Hi guys, and welcome to another week of the doctor nurse
podcast. I'm your host Sandra magenta,
and today in the podcast, we have Sandra pain and she's an
xrn and a master's certified holistic wellness
trauma-informed, coach, she's here to talk to us about her
career journey and why she considers herself an xrn.
I have always heard the saying once a nurse, always a nurse and
we actually get into it on the podcast about why?
Exactly she Has to embrace this new title for her career.
She's also the podcast host for in the silence, which is a
platform where she talks about nurses, raw, stories and
realities of living, life as a nurse and helping to inspire
change, and talking about tough aspects of nursing.
She's also has a community group where she offers support for
nurses to help, not only just survive their careers, but also
thrive in their nursing careers. So guys, I really hope you're
going to enjoy the chat. We're going to talk about some
really hard stuff at first, when I was listening to it, I was
like, I really want to make sure that I gave a balanced view of
nursing because there's a lot of good things within the career of
nursing, but I think for this episode today we're going to
focus in on some of the hard things.
Some of the things that are not as often talked about and I hope
you guys are able to get something from it.
And again, just to hear that, we believe that you don't have to
stay here. If you're unhappy in your Rear
so enjoy. And let's hear from our first
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Guys, thank you so much for listening to the podcast.
And let's dive into today's episode.
Hi, welcome Sandra. Hi, thank you so much for having
me. You know, it's great to be here.
Tell my listeners. Exactly how you see your job
role, like briefly described. It are you working as a nurse
and really what it is? You do for a living?
Yeah, thanks and so first I'll just make a correction at there
that I'm not a registered nurse. I am no longer registered with
the college here. I live in British Columbia
Canada and this year I decided not to renew my license and for
a whole lot of reasons, but it just it was time.
It was time for me to fully break the chains and step into
into my practice in in just a much more free way without the
Find some of what sometimes nursing can create for us.
If I let go of my license, but I've been working as a coach now
for about three years. And I took my training through
the International Association of Wellness professionals, which
I'm working with them. Now, as a master coach trainer.
So I helped to, I hope the train coaches who are coming into the
Wellness field. I talk about it all the time
because I think it's a really beautiful transition for a lot
of nurses who are looking to looking to shift out of
traditional practice and create something of their own, I think
holistic, Wellness is really what we all thought.
Everything was going to be and so diff if that's something that
Sparks for people, it's the iwp is a really great place to
explore that and to just to really expand on their, their
knowledge and their skills with coaching and to helping people
to really get to the root cause to create lasting change in
their life and not just treat their no illness and bodily
create health and wellness for them.
So when I became a coach, I was just working with women and then
when 2020 hit I was I kind of felt like I was in the back seat
and I was just Change things unfold and feeling like I like
there's something's going to happen here like it.
If it just, I knew that there was something unfolding for me
personally to. And so I started working with
amazing brilliant coach, her name's Megan, Joe Wilson and
defeat. She had turned her her program
online because of everything that was going on and so I had
access to it but she's in the United States and and through
that program I really took the dive and I started to work with
nurses because to be very honest, I I was not super keen
on working with nurses. I felt and I've experienced my
own bullying in the profession. I have experienced some of the
toxic toxic relationship and the toxic sort of like, Cutthroat
competitive type of behavior in nursing.
And I was like, I don't know if I really want to work with those
people could drive up here, but I really want to go back.
But but I made the decision to just give it a go.
And the first Workshop I did online, there was something like
I do you remember I think 1,000 people roughly Third.
And so it was like holy crap this is a need.
And what's a bald from that really is like anybody that ever
comes in a tense things that I do.
They usually say one of two things are both things and one
is that it feels so good to know that I'm a nurse and I get it
right. Because how many times do we
talk to counselors or we talk to other people in our family?
Our friends people just don't get it.
If they're not a nurse, it's really hard to understand what
it is to be a nurse. It's not just passing up hills
of course I'm like hanging medication.
Ins and doing its, there's so much more to nursing and I don't
think you can really get it until you've done it.
And the other thing go say to is like, it's just so good to know
that they're not alone because if there's another piece that is
really prevalent in, in the nursing culture is a lot of fear
and shame and so when people are struggling we don't talk about
it. We don't seek help.
We don't talk to her colleagues we tend to a time not it's not
everyone, of course nothing ever is but we tend to bottle things
up and want to be the strong nerves.
I want to be the one that can handle it.
We want to feel like we're cut out for this job, and if we are
struggling, then yeah, something inside of us, we take it on and
we're like, I'm weak. I'm not good enough, I'm not cut
out for this, and so I experienced that myself and so
I'm really grateful that that comes back as a reflection.
That it's just feels so good to know that they're not alone in
their struggles. And and as things have evolved
with my work nurses, I've created the program, like you
talked about called nerves are X and so it's an online program
and then there's also the coaching community.
So people All can attend live sessions with me and the rest of
the group and there's just a real beautiful connection that
happens with nurses that come into that space and the
foundation of it, really is some for me to create a safe
container for these nurses. Because there isn't a lot of
safe containers in nursing to be able to actually talk about the
realities and talk about our truth and how much we're
struggling with different things.
And then, of course, just through my own practice and
everything that I have learned and explored in my personal
journey and just like, And that I have taken just to help people
on a really deep level to deal with some of that shame and some
of the trauma, as well as however, many other symptoms and
things that people might be going through.
I like what you're saying about having a safe space for nurses
to come and talk about that stuff.
Because one of the things I remember hearing in your podcast
is that went nurses. Have this expectation that a
patient dies or somebody has a traumatic van and a room and
you're expected to pick right up and walk right back into the
next room and it's like nothing ever happened to her as a baby.
