1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:05,040 I'm Effie, a life coach who profoundly gives a fuck about 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:08,480 you feeling better for good. I teach people how to cut the 3 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:11,000 crap and live according to their own rules. 4 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,640 It's a crime we don't learn this stuff in school, but it's 5 00:00:14,640 --> 00:00:17,680 simpler than you think to break the pattern and start living the 6 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:21,200 life you want. Listen on to find out how. 7 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:25,560 Well, Hi and welcome to episode 85. 8 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:29,120 We're going to be talking about burnout, breakdowns and 9 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:34,960 breakthroughs and how when things fall apart, it is a big 10 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:39,200 opportunity that we don't tend to see as opportunity. 11 00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:41,440 We tend to see it as a major liability. 12 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:45,480 So today I want to unpack why so many brilliant women hit that 13 00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:49,120 wall and why it's not a sign you failed. 14 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:53,000 It's a sign you're being invited to rebuild differently. 15 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:56,800 It's an invitation because the goal isn't to bounce back. 16 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,800 Typically when we have a burnout or a breakdown, we think, oh, I, 17 00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:03,120 I got to be able to bounce back or I got to come back and, and, 18 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:05,800 and prove myself. But that's not what we're doing 19 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,160 here. The goal really, as I see it, is 20 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:13,000 to come back better aligned, clearer, and a hell of a lot 21 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,760 more honest. So in this episode, I'm going to 22 00:01:15,760 --> 00:01:19,600 show you how burnout and breakdown can be breakthrough in 23 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:21,840 disguise if you let it. So whether it's that little 24 00:01:21,840 --> 00:01:26,200 fizzle you feel on your way to burnout or a full on Roman 25 00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:28,800 candle, you're going to know exactly what it looks like to 26 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:32,040 mine the gold out of a crisis and come out ahead. 27 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:36,120 So if you are one of those superwoman who prides herself on 28 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,600 holding it all together, but you know you're at risk of cracking 29 00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:44,080 under the pressure or maybe you are already capsizing, stick 30 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:45,720 around. This one's for you. 31 00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:51,080 This is the third installment in an 8 episode series I'm doing on 32 00:01:51,080 --> 00:01:53,360 reinvention. I'm so excited to deliver it to 33 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:54,920 you. Just so you know, episodes will 34 00:01:54,920 --> 00:01:57,480 be coming out twice a week until further notice. 35 00:01:57,920 --> 00:02:00,720 And I have a very special offering coming up for you in 36 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:03,040 December that I will be announcing right here on the 37 00:02:03,040 --> 00:02:05,520 podcast. So make sure you are following 38 00:02:05,520 --> 00:02:08,680 the show and that you're tuned in to every episode. 39 00:02:09,080 --> 00:02:12,360 All right, let's dive in. So First things first, it's 40 00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:16,240 really important to understand the burnout arc, and your own 41 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:19,120 arc is going to be a version of this, so take note on how it 42 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:21,960 shows up for you. But the general sequence that 43 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:28,120 happens that leads to a grand burnout or a breakdown is that 44 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:30,960 you're at more or less peak performance, meaning you're 45 00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,800 executing at a high level, maybe even a higher level than you've 46 00:02:33,920 --> 00:02:37,520 ever have before. So your capacity has expanded, 47 00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:41,440 meaning you have pushed up and maybe even passed the limits of 48 00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:44,040 what you believed was possible for yourself. 49 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:49,480 And that period of peak performance gives way to silent 50 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,480 depletion. This is a contraction where, for 51 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:55,240 example, small things start to feel taxing, you start to build 52 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:58,480 little resentments and or yourself care falls off. 53 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:03,360 And then that after a period of incubation that can be shorter, 54 00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:09,000 it can be more prolonged, leads to a crash, an inevitable crash. 55 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,440 And we all know what that feels like. 56 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:14,520 It's a breaking point clear as day where it's like, I cannot 57 00:03:14,520 --> 00:03:16,320 keep this up, this is not sustainable. 58 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:20,200 So you stop spinning all the plates in the air as diligently. 