1 00:00:06,080 --> 00:00:10,120 Welcome, brothers, to another episode of the Men's Sexual 2 00:00:10,120 --> 00:00:14,160 Mastery Podcast. This is Ben Timby tuning in from 3 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:18,800 Austin, TX. Hey, this is Ian Hawkes tuning 4 00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:23,880 in from Kelowna, BC, Canada. We've had the podcast offline 5 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:27,840 for a number of months while Hawks and I have been busy 6 00:00:28,120 --> 00:00:32,360 working away creating the new course, which we just finished 7 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:36,680 our first cohort of with three different groups of men couple 8 00:00:36,680 --> 00:00:38,840 months ago. And we're just into our second 9 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,960 launch, which now is a six month training. 10 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,680 It's an honor to be here with you brother in Stoke, to have 11 00:00:44,680 --> 00:00:46,920 you on the podcast in this next launch. 12 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:50,800 Yeah, thank you. It's an honor to be here and and 13 00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:54,280 to witness just how ready the world is and just how ready the 14 00:00:54,280 --> 00:00:57,800 brothers are that are entering this program and joining us. 15 00:00:58,760 --> 00:01:03,000 Now let's dive into today's topic, which is updating our 16 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:07,160 sexual software, which is what's at the core of all of this work. 17 00:01:07,960 --> 00:01:11,400 You know, most of us have inherited unconscious sexual 18 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:14,360 programming, whether this or some school from, you know, our 19 00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:18,400 families, from religion. And this work we're doing is 20 00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:23,320 bringing a new software update, a new evolution of how we show 21 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:26,920 up as men both in the bedroom and down in the world, which as 22 00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:29,280 we talk about all the time, are very connected. 23 00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:33,360 So with that, I'd love to pass it over to you Hawks, and just 24 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:37,320 kick us off and sharing a little bit about how you see this 25 00:01:37,320 --> 00:01:40,200 absent father archetype show up in the work. 26 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:47,280 The absent Father archetype is something that is, for many of 27 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:52,560 us at the root of this longing for role models, this longing 28 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:57,120 for connection and brotherhood. And one way to start off 29 00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,880 addressing the absent father archetype is to speak quite 30 00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:02,960 clearly to what does that mean? How does it show up? 31 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:07,960 And I see a few different aspects of this. 32 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:12,360 There's the physical absent father, someone who quite 33 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:17,320 literally wasn't there. And this could be from an early 34 00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:23,200 death or divorce in the family, in a fractured family unit or an 35 00:02:23,200 --> 00:02:26,320 abandonment, you know, father who wasn't ready to be a father. 36 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:29,640 And then there's an emotionally absent father, which I think 37 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:33,800 it's also very common. It's a dad who's there 38 00:02:33,800 --> 00:02:36,720 physically, but emotionally he's unavailable. 39 00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:40,920 And there's not the opportunity for real affection and 40 00:02:40,920 --> 00:02:46,960 validation, which we need as children growing up in order to 41 00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:52,360 be really secure in ourselves. And then there's the energetic 42 00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:56,960 absence that could show up as a father who hasn't integrated his 43 00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:00,920 own masculinity. And this is, this is a big part 44 00:03:01,120 --> 00:03:04,080 of the work that we're doing, is integrating these parts of 45 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,960 ourselves. Yeah, bro. 46 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,480 Well said. I yeah. 47 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:10,320 I love that you named all those different ways that the absent 48 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:14,240 father has presented itself and all those different levels and 49 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:17,280 physical form, emotional ways, energetic ways. 50 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,840 And, you know, what comes up for me is really where are we 51 00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,080 actually being that in our lives? 52 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:25,440 And that's really where the rubber meets the road. 53 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,760 And a lot of this training like this is what we're covering in 54 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:32,320 some of the foundations of reclaiming your throne. 55 00:03:32,320 --> 00:03:35,640 We say reclaiming the Kingdom, not being that absent father 56 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,960 who's out on an endless quest. There's also this like Peter Pan 57 00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:43,760 archetype where there's just men constantly seeking whether it's 58 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:48,360 a new adventure, it's or it's a new woman or it's more money or 59 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:52,080 like something, anything outside of the present moment, anything 60 00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:55,280 outside of what is it's us escaping the moment. 61 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:57,640 And that's the pattern. If we really were to like 62 00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:01,640 distill it into how does this show up moment by moment? 