And so there's an unrealistic expectation based on nurses, not
only to just be perfect but also to perform perfectly, right?
So I think there's two elements of nursing which is kind of
hard. It's the customer satisfaction.
How likable are you? Yeah, double but then on top of
all that you then have to perform perfectly as the storms
of the job or all around you and the expectations that we place
on nurses and nursing The nurse practitioners and Physicians is
be okay, and to move on into, don't process and just move.
And when I'm finding it, a lot of the research I've been doing
about meditation mindfulness, understanding the mind, and the
body connection is that what's going on up here is manifesting
itself in the body and a lot of nurses, especially the ones that
I talked to, on my podcast, have medical issues and thyroid, and
all these things that are happening to them, that they're
like, I had no No idea that I was the sick or I had these
problems and I truly believe that what we end up experiencing
on the job and zip manifesting itself through disease.
If it's not processed appropriately, if it's not
processed with consideration to really, what's going on inside
of you, and letting that release, it has to release.
I have a toddler. My toddler has to release.
It has it. He has a little, like, top that
he needs to let his energy out. I think adults are really no
different than Children, even though we like to think we're so
much more sophisticated than toddlers.
I actually think. Toddlers are the true
manifestation of what adults wish they could be right, which
is undomesticated humans that you just act in feel.
However, you feel because it's how you feel and why would I
suppress that? And so I think that if we did
more of the crying if we did more of the again, releasing
that pressure valve on the insta pot, that just lets that
pressure kind of move. I think I think nurses need us.
Safe space for that and I don't necessarily know what the job
does for nurses. Which I remember zero.
It did nothing for us as far as processing.
What the trauma was, what, what do you offer nurses?
As far as the trauma is concerned, to help them process.
And to be that release. Yeah, that's next to giving
myself with last year, like, nodding with your teeth, you're
talking, because it's just those things that you're saying.
And I think I also talked about my own kids when I'm talking
about self love and self trust and those and he had an
emotional processing because they just didn't have those
filters. They don't have those conditions
that we create that are created in us and that we create over
time. And so they just are free,
they're free and who doesn't want to be free.
Being every single, one of us wants to be free.
And So within this container so it's absolutely essential.
Like, it's not a, it's not a negotiable if you want to heal
deep, deep healing. And and Particularly pleased
deep-rooted traumas and I'm not necessarily always talking about
big travel, they say Big T. Trauma, like the big situations
that are events that would happen.
But I'm trying about like this, the smaller events that that
happen over time, and that we often will dismiss.
And not really give the attention such a well-liked,
like, rejection abandonment or feeling.
When something happens when you're in school as a teenager
and, and you want to fit in and you feel like you're not cool.
Not for you. Feel like you're fat and Shane
is such a big part of that that's woven into all of those
smaller traumatic events and really drama is not about the
event. It's about what happens inside
of us on a physiological level that can create stuck energy in
the body, we gathered that holds that the trauma response system
that is on automatic, it's nothing that we necessarily are
even aware of most of the time. But we are constantly scanning
our environment for threat. That's just what our nervous
system does and if it Catches anything that makes us feel a
threat or makes us feel / to. So, somebody says something
right? Like the girls on the playground
are saying like, oh, you're a loser, we don't want to play
with you like that hurts and so it creates a mood inside of us.
And anyways, I will tangent too far into that but but in the
group, so when I it's absolutely essential for it to be a safe
space for people to heal. Because what happens with those
wounds. As we create guards, we create
blocks because we don't want to have to feel that again, right?
So, that kind of self-protection also blocks us from from being
vulnerable and from really healing.
And so in order to be vulnerable, you have to, you
have to feel safe right in order to.
So once we feel safe, then we can start sharing what's deep
and what's true inside of us and we can, we can cry, or we could
scream or we can just talk about ugly, dark things, that are that
sometimes percolating might have all of us and sure and then not
be judged and not be criticized and not be told that There's
something wrong with you and like, you need to be fixed.
But instead have somebody like myself, who facilitates a
process through questioning but really, the bigger part of what
I do is like holding space and not just empty space, that's
uncomfortable. It's this deep compassionate
space where and everyone in the group is doing the same thing,
like they're all tuned in like nervous systems locked on and as
someone else is sharing and the others are showing up and
they're just witnessing and they're holding.
And there in the chat, there, offering things are there.
You can tell, like, want us to leave, they'll be holding their
heart or something. There is something absolutely, I
get Shivers because it's magical, what happens when we
can come together and support each other and just be for each
other. And I'm talking about a group of
nurses who are not not they don't, we not all believing the
same thing, not on the same page as of everything in life.
They come from different walks of life, different belief
systems, and it doesn't Matter. So the shit gets dropped at the
door and they can just show on and hold that space for each
other. And that's what it's why almost
exclusively do group work because there is I facilitated,
but really it's the group that does the magic and it's abnormal
amazing. Yeah, it's so good.
That's incredible. So you do, you have the course
material available? You have the community available
and then you have your podcast and your again, one of the
things I like to focus in here at the puppet, the dark First
podcast is creating multiple streams creating multiple things
that were involved in and I love that you also have the podcast,
which is this platform for nurses to come and talk about
their raw touching stories and kind of heal through sharing
their stories of working at the bedside or different events that
have happened in their career. What have you been seeing on the
podcast? That's kind of a different
element to what you're doing in the coaching space.
Well, what's really interesting? Like, if you think back years
and years and years ago, there was always this like community
of Storytelling, right? Like there would be like, these
tribal kind of gatherings, where people would sit around, and
they would share their stories. And there is something really
think there's something cathartic about sharing her
story. So there's a release that
happens. There is healing.
