05,920 --> 01:16:08,920
I've kind of accepted what's, 
you know, what the future is for

1587
01:16:08,920 --> 01:16:10,640
it. 
But yeah, there's strange 

1588
01:16:10,640 --> 01:16:11,720
looking back. 
I do. 

1589
01:16:11,720 --> 01:16:16,280
I look at a lot of them, 
probably up to, I don't know, 

1590
01:16:16,480 --> 01:16:19,480
maybe 14 months up to that 
point. 

1591
01:16:19,560 --> 01:16:23,000
Yeah, he would like he would 
laugh. 

1592
01:16:23,000 --> 01:16:25,360
And obviously I had a very 
different experience to miss. 

1593
01:16:25,360 --> 01:16:27,280
You know, she was breastfeeding,
she was spending all this time 

1594
01:16:27,280 --> 01:16:29,800
and she was like, something is 
wrong with this kid. 

1595
01:16:29,840 --> 01:16:31,640
Like she just, she knew 
something was off. 

1596
01:16:33,320 --> 01:16:35,920
But for me it was yeah, I very 
much would look back to when he 

1597
01:16:35,920 --> 01:16:42,160
was really little and he seemed 
typical to me, just seemed 

1598
01:16:42,160 --> 01:16:44,760
typical. 
And obviously I'd had Aidan. 

1599
01:16:44,760 --> 01:16:47,720
So I'd previously had a had a 
child and had a baby. 

1600
01:16:48,880 --> 01:16:50,240
So yeah, I get what you mean 
with that. 

1601
01:16:50,240 --> 01:16:52,480
I'd look back and it does feel 
like pre autism. 

1602
01:16:52,480 --> 01:16:55,120
It'd feel like the autism kicked
in at 14 months. 

1603
01:16:55,120 --> 01:16:58,080
It's like you've given this 
period where they just go. 

1604
01:16:58,720 --> 01:17:00,400
You can enjoy being a new 
parent. 

1605
01:17:00,800 --> 01:17:03,960
Enjoy this moment because. 
Shit's going to hit the fan. 

1606
01:17:03,960 --> 01:17:06,560
We'll give you 12 months and 
then we'll give you a lifetime 

1607
01:17:06,560 --> 01:17:10,240
of pure fucking stress. 
Yeah, literally a lifetime. 

1608
01:17:10,240 --> 01:17:13,480
Yeah, enjoy these moments. 
But yeah, I can. 

1609
01:17:13,520 --> 01:17:15,880
I look back at them now and I 
kind of smile. 

1610
01:17:15,880 --> 01:17:18,360
I've got like, obviously it was 
during COVID. 

1611
01:17:19,320 --> 01:17:23,040
We've got like little photos 
where, I don't know, we finally 

1612
01:17:23,040 --> 01:17:26,360
the pubs opened. 
I just got this like, Lydia's 

1613
01:17:26,360 --> 01:17:28,760
first outing to a pub. 
I just sounded beer gone. 

1614
01:17:28,760 --> 01:17:31,480
She's scrapped to me here. 
And you can just see a little 

1615
01:17:31,480 --> 01:17:32,240
head. 
Yeah. 

1616
01:17:32,240 --> 01:17:35,160
And like, there's a beaming 
picture of me having my first 

1617
01:17:35,160 --> 01:17:37,400
draft here back in the pub. 
And there's little, you know, 

1618
01:17:37,400 --> 01:17:40,800
little things like that or. 
Mad isn't it in the matter the 

1619
01:17:40,840 --> 01:17:42,760
autism is there? 
Most likely yeah. 

1620
01:17:42,920 --> 01:17:45,040
And absolutely no clue. 
There's no. 

1621
01:17:45,040 --> 01:17:47,280
Clue thing just seems. 
Comes out later, doesn't it? 

1622
01:17:47,280 --> 01:17:49,240
Yeah. 
And the the photos are a little 

1623
01:17:49,240 --> 01:17:51,200
bit misleading sometimes because
like I kind of mentioned before,

1624
01:17:51,720 --> 01:17:55,000
you always save that magical 
photo, you delete the rest where

1625
01:17:55,400 --> 01:17:56,520
so when you look back in 
memories. 

1626
01:17:56,520 --> 01:17:57,920
You forget about the ones you 
fucked off. 

