1 00:00:01,080 --> 00:00:05,040 I'm Effie, a life coach who profoundly gives a fuck about 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:08,480 you feeling better for good. I teach people how to cut the 3 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:11,000 crap and live according to their own rules. 4 00:00:11,520 --> 00:00:14,680 It's a crime we don't learn this stuff in school, but it's 5 00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,680 simpler than you think to break the pattern and start living the 6 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:21,200 life you want. Listen on to find out how. 7 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:24,560 Hi, Queenie. Welcome to Feeling Better for 8 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:27,080 Good. I'm so glad you're here. 9 00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:30,120 It is Memorial Day. The kids are screaming around 10 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:33,400 outside. We just finished cooking steak 11 00:00:34,040 --> 00:00:40,880 and I watered the yard and there's somehow the dog got out 12 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:44,440 and then came back in. And so there's dirty footprints 13 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:50,560 on the kitchen floor and it's just perfection. 14 00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:55,720 Normally I would record the podcast when I have some space 15 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:59,480 to myself, either late at night or during my work day in my 16 00:00:59,480 --> 00:01:01,960 office. But this just felt like the 17 00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:05,800 right time to do it. It just felt like there is so 18 00:01:05,800 --> 00:01:08,440 much richness and abundance and joy. 19 00:01:10,600 --> 00:01:16,000 Feel like I'm bursting, which is exactly where I want to be and 20 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:21,000 where I want to share from. So I have a treat for you today. 21 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:25,880 I'm going to be sharing with you my recent master class in its 22 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:31,560 entirety. This is a class that I did just 23 00:01:31,560 --> 00:01:36,440 a couple days ago and it is the most valuable training I have 24 00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:39,440 ever done. I feel like my teaching has 25 00:01:39,440 --> 00:01:43,080 gotten to the point where, especially with this, I really 26 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:47,800 focused on the essentials. I just absolutely loved creating 27 00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:51,800 and delivering this training and just know that some of the 28 00:01:52,240 --> 00:01:55,680 aspects have a visual aid. I did pull out the white board 29 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:59,960 for this, but I feel like you're gonna get it, you know, in your 30 00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:04,520 mind's eye. And if you want more detail, 31 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:10,800 then come to the next training. So enjoy fix what's fucking with 32 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:15,640 you. I hope that this really gives 33 00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:18,400 you everything you need to be able to move forward today. 34 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:25,200 Know also that this event was done to open the doors on my 35 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,880 launch for my signature group coaching program. 36 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:30,080 Feel better for good. You're going to hear about this 37 00:02:30,440 --> 00:02:34,560 in the master class and applications are open right now. 38 00:02:34,560 --> 00:02:37,320 This is a by invitation only program. 39 00:02:37,920 --> 00:02:41,080 Applications will be open through May 31st. 40 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:44,840 So if you're listening to this in real time and you want more 41 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:48,000 information or you want to talk to me about whether you're fit 42 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:52,320 for the program, you can e-mail me effie@effielevore.com. 43 00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:57,720 You can DM me on Instagram or Facebook at Effie Levore and 44 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:00,080 we'll see if we can get you on the road. 45 00:03:00,920 --> 00:03:04,880 OK, enjoy. And I will see you on the other 46 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:09,560 side. So let's get started. 47 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:14,000 We are here and I hope you're ready to fix what's fucking with 48 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,880 you. That is the title of this master 49 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:21,680 class, and the subtitle is How to Get Grounded, Powerful and 50 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:25,040 Moving when Life Feels like Quicksand. 51 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:30,760 So moving not just activity or busyness for busyness sake, 52 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:35,400 because we're probably all very good at that, but moving in the 53 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:40,000 direction that you want to move when life feels like quicksand, 54 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,400 when it feels like you're being pulled under. 55 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:45,280 So if you're here, you are in the right place. 56 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:49,360 But I do want to go through just a little bit of a, a checklist. 57 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:52,360 And that's why I suggested you have a pen and paper is 'cause 58 00:03:52,360 --> 00:03:55,720 I'd love for you to give yourself 1 mark for each one of 59 00:03:55,720 --> 00:04:00,160 these experiences that you might be having. 60 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:05,440 So give yourself a mark if you have felt this say in the last 61 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,480 week. OK, so the women who come to me 62 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:13,560 typically come for one or more of four base main reasons. 63 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:16,640 They come because they are really struggling in a 64 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:21,240 relationship, often their primary relationship or romantic 65 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:26,200 relationship, or it could be also relationship with a family 66 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,840 member or somebody else who's close in their life. 67 00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:33,160 It could be that they're wanting to create a relationship, But 68 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:36,720 relationship is one of the number one reasons people come. 69 00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:43,240 Another one is burnout or work, you know, just difficulty around 70 00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:47,000 work and career, including money, creating money, 71 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:51,320 increasing income. A third one is health. 72 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,920 So that includes physical health, may include things like 73 00:04:54,920 --> 00:05:00,400 weight loss or cutting down drinking, changing their eating 74 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,840 patterns, their fitness patterns, but it also includes 75 00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:05,600 mental and emotional health. That's really one of the primary 76 00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:07,200 things that women come to me for. 77 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:09,960 And the 4th is navigating some sort of transition in their 78 00:05:09,960 --> 00:05:12,800 life. So this could be menopause, it 79 00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:16,080 could be divorce, it could be getting married, it could be 80 00:05:16,080 --> 00:05:19,600 becoming an empty nester. But these are the four main 81 00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:22,880 reasons that women come to me for support. 82 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:27,280 And if you relate to any of those or more than one of those, 83 00:05:27,320 --> 00:05:29,120 great. But these are some of the 84 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:33,560 experiences you might be having as you're attempting to navigate 85 00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:36,920 1 or more of those things and feeling just a little bit fucked 86 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:38,600 with, which is why you're here, right? 87 00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:43,040 So just give yourself a, a notch on your, on your paper or your 88 00:05:43,040 --> 00:05:45,720 note taker for each one of these that you experience. 89 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:49,400 OK, so the first is tightness or pressure in the chest. 90 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:56,360 It's very common body feeling heavy or dragged down. 91 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,960 Sometimes women feel this in the limbs, sometimes they feel it 92 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,880 more in the trunk. Solar plexus. 93 00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:10,280 Feeling clenched or like tension maybe from holding it all 94 00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:14,240 together or some sort of hyper vigilance and all over body 95 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:18,920 tension. Persistent exhaustion that sleep 96 00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:26,280 and rest doesn't fix. Feeling constant anxiety around 97 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:30,560 being behind or this kind of constant sense of urgency. 98 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:37,280 I, I call it like being hunted by your To Do List and then 99 00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:40,760 morning dread. So if you wake up with a sense 100 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:45,280 of dread, this I kind of think of like morning sickness is it 101 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:48,680 may have start in the morning, but if you've been pregnant, you 102 00:06:48,680 --> 00:06:51,040 know, morning sickness isn't isolated to the morning. 