1 00:00:00,040 --> 00:00:01,640 All right, we're doing something new on the podcast. 2 00:00:01,640 --> 00:00:04,560 We're going to do a series of videos on dating, dating 3 00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:06,920 etiquette, how to deal with tough things in dating. 4 00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:09,480 It's kind of chaos out there. I hear a lot of Gen. 5 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:12,880 Z ers complain that dating today is harder than it has been for 6 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,440 millennials or Gen. Xers are certainly boomers, that 7 00:00:15,640 --> 00:00:18,040 they have the worst of it. And I think from the stories 8 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:20,600 that I hear, I think that you're right, my Gen. 9 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,960 Z friends, I'm a millennial. Dating was rough for me too. 10 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,960 I dated all through my 20s and in my late teens. 11 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,520 So have my stories, I have my experiences to share, but the 12 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:34,080 reality is a lot of people I think are interested in open for 13 00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:37,120 looking for love and struggling to find it. 14 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,880 So welcome to the dating master class we're going to talk about 15 00:00:40,880 --> 00:00:42,600 today. Start with one of the hottest 16 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:46,320 topics in dating. Yes, you guessed it, breakups. 17 00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:49,000 The best coffee to drink when you're going on a date is 7 18 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,360 weeks Coffee. Seven weeks Coffee is the best 19 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,040 coffee brand in the country. It's my favorite coffee brand. 20 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:57,960 We've talked about it before in the podcast, but if you haven't 21 00:00:57,960 --> 00:01:01,040 bought 7 weeks Coffee yet, this is a great gift to give to your 22 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:03,800 girlfriend or your boyfriend or your wife or your husband or 23 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,880 this is just it is the most gourmet. 24 00:01:05,880 --> 00:01:07,240 You have every blend that you could want. 25 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:10,520 One of my favorite blends is the Ethiopia medium roast blend. 26 00:01:10,520 --> 00:01:13,480 It is has notes of citrus and chocolate and it's just very 27 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:16,080 smooth and delicious. It's awesome. 28 00:01:16,080 --> 00:01:18,360 Check out Seven weeks coffee.com if you haven't ordered them 29 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:20,560 already. This is a pro-life company that 30 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:25,480 is supporting the pro-life movement with 10% of all revenue 31 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:27,440 going to Pregnancy Resource Center. 32 00:01:27,440 --> 00:01:30,240 So when you go to sevenweekscoffee.com, you order 33 00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:33,720 your medium roast coffee that is chocolatey and citrusy and full 34 00:01:33,720 --> 00:01:36,640 bodied and delicious and you drink that for your morning 35 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:40,800 coffee. 10% of that money goes directly to pregnancy resource 36 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,520 centers that are helping moms and babies. 37 00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:46,000 So check out seven weeks coffee com use the code Lila at 38 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:49,680 checkout for 10% off your order and enjoy a cup of the most 39 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:52,520 delicious coffee. Who hasn't experienced A 40 00:01:52,520 --> 00:01:54,560 breakup? OK, my producer here, Franco has 41 00:01:54,560 --> 00:01:57,120 not experienced A breakup. Many people have. 42 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,400 And you know what? There's blessings and breakups. 43 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:01,400 There's actually a lot of blessings and breakups. 44 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:04,760 So we're going to talk about today how to break up a little 45 00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:08,639 bit, how to know that you need to break up and a lot how to do 46 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:13,320 the breakup because I'm of the opinion very strongly that how 47 00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:17,840 you break up and how you are broken up with can make a huge 48 00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:21,720 impact on you and on even your future relationships. 49 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,040 Now, you're not doomed to anything. 50 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:27,120 Even if you experienced the worst breakup ever, the person 51 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:29,400 you broke up with was completely cruel to you. 52 00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:32,440 It was such a confusing and chaotic relationship and then 53 00:02:32,440 --> 00:02:34,880 they broke up with you in this completely unkind way. 54 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:37,280 That doesn't mean you're broken and that you can't go on and 55 00:02:37,280 --> 00:02:40,680 have a wonderful, amazing future and have find, find and marry 56 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:43,800 the love of your life. So no, no one is doomed to 57 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:45,600 anything. Or maybe you made a mistake and 58 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,680 you were a total jerk and how you broke up with someone. 59 00:02:48,320 --> 00:02:50,120 That doesn't mean you're doomed in the future. 60 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,840 The point of this episode is what do we do? 61 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,040 How do we do this? And we're going to look at some 62 00:02:57,080 --> 00:03:01,160 famous scenes in movies to learn what not to do primarily. 63 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:03,920 Also, what to do. There's actually some good 64 00:03:03,920 --> 00:03:05,320 examples, some good food for thought. 65 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,240 I'm going to share some personal experiences. 66 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,480 It's going to hopefully be more than anything helpful. 67 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:17,280 All right, so first of all, opening thoughts, I think first 68 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:21,560 OG podcast episode was on principles for dating, core 69 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:23,880 principles for dating. And it was, I think it's to this 70 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,960 day still the most popular or one of the very most popular of 71 00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:29,360 all the podcast episodes I've ever done. 72 00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:33,520 I think strongly believe that the point of dating is 73 00:03:33,520 --> 00:03:37,960 ultimately to discern, is this somebody that I want to marry? 74 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,000 And if they want to marry you, you want to marry them. 75 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:44,240 You've done some of the basic prep for marriage, then 76 00:03:44,440 --> 00:03:46,920 wonderful, get married. It's going to be amazing. 