That happens in sharing our stories and being witnessed and
heard. Like I said, not judged or
criticized but just really having that space be held for
them. But then there is also healing
from The Listener because of the isolation that comes With shame
and that comes with trauma often.
So the person that's listening is like, oh my God, they're all
the words are like, coming right out of their mouth that I could
be speaking. And when we hear that, it
changes a chemistry inside of us where we can feel like I'm not
alone in this and the podcast really stemmed from being with
these nurses and recognizing how much how much fear they had
around. Speaking the truth and how much
and how much shame really was held.
And so I wanted to create a space where nurses could come to
share. I've had lots of nurses on the
show but what is still really common is Nurses.
Not comfortable sharing the truth because there is fear
around being disciplined or being really.
I mean, we've had nurses here in our Province who have been fined
for sharing on social media that their unit is short-staffed.
I mean this is it's a fact, it's short-staffed everywhere and
they shared about a nor fight. There is legitimate fear in
nurses speaking out because they have been shut down and I have
been told that you're supposed to act and speak according to
what can he say and if you don't, then then you're going
outside of that that box that we want you to fit into and you'll
be disciplined as much as I want to create the safe space.
I there's also this recognition that a lot of people won't speak
out because of that feared. So what seems to be kind of
involving this year is there's a whole new kind of stream of
nurses that I've been interviewing of ones who have
stepped into a much more empowered space in their own.
Channel Journeys and are saying like they can tell me what they
want to tell me like as far as what I'm supposed to say or what
I'm supposed to do, but they've branched off and they've most of
them created their own kind of little either side practices or
completely full yeah practices in there and they're distancing
themselves from from this system that wants to control and
recognizing that. That's not that's not aligned
with who I am the devastation that is that is happening in
this profession and in health care over or we could even call
it health care about Will Call it that the devastation that's
happening is its profound and we need to talk about it.
We can't just pretend it's not happening because it's happening
and if we don't talk about it, then people won't feel safe to
find help and support when they need it.
I've said like the ship is going down like the our Healthcare
System. Like the ship is going down and
we all feel it. So, I'm not saying something
that isn't that's like news to people.
If you're working in this or you're witnessing it at any
level, it's going down until there's people that are like,
Abandon Ship right there saying, I'm done.
I'm not doing this anymore. I'm going to step off and go do
my own thing and I support those nurses.
And I also support the ones who are staying on the ship who are
like. This is, this is what I want to
do. I want to create change and I
think there is a lot of potential for change, but it
starts with ourselves, we can't be agents of systemic change.
If we are struggling in our own personal ways, I'm here about,
that's really realistic Cedar throat.
Did you get to this specific spot in your career because you
didn't wake up one day and become This and advocate for
nurses to share their stories right here.
You didn't start your career here.
It started in one spot and you ended up here.
So can you walk me through kind of where how you started your
career and kind of from the the moment that you were like I'm
nurse I'm doing my thing and then how you've kind of evolved
into this position that you're in now and doing what you're
doing today I've been a nurse I apparently technically can't
even call myself a nurse anymore.
So the 4:15 Years. How do you well?
Apparently, the college has like, owns the word and so, if
I'm not registered with them, then I can't call myself under.
So, I mean, I'm a have my degree in nursing and I have 15.
So I call myself an xrn and so that's what you wrote that.
Yeah, I thought that was a typo. We wrote that.
I was like, himself a next her and like once a nurse always
slide. That's, that's why I put that
heart. Yes, I'm heart.
We are all nurses. They nursing is a part of who we
are. I've come to this place and I'm
like, they can tell me whatever, they Tell me and they can say
whatever. But I it's a part of who I am
and it's not every piece of my identity either.
So, when I started nursing, it was like, this was not my
end-all, be-all goal in life. I was not like, we can't leave
nurse. I was coming out of the
university and my mom said you better check pick something like
you have to get a job. And so I was like I don't know
what I want to do and she said well why don't you become a
nurse? And I was like, okay, so I
became a nurse at the fund. I excelled on it, I will Why I
did really well during school aside from like the heavy
bullying. And like, I didn't fit the mold
though, that, that is something that was really clear early on.
And then when I went into nursing, I went worked with
babies over to the NICU and then I worked in the community and I
absolutely loved working in both, but the social aspects of
the hospital and the the moral conflicts that I faced in the
hospital was really a lot of my part and then just witnessing
death. And it's just Significant
Despair and Devastation. It really affected me on a deep
emotional level. And I did not have the tools and
the resources to process it and I didn't.
So I didn't know how so I didn't do anything with it.
And then so it just builds up and built up and built up, until
I eventually left. And I went into the community
and it was like, it was better because ours are better.
The job wasn't as devastating, but again, that moral distress,
kept, showing up for me. It's like, I want to do
something. I would say I'm like, through
Yuma toddler. See if you ever watch the
robots. Maybe it's like see you need
filling me. That's me.
I'm like see you need stuff like this.
I think we should be doing this because this is what I see
happening and I think we should do this and move it.
And there was like, no, no budget, right?
All this all the reasons why we couldn't do things.
And so it was like this in eternal struggle of everything
that I wanted to do for people was like there was a lid could
on it and then after I came back from my last, Matt leaves, like
she's going to be 5 this year and I got and I was I had this
really difficult time and like everything they want you guys
have in Canada for maternity leave.
Oh, we get spaghetti sauce here. Yeah year.
So yeah guys, I know that sort of wanted to bring that out as
you should hunger because that and actually they changed it.
We can we can take 18 months now.