63 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,640 If we look at things like porn addiction, for instance, why are 64 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,760 we going to porn? It's to check out, you know, 65 00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:11,160 it's to numb, it's to become absent because it's too hard to 66 00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:15,920 be here now. But when we talk about this in 67 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:18,519 the terms of our personal development and how it shows up 68 00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:21,560 in the small, subtle ways, let's say within partnership, which 69 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:26,040 like a feminine partner will be the ultimate mirror, you know, 70 00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:28,880 of like us facing our own inner demons, she'll pick up on 71 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:31,280 everything. And when we just check out of 72 00:04:31,280 --> 00:04:33,880 the relationship, which is what often happens, you know, we're 73 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:38,480 going to porn to just offload our energy because it's too hard 74 00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:42,320 to actually confront the reality that there's no intimacy in my 75 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:45,480 partnership right now because I've been an absent father. 76 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:48,000 You know, or there isn't a partnership at all. 77 00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,600 And there's a deep longing for connection. 78 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:54,480 There's a deep longing for a sense of intimacy, for a sense 79 00:04:54,480 --> 00:05:00,600 of connection, and perhaps there's deep resistance or a 80 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:07,560 lack of skill in acquiring a partner who can actually serve 81 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:14,400 to fill that void in a really holistic, sustainable, enriching 82 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:16,240 way. And so there's there's this 83 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:19,960 reaching of porn. I see a lot showing up for many 84 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:24,880 men in actually, I don't have a partnership, but there's this 85 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:28,280 deep desire within me to feel that connection and that level 86 00:05:28,280 --> 00:05:32,000 of intimacy. And you know that we can string 87 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,680 this back to the absent father archetype as well. 88 00:05:34,680 --> 00:05:39,360 You know, it could be the father who was absent for his wife, for 89 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:43,240 his partner, for the mother of his children, not being there 90 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:48,840 emotionally, energetically or physically in a way that created 91 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:52,320 a role model for children to really understand what it looks 92 00:05:52,320 --> 00:05:57,280 like and how to be in a good way in an intimate relationship. 93 00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:02,000 And so if we haven't learned how to do that, then of course, it 94 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:05,920 could be incredibly difficult to actually create that in our own 95 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:08,400 lives. And So what do we do? 96 00:06:09,280 --> 00:06:12,000 Where do we, where do we find that? 97 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:14,920 Where do we find that guidance and receive the support that 98 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:22,640 that's really important for us to understand how to draw to us 99 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:27,200 a partner that we can then also show up in a deep sense of 100 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:31,920 connection with? Yeah, yeah, 100%. 101 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,760 And so many of these programs are running unconsciously just 102 00:06:34,760 --> 00:06:36,680 like you spoke to. It's like when we didn't have 103 00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:40,200 these role models, which to varying capacities, each and 104 00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,560 every one of us, you know, inherited what we did from our 105 00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:46,080 fathers. There's no shame or guilt, you 106 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,800 know, to be clear around what's been passed down. 107 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:52,480 But it is this, this pattern, this program can be running 108 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,000 beneath the surface in ways that are sabotaging our 109 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:57,640 relationships, which is what you're speaking to, whether we 110 00:06:57,640 --> 00:07:00,600 are in relationship or we're, we're not so. 111 00:07:01,440 --> 00:07:03,800 Yeah, yeah. I appreciate you speaking to 112 00:07:03,800 --> 00:07:06,960 that. No, no shade on the fathers, on 113 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,600 the absent fathers. We've all been that too. 114 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:14,080 I know, I've been that. For sure, we're we're all 115 00:07:14,080 --> 00:07:15,920 repeating patterns that we've learned. 