Welcome to the doctor nurse podcast.
This week, we're going to be talking with David Metzger.
He is a pediatric oncology nurse podcaster in the author of his
most recently titled book nurse Papa.
He encounters, the crazy intersections of his life as a
dad to healthy kids and his role as a nurse caring for sick.
Kids, David is also the host in the creator of the nurse Papa
podcast in which he shares in normalizes his wild stories of
Parenthood. This episode today is a wild
ride and can be tough to hear it.
X get some tissues you might want to have your kiddos close
so you can hug them after the episode.
I definitely walked over after recording this episode and gave
my kid a really big hug. I wanted to share a little
excerpt from his book titled nurse Papa, because I think that
it really describes what he's trying to merge as he writes his
Inches down as a nurse taking care of, pediatric, oncology
children. And then as a dad, here we go.
Before it was a father, I foolishly considered myself to
be somewhat of an expert in the hearts and minds of children.
And one uniquely equipped to maintain my cool.
When those hearts and Minds erupted, I had taken care of
thousands of kids. I had seen close up, what makes
many of them tick and often how to work around those things.
I learned very quickly though, that being a parent is
infinitely, more difficult and complicated than caring for the
children of there's that excerpt is taken from break, from
heartbreak a slice of fatherhood from his book nurse Papa Again
that's just a really short clip of how he writes and what he's
trying to do in his writing, it is incredibly inspirational.
I know you're going to walk away from this episode and want to
listen to his podcast and maybe purchase his book.
I have the links in my show notes so that you can find
exactly where all his stuff. He's just a really genuine
person. I really hope I present that in
a way on today's episode. And before we get started, I
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your order today. Again that's code, doctor nurse
for free shipping. Now, let's dive in today's
episode. Welcome to the podcast David,
I'm so happy to hear about your journey and kind of how you got
to this spot that you are today in your career.
Happy to have you on. Yeah thanks for inviting me and
I'm excited to talk. Let's take it from the top.
How would you describe your current job title and your
roles? What do you do for a living?
I'm a pediatric oncology nurse and take care of kids who have
cancer hematology disorders. Many of them go to You bone
marrow transplant. So, these days primarily a bone
marrow transplant nurse, which show know how much about
pediatric cancer, but it's kind of the last stop for many of
these kids who have a really refractory cancers.
They're either going to get a bone marrow transplant or
they're going to die. I actually was an oncology nurse
for adults. Have never had to actually treat
children at one of the things that I knew, I could not
physically emotionally handle. So, but I did do a stint in the
bone marrow, transplant unit. So I do remember, taking care of
adult. That had gotten bone marrow
transplant. I cannot imagine what it would
be like to take care of children that needed bone marrow
transplants. So, what led you to, I guess,
becoming a nurse. Well, that's not all you do
correct. That's an incredible part of
your career, but that's not the only part of what you do.
Correct? Like you said, I'm a podcaster
and I do lots of riding. I wrote a book before, I was a
nurse, I was a sculptor and a painter and I actually had a
business making kind of large. Girl, sculptures for hotels and
restaurants and Convention centers for about six years
after college. And then I decided I wanted to
do something a little bit more humanistic with my time.
So, I went to nursing school, one of the questions, I
typically ask people to take me through the moment, they decided
to become a nurse and what led them to become a nurse and then
walk me through till the spot that they how they kind of made
those micro decisions and little turns and shifts in their career
to where they are today. And and I guess we can take it
from that from that point, but tell me a little bit about your
podcast and kind of what it is that you talk about on your
podcast and then a little bit more Expendable expound upon
what you wrote about. Yeah.
So the nurse pop of podcast. It's really about being a human
parent in this world, from their perspective, of a nurse who
takes care of kids. So I tell these very typical yet
amazing stories about Parenthood.
My fumbles and mistakes and I really try to normalize that
there is no parent. That is perfect.
And it's not perfect being a parent.
That's hard. So there's that part of the
podcast. I tell stories and I have
another segment where called the owners Papa, we're a listen,
their rights in to me and I answer their parent question and
then I have a third section where I tell stories about
nursing. So I really tried to kind of
hone in on the all the very important parts of my life and
tell a funny. Yeah, really important story
about where I am and how I got there.
Yeah. The funnest part of on my
podcast. Is that my daughter and my son
often? Take part?
Yes. That's what I also liked about
it when I listened, I thought it was a very interesting and
creative way to describe different conversations that you
were having with your children. And then also the processing
that you do, when you walk away because as a parent, I really
related to that because there are moments that my son will say
or do something and then I'll walk away and I'll think That
was a teaching moment for me and so hearing your podcast
listening to how you described different moments or different
situations with your children and how insightful and deep you
are very you. Listen to the right podcast.
There's Papa. Yes.
And just again just walking away thinking I'm glad I'm not the
only parent that had The kind of check myself or I had to kind of
shift my perspective on something because you're right
where there is no perfect parent even though there's no manual
you don't get like a you read all these books about how to be
a great parent but each kid needs different things and it's
really hard to know what children need.