You don't get it fully paid. But you can take 18 months and
come back to your job. So just going to put that out
there. But yeah, so when I was coming
back though, I was like this, internal struggle.
It was like, really, really at the Forefront because it was
very clear to me that this was not where I should be going
because I had already been doing my own work.
I've struggled with depression for most of my life and I hadn't
really started to dig into this as we were mentioning before
like the mind-body connection doing a lot of like different
somatic therapies and allowing myself to feel for like the
first time in my life. And and I was at such a better
space and then go. So I did go back but was one of
my first shifts in the clinic and I was in a room.
The doctor, and the doctor was just, like, just being awful to
this patient who just wanted to ask questions who just wanted to
understand. And I had a panic attack because
I was like, there is the patient there?
Yeah, this is. And I was like, this is not
where I need to be, and I never went back after that.
I never saw another patient with a physician.
After that day. I did my own stuff.
They sort of like, had me do side work on like, on our
cardiac rehab program but I never went back to like,
clinical nursing after that. What you were doing?
Yeah, it just it was it was It's so obvious.
Look for, in the night, dismissed it, I was like, no, I
should go back and I went back, and my body was like, no, this
is not for you. And and so that was a really
turned that was a big turning point for me because I realize,
I can't go back, so I gotta do something different.
And I had already been starting into my coaching, so it was like
Divine timing, the way everything evolved as it always
is. And I started really thinking
myself into my, my coaching practice.
And what I realize is like this is this is a way that I can.
I can dissolve That moral distress because if I see a need
I feel the need. So I don't have anything in my
way anymore except for me and so if I can do the work to get out
of my own way, I can do whatever I want.
I can help people in really, really profound ways that I
think we all need to be helped. And I'm saying that like from my
own perspective to like I needed that kind of help to, I needed
someone to really be there for me.
And to facilitate me through like deep.
Audiences or practices that helped me to access my body and
helped me to feel and to move through these different painful
experiences. And I didn't even have any idea
about like inner child or inner critic, type of work.
What before I became a coach and now, those are big things that I
deal with her. Like trauma triggers and
navigating stress and feeling dealing with her emotions.
And so it's it's just been, it's really fascinating and exciting
and I mean I love my life. My life is amazing.
I I have flexibility, I don't start my day till 10, like I can
take off when I want to be off and I don't have anybody telling
me how to do my job and I can really help people.
And that's why I was in the beginning, talking about the iwp
because I think, if nurses are really struggling with that
moral distress, which I think so many are quite likely.
It could be the biggest contributing factor to to burn
out and that if they're thinking about how could I how could I
change, how could I shift into something new?
And also up answer people in the In the ways that I want to that
coaching is a really amazing Avenue for that.
So, so what I love about what you're describing is, you are
talking about making lasting change.
And I think what a lot of nurses are starting to feel at least,
I'm starting to feel this. In my career is, how are we
really helping people? Because we have certain
guidelines that we have to follow and if we don't follow
the certain guidelines in your considered malpractice.
And so you're not able to really do certain things if you
actually We believe that maybe some of the problems and some of
the issues that somebody might have might be not so cut and
dry, it could be something deeper.
It could be the sole screaming out from a physical
manifestation and so I really like that.
What you're able to do with your business is your able to have a
level of autonomy in what you believe can truly help create
change for people and Lasting change.
And I know that it hasn't just been this easy moment of like,
well, Just stepped into it and Harry.
There's been highs, there's been lows, has there been a moment a
challenge that you really had to overcome something to say
scooter. This is it?
This is where the rubber meets the road, where you can really
say this is when you had to believe in yourself to take that
dive and to really commit all into your business.
Because that's what I really want nurses to hear, is that
your side, hustle, can beat this space where you can be free and
you can really let Self create and do whatever it is that
you're wanting that. You feel like helps the world
best. You don't have to be just
confined to the protocols at your job or the standing
operating practice at your job, or just the guidelines that
you've been taught that the American Urologic society says
that you've got to follow. No, this is my space.
This is my lane. And when you're able to grow
that and cultivate these things that's really when you start
operating out of your Ins in your strength and you can, you
can sometimes end up turning that into a business and that
can be the thing that actually fuels, what ends up becoming
your nursing side, hustle job, but you can turn your nursing
job at your side outsole. Java be doing the thing that you
really love describe to me. And if a challenge you had to
overcome in this process, because I know it hasn't always
been easy. It has not been easy.
Lots of stuff is coming into my head.
As I was listening to you talk there and I think actually, just
in addition to that, we are in a Time in history that we have an
opportunity to step into our lives in the fullest capacity.
And as nurses, I think we are we are primed to be the leaders of
the kind of Healthcare System. We want, it makes me emotional
the kind of healthcare system that we want to see and we
cannot continue giving away our power and just putting our heads
down and pretending that things aren't as bad as they are.
I mean there's I'm not saying there's so many people fighting
I'm fighting fighting but I came to this place just in the last
couple weeks actually of being like I'm done fighting.
I'm done. It's not changing anything it's
time to say. If this is what you want, then
you can have it. But I'm done creating the kind
of healthcare system that we want to see that we would want
to experience that we would want our family members to experience
and our friends and allowing us to really step into our Dharma.
If you will or like our with the dermis, Hey guys, thanks for
listening to the podcast. I hope you're enjoying the
conversation. I want to take a second to
remind you guys to join the doctor nurse podcast, email
list. Weakly I send out emails about
podcast episodes blogs on creating with information about
nursing motherhood, Finance health and wellness.
How to build side hustles. It's all there.
I want to provide nurses with information that I'm gleaning.
As I grow my business, and my podcast.