116 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:19,880 And until we're resourced enough to have the tools and the level 117 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:23,840 of consciousness and awareness to rewrite those patterns, they 118 00:07:23,840 --> 00:07:28,280 will continue to repeat. And I have deep compassion for 119 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:32,040 for the fathers and forefathers out there who were doing the 120 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:37,360 best they could. And it's up to us to recognize 121 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,760 where there's awareness and where there's now a new level of 122 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:47,760 consciousness and a new access to tools and support where it's 123 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,080 OK. The pattern doesn't need to 124 00:07:49,080 --> 00:07:51,920 continue repeating because actually we are so resourced in 125 00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:55,600 this day and age. And there are so many ways and 126 00:07:55,600 --> 00:08:01,520 places that we can go to, to, to receive the role model, to 127 00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:04,240 receive the support that that we may not have had. 128 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:10,000 And so I love, you know, I want to actually just shout out the 129 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:14,720 men in our programs. You know, we have 21 phenomenal 130 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,200 men showing up in our cohorts right now. 131 00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:21,640 And one of the themes I see across the board is these men 132 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:26,400 are acknowledging the awareness that they have of where they're 133 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:29,600 not showing up fully. There's a level of awareness of 134 00:08:29,600 --> 00:08:33,480 where they may have received some of these patterns, but it's 135 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:38,039 not from the victimhood of I am this way because I didn't have 136 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:42,760 the access to the support that I wanted or would have been 137 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:45,680 important for me growing up. But actually, I'm here to 138 00:08:45,920 --> 00:08:49,160 rewrite these patterns. And it's bringing all of that 139 00:08:49,160 --> 00:08:54,280 awareness and being willing to step forward and say, like, this 140 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:56,480 ends here. Yeah. 141 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,480 Replacing the absent father archetype with the present 142 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:04,160 father, with the king who has reclaimed his throne coming back 143 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:07,840 into full presence is ultimately what this is all about, which 144 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:11,720 sounds so simple and yet it is so deep. 145 00:09:11,920 --> 00:09:15,760 You know all the ways that we often will escape the present 146 00:09:15,760 --> 00:09:17,600 moment. And when we talk about bringing 147 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:20,680 it into the bedroom, this is really where we we say how we 148 00:09:20,680 --> 00:09:22,680 show up in the world is how we show up in the bedroom. 149 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:27,040 When we have that muscle, if you want to call it a muscle, that 150 00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:31,680 skill developed of being able to breathe, to stay in our body, to 151 00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:36,280 stay focused, to not distract ourselves or try to numb out or 152 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:40,320 try to escape the intensity of true intimacy. 153 00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,240 That's when we really become available actually to those 154 00:09:43,240 --> 00:09:48,560 deeper levels of intimacy with other, you know, and especially 155 00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:50,960 when we talk about a romantic partner, that is what's at the 156 00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:54,000 core of all of this work. It's tuning into the subtle, 157 00:09:54,360 --> 00:09:58,360 slowing down, becoming more present and more present and 158 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:01,440 more present and more present, emerging meditation and all 159 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:05,440 these other practices into this state that we like to call just 160 00:10:05,440 --> 00:10:07,680 the higher self. You know, which is like where 161 00:10:07,680 --> 00:10:10,960 I'm I'm not in the future, I'm not in the past, I'm not in any 162 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:14,280 state of dis ease. I'm in my center. 163 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:17,920 I'm in the eye of the hurricane. I'm able to find that space and 164 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:21,160 lead myself. And by doing so, I am leading my 165 00:10:21,160 --> 00:10:25,600 partner and she is trusting me and she is being drawn into that 166 00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:29,040 masculine king energy. And the the children are looking 167 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:31,920 up to that and my friends and my business partners and everyone 168 00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:37,680 just feels this version of me that's like fully here and like 169 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:41,920 fully aligned. Yeah, yeah. 170 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:46,320 As we, as we witnessed a brother on one of our calls last night, 171 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:50,280 having the experience of that, just being in a, a department 172 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:55,360 store and feeling like, holy, I'm fully here and the world is 173 00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:57,440 reflecting that to me. And this is a different 174 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:01,320 experience. And I love what you said, Ben, 175 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:05,760 about the importance of the breath and how that can bring us 176 00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:09,200 into our body, especially when we're in that intimate 177 00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:12,520 experience. And something that that's been 178 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:18,080 that's come up many times is the prevalence of shame, the 179 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:22,440 prevalence of a lack of confidence in the bedroom and 180 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:26,080 how that can bring a man out of his body and into his head. 181 00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:30,400 If there's a fear of I'm not going to last long enough, you 182 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,520 know, And actually, just to rewind a little bit, another 183 00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:37,400 theme of so many of the men, maybe all of the men in our 184 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:42,040 program is the desire to show up in the best way they can in the 185 00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,400 bedroom and in life, and particularly in the bedroom for 186 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:50,200 their romantic partners. And what's 1 of the big things 187 00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:52,440 in the way of that is getting stuck in our head. 188 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,720 And what brings so many men out of their body into the head 189 00:11:56,760 --> 00:12:04,880 during lovemaking is the fear of am I showing up in the best way 190 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,360 I can for my partner? Is she experiencing pleasure? 