59 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:23,000 One falls and then another and another. 60 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,440 Maybe you thought you were being diligent, but then something 61 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:28,760 comes crashing down. Sometimes they all come crashing 62 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:34,320 down at once, and then if you let it, the crash leads to 63 00:03:34,320 --> 00:03:37,840 clarity. It's really hard to see clearly 64 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,520 until you're regulated from the crash. 65 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,840 That's one of the things that I help with as a coach. 66 00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:46,040 But once we take the edge off and soften some of your more 67 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:49,600 toxic thoughts and feelings around the crash, cause 68 00:03:49,600 --> 00:03:54,000 typically there's shame, embarrassment, guilt, grief, a 69 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:58,320 lot of kind of big emotions all wrapped up around that. 70 00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:04,480 But once we have taken the edge off, we can evaluate, we can 71 00:04:04,480 --> 00:04:08,640 study your unique burnout cycle and look for the opportunities. 72 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,520 Where was the moment when things started to slip? 73 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:15,200 What was the stimulus? What were the warning signs or 74 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,839 the red flags of a burnout on its way, if there were any? 75 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:22,320 What were the symptoms of your silent depletion and what were 76 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:23,880 they trying to communicate to you? 77 00:04:24,720 --> 00:04:28,200 Were you aware of their presence at the time, and if so, how did 78 00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,520 you respond? Did you work through any of them 79 00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:34,120 successfully? If so, how? 80 00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:39,520 And finally, knowing what you know now, what would you do 81 00:04:39,520 --> 00:04:41,800 differently? What did you learn about 82 00:04:41,800 --> 00:04:44,840 yourself and how can we use that? 83 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:49,080 How and where can we interrupt the burnout arc to cushion your 84 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:53,960 fall next time, or prevent it altogether 'cause really, 85 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,840 breakdowns are information. They're your system saying 86 00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:01,760 something needs to change. And a really helpful analogy is 87 00:05:01,760 --> 00:05:04,040 getting sick. Like your body is going along, 88 00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:06,640 doing its thing, performing well, you know, more or less 89 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,040 optimally and you're enjoying life. 90 00:05:09,520 --> 00:05:12,720 And maybe you stay up late and miss out on your full 7 hours of 91 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:15,560 sleep, like, I don't know, two or three nights in a row. 92 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,920 Or you're so busy you forget to eat a couple days. 93 00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:21,000 Not, not that you haven't eaten for a couple days, but you know 94 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,960 what I mean. You start like missing meals 95 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:27,080 here and there or pushing things and you become vulnerable. 96 00:05:27,720 --> 00:05:31,360 Then there's a breach in your immune system and you get the 97 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:34,920 signs, that little scratchy throat and that kind of achy 98 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:39,040 feeling in your shoulders. So you drink some extra water, 99 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,280 but you otherwise ignore it. You tell yourself, you know 100 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:44,040 what? No, I I don't have time to get 101 00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:45,000 sick. Not happening. 102 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:48,080 And you just keep moving through your week at your normal clip, 103 00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:51,840 but before you know it, you're flat on your ass with a case of 104 00:05:51,840 --> 00:05:56,280 strep throat so bad it feels like razor blades every time you 105 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:59,560 swallow right. This is your body delivering a 106 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:04,000 message, a very clear message that says it's time for you to 107 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,240 slow down. Now, I know you had other plans, 108 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:11,600 but we need to conserve our energy to fight this infection. 109 00:06:12,360 --> 00:06:15,360 And we're going to make it really hard for you to betray us 110 00:06:15,360 --> 00:06:18,440 this time, which is not a bad thing. 111 00:06:18,680 --> 00:06:23,640 You know, no matter how well you take care of yourself, sometimes 112 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,920 you will get sick. What if that's just part of the 113 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:32,800 cycle of being alive? I call this up cycle and a down 114 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:35,760 cycle. They're very normal aspects of 115 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:38,760 being alive. So just because you have a down 116 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:42,120 cycle after a period of peak performance, that doesn't mean 117 00:06:42,120 --> 00:06:44,680 that you've burnt out or that you're having a breakdown. 