77 00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:49,160 This doesn't mean that dating can't be fun. 78 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,280 Dating isn't, yes, about building a friendship with 79 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,880 someone and really getting to know them as they are, not 80 00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:57,080 having this agenda for them. But ultimately there is more to 81 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,680 it than a friendship, right? You're seeing, is this somebody 82 00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:02,520 I want to spend the rest of my life with and maybe raise a 83 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:04,400 family with and have kids with, right? 84 00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,640 Another important context here. All the advice I think I'm going 85 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:10,240 to give or most of it, and that we're going to like journey 86 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:12,120 together on. Especially like looking at the 87 00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:14,920 clips and everything else. It doesn't apply to you if 88 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:18,399 you're in a really abusive situation, in that situation, go 89 00:04:18,399 --> 00:04:20,959 to someone that you know, that you trust, that has wisdom. 90 00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:23,680 If you need help with boundaries or you need help with like 91 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:27,160 dealing with how to get out of that harmful situation and get 92 00:04:27,160 --> 00:04:30,040 yourself to emotional and physical safety. 93 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:33,880 OK, All right, another sort of background thing here. 94 00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:38,640 I also believe that if you have been dating somebody for like a 95 00:04:38,640 --> 00:04:42,280 long time, let's say at least a year or maybe 2, maybe through 96 00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:46,840 4:00, and you're still not sure that you want to marry them. 97 00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:50,120 Do them the favor of lovingly letting them go. 98 00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:52,080 Do yourself a favor. Do them a favor. 99 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,400 If you can't fully commit, if they can't fully commit. 100 00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,680 And it has been a significant time when we've really gotten to 101 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,040 know each other, gotten to know each other's families, you know, 102 00:04:59,040 --> 00:05:01,080 spent that time. You're you're of age, you know, 103 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:02,960 you're not some teenager. You're in your 20s or in your 104 00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:04,600 30s. It's been years. 105 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,160 Let them go or let yourself go. All right, so then how do you 106 00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:12,000 break up? We're going to start with a 107 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:16,800 scene of what not to do from a movie that many of us have seen 108 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,120 and some have not. I actually, in Full disclosure, 109 00:05:19,120 --> 00:05:21,920 have not seen this entire movie. I have read the Wikipedia and I 110 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:24,120 have watched this clip. So this is from Whiplash. 111 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:26,000 It's about a drummer. It's a psychological thriller. 112 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:30,120 And what's going to happen? You're going to witness a 113 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:33,040 breakup and you can tell me afterwards if you think this is 114 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:33,600 a good breakup. I. 115 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,640 Don't think that we should be together. 116 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:39,160 And I've thought about a little lot and this is what's going to 117 00:05:39,160 --> 00:05:41,640 happen, OK? I'm going to keep pursuing what 118 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,360 I'm pursuing. OK, already. 119 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:45,960 I do want to give him kudos that he was direct. 120 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:50,880 I don't see us together. And I think it's very important. 121 00:05:50,880 --> 00:05:53,400 That's actually one of the first principles I'm going to say is 122 00:05:53,400 --> 00:05:55,440 like, you've got to be direct. If you're going to break up with 123 00:05:55,440 --> 00:05:58,600 somebody, don't hedge around, you know, beat around the 124 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,960 bushes, don't hedge it and be like, well, I'm not really sure, 125 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,280 but I think maybe we need to break up. 126 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:08,040 Like be direct if you're ready to break up, you say I don't see 127 00:06:08,040 --> 00:06:09,760 us being together. You know, maybe you're not 128 00:06:09,760 --> 00:06:11,360 attracted anymore. I'm not interested in you in 129 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:12,440 that way. I don't feel that connection. 130 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,440 I don't feel like we're meant to get married. 131 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,080 I'm not interested and make it very direct. 132 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,480 Also. I think it's also nice that 133 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,000 they're in a semi private, like there's not tons of people 134 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,440 around, but it's also semi public. 135 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,840 So it's like they're in a fairly neutral location. 136 00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:30,640 Now, depending on the context of the breakup, that might be 137 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,720 appropriate to do it over the phone. 138 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,440 I'm going to get to that. But I do think it seems like the 139 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:38,040 location is fairly neutral. Maybe a park would be better. 140 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:39,720 It could be a little more private, but still public. 141 00:06:39,720 --> 00:06:42,560 But it doesn't seem like an overly busy, you know, 142 00:06:42,560 --> 00:06:45,560 restaurant or coffee shop. And because I'm doing that, it's 143 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:47,640 going to take up more and more of my time, and I'm not going to 144 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:48,880 be able to spend as much time with you. 145 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,080 And even when I do spend time with you, I'm going to be 146 00:06:51,080 --> 00:06:53,080 thinking about drumming, I'm going to be thinking about jazz, 147 00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,360 making my charts and all that. And because of that, you're 148 00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,920 going to start to resent me and you're going to tell me to ease 149 00:06:57,920 --> 00:06:59,680 up on the drumming, spend more time with you because you're not 150 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,080 feeling important and I'm not going to be able to do that. 151 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:04,120 And really, I'm just going to start to resent you for even 152 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,880 asking me to stop drumming. All right, so he's like 153 00:07:05,880 --> 00:07:08,600 explaining himself a lot. I think it's not necessary to 154 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,360 explain this much, but let's see where he goes with this. 155 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,960 I mean, it it it, it looks like it's starting to go down a 156 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,640 little bit because he's a he's doing a lot of you things like 157 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:19,600 things that he's not happy about her. 158 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:23,240 And so instead of it being like, oh, I'm not interested in you, I 159 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:27,080 don't see a future with you. It's like you are not doing 160 00:07:27,080 --> 00:07:29,920 these things for me, right? And it's like this is where it 161 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:33,640 gets into beating somebody when they're down instead of leaving 162 00:07:33,640 --> 00:07:35,840 them with leaving them with love and and gentleness. 