And then also I think that they're here on Earth to teach
us a lot about ourselves. So absolutely, I think that's a
really cool perspective that your podcast brings to the
podcast Airways. As yeah, definitely.
That you share. Tell me a little bit about your
book. Yes, papa bucks in the book is
called nurse Papa 16. Meditations on Parenthood from,
pediatric, oncology from a pediatric, oncology nurse.
Yeah, the book is really about that crazy intersection of
caring for sick and dying kids as a nurse and trying to raise
my healthy ones. You know, at first, I was really
just trying to tell a story because as a pediatric nurse and
specifically a oncology nurse there is just so much human
drama. It It's just wild, what?
I encounter every day. It runs the gamut from Joy to
Terror to pain to object sadness.
And I just wanted people to see what people other people go
through. And that was my first intention
just to start writing these stories down, and it changed
like any, like, really valid form of art.
It evolved. And eventually I started to look
at nursing Through The Eyes of a parent and what I could learn
Learn from these parents who are going through these, you know,
horrible situations and from these kids, and it just came
down to these amazing lessons that I wanted to show to other
people. Yeah, I love that.
How do you pair it differently? Because you are a pediatric
oncology nurse. That's a really interesting
question. I might have to really think
about that in a way that is really thoughtful but I am
definitely for stuff. And I wouldn't say I'm hands off
but I let my kids do stuff. Like I've seen so many kids died
and so many kids in so much pain and my daughter wants to do
something that's slightly questionable.
I'm like yeah, I did do it like live your life, like I'm not
good. Don't let me tread on your on
your happiness. That doesn't mean I'm going.
Like let them do something stupid, but sure, I want them to
experience life. I want them to bump into things.
I want them to hurt. I want them to love.
I want them to laugh. I want them to learn and all the
elves and iteration Bears, very good.
Yeah, learn love laughs. There's a cop.
Because she's so many kids have such short lives and Ike have a
shorter life. Who knows?
What will happen after this interview?
I might choke on a chicken bone. And how do I know my daughter is
going to live? To be 80 years old?
I don't think it's more Added to think about these things because
I think that's how life works. I'm a fatalist, like I just, I
want my kids to be happy. So I think having seen so many
intense situations and seen so many short lives.
Like I don't want my kids to waste one second and their lives
and I want them to know how precious it is.
So that is Weighty as a mom or certain things.
That once you have a kid, you just can't handle.
And before I was a mom, I knew I could not handle children in
living in watching that stuff, but I saw it as an adult and it
does change you even when you see adults dying of cancer, and
you're seeing these things that you're like, I'm 22 years old.
I had no idea. People were dealing with these
things. That was a little bit sheltered
from them. And then again, when you Realize
that children don't make it until eight years old.
You could die at two, when these different things that you have
to kind of Process and then begin to just act normal right
with your kid and not be this panicked parent of like oh my
gosh what is that? Could see it?
Translating into very clearly and very easily into anxiety.
Absolutely. Yeah.
You have now turned it into a meditative practice.
Bringing em almost. I almost kind of feeling I can
correct me if I'm wrong. It almost feels like a
therapeutic expression of what you've seen at your job and
trying to share it with the world.
In probably process it and mull it over and and deal with it
yourself Crossing for sure. But it wasn't in some ways, it
wasn't an active process. I didn't make myself do
anything. I just, I am who I am.
So I guess I meant like as you write and as you create yeah.
Does it help you kind of process?
And I guess kind of I don't know maybe meditatively or just kind
of spiritually deal with the heaviness of the things that you
see. Or yeah.
Is it not? I mean I feel like no abstract
of absolutely. Yeah, it has to come out into
it. So first and foremost I am an
artist. Like no matter what I'm doing,
I'm going to be making a painting, sculpting writing
play. A music.
I got to do it. It's just like in my bones.
It's in my heart. I've no choice.
So right now I'm a nurse. So my father and that's how
that's where it comes out, you know?
I'm right about nursing that right about being a father, it
just like me just like interacting with the world.
And for this book specifically, you know, I had to go to some
very dark places. I had to go through some dark
tunnels, to get out on the other side and to be able to write
something that was coherently. True.
Yes, I was always talking cite. This book isn't just about me.
I interviewed 30 or 40 people for it.
Nurses doctors, former patients, parents, who lost their kids.
It was intense process of like getting into people's hearts
like in such a deep way and that's kind of why the book is
so powerful because you don't care.
Just my perspective, you here like so many perspectives and I
grew in that process, it was it was just tremendous but I would
always, as I was having people Read the book when it was in the
process of being written. My question would always be not,
is it good? But is it true?
Like can you read this? And is it true?
And that's all that was important.
To me, that I was making something true.
And here's the thing, Sandra the truth hurts.
Sometimes, if you're going to be true yet, be okay with coming
off like an and sometimes I'm gonna.