118 00:06:44,880 --> 00:06:47,680 We're talking about the more extreme where you've actually 119 00:06:47,920 --> 00:06:51,920 neglected some of your self-care and some of the warning signs 120 00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,480 along the way. And one thing about peak 121 00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:58,720 performance is you know it's a wonderful thing to challenge 122 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:03,160 yourself to grow and to push beyond self-imposed limitations, 123 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:06,040 to blow your own mind with what's possible and what you're 124 00:07:06,040 --> 00:07:10,000 really capable of. I am all for that, and this can 125 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,840 only happen by challenging your capacity. 126 00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:17,880 But when the need to achieve becomes more important than your 127 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:22,480 well-being, it's time to reassess as most women in the 128 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:25,160 Western world have been socialized to push past our 129 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:28,840 boundaries for the quote UN quote greater good. 130 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:33,320 And when we do, when we do this, it's almost a compulsion for 131 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,840 many of us. When we do that and end up 132 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:40,480 crashing as a result, we actually feel guilty for being 133 00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,800 compromised, for being out of the workplace. 134 00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:45,040 This happens for a lot of us when we get sick, we think that 135 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:49,800 we shouldn't or we think that we should like be at work even 136 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,120 though we're sick. That's why you have such an 137 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:55,920 issue with like my school right now, my kids school is giving 138 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:58,360 out awards for like perfect attendance and stuff. 139 00:07:58,360 --> 00:08:01,200 And I'm like, well, you know, that's it's great for kids to 140 00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:05,360 have good attendance, but are you encouraging parents to send 141 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:10,280 your kids to school sick? It is kind of a weird value of 142 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:12,400 capitalism. Is that, like, you just kind of 143 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,440 put up with it, you know, and you work through your pain? 144 00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:19,520 So yeah, our mentality as a culture, I think, is just like, 145 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:21,680 let's get on with it, hurry up and recover. 146 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,440 And what I want to offer you is that burnout is a huge 147 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:28,320 opportunity. We just don't treat it that way. 148 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:33,960 But if you choose to see it differently, as a chance to 149 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:38,679 rebuild better and stronger, instead of just something to 150 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:42,080 bounce back from, how might things change? 151 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,720 Too many of us shame ourselves in our crash and try to catch 152 00:08:46,720 --> 00:08:48,560 up. Make up for it, prove yourself 153 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:50,400 again, or get back to where you are. 154 00:08:51,120 --> 00:08:55,200 But you cannot optimize your way out of misalignment. 155 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:59,560 Your breakdown, if it's truly a breakdown and not just a blip in 156 00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:03,520 the radar, Your breakdown is your teacher, and she's got some 157 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:08,400 really important wisdom for you. So stop skipping class. 158 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:12,800 We don't want to skip this part, OK? 159 00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:18,040 When you do, you miss out on all of the valuable learning that's 160 00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:21,200 just waiting there for you. You don't capture the gold. 161 00:09:21,560 --> 00:09:25,360 So what I would love for you, for me for for all of us is to 162 00:09:25,360 --> 00:09:29,480 normalize hitting a wall as the beginning of true self 163 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:33,240 leadership. If you take it as that, you will 164 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:37,400 become so much freer and much more powerful in your life. 165 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,920 And I want to give you some examples of this. 166 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,640 First, let me tell you about Sally. 167 00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:46,960 OK, Sally's marriage was breaking down, and I don't mean 168 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:51,040 it a little bit. I mean like actively in a 169 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:52,640 breakdown. And she was seriously 170 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,440 questioning if she should stay or go. 171 00:09:56,560 --> 00:09:59,640 Now she was getting individual help. 172 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:04,640 She was also getting help in a combined capacity. 173 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:07,800 So with her husband, they were getting couples counseling and 174 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,720 he was getting help on his own. And there were some encouraging 175 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:14,440 signs, mainly that her husband was owning his bullshit. 