163 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:38,800 So let's see where this goes. And we're just going to start to 164 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:40,960 hate each other and it's going to get very, it's going to be 165 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,680 ugly. And so for those reasons, I'd 166 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,360 rather just, you know, break it off clean. 167 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:52,040 Not too bad, I mean could have been better, but not too bad, 168 00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,560 OK. Because I want to be great. 169 00:07:56,440 --> 00:07:59,160 That's a little weird. Let's say maybe theoretically 170 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,120 it's true because for him to be great, he can't be in a 171 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:05,160 relationship because he needs to practice on his little drums, 172 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,520 you know, for 50 hours a week and for whatever reason you 173 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,800 can't be in a relationship. In that case, that doesn't mean 174 00:08:09,800 --> 00:08:11,800 it's her fault. That's actually more his fault 175 00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:14,960 that he needs to be so exclusively dedicated to this 176 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,240 work that he doesn't have space in his life for love. 177 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:20,040 And if that's the case, which is sad, I don't recommend that for 178 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:21,320 anyone. But if that is the case, then he 179 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,680 should just be honest and say that as opposed to making it 180 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,720 like she is holding him back from being great. 181 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,680 And when I did see you, you treat me like because I'm just 182 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,720 some girl who doesn't know what she wants and you have a path 183 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:35,679 and you're going to be great and I'm going to be forgotten and 184 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:38,640 therefore you won't be able to give me the time of day because 185 00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,240 you have bigger things to pursue. 186 00:08:43,960 --> 00:08:48,760 That's exactly my .0. My gosh, OK, so even if he 187 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,080 thought that, and yes, it's possible to think poorly of 188 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,600 someone that you've dated. I'm not recommending that, but 189 00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,080 it's possible. You don't tell them, you don't 190 00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:58,400 say that to them. So, so mean, I just want to 191 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:01,000 applaud the girl in the clip because she has enough sense of 192 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:02,920 her value. She's not groveling at his feet. 193 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,440 She's not, you know, convincing him to stay. 194 00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:08,120 He just dissed her. He just put her down really 195 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,080 significantly. And she's just like, I'm I'm out 196 00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:12,400 of here. We shouldn't date. 197 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:15,640 And that's good. She has a sense of herself worth 198 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:19,480 and anybody in any relationship, I hope that you have a sense of 199 00:09:19,480 --> 00:09:22,520 yourself worth. When you date somebody and you 200 00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:25,120 need to break up with somebody, you should start. 201 00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:29,400 I would say #1 principle is don't delay, you know, get make 202 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:32,840 the make it happen. So don't wait around until, OK, 203 00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:35,320 I'm going to wait till after their birthday or oh, I'm going 204 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,480 to wait until after the wedding that we have to go to get 205 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:40,240 together or I'm going to wait until after the semester ends. 206 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:43,560 If you are already convinced. This is not someone I want to be 207 00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:46,800 with. OK, then you need to just call 208 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:49,240 it and be honest with them and set them free. 209 00:09:49,360 --> 00:09:53,640 It's not kind or loving or fair, in my opinion, to just continue 210 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,800 to date them. In addition, if this is someone 211 00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,160 that is not long distance and there's someone that you're 212 00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:01,880 dating in person, you know, that's not like a long distance 213 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,600 relationship. I think it's an in person 214 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,720 conversation. So it's good in this clip that 215 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,640 they did that. But obviously how we did it was 216 00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,880 wrong. But it's good to sit down like a 217 00:10:09,880 --> 00:10:13,320 park or, you know, a coffee shop or find a, you know, semi 218 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:15,320 neutral, public, semi public place. 219 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:18,120 You know, don't do it at your apartment or his apartment. 220 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,640 You know, I would avoid things like that. 221 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,840 I would do in a neutral place, third party place. 222 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:25,760 And you know, then we're going to talk what comes next, like 223 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:27,840 how to do this. But don't make them. 224 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:30,480 If you're in a long distance relationship, I do not recommend 225 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:33,040 flying across the country to break up with them or making 226 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:36,120 them fly across the country to be broken up with. 227 00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:40,240 That can be a phone call that does not need to be an in 228 00:10:40,240 --> 00:10:42,160 person. And again, if there's abuse in 229 00:10:42,160 --> 00:10:44,440 the relationship, do you don't need any phone calls, You don't 230 00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,360 need any in persons. You don't even need a 231 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:48,040 communication. If it's bad enough abuse, you 232 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:50,760 can just boundary yourself and stop talking. 