At and now I have to tell you guys about today's sponsor, the
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let's get back to the conversation.
Diamond, essentially, is the understanding that each of us
here honor is put here for a reason and we each have Have
unique needs and unique gifts, and expression of those gifts.
We each have unique gifts and an expression of those gifts.
And when we match those, when we match expressing our gifts, to
meet our own unique, needs that creates the spark of affluence
abundance living in passion, feeling excitement for your life
alignment flow, like all the things that freedom.
And so I mean it's a concept. It's like it's a it's a concept
to strive for but it doesn't mean it's like the easy path,
otherwise, we'd already be freaking on the path but it's
card. Sure what what it makes us face
is everything I faced in my own journey of be doing this
business and even before of like our own personal staff.
So if I want to put myself out there, right?
I have to face all of my internal beliefs about being an
imposter, or not being good enough or being not pretty
enough or not smart enough for all the ways that I live with my
own shame. I I have to face that and I have
to face my own trauma in order to create an in order to live in
alignment with where it is that I want to go and it's not that I
had that I think can even have a pre like a really clear pin in
the map of where we're all going.
Like we can have ideas and we can have like strengths and we
can have sort of somewhat goals, right?
Of course, those are important. We need to know where we're
going but it might not be completely clear.
Like you might not know exactly what it is that you want to
create. But as Start.
And this is what I do in my program.
Like, this is such a huge part of what I coach through is a is
helping people to tap in to what, feels right.
Like understanding what. Yes.
Feels like for you and your life.
So that when you have a decision in front of you, like, does
going to work every single morning, make you feel?
Yes. Does it make you feel excited
and expanded? And like you're in the flow, you
feel like you're just on? Is that what it makes you feel
like? Then that's her body saying.
This is awesome. This is for you.
You're waking up every morning like Dread contraction heh.
Heaviness low mood just feeling all that negativity.
That's your body saying no no this is not for you so that the
more we continue to put ourselves in know the more I
body is going to respond in a way to try to get our attention,
which is where you'll find what like you're saying.
Like the physical manifestations of our stress, and our pain, and
our emotional repression and all of that.
So we don't know. I was going with that.
But we just we were talking about these things that you had
to deal with on your own your own issues.
The things that you had to overcome in order to start your
business and to do the things that you're doing.
I don't know if I'm cash. No, you're right.
Yeah. That's what I'm hearing.
Yeah. And in order to continue it too
because every time oh well honestly every time it feels
easy, I'm like, okay I'm gonna go with this flow because I know
that something is going to come and it's not like a doomsday
type of perspective. It's that I know that there is
lots within me, still need that needs to be healed.
And so when stuff is triggering or stuff is showing up, it's Not
like, oh, here we go again. I mean sometimes I might feel
like that in the moment or really, it's an opportunity any
time. So, like if we're hating our
jobs to start to look at it as like, what is being reflected to
me here, like, what is trying to be revealed that is not in
alignment with my highest purpose, or my passion or like
why I and here on this earth, like do I want to?
This is an exercise I love doing with my clients.
It's a very last one, but it's like reflecting on our life and
being like, kind of, do you want to For grass on your last day.
Do you want to be laying in that bed or wherever you are
thinking? Should I do that?
I should have done this like, oh, I had that idea.
It would have been so fun I should have gone with it.
Like this is this is it like this?
The time is now the time is not its history or literature dog.
Yeah. And I really feel that Sandra in
the energy right now in our world.
This is the time like this is the time if you're feeling a
spark for anything different, this is the time and there are
people like you and I do So many others who are out there helping
to support and to guide and to help people to navigate what
that looks like and how to make it through all those hurdles.
So yeah, yeah, that is so good, man.
I love that. And again everything you just
said, just really aligns with finding what you're passionate
about quieting, the soul. Something that I talk about all
the time that like a lot of nurses describe when they got
away from the job, they took a Hiatus or leave of absence and
they got a loan with themselves. Then all of a sudden Something
like came to the surface like oh, this would be kind of cool.
I'm going to start this project and then the project like goes
viral and they're like, what? Like, and so it's through
creating margins through creating space, through allowing
yourself, to actually hear what your heart, and your soul is
wanting that you're able to find maybe, or you're describing his
Dharma. I I believe it's your calling in
life. I believe it's the thing that
God has put in your heart that you're supposed to be doing.
I just think that In general, we can plan our steps and that the
Lord directs our paths and so, we don't know what that path is.
But if we aren't in tune to, we're not in sync, with whatever
it is that you call your higher power, then you don't figure out
what you were placed on this Earth here to do have very
specific things that I'm called to do that.
I'm good at and by being afraid working on the floor, trying to
fit in trying to be a square peg in a round hole or brown peg in
a square hole, whatever lever your issue is but you not doing
that. You were meant to do, you are
stopping yourself from living your life at the fullest and
that might be scary. That might be you having to sit
alone with yourself. Like you said and look and say,
I don't think I'm pretty enough, I don't think I'm smart enough,
I don't think I do. All the different things, you
have to process through. Do that work, and then move with
intention and move with passion towards the thing that you feel
you're being called to do because if you look back on your
life, you're going to regret a thousand, things more that you
did in. Do the things that you gave it a
shot and you failed. It's like I gave it a shot
started. A podcast.
It was garbage. Nobody lets me.
At least you can look back and not go.
Wish you would have podcasts in tops.
Yeah, no, no. Give it a shot.
Get out of here, get talking. So I love that.
I love that. That's your thing that you had
to overcome and anybody help you along the way.
Have you had any mentors? And that's one of the things
that I found in nursing. That's lacking is really nurses,
really reaching out to one. Another and encouraging one.