103 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:55,160 In fact, I, I had it, you know, pretty much every waking hour, 104 00:06:56,160 --> 00:07:00,080 some of my sleeping hours. So more when I say morning 105 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,720 dread, I mean, OK, we wake up with that feeling, but then we 106 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:06,040 can't shake it. It doesn't actually, you know, 107 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:10,160 it either crops up over the course of the day or it's pretty 108 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:13,880 consistent and stays with us. So some of the things you might 109 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,640 be doing and give yourself a notch for each one of these 110 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:22,080 repeating patterns on loop. This can be repeating thoughts 111 00:07:22,080 --> 00:07:25,680 in your head, repeating behavioral patterns, habits that 112 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:29,720 really aren't serving you. One example of this is feeling 113 00:07:29,720 --> 00:07:33,320 like you're having the same conversation over and over, 114 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:35,640 maybe with your lover, with no resolution. 115 00:07:36,480 --> 00:07:38,240 This is what I call the Twilight Zone effect. 116 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:43,720 Feeling responsible for everyone and everything and or 117 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:49,640 disappearing into caretaking. Overwriting your own needs, 118 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:58,680 constantly trying to earn rest and then feeling guilty for 119 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:04,840 taking it. Avoiding procrastinating or what 120 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:10,800 I call buffering with food, booze, Netflix, cleaning. 121 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,360 Really feel fill in the blank. If you feel like you're running 122 00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:17,400 from something and you're getting temporary comfort from 123 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,960 something that actually doesn't make you feel better in the long 124 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,480 run. Or the way I like to think of it 125 00:08:22,480 --> 00:08:23,960 is it. If it makes you feel bad and 126 00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,840 good at the same time, give yourself a notch. 127 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:32,600 Overworking and under earning and I don't just mean 128 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,919 financially but all but emotionally and energetically. 129 00:08:35,919 --> 00:08:40,200 So putting more in than you're getting out, investing more than 130 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,080 you are getting out of a relationship. 131 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:48,360 For example, shape shifting to avoid conflict. 132 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:52,760 If you are guilty of this, you know how it feels. 133 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:57,120 And then swallowing what you really feel and betraying 134 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:06,440 yourself to keep the peace. All right, so I want you to just 135 00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:10,880 look down at your page or your note taker and just notice how 136 00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:14,560 many notches you made. And we're just going to create a 137 00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:19,360 bubble of safety around that. We're not going to make you 138 00:09:19,360 --> 00:09:23,640 wrong for having those experiences over the past week. 139 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:27,120 We're just going to let it be. And then what I want you to do 140 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:30,480 is sit up and shake just a little bit because I know that 141 00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:32,200 was that was a lot to go through. 142 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,360 I went through them because I want you to know that if you're 143 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,840 having any of these experiences, you are absolutely in the right 144 00:09:36,840 --> 00:09:41,040 place. And what we're going to be doing 145 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:45,920 this hour is getting you relief and specifically relief from 146 00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:49,000 voluntary suffering. So here's what you're going to 147 00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,520 be getting in this hour. You're going to be learning 148 00:09:51,520 --> 00:09:56,320 about the three types of stress and how you can actually harness 149 00:09:56,360 --> 00:10:02,560 stress in your life to feel better for good and move toward 150 00:10:02,560 --> 00:10:05,720 a life that works for you instead of you always working so 151 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:08,960 hard for it. This is one of the most fun 152 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,840 things from for me anyway to talk about because it totally 153 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:17,200 recontextualizes stress in your life and makes you a better 154 00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:20,840 manager just by knowing about these three different types of 155 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,320 stress. You're also going to learn. 156 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:25,560 I'm going to teach you the number one tool, my number one 157 00:10:25,560 --> 00:10:29,240 tool for shifting out of suffering and into inspired 158 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:33,440 action. Then you're going to learn the 159 00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:37,120 thrills, the three skills you need, the only three skills you 160 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:40,200 need to learn to become unfuck withable. 161 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:45,480 And I'll I'll tell you what that means a little bit later on. 162 00:10:45,480 --> 00:10:49,160 That does not mean that you don't have human emotion. 163 00:10:49,160 --> 00:10:53,520 It means you're able to manage it and move through it so you 164 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:58,800 don't get knocked off track nearly as often or maybe even at 165 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:01,800 all, certainly in the way in the ways that you have been. 166 00:11:02,800 --> 00:11:05,640 We're also going to create a vision for your future. 167 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:09,960 And at the end, I have a gift for you and an opportunity to 168 00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,560 use what you learned today to create permanent change in your 169 00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:16,320 life. OK, so I already mentioned 170 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:22,240 taking notes is good. So right now I would love for 171 00:11:22,240 --> 00:11:24,040 you to just take a couple of notes. 172 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,760 And I trust that you have these locked up in your head. 173 00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:30,000 But I just want you to take a minute and write down, check in 174 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:32,760 with your body and your brain, whatever's happening in that 175 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:37,480 beautiful brain of yours, and ask yourself what's fucking with 176 00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:39,440 you today? Like what's fucking with me 177 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:45,400 today? And if there's nothing in this 178 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:48,560 moment, that's OK, You can think about this past week, what's 179 00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:51,080 been nagging at me, what's been following me around, what's been 180 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:54,200 keeping me up at night. I want you to write it down and 181 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,160 I want specifics if possible. We're going to be coming coming 182 00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:01,080 back to this and I'll do the same. 183 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:12,440 OK, great. And I want to just share a page 184 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:21,040 from my book of what was fucking with me a week ago Friday. 185 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,440 So a week ago Friday. So I'm always going to go first 186 00:12:24,440 --> 00:12:26,360 here so that you're not on the spot. 187 00:12:27,720 --> 00:12:31,600 But a week ago Friday, I had a stacked day. 188 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:36,520 I had several appointments in my day from existing clients as 189 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:42,800 well as new potential clients. And I was nervous. 190 00:12:42,800 --> 00:12:45,360 I had some nervousness going on. I, I always feel a little bit 191 00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,920 nervous, especially when I'm working with some new people. 192 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:52,160 And I was tempted to feel some overwhelm about my calendar on 193 00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:56,160 that day. I also, between Thursday night 194 00:12:56,160 --> 00:13:01,640 and Friday morning, had made the decision to break it off with 195 00:13:01,640 --> 00:13:05,440 somebody that I was seeing. So I had some sadness, some 196 00:13:05,440 --> 00:13:09,920 grief going on for me. And then I was also entertaining 197 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:12,520 a little bit of regret because I was like, you know, a little 198 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:15,840 bit, a little bit bargainy thinking, you know, did I really 199 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,680 have to do that? I really do want this person in 200 00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:19,600 my life. And it's true that when I'm 201 00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:23,600 honest with myself, it's not what I want and they're not able 202 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:29,320 to give me what I want. But maybe I could put up with it 203 00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,520 or maybe I could put up with it for a little bit longer because 204 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,680 they really are quite wonderful. So feeling a little bit of 205 00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,040 regret even though the deed was done. 206 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:40,000 And then later in the day, I had a couple of no shows, so and 207 00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:46,320 they were for the one for follow up and then one for a potential 208 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:48,880 client. And so I had some disappointment 209 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,200 around that. And then I was also tempted to 210 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:54,880 go into rejection. So feeling rejected around it. 211 00:13:56,400 --> 00:14:00,560 OK, and we're going to parse those out a little bit, but I, I 212 00:14:00,560 --> 00:14:02,680 just realized that I forgot to introduce myself. 213 00:14:02,680 --> 00:14:05,720 So I'm going to do really quickly here. 214 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,200 If you don't know me, my name is Effie Levore. 