1627
01:17:57,920 --> 01:18:00,640
Yeah, you just look like, Oh my 
God, everything looks perfect 

1628
01:18:01,160 --> 01:18:05,320
before she was 12 months old. 
But obviously it wasn't, It 

1629
01:18:05,320 --> 01:18:06,800
wasn't. 
You just kind of remember those,

1630
01:18:06,800 --> 01:18:10,640
those key moments there, which 
is, which is nice in a certain 

1631
01:18:10,640 --> 01:18:13,120
degree. 
But again, we've we've we've 

1632
01:18:13,120 --> 01:18:15,160
hammered on about this, but it's
always going to keep coming up. 

1633
01:18:15,160 --> 01:18:17,160
What worries you most about your
child's future? 

1634
01:18:17,480 --> 01:18:19,080
Nothing. 
There you go. 

1635
01:18:19,160 --> 01:18:20,840
Nothing. 
Everything's fine. 

1636
01:18:23,560 --> 01:18:26,040
Yeah. 
It's it's that. 

1637
01:18:26,080 --> 01:18:29,000
It's that, it's that, it's that 
you know when we're gone. 

1638
01:18:29,160 --> 01:18:35,280
Yeah, who will understand? 
It's yes, for me. 

1639
01:18:36,520 --> 01:18:44,200
It's I'm, I'm less concerned 
about him ending up in a care 

1640
01:18:44,200 --> 01:18:47,480
home. 
I I think I'm putting all my 

1641
01:18:47,480 --> 01:18:54,840
cards on his like my son and, 
you know, Lexi's younger sister,

1642
01:18:55,640 --> 01:18:59,920
like being there for him, right?
And, and they're awesome. 

1643
01:19:00,080 --> 01:19:03,160
And I think that's kind of where
I am of that. 

1644
01:19:03,160 --> 01:19:05,160
I think that's yeah. 
I think I'm kind of relying on 

1645
01:19:05,160 --> 01:19:16,120
family to to look after him. 
I think my fear is, but I should

1646
01:19:16,120 --> 01:19:18,800
be the one to do it. 
I want to be the one to help him

1647
01:19:18,800 --> 01:19:20,160
when he, when he needs 
something. 

1648
01:19:20,200 --> 01:19:21,760
I want to be the one because 
that's my job. 

1649
01:19:22,200 --> 01:19:24,920
I'm more like that. 
It's like this, this instinctual

1650
01:19:25,640 --> 01:19:28,480
and it's like, I might be 
fucking like 8590. 

1651
01:19:28,480 --> 01:19:31,960
Like what problem am I going to 
solve apart from something 

1652
01:19:31,960 --> 01:19:34,960
financial? 
I don't know what use I'm going 

1653
01:19:34,960 --> 01:19:37,720
to be anyway. 
But I just, I, I don't want to 

1654
01:19:37,720 --> 01:19:38,600
not be there. 
I can't. 

1655
01:19:38,600 --> 01:19:41,040
That's literally all it is. 
I just, I just want to be there.

1656
01:19:43,080 --> 01:19:47,360
And yeah, we can't without them,
you know, like to your point, 

1657
01:19:47,360 --> 01:19:49,640
without them going just for us 
or you. 

1658
01:19:49,640 --> 01:19:52,600
Just want the wall to be a kind 
and patient safe place, don't 

1659
01:19:52,600 --> 01:19:54,840
you? 
By the time you get to yeah to 

1660
01:19:54,840 --> 01:19:57,040
that. 
Age, I mean, I think the world 

1661
01:19:57,040 --> 01:19:59,840
is getting better and this is 
the thing we only as far as a 

1662
01:19:59,840 --> 01:20:03,160
framework, we only have, we're 
very much in the moment, aren't 

1663
01:20:03,160 --> 01:20:03,760
we? 
We always have. 

1664
01:20:03,960 --> 01:20:09,400
But if you go back 10 years, 20 
years, 30 years, 40 years, 50 

1665
01:20:09,400 --> 01:20:11,200
years, it could always get 
better. 

1666
01:20:11,640 --> 01:20:14,120
I I'm just hoping it's going to 
keep getting better and it 

1667
01:20:14,120 --> 01:20:18,160
doesn't. 
Get worse at some point and with

1668
01:20:18,160 --> 01:20:25,040
autism rates on the increase, 
it's going to affect more people

1669
01:20:25,200 --> 01:20:27,480
and more people that are in 
positions of power. 

