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I'm Effie a life. 
Coach who? 

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Profoundly gives a fuck about 
you. 

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Feeling better for good? 
I teach people how to. 

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Cut the crap and live according 
to their own rules. 

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It's a crime we don't. 
Learn this stuff in. 

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School, but it's simpler. 
Than you think to break the 

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pattern and start living the 
life you want. 

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Listen on to find out how. 
Hey Queenie, welcome to Feel 

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Better for Good episode 97. 
Today we're doing something 

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special, something different for
Relationship Month 'cause I 

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realized that even though I've 
done a lot of podcasts on 

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relationship and improving your 
relationships and your thoughts,

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your feelings, your beliefs, 
your attitudes around 

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relationships, and then how you 
actually show up in 

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relationship, that I've never 
done an episode specifically 

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geared toward. 
Dating. 

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I have clients who date, I coach
a lot of women on dating. 

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So this is an oversight on my 
part and I wanted to speak to 

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what it looks like to date 
without losing yourself. 

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But even if you're not dating, 
even if you are happily single 

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or in a romantic partnership or 
partnerships right now, please 

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do listen because this is just 
as applicable to relationships. 

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So how to do relationship 
without losing yourself? 

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This is just geared specifically
toward dating, toward the 

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experience of getting to know 
new people, having first dates, 

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and managing your thoughts and 
your feelings around all. 

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Of that. 
The reason that it's coming up 

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now, besides it being 
relationship month, is because I

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am dating. 
I'm on my own dating adventure 

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and so it feels particularly 
prescient. 

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I'm putting myself through the 
dating plan that I have used 

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with other women and really 
putting it to the test. 

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I realized that like OK, I've 
never done this dating plan 

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myself cause I've always been in
a relationship or intentionally 

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single. 
So this is my opportunity and 

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I'm really really glad to be 
doing it this way. 

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It's such an intentional way of 
dating. 

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It is a phenomenal experience 
and I wanted to share a. 

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Little bit of. 
That on the podcast so I'm gonna

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be putting this audio of a 
social media post that I did 

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recently video I'm gonna put it 
raw and uncut right here so that

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you can get the. 
Benefit of it on the podcast. 

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And then I also wanted to, and 
this is part of Relationship 

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Revolution, which is a new 
course that I'm doing inside of 

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my Feel Better for Good group. 
If you're interested in the Feel

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Better for Good group, this is a
six month group coaching program

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to change one to three areas of 
your life radically to improve 

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them, to improve your results, 
your experience and the way that

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you show up in these one to 
three areas. 

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So it can be career, it can be 
relationship, well, any type of 

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relationship, your relationship 
with your partner. 

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It can be a dating experience, 
it can be your physical health, 

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your mental and emotional 
health. 

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It can be money changing your 
relationship with money, really 

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anything. 
You name it. 

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You get to pick one to three 
goals to focus on in these six 

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months. 
And I'm going to teach you how 

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to coach yourself. 
I'm going to teach you self 

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hypnosis tools that will change 
your unconscious attitudes and 

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habits. 
That is some of the most 

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exciting and powerful work that 
we do in this program. 

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And I'll take you through my 5 
pillars to freedom to create new

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results in your life anytime you
wish, far beyond the six months.

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It's a remarkable program. 
If you have any questions, you 

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can always e-mail me 
effie@effielevore.com or find me

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on Instagram or Facebook. 
I'm at. 

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Effie Levore. 
But in the meantime, I wanted to

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take this opportunity to kind of
secretly announce that since I 

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started my dating journey a few 
months back, I have been 

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recording behind the scenes 
footage, recording audio as well

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of my experience, the challenges
I'm going through, the 

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difficulties, the wins, the 
exciting parts, you know, 

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getting ready for dates, coming 
right off dates, letting other 

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people down, coping with being 
let down. 

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And I just feel like this group 
is going to OK. 

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So I didn't announce what I'm 
actually doing with the footage.

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I created a private Facebook 
group for women who are either 

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dating or looking to date in the
future, not too distant future, 

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who want inspiration and to not 
feel alone in the process. 

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This isn't a coaching group so 
I'm not coaching you. 

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This is a free private community
for women who want to up level 

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their experience in dating. 
You can see how I'm doing it and

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hopefully get a huge benefit out
of it. 

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It's by invitation only, so if 
you want in on that group, 

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message me and I will. 
Get you in all right. 

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Let's get on with it. 
This is dating. 

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Without losing yourself. 
I was on a date yesterday with 

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somebody new for lunch and they 
asked me what my experience has 

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been on the app and I said I've 
had a great experience. 

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I like, I have not had a bad 
experience and they said wow, 

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that's really refreshing to hear
from a woman apparently when 

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they have this. 
Conversation with. 

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With other women, you know, 
frequently there's a. 

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A litany of. 
Complaints which one made me 

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wonder why they were asking, but
two was completely unsurprising 

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because. 
There are so many thoughts that.

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Are spread around and shared as 
if they're fundamental fact 

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about how terrible it is. 
Dating in LA or I mean fill in 

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the. 
City. 

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It doesn't even matter that it's
LA, it's just it's so hard to 

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date in the city and there's no 
good men out there. 

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There's no good. 
I don't know. 

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I don't hear men say there's no 
good women out there there. 

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There's other complaints but I 
am not interested in Co opting 

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those thoughts. 
It's not something that is 

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useful or helpful for me to do. 
There are 1,000,000 and 

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1,000,000 and. 
Millions of people in the city. 