Yeah. Can we swear on this?
Typically we don't know but I feel like you're saying is, is
It's really weighty it's just super weighty.
And I feel like if people especially nurses and in
particular parents When they read your book and when they
listen to your podcast, what are you hoping that they walk away
with when they read your work? So as an artist I think the
biggest mistake you can make is to have a heavy-handed
expectation for what you want somebody to experience that
being said, I want somebody to listen to news Papa or readers,
Papa and go. Hey that's me too.
Because like, that's the best kind of form of art is when
somebody can just look at and completely relate to it.
That's when you laugh the hardest and that's when you cry.
The most is when you feel like oh I was there or I'm going to
be there and I feel like it's such a human experience to
relate to others and to make our that others can see themselves
in. Yeah.
Because that's what I described, right.
Like when I was talking about your podcast, I walked away.
I was like, yeah. Me too.
Like yeah, I can relate to what he's writing here.
One of the things That you described and I'll just share
this David because I think it's something very important.
But when I went part-time at my job, it was for the mindset that
you just sat and almost makes me feel crazy to say it because
it's one of those things that you don't want to talk about but
I did look at my life and think if I died tomorrow and again I
think when you've been on oncology nurse you see it a
little more closely, right? Like you really do it hit you in
the face a little bit more than other areas.
Of nursing care. But I just remember thinking and
because I had that background, I do tend to go back to that spot
and just kind of assess my life. And like, you don't know, you
could choke on a chicken bone. Like you said today, unless
you're a vegetarian for yes, yes, let's shoot area and then
if you are vegetarian each other and check him out, he's gonna
know you're not. So you start to do that.
You don't want to get out it right when you die, he eats and
I'm sure you saw that. But anyway, the point being
that, That I I did assess my career decision, based on what I
had seen as a nurse and just said, what if that is?
What I you don't know. You don't know when you're going
to die, you don't know how this all ends.
What do you want the time that you're living to look like and
you I didn't want it to. I knew it did not want my time
to be poured into my job. And so I know that it's kind of
hard to do the job of an oncology nurse.
But it does you a big favor in the fact that you have to be
faced with a life-or-death so much that you begin to really
look at it in yourself, it's a gift that it gives yourself,
right? Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, that's how I felt. Yeah, it's total gift.
I love taking care of people and one of my favorite things to do.
And this might sound weird is and of Life Care.
I think it's a beautiful thing to do.
I, I love being that nurse who can take care of a child, who is
dying because your Such a surface to them if you can make
a dying child as pain-free and happy as possible, when they're
dying, and to give their family as much comfort.
Like, I don't know, like, when I do, I'd rather do that than be
Bill Gates, or Elon Musk. I don't need any money, like
that's just to be at service is like the best payment that you
can ever ask for anything. But I always think and this is
something that took me a long time to realize is that there is
so much pain in the world. There are Wars going on.
There's famine there is just like is endless but just because
you don't know about it doesn't mean it doesn't exist.
So I want to be there. I want to be at that bedside and
I want to experience it because it is the mark of living a full
life of just being available to what is there because you can
like live in a box for like man you're going to die in that box
to it's just not worth it. Sorry.
You're supposed to make me cry. No, no.
He's not supposed to be about that but I think what you just
shared is really beautiful. So let's take it from the second
question which is take me through when you decided to
become a nurse and kind of your program that you went through
that, you told me about and then kind of how you And all these
other side hustles inside things and adjuncts to your current
nursing role. Yeah, well, I'll tell you how I
became a nurse and it was like the least sexy story.
It is so dumb. So my mom is a nurse, my dad is
a doctor, but I can't say that they actually inspired me to go
into medicine. I was a sculptor and a painter
for a long time, and I think I was coming back from a job that
was in Florida, in Hollywood, Florida.
I don't know how close that is to Gainesville.
Yeah, but I was just like oh man I am over this.
I need to do something else and I sat down and turned on the TV
and er came on that like Hospital show and like oh why
not? I be a nurse.
It's like so stupid and I looked into it and it seemed to be a
job that made sense. I applied to school.
Did this funny thing where it's really hard to get into my
program so I actually printed out and acceptance letter and
even photo shops like UCSF Insignia on it.
And I sent out to all my friends and said, print this out and
send it to me and like 30 of my friends sent me like acceptance
letter and then like a week later I got accepted and it was
like, almost the exact same letter like he was so like
weird. Anyway.
So how I became a nurse? I don't think it's that
interesting of a story but how I became the Pediatric nurse I
think is really interesting. So my program.
Unfortunately they make you pick what kind of nurse you want to
be before you go to school, which is like, Telling a
two-year-old child. Like tell me what you want to
major in in college before you go to kindergarten at least just
ridiculous. Like, it's like to make their
life easier and not make you the person you should be.
So, I picked adult adult acute care.