1670
01:20:29,120 --> 01:20:31,640
Just statistically it's just 
going to, I mean, a Davey's, 

1671
01:20:31,680 --> 01:20:33,920
he's got a kid who's autistic, 
hasn't he? 

1672
01:20:35,720 --> 01:20:37,200
There's going to be other 
politicians. 

1673
01:20:37,200 --> 01:20:40,240
I think someone in America 
asked, Can't remember who it 

1674
01:20:40,240 --> 01:20:44,680
was, but I'm hoping it's going 
to get better. 

1675
01:20:45,320 --> 01:20:50,080
Yeah, yeah, I think it's that 
isn't it? 

1676
01:20:50,080 --> 01:20:57,160
That's the biggest fear and it's
it's looking we touched about 

1677
01:20:57,160 --> 01:21:00,840
it's it's doing as much as you 
possibly can to ensure you're 

1678
01:21:00,840 --> 01:21:02,000
here as long as possible. 
Yeah. 

1679
01:21:02,560 --> 01:21:06,680
It's like I don't want to be hit
by a car in a year's time and 

1680
01:21:06,680 --> 01:21:10,720
fucking that's it, I'm gone at 
4344. 

1681
01:21:11,640 --> 01:21:12,800
But that is something you can't 
do. 

1682
01:21:12,800 --> 01:21:15,000
Anything about you, you can't do
anything about or, you know, 

1683
01:21:15,400 --> 01:21:18,200
having a lifestyle, which means 
that you're, you're limiting how

1684
01:21:18,200 --> 01:21:19,480
long you're going to be around 
for. 

1685
01:21:20,880 --> 01:21:24,200
It's, it's, you know, you know, 
I'd love it if I made it to 85 

1686
01:21:24,200 --> 01:21:27,160
and still, you know, have my, my
mind intact and everything else 

1687
01:21:27,160 --> 01:21:28,640
like that, that it could offer 
something. 

1688
01:21:28,920 --> 01:21:30,880
We should do it. 
We should do an episode episode 

1689
01:21:30,880 --> 01:21:36,600
on on kind of health and the the
things actually move the needle.

1690
01:21:39,040 --> 01:21:42,800
I mean, muscle mass is one of 
the biggest predictors of 

1691
01:21:42,800 --> 01:21:47,040
longevity over it has a more 
positive effect than smoking has

1692
01:21:47,040 --> 01:21:48,920
a negative effect, I think. 
I think. 

1693
01:21:49,080 --> 01:21:53,720
I think the the negative effect 
of smoking on on mortality is 

1694
01:21:53,720 --> 01:21:57,720
like 50%. 
The positive effect of training,

1695
01:21:58,960 --> 01:22:04,160
like doing strength training 
three times a week is like +350%

1696
01:22:04,240 --> 01:22:07,800
well on all 'cause mortality. 
So that's all causes of death. 

1697
01:22:08,040 --> 01:22:10,080
Yeah. 
So it's like these, these are 

1698
01:22:10,080 --> 01:22:12,200
the things that the VO2 Max and 
muscle mass, these are the 

1699
01:22:12,200 --> 01:22:14,200
things that move the needle. 
So it's just like they say this.

1700
01:22:14,200 --> 01:22:17,280
For for mums, don't they as well
as they get older, particularly 

1701
01:22:17,280 --> 01:22:19,560
women, It's it's leg strength. 
And falling. 

1702
01:22:19,600 --> 01:22:22,360
And yeah, absolutely. 
It's keep that bone mass 

1703
01:22:22,720 --> 01:22:25,360
density, keep your muscles 
strong, That's it as possible as

1704
01:22:25,400 --> 01:22:26,680
long as you possibly can. 
That's it. 

1705
01:22:26,920 --> 01:22:28,080
Yeah. 
Push these things away. 

1706
01:22:28,080 --> 01:22:30,160
Because when you when you do 
strength training, it's not just

1707
01:22:30,160 --> 01:22:32,080
about your muscles. 
It tells the body to make your 

1708
01:22:32,080 --> 01:22:33,400
bone doing density stronger as 
well. 

1709
01:22:33,400 --> 01:22:36,440
This is it, yeah. 
And, and unfortunately at the 

1710
01:22:36,440 --> 01:22:41,080
ages that we're talking about, 
like, you know, 70 plus, it's 

1711
01:22:41,080 --> 01:22:42,200
the falls that kill. 
You. 

1712
01:22:42,240 --> 01:22:43,840
Yep, I've had a fall broken hip.
That's it. 