191 00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,800 Is she going to have this wonderful experience that I 192 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:13,560 desire for her to have? And, you know, one of the ways 193 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:17,800 that might show up is a concern of not lasting long enough, you 194 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,440 know, and then it's like, oh, don't come, don't come, don't 195 00:12:20,440 --> 00:12:23,160 come. And this just like story in the 196 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:26,000 head of like, oh shit. Like the last three times we had 197 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,000 sex, I came way earlier than I wanted to. 198 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:30,680 And now this pattern is going to repeat. 199 00:12:30,680 --> 00:12:33,520 And boom, all of a sudden that man is checked out. 200 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:34,840 He's checked out from his partner. 201 00:12:34,840 --> 00:12:36,320 He's checked out from his own experience. 202 00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:40,440 And he's just in this loop in his head of how do I not do this 203 00:12:40,440 --> 00:12:46,320 thing? And to bring it back to a little 204 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:50,600 bit of the skill development that, you know, it's there's the 205 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:54,440 skill of, if we want to call it that, of being present, how to 206 00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,160 actually really be present. And then there's also skills 207 00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:01,400 that we can develop that allow us to come out of the head and 208 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:04,640 into the body to have that confidence that allows us to 209 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:08,400 really be present and not in the fear or in the anxiety. 210 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:12,880 And the tools that we have to allow men to work with 211 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,600 themselves to develop the awareness, the level of 212 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,840 awareness of arousal in their body, the tools to mitigate, to 213 00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:25,480 manage to circulate that energy, to then be able to, to know in 214 00:13:25,480 --> 00:13:28,160 their own lived experience. Like, oh, I, I got this. 215 00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:33,400 The next time I'm making love with my partner, I know what to 216 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,960 do. And it actually all those tools 217 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:40,080 are about and designed to like drop us back into the body, but 218 00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:44,080 to do so in a skillful, informed, educated way that 219 00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:48,880 allow us to then circulate that energy, last as long as we want 220 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:52,680 and be fully present. And I think there's yeah, just 221 00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:54,960 so many different angles that we can come at this from. 222 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:58,400 But it what it all comes back to is the ability to be present, to 223 00:13:58,400 --> 00:14:01,320 not be absent from our partner, from our children, from our 224 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:05,320 lives, from ourselves. Yeah, and I'm imagining for 225 00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:08,720 anyone listening and you know, who is new to this work, if we 226 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,720 were to talk about some of these tools and just getting started 227 00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:16,120 and how to get out of the loops of the mind, how to catch 228 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:19,360 ourselves when we're we're being pulled out of the moment when 229 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:23,680 our awareness is drifting away from being fully here fully now 230 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,480 and making love with life itself, as we say, you know, 231 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,280 which then that skill applies directly to our partner. 232 00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:32,320 It's just this honed attention, but with the breath and with 233 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:35,120 these other tools. Would you like to OfferUp just a 234 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:38,040 real basic practice that you could give guys that they could 235 00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:40,840 actually take away from this, this podcast? 236 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:53,200 Let's see the first one that pops up specifically when 237 00:14:53,880 --> 00:14:58,160 engaging romantically with a partner is often a really 238 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:00,760 difficult one, but it's eye contact. 239 00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:07,280 Eye contact can be confronting can be uncomfortable for for 240 00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:12,040 many people who haven't yet developed the comfortability 241 00:15:12,040 --> 00:15:15,080 with that or the comfortability with themselves to be really 242 00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:19,880 seen because it's a two way St. it's looking out and also 243 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,520 allowing in. It's not staring. 