That meets seem to make sense. I didn't know anything about
kids, so I start my program. We have to do all the different
demographics of nursing. So, the first day that I work in
Pediatrics, I'm like standing in the hall, with my finger up my
nose, and this nurse Taps me on the shoulder.
She's like, I need you to come help me.
She brings me This room, and there's this little girl.
She's like two years old and all alone standing in her crib, and
like this in a diaper, and she's covered with all these horrible
sores. So she had Steven Johnson's
disorder, which is a autoimmune disease.
That's a fairly common. When I saw her.
I almost fainted I was like, what is going on with this, with
this child? And then the nurse told me that
she was probably gonna be okay. And she's like, can you stay
with her and just calm her down because she was screaming and
there's no Parent there and I didn't know what to do.
Like, how do you do that? So, I just picked her up and I
started singing her a song that I've been working on and she
grabbed my thumb, and she brought it to her face, and she
stopped crying. And we just sat, we just stay
there. Swaying back and forth.
And when I stopped singing, she started crying again.
So I just kept it up. And that night, I was laying in
my bed and I don't know how many times this has happened to you,
but I had such a clarifying experience.
I was staring at the ceiling as I often do a nighttime and I was
I said to myself, I need to be a pediatric nurse.
Like there's no way. I cannot work with kids.
It just felt so right. And there's only God.
That doesn't happen very often when the when the universe tells
you something you kind of listen to it because if you don't,
you're gonna be living a lie. So, I literally the next day, I
went to my advisor and told her I'm dropping out the program
either you switched me to Pediatrics or I'm dropping out
and she said, we can make it work.
And, of course, two weeks later, they took it back.
So I dropped out. I got my nursing certificate,
which I don't actually know what that actually means, but I've
been working as a pediatric nurse for 15 years.
No, I'm definitely license. Kicked ass on it, 75 questions.
I'm gonna get like a like, what here they come.
They come from. No, I'm all good.
That is an incredible story. Yeah.
So from there and I know you describe this earlier that your
Creator and you're a sculptor and you're an artist at heart
and so as you were working in this field, when did you start
to? When did you decide like okay
I'm going to start podcasting own and do And I'm going to
write a book about what I've seen when do not attempt to
fruition for you and your yeah, I didn't start writing the book
until it made sense until I had something to write about like
and what really happened was I was a parent.
I came into pediatric oncology barely being able to spell
oncology. I can spell it really well now,
but I wasn't a parent. I don't think I understood what
it meant to be a parent until I was one.
And when I became a dad and then a dad of two like Just the
context of how I relate to these kids and these parents,
especially it just turned it over on its head.
Like, I went from sympathy to empathy and I don't know if that
makes sense. You necessarily, but I went from
being sorry for them for understand to understanding how
they must feel and that changed my world.
And then when that happened, I was able to start writing about
it. I was able to understand what am
I feel like to hear that your kids going to die or that you're
going to have oncology treatment for Years and you don't know
what's going to happen because I innately understand what it is
to feel uncertain about what's going on with your child because
throw you for a loop constantly, it's just what they do is their
job and they do it so well. So like once I had something to
write about, I started writing, I wasn't waiting patiently for
it to happen. It's true.
Kids take you for a loop and I'll share my kid has been on
antibiotics. He had a little thing that's
going around. Everybody has it hmm.
And he started on antibiotics. He's never been on antibiotics
before and he started on them for the very first time and I
was nervous about it because I was like his gut microbiome and
all that jazz, I started him on them antibiotics and last night,
I'm day that crazy story that morning.
I said I know they say You're supposed to It for 10 days but I
don't know why. I feel like we need to stop it
today. Don't know why.
I said, that's my husband's. Like, I mean, you're there's
practitioner like, if you think we should stop, we just talked
about I'm like, well, no technically you should finish
it. You don't stop antibiotics in
the middle of a treatment, but civil weird feeling.
He's like, what do you want to do?
I'm like, well, I'm going to just go with my science
knowledge, which is just finished the drug that night, I
gave him another dose, his entire arm just broke out.
And this itchy itchy, itchy rash, and I know this is totally
not Non podcast related. I might even take this out, but
between you and me. It is just this moment of like
what you're describing, like following your intuition.
Yeah. Yeah.
Following my own intuition, for one, my husband was like you
said it. That's so weird.
And then too, he was like the other part of like, no.
I know I was going, this, the out-of-control car just
realizing that. Like, I have no control over
what happens to this human. My heart walks outside of my
body, and that you don't understand until you become a
parent, right? Yeah.
Well, forever walk outside of my body and I am absolutely not in
control of what's going on here. Yeah, to manage.
I mean is it's a roller coaster? I know that's kind of trite
expression, and but I've episode my of Benders Papa podcast
coming out and tomorrow actually, and in a way I
describe this kind of roller coaster of being a parent.
I just like that stomach, twisting dropping feeling of
being out of control. And liking it because it's just
like it's such a such a game. It's like the most serious game
you'll ever play, but it's so fun.
And you can I can I encounter so?