233 00:10:51,480 --> 00:10:54,200 Or if it's kind of a borderline situation, you could send an 234 00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,560 e-mail and just be like, I cannot continue this And I, you 235 00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:59,200 know, please do not contact me. So this is the one thing that 236 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,160 the guy did well, I think in the whiplash clip clip is that he 237 00:11:02,160 --> 00:11:04,920 was direct. He started out by just saying, I 238 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:06,320 don't think I want to be with you. 239 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,240 I don't remember his exact words, but the first words are 240 00:11:08,240 --> 00:11:10,560 fairly neutral. Basically, I don't see this 241 00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:13,760 moving forward and I think people deserve that. 242 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:18,840 Oh, I think that maybe we should break up because I am figuring 243 00:11:18,840 --> 00:11:22,160 some things out and I really like you, but I'm not sure. 244 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:24,920 Maybe in the future, like, give them closure, give them the gift 245 00:11:24,920 --> 00:11:28,640 of closure and tell them I'm not interested in being with you 246 00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:30,400 anymore. And you know, I don't feel the 247 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:32,600 connection. Make that clear by just saying I 248 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,920 do not see a future for us and I do not want to continue dating. 249 00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:39,480 Don't beat around the Bush. All right, this next point I 250 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:41,720 think is a little maybe controversial. 251 00:11:41,720 --> 00:11:44,280 We're going to watch a clip from a really fun movie. 252 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:47,480 This is one of my favorite books when I was a little kid, Little 253 00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:51,200 Women, and this is the Joe and one of the Joe and Lori scenes. 254 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:54,560 Don't keep shopping. Companies that hate your values. 255 00:11:54,640 --> 00:11:57,400 All these companies out there that hate pro-life, hate pro 256 00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,800 family values. Instead, find the companies that 257 00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:01,600 share your values. How do you do that? 258 00:12:01,720 --> 00:12:03,960 It's easy. Public Square is a free 259 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:06,080 downloadable app. You can find it in your App 260 00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,080 Store at the link in the bio. Public Square is basically the 261 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:11,880 Yelp for companies that support your values. 262 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:16,920 There are over 75,000 pro-life pro family companies on Public 263 00:12:16,920 --> 00:12:20,000 Square that you can survey and you can browse and you can 264 00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:23,200 access for free. Download the free Public Square 265 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,600 app today at the link in the bio and find the companies that 266 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,160 share your values. And now that you're a graduate, 267 00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:33,120 you'll be off on a long holiday. So gorgeous wherever they're 268 00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,360 walking. So beautiful. 269 00:12:36,080 --> 00:12:37,960 Why should we run off and join a pirate ship? 270 00:12:44,200 --> 00:12:47,760 Oh, the danger of having your best friend be someone of the 271 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:48,480 opposite sex. I. 272 00:12:48,560 --> 00:12:51,160 Have loved you ever since I've known you Joe, I couldn't help 273 00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:54,200 it and and I tried to show you wouldn't let me, which is fine 274 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:57,440 but I must make you here now and give me an answer because I 275 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,160 cannot go on like this any longer. 276 00:12:59,360 --> 00:12:59,800 I. Even. 277 00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,920 Like I'm happy I did, it's fine, and I waited. 278 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:08,520 And I complained. Because I, you know, I figured 279 00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:12,360 you'd love me, John. I mean, you kind of got to give 280 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,320 them a little credit because they were best friends. 281 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:18,160 They did everything together. So it's not out of the ordinary 282 00:13:18,160 --> 00:13:21,200 that if you're best friends with some of the opposite sex that 283 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,240 you would figure that they would love you. 284 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,720 I mean, they should. They do love you as a friend and 285 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:27,160 that you'd want something more that. 286 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:28,680 So that's often what happens, right? 287 00:13:28,680 --> 00:13:31,280 If your best friend is someone of the opposite sex, I don't 288 00:13:31,280 --> 00:13:34,040 recommend that. I really don't like you can have 289 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:36,440 deep friendships with people of the opposite sex, but I would 290 00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,880 say your best bud should be your mom. 291 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:41,920 I'm just kidding. I mean, it can be your mom of 292 00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,720 you love your mom, but it should be like your brother or your 293 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:49,160 sister or, you know, someone of the same sex because ultimately 294 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,880 it's just it's just rough. And then what happens when you 295 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,640 date someone? You're not going to be like best 296 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,520 friends going, getting dinner and getting coffee and like, you 297 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:58,720 know, going on hikes with this one other person of the opposite 298 00:13:58,720 --> 00:14:00,520 sex. Like it doesn't doesn't register 299 00:14:00,520 --> 00:14:03,520 right. So I think that a certain level 300 00:14:03,520 --> 00:14:09,720 of decorum and sort of boundaries in friendships of the 301 00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:13,840 opposite sex, both before, during and after dating, meaning 302 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:16,040 when you're single, when you're dating, and if you're married, 303 00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:19,560 is absolutely essential. And I realize I'm not half good 304 00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,400 enough and I'm not this great man. 305 00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:23,760 And yes, you. Are you're a great deal too good 306 00:14:23,760 --> 00:14:26,840 for me and I and I'm so grateful to you and I'm so proud of you 307 00:14:26,960 --> 00:14:30,600 and I just, I don't see why I can't love you as you want me 308 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:31,800 to. I don't know. 309 00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,440 Why not attracted? I also think he wasn't 310 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,560 intellectual enough for her. Like that was part of it. 311 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,720 She ends up marrying this professor and. 312 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,280 It will be a lie to say I do and I don't, but she's. 313 00:14:43,280 --> 00:14:45,680 Being so honest and I think that's awesome. 