215 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,800 I am the toxic stress coach for women. 216 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:15,080 I am a certified professional life coach and reinvention 217 00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:18,560 specialist. And my primary area of focus, 218 00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:21,840 like what type of coaching I do, is I coach the unconscious mind. 219 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:26,600 And when people ask me what the hell that means, I tell them 220 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:31,480 that the work that I do operates largely on non cognitive levels. 221 00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:34,200 So if you're familiar with the type of work that you do in 222 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,560 therapy, like cognitive behavioral therapy, which is 223 00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:41,200 amazing and helps a lot of people, my approach really is 224 00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:45,160 different. Because I believe that, well, I 225 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:49,080 know that because so much of what effects our behavior, 226 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,120 thoughts, feelings, patterns happens below the surface, 227 00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:55,640 outside of our conscious awareness that we need tools 228 00:14:55,640 --> 00:15:00,400 that allow us to affect change on a deeper level faster than 229 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:05,760 something like CBT can offer. So that's the basis of what I do 230 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:09,520 is to give you tools that allow you to affect that change very 231 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:14,240 deeply and permanently in a, in a, in a quick way. 232 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:18,720 And, and then the work compounds on itself and you get 233 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:23,040 exponential growth over the course of the coaching 234 00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:26,720 experience. And, and the focus really is on 235 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:32,200 creating the not just the relief in your present, but the a 236 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,920 completely different relationship with your future so 237 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:38,920 that you're actually creating a life that lights you up. 238 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:43,400 And that's intentional rather than, you know, feeling the way 239 00:15:43,400 --> 00:15:49,160 that you have been feeling, which is really, I believe what 240 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,480 mostly we're creating is unintentional suffering. 241 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:56,200 So Speaking of unintentional suffering, I want to grab my 242 00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:57,440 board. We're going to talk about the 243 00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:02,280 three types of stress. Now, let me make sure I have 244 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:10,640 myself view on this is my big Mama. 245 00:16:10,880 --> 00:16:12,240 Can you see that? OK, yeah. 246 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:18,560 OK. So these are this the three 247 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,560 types of stress we're going to be talking about. 248 00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:24,800 So I kind of have like stress under you can see it's kind of 249 00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,120 an umbrella. It looks a little bit like a 250 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:30,640 ghost from Mario Brothers, but this is meant to be an umbrella. 251 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:32,560 And then we have this three types of stress. 252 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:37,080 These, these water droplets coming off the, the main 253 00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:40,960 umbrella of stress. And when, when I learned this, 254 00:16:40,960 --> 00:16:44,120 it really blew my mind because I and most of us have been taught 255 00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,320 to believe that stress is bad and we're supposed to eliminate 256 00:16:47,320 --> 00:16:50,400 all stress from our lives. And if we have stress that's 257 00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:54,400 bad, we're either wrong for it or there's something wrong with 258 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,160 the way our life is set up. But that's actually not the 259 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:58,200 case. And they've done a lot of 260 00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:03,400 research on this. So the first type of stress is 261 00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:06,960 what's called U stress, EU stress. 262 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:10,960 And this is actually positive stress. 263 00:17:11,599 --> 00:17:15,599 This is stress that is helpful to create. 264 00:17:15,599 --> 00:17:19,760 So for example, when I had my full my full calendar last 265 00:17:19,760 --> 00:17:24,000 Friday and it was pushing the edges of, you know, my comfort, 266 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:26,960 I was like, that's great. When you are an entrepreneur 267 00:17:26,960 --> 00:17:29,280 growing a business, you want to have a full calendar. 268 00:17:29,280 --> 00:17:32,600 That feels like a little bit of a stretch for you if that's, you 269 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,360 know, if it's going to be business building activities, 270 00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:39,520 which it absolutely was. So we can call that eustress is 271 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,360 there's there's like a a positive pressure that's being 272 00:17:42,360 --> 00:17:48,240 applied to grow you into a a new identity or a new way of being 273 00:17:48,840 --> 00:17:50,320 that is actually going to serve you. 274 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,080 So eustress not actually a problem. 275 00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:58,760 We can make it a problem, but I don't recommend it. 276 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,600 The second type of of stress is distress. 277 00:18:03,480 --> 00:18:09,000 I believe you're familiar with that one, but it's not 278 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:16,160 inherently negative either. Distress is normal when it 279 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:19,200 occurs in the natural course of events. 280 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:24,280 So for example, the sadness that I felt around saying goodbye to 281 00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:30,680 my lover, that was distress, but it was natural, it was normal 282 00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:34,520 and we don't think of it in this way. 283 00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:38,280 But what if distress was not something to eliminate, it was 284 00:18:38,280 --> 00:18:41,280 something to actually appreciate about yourself? 285 00:18:43,080 --> 00:18:47,920 For example, if I if I didn't feel sad about having let go of 286 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,440 this person who I cared about, that would mean that I didn't 287 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,960 really care, right? And that I didn't risk loving, 288 00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:57,840 that I wasn't really invested in my dating journey and finding a 289 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:02,200 partner that that works for me. And that's not who I want to be. 290 00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:04,600 I don't want to be somebody who's like, you know, just 291 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,400 dipping a toe in or, or not that there's anything wrong with 292 00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:10,120 that. I'm not interested in casual 293 00:19:10,120 --> 00:19:15,080 dating. So, so in that context, it's, 294 00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:20,560 it's OK to have distress, you know, especially when it comes 295 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,640 to love. Like we want to be hurt. 296 00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,280 What if that was the case? We want to be hurt because that 297 00:19:25,280 --> 00:19:27,280 means we're taking appropriate risks. 298 00:19:27,720 --> 00:19:30,160 So distress not necessarily a bad thing. 299 00:19:32,160 --> 00:19:37,280 Now we can create the stress for ourselves that's unnecessary and 300 00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,120 we're going to be talking about that in a minute. 301 00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,760 But where it really gets to be a problem is in the third category 302 00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:48,840 of stress, and that is toxic stress. 303 00:19:49,840 --> 00:19:56,680 The toxic stress is prolonged stress that happens over quite a 304 00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:59,960 period of time. It can be days, it can be weeks, 305 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:06,080 months, sometimes even years. And this happens when we deny 306 00:20:07,320 --> 00:20:13,440 our natural expression of distress or when we we don't 307 00:20:13,440 --> 00:20:15,160 have an understanding of you stress. 308 00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,920 And we try to avoid stress that actually ends up creating more 309 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,880 right because we make ourselves wrong for any stress that comes 310 00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:24,600 in. So toxic stress happens when we 311 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:28,360 judge the stress that we have, the natural stress that we have, 312 00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:32,080 and then try to avoid it or indulge in it. 313 00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:38,720 And in so doing, we end up creating more for ourselves. 314 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:45,200 So there's this concept I want to talk to you about and any 315 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,400 questions about that, about the three types of stress. 316 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:56,880 OK, great. That means I'm doing a a fair 317 00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,280 job of explaining it. So there's a concept I want to 318 00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:04,880 introduce you to and that is the concept of of clean pain versus 319 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:09,560 dirty pain. And it goes along with this idea 320 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:16,320 that some stress can be actually either beneficial or completely 321 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,760 understandable and not undesirable. 