Another, I'm hope to create more of Conversation of go.
Do you boo? Boo.
But if you don't have somebody that's there in your corner, did
you did you did anybody come alongside you and your?
I lost PS. I'm nervous.
Like know that there were people that I that were helpful but
someone that I, that I would call like a mentor as a nurse no
or even like, what I have had someone and I didn't, I didn't
have someone, I could turn to when I was really in the weeds
and really struggling. There was like a year period in
the NICU where we had a lot of losses and And some really
tragic stuff. And, and, and that's that.
I mean, it's still is on my part.
I've done a lot of work with it, but it Stills on my part, I
don't think it'll ever leave, but, but I didn't really have
people, I could turn to. And so, I mean, it's a part of
what I say no to. When I'm talking to nurses,
like, I didn't know where to go. I didn't know where to turn or
who to talk to and so I don't want anyone else to ever feel
that way. So if you are in that place,
like they're like, I'm right here.
I'm right here. I'm not Makin taken the
guesswork out for you on. Right in front of you, you ask
for help and here, I'm standing right here.
And so same thing with you like doing doing this world and doing
the podcast. It's like it's yeah, I think
about mentors. Now, as a coach, I've had a lot
of people come into my life, that have been really amazing
teachers and people that I can turn to.
And actually, maybe what I consider a mentor now is like,
some of my pure colleagues, who are doing similar work, and who
we turn, we turn to each other and because we know what we came
for. From we know what we're moving
toward were all somewhat moving in a very similar Direction.
It essentially, to align Our Lives, live our passion, and
live, our Dharma, or whatever you want, whatever you want to
call it. And those people it's it's
really fun to connect with those people and like we Mentor each
other because we get it and on so many levels and can really
Inspire each other. So I I know that I did a whole
episode, well, it wasn't the whole episode.
I mentorship at a big part of it was and it's something that's
needed. We need to have, we all need to
have Safe place to turn one more feeling, all the things, all the
things, the sadness yeahthere agreeing.
Yeah, so Sandra, I have two questions that I typically do
not ask, but I wanted to ask specifically because of your
trauma experience. And what I believe is been
probably the most traumatic year for nurses has been traumatic,
two years just been trauma. Like, it's like, can't even.
I can't even. I don't even watch the news too
much trauma. I can't I can't.
So what it is. One thing that you would tell a
nurse that she can do today to start the healing process for
herself and it could be anything.
I mean, it can trauma literally comes from anywhere.
It could just be a bad job, right?
You have a mean boss. You're getting bullied.
It could be. I don't like what I'm doing, I
don't feel like I'm in my in my calling, it could just be like,
I can't handle what's going on with being children, right?
Like it's literally coming at us from every angle and it's one of
those things that I felt like here.
From someone who is trauma, trained and is in wellness.
And for nurses. What is something that a nurse
can do today, right now, letting go of unrealistic expectations?
Is it something that youth is there?
Like I know there's no quick hack, but if there is one thing
that you could just do a flyby drive by, this is one thing I
say do what would you say that is?
It's a huge question and because you're right, it's not just a
quick, it's not a quick fix and And that's a reality that I
think we have to face is that if we want to create change, if
you're struggling, if you're waking up in the morning and
feeling like another day, like or at the end of the day, like I
made it, I made it through like, if that's what you're
celebrating is, like, who I made it through another day.
Like, but I don't know if there's, I don't know, there's a
great answer. I think what's coming to me is
like each of us, like go look in the mirror right now and ask
yourself like is this it like, is this how you want to spend
your life? Is this it and it takes that
bold honest truth to sometimes slap us into reality of like I
got to do something different here.
Like I got to do some maybe it's reaching out to a support
person, maybe it's talking to somebody about what's happening.
Maybe it's starting a meditation class.
Maybe it's going to yoga, like, it could look different.
I like to think that people listening if you're struggling,
you're looking in the mirror and you're saying I do.
This is not what I want. Like this.
I know I'm meant for more, I know.
That my life is meant to feel different than you will feel
comfortable reaching out to me and to you.
And to anybody else out there who is putting themselves out
there saying, it doesn't have to be like this.
You don't have to continue. I don't believe we were meant to
come here to struggle. I think some struggle is
necessary for us to wake up and to see where we need to create
change. But I don't think we're meant to
to suffer like I think the suffering house just created out
of all of the all of our personal trauma are generational
trauma or Collective. Our cultural trauma all of it.
And the fear that has been fed into us like spoon-fed.
Some of us from the time we were born and I just if I could have
one like practical thing would be to imagine yourself 10 years
from now looking back and you can even sit and close your eyes
and imagine this like. So for me I'm turning 40 this
summer. So in 10 years from now I'll be
turning 50. I can imagine myself sitting in
my recliner chair upstairs, which is where I said every
single evening. I got my journal, I got my tea
and asking that version of you 10 years from now?
I mean, I got it. I have a 21 year old kid at that
point and just imagine what your life looks like density, you can
really put a picture to that version of you and ask her, or
him for some advice for like what should I do differently?
Is this is this what we should be doing to tap into versions of
us? Even the exercise that I was
talking about is, is actually an 80 year old version or 100
years. Your old version of us and ask
her like what is the advice that she wants to give to you at this
point in your life? Because I tell you she's gonna
she's got no cheese not going to dance around your feelings and
like not want to say the wrong thing.
She's going to tell you how it is because she's like, Kate,
like life doesn't last forever. So what do you want to do with
your life? Is this what you want?
Yes you want to hate. Yes.
