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I'm Effie, a life coach who 
profoundly gives a fuck about 

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you feeling better for good. 
I teach people how to cut the 

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crap and live according to their
own rules. 

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It's a crime we don't learn this
stuff in school, but it's 

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simpler than you think to break 
the pattern and start living the

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life you want. 
Listen on to find out how. 

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Hey, welcome to Feeling Better 
for Good. 

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I am so glad you're here. 
I'm so excited for today's 

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episode. 
This is podcast #5 in a series 

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I'm doing on reinvention. 
And today we're looking at how 

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it's possible to work as hard as
you do, where it feels like 

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you're doing all the right 
things, but you're not getting 

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the traction you need to move 
forward in the way that you want

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to and quite frankly, the way 
that you deserve to in your 

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life. 
So last time we talked about how

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to break out of chronic burnout,
AKA a toxic stress cycle, by 

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reorienting yourself. 
So I introduced you to the 

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concept of directing your brain 
by asking better questions. 

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And three questions in 
particular. 

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One, how do I feel honestly? 
Two, how do I want to feel 

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instead? 
And three, who do I want to be 

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and how do I want to live? 
And OK, I know that last 1 is 

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really two questions, but 
they're so interrelated, I tend 

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to ask them in the same breath. 
So let's just go with it. 

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Today we're talking about the 
why. 

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Why am I not getting the results
I want even though I'm working 

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my ass off? 
The answer is quite simple, but 

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it has more than one layer. 
So we're going to take the work 

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that we did last time, we're 
going to push it even further, 

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and we're going to look at it on
a number of different layers. 

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The central metaphor I'm going 
to be using throughout this 

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podcast is the diagnosis. 
A diagnosis, of course, is the 

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identification of a condition 
based on individual symptoms, 

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history, and other data like 
test results. 

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And we don't just want a 
diagnosis, we want the 

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diagnosis, right? 
An accurate one to be able to 

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move forward effectively. 
Because without that, we're 

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whistling in the dark and with 
an inaccurate diagnosis, we're 

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off on a path that takes us 
further from the solution and 

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may actually be harmful. 
Actively. 

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Not just because it's delaying 
your ability to feel better for 

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good and get the solution that's
ultimately gonna work for you, 

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but because the treatment may be
so inappropriate to the real 

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problem that it actually makes 
it worse. 

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I was inspired to tackle this 
subject on the podcast because I

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have a close family member who's
been going through some serious 

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medical stuff this year and 
quite recently, just in the last

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couple of months, and I want to 
protect their privacy so I'm not

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sharing specific details, but 
suffice it to say they had some 

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really disturbing symptoms crop 
up. 

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Not suddenly. 
They were like a gradual onset. 

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And they tried to manage it on 
their own, but it just kept 

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happening and seemed to be 
getting worse. 

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And they weren't necessarily 
getting a serious response from 

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their medical professionals. 
But finally, it was just 

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unavoidable. 
So they went in to get seen in 

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earnest, thinking that it was 
one thing, you know, they'd done

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their research. 
They were like, I think, I think

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this is probably what's going 
on. 

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But their doctor had a hunch in 
a completely different 

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direction. 
So the doctor ordered tests and 

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found out it was a serious issue
with an organ system that wasn't

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even on the radar for their 
patient. 

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My family member, I'll call them
my person, just I know I'm using

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like vague pronouns here, but 
we'll call them my person. 

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So the doctors and specialists 
didn't know, and my person 

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didn't know what the issue was 
yet. 

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And the symptoms kept really 
cropping up and seemingly 

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getting worse while they tested 
to be able to pinpoint exactly 

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what's going on. 
And when they finally did, when 

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they finally hit on the thing, 
my person had such relief just 

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from the clarity of finally 
knowing what was going on that 

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they started to feel 
substantially better. 

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Like instantly. 
And I'm talking 50% better or 

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more immediately. 
And this was not just mentally 

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and emotionally better. 
Physically they had more energy.

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They were moving better. 
Their symptoms were both lower 

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in frequency and intensity, 
which is wild. 

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But getting an accurate 
diagnosis changed the game. 

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It didn't solve the problem, but
it was obviously a big turning 

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point in their ability to move 
forward and get the right help 

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and then of course, to be able 
to adjust their thinking and 

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their emotional state and their 
expectations for receiving that 

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help. 
So what happened with my person 

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is they needed surgical 
intervention to resolve the 

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problem, so they took care of 
that and ended up having a 

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complication related to the 
surgery. 