1713
01:22:43,840 --> 01:22:46,480
Those are the things, and it's 
not necessarily the fall itself,

1714
01:22:46,480 --> 01:22:48,920
but it's the inability to 
recover from the falls. 

1715
01:22:50,120 --> 01:22:52,400
And and then always leads to a 
little more complications or 

1716
01:22:52,400 --> 01:22:54,880
there has to be an operation 
that leads to something else. 

1717
01:22:54,880 --> 01:22:57,280
And really interesting as well. 
The thing with muscle mass, like

1718
01:22:57,360 --> 01:22:59,040
I'm actually doing the episode 
now, you guys, sorry. 

1719
01:22:59,040 --> 01:23:01,760
I was like, oh, we should talk 
about it one day at the end. 

1720
01:23:01,760 --> 01:23:03,520
I've got a lot of rut. 
The other one that we're through

1721
01:23:03,520 --> 01:23:06,600
was really interesting was 
muscle mass in for cancer 

1722
01:23:06,600 --> 01:23:12,440
patients is huge difference 
because when people are going 

1723
01:23:12,440 --> 01:23:15,200
through chemotherapy, they lose 
a lot of muscle mass. 

1724
01:23:15,200 --> 01:23:17,040
Yes. 
So if you've got the muscle mass

1725
01:23:17,040 --> 01:23:20,680
to lose, right, if you haven't 
got much muscle mass and then 

1726
01:23:20,680 --> 01:23:23,160
you go through chemo, that's 
when most people unfortunately 

1727
01:23:23,160 --> 01:23:25,760
don't get through it because it 
works as a philtre as well for 

1728
01:23:25,760 --> 01:23:27,200
the radiation, for the 
radiotherapy. 

1729
01:23:27,200 --> 01:23:28,560
No, right. 
Anyway, that we'll deal on 

1730
01:23:28,560 --> 01:23:29,200
another. 
There we go. 

1731
01:23:29,200 --> 01:23:31,920
That's this will be a good 
episode when we we come to do 

1732
01:23:31,920 --> 01:23:34,440
it. 
And I guess kind of final 

1733
01:23:34,440 --> 01:23:39,120
question on this weird Q&A that 
we seem to have fallen. 

1734
01:23:39,120 --> 01:23:40,640
It wasn't actually going to be 
AQ and A, was it? 

1735
01:23:40,640 --> 01:23:42,560
No, but it seems it's quite good
that it has. 

1736
01:23:42,840 --> 01:23:44,520
We we we discussed the post 
goals thing. 

1737
01:23:44,520 --> 01:23:48,880
We ended up like joint loads of 
notes which which is it being 

1738
01:23:48,880 --> 01:23:50,560
good to look at? 
How do you look after your 

1739
01:23:50,560 --> 01:23:55,320
mental health whilst thinking 
about long term futures? 

1740
01:23:55,320 --> 01:23:57,360
No, you do that one first. 
I've been answering all of these

1741
01:23:57,360 --> 01:24:00,160
first. 
I think it gives you a chance I.

1742
01:24:02,880 --> 01:24:08,200
Think it's just grounding myself
in 99% of things in the present 

1743
01:24:08,200 --> 01:24:13,600
day. 
Yeah, I think I've kind of since

1744
01:24:13,600 --> 01:24:16,840
August, going back to the 
fitness, I've had a real focus 

1745
01:24:16,840 --> 01:24:20,200
on some kind of training. 
Yeah, you've been. 

1746
01:24:20,760 --> 01:24:22,720
I know we keep saying it. 
You've been absolutely kicking 

1747
01:24:22,720 --> 01:24:25,080
the ass out of it. 
Yeah, yeah. 

1748
01:24:25,320 --> 01:24:28,000
Just waiting for that kind of 
call from M&S to start. 

1749
01:24:28,120 --> 01:24:31,000
I like training that shit man. 
You've been absolutely smashing 

1750
01:24:31,000 --> 01:24:32,240
it. 
Yeah, well we do have this 

1751
01:24:32,240 --> 01:24:35,000
bloody half marathon. 
I wish it was 1/2 marathon. 

1752
01:24:35,000 --> 01:24:36,520
We have got this London Marathon
to. 

1753
01:24:36,840 --> 01:24:39,080
Shake that, Shawn. 
Yes, big Shawny boy. 