176 00:10:15,280 --> 00:10:17,800 He was committed, he didn't want the marriage to end. 177 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,720 And she had started to see some changes in his behavior that 178 00:10:21,720 --> 00:10:23,960 were good. You know, her brain still told 179 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:28,280 her it was a little too little, little too late, but change was 180 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,920 happening. She had to acknowledge, too, 181 00:10:30,920 --> 00:10:35,880 that she had her own shit that she was working through, even 182 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,520 though he's the one that really fucked up. 183 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:41,240 And she also had to acknowledge that the difficulty level was 184 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,880 really high in this moment. She was having a hard time 185 00:10:44,880 --> 00:10:48,080 letting go of hurt and blame and resentment, and the answer to 186 00:10:48,080 --> 00:10:51,600 her wasn't clear. But then she started thinking of 187 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,640 it differently. She thought, OK, I'm going to 188 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:58,520 have to deal with my stuff with or without him. 189 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:02,280 I'm going to have to go through my own healing process, whether 190 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:06,600 it's alongside him or not. So that that's a given. 191 00:11:07,240 --> 00:11:10,840 And from there, it seemed to her there were three options. 192 00:11:11,160 --> 00:11:13,600 Of course there's an option not to do your work, but she was 193 00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:17,560 committed to doing her work. So the three options that she 194 00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:24,120 saw for herself were A, do this work with him, meaning in tandem 195 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,120 alongside. So I've got my work, he's got 196 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:29,880 his work, and we have our work together, but we're doing it as 197 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:36,840 a team, as a committed unit. B do the work with myself, by 198 00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:44,920 myself and or C do this work with my next partner. 199 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,400 Because wherever I go, there I am. 200 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:50,000 If I'm on my own, it's going to be challenging in certain ways. 201 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:53,320 My baggage comes along with me. If I'm in a relationship, that's 202 00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:56,920 going to be challenging in other ways, maybe some of the a lot of 203 00:11:56,920 --> 00:12:00,280 the same ways actually, but my baggage is going to come with me 204 00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:03,840 and lots of different kinds of baggage in Sally's case. 205 00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:08,320 So she started asking herself more helpful questions from 206 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:12,920 there instead of should I go and what does that mean about me? 207 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:18,840 If I stay, can I even do this? She asked herself, Am I willing 208 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:22,480 to do the work to create an incredible relationship? 209 00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:26,160 Do I want a relationship? And if so, am I willing to do 210 00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:28,320 the work to create an amazing one? 211 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:31,360 What's the context I want to do this work in? 212 00:12:31,360 --> 00:12:34,320 Cause for her, the answer was yes, I do want to be in a 213 00:12:34,320 --> 00:12:36,200 relationship. I do want to be partnered. 214 00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:39,600 So she asked herself, what's the context I want to do this work 215 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,040 in? Do I want to do it with him or 216 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:43,640 do I want to do it with the next guy? 217 00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:47,680 Or for a time? Do I want to do it alone, having 218 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:51,160 let go of this marriage? Or maybe, you know, be separated 219 00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:55,640 or just flat out single? And she asked herself the most 220 00:12:55,640 --> 00:13:01,640 powerful question of all. And that is, what would I do if 221 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:06,640 I could be happy anyway? If I could be happy with any 222 00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:09,920 decision? And when Sally asked herself 223 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:14,720 that, almost immediately her choice became crystal clear. 224 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:19,720 She decided to stay. That was what she decided was 225 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,080 right for her. And when she decided to stay, 226 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:25,640 she did it powerfully because a lot of people decide to stay and 227 00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:29,200 it's begrudgingly, and they really hold a lot against their 228 00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:33,800 partner and make the work so much more complex and difficult 229 00:13:33,800 --> 00:13:38,760 than it needs to be. So she decided to stay, knowing 230 00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:42,240 there was plenty of work to do and loving her reasons for 231 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,760 choosing to do it with the man she had history with. 232 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:50,200 So anchoring into this version of herself, she wasn't afraid of 233 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:53,840 future breakdown because she knew she would be able to find 234 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:58,280 