322 00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:25,120 It can actually point to the fact that you are you're 323 00:21:25,120 --> 00:21:28,800 engaging in in activities that really mean something to you. 324 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:33,120 So disappointment is another form of distress that I would 325 00:21:33,120 --> 00:21:36,960 call clean pain. So clean pain, and I'm talking 326 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,600 about emotional pain. Clean pain is any type of pain 327 00:21:40,640 --> 00:21:46,480 that happens as a natural result of you engaging with your life. 328 00:21:47,080 --> 00:21:51,040 So disappointment, sadness, anger is definitely a form of, 329 00:21:51,480 --> 00:21:56,640 of clean pain. Really any of the, the main 330 00:21:56,640 --> 00:22:02,320 emotions that we, that we qualify as negative are actually 331 00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:08,080 just clean pain. And I, I work with my clients. 332 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:11,680 I have a program for this, but I work with my clients to be able 333 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:15,480 to process what we call negative emotion, but it's just really 334 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:19,040 clean pain through the nervous system in a very quick and 335 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:24,360 efficient way, a way that doesn't ferment it into toxic 336 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:27,040 stress or what I call dirty pain. 337 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:34,240 So dirty pain is basically clean paint pain with shame applied. 338 00:22:35,000 --> 00:22:42,600 That's it. So when I was sad right at 339 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:46,920 having let go of this lover and I told myself I did the wrong 340 00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:51,120 thing by letting go of him and that, you know, like I really 341 00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:54,840 could have and or maybe should have figured it out, figured out 342 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:59,400 how to be OK with what he had to offer me, that's when I was 343 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:02,240 starting to veer into dirty pain territory. 344 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,160 And I want you to be able to catch that so that you don't 345 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:08,000 have to go into unnecessary suffering, so you don't have to 346 00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,040 head into a toxic stress cycle. That's really what I help women 347 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:15,280 with the most is how to break out of toxic stress cycles and 348 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:17,800 feel better for good. That's what we want. 349 00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:20,960 And we can't feel better sustainably. 350 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:26,680 We can't feel better for good and actually show up and be 351 00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:30,760 making positive changes in our lives if we are stuck in toxic 352 00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:35,760 stress or dirty pain. So eustress is clean pain, 353 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:44,320 distress is clean pain almost always, and then toxic stress is 354 00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:46,560 pain that just needs to be cleaned up. 355 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:49,240 But there are ways, and I'm going to be showing you one of 356 00:23:49,240 --> 00:23:59,280 them, that clean up this kind of stress and purify it into either 357 00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:03,320 distress or even, I mean, aspirationally, you stress 358 00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:08,160 actually appreciating the stress that you have in your life and 359 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:12,680 reminding yourself that, hey, this is the I opted into this. 360 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:16,080 How could that be true that I opted into this when I decided 361 00:24:16,080 --> 00:24:22,400 to start dating again as a single mom in December, I knew 362 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,640 that that would come with a certain amount of stress and 363 00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,120 that there, I mean, there was going to be some heartache 364 00:24:28,120 --> 00:24:29,680 involved if I was doing it right. 365 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:31,920 And I said, OK, bring it on. Like, let's go. 366 00:24:32,360 --> 00:24:38,080 I don't want to be afraid of normal stress because it limits 367 00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:42,400 my ability to engage with my life and really enjoy my life. 368 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:50,680 So hopefully this framework and then understanding the 369 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:54,080 difference between clean pain and dirty pain helps you see 370 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,080 that it really isn't what happens to us in life. 371 00:24:57,720 --> 00:25:00,880 We really can move anything from this place to this place. 372 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:05,520 We can move anything from The Dirty pain category into clean 373 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:07,200 pain. I fully believe that. 374 00:25:08,160 --> 00:25:12,640 So hopefully you see that it's it could be possible that it's 375 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:16,000 not what happens to us, it's what we make it mean that 376 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,720 matters. So I could make it mean that the 377 00:25:19,720 --> 00:25:22,040 fact that I was feeling pain around my breakup, I could make 378 00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:27,520 that mean that I did the wrong thing, or I could make it mean 379 00:25:27,520 --> 00:25:31,920 that I was I was brave and I did something that was hard, but 380 00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:35,800 that was in my best interest, which was the case. 381 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,800 I trust myself now to make those decisions. 382 00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:43,640 So shame is the great fermenter. It's what takes any of this over 383 00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:47,760 into this cat, this category. And when we unshame, then we can 384 00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:53,040 take our stress and our pain into clean pain territory. 385 00:25:55,000 --> 00:25:59,880 If you know my work at all, you know, I talk about this, this 386 00:25:59,880 --> 00:26:03,440 thing called the shaming witness, which is. 387 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:06,720 Yeah. I think that I think it could be 388 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:08,200 helpful to talk about it a little bit. 389 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,400 The shaming witness is something that we learn. 390 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,680 It's actually a habit that we learn over the course of our 391 00:26:14,680 --> 00:26:18,200 lives and a way way of thinking about this that can be really 392 00:26:18,200 --> 00:26:22,320 helpful is that no baby or no child is born into this world 393 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,040 with shame. It's just not, it's not part of 394 00:26:25,040 --> 00:26:32,920 the the normal emotional range. However, we learn shame from our 395 00:26:32,920 --> 00:26:34,640 caregivers, from society at large. 396 00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:40,240 We learn how to experience shame primarily because it's much more 397 00:26:40,240 --> 00:26:45,120 convenient for our caregivers to get certain behaviors out of us 398 00:26:45,120 --> 00:26:50,040 or to to stop certain behaviors if we're feeling shame. 399 00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:56,200 Sadly, it's a great manipulator. So I teach you and, and 400 00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:59,880 hopefully you know you'll see some of this today is I teach 401 00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:05,840 you how to unshame your natural human experience and how to 402 00:27:05,840 --> 00:27:09,840 start witnessing yourself in a different way. 403 00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:15,120 This is incredibly powerful work, the most powerful work, 404 00:27:15,120 --> 00:27:18,120 which is why I do what I do. So I'm excited to share it with 405 00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:21,720 you. So this is my and any questions 406 00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:26,760 about any of this so far? OK. 407 00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:45,760 So this is my number one tool for spotting dirty pain and 408 00:27:45,880 --> 00:27:48,480 cleaning it up. That's the first thing it does. 409 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:52,720 And then the second thing it does is it helps you recognize 410 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:58,520 and normalize clean pain. OK, it's called the scene. 411 00:27:59,280 --> 00:28:04,000 This is my scene framework and the way I'd like to introduce it 412 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,920 is that we're all experiencing scenes. 413 00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:10,960 We're all in scenes all the time, mostly unintentionally. 414 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,400 We're creating these scenes for ourselves in the movies of our 415 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:18,800 lives. And we are, we're, we're putting 416 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,680 in certain inputs and we're creating experiences for 417 00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:24,400 ourself, whether we realize it or not. 418 00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:28,320 And so this is how a scene goes, is every scene starts with a 419 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:31,000 stimulus. Some people call this a trigger. 420 00:28:32,080 --> 00:28:33,720 I don't because that word is triggering. 421 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:45,840 So S stands for stimulus. The second part of a of a scene 422 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:51,840 is the thought. So teeth stands for thought, E 423 00:28:51,840 --> 00:28:56,440 is for emotion, P is the pattern of action. 424 00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:01,080 And then down here, an outcome is created. 425 00:29:01,080 --> 00:29:05,600 That's what comes out of it's the overall experience or the 426 00:29:06,120 --> 00:29:09,600 result of the scene that you created. 