1754
01:24:39,080 --> 01:24:43,160
Yeah, he's doing really well. 
Isn't he May he's killing it 5 

1755
01:24:43,160 --> 01:24:45,600
Ki know it's 28 minutes keeps 
running. 

1756
01:24:45,680 --> 01:24:48,160
I'm like, fucking stop it, 
Shawn, we mentioned. 

1757
01:24:48,240 --> 01:24:49,520
Yeah. 
Sean, no more running. 

1758
01:24:49,520 --> 01:24:51,560
No more running. 
Stop running please. 

1759
01:24:51,560 --> 01:24:54,720
We could start again in April. 
May start again in May. 

1760
01:24:56,640 --> 01:24:59,320
Yeah, we obviously we've got the
obviously bit of a tangent. 

1761
01:24:59,320 --> 01:25:02,000
We've got the the Christmas live
recording. 

1762
01:25:02,280 --> 01:25:04,720
Oh yeah, I'm monitoring for 
that. 

1763
01:25:04,720 --> 01:25:07,080
It's only 18 tickets left. 
That's good, isn't it? 

1764
01:25:07,080 --> 01:25:08,680
Yeah, It's because they're free,
baby. 

1765
01:25:08,680 --> 01:25:09,280
It's. 
Free. 

1766
01:25:09,280 --> 01:25:13,600
Everyone has a freebie, but yeah
sure message and goes yeah I 

1767
01:25:13,600 --> 01:25:15,160
booked a hotel room. 
Should we go for a run on the 

1768
01:25:15,160 --> 01:25:16,640
Saturday before I? 
Saw that? 

1769
01:25:16,720 --> 01:25:21,160
As like. 
How nice is it though? 

1770
01:25:21,160 --> 01:25:24,560
Because he's when when he first 
mentioned it about the marathon,

1771
01:25:24,560 --> 01:25:26,280
when he first mentioned doing 
the marathon, he was like, I'm 

1772
01:25:26,280 --> 01:25:28,560
going to try this running thing.
Oh, he's well. 

1773
01:25:28,560 --> 01:25:30,280
Into and now he's just like. 
He's. 

1774
01:25:30,480 --> 01:25:32,400
Just killing it. 
Yeah, he's absolutely killing 

1775
01:25:32,840 --> 01:25:34,800
it. 
He's doing his kids the world of

1776
01:25:34,800 --> 01:25:36,280
good because he's going to live 
longer for it. 

1777
01:25:36,560 --> 01:25:38,760
Yeah, as long as his art doesn't
explode because he's training so

1778
01:25:38,760 --> 01:25:40,080
much. 
Hopefully not. 

1779
01:25:40,560 --> 01:25:44,440
Hopefully not, but no, I think 
it's it's, it's yeah. 

1780
01:25:44,440 --> 01:25:48,240
It's just grounding myself and 
accepting, you know, Lydia is 

1781
01:25:48,240 --> 01:25:51,520
Lydia for who she is. 
Getting my head around that 

1782
01:25:52,760 --> 01:25:55,280
doing something physical. 
I kind of mentioned now that 

1783
01:25:55,280 --> 01:25:57,720
training and I've, I've said to 
you before, I I get it now. 

1784
01:25:57,720 --> 01:26:02,920
Whilst during COVID, when gyms 
were shut down, why a lot of 

1785
01:26:02,920 --> 01:26:04,800
people are going this is 
affecting my mental health. 

1786
01:26:04,800 --> 01:26:06,400
All the gym rats. 
Well, at the time I was like, 

1787
01:26:06,720 --> 01:26:08,320
oh, whatever. 
Yeah, you. 

1788
01:26:08,320 --> 01:26:10,520
Want to look good in the mirror?
You just want to look buff in 

1789
01:26:10,520 --> 01:26:13,000
the mirror. 
Now I'm like, no, no, Once I've 

1790
01:26:13,000 --> 01:26:16,200
had a really difficult shit day 
and I go at the end of the day 

1791
01:26:16,200 --> 01:26:17,800
because I'm one of those. 
It's probably a good time to go 

1792
01:26:17,800 --> 01:26:19,600
because if you're having a 
difficult shit day, you can. 

1793
01:26:19,600 --> 01:26:22,720
Luckily the gym's like it's one 
of those 24/7, so I end up going

1794
01:26:22,720 --> 01:26:26,560
there like 10:00, half ten. 
Yeah, I've been kind of an hour,

1795
01:26:26,560 --> 01:26:28,080
hour and a half there, then go 
home. 