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So they had a completely new set
of symptoms that seriously 

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limited their activity. 
It was really different than the

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first set of symptoms, which was
largely resolved with this 

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surgery, but the new symptom set
was even worse than the oldest 

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symptom set, and it really 
compromised their ability to be 

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active even more than before. 
So they went through some real 

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despair, thinking their body 
just maybe didn't take well to 

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the surgery and this was their 
new normal in life. 

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But then they went back in. 
They advocated for themselves, 

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insisted on getting some 
additional testing, and boom, 

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they identified the problem. 
It turned out to be a relatively

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common complication related to 
this specific surgery, but they 

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weren't hip to it, and as soon 
as they were, again, it was 

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instant medicine in the form of 
clarity and validation. 

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My person felt 50% better right 
away. 

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Symptoms faded, not disappeared.
There was a new course of 

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treatment, but again, they knew 
what was up and that made all 

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the difference. 
So the number one reason you are

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not getting traction and 
creating the results you want, 

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even though you're working hard,
is that you're not addressing 

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the real problem. 
There's a hidden problem 

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underneath what appears to be 
the issue. 

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And this, my love, is so common.
I see it all the time when I'm 

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consulting with women in my 
practice. 

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It really is not a matter of 
ability or talent OR skill. 

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It's that my ambitious, amazing,
highly competent Superwoman are 

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caught up in unwinnable games, 
and we've touched on this in 

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recent episodes. 
So again, if you are taking bold

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action and pushing and showing 
up big, the result is not 

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finding you and you don't know 
why. 

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The reason it's not working is 
not an indictment on you, it's 

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that you're simply solving the 
wrong problem and it's not your 

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fault. 
It is not your fault. 

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We all have blind spots and our 
brains are trained habitually on

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things that aren't really 
relevant or helpful if what 

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we're interested in is 
innovating and creating 

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solutions that produce real 
results. 

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By the way, even if you are 
really good at producing results

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in one area of your life, but 
you're finding you feel really 

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stuck in this other area that 
you're trying to create some 

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real traction and create some 
real momentum in. 

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It is a matter of focus and it's
a matter of perspective. 

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High level problems require high
level solutions, and we have to 

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change our context to be able to
access them. 

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We have to be looking at things 
from a different angle, 

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literally coming from a 
different place to be able to 

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see the problem more clearly. 
We're just standing in the wrong

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spot. 
So to do this, to be able to see

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the problem more clearly and 
come from this different angle, 

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we must train our brain to ask 
more helpful questions. 

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And the great Ani DiFranco, the 
lyricist and songwriter, 

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singer-songwriter, has a song 
called Hell Yeah. 

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One of the lyrics that I 
absolutely love in this song is 

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that if you don't ask the right 
questions, every answer feels 

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wrong. 
When I first heard that in the 

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90s, I was like, oh shit. 
And I've taken it with me. 

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If you don't ask the right 
questions, every answer feels 

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wrong. 
So no wonder you're stuck. 

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No wonder it feels like you 
can't move forward. 

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Because the way you get into 
this pickle, spinning your 

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wheels, working so hard to try 
to solve a problem that's not 

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the real problem, is by asking 
the wrong questions. 

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You can literally be doing all 
the right things and failing 

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miserably. 
When this is the case. 

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I'm gonna give you an example 
from my own life. 

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It's actually the pivotal moment
in my own history that changed 

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everything. 
When with the help of a single 

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coaching tool, I was able to see
the part I had been playing in 

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my own anxiety and depression 
for decades. 

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The light switched on for me, 
and I have never been the same 

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in the best way possible. 
And here's the best way I can 

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describe it, or the best way I 
know how to describe it. 

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For as long as I can remember, 
I'd struggled with mood issues 

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and what clinicians 
characterized as feeling 

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disorders or mood disorders, 
namely depression and anxiety. 

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These are issues of emotional 
regulation. 

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And what I've learned not from 
counseling but from coaching, is

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that emotional regulation is a 
skill. 

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It is learned, and if you learn 
how to regulate your emotions 

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early on in life, you are 
exceptional. 

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This is not a value of Western 
society and tragically is just 

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not something that's taught to 
us. 

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I want to be really clear here 
that when I say emotional 

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regulation, I mean knowing how 
to process emotional energy 

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through your nervous system 
simply and effectively without 

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shame, resistance or indulgence 
or without getting stuck in any 

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of those areas. 
Not something that's ingrained 

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in US, right? 
Anyway, I always struggled to 

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manage my moods. 
And as a result, I thought of 

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myself in a certain way as a bit
of a ticking time bomb or, you 

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know, my, I was also treated in 
this way, which is, you know, 

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she's kind of just erratic or an
unreliable person. 

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And I thought of myself that 
way. 