314 00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:49,960 I'm so sorry but I just can't help it. 315 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,560 I can't love anyone else, Joe. I only love. 316 00:14:52,560 --> 00:14:54,440 You Kenny, It would be a disaster if we it. 317 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,000 Wouldn't be a disaster, we'd be miserable, I. 318 00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:58,400 Can't. I can't. 319 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,040 I've tried it and I. Failed. 320 00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,320 So she's trying to like he's pushing her and she's like 321 00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:03,680 saying I can't do it, I can't do it. 322 00:15:03,680 --> 00:15:05,640 And OK, first of all, she's being direct. 323 00:15:05,720 --> 00:15:07,960 Fantastic. She's like telling him directly. 324 00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:08,920 There's no beating around the Bush. 325 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:12,840 She's like, I do not see this. I do not, you know, I don't, I 326 00:15:12,840 --> 00:15:14,680 can't see us together. I can't love you like that. 327 00:15:14,680 --> 00:15:16,520 So she's being very direct, very good. 328 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:20,280 The other thing that I think Joe does that I really love here 329 00:15:20,280 --> 00:15:23,400 actually, and this is going to be kind of my last principle 330 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:27,400 that I wanted to share on good breakups is that she affirmed 331 00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:30,000 him. Like she directly affirmed him 332 00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:33,200 as being someone that she's proud of, that she thinks she 333 00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:36,240 even says you're better than me, you're too good for me. 334 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:38,720 I'm not saying you should tell the person you're breaking up 335 00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:42,280 with or you're rejecting that they're too good for you unless 336 00:15:42,280 --> 00:15:44,360 you sincerely think that, you know, that's a big thing to 337 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:47,000 think. But more that they are somebody 338 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:50,360 that has incredible value as a human being and they have 339 00:15:50,360 --> 00:15:52,760 attributes. And if you believe that they 340 00:15:52,760 --> 00:15:55,520 will be a good spouse for someone someday and it, you 341 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:59,240 know, make someone very happy one day, say that I really think 342 00:15:59,240 --> 00:16:02,040 that you can tell someone when you're breaking up with them. 343 00:16:02,320 --> 00:16:05,480 Be direct, right? Keep it simple. 344 00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:09,040 Find that neutral place, like the honoring of them. 345 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:13,800 Don't beat around the Bush, but say something affirming of them, 346 00:16:14,120 --> 00:16:17,360 you know, leave them with ultimately positive, a blessing 347 00:16:17,360 --> 00:16:21,080 on them, saying like, look, you're an amazing man or woman, 348 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:23,400 you know, look, I think you're going to make someone so happy 349 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,640 one day. I don't feel that connection 350 00:16:25,640 --> 00:16:28,160 with you, but I know you are a catch. 351 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,800 Like I know you are a great person and yeah they'll that 352 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:34,280 person may still feel terrible afterwards. 353 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,240 It still may be a blow to their self esteem depending on their 354 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:40,360 situation. But I guarantee you that those 355 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:44,240 positive words long term are good things to leave somebody 356 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:45,680 with. Now some people might argue and 357 00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:46,840 be like oh that's leading them on. 358 00:16:47,040 --> 00:16:50,120 Like oh to say someone oh how great they are while you're 359 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:51,920 breaking up with them. It's a mixed message. 360 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:54,680 I totally disagree. If you are breaking up with 361 00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,640 someone, and this is not an abuser, you're breaking up, but 362 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,000 this is just a person you're not connected to, you don't see a 363 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:04,160 future with for whatever reasons, and you are being 364 00:17:04,160 --> 00:17:06,480 direct with them about it. You're telling them I don't see 365 00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:08,319 us getting married. I don't feel that connection 366 00:17:08,319 --> 00:17:10,480 with you. I don't desire that with you, 367 00:17:11,319 --> 00:17:15,200 but you tell them that they are someone of value that you 368 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,280 appreciate and that you know will have a great future. 369 00:17:18,839 --> 00:17:22,880 I think that that is honorable. The last thing is if they don't 370 00:17:22,880 --> 00:17:26,280 take no for an answer. So in the scene with Joe and 371 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,319 Lori, I mean, he keeps pushing. Eventually he does take no for 372 00:17:28,319 --> 00:17:29,640 an answer and he goes and marries his sister. 373 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,760 OK, So there's a half ending for for Teddy. 374 00:17:33,120 --> 00:17:36,040 But if they don't take no for an answer in the conversation, like 375 00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,640 have a boundary, right? If they're just like really 376 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,520 struggling with it, just be like, listen, this is where this 377 00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:42,880 is where it is. This is where I'm at. 378 00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,760 I don't see a future for us. And I'm I'm sorry. 379 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,320 And then call it, you know, to say like, I've got to get going. 380 00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,280 You don't have to talk for five hours about it. 381 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:54,200 Now, if you've dated them for five years, you know, maybe you 382 00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:55,640 will talk for a few hours about it. 383 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,240 I'm not saying just to not answer any questions, not 384 00:17:58,240 --> 00:18:01,040 dialogue with them. But ultimately you want to 385 00:18:01,040 --> 00:18:04,400 signal that your no is a no, that the end is the end in how 386 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,760 you behave and how you talk, not just in the physical words 387 00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:09,360 you're using, right? Yeah, maybe. 388 00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,320 Maybe it is a few conversations you'll need to have. 389 00:18:11,320 --> 00:18:13,280 Maybe it is a couple meetings, especially if it's a very long 390 00:18:13,280 --> 00:18:16,400 relationship. But ultimately, I think that 391 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:22,280 does more to make it hang on the relationship than, you know, 392 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,000 giving them positive words about how great of a person there, if 393 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:27,000 you have made-up your mind, right? 