I can't parents all the time, thousands of parents and I see
all these different ways that they parents and that's why it's
been so amazing for me to not study it but like be aware of
it, be a keen Observer of these different techniques of
Parenthood and for me, the best way to parent is to just enjoy
it. And go for the ride and you keep
those kids safe, but you just got to be uncomfortable.
You gotta be afraid, you got to be sad.
You got to be mad but you just got to be happy at the same
time. Like there's a even even when
I'm screaming at my kids, which I try not to do, I'm still
happy. I'm like, it's so funny because
I'm trying to get the kids out of the house couple days ago.
And they were just like not, we were going to be late.
We have to drive 10 minutes to school.
It was just gonna be such a mess, parking everything and I
just raised my voice. As I said, kind of car and
immediately the guy in the car and my wife was like why are you
upset so upset? I'm like, I'm not upset at all.
I just know that they need to think I'm upset because they
need to get in the damn car. Like I just I just want them to
be a little afraid In This Moment.
I always do to Benjamin is what I do.
So I say something very sternly. Like if you don't get in there
right now and then he's like, okay, Mama and then I'm like, I
love you too. And I'm like because I just
wanted to know like even though I'm being stern right now and
I'm trying to put a little fire under your pants.
They don't forget that like I love you or the big one is when
he puts his head down, like you put his head down.
I immediately stop whatever we're doing.
Hey guys, thanks for listening to the podcast.
I hope you're enjoying the conversation.
Want to take a second to remind you guys to join the doctor
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links in my show notes. And let's get back to the
conversation where I'm like, wait, wait, wait, did you did
you put your head down head up? Yes, like okay, Mama and I'm
like not scolding you to put you down or some make you feel shame
or I don't know what emotions. This is he trying to raise you
up a capture. I want to capture that moment
and make sure that that is not getting reinforced and so it's
just you have to be super intentional.
Super awake, super present and present is the key.
Yeah it's you can do absolutely, it's funny and I'll send you a
video of this video of playing a song about ukulele.
And there's actually a chicken on my on the end of my ukulele,
whatever little chickens and one of the lines in the song is you
don't know how much I love you and Son was listening on the
side. He's like, yes, we do and that
is just killed me because like it's so important.
Like, if your kids know that you love them, you're like 99%
there. Like you've done your job.
You can you can go bad at that point?
Yeah. Well sad.
Oh my gosh, David. I'm gonna have to, like, edit
this out for my crying constantly.
Think about this podcast episode.
So that is your journey to where you are now, can you tell me
about maybe one of the times throughout your journey because
you didn't wake up one day and have a podcast in a book and
have a great career in pediatric, oncology that you
love there's been a journey to this spot, right?
Yang and creating these little size streams and little things
that you've been able to express yourself through.
Can you share with our listeners, may be a challenge
that you had to overcome throughout your career?
And then maybe a real big success.
Hi. I'm moment that you were like or
maybe one that's coming up that you're like this is this is it.
I'm super excited about this this thing that we've got going
on in regards to your career. I mean I've got challenges like
everybody else. I definitely Some nurse pulling
when I was in new nurse. I like it was crazy.
I I thought after six months of nursing that I was actually
going to fail at something for the first time, which was
terrifying to me. Because I'm, it's not like I've
excelled at everything in my life, but I've never failed.
And I've never given up, and I thought I'm gonna fail because I
was getting my butt kicked by these just poison poison people.
And what saved me was like other Colleagues, he became my mentor
who stood up for me and really kind of like, raised me up and
said breaking me down. So yeah, that was a huge, huge
Challenge. And I think, actually, our floor
was pretty decent. It was just a couple poisoned
attitudes, but I think typically like, there's some, that's it's
a real problem in the nursing world.
I mean, I've only worked one place in my entire nursing
career, so, I don't have that much perspective.
But yeah, I've had something challenge for you.
What Yeah. So what about any success and
any milk any moment in your career that you're like these
this is a hi, this is it. I'm excited about every day.
Every day that I go to work and I make a kid smile, or I make a
good intervention, a child and a therapy.
That is dangerous because things.
Sneak through, I'm like, oh, let's not do this because you
missed this like, what's crazy? Is that I've been doing this for
15 years? I don't know everything.
There's many things, I don't know, but I know a hell of a lot
more than a first-year resident. So, like, there's just like, the
nurse being the last barrier to harm coming to their patient.
There's so much opportunity to like Politely educate.
Somebody who makes a bad call. So, there are many, many things.
I'm proud of, but just being a good person.
Having the opportunity to be a good person every day first.
Let's my pleasure. Like, I'm like, oh, dude, thanks
for paying me to do this. And also letting me letting me
feel these feelings like these deep deep feelings of gratitude.
Every day, I go to work. We're just being with these
kids. And these parents like that's
just The joy of it, like I don't need anything else and we're
talking about dying tomorrow, like, whatever happens.
Like, if I die tomorrow, I'm good.