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And I thought of myself as a 
depressive. 

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And since I was very little, I 
felt things very deeply. 

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It was hard living in my body 
'cause I didn't know how to move

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this energy, and I didn't 
understand that it was totally 

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OK to have these big emotions 
and to work with those. 

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And that I could, in finding out
how to work with them, access a 

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new kind of power. 
Not in spite of my emotional 

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difficulties, but fueled by 
them. 

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And in that place of 
disempowerment, where my big 

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emotions were the problem, I 
frequently felt wronged and 

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like, you know, things weren't 
working out for me or they 

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weren't going to work out for 
me. 

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So these were the kind of 
questions that occupied my mind.

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And just notice if you see 
yourself in these questions. 

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What's wrong with me? 
Why do I feel so bad? 

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Why is it that nothing I do 
makes a difference? 

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What's wrong with people? 
What's wrong with the world? 

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Listen carefully and you will 
hear an embedded command in each

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of these questions, and none of 
them, I promise you, will ever 

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have satisfying answers because 
the premise is fucked in each of

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them. 
OK, what's wrong with me assumes

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that there is in fact something 
wrong with you, that you are the

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problem. 
You keep asking that question 

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and you will keep finding things
wrong with you, I guarantee it. 

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I did that racket for decades. 
The question why do I feel so 

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bad unconsciously reinforces 
your bad feeling baseline. 

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Hey, remember we feel bad, 
that's who we are. 

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Again, look for reasons to feel 
bad and you will always find 

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more, I guarantee it. 
But that's not going to help you

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feel better, it's just going to 
entrench those neural pathways 

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even more. 
Same with nothing I do makes a 

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difference and what's wrong with
people and what's wrong with the

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world based on fundamental 
errors in thinking. 

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And all of these thoughts are 
100% self fulfilling. 

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What I am not suggesting is that
you deny the reality of how you 

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feel. 
But we are orienting toward 

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different questions and 
therefore different solutions. 

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Your brain will happily provide 
answers to any question you ask 

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it. 
I promise lots and lots of 

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answers, but answers to 
questions based on faulty 

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thinking is never going to be 
productive. 

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So when it wants to spin up in 
the same old deteriorating line 

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of questions, which it's going 
to want to do, it is in the 

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habit of this and it's going to 
want to go there. 

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But what we need to do is start 
getting in a new habit, the 

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habit of directing it to higher 
quality questions based on 

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problems you actually have power
over, based on problems you can 

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actually do something about. 
What I want to offer you are a 

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few questions to seed you. 
These are what to direct your 

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brain to when you're in a place 
where you feel stuck or like 

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your efforts aren't working, 
especially when you're putting 

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out a lot of effort. 
So write these down for when you

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need them. 
You can also tweak them, massage

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them, make them yours. 
All right, here you go. 

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Where might I be misaligned? 
Where am I not taking 

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responsibility for myself? 
Where am I assuming 

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responsibility for things that 
actually aren't mine? 

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What am I thinking? 
This is the most powerful one. 

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What am I thinking, 'cause we 
tend to really over identify 

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with our thoughts. 
But what I'm suggesting that you

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do, and this is a practice that 
I have every single one of my 

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clients learn in the beginning 
of our work, is to do a brain 

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dump. 
Just get out all of the thoughts

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that are in your head onto paper
where you can actually deal with

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them. 
And so in addition to what am I 

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thinking and then just getting 
them out of your head onto 

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paper. 
When you're looking at those 

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thoughts, you ask yourself now, 
am I willing to question every 

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one of these thoughts? 
Am I willing to evaluate how 

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each of them make me feel and 
whether or not I want to keep 

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choosing them? 
This is one of the most powerful

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questions you can ask yourself, 
but it only comes after you 

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really, truly understand what 
you are thinking and feeling. 

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And answering the question why I
feel this way can always be 

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traced back to your thoughts. 
Thoughts create your emotions, 

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your emotions create your 
patterns of action, and your 

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patterns of action create your 
results. 

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So we cannot ignore the fuel. 
Even if you're doing everything 

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right, you're doing all the 
right things. 

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So your pattern of action is 
squeaky clean. 

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If you're not putting the right 
fuel into it, if you're not 

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putting the right thoughts and 
feelings into it, you're going 

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to come up short in your 
outcomes and your results. 

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So play with those. 
See how far you get with those. 

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I want to give you 4 that are 
really the the simplest ones and

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really everything that you need 
to start reprogramming the 

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system. 
First one is how can I get the 

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insight I need to assess the 
situation more clearly right 

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now? 
Next is what's the next smallest

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step I can take to move forward?
Then who can I reach out to for 

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help? 
And finally, am I willing to 

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trust the process? 
Directing your brain is tough in

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the beginning. 
It's going to want to wrestle 

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the reins right out of your 
hands and pony off on its own. 