1796
01:26:28,080 --> 01:26:31,240
But I've had a real shit day or 
something's affected me. 

1797
01:26:31,800 --> 01:26:34,120
I go there. 
By the time I walk out I'm like,

1798
01:26:34,560 --> 01:26:37,800
yeah, I'm good again. 
Just like recalibrate and reset 

1799
01:26:37,800 --> 01:26:39,600
everyone. 
Realise how much the thing that 

1800
01:26:39,600 --> 01:26:42,120
you were feeling shit about it 
was almost made-up. 

1801
01:26:42,120 --> 01:26:44,280
No, I think it just plays in 
your head and you just build it 

1802
01:26:44,280 --> 01:26:46,160
up and build it up. 
So I think that's really good. 

1803
01:26:46,760 --> 01:26:49,520
Doing something creative like 
this has really helped. 

1804
01:26:49,600 --> 01:26:52,880
That is, you know, that is our 
kind of cathartic therapy 

1805
01:26:52,880 --> 01:26:57,080
session, being able to discuss 
it, that that's kind of helped. 

1806
01:26:57,080 --> 01:27:05,000
And yeah, just always again, 
hammering the point, those tiny 

1807
01:27:05,120 --> 01:27:09,080
insignificant things to a lot of
people celebrating them. 

1808
01:27:09,200 --> 01:27:11,120
Yeah. 
Massively as major masters. 

1809
01:27:11,120 --> 01:27:13,000
Roughly. 
Celebrate absolutely high 

1810
01:27:13,000 --> 01:27:14,840
fiving, you know, dining out on 
it. 

1811
01:27:14,840 --> 01:27:18,560
This is amazing and telling 
somebody gets it. 

1812
01:27:18,800 --> 01:27:22,040
Yeah, not just like your your 
friend has got an irritable kid 

1813
01:27:22,040 --> 01:27:25,160
always know associated. 
I love my mates to bits right? 

1814
01:27:25,160 --> 01:27:27,760
But if if I said something 
positive that Thomas had just 

1815
01:27:27,760 --> 01:27:29,960
done and they all, they all get 
it. 

1816
01:27:30,040 --> 01:27:32,120
They they they watch the. 
That's amazing mate. 

1817
01:27:32,120 --> 01:27:34,240
They get it. 
They go, oh man, that's really 

1818
01:27:34,240 --> 01:27:37,000
cool. 
Really, they be thinking, yeah, 

1819
01:27:37,360 --> 01:27:39,480
you know, they'd be just. 
They're doing the right thing. 

1820
01:27:39,480 --> 01:27:40,920
They're doing the right thing, 
but. 

1821
01:27:41,120 --> 01:27:43,360
You put it in like the group 
chat we've got or you put it on 

1822
01:27:43,360 --> 01:27:46,040
like, you know that everybody's.
Going, you get it in the dads, 

1823
01:27:46,160 --> 01:27:49,200
in the dads group chat with 
somebody going like put little 

1824
01:27:49,200 --> 01:27:52,120
video of Oh my, my kids just 
done this, yeah and you'll see 

1825
01:27:52,120 --> 01:27:55,960
like genuine, like oh mate, 
that's fucking brilliant. 

1826
01:27:56,160 --> 01:27:57,840
Yeah, awesome. 
Yeah, it's cool. 

1827
01:27:57,920 --> 01:28:00,800
And you know, because they've 
lived it, it just means that a 

1828
01:28:00,800 --> 01:28:01,880
little bit more, doesn't it? 
Yeah. 

1829
01:28:01,920 --> 01:28:03,720
Because you know it's not, you 
know it's genuine. 

1830
01:28:03,720 --> 01:28:05,040
It's genuine wherever it's 
coming from. 

1831
01:28:05,040 --> 01:28:06,800
You know, they've lived it like.
That they've lived it. 

1832
01:28:06,800 --> 01:28:09,000
They understand why you're so 
buzzed about it. 

1833
01:28:09,000 --> 01:28:12,960
Yeah, yeah, yeah. 
Let's have an interesting 

1834
01:28:13,040 --> 01:28:14,000
episode. 
Yeah. 

1835
01:28:14,000 --> 01:28:17,360
Just ended up being AQ and A 
yeah but I like that mate. 

1836
01:28:18,240 --> 01:28:22,640
It's good. 
So Christmas live show, I still 

1837
01:28:22,640 --> 01:28:24,560
ain't got a fucking clue how 
we're setting that up. 