394 00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,040 Meeting up with them 10 times to talk about why you've made-up 395 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,720 your mind to pick up with them and having like 10 more dates 396 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:36,000 with them to talk about it, I don't think is a good way to 397 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,440 break up. What about just regular everyday 398 00:18:38,440 --> 00:18:40,400 rejection, though? What about if it's not some big 399 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:41,960 breakup, it's not some big relationship? 400 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:45,960 Maybe you went on one date, maybe you didn't go on any 401 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:47,320 dates. And like, this is someone who's 402 00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:51,080 asking, asking you out. How do you reject somebody in a 403 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,400 classy way? Well, I think the most 404 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,400 fundamental way to reject someone in a classy way is the 405 00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:01,800 very simple line that says something along the lines of I'm 406 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:04,040 flattered you asked, but no, thank you. 407 00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,880 I'm not interested. And maybe, yeah, you're not 408 00:19:06,880 --> 00:19:08,760 flattered. Maybe you're, you're like, 409 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:12,280 you're only a teeny tiny, tiny, tiny, tiny bit flattered. 410 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:15,720 But the beauty of saying I'm flattered, you asked, unless 411 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,120 they're a complete creep, this does not apply. 412 00:19:17,120 --> 00:19:20,040 Like if this is someone who you know, is like an abusive super 413 00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:23,280 creep, like someone that's not a safe person, you don't even need 414 00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,000 to respond. You can just ignore. 415 00:19:25,360 --> 00:19:27,240 And you certainly don't need to say you're flattered. 416 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:31,400 But this is like just a decent person who went out of their way 417 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:34,200 to ask you out. You know, that takes courage. 418 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:40,800 That takes a level of, like, oomph that you should, I think, 419 00:19:40,800 --> 00:19:43,200 acknowledge because it's really hard to do today. 420 00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:48,760 Women complain constantly to me. I hear all the time, nobody's 421 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:52,000 asking guys anyone out. Like, guys are not asking girls 422 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,400 out. And then maybe they'll get asked 423 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,960 out in some way by a guy that they're not interested in. 424 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:59,520 They're like gross. That's not the way to go. 425 00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:01,960 Like if you want to further pollute the dating pool to make 426 00:20:01,960 --> 00:20:06,080 guys even more discouraged and even more disenchanted and even 427 00:20:06,080 --> 00:20:08,560 less likely to ask anybody out ever again. 428 00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,840 Because like, you might not like him, but your friend or your 429 00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,720 friend's sister might like him, right? 430 00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:16,160 So give him that. Give him a little positivity of 431 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:19,360 the I'm flattered you asked because it takes courage to ask. 432 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,280 So that's why I really like that line. 433 00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:25,200 Keep it simple, keep it classy, keep it positive, be direct. 434 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:27,520 I'm flattered you asked. All right, so there's this 435 00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,240 scene. You might have seen this before. 436 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,680 I find it very funny, but I think it's a good, it has a good 437 00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,960 lesson for us. What do you think the chances 438 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:42,440 are of a guy like you and a girl like me ending up together? 439 00:20:43,760 --> 00:20:47,720 Well, Lloyd, that's difficult to say and we really don't. 440 00:20:48,120 --> 00:20:50,120 Hit. Me with it, just give it to me 441 00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:52,160 straight. I already blew it, right? 442 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,280 It's difficult to say. She doesn't like him. 443 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:55,800 She does not see herself with him. 444 00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,600 She just say zero. I'm not. 445 00:20:58,680 --> 00:21:02,120 I mean, that sounds harsh, OK? She just say that's very sweet, 446 00:21:02,120 --> 00:21:03,760 but I'm not interested in you at all. 447 00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:09,840 I mean, you got to you got to not lead them on, right? 448 00:21:09,920 --> 00:21:12,040 OK. Wait just to see you Mary, just 449 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,400 at least you can do is level with me. 450 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,040 He wants honesty. He wants honesty. 451 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,520 What are my chances? Not good, Not good. 452 00:21:19,520 --> 00:21:25,760 OK, sounds pretty honest. You mean not good? 453 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:31,160 Like one out of 100. I'd say more like 1 out of 454 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:35,480 1,000,000. So you're telling me there's a 455 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:39,880 chance? All right, let's curious. 456 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:42,320 Yeah. What's the lesson here? 457 00:21:42,560 --> 00:21:45,960 Yeah, some people, they will be the eternal optimist. 458 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,960 But if you know they're the eternal optimist type, it's very 459 00:21:48,960 --> 00:21:50,960 sweet. But you're like on the receiving 460 00:21:50,960 --> 00:21:52,440 end of that and they're interested in you and they're 461 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:53,960 asking you about you. Just say I'm not interested. 462 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:55,800 If you really are not interested, you do not see 463 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,440 yourself with this person. Don't say that there's a one in 464 00:21:58,440 --> 00:22:00,760 a million chance. Do not say that That's actually 465 00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:02,600 the one of the worst things that you can say is going to make 466 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,000 them try harder. OK, so classy. 467 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:07,840 Rejection is simple. It's final. 