244 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:28,080 It's gazing like through a window that is seeing the light 245 00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:31,520 that's coming in. And it's also allowing what's 246 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:36,440 inside to be seen. And so that's one tool that that 247 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:40,480 if it's not a regular practice for, for any man in a romantic 248 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:44,600 relationship, just see. Could I bring my eyes to meet 249 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,040 her eyes again and again and again. 250 00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:50,920 And if it's just for a couple seconds or a few seconds at the 251 00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:52,920 first time and OK, we'll bring it back. 252 00:15:52,920 --> 00:15:55,160 And now can I, can I be there a little longer? 253 00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,000 Can I soften the gaze a little more? 254 00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,680 And, and that's a potent tool when we, when we have that 255 00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:04,040 unlocked to come into presence, because immediately, you know, 256 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:07,320 in my experience with eye gazing, it's like whatever else 257 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,760 is going on in the world, it drops away and it's like, oh, 258 00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:11,520 it's one soul meeting another soul. 259 00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:15,120 And that's a potent way to to drop into consciousness and 260 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:19,360 presence. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna add into 261 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:22,200 that pairing this with a basic practice. 262 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:25,480 We use the foundations of our entire training. 263 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,440 We start with this, this thing called the Smiling King breath, 264 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,480 which many of you have heard if you've been following our work 265 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,840 or some of our testimonials or guys talking about the Smiling 266 00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:37,200 King. This is just our own little 267 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:43,120 recipe of tools, psychosomatic tools, we say to drop you into 268 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:46,800 presence, to drop you into the driver's seat, to take the 269 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:51,440 throne of your Kingdom, to step out of the absent Father 270 00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:55,000 archetype in any moment and just step right into the center. 271 00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:58,680 So I'll invite that real quick. If you'd like to follow along in 272 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,800 this practice, I'll invite anyone listening to just take a 273 00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:03,360 minute. If you're driving a car or 274 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,839 operating heavy machinery, do not follow this. 275 00:17:05,839 --> 00:17:07,880 Follow this at your own discernment and discretion. 276 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:12,079 But if you you're seated down, just take a moment to close your 277 00:17:12,079 --> 00:17:15,640 eyes and begin breathing into your lower belly. 278 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:18,040 If you want to place your hands just below your belly button, 279 00:17:18,319 --> 00:17:23,000 one over the other, inhale and just relax that belly and allow 280 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:27,359 it to fill up with air. On the exhale, you can sigh a 281 00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:31,120 little bit, notice, make an audible sigh. 282 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:34,640 Notice what that does. I'm in a deep circular belly 283 00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:38,600 breathing. Big inhale sign on that exhale, 284 00:17:41,760 --> 00:17:44,600 continuing with that deep circular belly breathing at your 285 00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:48,320 own pace. Big breasts expanding that belly 286 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:53,120 in a relaxed way. Sign invitation. 287 00:17:53,120 --> 00:17:56,960 We say this is like playing a game, just in your own way. 288 00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:01,000 Stay focused. Keeping that deep circular belly 289 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,560 breathing. Don't stop. 290 00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:05,120 Imagine this is like juggling. You're juggling one ball right 291 00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:07,960 now. If you can just stay focused on 292 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:11,920 breathing into your lower belly. Notice any subtle sensations as 293 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:18,720 you continue doing this. This is the first step, always 294 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:22,080 coming back to the breath. Deep circular belly breathing 295 00:18:24,040 --> 00:18:26,440 and set aside any of the future of the past. 296 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:31,760 Any to do lists? Nah, just be here now with your 297 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:34,440 next breath, as you continue this circular belly breathing, 298 00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:36,640 I'm going to invite you to imagine there's a golden string 299 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:40,080 tied to the top of your head. And as you inhale that string 300 00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:43,560 back to that string pulling up on your head, roll your 301 00:18:43,560 --> 00:18:45,320 shoulders back, nice proud chest. 302 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:47,320 Tuck your chin down towards your collarbone. 303 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,000 Exhale with a side. See if you can relax into this 304 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,720 posture. Oh, this is our kingly posture. 