427 00:29:12,200 --> 00:29:15,320 And it's really important to see that you are creating this, 428 00:29:15,560 --> 00:29:17,120 whether you're realizing it or not. 429 00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:23,040 Mostly I said unintentionally. I'll, I'll give you a, a scene 430 00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:27,720 from my last Friday, OK, to show you how this is true. 431 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,800 But once we see that we are doing this unintentionally all 432 00:29:31,800 --> 00:29:35,040 the time, we can start to actually take responsibility and 433 00:29:35,040 --> 00:29:38,480 some power over it, start creating what I call intentional 434 00:29:38,480 --> 00:29:40,840 scenes. And it gets really exciting when 435 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:45,040 we step into that territory. But all I want you to do for now 436 00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:49,200 is have an understanding of this really powerful tool and to 437 00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:53,800 start being open to using it as a tool for self intimacy, for 438 00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,760 creating awareness around your unintentional scenes. 439 00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,800 So this is an unintentional scene that I had created last 440 00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:04,520 Friday around my no shows, my appointment no shows. 441 00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:11,480 OK, so the stimulus, we don't want to editorialize the 442 00:30:11,480 --> 00:30:16,520 stimulus is simply the moment before you started feeling 443 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:17,760 shitty. OK? 444 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:21,240 And it's the thing that was that's the thing that that's 445 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:24,400 fucking with you. But we want to stated in the 446 00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:28,640 most neutral way possible. So what I wouldn't write there 447 00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:32,760 is these mother fuckers can't show up, right. 448 00:30:32,760 --> 00:30:34,880 I wouldn't put that there because that's an opinion. 449 00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,200 That's a that's a commentary on what actually happened. 450 00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:41,280 Instead, I would just put the and we wanted as much as 451 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:44,240 possible, dial it into a sensory stimulus. 452 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:48,920 So having to do with sight, sound, you know, touch, taste, 453 00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:54,400 whatever. So the triggering event was no 454 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:58,440 show for me, but I wanted to dial that into a sensory 455 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,520 stimuli. So so for me, it was the empty 456 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:03,920 zoom screen. I had an appointment with 457 00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:12,040 somebody and when it was time, the I was staring at myself the 458 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:17,280 zoom, right. And when that happened, the 459 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:22,840 thought that I had was they don't value me. 460 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:26,160 This is an unintentional thought I had. 461 00:31:26,160 --> 00:31:29,920 And I don't know about you, but when I think that thought in my 462 00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:33,320 body feels like garbage, feels real bad. 463 00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:39,720 We want to specify the emotion I, you may be feeling more than 464 00:31:39,720 --> 00:31:42,560 one thing, but we really want to drill it into just one thing for 465 00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:46,640 the purposes of scene work. So for me, it was rejected. 466 00:31:47,480 --> 00:31:49,920 And I think that thought, they don't value me. 467 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:53,120 I've I feel or I felt in that moment rejected. 468 00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:57,320 And then Pi didn't say what P stood for, did I? 469 00:31:58,040 --> 00:31:59,960 P stands for the pattern of action. 470 00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:03,560 So the thought creates the emotion. 471 00:32:03,560 --> 00:32:05,800 That's the premise. The emotion creates the pattern 472 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:08,680 of action or fuels the pattern of action. 473 00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:17,160 So when I felt rejected, what I did next is that I believed my 474 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:22,040 shit talking brain is this, you know, my brain offering me this 475 00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:23,280 thought, Oh, they don't value you. 476 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:25,480 Is that's the beginning of the shit talk, right? 477 00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:27,120 That's the beginning of the shaming witness. 478 00:32:29,440 --> 00:32:35,680 And when I go into the feeling rejected or or dejected, then 479 00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:39,760 all the sudden I'm much more open to this shitty thought. 480 00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:42,800 I'm like, Oh yeah, they must really, you know, there must be 481 00:32:42,800 --> 00:32:46,280 something wrong with me or I did something that made them not 482 00:32:46,280 --> 00:32:49,800 want to come or whatever it is. And then of course I feel bad 483 00:32:49,800 --> 00:32:53,520 about myself. This is the pattern. 484 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:57,480 It's funny because sometimes pattern of actions, patterns of 485 00:32:57,480 --> 00:32:59,160 action can be patterns of inaction. 486 00:32:59,720 --> 00:33:05,640 So that was the case here is that I slowed down on work. 487 00:33:06,480 --> 00:33:07,920 So I was feeling discouraged, right? 488 00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:10,240 And then I started to buffer a little bit. 489 00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:15,400 I think I wanted to go eat something, have have some 490 00:33:15,440 --> 00:33:22,120 chocolate. And then the overall experience 491 00:33:22,120 --> 00:33:28,120 that I was creating for myself was to lose esteem, right? 492 00:33:28,120 --> 00:33:30,800 I made it mean because they didn't show up that they didn't 493 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:34,200 value me and therefore maybe I wasn't valuable. 494 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:40,440 So I lost esteem and momentum in this period of time when I am 495 00:33:40,760 --> 00:33:43,640 actively building my business. So it wasn't wasn't a 496 00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,800 particularly helpful experience for me to create 497 00:33:46,960 --> 00:33:50,120 unintentionally. And that's what I want you to 498 00:33:50,120 --> 00:33:53,600 know about this type of scene. When we call it an unintentional 499 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:55,680 scene, I really mean it. We're creating these 500 00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:58,120 unconsciously. And This is why coaching at the 501 00:33:58,120 --> 00:34:02,640 unconscious level is so powerful is we want to become aware of 502 00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:08,159 this kind of unconscious pattern and say, oh, that's interesting. 503 00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:14,639 Why would I do that? Well, because the the function 504 00:34:14,639 --> 00:34:17,880 of shame is actually to protect you. 505 00:34:18,080 --> 00:34:24,400 Strangely enough, it's to protect you from the clean pain, 506 00:34:24,400 --> 00:34:27,600 the experience of the clean pain, which can be scary, right? 507 00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:32,080 It can be, it can be scary to experience acute anger or acute 508 00:34:32,159 --> 00:34:35,320 sadness, grief. And so shame comes in and says, 509 00:34:35,320 --> 00:34:38,159 oh, that's fine, we don't have to, you don't have to go there. 510 00:34:38,159 --> 00:34:40,719 We don't have to do that. Let's just go turn on the TV, 511 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:44,159 right? Or let's just, let's just go do 512 00:34:44,159 --> 00:34:50,880 something else or let's spin out about it and make it mean so 513 00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:54,360 much more 'cause it is avoiding the original feeling. 514 00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:58,080 But then it's creating a lot more complicating feelings. 515 00:34:58,280 --> 00:35:03,920 So hopefully that's clear and the purpose of the scene is not 516 00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:11,200 to not to shame yourself, not to make yourself wrong for creating 517 00:35:11,200 --> 00:35:13,360 it. It's just to see, oh, oh, I see 518 00:35:13,360 --> 00:35:16,040 what I did there. And what I want you to do if you 519 00:35:16,160 --> 00:35:19,760 continue on and use the scene work in your life is to do it 520 00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:25,040 with compassion for yourself as a human being having a, a human 521 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:33,000 experience. And to know that like once I 522 00:35:33,200 --> 00:35:39,360 once I see this, I can't Unsee it and I can start interrupting 523 00:35:39,360 --> 00:35:44,960 my pattern anywhere I want. Actually, I can start 524 00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:46,800 interrupting it at the thought level. 525 00:35:47,440 --> 00:35:50,120 My brain might offer me this thought, but I can offer it a 526 00:35:50,120 --> 00:35:53,000 different thought that helps me to feel a different way. 527 00:35:53,400 --> 00:35:55,440 I can interrupt it at the emotion level. 528 00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:59,320 I can process the negative emotion and then ask myself, 529 00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:00,760 well, how do I want to feel? Instead? 530 00:36:00,760 --> 00:36:02,360 We're going to be talking about that in a minute. 531 00:36:03,040 --> 00:36:07,000 I can do contrary action, which is actually what I ended up 532 00:36:07,000 --> 00:36:08,520 doing here, which is pretty exciting. 533 00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:13,120 I'm going to share with you. And I can also interrupt it at 534 00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:15,840 the intentionally at the outcome level. 535 00:36:16,800 --> 00:36:21,440 So I can ask, well, what what is the outcome that I want to 536 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:24,440 create here? And we're going to do an 537 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:27,960 intentional scene now with the same stimulus. 538 00:36:29,720 --> 00:36:33,080 See what we tend to do is we tend to try and fix at the 539 00:36:33,080 --> 00:36:38,160 stimulus level, which means, OK, I'm just going to avoid having 540 00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:40,240 that empty zoom screen experience again. 541 00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:42,880 So I'm not going to book any more appointments or I'm not 542 00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,640 going to go out there. At least unconsciously. 