1838
01:28:24,920 --> 01:28:28,200
It's going to be mint but I'm 
thinking like our picture 

1839
01:28:28,200 --> 01:28:29,360
search. 
Showed you yeah, the. 

1840
01:28:29,360 --> 01:28:31,400
Table. 
The Joe Rogan 10 I've said it. 

1841
01:28:31,560 --> 01:28:34,280
I've said Joe Rogan. 
Dickhead, I'll edit it out. 

1842
01:28:34,320 --> 01:28:35,840
It's fine, that's all. 
Viewers. 

1843
01:28:36,680 --> 01:28:41,040
Lost the yeah, the like just the
table and we just, he'll come up

1844
01:28:41,040 --> 01:28:42,640
and just chat and, you know, 
come. 

1845
01:28:42,720 --> 01:28:44,920
They can literally come up and 
tell their story and talk about 

1846
01:28:44,920 --> 01:28:45,560
it. 
Just be cool. 

1847
01:28:45,560 --> 01:28:47,720
We'll just roll the camera. 
Just keep it going. 

1848
01:28:47,880 --> 01:28:50,080
Just keep it going. 
We'll try and organise something

1849
01:28:50,080 --> 01:28:51,360
where there's a bit of structure
to it. 

1850
01:28:51,360 --> 01:28:54,120
Yeah, it'll be meant. 
We'll get the dads on and then 

1851
01:28:54,760 --> 01:28:56,720
yeah, if anybody else wants to 
come up and have a bit of a 

1852
01:28:56,920 --> 01:28:58,920
yeah, just a bit of a chin wag, 
we'll discuss something then. 

1853
01:28:58,920 --> 01:28:59,880
Yeah, exactly. 
It'd be meant. 

1854
01:29:00,240 --> 01:29:02,920
We can do AQ and a session, but 
we might just go you've got a 

1855
01:29:02,920 --> 01:29:04,080
question. 
Yeah. 

1856
01:29:04,320 --> 01:29:06,360
Come up, have a seat next to us.
So we've got you on camera, 

1857
01:29:06,360 --> 01:29:09,040
Yeah. 
Yeah, yeah, a bit of audience 

1858
01:29:09,040 --> 01:29:10,760
participation. 
Yeah, we'll just fuck it. 

1859
01:29:10,760 --> 01:29:12,600
We'll just, we'll just freewheel
it along. 

1860
01:29:12,600 --> 01:29:15,040
Yeah, like return. 
There's a real structure to 

1861
01:29:15,040 --> 01:29:18,600
this. 
Also, we've got the marathon 

1862
01:29:18,600 --> 01:29:24,160
coming up next year, London 
Marathon, after we mentioned if 

1863
01:29:24,160 --> 01:29:28,720
everybody could give like 50 
peer a pound, fucking loads came

1864
01:29:28,720 --> 01:29:31,640
in like it was. 
I mean, we're not near the 

1865
01:29:31,640 --> 01:29:33,160
nowhere near the target yet, 
but. 

1866
01:29:33,800 --> 01:29:35,320
I think we've broken, we've 
broken the 1000. 

1867
01:29:35,320 --> 01:29:35,840
Pounds. 
Yeah, Yeah. 

1868
01:29:35,840 --> 01:29:38,240
Do you know what I think it 
might be? 

1869
01:29:40,000 --> 01:29:42,120
I might be wrong, so anyone can 
feel free to tell me. 

1870
01:29:42,120 --> 01:29:46,720
Shut up. 
But I think when you ask to give

1871
01:29:46,720 --> 01:29:51,440
money for charity, people think 
it needs to be like a certain 

1872
01:29:51,440 --> 01:29:53,600
amount or it's not going to be 
worth giving. 

1873
01:29:54,400 --> 01:29:57,640
So when we mentioned like if 
everybody gave 5th P, yeah. 

1874
01:29:58,880 --> 01:30:01,120
Would genuinely. 
Like, that would genuinely be 

1875
01:30:01,120 --> 01:30:04,560
amazing because collectively it 
will it will smash the target. 

1876
01:30:04,560 --> 01:30:08,240
Yeah. 
So just a friendly reminder, if 

1877
01:30:08,280 --> 01:30:15,120
anybody can give us something, 
literally whatever you can, that

1878
01:30:15,120 --> 01:30:20,840
would be amazing because I'm 
starting training, Sean, the 

1879
01:30:21,000 --> 01:30:24,000
runner app that you got me 
involved in that I'd started for

1880
01:30:24,000 --> 01:30:26,120
a bit and then I just kind of 
pied off. 