clarity, take responsibility for her part, and make powerful 235 00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:01,960 decisions for herself. It's going to be hard one way or 236 00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:06,360 the other, but this was the problem set that she chose and 237 00:14:06,360 --> 00:14:08,440 she loved her reasons for choosing it. 238 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,240 And I want to point something out here is that lots of women 239 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:15,560 and lots of people just in general want to blame their 240 00:14:15,560 --> 00:14:19,840 circumstances, which we can call the stimuli or scenery of their 241 00:14:19,840 --> 00:14:23,120 life as the reason they can't be happy, as the reason they can't 242 00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,160 feel better. The reason they can't trust, the 243 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:28,960 reason they can't be free, can't get ahead, whatever it might be. 244 00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:32,640 This is very common thinking in the silent depletion and the 245 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,720 crash phases. So performance has started to 246 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,840 wane, most often because we stopped taking care of ourselves 247 00:14:38,840 --> 00:14:41,360 or we abandoned our boundaries and we get caught up in 248 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:44,800 unhelpful behavior like people pleasing or trying to prove 249 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:48,400 ourselves. We're trying to keep up and it's 250 00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:51,840 challenging. It's really challenging to pause 251 00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:56,400 and examine our own thinking and behavior as being potentially 252 00:14:56,400 --> 00:15:00,000 destructive or at least unhelpful and optional. 253 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:05,760 It's so much easier to say, oh, I have to burn the candle at 254 00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:09,720 both ends because of my boss, because of the demands of this 255 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:13,280 job, because of my husband, because of my family, because of 256 00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:16,440 this mortgage or the economy or the political climate. 257 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:20,080 And it's not like a change of scenery isn't called for. 258 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:23,560 Sometimes you might actually need to leave your partner. 259 00:15:23,560 --> 00:15:25,400 You decide that's the best decision for you. 260 00:15:25,760 --> 00:15:27,920 You might choose to leave the country. 261 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:32,400 You might choose to sell your house, but focusing on the 262 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:36,840 things you can't change, like the way that my partner is or 263 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:40,720 the way that my family is, or the way that the economy is, is 264 00:15:40,720 --> 00:15:44,680 going to lead you down a dead end road every single time. 265 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:49,280 And for the things that you can change, like your job, who 266 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:53,080 you're with, where you're living, changing the scenery 267 00:15:53,640 --> 00:15:59,160 cannot change your character. Sometimes it is a relief, 268 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:00,920 sometimes it's the right thing to do. 269 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,520 But it's an expensive experiment. 270 00:16:03,520 --> 00:16:07,480 So if you're not sure, we work first with changing the 271 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:10,480 innermost things. You have power over your 272 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:17,720 thinking, your responses, your attitudes, and that clarifies 273 00:16:17,840 --> 00:16:21,080 everything. Let's talk about how this can 274 00:16:21,080 --> 00:16:25,480 show up in the context of work. I had a client, Stephanie, who 275 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:30,000 was burnt out, like to a crisp. He'd been having big time 276 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:32,440 anxiety, even panic attacks around showing up in her 277 00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:36,040 leadership role at work. And it was so bad that she took 278 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,560 a medical leave from her job. And that's when she found me and 279 00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,160 hired me. But she was dreading going back 280 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,920 to work because of course, she was telling herself that was the 281 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,960 source of all her problems. And for several years, she'd 282 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:51,880 been nursing this dream of maybe hanging a shingle as an educator 283 00:16:51,880 --> 00:16:54,440 or a coach. So she told me, hey, what if I 284 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,840 either just don't go back to work or I'm gone at the end of 285 00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,000 the year doing my own business full time? 286 00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:02,840 And we explored that together in depth. 287 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:06,240 And she decided that with my support, she was gonna go back 288 00:17:06,280 --> 00:17:12,079 in to her job with a different orientation toward it while 289 00:17:12,079 --> 00:17:13,680 building the other thing on the side. 290 00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:18,040 So it was, it was an experiment and one decision at a time. 291 00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:22,000 She learned how to lead herself and her team at work. 292 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:26,920 As if she was the boss. She needed to learn how to take 293 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,520 care of herself first, then the business. 