Like I've been so blessed in my life.
I've gone everything I've wanted.
I've worked hard and I've achieved a level of
satisfaction. I could die tomorrow.
I just want my kids to be okay. Like that's that's all there is
to it and ultimately if I died my kids wouldn't be okay.
So not to stick around for a while.
This particular 18. Yep.
Yeah, I hear you on that. And so you describe mentors and
that's one of the things that I found in nursing that is
lacking. And I am not had great
opportunities for mentorship and in even convicting lie.
So, have I been the best Mentor? I mean that's kind of one of the
things I've been asking myself. So but could you describe maybe
people that have come along side that you want to come alongside
you that you want to shout out that you're like this person had
my back, And it changed, it changed the game because they
came alongside and they said you're not going to walk alone.
I'm a walk with me that happens all the time and I think it's
much more more than that. Like, yeah, of course, I had
people who were explicitly on my back, who said he's a good guy.
Like, let's just give him some time, but I am a big fan of
implicit education and mentoring like seeing what people do and
seeing what works and then doing it.
So I'll tell you two stories that we have time for this.
Yeah. Okay.
The first Is Nurse mentor and I remember, I was a younger so I
didn't know anything and I was taking care of dying teenage boy
and I was with another nurse at the boys, bedside and the boys
dad was standing over him and the boy was actively dying and
the dead were just. So there in that moment you just
you just want to take care of his son and the nurse said this
a most amazing thing to him. She said, have you told them
that? It's okay to go.
And in that moment, I was like what are you saying this dad you
can't tell him that it's okay if his son dies but he was the most
beautiful thing you could ever say to somebody because kids
need their their parents permission.
That's all they want. They want to make their share,
their parents are okay and that, they'll be okay when they're
gone and it was like this nurse who she was.
She'd been the trenches. She knew what she was doing?
She was an expert at what she did.
And not only has as her nursing side, but Her ability to be a
human and I was like seeing things like that and being able
to like take them in and really know what a person needs.
That's that's what mentorship is because that's one story.
You ready for? Number two, you're coming for
number one. Number two is gonna kill you.
So, It's not just nurses for mentors, it's patients and their
parents. This I was taking care of this
other boy and this is when I've been a nurse for 12 years at the
point, I knew what I was doing and he had a disease called
dipg, it's a brain tumor that it's one of those brain tumors
were you will definitely die. It's just going to happen.
Like we're all going to die but this kid's gonna die within two
years and it's going to be a steady neurological progression
where When I first knew him he had trouble moving around but
you could talk could breathe on his own and then I walked into
his room, one day and I hadn't seen him for like, six months.
And he was just his disease had progressed so much.
She was almost blind. He could.
He could barely hear the point where his parents were.
I was screaming his ear which was like such a scene.
Parents screaming is here just so he could hear them.
Say I love you or do you want me to do you want this?
He could, he was having lots of respiratory problems.
That he could barely breathe his secretions worse.
So crazy, you just stand there. Looking at the setting at sat
monitor waiting for it to go back up.
Anyway, I'm standing there at the stores bedside and his mom's
holding his hand and she's telling me about all the things
he did and was when he was healthy like he was an eagle
scout. He was so good at mathematics,
he was really into cars. He always like he's like I want
to Tesla that's what I want when I grow up and just blowing his
stuff up about, what a great kid he was then I'll never forget
she grabbed his hand and she looked me right in the eyes and
she said, I'm so proud of who my son became. and that just like
in that moment, it just like I almost fell to the floor because
Like what is a better example of what it means to be a parent,
you don't get your kids, do what you want, you get to where you
want, where you kids want to be and you'd be that mentor and
you'd be proud of them for what they are not for what they could
be not for what they were. And that just killed me.
It just killed me and that's most important thing I've ever
learned nursing. And I learned it from a parent
who wasn't trying to teach me anything.
She was just trying to be there for her son and he died.
He died a while back and his parents came back to the
hospital and they want to say hi to me and I wasn't there.
But somebody told me that they like bought a Tesla so they
could just so they can have a Tesla because there's someone So
badly, like in the hospital. His birthday for all days.
Anyway, mentorship. You never know where those
lessons are going to come from, but they're going to come.
He's gotta be open to it. Then you write a book about.
Oh my gosh, save it. Woo.
Mmm. These stores are hard to hear
and I'm seeing this. But like, yeah, they're not.
Yeah, bad to hear, right? Like these are no stories to
hear. And okay to cry crying.
No. Yes.
You ever get that cry? Where you're like, naughty and
it's just like, I love that. I love.
I love when I'm like crying because I'm like, oh, I'm fully
Alive in this moment because I am Sad about something like it's
better than sitting there watching Netflix and just like,
um, watching new girl for like the 10th time.