1881
01:30:26,920 --> 01:30:29,640
I've put the marathon. 
You know the date in that? 

1882
01:30:29,720 --> 01:30:31,240
Yeah. 
And it and it basically tells 

1883
01:30:31,240 --> 01:30:33,920
you when you're going to train 
and my OCD has basically made it

1884
01:30:33,920 --> 01:30:36,680
so that I am going to start 
training on that day, but I 

1885
01:30:36,680 --> 01:30:38,760
don't think it's until about the
16th of December. 

1886
01:30:39,280 --> 01:30:42,360
Oh, we've got a better, but it's
after the it's after the 

1887
01:30:42,360 --> 01:30:44,320
Christmas special. 
Oh yeah, we go couple of days 

1888
01:30:44,320 --> 01:30:46,080
after, so I am going to start 
then. 

1889
01:30:46,480 --> 01:30:48,200
I will. 
I keep thinking I'm going to 

1890
01:30:48,200 --> 01:30:50,120
record it and put it up on 
Instagram, but I'm not sure 

1891
01:30:50,120 --> 01:30:52,080
anybody wants to see me 
breathing out my ass. 

1892
01:30:52,640 --> 01:30:54,600
But maybe it's evidence that we 
are actually training. 

1893
01:30:54,600 --> 01:30:57,000
I was thinking that maybe we we 
start doing that. 

1894
01:30:57,080 --> 01:30:59,880
Yeah, until we hit our target 
and then we'll stop. 

1895
01:30:59,880 --> 01:31:03,280
Ah, yes, yeah. 
That's a good show, actually. 

1896
01:31:03,280 --> 01:31:06,360
Yeah, yeah. 
People seen us breathing out of 

1897
01:31:06,360 --> 01:31:07,640
our asses. 
No, I think it'd be good. 

1898
01:31:07,640 --> 01:31:10,160
I mean, it's, it's one of those 
and we know there's quite a few 

1899
01:31:10,160 --> 01:31:12,560
other people in the group that 
are going to be down there as 

1900
01:31:12,560 --> 01:31:14,320
well. 
So I'm looking forward to that. 

1901
01:31:14,320 --> 01:31:16,040
We'll just, we'll just all run 
around together. 

1902
01:31:16,080 --> 01:31:18,920
Yeah, absolutely. 
Do some selfies and shit. 

1903
01:31:19,160 --> 01:31:21,280
I'm looking forward to seeing 
people dressed as chickens and 

1904
01:31:21,280 --> 01:31:22,600
stuff. 
That's usually a London Marathon

1905
01:31:22,600 --> 01:31:23,920
thing, isn't it? 
Dressed as a chicken and. 

1906
01:31:23,920 --> 01:31:25,520
Unfortunately, these are people 
that are going to be running 

1907
01:31:25,520 --> 01:31:27,600
past us. 
I know, yeah, somebody carrying 

1908
01:31:27,600 --> 01:31:29,440
a fridge will run past you and 
you'd be like, yeah. 

1909
01:31:30,480 --> 01:31:35,480
Yeah, so I met that fridge guy. 
Yes, yeah, yes, absolutely. 

1910
01:31:35,920 --> 01:31:37,400
What a bloke. 
Beast. 

1911
01:31:38,280 --> 01:31:40,760
He's about my hype. 
Built like a brick shit house. 

1912
01:31:40,960 --> 01:31:42,040
And he just does it. 
And he just. 

1913
01:31:42,120 --> 01:31:44,080
Walks up huge mountains with a 
fridge on his back. 

1914
01:31:44,680 --> 01:31:47,960
As you do as you do. 
Yeah, Thank you, guys. 

1915
01:31:48,000 --> 01:31:49,360
Thank you mate. 
No problem. 

1916
01:31:49,880 --> 01:31:53,360
And we will catch you all next 
week. 

1917
01:31:53,640 --> 01:31:56,000
Next week we'll. 
Do it next week. #23 all. 

1918
01:31:56,000 --> 01:31:56,560
Right. 
See you guys. 

1919
01:31:56,560 --> 01:31:57,560
See you later. 
Take care. 

1920
01:31:57,560 --> 01:31:57,880
Bye bye.