Yes I just oh my gosh. I think the suffered a lot of
this top start with the truth. I think it has to start with
yourself because You can't control what's going on around
you. And I think that's the part that
is getting to be a little overwhelming is that people are
looking around, and they're just, like, I can't control
what's happening around me. And again, we never really
could. I think there's this expectation
that we think we can. Yeah.
And I think we're noticing more and more that the world is just
spinning faster, and faster. And the only person that you
have absolutely 100% control over is yourself.
And so what I love what you're describing is looking At
yourself in the mirror and saying, am I the kind of person
that I want to be? Is this the kind of life that I
want? Because this is all that I can
control, is what I choose today and how I begin to operate out
of this space today and making those choices that are going to
be leading me either towards that person.
I want to become or leading me away from that person that I
want to become and I love thinking about yourself at the
end because Inning with the end, in mind, is one of the only
places that you can go to work back from.
And it's like, walk working, been this, and this is, who's
the kind of person I want to be? Who's the kind of what, what is
the kind of thing I want to be doing and then working back from
now. How do I get myself there and it
really starts? Go ahead.
Thank this is just like something like and it's scary so
we can't pretend like you're I don't imagine you're going to go
look in the mirror. Your and you're going to have
this hard to heart and you're probably going to cry and your
cut probably going to be pissed off and you're probably going to
have this like you're probably going to be upset if you're not
living in alignment, and probably going to be upset when
you look at yourself and you ask, for the honest truth.
It's true. And then when we look forward,
it's overwhelming. It's like okay, I'm in this
space right now. How do I change it?
Where do I go? What do I do?
And the fear and the over the shame and everything, it just
comes this, huge Cloud. That becomes over you, and
that's where you need to find sir.
Support. Because I cannot tell you, I
didn't, I didn't do this journey on my own.
I the, the day that I spoke, my truth to myself, and I admitted
it allowed to somebody else who held space for me and just
allowed me to speak it. And I was just like, I don't, I
don't like my life, like, I have everything that I thought I
wanted. I have a whole, I have children.
I have a husband. I have I have a good job at
everything that I was told I needed to have to have a good
life and I feel like Everyday. I feel miserable.
I wanted to run. I wanted to leave.
My family is how awful I felt inside because I was desperate
for something to change and so when I spoke that out loud, it
just allowed it allowed me to look like breathe for the first
time in a long time. And it opened the door and
because all it takes is one degree shift and you can open up
to a whole new world. So don't expect that everything
is going to be laid out. Like as soon as you become
honest, that it's just going to start laying out a steps.
Fect, the other where you you you still are going to have to
go through it, but that's where you, you need.
Every single one of us needs to have people in our Corner,
people who are maybe a step ahead or people that can link
arms with us to help us along the way.
Support is essential, we are wired, literally wired our
nervous systems are wired for connection connection community
and Community yet since like, we need each other and your SEO
that you might off. So small and insignificant can
become something that Just lights your soul on fire and
opens your heart, and creates a life where you are living with
no regrets. And that's the hard part.
It's just the first step is been so, and I think that Community
aspect, I think nurses have have lied to pretend that we could be
lone Islands. We like to pretend that.
Oh, I got my patients, five patients.
And it's really like, no. I have hopefully a whole floor
of nurses that like all walk around in our like, Haiti need
help. How can I help you?
Where can I come in? And I knew that I needed.
I needed that stuff and that I needed somebody walking around
checking on me. And then I need you to go be
that person to others. And I feel like in society,
especially now with so much division over vaccine, don't
vote, get away, stay socially distance, get close.
Nope, Gotta Get Far. Nope, we all quit everybody.
It's just like everything is being so polarized and what it's
really causing is a lack of community for individual,
specially for nurses, but just as a country, as a The nation as
a global entity. We are not moving towards each
other and yet, we need each other and there is nothing wrong
with saying. I need friends.
I need Community. I need people in my life.
There is nothing wrong with that.
We are made from the time that we are born to need someone.
And it actually makes me a little emotional because I don't
think someone saying this I don't think.
People are saying we need other people, you know and like they
showed like people that were in nursing homes at their family
stopped visiting them. And how much they age in just a
short period of time. I've seen those videos and it's
like she's withdrawing Community actually ages us.
It actually starts to degrade our souls and our cells in our
body. I love what you said and I want
to really just sit on that for a second that you need people.
You mean, The support. You need people to get in the
trenches with you because news flash were all in the trenches,
just some other phase, kind of like what you said like.
Okay, so, I'm not getting bombed today, but Bob's cooked were
over the last question of the podcast as I could literally
talk about that all day. What advice do you have for new
nurse starting off from your career that you wish?
You would have heard in the beginning of your career?
If you could go back and give yourself Sandra a little Sandra,
which by the way, what's your middle name?
Because like, that's kind of like give a middle name Eileen.
Eileen. Okay, I'm Yvette Yvette.
So I think it's always interesting like to hear
someone's middle name whenever they have my first thing first.
Okay, anyway, so what is something that you would go back
to little Sandra? She's starting off in a career
and I think you started your career 25 feel like I listen to
a podcast episode. That's you said something about
that or I watch the Youtube video.
Yeah. That at 25.
The you started your brand new career that you could go back
and tell her as you're approaching 40.
You're like this is what's up sister, don't forget it.
A piece of advice to toss and a piece of advice to hold on to
Yeah. Oh that's an interesting way of
putting it. I was just thinking of like if I
were to say to that younger version is like this is all
happening for a reason because I don't I wouldn't be able to do
the work I do today. I don't know what I'd be doing
because nursing paved the way for that.
So as much as it took from me and was hard and hurt me on like
a mental emotional and physical level, it gave me the experience
and it gave me the way that I am able to connect with other ER
nurses now and I don't I don't need to continue for my own
personal journey. I don't need to continue in
nursing because I think that was what was meant for me out of it.