305 00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:58,880 This is it's a bit of a practice at first, inhaling again, 306 00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:02,040 staying in the breath. See if you can hold this, these 307 00:19:02,040 --> 00:19:08,360 opposites, holding this form king breath while relaxing into 308 00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:10,200 the form. Let your shoulders soften even 309 00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:13,440 while your chest stays proud and your spine lengthened, chin 310 00:19:13,440 --> 00:19:17,920 tucked, continuing to stay in the breath. 311 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:21,440 OK, we're just stacking practices here. 312 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,200 Just notice what this feels like with your spine fully opened, a 313 00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:26,640 nice proud posture. This is really important for us 314 00:19:26,640 --> 00:19:29,680 to step into presence. The breath, the posture. 315 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,720 On the next inhale, we're going to stack. 316 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:37,440 Now we're going to invite a smile, just a gentle smile to 317 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:40,600 your face. And we say, if there's any part 318 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,200 of you that doesn't want to smile, we invite you to smile at 319 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:48,720 that because why the fuck not? And just notice any shift with 320 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:53,080 bringing that smile, big inhale into that. 321 00:19:56,360 --> 00:19:59,360 Notice if you're leaning forward or back, if you're spying, if 322 00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:03,080 you can find that sweet spot where your spine is perfectly 323 00:20:03,080 --> 00:20:07,480 balanced like a pencil on its tip, just relaxing, shedding 324 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:10,560 tension, sinking into your seat, smiling. 325 00:20:14,040 --> 00:20:16,600 Now we're going to turn off. Imagine your smiles on a light 326 00:20:16,600 --> 00:20:18,800 switch. Turn off your smile, But 327 00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:21,200 everything else stay the same. Deep, circular belly breathing. 328 00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:31,320 I'll flip it on. It off back to a stern face back 329 00:20:31,320 --> 00:20:37,200 on. Just notice that contrast now 330 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:39,840 just continue to smile. Continue to breathe into that 331 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,360 belly. You're doing great just juggling 332 00:20:42,360 --> 00:20:47,520 the breath, the big king posture, the smile, the sigh. 333 00:20:51,920 --> 00:20:54,960 And from here we have the foundations of what's called the 334 00:20:54,960 --> 00:20:57,160 Smiling King Breath. What we're going to do is just 335 00:20:57,160 --> 00:21:02,400 inhale, scanning the body from head to toe, breathing into any 336 00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:05,680 tension, smiling into any tension in the body or in the 337 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:09,960 mind, exhaling it out with a sigh, letting yourself sink 338 00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:13,480 deeper into your seat, letting your shoulders soften, your 339 00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:17,480 face, your jaw. You continue breathing into the 340 00:21:17,480 --> 00:21:20,400 belly, peeling back the onion one layer at a time. 341 00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:26,080 See how much more you can relax. Just let it go, sink deeper. 342 00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:27,800 Let the muscles melt on the bone. 343 00:21:34,870 --> 00:21:37,310 Now just come back to the simplicity of the breath. 344 00:21:37,350 --> 00:21:40,430 Notice since we began a few minutes ago, maybe 5 minutes 345 00:21:40,430 --> 00:21:45,790 ago, what's shifted inside. And keep your eyes closed. 346 00:21:47,070 --> 00:21:50,920 What we call this is the eye of the hurricane, the smiling king. 347 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,040 This is our home base. This is what we give all the 348 00:21:53,040 --> 00:21:55,160 brothers in the beginning of the training program. 349 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,760 We build on this foundation. We start to stack more and more 350 00:21:59,760 --> 00:22:04,760 and more practices on top of it until eventually this becomes 351 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:08,280 our default state of being. And it just feels so good, 352 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,440 doesn't it? To not be the absent father, to 353 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:17,320 be present, to be the king and not the Prince who's off lost 354 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:22,720 and his seeking. All right, so I'll invite us to 355 00:22:22,720 --> 00:22:28,120 slowly come back out, big old breath and see if you can hold 356 00:22:28,120 --> 00:22:33,360 the feeling, the relaxation, the smiling king, even with your 357 00:22:33,360 --> 00:22:40,000 eyes open. Just notice you can sit in this. 358 00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:41,680 Can you feel a shift in the room? 359 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:47,640 Can you feel the quantum field around you adapting and almost 360 00:22:47,680 --> 00:22:51,440 echoing back your internal state? 361 00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:06,400 This is step one of coming back into our presence. 362 00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:11,240 It's all right here, right now. Just breathe. 363 00:23:11,240 --> 00:23:14,440 Can you fully be here, not caught in the loops of the past, 364 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:18,400 the future, you know, would not get caught in stories of 365 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:22,280 perceptions of the world around you that are victimhood, you 366 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:25,080 know, that are blaming others or that are judging others? 367 00:23:25,080 --> 00:23:29,200 Or can we just let go of all of that and just step into this 368 00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:34,520 deep state of internal coherence and peace and love with 369 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:36,360 everything within us and around us? 370 00:23:36,360 --> 00:23:39,040 And this is the smiling energy, you know, the breath. 371 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:43,920 The the breath in Hebrew is like Yahweh is 1 interpretation of 372 00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:45,120 it. Yah Yeah. 373 00:23:45,120 --> 00:23:47,080 As an in breath waves out breath. 