543 00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:46,720 This is what our brains do. I'm not going to go out there 544 00:36:46,720 --> 00:36:50,920 and try to find new clients. In my case, it's, it's too 545 00:36:50,920 --> 00:36:53,800 painful if I end up having this empty screen experience. 546 00:36:54,520 --> 00:36:59,440 But the stimulus is not what creates the scene. 547 00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:01,680 It's not what creates the experience. 548 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:08,920 The scene is created. Actually, from here down, this 549 00:37:08,920 --> 00:37:12,000 is where we start getting into trouble is when we start 550 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,080 believing our unhelpful thoughts. 551 00:37:17,040 --> 00:37:22,800 We start investing in our unhelpful emotions and engaging 552 00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:29,080 in unhelpful habits or patterns of action and then creating 553 00:37:29,080 --> 00:37:34,600 unhelpful outcomes. OK, so the stimulus isn't the 554 00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:35,800 problem. A lot of people get rid of the 555 00:37:35,800 --> 00:37:39,960 stimulus. They're like, Oh my, I I feel 556 00:37:39,960 --> 00:37:45,280 this rage when my husband doesn't do XY and Z. 557 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:47,400 And so they get rid of the husband, right? 558 00:37:48,160 --> 00:37:56,480 Which is an option, but you really can do so much more below 559 00:37:56,480 --> 00:38:02,680 the S line to try and change what's not working in your life 560 00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:10,120 without running from it. OK, so here's how I transformed 561 00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:14,440 my experience of this stimulus last week. 562 00:38:16,240 --> 00:38:20,760 Thought, emotion, pattern of action, experience or outcome. 563 00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:27,160 So I saw the empty Zoom screen, which I promise you is not a new 564 00:38:27,160 --> 00:38:31,520 experience, just happens from time to time, more often than I 565 00:38:31,520 --> 00:38:35,880 would like. But I offered my brain a 566 00:38:35,880 --> 00:38:38,280 different thought that I've been practicing. 567 00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:46,680 It's much more neutral thought and it's it's factual and notice 568 00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,800 that it's not that different from the other thought. 569 00:38:52,360 --> 00:38:57,200 Not they don't value me, but they didn't value this time. 570 00:38:59,600 --> 00:39:02,040 That makes it. This is an unshaming thought 571 00:39:02,040 --> 00:39:07,400 because that makes it not about me and more about, OK, well, you 572 00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:11,640 know, people don't show up for things that they don't value, 573 00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,040 right? So for some reason they didn't 574 00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:17,680 value this time. And that for me created a a 575 00:39:17,720 --> 00:39:23,600 disappointment, a disappointed feeling which is genuine. 576 00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:25,360 It's clean pain. I'm disappointed. 577 00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:28,800 I was planning on spending an hour of my time serving this 578 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:32,960 person and seeing how I could help them. 579 00:39:33,400 --> 00:39:35,600 And as it turns out, they didn't want the help or they weren't 580 00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:37,280 ready, right? So that's disappointing. 581 00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:41,280 I'm like, oh, I feel actually more sad for them, but I allow 582 00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:45,520 myself to feel disappointed for me as well for the time that I 583 00:39:45,520 --> 00:39:49,200 could have offered somebody else who was actually serious, right 584 00:39:49,240 --> 00:39:50,960 and, and had the intention of being there. 585 00:39:51,240 --> 00:39:54,320 And, and I, I did have compassion for this person that 586 00:39:54,320 --> 00:39:55,720 that wasn't able to be there too. 587 00:39:55,720 --> 00:39:59,560 It was like some people are in so, so much pain that even when 588 00:39:59,560 --> 00:40:02,520 they ask for help, it's really hard for them to show up for 589 00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:06,800 that. So so thank you for being here 590 00:40:06,800 --> 00:40:11,240 and anybody who's watching this in replay for taking. 591 00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:15,600 This hour to really benefit yourself, that's a big deal. 592 00:40:16,720 --> 00:40:19,600 Anyway, I digress. So I felt disappointed. 593 00:40:19,600 --> 00:40:21,400 I let myself feel the disappointment. 594 00:40:21,560 --> 00:40:24,040 And here's the pattern of action because I'm practice with 595 00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,240 feeling disappointment now. I used to avoid about like the 596 00:40:26,240 --> 00:40:28,480 plague, which is a difficult thing to do when you're trying 597 00:40:28,480 --> 00:40:32,920 to build a bigger life, but I let myself be disappointed. 598 00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:36,000 And so I was tender with my disappointment. 599 00:40:37,080 --> 00:40:42,280 I let myself have a minute, couple minutes, like, yeah, that 600 00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:47,640 is disappointing. I was tender with this feeling, 601 00:40:48,520 --> 00:40:54,200 did not bypass it. And then I told myself, OK, 602 00:40:54,200 --> 00:41:00,480 well, they didn't value this time, but someone else will. 603 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:09,640 Just a pretty useful thought and then that thought created some 604 00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:12,920 really helpful creative problem solving energy in my brain. 605 00:41:12,920 --> 00:41:16,800 I was like, Oh yeah, OK, so I thought I was going to spend 606 00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:22,560 this hour with this one person, but they they weren't available 607 00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:29,120 for it. And so how can I offer this time 608 00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:31,760 to someone else? So my. 609 00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:34,720 Problem solving. Am I that creativity that was 610 00:41:34,720 --> 00:41:37,040 spurred by this thought in my my brain? 611 00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:40,680 Which by the way, problem solving can only really happen 612 00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:44,840 on this level when we have processed the emotion that could 613 00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:50,040 block our creativity. So if I wasn't, if I didn't 614 00:41:50,040 --> 00:41:54,320 allow myself to feel disappointed, it's much more 615 00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:57,160 likely that I would have gone into something like. 616 00:41:58,560 --> 00:42:02,160 Rejection or. You know avoidance like in the 617 00:42:02,160 --> 00:42:05,560 previous scene, but because. I was I I. 618 00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:08,320 Processed it through and then I was open to problem solving 619 00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:09,760 around it. It actually made me curious. 620 00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:11,960 I was like, oh interesting. Well what what makes somebody 621 00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,600 not value the time? Maybe I didn't describe or 622 00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:21,720 explain the value of the time in a a way that really made sense 623 00:42:21,720 --> 00:42:23,320 for them. So then that. 624 00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:32,240 Took me into inspired. Action and what I did from there 625 00:42:32,440 --> 00:42:35,440 was I went and I followed up with a number of people who had 626 00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:38,280 expressed interest in these. It was a free strategy session 627 00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:40,960 that I was offering incredibly valuable. 628 00:42:44,040 --> 00:42:46,800 And because I believed that. OK, well, just because this 629 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,560 person didn't value the time doesn't mean that somebody else 630 00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:52,800 will. But if I valued my time, I went 631 00:42:52,800 --> 00:43:01,000 out there and I created. 5 new appointments, the fifth one came 632 00:43:01,000 --> 00:43:03,800 through the next morning. But I, I. 633 00:43:03,800 --> 00:43:06,880 Literally. Turned 1 failed appointment into 634 00:43:06,880 --> 00:43:11,640 5 new ones. Very exciting and I felt good 635 00:43:11,640 --> 00:43:13,360 about myself. I was like oh damn. 636 00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:16,600 Like the disappointment. The sting of that did not stay 637 00:43:16,600 --> 00:43:21,960 long because AI was willing to feel it and BI was willing to 638 00:43:22,240 --> 00:43:26,920 use my curiosity to drive me forward. 639 00:43:28,120 --> 00:43:29,400 I was. Open to it, right? 640 00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:32,000 Because. I wasn't bogged down with the 641 00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:33,880 emotion or the avoidance of feeling the emotion. 642 00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:37,200 So this is what's possible when you start to gain the awareness 643 00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:41,440 and when you start to interrupt. We could say right here is when 644 00:43:41,440 --> 00:43:44,840 I where I interrupted, right? Because the disappointment could 645 00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:50,080 have fermented into rejection. And it did for a minute 646 00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:53,480 actually, before I I turned it around. 647 00:43:55,480 --> 00:43:55,960 This is. Where? 648 00:43:55,960 --> 00:43:59,360 I interrupted. But you can interrupt really 649 00:44:00,560 --> 00:44:02,080 anywhere. And you know, I did. 650 00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:04,640 Think about actually, maybe this is where I interrupted because I 651 00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:07,240 thought I started to feel the rejection. 652 00:44:07,720 --> 00:44:09,520 And I, I asked myself, well, what? 653 00:44:10,080 --> 00:44:13,400 Well, what's the outcome I would like to create from this? 654 00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:17,360 And I said, well, I'd like to, I'd like to just move forward. 655 00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,960 I'd like to actually feel good about what I'm doing, regardless 656 00:44:20,960 --> 00:44:23,880 of what anybody else is doing 'cause I can't control what 657 00:44:23,880 --> 00:44:30,040 other people do, right? But I can show up for myself, so 658 00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:35,800 I'm going to go ahead and erase this because it's a lot to look 659 00:44:35,800 --> 00:44:39,000 at. And hopefully your gears are 660 00:44:39,000 --> 00:44:43,720 turning. Around some of your stimuli, 661 00:44:43,920 --> 00:44:45,360 which you wrote down at the beginning. 