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Boy, does it love doing that. 
But keep trying, it will pay 

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off. 
These questions will start to 

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become habitual with repetition,
and they will change not only 

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how you see life, but how you 
perceive yourself. 

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Developing this practice is so 
vital because your brain will 

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naturally start answering 
whatever questions you offer it 

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and it will start to accept the 
underlying commands. 

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And each time you repeat this, 
it will accept them on a deeper 

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level. 
So in those questions, the 

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underlying commands are I can 
take responsibility, I can 

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choose my thoughts, I can get 
the insight I need, I can move 

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forward, reach out for help, 
trust the process. 

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We forget that that's the case 
when we are in the stock zone. 

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So these questions are 
absolutely transformative. 

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Please let me know how they're 
working for you if you're coming

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up against roadblocks. 
I always love hearing from my 

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people. 
You can DM me at Effie Levore on

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Instagram or Facebook. 
You can also just e-mail me 

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effie@effielevore.com. 
The last thing I want to say 

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about this, and this is super 
important, is just how valuable 

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it is to have expert guidance 
when we're seeking a better way 

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00:17:34,240 --> 00:17:36,760
of being. 
And that's what I define 

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reinvention as, simply a better 
way of being. 

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And most of us are going to want
to guide as we cultivate that 

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discernment and the ability to 
manage our minds and our 

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00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,040
emotions, because this is not 
something it's taught to us and 

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00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:54,200
modeled for us generally. 
We need a trusted servant or a 

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00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,960
sole friend, a guide who's 
further down the path than we 

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00:17:57,960 --> 00:18:00,280
are to help us light our own way
forward. 

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I cannot overstate the value of 
consulting an expert here. 

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00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:10,040
Just like when you go into the 
doctor, you are relying on their

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00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:15,160
expertise to help you make the 
best decisions you can, but they

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are not the authority on you, 
your body or your life. 

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00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:22,600
You are. 
And a good coach, a good life 

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00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,160
coach, just like a good doctor, 
is going to help you get the 

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00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:29,240
data and insight you need to 
make the most informed choices 

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00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,680
on the stuff that really 
matters, the stuff that can 

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00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:37,080
change the course of your life. 
If you know you're ripe for 

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00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:41,360
reinvention in 2026 and suspect 
that I'm the guide for you, 

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00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:45,240
let's find out. 
On December 2nd, that's next 

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00:18:45,240 --> 00:18:49,520
Tuesday, I am opening 
applications for my exclusive 

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00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:54,080
one-on-one coaching program. 
This is a high touch experience 

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00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:58,240
where you get direct access to 
me as you reinvent yourself and 

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00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:03,000
reinvent your life from the 
inside out to create the highest

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00:19:03,120 --> 00:19:05,920
impact. 
Whether it's a big level up in 

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00:19:05,920 --> 00:19:08,480
your work, in your 
relationships. 

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00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:12,200
Maybe you're wanting to create a
new relationship, maybe it's 

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00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,720
your health, your finances, you 
name it, I got you. 

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00:19:16,240 --> 00:19:20,360
This program is called Your Year
of Reinvention. 

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00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,520
And look, I want you to know 
it's not for everybody. 

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00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:28,520
But if the idea of doing a 2025 
repeat gives you the shivers and

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00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:31,520
you know you're ready for this 
kind of support, you're going to

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00:19:31,520 --> 00:19:34,480
want to apply. 
I'll be accepting 3 women into 

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00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,080
this container. 
I have spots for just three, so 

329
00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,840
make sure you stay tuned for 
details. 

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00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,880
Check in here on December 2nd or
hop on my e-mail list now by 

331
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:47,240
going to afilavore.com and click
Get high on my emails. 

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00:19:48,080 --> 00:19:51,160
All right, that's the podcast. 
Thank you for spending this time

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00:19:51,160 --> 00:19:53,280
with me. 
You are such a fucking boss. 

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00:19:53,280 --> 00:19:55,280
Don't forget it and I'll see you
soon. 

335
00:19:55,680 --> 00:19:58,920
Bye. 
If you're ready to do the work 

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00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:03,760
to move forward on what you want
and actually get it, I can help 

337
00:20:03,760 --> 00:20:05,640
you. 
I'm offering my podcast 

338
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:08,680
listeners a free consultation 
with me to talk about what 

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00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:10,720
coaching can do for you this 
year. 

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00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:14,080
Just visit effielavor.com to get
started.