294 00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:34,280 As a conscientious employee and an organizational leader. 295 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:36,280 That's what all bosses are anyway, right? 296 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,960 So as she did this, her anxiety melted away. 297 00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:44,720 The dread left her body. She felt so much more empowered 298 00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:47,440 around work. She started feeling fulfilled in 299 00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:51,840 her work for the first time in many years, and fulfilled in a 300 00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:55,440 way that she'd never actually felt in this particular role. 301 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:59,400 She discovered opportunities for coaching and mentoring certain 302 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,440 members of her team in a lot of the same kind of way she 303 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:05,320 imagined doing in a full time practice. 304 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:09,240 And she found that running her own business was substantially 305 00:18:09,240 --> 00:18:12,360 more demanding than working at the firm that she was at. 306 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,360 So while she loved delivering the coaching, she didn't so much 307 00:18:15,360 --> 00:18:20,440 love marketing and sales and back end systems and structure 308 00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:22,920 work and all the other stuff that comes with being an 309 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:26,000 entrepreneur. So she organically started 310 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,440 feeling immensely grateful to have her job, along with the 311 00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,840 seniority, flexibility and benefits that went with it. 312 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:37,240 Which really is a total 180 from where she started, right? 313 00:18:38,720 --> 00:18:41,960 This kind of breakthrough is what's possible when you develop 314 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:47,080 the ability to mine the gold from every failure, every dashed 315 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:50,200 expectation, burnout or breakdown. 316 00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,680 And this isn't just a skill, it's an identity. 317 00:18:54,640 --> 00:18:58,400 When you work with me in a coaching relationship, I teach 318 00:18:58,400 --> 00:19:04,080 you how to build a self concept that insists on extracting the 319 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:09,320 value from every hardship and turning burnout cycles into 320 00:19:09,320 --> 00:19:13,120 growth cycles so you never have to fear the breakdown ever 321 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:14,120 again. You're going to know how to 322 00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:18,080 connect to a new version of you. The version that doesn't have 323 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:21,440 the problems literally doesn't have the problems you currently 324 00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:23,560 have. She has higher quality problems. 325 00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:28,720 She doesn't have the problems that you have now, even if her 326 00:19:28,720 --> 00:19:31,800 circumstances are the same or very similar. 327 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,800 This is profoundly life changing work. 328 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:40,640 And in December you will have the opportunity to apply for my 329 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:44,520 brand new reinvention program. This is a private coaching 330 00:19:44,520 --> 00:19:46,200 program that I'm putting together. 331 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,920 I'm so excited about. So if you're in that blurry 332 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:53,120 middle where you're not burned out enough to quit but not 333 00:19:53,120 --> 00:19:56,840 fulfilled enough to stay, you are exactly who I made this 334 00:19:56,840 --> 00:19:59,040 program for. I cannot wait to share it with 335 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,440 you. So next time we're talking about 336 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:05,040 how to read the more subtle cues that it's time to change course 337 00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:08,720 so that you don't actually need to get to the point of burnout 338 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:12,240 or breakdown to get the feedback you need to grow in big and 339 00:20:12,240 --> 00:20:15,280 impactful ways. So stay tuned. 340 00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:18,160 I will see you there. Until then, take good care of 341 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:20,920 your bad self. Give yourself credit for the 342 00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:23,400 ways that you're showing up, for the ways that you're changing 343 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,720 the small decisions that you're making that are more aligned 344 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,400 with the person that you want to be. 345 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,960 And I hope you have a beautiful week. 346 00:20:31,520 --> 00:20:35,000 See you soon. If you're ready to do the work 347 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:39,840 to move forward on what you want and actually get it, I can help 348 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:41,720 you. I'm offering my podcast 349 00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:44,760 listeners a free consultation with me to talk about what 350 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:46,760 coaching can do for you this year. 351 00:20:47,240 --> 00:20:50,160 Just visit effielavor.com to get started.