662 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:47,600 What's fucking with you today or this week? 663 00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:52,600 I'm going to go ahead and put that framework, the scene back 664 00:44:52,600 --> 00:44:57,280 up here so you have it. And then what we want to be hip 665 00:44:57,280 --> 00:45:02,120 to is the. Emotions that. 666 00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:05,560 Are actually are flags for shame. 667 00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:11,680 So these are what I would call a dirtier emotions. 668 00:45:14,360 --> 00:45:16,000 So rejected. Feeling rejected? 669 00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:19,400 Or abandoned. Those are two and those are 670 00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:20,880 those. Are two that come from trauma 671 00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,840 responses largely. So I actually believe that 672 00:45:25,280 --> 00:45:28,880 adults are cannot be abandoned. We can be abandoned as children, 673 00:45:29,120 --> 00:45:33,000 but that feeling of abandonment we often take with us into our 674 00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:37,040 adulthoods. So you're feeling rejected or 675 00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:39,640 abandoned. That's a version of either self 676 00:45:39,640 --> 00:45:44,760 pity or or some other form of feeling inferior and. 677 00:45:44,760 --> 00:45:49,000 That's just another. Well, it's, it's a clean pain 678 00:45:49,000 --> 00:45:53,160 with shame applied. And then on the flip side, 679 00:45:53,160 --> 00:45:56,080 anything that kind of smells of superiority. 680 00:45:56,080 --> 00:46:00,680 So resentment, entitlement, that kind of thing. 681 00:46:02,600 --> 00:46:03,960 It has happened to me in the past. 682 00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:05,120 Where? Somebody didn't show up for an 683 00:46:05,120 --> 00:46:09,480 appointment and I felt I felt kind of a righteous rage around 684 00:46:09,480 --> 00:46:13,440 it because I felt entitled to them honoring my time, right? 685 00:46:15,240 --> 00:46:20,320 That creates a more difficulty than if you just let yourself 686 00:46:20,320 --> 00:46:23,800 feel angry, let yourself feel upset. 687 00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:29,040 All right, so these are the three vital skills for becoming 688 00:46:29,040 --> 00:46:34,160 unfuck withable as I promised you, and they have to do with 689 00:46:34,520 --> 00:46:38,520 each of these three parts of the scene. 690 00:46:41,640 --> 00:46:43,560 OK, so hopefully this doesn't get too. 691 00:46:45,120 --> 00:46:48,520 I think it'll be fine. So these are the three skills 692 00:46:48,520 --> 00:46:51,520 that I teach in my group coaching program, which is 693 00:46:51,520 --> 00:46:55,240 called Feel Better for Good. These are the only three skills 694 00:46:55,240 --> 00:46:59,400 you actually need to develop in yourself to change your entire 695 00:46:59,400 --> 00:47:04,640 experience of life and create completely new and intentional 696 00:47:04,640 --> 00:47:07,680 results for yourself in any area of your life. 697 00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:12,880 The first one. Is manage your mind. 698 00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:21,280 This starts with an awareness. Of what your mind is even doing. 699 00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:24,160 What are the beliefs that are running the show right now? 700 00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:29,960 We create an awareness of that and we start to dismantle 701 00:47:30,320 --> 00:47:35,640 unuseful belief systems, call them out for like, oh, that is 702 00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:39,160 an optional belief to hold. And you know, maybe maybe I want 703 00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:43,200 to question that belief and start creating a new belief 704 00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:44,960 system. That's the work of that that we 705 00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:48,760 do in coaching. So it starts with awareness. 706 00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:53,560 And then I always think of it like like supervising a toddler, 707 00:47:53,560 --> 00:47:57,320 a toddler in a home. That's not toddler proof. 708 00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:00,960 So it's not baby proof. So a toddler, as you can 709 00:48:00,960 --> 00:48:04,240 imagine, goes around and just likes to explore everything, 710 00:48:04,240 --> 00:48:07,680 right, good or bad and has no sense of what's good for it, for 711 00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:09,000 it. So it it'll go and put its 712 00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:12,360 fingers in all the sockets and put its hand on on the hot stove 713 00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:15,560 and climb up on things and fall off. 714 00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:20,280 And so when we are managing our mind, we are treating it like a 715 00:48:20,280 --> 00:48:24,160 runaway toddler in a non baby proofed home. 716 00:48:24,280 --> 00:48:28,280 So we need to constantly redirect it to more useful 717 00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:30,680 activities than putting your finger in the sockets. 718 00:48:30,920 --> 00:48:32,280 Like no, honey, we're not doing that. 719 00:48:32,480 --> 00:48:34,040 And we're doing this in a loving way, right? 720 00:48:34,040 --> 00:48:40,880 But we're redirecting to a more life affirming thought or 721 00:48:40,880 --> 00:48:43,160 activity. No, put that down. 722 00:48:43,160 --> 00:48:45,840 OK, we're going to go over here. No, come on off of that. 723 00:48:45,840 --> 00:48:48,320 OK. So really it is like that when 724 00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:49,520 you learn how to manage your mind. 725 00:48:49,520 --> 00:48:51,240 And this might feel like a lot of work. 726 00:48:51,440 --> 00:48:54,520 It does take some vigilance and it, it can feel like hard work, 727 00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:57,360 especially in the beginning. But I want to offer you that it 728 00:48:57,360 --> 00:49:02,080 is way less hard work than living the way that you've been 729 00:49:02,080 --> 00:49:05,480 living. It's just the way that that 730 00:49:05,480 --> 00:49:07,360 you've been living. Is more familiar, letting your 731 00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:11,600 thoughts run away with you, but it's been taking you into danger 732 00:49:11,600 --> 00:49:15,560 zones over and over and over, which are really, really awful 733 00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:18,480 places to live, right? So learning the skill of 734 00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:23,600 managing your mind is it's a skill that will pay you 735 00:49:23,600 --> 00:49:26,280 dividends for the rest of your life. 736 00:49:28,720 --> 00:49:30,240 And then of course I'm shaming the thoughts. 737 00:49:30,240 --> 00:49:32,800 That you naturally have. We can't always, I mean, most of 738 00:49:32,800 --> 00:49:35,800 the time we can't control the first thought that we have, the 739 00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:38,560 first impulse that we have. But then we get to decide what 740 00:49:38,560 --> 00:49:41,680 we do with that thought, right? Whether we invest in it, whether 741 00:49:41,680 --> 00:49:45,320 we bank it, swallow it or metabolize it, or whether we 742 00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:49,160 call it out and decide, you know, I'm I'm not going to, I'm 743 00:49:49,160 --> 00:49:51,640 actually not going to take that one in. 744 00:49:52,840 --> 00:49:56,600 So the second skill for becoming unfuck with the bull. 745 00:49:58,160 --> 00:50:00,800 Is the skill of emceeing. Your emotions. 746 00:50:02,880 --> 00:50:07,280 And yes, I mean. MC as in Master of ceremonies, 747 00:50:08,520 --> 00:50:10,280 so I. Teach you how to become. 748 00:50:10,280 --> 00:50:14,240 The master of ceremonies of the emotions in your body. 749 00:50:15,320 --> 00:50:19,600 How to host both positive and negative emotion? 750 00:50:21,360 --> 00:50:24,800 In a way that. Builds out the experience and 751 00:50:24,800 --> 00:50:28,000 the life that you want to have from moment to moment and 752 00:50:28,000 --> 00:50:30,880 day-to-day. So this. 753 00:50:30,880 --> 00:50:33,480 Means moving. Negative emotion through your 754 00:50:33,480 --> 00:50:38,880 body in a simple and efficient way, a way that doesn't get it 755 00:50:38,880 --> 00:50:44,320 stuck and create, you know, chronic issues and toxic stress. 756 00:50:46,200 --> 00:50:50,040 And then also how to appreciate positive emotion when it comes 757 00:50:50,040 --> 00:50:52,680 in, and this is the most exciting part about becoming the 758 00:50:52,680 --> 00:50:58,160 MCA of your emotions is how to I teach you how to create the 759 00:50:58,160 --> 00:51:02,720 emotions that you need and want to feel in order to move toward 760 00:51:03,000 --> 00:51:06,080 your goals. So in the case of my intentional 761 00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:11,200 scene, I created Curiosity I. Created. 762 00:51:11,520 --> 00:51:16,160 Ambition, you could say. From the way that I both managed 763 00:51:16,160 --> 00:51:18,440 my. Mind and also emceed my 764 00:51:18,440 --> 00:51:21,120 emotions. So these two incredibly 765 00:51:21,120 --> 00:51:23,240 powerful. By the way, if you only mastered 766 00:51:23,240 --> 00:51:25,080 one of these, your entire life would change. 767 00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:27,560 But these two? Together. 768 00:51:27,960 --> 00:51:33,360 Lead into the third vital skill. And that is the skill. 769 00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:42,840 Of harmonizing your habits in your mind MC emotions plus 770 00:51:42,840 --> 00:51:47,800 harmonize your habits equals. Oh my God, a whole new world A. 771 00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:52,600 Whole new life, I know. Because I've done it for myself. 772 00:51:52,600 --> 00:51:55,560 Over and over and over. And I've done it with my clients 773 00:51:55,560 --> 00:52:01,120 over and over and over. So this this happens at the. 774 00:52:01,120 --> 00:52:06,600 Action Level So I teach you how to use your your managed mind 775 00:52:06,800 --> 00:52:10,760 and your the power of your emotions, including your 776 00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:17,320 negative emotions, to fuel inspired action in your life. 777 00:52:19,600 --> 00:52:22,840 And to create new habits. That are are aligned with the 778 00:52:22,840 --> 00:52:25,000 person that you want to be and the future that you want to 779 00:52:25,000 --> 00:52:27,800 create. So that's why I say harmonizing 780 00:52:28,160 --> 00:52:39,160 your habits make sense. OK, so it is a little messy, but 781 00:52:39,160 --> 00:52:42,320 I'm going to leave it up there and I want to do this vision 782 00:52:42,320 --> 00:52:45,200 process with you. We have a few more minutes, but 783 00:52:45,560 --> 00:52:49,960 I want you to think about 1 area of your life that you feel like 784 00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:54,600 stands the, that that could needs transformation the most. 785 00:52:54,800 --> 00:52:57,880 So this could be a relationship, it could be work, it could be 786 00:52:58,360 --> 00:53:02,840 creating money, it could be, you know, your health, whatever it 787 00:53:02,840 --> 00:53:05,920 is. And most likely there's a number 788 00:53:05,920 --> 00:53:08,520 of things that you want to work with, but I, I just want you to 789 00:53:08,520 --> 00:53:13,360 pick one right now. And I want you to write down. 790 00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:17,040 A couple of thoughts and maybe it's feelings. 