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No fucking way they can all. 
Be bad and wrong. 

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For me, there's just, it's 
statistically impossible. 

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So I've been going in to my 
dating experiences very open to 

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truly getting to know the person
that I'm with and I wouldn't 

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match with them. 
I wouldn't be open to even 

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having a conversation, spending 
time with them if I didn't think

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that there was something special
there, if I didn't think that 

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they were special in some way. 
And I'm just interested in 

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learning about what, what makes 
them special. 

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I can't do that if I am, you 
know, judging them, if I'm 

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looking for reasons to separate 
myself from them, if I'm in 

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fear, if I'm in premature 
analysis, I just have to show up

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and be open to the person. 
So I went on to say that and, 

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and again, they were like, oh, 
that's that's really refreshing.

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And I said, yeah, it's not that 
I haven't had, I haven't had 

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ouchies, you know, I haven't had
disappointments. 

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And what I didn't tell them was 
I have been ghosted. 

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I have been, you know, I have 
gotten my hopes up with somebody

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and then they went away or I 
mean, pretty much it's been, you

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know, a ghosting experiences and
I have had dates that weren't 

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like knock your socks off. 
It was like, oh, that that was a

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cool experience. 
OK, nice person. 

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Know that I'll never see them 
again and there's just not. 

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There just wasn't enough there I
think to warrant a second date. 

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But for the most part it's just 
been lovely people. 

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Whether it's a match or not 
almost doesn't matter. 

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Meaning whether it's a fit to 
continue having experiences with

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them, it it just doesn't matter.
I have decided that it's 

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impossible for me to waste my 
time because regardless of the 

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interaction, I'm going to learn 
something about myself every 

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single time and I'm going to 
bring myself fully to every 

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single experience. 
The reason it feels safe to do 

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that is because I know I know 
where I belong. 

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At the end of the day, I know 
who I belong to and that's 

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myself. 
So I'm going in with so much 

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self trust that if, if you know,
I, I have a lot of hope and the 

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connection doesn't work out or 
the experience isn't what I 

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expected it to be, I can, I can 
handle that. 

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I can allow myself to be, to be 
disappointed. 

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I can allow my heart to hurt and
it has in some situations and I 

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don't regret a thing. 
So we we continue talking about 

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how in love and in just having 
the opportunity to find love and

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to fall in love and to get to 
know new people like you. 

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Want to hurt you? 
Want to? 

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Hurt. 
Because if there isn't hurt 

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involved, there wasn't any real 
risk involved. 

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And if there wasn't any real 
risk involved, you didn't really

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put yourself out there. 
So I'm in a place where I just 

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can't afford to not be 
transparent and open and honest 

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about who I am because I want to
be loved for that person. 

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I'm no longer interested in 
hiding myself. 

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And so to do that, I have to be 
willing to take the risk. 

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I have to be vulnerable. 
I have to put myself out there 

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in a way that's uncomfortable 
sometimes and exposes me to. 

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Heartache and. 
Disappointment and rejection, 

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ultimately, I don't think it's 
ever personal, you know, when 

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somebody decides what's right 
for them and it's not me or vice

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versa, It's, it's not about 
their value or their worth or my

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value or my worth. 
It's, it just wasn't a fit, you 

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know, So I feel so solid in the 
way that I am doing this. 

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And I'm not afraid. 
I'm not afraid of hurting. 

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It's such a liberating place to 
be, especially because in my 

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past, my past life, my past 
experiences, I was very much 

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interested in casting blame and 
feeling like, if not actively 

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being the victim, believing that
if a relationship didn't work 

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out or a disappointment and, you
know, an expectation was dashed 

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that it was the other person 
doing something to me or 

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intending to hurt me or harm me.
And that's just not who I want 

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to be. 
That's not how I want to live. 

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So even if somebody were to 
intend to hurt me, I don't have 

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to take it as that. 
And I can allow space for my 

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authentic hurt, my genuine 
disappointment, without making 

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it mean anything about me or 
even about them or the 

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experience, the process that I'm
going through. 

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You know, I'm doing this 
voluntarily. 

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Nobody is putting a gun to my 
head telling me that I have to 

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go out there and date. 
I'm doing this for fun and for 

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free and to fall in love and 
damn is it if it isn't going 

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great. 
So that's how I choose to 

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approach this. 
As the arbiter of my own 

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experience, as the director of 
my own own experience. 

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Nobody else gets to decide that 
for me. 

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And with that, without thinking,
I'm I just, I'm unstoppable. 

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So Ioffer that to you. 
Tonight. 

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What would it look like if you 
were to not only be open to 

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hurt, but to invite it as a 
natural and normal by product, 

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occasional side effect of this 
wonderful thing that you're 

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doing, which is putting your 
heart on the line? 

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What if that was the best 
possible news ever when you got 

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hurt because it meant that you 
actually risked something. 

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It meant that you took a chance 
and that you believed that more 

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was possible for you. 
And by the way, just because you

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did get hurt once or twice or 
how many times it might be, 

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doesn't mean the next time you 
put yourself out there won't be 

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the time that you meet the love 
of your life. 

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Have a wonderful rest of your 
day. 

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If you're ready to do the work 
to move forward on what you want

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and actually get it, I can help 
you. 

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I'm offering my podcast 
listeners a free consultation 

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with me to talk about what 
coaching can do for you. 

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This year. 
Just visit effielavor.com. 

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To get started.