374 00:23:49,280 --> 00:23:54,720 So this is essentially like us channeling Father God energy. 375 00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:57,320 You know, I know for a lot of people that may be a little 376 00:23:57,320 --> 00:23:59,800 triggering. It was for me, I came from a 377 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:03,520 religious upbringing. But to me, that's the ultimate 378 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,080 embodiment of, I mean, that's the opposite of the absent 379 00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:11,440 father is like being that unconditionally loving father. 380 00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:14,120 You know who is there? He's solid. 381 00:24:14,120 --> 00:24:16,440 He's not going anywhere, doesn't matter what comes. 382 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,440 Yeah. And I would say, you know, even 383 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:27,760 just connecting with that energy that's within us, around us and 384 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:32,760 available all of the time. And yet also takes some 385 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:40,720 development, some skill, often some guidance to, to be able to 386 00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:44,560 access and connect with that energy and in a, in a way that 387 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:47,120 allows us to then bring it into ourselves. 388 00:24:47,280 --> 00:24:50,440 As you're saying, use you were used the word channel. 389 00:24:50,440 --> 00:24:53,080 I would just use the word, you know, connect with and then 390 00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:57,840 embody and live through and allowing that to to actually be 391 00:24:57,840 --> 00:25:01,280 the the father that's there always. 392 00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:06,760 And that's something that we all have equal opportunity and, and 393 00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:10,280 access to. And yeah, this feels like an 394 00:25:10,280 --> 00:25:12,600 appropriate place to close it off today. 395 00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:17,920 Thank you for that practice, Ben, And thank you to anyone 396 00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:22,800 listening in practicing along. Hope that we've provided some 397 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:27,000 value for you today and look forward to continuing these 398 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:28,120 conversations. Ben. 399 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:30,800 Yeah. Thank you all for tuning in and 400 00:25:30,960 --> 00:25:34,240 hope you found value in this today, this first step in the 401 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:40,800 reclamation of the Kingdom, you know, of masculinity, updating 402 00:25:40,800 --> 00:25:44,200 the software, you know, breaking the pattern of the absent father 403 00:25:45,600 --> 00:25:49,360 and stepping into the husband's, the father, the brother. 404 00:25:49,600 --> 00:25:52,040 You know, the men that we came here to be, the men that we are 405 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:54,360 looking for. You know, we are the ones we've 406 00:25:54,360 --> 00:25:56,640 been looking for. This is what I want to leave 407 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:59,040 guys with. You know, we are the heroes of 408 00:25:59,040 --> 00:26:01,120 this story. That's why we came into this 409 00:26:01,120 --> 00:26:04,440 lifetime. And when we can claim that 410 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,520 fully, you know, and step into that more fully. 411 00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:09,240 And as Hawke said, it takes time. 412 00:26:09,240 --> 00:26:12,240 It takes practice. Isolation is a killer. 413 00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:14,840 You know, we get caught in our own loops in isolation. 414 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,680 You know, this work is meant to be together. 415 00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:20,600 We've always done this together as humans in tribes. 416 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:23,880 And we are coming into unprecedented times of 417 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:26,920 isolation, actually, even as the world is becoming more 418 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:30,160 connected. And I know speaking on behalf of 419 00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:34,440 my own journey and and our journey Hawks and the journey of 420 00:26:34,440 --> 00:26:36,880 the brotherhoods that we've been a part of and now the men's 421 00:26:36,880 --> 00:26:41,360 sexual mastery brotherhood. I know I would not be here if it 422 00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:45,840 were not for for you, for all the brothers who've supported me 423 00:26:45,840 --> 00:26:47,840 in my journey and who we're supporting. 424 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:53,680 May this work continue to deepen on behalf of our children's 425 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:56,160 children's children. May the ripples in time and 426 00:26:56,160 --> 00:27:00,960 space of us stepping into our higher selves, the men we came 427 00:27:00,960 --> 00:27:05,600 here to be, continue to just bless forward all generations 428 00:27:05,600 --> 00:27:07,200 like. That's why I know you and I are 429 00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:10,440 here for that. We're here to guide the men home 430 00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:13,280 to themselves so that they can show up and and bring in the 431 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,440 families, bring in the children to stronger homes, you know, 432 00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:20,000 where the men are not absent. The men are fully there and 433 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:23,480 making love in all the different ways with their reality and 434 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:26,680 stepping into that divine father archetype. 435 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:30,480 So yeah, it's been an honour, brother, Great to drop in with 436 00:27:30,480 --> 00:27:33,520 you today, yeah. Big love to you, big love to all 437 00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,560 the listeners and all the brothers out there.