791 00:53:19,360 --> 00:53:23,840 Where do you want to be in that? Area of your life in the next, 792 00:53:23,880 --> 00:53:27,440 let's say, six months. So let's imagine it's November 793 00:53:27,440 --> 00:53:32,160 2026. Where do you want to be in your? 794 00:53:32,160 --> 00:53:37,080 Life in that particular area in six months time. 795 00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:44,680 So just jot down a few thoughts and then we're going to do a 796 00:53:44,680 --> 00:53:46,920 process that really locks this into your bones, OK? 797 00:53:51,400 --> 00:53:55,000 All right, so. When you're ready, you can put 798 00:53:55,000 --> 00:53:58,640 down your pen, your writing utensil, and we're just going to 799 00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:05,120 do a progressive relaxation here and really lean into this vision 800 00:54:05,120 --> 00:54:09,760 of your life. To lock in this work OK. 801 00:54:10,640 --> 00:54:14,720 So you can, if you're sitting, you can put your feet on the 802 00:54:14,720 --> 00:54:18,560 floor. Just get comfortable and. 803 00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:19,840 Go ahead and close your eyes and. 804 00:54:23,640 --> 00:54:27,680 We're going to put our. Palms face up on the lap. 805 00:54:30,160 --> 00:54:33,920 And go ahead and send your. Awareness to your right palm. 806 00:54:36,240 --> 00:54:39,160 Notice the sensation. In your right palm as you send 807 00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:43,120 your attention there and sending your awareness now to your right 808 00:54:43,160 --> 00:54:52,800 inner elbow and your right shoulder and your left shoulder, 809 00:54:55,600 --> 00:55:11,800 left elbow, left palm, right palm, right elbow, right 810 00:55:11,800 --> 00:55:25,360 shoulder, left shoulder, left elbow, left palm and completing 811 00:55:25,360 --> 00:55:27,240 the circuit again to your right palm. 812 00:55:29,400 --> 00:55:34,280 Letting this feel good this. Circle of energy to your right 813 00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:51,040 elbow, right shoulder, left shoulder, left elbow, left palm, 814 00:55:53,040 --> 00:55:57,280 back to your right palm, and going ahead and completing the 815 00:55:57,280 --> 00:56:01,160 circuit on your own a couple more times in your own time. 816 00:56:01,160 --> 00:56:05,160 This might be quick, it might might be instantaneous, it might 817 00:56:05,160 --> 00:56:08,400 be a little slower than we just went, or it could be at the same 818 00:56:08,400 --> 00:56:12,680 pace, or really anywhere in between, but just letting this 819 00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:16,800 feel. So comforting. 820 00:56:18,440 --> 00:56:29,250 And calming. To do this loop and now you're 821 00:56:29,250 --> 00:56:33,650 going to invite into your mind's eye. 822 00:56:35,360 --> 00:56:40,640 A vision of you having this goal, this reality. 823 00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:47,960 That you just set for yourself. In six months time, it's 824 00:56:47,960 --> 00:56:54,080 November 2026 and you might imagine that you're watching 825 00:56:55,160 --> 00:56:57,760 yourself on a movie screen of your life. 826 00:57:02,000 --> 00:57:04,400 Notice what? This. 827 00:57:04,400 --> 00:57:09,040 Version of you this. Future version is doing how 828 00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:18,600 she's feeling, how she's dressed, how she's responding to 829 00:57:18,600 --> 00:57:21,360 the people around her and how they're responding to her. 830 00:57:26,850 --> 00:57:34,250 And and any other details. That come up for you, want you 831 00:57:34,250 --> 00:57:45,640 to see you as you wish to be. And stepping into the movie 832 00:57:45,640 --> 00:57:49,480 screen. Now I want you to step into her 833 00:57:49,480 --> 00:57:58,320 body and instantaneously take on all of her feelings, the exact 834 00:57:58,320 --> 00:58:03,720 feeling she feels in her skin and her body. 835 00:58:04,440 --> 00:58:07,840 Maybe it's safety. Maybe it's freedom. 836 00:58:09,480 --> 00:58:11,720 Love the feeling of being. Cherished. 837 00:58:13,880 --> 00:58:20,680 Valued. Maybe it's the feeling of really 838 00:58:20,680 --> 00:58:25,840 having an impact. I just want you to feel what 839 00:58:25,840 --> 00:58:30,360 it's like. Inside her skin, looking out her 840 00:58:30,360 --> 00:58:38,320 eyes on the life that she's created, knowing you can come 841 00:58:38,320 --> 00:58:43,720 back here anytime you wish. You can do the three loops. 842 00:58:47,080 --> 00:58:52,400 Put the movie screen up and notice if there are any feelings 843 00:58:52,400 --> 00:58:58,160 here, like fear or doubt. Anything that's a little darker, 844 00:58:58,160 --> 00:58:59,960 we're going to. Just let that be OK. 845 00:59:03,800 --> 00:59:09,800 Or no and give your present. Self, your transitional self. 846 00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:14,560 So much love and compassion for maybe not knowing exactly how 847 00:59:14,560 --> 00:59:24,560 she's going to do this, but still inviting the vision of the 848 00:59:24,560 --> 00:59:29,600 possibility of becoming this woman. 849 00:59:36,750 --> 00:59:40,640 And taking a deep cleansing. Breath, breathing out twice as 850 00:59:40,640 --> 00:59:46,400 long on the exhale and there's no rush coming back. 851 00:59:47,760 --> 00:59:52,200 When you like to, you can open your eyes, stretch a little bit, 852 00:59:54,480 --> 00:59:56,040 maybe drink a little bit of water or tea. 853 00:59:56,040 --> 01:00:09,760 I've got my good Earth tea here. Well done so. 854 01:00:11,080 --> 01:00:12,400 Now. You know. 855 01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:17,800 You've seen and you've also felt in your bones what you want to 856 01:00:17,800 --> 01:00:22,720 create this vision. You also have gotten an idea of 857 01:00:22,720 --> 01:00:25,640 how to create it. Broad strokes anyway with the 858 01:00:25,640 --> 01:00:29,680 three vital steps, managing your mind and seeing your emotion and 859 01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:33,600 harmonizing your habits or these are the skills that we want you 860 01:00:33,600 --> 01:00:37,840 to grow in order to get that vision in reality. 861 01:00:38,640 --> 01:00:41,280 And you also have a beginning tool for starting to interrupt 862 01:00:41,280 --> 01:00:44,480 the patterns that are holding you back in the scene framework. 863 01:00:45,520 --> 01:00:50,360 And now what you need is a solid plan to support you in the 864 01:00:50,360 --> 01:00:54,280 acquisition of these skills and the application of the scene 865 01:00:54,280 --> 01:00:56,080 framework in combination with others. 866 01:00:56,080 --> 01:01:00,840 But that is the main grounding framework or tool that that I 867 01:01:00,840 --> 01:01:05,320 teach my clients. And the thing about a really 868 01:01:05,320 --> 01:01:09,320 powerful tool is that if you don't know how to use it or if 869 01:01:09,320 --> 01:01:12,200 you're not skilled at using it, it really doesn't mean anything, 870 01:01:12,200 --> 01:01:14,520 right? You can have the finest cookware 871 01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:17,360 on the planet, but if you're, if you don't know how to cook, it's 872 01:01:17,360 --> 01:01:22,200 not going to make a difference. So I want you, I want to enable 873 01:01:22,200 --> 01:01:25,880 you to move forward powerfully toward the the life that you 874 01:01:25,880 --> 01:01:28,440 want to create. And if this is something that 875 01:01:28,440 --> 01:01:31,920 you want help applying, that you want help growing these skills, 876 01:01:31,920 --> 01:01:35,280 which I knew I needed. I didn't have the faintest idea 877 01:01:35,280 --> 01:01:40,200 of how to manage my mind or how to move emotion. 878 01:01:40,200 --> 01:01:43,760 Even though I had the benefit of many years of therapy, I didn't 879 01:01:43,760 --> 01:01:46,760 actually know how to process emotion on my own and how to 880 01:01:46,760 --> 01:01:49,840 coach myself through a really acute and sometimes scary 881 01:01:49,840 --> 01:01:54,080 emotional experience. So if this is something that you 882 01:01:54,080 --> 01:02:00,160 know, you want help with, then I want to invite you onto a, this 883 01:02:00,160 --> 01:02:04,920 is my, my gift for you onto what I call a triage call, which is 884 01:02:04,920 --> 01:02:08,720 30 minutes where you and I sit down privately one-on-one and we 885 01:02:08,720 --> 01:02:12,360 look at what's going on in your life, your specific situation. 886 01:02:12,760 --> 01:02:17,200 And we contextualize these skills into what you've got 887 01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:21,600 going on, what specifically is holding you back and how you can 888 01:02:21,600 --> 01:02:25,640 Start learning these skills to apply to your life and, and the 889 01:02:25,640 --> 01:02:28,840 life that you want to create. So the main purpose of the 890 01:02:28,840 --> 01:02:32,760 triage call is to get you clarity on what your individual 891 01:02:32,760 --> 01:02:36,760 work is and that includes area of your life that you want to 892 01:02:36,760 --> 01:02:40,600 focus on area or areas. I always recommend we we focus 893 01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:44,480 on one, two or three areas at a time. 1 can be incredibly 894 01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:47,120 powerful For the women who come into my Feel Better for Good 895 01:02:47,120 --> 01:02:51,640 group, we maybe start with one and get some real movement 896 01:02:51,640 --> 01:02:55,840 around that one and then we move on to another and then sometimes 897 01:02:55,840 --> 01:02:58,800 to another. Or we could do 2 concurrently 898 01:02:58,800 --> 01:03:02,400 and that that works as well. So this is to give you clarity 899 01:03:02,400 --> 01:03:07,200 on what your specific next steps are and what areas of your life 900 01:03:07,200 --> 01:03:10,640 you most want to work on. And then you learn about how you 901 01:03:10,640 --> 01:03:14,280 can get support to create lasting change, specifically 902 01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:17,720 with the work that I do. So if you'd like to do that, you 903 01:03:17,720 --> 01:03:20,720 can just pop into the chat a couple of times that work for 904 01:03:20,720 --> 01:03:25,520 you, pull out your calendar and let me know in the next week, 905 01:03:25,520 --> 01:03:29,320 week and 1/2 what works for you. I'm going to go ahead and stop 906 01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:31,720 the recording now. But for anyone who's watching in 907 01:03:31,720 --> 01:03:35,400 replay, you can just go ahead and reply to the e-mail that you 908 01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:40,120 received this in reply with a few times that work for you and 909 01:03:40,240 --> 01:03:43,600 we will get you in for that call, OK? 910 01:03:47,640 --> 01:03:49,960 If you're ready to do the work to move forward on. 911 01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:53,800 What you want and actually get it, I can help you. 912 01:03:54,280 --> 01:03:57,320 I'm offering my podcast listeners a free consultation 913 01:03:57,320 --> 01:04:00,240 with me to talk about what coaching can do for you this 914 01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:03,480 year. Just visit effielavor.com to get 915 01:04:03,480 --> 01:04:03,920 started.