I've seen this episode so many mine now, they I mean, it's
true. What you're describing is like
mind-numbing Netflix instead of being awake and alive and
experiencing and feeling things. Like it's a very different
experience. I think what I'm just feeling
and what I'm I'm want to convey to my listeners is why it's so
important to live every day. When you're at work to enjoy the
journey of Our Lives. Because if you get so caught up
in work and you have this life-altering jolt and it can be
a child's illness, it can be your own illness, all so many
stories in my podcasts are from people that have experienced
something terrible happening to them.
That makes them wake up and say, what am I doing with my life?
And As you describe these stories of children, that
unfortunately are aren't given the time frame to even become a
nurse right to even become. Now know what they want.
They'll know what they can be, they don't they don't get the
time right there. They didn't get that the shot to
do these things. You owe it to yourself and you
always have everyone around you to do exactly what brings you
Joy and life and makes you feel alive.
And if that is being A mom and staying home.
Do it, if that is working part-time and staying home and
maybe you get slack from people at work about how you're not
full-time anymore, do it, like do that thing because what
you're describing in, both of those stories is feeling life
and enjoying every moment and realizing that you don't know
how long and it's about people. It's all about the people around
you. The connections and the
relationships that you have, that's the stuff that matters.
Everything else doesn't matter. The money doesn't matter.
The house doesn't matter the clothes, all this stuff that we
change their cousins, it's true. Like it does matter in the sense
that we all need to clothe and house ourselves.
And like, sometimes you just gotta feed the machine, right?
You gotta, you gotta go work. We don't want to, you got to do
this. We don't want to.
I do that when you don't want to, but if you can do it with
joy, that's better. Her.
It's so much better because you'll bring something to it,
that would otherwise not be there.
Like, I would much rather be at work laughing between different
rooms, which I am. Like, I just like I love just
like that space between different rooms because you
don't ever know what you're going to get when you enter a
new hospital. But if you do it with joy and
you do with purpose, you're going to just enjoy it so much
more like sometimes you do have to fake it until you make it.
Yeah, I don't have to take it. You ought to enjoy it, David
could you? Give some advice for a new nurse
at starting off in her career that you would want her to keep
close to her heart and a piece of advice that you would tell
her. If you hear this, don't listen
to it because it's garbage. Okay, one thing I would tell any
new nurse is that rarely only about 5% of the time.
Is it a true emergency? Like you?
There will be times when you walk into a room and childhood
blue and you're like oh that's enough.
Access and you take care of that very now Epi everything code.
But that's like, not a very common thing that happens in the
hospital. Like most things, you can slow
down, you can stop and you can think and you can do something
that is appropriate in, right? Don't fly off the handle.
Don't react, and that good has to go, that and is more like
anything in life. I'm fine.
I'm talking medical, psychosocial, everything, and A
thing that throws you for a loop.
It's not an emergency. You can figure it out, don't
just don't react, don't react think.
And then you can make it through it, get some help.
There's so many things. And then you said something that
people shouldn't do. Yeah, something that I'm here.
This is like, don't listen to that.
That's like when anybody tells you you can't do something like,
oh, you want to go into this type of nursing?
You can't do that. I remember when I told my
grandmother, I was going to be a nurse the first thing.
She said to me, she's like a nurse that's for women.
You can't do this. Yeah.
And like she meant well and she just was clear from different
generation and because her daughter was also was a nurse.
And yeah, I didn't take that to heart.
I still became a nurse. Yeah, exactly.
Don't ya. Don't let don't listen to the
naysayers. It's just going to build this
drag you down. Yeah, I surround yourself with
positive Is it people like that is what you want to do?
Is surround yourself by people whose eyes light up when you
enter the room but that's what you gotta do.
Yeah, that's good advice. So the last part of the
interview is a rapid fire questions.
Questions questions. Okay.
What's your favorite holiday? Thanksgiving, because I love the
food, I love the family, I love the Gathering, I don't like the
social cultural implications of people, coming to the new world,
and killing Native Americans, but that's okay.
You can repurpose it to something different.
I'm sorry, you're Italian, right?
You know, what's, but Genta, that's my husband's last name.
I'm Puerto Rican and African-American deporting
happened. okay, so, you know, my name Anybody side.
Okay? Everybody said, yeah, okay.
I'm so my wife is Indian. My kids are biracial, like your
kids and like I don't know most beautiful kids in the world like
this biracial kids. Here's like my got you.
I look at my son and daughter. I'm like, you are so beautiful
all the time. All right, this is not rapid.
This is not rabbit. What's your favorite pizza
topping? Oh, jalapenos corn.
I'm Nick. Pizza every Friday night.
We make peace and my favorite one is jalapeno, corn and pepper
on top of it. Yeah.
Okay. And if you had to pick a spirit
animal, what? I'll tell you right now animal,
do you feel like it is my spirit animal is a jackrabbit a
jackrabbit? Yeah, and I have actually
encountered a jackrabbit in the desert and we had a very
spiritual experience talk about I can't give you too many
details about that, but yeah, it's a jackrabbit.
Answers for these things. I love it.