I do. I feel so fully just so deeply
believes that this is this is the path for me and I don't know
what it's going to look like over the years.
It'll evolve and change for sure as the world evolves and change
and as I do but I would tell her that, it's okay.
But if I were to give advice like Mike because I used to end
Resort, As because I think had, I had someone ask me that I need
a couple years ago. I invited said like jokingly
like, don't do it. Like it's brutal.
Why would you put yourself? I think of new nurse is coming
in and I'm like, why would you, why would you come into this
profession at this time? Like it's it's so toxic there's
like, it's falling apart and people are dropping off like
nass numbers and but I look at it now and I'm like, no, I
needed to do this. This was a part of my story and
soul but for new nurses coming in.
I was I want you to hear this. So super clear, find Community
find support because it is hard and it does take a lot from you
and they don't prepare us for it in school.
They don't talk about moral injury, they don't talk about
trauma. They don't talk about what we
need in order to thrive in this profession.
Not to survive, which is what I've Chris, antley, and changing
my Facebook group, which is called surviving nursing.
But I'm changing it to thriving in nursing because I don't want
people to merely just survive. If you're choosing this
profession and you're choosing to stay on this sinking ship.
I want you to be able to thrive and that requires us to do the
inner work and to have support and Community like you're
talking about, it's essential and a safe Community to not just
anybody. It needs to feel safe for us.
So all the new nurses and honestly any nurse that's out
there, it's like, find your tribe and find people that can
be there for you and can can guide you and help you heal.
He'll and become the fullest version of yourself because this
is our shot. This is it.
Like, even if you believe in reincarnation and we're going to
come back and get another spin. This is your chance in this, in
this life. Like this is my only shot at
Sandra pain. So I really want to make the
best of it. I don't want to waste it.
I don't go. Where is it?
Yeah. They don't go home.
Exactly. And it's not that it's not
scary, like there's risk involved.
There's facing really hard choices.
It's it is scary. I mean I've made even though the
love A few miles like some really scary decisions that have
turned in really, really difficult ways that I've had to
face some really awful stuff. But through it all like my the
work I've been doing on myself and everything that I've learned
over the years, has helped me to weather this storm that I most
recently had gone through. It was like, I know that this is
happening for a reason. I know that I'm going to learn
something on at this. I know it's going to evolve into
the greatest thing. So I have to just be here at
sit, in the muck of it because it Flocking for a reason.
So anyways, I know I could totally go on to that love the
whole these thing. If you're a nurse that you're
like, okay wait he's these ladies are talking and like
they've had time and they've done the work and they process
through everything and they're being bold eyes that like we
didn't start here. Like both of us started
someplace else and it was through being in your spot right
where you are right now today that we made a choice and we
decided we were going to You something different.
When you get to that spot of it's time to change.
Then you begin to start to move the rudder on a very, very big
ship and that begins to change your life.
And so I wanted to be encouraging, like here that we
were there. All of us are in that spot that
you're in right there. And then we decided we're going
to choose different today. We're not going to choose to
just get up and do the same thing again.
We're going to choose different and so, yeah, I love that.
I love that word picture of just pivoting and just going up.
I'm not choosing that today. One degree.
You do this direction and just wanted a great degree that's
that's it. It it opens that if you can
imagine that ship right, you turn that Rudder just a little
bit, it's going in a whole different direction and so it
doesn't mean exactly everything at once.
I do this visualization called I just call it the journey through
the canyon of Hope. And I am, and I Envision people
at the edge and this is that edge where Like you're looking
in the mirror and you're saying, like, I don't, this is not what
I want anymore. I want to do something different
and you look out and it's like this steep scary Canyon and it's
overwhelming, you're like I don't know how I'm going to get
through all this. I don't even know where I'm
going but I know how to get there or even like any of it,
it's overwhelming and it's scary.
And I get that because I've been there, like, I've been on
glitter alleges in my life, wanting to end a life.
Like, I have been there. And I'm here to say that, it's
not like it's about the journey, it's not the destination.
Because I've wouldn't have been able to say six years ago where
I was going. When I first started, when I
first decided I'm doing something different like so
maybe I was going out so I first it was like this degree, then
this degree and now it's like a complete 180 where I'm not even
going on, fraction of like experiencing the kind of
depression and emotional overwhelm and the shame that I
used to go through, it's like everything has shifted but it's
taken me to pull one degree shift over time.
So yeah, it's so good Sandra. I think would like well that
people in is this hopelessness, right?
Like and that's why I called the journey through the canyon of
Hope because when you feel a spark of hope and that's what I
hoped, that's what I hope to be for people is like, if I can do
it, I'm no different than you. If I can do it you can do it.
Like, I'm not here and you're not here sharing our stories to
to say like I'm special and unique.
And you have to suffer and I don't I'm saying if I can do it.
So can you like, that's the whole pants to inspired the
belief that it's possible for you?
This has been an amazing conversation and for the last
part of the episode is the first and they're just three really
fast questions that. I don't let people prepare
prepare for to you. What's the best age to be?
The best age is right now. Admit room is gonna be better
than I do. I love it.
And what's your favorite board game right now?
I kind of dig clue. Tell me what your favorite color
is purple. Purple.
That's where he delivered website.
Just did it again it. Got it.
Alright. Well that's it for the podcast.
Thanks for coming on and chatting Cedar.
It was such a good time. Thank you so much.
And I thank you for just bringing this conversation to
the world. I think it's so important.
So that's a wrap, be sure to subscribe to the show so you
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