468 00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:11,480 And it has something like, I'm flattered you ask or, you know, 469 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:13,680 it's really flattering of you and you know, that's really 470 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:16,160 thoughtful of you to ask me. Or I really admire the courage 471 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:19,120 it took for you to ask me, but I'm not interested, OK. 472 00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:23,760 And listen, I think at large, both men and women appreciate 473 00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:28,880 sincerity, appreciate respectful communication and appreciate 474 00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,000 direct communication. OK? 475 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:36,080 So being direct with the other person in dating is always a 476 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:40,200 good mantra, is always a good principle, always a good rule of 477 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,880 thumb. Last one we're going to do here 478 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:48,120 is a, you know, a little bit of a what not to do, OK. 479 00:22:48,880 --> 00:22:50,480 You need to hear the truth Bella. 480 00:22:52,120 --> 00:22:57,160 Understand all your options and I want you to choose me instead 481 00:22:57,160 --> 00:22:57,480 of. Him. 482 00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,120 I hate this movie, by the way. I don't understand. 483 00:23:02,280 --> 00:23:04,280 I don't feel that way for you. I don't buy it. 484 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:08,680 Don't you buy, OK? Believe them. 485 00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:12,160 If they tell you that this is so little freebie advice, believe 486 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:13,360 them. If they tell you that they're 487 00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:15,320 not interested in you, believe them. 488 00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:18,160 Let's pretend they are, but they're saying that they're not. 489 00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,360 You don't want to play be with someone who plays games like 490 00:23:20,360 --> 00:23:21,840 that. You don't want that. 491 00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:23,600 That's going to be a mind trick for you. 492 00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,880 And it's not going to be a healthy, It's definitely an 493 00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:28,560 unhealthy, unstable place to start a relationship. 494 00:23:29,120 --> 00:23:32,680 And if they're sincerely not interested, take them at their 495 00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:36,000 word and move on so you can move on to something better for you 496 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:38,200 and they can move on to something better for them. 497 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:42,560 That's how I feel. You feel something else for me, 498 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,720 you just won't admit it. So I'm not giving up. 499 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:47,200 Yikes. I don't know. 500 00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:50,800 I think the, the message here is first of all, I do think this is 501 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:54,400 like a genre in movies of like the overbearing lover who really 502 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,680 wants the girl. You know, sometimes it's the 503 00:23:56,680 --> 00:23:58,280 girl who wants the guy, but usually it's the guy who wants 504 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,480 the girl and she's like rejecting him. 505 00:24:00,480 --> 00:24:04,080 And I think that there is sort of this fantasy is a strong 506 00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,280 word, but there's a sort of like romantic narrative around like 507 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:08,840 being pursued so heavily by someone that you don't really 508 00:24:08,840 --> 00:24:10,960 love, you don't really want to be with, but they're still 509 00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:12,920 pursuing you so heavily. Not taking no for an answer. 510 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:14,680 I don't think we should glamorize that. 511 00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:19,400 I understand, you know, on an archetypal level that, you know, 512 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:23,080 I think about like salvation and God, like God that loves us so 513 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:25,480 much he sent his only son to die for us, Jesus Christ in a cross. 514 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:29,640 Like he is the ultimate lover who took the worst rejection for 515 00:24:29,640 --> 00:24:32,480 the sake of us, right? He took on all of our sin, on 516 00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:36,400 all of our rejection. And so I can see, you know, the 517 00:24:36,400 --> 00:24:39,840 temptation to kind of romanticize in like a 518 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:44,040 relationship, a romantic relationship, the sort of, I 519 00:24:44,040 --> 00:24:46,240 guess, attraction of someone who just like goes to the ends of 520 00:24:46,240 --> 00:24:50,240 the earth. But the reality is you want a 521 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,640 partner. You know marriage is not about 522 00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:56,080 winning someone. At the end of the day, it's not. 523 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:59,880 Yes, you want to hold their heart and you want yours to be 524 00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:02,520 held too. So I do think a lot of the 525 00:25:02,520 --> 00:25:04,000 language of like, he wins her heart. 526 00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:06,520 Yeah, Yeah, he does and she wins his. 527 00:25:06,880 --> 00:25:09,400 But at the end of the day, you're partners and you are 528 00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,680 going to be spouses in a marriage and you're going to be 529 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,800 in it together. And there's not one who should 530 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,080 be, you know, always pursuing the other more than the other. 531 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:19,600 I don't think that, you know, yes, my husband and I are like 532 00:25:19,600 --> 00:25:21,160 dating and stuff. He totally pursued me. 533 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:24,040 He did a beautiful job, but I also had to pursue him in terms 534 00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:26,880 of, you know, really love him and care for him and show him 535 00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:28,640 that I wanted I wanted to be with him. 536 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:30,800 It wasn't just him loving me all day. 537 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:34,080 Like I wanted to love him too. What's the lesson here? 538 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,880 The lesson is here is if you want to reject them, reject them 539 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:39,640 in a classy way. And you know, if you're 540 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:43,240 listening and you're a woman who is really into this guy that's 541 00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:46,760 just not into you, let it go. Like you are beautiful. 542 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,000 God is a plan for you. You are unique. 