What is your spirit animal? Great.
Thanks for asking. No problem.
I'm interested in people. I'm not so much as now, I'm
going to Rapid Fire. Let me, let me like, what animal
do I feel like I would Have you never thought about this?
You ask this question ever thought about it.
You God Sandra. I've never thought about.
What's your favorite holiday? Thank you.
I feel like my spirit animal is An ostrich and ostrich.
Yes. Okay I like it.
I don't really know why. I just feel like a giraffe or an
ostrich like something wrong because I'm like 59.
But there's also something about the way like an ostrich.
I think I'm more of an ostrich because it's a little bird.
Like, and like I feel like I could be a little more like like
and then get my wings going. I don't know.
I just like giraffes a little too slow like yeah.
An ostrich is a little more on my like frequency.
Well, I spent a lot of time with birds recently, as I've
mentioned to you before we started recording.
So I've got eight chickens and it's so funny.
I look at them and I see them looking at me.
And I think to myself, if you were the size of the ostrich,
you would definitely eat me. It's so funny.
I'm like, you just don't care, we just can't do it.
But if you could, you would ya like An ostrich is super
powerful to, which is why it's just like a form.
Like, it's not. Yeah, I can kiss her to kiss you
guys. Yeah.
Another very powerful think of it, but you also hear about an
ostrich like they're being cowardly.
Is that true? Or is that just like a cartoon
thing? They say like, they put their
head in the sand? Yeah.
Oh I didn't even think about that.
But like, because you don't seem like, yeah, that's what you
would. Yeah, yeah, I don't I didn't
know about that. I do.
I have to study their their their behaviors in the wild
although that more. Okay.
Get back with him. That come I.
Well I well here I see That David where can people find you?
Where can they be like your podcast?
Get your book, give a Shameless plug for my last year's, as we
sign off, nothing Shameless about it.
So you can find my, my book on Amazon, it's called nearest Papa
16. Meditations on Parenthood from a
pediatric, oncology nurse. It's also in many local
bookstores in the Bay Area, but if you're not in the Bay Area,
Amazon's going to be your best bet, and if you want to support
your local bookstore, Or enter the bookstore.
Go to the person in charge and say I'd like to get this book
and they'll say, we don't carry, there's Papa here.
And you'll say, well, can you order it for me?
And they'll say, sure we can order it.
So, that's the best way to get this book.
Is to ask your local bookstore, support your brick, and mortar,
and get that book to you. The podcast.
You can hear it anywhere on whatever podcasts platform.
You listen to is also known as Papa.
It's hilarious. Each episode is 15 minutes.
It's very digestible. You can listen to it on the way
to work or And while you're knowing your spouse and it's
funny when I got are pods, those are like the noise canceling
headphones. It like almost ended my marriage
because my wife could literally be behind me screaming.
I'd be like the the so definitely are pods for
marriage. So and yeah, the the fuck is a
super fun and one thing that my my listeners do is they write me
letters and letters of Parenthood questions.
I get the most amazing letters and I do lots of research and I
answer their questions. So if you are interested in
interacting with me and being on my podcast, meaning I will read
your letter and answer. It email me David at nurse top
of the book.com and let's, let's solve these problems together.
Oh man, that is so deep. I feel like this this podcast
episode has been an emotional roller coaster.
I can tell ya you're going to need and then I think I do.
Again, I don't know it. You always have this effect on
podcasting was just on mine, but it was I think it was just
really deep and I'm really thankful that you came on.
Yeah, it's a lot of fun. Something about me and I don't
know if it's particularly unique but I just like have zero
filter. I mean I know how to act
appropriately, I put on my pants the right way, I will not do
something grossly inappropriate but like, I'm not gonna have
like a conversation with you at a party or on a podcast if we're
going to talk about. Something we're going to be
fully real, and that means talking about things are hard
and talking about things are layers and having those things
happen in the same breath, because it just like, that's
what life is. It's multifactorial, it has lots
of emotions, it's messy and if you can't deal with it and you
might as well not appear on broadcast.
Yeah. And it's life.
I think what this is, this is life so well, it was perfectly
depicted. So thank you for sharing.
Thank you for your time today. Now it's my pleasure, none, and
sharing everything that you did today and I know people are
going to get something out of it.
So thank you. Yeah.
No. I'm definitely happy to be here
and some one more plug. I will tell your listeners that
May 11th 9 p.m. hour NBC Today. Show was talking about my book
with anchor so that's something that's coming up.
I cannot wait to put that on here.
I will definitely link that in the show notes.
Yeah, this is something that comes out.
Yeah. Or just if you link it, then
they'll. All right.
I can give you the website before like after comes out, so
you can do it. After comes out.
You want to do it beforehand? That's fine.
No stress. You out Sandra.
You got too much going on already.
So that's a wrap, be sure to subscribe to the show so you
don't miss an episode and leave me a review.
If you like the show I would love to get 5 stars.
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Jim.