543 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,640 There's someone out there, I believe, for just you. 544 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:53,320 If you're called to marriage, just someone out there for just 545 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,080 you is going to love you as you are and help you be better and 546 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:59,200 help you live a beautiful life. Don't waste your time and your 547 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,080 emotional energy on someone that is out of reach because they're 548 00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:03,880 not seeing you the same way. OK? 549 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:06,560 And if you're a guy and you're really into this girl, like 550 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,840 she's something that you're just so in love with and she's just 551 00:26:08,840 --> 00:26:12,040 not interested, yes, I, I know that hurts, but there's 552 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:15,480 something better for you. Not that she's not good enough 553 00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:18,560 and there's some better girl, but I'm saying better for you. 554 00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:22,360 Like there's someone that you will be loved by, who will want 555 00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:25,600 to receive your love and your affection and your attention and 556 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:28,320 it's going to be beautiful. But if you're just pouring all 557 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,880 your energy emotionally and your angst into like, this is someone 558 00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:34,880 I want to be with so badly and they don't want to be with me, I 559 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,480 know it's hard, but you got to let it go. 560 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,680 So my advice, I don't it's just a werewolf and the other guy's a 561 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:44,760 vampire. So don't be like the wolf I 562 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:47,240 guess be the vampire and said no, don't be. 563 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,960 Don't be any creepy guy from whatever girlfriend this movie. 564 00:26:50,960 --> 00:26:56,920 But the point is like unrequited love hurts, but that's not your 565 00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,520 destiny. And the best way to move out of 566 00:26:59,520 --> 00:27:04,120 unrequited love is to direct your love towards the people 567 00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:07,800 that do love you back and your energy towards building those 568 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,680 strong relationships where you can grow as a person. 569 00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,720 Ultimately, I believe towards God who always loves us back. 570 00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:17,440 He is love itself and we're only going to be fulfilled in God 571 00:27:17,520 --> 00:27:21,880 whose complete and perfect love. But in this life, in our human 572 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:25,640 affairs, you know, don't, don't sit in the unrequited love like 573 00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:28,680 it's not the place to end up. There's something that God has 574 00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:30,080 for you. So have hope. 575 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:32,960 And if you are going on a date, you'll want to look great. 576 00:27:33,160 --> 00:27:37,040 So go to carlyjeanlosangeles.com and find the cutest. 577 00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:38,840 And this doesn't have to be just a date with someone that you're 578 00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:40,520 not married to. If you're married, you can go 579 00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,600 get an outfit and there's clothes for men too. 580 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:46,880 But carlyjeanlosangeles.com is a clothing company that shares 581 00:27:46,880 --> 00:27:50,480 your values that has on trend ethically sourced adorable 582 00:27:50,480 --> 00:27:52,800 pieces. It has capsule collection so you 583 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,720 can find the basic for everyday wear as well as those great 584 00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,560 special pieces to spice up that everyday wear. 585 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:01,720 That special sweater, that fun pair of pants, that scarf, that 586 00:28:01,720 --> 00:28:03,440 special dress. Check out 587 00:28:03,440 --> 00:28:06,640 carlyjeanlosangeles.com. They have some great stuff in 588 00:28:06,640 --> 00:28:08,720 for the fall. Great jacket, some great 589 00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:12,440 dresses, some great sweaterscarlyjeanlosangeles.com. 590 00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:16,480 And use the code Lila Rose at checkout for 20% off your order. 591 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,280 One more principle. Leave them better than they 592 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:21,360 found you. We'll probably do a dating 593 00:28:21,360 --> 00:28:25,160 episode just on this, but I'm really, this is a really 594 00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:27,560 important one. Leave the person better than 595 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:30,400 they found you. What do I mean by that? 596 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,480 Don't sleep with them. Like you know, this is not 597 00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:36,160 someone that you're going to be using their body and giving them 598 00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:38,160 your body for pleasure and connection, even though you're 599 00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:39,760 not committed in a lifelong marriage. 600 00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:43,760 Like don't do that. Give them friendship, share your 601 00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:46,520 values, share experiences together that it may be 602 00:28:46,520 --> 00:28:49,720 beautiful, but have those boundaries in your relationship 603 00:28:49,720 --> 00:28:53,480 so that when you leave that relationship, they were edified 604 00:28:53,720 --> 00:28:56,120 by you. They were ultimately encouraged 605 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:58,200 by you. They weren't scarred by you. 606 00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:02,040 And so my closing thoughts here, God really does have a plan. 607 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:06,280 He has a plan for your life. I do not know what it is, OK? 608 00:29:06,800 --> 00:29:08,840 I don't even know what God's plan is for my life tomorrow 609 00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:10,680 because I might not live till tomorrow. 610 00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:14,600 We are not promised tomorrow. This life is pure gift. 611 00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:19,080 We can't really fully earn those gifts or lose those gifts. 612 00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:20,560 You know, we can try to be better people. 613 00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:23,720 We can try to follow God and do all of these things, but at the 614 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:27,280 end of the day, when one door closes, God has a plan. 615 00:29:27,680 --> 00:29:30,960 And the most important thing I think in all of dating, yes, 616 00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:34,400 this is a Christian message. This is a message of faith is 617 00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:38,600 trust, trust that there is a plan, trust that it's going to 618 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:42,000 work out and a willingness to treat the people that we 619 00:29:42,000 --> 00:29:44,960 encounter, whether we're dating them or we having to break up 620 00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:46,520 with them or we're being broken up with. 621 00:29:47,200 --> 00:29:50,440 Treating those people with respect the other day. 622 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:56,120 We're all human beings who have dignity and who deserve respect. 623 00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:01,960 So remember, every breakup is a preparation for meeting that 624 00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:03,920 love of your life. If you're called to marriage, 625 00:30:04,480 --> 00:30:06,280 hang in there. Have hope, it's going to be 626 00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:06,760 awesome.